#does that mean I see him as autistic?
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Of the original five X-Men, I'm probably most similar to Beast and Cyclops. But since I tend to write so much, let's just focus on Cyclops for now. Cyclops really is just me as a student (I may be generalizing, but it's mostly true). I've always been cripplingly shy and antisocial at school (or around anyone that isn't my dad), and I naturally gravitate towards liking the teachers. I tend to treat school like a place of learning, and not a place for socializing or goofing off. That's just not who I am, I guess (even now I have this problem, but I might be working on the crippling antisocial stuff. Idk).
Anyways, I haven't read the original X-Men stories in a while, but I'm pretty sure Scott embodied a lot of those same traits. He was the team's leader (or field leader if we're counting Professor X) and he was very much considered a stick in the mud, I think. He was closer to the professor than some of the others, and stuff. It's pretty relatable (if I'm remembering it all right, of course). So yeah, I'd say I'm pretty similar to Scott.
#since I'm autistic and I relate to him#does that mean I see him as autistic?#idk#It's an interesting question#but I'll tag it anyways#autistic scott summers#the x men#x men#original x men#cyclops#scott summers#autism#asd#neurodivergent#adhd#autistic#actually autistic#audhd#my thoughts#marvel#cyclops x men#I'll hedge my bets and tag everything#x men comics#x men movies#anything possibly applicable
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i have to talk to a psychiatrist friday and im so nervous……..
#idk how to like. talk#i’ve been so weird after the Not cancer and idk how to be like also. 20 years of intense trauma…….. but like back to the main thing#i’ve also never been Formally diagnosed with autism and i’m scared i’ll have to like defend it#and idk how to talk about the fact that i did LSD every single day for an entire year and that in fact did not cause my craziness it made#it a little better but now i’m SO autistic and can’t talk to people#he’s a MAN too …………………… i hope that will make things easier but im scared he’s like. dumb#there’s NO info about him online but the scheduler said she sees him and he’s really good#what does THAT mean???#idk i’m just rambling now#my official diagnosis as of right now is depression with psychotic features…… it makes it feel so real :/#context: i had a 20lb tumor in my ovary and they thought it was cancer for 2 months but it wasn’t and i got surgery and im fine now but im#depressed and dissociative#advice/encouragement PLZ
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my brother can make me laugh without moving at all. he can make me laugh on command, just by existing, and there is no physical tell or indication that it is about to happen. it’s like he can will me to laugh and i will. of course we’re not telepathic, but we do speak in unison sometimes. we improvise like no one’s business. we could fool anyone into believing we are psychically linked. when i try to explain it, i sound silly saying it out loud, but i really CAN tell what he’s thinking. we exchange so much information just with a look. he can make me cry laughing and he doesn’t even have to move
#i miss him so much i need him back i need him to live next to me again. i need to mooch off his wifi from my porch and invite him over#i miss him so much.#he’s only 2 minutes younger but he feels years younger. and yet i think we’re two halves of one soul#i’ve always babied him not even in a mean or diminishing way but i felt this need to protect him#because he tends to be so naive and so shy#but. i am so proud of him. i need to show him off to everyone and i need everyone to understand how funny and charming he is#it feels like i grew up and left him where he will remain 11 forever. i miss him more than moving back home can fix#i miss him in ways that have nothing to do with the distance between our locations#but. it would certainly help to be able to see him every day#i keep smelling the carpet in his room and it’s so vivid. i remember the countless hours we spent developing huge wood block cities#and we would drive hot wheels over the wooden raceways we had made. we were actually quite coordinated and autistic about it#we were always building things together#just recently me and him talked on the phone about an old mlp au we came up with. all original characters and shit#it was super extensive and very clever#i STILL think it would make a really cool book series or something#i remember watching him play army men RTS gamecube on the wii. i STILL listen to the soundtrack to that game like…. daily#i remember walking into my room once where he was watching a show. and he was crying#and he NEVER cries over tv#but he was crying because his favorite character had resigned from the organization that the series was based around#and he was so distraught that she was leaving.