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ranboo5 · 3 years ago

Note

whats 'the clip' and knifetrick?

Augh. Under the cut for shipping discourse and p/dophilia ment (nothing graphic or specific). Gets long bc I discuss my thoughts on DSMP shipping in general. You are setting me up fr anon

Some quick vocab -

intimacy here is used to refer to. Well. Any kind of intimacy between characters, of any sort, as an umbrella term /r, /p, and /qp here are used as shorteners to denote "romantic," "platonic," and "queerplatonic," both as adjectives And as verbs ("to /r" = "to portray romantically") shipping here is used to refer to any focused examination of intimacy between characters

And some clarity that Should follow from the essay next but may not - """anti-antis"""" and RPF writers delete forever

The Clip is from one of if not the? most recent Discord stage(s) Mr Live has done (which I missed when it was live RIP) wherein he issues a hard ban on shipping him ("do not ship me, in any way, with anyone!") which would less influence c!beeduo (which has been portrayed/stated to be romantic AND nonromantic both conflictingly for a while until being confirmed unconfirmed several months ago, that being the last was heard) without its direct invocation if he hadn't also cited for the reason as being underage ("'Cause, one, it's straight up pedophilia") which is! a) immediately applicable to At Least his DSMP character, Partially and b) while not Strictly True (should b obvious that portraying a relationship within the bounds of what it is in canon and in a nonsexual way is not That, and /r-ing c!beeduo etc was possible to do Appropriately again by remaining w/in the bounds of canon) is Clearly Indicative of the fact that baggage-wise it IS associated with people being fucking creeps

This Really complicates things bc like okay the apparent solution is "lol just don't /r it" but it's really like. A Worse issue than that bc like.

Okay the reason shipping in terms of fictional characters is a Different Bar is bc it's an examination of Intimacy and certain lines exist in certain dynamics of intimacy that Isn't Shown (which is the whole Within The Bounds Of Canon thing) which is important in a medium like DSMP because of the smaller gap + more personal relationship b/w character and streamer. Examining intimacy beyond th bounds of the consent that has been established in that regard is Weird at best and Violating And Creepy more often and, As Mentioned In Ranb's Stage, Literally Evil at worst

Which is why writing abt like. QPR or platonically intimate Techno and Philza (characters) is smth that is fine because that's smth that has been shown and repeatedly stated onscreen; it's in the bounds of canon n thus within th bounds of what the streamers've consented 2 be done with their characters. But writing T3chza making out or whatever is fucked up because it's smth that's beyond those consent barriers

And the thing is right

Slapping a /p on T3chza makeout doesn't. Make it less violating

Like what you CALL romantic is not the measure or whether it's past those barriers yk? And if it's indistinguishable, if it's in extrapolative territory that is Past The Bounds, it Does Not Matter how much you /p it EVEN IF IT IS TECHNICALLY PLATONIC y feel? Like at the end of the day placing a moratorium on some/all forms of shipping is placing a moratorium on certain examinings of intimacy

And okay 2 go back to Mr Live and his character. What it implies taken in context w/ older portrayals of c!beeduo and said by invoking smth that both evokes Really fucked up baggage (that does unfortunately exist btw I'm sorry if you didn't know that but People Really Do B Fucked Up Abt Beeduo) AND applies to his character is a revocation of consent to examining deep intimacies:tm: with his character, which is gonna apply regardless of the nature of that intimacy (even if nonromantic)

Like I don't /r c!beeduo myself, do not, never have, but I talk to people who have and have consumed content where they r background /r; I also don't think it matters. Like I don't Actively /r it and I don't Actively Not /r it because imho w/ the intimacy regarding c!beeduo that is plot relevant and character important whether that intimacy is /p /qp or /r doesn't really matter. I don't consider myself Less of a c!beeduo shipper than someone who /rs them because that would be dumb as hell and while none of the content I've made* is Intrinsically or Intentionally /r it certainly can be read tht way as much as it can be read /qp or /p. It's be dumb and hypocritical of me to like, dunk on ppl for /r-ing c!beeduo when I'm also invested in these two and my tonetags r not gonna suddenly Delete the picking apart I've done of the dynamic @ hand

Which Has Been. Within Bounds Of Canon. It's been what's been shown (sometimes to my great distress. There is a reason that the :canon_beeduo: emote looks the way it does) Directly Onscreen and in general keeping with the tone n intensity/directions of what they've Done With The Characters

HOWEVER

As mentioned up there. Revocation of consent

It makes. Full sense 2 me that Mr Live wants to place a moratorium or fullon ban on shipping his characters perhaps where he wouldn't have before because of the Unfortunately Very Extant trends of people being Fucking Weird about shipping his characters AND of using them as a Thinly Veiled Excuse to ship HIM, which. I should not have to explain why shipping real people is fucking abhorrent

THIS creates a problem which is a. Bit of a vacuum in interacting with what is a facet of c!Ranboo's arc, decision making, and character. Like you CAN have c!Ranboo w/o cbeeduo but you Can't Really have his plotline without examining c!beeduo. And as I mentioned earlier: even if your examination of c!beeduo is fully platonic, the significance of it To the plotline means that any examination of it and its relevance to the plotline and characters IS gonna be an examination of intimacy, which. Regardless of it's platonic, Is Still Shipping

Unless some HARD retconning happens it leaves this like. Hole in an aspect of c!Ranboo's arc and decisionmaking and it's very. Uncertain? God. Fucking months ago I was already kind of :huh. Does he know what the fuck he's doing: irt c!beeduo and desperately wishing for things to be cleared up and now it's only That Much Stronger

NOW. KNIFETRICK, FINALLY

Knifetrick (or, as it’s actually listed, Bishop’s Knife Trick) is a fic about "Ran and Jackie from The Pit TFTSMP" in a "canon-typical ambiguously romantic relationship." As you can tell from the scare quotes, especially if you've seen me vague, both of these are, to put it politely, Doubtful. I've read the fic; I will not be sharing my opinions because that would be neither productive nor responsible (I will just say I can't recommend it and leave it at that) but I WILL say the following that Is relevant to the conversation:

Ran's and Jackie's characterizations respectively have very little to do with characterizations from The Pit, and bear a dollar-store-version resemblance to tropes and personality motifs found in ESPECIALLY fanon c!beeduo, especially later in the fic. I would not go so far as to say they are Intentionally Literally Ranboo and Tubbo but they are transparent expies and were clearly written at LEAST unintentionally w/ c!beeduo in mind (esp since. Ran and Jackie barely interacted in The Pit), and for a readerbase that, as far as I can tell, is HUGELY dominated by /r c!beeduo shippers. Like. Sorry. This is off-brand c!beeduo.

The dynamic between the two is pretty unambiguously romantic, also; despite what the fic's white knights claim, romantic tropes and implications/motifs/imagery from at LEAST chapter two, and is very much explicitly romantic by the most recent chapter.

FROM CH1:

"And now, with raised eyebrows and a pursed lip, the newly named General Jackie observes Ran in such a way that makes the enderman’s skin crawl. Ran reminds himself that this kid, as short and harmless as he may look, is trained to kill. [...] Jackie narrows his eyes and tilts his head a little, as if he’s trying to read in between every one of Ran’s imperfect scales."

FROM CH2:

"It makes Ran’s skin itch with discomfort. [...] 'That actually doesn’t explain much of anything at all,' complains Jackie, and he pops a few croutons into his mouth with one hand. 'Tell me what you’re thinking, pretty-boy.'

"Ran feels his face flush, no doubt mildly glowing green.

"Yes, that was the other thing. The unnecessary compliments to his physical appearance.

"They don’t happen very often, and don’t seem to have very much meaning or intention behind them— Jackie often speaks like an unthinking kid— but when they do happen… they’re embarrassing. [...] It’s annoying how the rug is pulled out from under his feet in these moments when he’s 'embarrassed'. Like the conversation see-saw has temporarily shifted weight in the general’s favor."

I am not going to include excerpts from Chapter 6 because it's just the entire chapter.

I WILL SAY, HOWEVER, STEPPING ON THIS SCORPION BEFORE IT STINGS: they are not written in an RPFy manner and I don't think there's any grounds, including Vibes, of accusing Knifetrick of being like. Closet truthing or whatever. Also, while I think there's certainly Some Weirdness ESPECIALLY around the reaction, the romance itself is Not written in any way I'd call weird or problematic pre-clip; it's nothing inappropriate or like Weirdly Fetishy or whatever. Knifetrick is not #problematic or anything and I don't have beef with like the concept of liking it intrinsically; if I thought it was like. Abhorrent I wouldn't be sharing excerpts lmao dhjfnhdsbvdnfjh. Hence: if anyone uses this post or anyth like it to send harassment or bad faith ANYTHING to anyone involved with Knifetrick I will hunt you down in the fucking night even if it WAS #problematic that'd be the LITERAL OPPOSITE of productive and as it stands it's Literally Not. Essentially: Knifetrick is a (questionably-written /mean) fic using Ran and Jackie from The Pit as a vessel for a large chunk of the dynamics and headcanons of fanon /r c!beeduo in particular

And again, I would not call it problematic in any way (aside from the disingenuity of the insistence that it's TOTALLY UNRELATED TO BEEDUO and TOOOTALLY WASN'T INTENDED TO BE ROMANTIC GUYS like own your shit please)... IF it weren't for the advent of The Clip, which is calling in2 question the Entirety of the problem of /r-ing any variant of c!beeduo or any of Ranboo's characters at all

I really do not have an answer for this tbh. I genuinely wanna hear from the streamer on this more specifically because I like,,, I got no clue where 2 go from here? Do I just consider an arc retconned? Was it an issue of speaking abt a troubling subject kneejerk wise and I'm reading too much in2 it?

I just. I dunno

Tl;dr (AT LONG LAST)

- The Clip is a clip of a Discord stage where Ranboo (streamer) loudly explicitly decried shipping in a way that implicitly applies to characters he plays - This would be all well and good but is rendered complicated by the plot relevance of c!beeduo, which does not stop being shipping if it's /p'd due to it still necessarily being an examination of a particular intimacy in a way that is in canon hard to distinguish the /p, /qp, or /r nature of - Bishop's Knife Trick is an AO3 fic centered around using TFTSMP characters as /r c!beeduo expies which is not a bad thing in and of itself unless it also is covered under this moratorium - Things remain unclear until and unless we get clearer word from streamer, but considering Mr Live seems to be allergic to clarifying anything abt c!beeduo this is doubtful

*very little if any of the content I personally have made 4 c!beeduo has been posted publicly, for related reasons. You May have seen it if you're in servers w/ me, depending on Which Ones

#dsmp fandom critical #kind of?#jic #ask to tag #I am technically defending Kn1fetrick on this post #I am not nice to it but I am defending it technically. If people start being rude abt it I am going to set myself on fire #this IS ludicrously long but I have tl;dr'd it as I do with all my ludicrously long posts. I think I have salient thoughts

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tetedurfarm · 5 years ago

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Do you have any advice for getting into keeping rabbits? I was looking into getting a couple for meat production and possibly starting to learn to tan pelts but I don’t want to get confused over all the conflicting info on the internet about wire flooring and such things.

ugh, it’s so frustrating, isn’t it? with pretty much every other animal you can just google “how to raise x” and get tons of good advice, but the rabbit results are dominated by HRS forums that will crucify you for even mentioning breeding, much less meat production.

so here’s some points i’ve learned from experience to help you out:

1. wire flooring is not evil. in fact it’s great. it’s clean, it’s sanitary, there’s airflow if you use it in a hutch, and if you do it right you won’t have foot problems (unless you’re raising rex or giant breeds, but even then there’s easy fixes like my lattice mats.)

here’s what you’re looking for: 1″x0.5″ grid 16g - 14g wire. if you order your cages from a manufacturer like Bass Equipment (my preferred cagemaker,) or Klubertanz, this will come standard. if you make your own cages or buy from a feed store, it’s a bit more hit and miss.

make sure the half-inch wires are on top when you build your cages, so the weight is distributed properly:

see how the smaller gaps are “on top”?

vs this side. (shoutout to me having like twenty cages all in pieces in my living room to get these nice reference pics ;p)

i also recommend you get your floors galvanized after weld; they’ll last a long longer that way!

–

2. babysaver wire is called that for a reason. babysaver is when there’s a 1x0.5 grid near the bottom of a cage. it’s there to keep kits from falling out of the cage, and helps prevent predators from easily pulling kits out.

this is a cage with babysaver. it does what it’s meant to. i use these for my doe cages, and even if a kit gets dragged out of the nest, as long as i find it in time, it’ll survive because it didn’t roll out and get snatched by something off the ground.

vs one without:

i use these for bucks and my growout pens for older kits. they are cheaper than babysaver cages, but it’s worth the money to keep your babies safe.

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3. invest in a good pair of j-clip pliers. even if you buy prefab cages, often times they’re cheaply made and you’ll need to fill in gaps so they don’t fall apart so easily. it’s also good to keep them around just because, because after a while the clips can get rusty and fall off, and you’ll need to replace them occasionally.

good on left, not so good on right. the ones on the left cost my about fifteen bucks from my favourite hilariously-named rabbit supply site: Rabbitnipples.com. the ones on the right were like $8 at my local feed store. so a significant markup, but VERY worth it. the good pliers are more comfortable to hold in your hand, and make much nicer/more secure crimps than the cheap ones. i often have to crimp clips twice or more with cheap pliers, because of the way they’re shaped:

the good pliers have a solid mouth that make a clean loop with no pointy outy bits. and they can double as removers if you mess one up!

this is topical because i lost my good pliers and had to order new ones, and in the meantime i built four cages and my palms are so sore/bruised from the cheap pliers. don’t be like me.

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4. vets kinda aren’t worth it. one of the things you’ll see on HRS sites is that vets are ABSOLUTELY necessary. i don’t hate vets, but they chronically have no idea how to treat rabbits, often making them worse or causing them to die because they administered a med that’s safe for cats but not rabbits. they also often subscribe to HRS rhetoric that pellets are evil and rabbits should only eat hay and greens, which is…wrong (i’ll get to that in a minute.) if you can find a good vet it may be worth it for one or two rabbits, but once you get into the double-digits, it’s just not worth it. exotics vets are expensive, and i can’t afford $50 just for a consult for thirty rabbits. learn how to treat everyday ailments like sore feet, wounds, abscesses, eye infections, stasis/bloating, and birthing issues on your own. i suggest joining up with a meat rabbit forum (i like rabbittalk.net,) and going through their articles on rabbit medicine and herbology. if i can’t fix it myself, that rabbit is soup. and if a rabbit chronically has health issues, don’t use it as a breeder. bad immune systems/teeth/feet/etc are hereditary.

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5. things will die. get used to it. with livestock comes deadstock. if you can’t handle animals dying, including newborn babies, or having to euthanize animals (including newborn babies,) don’t get livestock. if you can’t look your food in the eye and thank it for its sacrifices, then don’t get livestock. this is not a place for bleeding hearts.

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6. don’t breed a new doe by herself. rabbits are running on hormones only for their first litters, and sometimes they mess it up. having an experienced doe kindle alongside her that you can foster to gives the new doe’s kits the best chance of survival in case she doesn’t get it quite right. this ties in with the last point, though - you’re gonna have dead babies. sometimes you have to make the babies dead yourself, because mama screwed up and the foster already has eight of her own. not everyone has a n’rithaa who can nurse nineteen and not break a sweat, and the kindest thing to do is pick the strongest and cull the weaker ones so mama doesn’t have so many to feed.

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7. feed them pellets until you know what you’re doing. pellets are formulated to be perfect nutrition for rabbits. they are the healthiest option imo, and definitely the easiest. it can take a few tries to find a feed that works for you, but they’re generally not too expensive and if your animals keep weight and make babies, then they’re fine. trying to feed fodder only is expensive, time-consuming, and often ends up with animals not getting enough vitamins that cause bone issues, bloating, and tooth problems. i am 100% convinced this is at least half of the reason why you see a lot of house rabbits that go into stasis a lot and have bad teeth. (The other half is they’re always poorly bred byb rabbits, but that’s another conversation.) fodder can be done well, but unless you really have the time/resources to grow appropriate plants or have a lot of pasture to graze on (and no worms/cocci or other bad things in your soil,) pellets and hay are perfect. especially if you show.

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8. if you wanna get into tanning, just get a synth tan, and don’t expect fur rabbits to be an ideal meat producer. fur doesn’t prime until the animal is about six months old, and typically you’ll be slaughtering them for meat around 12 or 16 weeks. so if you want to produce fur, either stop caring about the quality of your hides, or get ready to spend more in feed while you grow them to prime. i know it’s popular to use rabbits as a dual-purpose animal, but you need to set expectations lol. so far i’ve found rabbits that are half rex produce really nice furs before “prime” age, but they still take longer to grow out than my meat-specific rabbits. dual purpose really just means “not that great at one or both purposes.”

also just don’t even bother with brain/egg tanning and get you a synth tan like Rittel’s or Trubond. “natural” tans have too much of a learning curve, require smoking to make them waterproof, and the results are subpar. synth tans are cheap, easy, usually safe to put down a train if you’re on city water/toss outside if you’re on septic, and will produce a waterproof skin that’ll last forever.

also alum isn’t a tan. if you get it wet it’ll start rotting again. if you wanna make clothes or rugs, use a real tan. please. i beg of you.

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9. auto-water systems are godly but don’t waste your money on expensive ones. if you don’t know this, i’m disabled, and i like to make things easy on myself so i’m not having to fill 39458639458 bottles a day. it sucks. auto-water systems are SUPER convenient because you only have to refill the reservoir every few days and keep an eye on the nipples to make sure they aren’t clogged.

the problem is: they leak. all the time. forever. when i first got started i used cheap water nipples from amazon and was annoyed at how often they’d start leaking, or were leaking right out of the package. so i switched to the more expensive Edstrom system that you can order online from places like rabbitnipples.com, bunnyrabbit.com, the bean farm, and bass equipment. problem is, those leaked just as bad, and the edstrom water nipples cost FIVE DOLLARS EACH. when half the nipples leak directly out of the box, i’ve just wasted $20+. at least the ones from amazon are like $20 for a bag of 100. if they’re all gonna leak anyway, at least i won’t go broke having to replace them all.

