#doing my best to return the favor :)
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Thank you to anyone who has ever read my stories. When I first started posting, I was posting into the void expecting nothing in return but the echo of my frantic keyboard clacks. Whether you made it all the way through or clicked once before deciding it wasn't your cup of tea, the fact that you took time out of your day to read my writing in any capacity fills me with so much joy and gratitude 💕💕 Idk what I did to deserve such kindness, but I love you all!!!
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two wrongs WILL make a right! ive got another lease on life, and im using it well, who cares if this is all fucked up cause we're all GOING TO HELL! IM JUST WILLIAM WHO SHOULD BE DEAD, HAD TO FOLLOW THE THREAD, thought he was just chillin! now he is a villain! HES ALWAYS SUCH A BUMMER, HE WANTS TO TRUST HIS BROTHER WILLIAM IN A HALLWAY BY HIMSEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi prime defenders#jrwi pd spoilers#william wisp#RRAAHHHHGH I KNOW THEIR LIL PARODY OF MICHEAL IN A BATHROOM OR WHATEV WAS SLIGHTLY COMEDIC. LIKE WIWI IN A HALLWAY#HAHAAA HIS NAME IS WIWI ISNT THAT FUNNY. ISNT THAT FUCKIN FUNNY. AND YYYEEEEEEEEEEETTTTT!!!#WILLIAM IS SO FUCKIN SAD DUDE... ESPECIALLY DURING THE GRAYSCALE ARC. HE REALLY THINKS HES BETTER OFF DEAD.#HIS FIRST DEATH WAS AN ACCIDENT! AND THEN HE WAS SADDLED WITH ALL SORTS OF POWERS AND RESPONSIBILITY HE DIDNT FUCKIN WAANT#AND IT TURNS OUT HES STILL DEAD! HIS BODY IS ROTTING AND FALLING APART AS WE SPEAK!! THATS SO FUCKING SCARY!!!#BUT THEN. OOOHH BUT THEN HIS WONDERFUL FRIEND DAKOTA TELLS HIM. ILL GIVE YOU MY HEART SO YOU CAN LIVE AGAIN. AND IT WORKS!!!#WILLIAM ACCEPTS LIFE AND REJECTS THE WISP POWERS AND FEELS SO SO THANKFUL TO HIS WONDERFUL BEST FRIEND DAKOTA.#A DEBT TO REPAY EVEN IF DAKOTA WILL NEVER CASH IN ON IT. HES JUST A PERFECT HERO LIKE THAT.. BUT WILLIAM.. OHH ROTTING LIL WILLIAM..#EVEN WITH NEW BLOOD RUNNING THROUGH HIM HES STILL DEAD INSIDE. HES STILL USELESS. POWERLESS. SELFISH AND IMPULSIVE AND STUPID AND JUST.#NOT A HERO. WHICH IS FINE! IF ONLY HE WAS A GOOD ENOUGH PERSON TO RETURN THE FAVOR TO DAKOTA THOUGH. BUT HES NOT. HE DOESNT THINK SO.#WILIAM REALLY BELIEVES THAT HE IS FORSAKING EVERY GIFT OF LIFE HE HAS BEEN GIVEN. HE THINKS HE SHOULD BE DEAD BUT HES TOO SCARED TO DIE#JUST FAR TOO SCARED.. OF EVERYTHING.... WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT BRINGS US HERE. I GUESS THE GOOD NEWS IS THEYLL FORGET.#HE JUST WANTED TO TRUST HIS BROTHER. HE WANTED TO HAVE A BROTHER AND FIX THE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM AND HONESTLY?#I THINK I WOULD DO THE SAME THING IN HIS SITUATION. MAYBE USE MY WORDS BETTER BUT YKNOW. THATS HIS BROTHER!!!#OKAy okay william makes me sooo EMOTIONAL but now ill mention the ART#THIS WAS Aboutthe time i actually figured out how to draw the white streak in williams hair. IT PISSED ME OFF SO MUCH ORIGINALLY but imPROU#AND THE SHARP SPIRALS!! I LOVE THE SHARP SPIRALS. I LOVE DRAWING HIS HAIR JUST IN GENERAL... I JUS LOVE DRAWIN WIWI...#OHH And xavior... poor xavior... theyre still looking for cantrip arent they? they have no idea where she is..and DAVID YOU BIIITCH#david bell is such a good fucking antagonist. he COMPLETELY believes himself to be in the right and bizly plays him SO WELLL!!#BECAUSE HES SMART!! AND SMART PEOPLE CAN LOGIC THEIR WAY THROUGH ANYTHING! THATS WHY SMART PPL FALL INTO CULTS TOO!#BC A SMART PERSON CAN FIND A GOOD WAY TO JUSTIFY ALMOST ANYTHING TO THEMSELF. DAVID IS SMART AND THATS SCAARRYYYY...#IM So excited to see the consequences of williams actions carry on into season 3. i hope they contact allen and exavior and do. idk. someth
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oh no, i established myself as Capable Of and Willing To Perform some minor annoying administrative tasks at work and now am being tossed additional requests to perform said tasks
