#does this count as spoilers??? might tag as such just in case

[elendsessor]

yakuza (2005) / like a dragon: infinite wealth (2024)

[darabeatha]

honestly i’m pepe here

[lucky-clover-gazette]

prince's gambit highlights & annotations

chapter 1

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

Across the courtyard, a couple of alaunt hounds came bounding down the stone stairs to throw themselves ecstatically at Laurent, who indulged one of them with a rub behind the ears, causing a spasm of jealousy in the other.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

the first thing laurent does in this book is pet a dog. i love him so much.

craft-wise, this foreshadows the shift in damen’s perception of laurent that occurs throughout book 2. his/our first impression of laurent in book 1 is him cruelly demeaning damen, almost like a dog, which is something we’re meant to hate. our first impression here is him affectionately indulging actual dogs who clearly know and love him. this might make the reader ask: why do these animals love laurent, when we understand him to be cruel? is our understanding incorrect, and/or incomplete?

context: in arles, the regent closely observes laurent’s attachments. he can and will destroy anything or anyone laurent cares about. but here, outside of arles, it makes sense that laurent would immediately feel more comfortable being affectionate.

laurent’s hot girl summer has officially begun ✨

Damen craned for a glimpse but, not being an owl, saw almost nothing.

The physician rummaged in the satchel and produced one of his endless ointments.

doesn’t this become a running gag? ointment reference #1

That was really too much. ‘It’s cosmetic?’

does damen take pride in his scars, and other physical indications of his experiences? that could be an interesting parallel to the cuffs throughout the series. or maybe he just knows he’s hot either way. or doesn’t want to be fussed over.

he is technically still laurent’s property—has laurent given any kind of indication that he finds the scars unattractive? or did paschal simply make that assumption, which laurent then went along with, knowing it would annoy damen?

The physician said, ‘I was told you would be difficult. Very well. The better it heals, the less your back will trouble you with stiffness, both now and later in life, so that you will be better able to swing a sword around, killing a great many people. I was told you would be responsive to that argument.’ ‘The Prince,’ said Damen.

paschal, sighing deeply as he commits laurent’s exact words to memory: i’m about to become the first homophobe in vere because these petty gay bitches can’t keep their nonsense to themselves

actually, new thing to count—every time a minor or secondary character has a valid reason to complain about damen and laurent’s lack of professionalism in the workplace. this is lamen hr complaint #1 (paschal).

But of course. All this tender care of his back, like soothing with a kiss the reddened cheek you have slapped.

great line.

connects to an ongoing theme: niceness vs. goodness. damen “sees through” laurent’s niceness, as it conflicts with laurent’s meanness that he personally has experienced. in the same way damen has a favorable bias towards kastor and the regent, he has an automatically unfavorable bias against laurent. which is totally fair, given the events of book 1! but this is a new book, and a new stage in damen’s overall series arc.

additional theme for books 2&3: tenderness. a wound is tender; it aches in need of soothing. but what soothes an ache? tender care. if nice is good and mean is bad, where does a concept like tenderness fit in? how exactly will we go from “all this tender care of his back, like soothing with a kiss the reddened cheek you have slapped” to “i think if i gave you my heart, you would treat it tenderly”?

Damen snorted. ‘It wasn’t that bad.’

a consistent damen behavior: the refusal to admit that he is helplessness, and/or experiencing circumstances beyond his control. i would call it toxic masculinity, but i don’t think it’s meant as gender commentary—it has more to do with being a prince and a king, worthy of the throne. toxic royalty, if you will.

‘If you served the King,’ said Damen, ‘how is it you now find yourself in the Prince’s household, and not his uncle’s?’ ‘Men find themselves in the places they put themselves,’ Paschal said, closing his satchel with a snap.

laurent of vere: the people’s prince ✨

also, interesting juxtaposition with previous dialogue about damen and paschal both being at marlas, on different sides of the battle. can we truly say that damen, at age 19, had put himself there? what does that suggest about his character and his kingdom?

‘Yes, of course,’ said Damen. Then stopped. Jord didn’t notice.

he needs acting classes from laurent

Damen said, ‘If you’re not going to tip your head back, why don’t we go find Paschal? He can give you a scented ointment.’

HA. ointment reference #2.

Damen thought of the ivory and gold casing that held a creature duplicitous, self-serving and untrustworthy. ‘You’re so loyal to him. Why is that?’

really nailing in the damen perspective subversion setup. also, the irony re: aimeric's loyalty!

Damen joined the work, where he was the only man to smell, expensively, of ointments and cinnamon.

ointment reference #3. he’s expensive.

‘Aimeric’s young. He says it won’t happen again,’ said Jord. It will happen again, and once the two factions in this camp start retaliating against one another your campaign is over, he didn’t say.

i love how we finally get to see damen in his element here, after experiencing The Horrors for 13 + prologue entire chapters in book 1

‘The Captain is in one of the horse stalls, up to his waist in the stableboy,’ said Jord. ‘The Prince has been waiting for him at the barracks. Actually . . . I was told to have you fetch him.’ ‘From the stables,’ said Damen. He stared at Jord in disbelief.

laurent wastes no time before assigning damen unpleasant tasks. does this count as an hr complaint? i mean it would be damen doing the complaining, am i counting charges they have against each other? no. they’d wreck the curve.

Inside, Govart was unambiguously fucking the stableboy against the far wall.

“unambiguously”

‘The Prince stays here often?’ The castellan mistook him to mean the keep, not the rooms. ‘Not often. He and his uncle came here a great deal together, in the year or two after Marlas. As he grew older, the Prince lost his taste for the runs here. He now comes only rarely to Chastillon.’

context: >:(

Laurent said, ‘I have saved you till last.’ Damen said, ‘You owe the stableboy a copper sol.’ ‘The stableboy should learn to demand payment before he bends over.’

“honey, i’m home!” sitcom entrance

‘Your virtue’s safe. It’s just water. Probably.’

somebody’s feeling playfulllll

Laurent placed the goblet carefully back on the table, and picked up the knife. It was a sharp knife, made for cutting meat. Damen felt his pulse quicken as Laurent came forward. Only a handful of nights ago, he had watched Laurent slit a man’s throat, spilling blood as red as the silk that covered this room’s bed. He felt shock as Laurent’s fingers touched his, pressing the hilt of the knife into his hand. Laurent took hold of Damen’s wrist below the gold cuff, firmed his grip, and drew the knife forward so that it was angled towards his own stomach. The tip of the blade pressed slightly into the dark blue of his prince’s garment. ‘You heard me tell Orlant to leave,’ said Laurent. Damen felt Laurent’s grip slide down his wrist to his fingers, and tighten. Laurent said, ‘I am not going to waste time on posturing and threats. Why don’t we clear up any uncertainty about your intentions?’

laurent explaining to damen that his behavior in arles was a bit in the most insane way possible

He was so infuriatingly sure of himself, proving a point. Damen felt desire come hard upon him: not wholly a desire for violence, but a desire to drive the knife into Laurent’s composure, to force him to show something other than cool indifference.

they’re so normal and well-adjusted

He said: ‘I’m sure there are house servants still awake. How do I know you won’t scream?’ ‘Do I seem like the type to scream?’ ‘I’m not going to use the knife,’ said Damen, ‘but if you’re willing to put it in my hand, you underestimate how much I want to.’ ‘No,’ said Laurent. ‘I know exactly what it is to want to kill a man, and to wait.’

“yes, and” “yes, and” “yes, and”

Laurent said, ‘When this campaign is over, I think—if you are a man and not a worm—you will attempt to gain retribution for what has happened to you. I expect it. On that day, we roll the dice and see how they fall. Until then, you serve me. Let me therefore make one thing above all clear to you: I expect your obedience. You are under my command. If you object to what you are told to do I will hear reasoned arguments in private, but if you disobey an order once it is made, I will send you back to the flogging post.’

this is their starting place for the book! “we hate each other, we owe each other nothing, we know that we are going to eventually attempt to kill each other—but for now, we are calling a truce and working together”

also. would laurent still love damen if he was a worm 🥺

Another pause, and then Laurent indicated once again to the chair. This time Damen followed his prompt and sat. Laurent took the chair opposite. Between them, unfurled on the table, was all the intricate detail of the map. ‘You said you knew the territory,’ Laurent said.

this is part of why i love damen and laurent so much as a pairing. they have interests and skills in common, and they make a genuinely good team. they’re intellectually compatible, in addition to sexually and romantically compatible.

[phantomram-b00]

Imma use my hottake post to explain it since I felt I should give more context with this take to explain myself why I have this opinion on the topic of this.

For those who don’t know or don’t wanna look back with the link, it basically that my hottake is that I don’t like the theory of what Crowley’s angel name was/could’ve been. I know this might be a bit controversial since I think everyone in this fandom (not to assume ofc), and whilst I get the curiously since Crowley almost never talk about his time over at heaven, mostly for valid reason that I’ll get to. Before I get into this, I know it been month but I wanna still give that this haunted blog/post does contain heavy spoilers so if your planning to watch good omens or haven’t seen season two yet go watch it and come back here, or you can still read— what can I say, I’m only a phantom that have lot to say about good omens and making it everyone else’s problem. But still spoiler warning ahead! So without further or do,

let get into it and talk about our favorite snake demon and a good old fashion lover boy/girl/enby—

So, okay, seeing Angel Crowley, that’s cool and honestly wholesome— despite the poor trauma he’s going to endure and will sauntered vaguely downward for. I remember hearing the theory about how his name could be Raphael, seen some AO3 tags of Crowley used to be Raphael or just people buzzing what his name could’ve been (even some saying it could be Castiel or Cassiel). And while the curiously of it all is cool, for a while I couldn’t really pin it at first as to why I personally didn’t like it. And Idk if that make be boring or a bitch for not wanting to know, it just to me, I felt why does it matter if Crowley himself don’t even want to remember about his time at heaven?

Sure season 2 when he didn’t even say it might have been what spiked it, but i think the whole point about him is the fact that he clearly moved on from it. Does he still hold resentment? Of course, why wouldn’t he be? And from unfair circumstances too:

But, as we’ve seen from most of the flashback, he moved on from it. He using hell as long as he can (lonely? Yep, which is a perfect parallel to how Aziraphale following heaven—), he doesn’t want to remember the angel he is before, he even said it to Aziraphale when he tried to stop him from killing Job’s kids. But I think of how he’s dealt with is how his trauma grew seeing how he doesn’t want to be considered nice or kind; I feel it goes deeper than just because he’s a demon now, I believe (and this is just my observation), he rather not remember the kinder side he was once before because of how the “light” casted him away and how heaven runs things. So why would he want to be associated with those word when it remind him of his time, he rather not remember it (or in a case run away from heaven as much as he can), he rather associate himself from being mean or remember himself as a demon now rather than an angel he once was. (Even though, he is very kind and I wish to hug him. Don’t start-).

Plus, he more comfortable with his new name now, that’s why he even changed it back at the flashback of the crucifixion of Jesus as his named used to be Crawly (which honestly real.) and changed it to Crowley (now technically he changed it again to Anthony J Crowley, but we hardly heart anyone even Aziraphale say it outside from the blitz flashback, so I kinda wanna count it but I’mma not just incase, but I like the name tho-), and since then, he’ve wore that name proudly and never look back, and Aziraphale an ally he is suppose him and call him by his prefer name. That is him saying “I’m not whoever I was before, so I’m going to change my name to move on from my past”, and honestly I stand, I love the fact he want to move on from his time as an angel/move away from his deadname to be the person he is today, proud of the wily serpent ^v^

“But phantom, that still doesn’t explain why you dislike it?”

You’re right, it still doesn’t so imma explain it a bit more, I just feel it shouldn’t matter what his name was, it really up to his (or Neil’s but this is Crowley we’re talking about) own terms, it him that should be able to say his deadname. And if it never reveal, I wouldn’t care since Good Omens from both season shown, Crowley moved on from his angelic past even if he have the grudges he have now after 6000 years he rather accepts his life now and hopefully with the Angel that have supported him and stood by him. And I know the finally is making it seem like Azirapahel want to change him, but like I said here that I don’t think that the case, I don’t think he would ever want him to revert back to the person he was once before, he could never ask Crowley to do such a thing knowing the progress he made. Like I said and will say again, I think this was Azirapahle (in a poor way given the situation and that their communication is the equivalent of a ghost (invisible as fuck)) to give Crowley a change to fix the broken and toxic system heaven been running on since the dawn of time, to give Crowley the chance to fix what need to be fixed with Aziraphale, and Crowley said no, and I think rightly so in his point of view, heaven did treated everyone especially Crowley poorly and is the main source of his trauma, so I’m happy he said no, it not his place to fix the one thing that in his eyes was broken and have always been. So good jobs Crowley for standing your grounds.

But I’m getting ahead of myself, my point is that, Crowley have moved on and it shouldn’t matter what his deadname was, I think we should all respect that when it come to not just his but everyone’s deadname. Crowley clearly doesn’t have to remember his time on heaven, and I gotta respect that. Because if I was in his shoes, I wouldn’t neither if I was a bit braver than he was.

“But phantom what if it was revealed anyway?”

