#don’t look at me my brain has no neural pathways

[chibelial]

Having more than one problem at a time, truly proof of the cold and uncaring nature of the godless universe.

[sencubussubs]

Understanding Manifestation techniques <3

Something that really delayed my manifestations when i first started manifesting is that i did not understand manifestation like it really is, i knew that i was inherently capable of getting what i wanted and i knew techniques would help me get these things - of course i struggled with doubts but in this post i am simplifying it to this as i want to focus on properly understanding manifestation techniques.

So what’s wrong with the way i thought? I thought that manifestation techniques were the tool that manifested for me - rather than me being the conscious creator. Many newbies that come to Law of assumption are fed lots of techniques without fully grasping how law of assumption really works. So they think “okay, i did the technique so now it shows up” and wait around watching the 3D, whereas in reality the techniques work to help you embody the version of yourself who has their manifestation. techniques help you shift states.

Most techniques follow the idea of affirmation repetition and letting go. Think 3,6,9, 5x5x5, robotic affirmations - this is because the whole process is to help your subconscious fully embody the version of you that has whatever you are manifesting, hence the simple use of I am or I have statements. you repeat throughout the day to yourself that you are the person who has those things thereby rewiring your neural pathways (nerd emoji here fr). Letting go then prevents you from overthinking and denying these affirmations :)

A lot of different techniques follow this structure! Even scripting: you write a whole bunch as if you are experiencing your manifestation - each sentence repeating back to you that you already have it. Also Vision boards, they help familiarise your brain with seeing the different events/ objects/ places / people/ emotions whatever you are trying to manifest.

Techniques help you feel who you are when you have these manifestations, they help you affirm to yourself who you are. The 3D has no choice but to reflect back to you who you are.

Now i want to clarify that i fully understand why some Law of Assumption teachers leave it as simple as “this technique brings you your manifestation” - because if you are open enough to that, that can be something you fully accept and embody and in turn you can manifest that way. However, for many people who find law of assumption, there are already many neural pathways that state that something as simple as the 3,6,9 or 5x5x5method cannot get them what they want - their ‘logical’ side of the brain will shut down that idea and not allow that to happen, suggesting that if they wanted to manifest a porsche they need this and that…. you get it. I totally respect if this way of thinking about techniques works for you but, me personally, i have one main problem with it which is that i do not want to form the belief that techniques are the only way for me to manifest. Manifestation is a natural process and I do it all the time!

I hope this helped and don’t be afraid to ask any questions, i am looking forward to posting a lot more regarding manifestation to help and inspire all you baddies to get what you want <3

[hareideart]

Why Can I Remember a Melody All Day, But Not a Name?

Now I Know the Answer!

1. Different Brain Pathways for Sound and Language

• Music: Music engages several brain areas at once, including the auditory cortex (for processing sound), the hippocampus (for memory), and the prefrontal cortex (for planning and decision-making). These multi-layered pathways help melodies form stronger and more lasting memories.

• Names: Names, however, rely more on the temporal and frontal lobes associated with language processing, which aren’t as interconnected as the brain areas activated by music.

2. Role of Emotion in Memory

• Emotional Boost for Melodies: Music often carries an emotional weight—whether it makes us feel nostalgic, happy, or even sad. The amygdala, a region tied to emotion, reinforces memories that have an emotional impact. When a tune triggers an emotional reaction, the amygdala boosts the memory, making it easier to recall later.

• Names Lack Immediate Emotional Connection: Unless we actively tie a name to something personal or meaningful, it doesn’t tend to evoke emotion right away, which means it has a weaker “anchor” in the memory. Without that emotional reinforcement, names are more likely to fade.

3. Repetition and Reinforcement

• Music as Repeated Stimulus: Most songs we remember have been heard many times. Repetition strengthens the connections between neurons (the brain’s nerve cells), making the melody “stick.” Every time we hear a song again, these neural pathways are reinforced, making it easier to recall even without recent exposure.

• Names Often Lack Repetition: When meeting someone, we typically hear their name only once, which doesn’t give the brain enough exposure to form a strong memory. Unless we repeat the name to ourselves or say it out loud soon after, it can slip away.

4. Auditory Cortex’s Role in Sound Recognition

• Melody Processing: The auditory cortex, which handles sound processing, is highly active when we hear melodies. It helps break down pitch, rhythm, and melody—key features that make tunes recognizable and memorable.

• Names Are Processed Differently: While the auditory cortex still processes the sound of a name, the brain’s “name memory” relies more on language networks, which don’t interact with music-processing areas.

5. Visual and Associative Memory for Names

• Faces vs. Names: The brain is better at remembering faces because they activate the fusiform face area, which helps us recognize and recall faces more readily than words. Creating mental associations or visual “anchors” for a name can help it stick, but without these, names alone are often harder to retain.

6. Melodies as Patterns

• Pattern Recognition: Music is based on patterns of rhythm, melody, and harmony, which the brain naturally enjoys and can predict. Our brains are wired to notice and remember patterns, so a melody becomes familiar and easy to recall.

• Names Lack Clear Patterns: Names, especially new ones, don’t follow predictable patterns, which can make them harder to remember without intentional effort.

So, in summary, our brains are wired to remember sounds and patterns, especially when combined with emotion and repetition. Music has the advantage of triggering multiple areas in the brain, forming a network that strengthens our recall. Names, however, don’t naturally carry these same cues, making them a bit harder for our minds to hold onto.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and explore this topic with me! I love diving into the mysteries of the brain and am always excited to share my discoveries with you. Do you have any experiences with how your brain plays tricks on you, or thoughts about what we’ve discussed? I’d love to hear from you! Leave a comment, and let’s explore this together.

If you found this interesting, I hope you’ll continue following along. You can subscribe to be notified when the next post is up—and maybe even take a look at my art, inspired by the brain’s fascinating world. It means so much to me to be able to share this journey with you, and I’m truly grateful to have you here.

[diaryofhealing]

Dear Lizzie,

I don’t want him.

I know from the bottom of my heart that I don’t want him.

I want myself.

I want to choose myself.

I want to be enough for myself.

I want to look back at all of my accomplishments and think wow I did that for me.

I wanna look at all of my accomplishments and think about how much I did for myself and how capable I was.

I came here at 18 years old and I built my career. I built my career by myself with no one‘s help.

I received support from mentors, but I put in the work to network to get certifications to do my absolute best.

And I wanted to trust in my abilities I want to trust in myself to take care of me. I want to trust in me. I want to rely on me. I don’t wanna rely on anybody else.

But changing your neural pathways is so hard.

Understanding your needs is so hard.

But I’m learning.

I’m learning so much about myself like how much I hate showering with a door closed and how I’m a spoiled brat who doesn’t like doing chores and who has a certain standard of living it has a lot of pride in herself and how doing this voice to text actually makes things a lot easier for me and it does make me feel better.

I’m learning how I make a lot of things hard for myself on purpose and I don’t really know why maybe it’s because I don’t think I deserve things to be easy. Who knows.

I’ll figure it out as I go and I’ll do it on my own timeline and I’ll do it as I do my best processing all of this and go through life just one day at a time.

It sucks. It hurts. It sucks that I care so much about Riri.

I wish I didn’t care so much about him.

But my brain is desperately trying to cling to things and makes it feel safe. I know it’s just trying to protect me even though it’a very annoying. It’s looking at the past and saying these are the things that got us past the trauma and past the terrible situations and is like let’s do this again, and I’m trying to be like no, not this again. Let’s do another method.

And my brain’s like are you crazy? We don’t know if this is gonna work or not.

Because my brain is looking for the quickest easiest solution it doesn’t really care about the long-term.

It’s saying go find another man, go back to your ex, go back to someone who will make you feel safe because we don’t feel safe right now and this is the easiest way to feel safe.

But it’s not the easiest way to feel safe. It may be the easiest way for us to feel safe for about five seconds before we absolutely lose it but in order to be safe for the long term, we need to trust in ourselves and that’s a foreign concept to our brain because I don’t think we’ve ever trusted in ourselves.

But I want to.

This is what I want now.

It’s been a long time since I figured out what I wanted. It’s been a really long time since I’ve admitted to myself what I wanted and what I needed.

But I really want to trust myself.

I really don’t want to cling to someone else to help heal my trauma anymore.

I really want to figure this out so I can find peace.

I’m gonna sit here. I’m gonna let it hurt and I’m gonna sit through it and I’m gonna get through it. I’m gonna get through it one minute at a time.

I don’t want him. I don’t want my ex. I don’t want my mover. I don’t want Riri. I don’t want anyone but myself.

[hmsex2023-rorys3965039]

HMsEx Blog Entry 2

Tuesday - Woman in distress video

Techniques

1st part

Insanity trying to sound sane and keep the person on the line

Yellow and orange light makes the scene look sick and dirty, old

Lights shut off cleansing our pallet to then receive slightly more calm and collected dialogue in a different language

Later cut off but darkness seemingly mid sentence, as though the phone line has been cut; however, the sound accompanying this blackout is not a line cutting sound, rather an echoing electric laser like sound. Prompts the question: Is this phone call real? The environment isn’t realistic, it quite literally depicts a broken home

Alternately, the phone cut off with that non-realistic sound may be depicting danger ⚠️ especially in pair with the blackout. It feels as though the one hope of survival has now been cut off and she’s left in the darkness with some other evil presence.

