#does this make sense i’m really tired
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If they went through all of their old videos for this tour, does that mean that they will finally acknowledge that Phil PREDICTED Dan coming into his life???
Like “Did you guys know I predicted Dan?!?!” and we are all like “yes sweetie”
#AN ENERGETIC WARRIOR- HE HAS A HASTY PERSONALITY AND IS VERY QUICK TO LOVE OR HATE#does this make sense i’m really tired#but like can they please acknowledge it#HAVE THEY?? DID I MISS SOMETHING??#okay anyway#dnp#dan and phil#danandphil#danandphilgames#phan
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@hhbluedynamite I’m going to make separate post here to address this. Tumblr mobile is a pain and I can’t add all picture examples I want to it here goes.
This has been a debate ever since My Hero came out,
“Why are All Mights eyes black?”
There’s been multiple explanations from how his borrowed quirk works to simply his own emaciated state. I’ve come up with my own theory. It’s said the eyes are the windows to the soul. I believe All Might’s eyes grow darker the more “weight” he carries.
For example,
When All Might was a kid, his eyes were normal. White. After losing his family, rendering him an orphan, white. Even after losing Nana, still he looked normal.
And after first releasing to the public.
This is because although he’d already been thru hell and back emotionally, he’s still normal. Even with his quirk.
Then, after he’d been in the game a while, they suddenly darkened.
Why?
Because by that time, the full gravity of his position, his responsibility and the realization he was essentially alone in that place, had fully sunk in.
Because he was so over powered above everyone else, everyone including the heroes left him to take care of almost everything they felt was too hard. And because he’s a selfless person at heart without a care to his own safety, he willingly allowed it to happen without asking for help. He didn’t want to risk losing anyone else. Which is also why he didn’t take on any sidekicks.
Until Nighteye.
Vigilantes showed us Toshinori when he wasn’t being All Might. And his eyes turn back into white in his more relaxed form, albeit with tired lines beneath them. However this is when he had Nighteye to count on. And Nighteye can see the future, so perhaps he would be safe, right? Well we know what happened there.
After he and Nighteye break up go their separate ways, we never see Toshinori with white eyes again. (Unless I’m forgetting so please tell me if I am). Now he’s injured, only a handful of people to trust, and none can truly understand what he’s going through. At this time he truly is alone, and the one thing that gives him joy is slowly but surely being fizzled out within him.
All Might’s eyes continued to remain black for years. Even after giving his quirk to Izuku. He still felt the weight of the world on his shoulders because he feared for Izuku’s safety. Blamed himself for every scar and Injury the boy suffered thru. Even though he was retired, nothing had changed. In fact it was worse now, because he could do nothing to help anymore.
And then he gains support items to face AFO for the last time. He’s a distraction, a willing sacrifice to slow the monster down, and he couldn’t be happier. We see the whites of his for the first time. All through the fight we see them, shaded albeit, but they’re there.
When he speaks to Nighteye asking if this isn’t the place he was meant to die, Nighteye confirms that it is. The fact that he’s still alive makes him raise the question, why is he still here then? I’m the mentor, Izuku is a ready and worthy apprentice. He doesn’t need me anymore. I’m supposed to be dead by now. His eyes seem darker here, as if the weight and his own depression have increased again. Perhaps begrudgingly accepting his fate.
But then here after Nighteye tells him he reads too many comic books, and that there’s no way he would go out that way, we get a closer look. Although his eyes are still shrouded in black because of his emaciated state. His eyes themselves are clearer, brighter. Even if Nighteye is only in his head, his words are still bringing him hope deep down.
While being tended to medically, his eyes are dark again, though I believe this is mainly due to him barely being alive and conscious at this point. And they’re still white, more than we’re used to seeing.
Finally after the war while they’re recovering, his eyes remain white, though they’re still shaded. The weight is still present. His work isn’t done yet. Izuku is losing his quirk, and he still feels like a failure in some sense because of that. Also because he and Bakugo almost died. And because of everyone who did die in the war all because he failed to stop AFO after three tries.
