#doesnt this make him unable to even defend himself?

[grippingmoving]

[luneemeritus]

Stella was depicted as an abuser since her first appearance in LooLoo Land. Stolas wakes up next to her, miserable. Defeated. The way she steals all of his blanket, leaving him vulnerable and cold, while denying to check on their child that was screaming for help, is VERY CLEARLY a sign of her disgusting behaviour.

In "You will be okay", Stolas melancholically sings about how his life is over and how he would never find love nor happiness, yet even still, he is able to find strenght and be with his daughter. Stolas is a SURVIVOR. He isn't whiny, he isn't dramatic, he isn't responsible for Stella's abuse. He was a teenage boy forced to be a father, a husband and a guardian of legions and powerful magics. He is a VICTIM and, most importantly, a SURVIVOR.

Later in the Episode, Octavia wakes up with her mother screaming, yelling and destroying Stolas's belongings. This is abuse. This isn't she being "reactive over his cheating", this is abuse. She is not a hysterical silly woman angry because her husband cheated on her, she is an abuser. Octavia, growing up in a dysfunctional house and unaware of the abuse her father was going through, doesnt understand the situation around her and thinks both her parents are to blame. She is a 17yo clueless child that grew up with a physically, emotionally and sexually abusive woman as her mother. OF COURSE she thinks her parents "used to love each other until Stolas cheated". But the audience KNOWS what is truly going on. Yes, Stolas's haters, Stella's defenders are also audience. They know Stolas is a victim. They just don't care, they pretend the show brought Stella's abuse "out of nowhere" when no. It was always there.

When Stolas offers to take Octavia out, he says "anything but staying in this house". Their house is hostile. Neither Via nor Stolas call it home. And the responsible for this hostality is NOT Stolas, it's Stella. When Stolas takes accountability for putting Via in an uncomfortable situation that she didn't consent to (what a good father would do), he tries to tell her about his and Stella's relationship.

"You have to understand. Your mother and I... we weren't in.. she hasn't been... I haven't been... I'm sorry, I don't have the words."

This is a victim. Stolas is unable to tell the truth, because he doesn't want Via to see her mother as a villain. Even though she is. Stolas is a victim, trying to protect his daugther from what he knows will hurt her. He was about to tell her that he and Stella were never in love, that she hasn't been a good person but a nasty abuser that ruined his life, but he couldn't let it go. This is trauma response. I know it's all obvious, but it's tragic that we still need to explain the obvious.

During season 1, Stella was shown emotionally abusing Stolas, neglecting their kid and abusing him in front of their kid, throwing objects and people at him, destroying his things and paying an assassin to kill him. All because she felt offended because he cheated on her with an IMP, a class that she ACTIVELY and PROPOSELY mistreats (no, it's not the same as Stolas's internalized bigotry, which is still bad, but Stella knows what she is doing and she enjoys doing it). She was always an abuser, it was NEVER a "mutually destructive" relationship. Her defenders chose to not see this.

After The Circus, we had the three reveals about Stella that made it impossible to defend her: 1, they were forced to marry, 2, she physically abused him as well, and 3, Via only exists because Stella raped Stolas multiple times. Neither of these are retcoms, neither of these "came out of nowhere". Stella was always depicted as an abuser, the show just added more context. THIS IS NOT BAD WRITING, this is a depiction of a type of abuse that society REFUSES to believe that happens.

Stolas is not responsible for anything. His "cheating" doesn't make him a bad person. As himself quoted, "cheating implies that there was betrayal. This woman never gave two fucks about me, nor our so called arranged marriage". There is no cheating. Stolas was forced to marry her, he was abused by her and he chose to move on with his life. He doesn't have to be forever stuck with his abuser and never meet anyone else in his life just because. IF they had a consensual, loving marriage and he suddenly decided to cheat, then yes, he would be the one to blame (YET EVEN STILL, KILLING THE PERSON THAT CHEATED ON YOU IS UNJUSTIFIABLE. CHEATING SUCKS. TAKING SOMEONE'S LIFE IS PURE EVIL), but this is not what happened. Stolas did nothing wrong regarding his relationship with Stella, he didn't "cheat", he didn't deserve to be abused nor having his life threatened by her.

Yes, Stella was also forced to marry him. Yes, she was also forced to be a mother in her teenage years. You know what she wasn't forced to do? She wasnt forced to hit Stolas, she wasn't forced to rape Stolas, she wasn't forced to host parties to humiliate him, she wasn't forced to pay an assassin to kill him. She chose to be an abuser. If she was a decent person, they could have been allies in a bad situation. But she isn't a decent person, she chose to make his life miserable.

As Stella's defenders are unable to understand that rape and abuse aren't ok just because they were done by a cishet rich racist woman, let's change the perspective: is Angel Dust cheating on Valentino? It's heavily implied that they had a consensual relationship, full of love on Angel's side, until Val became more and more abusive. Is Angel, by disobeying him, sleeping with other men (outside of work) and falling in love with Husk, cheating? Does he deserve to be raped, enslaved and trafficked because he's "also to blame"? No, he doesn't. Angel is a victim, Valentino is an abuser.

Stolas is not a flawless person. But pretending Stella "did nothing wrong" and is just "bad written" while hating Stolas for evils that he never did (x) (x) (x) (x) is just vile. A media is not "bad written" just because you don't like it, this is an accurate depiction of domestic violence where the victim is a gay, neurodivergent, socially isolated man and the abuser is a woman with every single social priviledge that a queerphobic, patriarchal society expects. This is not bad writting. You just have bad faith against the authors, ops I mean, agaisnt the only queer woman working on the writing procress.

[inumkii]

gojo x reader angst from a wip that ill never finish.

----

“he’s,,” gojo pauses to collect his thoughts, “he’s no good. yn, i need you to trust me when i tell you he doesn’t have good intentions with you.”

you scoff. an annoyed look plays at your features. who was satoru gojo to tell you who's good for you and who's not?

“and what exactly are those intentions?” you snip, not really caring what he has to say.

“to get in your pants? he just wants to sleep with you.” satoru’s mad now. you don’t know why it affects him this much, but it aggravates you. when there’s competition, only then does satoru start to panic. why go through all this if he didn’t even like you like that?

“and why would you think i don’t want that?” a rare moment where you had the upper hand on satoru; he opened an opportunity for a smirk to poke out from your lips;.

he opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out. his eyes are searching your figure, desperately trying to recognize the person in front of him. but nothing about the way you’re acting makes sense to him. what was this guy doing to you?

“listen, satoru. you don’t need to start caring about me all of a sudden. i know what i’m getting myself into and i dont fucking care.” it's clear he doesnt have anything to say after your snark so you fill the short moment of silence, “so please, if you have anything else to say about us just keep it to yourself.”

“but i do care about you-“

“so suddenly? because before this whole thing, you weren’t all too concerned about what i was doing.”

“that’s different- you know how busy we were!”

“and youre not busy anymore?” you look down at your phone to check the time, “fifteen minutes. you were supposed to meet the elders fifteen minutes ago. but you pushed that aside to tell me i need to stop talking to a guy?”

he’s unable to defend himself. mouth occasionally opening to speak up, but he can’t. “the elders could have waited fifteen minutes for you to spare me even a phone call- a text-“ your voice almost breaks. swallowing down any thing that could choke you up, you end the conversation. “you know what. never mind. see you later, satoru.”

[optimisticmosquito]

Imagine a liujiu AU where LQG returns from the dead to save SJ from the water prison:

SJ has been placed in the water prison to be tortured by LBH. The whole trial had been a disaster, but that wasn't particularly surprising. A deep part within him still stung from how none of his martial siblings had even been there to try and defend him.