2nd Part

Cool light but still dark

Strobing

Lots of noise, actor struggling to speak over the noise and intensity

More fear 

3rd Part

Less cold light more neutral and well lit

Shows how she 

Past trauma causing her to reenact the chokehold her supposed husband had her in

Extreme strobing

Data collected by the senses

Total 1.1 meg vs 16-40 bits

- Collected - Conscious attention

Every second

sight 10,000,000 bits, skin/feel 1,000,000 bits, hearing 100,000 bits, smell 100,000 bits, taste 1000 bits

(Norretranders 1999: 121)

I’ve never thought of the senses capacities as metrics before. It’s interesting to have a way of viewing their capacity numerically but even more interesting to know that we can devote conscious attention to only 16-40 bits. I take this new information as a reminder that the subconscious mind is, despite imperceptible, a powerhouse. It also puts into context almost everything we’ve looked at so far in this course; the subconscious constantly has input on our emotional responses to things happening in the present. An aroma that you’ve over years unknowingly attributed to a place, person, or action; leading us to suddenly find ourselves reminiscing due to a smell that chemically has no connection to our physical being. It opens up pathways of manipulating audience experience through the senses, something I’ve rarely looked into in the past. This also makes me question how valuable conscious attention really is.

Flaw with objectives 

Setting objectives almost certainly inhibit their achievement

“suggesting the strange conclusion that some problems are best solved by methods that ignore the objective.”

“The main lesson is the inherent limitation of the objective-based paradigm and the unexploited opportunity to guide search through other means.” (Kenneth O. Stanley, 2011)

I found this actually unbelievable but I’m assuming that’s because of my lacking understanding of the AI program they built and the aesthetic nature of database it draws from. I don’t have much else to say about this topic because I struggle to see it in the context of my own life. 

Research - Academic

Fear Response

When an individual encounters a threat or danger, the amygdala, a key structure in the brain's limbic system, plays a crucial role in processing fear-related stimuli. The amygdala rapidly evaluates the sensory information and triggers the fear response, including physiological changes like increased heart rate, sweating, and heightened alertness. Furthermore, the prefrontal cortex modulates the fear response, allowing for cognitive regulation and inhibition. Studies by LeDoux (2000) and Phelps (2006) have extensively explored the neural circuits underlying fear processing, providing valuable insights into the brain's intricate mechanisms during fearful situations.

Fear Extinction

This study explored the role of the medial prefrontal cortex (mPFC) in fear extinction. The researchers found that specific neurons in the mPFC signalled memory for fear extinction, which suggested the involvement of this brain region in inhibiting fear responses after extinction learning.

Research - Creative Practice

Although this isn’t exactly creative practice, it is an HME; it has a target audience who it’s geared towards, it has immersion, and intention like all other HMEs. 

Powers, M. B., & Emmelkamp, P. M. (2008). Virtual reality exposure therapy

This meta-analysis examined the efficacy of virtual reality exposure therapy (VRET) for various anxiety disorders, including specific phobias and social anxiety. VRET is an innovative method that allows individuals to confront their fears in a controlled and immersive virtual environment, facilitating fear extinction and reducing anxiety. 

Insta Saved Videos

I find use of trendy music with often obvious beat drops to be quite exhilarating and can really emphasise contrast like in this video where the social media influencer shows his average looking vlog videos where he looks like a goofy funny kinda guy captioning “me on social media” and on the beat drop switches the caption to “me at work” and to clips of him modelling and catwalks with some of the biggest fashion companies in the world. His entire look has changed as the perspective is now that of an industry level catwalk videographer. We see his stature that was not visible during his vlogs and his admirable physique as well as his exceptional cheekbones emphasised by that monotone model face.  https://www.instagram.com/p/Cq5dOTXNqUj/ Calumharper18

Here’s a comment that shows the average viewer response:

I believe this is exhilarating because similar to many fictional movies, KungFu Panda for example, the main character initially appears goofy and is the underdog and and the climax of the narrative is truly exhilarating as we’ve:

Gotten to know Po and his upbringing as someone obviously adopted and different from all the other villagers; he has dreams but isn’t likely to become anything other than a noodle chef like his father. 

We see his struggle and desire for something more in life

We see him being selected by pure luck and coincidence as the dragon warrior; the absolute disapproval of the Furious Five (his new peers) and his new sensei

We then see his hard work and effort reminding us of his impressive noodle shop table waiting we witnessed at the start of the movie. 

At the climax we see him do what is meant to take one years and years to master; the underdog has triumphed and surpassed his peers who had all the more opportunities and experience in this field. 

The nobody - the chosen one transformation is a great basis of many narratives. In this instagram video we see someone who looks like nobody special and then we are shocked by this huge contrast. Essentially, this video does what the above description does but to a smaller scale. Simply showing the character as nobody/underdog and then showing them as the master paired with good music dynamics can make a source of short-term exhilaration. Let’s acknowledge the major difference; will I remember this video for the rest of my life, definitely not. Will I remember KungFu Panda for the rest of my life, absolutely. Nonetheless, this was an exhilarating video by my definitions at least.

Concerns: IS THIS EXHILARATING OR AWESOME；I’LL DIFFERENTIATE NEXT BLOG ENTRY

Research - Technical

Exhilarating Project 1 - Video + Sound

I had a bunch of great ideas last night about what I might do for this.

Skateboarding + Neuropsychology edit that explores what is likely going on the mind of skateboarders when they attempt and eventually succeed in jumping down or up things that inherently activate fear response. Lots of opportunity for engaging visuals and has a great informative aspect.

Pros: 

Unique idea - people only ever ask the rhetorical question: “How do they do that???” in awe when seeing a skater deliberately put their body in harm’s way. I think it’d be good to be able to answer that which has never been considered.

Skateboarding inherently has exhilarating aspects which can be then amplified through filming and editing techniques.

Skateboarding is what I love.

Cons: 

Informative focus may not meet the exhilarating requirement.

Requires someone to help film me skating. 

Narcoleptic Reality - an audiovisual experience that exposes the viewer to the physical and mental ups and downs of having type one narcolepsy. While informative, it’d be immersive involving first person filming and editing to make it a realistic experience, like seeing through the eyes of a narcoleptic. 

Exhilarating Project 2 - Capitol 

I really have no idea about what I might do for the capitol. I think it’s an amazing piece of technology but I’ve really never worked with anything like this before. I have no experience in lighting design and almost no experience in sound design; I found it amazing how some students really just hopped right in to this one. I’ve found myself unable to keep up with this course so far as the outside of class expectations FAR exceed those of DMS1 and 2. Nonetheless, I’m trying to get it together and be creative; it’s just hard when I’ve never even imagined working with this equipment. I fully understand that I’m not required to use any of this equipment; but I took this class with intent to diversify my skillset and creative ability so I feel as though I must utilise this opportunity. 

Worked Cited

Harper, C.H. (2023) 'Strut strut strut yo …' [Instagram]. 11th of April. Available at: https://www.instagram.com/p/Cq5dOTXNqUj/  (Accessed 25th July 2023).

LeDoux, J. E. (2000). Emotion circuits in the brain. Annual Review of Neuroscience, 23, 155-184.

Phelps, E. A. (2006). Emotion and cognition: insights from studies of the human amygdala. Annual Review of Psychology, 57, 27-53.

Powers, M. B., & Emmelkamp, P. M. (2008). Virtual reality exposure therapy for anxiety disorders: A meta-analysis. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 22(3), 561-569.

[futuregleaming]

So far, Leiko had come up with a few choice words to describe the location she found herself in now. Cluttered was the first, dingy also came to mind pretty quickly. Pungent was a close contender as well. Not that it smelled like the trash heap it looked like, but more in the sense that she could smell the distinct odor of burnt metal and static in the air. She supposed that more than anything was a clear indicator of what she was in for.

That being said though, she wasn’t actually permitted to be in the main “shop” area, if you could call it that. Really, it just resembled a slightly more organized landfill. When dealing with things that weren’t exactly legal, you had to go where people didn’t want to look, and that was exactly why this spot was perfect, despite everything.

Moreover, the proprietor was certainly a... specimen. Eccentric for sure, not to mention the fact that she seemed to be about her age. This didn’t discount her credibility, Leiko was something of a prodigy herself, but it made her wonder what led the poor girl to a life like this.

“So, um, Sprocket,” that name was going to take some getting used to. “I’m still not really sure how all of this is supposed to like, go down, you know? I mean, I know what the end result is supposed to be, but all we’ve done is sit in this little room and do tests. No offense, but it kinda just feels like a checkup.”