People who weren’t qualified to be heroes were even involved in this battle. And he thinks it unfair to hold such high standards when there are people who can still help, even if not at the extreme levels of the top heroes. He and Deku are proof of that!
In the last chapter several years later, we finally see Old Man Might! And his eyes-they’re so bright. ❤️
Of course they’ll always have a little shadow to them because of his sunken in appearance, but the tired lines under his eyes are gone. There’s not the black bags from pushing himself too hard, just the normal wrinkles that come with age.
This is Toshinori that’s been missing for decades. The man whose impossible weight has finally been lifted off his shoulders. He knows he can finally relax, he doesn’t have to be on alert or on call anymore. The world is safe without him.
He even found a way for Izuku to keep up his hero work with a suit similar to his own during the war (though most definitely suped up).
Finally, he can be at peace. His body, soul, and mind can finally begin to heal. He can work through all of the trauma he’s been stuffing down all of his life.
Finally, he can live.
#lover talks#ask me#I actually love how this ended#poor baby#I hope this makes sense#it sorta does for me#but I’m really tired atm lol#all might#toshinori yagi#yagi toshinori#izuku midoriya#bakugo katuski#Deku#great explosion murder god dynamight#lord explosion murder god dynamight#dynamight#or whatever lol#Nighteye#sir nighteye#toshinori yagi has depression#meta#my hero academia#mha#bnha#boku no hero academia#spoilers#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#my hero academia spoilers#boku no hero academia spoilers
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I’m wondering (and not sure if this has been talked about yet in a post I simply missed) about how Abram copes with Andrew’s physical affections (or lack thereof) in your lovely royal AU. With the history behind ‘pretty’ that you described for Abram in that last post, I feel like there is so much potential of him expecting to be touched, even before they are courting (but especially during/after), and wondering why Andrew doesn’t—especially once it’s established that he thinks of Abram as ‘pretty’. They are of different station so it would be so easy for Andrew to act entitled to Abram’s body like so many before, especially with Abram in a position where he’s basically serving him in some way. I wonder if it makes him relieved (due to professionalism/personal comfort at the very beginning) or anxious (due to having no ability to tell what is coming for him/later due to doubting if he is really wanted that way if Andrew doesn’t act the same as his point of reference) or a little bit of both for different reasons.
I imagine Andrew to be both a very tactile person and not necessarily so because he is so very aware of boundaries and only crosses them with invitation or purpose. I wonder how that translates here and how his touch plays into how Abram perceives him (and honestly there’s the whole part too where it’s something they have in common, trampled boundaries and bad associations and bone-deep understanding of such) or if they would ever have a conversation about that where Abram wonders about the curtesy of distance and space he is being given.
I’m like two seconds from passing out bc it’s pretty late here so idk how much sense this ask really makes but I’m having thoughts. I love your AU and your work and hope you have a wonderful day <3
YOU GUYS ALWAYS FIND THE MOST INTRIGUING THINGS TO EXPLORE I LOVE YOU (and your comments/etc, apostrophe-philosophy, are always a joy to read hehe)
(First: find the royal au writing masterpost here 💕)
I’ve been working on/thinking about this ask long enough that I’ve straight up forgotten if this was a thought I had when writing that first post (here) or if you brought it fully to my attention but we can safely assume it’s the latter so thank youuuuu for that truly. I love exploring Abram’s slow inch (and Andrew’s, but he’s had more time to get adjusted) towards finding a healthy relationship with touch 🥲 and oh my GOD don’t let me forget to tell all of you about Abram and gloves
I wrote a scene/lil collection of scenes about Andrew clearing things up here too because I’ve been wanting to explore Abram’s POV for a while 👀 there are references to canon abuse, so take care. As always, sparknotes version and additions below
I LOVE your points about Andrew, I totally agree that once it’s established and he’s allowed, he’s very much a tactile person, he just needs to get there first 💕
We all know for obvious reasons that it never once crosses the prince’s mind for Abram to be anything more than a professional bodyguard, even if he does find him attractive. He’s very good at courtesy and polite distance. How I imagine this goes down in the timeline is this:
1) Nathaniel shows up at Palmetto and he’s never allowed close to important people. Certainly never allowed close enough to touch. Totally safe there. It doesn’t take him long to understand Day really won’t take advantage of him since he never did in Evermore either, so that’s safe. There’s not much else to worry about for that long stretch of time.