No one is coming for him, that was simply a fact. LBH had removed his legs a few day earlier and had him write that cursed blood letter, but the joke is on him. YQY wont come back for him. Not after he told him not to return. He had set the man free, there was no reason for him to associate with trash like SJ any longer.

He hears steps come closer, most likely LBH coming back to gloat at him, and maybe to torture him some more. Perhaps he was going to remove SJs arms next.

Looking up he becomes momentarily stunned. He must be hallucinating, maybe the pain and loneliness of his acid filled cave has finally driven him to insanity.

In front of him is a man that should be long dead, the Bai Zhan war god, Liu Qingge. The man he was unable to save in those caves so many years ago.

But is it really him? SJ doesnt think he's ever seen LQG wear that expression towards him. Or, maybe once, during his last moments.

It's a pained and devastated expression. It is compassionate, something that would have made SJ bristle when the brute was still alive. It was many, many words left unsaid.

"Am I dead?" SJ asks with a hoarse throat.

"No." LQG answers bluntly.

Death hasn't changed the man, it is maddeningly amusing in a way. SJ lets out an huff "Then why are you here?".

"I'm here to take you back home" LQG answers with all the seriousness of his old living self.

Against his will, SJ feels his lip wobble, "I have no home, I brought this on myself." .

"Maybe you did." LQG says, "but you did not kill me. I won't let them use my death to falsely imprison you."

Ah, of course. SJ manages a wry smile "So you are here to defend your honor then?".

"No," comes the immediate answer. LQG bends down and hesitates a moment before he places his hand on the side of SJs head. His thumb hovering uncertainly above the skin under his removed eye, before softly brushing the dried blood from cheek.

He swallowed thickly, voice filled with emotions SJ couldn't even pretend he understood. "You tried to save me, more than once. You were never a lazy young master, despite everything I accused you of. And you never went down to the brothels to.. to do that.".

How could he know all that?

LQG took a deep breath, closing his eyes to gather himself. "It seems like I've always misunderstood you shixiong, let me make it up to you now."

SJ must truly have gone insane, question is, what part of his demented mind wanted LQG of all people to see the truth of him?

"Do whatever you want" he answers with apathy. None of this was real anyways, he'll probably wake up in a moment to an empty cell. The memory of LQG will have left him as easily as everyone else have.

Closing his eyes, he thinks he hears a soft "I'm so sorry" before exhaustion claims him. He should get some rest before that beast shows himself again.

Next that follows is LQG taking SJ out of water prison. LBH tries to stop them but YQY gets in his way him. LBH knows he can't beat him in direct combat, that's why he wanted to lure him into the trap in the first place. Seething with rage, he has to let them leave with his shizun.

At CQM, LQG meets up with the rest of their martial siblings, who are understandably shocked to see him. After extensive testing for possession, even taking out Hong Jing, they finally believe he has returned to the living. He talks with the other peak lords, telling them how SJ never tried to kill him in the lingxi caves.

Rather, it was LQG who almost killled him in a fit of deviation induced madness. LQG tells them how he had momentarily regained his sanity and saw how badly he had hurt SJ, who was begging him to come back to himself. And who didn't look far away from a deviation of his own.

He had known at that moment he'd end up killing the man if he slipped back under. So he did the only thing he could, he stopped himself from doing something unforgivable.

After all, the mountain losing only one peak lord was better than losing two. And even with their complicated history, LQG did not want to hurt SJ.

LQG then explains how he had spent many years as a ghost. Watching how SJ was accused of his murder, and how his little sister had suffered by the loss. Seeing how his death had deepened the cracks between the peak lords.

He saw the trial where SJ was accused of many things, including his death. He saw the demon torture SJ and take his legs.

At that moment of utter helplessness, he had been approached by an entity calling itself the System. It asked him if he had any regrets he wanted to mend, and what he was willing to do to return back to life. He accepted the deal and woke up shortly thereafter.

That was how he arrived at QDP at the same moment YQY went outside, eyes wild with desparation and fear.

YQY told him about SQQ and about the box and the blood letter LBH had sent him. Together they were able to form a plan to get him back.

LMY had been so shocked upon seeing him again, and upon hearing all that she had thought of her shibo was wrong, that she didn't refuse him when he asked her to take him to SQQ.

All the while YQY, instead of rushing in head first, asked for an official meeting between himself and LBH to distract the other man. Something he had barely managed without drawing his sword and killing the demon.

LQG and YQY manages to convince the other peak lords to agree to protect SJ. LQG then helps SJ recover, helps him get prostheses and to train up his strenght again.

He also helps SJ bridge the chasm between himself and the other peak lords. And makes sure they become a (somewhat) united front against the new demon emperor.

He constantly tells SJ he will not allow LBH to get his hands on him again. And slowly the former rivalry grows into something else as they learn to know and trust each other.

LBH on the other hand becomes increasingly desperate in his attempts to get SJ back into his claws. But with SQQ, YQY and LQG all protecting the sect, not even LBH can do anything against them.

[stevie-petey]

Hi m! I had a short blurb idea for you. Could we see Jonathan's pov after his fight with Nancy, and what drove him to go to bugs house? Also his POV throughout their car ride together? Thank you! ❤️

finally had time to get to this one and YES i can <333

enjoy !

"well then i guess we just dont understand each other anymore."

the pain in nancys voice hasnt left jonathans mind since he dropped her off at home hours ago.

he lays in his bed, sheets cold as the night creeps upon him. do they really not understand each other anymore? jonathan knows he understands nancys frustration, how painful it is to be overlooked, but how can he explain to her that hes unable to understand the feeling of security?

hes never had that before in his life. ever since he was a boy, his life has been defined by instability and insecurity.

it was meeting you that brought some sense of security into jonathans life. youre the only thing jonathan considers a constant in his life; he trusts that youll always be a part of him.

he isnt like nancy. he doesnt have a mom who attends to his needs. a house in a cul de sac with freshly painted shutters. jonathan doesnt have the privilege of being a kid, not when hes been helping to pay for his familys rent ever since he was fourteen and legally able to work. he isnt able to lose a job that can pay for his college like nancy can.

security is a foreign concept to jonathan that he cant understand, yet he understands that the burn within him is his love for nancy. and he understands that he cant lose her.

sighing, jonathan gets out of bed and towards the phone in the kitchen. he has to hear your voice, soothe his nerves, maybe even cry. right now, jonathan needs his best friend.

youll know what to do. you always do.

when he calls you and you sound just as exhausted as he feels, he knows that tonight will be one of your driving nights. a few years ago, when your only worries were exams and parental issues, you and jonathan would drive around hawkins late at night and pretend you were the only two people to exist.

as you got older, the need to drive became few and far between, but tonight jonathans chest is heavy and your voice sounds frail.

hes at your house in ten minutes, and within fifteen he has you in his passenger seat with an old mix tape playing as julys cool night seeps through the car. and, within thrity minutes, youve unwoven all of the intricate strings of fear and uncertainty within jonathan.

he loves you for how easily you put him at ease.

you simultaneously support jonathans side while also vehemently defend nancys. you console him, yet you also gently pry his head out of his ass.

"it frustrates me how you always manage to say the right thing." i love how you love me.

"youve known me for years now, its your fault for not getting used to it." ive grown up learning how to love you.

its easy. its as easy as breathing when it comes to you, and jonathan inhales as much of you as he can. for as long as he can, for as much as hes able to.

and then you break jonathans heart with six words.