“Listen babe,” Jules shot back. “I might be a crazy inventor living in a pit, but I ain’t that shady. Installing an aug is a surgical procedure, or in your case, a whole production in the treatment theater. Just ‘cause I ain’t licensed don’t mean I’m gonna skip out on the formalities. You didn’t give me any medical records, so we gotta start from scratch, feel me?”

“All this waiting is making me antsy though. You have all the parts already, can’t you just like, build the robot body and wire me into it?”

“Oh, that is a firm ‘no-can-do,’ chicky-boo. For one thing, I can’t just download you into a robot, we haven’t figured out how to do that yet. If you want the thing that comes out on the other side to still be you, it’s gotta have your brain. But, if I just plop your brain in a mechanical body and be done with it, sure it’ll be fast, but you won’t have a good time. It’ll pretty much be your brain trying to figure out how to move your body for a while, if you even manage that. I’ve seen people just get completely overloaded and either totally lose it, or just flatline entirely. It needs to be a gradual process so your brain has time to get used to all the new architecture. With all the shit you’re installing, it’s gonna take a while, but it’ll be worth it in the end.”

“Oh... so you’re gonna like, swap me out piece by piece.” That honestly scared her even more than just transplanting her brain, but it probably was the safer option. “I’ve uh, never gotten an augment before. Is it gonna hurt a lot?”

“Short answer: oh hell yeah it’s gonna hurt. Long answer: no matter how you slice it, it’s a surgery. I’ve got anesthetic, so you’re gonna be out for each procedure, but you’re also gonna need time to recover between each one. That’s why I sectioned off this little recovery room just for you! Recovery time depends on the operation, but we don’t wanna go faster than what your body is ready for. Make sure you get lots of rest, and do all of the exercises I give you so you can start retraining your neural pathways. As long as you listen to what I say, this’ll all go as smooth as butter.”

“Right... smooth as butter....” Leiko just let the words fade out into the air. There was still a lot about all of this that she was unsure of, but they’d worked so hard to get to this point. Plus, Sprocket seemed to be pretty well-informed on all of this stuff.

The other girl seemed to take notice of Leiko’s trepidation, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Hey, don’t sweat it, really. I’ve done hundreds of these before. Nothing’s gonna happen, cross my heart.”

“Thanks. I really mean it.” She managed a feeble smile at the attempt. Maybe this would turn out alright after all.

[sofiawellman]

Our evolution in life is figuring out who we are. Looking back, the detours we took to get to know ourselves may seem like a waste of time. In hindsight, regret becomes a self-inflicted torment—a negative mantra in our minds. Life is messy. It is not a journey without remorse. The closest we can come to intellectualizing the 'whys' is through the science of neural plasticity.

The beauty of the brain is that weakened neural pathways can be strengthened based on a combination of learning and experience. As a result, the brain can heal at any age from damage, even damage caused by stress. In theory, our evolution couldn't have been any different. If the changes in us are based on what we learned through our experiences, we are different at other points in time. So are we damaging those neural pathways when we stop changing to meet what we know about ourselves?

Diane's story seems unique, not because she transitioned to female, but because she did it so late in life. While I admire anyone at any age living their truth, I am in awe of her fortitude to meet herself regardless of age. Her story tells of a pivotal point. We are all given key life points like the red carpet for change. But do we walk down that path or stay the same? What happens to our lives if our brain deteriorates when we stay the same?

If you or someone you know has an inspiring story, contact me at filmsbysofiawellman@gmail.com. Please subscribe to my YouTube channel, Sofia Wellman, so you don't miss weekly episodes of Freedom to Love, a documentary film series. Each week, you will watch a new story featuring fearless people who choose to be authentic and love freely.

[niobiumao3]

Thank you so much @spacemagicandlaserswords for the tag!

If you see this and wanna do it, consider yourself tagged. (I find this easier than determining who hasn't already been tagged, lol.) I am serious! This is your no pressure tag.

Moving along…

Descent - AO3, Teen, post-Plan 99, fix-it

I was working on numerous other things when the finale dropped and I was so upset and then numerous people including shakoribe and eriexplosion posited the idea of Hondo Ohnaka saving Tech and my brain, already on fire with annoyance and 'No', latched onto it.

The Down Side of Me - AO3, Teen, AU from s2ep13/fix-it

This is one of the numerous things I was working on before the finale. I finished it in the setting it was conceived from because man I needed something fluffy and soft to distract me from all the pain. It's a ship fic, it's a navel gazing fic. Definitely not the most exciting thing I've ever written but it was nice and therapeutic.

Obliquity - Teen, Jedi!Phee AU, post-Plan 99, fix-it

Another one from people's ideas on tumblr, in this case hekclickadee's notion of (Former) Jedi!Phee paired with blessyo4's Jedi!Phee art. This was a 'should be short' fic which did not remain that way…like at all. The power of comments, people! I was going to write maybe 5-6k and then someone commented about Ilum aaaaaand the idea avalanche got rolling.

The rest of the SW fics are WIPs. I have a lot of older stuff but that's all MCU/Marvel and Trek and Inception.

Flood Traversal (WIP) - Teen, post-Plan 99, fix-it

This one is for Fix the Finale and has changed named about 10 times. This is a more cyberpunk look at Tech self-rescuing. Since it's a WIP, have a random bit:

“Oh no you don’t. Not with that head injury. Sit your ass down.”

Periapsis (WIP) - Teen, Hunter & Crosshair fic

One of the 'interrupted' batch from before the finale. This is a forward/backward fic about Hunter and Crosshair. There's not a lot of Hunter Whump in the tag, which this is chock full of. It's arguably in the same AU as Descent. Since it's a WIP, have a random bit:

“Hunter’s abilities evolved in a series of events. Nala Se referred to them as 'breakthroughs'. His senses would grown stronger or more accurate, and his neural pathways would need to adjust to compensate."

Axial Precession (WIP) - Teen, post-Plan 99, Mt. Tantiss smackdown + more

Obliquity sequel. I was unsure I would do this one and then I got an idea and the whole thing sort of unfolded. So now I just need a small break of reading and writing some other things and I can do this. Maybe later in the summer. Since it's a WIP, have a random bit:

Tech was glad Phee wasn’t present for this conversation for a whole new set of reasons. “She is very much not my General, and I would advise you to never refer to her as that where she will hear you.”

Begin Again (WIP) - Teen, Mayday Lives AU, Crosshair & Mayday

This is based on cloned-eyes' post about Crosshair and Mayday surviving and escaping, but then not going back to the Batch because Crosshair is still full of Issues, so instead they run around doing things but run into the Batch anyways, and chaos ensues. Since it's a WIP, have a random bit:

Crosshair had been in bad situations in his time—really fucking bad—but this was definitely the new record. Half-carrying a nearly-dead clone Commander in full armor after nearly freezing to death the previous night and surviving an avalanche right before that was absolutely a new low. Hunter would have been truly impressed.

The Incident (WIP) - Teen, pre-canon

"That's not going near my rack. I refuse to sleep next to a projectile again." Since it's a WIP, have a random bit:

At the back of the ship a loud clang and a thud preceded Tech shouting, "Wrecker!" in a strangled voice. Echo caught sight of Crosshair picking himself up off the floor.

Creator Self-Promotion

Rules: post the first lines of your last 10 fics you posted. If you have less than 10 fics posted, post the first lines of all your fics.

"But K, I don't write but I still create can I still play?"

Post your last 10 pieces and give us a play by play. What was the inspiration? Any fun facts you can share with us?

Anyway let's get on with it

1. Fishing for Compliments - Merman!Crosshair x F!Reader

A sigh passed the young woman’s lips as the sun began to disappear beneath the waves. The waves rocked her quaint vessel as if it were a mother soothing her child. Her meal as well as a plate of identical food remained untouched as she kept her gaze to the depths. Every ripple of its surface a reminder of the mounting minutes that her company kept her waiting.

2. Drop Me a Line - Wrecker x F!Reader

The young woman stifled a yawn as she continued to work the mass of dough to her standards to be plopped into pans to bake. She continued working the dough sparing glances to the chrono on the wall as the sky outside began to lighten with the sunrise. Her pulse spiked when the chrono was checked again. She abandoned the lump of dough as she snatched up a pastry box. The bell chiming as the door opened and closed.

3. Budding Romance - Rex x F!Reader

“And you’re sure you’ll have them there.”

“A bit of faith would be nice, Anakin.”

4. Skin in the Game - Wrecker x OC (Rina) (18+ Please view responsibly)

Wrecker was on the hunt. Thankfully the Marauder held only a few spaces to hide away as he searched the ship. His target tucked away by the sensors. Vibroblade twirling between his fingers while his idle gaze stared at the screen. The demolitions expert took a breath, hoping to find answers.

5. Hair Support - Tup x Reader

The days of the Clone Wars tended to drag on in between assignments. Thankfully, the Republic saw it fit to dispatch your research team with a clone legion escort to ensure the lush jungle planet would not eat you and your colleagues alive. It was in the sweltering heat of the afternoon that one of your study binges was interrupted. You shook your head knowing who dared tread into your tent.