2) Nathaniel/Abram becomes the prince’s guard. There’s probably a little anxiety just because there’s plenty of opportunities for the prince to try something, but as time goes on and Andrew keeps the previously mentioned distance, even acting apathetic (as he does), Abram starts to assume that the prince is straight/doesn’t care. It wasn’t as if every single person in Evermore was trying to get at him. Just the ones that wanted to. Obviously, the prince doesn’t want to. It gets to the point that Abram feels comfortable and doesn’t try to constantly watch his own back when he’s on duty.
Then the prince, perhaps feeling a little bold or hopeful or just wanting to say something so he doesn’t keep feeling like he’ll explode, makes a single comment on Abram’s “pretty face”. Even something that could be brushed off as friendly jest, if he really wanted. But Abram completely freezes up. Andrew, of course, notices. He doesn’t try to ask about it then, but he definitely notices. But he assumes that Abram took it as the genuine compliment it was, and that Abram is entirely uninterested or even wary of those advances. So he makes no more comments, he leaves the entire concept as far away as he can get it.
Now that Abram knows the prince finds him pretty, he’s just waiting for Andrew to be the same as everyone else. He didn’t even directly answer to the nobles in Evermore and they were still so bold - but he’s Andrew’s servant in the most direct way, and Andrew is a prince. Surely the prince is even more entitled to him than they were. (When he realizes this is what’s happening, Andrew tells Abram in no unclear terms exactly what is and isn’t expected of him. It takes longer than that for Abram to shake the anxiety he grew up with, but at least after that he can start repeating the prince’s words to himself when he needs to.)
3) that’s cleared up well enough, but then (much, much later) the prince wants to court him. At first Abram can’t think much beyond “there’s no way this is real” but then the more he thinks about it, the more nervous he gets again. He doesn’t know Palmetto courting traditions, what if he’s expected to do something he isn’t ready for. What if now that he’s accepted the courtship he can’t tell Andrew no anymore. It wouldn’t be fair of him to, he thinks, he shouldn’t have agreed so quickly.
But there’s a time they’re out doing whatever courtship things (maybe another horse ride for funsies idk), Abram’s getting nervous about it again, and when Andrew asks for a kiss or to hold his hand, Abram doesn’t answer. He’s also a little confused when Andrew doesn’t just do it anyway, because he hadn’t said no, but Andrew is watching him in the way that usually means Abram is acting too much like he’s at Evermore again. He tells Abram, “Nothing’s changed. You can say no.” And Abram does immediately - not because he doesn’t want whatever he was offered but because he scared himself. Andrew’s still watching him. “Don’t forget that again,” he says. Abram takes a shaky breath. “Yes, prince.”
But as soon as Abram’s past that anxiety for the second and probably final time? Andrew is still as tactile a person as before and gods know Abram is touch starved to hell and back, he’ll take any kind words or touches he can possibly get and he craves them. Specifically from the prince. Who loves to give them.