i know that in a strict financial view it makes sense to spend 20 minutes of junior engineer time on mundane-annoying-task than 20 minutes of senior staff engineer time but have you considered: I Don't Like It
#something i am pondering whether it is wise or worthwhile to communicate#my internal terminology is 'I'll do it for a Scooby snack' 'this is a two Scooby snack request minimum“#this is not what i articulate externally. yet .#the upside is learning how to use a variety of different systems and making connections with more people#both in a human to human perspective and in a like#the downside is I'm Being Asked To Do Things That Are Annoying.#there's also a like. gendered aspect of this that rubs me the wrong way a little#in so many mech eng spaces I've seen a tendency for organizational/logistical/annoying work to be disproportionately uptaken by women#women (and bosch) (trans)#getting clocked as trans for my object-organizing + project management + administrative task tendencies. or something.#the tendency maybe esp of senior engineers to consider the organization/admin/logistics not ... 'part of the work' or 'part of their job'?#or smth best handed off to someone more secretary-coded#idk i view org/pming/admin as crucial to Making Things Get Done and also everything is an opportunity to connect with someone#both in a human to human perspective and also like.#if i do need to call in a favor it's coming from me as someone who has had positive interactions + will lend a hand with something in return#like. the mycorrhizal network.#it's 4 AM and i am Not sleep. take this all grain of salt style#maybe the temporary view I can take is that i am getting more chances to build that myconet#the upside again is that if person-who-asks-tasks says “oh such and such can't be done/will take forever” i am sometimes able to#*jean luc picard voice* make it so#we'll see
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First, I wanna wish you safe travels to wherever you're headed! Your blog really brightens up my day whenever I see you've made a new post. Can't wait for more, Binah content soothes the soul.
What if you traveled through The City with Binah, seeing the different districts that you yourself had never experienced due to being a born-and-raised L Corp feather?
you've always been curious about the rest of the City, if quite wary due to being aware of your relatively sheltered life- the only district you've ever been to is District 12, both living there and working at L Corp. it's all you ever expected to see, really. working as an employee for a Wing doesn't often make much money, and you refuse to take a WARP train. no reason, other than a sickening lurch in your gut whenever you consider it, so travel was off the table
until you and Binah had accidentally fallen head over heels for each other, and she promised to take you everywhere once you and she were free from the facility, her dark eyes glinting with some sort of light you hadn't ever seen
weeks turned to months, and months turned to years. the cycle restarted again and again, before everything abruptly snapped and shifted into a Library, and you and Binah remain, different but eternal. it's only when you're living in the Outskirts does your Arbiter- and she loves it when you call her your Arbiter. it gives a sense of warmth to an otherwise cold and callous title- place her hand on your shoulder, murmuring for you to prepare to leave the Library, leave for the first time in years. as a favor, a certain Head Librarian has found a way to allow those who were once human to go outside for some time- and don't worry. she's already arranged transportation, and you can tell by the subtle smug smile on Binah's face that she's very, very pleased with herself
her fingers gently give your hand a soft squeeze, and you step back into the City together