Again I wouldn’t care, like the commenter said (I don’t know how they feel about tagging so I won’t just to be respectful) and I do agree, if it had to be revealed it should be on his own terms. And I do agree, it is up to Crowley, he should be able to say it as it could garner the impactful moment, especially if he does say like “I’m not *this name* anymore” or whatever he’ll say in season 3, (which please let it be greenlit, I’m begging atp).

And honestly, I don’t doubt it really, it seem it might be revealed, which, fine, this is Neil’s work so gotta respect. Just I hope it on his term, and that no one else say it, I don’t even want aziraphale to say it. Just him. He deserve it.

But that’s my take on it. That’s my spew on this. Might be boring or lame to not be curious, but honestly like I said, he’ve going down a path away from heaven and accepted what happen to him. May not be in a healthiest way but regardless I love this demon and I am happy he moved on and I can’t wait to see him again in season 3, David Tennant a perfect Crowley and I wouldn’t have it any other way ^v^

But I hope you enjoy my yet another insane ramble of this show, frankly this show is becoming my life atp and I don’t hate it. I love this show, it my comfort, I’m happy to have this show; if you want to ask me any other questions you can in the AMA box or comments, but also tell me what do you guys think of this theory? Do you love it? Have qualms with it? Or anything? Tell me in the comments or reblog. As always this is phantom, imma go haunt somewhere else.

[mk-writes-stuff]

Hello hello! Could I ask you:

9. Has any of them had to be saved from the brink of death? Were there any consequences after?

10. Has any of them had to be revived / brought back to life? How did this affect them?

From the torturing your OCs ask tag. <3

Hi! I’m always open for asks :)

CW for mentions of drugs and overdose, cancer, slavery, and death

Have any of them had to be saved from the brink of death? Were there any consequences after?

You’d think the number would be a lot higher, but I can only think of one in Seven Stations (book 1 at least). Arguably you could count Cassie as well when she chopped her arm off but I’m not counting that one, I think she wasn’t as close to death as anyone suspects she could be

Going to need to dodge spoilers here a bit but it’s actually our clone boy Sel who has a near-death experience. He gets poisoned and requires emergency medical treatment to keep his heart beating. He does survive this but is comatose for a month or two and, even after significant physical therapy, is unable to walk more than a few steps unaided

As for Pirates’ Roost, I’ve got a list:

Amelia - nearly died of poisoned wounds fighting Captain Jetti and required emergency medical treatment

Tatum - twice, actually, nearly died in the jungles of Ixalan from an infected cut on their hand and was rescued last minute by the crew of the Soaring Gull; and nearly died of cancer trying to get to Orazca in time before being saved by a stranger with too many snakes and an encyclopedic knowledge of poisons, which kicked off an entire other plot arc (actually its three times now that I think about it, they overdosed on pain meds once too)

Malcolm - was nearly murdered by Tatum’s dumbass brother, only survived because Julian was able to give him an antidote to the sleeping meds he was given

Apatli (said dumbass brother) - was beaten up and left to die in a gutter, found by Malcolm and taken to safety

Morrigan - nearly died in a fire, was accidentally saved by Jetti who she swore a life debt to

Onora (merfolk carpenter of the Sea Star) - burned his gills to the point of being unable to breathe hunting for the Belligerent to help them rescue slaves that Captain Dray had taken

This might happen too often in my stories lol

Have any of them had to be revived/brought back to life? How did this affect them?

Okay so generally in my stories there isn’t a way to bring someone back from the dead per se. I‘ll give you what I’ve got though (there aren’t any examples in Seven Stations, sorry)

There are two characters in Pirates’ Roost who come back as ghosts after they die. One of them is a sailor named Bartholomew who Malcolm was friends with when he was younger, whose spirit inadvertently anchored onto a compass his murderer had (ghosts in Pirates’ Roost need an anchor, either something they’re very attached to or something made out of a special mineral from the sun at the center of the world, the compass was the latter). Malcolm finds his compass some time later and they spend some time together before Bartholomew gets tired and asks to have his spirit set free from the compass so he can move on to the afterlife

The other one is a more significant character - a shipwright named Wallace. He was the captain of the Soaring Gull/Drowned Gull before Jetti and when he was murdered, his spirit anchored to his unfinished submarine prototype because he was just that passionate about boats (he’s hella autistic in case you can’t tell). He was left in an abandoned warehouse with the submarine for a while but was eventually found by Merry and Tatum and joined their crew as their personal ship designer. He’s quite peeved that being incorporeal means he can’t draw ships anymore but he just makes other people do it for him. He eventually gets his anchor shifted to a chunk of cosmium (inner sun mineral) so he can move between ships and pilot them via cosmium wiring

Anyway sorry for the massive ramble, I hope you enjoyed it! Thank you for the asks :)

[tamarieatsbatteries175]

Hai welcome to my hell

(Please at the very least read my DNI at the bottom of the post.)

Art fight account ::3

You can call me Tamari, Soda, or Luvin! Anything works ig.

Pronouns are He/it/spark/beep/boop, and any other neos ::]

My project sekai friend code is: 394877626071769089

♫︎ anything is chill really, as long as its not she/her or any feminine aligned surnames n stuff

♫︎ im genderfluid transmasc and aroaceflux!

♫︎ Im part of an endogenic system!!!! They will have their own signoffs and post tags:

-✨️Squilf/Atlas || any pronouns, #Atlas Does a Talk

- 🎉 Kylie || they/them, #Kylie Speaks

- ⭐️ Emu || she/her, #Emus Shenanigans

- 💥Teto || she/her, #Tetos Faggotry

- 🔥 Ashfur || he/him, #Ashy Burns Shit

- 👑 Ranboo || he/they, #Rans Ramblings

- ⚡️N || he/him, #Ns Silly Talking Times

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#‼️ the whole gangs here ‼️ || post from multiple fronters or the system as a whole!

We all use the names Squimpy and Chiip, but only use that when youre talking about us as a collective, or when the fronter is unknown.

Uhh more stuff:

♫︎ my kintypes are listed on my strawpage which is linked further down

♫︎ im a furry

♫︎ we are bodily a minor (younger than 16)

♫︎ my birthday is febuary 1st

♫︎ Timezone is EST.

Note: with kaomojis, i use two colons (EX: ::3 ) for 4 eyes ::D

Fandoms im in:

♫︎ Rain World

♫︎ Ghost and pals

♫︎ In Stars and Time [still in the middle of playing it, please no spoilers ty]

♫︎ Vocaloid [my favs are Kasane Teto and Yi Xi if you were wondering]

♫︎ Hfjone [+ other object shows but mainly hfjone]

♫︎ TPOT [two my beloved /p]

♫︎ Murder Drones

♫︎ Omori [havent played the game yet but still]

♫︎ Project Sekai

♫︎ The Amazing Digital Circus

♫︎ Hermitcraft

♫︎ Wings of Fire

♫︎ Warrior Cats

♫︎ Parties Are For Losers

♫︎ Pokemon

♫︎ Undertale [+ Deltarune when i play it]

We mostly post about rain world and murder drones atm.

RAIN WORLD ART REQUESTS OPEN!!!!! I do mostly slugcats, but i can do creatures and iterators!!! I can do ships but i likely will take longer on those if i dont feel like it.

[Edit: i am no longer taking requests with ships in them. I apologize, but i feel uncomfortable with drawing ship art for rain world. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.]

F2u with credit slugcat pfps here

My fursonas name is Luvin and they use the same pronouns as me

Our systems collective sona <- Click!

Username changed from tvcat0w0 -> chiipeatsbatteries175 -> tamarieatsbatteries175

Our discord user is luluvin_ (for just in case if that KOSA bullshit does end up passing)

Tagging System:

Tamaris Art- #Sillyart

Artfight attacks- #Tamaris artfight stuff

My brothers art tag- #Watermelons Gallery

Reblogs (though i tend to forget to use this tag)- #sillyreblog

Text posts- #Chiip is a huge bug enthusiast

Text posts from 2023- #sillytalking

Vents- #Not so silly sillytalking

Asks- #answering the sillies

Real life photos- #squimpy irl

Pictures of my cat- #kevin the sea pickle 🐈

Extra tag for when people infodump/show me about their blorbos- #blorbo storage

My warrior cats oc fanclans tag- #Chiips silly fanclans

Rando facts about me:

♫︎ My favorite songs are HOW 2 PLEASER by friendxp, Salt-Wound Routine by 11vein, BITE ME by AJ Dispirito, and Machine Love by Jaime-P

♫︎ currently mentally ill about: Murder Drones,,,, guhhhh

♫︎ my favorite color is green

♫︎ my irl friend calls me pookie bear [i think it would be quite funny of people called me this on here too /silly]

♫︎ my favorite slugcats are Saint and Monk! (Not counting Inv cuz i AM Inv)

---------------

Please tag me in things you think i would might like, and i am also 100% open to talk to ::] dms are open ::D

I almost forgot my sideblogs: @cattingyourfavs , @ittybitty-azlyn , @just-kevin-things , @the-spinner-that-spins-things , @where-is-tamari-now , @that-thing-luvin , @chiipsimportantblog , @tamari-official , @chiips-slugpup-posting , and @invwuzhere

If you have any questions, just ask! Pleeease ::]

A really epik post <- Click!

I have a youtube channel! But for personal comfort reasons, i will not be sharing it ::P it is mainly alterhuman focused tho

More info here:

Small introduction to my headmates:

And here:

PLEASE INTERACT:

ALTERHUMANS, RAIN WORLD FANS, DUPES, OTHER SYSTEMS, AND IDK ANYONE WHOS CHILL IG?

Note: we are an Endogenic system WITH TRAUMA. Our system may not have formed from said trauma, but we still have it.

VERY IMPORTANT DNI LIST:

Homophobes, terfs, pedos, zoos, anti-furs, anti-endo, anti-alterhuman/therian, kink blogs, Pro Israel, and anything similar shall not interact with my blog.

NSFW BLOGS/ 18+ BLOGS ARE ON THIN ASS ICE. if you tag it properly and dont be nsfw towards me i am fine with you interacting.

user boxes made by us!

K thanks for reading look at teto now

[siffrin-gimmick-blog-number-37]

Greetings and Salutations, everyone! Allow me to properly introduce myself.

My name is Zeisty King — aka the random individual behind this silly little blog! I mainly go by just Zeisty, though (seeing as I treat the "King" part as a surname).

My main goal for this blog is to doodle Siffrin from In Stars and Time (as well as other characters sometimes) so I can get used to a new tablet and set up, while also having fun with it!! Hence why I named this blog the way I did and why I don't mind calling the art I post here "messy," especially considering half of them are sketches anyway!

I may make mistakes from time to time and some results may be wonky, but that's okay! It's all a part of the learning process!! And is not limited to forgetting how anatomy works; I put two hands on the wrong way in one post once and I have to accept the fact I did that.

REOCCURRING GIMMICK BLOG TAGS:

#main blog to gimmick blog — anything from my main blog that I've reblogged to this one! I don't think I'll do it a whole lot, but I just wanted to let you know that happens and that they may contain spoilers when it does.

#not quite a daily — on occasion, doodles that don't count as a daily (but are still silly enough to be shown off on this blog) will be posted here! I don't think I'll do it too much, but don't be surprised if you see any doodles that aren't dailies from time to time.

#personal reblog — anything I've reblogged from myself once, twice or even thrice! I sometimes do it to make sure you haven't missed a post from me, or if I have something else to say about it.

#siffrin gimmick blog asks — as of posting this introduction this week, this is a new one! These are any questions you lovely folks wanna send in through this blog's askbox, and that I've answered.

#siffrin gimmick blog doodles — self explanatory! These are any drawings/doodles I've made for this blog, dailies or otherwise! I aim post here every day, though I sometimes won't on account of my memory or out of respect for certain events. Or if I need a break. I am only one goober, after all.

#siffrin gimmick blog rambles — any thoughts I need to say or anything I need to inform you will be under this tag! They won't contain art, so this one and any others like it are the exceptions.

#siffrin gimmick blog suggestions — got any suggestions for me to draw? Along with the ask tag, this is a new one as of this week! Any ideas you have for me to draw will be slotted under this tag! Be careful not to send in any spoilers, as I refuse to draw them six days of the week.

#siffrin gimmick blogs angsty sundays — this is the only time I'll intentionally post spoilery, angsty and/or serious art! I'll make sure to tag them as such so you can avoid them. I just wanted to give you a little head's up that I'll also reblog spoilers and tag them as well. :3

ADDITIONAL NOTES:

-My main blog is @electrozeistyking! You can find me reblogging my gimmick blog doodles there, along with any other stuff I drew not meant for this one (and stuff other people made)!! It's not exclusively ISAT stuff though, obviously.

-I swear quite a bit and do not tag them when I do. It'd probably be a hassle for me if I did, so if you're not cool with that, feel free to block this blog! You absolutely don't have to interact if you don't want to. I will tag other serious stuff/triggers, though! (Except this post, seeing as it's the introduction and it's important folks don't miss it. Sorry!)

-I'm not guaranteed to accept every suggestion or answer every ask sent my way. In the case of suggestions, there is a chance I won't be inspired enough to draw it for you; in the case of asks, I might not know what to say. And other possible reasons, if they ever happen to come up.