"im terrified he'll be another 'almost'."

its as easy as breathing, and jonathan wishes that he could exhale for you. he hasnt forgotten the lines that were once almost his to cross. how he had you, all of you, and now youre steves and hes nancys.

in the end it was all for the best, but jonathan hates the scars he left behind. he hadnt meant to, they will always mar your body, and he will never forgive himself for it.

"im sorry, bug." he shouldve apologized earlier. he knows this.

he wishes that there was more he could do, more he could say. but hes never been good with words and hes scared he'll overstep somehow. say the wrong thing, hurt you even more. so instead jonathan holds your hands, kisses away your tears, and silently prays that steve doesnt make the same mistake that he did.

youre steves now, anyone can see that. you love him so deeply and freely that jonathan cant help but admire how beautiful it is. he can see it in steve, too. how much he loves you.

that boy adores you.

jonathan understands the feeling. he always will.

[cecythemaybe]

⚠️⚠️Call of duty MW III spoiler⚠️⚠️

I saw people complain about how Ghost reacted when Soap died. But personally, I love it so much that it hurts.

Do you see how tired Ghost is? Like his eyes after he scattered Soap’s ashes ???? That's a whole story there. Simon Riley is a lieutenant, right? During the time climbed into this rank; he already lost lots of people around him, and slowly he learned that sooner or later it would be him or anyone working along. He has a hard time learning and preparing for it, Simon is already broke to feel broken again. Just empty in those eyes.

Not to mention, I've read somewhere that Ghost and Soap knew each other before MW 2019. And that even fucked up. Simon would sometimes blame himself for getting attached (as friend) to Soap. It’s would take a long time. A long time for Ghost to actually shed tears about Soap’s death. Not because he is heartless but again, the breakdown gonna keep building up and till its unable to hide, it's going to be a mess. Simon breaks down into pieces, and later back to his feet with the same broken mind.

GOSH thats what i looking for

And about Soap? I think it would take me a day or two to actually accept that Soap- yea. Everything happened too fast, too quickly that I'm agape. I have love-hate with this twist. Why?

First, its showing that this is war. Everything comes faster than we thought. A perfect example of why we should despite war. Soap got shot right when everything was on fire while Gaz and Price were trying to defend, while Ghost was on the ground… The rush is a perfect way to give us a shiver feeling of how ruthless is it. Yet again, is Soap!!? The scene Price, Gaz, and Ghost around Soap’s disappointed me. They could make it longer, give us time to understand that Soap Mactavish is just death. A 141 member KIA. AND HOW THEY JUST SCATTERED HIS ASHES INTO NOWHERE ????!!? DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS MEANS??? ITS FUCKING MEAN THAT SOAP DOESNT HAVE ANYONE. NO ONE ASIDE 141??!!??

I already knew Soap going to die, but this is so messed up-

Edit: I only saying that I like how they portrayed Ghost with pain, not about the campaign. Its feel too rush to cut Soap off and continue to the next chapter. Too rush that I feel like he still alive and his whole death is a cover

[destinysbounty]

I was gonna put this headcanon in a fic but i probably will never write it so instead im gonna share with all of you. Do with this idea as you wish

The fact that Pixal just up and built herself a new body in season 7 suggests she could have done it at any time, but chose not to. And i refuse to believe Zane and Borg didnt at least offer to give her a body - Zane admitted he preferred having her physical, im sure he at least suggested rebuilding her at one point. As he said in season 8, "The choice has always been yours, Pixal." Which leads me to believe she was the determining factor in her own reconstruction. She chose to stay in Zane's head, and Id like to think her reasons for doing so are similar to her reasons for hiding her identity as Samurai X: self-imposed guilt.

Let me explain.

Think of it like this. Pixal was built to assist, right? Even from the beginning of their relationship, she has been put in several positions of saving, protecting, and looking after Zane. Their first bonding moments involved her repairing him and later rescuing him from a junkyard metal shredder. Just as Zane has an integral need to protect built into the core of his existence, so too does Pixal have an integral need to assist.

When Zane gave her half his heart, he seriously disadvantaged himself in combat. Not only that, but it was his heart being unable to withstand the Golden Power that killed him in the end. Im sure there was at least some small part of Pixal that blamed herself for this. Not just because she might see this as a failure to uphold her reason for existence (helping people) - but also bc maybe if he'd had his whole heart during that fight, maybe if she'd just given it back to him, he might have had a fighting chance. It would have only marginally improved his chances of survival, but that small .003% probability increase is enough to make her blame herself. A probability that small is statistically irrelevant, but she cant help using it as an excuse to blame herself - or perhaps, to give her a rationalization for her survivor's guilt. Because the heart inside her, powering her, is the same heart Zane could have used to defend himself against the Golden Power, and the feeling of it inside her is unbearable.

Then Zane comes back, and she gets scrapped. And Zane forgets everything, and his mind is in shambles, and she has to help him piece himself back together again.

She blames herself for this, blames herself for his death and for the scrambled state of his memories that came as a consequence. So she figures, she caused this, so its her responsibility to help him fix his broken mind. Its her responsibility to assist.

So she stays in his head, where she can hold his memories together and keep his mind from falling apart. She insists she prefers it this way, likes being close to him, but deep down she longs for her physical freedom and hates herself for wanting more than she deserves.

Then Borg is kidnapped. And Zane is nonresponsive. And she has a choice. So she chooses to rebuild herself and leave Zane behind.

And...she feels good. Free. She's...happy about it.

But shes also deeply ashamed. Thinks she doesnt deserve to enjoy the experience of leaving Zane's head. He needs her, she's less useful to him outside his headset...and yet here she is, being Samurai X, having the absolute time of her life. She loves it, and she hates herself for loving it so much.

So out of shame, she tells no one. Shes worried theyll be just as disappointed in her as she is in herself.

And Zane...well, maybe theres a reason the Ninjigma didnt become a problem until after Pixal left his headset. Maybe she was the only thing holding him together, and the moment she left, all his memories started spiraling out of control. Maybe the events of Decoded turned out to be for the best, and allowed Zane to sort through and finish repairing his memories on his own, without relying on Pixal for help.

When Pixal reunites with Zane, shes worried he'll be upset. "Was i more...useful...inside the computer?" But to her surprise and delight, he prefers her in whatever form makes her happiest, not whatever form makes her most useful.

And Pixal, backed by the support of Zane and their friends, flourishes in her new role as Samurai X - not just in an assistive capacity, but exploring and embracing her interests in engineering and tinkering. Things are good, for a while.

But then Zane ends up in the Never Realm. And he comes home, and she learns what happened. She hears what Vex did, how she sabotaged his memories and twisted his own sense of self against him.

Once more, she blames herself. Begins to believe that maybe if she had still been in his headset, she could have prevented all that suffering.