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i can’t think of anything else off top my head so i’mma cap it here. i’ve been doing this for five years and learned many many things the hard way so hopefully you won’t have to!

#questions #cecile posts #faq #housing #equipment #this post is so long my neck hurts now from concentrating #foxstew

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blissfulalchemist · 4 years ago

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Aaaaaand, I’m back for WrenChance, because I love them, too! 😘😘😘😘

This is an interesting dynamic once you get to thinking about it. This needs a little more exploring. 💜🌸

General:

Rate the Ship -

How long will they last? - If we shipping then it’s for life okay.

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - For once Chance says I love you first! He assures Wren though that she doesn’t have to say it back until she’s ready cause he understands how she doesn’t want to be hurt.

How was their first kiss? - Okay this is cheating but like you know the scene in Stuck in Love where Lou and Sam kiss for the first time, I see it happening like that. (See provided gif 👇)Not rushed and after a date or while listening to music at Chance’s place. It’s soft and simple.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Wren. It’s not that occurred to him but took a little too long for Wren’s liking. Chance almost says no cause he just shuts down and was trying to say, “No wait that’s my job to do.” but yeah he can be a mess.

Who is the best man/men? - He only has three male friends. Two of which Swear that they will not light off fireworks when they kiss as a married couple.

Who is the bridesmaid(s)? - Rowan, Randy. Chance tries to convince Jane which ends in a sucker punch. Valiant effort Chance, valiant effort.

Who did the most planning? - Wren. Chance is too go with the flow

Who stressed the most? - Wren, but Chance stresses the day of because it has to go exactly how Wren wants it.

How fancy was the ceremony? - Neither are super formal to begin with but like this is a special day and these moments matter.

Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Anyone that Wren doesn’t want there. Miss Mable and Hurk Sr. Like I don’t know what to tell you but that’s just how it is.

Sex:

Who is on top? - I think Wren more

Who is the one to instigate things? - Pretty equal, both know how to get the other going pretty easily.

How healthy is their sex life? -

Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Look Chance has done a lot and has enjoyed a big portion of it so nothing is off limits here.

Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - Chance will go for as long as Wren needs him too. Again this boy is a giver. Even if it’s short cause he just needs it he still goes long enough to get Wren off.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Yes. Very much so.

How rough are they in bed? - I mean need I say more? Variety is the spice of life.

Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - Chance loves to have a hand on his partner at all times if he can. Something about this fear of them running away one day or something. Wren is also someone that loves to snuggle so it all works out!

No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - One. Chance is a bit hesitant at first but Wren reassures him that it’s not going to go bad and that she’s not going anywhere. And boy is he glad when it’s a girl signaling the end of the curse.

How many children will they adopt? - One, doesn’t even have to be a baby either. And then a dog or two.

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Chance tries to make sure that it’s him but fails so it turns out pretty equal.

Who is the stricter parent? - Again it’s about perception here, this does not reflect actual punishments but Chance is seen as the more laid back parent. Neither is strict in the typical way.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Hands down Wren. I mean have you met Chance? He’s doing it with them so they have “protection”.

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Chance does, though everything is prepared the night before since Wren isn’t a morning person. So mostly its reminding them to take the lunches. Chance does school too so its easier for him to remember.

Who is the more loved parent? - Equal! But there are cool aunts and uncles that take the crown away.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - Both are. Though sometimes Wren attends them more cause Chance takes after his dad in losing track of time while working.

Who cried the most at graduation? - Both did. And again Chance cried more in private cause well his own dad and grandfather never got to see him graduate so he’s emotional about being able to be there for his kids.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Both are. Wren and Chance are picking them up. Thankfully though the children don’t do anything that bad that means jail time.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Wren. She learns and Chance was never much of one to begin with.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Wren by default

Who does the grocery shopping? - They both go cause Chance likes going when he can and Wren has the list.

How often do they bake desserts? - Wren isn’t much of a baker but tries. Chance bakes boxed desserts and will try to pass off store bought cheesecake as something he baked. It hasn’t worked yet.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Once together Wren makes sure Chance tries to have a little of all the food groups.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Wren. Sorry Chance can’t cook very well but he damn well tries and once has to pull a steamed hams stunt trying to impress Wren.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Chance maybe more so cause he sometimes craves the old gas station food.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Chance. I just mentioned the steamed hams incident.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - This feels like a shared activity.

Who is really against chores? - There are some that Wren will not do so Chance tries to pick up the slack.

Who cleans up after the pets? - Whoever gets to it first.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Neither, Wren would never allow that.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Wren. It’s her space but Chance doesn’t always care really.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Wren. Chance is the one losing them all the time.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Chance cause Wren keeps coming in to help him.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - They like going together.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Wren goes all out for Halloween. And Chance likes to have some for Christmas. This all increases once kids are involved and Chance starts to understand the competition between Wren and Miss Mable. Chance helps in making sure Mable’s always has worse displays with some pranks and science.

What are their goals for the relationship? - Happiness, no longer lonely, having someone to rely on.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Both.

Who plays the most pranks? - This is their not so silent competition guys. It's more of a try to not cross the line and ruin the fun.

#chance ruicknar oc #royal deluxe deputy #what to call them idk i jave no ideas as i write this #maybe tomorrow or well today i will think of one

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samshafaghi · 4 years ago

Text

How CNN's John King Is Using His Magic Wall After The Election

Family Dinner Options

John's wife and kids watch as he enters their home address into Google Maps on the magic wall, then uses his fingers to zoom out. Multiple restaurants in the area are flagged with red pins.

Well, we're all familiar with the Applebee's over in Dekalb County. Dekalb County as everyone knows has three Applebee's locations, that's a net gain of two locations since 2016. But in 2018, they lost our business to the Cheesecake Factory right here in Fulton County. Their food portions were massive. If you recall, we brought a ton of it back home and ate it the next day. But we also had to wait 1 hour to be seated - not ideal, as the large turnout isn't favorable for us. It doesn't appear that another visit to Cheesecake Factory is on the cards.

Instead, we shift our attention to Gwinnett County, where there's a new Red Robin that has surged in popularity the last few days in our household. This could be the next big one, folks. And no surprise that this comes after our disappointing outing to Chilli's last week in Cobb County. Chilli's in Cobb was a surefire success in 2008, and 2012, but failed to capture that same young generation in 2016. It's still too early to call, and we want to take our time here. I understand we're hungry. We have to let the process play out. But based on recent trends and the latest data, if you're a Red Robin fan, you've gotta be pretty happy right now...

John's family sneaks out of the room. Not realizing they're gone, he just continues to yammer away. Vacation Destinations

John gathers his family around the magic wall and opens up Google Earth.

Well look, here's the facts - in 2018, we went to Barcelona. Our last trip. Barcelona is in Catalonia. As we know the President of Catalonia at that time was Quim Torra. A bit of a wild election because Torra was elected when the Spanish courts blocked the other three candidates. We spent a majority of our time in the populated Barcelona region, like over here at the landmark Ciutat Comtal. We enjoyed a nice walk through this section over here, at the beach of La Barceloneta towards Port Olimpic. We also did branch out to rural areas and landscapes, populated by the mostly blue collar workers in the Girona and Lleida regions, which had massive turnouts in the regional elections of 2015.

But due to a rise in busy schedules in our household, along with a seismic shift in how we want vacations to feel like, the "10 day tropical resort" option is the frontrunner. Now we all remember the debacle of Cousin Mark's destination wedding in Cabot, where two unnamed family members got drunk and threw up in the pool. But heading back to that region with just our family is not only doable, but also economical. We can try Bermuda, which is over here, or maybe Turks and Caicos over there.

John looks away from the wall. Day has turned into night. His family, exhausted, has passed out on the couch. Buying Ikea Furniture

With his wife waiting in the car, John pulls up the IKEA floor map on the magic wall.

OK, so if we look over here, the dining table sets are on the first floor in the right hand corner. These are your Mörbylångas, your Skogstas, and your Möckelbys. Now if we tap on the Mörbylångas, you'll see it has one five star review on the IKEA website. Pretty high rating, but can you purchase something based on one review? Well, we have to be patient. It's still too close to call, so we have to go there and inspect. Next on this floor, if we just scroll through here, there's not much - we don't need any of these Hemnes bookshelves, or the storage combination units like the Bestå, or the sturdy Kallax. We can just walk through here, but it may be difficult. Usually there's a large amount of foot traffic through this area. I'm just gonna circle it and you can see, hour by hour as the magic wall data will show you, that it rises exponentially after store opening.

John's wife begins honking the horn multiple times. She gives up and drives off. Social Media Drama

On the magic wall, John opens a browser with multiple tabs.

Here we have the Facebook profile of Shirley open. Shirley is a trusted family friend. We know this as we've known her for 30 years. She dropped a bombshell by posting disproven claims about the election with the hashtag #stopthesteal. It has 15 reactions and over 200 comments. In the business we call that getting "ratio'd".

So let's scroll through some of these comments here. Here's one from Mark. Zooming into his profile picture, it's clear he's wearing Oakley sunglasses and he's taken the picture in his car. His comment: "Biden sucks balls #MAGA". So when you put it all together, that's not surprising coming from Mark. He's a surefire supporter of Shirley's recent post, no question.

I should also point out a lot of these comments are GIFs. We'll just scroll through them quickly here. Here's one from the 1996 film "A Very Brady Sequel," in which Marcia Brady says to Jan Brady, "Sure, Jan." By the way, that film earned 21 million against its 15 million dollar budget. Not a great return, but it did spawn that GIF so maybe not all was lost there. And then there's about 25 comments here that are 7000 words each. We obviously can't read them all, but they mostly contain a roundup of all the misdeeds by the now former President. And I'm just now seeing another 5 comments have been added, taking our total to 205. We'll keep monitoring this situation as it unfolds.

John's wife can only shake her head. She apologizes to her dinner guests. Annual Check-Up

The Doctor is astonished as John has somehow set up his magic wall in the office. A 3D model of John's upper body appears on screen.

Now, Doc, let's look up top at the respiratory system here. Check out this evolution of my lungs over time. Here they are in 2008. They look good, right? That was a watershed year, when I first got this magic wall. And then here they are again in 2012. A bit more collapsed. And that starts to become a trend. Then in 2016, it looks even worse. You said it's because I never stop talking and then you gave me a puffer that year to help control it, which ended up working pretty well. Here's a snapshot of my lungs now, in 2020. Clear as a bell.

But here's a new issue. Let's move up to my head. Let's open up the top of my skull and look at my brain. There it is. As you can see, the cerebral cortex region is just completely inflamed. You can see the color there - it's totally red. But if you look at this image from before I got my magic wall, in 2007, that same region blue. It looks normal. In 2012, however, that blue started to fade away. Clearly my cerebral cortex was flipped red - what caused this? Well, let's try and find the answer. There's a battleground situation happening here.

The Doctor writes John a prescription for Zoloft, Ambien, and horse-grade tranquilizers. In The Bedroom

John stands beside his magic wall, wearing just boxers. His wife, on top of the covers and dressed in lingerie, looks defeated. An overhead shot of their bed is shown on screen. Now honey, before we start, I just wanted to point out two key battleground areas. First, right here in the middle of the bed. This is the spot where we get into our usual position. Back in 2012, you wanted me to be on top. But in 2016, you wanted to be on top. Will there be another swing this year in 2020? Well, based on your recent trip to the chiropractor for back pain, I think it's not a total shock if it does indeed slip. Right now it's too close to call, but we'll see how things play out through the night.

Another key battleground - over here, in your nightstand drawer, are the handcuffs. You've tried numerous times to incorporate them into our love making to spice things up. Well, we can now project that I will once again refuse to wear them. This was a safe projection as I'm not yet comfortable with this particular kink. However, there was a significant effort at the grassroots level to flip this decision, and as a result, it was a lot closer than in previous years. Wolf, over to you.

Wolf Blitzer, hiding in the closet, steps out and banters with John. John's wife falls asleep.

#short story #humour #election #biden 2020 #magic wall #cnn #politics #political humor

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newstfionline · 4 years ago

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Headlines

Born to prevent war, UN at 75 faces deeply polarized world (AP) Born out of World War II’s devastation to save succeeding generations from the scourge of conflict, the United Nations officially marks its 75th anniversary Monday at an inflection point in history, navigating a polarized world as it faces a pandemic, regional conflicts, a shrinking economy and growing inequality. Criticized for spewing out billions of words and achieving scant results on its primary mission of ensuring global peace, the U.N. nonetheless remains the one place that its 193 member nations can meet to talk. And as frustrating as its lack of progress often is, especially when it comes to preventing and ending crises, there is also strong support for its power to bring not only nations but people of all ages from all walks of life, ethnicities and religions together to discuss critical issues. Secretary-General Antonio Guterres, looking back on the U.N.’s history in an AP interview in June, said its biggest accomplishment so far is the long period during which the most powerful nations didn’t go to war and nuclear conflict was avoided. Its biggest failing, he said: its inability to prevent medium and small conflicts.

Global trade rebounding (WSJ) Global trade is rebounding much more quickly this year than it did after the 2008 financial crisis, lifting parts of the world economy and defying predictions the pandemic could send globalization into permanent retreat. When the new coronavirus hit earlier this year, international trade in goods suffered the biggest year-over-year drop since the Great Depression. Economists warned of rising protectionism, and some companies said they would reassess overseas supply chains that were vulnerable to unexpected shocks. Trade remains below pre-pandemic levels. Still, it has snapped back robustly—and had recovered about half of this year’s historic loss by June, according to calculations by the Kiel Institute for the World Economy, a German think tank.

Dwindling ranks, declining public support plague police (Washington Post) Police forces are suffering from diminishing ranks, slumping morale and declining public support as the nation nears the end of a long, fraught summer defined by protests against policing tactics and racial injustice. Agency leaders and experts say the months of demonstrations have left officers strained and departments struggling to both recruit officers and keep the ones they have. The Portland Police Bureau in Oregon lost 49 officers to retirement in August, more than during all of 2019. The Atlanta Police Department, which became the focus of protests after a police shooting this summer, said about 140 officers have resigned so far this year, up from 80 during the same period last year. “Our workforce in general is pretty emotionally and physically fatigued,” said William H. “Skip” Holbrook, the police chief in Columbia, S.C. Weary officers were further shaken by the Sept. 12 ambush shooting of two Los Angeles County Sheriff’s deputies as they sat in a police car. One is still hospitalized while the other has been released. Combined with the surge in nationwide demonstrations and calls to defund their departments, police in the United States say they feel under siege. Public opinion on policing has shifted. In a survey this summer, the Pew Research Center found that while most Americans still believe police do an excellent or a good job protecting people from crime, the percentage of people who think they use the right amount of force, treat racial groups equally and hold officers accountable for misconduct all fell by double-digit points since 2016.

Trump Expected to Name a Replacement for Ginsburg in the Coming Days (Foreign Policy) U.S. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg died on Friday while undergoing treatment for cancer, leading to an outpouring of grief but instantly opening a new battleground in an already intense political fight between President Donald Trump and Democratic nominee Joe Biden less than two months before the country’s presidential election. As Foreign Policy’s Michael Hirsh wrote, Ginsburg’s “replacement could crucially tilt the court” toward either its conservative or liberal wing. With fewer than 50 days until the election, the timing of Ginsburg’s death leaves little time to complete the often long and cumbersome nomination process. There are also questions over how Senate Republicans will handle the situation. Republicans controversially blocked former President Barack Obama’s nominee to replace Justice Antonin Scalia in 2016, Merrick Garland, arguing that a president shouldn’t have the power to appoint a new Supreme Court justice in an election year. Leading Republicans have already backtracked on the logic they used to block Garland, signaling that they will facilitate the nomination process once Trump selects a replacement. But with a small 53-47 majority in the 100-member Senate, Democrats would only need four Republicans to vote against Trump’s pick to push the appointment until after the election.

How California Became Ground Zero for Climate Disasters (NYT) California is one of America’s marvels. By moving vast quantities of water and suppressing wildfires for decades, the state has transformed its arid and mountainous landscape into the richest, most populous and bounteous place in the nation. But now, those same feats have given California a new and unwelcome category of superlatives. This year is the state’s worst wildfire season on record. That follows its hottest August on record; a punishing drought that lasted from 2011 to last year; and one of its worst flood emergencies on record three years ago, when heavy rains caused the state’s highest dam to nearly fail, forcing more than 180,000 people to flee. The same manufactured landscapes that have enabled California’s tremendous growth, building the state into a $3 trillion economy that is home to one in 10 Americans, have also left it more exposed to climate shocks, experts say. And those shocks will only get worse. “There’s sort of this sense that we can bend the world to our will,” said Kristina Dahl, a senior climate scientist in San Francisco for the Union of Concerned Scientists. “Climate change is exposing the vulnerabilities in the systems that we’ve engineered.”

Tropical Storm Beta makes landfall on Texas coast (AP) Tropical Storm Beta made landfall on the upper Texas coast late Monday night. The storm made landfall about 5 miles (8 kilometers) north of Port O’Connor, Texas, with maximum winds of 45 mph (72 kph), the U.S. National Hurricane Center said. Its winds weakened as it made its way to shore over several days. Beta was the ninth named storm that made landfall in the continental U.S. this year. That tied a record set in 1916, according to Colorado State University hurricane researcher Phil Klotzbach. The biggest unknown from Beta was how much rainfall it could produce in areas that have already seen their share of damaging weather during a busy hurricane season.

Cuba’s Economy Was Hurting. The Pandemic Brought a Food Crisis. (NYT) It was a lucky day for the unemployed tourism guide in Havana. The line to get into the government-run supermarket, which can mean a wait of eight or 10 hours, was short, just two hours long. And better yet, the guide, Rainer Companioni Sánchez, scored toothpaste—a rare find—and splurged $3 on canned meat. Cuba, a police state with a strong public health care system, was able to quickly control the coronavirus, even as the pandemic threw wealthier nations into crisis. But its economy, already hurting from crippling U.S. sanctions and mismanagement, was particularly vulnerable to the economic devastation that followed. As nations closed airports and locked down borders to combat the spread of the virus, tourist travel to Cuba plummeted and the island lost an important source of hard currency, plunging it into one of the worst food shortages in nearly 25 years. What food is available is often found only in government-run stores that are stocked with imports and charge in dollars. The strategy, also used in the 1990s, during the economic depression known as the “special period,” is used by the government to gather hard currency from Cubans who have savings or get money from friends or relatives abroad. Even in these stores, goods are scarce and prices can be exorbitant: That day, Mr. Companioni couldn’t find chicken or cooking oil, but there was 17-pound ham going for $230 and a seven-pound block of manchego cheese with a $149 price tag.