-I see every ask sent my way, so please try not to send the exact same Ask/Suggestion more than once! I promise I'm either formulating a response, figuring out how to draw your suggestion, or I was forced to delete it (in regards to the following note).

-I don't want this blog to overshadow you, so I'll unfortunately have to force myself to delete your ask if it has nothing to do with this blog in particular or ISAT. That's why I recommend you send it into my main blog instead!

That's it for now! Thanks for reading, and for hanging around this blog with me! :D

[piracytheorist]

Tagged by @lentachorum and as I see those questions I get the impression people might see me as way more interesting than I really am 😅

Last Song: A jazz bassoon cover of Someday my Prince will Come by Garrett Jones

Favourite Colour: Various shades of blue or purple, it can change from day to day.

Last movie/show: I don't even remember what was the last movie I watched, lmao. I watched a mini-series from 2000 called The 10th Kingdom, having mixed thoughts afterwards. As for shows I recently finished the second season of Heaven Official's Blessing.

Next on my watchlist: I may get on watching the second season of Hannibal but I'm not that impatient about it.

Last game: I haven't played anything in a while.

Last book: Does the Spy x Family manga count? As I said, I'm not that much of an interesting person XD

Sweet/savory/spicy: Savory! I do have a sweet tooth, but I'll never say no to a bit of a savory snack. I don't do spicy food, unless they only have just a tiny bit of a kick. Anything hotter than that and I can't take it XD

Relationship status: 👍 No bitches! :D 👍

Last thing I Googled: "manual vs automatic car". We have stick shift cars for the most part here, and I'm trying to hype myself up to finally get a driving license, and I want to look into my options just in case I can ever afford an automatic car.

Current obsession: Spy x Family brainrot go brrrr

Greatest flaw: I keep taking a lot of things personally.

Fic I’m currently reading: None in particular, aside from some stuff my mutuals are writing. Brainrot is strong but I'm also avoiding spoilers so!

Tagging @fraddit, @buf309, @jollysailorswan, @priscilla9993

[bkdkficrecs]

Fic rec is first, in case you don't want any spoilers and want to just dive right in. (Although I will try to keep review spoilers at a minimum.) Just note that it is incredibly angsty in the best way.

The Night We Met - @majjale | (4/4)

Kudos: 5,396 | Bookmarks: 2112 | Word Count: 37,299

Tags: Angst, Immortal Bakugou Katsuki, Reincarnating Midoriya Izuku, Katsuki's POV, Tragedy, i physically ache while writing this i hope you do while reading it

"You a poet?"

"Only for you."

-

two sincere wishes and the ramifications of them.

Review is under the cut!

________

So, where to begin?

I have to say that I am so impressed by @majjale. The Night We Met is hands down one of the greatest pieces of writing I have had the pleasure of reading. If you're an angst-lover, then look no further. This fic is from 2018 (and completed), so I can't even begin to explain how blessed I was to stumble upon it. Not only does the story revolve around the concept of reincarnation and what it means to live forever, but it is also written from the point of view of our very own Katsuki Bakugou. Talk about angst! Could this story be more enticing?

Yes, it can!

You might think you were just getting into this for the angst, but that's where you'd be wrong. You're lured in by the staunch sincerity of Izuku and aloof defeat of Katsuki only to be pinned by the concentrated joy that underscores the happier moments they share together. The author weaves comedic moments, chance meetings, and internal monologues into a bittersweet blanket. She segues between points in time in a way that makes each sentiment Katsuki and Izuku share that much more poignant.

A striking moment of angst comes while Katsuki is trying to reconcile his desire for peace and his desire for love,

Whatever this life wants in return for Izuku knowing him, even with the trials—father, fiancé, friends — is it something Katsuki is willing to give up? What would Katsuki part with to hold Izuku again?

He blames the steam from the faucet for the condensation around his eyes.

What wouldn’t he give?

And another arrives as a tearful confession,

"I want to be why you’re happy, not why you’re alive.”

In moments like these it becomes clear that The Night We Met  is lathered in angst, but not the kind that hits you like a bus in a bad rom-com. This is the kind that envelops you slowly the way ivy snakes its arms around a tree. Then, when you finally reach the end - and especially after reading the one-shot epilogue, take me back -  you are left astonished, breathless.

Each chapter's end brings with it a short, sweet author's note.

"take a deep breath. in, out. that's it. it's gonna be okay."

A gentle reminder you made it through. Lungs working, heart pumping, tears falling. You feel relief and joy and sorrow. So empty and yet so full all at once.

Even days on, fleeting moments that hinge upon a simple wish will give you pause. Spotting a shooting star or cracking a wishbone. Blowing that stray eyelash off of the back of your hand. This is the kind of feeling I chase in fiction. The feeling of feeling. And few authors I have encountered have managed it so skillfully as Majjale.

[clownfire]

Spoilers ig for the just rolled for pd s2 ep17 (also cw for use of the term qu**r, in reclaimed and academic usage, I self-identify as such and feel comfortable using the term, but I understand why others don’t).

Honestly I’m okay with GhostKnife not being reciprocated. I’ll feel bad in the moment for Will sure, but I know it’ll serve the story the crew want to tell and trust it will be played well. 

Now I’m not saying that I dislike GhostKnife, it’s a compelling pairing with a strong basis in canon, and I reckon the guys could pull it off really well if they decide that’s how they wanna take this subplot. And Will’s crush is canon! William is a canonically bisexual character who gets to progress the plot and have interesting dynamics with other characters, all whilst being queer and all that having nothing to do with his queerness and without it being ignored (I can’t say the same for another William...Duffers). We know that the relationship going to become more story relevant, and will be addressed. The crew aren’t ignoring it for the sake of baiting a potential queer audience like larger studios do, this show is independently run, and funded and consumed by a predominately queer audience 

Similarly, jrwi isn’t your regular show that’s written by a team, who hand scripts off to voice actors who are hired to read a character’s lines; If Condi and/or Slime don’t feel comfortable role-playing that or don’t know where to take the pairing, they don’t have to. I’d rather it not become canon than it be done poorly, ya know? That’s what fanfiction’s for anyways (that just might be my cynicism from being in the IT fandom leaking through tho). 

And honestly I’d be refreshing to see a queer teen pairing not eventuate into a romantic relationship - not because one of them dies or a big dramatic coming out scene that gets rejected - but simply because they’re young adults who still need to figure themselves out, and have the literal weight of the world on their shoulders. Media with lgbtq+ characters are honestly swamped by copious amounts of teen-mlm-slow-burn-pining. The jrwi boys can break the mold if they want to.

This post isn’t meat to disway people from liking the ship, making content for it, or wanting them to get together (I’d be a bloody hypocrite on all three counts if I was), but - even though we’re not as bad as twitter can be - I think the fandom might need a friendly reminder in case GhostKnife doesn’t become canon and a vocal few flip their lid.

TL;DR - GhostKnife is a great pairing but I wouldn’t be disappointed if it does not become endgame, ultimately it’s up to the crew and what they want for their characters, and if you don’t like that then write your own ig.

read the tags btw for more thoughts but ramble-y

[darcyfangirlsfrequently]

I Met You At the End of the World - chapter 4: All is Well (but I'm scared as hell that you won't like me)

Chapter summary: The Dirty Dozen case comes to a close, and Luke bids the BAU adieu, to the disappointment of many.

Chapter word count: 10,388

Total word count: 27,010

Can also be read here on Ao3

And I don't normally do this, but I'm tagging some people in this chapter: @hey-dw I know you exclusively read this on here and I don't want you to miss it! @a-potato-wearing-plaid I don't know if you follow this fic at all (I don't think so but you totally should because it's great and completely spoiler-free for you) but this is the chapter where Pretty Boy™ and Soft Boy™ meet and become friends and also there is a large Reid focus and also a lot of Soft Garvez™ that I think you'd enjoy

Luke and Tara had food in front of them they had no intention of really eating and martinis they were probably only going to take a sip or two from as they watched from their table as Reid entered the restaurant and sat down at the table that had been reserved for him and the woman he was meeting that night. Luke made eye contact with Morgan who was across the restaurant at the bar with JJ to confirm that they were all in position. Nothing could go wrong that night.

Luke watched as Reid fidgeted with his tie nervously—he wasn’t used to undercover work. Luke had offered to go in his place since he had plenty of experience with it, but he wasn’t a profiler, and they needed one to be the person going head-to-head with this woman. Reid placed a rose on the table—a request from the woman—and waited. All they could do now was wait.

They didn’t have to wait very long. A woman in a dark coat and teal dress with brown hair down to her chin walked up to him. “Spencer?” She could be heard asking through the microphone hidden behind Reid’s tie. Here she was. Cat Adams.

“Cat?” Reid responded.

“Hi!” 

“Hi. Hello. Hi.”

Cat attempted to hug him. “It’s nice to finally—”

Reid backed away from the hug. “Oh! Sorry, I have a… kind of a germ thing. I’m kind of weird with hugs.”

“Oh,” Cat replied. “Sorry.” 

They stood there silently for a moment, just standing there. The inaction made Luke uneasy. He knew Reid was nervous, but if his nerves accidentally caused him to do anything that might tip their hand… this night could go very poorly.

“Can I sit down?” Cat eventually asked.

Reid snapped right back into the moment. “Yes, please! Yeah, of course! Sit down!”

They both sat, and she took off her coat, placing it and her bag on the stretch of curved booth in between the two of them. 

They were silent for a moment more, and Luke couldn’t see her face, but he imagined Cat was examining Reid and his facial expressions. 

Cat was, again, the first one to break the silence. “First time doing this?”

“Yeah,” Reid replied, almost sound relieved. “I mean, yeah.”

“Yeah, I still get nervous too,” she said, as if to reassure him. Credit where credit is due, this woman was good at what she did. “Really, it wasn’t until an hour ago that I was like, wait, we’ve been trading emails back and forth but I still have no idea what this guy looks like.”

“Hence the…” Reid pointed to the rose on the table.

“I know, and then I was like, wait, he’s going to bring a red rose so we need to go to a nicer place, which is why I switched the restaurant at the last minute…”

“Not a problem at all,” Reid assured her, which was a bit of a lie. It had been a frustrating detail for the team, but one they were able to work with nonetheless. 

“And now I need to change and put something nice on for this place,” Cat continued. “‘Cause I was totally underdressed and my whole wardrobe makes me look like a Kardashian.”

Luke scoffed and rolled his eyes. Sure, it does.

Tara smiled at his reaction, having had the same thought.

Reid must have made a face at the name “Kardashian,” because Cat asked, “You don’t know who that is, do you?”

“No, oh yeah,” Reid replied enthusiastically. “Robert Kardashian. He got OJ Simpson off. You don’t… you don’t look like his daughter.”

Luke pressed his lips together so he didn’t actually laugh out loud, but made a mental note to tell Penelope about this later, knowing she’d get a kick out of her beloved “Boy Wonder’s” little slip-up.

“Yeah, no,” Cat said. “I was making a joke. A bad one.”

“No, it was a good joke!”

“No, it wasn’t.”

“It was funny.”

They chuckled awkwardly and then, for the third time that evening, were silent. After a pause, Cat finally said, “Can we start over? Hi, I’m Cat.”

Reid was still laughing nervously. “Hi, hello. Hi, I’m… I’m Spencer.”

“It really is nice to meet you, in person, finally,” she told him, sounding incredibly sincere. 

Reid nodded in response. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Tell me a little bit about yourself,” Cat prodded. “Do you really have three PhDs?”

“Yes. Erm, yeah, I do, I have three PhDs.”

“What was your favorite book that you read last year?”

“Um, honestly, I’ve never read a book I didn’t love.”

Then, Cat said the one thing that got their evening started in earnest. “Tell me about your wife.” She rested her head on her hands casually, waiting for his response.

Poor Reid was instantly made nervous yet again. “If you don’t mind, I’d, er, I’d rather not talk about her.”

“Might as well get it out in the open, right?” Cat replied. “That’s why we’re here. How long have you been married?”

“Four years.”

“When is she due to give birth?”

“In a couple of months.” Reid leaned across the table then, and lowered his voice, but not enough that the microphone could no longer pick up the conversation. “Should we talk about price now, or…”

Cat leaned forward as well. “Slow down, tiger. What exactly are we negotiating here?”

“You know.”

Cat shrugged. “I want to hear you say it.” 

There it was. There was a bit of the psychopath coming out. Forcing him to say what she already knew, giving herself all the power she could.

“To have her killed,” Reid whispered.

Cat remained silent for a moment, and Luke was almost certain she was smiling. People like her often did at this point.

“Let me see your ring,” she said. 

Reid held out his left hand where his fake wedding band was sitting, and Cat reached over to twist it around his finger.

“You know what that is?” She asked him. “A noose. Only it doesn’t kill you all at once. It kills you slowly, day by day. You ever feel that way?”

Luke watched as Reid nodded and knew that he, along with everyone else on the team, was making note of Cat’s destructive views of marriage, likely stemming from her experience with the marriage of her parents, and likely contributing to her corrupted worldview. 