I’d love to come back and make a fluff post specifically about that point in the timeline if we can collectively come up with enough ideas for said fluff 🥰 for now thanks again for the ask, swear to GOD we’re gonna get these idiots a happy ending, but I’m having way too much fun in the meantime 😂
#hand studies doubling as relevant art to post 🙏#this was such a good point#your half delirious tired thoughts were INCREDIBLE#i didn’t get to the point about Abram thinking Andrew doesn’t actually like him because he won’t touch after they’re courting#but that can definitely be part of it#I just also think that past a certain point Andrew is asking every few days or frequently enough#that Abram realizes both that Andrew *does* want him like that#and that he really is allowed to refuse if he feels like it#based on the few times he does and Andrew moving on without further comment#very casual I feel like#idk I’m not making very much sense either in here#I wrote the post earlier than I’m adding tags#tag-writing emry has a headache 🥲#ohhhh but if Andrew is asking and Abram never does….#Andrew doesn’t wanna be pushy#that’ll be fluff that’s later#I need to be done here#fan art#my art#aftg#all for the game#neil josten#andrew minyard#andreil#royal au#my writing#asks
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Irks me a little bit whenever Dean torturing in Hell is positioned as his own fault, or even really his choice to do. We get given the solid number, 30 years of torture for him and 10 inflicting it on other people (which was also more torture for him because it’s Hell, the torture evolves, it doesn’t stop), and we get told that wasn’t long enough. That John held out longer. That angels were going to pull Dean out of Hell and if he’d just held on a few years more, the seal wouldn’t have been broken.
But that isn’t true, right? We know Heaven wanted the seal broken, ergo Dean wasn’t getting saved until it was. Until it, and he, we’re thoroughly broken and usable by Heaven to achieve their own ends (ie to make him into a good (obedient) Michael sword.) So, it wouldn’t have mattered how long he held out in Apocalyptic terms because the game (that he didn’t know he was playing) was rigged against him.
But more importantly for Dean, the amount of time he managed not to break literally does not matter. Because it was never going to be long enough. Thirty years, forty, a hundred, a thousand, it does not matter how long he held out because the breaking itself is the unforgivable part to him and the breaking was always inevitable.
Anyway. There’s my Dean meta for the year. Eat up, I guess.
#despite this being brought out by that prev post I’m not like. actually annoyed or anything.#we’re all free to interpret the show however. I just think this way brings out the tragedy of it best is all.#you know it’s like. did Dean & Sam technically both have choices in s4? did they technically make the wrong ones? yes.#but at the same time. there was never a choice. there was never an option to avoid the apocalypse. especially with how little they knew#of what was actually going on over their heads. like. it really is insane to go rewatch s4 and realize how much they don’t understand about#what’s happening around and to them. and that’s the part I like best! it was unavoidable! they will still blame themselves forever!#what’s the thing called where you like both brothers. bibro? that’s me.#samgirl with bibro tendencies.#if you ever see me speak negatively about dean know that it’s because I love those things about him actually.#I like when he’s possessive and self-destructive and terrible. I just think. in this particular instance. this was not him embodying#a character flaw. so much as it was him being forced into his role in the story in a very like. visceral literal sense.#I could go into the Michael-Dean ‘what does it mean that of the two vessels it’s not Lucifer’s sent to hell but Michael’s’ thing but#maybe save that for another day. I have thoughts I’m just tired.#spn#dean winchester
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thinking abt joe/carlos
#ashita no joe#yeah#idk just the way that they loved and understood each other#when that understanding necessarily came from physical violence they must inflict on each other#that post that’s like joe can only understand affection when it’s punching him in the face is true!!#when someone like noriko who he does care for tries to connect with him#the connection can never be complete bc she doesn’t understand what boxing is to joe (and carlos)#which is interesting bc someone like yoko who is one of joes number one enablers pretty much ever tries to have a more personal conversation#with him that’s not about his fights (him getting in the car with her bc he assumes she’s taking him to jose#him avoiding and getting throwing shit at her over the course of the series when she tries to personally help him)#he is hostile to for a lot of the time#idk it’s just like yoko is the closest thing he has to one of his oppenents in terms of understanding what boxing means and he lowkey hates#her maybe bc she is extremely privileged#she’s kind of playing at this boxing is everything when to her it’s really not#her family is incredibly wealthy and she never goes through turmoil herself over the plot (expect for the loss of rikiishi)#while the boxers of the series go through hardship#joe is a homeless orphan#rikiishi is in the juvenile detention center for almost killing someone#carlos also grew up in the slums#pretty much every boxer in the series has a reason why they MUST box#while there is no reason why yoko MUST be a promoter really other than her odd enabling of joe#i got far away from my original point but i just have so many thoughts abt this series😭😭#the anime elitists cooked with this one i fear#anyway it is now 1am and i’m tired👍#have no clue if this makes sense#need someone to yap abt this to😭#sorry for the block of text that probably does not make any sense
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My thoughts on Justice League America issue 28 (the first guytora date)
#I’m too tired to explain#basically#the villain has the SAME problems with Guy as Tora does#also reading it with the mtf headcanon for guy makes it more complicated and queer. it really just seems like guy actually hates himself.#fears himself. who he is. emotions in general. and it makes sense.#… I need to read more comics following him.#I’m reading shit out of order and it’s a lot#okay I’ll make gay gardner post later#that’s all for now#cat rambles#live comic reaction#Justice league America issue 28#jli#jla
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Why is there no such thing as detangling dry hair spray for adults? Does not a single other adult wake up with tangled hair? Not one??