#i remember when all 3 of us slept in one room. i remember when me and him were in bunk beds across the room#and we would sneak out of bed right as the parents left and stayed up playing by the light of the nightlight#the way we raced back into bed when the parents were approaching 😭#my mom always says she’s sad that i seem to remember so little of my life. like every story of my youth is news to me lmao#but i feel like i remember the most important parts? i think so#i remember how mom woke me up in the night to ask me to roll over because my bro could see my face from where he was sleeping#and he was scared because there was a weird shadow cast on my face that made it look like a skull which was making it hard for him to sleep#it was. so funny. i begrudgingly rolled over#i don’t know. it’s just that there isn’t a single instance i bring up that my brother does not also remember.#no matter how tiny or specific. we shared everything growing up
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I think I accidentally made Wriothesley AuDHD. fuck
#ingital#did you know there's a bit in ingital i cut out where he tells Neuvillette they have to go get their kids tested. it's cut out of the carol#and vautrin scene. because I wanted to recontextualise carole's canon story as like about her social ostracisation because she's#a weird little girl with a very strong sense of justice (autistic like her dad lol). and I wanted it to just be a family moment where#wriothesley just very casually suggests getting their kids tested to see if they need additional support. and its just because i wanted it#to be seen as a very normal. even slightly positive moment (carole you're just like your papa!). because . you dont often see an autism#diagnosis as a Normal thing. much less a silly fun thing. and Ingital is silly fun the fic#the thing is. I specifically sat down and told myself. I'm gonna write a neurotypical man because not every single guy in my fic has to be#neurodivergent. when I write wriothesley it's usually more about trauma cptsd and high functioning depression anyway.#but I am autistic. even my trauma/depression/mentally ill experience is viewed through autistic lens. which is why im like#I should learn how to write a neurotypical man right. this is so dire. because what if i CANT. GOD#severe trauma does things to your neurotype anyway so he's Not Neurotypical but GODDDDDDDDDDD I made the fucking. disorganised#basement dwelling tech nerd gag in the latest chapter. and I FORGOT THAT THAT'S TIPPING INTO AUDHD TROPES/STEREOTYPES.#I know this had potential to go into audhd territory from Day 1 when I decided he fucking dwells on stack exchange#but i told myself. well. just because he's a nerd and highly intelligent doesn't mean he's audhd. right. because if he still#has relatively normal sensory experiences (outside of ptsd/other mental illness symptoms) and is still within normal range of organisation#then he's not audhd. because the difference between audhd disorganisation/dysregulation and similar symptoms in depression/other illnesses#IS THAT HE'S STILL GONNA BE DISORGANISED WHEN HE'S NOT DEPRESSED!!!!!!! And he's not depressed in his little basement enclosure.#that . level of happy chaos. is exactly how he naturally operates when he's allowed to do what he wants. I fucking made him audhd AGAIN#and he even has his own extremely strange way of naming files.
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one thing about webbverse is that the people who love tasm!peter really love tasm!peter and the people who understand him really understand him. he’s ours and i love that for us.
#literally any criticism against tasm version of peter can be refuted idc#that sounds like im lying but im not#everything could’ve been solved with more of him and u cannot say the same thing for raimiverse or mcu idc#he has the most character development and is imperfect on purpose#he actually has abandonment issues and is a social outcast. he’s bullied. he’s awkward. he’s angsty#he is selfish!! it doesn’t just come out of nowhere#he grows into being spider-man instead of just automatically being a perfect hero#he does not have the same pitfalls as other live action peters#the criticisms against his character are often just not liking it but that doesn’t mean he’s bad or badly written#everything he does makes sense#he is never ooc for his version#i understand criticisms for the movie but for his peter parker i don’t see it#i understand i might be bias#but he’s so important to me and has been for ten years#also he’s autistic#and queer#peter parker#spider-man#tasm!peter parker#bun.txt
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do you ever see such a blatantly incorrect and downright stupid + insulting reading of your favorite character that you want to snarl like an angry cat