#project moon#lobotomy corporation#library of ruina#binah#binah lobcorp#binah library of ruina#thank you for the compliment#binah content also heals my heart#she's been all over the city so she knows the best spots#but she never did get a chance to appreciate them before#now you're here#lighting up her world#and she can finally look up at the stars and smile#yes she also bullied angela into doing her that favor what about it#and you both return with a little blood on your clothes and looking very pleased
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jjk 267 leaks + spoilers in the tags. ill be completely honest i understand the jjk criticism I’ve seen for this chapter but i also don’t care
#be a plot device at the very end of the series vs die for yuujis development#I’ll take this im just happy to see her!#ALSO genuinely. i Do have the same issues with the manga.#but out of everyone who’s died for the plot™️ she’s the one who should have a comeback#the past few chapters including this have been reverse shibuya for me where things have been surprisingly good for how AWFUL its been#todo supporting yuuji - yuuji pitying sukuna - megumi communicating w yuuji - nobara returning#good feelings all around for me#to clarify: most of my disappointment in the series as a whole is from decisions made prior to these chapters. because of those writing#choices this end is already flawed. BUT this is still the Best outcome imo#im fairly satisfied. i do think gege is Done done with the series by this point though#and the weekly Shonen Jump work conditions + editors did No favors to the writing and art#jjk leaks#jjk 267#i also don’t think gege is going for the full tragedy now#nobara existing is already so momentous. she was yuujis hope back then and now she’s back there’s hope in the end#of course I’d love if she was more of an explored character than. an absent symbolic figure in this half of the series#but I’ve missed my girl so much 😭#One Fear is time skip end where she’s with yuuji and megumi is with Hana………………#that’d be so bad it’d be hilarious
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Hello again hon it's me the christmas anon, I hope your doing well and your feeling okay, I saw your gum and tooth post and hope that's not anything serious you know? As for me I'm doing alright....theses last two days has been heavy on my mind but I think sooner or later I'll be okay.
*leans over and kisses your head*
Better be taking good care of yourself too lol
-❄️☕️
Hey hon!!!! 🥳 I’m doing as well as I usually do. I 🥺 have a blister or something on the gum that connects the teeth to the chin. You know that little spot directly at the front center of your mouth that feels like a thin web yeah it’s tucked there and eating is a nightmare 😭 if it doesn’t go away soon I mean I’m not gonna do anything special I have to just wait till my dental appointment. So boooooo but at least I’ll be okay eventually, as will you!!! Life is like a tooth infection, you ache, and you feel it everywhere, but then you consume a nice little pill and it’ll make you feel better. 🤔 hmm that’s a horrible analogy.
But no, actually I do hope you’re okay 🥺♥️🩷 life can suuuuuuck and days can be awful and heck even a week or more can be stressful a time but what’s cool about being alive is that??? It doesn’t have to be so bad! You can be nice to yourself! You can surround yourself with people who are nice to you!!! And you can just say fuck it!!!! And walks outside and make it different. Running away to disappear into the woods dropping all socials and becoming some towns local cryptid is a perfectly viable option. I think I’d like to live in the woods as a witch but I’m 😭 a BIG baby when it comes to bugs. I wouldn’t survive in the wilderness for even an hour. I’m a delicate plastic flower. But no really, I say for the third time, you’ll be okay eventually. When I think about life I think back to how when I was little girl playing games like Homer Simpson Hit and Run. I always wanted to walk around the map and enter every building. And I knew that wasn’t possible. There’s nothing in them because why would the developers make that when they don’t have to? Well we’re real!!!