Madrid asks for Spanish army's help in battling coronavirus surge (Reuters) Madrid’s regional government chief requested the army’s help on Monday in fighting the coronavirus surge in the Spanish capital where local authorities ordered a partial lockdown of some poorer districts, prompting protests. At the height of the first wave of the pandemic in March-April, Spain deployed thousands of troops to help civilian authorities contain the outbreak. A recent spike in infections, peaking at over 10,000 per day, took cumulative cases above 670,000 as of Monday, the highest in Western Europe, while the number of deaths from the COVID-19 respiratory disease in Spain stood at 30,663. Meanwhile, residents in the southern district of Vallecas, one of the areas where a partial lockdown took effect on Monday, were upset but resigned to the curbs as police stopped cars getting in and out of the neighbourhood.

Indian couple run street-side classes for poor students (AP) On a quiet road in India’s capital, tucked away on a wide, red-bricked sidewalk, kids set adrift by the country’s COVID-19 lockdown are being tutored. The children, ages 4 to 14, carry book bags more than 2 kilometers (a mile) from their thatched-roof huts on the banks of the Yamuna River to this impromptu, roadside classroom. There, they receive free lessons in math, science, English and physical education, taught by a former Indian diplomat and his wife. It all began when Veena Gupta’s maid, who lives on bank of the river, complained that with schools shut, children in her impoverished community were running amok and wasting time. Veena, a singer and grandmother of three, and her husband, Virendra Gupta, decided to go out to the street and teach the kids so they are not left behind when school reopens. “They don’t have access to internet, their schools are shut and they don’t have any means to learn,” said Veena, who bought books, pencils, notebooks and other teaching materials, and set up the small, open-air classroom under the shade of a leafy banyan tree. India’s stringent lockdown to curb the spread of COVID-19 shut schools across the country in late March. Most remain closed. The street-side classes have grown as dozens of children showed keen interest. Now the Guptas—with help from their driver, Heera—teach three different groups three times a week, morning and evening. After class, the children are treated to homemade lemonade and cookies prepared by Veena.

Salarymen (Bloomberg) Japanese companies like to recruit employees fresh out of school and then keep them for the rest of their lives. In 2018, 70 percent of open jobs went to new grads. About one out of every four workers in Japan has been at their job more than 20 years, a figure that in the States is only around one in 10. This means that companies cutting back on hiring in 2021 will be devastating for the careers of an entire graduating class, and possibly for the rest of their lives: the jobs-per-applicant ratio is lower than ever amid 122,000 fewer openings. When this same thing happened in the late 1990s, the effects were felt decades later: among that era’s college grads, 35 percent of men and 9.6 percent of women are yet to find full-time employment. This is prompting a push for more job mobility in the country.

Alone among nations, US moves to restore UN Iran sanctions (AP) The United States slapped additional sanctions on Iran on Monday after the Trump administration’s disputed unilateral weekend declaration that all United Nations penalties eased under the 2015 nuclear deal had been restored. The announcement came in defiance of nearly all U.N. members, including U.S. allies in Europe, who have rejected U..S. legal standing to impose the international sanctions. It set the stage for an ugly showdown at the annual U.N. General Assembly this week and also came as President Donald Trump seeks to portray himself as a champion for Middle East stability ahead of November’s presidential election. The sanctions include freezes on any assets those targeted may have in U.S. jurisdictions, bar Americans from doing business with them and, perhaps most importantly, open up foreign governments. companies and individuals to U.S. penalties if they engage in transactions with them.

Opposition growing in the Ivory Coast (Foreign Policy) The political crisis in the Ivory Coast is escalating as opposition leaders have called for the public to engage in acts of civil disobedience to block President Alassane Ouattara’s bid for a third term. Critics of Ouattara, who was first elected president in 2010, argue that his candidacy violates the two-term limit set in the country’s constitution. His supporters, however, contend that Ouattara’s term count was reset because the constitution was ratified in 2016, after he took office. Protests against Ouattara have gripped the country since last month, leaving more than 12 people dead and raising concerns that next month’s presidential election could plunge the country into another deadly civil war.

#headlines #news

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lovemesomesurveys · 5 years ago

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What's something that makes you feel more creative? I’m not creative.

What are the last three nail polish colors you wore? I know the last one I wore was black. I don’t remember what was before that. It’s been a few years since I’ve painted my nails.

How often do you switch up your nail polish cover? Like I said, it’s been a few years since the last time.

What's the last thing you binge watched? Servant on AppleTV+. It’s really good.

Do you watch youtube videos or tv shows more? I watch a lot of both.

Who's the most shallow and superficial person you've watched on youtube? I don’t watch anyone like that.

What's the last magazine you've read? I don’t even remember. It’s been years since I’ve read a magazine.

What's a DIY project that you don't think actually works? *shrug* I don’t do any.

Do you collect Mason jars to use for crafts? No.

What are you tired of right now? This year.

Do you have any rugs on top of carpet in your home? Nope.

What color is the last teddy bear you bought? I just get giraffe stuffed animals, which are all normal giraffe colors. Oh wait, I do have one pink one and one gold, red, and green sequined one (it’s a Christmas one).

Have you ever gotten rid of something and then regretted it? If so, what? (or what's one thing?) Yeah. I’m just big on memories and such I hold onto stuff for sentimental value and I have a hard time getting rid of anything.

How does your stomach feel right now? It’s fine.

What color is the zip-up hoodie you wear the most? Black.

Do you have a mattress cover on your bed? Yes.

Do you live in an apartment that has inspections? I don’t live in an apartment.

Do you hate taking naps during the day? I don’t like naps cause I wake up feeling worse, but sleep often wins.

Who in your immediate family has the best natural hair? It’s not really the hair color I admire, but a couple of my cousins have really nice hair in general. It’s thick, straight, long, and shiny. They can pull off all kinds of hairstyles and look really pretty.

Who has the best personality on youtube? All the YouTubers I watch do.

Would you ever audition for American Idol? Well, no. I can’t sing.

Do you know anyone who thinks they're more talented than they are? Yes.

Do you buy gum? I haven’t in a long time. I used to always have gum.

What's your favorite dollar store? I don’t have a favorite. I very rarely go to one.

How many cell phones have you had in your lifetime? Like 6 or 7.

Can you play the ukulele? Nope.

Do you correct spelling and grammatical errors? I do in my head.

DId you get a perfect SAT score in any subjects? I didn’t take the SATs.

What is the origin of your last name? Irish.

Do you know the meaning of your first name? If so, what is it? “Crowned.”

Have you ever been inside a Victorian mansion? Nope.

What was the most boring field trip you ever want on? I always enjoyed field trips.

The last time you went, what were your favorite rides at Cedar Point? I’ve never been.

Have you ever ridden a horse? No.

Do you enjoy watching videos of babies being born? Uh, noooo. I have no interest in watching that.

If you had a boy and a girl, what would you name them? No kids for me.

Which country would you most like to visit? Quite a few.

What is your nationality/what are your origins? What is the stereotype associated with that nationality? And do you feel like you fit it? My nationality is American.

What are your favorite types of videos to watch on youtube? Vlogs, ASMR, Shane Dawson’s docuseries and conspiracy videos, and whatever channels like Bright Sun Films fall under. That channel in particular does stuff on abandoned buildings, cancelled TV shows, and businesses that went bankrupt. It’s very interesting.

What's a DIY craft project you want to try? I see stuff on Pinterest that looks interesting, but I’m just not crafty, artsy, or creative. I don’t have the energy or motivation either.

Is your room clean? It’s a little cluttery. :/ I’ve been needing to go through and get rid of some stuff, but ugh.

Are you a hoarder? Uhhh.

When you think of your past, do you hurt? With some things.

Is there a guy (or girl) that you wish things had worked out with? Yes.

Do you ever call yourself stupid in your head? All the time. That’s the least of my putdowns.

What was your favorite Barbie doll? All of ‘em. I loved Barbies as a kid.

If you were to start a collection, what would it be? I don’t have room for a new one.

If you were rich, what things would you get done cosmetically? I’d get veneers.

How old were you when you got your license? I don’t have my license.

Are you parents too controlling? No.

Do you think "Sarah/Sara" looks better with an "h" or without? >> Sarah.

Would you ever give your daughter the middle name Marie? I’m not having kids.

Do you think "Ann/Anne" looks better with or without the "e"? >> Whichever.

Who is your favorite fictitious redhead? Ariel.

Name 5 fictitious redheads that you can think of. Ariel, Archie Andrews, Sally, Daphne, and Pippi Longstocking.

Do you like musicals? Yeah, some.

What shows have you seen on Broadway? Phantom of the Opera.

What big cities have you been to? I’ve been to a few. I don’t feel like listing them.

What other big cities do you want to go to There’s several I’d like to visit.

Do you follow through with your new year's resolutions? I don’t make them in the first place anymore. Stopped that years ago.

Do you make bucket lists? Nope.

What's #1 on your bucket list?

Do you have a relationship with God? Yes.

Do you hate haters? I’m my biggest hater.

What do you want to be for Halloween this year? I just stay home, get takeout, and watch scary movies all day.

Do you like unique spellings of names? Sometimes.

Do you trust anyone? Yeah.

What kind of milk do you drink? I don’t drink any by itself cause I don’t like it on its own, but if I use milk for something or have it in a coffee drink, I use soy or almond milk.

Have you ever "fired" a doctor? No.

What's your favorite type of cheese? I love cheese. I have many favorites.

What store do you want to win a shopping spree at? I’d rather get one of those Visa gift cards or something that I can use anywhere instead of just one place.

What clothing store would you like to win a shopping spree at (if different)? ^^^^

Do you wear heals or flats more? Neither.

Do you love shopping? Yeah. Online shopping is great.

Who is the prettiest Asian youtuber that you can think of? One of the ASMRists I watch.

Do you watch a lot of youtube videos? Yeah.

What is the best news you've heard lately? I haven’t heard any good news in a long time. :( It’s all grim and depressing.

Do you use a sunlamp? No.

What was the temperature where you live today? It’s going to be in the 60s F. I think it might rain, too.

Is your sleep schedule all messed up? Yep. Has been for the past few years. Currently, I’ve been going to bed at like 630AM everyday for the past few weeks. :/

Do you keep up with trends? I feel out of the loop a lot these days now that I’m 30 and old haha, but I keep up with some stuff. I’m familiar with the TikTok trends kids are into these days. It’s everywhere.

Did you wear green last St. Patrick's Day? Nope. I usually try and wear something green for fun, but this year I didn’t care.

Name three positive things about the Internet. Gives me something to do and distract myself, still know what people are up to thanks to social media even though I don’t talk to anyone anymore, and Google.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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krumbine · 5 years ago

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Videorama: Revenge of the Nooooo!

The year is 2005.

George W. Bush is just starting his second term in the White House.

The hottest game in cell phone technology is the Motorola Razr V3 and the PalmOne Treo 650.

The iPhone is still a few years away.

The Rise of Skywalker isn’t even a twinkle in Disney’s eye––an eye that’s currently preoccupied with an overly optimistic Narnia Franchise Wet Dream.

In fact, Disney wouldn’t even buy Star Wars for another seven years.

It’s summer in 2005 and millions of marketing dollars can still pull the wool over the eyes of a naive movie-going public, dictating box office success regardless of audience consensus or even general quality of filmmaking.

All hail the grand illusion of capitalism.

It’s a warm evening in the summer of 2005 and video rental stores are still a thing.

One particular, independently-run store––freestanding, double glass doors on the left side of the brick facade, small parking lot––was just turning its sign on as dusk settled.

Videorama was open for business.

Tobey blinked incredulously at the three teenagers standing on the other side of the counter. His brain hurt as he attempted to summon the endurance needed to fathom the sheer stupidity of their question.

To buy himself some time, Tobey blinked again.

“… well?” asked the one with the long greasy hair. “Do you have it?”

There was no way these kids were serious.

Tobey shook his head in disbelief. “You’re not serious.”

The one with a bad case of acne threw his hands up in exasperation. “Dude, for fuck’s sake!”

Tobey looked over at the other man behind the video store counter, feet up, sketch pad in lap. “I think these guys are serious.”

The third teenager was pale and wore a lot of heavy black eyeliner. He spoke in a flat monotone: “Catwoman. Do you have it or not?”

Tobey broke into a lopsided grin. “Oh, I get it. This is like a prank, right? Where’s the hidden camera?” Tobey propped his elbows on the counter and leaned forward. “Am I gonna be on the internet?!”

Long Hair was reaching his limit. “C’mon, man, we just wanna rent the movie.”

Tobey’s grin dropped. “No joke?”

“Dude.”

“Catwoman?”

They were practically pleading. “Do you have it or not?”

Tobey stood back, somber. This was worse than he thought. “Holy fucking shit.” He turned again to the other guy behind the counter. “Kurt, these guys are actually serious.”

Kurt didn’t look up from his sketch pad. “Hm.”

Zits backhanded Long Hair’s chest. “This is ridiculous, man. Let’s get outta here.”

Almost through this, Tobe.

Eyeliner started for the exit. “Fuck these asswipes.”

Fuck me.

“Alright, you fucking hormone-addled, gene-pool rejects. Listen.” Tobey leaned forward. “I can appreciate the fact that the three of you otherwise fine young gentlemen are undoubtedly blinded by your adolescent throes of puberty––to saying nothing of the ungodly amount of jizz sprayed in your eyes from the nonstop circle jerk that is your formative years––so it stands to reason that the mere notion of Halle Berry sporting a whip and a leather catsuit is enough to make you pop your collective nut––which, again, I do understand. Halle Berry is a fine specimen of the female gender and I myself have spent many a lonely night pondering Ms. Berry’s lithe and supple … skills.”

Tobey lost himself for a moment and the three teenagers stared at him in confusion. Tobey nodded absently and then returned to the conversation.

“Fellas,” he implored. “All that being said, you cannot tell me that simple, unabashed horniness is just cause for what will amount to the severe rapage of your individual minds––a tragic and unavoidable fate that you will all most assuredly fall victim to should you proceed to rent the motion picture that is Catwoman.”

To buy themselves a moment to process Tobey’s rant, the three teenagers blinked at him.

“… yes?” Zits said, lacking any sense of surety of himself.

Tobey sighed. Definitely worse than he thought. With a sad shake of his head: “Look, let me make a suggestion. Go with Monster’s Ball instead. It’s got our girl in it, bare titties and all. Lots of sex plus it’s a flick that won’t rot your brain. It’s a goddamned win-win for everybody. Especially you.”

Tobey pointed at Eyeliner before changing his mind. “Well, maybe not everybody.”

Eyeliner’s face was as a neutral as his voice. “Isn’t she fucking Billy Bob Thornton in that one?”

“So?”

Zits scowled. “Dude, that is so fucking nasty! He’s all old and wrinkly and shit.”

Tobey wanted to ram an ice pick in his own ear. “What the actual fuck, my man? We've already established that you're watching the flick for Halle Berry's tits, not Billy Bob's ball sack! What the fuck do you care what he looks like?!”

“We don’t!” Long Hair cried. “We just care about Catwoman!”

Tobey threw his hands in the air. There was no reasoning with these kids. “Okay, fine. I see how it is. Get out.”

Incredulous offense from Zits. “What?!”

Ineffable deadpan from Eyeliner. “You’re throwing us out?”

“No. Right now I’m asking you to leave in a gentle yet firm manner, as to assert a polite yet authoritative dominance over this conversation,” Tobey said. “In about twenty seconds I’ll be throwing you out.”

“We just want to rent a movie!” Zits said through gritted teeth and mounting frustration.

“Incorrect,” Tobey responded, raising an index finger. “You want to rent shit. There is a difference, although I can see that the lack of immediate release has caused the cum to bubble up and disorient your brain cells, inhibiting logical cognition. Regardless, I don’t even carry Catwoman since I have a very strict policy on stocking crappy movies.”

Long Hair tilted his head, waiting. “What’s your policy on stocking crappy movies?”

Eyeliner with the deadpan punchline: “He doesn’t.”

“––I don’t,” Tobey said at the same time. He shot Eyeliner an exasperated glare. “C’mon, dude!”

Eyeliner shrugged a shoulder.

Tobey leaned forward. “Now why don’t you three numb-nuts find yourselves a tittie mag, have a circle jerk, and just be done with it already, okay?”

Eyeliner scoffed indifferently. “This is bullshit. Let’s bounce, boys.”

Tobey nodded. “That’s right. But be sure to use plenty of lube. Too much bouncing chafes the shaft.”

Zits lunged across the counter but Long Hair pulled him back. “Fuck you, asshole.”

Tobey glanced down and flipped a page in his Indie Film magazine. “Mm. Clever.”

Zits straightened. He had one card left to play and he was entirely too confident in the move. “Hey. I wanna speak to the manager. Dick.”

Tobey looked up from his magazine. “I am the manager, you dipshit. Now get the hell out of my store before I call the fucking cops and have them throw you out.”

The three teenagers exchanged looks before stumbling to the exit, muttering various expletives under their breaths as they went.

“Yeah, I heard all of that!” Tobey called after them as the bell on the door jingled.

“You handled that well,” Kurt said from behind Tobey.

“You could have jumped in at any time there, buddy.”

“Seemed like you had it handled,” Kurt shrugged.

A young woman stepped up to the counter. Straight blonde hair to her shoulders and curves that Tobey drank in an instant glance, imperceptible the casual observer.

She perceived it. She always did.

“He didn’t have it handled,” the young woman said flatly, placing three DVDs and a member card on the counter.

“I had it handled,” Tobey insisted while he scanned her card. “Sure, I could have used some backup from behind the counter but that’s not to dismiss the overall nature of the situation behind, generally, handled.”

Kurt set his sketch pad aside and fiddled with a television set on the counter. A low-quality video continued playing––it looked like someone had used a cheap video camera to record a movie theater screen.

The girl’s eyebrow went up. “Is that Star Wars?”