Anyway, Pixal with survivors guilt and a raging hero complex my BELOVED

[amaryllisblackthorn]

spoilers for professor layton and the last specter

one day i'll finally write that ~analysis about how layton treats children esp in pl4 and esp in comparison to emmy that's been in my head for literal y e a r s at this point

i'm going to actually leave some of my scattered thoughts abt it here finally. note that this is all based on the US localization.

for lack of better words, layton treats children with respect and seriously. like of course he's mindful that they're children but he takes what they say and feel with seriousness. vs emmy who's often patronizing, demeaning, or impatient (for lack of better words).

this is prob most apparent with Luke in pl4, though not limited to him.

when first told about the door puzzle, emmy goes 'aw thats so cute let's do it'. like indulging a little kid. which luke is, but i digress. EDIT: briefly checked out the jpn text in the scene and it doesn't seem like Emmy calls it cute, and her tone isn't doing it either. seems like she's just like, 'Professor, let's do it!' which is interestinf

there's a point where Luke is freaking out about the specter and the power it has and how it's corrupted his father. emmy's like 'you cant seriously believe theres actually a specter!' but Layton says to Luke 'I believe the specter has the power you say it has'. Layton doesnt believe there's an actual monster re: the specter, but he believes there is something re: the specter, and that's the important thing. and Layton furthermore immediately goes on to say he's noticed something's up with Clark, himself. Layton is listening to Luke and taking his feelings and fears seriously and is validating him -- and this is so incredibly significant bc of Luke's whole feeling like he's unable to trust anyone during the game which is incredibly related to this but a bit separate so im trying not to digress. THE POINT. is. the difference between Layton and Emmy in this regard.

i dont remember if it's the same part -- i think it might be later but maybe not -- i think it's when Luke reveals how he can tell where the specter will appear next? -- but basically Emmy's kind of upset for lack of a better word that Luke had been withholding that info and is like 'are you hiding anything else, like what the specter has for breakfast?!' or something iirc. luke mind of apologetically defends himself with 'i didnt know if i could trust you' and Layton is totally understanding

EDIT: (i removed an example bc upon further reflection it wasnt necessarily relevant. i might readd it later)

then there's the part with Jakes' son near the end iirc

also the small part nearer the beginning iirc when Luke goes chasing after the cat and Emmy&Layton are chasing after him and Emmy complains to the professor 'he's acting like a child!' and layton's like 'heh well he is a child c; '

there's also how Layton treats/interacts with the Ravens

also when first meeting Luke and Luke's opening up slightly but then Clark comes in and starts scolding him which has Luke withdraw/angry/turn away and Layton's like, "Clark, please"

there's also the cutscene when they first see the specter, where before it appears. Layton asks Luke, 'well, luke, what do you think? do you see anything?', he says no nothing, and Emmy's like 'I still have a hard time believing this. it sounds like a scary bedtime story. is this even possible?'. Layton says, 'Well, we'll soon find out.' and then Emmy goes on to say 'and a poor boy who predicts where the giant specter will appear' and Luke's unhappy about her comment

ALSO when Layton tries to go after the Specter that scene and Luke grabs onto him and tells him not to go, Layton takes the time to talk to him. same for when Luke's freaking out when the police took Arianna away. Layton puts a hand on his shoulder, gets to his level, and talks to him seriously.

this isn't bashing on Emmy btw I actually enjoy this as part of her character and it makes sense to me the difference between her and Layton in this regard. im also not saying that shes like always like this with kids either. or that it's even kid specific. I genuinely think it's neat. I also think it's a super neat part of Layton's character.

also ive really got to either play through pl4 again myself or watch a playthrough to record all the specific instances again.

also Layton taking Luke's feelings and fears seriously and Luke coming to trust Layton at this time of his life means the world to me

[davekat-sucks]

(sorry for spelling/grammar errors, i was typing this very quickly so there might be some)

eridan and gamzee have some sort of reason for their killing, eridan was clearly not in the right mental state and also went grimdark (honestly not much i can say i about him because i’ve don’t a lot more research on gamzee), gamzee was being controlled by lord english and also was too sober to handle the cold truth that all of his “friends” would make fun of him, and the extremely fast realization that his friends weren’t laughing with him, but they were laughing at him. he felt like he needed to escape the role of being a joke, he had nothing against equius or nepeta it was just wrong time wrong place(this doesn’t excuse that he killed, but it more an explanation of why he killed). vriska on the other hand was an abuser who hurt MULTIPLE people and people say that we can excuse this because she was groomed and say shit like “vriska did no wrong”. vriska never even really became a better person or took accountability for what she did, she just said “yeah i’ve done some pretty shity things lmao” and get away with it. whenever someone says something like “i don’t like vriska because she’s a genuinely terrible person who hurt and manipulated multiple people” they’re either called misogynistic or have internalized misogyny which isn’t true (most of the time), hating a female character DOESNT make you a misogynistic woman hater.

also we need to stop calling gamzee a clown. even if he has a lot of the same attributes of a clown he does not like being called a clown nor does he agree with the idea of being a clowns, given that clown are people who want to make other laugh at their own misfortune, gamzee wants to make people laugh but he doesn’t want to be that joke.

Eridan had defended himself when Feferi attacked him, despite their agreement on the duel. Part of why he was in the wrong is not only because morally or that they were friends, but also the fact that it was a violetblood killing a fuchsiablood. Someone who is on top got killed by someone lower. And it is against the rules. Even if said rules should not carry over since Alternia is gone, it still holds over in a meta-narrative sense of what readers know about the customs and culture of their planet. Another was that he destroyed the Matriorb. One could argue that even if it wasn't destroyed by Eridan, then it would be Jack Noir himself after finding the trolls' hideout, as it is seen that he would have eventually killed everybody there. Others see it as Eridan fulfilling his promise on committing genocide to his race, as he had once mentioned before of killing land dwellers when he was on Alternia. Some could see also Eridan destroying the Matriorb at the time, would lead to The Condesce being unable to rebuilt her troll empire, as Gl'bgolyb would eventually kill all the lusus, even the Mother Grub that would have been on board the ship at the time The Condesce traveled to Earth, preventing her from getting a Matriorb through her own Mother Grub. That's why she had to kidnap Roxy. She may have known the other Matriorb from the previous session, was destroyed because Skaia and Paradox Space said it had to happen. And no one can question Skaia or Paradox Space on how things should be to continue the timeline. All the bad things had to have happened. Any self improvement on the trolls themselves as a whole or individuals, are deemed to be part of Doomed Timelines and irrelevant. Eridan had at least apologized to Feferi and mutual with Sollux even after they had fused to become Erisolsprite^2. Why else didn't they explode like Tavriskasprite had? So even SOLLUX had some empathy of what Eridan was feeling. The only thing he was not able to do was saying sorry to Kanaya. How could one apologize for that? Would Kanaya even listen to him? It's complicated that death was the only was for him to atone. It has been said that Karkat tried to continue pacifying Gamzee, but eventually got tired. Part of it is that he was unaware that Gamzee was being controlled by Lord English. It makes me wonder if there would have been a way to prevent him from being influenced by LE, before or after Murderstuck. When Post Retcon happened that Vriska was alive and stopped Gamzee (only after Murderstuck happened so Equius and Nepeta), why doesn't Karkat question about why Gamzee was acting this way or why it was VRISKA who needed to stop him so the timeline can continue. Doesn't Karkat even feel no pity or empathy that he would still be locked in the fridge (in the Meat Timeline), never to see Earth C? How does Candy Karkat feel about Gamzee being DEAD? He still cares about Dave, fuck that clown that was his 'best friend'. His new best friend and lover is Dave. Who the FUCK is Sollux? For Eridan, he was emotionally unstable and not in the right mindset to make the best choices. Gamzee was being mind controlled by Lil Cal and was also mentally unstable upon learning the truth about his religion. Vriska, however, had full control of everything she did and she made those choices on her on conscience, knowing the consequences that will come. She was still sane and aware of what may happen and yet, she has the choice of going through redemption arc how many times now at this point? So it's fine for Vriska to have that many times of redeeming herself, but Eridan and Gamzee can't?