We can enter any building, go to any location, dig into the very ground we stand on and I think that’s kind of cool. There’s so much to life that we don’t think about and maybe sometimes we should be a bit more curious about what’s inside 🥳 treat yourself like a video game building. What can you find inside of yourself that makes you excited to take a peek. Idk!!! I hope that made sense!!!! It’s so happy to see you ♥️🩷
#I’m patting your face gently in between my hands!!!#things will get better! and if they’re not live begin them out of spite#that’s what I tell my best friend#the world wants you to suffer and I’m 😤 gonna fist fight the world#I GUESS I’ll do myself a favor and go take an ✨ibuprofen✨#but in return you gotta do something nice for yourself as well 🔫 or I’m coming for you#don’t be fooled by all this pink and hearts I will aim the gun and shoot with tears in my eyes… and maybe a little giggle because you can’t#take life too seriously 😤 joy and whimsy and what not#tbh I’m at a loss for the emojis I keep saying ‘ah yes snow coffee my favorite’#now I want coffee#I like to make it and then freeze it and eat it with a spoon#caramel and whipped cream if we have any 🥳 the only issue is I ALWAYS FORGET I PUT IT IM THE FREEZER#then it’s 1 am I’m in bed and I sit up like MY COFFEE#then I go ‘I’ll drink it tomorrow.’ but then I 🥺🥺🥺🥺 forget again and if I don’t I’ll let it defrost but then I FORGET I am defrosting it 😭😭#THEN I PUT IT BACK IN THE FREEZER like an idiot AND THE CYCLE CAN GO FOR A FEW DAYS#I have such a bad SIGH memory it’s ridiculous but whatever a few day old coffees never made me sick#we won’t talk about the tummy pains#anyways I hope my ranting was able to distract you from your pain 🩷♥️ I’m always here to blab if you need me#mys mail 💌#there’s so many words in my head and yeah I still choose to say things like ‘that’s happy!!!’ to describe something nice#me to you: that’s very happy!#MUAH MUAH#if you see a typo just know I was typing fast and we should just ignore my mistakes 🥰 I’m perfect
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damn i should really write a fic where Moon is happy huh
#muzz mumbles#just realized 90% of my drabbles & oneshots are either angst or hurt/comfort#Returning the Favor is the only fic where he's like emotionally pampered the whole time#and it remains my best received oneshot to this day so i KNOW y'all are just as hungry as i am for more happy Moon#it's decided. gonna make this happen#give me ideas#what do YOU want to see Moon experience
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your against me posting has me foaming at the mouth wishing the band was Real. against me is still active TO ME.
LITERALLY. I NEED THEM TO BE REAL AND I WILL PRETEND THAT THEY ARE BY VICARIOUSLY LIVING THROUGH OLD POSTS
#asks#the best part of running the sideblog is i get the excuse to do this whenever i want and i can just fill the queue while doing it#the worst part is that queue takes forever and i want the posts out NOW but 200 posts over a few days is not favorable#im holding out for them to be in the talks abt getting back together. grabbing my red string and cork board here.#theyre fucking around with some am! shit right now#like with the bandcamp getting a gaggle of albums recently#and some songs rights stuff being worked on like 500 years being returned to streaming#and some weird stuff going on w sswm and 23lsa overseas or on dif platforms#and laura also getting a bunch of unsold am! cds earlier this week#something is UP#and it could absolutely be the last death rattle of the band#but it could also be that maybe things will start kicking back up#and for my sanity i need it to be them doing spring cleaning before returning within the next year or two
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last night in this house... sleeping on air mattresses... still have leftover bits of stuff to move out in the morning.... so odd
#personal#rip bc the other house we were gonna move into is uninhabitable lmao#the tenants uhh lowkey trashed it 8)#like. the walls are coated in mysterious residue#all floors are dirty some are weirdly sticky#just random weird things are broken- they fucked up several blinds one of which looks like. some animal chewed on the string or sth 8)#so yeah we were gonna like clean and lightly redo some stuff but it needs a full remodel#so we don't know where we're gonna live for a bit 8)#maybe a hotel but all of the larger extended stay suites are apparently already booked#and the former tenant is after my parents to return their full deposit. bro the place looks like a before in a fixer upper home remodel sho#they were like we lived here 7 yrs paid you xxxxxx in rent probably paid half your mortgage (as a reason to return their full deposit)-#bro that's just the agreement you made when renting not a favor you're doing... like you left the place nowhere near same or similar#condition. and the sheer amount of damage canNOT be 'regular tear and wear'#it's a fuckton of tear and wear at best#like. random shelves and bits inside the fridge are broken too#we lived in our current house like 9 yrs or sth and yeah it's worn down but there isn't trashed blinds and gross residue everywhere#they apparently paid a cleaner but there's only so much a cleaner can do lol like you gotta just knock it back and redo it#the buyers of this place were being annoying too lmao they came on Monday for what we thought slash were told was a walkthru#but like obv we hadn't finished moving out yet cuz today was the big move...#and they brought their agent and a contractor and we like let them look around and answered q#and then today. they had the gall. to insist they be let in for a 'real' walk thru tmr at 7am#7am??#also bro we're not done moving out fully yet and tbh we won't be at 7am tmr!#anyway we pushed back bc wtf they literally already came thru several times the guy even wanted a second inspection and he came here for it