Tobey didn’t look. He didn’t have to since they’d been watching the bootleg on a loop for three days. “Yep.”

“The new one?”

“Uh-huh.”

“That just came out in theaters?”

Tobey looked up from scanning the DVDs. “Wow. You’re a regular Veronica Mars. Can’t slip anything past you.”

She all but rolled her eyes and he decided to dial back the sarcasm.

“Yes, Kurt downloaded it a few days ago,” Tobey explained. “I mean, yeah, I paid to see the first two prequels but there was no way in hell I was gonna be stupid enough to let George Fucking Lucas screw me out of another eight bucks for yet another pile of shit he so fondly refers to as epic Star Wars lore.”

“Isn’t that illegal?”

“It fucking should be.”

“I meant the downloading.”

Tobey held up the three DVDs. “I’m sorry, did you want to rent these movies—” he glanced at the computer screen, “––Alyssa Tanner of 9000 East Westmore Drive, apartment 263? Or is harassing me over my moral obligation to protest the misguided artistic values of a corrupt media empire entertainment enough for you?”

Kurt shot a sideways glance and muttered: “Misguided artistic values?!”

Alyssa shrugged indifferently. “I just thought that in light of your current career path, you might have a better appreciation for the damage caused by downloading movies illegally.”

Kurt put his feet back up on the counter as he turned his attention back to the sketch pad. “Here we go …”

“The damage I cause?!” The mock in Tobey’s outrage was mild at best. “What about the damage George Lucas caused with these blatant cash grabs? Have you seen all the advertisements for this one? He’s spending millions of dollars convincing the world that it’s the greatest film ever!”

“And you’re saying it’s not?”

“If it’s possible, this one is even worse than the last two combined,” Tobey said gravely.

“Dude,” Kurt said, pointing at the television. “It’s the Vader scene.”

Tobey’s hands went up. “Perfect!” To Alyssa: “This is what I’m talking about. This shit is fucking hilarious.”

Alyssa looked at the television as the bootleg copy of Revenge of the Sith played. Darth Vader found out that he killed his girlfriend, clomped around like Frankenstein and then cried out, ‘Nooooo!’

Tobey clicked the television off.

“The only good thing about this movie is that it’s so bad it’s funny,” he said. “We’ve been watching it for days and that Vader scene just keeps getting funnier.”

“You don’t think Lucas deserves a little credit for closing the loop on A New Hope?”

“Does Adolf Hitler deserve credit for closing the loop on World War II?”

“First of all, Hitler lost—”

“Which effectively closed the loop—”

“—and secondly, you’re comparing a movie to a war that literally killed tens of millions of people?!” Alyssa balked.

“I’m comparing three movies to a war that killed tens of millions––”

“Dude!” Kurt cut in.

Tobey sighed. “Fine. Okay. Maybe the prequels aren’t, like, genocide bad––”

“The fuck is wrong with you?”

“But they’re still pretty bad.”

At one point, not so long ago, Alyssa had been amused and slightly intrigued by Tobey’s acerbic banter.

That moment had passed.

An awkward silence clung to the air inside the video store. Alyssa glanced at the exit. Kurt’s pencil scratched at his sketch pad.

Tobey held up Alyssa’s rentals. “… you want your movies?”

She took them from Tobey. “Yeah. Thanks.”

She turned for the door and then stopped. “Um …”

“Three day rentals. Due back on Thursday.”

Alyssa turned back to the counter. She grimaced. “Actually, uh, that bootleg—”

Tobey held up a hand. “Wait. Are you saying—”

Alyssa shrugged half-heartedly.

“You wanna borrow my illegally downloaded copy of Revenge of the Sith?”

“I mean, if it’s so bad, you wouldn’t mind letting go of it for a few days,” Alyssa suggested. “Right?”

Tobey studied her grey eyes. There was something about this girl. He chewed his lip, thinking.

“Well?”

Tobey nodded slowly. “Okay, uh, lemme think of a creative way of saying this …” Tobey rubbed his chin and then raised an index finger to the sky. “Oh, I know!”

Tobey threw his hands in the air. “Nooooo!”

A VHS rewinder ground on old tape and Kurt cursed as he mashed the eject button, popping the machine open.

“Goddammit,” Kurt seethed. “Why the hell are we still stocking VHS?”

“Same reason we don’t open until four in the afternoon,” Tobey replied as he gathered an armful of DVDs to re-shelve.

“Because you’re too lazy to wake up in the morning?”

“No, because despite appearances, we’re here to serve our customers, Kurt,” Tobey said, strolling the aisles. “Working class Americans. The nine-to-fivers. People rent videos on their way home from work.” Tobey placed a DVD on the shelf. “Or in the middle of the night. There’s been studies. Or something.”

Kurt finished untangling the botched tape and tossed it into the trash. “So what you’re saying is that you’ve got a firm grasp on psychological makeup of our clientele.”

“I’m a savante that way.”

“An idiot savante, sure,” Kurt said with an eye roll.

Tobey placed another DVD. “People mock what they don’t understand.”

“So what about that girl, Alyssa?”

“Pretty sure nobody mocks her,” Tobey replied, scanning a shelf. “Fear her, maybe. Beauty is intimidating. Intelligence doubly so. Beauty and intelligence—”

“I meant her psychological makeup.”

Tobey shrugged absently. “If it’s anything like her physical makeup—”

Kurt sighed. “I mean: why does she come in so often? She was just here yesterday.”

Tobey glanced over at his long-time friend. “She had a two-day rental, Kurt,” he said flatly.

“And that explains why she was here for the past five days in a row, how exactly?” Kurt asked patiently.

Tobey pondered this half-heartedly. “She likes movies?”

Kurt went back to his sketch pad. “You’re an idiot.”

“I’m an idiot with a stalker, according to you,” Tobey said, shelving the last DVD and returning to his spot behind the counter.

“She’s not a stalker. She’s a nice girl.”

Naughty thoughts ran through Tobey’s head and his eyes went wide. “I bet she is.”

Kurt put his pencil down. “You know, people might actually like you if you weren’t so sarcastic all the time.”

“What are you talking about? People like me. You’re the one who pointed out that I have a stalker,” Tobey said. “Plus, you’re a person, too. You like me.”

Kurt tilted his hand back and forth. “Eh.”

Tobey shrugged indifferently. “Friends come and go. Porn is forever.”

“That sixty-inch TV in your bedroom working out well for you?”

Tobey turned and leaned against the counter, facing Kurt. “I watch it as I fall asleep so that I have pleasant dreams. Of vaginas.” Tobey spread his hands an arms-length apart. “Ten feet wide.”

“So what you’re saying is that the addition of the big-screen pornocopia has obviated any pressing need to actually be liked by the fairer sex?”

“Who needs to be liked when you have a stalker? Plus, there’s always Horatio.”

Kurt blinked. “Who the hell is Horatio?”

Tobey held up his left hand. “We have a very intimate relationship. He knows how to please me in ways that most women just don’t understand. And yes, the big screen pornocopia helps.”

The bell on the door jangled.

“A vagina ten feet wide?” Kurt asked.

“Ten feet wide.”

“You call your hand Horatio?”

“You spend all day drawing superheroes with their dongs out,” Tobey said.

Kurt nodded. “Point.”

“Good to see you’re being as professional as ever.” The voice came from the other side of the counter. It sounded tired and annoyed.

Tobey frowned and didn’t bother to turn around. He grabbed his film magazine. “You know what? Fuck off, my dude. I don’t have time for your shit right now.”

The man on the other side of the counter glanced around the empty video store. “I can see that,” he said. “These late hours of yours really keep the place hopping.”

Tobey sighed and deliberately turned around to face his older brother. “Fuck you very much, Walt.”

Tobey’s brother was two years older and looked about as tired as he sounded. A dark suit with a loosened tie, coifed hair grown limp, distinct bags under his eyes.

Walt help up his hands in a show of surrender, car keys dangling from his right fingers. “Just here to drop the car off. I’ve got a guy coming first thing in the morning to detail it. Karen’s picking me up in a few minutes.”

Walt tossed the keys to Tobey. They hit him on the chest and bounced on the counter. They stared at each other for an awkward moment.

Kurt focused intently on giving She-Hulk a very large, very veiny cock.

“Uh, last I checked, I’m not your fucking valet, Walt,” Tobey said.

Walt sighed wearily. “I’m not asking you to be—”

“Cause you just up and threw those keys like––”

“Tobey, we need to talk.”

“I really can’t see why.”

“Can we just––”

“Get the fuck out of my store, Walter,” Tobey growled from across the counter.

Walt ran a hand through his hair. “… it’s gonna be five years next month.”

Kurt glanced up and could see Tobey visibly tense, clenching his fists. He promptly looked back down.

“Yeah, so?”

“So …” Walt said slowly as he nodded. “… I want you to come visit them with me.”

Walt tried to meet Tobey’s eyes but the anger shooting across from his brother was brutal.

“… I think it’ll be good for you, Tobe,” Walt said softly.

“No.”

“Tobey––”

“I haven’t gone yet,” Tobey spat out the words. “I’m not going to go and I’m certainly not ever going to go with you.”

“Tobe––”

Tobey cut him off. “Just get the fuck out, Walt. You can wait for Karen outside.”

“I want to talk about the store.”

Tobey’s hands went up. “There it is! Jesus fucking Christ. You lasted all of two minutes that time, Walter. When are you gonna give that one up? They left it to me, cut and dry.”

Kurt decided that She-Hulk’s cock wasn’t big enough and needed to be more throbby.

Tobey shot lasers at his brother. “… you don’t have anything to do with Videorama.”

“Yeah. Okay. You’re right,” Walt conceded. “I haven’t had anything to do with the store for a long time. But that’s not how I want it to be.”

“Well boo-fucking-hoo,” Tobey spat. “It’s not like you have a lot of options since, again, they left it to me, cut and dry.”

Walt straightened his shoulders and looked up, meeting his younger brother’s icy gaze. “Tobey,” he said, “I want to buy the store.”

Tobey’s anger kept his mouth moving before the words registered. “Don’t even fucking––wait––no––what?”

Walt swallowed. “I want to buy Videorama from you.”

For once, Tobey had absolutely nothing to say.

In the silence, Kurt’s pencil slipped through his fingers and clattered to the floor.

“Oh, nooooo,” Kurt said through a quiet grimace.

###

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jordan Krumbine is a professional video editor, digital artist, and creative wizard currently quarantined in Kissimmee, Florida. When not producing content for the likes of Visit Orlando, Orlando Sentinel, or AAA National, Jordan is probably yelling at a stubbornly defective Macbook keyboard, tracking creative projects in Trello, and animating quirky videos with LEGO and other various toys.

Leave a dollar in the Tip Jar: https://ko-fi.com/krumbine

Short stories: https://bit.ly/2XY5D7I Books on Amazon Kindle: https://amzn.to/3bsqK5Y YouTube: https://bit.ly/2W41nSG Twitter: https://bit.ly/2VH0Vbu Facebook: https://bit.ly/2VpnylZ LinkedIn: https://bit.ly/2xnmk1e

http://www.krumbco.com

#krumbine #jordan krumbine #short stories #short story #fiction #VHS #star wars #episode 3 #revenge of the sith #writer #writeblr #amwriting #wip #may the fourth be with you

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fixdreviews1-blog · 5 years ago

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Finest Diagnostic Sensor Evaluation: FIXD Analysis Sensor

You will find handful of points much more aggravating than experiencing the check out engine light-weight come on with your automobile. This typically suggests you need to check out the mechanic or maybe the retail outlet and acquire a whole workup accomplished on your car. Due to FIXD, you have an alternative to that go shopping pay a visit to. This analysis resource allows you to carry out a swift skim in your automobile to see why that light-weight is on. It requires a short period of time to perform the check out, that can then let you know exactly what it found and what you should swap or because of your automobile.

Best Analysis Sensor Review FIXD Analytical Sensor

A fantastic benefit from picking FIXD is you can use various detectors with each of your vehicles and entry each one with the application that you employ on the phone. Given that individuals cars are powered by gasoline and came out in 1996 or afterwards, you can utilize FIXD. Once plugged in, this indicator will continue to check your car and recognize any issues that occur afterwards. Also you can make use of the detector to setup reminders of when you must do regimen maintenance like modifying your gas. This instrument works without any specific tools or components.

What you ought to Do in order to Maintain Your Automobile

The check motor lighting on your own dash panel may come on should there be a small or even a serious issue with your engine. This could function as a forewarning of the electric issue that will become worse after a while. Most people who acquire FIXD is going to do so because they want to reduce your cost in the end. When you keep an engine issue without treatment, it may cost 1000s of dollars or maybe more to correct it in the foreseeable future. We strongly suggest this analysis indicator for anybody who wishes to maintain and take care of their cars. It’s also a good instrument for anybody who drives a more modern version automobile and wants to understand what the check out motor light implies.

FIXD is likewise best for people who forget about the standard servicing that the autos call for. Depending on the make and model of your respective motor vehicle, you may need an gas change every 3,000 to 6,000 a long way or maybe more. Even if you place alerts inside your mobile phone, you could still forget about to change your oil as required. This device has an iphone app that permits you to create your own personal alerts of when you have to do that maintenance. Anyone that desires to deal with their automobiles may benefit with this instrument and app.

How Can FIXD Work?

If you buy this instrument, you obtain both the diagnostic indicator that acts as a scanner and also the FIXD mobile app. In order to operate a check out in your auto, you have to connect the tool into the motor vehicle. If you employed one of the boxes that insurance firms offer to help lower your rates, you’ll may have learned how this works. You will then need to open up the store on the mobile phone the place you purchase and acquire applications.

Anybody having an Google android phone will use the Google Engage in Retail store. When the retailer loads, perform a search for FIXD and download the state app through the maker. You should click the name from the application after which find the install key well before waiting for it to download.

When you plug in the instrument, open the FIXD mobile app. You should use the Bluetooth on the cell phone to find the sensing unit and make up the connection that you need.

How Does FIXD Function

After you develop this connection, you are going to click on your display screen and inform the iphone app that you would like to check your vehicle. Following the check coatings, the mobile app will highlight every thing it located. This enables you to know what is incorrect with your vehicle and what you should do or talk to your auto mechanic about later.

Should You Buy it?

As important as your current wellness is, the health of your vehicle can be just as important. Simple things like a loosened wire in the electric motor might cause your verify motor gentle in the future on and remain on for days at any given time.

There is not any ensure that this light-weight emerged on as a result of something basic even though, which explains why you will need a analysis scanning device like FIXD. FIXD comes with a detector that one could plug in and set up in seconds along with an app that really works with that instrument.

Should You Buy it

A single advantage of this instrument is that it is not going to demand asking or new electric batteries. The ability out of your engine gives each of the energy that this tool itself needs. As long as you have got a Wireless bluetooth connection between the tool plus your cell phone, you get total accessibility app. FIXD does need that you simply create your account when you acquire the app. Should you improve into a better phone later, you are able to sign in with your details and gain access to your account yet again. Even though this is an instrument we advise and another we believe you should get, we desired to show you a number of the pros and cons with this design to assist you to feel assured relating to your obtain.

Professionals

Big Array of Concerns

The main reason why you’ll would like to use FIXD is that of the large range of issues that it will find in your car or truck. The business claims that it will discover and determine more than 6,000 problems that involve both smaller sized things you can look after residence and significant repairs which require professional guidance. Additionally, it statements that this will tell you completely whether you ought to have a auto technician perform the job. The tool can tell you when your air sensing unit passed away, in case your oils heat reaches a critical degree or if you wish to tighten up your gas limit. Once you discover and fix the problem, the mobile app allows you to remove the dash gentle too.

Expense Quotes

Maybe you have been in a vehicle accident and needed a fix? Your insurance company probably suggested a number of shops that you might use and also recommended that you get quotes using their company retailers too. This may occupy time and effort and leave you feeling frustrated as to what all those stores explained. FIXD has a great attribute in its mobile app that actually offers you estimations based on your present local zip code or area. Not only does the mobile app let you know just how much you could pay for the various components that you require, but it also lets you know the standard cost of labour for all those work too.

Speedy Scan

While there are many of other analysis equipment that can be used at home, FIXD functions much faster than a few of these other equipment do. It often takes just a couple minutes or so to accomplish a complete scan and look at the outcome in the included mobile app. FIXD also offers you the choice of carrying out a check out when you’re at home or the go. It is possible to open the application and initiate the check when you’re sitting in your auto or standing on your front yard way too. If you are taking your car to some retail outlet, you could possibly wait one hour or longer for any auto technician to connect your car or truck and execute a analysis skim.

A number of Automobiles, 1 Accounts

If you happen to applied a diagnostic scanning tool and application prior to, it is likely you found that you could use only that instrument in a single auto. Although FIXD also needs that you employ the device in just one car, it enables you to use one accounts to monitor any other scanners that you use. Let’s state that you primarily generate a single automobile however your loved one and teen have automobiles of their own. You can get and put in scanning equipment in each and every car and use the mobile app on your own telephone to perform tests on every one. That same mobile app also allows you to create alerts about any long term routine maintenance that people autos need.

Concerns Identified

A very important factor we like about FIXD is definitely how clearly it reveals any concerns identified. Right after performing a scan, the application will available a fresh windowpane that explains just how many problems it discovered. Additionally, it informs you how serious these concerns are, which will let you know whether you should immediately deal with individuals troubles or if you can postpone the repairs for a few days. Repaired utilizes reddish, yellow-colored and natural to tell you which issues are small and that happen to be much more serious. You can do other tests right after creating those maintenance also.

Cost-effective Winning prize

Numerous stores offer you free analytical tests for consumers nowadays. The theory is the fact that you will may be found in to your totally free skim and really feel so thankful that you just concur to pay for costly fixes on the spot. Some automobile parts merchants supply totally free scans too simply because they believe that you’ll find the pieces that you desire from their store. Totally free scans will often need that you simply wait and deal with pushy product sales reps however. FIXD provides you with the choice of doing all of your personal scans in the home when you need to have. It gives you its analysis combination for about $60 and possesses a lot of money that accompany two scanning devices for just $100.