[lip-gallaghers-cigarette]

I am about to infodump about why steven universe has BPD (and cptsd but thats canon)

later in the series and in SU future is when all the trauma has already happened and hes finally safe is when it manifests itself heavier. hes very people pleasing, putting other peoples needs ahead of himself, even if the other person is in the wrong, his emotions spiral so out of control that he becomes corrupted or goes "pink mode", he has identity issues (bc of constantly being told hes his mother) to the point where he cant tell if he is her, if he is himself, if hes a he, if hes a she, if hes a gem or if hes a human, good or evil, etc.

has bursts of intense anger and feelings of guilt, would go to any length to keep people in his life (connie for example) and when she rejected his proposal his symptoms spiraled out of control, which is typically what happens w bpd, its triggered, his symptoms started presenting when he hit 16 / SU future. as for the ptsd though thats actually canon, there is an episode where he visits the doctor and she doesnt directly call it ptsd but shes asking him about his trauma and how far back it stems from (and he begins recalling traumatic events starting all the way from the beginning of the series to the middle of the series before connies mom interrupts him and tells him that he p much has c-ptsd) and steven starts having intense flashbacks and then falls into an episode when he is reminded of connie rejecting his proposal, his body starts physically reacting to it as if its happening again. (which by the way the proposal was very impulsive and spontaneous and mainly based in fear of abandonment, and solidified when garnet agreed. very bpd like.)

he views small issues as life threatening, which is seen in ptsd and bpd. hes been in a constant state of trauma since childhood, never knew his mom and constantly i n peril fighting monsters he doesnt even know the origin of protecting himself from a battle his mother forced him into, bpd and ptsd are inherently traumagenic. he changes himself and overextends himself to fit other people's perception of what he should be or to fit his own idea of perfection, hes terrified of being alone and will go to any lengths to keep his loved ones around him.

when people offer him support he pushes it away because he doesnt want to burden his loved ones with his problems or intense emotions or trauma. in fact, he bottles it up SO much that he falls into an episode where he starts fixing other peoples problems to distract himself from his own, as if fixing other people will in turn fix himself, which only makes it worse and worse until he explodes. he talks about how hes worthless, how hes a bad person, how he doesnt deserve his loved ones, and then becomes corrupted when the trauma become too much for him gem to handle anymore. (Him splitting on himself after bottling his feelings up for so long)

this was only soothed when his loved ones reminded him how much he was loved and cared for. he lacked a voice his whole life and once jasper taught him to fight and defend himself and he became all big and strong his personality changed completely and he ended up becoming aggressive in the same way jasper was and literally purposely and v violently shattered her because of it (which is obviously very out of character for steven who has healing powers)

he also takes control of and attempts to shatter white diamond when he has trauma flashbacks to her almost killing him despite working through those issues previous

he has a "the grass is greener on the other side" mindset

He has bouts of uncontrollable rage because he has no form of grasp of his emotions due to alienating them.

He creates narratives sticks to them then he is unable to change these thought processes.

after shattering jasper he has an intense panic attack, thinking he is a violent killer or bad person, his guilt spirals and he makes a very desperate and emotional attempt at bringing her back.

he also takes control of and attempts to shatter white diamond when he has trauma flashbacks to her almost killing him despite working through those issues previous.

he has a "the grass is greener on the other side" mindset

He has bouts of uncontrollable rage because he has no form of grasp of his emotions due to alienating them.

He creates narratives sticks to them then he is unable to change these thought processes.

He creates a happily ever after in his mind and then when the outcome isn't perfect or what he imagined he freaks out.

he has frequent flashbacks to issues from his past and tends to block the thoughts out when they show up or dissociate himself from them, or, alternatively, he hyper-fixates on them so much that it takes over every aspect of his waking life. he also thinks in black and white a lot, with things being either all good or all bad, and becomes paranoid about other peoples intentions or the way they perceive him. he also is CONSTANTLY on edge expecting bad things to happen and prepares himself for danger that might not even come.

Also throwback to the time where he crashed the car and split on his dad when he realized his dad got the childhood he always wanted and that he was neglected, he quickly went from idealizing his dad to feeling spiteful toward him and putting their own lives in danger.

also the time when he realized all of his friends were moving on without him and subconsciously trapped them in a giant bubble that he had no control over

oh and the NIGHTMARES!!!

- sincerely, a Steven kinnie with BPD and C-PTSD. (Cross-Posted)

[oswednesday]

like any kind of Yaoi stuff thats happening is meant to draw your attention to how these two men interact with like, jimmy begins to treat curly in a way thats very like non-person'd, you get the sense of who he is, theres the noises curly makes while laying there unable to move, to defend himself, while jimmy manhandles him, forces stuff into him, uses his body as meat, takes his frustration out on the body, he can only re-assert the status quo as men of equal footing or even jimmy below him when curly is no longer reachable by him, even before that they share an intimacy that extends beyond platonic this is evident by the povs blurring together, and i do feel how youre suppose to read that on curly's end is a little open, like it is bro code frat house style sexism The Result of but curly believes anya, curly just doesnt "know" what to do with jimmy because he cares about him and that extends like beyond this, like he has always been a problem person but curly cares about him, feels responsible for him, in a really soft way, and curlys interest in jimmy as a person and his care for him threatens jimmy's masculinity

[gadgetcopter]

literally how does making jimmy a rapist weaken his character, the way he hurts everyone on the ship is made like a thousand times more impactful and fucked up when you know hes one. coming up with an idea to spike swanseas drink so quickly, manipulating a young naive person to do something he doesnt want to do and will end up in him being badly hurt, forcing curly to swollow pills and taking his anger out on him knowing he's unable to even defend himself. his whole thing is literally wanting CONTROL and POWER over people.

[luneemeritus]

Angel Dust love/appreciation post

With all the horrendous negativity sorrounding Angel Dust these days, I decided to make a post dedicated to love and appreciate him. It's 2024 and we still need to defend victims. It's like we moved backwards, specially considering that most individuals that hate Angel for... some reason? Call themselfs progressists. Lmao. What a sick joke. But let's foccus on what's good: Angel.

• Angel was willing to have sex with Alastor only to help Charlie. He doesnt like Alastor, he thinks Al is creepy and untrustworthy, and if he filmed himself having sex with Al, he would piss off Valentino (doing work "without his permission" to help someone Val heavily dislikes, after all, Charlie is helping him). So Angel was putting himself in danger and willing to fuck the stinky deer bastard just to help Charlie. HE LOVES HER SO MUCH, I CANT.

• Angel is so protective. He is so brave, he tried everything he could to keep Charlie away from Val, even yelling at her because her safety is more important for him. He grabbed Niffty like a baby to protect her from the loansharkers that were chasing Mimzy, he took the knife out of Niffty's hand, he stood up against Val to defend Niffty, and, unlike Charlie, she wasnt very close to him. But he just cares so much about his friends. It's so beautiful.

• The whole scene when Angel tells Val to fuck off. Just this. It's so fucking satisfying to see Angel being so strong and brave. Of course he will need help eventually, no one can be strong forever, but still. I'm so proud of him.