6. Interrogations - Echo x F!Reader (18+ Please view responsibly)

The former arc trooper sighed. Another fruitless attempt at slipping free of his bonds. The chair he was bound to chilled any amount of exposed skin. The room kept dark to prevent him from gathering his bearings. He bided his time, waiting for the tell-tale clicking of his keeper. It was a whisper at first but grew louder as the automatic doors parted.

7. Personal Tastes - Hunter x F!Reader

Strands of meat sizzled and spat as she flipped the tangled mass. Her work distracting from the pair of eyes watching you from the doorway. Her culinary tasks from the staccato chops of a knife to peppers to the accented clink of a mortar and pestle offered a calming tune.

8. Just This Once, Everyone Lives - Rex x Reader

Your bottom lip remained captured between your teeth as the speeder came to a stop. The building looming over the city streets twinkled in the night. A beacon for personnel to gather while dressed to the nines. A hand curled around yours, smoothing over your knuckles.

9. Keep Away - UniversityAU Wrecker x Reader

You filed out with your fellow undergrads as your last class for the afternoon let out. the professor's voice offering mention of the end of the first sprint. You traversed amongst the student body's current before veering off to a corridor. The current loosening its grasp the closer you ventured toward the sanctuary of paper and ink.

10. Nothing Fight - Crosshair x F!Reader

It could be easy to say Clone Force 99 had a culture separate from the sea of clones. Clone medics would be reassigned in the blink of an eye and nat born medics often assigned whoever pissed off the higher ups. This led to your current long term assignment. Having a medic on board being the main reason one of your patients was released to his squad early pending observations.

NPT - @photogirl894 @rain-on-kamino @tecker @techs-stitches @littlemissmanga @annwayne @fakegingerrights @merkitty49 @moodymisty @starrylothcat

Wanna promote your work here too? Do it!

[emptymanuscript]

Have I mentioned that I love my physical therapist?

She showed me this today

She uses it herself diagnostically but she mentioned that I am the first client she ever showed it to. I love this thing. Which I said and she nodded and said she thought I would like it.

This, for me, is doing some of the things the pain scale is just failing me at.

She showed it to me because I was talking to her about having an issue with giving a pain scale number because it is “split” as best I could describe it. I can tell that different elements of my pain are giving me different levels of pain and this radar chart lets me talk about it.

What we tend to think of as the 0 or 1 to 10 pain scale is that furthest dot on the example radar chart: Nociceptive / Physiological. She describes it as stubbing your toe, your body notes that input and its severity and sends that message up the line, saying I hurt and I hurt X amount, so that the brain can decide how to respond.

But she showed it to me because I was trying to convey to her that I’m noticing a split in the pain scale I use

I’m somewhere in my normal 5ish if I’m just talking about this hurts X much. But I’m somewhere out in an 8 ish in terms of how much it is distressing me right now as I titrate off of my Trintelex. So it looks much more like this.

And she was very excited about my awareness of this split because a lot of where we’re focusing in on is the Central Nociplastic element, how my brain has wired itself to interpret the Nociceptive input.

My essential problem seems to be that our system is designed to downplay sudden brief pain (we don’t want to change our behavior much over a stubbed toe) and designed to play up long lasting continuous pain (we do want to change our behavior if we’re healing notable damage and need to protect ourselves while we heal). Inflammation hormones, what your body produces in response to a bad injury, or in my case, arthritis, that stick around for a long time increase the number of neural pathways from the problem site to the brain so the brain hears the signal louder. When you get too much of that growth, which I do have, that’s the Peripheral Neuropathic axis. But as the message gets louder, AND just keeps messaging, the Brain starts paying more and more attention to it in order to try and change the circumstances. It starts to favor the warning signal and over respond to it. And she thinks that’s what is happening / has happened to me. My brain has rewired itself to be ever more insistent that I hurt and our goal is not so much to work on the Nociceptive issue (I am having pain) and more on the Nociplastic issue (how my brain is interpreting that message of pain). My brain has become the helicopter mom hovering obnoxiously over every signal that my body sends her.

My Central Nociplastic issue seems to be getting bad enough that it is resulting in what is called smudging.

All of us carry around a symbolic representation of ourselves. When I was growing up, my father called it a Homunculus.

But this image is actually correspondent to real physical stuff in the brain, centers that are working with the signals from and to the rest of your body.

The thing is, these real physical parts of the brain are right next to each other. So as the brain turns helicopter mom, what the brain is actually doing is changing itself to devote more real physical stuff to that part. So as my hip hurts more  and more, my brain is literally growing that part we label hip. And if it grows too much, it starts to impinge on the spaces next to it, the trunk and the leg. And it’s like smudging the boundary line on a map, what was two separate places starts to become intermixed. So the brain starts getting a little confused and mixing up signals from places that should be separate. At least as far as I understand things.

So, essentially she and I are starting to move toward the sorts of treatments you would give for a phantom limb.

We’re trying to figure out how to teach my brain to stop smudging, to stop misinterpreting the data, or at least not misinterpret the data as much.

Because the brain is plastic (able to remold itself) you can teach it to stop helicoptering by teaching it that the messages are false.

And I gotta say, it’s really, really weird. But also very encouraging.

And after all of that, I also have to say, I really wish doctors wouldn’t keep this sort of stuff to themselves. It’s not just fascinating, it’s useful.

That radar chart let me express to her something true that I didn’t have the words to express to her before she showed it to me. And now that I have it, I can immediately implement it and use it to think about how I am functioning in a way that is even better than when I was just thinking it in my head. It deepened and complicated my understanding in what I feel is an extremely helpful way. And I’m really happy about that.

And I just wish... yeah, that people shared. Share your knowledge. Share the cool stuff. Let it help. And it’s just freaking cool.

[kontagiousobsessions]

Your Thoughts Create Your Reality

Ever felt stuck in your life? Tired of not being able to move forward no matter how hard you try? You might feel as if there’s something holding you back, as if you’re walking through tar and no matter how hard you push, you just can’t get ahead. You may have even said to yourself, Why can’t I just be happy? Why can’t things go my way? Why am I so unlucky?

What You Think + What You Feel = What You Get

We often experience feelings of worry, anger, jealousy, etc. A great way to start experiencing more joy and happiness in your life is to get in touch with how you feel. Make it a daily practice to write down 5-10 things that made you happy that day or week. By practicing being aware of what is making you feel good in your life will increase your awareness on what works for you, which will help manifest more positive experiences into your life and reduce negative ones as well. This can also be applied to thoughts. When you are aware of your thoughts and how they make you feel, you can take action by changing them if necessary. For example, if thinking about an upcoming presentation makes you nervous, don’t think about it! Instead focus on something else that makes you feel good like spending time with friends or doing something fun. The more we practice feeling good emotions over bad emotions (like fear), the easier it becomes to live a happier life overall. So today, pay attention to your thoughts and ask yourself: How do these thoughts make me feel? What can I do differently next time? By asking yourself these questions, you will start creating new neural pathways in your brain which support living a happier life. Over time, these new neural pathways become stronger and stronger until you are living from a place of positivity rather than negativity.

Positive Thinking

In order to make positive thinking a reality, you must understand what type of thoughts will change your life. Positive thinking is different than just thinking positive. It actually has an outline with step-by-step guidelines that lead to living your best life. With practice and effort, you can be a positive thinker and feel better in every area of your life: physically, emotionally, mentally and financially. After working on it for awhile, you won’t even notice yourself doing it anymore. You’ll just live your best life! Here are some steps to get started:

Pretend like you have already achieved your goal. Close your eyes and imagine yourself already having achieved what you want out of life. Imagine how it feels and how everyone around you treats you differently because they know who you really are at heart. Then open your eyes again, and go back to work on getting there. Repeat steps 1 & 2 until success becomes a reality... eventually. Just think about how great it would feel if everything was going well for once!

Negative Thinking

Start paying attention to your thoughts—are they negative? A lot of our life is dictated by what we tell ourselves, and if you’re thinking, I can’t do that, you may as well not even try. But if you flip that around to I can do it!, you just might surprise yourself with how far you can go. Even if you don’t believe it at first, saying something positive over and over again will eventually make it a self-fulfilling prophecy. So stop worrying about whether or not something will happen; start talking about how it will happen! As author William Arthur Ward said, When one door closes another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which open for us. If you want to change your life, then change your words!

The Power of Positive Mindset

The simple truth is that you have to have a positive mindset if you want to succeed in life. This may sound really basic, but many people are their own worst enemy. They think things like, I can’t do that or This will never work for me. If you want more out of life, those negative thoughts need to stop today. It doesn’t matter how old you are, where you live or what your financial situation is; anyone can improve their lives by thinking positively. So, start thinking about all of your dreams and goals and know that they can be achieved with hard work and dedication. When you put it into action, there’s no limit to what you can accomplish!

The Power of Visualization

Visualization is a technique that will allow you to be proactive with your life. The moment you visualize a goal or a dream it becomes real in your mind and subconscious, and all you have to do is make it happen. In other words, if you create clear images of what you want, then chances are it will come true! So get started on creating those goals and dreams by visualizing them as though they were already achieved. You’ll be amazed at how quickly things start happening for you!