#me chanting to myself: i'm a grown ass woman i'm a grown ass woman i'm a grown ass woman#i blocked them too so if you're seeing this it's not you dw#it's rare for me to get angry enough to vaguepost and not just vaguebitch in tags or bitch in private to drakkywolfe lmao#i'll just say this: if a person expresses themselves in a restrained/repressed way it DOES NOT MEAN they don't feel things as intensely#it's like reading people who only love dogs say cats are mean/evil bc they don't understand cat behavior/nonexpressive face muscles lol#leave my favorite autistic guy alone you don't need to talk about him to fangirl over someone else
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pinning to the workshop corkboard: you've heard of winston "i'm cassandra" billions clairvoyance concepts for fun & profit, hear also of winston billions sphinx concepts (you must be This understanding of what he means to proceed)
#not a brand new one but the other day i was like have i ever put that to words & post? then i saw two unrelated sphinxposting reminders#winston billions#the riddlerrr sphinx also like yeah yeah winged lion form. kind of a hassle but optional perhaps still b/c yeah that's fun#did have the thought ''what if his pet cat is also secretly what has the winged lion that kills you form lol''#also the thought that whatever Gate / Boundary / [cannot proceed] happens could be Varied as well as Involuntary#would add to the like episodic type possibilities like oops how do we get past this? what's the issue? even winston may not know#meanwhile like Deliberate Obfuscation would only go so far re: the metaphor here being relevant to winston the autistic person#he Has to be understood; on his terms. you gotta work to & actually figure out what he is conveying to you#i suppose also ''or die'' is an option here lol. nightmare scenario for everyone who'd rather steamroll him forever to be sure; but#[you just Can't proceed] applied less lethally than that still affords plenty of You Have To Understand What He Means possibilities#see also: [rian as basically an oc based mostly on pre production hiatus funny little guy status] translating what he means....#just Not Really A Problem shrugmoji (audhd solidarity (rian 5x05 thru 07 oc continues))#yet would hardly imply taylor is a party who wouldn't also usually understand winston easily & accurately (not like 5x07 does either)#plus then complications like do ppl twist Understanders' arms for cheat codes sometimes. try to posit them as hypotheticals lol#in this world where sometimes a coworker is a sphinx or is; in tandem with his cat? well sometimes they're autistic. nonbinary#genderfluid. wear glasses. just another day at the encouragement to crush coworkers factory#anyway something where if i had a zillion detailed thoughts on this it might be other than a brief nocturnal text post but#see also: who says solving a riddle can't be a conversation / the riddlerrr is also trying to figure it out.#like sure i guess i can give clues & hints but i'm not even sure they're useful / not sure what i'm clueing you in to either#clue....like minotaurs out here (clew like the thread/yarn. like is used to find your way through / out of a labyrinth)#anyway e.g. like oh you can't do [xyz] in whatever thwarted way? how can Figuring Out Smthing W/Winston help? maybe he doesn't know either#maybe his cat has materialized huge & Theoretically lethal to thwart smthing. maybe regular size & just swatting at you. who can say#maybe winston is like hm i see that i can fly or kill you more than usual. who else can say. &c. imagine#meanwhile tfw ''okay i genuinely get what you mean'' doesn't guarantee then like. proceeding w/any basic respect beyond that lol#but already more leverage / more effort in that by far & perhaps that ability to just shut ppl out of plenty of [access / do whatever]#when indeed even that leverage had / effort given is considered Too Much#can only be guaranteed basic respect in the winston billions guaranteed basic respect au
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IM NEVER GONNA STOP THINKING ABOUT ZICAH AUAGHHGHJHGH IM ON MY REREAD OF BOOK TWO AND LIKE, ITS VERY OBVIOUS THEYRE WARMING UP TO EACHOTHER
Their entire conversation from pages 156-157 BUT THISBIS MY FAVORITE EXERPT FROM IT
“Zed was out of his depth. He was cold, and lonely, and very afraid.
‘Please’ he rasped. ‘Please just leave me alone.’
Micah’s smirk faltered. He opened his mouth, then closed it and cleared his throat. ‘Listen, you’re going to be all right. I’ve seen that moldy fireball of yours take out worse than a few mummified elves. And that was without Frond babysitting you.’”
Foster WAS right, Micah DOES stop Zed from getting too angsty
And later on page 263 Zed defends him
“‘I’ll say,’ said Jett. ‘When the gods were handing out brains and Micah went for his share, they told him, ‘Sorry that girl who was just here took the last of them.’
They all chuckled at that, except for Zed, who said ‘Aw, he means well.’”