Remove the Lighting

If you find yourself struggling with a verify generator gentle that comes on and continues to be on for days or weeks at any given time, you’ll want to find out what’s wrong and fix it without delay. If you find out that it is one thing simple like a cracked lid on your own fuel container, you might really feel a little absurd that you enable the difficulty continue on for such a long time. When you conduct a scan but don’t have enough time to repair the problem on the spot, FIXD will give you the option of washing the light-weight. This will turn off the lighting on your own dash whilst keeping it from returning on later.

Android os and iOS Help

1 dilemma that people identified when examining FIXD options is a few of these goods only work with one sort of operating-system. In case you have an Android mobile phone or even an iPhone now but think you should alter techniques later on, FIXD is a great choice for you since it is suitable for both methods. The manufacturer delivers totally free software that work well featuring its resources, that you can down load from your Google Perform Shop or even the Apple inc Retailer. After you produce your account, you may log back into it if you modify telephones in the future too.

Maintenance Reminders

However professionals often assert that you should change your essential oil every 3,000 a long way, some models and makes can go for 8,000 to ten thousand mls well before they need an essential oil alter. FIXD may be the only tool of its sort that allows you to create maintenance alerts. The application will send you notifications when you really need to change your oils and substitute your essential fluids or check your car tires and braking system patches (don’t forget about to consider a portable air flow compressor if you’re getting a streets-journey which means you don’t get captured a long way coming from a service station with a toned). It explains the best way numerous mls you put on your car and which varieties of routine maintenance you have to do in the near future. Individuals reminders could save you 1000s of dollars later on maintenance.

Constant Keeping track of

Another characteristic that units Repaired apart from the levels of competition is it offers continuous tracking. Have you had your examine motor light-weight come on and after that transform itself off when you moved over a bump from the road? This often happens because of loose engine wire. These lumps in the streets can temporarily fix the problem till you deal with one more hit. FIXD will work the skim that you need but will then keep checking your automobile till you unplug the tool. If it discovers any upcoming issues, the iphone app will immediately alert you of what it discovered.

Suited to A lot less Experienced Users

Whilst you could buy an experienced diagnostic instrument through the vehicle store, individuals tools are usually hard to use. Not merely are you looking to figure out exactly where to connect the tool, but you will also have to see the difficult codes that turn up. Individuals regulations need that you entry a database and use the information offered to decide what you can do after that. Set usually takes the uncertainty from identifying and fixing your automobile. Once you perform a check out, it shows you in obvious and easy English just what it founds and what which means to your vehicle. After that you can get a fix completed without working with a data bank.

Vehicle Background

Dependant upon your age, you could possibly bear in mind your folks keeping a complete log of how many mls they drove as well as other information. The more aged age group often stored those specifics in a small laptop computer they stored in the glovebox. FIXD lets you record your vehicle’s record on your mobile phone and in a log that one could easily go through and access. Whenever that you just manage a check, it is going to create a report that reveals every thing it found. You have access to each of all those past tests and view all the information that you have to understand the reputation of your car.

Secure Data

Any moment which you use a wireless gadget, you may worry about your individual data. This is especially frequent among individuals who use the internet as a result of info breaches experienced by Target and other major retailers. When using FIXD though, you never be concerned about information breaches. Though the app and instrument really do work with Bluetooth, as soon as you create a link between the tool and your cell phone, no one else can access that identical link. This makes certain that no one else can gain access to your analytical scans.

Money Back Refund

FIXD supplies a promise that essentially suggests the corporation isn’t satisfied until you are content. Once you get this device on-line from Amazon or some other shop, you possess as much as 1 month to try it out yourself. When you choose that you aren’t delighted, you can return it within that time for any total return. This is a wonderful way for you to make certain that the tool not just works with your model and make but which it will discover the information that you require. You might find that you prefer a analytical tool capable of tracking and scanning other places of your engine.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/category/Cars/Fixd-Reviews-102691621108992/

#Finest Diagnostic Sensor Evaluation: FIXD Analysis Sensor

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bountyofbeads · 5 years ago

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The ‘follow-up appointment’

https://wapo.st/2z4uWXR

The ‘follow-up appointment’

'For many people in medical debt, it leads to a courtroom' (THIS SHOULDN'T BE HAPPENING IN AMERICA)

By Eli Saslow | Published August 17 at 5:41 PM ET | Washington Post | Posted August 18, 2019 9:18 AM ET |

POPLAR BLUFF, Mo. — The people being sued arrived at the courthouse carrying their hospital bills, and they followed signs upstairs to a small courtroom labeled “Debt and Collections.” A 68-year-old wheeled her portable oxygen tank toward the first row. A nurse’s aide came in wearing scrubs after working a night shift. A teenager with an injured leg stood near the back wall and leaned against crutches.

By 9 a.m., more than two-dozen people were crowded into the room for what has become the busiest legal docket in rural Butler County.

“Lots of medical cases again today,” the judge said, and then he called court into session for another weekly fight between a hospital and its patients, which neither side appears to be winning.

So far this year, Poplar Bluff Regional Medical Center has filed more than 1,100 lawsuits for unpaid bills in a rural corner of Southeast Missouri, where emergency medical care has become a standoff between hospitals and patients who are both going broke. Unpaid medical bills are the leading cause of personal debt and bankruptcy in the United States according to credit reports, and what’s happening in rural areas such as Butler County is a main reason why. Patients who visit rural emergency rooms in record numbers are defaulting on their bills at higher rates than ever before. Meanwhile, many of the nation’s 2,000 rural hospitals have begun to buckle under bad debt, with more than 100 closing in the past decade and hundreds more on the brink of insolvency as they fight to squeeze whatever money they’re owed from patients who don’t have it.

The result each week in Poplar Bluff, a town of 17,000, has become so routine that some people here derisively refer to it as the “follow-up appointment” — 19 lawsuits for unpaid hospital bills scheduled on this particular Wednesday, 34 more the following week, 22 the week after that. Case after case, a hospital that helps sustain its rural community is now also collecting payments that are bankrupting hundreds of its residents.

“Think of me as the referee,” the judge explained, as he called the first case. “It’s my job to be fair. I’m not going to be chugging for either side.”

On one side of the courtroom was a young lawyer representing the hospital, and he carried 19 case files that totaled more than $55,000 in money owed to Poplar Bluff Regional. Three nearby hospitals in Southeast Missouri had already closed for financial reasons in the past few years, leaving Poplar Bluff Regional as the last full-service hospital to care for five rural counties, treating more than 50,000 patients each year. It never turned away patients who needed emergency care, regardless of their ability to pay, and some people without insurance were offered free or discounted treatment. In the past few years, the hospitals’ total cost of uncompensated care had risen from about $60 million to $84 million. Its ownership company Community Health Systems, a struggling conglomerate of more than 100 rural and suburban hospitals, had begun selling off facilities as its stock price tanked from $50 per share in 2015 to less than $3 as the lawyer approached the judge to discuss the first case.

“We’re seeking fair payment for services we’ve provided. Nothing else,” he said.

Behind him in the courtroom were some of Poplar Bluff Regional’s patients — a population that was on average sicker, older, poorer and underinsured compared with the rest of the United States. More than 35 percent of people in Butler County have unpaid medical debt on their credit report, about double the national rate. Most of the 19 people on the morning docket had been treated in the emergency room and then failed to pay their bill for more than 60 days before receiving a summons to court. Many of them had insurance but still owed their co-pay or deductibles, which have tripled on average in the past decade across the United States. One patient owed more than $12,000 after being treated for a heart attack. Another was being sued for $286. If the hospital won a judgment, it had the right to garnish money from a patient’s paycheck or bank account or it could put a lien against a house.

“I’m hoping to negotiate a payment plan, but I can only afford $20 a month,” one patient told the court.

“I’m late for work, so if there’s someplace I can sign, I guess I’ll just sign,” said another patient, who owed more than $3,000 after spending six hours in the emergency room for chest pain.

“How am I supposed to pay $4,000 to see a doctor if I’m barely making $2,000 a month?” asked another.

One by one the patients came up to plead their cases until the judge called Gail Dudley, 31, who was sitting with her mother in the third row. She had gone to the emergency room at Poplar Bluff Regional in 2017 after passing out because of complications from Type 1 diabetes. The hospital had given her medication to stabilize her blood sugar, kept her overnight for observation, and then sent her home with a bill for $8,342, of which she was still responsible for about $3,000 after insurance. She’d tried to appease the hospital’s billing department by sending in an occasional check for $50, but with accumulating interest and penalty fees, the balance on her account had remained essentially the same for two years.

“I’m grateful for what they did for me, and I know I owe it, but I don’t have that kind of money,” she said.

The judge gestured in the direction of the hospital’s attorney and then looked at Dudley. “Would you like a chance to talk to this gentleman for a moment and see if you two can work something out?”

“Okay,” she said. “We might as well try.”

Matthew McCormick, 27, led Dudley into the hallway to begin the same negotiation he’d been having with dozens of hospital patients each week. On Thursdays he was listed as a hospital attorney for the court docket in Doniphan, population 1,997. Mondays it was Kirksville, Tuesdays were Bloomfield, and Wednesdays often brought him here, to a 95-year-old courthouse in Butler County, where he’d represented Poplar Bluff Regional on more than 450 billing cases so far in 2019.

“We’d like to find a way to work with you on this,” he told Dudley as they sat down together in the courtroom lobby. He reached out to shake her hand. He smiled and offered his business card. For the past year, he’d been working on behalf of the hospital as the newest attorney for a law firm called Faber and Brand, which promised to “use the judicial system to recover money owed.” McCormick’s cases hardly ever went to trial. More than 90 percent of the people being sued weren’t represented by an attorney and at least half failed to show up in court, resulting in default judgments in the hospital’s favor. The rest of the patients McCormick met came into court with little to offer in their own defense except for apologies and stories of poverty, poor health, unemployment and bad luck.

“I’m real sorry about this,” Dudley said. “If I’d been thinking straight, I would never have let them take me to the emergency room. I know I can’t afford that. I wish I could pay you all of it right now.”

“Let’s make this as easy as we can,” he told her. “Is there something you can pay? A little each month?”

“I don’t have anything extra,” she said, thinking about the paycheck she earned for a full-time job as a clerk at Goodwill, which totaled $736 every two weeks. After paying for rent and utilities on a subsidized three-bedroom apartment, groceries, and child care for her 6-year-old son and 3-year-old daughter, she sometimes ran out of money by the end of the month.

“How about $15 out of every paycheck?” she offered, even though she doubted she could afford it. When McCormick didn’t immediately respond, she revised her offer. “Thirty? How’s that?”

“Let’s say thirty,” McCormick said.

He had more patients waiting to negotiate, so he thanked Dudley and led her back into the courtroom to sign her judgment. It said she had agreed to a total claim of $3,021, plus $115 in court costs and 9 percent annual interest. She would send the hospital $60 each month until the balance was paid in full, and if she failed to make a payment the hospital could pursue garnishment of her wages.

“I’m glad you worked something out,” the judge said as he signed off on the agreement.

The court clerk handed Dudley a copy of the judgment, and once she was back outside the courtroom she took out her phone to run the math. If everything went right, and she somehow managed to save and pay $60 each month, she’d be sending checks to Poplar Bluff Regional for the next 5½ years.

In order to make 66 monthly payments, she had to somehow come up with the first, but her bank account was almost empty and payday was still a week away. Dudley left the courthouse, got into the car with her mother, then changed into a polo shirt for work. They drove away from the cobblestone streets of downtown and headed toward Goodwill.

“Could’ve been worse,” said her mother, Norma Garcia, 48. “Sixty isn’t so terrible.”

“It is if you don’t have it,” Dudley said. “Who do you know that’s sitting on an extra sixty each month?”

They drove past a dollar store, a payday lender and a fast-food restaurant advertising “full-time career opportunities” starting at $7.80 an hour.

“Maybe you can borrow it?” Garcia suggested.

“I don’t do credit cards or lenders,” Dudley said. “That’d just be another debt I couldn’t pay.”

“I meant from somebody.”

“Who?” Dudley asked. “Everyone we know is paying the hospital already.”

Their family had lived for three generations in Poplar Bluff’s predominantly black neighborhood just north of downtown, where according to credit records more than half of adults had debt in collections for unpaid auto loans, credit cards or medical bills. Dudley’s aunt had been sued twice by Poplar Bluff Regional and was forfeiting 15 percent of her paycheck to a court-ordered hospital garnishment. Her cousin was being sued for $1,200. Her sister owed $280.

But none of them had cycled through the emergency room as often as Dudley during the past several years. Her two pregnancies had complicated her diabetes, and she’d tried to save money by skimping on insulin. Instead of paying $50 every few months for a preventive medication, she had collapsed at work and been rushed to the emergency room, where she was sent home with thousands of dollars in now-unpaid bills. Poplar Bluff Regional was an ambitious rural hospital — a $173 million facility with a cancer center, a cardiac center, dozens of specialists and state-of-the-art surgical suites — and Dudley believed she was alive because of it. But during the past five years, the average amount that rural patients owed for hospital visits nationwide had doubled, and Dudley was earning $11 an hour at Goodwill as new hospital bills kept arriving in her mailbox.

She owed a $100 co-pay from another hospital visit in November 2018 that had already been sent to collections.

She owed $485 from another trip to the ER in April.

She owed $159 for lab tests, $85 for a doctor’s visit and now $60 for her first court-mandated payment, which was due at the end of the month.

“I’m trying to make peace with the fact that this debt could sit on me forever,” she said.

“Maybe I can help,” Garcia offered, even though she was on disability and avoiding her own billing notices from the hospital, seeking $365 in unpaid deductibles.

“It’s my bill to pay,” Dudley said. She’d been saving a little money for back-to-school supplies, and she said it was enough for her first month’s payment. “I’ll handle it,” she said. “There’s no other choice.”

There was one person in town who did believe patients had another choice, and over the past several years Daniel Moore had begun encouraging his clients to make it.

“Don’t pay one cent,” the lawyer had advised dozens of clients. “I don’t care how much the hospital says you owe. Fight them over it.”

Moore had been working for almost five decades as a self-described “old hillbilly lawyer” out of a converted house downtown. He specialized in criminal defense, with more than 400 cases pending all over the state, and he liked to align himself with the underdog. He’d been unable to afford a doctor himself while growing up on a farm with no running water, so when clients began coming to his office with bills from Poplar Bluff Regional that they could neither pay nor understand, he had agreed to take a look.

What Moore found in some of those itemized receipts didn’t make sense to him either: $75 for a surgical mask; $11.10 for each cleaning wipe; $23.62 for two standard ibuprofen pills; $592 for a strep throat culture; $838 for a pregnancy test. He searched through court records and discovered that the hospital was collecting hundreds of monthly garnishments from hourly employees at places like Quickstop, Earl’s Diner, Wendy’s, Instant Pawn and Alan’s Muffler.

He decided to represent several hospital patients free, and went to court against the hospital for a jury trial for the first time late in 2015. Moore’s client was a Poplar Bluff police officer with decent insurance, an Army veteran who went to the emergency room one afternoon because of chronic stomach problems. He’d been given a battery of tests in the ER, then treated with three IV medications before being discharged after three hours with a bill for $6,373. His insurance had paid some, but the hospital was suing him for co-pays totaling about $1,650, plus interest.

“The facts show that he came to the hospital and received treatment that alleviated his symptoms,” the hospital’s lawyer at the time told the jury. “He received three separate bills. He just didn’t pay the balance.”

“These charges are outrageous,” Moore told the jury. “He doesn’t owe the hospital anything.”

A billing manager from the hospital took the stand and said Poplar Bluff’s prices were in line with other hospitals in rural Missouri. She mentioned the high cost of providing care at rural hospitals, which must pay higher salaries in order to recruit doctors, nurses and specialists while also suffering more from federal cuts to Medicaid and Medicare compared with urban hospitals.

Moore began to question her about each charge on his client’s itemized receipt. Why, he asked, did it cost $800 to spend approximately 40 seconds with a doctor? Why was the hospital charging $211 for an oxygen sensor that was on sale for $16 at Walmart? Then Moore asked about three identical charges on the bill labeled “IV Push,” which each cost $365.

“An IV push, if I understand it, that’s the act of sticking the needle in that little port and then squeezing it,” Moore said. “Is that right?”

“Yes,” the billing manager said.

“So that takes maybe five seconds, right?”

“Yes.”

“So you, the hospital, think that act alone, not counting the drugs inside the IV, which cost thousands of dollars more — that act alone is worth $365.38?”

“Yes,” she said again.

“It makes me so mad,” Moore told the jury, in his closing argument. “If you’re content to let the hospital just crush people, then go on and give them their measly $1,650. But what you can do today is say, ‘Hey, we’re tired of this.’ How many times are we going to let working people take the shaft?”

“In reality, this is a simple bill,” the hospital’s lawyer countered. “All we’re asking for is his co-pay and his deductible. The hospital provided treatment. He still owes.”

The jury deliberated for less than an hour and then found in favor of Moore’s client, wiping away his hospital debts. But whatever sense of victory Moore felt was mitigated over the next months as Poplar Bluff Regional’s lawsuits continued to spread across the civil courts of Southeast Missouri, and he agreed to take on more free cases. “The hospital circuit,” Moore called it, which meant Mondays in Caruthersville, Tuesdays in West Plains and Wednesdays in Poplar Bluff.

On Thursdays it was Doniphan, a town of fewer than 2,000 people, where Poplar Bluff Regional had filed more than 300 lawsuits during the past several years. Moore drove past horse farms and timber plants, parking near an abandoned hospital. Ripley County Memorial had closed six months earlier, and there were locks on the doors and a sign taped above the ambulance bay.

“For Nearest Emergency Services, go 29 miles to Poplar Bluff Regional,” it said, and now several of those Poplar Bluff patients had been summoned right back to downtown Doniphan, to a red brick courthouse at the center of the town square.

They crowded next to each other on a wooden bench in the lobby, waving their hospital bills as fans against the late July heat while they waited for the courtroom to open and then entered one by one: a husband and wife who went for cancer treatments at Poplar Bluff Regional each week but couldn’t afford the co-pays. A community college student who owed more than $7,000 for treatment of a chronic heart condition. And then the judge, who had presided over hundreds of hospital cases during his career and also recused himself from one case a few years earlier, when the patient being sued was his wife.