“I feel that way all the time,” Reid said. 

“Take it off,” Cat instructed. 

“Why?”

“As a sign of your commitment,” she replied simply. “To me.”

Reid did as he was told, taking off the ring and handing it to her. 

She turned the ring over in her hand, examining it as she did so.

“If she sticks to pattern, she’ll take him to a secondary location and kill him,” JJ said over their comms. 

“We’re not going to let it get that far,” Rossi told her from his place at a booth on the opposite side of Reid and Cat that Luke and Tara were. He could see her completely if he looked over, while they could see him completely. “Hotch, do you have a visual?”

“Just hacked in,” came Penelope’s voice through their earpieces. She and Hotch were back at Quantico watching and monitoring remotely.

“All right Reid,” Hotch said. “We have you over her left shoulder. Do you copy?” Reid was supposed to cast a glance up at the security camera to confirm, and he must have, because then Hotch said, “All right, all agents stand by. Dr. Reid will give the green light. Don’t move until we have it.”

Cat was still playing with Reid’s ring. “24-karat?” 

Reid nodded. “Mmm-hmm.”

“24 K… times four years… means this rign should be dinged and nicked, but this sucker is brand new.”

Luke’s heart dropped to his stomach. They hadn’t given him an artificially distressed ring? They hadn’t even attempted to make the ring look old? What were they doing?

“You’re not married,” Cat continued. She fiddled with something in her bag, and then Luke swore he could hear the sound of a gun clicking. Shit. This was not good.

“What was that?” Penelope asked over the comms, obviously having heard what Luke did. “Was that what I think it was?”

“Everybody hold,” Hotch instructed.

“Why are we here, Spencer?” Cat asked, voice still unnervingly light and calm. 

Reid leaned forward again, and when he spoke, his voice was steady, even, and even slightly cold. It was made very obvious that his nerves that night had all been an act to get her feeling confident and make her drop her defenses. “We are here because you belong to a network of four hitmen who’ve been operating in the shadows of the Internet. You’re known as Miss 45. My team and I have been hunting you for months, and I knew that if I boxed you in, I could arrest you with as little resistance as possible.”

Luke knew that all of this was supposed to remain a secret from Cat until the end for obvious reasons, but flipping the tables like this would get the element of surprise back on their side. She was alone, and if she knew she was surrounded, she might be able to be convinced to give herself up.

“Your team being the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI?”

Luke and Tara stared at each other. She wasn’t supposed to know that. They hadn’t anticipated her knowing that. 

“You guys are good,” Cat admitted. “You’re the only ones that got close to us.”

Well yeah, Luke wanted to tell her. Because you were stupid enough to go after one of their own.

“But we got kind of close to you too, didn’t we?” Cat asked Reid. She leaned forwards, closer to Reid and the mic she must know he had. “Hi, Penelope.”

Luke’s blood boiled at the mention of her name, but he toned down his reaction. He needed to avoid Tara finding out, and besides, he couldn’t let his feelings for her get in the way of his job. Not when his job was protecting her. 

Penelope’s small gasp of fear could be heard on their comms, and Luke’s heart broke for her. She was so scared for herself already, and she was scared for Reid, this must all just be exacerbating that.

Cat sat up straighter. “Do you know why I’m so good at my job?”

“Because you kill without compunction or remorse,” Reid stated plainly.

“That only gets a girl so far in life,” Cat told him. “No, it’s because I think through every potential outcome, and then I plan accordingly. You see, I didn’t walk into your trap. You walked into mine.”

Reid remained silent.

“Where’s your head, Spencer?” She asked him. She slid along their curved booth until she was right up next to him, putting herself in everyone’s line of sight, barring Rossi. “What are you thinking about?”

“I was thinking about entropy,” Reid answered.

Cat nodded, and put her hand on Reid’s chest and began moving it lower, looking for something. 

“It’s the thermodynamic measure of the degradation of matter and energy in the universe. To put it another way—”

Cat found what she was looking for. “There’s your gun,” she said, pulling it out and taking it away from him. 

With potentially the worst timing ever, the waiter approached them then. “Good evening.”

Undoubtedly knowing she had to get him away from them for whatever her plan was to continue, Cat acted quickly. “Hi, you know what? We’ve been having so much fun getting to know one another, we’ll let you know when we’re ready, okay? Thank you.”

The waiter nodded and left their table, unintentionally guaranteeing his own safety.

“Now that we got that out of the way,” Cat continued, sliding back over to her original place. “Will you do me a favor and tell Blondie and Baldie over there at the bar to disappear?” She looked right over at JJ and Morgan, blowing their cover.

“JJ, Morgan, stand down,” Hotch instructed through their earpieces. 

The two got up and walked out of the restaurant, passing right by Cat and Reid’s table.

“Thanks for playing, guys,” Cat sing-songed after them.

“If she learns how many agents we have outside she’ll start shooting,” Hotch said. “Dave, get ready to take her out.”

“Yeah,” Rossi confirmed. 

“Reid, do not let her get up from the table,” Hotch told him. 

“All right, you’re in charge,” Reid said to Cat. Placing the control back in her hands would prevent any unexpected actions on her part. “Tell me what you want and I will see if I can get it here for you.”

“Anything I want?”

“Anything you want.”

“Like a million dollars in unmarked bills and maybe a plane to Aruba?”

“Is that what you want?”

“And you’ll say you’ll bring it here, but the real plan is to distract me from what is, I’m sure, an impressive law enforcement response just outside that door. Is that the plan?”

Reid smiled at her. “That’s the plan.”

What is he doing? Luke mouthed to Tara. 

She shrugged in response. It was anyone’s guess at this point.

“Okay,” Cat said. “Let’s talk, but let’s talk about something interesting at least. Tell me about me.”

She had no idea that that was a mistake. Getting Reid to talk to her about her would only play into her psychopathy and narcissism, and it would give the power back to him. 

“You?” Reid repeated before continuing. “You’re a black widow hitwoman. You specialize in seduction and you’re patient. You learn everything you can about the men you’re hired to kill, physically, psychologically, and emotionally, because you want them in as compromised a position as possible so they don’t see it coming when you pull the trigger.”

“And when I do it really well, they pull the trigger themselves.” She paused. “Give me your phone.”

“Why?”

“Because I know what I want now. I want to play a game with you. You like games?”

“I do.”

“Do you win?”

“I always win.”

“Give it to me,” Cat insisted.

Reid handed over his phone.

“Okay, here’s my game. You have thirty minutes to answer every question I ask. And if you lie, I’ll know. Because I’ve spent the past ten years of my life studying men and their lies before I kill them. Do you believe me?”

“I do.”

She set the phone down in the middle of the table. “That was true, you’re getting this. Now here’s how we’ll know who wins at the end of thirty minutes: If you win, you’ll drag me out of here in handcuffs. But if I win, you will escort me out, like a gentleman, to make sure I exit safely. What do you say, Spencer? Think you can win this one?”

He leaned over the table to her, motioning that she do the same. “Considering everything you put Garcia and so many other people through,” he whispered dangerously, “you’re going to have to shoot me in the face before you walk out of here.”

“Game on.”

“Oh boy.” Penelope’s voice was wavering, fear for her friend evident. No one knew what was about to happen.

“What do you want to ask me?” Reid said to Cat.

“How you found me, of course. A professional learns from her mistakes.” With that, she started the timer. 

The game was afoot.

“We got our big break in the case at the end of last year. I didn’t learn how big until I came back from some time off.”

“Why’d you take time off?”

Reid started to tell the story of coming back and meeting with Morgan and Savannah, getting some medical research from her, and collecting him for work.

“Stop,” Cat commanded.

“Why?”

“You still haven’t told me why you took time off.”

“It’s not relevant.”

“That’s not the game. The game is you answer every question I ask. Is it a secret?”

Reid shook his head. “No.”

“Is it dirty?”

“No.”

“Then tell me.” She strung the ‘me’ out, almost sounding like she was whining. Pleading. Begging.

“It’s not important to your story.”

“Out of curiosity, is it me you don’t want to tell or the people listening in?”

Reid looked down at the phone in the middle of the table. “Is this really how you want to spend your thirty minutes?”

“Yes,” she replied, not even skipping a beat to consider. But then she paused. And admitted, “No. Okay, so you were saying you showed up for work that morning and…”

“We learned that someone unexpected decided to talk.”

“And who would that be?”

***

Three weeks before

Hotch had called an emergency meeting, and Luke had anticipated being the first one to the Round Table Room, but he wasn’t. A man he had never met before was already there, studying files. This must be the famed Dr. Spencer Reid. Penelope had told Luke he’d be coming back that day. She was really excited about it, and so he was, by extension, happy on her behalf.

“Hey,” Luke said in greeting. “Luke. Alvez.”

“Oh hi!” The other man exclaimed. “I’m Dr. Spencer Reid.”

Luke smiled at his correct assumption. “Ah. No hand-shaking, right? Your reputation precedes you.”

“Yeah. Did Morgan tell you?”

“Him and Garcia, actually. They both speak very highly of you.”

“Of you, too.”

The rest of the team filed in then, cutting their conversation short. Hotch and Penelope took their places at the front of the room as everyone else took a seat. Luke shot Penelope a comforting smile, and she returned one of gratitude.

Hotch turned on the presentation. “Brian Cochran from the NSA. I’ve placed him on a 24/7 lockdown at USP Terre Haute. The network has proven that they can kill anyone, anywhere, anytime, and now that they’ve targeted Garcia, we can’t afford to lose another lead. Cochran used one of the hitmen to target DEA Supervisor Graff.”

“But we can press him on that to get him to cooperate,” Morgan said.

“Well, fortunately, that won’t be necessary,” Hotch told him. “He had a breakdown in solitary confinement and he was already willing to make a deal.”

“We need to go talk to him,” Rossi declared.

“Garcia and I already did,” Hotch informed them. 

“That is, we video-conferenced with him,” Penelope elaborated. “He was limited in what he could tell us about the hit people. He didn’t know their names, but he did know all of their areas of expertise.”

“How specific do they get?” Reid asked her. “Most successful hitmen are basically just Swiss Army Knives of murder.”

“Well, take the OG hit guy who got us into this mess, Giuseppe Montolo. Remember him? He was a genius at making hits look like an accident. The others, depends on what you’re looking for. Take the guy who’s still out there who’s responsible for shooting poor Mr. Graff. He’s known simply as The Sniper. He can make a T-zone shot from over 2,000 metres.”

“Which means he’s ex military,” Luke said. “Not necessarily ours, but he’s definitely trained. Has to be. You don’t get that good anywhere else. I’ve worked with really good snipers in the past, all of them are current or ex-military.”

“So who’s number two?” Tara asked.

“That would be The Chemist,” Penelope told her. “He works with poison. He specializes in hits that don’t leave a trace.”

“He sounds delightful,” Rossi quipped. “What about number three?”

“That would be The Bomber,” Penelope answered, using the remote to switch to pictures of an absolutely devastating bombing site. “According to Cochran, he’s responsible for this. It’s a chemical fire in Tianjin, China. Apparently a bureaucrat didn’t pay his bribe on time.”

“All that’s Conspiracy Theory Garbage,” JJ argued.

“But what is credible” Hotch replied, “is Cochrans insistence that he was trained by Mossad. Jack Garrett’s following up on leads.”

“That leaves us with number four,” Penelope continued. “The one with the highest body count of them all.”

“And who’s that?” Reid asked.

***

“Me!” Cat answered.

Reid nodded. “Yes.”

“Wow, that was really impressive,” Cat said sarcastically. “Yeah, the way you just made all those brilliant deductions with all that information that was just handed to you on a silver platter. Quick question: are you guys really profilers or are you just lucky? Because this, what I’m about to say, is profiling.” She cleared her throat before continuing. “The reason you took time off from work was to deal with the same girl who broke your heart.”

“No,” Reid answered quickly.

“The death of a parent, then.”

Luke rolled his eyes. Some ‘profiling’ this was if she was just guessing at different reasons someone might need to take time off work.

Reid hesitated slightly this time. “No.”

“Ah, hello, I’m getting close. It’s Mom or Dad in the billiard room with the candlestick… oh you’re mad at me aren’t you?”

“Not even a little bit.”

“Yes you are, I can tell.”

“No offense,” Reid said to her, “but you’re not really worth getting angry at.”

Luke’s eyes went wide. Goddamn.

Cat changed the subject. “So you figured out what the four of us did, and then what?”

“We profiled that you operated as spokes on a wheel. Somehow it had to be centralized, how you got jobs, who paid you. Somebody did all that for you.”

“You found The Snowman, didn’t you?”

***

“Great, so who’s this Snowman jagoff?” Rossi asked. Penelope had just explained that central role to the network.

“Cochran says he’s the IT expert,” Hotch informed them. “He’s the key to the whole network.”

“But if he set it up, he’s not going to tear it down just because we ask nicely,” Morgan remarked. 

“He will,” Hotch refuted, “because he was kidnapped by one of the hitmen and held against his will in a safe house.”

“I wonder how that feels,” Penelope snipped. 

Luke bit down on his lips to keep from laughing.

“Even if they have him under duress, he’s still going to be impossible to find,” JJ said.