• Angel rejects Cherri's offer (drug) without shaming her or considering her less of a friend. He still loves her, supports her and is always there for her no matter what ❤️

• He didnt only stayed in the Hotel even after knowing Adam would target them first, he was also so invested in fighting back and protecting the Hotel. What a good boy 🥹

• When Vaggie throw him along with Pentious, he didnt ran away nor left Pentious to die alone (considering how both him and Vaggie were not trusting him), he fought back, protected Pentious and supported him after they were safe. And keep in mind that Pentious was both working for the Vees AND slutshamed Angel. But Angel didnt hold grudge (honestly he's better than me, my petty ass would be 100% pettier)

• The simple fact that Angel opened up to Husk was an act of strenght. This was so hard for him. The facade "helped" him to stay "untouched" and "safe" from humiliation, but it only made him self destruct. Letting go of that facade and ADMITING that he needs help is so, so hard. But he did it. Angel I love you

• The way he was so heartbroken by Pentious's death 🥺💔 "you did good, buddy" HEEELLPPP

• His protectiveness is beyond his friends, he saved the little egg boy in the cuntiest way possible, he's so fucking kind and brave, HE SLAYED.... (literally)

• As some people love to point Angel's past in the mafia (I mean, their ASSUMPTIONS on what Angel's mafia past was lol) to prove that "he is such a terrible person", I'd love to point out how he's terrified and disgusted by cruelty (Alastor's, Val's, Adam's) and only uses to violence when he needs to defend himself. From the men that wanted to drug and assault him in EP4, defending their territorry from Pentious in the pilot, defending the Hotel from literally every danger, from the mob that wanted to kill him in that very old pre-pilot comic. In conclusion, he is not a cruel person.

• And still speaking of that topic: he can handle himself. And that's fantastic. Every single time he used a gun, he ate 💅

• CHARLIE GRABBED HIS HAND IN THE FINALE 😭😭😭 it's so beautiful I love theeeemmm

• And of course, he stopped acting inapropriately towards Husk because he understood what he was doing is wrong. His haters are unable to see how much Angel improves himself, but it's not easy to let go of a problematic behaviour when called out. Angel I love you so much

• The way he was chasing Fat Nuggets when the Hotel was destroyed 🥺🥺🥺 such a wonderful pet dad ❤️

• There are different interpretations for Angel's reaction when Husk tells him "I guess you have changed", but I just love how he doesnt take pride or talks about himself, because that was not his priority. He wanted to foccus on living, helping and supporting his friends, spending his time wisely with people he cared about. I love you Angel

• Angel is unapologetically feminine, sensual, free and queer. This is awesome. He would be the best freak at Pride Parades. Be like Angel, be unapologetically yourself, live freely.

Now just look at cute pictures of this patootie

He's so pretty. I love him. Thanks for reading. Live laugh love Angel Dust

[isabelguerra]

personally ive been thinking about the paranat characters as miraculous users since you assigned isabel as chat, and i think i have the activity club members (former and current) but only for the main 5 bc its been awhile and i don’t know what the new ones are or what they do

max would have the ladybug miraculous. i tried to think of any other of him bc i dont want it to be main character = main character, and while i think he would rock (and most likely want) the fox miraculous, he has been shown to be incredibly creative and adaptive in situations that just lends itself to the ladybug. creating his bus jumping plan in a few seconds (and it WORKING), figuring out how to take the ball and how it would bounce off him to end the game in hit ball, quickly trying to adapt what he had seen his spirit do briefly the night before… the boy is probably the one doing the most creative problem solving of all the kids. also then it creates the isabel+max partnering and contributes to ed’s insecurities about his and isabels relationship and isaacs one sided rivalry with her

ed feels like i should be saying the ladybug miraculous bc his tool is a paintbrush and he uses it to create weapons and objects, but really hes not one to lead or figure a battle strategy by himself and just going well he creates things :) feels like a weak argument. instead i see him with the fox miraculous, the powers allow him to still be creating things (albeit that only those in the spirit would would see) and we havent really seen him in fights too much but he seems like hed try to distract his enemy with whatever hes drawn if hes not outright attacking

dimitri seems like hed be an AMAZING leader. he is calculating, he was able to sense that the student councils plan wasnt going to work and quickly come up with his own plan AND get max and johnny + his crew to go along with it. but he is very methodical (and mathematical) in how he goes about it, seeming to view the battlefield as a 3d chessboard, which is why i dont think hed be a fit for the ladybug miraculous despite how creative he could get with his powers. instead i think hed be a good match for the turtle miraculous, defending and protecting others. math vs art, left brain vs right brain, concrete and tangible vs loose and abstract, it just feels more fitting

isaac is tougher. i would want to say the black cat miraculous bc i think thered be something to him having one of the strongest miraculous there is but being unable to control it and ending up destroying everything he touched, but thats not an option in this senario. instead i see him with the bee miraculous, bc the power can still be destructive if used incorrectly and i could see him lacking control and maybe his paralysis packing too much of a punch just like how his lightning does. i could see him complaining and thinking that hes being excluded bc of how his powers are more “evil” than everyone elses, and comparing himself to isabel bc her powers are also “evil” but everyone loves her, spinning himself out. maybe he badgers her bout how she doesnt understand how difficult it is to wield his miraculous and how she has it easy, maybe he does this enough that she gets frustrated and agrees to switch with him if it will get him to drop it only for her to easily master the bees powers and him to make a mistake and spin himself out even more. eventually they would try to come to a tense truce and he learns that there is no such thing as an “evil” miraculous

i wouldnt know what to give johnny so im not really going to try. i dont think the bee miraculous would be a good fit bc its precise while i cant see johnny being contained in any way. maybe the monkey? but i dont really remember what it does so i cant say whether it would really fit him or not

[narwhalandchill]

thank u for the addition! but ehhhhhhh im sorry i really dont see this transactional + desperation aspect u speak of personally so agree to disagree more than anything n i have my own view of why his relationships to people are like That

firstly im not rly sure where this widespread idea of childe being someone desperate for other peoples approval seems to be coming from but canon-wise thats... not really the case to me. its never been. he has always been consistently confident and self-assured to the point where lore in things like his boss drops and profile alike make a point of repeatedly emphasizing the extent of his arrogance and ego. this isnt a desperate individual (i wouldnt rly call nor consider him a narcissist but lets say hes Way closer to that than some anxious wreck), so like, that motivation doesnt track for me. he Likes approval and praise and attention yes he loves that shit (attention whore <3) but hes not dependent on it. he knows who he is and what he wants.

secondly. on the specific relationships.

with teucer; i dont really think childes exactly unaware of the unsustainable nature of his lies - idt hes really called attention to it explicitly so far, but the continued theme of promises and taking responsibility for those of them broken in his SQ and how he is generally way more self-aware of the contradictory nature and relationship between all the different sides of himself - despite all being true to who he is obvi - than ppl give him credit for (the self admitted "kind of a bad guy" and things like "even good guys lie and manipulate at times… and bad guys have their own doubts and misgivings", for a few) arent rly. giving me oh hes completely clueless on what hes doing. he calls it defending childhood dreams; i think he knows teucer will grow up eventually; he himself did, after all. now i obviously do think theres that selfish and prideful element to how much he wants to Keep being that perfect big brother but again. i think the motivation has nothing to do with transactions, its just abt having a familial dynamic untainted by The Ajax 14 Incident and trying to preserve the purity of that perception as long as he can despite how shitty it is for teucer and the best way he knows to construct that relationship is through the high effort Perfect Big Brother & Loyal Knight (TM) persona, same way he wears any of his facets as a mask for any particular opera stage that asks for it.

as with his parents, methinks the tension slash possible painful history there goes way too deep for anything in that relationship in particular to be generalized for childes overall social dynamics. i think him sending them things is at most a way of taking care of his family without ruffling feathers at home bc again, the self-awareness thing - id assume childe in his 20s knows he was out of control and in the wrong back then at 14 (altho while not a fan of taking that fanon trauma angle at all for what was behind that ordeal. i also dont rly blame him for being unable to acclimate back to teyvat post 3 months in abyss w 0 support either; even skirk an actual adult avoids the surface bc of that reason aka adjustment difficulties lmao and he was just a teen with no proper outlet before the fatui gave him one), and understands the damage cannot be undone. and because nobody wants to talk and open those wounds, he substitutes for actions instead for amends and olive branches.