#my hair gets really tangled over night and it’s really ruining it when I brush it in the morning#I shower at night my hair is already dry why is there no sprays to put in my dry hair why does my hair have to be wet I don’t have time to#shower#am I making sense#I’m tired and my hair is tangled#and all adult detanglers say your hair has to be wet for it to work#there’s like only five kids ones that work for hair that is not wet too I’m amazed#I cannot be the only person with this problem#rae’s rambles
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Man ty for popping up on my dashboard. I miss voltron, but whenever I try to check what's up I get reaaally bad flashbacks as to how the fandom was. It's kinda worse when u accidentally triggered a community of a popular ship (its not kl@nce) :')))) hnghjgn idk how u do it
voltron is just. such a funny phenomenon. the show was like a C+ at BEST but we all stuck around anyway clinging to the hope that things would eventually improve and then they NEVER did. & so we all had to make do with literal scraps and we were RESOURCEFUL!!! 😭 I have honestly never seen a fandom where the fan content was so divorced from the actual source material like 💀💀💀 and i think this scarcity of good content forced people to be extra creative, which is why the voltron fandom was 1) so genuinely hilarious and 2) full of content producing MACHINES
Literally all we could do was just talk to each other. we were forced to survive off each other’s kindness & it made everyone super co-dependent. it really was a bunch of high schoolers forming parasocial relationships with other high schoolers; of course it got messy!!
also this is such a minor detail in the grand scheme of things but voltron hit tumblr at like the exact time social media became more accessible to people under 13 years old. and like. conflict and discourse is an inevitable part of fandom. but the end result was we had college students picking fights with LITERAL middle schoolers. and I genuinely cannot believe we all thought this was normal behavior!!!!!
#I genuinely get sad when I hear people talk about how voltron caused them so much stress. and then they mention that they’re not even 18 yet#like… wow#god I hope emma does not become an active and involved member of a fandom it’s just. it’s not very moderated.#also people often trivialize voltron’s messiness down to ‘ship wars’ and they were ship wars. but there was a very moralized element to it.#and people were heavily invested in fighting over this. not just because muh ships but people were also very much coming at this#from a place of personal trauma or experience. and in hindsight were just retraumatizing themselves.#ugh. idk fandom kind of sucks. but tumblr in 2012-2015 was such a fun time for me & it was a formative experience#and then I hear people say that voltron turned them off from fandom forever when they were 14 and I go :(#sigh. I’m very tired and on mobile where I can’t really see or edit my tags lol so I apologize for the mess#anyway to answer your last question anon I think that people who were 16+ in 2016 (like me)#had an easier time coping with voltron during + after simply by virtue of having been alive a little longer and therefore#having had more time to establish a solid sense of self/identity. if that makes sense.#ask#anonymous
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i think some of takeuchis art is really good and some of it is bad. is that an acceptable stance or is having a non-dichotomous opinion considered passé/wishy washy
#some of it is stiff and some of it is really charming#the simple stuff is really iconic but when he tries more complex designs it easily falls into looking goofy#he does make some really good expressions. it isn’t just olga and kagetora casotria had like 100 of them#like idk I feel like just saying ‘he’s a good artist’ or ‘he’s a bad artist’ is too simplistic#he has strengths and weaknesses and I think some of the issue is as a founding member of tm his weakness become in jokes that are encouraged#(Ie saberfaces)#rather than ignored or worked on#bc tbh a lot of anime art styles give everyone very similar faces but drawing attention to it does make people actually notice it far more#than if they had said nothing (like w artists like wada or nakahara)#most digital artists do reuse assets! but he has both a lot of visibility and a lot of influence in his company so people pick apart#his art for that stuff way more which isn’t really fair but at the same time#isn’t helped by the ongoing stuff w saberfaces etc#and he does need to have someone overseeing some of his designs to make sure they look good. like w Jeanne’s idol dress or 3rd summer outfit#i don’t think he’s a bad artist or designer I just think he could use more editing/less free reign on some cases if that makes sense#and idk. i do really like some of his art. castoria’s fa is really pretty#and sure he may have assistants but I’m fairly certain a lot of the prominent artists do…?#I’ll be honest and say I find his older art more lively#his newer art is much more polished but feels squarer#idk. idk I’m tired I guess#DOES THIS MAKE SENSE??? should I even post it#my post
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sometimes I remember the reason why some people like my favorite actors is just cuz they’re hot… like what? You don’t just see them as really awesome, funny, talented, cool people who u wish you could be friends with in another life and they’re really hot as a bonus?? Huh???
#Does this make any sense#Idk#i just like…#I saw this post calling Mike Faist daddy and i was like “wow this makes me uncomfortable”#Cuz ig when someone’s a Broadway performer they seem more real and it feels just yuck to sexualize them like that#Or these girls at stagedoor fanning themselves after meeting Brent comer at stagedoor#That was really really weird to me#Like… yeah he’s attractive but I’m just happy to meet him cuz he’s like!!!!#Brent fucking comer#Super uber talented and also crazy funny#And I just think he’s so awesome#Anyways I’m tired and am probably making no sense#jean has thoughts#jeans broadway trip#theater kid
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the way everyone who’s like “it’s not homophobic to tell you what’s canon!” continues to prove my point over and over again. claiming the daughters are only driven by food and to please their mother already has the second idea contradicting the “they’re not human/people!” thing.
like… they’re canonically chimeric mutants and still have complex personalities that flies would not be able to mimic. they have wants, needs, and they are separate from each other. and the fact they’re not only wrong, but people like this genuinely do not care about the lore until it comes to “disproving” a literal headcanon mentioned ONCE in the video
#men trying to mansplain their biology to me is so funny bc they’re always like#ALMOST there#and then proceed to be completely wrong while contradicting themselves#i’m still really tired and just woke up but like#flies would not be able to mimic humans the way these girls act#flies do not have complex needs and WANTS like these girls do#they do not have PERSONALITY separate from two other swarms the way these flies do#does that make sense?#good lord i’m so tired of this
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So yesterday I (French), had to do a wisdom teeth operation (in a French hospital) while having a general anesthesia (yes it hurts that bad that they had to put me asleep).
And then me (still French) woke up in the waking room (still in France in a French hospital) and asked in the millisecond of me waking up, before even opening my eyes « How much longer until the dizziness wears off? » (in English)… (English..???)
Yes English.
But it gets worse : I didn’t even realize it at first, until one of the nurse laughed and said « Elle est entrain de parler anglais! » « quelqu’un parle anglais? Je comprends pas ce qu’elle dit » (« She’s speaking english ! » « Does someone speak English? I don’t understand what she’s saying »).
And then. Upon realizing that I was speaking english, I realized something even more horrible : I couldn’t speak french anymore.
Like I understood french (obviously and pretty much normal when you are BORN AND RAISED FRENCH), but I couldn’t for the life of me remember how to speak french for a solid TWO MINUTES.
And two minutes might seem okay, but no it isn’t. It is NOT "okay"
Anyway I made the nurses laugh which is a win to me anyway.