“We will find him,” Hotch stated, “with this.” He held up the USB he’d confiscated off Cochran when he’d been arrested and then placed it down on the center of the table.

***

“Woah, woah, woah,” Cat interrupted. “I’m confused. What just happened there?”

“When we arrested Cochran, we found a flash drive, one that gave us access to a specific shadow of the Darknet, one we didn’t even knwo existed. Garcia used it to find the website The Snowman set up for all of you. Once we had the website, we had geography, specifically, the safehouse you were keeping him in. So we waited until the shift change when we knew we could take two of you down at once.”

***

Penelope had hacked into The Snowman’s server and was live-streaming a video of herself to him. She was holding up flashcards with messages on them, so she could silently talk to him. On these cards, she explained who she was and how she could help him. And, most importantly, told him to get down as the rest of the team stormed the building. 

Luke and JJ ran in, and she was able to take down The Sniper. Unfortunately, The Chemist killed himself with his own poison before they were able to aprehend him.

“What is this?” Barry Winslow, The Snowman, asked JJ and Luke as they undid his chains. “What’s going on?”

Luke patted him on the back as they exited the room. “Welcome to the FBI, kid.”

***

“Well, well, well,” Cat said. If Luke didn’t know any better, he’d say she sounded impressed. “You took The Chemist and The Sniper out of commission, huh?”

“Did you know?” Reid asked her. 

“I knew something was off. They didn’t bid on some contracts. And this isn’t the kind of job where you get to take time off to be with your… mother? Is it your mom? It’s gotta be your mom.”

Reid didn’t answer her.

“Why’d you take time off from the FBI?”

“I’m not going to tell you.”

“Spencer,” Cat insisted. “Why did you take time off from the FBI?”

“You can ask me as many times you want,” he replied in a cool voice, “and you can continue to waste your time, but I’m still not going to tell you.”

“Then you’re cheating and I don’t like cheaters.”

Luke rolled his eyes. She sounded like a petulant child.

“You don’t get everything you want just because you’re pointing a gun at me under a table,” Reid said, practically scolding her. “You’re not the first killer to point a gun at me, you’re not even the first woman to point a gun at me. Sorry.”

“You’re really going to take this all the way, aren’t you?”

He nodded. “Yeah.” 

“So am I.”

“Dave, go,” Hotch ordered through the earpieces.

“Look at my face,” Cat said. “Does it look like I’m bluffing?”

“I know you’re not bluffing.”

Rossi got up and started to move towards the pair just as Cat slid over in the booth, putting Reid directly in between her and Rossi, blocking the latter’s line of sight.

“I’m going to ask you this one more time,” she told him. “Before you say no, I want you to consider something.”

A sharp ringing went through their earpieces then, and Luke winced.

“She muffled the mic,” Penelope told them. “We lost audio.”

“Damn,” Luke whispered.

He couldn’t hear what Cat and Reid whispered to each other, but she must have seen Rossi and threatened him, because he could then hear Reid say, at a normal volume, “I’ll tell you.”

She removed her hand from his tie.

“Rossi, stand down,” Reid instructed, not breaking eye contact with Cat. He turned to the older man then, and said, “Please.”

Rossi turned, and walked away.

“My mom has schizophrenia,” Reid finally admitted to Cat. “The doctor has changed her medication, which seemed to agitate her, so I went to the treatment center to help her.”

Luke’s heart sank for the man he considered a friend. He hadn’t known that, and that kind of news was just devastating. No one deserved that.

“That’s it?” Cat asked.

“That’s it,” Reid confirmed.

“You just risked your life over mommy’s pills?”

“It’s the truth.”

“It’s part of the truth,” Cat decided. “You’re holding something back. Here’s what I’m going to do.” She reached over to the phone in the middle of the table. “I’m going to penalize you by adding ten minutes. And keep in mind that the only reason why you’re not dead right now is because I did learn something important.”

“Oh really?” Reid asked, doubting her statement. “What’s that?”

Cat grinned and gestured widely to the space around them. “Your backup! I flushed them out! It’s just you and me now.”

Smarking, Tara lifted her glass to Luke. “Guess again, bitch.”

Luke returned a smirk of his own, and tapped his glass against hers. Tara was the newest to the team, and Luke wasn’t even officially on it, so of course she wouldn’t recognize them.

“So,” Cat said. “When we left off, the score was you had two of our guys and The Snowman. You must have thought you were home free.”

“No,” Reid told her. “If anything, the case was harder.”

***

“I can’t tell you that much about them,” Barry Winslow told the team. “It’s not like we had heart-to-heart conversations while they handcuffed me to a computer.”

“Do you know any of their names?” Tara asked him.

“No. But I know their bank accounts.”

“How long do you think we have before the other two realize the network’s been compromised?” Reid asked.

“Two days, maybe. They like being independent contractors, so they always work jobs separately. And, uh, they rely on me to coordinate all their online traffic.”

“Which I can help fake,” Penelope offered.

Brian nodded. “Yeah. We have the facade covered on our end, but they also have back channel communications that I can’t account for. Especially The Bomber.”

“Why him?” Rossi asked.

“I don’t know,” Barry replied honestly. “But all I know is when they would rotate watching over me, he never showed.”

“I know why,” JJ said. “Because he’s paranoid. Most explosives experts are. Blow everything up, you live in fear that you’re next.”

“We need to lure out the hitwoman,” Hotch stated. “If we can take her alive, she’d lead us to The Bomber.”

“We have to give her a target worth coming out of hiding for,” Morgan said.

“That means me, doesn’t it?” Penelope asked timidly.

“No,” Hotch, Luke, and Morgan answered simultaneously and firmly.

“Sir,” she tried to argue.

“Garcia, that’s not going to happen,” Morgan told her in a voice that bore no room for disagreement.

“It’s not safe to leave you there exposed like that,” Luke explained gently.

Hotch turned to face Barry. “You have a record of all the kills she was paid for?”

“I have records of everything,” Barry confirmed.

“All right, even a contract killer can have victimology,” Hotch mused. “A pattern of which she’s not aware. We need to find that.”

It didn’t take long for Barry and Penelope to find the pattern after they knew what they were looking for. They found three men, all of whom wanted their wives killed. However, those hits had not gone the way the buyers had intended. The hitwoman had taken their money and then killed the men who hired her. Additionally, all three men had children. They were able to deduce that those specific kills were personal to her because something similar happened to her when she was a child. They decided they needed to lure her out using a made up client that fit that victimology.

“I can do it,” Luke offered without missing a beat. “I have undercover experience, it’ll be as easy as breathing for me.”

“I appreciate the offer,” Hotch told him. “Really, I do, and I appreciate your undercover experience, but to guarantee this will lead us to The Bomber, we need a profiler to be the one talking face-to-face with her, and unfortunately you aren’t trained for that. However, your undercover experience is still invaluable, and I would greatly appreciate your help planning the operation.

Luke nodded. “Whatever I can do.”

“I can do it,” Reid said then. “I pretend to be that kind of client. I’m going to pretend to be a husband who wants his pregnant wife dead.”

“Well I’d want to kill you if you told me that,” JJ remarked.

“Exactly,” Reid said. “Then all we have to do is set the right meeting spot. A bar or a restaurant that we can control so the odds are better of us taking her alive.”

Hotch nodded. “That’s our best strategy.”

***

“But there was one flaw,” Cat said. “You. You’re not married, and you don’t have children.”

“I’m the person on my team whose closest in age to you, and I knew that if I lost control of the situation, you’d be more likely to negotiate with a peer.”

“You have zero control here,” Cat said bitingly. “None. I outflanked you from the beginning.”

Reid considered this. “Well, some of your moves were pretty obvious.”

“Such as?”

“Such as showing up armed, such as changing the venue at the last moment…”

“I needed a restaurant full of innocents in case this was a trap.”

“If you really suspected this was a trap, then why show up at all? Even when you first laid eyes on me, from the bar, from outside, from wherever you were, you should have seen through me and kept moving but you didn’t. You couldn’t. Because you can’t get to the man you really want to hurt, so you need to hurt any man who reminds you of him.”

Luke knew Reid’s words had affected Cat, because she hesitated before answering him, and when she did, her voice was slightly shaky. “That’s kind of boilerplate psychology, isn’t it? I’m just another girl with daddy issues.”

“You’d be surprised how many killers do what they do because of their parents. If it’s so boilerplate, then why don’t we test that theory? How hard did you look for him?”

“Very hard.”

“And how disappointed were you when you realized that you will never find him? You needed some other outlet for your rage, and for a while this worked, but it also tripped you up. Can I tell you a little secret?” When Cat didn’t respond, Reid took it as his sign to continue. “Everything eventually falls apart. The trick is accepting when it’s over.”

Cat stared at him.

Reid stared at her.

The timer went off.

“Except it ain’t over, is it?” Cat asked.

“Do you really think I’m just going to let you walk out of here?”

“You profiled so much about me, except, you forgot to ask the most important question. Why would I make you sit here for thirty minutes?”

“Because you’re stalling.”

“Then you don’t know me at all. Do you think I’d show up here without an escape plan? Or is that what just another girl with daddy issues would do? Maybe if you hadn’t fallen victim to your own gender bias, and yes, all men have gender bias, even you, Dr. Reid, you would have recognized that your entire strategy was based on one faulty detail. Can you see it?”

“You’re not here alone,” Reid realized.

“And my partner? Less paranoid than you think.”

“You planted a bomb in the building.”

Luke and Tara glanced at each other, unsure of what they should do. Stand by and wait for instruction? Try to find the bomb?

“We’re on the move,” JJ said through their earpieces.

“I’m going to go look for the owner,” Tara whispered to Luke. “Stay here.”

He nodded.

“I didn’t,” Cat corrected. “My job was to keep your entire team focused on us, so he could do what he does best.”

Luke realized that Cat had, once again, unwittingly made a detrimental error. She had wanted the entire team’s focus on her… but then got rid of three team members, leaving them free to focus on anything else, including whatever The Bomber had set up.

“Hotch,” came JJ’s voice again. “We’ve got inter-connected C-4 charges down here.”

“How many?” He asked her.

“There’s six charges,” Rossi replied.

“They’re connected to the city’s gas line,” Morgan added. “She could take out the whole block.”

“There are innocent people here,” Reid pleaded with Cat.

“Yes, there are,” she agreed. “So let me remind you what we’re playing for. Not only will I walk out of here, but you will make sure I leave safely. And from where I’m sitting, it looks like I’ve won. You need to pay attention to this part. I’m going to tell you the terms of my victory. I want you to move all of your backup away from this building. If I walk out of here and see one cop, I will incinerate us all.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Spencer,” she warned.

“It’s not me. What you’re asking takes time.”

Cat grabbed Reid by the tie and pulled him close, her face right by the mic. “This is to whoever’s in charge: Unless you guys want to be responsible for the biggest FBI disaster since Waco, you will back off now.” She let go of the tie and whispered, “Watch this.”

Hotch was too busy trying to deal with the bomb to address Cat’s demands. “JJ, say again. The bomb has a cellphone trigger?”

“That’s right,” she confirmed. “All she has to do is call the number and boom.”

“Can you jam the signal?” Hotch asked, most likely to Penelope.

“Not from here, no,” came her reply, her voice tight with fear.

“The failsafe will still kick in,” Morgan told them. “Same outcome. Can’t move ‘em, can’t submerge ‘em.”

“It’ll take us hours to get the gas turned off on the whole block,” Hotch said mournfully. “If we alert anyone, then the panic could set her and the bomb off.”

“SWAT’s on the radio with the bomb squad,” Rossi informed them. “They say our only chance is to get our hands on that cellphone. If we shut down the trigger, we can remove the charges.”

“Alvez,” Hotch called. 

“Go ahead, Hotch,” Luke replied.

“Does she have a cellphone with her?”

Lifting his glass to his mouth so the wide brim would slightly shield his eyes, Luke looked over at Cat and Reid discreetly. “I don’t think so. I didn’t see her pull one out. The Bomber was setting this up while we were all up here. I think he’s holding the trigger.”

“We’re combing the block. He could be anywhere though. Where’s Lewis?”

“She went to go find the owner and inform the staff of the situation,” Luke told him. “She just texted me, she said she told the staff to calmly tell each patron there was an unforeseen problem in the kitchen that cannot be resolved, their dinner has been paid for, and they need to leave at their earliest possible convenience, as well as instructing them to leave Cat and Reid alone.”

“Good,” Hotch replied. “It’ll minimize if not completely eliminate mass panic.”

The servers started coming out in droves then, and Cat noticed. “Look at that, there they go.”

Reid started to explain. “All we want to do—”

“Is minimize the collateral damage,” Cat cut him off. “I get it. I’m not mad. It’ll give me the cover I need to slip out. I just need to know it’s clear, so do me a favor and tell your boss that nobody leaves until it’s safe for me to.”

“Reid, perimeter agents are pulling back,” came Hotch’s voice. “You have to let her go.”

Reid’s face looked pained. 

“Well?” Cat demanded.

“Repeat,” Hotch said. “All agents do not engage or pursue until the bomb is defused.”

Reid still said nothing.

“Spencer…” Cat said, audibly growing annoyed.