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Seeing everyone get so excited and gifting each other drawings and fanfics and it's just. I wish I was capable of doing that too ; ;
#one of the main reasons why my best friend and i hit it off so quickly was because on day ONE of meeting she decided i was nice and wanted#to write a fanfic for me. which she did. i still think about that day all the time#and since that day i have gotten so many other gifts from my beloved friends of things they created for me because they love me#and i just hate that the only way i can return the favor is by elaborately complimenting and praising them#like trust me. i know that compliments and appreciation mean A LOT and can make someone so so happy#but#i wish i could show my love by giving them something of MY creation and hard work#but that's the thing im simply not a creative person#like yeah i have my moments and i have ideas but the times ive excecuted them is just a few times a year#i cannot consistently “create” anything and i used to be okay with that but now I'm not#because now i need to create things. many many things so that i can give them to my friends and i can make them happy#but whenever i try i almost always fail#and this thought is kinda selfish and in the background but what if (WHAT IF. NOT A THOUGHT I BELIEVE IN)#what if they love me a little less for it#less than their other friends who can create art for each other and do it almost regularly#pls don't comment on this I don't actually need advice for anything this is just a vent 💕
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whining hours . sry
#like idk i try to like. imagine a future where i have like. friends. you know. Bare mimimum i have People i talk to. who arent lamp. and i#just cant imagine it happening again#like. i genuinely feel like i cant connect to ppl anymore and idk how id like. i dont see a way for me to do that ever again since i cant g#to school and like. sny job im able to get wouldnt be the kind where i like. meet people or make friends. and last year when i eent out wit#the express purpose of Making friends i literally couldnt. speak to anyone. like i just sat alone with my headphones on until it was time t#go home ... i dont know how to like. initiate casual conversation#+ like. i worry i get way too invested in any potential friendships bc i want so badly to be Normal and have friends and then i freak out#rly badly over something trivial. and thats entirely my fault like I need to work on not letting my freakouts effect the person im freaking#out abt. yk. like its my stupid brain that just gets rly rly overly defensive and weird abt everything its not like. I need to work on that#and thats another reason i dont knowif ill ever be able to make friends again is bc i genuinely dont trust myself not to get overly attache#way too quickly and then explode or something. idk#i also think maybe im just not meant to have actual lasting relationships with anybody ever. yk. like maybe im not meant to ever have roots#and maybe i just wont ever get to have stability and my life will always be entirely transient. Perhaps thats for the best so that i dont#have t like. lose ppl. and ppl dont have to deal with me#+ if i make bad decisions there r less ppl to care abt it. you know. which is a plus. idk#theres like. some parts of me r like desperate for friends and for love and to just . feel like i exist and Talk to people and like. have#stability. and then the rest r like No this is good bc we cant hurt as many ppl like this and also we dont deserve any of that so this is#for the best. and i just have to sit here like ok ! bc if i seek out friendships that part shuts it all down and if i dont the other part#makes me feel miserable and lonely. like damn i am destined for misery. but whatever. it doesnt rly matter DHRNFJFN im just being whiny#it just feels like i need like. ok this is my abdicating responsibility and is the reason i dont have friends disclaimer. i know that. very#aware. but i like. i need somebody to be the one to reach out to Me bc i like. i cant reach out to ppl like. i cant Try to initiate#conversations . but i think if there was a person who like. initiated conversations w me and started a friendship with me i like. i think#itd help me get used to Having a friend again and then id like. id be better at maintaining it and eventually id be able to pick up th#weight. but Obviously nobody wants to like. put in all that effort for somebody whos incapable of returning the favor possibly ever. yk#i need to just bite the bullet and humiliate myself and reach out even if its embarassing and even if it makes me have to throw up#<- happened one time when i tried to talk to someone new. which is so. oh my god. there r ppl who have avtual fucking issues and then im#just like boohoo i tried to think abt a conversation starter and got so anxious i fucking threw up. GOD. i hateit i hate it i hate it. but#wtvr. ik i cant actually expect that from anybody basically like. ik its a stupid wish. idk. i just wish i had somebody who could help me#like. remember how to mask and how to socialize Like a real person. and wouldnt mind that im like. weird right now. and would be willing to#talk to me until i got normal and stuff. wtvr. idk ... 10000 lashings
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Networking/Knowing A Guy: A Guide
This is the autism website. Now, as an extension of the power of love and friendship, there are few things more useful than Knowing A Guy. Knowing A Guy means you have a support network. Knowing a plumber, or a tax accountant, or just that one dude that's really fucking good at finding the information you need when you're really overwhelmed, can be the difference between being able to pay rent and having a fun party with friends to fix your shit.