#also my little brother did the same surgery as me 45 min before and was still in the waking room when I came back from mine#and he decided to address me a middle finger because he was completely off because of the anesthesia and thought he was funny#spoiler alert: it was actually#I woke up with the anesthesia shooting me physically but not mentally (which apparently should have)#so it was really funny seeing him like that (not that he is any less dumb usually)#I made him a heart with my hand right after#he made one back#Wich let’s be honest wouldn’t have happened in any other situation lmaooo#🫶🏼#Also I’m coughing blood#but they said it was normal so I guess I’m just gonna have fun and play with the members of my family who are gonna visit today#Like « Oh no I’m coughing blood what is happening#actually no I shouldn’t#still debating it#surgery#bilingual issues#bilingual issues I didn’t know could exist but apparently does#But I guess it makes sense since I think in English A LOT and the anesthesia was still shouting me down enough for me not to switch back#Whatever bye I’m tired and my mouth the size of a balloon#(a win is a win)
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Personally I literally do not mind when the heat index is 103F but I just cannot do this humidity bro. I cannot live if my body can’t cool itself off.
#it’s fine actually but the CONSEQUENCES#I’ve decided to run commando bc it just doesn’t make sense#imagine wearing underwear under bathing suit going swimming and then going to the bathroom#it’s so fucking ANNOYING#that’s what my life is like on the weekends#also I said my room was in the high 80s or something I think that was a lie#bc it was cooler outside than in my room#I don’t really get it#it’s supposed to FEEL LIKE 103F outside but I don’t think it does#I’m just so tired of being wet I HATE IT it’s literally like jumping in a body of water and then running a half marathon#and u only get wetter#my phone is USELESS#I could only use it when I passed the public bathrooms so I could wipe the sweat off with TOILET PAPER#running#I would run badwater but I would NEVER run the HURT 100#maybe#I’ve never actually run in dry heat but it cannot be worse than this literally#scientifically and physiologically it can’t be worse than running in humidity
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little brothers and their will to #slay, man </3
#while yes yes this post technically does apply to the simp bros i wanna cry about my own bro in the tags so you have been warned~?#so to start off my monthly existential crisis rant i just wanna say that… i’m so so soo envious of my bro. like to a really unhealthy extent#he’s tall enough to reach the top shelves. i can barely touch them if i jump. he has so many friends and even a gf. i have 0 irl friends.#he is able to sit in one spot and focus on his studies. i can’t even sit down for a full half hour to *eat* without getting up to take a nap#he’s learning how to drive. i can’t. he was admitted into university. i wasn’t. he’s able to find what he likes and stick to it. i can’t.#like mannn. he thrived in the course he chose in tertiary education while i lost my passion for it in the middle of my first year.#he’s good at picking up everything he tries (puzzle cubes; bball; you name it he’s good at it) while i’m just. bad at everything i try lol#he’s very good at his studies (aside from languages) and sports. i’m not good at anything at all.#he gets told that he has a great sense of humour. i’m just. boring and annoying. lolllll#he’s super sociable and he has good relations with pretty much every single family member (sans me). i’m not in contsct with most of the fam#heck he was pretty much the favourite from the moment he was born. his baby pics still get brought up from time to time bc of how cute he is#(granted it’s bc he looks like a bby m*ch*l*n man (like the tire company mascot) and he’s super cute in them but still)#and he’s also a guy and content with being a guy which is just… not fair y’knowwww~~~ asian family boy biases and all (cries)#our father pretty much cast me aside once my bro was old enough to hang with him. and even before then the bias was as clear as day. >:(((((#i make the dude mad? i get screamed at and whaccced. bro gets the dude mad? he gets a lesson on how to throw punches instead!!! like wow!!!!#he’s the only one who got to escape any direct physical harm from the guy and yet!!!! he was the 1st one to be singled out for trauma focus#idk if it’s bc of his age back then or whattttt but i can’t believe i had to friggin’ ask my therapist back then for a trauma assessment :(#2015 was a different time… my bro managed to succeed in school while i was rejected from the drama club for being too depressed :((((#but i’m sure my bro has his own share of struggles… and i’m glad that he has a few groups of friends to chill with. really.