Finally, he said, “You can leave.”

Cat got up, took her bag and coat, and moved to leave.

“But you won’t,” Reid said, stopping her in her tracks. 

“I’m sorry?”

“Double or nothing I can get you to sit back down.”

“Reid, what are you doing?” Hotch asked, unnerved at this sudden turn of events.

“Wow,” Cat drawled. “Now you’re stalling.”

“You played your trump card, but I have one too.”

Cat wasn’t taking the bait. Turning away, she said, “Thanks for dinner. I had fun.”

“I found your father,” Reid called out to her.

If Luke had taken a sip of his drink at that moment, he would have choked on it.

Cat’s reaction was similar. She stopped dead in her tracks and turned back around. “No you didn't.”

“Look at my face,” Reid replied. “Am I bluffing? I’ll tell you where he is. But you need to sit back down and listen to the rest of my story.”

“No, tell me now, or I’ll—”

“Detonate the bomb? You’re not going to do that, Cat, because then you won’t learn anything. You said you were good at your job because you think through every outcome. Well guess what? So do I.”

Cat looked around for a moment, seeming unsure, but then sat back down at the table. “All right. Finish the story.”

“To prepare for this dinner, I had to learn everything about you, starting with your real name.” He described the way he had profiled her and found her with the help of Penelope. “Catherine Adams. Daughter of Daniel Adams, who did in fact leave the country in 1987 but came back in 2012. Based on confidentialrecords in rehabs and sober living houses, which in turn pointed us to flophouses and soup kitchens. He couldn’t put twenty-four hours together sober. And you can probably imagine my surprise when I discovered that he actually lives right here in DC.”

“Where?” Cat demanded, tears in her voice.

“It’s not that simple,” Reid told her. “He was in bad shape when I found him. I showed him a picture of you. He had no idea who you were.”

“He didn’t remember me?”

“The alcoholism shredded his brain. I’m sorry.”

Cat scoffed. “You’re not sorry. Sorry is what people say when they don’t understand.”

Reid didn’t reply.

“Wait,” Cat said, realizing something. “Your mother. Tell me.”

“Is this part of the game?”

“No. The game is over.”

Reid was silent for a moment before answering. “When I looked at her medical chart, it didn’t make any sense. The medication they gave her should have been helping, but I couldn’t figure out why it was making her so angry. So I went to see her. The moment I walked into her room, I saw it. For three seconds, she didn’t know who I was.”

Luke’s heart clenched with sympathy. He hoped his new friend was lying in an effort to stall Cat, but if he wasn’t… that was potentially the worst experience someone could have with their parents. He couldn’t imagine how he’d react if, one day, his own mother didn’t recognize him. 

“I had her tested that morning,” Reid continued. “And I found out that night that she had early onset of dementia. Most likely Alzheimer’s.

“Did you test yourself?” Cat asked him.

Reid looked down at his lap. 

“No, you didn’t. You were too scared.”

“I thought I dodged a bullet when I turned thirty and didn’t have a schizophrenic break like her,” Reid said, voice thick with tears. “But this is somehow bigger and scarier because I can actually see it happening. All the memories that we used to share… are just dying. I can’t stop it. I can’t help her. All I can do is find people that I can help.”

Cat cocked her head to the side. “Is that really why you showed up tonight? To help me?” She leaned across the table to him. “Do you know how many men have told me that they wanted to help me? How do you think that worked out for them?”

JJ’s panicked voice came through the comms then. “Hotch, she just armed the bomb.”

“Hotch we need to pull back,” Morgan insisted.

“Copy. Alvez, get out of there.”

“Hotch, we might have a lead here,” Tara said, having returned to their table a few minutes prior.

“She hasn’t touched anything to arm the bomb,” Luke explained. “That means The Bomber’s here, somewhere in the restaurant.”

“All right, if you can take him, do so,” Hotch conceded. “But the priority is evacuation.”

“I’m not even sure it is a him” Luke mused. 

Tara nodded. “Cat mentioned something about gender bias. So what if we applied that to The Bomber as well?”

Hotch considered this. “All right, she’d have to be in a position to maintain line of sight of Reid all night. Who do you see?”

“Look for anyone with their phone out,” Luke advised as he and Tara started discreetly scanning the restaurant. “That’s the detonator. Our woman will give herself away by looking over.”

“You’re right,” Reid said then to Cat. “You don’t need my help. You don’t need anyone’s help. You are completely in control.”

Tara and Luke kept looking as Reid spoke, and then Tara found her.

“I’ve got her,” she whispered. “Blue dress. By the bar.”

“Hey, you know what, babe?” Luke asked at a normal, playing his part of the couple he and Tara were pretending to be as their cover. “Let’s get out of here, I’m not really feeling this place.” He got up and extended a hand to her.

“Aw, really?” Tara pretended to whine. “I kind of like it.”

“I want to take you to a spot where we can do some dancing,” he explained, leading her along the bar on their way to the exit. The second he was behind the woman Tara had pointed out, he grabbed her arm and twisted her away from the bar, wrestling with her for her phone. The second he had it, he pushed her toward Tara, who in turn shoved her against the bar to make the arrest as Luke used the phone to de-activate the bomb.

“Hotch, we’re clear,” came JJ’s voice, alerting Luke to his success, but only momentarily.

“Reid’s not,” Hotch informed them. 

Cat had grabbed Reid and was standing by their table, holding her gun to his head. “Don’t!” She screamed.

“FBI,” Luke announced, making his way over to them. “Everybody stay calm please.”

“We’re going to be smart about this and talk it out, aren’t we, Cat?” Tara called out as she cuffed The Bomber.

“That’s up to you,” Cat called back.

“Get everyone out of here,” Reid instructed them.

“Move,” Tara ordered the civilians around her, dragging The Bomber out with her. 

Morgan came into the main area of the restaurant then, having run back after the bomb was safely deactivated, and stood by Luke who was still standing in front of Cat and Reid with his gun trained on her. 

“Morgan, Luke, you too,” Reid said to them. 

Morgan shook his head. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Me neither,” Luke agreed.

“Guess we’re right back where we started,” Cat mused, looking at Reid. “You and me with a gun.”

“Reid, it’s time,” Morgan warned.

Time for what? Luke wanted to ask, but he held his tongue.

“No,” Reid pleaded.

“We don’t have a choice,” Morgan insisted. “We have to do it.”

“Morgan, shut up,” Reid begged. 

“There’s one thing he hasn’t told you yet.” Morgan directed that at Cat.

“That’s not true, he’s lying, don’t listen to him,” Reid babbled.

“What haven’t you told me?” Cat demanded. 

“Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!”

“We brought your father here,” Morgan announced. 

Okay, so he was bluffing, Luke realized. The promise of her father was likely the only thing that could guarantee to get Cat out of this building alive.

“Here?” Cat repeated in disbelief. “He’s here?”

“He’s right outside,” Luke confirmed.

“Reid thought he needed every bargaining chip he could get,” Morgan explained.

“Morgan,” Reid pleaded again. “I am begging you, don’t. Don’t.”

Morgan ignored him. “Every bargaining chip he could get to convince you to do the right thing.”

Cat scoffed. “How is this the right thing?”

“Your father killed your mother,” Luke stated, playing along. This, this was what he knew. What he did best. The hunting, the undercover operation, talking down the unsub, it all brought him right back to the Fugitive Taskforce, and he loved it. He thrived in it. In these final hours of the night, it finally made sense to him why Morgan had begged him to come aboard. “There’s no statute of limitations on murder, so you really need to think about your options right now. You shoot him, I will kill you. Or if you surrender, you will live to testify against your father.” 

“That’s not good enough,” Cat spat.

“We can arrange for the two of you to drive into custody together,” Morgan offered, “and then you can remind him of who you are.”

“If you give her this she wins,” Reid argued. “Don’t do it.”

“Kid I am trying to save your life, now let me do that!” Morgan snapped back. There was a beeping sound outside, a large vehicle backing up. “They’re bringing him in right now.”

Cat looked over at Reid, who looked absolutely agonized and distraught. “You’re really upset about this, aren’t you?”

“This is what you wanted, isn’t it?” Luke asked her. “A chance to finally hurt the man who deserves it.”

“They all deserve it,” Cat told him. 

“He deserves it the most,” Luke countered.

Reid shook his head, which only seemed to spur Cat on and make her decision easier. “Only if Spencer escorts me out.”

“Deal,” Reid said through gritted teeth.

She threw her gun to the ground. Morgan and Luke approached the pair, Morgan handing Reid the cuffs while Luke kept his gun trained on Cat in case she had any surprises up her sleeve. Once she was cuffed, Reid began to escort her from the building.

“Hotch,” Morgan said into his comm.

“Yeah?” 

“We’re coming out.”

“Okay, you’re all clear,” the Unit Chief informed them.

The four of them walked out of the building together, but Cat stopped dead in her tracks the second they crossed the threshold. “Wait.” She paused for a minute, then said, “Okay. I’m ready.”

Reid guided her down the steps and to the police van that was waiting for her, and Morgan and Luke followed them. They swing open the doors to reveal… nothing. Cat’s father wasn’t there. He never had been.

Reid led her into the van and cuffed her properly to the wall.

“You lied to me,” she said, sounding near tears.

“If it makes you feel any better, I really did look for him,” Reid told her sincerely. “But I couldn’t find him, so yeah, I did make it all up.”

“Not all of it,” Cat replied. “You don’t pull a story about a parent losing her memory out of nowhere. Your mother and the Alzheimer’s, that’s true.”

“Did you know?” Luke whispered to Morgan.

“Not a clue,” he whispered back.

“I won,” Cat declared.

“How so?” Reid asked her.

“Because I will get out of here.”

“Yeah, in twenty years, maybe, if you’re lucky,” Reid retorted.

She brushed him off. “Yeah, that’s fine. You know why? Because in twenty years, I’ll remember your name, but you won’t remember mine.”

Reid didn’t bother responding, he just stood up and got out of the van, Luke and Morgan slamming it shut behind him.

“Come on,” Morgan said to the other two. “Garcia’s spending the night with me and Savannah, let’s go and say hi to our girl.”

Reid nodded, smiling at the prospect of getting to see his friend free and happy again. Luke tried to not make it incredibly evident how much he was looking forward to seeing Penelope again, and at the same time, how sad he was this whole ordeal was over.

Morgan’s house was a decent walk away, but the weather was nice, and the three men enjoyed the cool night air to help soothe their nerves after the intense night, hell, intense months they had had. They didn’t say a word the whole time.

“You guys want to come in for a bit?” Morgan offered once they had arrived. “Decompress?”

Luke nodded, but Reid shook his head.

“I’m good, I’m probably just going to go home,” he replied.

“That was an intense case,” Morgan sighed. 

“Yeah,” Reid laughed. “It’s over. Network’s gone.”

Morgan nodded, a serious look on his face, and Luke stepped to the side a little, wanting to be as not-present as he possibly could be for this no doubt personal conversation that was about to transpire. 

However, before anyone got the chance to speak, a very drunk Penelope came barrelling out of the house calling, “Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!” A frantic Savannah came running out after her.

Morgan’s eyes went wide. “Hey hey hey, what is happening right now?”

Penelope was on a roll, running down the stairs in her four-inch heels to go to them. “You’re what’s going on. Right now is what’s… You are here. Do you know what’s happening right now? It is… it is done! The Dirty Dozen is done! Yes! Duh-uhn! I’m in it!” She made little strange gestures with her hands as she spoke, which had the group in absolute stitches. 

Morgan turned to Savannah. “How much did she have?”

Savannah scratched the back of her head guiltily. “She started out with jäger.”

“Jäger?” Morgan repeated in shock.

Penelope put her hands on Morgan’s shoulders. “I love you.”

“Okay,” he replied, trying to see where she was going with this.

“I love you,” she repeated. “And you!” Penelope pointed at Reid. “I love you so much. And you,” she stumbled over to Luke and planted her hands on his chest to ground herself, staring down at her feet. He was glad she was so drunk she likely couldn’t feel how much his heartrate had just accelerated. She turned her head back toward him, a look of concentration on her face. “I don’t know you well enough to love you yet, but I definitely like you a lot and I could love you.”

“Okay,” Luke managed to squeak out, flustered as all hell.

Penelope turned to Savannah then and grabbed her by the shoulders. “And you! I should be jealous of you because you’re so hot—”

Savannah turned in shock to stare at Morgan, who was equally at a loss for words. 

“But I’m not!” Penelope swore. “I’m not! I promise you I’m not! I’m not, I promise! No, I’m not, ‘cause you know what? All I feel in here is love.” She started running her hands over her body. “I just… I am feeling full of love. So much love… I’m wearing too many clothes!” She turned and started running back up the stairs to the house. 

“I got this,” Savannah assured them.

Casting a glance to Morgan and Reid, Luke decided they could probably use a moment to themselves, so he called after Savannah, “I’ll help you.”

"You don't have to," Savannah told him as they chased Penelope through the house. "I can handle a drunk Penelope, it wouldn't be the first time." 

"Oh I know, but I don't mind," Luke assured her. "Besides, Mor– Derek and Spencer looked like they needed a minute to themselves." 