LIKE AUGHHGH
It’s so obvious to me that book 1 was like, Micah subconsciously crushing on Zed and consciously he was like “ok I’m gonna ignore that and push him and those feelings away because thinking about him all the time is ODD” and then in book 2 he’s trying to look out for him in his own Micah-way and actually warming up to him
#I always hated and still do hate the ‘he bullies you because he has a crush on you’ trope#just bcs it teaches kids that it’s okay to bully others or be bullied bcs it means the person likes them which is bad for obvious reasons#and I don’t know if it’s my bias with TAG#but it does feel like Micah was more developed#and even grew to respect Zed and comfort/support him in his own Micah-way#plus like a lot of his mean-ness and antagonizing could absolutely be a result of the toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia#which isn’t an excuse and more of a reason#but the reason WASNT that he was mean because he liked Zed#he was mean because he thought he was weak for whatever reason and he felt like he had to make himself stronger#and near the end of book 1 and through book 2 and ESPECIALLY 3 you can see how he’s growing out of that mindset#the adventurers guild#this is also a long post whoops#reese rambles#zed kagari the adventurers guild#micah the adventurers guild#micah guerra the adventurers guild#Micah and Zed are both autistic btw because I’m autistic and I think they’re my two favorites#only favorites by a little bit though#the entire apprentice squad has my whole heart
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Ashton Frey is literally so autistic though like it’s got me making organized lists here let’s see
He’s carefully mastered the art of observation and reading people cuz he was so bored as a kid being forced to attend large social gatherings and he isolated himself and just studied the way people interacted with each other to figure out why they behaved the way they did. Despite this, he’s still really bad at understanding social cues (he is never able to tell when Rebecca is upset or what could’ve caused it, he can’t word anything properly, he talks in such a logical way that he comes off as uncaring and he doesn’t notice when it upsets people, etc) and generally doesn’t interact with most people
He’s very intelligent but hated school because the system was structured so horribly. He fell asleep in professor Andrew’s class frequently but once the professor found a way to appeal to his interests he became super committed and passionate
He’s horrible, just absolutely horrible with words and communication lol. He fumbles and stutters and says a lot of mean things on accident. He mostly communicates through his actions and it’s why he comes off as cruel and uncaring to those who don’t pick up on it and kind and considerate to those who do pick up on it (my favorite example is the difference between Rebecca and Isabella’s feelings towards him. Rebecca relies on Ashton to tell her how he feels and because he doesn’t communicate very good verbally, she assumes he doesn’t care about her when he in fact cares a great deal. Isabella on the other hand is able to get on his level a bit more, like understanding that even though he teased her about the letter he still took his day off to help her in the way he thought was best and he gave her ice cream and the charm because he cares, and she is able to see just how loving he really is)
Earning his trust isn’t easy but once you get it he WILL cling to you like crazy and shower you with memes and bad puns and do anything to make you happy
He gets a lot of attention for being hot but he’s usually oblivious to it or finds the attention annoying. He also tends to turn people off with his personality
He fixates so hard on what’s important to him that it’s detrimental to his physical and mental health and he shuts out everything else to pursue his interests
He categorizes his life into boxes and HATES when things slip out of their needed space. He finds himself lying a lot to the people important to him because he’s so desperate to keep them away from the other parts of his life. He is easily transformed by the people in his line of work and finds himself becoming like them. Also he’s kinda gullible in his job and doesn’t realize he’s been manipulated by his boss since day one cuz teehee cops are fucking assholes and he has a naive sense of justice and easily believes everything his boss tells him and it makes him the perfect pawn for some abuse (seriously i hate chief lee so fucking much god I hate him Ashton baby I’m sorry but you’re being manipulated and your boss is a monster and you need to get a better career dude)
He’s very insecure and scared of rejection and beats himself up for minor flaws. He also has trouble understanding his feelings and expressing them he tries to logic his way out of feeling and only cries when he’s hit absolute rock bottom and is like. Told that he needs to cry because he’s clearly not holding up well and only then is he able to
He’s got a damn good memory and remembers every obscure thing about his friends
He’s very attached to objects and gives them names (Shirley and Ophelia my beloved)