“How are we all doing today?” he asked, as he looked down at a docket with 14 more cases between a hospital ownership company that couldn’t afford to keep losing money and patients who couldn’t afford to pay. Both sides were drowning in debt, fighting to stay above water, and pulling each other back down.

“It’s another full docket,” the judge said. “We might as well get started.”

Eli Saslow is a reporter at The

Washington Post. He won the 2014 Pulitzer Prize for Explanatory Reporting for his year-long series about food stamps in America. He was also a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize in Feature Writing in 2013, 2016 and 2017

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distant-rose · 6 years ago

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Seal of Fate Ch. 1 (2/8)

Notes: I actually love this chapter a lot for all of the wrong reasons, mainly because I’m kinda turning this entire selkie thing on its head. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Please note there is a lot of discussion on the icky side of the male selkie myths which I find problematic and have decided to voice here. So, yeah, there’s talk of dubious consent and sexual harassment but nothing overtly triggering in my opinion. A special thank you to @aerica13 who is my amazing beta and a godsend because I’m shit at editing my own work. Also a thank you to @shireness-says and @katie-dub for being my cheerleaders. I really appreciate you guys. Also a special thanks to @cssns and @drowned-dreamer for making my CS Supernatural Summer pretty epic. Kerry did an amazing job making me art for this story. Check it out below! It’s absolutely gorgeous and unfortunately the kiss in this chapter isn’t as romantic but we’ll get there. Summary: Emma Swan is looking for only one thing - answers. Abandoned outside a police station in Menemsha, Martha’s Vineyard, Emma has dedicated her life to finding out where she comes from and why she was given away. She finds an unlikely partner in Killian, a selkie she inadvertently summons in a fit of frustration over her cold case. Word Count: 4,600+ Chapters: Prologue | One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Epilogue Rating: T+

Emma hated the Vineyard. Though she wasn’t a people person, she preferred the anonymity that came with living in the city and the phenomena of being alone without actually being alone. It was easy to lose yourself in the hustle of the city, to turn your brain off and just walk aimlessly until you found something to distract you from the world for a while. There was no word to describe Menemsha except empty and she could feel that emptiness echoing inside her. While she had found some sort of companionship in Ruby whenever she went to the diner, it never went beyond casual conversation. Emma wasn’t necessarily looking for friendship - she was a loner by nature - but she found she couldn’t lose herself in Menemsha the same way she lost herself in Tallahassee, Boston and Portland. The silence of the village amplified the violence of her thoughts and her mind had become a torturous reel of her darkest moments. She couldn’t sleep with the echoes of the loud piercing shriek of a baby she would never hold, the compassionless voices of police officers reading her Miranda rights and the false platitudes of the countless foster parents who gave her away ringing in her ears. Normally when her demons came to bite her in the ass, Emma would throw herself into work but she found no solace in researching on her own case.

Emma knew when she decided to finally look into her own case that it was going to be a difficult and thankless job. She knew that it was possible that her attempts to unearth the truth of her past might end in disappointment and failure. It was a fact that hung over her head like guillotine. She had been born into an era before computers and in an age where social services was less than careful in their documentation. It was possible that what she was looking for didn’t exist or, even worse, had been destroyed.

Menemsha was a small village and technically a part of the town of Chilmark. Though it had a police station, it did not have a town hall, a library or even a post office. Rather, Memensha had more restaurants that it needed, a fish market, one bed and breakfast, a general store and an art gallery that belonged to the Mills family. The more essential amenities were located in Chilmark which was a twenty-five minute trip by car. Normally such a distance wasn’t such a bother to her but when gas was five dollars per gallon, Emma couldn’t help but be a little resentful of it. Though, the librarian at the Chilmark Free Public Library had been helpful and had campaigned on her behalf to give her access to the archives in the Town Office.

Emma had nearly cried when she saw the state of the archives. She didn’t have high expectations to begin with but it was literally a hundred boxes of old documents that had been shoved carelessly into a musty basement to be forgotten about. On top of the distant lack of organisation, there was obvious water and mold damages to some of the boxes which made her nervous at the state of which actual documents inside were in.

It took her more time than she would have liked to go through all the boxes and pick out all the files marked 1983 but once she was able, she was left with four boxes out of the bunch. She didn’t bother asking for permission when she loaded them up into her car. It wasn’t worth the headache and Emma strongly suspected that they wouldn’t be missed considering the state of the archive.

Nearly a week into her time in Martha’s Vineyard, Emma found what she was looking for.

Or so she thought.

Her heart nearly stopped when she found the thin file that had been marked with the her case number. It was covered in watermarks and already she could feel her optimism fade away as she noted how thin it was. There couldn’t have been more than a few documents in it.

The sight of her Chapter 46 Section 1A certificate was nothing new. The documentation that marked her as an abandoned child had long since been in her possession and she was still fighting with the Massachusetts Department of Children and Families for them to release documents made by her social worker in regard to the circumstances around her initial adoption. Despite the fact they were nearly thirty years old, the Department had a tight hold on them and wasn’t at all sympathetic to her cause.

Aside from her foundling certificate, there was only the police report. It wasn’t a long one but it was written in messy shorthand that seemed to convey the officer’s disinterest just as clearly as his words. Under the description section, they had written: “Just another unwanted souvenir most likely left behind by one of the fishing boats coming in from down south. No point in interviewing them, they’ll just deny it anyway.”

She read the lines over and over until her eyes blurred over, breath shortening and skin feeling too tight over her bones. Suddenly, Ruby’s house which had felt too big before now felt suffocating. Every cell in her body was screaming at her to run.

Without bothering to put on her shoes or her coat, she sprinted out of the house and ran out onto the beach. She stumbled when her feet hit the sand, entirely unfamiliar with the sensation and lack of give. She collapsed along the shore line, pressing a hand to her throat and vomiting into surf.

When she was finished, she stared out at the ocean, trying to calm herself. It was nearly dusk and there was no one around to witness her hysteria, something which Emma was incredibly thankful for. She didn’t need her nosy neighbors to witness her existential crisis.

As her panic attack subdued, Emma closed her eyes and reviewed once more in her mind the callous words on the police report.

An unwanted souvenir.

The term brought tears to her eyes once more. She had to bite her lip to keep back the scream that was burning her throat. She couldn’t remember the name of the man who had written the report, only his words, but she had never felt such an intense hatred for another human being before, not even when Neal had set her up and sent her to prison.

How dare he! How dare he not think she was worth investigating! She wasn’t a souvenir! She was a person! A person who deserved a real investigation and deserved to know the truth! This man, this nameless officer who had become the focal point of Emma’s anger, had robbed her of the truth, of the justice that an abandoned little girl deserved.

More angry tears slipped down her cheek. Emma didn’t bother to wipe them away as she stared out at the setting sun, more heartbroken and more alone than she had never felt in her entire life.

“Hello love.”

Emma jumped, she hadn’t realised she wasn’t alone. However when she saw her uninvited visitor, she let out a loud yelp. A pale man was emerging from the surf, naked as the day he was he was born, and coming towards her with purpose. She stumbled backward into the sand, wincing as her ass landed on a decidedly sharp shell. She grabbed an abandoned beer bottle and tossed it at him. She missed by a mile.

“You’re naked! Why the hell are you naked? Does Menemsha not follow any public decency laws or something!” Her eyes bulged as another thought occurred. “Oh god! Is this a nude beach? Is my house in front of a nude beach? What the fuck!”

The man stared at her in a mixture of startlement and confusion. He tilted his head to the side, regarding her the same way a dog did when it realised its master had tricked it out of a treat.

“In all of my years, I’ve never gotten that reaction before!”

“Dude! For real! You’re naked! Put some goddamn clothes on!”

The man ignored her. Instead, he advanced forward. She took a few steps back but his stride was longer than hers. He touched her arm gently with one hand and framed her cheek with the other, thumb wiping away a stray tear.

“Your sadness called to me. I couldn’t ignore it.”

“What the fuck are you doing?” Emma asked in a harsh whisper, trying to pull away.

“I can make it go away…if only for a little while…” he murmured before leaning down and shocking the hell out of Emma by capturing her lips in a fierce kiss.

She let out a shriek of surprise before pushing him away with all of her strength. As soon as she broke free, she struck him against the face with a closed fist and then raised her knee to strike him in the groin. He let out a groan of pain before crumbling to the sand and swearing violently at her.

“Bloody fucking hell! What was that for? You nearly destroyed my nadgers there, love!”

“Because you’re a fucking pervert!” She hissed hotly at him.

“Not a pervert! I’m a selkie!”

“What the fuck is a selkie!?”

“Do you not know your legends, woman? Have you never heard of the seal folk?”

“Am I being punk’d?” Emma looked around, trying to find any hidden camera men but there was no one around. She looked down at the man still keeled over in pain with narrowed eyes. “What the fuck is going on!?”

“You dropped seven tears in the ocean…”

“And what does that have to do with the price of tea in China?” She asked, placing her hands on her hips.

The man let out a pain chuckled, still holding his tender parts as he looked up her with a look that was caught between amused and disbelieving. “You honestly know nothing, do you?”

“I know how to work a taser and frankly, I think that’s all I need to know at the moment.”

“I don’t know what that is but it sounds menacing.”

“You bet your ass it is. Start talking. Now.”

The man licked his lips for a moment, eying her warily. “You really are a fearsome lass.”

“And you’re stalling.”

“You dropped tears into the ocean, love, and not just any tears. Tears of genuine distress and loneliness. Selkies are attracted to loneliness. It’s a siren’s call to us. We thrive on turning loneliness into pleasure.”

“Right,” she replied with a snort. “Pull the other one.”

“It’s the truth,” he replied seriously, looking her straight in the eye.

Emma studied him closely. Though he was complete pervert with zero sense of personal space, he didn’t seem to be lying. If he had, her superpower would have picked up on it.

“You know I’m not lying,” he whispered.

“I know one thing and that’s that you believe all of this. That doesn’t mean it’s true. What it means is that you’re certifiable and there’s probably a mental institution nearby.”

“I’m not from a mental institution,” he frowned.

“Maybe not,” she said before she finally noticed the wet pile of black fur next to him. Her eyes widened as she realised it looked exactly like one of the seat pelts hanging on Mr. Gold’s property. “Maybe the local jail? Considering you’re a thief and all.”

She reached out to pick up the pelt but the man let out an inhuman snarl and snatched her hand than she could blink. When she looked up at his face, his eyes looked more black than blue.

“I would prefer if you didn’t touch that,” he said in an eerily calm voice. “I find myself in less than ideal circumstances when a woman touches my pelt.”

“You’re not human,” she whispered, fear rising up her throat.

“No,” he agreed as he released her hand. “I’m not.”

That’s when Emma’s self-preservation kicked in. As soon as she registered his words, she ran back to the safety of the beach house. She proceeded to lock the door and all of the windows, parking herself on the ancient loveseat located in front entrance. She toyed with her cell phone, passing between her hands as she kept her eyes trained on the door.

If she were anywhere else in the world, she would have called the police. However, Menemsha only had three cops whom Emma had met and found incredibly lacking. She had more faith in a mall rent-a-cop than she did in the men who were supposedly Menemsha’s main law enforcement. She could always call the Chilmark police but she had a sneaking suspicion that they were just as helpful.

On top of that, what was she going to say? She highly doubt that they would believe the naked man on the beach wasn’t human. They would probably just brush it off as the ramblings of a woman who had blown the issue of a nude bather out of proportion.

Instead, Emma went to sleep with her bedroom door locked and her gun underneath her pillow.

When she awoke the next morning, she found neither the windows or locks on the doors had been disturbed. Satisfied, she made her morning hot chocolate and nibbled at a strawberry poptart before deciding to finally retrieve the Vineyard Gazette , which had arrived faithfully at her door everyday despite never applying for a subscription.

She almost screamed when she saw the man from yesterday sitting casually on her front porch, stilled naked save for the pelt that was draped over his lap, and reading her newspaper.

“Staying attuned to happy accidents is a part of art, don’t you agree?” He said, not looking up from the newspaper. “Or at least that’s what the local potter is saying about the newest design on her trade. She calls it ‘the Wave,’ because it’s a deep blue glaze with a white line through. How original. Though, as someone who is more intimately acquainted with the ocean, I can tell you right now that water isn’t truly blue.”

She stared at him in disbelief. “What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you.”

“Why?”

“Because I answered your call.”

“I didn’t call you,” she replied in annoyance, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“Ah, but you did when -”

“My tears went into the ocean. So you said,” she cut him off. “I didn’t mean to call you. I didn’t want anyone in that moment, let alone a naked weirdo.”

“I’ve gathered that,” he muttered, finally looking up from the paper. “I feel I must apologise for yesterday. Normally, I’m better at sorting out which type of company women want. I should have known you’re a lady-loving lass.”

“Wait. What?” Emma stared at him in confusion.

“Yesterday. You were not receptive when I kissed you. I’ve never seen that happen before but there’s a first time for everything.”

“Me not wanting you to kiss me has nothing to do with my sexuality!” She hissed, clenching her fists. “That was me not wanting to be sexually harassed!”

“Sorry,” he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. “Normally the women I come across are quite happy to be kissed by me.”

“You must come across some strange women then because most I know don’t like being randomly kissed by a stranger no matter how attractive they are!”

He perked up at this and a sly grin crossed his face. “You think I’m attractive?”

“You entirely missed the point of what I was saying and I’m seriously not afraid to tase you.”

“You keep using that phrase...tase...what exactly does it entail?”

“It entails me shocking you with 50,000 volts of electricity, mate ,” she replied, mocking his accent on the last word.

“That doesn’t sound particularly pleasant.”

“That’s because it isn’t.”

“I going to reaffirm my previous statement and say you’re quite a fearsome lass.”

“And don’t you forget it,” she responded, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Look, I need you to leave, dude, because as wonderful as this conversation is, I would really rather my neighbors not see you and ask uncomfortable questions.”

He raised his eyebrows at her, newspaper crumpling under his tight grip. “Oh, lass, you really think if I was able to go back to the ocean, I would be on your porch right now? If I was capable of that, I would have left last night after you ran away.”

“What?”

“I cannot return to the ocean until you feel some form of happiness,” he said seriously.

“You gotta be kidding me! No way!”

“I’m afraid I’m quite serious. That’s how it’s done. That’s how it’s always been.”

“That’s some Grade-A bullshit!” She protested.

“It’s never been a problem in the past,” he said with a huff.

“Well, it is now. Look, how about this? You leaving? It would bring me tremendous happiness.”

“It doesn’t work like that,” he replied, looking mildly offended.

Emma sighed and rubbed at her temples before looking at her watch. It was nearly seven in the morning and the few people who actually lived in the neighbourhood would be up and about soon. She really needed to get him out of sight.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this…” she said with a shake of her head before opening her door. “But get your ass in here.”

“How hospitable of you,” he remarked sarcastically before tidying up. He grabbed his pelt and slung it against his hips the same way any man would with bath towel, except the pelt was much larger and pooled around his feet.

“Just get inside.”

He obeyed her, following her into the house. She didn’t miss how his curious eyes seemed to drink in the style and makeup of the interior. When he met her gaze, he raised both eyebrows at her in question.

“This is….quite cheery, love.”

“It’s not mine,” she replied shortly. “Listen, have a sit in the kitchen and don’t touch anything. I’m going to into the basement and see if I can find you anything to wear.”

It was a long shot but Emma was hoping that there was at least something he could wear. She didn’t know how much longer she could handle talking to him while he was just in his birthday suit. It was making her uncomfortable and his complete nonchalant attitude towards it wasn’t helping.

She couldn’t help but feel like she was retreating again as she descended down into the half-finished basement of the beach house. The cement floor was uncomfortable underneath her feet but she braved through to peruse through the plastic bins next to the washing machine. It was a little invasive to be going through Ruby’s things like this but Emma reasoned that if she left them behind then she wouldn’t mind too much.

There wasn’t much in the top bins except blankets and table clothes but the bottom one held some promise in the form of old sweats. Much of it looked too small to fit her uninvited guest but she found a tent-sized cat sweater and a large pair of hot pink sweatpants. They looked as if they belonged to a robust-sized grandmother and smelled like mothballs but Emma figured beggars couldn’t be choosers.

When she returned to the kitchen with the clothes, she found the man hunched over her kitchen table and looking over the files she had left there from last night’s research. Her face coloured in annoyance.

“I said not to touch anything.”

“I’m not touching, I’m reading,” he replied airily.

“Same concept. It’s rude to read someone else’s stuff.”

“Sorry, love. Though, if it’s all the same to you, you shouldn’t be leaving things like this out for anyone to read.”

“I wasn’t expecting company,” she snapped, shoving the clothes in his lap. “Look, put these on, okay?”

He raised them up, inspecting them with a look of disgust. She couldn’t help but feel so much satisfaction at his obvious irritation.

“These are ghastly,” he stated, wrinkling his nose.

“They’re temporary. Quit whining and put them on.”

He made a frustrated noise before standing up and unceremoniously dropping the pelt around his waist right in front of her. Emma’s jaw dropped.

“Dude! Seriously!”

He gave her an amused look, lips tugging up into a smirk that made her want to smack him. “I’ve always found it amusing how human beings get so hung up over nudity. Nakedness is natural, clothes are not.”

“Spoken like a true nudist.”

He didn’t reply, merely pulled the cat sweater over his head and down over his torso. Emma knew that it had been large but it practically dwarfed him with the sleeves limply hanging over his hands and the stretched out collar went nearly half way down his torso. She held back a snicker.

“Can I ask you something?” He asked after he had pulled on the sweatpants.

“I’m pretty sure you’re going to anyway.”

“Who was he?”

Her eyebrows furrowed at the question. “Who?”

“The man who broke your heart and abandoned you…”

In her mind’s eye, there was a flash of crinkling brown eyes, dark hair and the sound of rich deep laughter. She turned away from the stranger at her kitchen table under the guise of turning on the kettle.

“Who said it was a man…”

“So, it was a woman then.”

Emma opened the cabinet, pulling out two mugs and placing them down on the counter a little harder than necessary. She emptied Swiss Miss packets into them instead of giving a response to his comment. After filling the mugs with water and half-heartedly mixing them, she returned to the kitchen table and shoved a mug in his direction. He caught her wrist, the sudden stop causing the hot chocolate to slosh over the rim and splash across his front. He didn’t pay it much mind, but rather kept his unnervingly intense focus on her face.