Savannah nodded, understanding. She knew Derek's three closest friends were right there, Luke, Penelope, and Spencer, and knew that two of them had been having an especially tough go of it. She had learned to love each of them as much as he did. She wouldn't fault her boyfriend for spending time with his friend, especially one who had been gone so long. "We need to convince Penelope to go to sleep," she told Luke. "She's a very blabbery drunk, as you saw, but she's also a sleepy one. The sooner we get her to bed, the better she feels in the morning. But normally she brings pajamas, she doesn't have any this time." 

"Did she happen to bring her bag that she was living out of at Quantico?"

Savannah's eyes lit up. “Yes she did! Okay, I’ll go grab the pajamas, you try to corral her in the guest bedroom at the end of the hall, okay?”

“Sounds like a plan, but first I’m going to get her a glass of water so she doesn’t have a killer headache tomorrow.”

Savannah took off to find the pajamas, and went to get the water and Penelope. “Hey, Penelope, hey,” he said gently, taking her by her shoulder—and trying to pull her cardigan back on because he was respectful.

“Luke! Hi!”

He smiled warmly at her. “Hi. I have a question for you. Wouldn’t you just love to go to sleep in a real bed instead of your office couch like you’ve been having to do the last few months?”

Penelope’s entire face lit up. “Yes! I’d love that! Yes! Please!”

“Okay, then follow me, all right? We’re going to the guest bedroom. Savannah is bringing you pajamas.”

“All right!” Penelope replied enthusiastically.

Luke was absolutely enamored. She was just… adorable. “And can you drink this glass of water, please? I don’t want you having a headache in the morning.”

“Oooh, good idea.” She took the glass from him and gulped at it greedily.

Savannah met them in the guest bedroom and gave Penelope the pajamas, and they gave her time to change. Once she had, Luke helped get Penelope into the bed—she was somehow more uncoordinated drunk and out of heels than she was drunk and in them—while Savannah put the dress she’d changed out of with her other things. 

“I am really tired,” Penelope said as she lay down, falling asleep the second her head hit the pillow, letting out a small snore that Luke genuinely considered one of the most beautiful sounds he had ever heard.

Savannah chuckled as she left the room. “Now I need a drink.”

Luke pulled the blankets up to Penelope’s chin, a soft smile on both their faces. If he happened to give her a small kiss on the forehead once Savannah had left the room, what would it matter? Sweet dreams, sweetheart. Sleep tight.

Morgan came in once Reid left, and the three remaining adults sat down with drinks of their own. 

"So," Morgan sighed. "That's over. At long last." 

Luke shook his head in disbelief. "I know. It hasn't sunk in yet. It was the last few months of our lives, and now it's done." 

"And you're done with the BAU now." 

"Yeah. I'll be by tomorrow to pick up my things and say goodbye, but then it's back to normal." 

"Well we'll miss you." 

"I'll miss you guys too." 

"How'd you like the BAU, Luke?" Savannah asked him. 

"Oh, it was great," he replied easily. "Great experience, great people, I kind of wish I didn't have to go." 

"See?" Morgan laughed. "I told you you had nothing to worry about! You were all worried about not being good at the job, but you're a natural." 

Luke shrugged off the compliment humbly. "Eh, once I met the people it was easy. You guys make the job easy. And of course, once I met Penelope, I understood why you were so eager to protect her." 

"Yeah, she has that effect on people, doesn't she?" Savannah laughed fondly. "She's pretty great."

Luke's entire face lit up. "She's amazing. We got along great, she's definitely one of the people I'm going to miss the most. I would check in on her every night, I'm gonna have to get use to not doing that anymore." 

Morgan's eyes went wide. “Ooh, look at how he’s smiling!” He turned to Savannah. "Are you seeing this?" 

Savannah's eyes were shining with shock, glee, and a little bit of mischief. "Oh I'm seeing it all right." 

Luke schooled his expression instantly. "Seeing what?"

"You, my friend, are crushing," Morgan sing-songed.

"I am not!" Luke lied, feeling his cheeks and ears burn.

"You so are!" Morgan goaded. "You have a crush on Penelope!" 

"Can we not call it a crush, please?" Luke begged. "That sounds so… high school." 

"Maybe so, but that's exactly what it is!" Savannah teased. 

He fixed her with a faux-glare. "Et tu, Sav?" They had only met a few times in the two years she and Morgan had been together, but, both being easy people to get along with, they formed a quick and easy friendship.

She raised her hands in the air in mock surrender. "Hey, I'm just calling it like it is!"

Morgan grinned. "I think it's great. You are absolutely smitten."

Luke smiled to himself. Yes, he was helplessly and hopelessly smitten, but he wasn't going to admit that. At least, not in those words. "Shut up," he replied instead, with a laugh.

Morgan only half-listened. "So. You gonna ask her out?" 

"No," Luke replied quickly. 

Morgan cocked his head to the side. "Why not? You two would be good together!"

Like thought for a moment, trying to figure out how to phrase everything in a way that made sense. "I'd feel weird about it. She's just been through an incredibly intense draining and traumatic experience, I would feel like I'm taking advantage of that. And I also wouldn't want her to feel like she owes me, in some weird way? And I also don’t want to come off as the guy who feels like he’s owed, because I’m not an asshole. Besides, you know, I’m sure once I no longer see her every day for a few weeks, and I’d hate to try to start something only for that to happen.”

“First of all,” Morgan countered, she would never think any of those things and second of all, if you really think your feelings will fade by not seeing her, then by asking her out and seeing her frequently, they wouldn’t fade.”

Luke seemed unsure. “I’d hate to ruin our friendship over something I’m unsure about.”

“Then wait a bit, see how you’re feeling, and then go for it!”

Luke shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

***

As promised, Luke was back at the BAU the next day to collect his things. The army and the Fugitive Taskforce had instilled in him a habit of traveling light, so all he had to do was throw a few things in his backpack and he was all set. He said goodbye to everyone, giving Hotch and Rossi a firm handshake, Morgan, Tara, and JJ a hug, and holding up his elbow to Reid to bump his own against. Then, before leaving, he made his way over to Penelope’s office. 

“How’re you feeling?” Luke asked with a smirk once she opened the door.

She rolled her eyes playfully in response. “Fine, actually. Probably because you and Savannah made me drink water and go to sleep, so thank you.”

“Any time.”

“So what are you doing here? I thought you were done now? Are you staying longer?”

She looked so excited at that prospect, and he was loath to contradict her. “No, I’m done. I was just here to grab my things, and I wanted to say a proper goodbye.”

Her smile morphed into a frown. “Aw, okay.” She stepped forward, wrapping her arms around him tight and resting her hands in the middle of his back.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in the crook of her neck, inhaling the sweet, flowery smell of her hair. 

“I’ll miss you,” she whispered into him. 

“I’ll miss you too,” he whispered back.

“I’ll have to get use to you not coming to visit me every day,” Penelope said as she stepped out of the hug.

“Well you can call or text me any time,” Luke assured her, squeezing her shoulder gently. “Don’t be a stranger, okay, Penelope?”

She nodded, smiling softly. “Okay. You either, Luke.”

He smiled warmly at her one last time. “Goodbye, Penelope.”

[katsukidynam1ght]

about me/info post! (long)

intro: hi! first things first: call me kats. that's not my real name (obviously), but my actual identity is none of your business, so that's a suitable alternative and one i rather enjoy. and no, i'm not putting my age in my bio. that's also not your business, but suffice it to say i'm an adult.

any pronouns work, so don't feel like you have to ask about that because i genuinely could not care less. what you refer to me as does not change anything about my identity, so hey! no misgendering possible, you don't get to dictate who i am so there's no use trying.

current project: Incipient/Combat Fatigue (a bakugou-centric, angst-with-a-happy-ending, krbkdk fic! no link yet but there will be soon!)

request info:

i take requests and will write most things! if i’m not willing to write it i will let you know, so don’t be afraid to request something (even if it’s anonymous!) for fear of judgment. i’m open-minded and have no fav ships, so just because you’ve seen me do kiribaku or shinkami already does not mean that’s the only thing i write. (rambles about poly class a at length and forever)

in terms of content limits it’s hard to say what’s a firm line for me and what i may write depending on circumstances, so i’m not going to list that here. it’ll just be a case-by-case basis.

however! one thing i am not capable of writing is any character x reader content. i know a lot of people like that, but if that’s what you want, i’m not your guy. i prefer to stick to canon, and i refuse to read any x reader myself, so if that’s your request, just know i can’t compromise on that. (this also goes for self-insert or y/n type stuff. you do you but that makes me gag.)

my current project will always take priority over any requests i receive, but that does not mean that i won't ever get to requests! just means that if i'm in the middle of a project, i won't drop it to write you a fic (unless you're going to pay me. /hj i might negotiate that.)

i feel the need to state that while i do not currently have any (as far as i can remember??) nsfw content on my blog, it may not stay that way. i will tag things appropriately and add necessary disclaimers, but if you want to strictly avoid any potential nsfw stuff, just be a little wary. knowing myself it’s far more likely that if i Do write anything nsfw, it’ll be on my ao3, but i think this is an important disclaimer to add just in case.

remember that i am a writer but i am doing this in my spare time while working for an education, so unless you're willing to fund that, you don't get to decide how i run my blog.

tag info:

i don't know how tumblr works. that's my disclaimer right here because this shit makes no sense to me. but tagging is important (?) so i have a few tags that i use a lot (when i remember), so here's info on those:

"kats asks" - these are posts that involve my ask box!

"kats rambles" - me, rambling. that's really it. this counts as one because it's long and mostly me going on and on about things.

"kats rants" - me, ranting. this is for the rambles that are angry. (if you start a fight with me on these i'll fight back. fair warning.)

“kats updates” - updates on me personally. so if you care about me beyond the screen, check this tag. if not then uh. ow /j

“kats writing list” - the list of posts i want to write later. would save to my drafts but i’ve saved a shit ton of spoiler posts that i want to read after i’m caught up, so uh. yeah

pretty self-explanatory. if i add more tags in the future i'll (hopefully) update this. (and please for the love of fuck if you know how to use tumblr and anything about all of this. tell me. i'm begging)

extra (probably important):

tone is a little funky online so i use tone tags (/j, /s, /gen, all that stuff) when i feel it's necessary (and please feel free to use them back at me because holy hell). if you're unfamiliar with them just ask, i'm not shy. i got the brain weird so i do what i've gotta do to not sound like an asshole all the time.

that said: i am sometimes an asshole. not in the bigoted sense, just in the "if you disagree with me about [fandom topic] i will rant at you about it and you opened that can of worms so you can lie in it" type sense. feel me?

gist is, if you tell me you don't want confrontation, we're chill! i am a nice person most of the time and am always willing to have a civil discussion. but i get dopamine and adrenaline from arguing so sometimes a little discourse is fun, and if you come at me sounding like you want a fight, i reserve the right to fight back for as long as it pleases me and then tap out when i get bored.

i don't really do the whole "DNI if" thing (see above). it's like this: anyone can interact with me, but if you interact with me, you're saying i can interact back, and if you don't like it, that's not my problem. i realize this may make me sound unsympathetic or like a dick (oops) but hey! c'est la vie. you're responsible for your own online experience; it's not my job to police you and if you don't like my content that's not my problem.

basically just tell me if you're coming at me from an angle of "hey i want to be mutuals and discuss things in a polite and open-minded way" or from an angle of "hey i think your takes are fucking stupid, you wanna go?"

also, if you insult me, chances are i will not understand the insult (i'm stupid /j), so it's best not to bother. but i can't stop you and hate is funny so i'll probably just make fun of you back. (if you're gonna throw hands you better be prepared to catch 'em ykwim)

but at the end of the day this is just a series and has no real life impact on me so y'know. i won't take it too seriously if you don't and we can walk away without being offended or hurt.

other info: if you want to know more about me or want something included here, feel free to leave a message in my inbox!

i've got a couple ask games on my blog here and here, and i'll try to remember to update this if i add more.

[edoro]

🎢 , 🍦 and 💔 for the ask game?

🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride? - ooh, good question. Stitching Up Boys (MIND the warnings on that one) is probably overall the one that gets just the fucking weirdest and grossest and that i'd expect the fewest number of people to be able to read. very intense, very gory, very fucked up, truly a dead dove fic imo. i also think Genesis 19:30-38 might count? without the benefit of the tags laying out what's going to happen, i think that one's descent into "oh god" territory would be a lot more abrupt, and Philip pulls some wacky shit in this one. i think the sheer contrast of where it starts and how it looks like things are going to go well vs where it ends up counts.

i almost feel like just saying this halfway constitutes a spoiler as well but i do anticipate some wailing and gnashing of teeth if/when i manage to finish paint the blood, which btw i have added 3k words to over the last two days, so, you know! getting there.

🍦 What’s the sweetest fic you’ve created so far? - hmmm... i don't tend to write a lot of fluff, so that one is hard!

i think either come up for air, the one about Raine and Hunter having a quiet domestic moment and Hunter disclosing his abuse, or the Huntlow Trauma Recovery Series, which is all about Hunter and Willow navigating the sexual aspect of their relationship in light of Hunter's trauma. specifically, i think number two and three in that series are probably the ones i think of as being the sweetest.