#the letter#the letter visual novel#ashton frey#i also got similar shit for marianne shes sooooo autistic coded its unreal#but yeah i just love the way this manifests in all the relationships like i said here the contrast between rebecca and isabella#it really shows the compatibility of the characters like i mean they all struggle with communicating a bit#but with ashton and rebecca they got the classic problem of rebecca getting upset because she thinks ashton doesnt care#because he expresses his feelings through his actions but never says the right words shes looking for#so then she gets mad when he doesnt notice shes upset with him because she never tells him whats wrong#and he can be kinda oblivious to her being upset and he says things that make it worse#its just a fucking mess they are not on the same level at all they fight constantly and with rebecca in particular shes just never satisfied#isabella on the other hand she feels frustrated with ashton too because he teases her a lot and she takes it very literally#but theyre able to find a middle ground like ashton takes responsibility and apologizes for the times hes upset her#and Isabella is able to notice how ashton has been showing his feelings through his actions like she realizes he spent his day off trying to#help her and he took her to the ice cream place cuz he noticed it and thought of her and he paid for her despite being a scrooge#and he gave her the charm even though he doesnt believe in curses because he knows she does and shed maybe feel protected with it#and its really cute cuz once she realizes this you can just see the exact moment she Gets It BAD for him#they are so fucking aaaaaaaa so good for each other i love them they are everything
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Just found out about Sneaker Pimps
It's all over for me
#speculation nation#i mean this in a positive way but im like#ive been listening to IAMX OBSESSIVELY. FOR MONTHS.#about 5 months now actually.#and ive run out of new music from IAMX . only to find out. THERES MOOOOOOORE?!??!?!?! FROM THIS PERSON?#in a band so not just him of course but his influence is there#it's different but still touches the part of my soul that IAMX does. so oh my goddd im gonna b all over this too#now apparently the band is more known than the solo project. if the monthly listeners on spotify are to be believed.#i dont know shit about shit with what i listen to man i just know i like the sound and so i like the thing#now im looking into the guy behing IAMX tho & he seems pretty cool from what i can see#autistic apparently. 🤝 cool thing in common with the person whose music i have been listening to every goddamned chance for Months#my mind is blown. and i have more stuff to obsess over for another few months. thank U kim
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just because you struggle doesn’t mean everyone else has to
idgaf how autistic you are stop being racist😭😭
#it’s not an excuse#nothing about it is justified#I have a black autistic friend#nobody listens to him when he tries to explain he might no get stuff and general autism symptoms#and they tell him he doesn’t have it#however people were quick to accept I have it#and me and him act the same#so I think there’s a little detail that I’m white and he’s not that’s contributing to this#actually people weren’t quick to accept me either#but it was faster than him#don’t be racist because you have autism and help out the black and queer people with autism#seriously though it’s a big problem and me and my friend noticed it#it may not seem like one but take another look#if someone does something weird ‘because they are autistic’ and don’t get judged/punished look at black autistic people and see what-#-happens when they say the exact same things#doesn’t work. right?#autism isn’t an excuse + listen to others#I’m not educated well on the topic#but I mean I see it and expirence it so
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Something I find funny about this week's episode of Dungeon Meshi is this is why Autism is a disability.
Laois is trying to help. He is really trying to help, and it does end up helping! But there is that initial moment of disconnect between Laois and his party.
Laois deals with trauma by eating it, and he encourages others to do the same. He really wants to eat living armour cause it was his first death. He is so excited to share the mimick with Chillchuck. Marcel's first death was slime, but also she reacts badly to bugs and he's ready to help her catch the undine even if it's out of his strength league. It is part of his processing of things.
He also says he doesn't understand the feelings argument. Why is a cow ok to eat but a merman (fish edition) isn't? Because it doesn't "feel" right? What does that even mean!
So he sees Senshi is upset. He sees a solution to that upset. Getting more knowledge is a comfort to him. The unknown is worse than the known. The fastest point from A to B is a straight line.
So let's eat the griffin.
Of course the rest of the party have better emotional understanding and they know this is, even if well intentioned, presented callously and carelessly.
This is why Shuro "hates" Laois, cause this is what he does. This is how he acts. And it's not always cute. He never means it to be cruel, but he literally can't tell. His whole intention is to help.
It works out here. But it can be Very Difficult for people when we autistics do this. Chil and Marcel are right to be angry with him even if he can't help it. It is what it is.