How does one end up Knowing A Guy? It's a skill you can develop called Networking and it is one of the foundations of society. Unfortunately making those connections with people is fucking hard and nobody makes a tutorial for it. So, here you go:
The golden rule is you scratch my back and I scratch yours
It is necessary for survival to seek out useful people
Great news! Everyone is useful in some form or fashion - including you! When given the opportunity to learn about someone, do it! Extroversion does not come naturally to some people and that's okay. Just take whatever falls in your lap.
Types of usefulness: trade skills, connections of their own, personality you jive with, pleasant to talk to, niche interest in shared hobby, security - the list is pretty much endless. I know a guy that lives in the metro area - no job, no major hobbies, inoffensively annoying to me personally, kinda ignorant, not attractive to me, but you know what? He knows how the fuck to get around the city by foot. My rural-raised ass APPRECIATES the guide.
Remember important information: general personality, background, skillset, likes and dislikes. You can find this information by making smalltalk about their life. There is no such thing as pointless conversation. (Yes, even the annoying smalltalk)
The more people you know, the higher the likelihood that one of them will be useful in a given situation - or will know someone who is.
It is overwhelming. In a given clique/community/workspace/whatever, there is A Guy Who Knows The Other Guys. This Guy is a shortcut. Find them. They're often elderly, extroverted, a little bit annoying, a secretary or in some otherwise forward-facing position. Look for people that are gossipy/talk about other people a lot but not in negative ways. If they constantly talk shit, they'll talk shit about you too. They're still useful but be careful with the information you share
You do not have to like someone for them to be useful.
You do not have to like someone for them to be useful.*
If you have low self esteem, you're going to feel like you're using people. You're not. That's the devil talking. People like feeling valued and the connections you are making are the threads holding community together. Recognize people for their talents. It's only a problem when you're taking advantage of people
So: don't feel scummy about it. You're an animal. You have to claw out your right to survive and people will respect you more for it.
Luckily mutualism is the name of the game in the animal kingdom. Offer something back. The foundation of a Know A Guy relationship is Mutual Benefit
Sometimes that Mutual Benefit is just spreading news of the The Guy far and wide. My plumber friend is my actual friend and I love her to death, but I'm maintaining our backscratch relationship by pimping out her plumbing business to anyone that'll listen
Food is a good Mutual Benefit. People across cultures for all of human history have bonded over food. I have good success asking people for a favor and then offering to buy them lunch in return **
General compensation is also good. Offer a service in return and always do your best to offer financial compensation as appropriate. Having your plumber friend take a look at your drain: doable with a case of beer. Having your plumber friend redo the pipes in your entire house? You need to pay for that.
Being transactional is not necessarily a bad thing. I would advise against keeping an itemized list of things owed, but fish don't seek out cleaner shrimp just because they enjoy their company. Everyone gets something
Unfortunately being extroverted and generally personable is a huge benefit here, but that's the value of the Guy That Knows A Guy. There's someone out there that has consolidated All The Guys so you don't have to be the local expert. Always remember nobody can do everything and you don't need to master every skill
* This is the foundation of a functioning community. I have many acquaintances that I find incredibly annoying. They include doctors, welders, artists, social workers, lawyers, construction crew and random fuckers at the grocery store. I do not hang out with them. I do not have to in order to maintain a civil Know A Guy relationship. I can drop them useful tidbits and fuck right off so I don't have to spend any more time than necessary with them
** People may assume romantic intent. Be prepared for that. I generally denote that it's a friendly/work lunch by calling them bro at some point if they're my age. Otherwise my general demeanor is sufficient to show that I do this with everyone
Source: personal experience, mother's teachings of crime, booth vending and poverty
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god i hate the birth of day
#it gives me so much anxiety and everyone is like#“ohhh it shkuld be celebrated bc youre such a great person(((:”#fucking bite me#the anxiety comes from people telling me they care about me#im not taking it for granted im grateful for the people ive met#but holy fuck is it overwhelming when people actually wanna return the favor#because then i want to start crying and its stupid that i cant stop the tears#and then i look EXTRA dumb and awkward like some wet beast#hate it here#cat talks#literally every year its just so miserable and i think i do it to myself bc i make sure every form of#social media im apart of i hide the day to the best kf my ability#yeah whatever ill post it here bc nobodh actually Knows Me and its something i can handle#but fb? insta? snapchat?#fuck that noise#god i hate this gets me so depressed#i feel like a wild animal is chasing me every year#and then having to respond with some generic thank yous for the whole day?? what am i thr fucking pope ¿¿#i dodged a fucking bullet though#bc i got a letter from my new job about facts about my birthday etc#so i immediately messaged my boss and asked politely as possible#to disregard my birthday bc i hate celebrating#and she was gonna send me flowers and a card#oh my god when she said that my heart fucking dropped bc i could not IMAGINE the spotlight at work rn#i dodged it so fucking hard#i wouldve fucki g died
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My personal favorite buddie proposal idea is that Eddie sidles into a storage closet at the station one day while Buck is doing inventory and asks "hey can I talk to you as my best friend instead of as the love of my life?"