#but i just can’t help feeling extremely envious of him. i could never tell him any of this though we hardly talk at home lol#and he pretends not to know me when i approach him in public lmfaoooo. i don’t blame him though; i’d do the same if i were to approach me#so yeah. if you read this i’m sorry for being cringefail and bad at everything~~ am i still allowed to pollute your dash~? <3#and also. idk if i’ll be able to continue sischange over this week bc i’ll be handling 2 workstations by meself :( and idk how tired i’ll be#but we’ll see ok~? sorry for having zero time management skills am i still qualified to be a legit adult~?#sunday’s 🧂saltfest🧂
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bitches be getting so happy watching the darkling being portrayed as a villain and a toxic lover. It’s me, I’m bitches
#I won with this season in so many ways#Like just watching him be all fucked up and evil I loved seeing it#I love watching his POV and agreeing with him sometimes but also just being like “you bitch” as well#And the way how he was with Alina made my hair stand up as it should and I’m glad it did#I dunno it’s just more fun to me to see him as a villain cause then those moments of humanization really just shine through for me#And I just never really liked when ppl would say how he wasn’t one just because of his cause or his past#And I agree it’s not for his cause that he’s a villain but his actions instead#The thing is saying he’s not a villain is like erasing all the ugly traits he has when those traits help make up his character to me#Like he wanted to help and he wants love but he’s clingy he’s needy he’s lonely he’s delusional he’s got little to none morals he’s tired#He’s fucking pissed he’s possessive cause he had nothing and he’s saying fuck this country actually#It’s having more then 400 years of vengeance and hatred just boiling in you because you saw the worst this country offered#It’s him being like “you are going to like what I am doing for us even if I have to shove it down your stupid throat”#It’s how he was a good person and he was trying to help at one point but overtime it just became “my way is the right way and the ONLY way”#He uses fear because it’s easier and he was taught long long ago that it’s a powerful ally#but something he forgot is that use it too much and now it’s a double edge sword#sab spoilers#shadow and bone netflix#shadow and bone season 2#aleksander morozova#Does this make sense?#Like it’s not JUST Ravka’s corrupt system that made him who he is it’s himself as well so to say he isn’t a villain or an antagonist or#that it’s just Ravka’s fault is I dunno I guess erasing his part and his choices to me in doing this#Like the whole thing is that he doesn’t want redemption nor does he ask to be forgiven
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#sometimes I have difficulty with my emotions#omg haha isn’t that so funny yeah of course I struggle with them LMFAOOOOOO but sometimes they feel so silly does that make sense?#i feel really bad sometimes because sometimes I wish he would just#validate my feelings without me needing to ask or without hearing it very once in a blue moon you know and obviously it’s not as rare as#im making it out to be it’s just that it feels like that and i need to be reminded that you still fuck with me Often basically lol and it’s#hard to ask that if someone? i don’t know I’ve been going through it lately my eating disorder is quite literally the worst it’s been in#in forever and i just want to lose like 20 to 40 pounds just to looks ? nice for him? he says he’s attracted to me but why would he be#attracted to a fat piece of shit like me LOL anyway like it’s fine I just need to lose weight before I see him! cause then he’ll love me !#sometimes I forget I’m not doing well#and it’s really hard because i feel like i can’t tell him that because a lot of it is eating disorder territory that i refuse to talk about#with him right ? i hate myself and i kind of want to isolate and never talk to anyone ever fucking again you know but i can’t do that#because that’s just awful isn’t it? i can’t just ignore him just because im not feeling great in my head but like#i don’t know#it’s hard to tell him that sometimes I have a really hard time bantering with him because i take it very literally#i was on the verge of fucking tears.#and i felt awful because it wasn’t his fault but i could t help crying because what if he actually hates me?#no seriously whag if he hates my fucking guts ? you know?????#my eye bags are worse than when I was in school#im really tired.#and i just want to go away for a while
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