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I still find it so funny remembering first being bought dst after years of not being up to date on new stuff and just seeing the character selection and being like who the Fuck are these ppl and then immediately falling in love with Walter after my sibling picked him in our first world and hearing his voice for the first time
#rat rambles#starve posting#neither of us knew anything about him we just knew he wasnt there before and that hes adorable#and then when my sibling discovered he can tell campfire stories? oh my god that was such a rush of joy#your kit may be bad walter but you are the best character in our hearts <3#its so hard being one of like two ppl who actually care abt walter hes literally the best I love how horribly 13 year old boy he is#hes like younger me but if I didnt have crippling anxiety#aka desperate to seem smart and confident and as such will confidently say shit and debate you on it#hes not mean or stupid he just has no filter#hes also autistic <3#but like no for real I read all of his dialogue last night (aka why I ended up staying up til 3 am Again)#and bro he is so obsessed with bugs and collecting bugs I love him so much#also 'doesnt care for fashion' Im sorry I think you mean sensory issues cause I said so#he simply wants to infodump to you abt bugs let him in (he has more bugs in his pockets)#this is why he and abby are besties cause she Does want to see that cool bug he found she Does want to hear abt his bug collection#its also why webber likes him he also wants to see all the buggies#and then wendy is just sitting there not getting why the other three are so into this but still watching and listening anyways
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and back to sleipnir n barnabas thoughts bc we are on LOCKDOWN 24/7!!! it is always them o clock oml,,,
#jupiter.speaks#❤️.sleipnir#>taggin him bc. i am havin so many thots abt how we interact when we first meet!!!!!#> like we first meet when barny escapes the hideaway n well. kidnaps me to the reverie (in waloed)#> n once there barny summons sleip while he tries to summon ultima for answers to his Qs#> so initially hes like. 😒 i dont like u. the only reason ur alive is cuz HM wants u to be#> but durin the ultima mini fight sleip does get 'killed' (he cant die unless barny does) so next time he sees kos is like.#> kinda funny actually right so. barny is now like oh so yeah we're in the hideaway again. watch over this guy u dont like just in case?#> n slowly we warm up to each other. hes kinda sassy mean at first but thankfully. i am autistic and can be just as sassy mean too >:3#> /lh btw shbdjdjdj i just love chatting w him n listen when he rambles too. n i dont think he often gets the chance to!#> sleip: n that is why i think humanity sucks. but i guess ultima sucks more now. so we hate him? kos: ...close enough. yeah. sure!#> i think the dynamic is very much. we bounce off each other. whereas barny n sleip just know what each other r thinkin/wantin#> n barny n kos are like. loving but they take time to warm up to each other? like theres a lot more growing n 'am i annoyin him' from kos#> which doesnt happen as much w sleip. their vibes r just too similar for it ehehe#> wow this was info dump. enjoy :3#❤️.barnabas#👤.kosmos#> since i ended up talkin abt all of them in tags gosh
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Laios Touden and the Responsibility of Power
First off, let me gush just a bit about how fucking STRONK this man is. Olympic weightlifters are dying of sheer envy and lust over this man. He is a FUCKING POWERHOUSE.
My favorite panels ever, and judging by the cropping of the second photo, Tumblr agrees.
AHEM, where was I?
Ah yes. He's not just strong and incredibly hot, my man is literally an invasive species in this dungeon. He knows every single weak spot of every monster Thistle tried to throw at him and when he finds it he just fucking RAMS HIMSELF AT THEM AND TAKES THEM DOWN.
And when he's a dwarf HE LITERALLY BENDS STEEL.
"Beat Namari at arm wrestling"? My boy, she wouldn't let you anywhere near because you'd FUCKING BREAK HER HER HAND ALONG WITH THE TABLE. (It's such a fucking shame we didn't see Senshi at least raising an (perfectly plucked except it just grows that way naturally) eyebrow in the background when he sees this. Alas, he was too distracted by his hair.)
But I mentioned responsibility, didn't I? Strength is power in the dungeon, and we all knows what comes with great power. And Laios is, in fact, very responsible with that power!
(Futther examples under the cut, wee bit spoilers for anime watchers)
This scene lives rent-free in my head forever, because of two things: Thistle suddenly realizing just what the hell he's up against,
And Laios breaking Thistle's arm.
Now, I think Laios didn't mean to actually break his arm here, he's just half-blind and dizzy and knows he has to restrain Thistle or it will all go to shit. So that's what he does. The move you see above is a restraining hold. The point is that the person pinned down can't struggle much because the position of the arm presses the suprascapular nerve, so it hurts a lot, but unless they're held that way for too long they'll be fine.
But Thistle is TINY and elves are generally fine-boned. I think Laios really did just underestimate his strength.
And the moment the dragons aren't an IMMEDIATE THREAT anymore?
Laios heals him. Thistle's a better mage than him by miles, he could have done it himself. But no. Laios does it. He was too rough, too careless with his strength, and he immediately backtracked, fixed what he broke, and continued with more mindfullness.
And these are just the examples that stuck in my mind the most. And it happens often enough that the team isn't even fucking surprised! Laios' strength would 100% scare people who only saw him in a barfight and didn't know anything else about him. Hell, the other adventurers they meet fucking quiver before this guy who just took down a monster they had nightmares about in one blow, up until he opens his mouth and they relax. You put more malevolent software in that sort of hardware and he'd be the next Shadow Governor.