“You’re an orphan.”

“Was I?”

“Not was. Are. You’re something of an open book. You’ve got a look in your eye. The look you get when you’ve been left alone for too long.” He released her hand and tapped his fingers against the police report. “And this. This is you, isn’t it?”

“I’m a private investigator,” she responded.

“It doesn’t make this any less about you,” he said softly, still studying her face with such severity that she had to drop her gaze.

“What are you doing?”

“Waiting for something normal to happen.”

“What’s normal about this?”

“Normal would be you kissing me, love.”

“You’re going to be waiting for a long time then.” She snorted, placing his hot chocolate in front of him and putting some distance between them by sitting in the adjacent seat. She clenched her mug with both hands like it was a lifeline.

“Human women, especially women attracted to men, normally aren’t so resistant to selkie charm. You’re unique.”

“Or maybe you’re not as charming as you think are,” Emma shot back.

“I don’t think you quite understand…” he said with shake of his head, drumming his fingers against the table in agitation. “We aren’t like your human blokes. We, as a species, have a...it’s sort of a hypnotic charm, if you will...to make women more receptive to us...it sort of a preservation technique…”

“Sounds more date rape-y to me,” she replied, narrowing her eyes at him.

He jolted at the accusation. “We never take what isn’t freely given.”

“You say that but you’re basically “dazzling” them into sleeping with you. How is that not sketchy?”

He ran his fingers through his hair, looking distraught by the very thought. Emma watched him warily, wondering if leaving her gun upstairs was a bad idea. He let out a huff, pushing his mug away.

“I..I see your point...but rest assured that was never my intention...you’re immune to the “dazzling” as you say, so you need not worry about that and you need not worry about me placing an unwanted hand on you.”

“Oh, I’m not worry,” she responded with a snort. “If you did, I would tase your ass so fast that I would be serving fried seal at my next barbecue.”

“You’re quite fond of that threat.”

“It’s very entertaining to see a scumbag get shocked with 50,000 volts.”

“I will take your word for it.”

Silence fell between them and they sat, drinking hot chocolate and studying each other. Since the moment she met him, Emma had avoided looking at him. However, now that she had the chance to, she could slightly see why the women he spoke of weren’t so quick to kick him out of bed. Even while wearing stained grandma sweater and hot pink pants, he was attractive; messy dark hair falling over startling blue eyes, feminine lashes and a strong but sharp jawline. He looked lost though, a fish out of water in this situation just like her.

“What would make you happy, love?”

“Emma.”

“Pardon?”

“My name is not love, it’s Emma,” she said, looking back down at her mug. “I would prefer you to call me by name rather than love or sweetheart or any annoying pet name you could come up with.”

“Alright, Emma,” he affirmed with a nod. “I’m Killian.”

“Killian,” she repeated, testing it out. “It’s...unique.”

“It’s a name,” he shrugged. “But, really, Emma, what would make you happy? Because it’s obviously not sex. You’ve made that quite clear.”

She snorted at his bluntness. “I know you’re a seal but I’ve gotta tell you, sex rarely ends in happiness as far as I’m concerned. It leads to disaster.”

“I’m sorry you think so.”

“I don’t think so. I know so. It can be great, don’t get me wrong, but once that high is gone, you’re back to square one. It doesn’t solve anything. If anything, you find out he’s married and his wife’s on her way back early and it’s just messy.”

“We’re getting off topic,” he said, looking uncomfortable and fidgeting slightly. “What would make Emma happy?”

She pulled the police report out from underneath his elbow, staring at the callous words scribbled messily across the page.

“The truth,” she said, meeting his eyes. “The truth would make me happy.”

“What truth do you seek?”

“I want to know who they are and why they left me. I want to look them in the eye and make them remember me, to remind them that I was a person, not something that could just be left behind.”

“Okay. How do we do that?”

“We?” she looked at him in surprise. “When did this become a we?”

“When you called me, Emma. Haven’t you been paying attention? I can’t go back until you’re happy and if that means finding your parents then it means finding your parents.”

“And how the hell is a fricking seal going to help me?”

He smiled at her and it was a smile that was so blinding that she wondered for a moment if he had succeeded in finally dazzling her.

“Oh, love, I think you’ll find that I have an honest knack for reading and research.”

#captain swan #cs ff #cs fic #cs fanfiction #cs fanfic #captain swan ff #cssns #my shit #my fic #seal of fate

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goolagola · 6 years ago

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THE CASE FOR (dis)FUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS (YAGIZ & HAZAN: A Love Story, Part 1) | #review

Originally posted on Fb, March 30, 2018.

So Sinan called Hazan out for being DISTANT in E35… Pfft. Aight. If ya really wanna do this, let’s stab at it. Here’s a whole entire #review on DISTANCE and its conquering nemesis—INTIMACY. Keep in mind, I’m not caught up like most of ya, still on half of E38.

PART I — And That Is The Question

How would you define a relationship?

Ah. What a doozy—RELATIONSHIPS.

If we’re honest, just about everybody on this planet craves it—whether familial, platonic, or romantic, even ones of professional nature.

For if we’re truly honest, we are afraid of being alone.

As sick as it is, even a psychopath who suffers total deficit of empathy towards anything with life, would have no channel to release his twisted and murderous intent if he’s utterly alone, being the only creature in the entire planet with not even an amoeba floating around anywhere to be his hapless victim. A frightening thing, isn’t it—to be completely ALONE? He’d soon self-destruct. Researchers have discovered that even babies would stop growing and eventually die, though fed with the proper nutrition to flourish, because of—check this—never being touched and held.

There’s something in human beings that craves company. We need it, literally, if we’d ever hope to survive.

Well, here’s what Oxford English Dictionary describes what RELATIONSHIP is:

“The way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected.”

It’s pretty clear. It boils down to one thing…

CONNECTION.

Or LACK thereof.

Aaaaand ladies and gentlemen—that concludes this review.

Kidding.

But for real though. That pretty much sums it up. If you want to make a case of how valuable a relationship is between any two people, you assess it by the strength of the CONNECTION they share with each other.

Now. Let’s humor all the existing ships in this series; but particularly, of the duel between Yag+Haz or Sin+Haz—or whatever they’re called—If you really want to test which of the relationship is actually more of a TRUE relationship... Well, test it by the connection the pairings of characters actually have with each other. Be it between Gokhan and Sevda—or even Fazilet and Riza 😆

Connection. It’s as simple as that.

But before we go any further, what actually is a CONNECTION?

English Dictionaries on the World Wide Web pretty much say that generally, a connection is “the act of linking one thing to another”. Absolutely. But as far as relationships are concerned, that’s not really accurate, is it? Only because it isn't enough in its definition to just encapsulate connection in relationships as “linking” TO or WITH something or someone else. Shucks, your iPhone and Bose speakers can link up together via wireless and invisible Bluetooth technology, but it doesn’t mean that they have a relationship with each other. BAHAHA 😂. And so, just because somebody is linked to somebody else, it does not mean that they’re “connected”, sharing a CONNECTION with each other, at least the type of connection that truly makes up a RELATIONSHIP, one that actually LASTS. Any two people can be linked together because they’re from the same graduating year, of the very same high school, in the very same town they grew up in. But it doesn’t guarantee at all that they have a relationship. For all we know, they never knew each other.

In the case of relationships, CONNECTION is profoundly more than what Meriam-Webster generally says it is—“The act of linking one thing to another”… Yes; In relationships, there IS “linking"going on—

But it doesn’t mean mutual SYNCING is happening.

Allow me to explain.

Ya see, the iMac that I personally use at the office is connected straight to the Internet via Ethernet to ensure optimal speed for the particular set of things that my work requires. The modem is certainly INSTALLED and working as it should, just as my beast of a computer is. And the Cat6 cable connecting the iMac to the Modem is working just as reliably well. So, not only is the modem and the computer FUNCTIONING properly, so is the Cat6. But here’s one VERY CRUCIAL thing out of all this set-up… If the iMac is ON but the Modem is OFF, there will be NO Network connection ESTABLISHED. Which means, NO Internet, and since 80% of our system is a series of WEB-based data-syncing Applications, there will be little to absolutely NO work done. And the opposite is true as well, Modem ON but iMac OFF, I’d have the same scenario on my hands, if not WORSE, because the iMac is completely non-operational. Don’t forget—the Cat6 is installed and LINKING the iMac and Modem TOGETHER. BUT…

There is NO SYNCING established for there is no EXCHANGE of SIGNALS between the two hardwares—therefore, NO CONNECTION, whatsoever.

In other words, to ensure and establish any type of connection is for the two "to be connected”—

Which is “to be JOINED”, and finally, interacting with each other.

Now we’re striking something.

And so, in RELATIONSHIPS, the Hundred Dollar times a Hundred Dollar question is (see what I did there 😏)—

What causes CONNECTION to transpire in the FIRST place?

And THAT, ladies and gents, is THE golden question of the day.

Some would say that it’s the neurological receptors in the brain reacting or non-reacting to any one individual, some would say it’s the mystical act of the cosmos. Without getting weird or just overly complicated, whatever your stand is, the simple fact of the matter is that in relationships, when and where there is an EXCHANGE of THE HEART and SOUL between any two individuals, there occurs a CONNECTION between them.

Now... remember what I said what INTIMACY was?

Beyond ANY physical interaction, INTIMACY is the EXCHANGE of THE HEART. It is the interaction of one soul to another that causes a CONNECTION between them, which over time, results in a BOND between those two individuals.

Whether that connection CONTINUES to flow, will determine just how STRONG their bond will be.

You must see where I’m going now. Hint—think back on the past reviews 😉 (and for once, I’m not telling ya “that’s for later” 😁—c’mon, gimme some 👊). Sooooo. If you’re a HazSin fan (I don’t know why, but I keep wanting to say Gesundheit every darn time I see “HazSin"! And NO, I don’t mean Hazim and Sinan 😑—pls, don’t make me spell it out), or just plain Anti-YagHaz… PLEASE come up with something other than just “Yagiz sucks and YagHaz is just gross—DUH” as your ammo for why Yagiz and Hazan just would not work. Now, I know many can give a comprehensive reasoning why they wouldn’t work and you are certainly, and respectfully, entitled to that opinion. And to be fair, I’m sure there ARE YagHaz supporters out there that’ve jumped on the bandwagon and ship YagHaz simply because “Sinan just sucks and he’s just GROSS—so is his relationship with Hazan”, without really expounding why and provide a respectful AND warranted answer for it. And I’m sorry if your encounters with those fanboys and girls have been less than savory. I myself occasionally dabble in the making of GIFs where sinsin—err, Sinan—has been the subject of some friendly but juvenile mild teasing (I mean, it concerns his HAIR, so even you must understand WHY—but if the subject of his hair and how it virtually smells truly offends you, do forgive me, for I still have a few more GIFs in store 😬). But in the spirit of good sportsmanship, my homies and I won't be screechin Queen's legendary “WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MY FRIENDS!” before the finish line—Scout’s Honor 🤘⚔️😁. Aaand whichever ship you’re currently now aboard, I certainly am not here to say you’re right or I’m right or play tit for tat—or even say, “Grab the lifeline, honey, cuz yo ship is definitely sinkin,” even if that would save yo tails, if ya don’t want me to.

I’m simply here to bring a perspective. And I’m still writing because you’re still asking for that perspective (cool yo jets there, HazSinners, I’m speaking to YagHaz Nation now—they’re the ones asking for it). Despite how loooonng of a post my reviews get. So, KUDOS to y’all for riding the Goola’s-Not-So-Express-And-Not-To-Hogwarts-But-Still-Somewhat-Magical Train to the end—Each. Friggin. Time. (Ok, ok, it’s only magical because we’re exploring Sirma’s world full of Unicorns, Lollipops, and Rainbows—no need to wonder any longer, the sanity of FHVK 👀). I DO hope that perspective has enriched your experience in watching this perfectly sensible show.

Now… Here’s the thing about PERSPECTIVE—it can be RELATIVE. And when things are relative, it can cause a headache. Take “beauty" for example—someone can say that Sinan is beautiful, and another, the complete opposite, and World War 3 might just ensue after. In this case, to say that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” as the definition for beauty makes it relative, because it can be true for some, that Sinan is beautiful, but it won’t for others. BUT, there are just some things that just CANNOT be relative…

TRUTH itself.

You can’t add or take away from Truth. If Truth is relative, then it wouldn’t be called TRUTH. It’ll be called RELATIVISM. But ok…

WHY am I saying all this? Weren’t we just talking about Relationships? What am I really getting at?

Well, in a series that showcases relationships that are wrought with hidden secrets and lies, wouldn’t you reckon that TRUTH just could possibly be those relationships' SAVING GRACE?

If you’re up for another train of a post, by all means stay on and let’s find out! All aboard, next stop—

PART II — To Be or Not To Be…

The last time a PART of a Review was titled what you just read above, that Part was pretty much delving into just who IS Yagiz Egemen. In other words, it was expounding the IDENTITY of Yagiz’ character.

This time, we’re going to explore what truly IS going on between Yagiz and Hazan… and Sinan—thus far.

We’re going to call it for what it is. If it’s yellow, let’s call it yellow, not mustard. If it’s purple, let’s call it purple, not magenta. And if it’s lies, let’s call it lies, not truth. And if it’s love, let’s call it love. Just love.

In E35, when Sinan called Hazan out for being distant, boy, was I glad. Ok, before y’all rain down those poopy emojis on me, hear me out for a sec. Yes, I was glad for one thing—but I also wanted to whiplash somebody to Earth-2 Gorilla City till kingdom come.

For one thing, Sinan's words caused Hazan to be aware that somehow, her being distant with him is connected with the convoluted feelings that overwhelmed her after witnessing another woman with Yagiz, punctuated by the words that Kerime spitefully said to her—that she could not take her eyes off of her boyfriend’s brother. Because that’s literally the flashbacks we saw Hazan being overwhelmed by after Sinan’s confrontation with her.

And it caused her to run away, literally. Poor Yagiz—dude looked like a dancing Elmo with his hands stretched out, calling after her 🤣, I couldn't stop laughing. But this isn’t Sesame’s Street with happy sing-a-longs and dancing muppets. This is DRAMA on steroids.

So, was I glad that finally, something sensible was making its rare appearance once again. The TRUTH was raising its scepter—funny that it came from Sinan’s lips, though he himself had no idea just how crucial that confrontation was.

Distant is what his and Hazan's relationship has become. And a distant relationship is truly the epitome of oxymoron—IRONIC.

Halfway into the confrontation, notice that Hazan was able to see at which point Sinan started becoming “distant”. But Sinan had no clue when it was for Hazan. And aye, therein lies the rub—

He just DOES NOT KNOW.

Period.

From the very beginning, he doesn’t truly know who Hazan really was. Just like he doesn’t truly know who his brother really was. Sinan has always been a self-centered, unaccountable, answers-to-no-one-but-himself, immature man. Check this, he doesn’t even know himself—He is not a character who has a strong sense of IDENTITY and PURPOSE like his older brother Yagiz. Even Gokhan had clearer goals than him—though divisive those goals were at the time. Heck, even that viper Yasemin had stronger convictions than Sinan did about having purpose in life, though those convictions are fostered by evil designs. Because if Sinan had truly developed strong convictions of values that a man should have—like integrity and character—he would not have sent Yagiz to that hotel room, making a devastating mockery of a young woman’s dignity. And he certainly would have taken ownership and responsibility for that distance between him and Hazan.

How did it come to BE in the first place?—

That DISTANCE.

PART III — The Perfect Present

Valentine’s Day is quite a celebrated day all over the globe, whether you’re a believer or not. It’s a day where gifts are exchanged between lovers. You know the D.L—hugs, kisses, and chocolates are usually exchanged. With the signature bouquet of red roses—throw in there some teddy bears too. But what is the best present that a lover could ever hope to receive? Chocolate?

Last review I said that the only thing necessary for distance to develop is for the exchange of the heart to cease.

Just like it requires an exchange of signals between my iMac and the Modem to establish a Network connection, it requires the SYNCING of hearts for a lovers’ relationship to THRIVE. And with Sinan and Hazan, at some point, somebody CUT OFF the signal.

And THAT was Hazan.

But before ya get your underthings in a bunch, hear me out again. The reason Hazan cut off the signal in the first place was because Sinan was sending a CORRUPTED one to her; he had betrayed her by his lies and had been the perpetrator of that shameful event in the hotel room, not Yagiz. And instead of truly proving himself to be a trustworthy man, he'd tried to seduce her instead. Long story short, if not for Yagiz' heroic attempts to bring them together, and grace on Hazan’s part, Sinan would not have been back together with her. But AFTER being granted a second chance that he really didn’t earn, the guy missed it—AGAIN. This is how.

First, he undermined his brother’s authority as founder, owner, and CEO of Egemenlar Cosmetics, by signing a contractual agreement to bring an investor into the fold behind his brother's back, an investor who happened to be his psychopathic ex-girlfriend. Not only did he make a mockery of his brother's hard work and sacrifice thus far to keep their company afloat, but his current girlfriend’s as well.

I understand Sinan wanted to help, but it is what it is. Mockery is mockery.

Second, he made a mess of things with him posing as Kerime’s son and so became exhausted with all its complications. But instead of trying to find a solution with his girlfriend, he checked out and went for an ENTIRE WEEK having sleepovers at his ex-pyschopath ex-girlfriend's house.

And the twit had the nerve to call Hazan out for being distant…

Of course she flippin was! But what caused it in the first place!

The best PRESENT that a lover could ever hope to receive is their lover’s PRESENCE.

But Sinan, this is kinda what you’ve been ever since you got a second chance to be with Hazan again—M.I.A.

The times that Hazan truly NEEDED support in her life, like when Ece was accused for poisoning Hazim, it was Yagiz who provided that crucial support. If you really KNEW Hazan in the first place, much like Yagiz, family is the bedrock of why she does what she does. Family has always been an impetus for making and breaking her. But your spiting Hazan’s family, never giving them the benefit of the doubt, really speaks volumes of what you are in Hazan’s life—

UNAVAILABLE.