the tsaritsa is just. not sth i see at all. again. childes attitude towards the tsaritsa isnt one of a revered deity whose godly approval hes desperate for at all - he respects her for one reason and one reason only and its that shes a fellow warrior. and one who by serving he can continue accessing the stronger enemies and challenges he needs to reach his ambitions. like i do think theres a more transactional element to his loyalty to the fatui in general than most ppl do (like. i can fairly easily see him not backstabbing rly but ditching the fatui if either of those clauses falls; so 1) tsaritsa loses his respect or 2) he overtakes the fatui in power and they no longer provide him a way to pursue his goals. or 3) they mess w his family lmao its so funny when ppl speculate on this not considering how it might backfire on the fatui lol) but thats exactly bc he is Not desperate for a gods approval just for the sake of it. like yes, loyalty and keeping promises is a big thing for childe and he v much takes pride in his duties as a harbinger and practically feeds his overgrown ego an exclusive high calorie diet of good-at-my-job juice. but a man that is explicitly out there to grind the thrones of the divine to dust under his heel is not someone id consider a character thats scared of the tsaritsa tossing him away if hes useless lmaoo like hot take but to me. SHE has more to worry about HIM ditching HER lets just. say that 💀💀

also. the human weapon thing rly gets overblown im sorry. childe puts IMMENSE emphasis on staying alive to see the end of his journey as the most important thing. he talks about it constantly. he is not unaware of the risks he takes and the dangers that come with his path - thats why he makes such a point of the value of life (curiously also sth he shares with skirk; did he get it from her?) irregardless of the outcome of a battle. he knows his life could get him killed and is staunchly committed to Not Doing That. like this is just very clearly established in lore. ppl see him as suicidal or self-destructive and its like nope. he takes risks yes and is both reckless and overconfident at times but theres a very clear line for. what he knows he can and cannot survive and his will to live things through is one of those very pointed characteristics unique to childe that tend to be forgotten in favor of more fanon trope aligned interpretations aka Having A Death Wish or not realizing the risks he takes

(altho editing to add in here that yes could be argued that he lacks a plan for an actual long term future; he has a voiceline abt overthrowing the world and then dueling us to the death implying hes kinda just not considering a life past the point of fulfilling that grand ambition but also. he brings it up himself hes clearly self aware there)

then zhongli; again i think its reading a bit too deep into it, esp since the whole sugar daddy thing as funny as i find the dynamic myself as well is sth fandom has rly made a bigger deal than it arguably ever was in canon lmao. childes a very generous person to begin with and also had an additional ulterior motive for tying the fatuis finances into his "working" (business dinner inappropriate flirting into what-are-we into YOURE WHAT (fucking fight me) etc etc etc chili my dearest) relationship with zhongli as a way to add potential strings to pull with the wangsheng funeral parlor. so like there was already a strategic aspect to that. but also like. i just think hes a filthy rich guy who isnt that invested in the elitism of that position that enjoys the company of a person who tends not to think about the cost aspect of his many hobbies and happens to Somehow be strangely unfazed by ajax' general existence unlike most ppl. so its like. i dont think its that deep. they hang out, zhongli forgor the mora and ajax has more than enough to spare and far too little care not to throw that mora around like its confetti

now. what to me feels like a more prevalent theme in the dynamics you mentioned and that i can 100% agree with is that childe puts a great emphasis on the value of actions. as ways of representing his promises and ties to others as opposed to anything more abstract. you say he needs to be useful to other people to be allowed to be around them, as stated before, i dont really agree with the desperation element there, but i do agree being able to provide acts of service and be competent and helpful is a big aspect of and v important to his character but its just the desperation thats not rly sth i see. its about his own capability to do those things for others that means a lot to him. in terms of pride and ego and how he views himself. thats really the only thing. making and keeping a promise is an action. taking responsibility for breaking it is one too. loyalty is more of a nebulous concept (hence his self-admitted ambivalence towards such things in labyrinth warriors act II that ppl still think isnt canon text bc it goes against popular fanon where hes just Loyal period and not with a abyss shrimp colored asterix lol) but fulfilling his tasks and excelling at what he is asked to do are actions that center him and make his actions as the defining cornerstore of his relationships to others. like that to me is the central theme of all those relationships and its also why with skirk that element is absent: he knows that within the only domain their relationship takes (martial master & disciple) he is by definition the one with jack shit to offer other than following her guidance and trying to improve. she has already defined their relationship as one where this usual dynamic of his actions isnt as central. but bc ofc he would hes also Still trying to impress her thru his actions and it shows in the way hes desperate (like. unironically. THATS desperation for approval to me like childe has Such a Please Notice My Efforts I Worked So Hard on This PLEASE energy towards HER that he rly has for no one else JKWDJKJKWDJKD puppy crush at 14 moment hes so cute. tsaritsa megafan ajax? nah its all skirk. like her approval actually matters to him So Much you can see it) to see her again and challenge her to use both hands to defeat him the next time. like the reason skirk doesnt fit the 'pattern' is bc they just have a different dynamic and one that was formed before his current (insufferable) self and attitude was fully formed and he became the kind of person hes these days. like it has the remnants of baby ajax there before he killed his old self and picked the bones clean to remake himself into a warrior

and like this was partially in the og post wrt teucer already but overall i think the very like. grandiose nature of the roles he seeks to occupy in his relationships isnt a sign of desperation or thinking any less wouldnt be enough for ppl to tolerate him around but instead a reflection of his perfectionism, drive and ambition as well as his massive fucking ego. he doesnt want to be a Perfect Brother (TM) or at least the idea of it in his head (which can be a source of dubious judgements to begin w) bc he thinks only that is enough, he wants to be that bc he wants to excel at everything he does and put his all into it. hes not content with being average he MUST be the best and work towards being the best. being Just A Harbinger (like that by itself isnt a frightening achievement at his age already) that does his job as he should is too lowly of a bar when he always always demands more from himself to keep improving. so he strives to be a lethal weapon of war for the tsaritsa that commits to his duties with surgical precision. and so on. its not that he Has to be such an overachiever but that he Wants to be. he Wants to surpass his own limits every step of the way and watch the boundaries expand in front of him as he proceeds onwards on his path (lab warriors act III)

and as much as all this analysis stands i also think hes kinda just. a practical fairly straightforward guy by the end of it. and letting his actions speak for him is just a part of how he rolls imo like showing commitment by putting effort in a relationship through his actions is just a characterization thing. its easier to act to him than to do anything else, and slotting into a specific Role within a dynamic like the Loyal Knight Brother or Weapon of War just lets him allocate and manage which parts of himself he involves in any specific relationship

(also. its an inch resting quote unquote "loophole" to me that lowkey if u think abt it. foil hat on. he is loyal to the tsaritsa As her weapon of war. as tartaglia the 11th. as that particular mask that character. but thats also v much not All That He Is. so like. if u think abt it. isnt there also plenty of sides/roles of him that technically have never sworn that allegiance to her 🤔 hmm)

but yeah this got long jwdjkwdjkwjkdjkdjkdjkwd im afraid i couldnt rly agree with the central point ur making there but. theres v much interesting stuff to look at with childes relationships for sure & and this is just my very quick rambles on some of it. not very coherent but just stuff ive thought abt For A Long While wjkdjkwdjk

spicy take incoming but i kinda wish ppl werent so desperately attached to and protective of this moniker of Great Big Brother 100% Perfect So True And Real when it comes to childe bc honestly. he really isnt (perfect or even that good at times) and to me acknowledging the ways both he and his family (for enabling him) are in some ways kinda just. doing teucer incredibly dirty in the long term but only with the best of intentions in the short term is so much more interesting than just pretending hes a flawless brother?? like it only adds to the drama and irony of it all man like theyre rly so dysfunctional as a family unit its great. even if hoyos likely never exploring that shit in its true depth it still lives rent free in my head for sure lol

like. you rly dont have to turn ajax into some sort of unfeeling uncaring monster of a shit brother to acknowledge that he does, in fact, repeatedly make incredibly reckless and selfish choices during his SQ with teucer and in general by choosing to obstruct the truth of who he is from lil bro so completely?