Another great thing about visualization is that it creates gratitude within you. A lot of people go through their day-to-day lives complaining about everything. They don’t stop to think about how fortunate they are for what they do have in their lives, but spend most of their time thinking negatively about what they don’t have. When you visualize something, however, you can appreciate its value by seeing yourself already having it right now! This helps you realize just how grateful you should be for what you do have and will make your life much more positive. Visualization also helps eliminate fear from your life because when there is nothing left to fear, there is nothing left to worry about! So if you want a happier and more successful life, then start visualizing today!

[mantacid]

Yeah. I feel this.

It’s important to realize that, while you may not perform to the level of a neurotypical in some areas, you’re performing pretty damn well for someone in your situation. If a NT were to suddenly switch places with you, they’d get much less done than you would. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if they just gave up.

I’ve been following your work for quite some time, and it’s truly amazing the way you think. The connections you make are beautiful and profound in their lack of orthodoxy, and you do it with janky brain-hardware too.

Disability is not likely to go away anytime soon. So we have to make do with what we have, either by taking steps to improve our position or by setting realistic goals.

As for negative comments, most people don’t remember every minute mistake, every iota of idiosyncrasy. The way you’re perceived is often much more forgiving than you realize. Not that it really matters what everyone else thinks is normal.

As for memory suffering: that is also a mood. But it seems you’ve already figured out that writing things down helps “encode” the information (maybe has something to do with neural pathways between hand and brain, idk). Your mind isn’t a static computer system, it’s one that is constantly receiving rolling updates and optimizations, one that adapts to and optimizes itself for the hardware it’s given. Sure it’s basically a bunch of bugs and glitches duct taped together, but then again — and I cannot stress this enough —

What brain isn’t?

Brains like ours tend to be self critical, flagging errors where there are none, pushing warnings for processes that are doing the best the can under the circumstances they’re given. Sometimes, developers just… ignore those errors. And wouldn’t you know it, things turn out fine. Because the developer knows the code, they know what’s important to listen to and what’s just scuffed practice. Our task is to learn to do the same with criticism, both from the self and from others.

I’m a math tutor, and I face many of the same issues with parsing speech and remembering things and sticking to a social script. The students don’t mind. In fact, they ask for me by name sometimes. I guess I’ve just gotten accustomed to rolling with the punches.

There was a short story I read in some middle school English class, in which a street musician explained that when he made a mistake, he kept going, didn’t draw attention to it. When he did this, no one thought of it as a mistake. I guess it’s the same principle. That said, the musician likely had kept practicing. Why go through the trouble of coming up with a janky workflow when all you need to do is remove some bloatware? Give your brain-computer the rest it needs to run.

My point — which I have admittedly taken quite a roundabout way to get to — is that yeah, things may not feel like they’re working right. And they likely aren’t. But the truth of the matter is that nothing is really working; everything is broken in one way or another. Sometimes we can fix it, sometimes we can’t. Sometimes rolling with the punches and adapting to your needs can work just fine. But there’s nothing wrong with admitting that a break is in order. And there’s nothing wrong with taking a step back and looking at your successes.

Sometimes/often I just want to be an ordinary man with ordinary interests, ordinary expectations from life and ordinary wishes and here I am: autistic and conscious of all my lack of basic life skills.

--

Currently lt's disabling. My focus is non-existent. My clumsyness is so severe that I even refuse to leave the bed, not due to being depressed, but because I have no "brain capacity" to determine my moves properly without causing chain reactions of incidences. It is no exaggeration, but whenever I attempt to solve a problem (like a glass of water fell down..) I cause even more shitty incidences. It's the quanity and frequentation of those incidences that is disabling.

My sensory problems are severe as well. Both sensory processing is deficitary as well as the "output" via motoric control of my body.

Whenever I fail 90% in what I do, I always remember all the shitty degrading comments I received.

I had a bit of self esteem, but thanks to severely desinterested psych workers I have lost my self esteem entirely.

Everyday I hear these comments in my mind and I have nothing to hold against it. I have no counter-example. I have so few experiences where I could achieve something, where my kind of thinking was even wanted.

Constantly being deemed as dumb and whatever is painful when you know you can be smart - with a bit of self esteem and trust in yourself, with just few affirmative words - and an option to advance your knowledge and skills.

Having no options to use my knowledge and skills - and especially not being able to improve and work on them makes me sad. Additionally, working on expanding/improving my knowledge and skills could help me with my self-esteem.

It's saddening.

In the last months I could not train my mind enough to remain functional.

I need daily mental workout to remain a basic level of functionality of basic cognitive abilities. It's like a person with muscular dystrophy - they have to train hard everyday just to remain at a basic functionality.

My verbal and communication skills severely decreased over the last months. Whenever I attempt to write something - may it be poetry, philosophy or about STEM topics it turns into utter gibberish shortly after I started writing.

Even basic grammar becomes deficitary. Word finding problems are severe too.

My brain is super slow. Processing information is filled with more errors than i am able to detect and correct via metacognition. Even basic perception is exhausting because of this. In moments of severe exhaustion my vision becomes double (double pictures) and if I continue the exhausting task (mostly tasks that require much working memory capacity) I become delirious and then fall asleep while doing the task... mental overload... mental shutdown. Mental CPU used by 100%.

The dissociation aspect in my cognitive processes makes it all too difficult, as, well, my memory is like a server having multiple co-existing sub-systems - each of them is also errorous. And sending information between the servers, as to use this analogy, is a very "mental-CPU-exhausting task"...

.... hmmm I might want to write an article about cognitive processes in general - and how it is with my own sensory as well as memory processing. Some weeks ago I started doing short explanations of analogies between cognitive processes and "computer and math terms".

I also want to use pseudocode to depict some "working mechanisms" of my cognition, so to speak.

(I made these many months ago:)

I might go into detail when I actually continue this project.

[bestkindofbeehive]

Smile for Me Week, Day 1: Secret

happy smile for me week!!! for my first trick, have a fic I wrote after thinking about my dad too hard. it ends well and it was pretty cathartic for me, but it does get a bit emotionally intense re: feelings about having to stay closeted in front of your parents for years, so fair warning. but it does end well I promise!!! I’ll probably post this on ao3 soon too, so look out for that!

-----

Never in a million years would Parsley have ever expected that being stuck in the same slapdash “mental health” retreat as his dad would end in anything other than frustration. And, to be fair, that was how things went for a while. But then that weird florist handed him one of his dad’s terrible dishes, and before he knew it he was getting drunk off his ass and actually talking to his dad for the first time in... years, probably. Somehow it wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. The Kahlúa and birthday cake flavored vodka probably helped.

And then he’d been woken up in the middle of the night and suddenly urged out of the giant front gates with very little reason why— something something carbon monoxide poisoning. Not that Parsley really needed convincing to get the hell out of there at that point. Even a constant flow of free alcohol probably wouldn’t have kept him there for much longer. Those last PSAs were getting pretty creepy and, well, incredibly specific and aggressive towards one particular person. He had hoped that chicken te- flower vendor made it out alright, but he saw them a few days later in town. So things couldn’t have ended too badly.

The most astonishing thing, though, was the fact that he and his dad actually kept talking once they got out of that place. And he somehow didn’t wind up wanting to tear his hair out by the end of every conversation, even. Of course his dad frustrated him plenty of times, but it never got bad bad like it used to. Things between them were... good. Not good good, but just. Good.

So good, in fact, that Parsley manages to somehow metaphorically vomit up the words necessary to tell his dad he wasn’t attracted to women. He wasn’t even drunk— tipsy, certainly, but he was painfully in control of all his faculties that night.

It went... well. He knows the night ended on good terms, and he knows his dad didn’t get angry. He’s pretty sure his dad told him he loved him at some point, which is a good sign. It only happened a few weeks ago. He isn’t really ready to think about it very hard in any capacity. He’s scared that he’ll go looking for some specific sign, or a phrase, or a look— something that definitively tells him that his dad doesn’t look at him and wish he had another son— and come up empty.

Parsley takes what he can get, until what he can get isn’t enough anymore.

The tension finally breaks one evening; almost six months to the day they both left the Habitat. They were watching the end of some melodrama that was airing right before the hilariously disorganized cooking show they both enjoyed. And the stupid thing is that Parsley can’t even remember what his dad said that set him off so bad— but, god, his dad would know just the right string of words to tick him off enough to say something. It was something about keeping secrets. Something about how he didn’t understand why some people keep harmless stuff so close to their chest for no reason. Which is rich coming from him, the man who has to bluster his way through every emotional conversation he’s ever had. Parsley would be seeing red if his eyes weren’t already that color.

“See, I mean, like with your whole, uh, situation— Not that I’m tryin’ to rag on you or anything, sprig, but I just don’t see why you didn’t just go on and tell me! I wouldn't've been mad at you or nothin’,” Jimothan says, gladly shoving his entire foot in his mouth for the sake of scolding Parsley, just like old times.