But Laios is Laios. He's a gentle soul at heart (a Great Pyrenese, specifically, the gentlest souls ever unless you're out for their flock) and he is VERY CAREFUL with his strength, ESPECIALLY around his team. Chilchuck, who is literally half his size and underfed to boot, can smack Laios as much as he wants with ZERO fear because Laios is aware he can hurt Chilchuck by literally tripping over him, so he just stays still and lets Chilchuck smack at him. I'd be surprised if he ever managed to leave a bruise. Chilchuck has to aim at Laios' weak spot (back of the knee here) just to get Laios to notice him!
But because I have some experience with marital arts and close combat, I think the fight with Shuro exemplifies my point so fucking well! Laios is HURT here, he's living every autistic person's worst nightmare.
And he HOLDS BACK. His restraint is fucking IMMACULATE.
Shuro is fucking lucky Laios still liked him when he started talking shit, because he would have broken his spine otherwise. Laios doesn't even take the fight seriously! He starts with a fucking SLAP.
Shuro retaliates with an actual punch (that does nothing but piss him off)
Laios wobbles. Shuro HITS THE DIRT.
And this is the part where he realizes just how outside his weight category he is. Shuro definitely has technique on his side, but that means jackshit when you need ten blows to to even bruise your opponent, but one hit from them will leave you drinking through a straw for a week. For a second there, Shuro thought he was in ACTUAL DANGER.
But instead of finishing the job, Laios tries to talk him down, which just sets him off again. Man was at his fucking LIMIT, and it snapped. Self-preservation who?
And the best part is? Shuro is throwing all his strength behind his punches and Laios just takes them, but Laios? He mostly pushed Shuro around!
They're mostly grappling here, precisely because Laios is very conscious his friend is pretty fragile right now.
And when he does have enough?
Shuro is flat on the ground again, and Laios has a black eye and a bloody nose. He sits down and five minutes later he's ready to go! Like yes, Shuro was at a low point here, but he's been mowing through monsters at only a bit slower pace than Laios' party. He's no weakling regardless. And Laios had to HOLD BACK SO HE WOULDN'T HURT HIM. And it's so obvious that Maizuru takes one look at the two of them and leaves them to their toussling.
When I saw her reaction I had to scroll back and take another look, because I was sure she would intervene! But she doesn't! She is aware of Laios' strength, she has to be, and she doesn't lift a finger to help her precious charge. She knows the big dog he's wrestling with knows to watch his strength.
And that's my whole point: my boi is STRONK AF! And he is very aware of his strength, and how he could hurt the people around him is he wasn't careful, so he is ALWAYS CAREFUL. He has deeply internalized the fact that to have strength is to be careful with it, to use it in service of people rather than to hurt them (possibly from his dad). He is going to SUCH a good king! He's not going to like the job but by GOD he will do it really well.
And I will give my right arm to see a fic about the first corrupt lord/governor/courtier who attempts to misuse their authority for their own gain. Kabru's gonna have to talk Laios out of an execution.
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analyzing the narrative parallels in my real life as a coping mechanism
#aka my family meets on sundays BUT my dnd group ALSO meets on sundays#so i usually have an excuse to not go to the family gatherings#something something replacing the worst activity in my life with the one ive wanted to do for so long etc etc#we took a break from dnd this week so im at a family gathering rn and im not having a good time BUT#im also not on the precipice of killing everyone here like i used to be when it was every weekend#also nothing reassures me that im autistic more than going to these damn meetings#one day i will move out. one day i will not have to see these people anymore. one day the man who molested me will be dead. one day one day#one day i will not feel responsible for how shitty of a person my little brother turned out. one day i will not be the third parent#gritting my teeth i am going to make it through this year if it kills me#and i taste jasmine on my tongue etc etc#vent#also just bc i like to be a hater: he brings his dog over and she's fine idk. poorly trained but whatever#but the amount of secondhand embarrassment i get when he tries to command her and she doesn't listen bc he trained her poorly#love it when incels are ashamed in their own inadequacy#i mean i also do not have well trained dogs but they arent MY dogs and also i taught one of them to sit and also to wait#and she does them both very well. hmph !#tldr i am better than him in every avenue. eat shit#one day i will say all of this out loud to his face#also ive started blatantly ignoring him and i feel much better abt it. one day he will stop fucking trying#eat that fucking olive branch you asshole. eat shit and die mad abt it
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