like this stuff can be nuanced and coexist with his absolutely 100% genuine commitment to protecting teucers bubble of a worldview (and w the theme of childlike dreams and wishes being so prevalent in general who knows what could be cooking w that one in particular) and his loyalty and love for his family without just having to whitewash the dumb shit he does lmao

like just bc hes capable of and willing to face the potentially grave repercussions of absolute bangers (🙄🙄) like teaching an actual fucking child to consider ruin machines fun besties and 100% insta ready to fuck himself up by protecting teucer at the cost of aggravating his still-unhealed injuries from the liyue AQ when dottores abandoned lab turns out to be more lively than expected doesnt. make that choice not a very irresponsible one yall im begging 💀

like. hes the adult here . the entire situation unfolding as dangerously as it does in the factory is Absolutely all on HIM for not being able and/or willing to disappoint teucer by just . Doing the mature thing and sending him away to safety because HES gotten too attached to this idea of being his lil siblings' loyal knight and perfect brother that Always finds a way to surpass the expectations no matter the cost its a role HE wants to keep playing despite the risk

like its So obviously a pride thing for him too and thats so fucking interesting because Of how flawed and questionable the logic is!! like yes he truly cares about teucer and ensuring he has a great unforgettable time during this impromptu escapade in liyue like thats not up to debate but the point im trying to make is that the choices he makes are Still very much intertwined with his ego and overconfidence and not really based all that much on Whats Actually The Best Approach Here. he improvises a way to give teucer the best mr cyclops outing he has ever seen bc HE wants to be the one offering him that experience and ends up biting off a bit more than he can chew and he can only blame himself for that one and This Isnt Fucking Sustainable

like i dont think that makes him evil but i do think it showcases his arrogance and flaws in a very concrete way and is a part of why calling him a perfect brother or at least one without an asterix just. rubs me off wrong lmao

like idk feel free to keep calling him that if its important to u and all if u want idc (and i do to some extent get why this defensive narrative of insisting hes great no issues at all emerged bc i remember 1.1 some ppl acting like hes childcare satan for how he treats teucer lol) but. at least like . Be willing to chip in to fund the therapy teucers going to need for those lifelong trust issues in the future man 💀

Bc Thats The Other Thing. now tonia and anthon i dont consider a part of this bc at least they Know hes in the fatui and hiding the gory details of ur harbinger job from ur baby sibs is like. fair enough and reasonable. but. crafting an Entire different AU version of yourself and feeding it to your baby brother as what constitutes actual reality surely is a choice of all times like ajax ily but genuinely . What the fuck if you were real id throttle you

AND HIS FAMILY ENABLING IT THE ENTIRE TIME ITS CRAZY LIKE. As a person with multiple siblings both older n younger with some similar age gap cohorts involved. God id snitch so fucking fast i dont think ppl rly stop and think much abt how objectively horrifying this shit is from teucers long term pov 😭 in the best way obviously given its fiction like its so scrumptiously awful and dysfunctional .

(& just in general man im just so obsessed with the way ajax 14 basically broke the eggshell of his past life and emerged to rise towards his destiny drowned in the guts and gore of the place and people and community he once called home unconditionally. Bro he fucked that town UP and now his family relations will never ever be the same its so fucking Delicious. those 3 days missing and what followed are just Actually a literal fucking horror movie when you stop blindly stanning our ginger menace, forget ajax' side and take the pov of his family and morepesok in general Why Are People Not Talking About This)

like. its not that i dont understand Why this is sth childe ended up doing as i said Thats The Point. its human. teucer is the only one in the family who wasnt there during that fateful 3 days/months . Like yea anthon and tonia were prolly sheltered from most of the carnage back then too but they still Know where he was sent when he became literally uncontrollable and almost killed the neighbors (everybody & their mom loves demonizing his parents as if his demon spawn ass left them a fucking choice JFEJSJSJSKDKS) . like its at least Known.

but then theres teucer.

And like. teucers the Only one with whom ajax can even pretend to have that delusion (ha) of normalcy and a family that hasnt seen him gaze into the abyss and stare back bloodied and grinning ear to ear . like. hes the only shot childe can have at even playacting some crude imitation of normalcy before Everything and even That comes with an expiration date hes fully aware of. so theres just lies after lies after lies and the fact that even his family just. if not actively partaking in the charade then at least silently allows the entirety of it to happen to teucer whos the Only fucking one out of the loop is just..... dude its not fair on him At All

Misleading teucer THIS much is just. its fucking horrible man but i GET it. thats why its so delicious man i GET it but god its just . imagine being teucer in this situation.... thats his entire fucking World shattered once the truth comes out. Everyone close to him has been lying to him his entire time. They all knew and they let him be misled. Like sure he might be happier Now with ajax dutifully protecting that childhood dream of his but after that. Just. sit on this for a bit. after everything do we Really think teucers just going to understand why it came to be and see it as worth it???? Will he really????

yet at the same time as awfully cruel it all is its just So human!!!!! Its so human of both ajax and his family to use the innocence of the only child that was spared the aftermath of worlds best/worst 3 month abyss training camp to indulge in this flawed false reality where their third son didnt walk into the void and come back hungry for More until only the fatui could take him and even then it only spurred him on further on that path. Like its all an act and a lie and its just. Not fucking fair on teucer but hes still doing it and theyre letting him even tho they Know it wont last theyre all looking teucer in the eye every day and letting him believe like man....

like in both the entire ruin factory sequence And in general hiding the truth from teucer as extensively as childe does hes being incredibly selfish but at the same time its selfishness only rly in the way all people are when it comes to Wanting to be seen a certain way by the ones they love and care about. and thats what makes it so interesting. bc as much as the choices he makes are dubious (or like. this decision makes sense to him. a morally bisexual total omnivore ethics-wise narwhalpilled since 14 who sees exclusively in abyss shrimp colors and acts accordingly) both they and the motivations behind them are also just. So very human ones . as terrible as the implications and eventual inevitable downfall of those choices can (will) be.

like. is it not that much more fascinating to consider all the ways that childe is neither a particularly exemplary nor an egregiously bad brother just one that. Happens to be wired weird in the head and proud and flawed and with a track record of heavily suspect decision-making but that also very much genuinely loves his family man. Like i can love that about him without dismissing the fact that theres parts to how hes treating teucer that 100% can and imo rly should backfire horrifically bc. It really just is that fucked up

hes not a good brother hes Worse AMD better than that and also not alone in this like. his family is an active fucking part of this . But like still . Is he trying his best with his abyss shrimp colored vision ? Yes. Is his love genuine? Absolutely. What are the marks? 3/10 meet me in the office after class mister youre just actually horrible (affectionate) 😭

A perfect brother? Not My Ajax man 🗣🗣 and like theres SO MUCH to explore in that it makes me so sad you just. Never see any of it p much in fanworks bc we all just call him best bro and whatever and thats that like its so sad. this family is terrible horrible awful and no good and they deserve it but also didnt deserve it it was misfortune it was fate it was inevitable . justice for teucer man i need to get him in therapy asap

[shkspr]

hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.