Parsley, to his credit, doesn’t immediately blow up. “You didn’t exactly make it the easiest thing to do,” he says, his voice clipped and his jaw tense. His dad makes a bewildered noise next to him; a noise that wouldn’t be out of place in a sitcom.

“Now what’s that supposed to mean? I always told you that you could talk to me about anything, didn’t I?” Jimothan asks. The look of genuine confusion on his face almost makes Parsley want to drop it and just keep watching tv, but the fuse has already been lit.

“Sure, if you forget about all the times you showed me that definitely wasn’t true,” Parsley scoffs, pretending to focus on the tv again. The melodrama is still going. The character on screen is crying big, unrealistic tears. Parsley can’t make out what they’re crying about over the blood starting to rush through his ears. Every neural pathway in his brain left over from his teens is yelling at him to just let dad think that he’s right so the lecture that hasn’t even started will stop.

“What’re you— Parsley, what the heck are you talkin’ about? I’ve never— When have I ever said somethin’ that would make you think I wouldn’t—”

Something in his dad’s tone immediately sets Parsley’s blood to a boil. He sounds like he doesn’t understand; like he doesn’t even know where this is even coming from. He has no idea. Fuck, would it hurt less if his dad tried to justify himself instead? If he sounded angry instead of confused? Because this means that he just doesn’t know. Decades of hiding and bullshit and being afraid and he just didn’t know.

“Are you KIDDING ME?” Parsley fires back, eyes wide open and blood red. Jimothan almost jumps, having not been witness to his son’s temper in a while. “When HAVEN’T you said something that would make me think you wouldn’t approve? I wouldn’t— I couldn’t go a day without you making some comment about how I needed to get a girlfriend, or- or- how you couldn’t wait to have grandkids, or some other stupid thing about me “finally” getting a wife someday—” Parsley rants, his voice stuttering with the anger flying around in his chest.

Jimothan at least has the decency to look a bit stunned. “But— Oh c’mon Parsley, that was just me tryin’ to give you a little push! I thought you were havin’ a tough time talking to girls, so I figured I would just give you some pointers—”

“No! That’s just it! You just had to build up and build up this— this idea of what I was supposed to do! Every time you just had to make a comment like that it was another bullet on the fist— LIST of all the things I wasn’t doing right,” Parsley flusters. At some point in his rant his hands find their way to his head, and he tries to run his fingers through his hair to calm himself down, but they keep catching on tangles. “A-And you wanna act like I shouldn’t have been scared to tell you, but you—!”

“Scared?” His dad’s expression breaks a little, which just makes this awful situation all the more difficult. Shit. Shit shit shit, this wasn’t how this was supposed to happen. It shouldn’t even be happening, but the fire in Parsley’s chest isn’t dying down and he can’t keep his traitor mouth shut.

“Sprig, you didn’t have any reason to be scared, it woulda been fi—” Jimothan tries to start.

“Ugh, you’re not LISTENING!” Parsley feels like he’s seconds away from tearing his hair out. God, he sounds like such a teenager. “It wasn’t that easy! Of course I was scared! How the hell could I have explained— I just—!!” 

“HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU I WASN’T THE SON YOU WANTED?!” Parsley finally screams.

The room gets quiet frighteningly fast. His dad just stares at him, his face slack with a cocktail of confusion, surprise, and what Parsley wants to hope is sadness.

Suddenly, all the anger and half-hearted bravado flies out of Parsley’s chest. His arms fall to his sides, and he’s left panting with the exertion of having just spilled out a flood of emotions that have been building since he was in elementary school. He doesn’t feel relieved. He just feels tired.

And then he starts crying. Which is just... great. As if this night needed some extra turmoil to really polish things off. Like most times, he can’t even stop himself; he was never good about not wearing his heart on his sleeve. Not his anger, not his disappointment, and definitely not his heartache. It’s not even a “dignified cry”, as his dad would put it— he’s hiding his face in his hands, and he can’t stop his shoulders from shaking every time he tries to suck in a stuttery breath.

He probably looks pretty pathetic right now, Parsley thinks. And in a few moments he’ll hear his dad get up and walk out of his apartment while mumbling something about seeing him later. And then in about a week’s time, Parsley will answer the phone, hear his dad’s voice, and both of them will never speak of this night ever again.

But something different happens.

Instead, he feels his dad’s sturdy hands take him by the shoulders and pull him into a firm hug. It’s an awkward thing; Parsley’s hands were still covering his face, so now they’re kind of pinned to his chest, and his dad is squeezing him just slightly too hard. They’re both out of practice, really.

Before Parsley can manage a “whuh” in response, he hears more than sees his dad take in a big, faltering breath while his shoulders start to shake. Parsley has only seen his dad cry a handful of times in his life. Most of them happened around the time the divorce was finalized. But after that... Nothing.

Jimothan makes a wounded noise of a sob. “Y-You’re— God, sprig, I would never...” he starts, but can’t find the words to finish. Parsley manages to find it in himself to forgive his dad for that pretty easily. He’s never been the most eloquent when it comes to emotional outbursts. Parsley manages to wriggle his arms free, and wraps them around his dad. The older man lets out a little sniffle in response, and then starts to run his hand down his son’s messy head of hair. It only catches a few times.

“You’re all I got, Parsley,” his dad mumbles through the thickness in his voice. “You’re all I got.”

Parsley lets himself cry just a little bit more, his chest finally starting to feel lighter than it has in years. The two of them exist like that for a while— clumsily hugging and crying and mumbling little fragments of things they’ve both been meaning to say. At some point they’ll have to break apart, and at some point the night will have to end. They’ll part ways with slightly stilted goodbyes, and very likely won’t speak of this night for at least a few months. But for now, they both let themselves have this moment. 

And it’s not much, but it’s enough.

[deerth]

my first mistake in witchcraft

yes i’m going to be petty over religion for a second here.

i have been slowly inching out of the broom closet as i now consciously move on from the atheist mindset to the pagan one. i was looking for more resources to research my path, and i ended up on a witchy server... woe unto me as i try to fit in once more, for it seems that not even witches are unified.

forget about all that shit about garden, cosmos and whatever witches. the religion actually broadly branches into two practices - Wicca and regular witchcraft. so you are primarily the one or the other, no matter what flavour of ritual you practice.

the primary difference between Wiccans and general witchcraft is your belief of whether religion can be used for harm or not. in short, Wiccans state “an it harm none, do as ye will” (as long as you don’t hurt anyone [including yourself], go bonkers), therefore you will not find Wiccans casting curses or hexes. we know the responsibility of our faith and we know that if you radiate bad vibes, it will come right back around to bite you in the ass later. that said, most Wiccans don’t mind witches who do curse or hex. some cultures use practices like voodoo, and even old eastern European practices were not free of rituals that were made to directly interfere with someone’s will (love spells that were supposed to make someone love you). therefore, a disclaimer: I’m not anti-hex. I would not use a hex because I feel that hate will not solve hate, and as long as you’re an adult, I trust you know what you’re doing with your power. maybe you are of an oppressed culture and have good reason to exact revenge on someone who severely hurt you, especially if you have a long-standing tradition of hexes. even Nina Simone sang “I Put a Spell on You” (albeit this is also a love spell). I know curses and hexes and even spells affecting with another’s free will are an inherent part of witchcraft and I won’t deny it. I follow my doctrine, you follow yours, that is fine by me.

what is NOT fine with me, however, is propagating hex culture among minors. why? because minors are not ready to take on that responsibility!!!! just like they are not truly ready to make healthy decisions about sex, alcohol or other substances, they cannot take true responsibility over causing harm, be it spiritual or otherwise. “what’s a little hex do?” you might ask, if you’re a minor. not to sound like a boomer, but when I was 16, I was edgy as fuck. I hated everyone while claiming to love everyone. I was in NO correct mental state to make decisions about the aforementioned things. even without casting any hexes, I made many mistakes. big ones. I hurt a lot of people. yes, I regret it all deeply. I wish I had thought things over rather than stay stubborn. in fact, most people under 20 are not ready to enter discourse, drama or a vicious cycle of hatred purely because it will always turn into “all bite but no bark”. I purposefully say it that way because although youngsters are admirably spirited and ready to take on the world... they often bite off more than they can chew. I see girlies straight out of high school trying to solve huge problems like racism, and although, again, admiring these young people, they have researched their stuff. to an extent, they know what they’re talking about... but I do believe hate will not solve hate.

one of the moderators of said server retaliated with it not being a universal truth, and claimed my take to be “unverified personal gnosis” (what is a verified gnosis, anyway? how do you measure it? especially in a practice like witchcraft where every bloody individual practises it differently and there are no priests or churches?). if the moderator happens to read this and wishes to elaborate, i’d be welcome for a bit of constructive discussion over what is and isn’t personal gnosis. I acknowledge that “hate cannot be fought with hate” is not a universal truth... that is perhaps where I went to the extreme. but believe me, I did not say it to be holier-than-thou. I was actually shocked to be called out by not one, but two moderators on my behaviour, instantly. I did not read in the rules that one would be forbidden to state their opinion or softly disagree, but perhaps it is so and I did not pay enough attention.