And once Buck is done having heart palpitations (love of his life! best friend!) he's like "yeah of course" and even sets aside his clipboard so he can give Eddie his full attention
And Eddie gives him a shy/smug little look because he knows what he's doing and says "so I've decided to propose to my boyfriend-" he gives Buck a second to start thinking in full sentences again (boyfriend! that's me! propose! marriage! forever! choosing me forever!) before finishing "-and I was hoping that, as my best friend, you'd come ring shopping with me"
And Buck manages to say "yeah - I'd - I'd love to" and he means the ring shopping but he also kind of means the proposal and they both know it and they spend the rest of the shift barely meeting each other's eyes and then looking away to smile and giggle like teenagers
And they do go ring shopping and they pick out something Buck really likes while pretending very seriously that Buck and Eddie's future fiancé are not the same person
But THEN, before Eddie has a chance to actually propose (he has PLANS), Buck gets him alone at the station and is all "hey, so, can I ask something as your best friend instead of as the love of your life?"
And Eddie is like this sounds familiar but he's also having heart palpitations because he's just as gone on Buck as Buck is on him, so he says "yes of course"
And Buck is like "I think my boyfriend is going to propose, and when I say yes I want to have a ring for him-" he gives Eddie a second to be able to form thoughts beyond he's going to say yes!!!! even though he KNEW he was going to say yes, before continuing "-so I was hoping my best friend would help me pick one out"
And Eddie feels a little drunk (is this what Buck felt when he did this to him?) but he says "I'd love to, yeah" and they spend the rest of the shift not getting farther than a foot away from each other and smiling down at whatever they're pretending to be working on
So they go ring shopping again. They get the same salesperson, and pretend very seriously that this is a return favor for Buck helping Eddie last week, and that they're definitely marrying different people, they're just here as each other's best friend
And Buck carries the ring they picked out for Eddie around in his pocket until Eddie proposes because he wants to be ready, and it takes a couple weeks for Eddie to get it all set up and they both feel electrified the whole time
I don't know how Eddie eventually proposes, but Buck loves it and cries and says yes and gives Eddie his ring, and all their friends are very happy for them while also thinking how insufferable they are
And then they live happily ever after
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no but like. literally any time someone is nice to me if it's someone i know i get worried like 'aw geez.....i hope i've been actually cool w/ them and not a bastard they feel like they have to placate or something'
if its strangers i just get worried they see some clearly disabled dude and want to either be nice (which is fine obviously) or be nice and go like "aw yeas. i am SUCH a good person for this"
#idk what flavor of mental illness this is to think this way.#but anyway if they seem happy to do it i just let them lol#i'll do my best to return the favor somehow and it just works
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#hi. hi. hi. always on your side.#i love you. have a wonderful life.#<- im not dying yet no ones dying yet i just. constantly revising good bye statements to u#scrambly. tis me. scrambledri. thanks for letting me go. let me return the favor. i care you.#probs still posts on here. woo! probs letter! probs see you bcs. less daily direct contact. big thing.#ok. ok. if you do really need anything. brother. friends. walk. rice. clean. lots lots.#wish you the best - andri#gives u. a littol kiss. or blep. and hug. 🫂🤗😋💛#my bestttt friend.
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