And up to E35, it was happening all over again. You accusing Ece—this time as the culprit for your sister’s miscarriage, and again, making you and Hazan opponents of each other. But even before then, you’ve been unavailable to her because of a stupid scheme you yourself cooked up, by posing as Kerime’s son—making yourself available in another woman’s home instead.

Let’s just call it what it is...

PART IV — Even When You Say It Isn't...

The Nature of Hazan and Sinan's relationship has shifted.

Lovers they no longer are—they haven’t been for a very long time. And since we’ve decided to call things for what they are—lies for lies, and truth for TRUTH...

Lovers, is the description that is now more, and have been, TRUE for Yagiz and Hazan—

For how INTIMATE their relationship is.

And THAT is just a TRUTH that Yagiz and Hazan does not truly comprehend themselves, and try to RUN AWAY from.

But TRUTH just IS. It just cannot be “NOT”.

When Truth “is not”, it will no longer be called Truth. It is something else; Either a MIXTURE of some truth with something else—Or just plain LIES. The point is, it is NO LONGER Truth. Like I said above, you can’t add to or take away from truth. Truth, as it is—IS. And if Truth just IS, it cannot be killed or die. Check this—whatever was true at one time in a person’s life, if and when that person themselves dies, the truth STILL REMAINS about them. Whether they were married or not, whether they had children or not, and so on. The Truth just can’t one day be “no more” for again, it just IS. What it can be, though, is OBSCURED with something, which is the only thing you can do to “do away” with truth—

Hide it.

But just as the sun that can only be hidden with dark clouds but CANNOT be denied its existence—nor its power; Beyond those obscuring agent, Truth is LIGHT that shines upon things in the dark that causes them to be in the dark NO MORE—that’s why we say to lie to somebody is to “keep them in the dark”. This is why Yagiz could not find a solution when he returned to his mother’s grave for the second time. The first time there, he found reprieve in confessing that he was in love with his brother’s beloved, despite his every attempt to be otherwise. In the deep hour of the dark under the moonlight, his confession was uttered. With only the thick of night as its witness. And God. And there in confessing the TRUTH, the LIGHT shined in the dark night of Yagiz soul, and Yagiz found some rest. But when he returned in the light of day, he was a man deprived of rest and peace, just talking to the dead;

What Yagiz Egemen failed to see is that things that are alive do not belong in graveyards. The dead belong with the dead. But the living belong with the living. And Yagiz’ love…

Is very much ALIVE.

And that is the TRUTH that cannot be killed, buried, or do away with.

It is what it is.

Ever since the TRUTH came out at the end of E13 and A NEW BEGINNING commenced as E14 began, a bond so singular and exclusive was forged between Yagiz and Hazan, that even in its young stage, it had rendered Sinan INCAPABLE of approaching and disrupting them. That bond grew, like silver forged in and through fire, and became stronger and stronger, clearer and clearer, and more refined from its impurities.

BUT… just like how LIES had set Yagiz and Hazan apart and AGAINST one another in the very beginning, LIES as well were THREATENING what they now have with each other, one more time causing them to be at odds with one another. But the difference is, they now have so much more to lose—

EACH OTHER.

The question is… is it WORTH IT?

Losing each other, that is.

And so ladies and gents, this is where I must end this review. Like, seriously 😅. And before y’all proceed to light my hair on fire—let me explain. In writing this review, I realized it’s so long and comprehensive, I had to actually break it into 3 reviews. And so this is PART 1 of it. I wanted to get something to you as soon as I can, so I posted this Part 1 first. So please don’t kill me 😬. Next post, PART 2 on—

YAGIZ & HAZAN: A Love Story.

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sweetredcherryblossomtree · 6 years ago

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Snowsnowsnow. An incredibly long overdue post/maybe essay that I’m going to try and not delete.

Snow, thank you for giving me three days off because I am absolutely calling out of work tomorrow.

My mind has been everywhere. It’s been giving me a headache. For a while, I was having doubts about what I’ve been planning. Mostly just intrusive thoughts but also I can overthink. But after a few conversations with loving people, my mind is more at ease now. What I’m doing is selfish but I deserve it. It is fine. It is alright. It is human to want things and to go for them. I have to keep reminding myself that I am allowed to do things that will make me happy and that are good for me.

Things don’t last forever. Relationships with other people don’t last forever. But I am with myself forever. I’m lucky in comparison to so many people. I have depression but at the same time, I have a great relationship with myself. I am happy with who I am and who I want to be. I rarely think awful things about myself. I know I’m not stupid. I can be ignorant but I’m pretty good with cutting myself slack as long as I educate myself after. The only thing I’m upset with myself for is how badly my social anxiety affects me.

The semester before I graduated high school, I experienced more freedom than what I had been used to. My dad wasn’t home as much so he couldn’t keep control of what we did. I think my mom took pity on me because I had been so depressed and heartbroken. I had really great friends and my mom let me spend a lot of time with them. it was probably the best thing that could have been done for me. I remember New Years, I was allowed to spend the night at a friend’s! I was never allowed to sleep over anywhere but my mom trusted the parents. Everyone was “roasting” each other for their personality flaws. Not in a mean way or anything. I begged them to tell me what my flaw was and after some consideration, one of them just said

“You’re too nice.”

“...That’s it?”

“Yeah, you are just really nice.” And everyone nodded in agreement.

And that moment resonates with me.

*****I want to preface this with: I am not a nice person. I am not a mean person. I am a person.

I have lots of flaws. Being nice is a performance I have to go through to ensure I can somewhat survive socially. If I have ever said anything that generally is not “nice” to you, if I ever revealed a judgmental thought that I had (there are plenty), if I ever had an attitude with you and didn’t try to hide it, etc., then congratulations. I absolutely trust you and see you as a close friend.

Nice can be used to describe me but it isn’t who I am as a person because I think plenty of not nice things. I do and say very not nice things sometimes. I am working on it, because I want to be a better person but just know that in general, I’m just a person who is nice to avoid conflict.******

Even though I have really bad social anxiety, it’s pretty hard to tell if you see me at work. Every day, I’m complimented on how nice I am. How I’m the nicest person they’ve encountered that day. I have customers who adore me and it’s made the experience so much easier than when I first started last year. A few weeks ago, a lady came in and after helping her out, she told me that I have such a peaceful and calm presence. She said she felt at such ease with me and that was rare for her to feel and to never change. I’m not going to lie, that made me feel really great about myself and it still does.

Up until recently, I hadn’t understood why it was so bad to be so nice. I can’t help being nice. It’s not like it’s some switch I can turn on and off. I think it’s part of my social anxiety. If I’m nice, people can’t hate me and that has been programmed into me since I was a child. My niceness has worked in my favor except in cases of men and that is where an issue has started to develop.

I could handle the weird and creepy boys in high school and college. I could be nice to them but as long as I kept my distance, I was always fine. I was fortunate that the ones who did try to get closer to me stopped after I made very obvious hints. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I ghosted a lot of guys in college after realizing I wanted nothing to do with them. Like the guy who kept a newt under his dorm bed, poked her with a plastic fork, and then kept saying how much I looked like Lilo from Lilo and Stitch (a movie he was obsessed with).

But I’m having an issue with adult men. Men who have stalked me at work. Men who took my trust and tried to twist it. Men that my coworkers recognize and when they see them coming into the store, I’m the first one alerted so that I can go into the stockroom until given the all clear. This isn’t an every day thing fortunately, but it’s bothersome nonetheless.

A little over a month ago, I was groped on the sales floor by an older man who was a regular customer of mine. I was too in shock to really say or do anything at the time. It was too busy, his daughter and granddaughter were there. I wasn’t even sure if it had really happened.

He asked for a hug and because I am “nice”, I reluctantly gave one to him. It was a half hug because that’s all I’m comfortable with when it comes to most people. As he let go of me, his hands slipped downward and I felt him..cupping me. It was a very quick moment, I wasn’t sure what had happened at first, just that I felt very weird and uncomfortable. After I checked him out, he slid a ten dollar bill to me and walked away quickly before I could even say anything.

I haven’t seen him since, and I’m very okay with that. But every weekend when I’m working alone, I’m scared. I’m scared that he’ll come back when it’s busy and I’m on the floor alone. I’m scared that the other man who has a violent criminal record will come and demand to know why I blocked his number. I’m scared of the man who likes to hold my hand for too long when asking for a handshake as he looks me up and down.

Before this incident, the only people who have ever touched my body without my consent were boyfriends. I don’t even know the name of the man who touched me. All I know is that he is a veteran and likes to buy gifts for his daughter and her kids. I didn’t think I’d be too affected by it and I guess in a way, I’m not. But it obviously does affect me if I still continue to think about it.

I know it’s more than just me being “too nice.” It’s about how men easily prey on women like me who are nice, especially when it’s our job to be nice. Like, I’m at work. I can’t leave the situation or cause a huge commotion. I could, but they would know where to find me again.

And this goes for all the shitty relationships I let myself go through. That deserves a post all on its own. It’s taken me years to come to this conclusion, but every single relationship that I had in high school was very unhealthy and at least one was touching the line of being abusive. I spent most of my high school years being emotionally manipulated by three different guys. I don’t think they even realized what they were doing at the time but I’m still affected by it years later.

Do you know what is worse? I think that is a common experience for tons of teenage girls. I didn’t realize that I was being manipulated. I didn’t know any better. I thought these relationships were the real deal and would last forever but I had to do everything I could to keep them around or something must have been wrong with me.

There are so many times with one particular ex, where I’d go home and try not to cry about what had happened because I didn’t want to say no. I wanted him to be pleased with me and to not leave me again. This relationship absolutely fucked with me and the sense of control I wish I knew I had over my own body. It’s been over six years. I can still remember the physical pain I was put through because he was so fucking rough and never took a moment to consider what I was going through. I’m not even talking about actual intercourse. We never had sex. But I was too afraid to let him know I was in pain because I didn’t want to be broken up with, again. He had me do so many things that I never ever wanted to do and still hate doing to this very day. And that doesn’t even begin with how badly he emotionally manipulated me. He messed with my feelings and emotions well into my first year of college because I was stupid enough to follow him there. And we weren’t even dating anymore. His friendship alone fucked with me as well.

College was so different though. In such a good way. Imagine my surprise when for the first time ever, I was asked “Is this okay?” and “Is this fine?” or “Are you okay with doing this?”

Blew my fucking mind.

The people I’ve dated after high school are in general just better people. People who have for the most part, respected my opinion, my body, and boundaries.

I’m still flawed though. I still struggle a lot with full consent and active vocalization. I let so much slide. However, it’s been building up in me and every time something happens, I get a little bit angrier on the inside. Angry at myself for letting it happen. Angry at the person for not understanding why I’m upset though it’s my fault because I still can’t get around to saying it so how would they know why I’m upset? And it absolutely is no where near as bad as it was in high school. Not even close. But that doesn’t give me a reason to justify it.I want it to stop completely and if I can’t get it to stop in this relationship then I swear to myself that in my next relationship that I WILL DO BETTER. For myself. Gone will be the days where I just let things go because it’s “no big deal.”

I think I’m just venting about all of this because today I did say “No.” And I said it very sternly and it was obvious that I was highly annoyed. BUT I WASN’T TAKEN SERIOUSLY. At least not until I had to shove his hands away from me because I was so angry. If you hear someone say no to anything that you are doing, you should absolutely stop. Even if it isn’t sexual. Even if you are just teasing or messing with someone. You better fucking stop. And maybe it’s because I never let my no’s stand their ground in the past, maybe it’s because I usually just let so much go, but now, I’m a different person and I am so done with unwanted touching.

But I am so mad that my NO wasn’t taken seriously. I am so mad that he didn’t stop until I had to resort to something physical. I am so mad that this has become a problem and has been a problem that I’ve ignored until now.

Is my boyfriend a bad person? No. He is not.

Does my boyfriend ask for consent for most things like sex? Yes, absolutely.

But it seems like my body has an open invitation for being groped lately, and I’m finally fed up with it.

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yasbxxgie · 6 years ago

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Last night (October 5), RZA was interviewed before a live audience during Atlanta, Georgia’s A3C Festival. Wu-Tang Clan’s Abbott spoke about his career, personal transformation, and the earliest days of his group to National Public Radio’s Rodney Carmichael. Ambrosia For Heads was in attendance for the revealing conversation featuring one of the architects of Enter The Wu-Tang (36 Chambers). That monumental Loud/RCA Records LP is celebrating its 25th birthday next month, prompting a “WuTangATL” multi-day event at A3C.

A highlight in the discussion occurs with Rodney Carmichael asking RZA about a period in his life between 1990 and 1993. During this time, the Brooklyn, New York MC/producer/DJ was a struggling Rap artist with label frustrations. He was facing a felony for shooting a man while living in Steubenville, Ohio. It was during this same time that RZA was also expecting a child. Out of these circumstances the Wu-Tang was born.

Describing those years, RZA begins, “We [were] going through what a lot of young Black men was going through from [the ages of 14 through 17]. Those years, even though I had Knowledge Of Self, I still was living as a member of my environment, of my community—therefore, participating in everything that we did: drink, smoke, teenage sex, and drug dealing. That’s what was happening; that’s what we did.” He explains how Melquan (who also handled the careers of 1980s Brooklyn Rap group Divine Force) offered to manage him and usher the artist to become a professional. “I stopped all the drugs. We had gold cables and all that. Slowly, my gold cables disappeared. Slowly, I pawned my rings, and kept myself going [financially], hoping that I’d become a Rap star.”

At 18, through the help of “The Funky Melquan,” RZA signed to Tommy Boy. The following year, the label released an EP, Ooh I Love You Rakeem. “[It] didn’t reflect my full creative talents; it was something that they contrived me to be. It didn’t work,” explains RZA. GZA, who The Abbott calls his “teacher and enlightener,” suffered a similar, parallel experience at Cold Chillin’ Records (as “The Genius”) with his early video single “Come Do Me.” “[After our failures], the idea of success in music is dismal. It caused us to retreat back to the streets.” In 1990, RZA left New York City to live in Steubenville, Ohio, where his mother stayed. The artist has touched on this period in lyrics, as well in his text, The Tao Of Wu. On weekends, RZA stayed with his stepfather, who ran a convenience store in Pittsburgh’s Pennsylvania’s Hill District. RZA continues, “The streets [were] not working. Every time we get a package, you can make $10,000. But guess what? Somebody [each time] got arrested. Somebody got shot. I kept seeing a cycle of non-success,” recalls RZA, who watched bad news within in his circle transpire on a weekly basis. “‘Yo, so-and-so got shot,’ ‘Yo, they stabbed [Wisegod] ‘Yo, they shot [Ghostface Killah].’ It was never right. Then, all of a sudden, myself is in violence; I’m facing eight years in prison. All of this knowledge that I accumulated is worth toilet-paper right now because I’m not [properly] utilizing it.”

In 1991, RZA allegedly shot Willie Waters in the leg after Waters kicked RZA’s car. According to a 2000 Village Voice article by Frank Owen, RZA was charged with felonious assault. In this same period of time, Ghostface Killah was shot in Ohio. Wisegod (aka General Wise), who RZA referred to at the A3C chat (and would eventually go on to manage Killarmy) was also present in this era.

A critical moment reportedly changed RZA’s perspective. “What happened, for me, is my mother looked at me with the eyes of disappointment. There’s no other pain [worse] than that for a young man. But my family rallied together; my sister actually took her life savings and bailed me out. And we stood together as a family. I started taking [my passion for] reading to the law library. I found some cases that matched up to what it should be for me, ’cause it was self-defense. It was four-on-one,” RZA recalls of an event he rarely speaks publicly about. “But I still injured that young man, and I regret that. I’m a man of peace; I don’t want to injure nobody. But let me get to the point: we went to trial and I won. The jury said not-guilty. And when I walked out, my mother looked me in my eye and said, ‘This is your second chance. Don’t blow it.’ I’ll never forget this joy that overcame me. At the same time, I had a baby [on the way]. So I’m like yo, Rakeem is greater than this. I gotta be greater than that. I’m gonna put Rakeem to the side. I’m gonna [birth] something new. I’m gonna [birth] The RZA. When The RZA was born, I decided to walk the path of righteousness and not turn back.” The artist formerly known as Prince Rakeem rebranded himself as The RZA.

“I took that positive route,” admits RZA, who cites The Bible as one of his key inspirations in the transition. “Every time we tried to scramble, all that violence and drugs, none of us made it. All of us would look back on our records and say, ‘Yo, I got arrested,’ ‘That was his gun,’ [and] all these other things. But when this group of men did something positive, in less than a year [we had] a platinum album, million-dollar contracts, a trajectory that not only changed our lives, but changed our families’ lives, and by the grace of Allah, changed the lives of many people.”

Carmichael then asks RZA about his leadership style. In an era where leaders, especially in Rap music, are thought to be feared and intimidating, RZA galvanized a massive and enduring bond through love and loyalty. “That would be a tough question for me to answer because it would be so egocentric,” replies the interviewee. “That’s a question that I would love to hear my brothers answer one day.” Pressed further, RZA expounds, “What I can say is that we all definitely had love for each other; my brothers definitely had love for me. If you go back and you check with Method Man or you check with U-God or you check with Raekwon, you’ll see that in the years that we’ve known each other, they can’t pull up nothing from their deck of cards of me doing them wrong. I was always a reliable, honest, loyal, true friend. Even though I lived in Stapleton—and Park Hill hates Stapleton [chuckles]—Park Hill would come to my house to make their music. Music being the common denominator, our mathematics being another common denominator,” he explains, referring to many Wu-Tang Clan members’ adherence to the doctrines of the Five Percent Nation.

He continues, “Ghostface, who’s my brother, he was a very tough dude in those days, but he just felt that what I was saying and doing needed to be protected and [heard]. So he also was able to help whoever didn’t understand to understand.” RZA clarifies that the nine-member Clan required a leader and figurehead. “A democracy would not work; it had to be a dictatorship. But it had to be an agreed-upon dictatorship, not a force. “I [told the group and our managers], ‘I have a vision, and I see it. If you give me five years, we’re gonna be the #1 crew in the country. Five years.’ This was in the winter of 1992. This is before recording 36 Chambers; we had only recorded ‘Protect Ya Neck’ at that time. Five years later, in the summer of 1997, the #1 album in the world is [Wu-Tang Forever]. We delivered.”

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