there comes another food for thought: is it possible to socialise without being opinionated in any way? would shutting down opinions truly prevent conflict? because I’m feeling very bitter and left out now. I know everyone on that server is not Wiccan. but to get slapped in the face right after I attempted to be friendly (laconic and feeble as that was), among who I considered to be my own people... I feel conflicted. now mind, I’m not going to leave witchcraft behind. it is my religion, and thanks to this experience, I learned that Wicca is the right thing for me. I don’t want to advocate for violence and a vicious cycle of hatred. my grandfather was Romani, therefore I believe I know a thing or two about mislabeling and hate enacted upon minorities and outcast people. does that mean I want to kill and hex every white in sight? the answer is no. if anything, me being both Wiccan and Romani, it would just add fuel to the fire. especially because Romani are stereotyped as evil witches in the first place, so it would be a double suicide. by propagating violence, I would give these people more reason to hate pagans and Romani people. both cultures are already feared and hated upon as it is. I am not going to give people more opportunity to hate me.

coming back to the minor I disagreed with in the server. I was shocked that the first thing that came to a teenager’s mind was a revenge hex. it screams of naiveté and irresponsible behaviour towards your faith. and not JUST your faith. as I am a student of psychology, I am well aware how mind patterns work, and here’s the funny thing: psychology has proven that witchcraft’s law of returns is somewhat true, not on a magickal level, but on a mental one. if you ponder over violence and revenge excessively, you are reinforcing those neural pathways in your brain. there is a reason why they say “hate breeds hate”. it is the same reason why depression is so hard to deal with. anything you obsessively ruminate over reinforces it again and again until escape seems impossible. I’m not only speaking as a witch, I’m speaking as a human being. is it correct to propagate petty violence among minors when we as adults can do better and guide young people to better paths?

I’m not saying young people shouldn’t use hexes. but I am questioning their ability to take on the responsibility of potentially hurting someone, or even just thinking of hurting someone. you plant a seed of hate and it may just grow. you knock on the devil’s door enough times and he will answer (disclaimer: I’m not Christian either, I just like the saying). soon there shall be nothing left but hate. if the person in question had not been a minor, I would have left it at that. but religion is sacred. a witch’s magick is essentially making something important to you sacred. it’s not a plaything. it’s not to be used light-handedly. it’s not a trend. and hexes should be the last resort if all else fails OR the person you hate has a damn good reason for being hated.

is it wrong to vote for love and peace? yeah, I sound like a hippie, but I think they’re right. love was not born from continuing to fight each other - love was born from unity, from coexisting. how does one fight racism? psychology says see more poc, interact with them, understand their struggles. how to fight religious fear? spend time with people of different views. how to get over homophobia? spend time with the gays and try to understand their views, and like, actually understand them. spending time with someone just to berate them is still bigotry. the interaction I mean here is coexisting with minorities in a shared space and them slowly, but surely becoming more accepted and normalised because we finally see them. even a bigot can’t stay a bigot if they are brought out of isolation. if they’re forced to see people different than them.

unfortunately, not even your own faith can comfort you sometimes, mostly because the community is still divided. there are rules on what should and shouldn’t be done, and woe upon thee if you dare to even peep one of your thoughts. I merely said thank you and sorry and left, as I always do when I feel misunderstood. it was a valuable yet harsh lesson, and I regret hoping for acceptance or even offering me a moment to be understood without being shut down without a second thought. I regret hoping for a little discussion where it is seen as a violation of rules.

again, as long as you are ready to bear the responsibility of harming another, do whatever you want. as a Wicca, I prefer staying benevolent and kind, even to those who traumatised me. you might argue that this essay in itself is not benevolent... after all, Wiccans don’t slander people behind their backs, you might say. but it is not my intent to slander. it is just me expressing sheer confusion over what I expected to be a community to hear out all voices, because why have a community at all if you allow for no discussion? do we shut off discussions entirely in fear of fights? but alas, it is human nature to be opposed, but it’s also human nature to still hold hands despite the differences - one just needs to acknowledge it.

blessed be.

[bi-rising]

so the thing is. i've always been pro non-binary and i want to continue to be but i have been reading some stuff and i'm worried bc it kinda makes sense and ik it's a bad thing but god idk i need to hear your opinion. so there's this post of someone saying trans ppl wouldn't exist in an utopia where genders aren't a thing and someone else explained how that was wrong because of disphoria and then said "while yes, there would be a lot less nb ppl bc gender stereotypes are more their thing..." and it got me thinking bc i never really understood what nb is. i also saw other people say that nb and genderfluid don't make sense because they're not about gender, but stereotypes about masculinity and femeninity. and i think i agree? (what i hear most from nb ppl is that they don't feel like they fit in with society's ideas of man or woman, but as a somewhat masculine cis woman neither do i? or many others at least) because those things are societal, you can be a binary gender while not agreeing with societal gender norms, or gnc. and what confuses me further is that most nb ppl are gender aligned. i reason they're aligned to the gender that corresponds their sex? (i'm asking from the deepest pit of ignorance😅) but if they feel like they don't fit in the binary genders, how can they be aligned with masc of fem? i mean for example a nb person who's female by sex and is very femenine, wears makeup, long hair, basically doesn't look androgynous at all, are they really not a woman who doesn't agree with gender stereotypes? bc i also feel like a lot of people are treating nb as a quirky thing to use to get in the lgbt community (like they wanna be oppressed, for whatever reason). idk. i'm a bit lost (and drunk), gender discourse is quite complex...

you're right, gender discourse is incredibly complex, especially when so many people are ready to jump down your throat and cancel you and destroy your friendships regardless of your intentions and/or level of knowledge. therefore, i'm also going to speak carefully on this subject, bc i feel that nb discourse is rife with people foaming at the mouth to ask any questions at all so :^)

anyway, i've seen that post before, and i think i agree with you as well. binary trans people have a disorder. it's been proven that trans people's brains have the neural pathways and neural structural patterns of the gender opposite of their sex. therefore, even in a utopia without gender roles and stereotypes, they would still be trans. that's also why it's incredibly important to keep transgender as a medical acknowledgement, not just to force insurance to help pay for gender reaffirming surgeries and therapies, but also to acknowledge that it's a real, neurological occurrence--and hopefully gain more research and acceptance of it.

and because of that, i also am in the same boat as you, where it's likely that nb people would not exist in such a utopia, or if they did, it would be an extremely small amount, even smaller than it is currently. from what i've seen in the nb movement is a lot of push against gender roles and gender stereotypes; i would cautiously hazard a guess that there are two main reasons for people identifying as nb

1) they are gnc

2) they don't "feel" their gender, as they believe cis people do, and conflate lack of femininity/masculinity or a neutrality towards one's own body with having a different gender

i personally can't see anyone having nb dysphoria, simply because the science isn't there for it. the body has two setting--male or female (please note that intersex people are not being considered here, as their condition is a birth defect and not the creation of a third gender or a lack of gender). therefore, there are female and male hormones; female and male neural structures; female and male neural pathways. i don't believe that there is dysphoria associated with not having a gender or having a third gender outside the binary--HOWEVER. however, i believe that many things can be mistaken for nb dysphoria

for example, many binary trans people have had a stage wherein they identify as nb for awhile. it's like a stepping stone, from what i understand, between believing they're cis to understanding they're trans. there is also trauma, especially sexual trauma, that can cause a disconnect between one's own gender and themselves. internalized misogyny/misandry can also be a culprit, or simply not wishing to exist within the boxes that female and male stereotypes push people into. and lastly, there's also body dysmorphia, which can be difficult to recognize for what it is. of course, it may be a desire to simply "be different" than other people, especially for those that are online a lot and have been bombarded with "cis is bad" for years and years, but i would like to give people the benefit of the doubt first instead of jumping to conclusions like that

despite all of this, i do think it is important to respect nb people and be courteous and kind to them. this is just my own opinion, and i personally will never attack or dismiss a nb person. the only problem i will ever have is if a nb person uses neopronouns, and that's bc i am neurodivergent and believe that pronouns equal gender. then, though, i believe that's a separate problem entirely from being nb critical

[prorevenge]

Ridiculed, accused of lying and incompetence, I shoved burning facts down their throats and made a successful business in the process.

"The best revenge is massive success." -Frank Sinatra

TL;DR; Told I was lying and didn't know anything about game design. Made a spite video game that became a huge hit. Jackass is also forever immortalized within the game credits.

PREFACE

This is a very unusual story compared to the typical posts you've read here. There's a lot to unpack but I'll try to summarize everything as best I can.

I hope you'll find it as entertaining as I did. And, what's great about this story is that it happened very recently, it happened here, evidence is searchable, and it's still kinda on-going. It's a tale of trolls, video game addiction, self-righteous arrogance, harassment, winning an impossible bet, a viral hit in Russia, and massive success with even some little revenge sprinkles for added measure.

Quick background about me: I've worked with game developers for decades and I'm an avid researcher and supporter of unorthodox and ethical video games used for educational and clinical purposes.