💔 Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart? - ooooh hmm. i tend to spend so much time thinking about and constructing my stories that they often have less of an emotional impact on me than the readers, and i also tend to find Really Terrible Tragic Upsetting Events to be cathartic and comforting, so this one is difficult, buuuut...

a terrible case of the past is probably one of the most outright tragic things i've written, where something very bad happens and there's really no fixing or even getting out of the situation.

much too late to get away is also one that still does get me. out of all of my Hunter trauma fics, this one is the most personal and comes the closest to being outright autobiographical in parts, so it's very raw.

i also think - and it shares this aspect with Genesis, too - that it's one of the most bleak ones, because this is just the beginning of it for Hunter.

all of my other Hunter trauma fics deal with his trauma after the fact, after he's already gotten away, but we already know before anything even happens in this fic that he's not going to escape for years yet, so it's just going to get worse from here and he's going to spend a long time being helpless.

[lucky-clover-gazette]

captive prince book 1 highlights & annotations

chapter 10

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

Laurent was on the reclining couch, his feet tucked up under him in a relaxed, boyish posture. A book of scrollworked pages was open before him. There was a goblet on the small table beside him. At some point during the night, a servant must have spent the requisite half hour unlacing his austere outer garments, for Laurent wore only pants and a white shirt, the material so fine it did not require embroidery to declaim its expense. The room was lamp lit. Laurent’s body was a series of graceful lines under the shirt’s soft folds. Damen’s eyes lifted to the white column of his throat, and above that the golden hair, parting around the shell cup of an unjewelled ear. The image was damascened, as beaten metal. He was reading.

laurent lofi hip hop beats to await assassination to

also, i think this is the first time he’s been really described as vulnerable or relaxed, and it’s right before his uncle tries to have him killed. laurent your life sucks SO BAD

Except that it was perfectly clear from the first moment that he looked up that Laurent was not expecting company. And that Laurent did not recognise the guards either. Laurent carefully closed the book. And rose. ‘Couldn’t sleep?’ said Laurent. As he spoke, he came to stand before the open archway of the loggia. Damen wasn’t sure that a straight two-storey drop into unlit gardens could be counted as an escape route. But certainly otherwise—with the three shallow steps leading up to where he stood, the small finely carved table and decorative objects all providing a series of obstacles—it was, tactically, the best position in the room.

they are both strategic and intelligent, and work naturally together as allies!

‘I don’t think the Prince is in an amorous mood,’ said Damen, neutrally. ‘I take a while to warm up,’ said Laurent.

“let’s partake in some improv comedy while we wait for the assassination attempt to start”

Later, he’d wonder what it was that caused him to react as he did. He had no love for Laurent. Given time to think, he would surely have said, in a hardened voice, that the internal politics of Vere weren’t his business, and that whatever acts of violence Laurent brought down upon himself were thoroughly deserved. Maybe it was bizarre empathy, because he’d lived through something like this, the betrayal of it, violence in a place he’d thought was safe. Maybe it was a way of reliving those moments, of repairing his failure, because he had not reacted as quickly as he should have, then.

this book so far has been an unspoken competition between damen and laurent of who can suffer the most alone. in this pivotal moment, when given the opportunity to potentially end his own suffering and make laurent suffer more, damen decides instead to not let laurent suffer alone—because laurent isn’t alone, if damen is fighting by his side.

this is something essential to damen’s character, and we continue to see it throughout the series. he doesn’t just act good for the sake of appearances. good is something he DOES, wholeheartedly. he doesn’t always know what is good, and sometimes he gets it wrong, but he always does what he believes is honorable. in the heat of the moment, damen will protect the disempowered—even if that means defending his worst enemy.

The knife Laurent held was of the same design. It was bloody up to the hilt, he saw, as Laurent descended the shallow steps. It looked incongruous in his hand, since his fine white shirt had survived the struggle in immaculate condition and the lamplight was just as flattering to him as it had been before. ‘What do you want me to do with him?’ ‘Hold him still,’ said Laurent. He came forward. Damen did as he was told. He felt the man make a renewed attempt to free himself, and simply tightened his grip, aborting the ripple of struggle. Laurent lifted the serrated knife, and, calmly as a butcher, sliced open the man’s bearded throat.

well mark me down as scared and—

Damen’s grip closed on the fine bones of Laurent’s wrist, but instead of having things immediately his own way, he was surprised to encounter a moment of muscled resistance. He applied greater pressure. He felt the resistance in Laurent’s body pushed to its limit, though he was still far from his own. ‘Let go of my arm,’ said Laurent, in a controlled voice. ‘Drop the knife,’ said Damen. ‘If you do not let go of my arm,’ said Laurent, ‘it will not go easily for you.’ Damen pushed just slightly harder, and felt the resistance shudder and give way; the knife clattered to the ground.

DROP IT. >:(

‘I’m not surprised you’ve driven three men to try and kill you, I’m only surprised there weren’t more,’ said Damen, bluntly. ‘There were,’ said Laurent, ‘more.’

context: laurent genuinely believes that damen came to kill him

He disliked the idea that anyone at all believed him capable of cutting down an unarmed man, four on one. Even if that man was Laurent. ‘Like the man you just killed,’ said Damen, looking back at him. ‘In my part of the fight the men were not helpfully killing each other,’ Laurent said.

craft note: great example of how damen’s pov sometimes makes laurent look worse than he is. feels like pacat showing her hand, she wants us to notice this one

He could see—he could feel—that Laurent knew it. He could feel too how badly Laurent wanted it, wanted to see him taken, wanted to trump both Damen and his uncle. He bitterly regretted the impulse that had led him to save Laurent’s life. ‘You’re misinformed,’ said Laurent. He sounded like he was tasting something unpleasant. ‘There has been no attack against me. These three men attacked the slave, claiming some sort of barbarian dispute.’ Damen blinked.

context: laurent has integrity

Damen had never before seen half a dozen soldiers reduced to compliant housekeeping by the sheer force of one man’s personal arrogance. It was almost instructive.

not the first time laurent was instructive in this book

Halfway through proceedings, Laurent stepped backwards to lean his shoulders against the wall.

laurent lean #6. post-assassination attempt edition!

‘You’re wounded.’ ‘No.’ Damen didn’t remove his gaze. Any man but Laurent would have flushed or looked away or given some sign that he was lying. Damen half expected it, even from Laurent. Laurent returned the look, and then some. ‘If you mean excluding your attempt to break my arm.’ ‘I mean excluding my attempt to break your arm,’ said Damen.

they’re so funny

‘I would prefer you to stand further away,’ said Laurent, each word finely chiselled, as though in marble.

context: desperately fighting the chemically-induced horny

He told himself, feeling oddly detached, that it was no more than justice: Damen perfectly recalled the experience of being doused with a drug then thrown into a fight.

but he can’t fully make himself believe that laurent deserves this

This place sickened him. Anywhere else, you simply killed your enemy with a sword. Or poisoned him, if you had the honourless instincts of an assassin. Here, it was layer upon layer of constructed double-dealing, dark, polished and unpleasant. He would have assumed tonight the product of Laurent’s own mind, if Laurent were not so clearly the victim.

in a weird way, this implies empathy for laurent. or at least unrealized understanding

Laurent was hardly abandoned. He was not speaking with his usual ease, and his breathing was shallow, but these were the only signs. Damen realised, suddenly, that what he was witnessing was an exercise in sheer, iron-willed self-control. ‘It wears off,’ said Damen. Adding, because he was not above enjoying the truth as a form of minor sadism, ‘After a few hours.’ He could see in the look Laurent levelled at him that Laurent would rather have cut off his own arm than have anyone know about his condition; and further, that he was the last person that Laurent wished to know, or be left alone with. He was not above enjoying that fact either.

damen has a bitchy moment! and of course it’s related to one of laurent’s biggest vulnerabilities. get it together guys

‘Think I’m going to take advantage of the situation?’ said Damen.

i wonder if laurent thought he meant “take advantage” in relation to his condition, rather than an escape attempt

‘Wait,’ said Laurent, as though he forced the word out, and hated saying it. ‘It’s too dangerous. Leaving now would be seen as an admission of guilt. The Regent’s Guard wouldn’t hesitate to have you killed. I can’t . . . protect you, as I am now.’ ‘Protect me,’ said Damen. Flat incredulity in his voice. ‘I am aware that you saved my life.’ Damen just stared at him.Laurent said: ‘I dislike feeling indebted to you. Trust that, if you don’t trust me.’ ‘Trust you?’ said Damen. ‘You flayed the skin from my back. I have seen you do nothing but cheat and lie to every person you’ve encountered. You use anything and anyone to further your own ends. You are the last person I would ever trust.’ Laurent’s head tipped backwards against the wall. His eyelids had dropped to half mast, so that he regarded Damen through two golden-lashed slits. Damen was half expecting a denial, or an argument. But Laurent’s only reply was a breath of laughter, which strangely showed more than anything else how close to the edge he was. ‘Go, then.’

god, the laugh. damen isn’t wrong. laurent knows he isn’t wrong. but fuck, he is just trying to survive, and pay off his unwanted debt to the guy who literally killed his brother.

this is where laurent realizes that he has lost damen’s moral arbitration. it’s not surprising, and he doesn’t want to care, but it still hurts. and he can’t protect him. he can’t protect anyone. he can hardly protect himself. and he’s all alone.

sometimes you really do just have to laugh.

Laurent would be left alone and vulnerable in the aftermath of an attempt on his life. But the immediate danger was past, and Laurent had lived through it. Others had not. Damen had killed tonight, and witnessed killing. Damen set his jaw. Whatever debt was between them had been paid. He thought, I don’t owe him anything.

this is essentially the novel’s end of act 2, protagonist does the wrong thing moment. which… really speaks to the complicated morals of this series, huh. because the right thing, then, would be to stay with his captor. but has damen really ever been a slave? 

[ladytauria]

16, 17, 28, and 37 for the fanfic ask game!!!

-@bi-bats (i have a sideblog and the laws of the land are not in my favor. Thus, anon ask)

(Also bestie it is 3:20am for me i feel you on the should be sleeping 😂)

waiting for the day tumblr lets us ask things from sideblogs 😔

oof well i’m glad i’m not the only one up way past sleeping time 😂😂😂

thank u for asking, i had fun with these~

16. What’s an AU you would love to read (or have read and loved)?

Jason Lives AU 😌

Okay no, for real xD As much as I do love that AU, that’s not my answer xD I am a big fan of AUs in general & am pretty much willing to read any regardless of whether or not I’m familiar with any source material OR if it’s not a genre I enjoy. (Bc it’s fanfic & my fave/one of my fave pairings so like. It’s always a genre I enjoy!)

One of my favorite AUs I’ve read tho is this one, which isn’t shippy, altho the writer does write Jaytim. It’s just… a really creative alternate origin for Tim & I love it. (Also! Gender-fluid/trans!Tim!)

Robin, Flamebird, & Sparrow - Moxibustion — Batman and Robin get injured a lot in the field. It's a fact, they can't deny it. Somehow this lead to them gaining their very own paramedic.... whether they want one or not. It's fine, sort of? Now if only they could get their erstwhile paramedic to stop getting hurt...

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even though you might be the only person to appreciate it?

Highly specific AU? One based off of the Locked Tomb series by Tamsyn Muir. Basic premise? Necromancers are extremely powerful, but due to the way their powers feed off of life, they’re also very sickly looking and physically weak. They are paired up with cavaliers from a young age, who swear vows to protect them from harm (vows which include the phrase, “One flesh, one end”) & serve their needs. The original plot is also enemies to lovers, so like??? Yes.

Anyway, my thought is that Jason ends up as Tim’s cavalier, unwillingly, but as they grow closer, they become fonder of each other.

IDK if I would want to include the Lyctorhood plot (which, what Lyctorhood ultimately is does count as a spoiler for the first book? So I won’t explain it here just in case!) but. I do think the dynamics there would be fun~

28. Does anyone read your fics before you post them? If so, who?

Sometimes I ask @candra-hearts to look over them. She may not be in this fandom, but she’s wonderful & helps me figure stuff out when I need it. Otherwise it’s just me~

37. Promote one of your own “deep cut” fics (an underrated one, or one that never got as much traction as you think it deserves!). What do you like about it?

Oh, jeez. Honestly the amount of traction / attention all of my fics have gotten is more than I expected ^^; I love my writing but it’s always a surprise when other people do too!

But, hmm. I’ll say this one (features smut). It was the first tagged JayTim fic I posted xD (I have a pre-relationship Reverse Robins series as well, but haven’t tagged the pairing yet).

[waddles-ex-machina]

normal people thinking abt season 2: looking forward to seeing the characters again, excited about getting more cool creatures and folklore, new character arcs for hilda and her friends, all the stuff going on with the librarian and magic, etc,

me thinking abt season 2: so stone forest is gonna have its own episode?? does that mean mountain king is next?? are they gonna change how things happen? will they cut some of the sad stuff out?? will they add more IN?? is that why johanna looks so upset in the new intro? am I gonna have to see johanna cry??? am I going to cry??