HOW IT STARTED

Two months ago, there was a new reddit post about "using video game to ease depression" that caught my attention.

The reason it caught my attention was because it was a game & study that I had in-depth knowledge of (from over a year prior.) Unlike everyone else in the thread, I was the only one who had actually seen the game, played it, knew the developers, and even had the original technical game design documents.

The article discussed a variety of topics but never addressed exactly HOW the video game was able to ease depression. So, I provided a quickly summary of what the game actually did.

[SKIP THIS SECTION IF NEUROSCIENCE & GAME DESIGN DON'T INTEREST YOU]

A quick side note about this article, for those that like extra details: One of the cool properties of ketamine is that, not only can it provide rapid and temporary relief for depression, it also actively heals damaged brain circuits. Then there's dopamine. A chemical that we internally produce, that has similar but less potent effects. There is no cure for depression, but these are promising treatments for some. The article focused on what's called "flow". Using certain game design methods you can induce a "flow state" by causing a sustained dopamine release. When used ethically, it can be highly beneficial in stimulating/training the brain to perform certain activities, improve or learn memorization, adapt to challenges, learn new concepts, exercise motor skills, and meanwhile rebuild pathways/synapses. While all of this is happening, the user is receiving pleasurable rewards without realizing it. This process can create new pathways, repair old circuits, and increasing their neuroplasticity. Increased neuroplasticity means improved cognitive functioning, reducing impairment of the reward process, and improving the effectiveness of antidepressant medications. Video games can be a unique non-drug option to accomplish this while easing symptoms. Research has already shown that many popular games can already accomplish this (unintended effects by the game developers). By comparison, the game design they used in this theoretical study was highly limited in scope, so permanent benefits were negligible compared to the temporary respite brought about by basic dopamine release. Science is still barely scratching the surface of neurotransmitters and flow state. There are still many unknowns, but dopamine isn't just a pleasure chemical that the media would like you to be believe. It can do quite a number of things. Research has shown that "flow state" can modify synaptic plasticity, improve connectors between cells/synapses, ultimately helping cells in the brain communicate better as a network and improve neural system intrinsic properties.

My summary posting was fine for a while, until predictable trolls arrived led by an "armchair game developer". Dr. Armchair definitely did not appreciate my post. It was an affront and insult to his profession. Within a few minutes, it dropped 30 karma. I don't care about imaginary internet points but I don't like being accused of lying. Dr. Armchair and his pals started with the usual "do you even lift?" Then it was quickly asserted, from their armchairs, that I knew nothing about flow, psychology, dopamine or game design at all. From their high horses, they contributed nothing useful; only taunts, defamation, attacking my character and physical appearance, and accusing me of being a liar and incompetence.

Apparently it was a very sensitive topic. Who knew?

It quickly devolved into Dr. Armchair gleefully, and repeatedly claiming, that he won, he was right, and I was wrong. He demanded that I essentially write a 300 page peer-reviewed study to prove him wrong, and when it couldn't be provided within 5 minutes, there were more gleeful cheers of "HAHA! I WAS RIGHT! I WAS RIGHT! I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU LALALALALA.."

Obviously, it was going to be impossible to reason with Dr. Armchair and his buddies. But actions speak louder than words.

So, I claimed that I would provide undeniable proof in the form of a video game "a few months from now" that he could actually play for himself. Once again, claiming that I was lying and it was impossible. And more of the usual "It's been 5 minutes, where is it? Oh, you can't do it can you. HA! I was right! I BEAT YOU! I BEAT YOU!"

It was weird.

Eventually the mods had enough. Dr. Armchair and his cronies harassment, ad hominem attacks, accusations and inflammatory attacks resulted in multiple posts being removed. But my promise still stood and I fully intended on keeping it.

THE BOLD CLAIM

The plan was simple:

Create a proof of concept that demonstrates just the critical neuroscience principles that induce flow. To prove it beyond a doubt, I intended to also prove that MOST COMMON INGREDIENTS of a game are completely UNNECESSARY to accomplish this.

So, I made the very confident claim that the game would still be fun, addictive, and demonstrate flow state, even after ripping everything out:

No extras or frills. Built within a short period of time.

No music. No sound effects. No animations. No story.

No expensive art. In fact, hardly any at all: I would use ONE SINGLE ART ASSET for the gameplay (plus some lines.)

No feature creep. No sign-in system. No gacha mechanics.

No level design. No achievements. No RPG gamifications.

I could get at least a couple hundred people to play it.

I should have also mentioned that it would be built with ZERO BUDGET and NO MARKETING.

If this sounds like a strange way to make a game, it is. For a typical game developer, this would raise many eyebrows, and they'd consider it highly risky or improbable to achieve any success with both arms figurately tied behind your back while blindfolded.

HOW IT ENDED

While I was preparing to stress test the game online, it was discovered by .ru bots that were scouring the web for new games. Even before the game was ready, they published the game link on several Russian gaming sites.

The game exploded.

It has graphical similarities to Tetris, so it was a nice coincidence that the game essentially launched and did so well in Russia at first. After that, other game sites started discovering the game on their own too, even before I had a chance to submit the game myself. Most importantly, the proof of concept and everything I claimed worked (high ratings and retention). It proved so effective that the game is currently being played by hundreds of thousands of users worldwide. And it's a clear demonstration about the importance of combining psychology and game design.

I suppose you could say that there are many layers of revenge happening here, maybe even karmic justice or backfiring on their part, it's really hard to classify. The best kind of revenge is always massive success, and shoving it in their faces, however. But, on top of that, I also fully kept to my promises while proving these ignorant individuals so wrong they look like fools.

I also added some extra salt to the wound. I figured that success of the game was partly due to Dr. Armchair's ignorance. It was only fair that I included his name within the Game Credits. So, I officially gave this very wonderful human being a very "special thanks" for their support in making this success possible.

(source) story by (/u/postfu)

[alexaloraetheris]

Reasons I believe my friend is secretly some kind of deity

1) First time we spoke was a week after the beggining of freshman year she summed up my entire character and most of the events of my life Sherlock style. I asked her how the hell she knew all that. She just shrugged and said she figured out our entire class already.

2) The one time we had religion class instead of ethics she listened to the teacher for a few minutes, laughed and told me:

"Humans have wished to be gods so much they've forgotten they have to ability to create them. Imagination has truly suffered from this 'monotheism' stuff."

I was confused and asked her if she was an atheist. She rolled her eyes and said:

"Oh I believe in god alright. I just don't think the bastard deserves to be worshipped."

3) Out of nowhere she gave me this advice:

"The only truth a liar ever told was that lies weren't going to save you. Don't become the liar who has to pass that wisdom on, because they speak from experience."

4) To this day, she has one of those old-timey phones with buttons she only uses to ocassionally call someone. When I asked her why she never got a smartphone she got pouty:

"I hate social media. On Facebook they talk a lot but never say anything. If I wanted to listen to people moan about their problems and ask for help they don't expect I'd listen to their prayers." (Notice the choice of words)

5) I noticed she was stiff and I offered her a massage since I'm really good at it but when i started kneading her back I swear to this day those were not muscles I felt. I asked her what she did to turn her muscles into rocks covered with a thin layer of skin and she kinda froze then shrugged and said she was just really, really stiff. My hands hurt after ten minutes when I can usually go for an hour. Next time I offered she seemed surprised and laughed. She still has rocks for muscles.

6) We were having a debate over the way neural pathways are formed (I study biology and she forensics) and I jokingly asked if I could have her brain for study when she dies. She laughed.

"Sure, if you find a way to kill me you can have it. I'm actually curious what you're gonna find."

7) One time she was tired and miserable and I tried to comfort her. We both have really dark sense of humor so I told her she could scare the dead out of their graves with that glare. She told me the dead can't come back and I rolled my eyes and said 'obviously' but she continued:

"When you die you descend to the underworld with nothing to lose. To keep you, they give you something to lose. When you want to return, they will demand it back. That's why nobody ever leaves. The only way out is to never enter."

8) One day she just came up to me with a disappointed look on her face. When I asked her what was wrong she was quiet for a few seconds and then just told me:

"Betrayals committed in good intentions are still damning. Just... keep that in mind." Then she left and didn't speak to me for three days. I still don't know what she meant but even three years later I haven't forgotten it.

9) We were casually sitting on a bench when, out of nowhere, she asked me: "Is it just me or have humans gotten dumber? Or have they always been this stupid and I just haven't been paying attention?"

10) She asked me if I ever wondered what it was like to die. I said no but told her I would tell her when I found out. I meant it as a ghost joke but she smiled at me and said:

"Great. I'll wait for you to come back. Maybe you'll even remember me."

In conclusion, she is some kind of low-key god and she lost her faith in humanity even before we lost our faith in her but she's stuck with us because immortality is a bitch.

P.S. I just remembered her name is a variation on 'Eve'. Maybe I should reconsider my atheist status?!

UPDATE (Jan 9, 2019): Since people liked this so much I’m making it a thing. All I have about Eve can be found under #god goes to college