#doctors have actually been really happy about it and kept the letters for my records
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Question!
Neurodivergent peeps of Tumblr, I have a question.
I know that "nonverbal" or "selectively mute" are specific terms that mean "I cannot force words out no matter how hard I try," so... is there a term for "I can speak if I have to, but right now it requires extra energy?"
Like, I'm autistic. I have times where I can speak and even hold conversations, but stringing a verbal sentence together takes effort, the same kind of effort lifting a heavy load with your body would but in your mind. I can be perfectly eloquent and verbose in text when this happens, and sometimes I'll even make some of the limited signs I know in ASL without an issue, but speaking aloud uses up all my mental RAM and I can feel the metaphorical fans of my mind-computer whirring in overdrive. X3;
It's exhausting, too. Usually if I've been verbally social for a while, that's when it kicks in.
I can understand spoken words just as well as other times when this happens, as long as I don't have to speak to reply. If I have to speak, the mental effort and stamina needed to do it tends to push details aside in an endeavor to save processing power. ^^;
I know autism is a spectrum, and I'm hoping someone might have a name for this "not QUITE nonverbal but verbal words are VERY hard right now" feeling ^^; "Partially nonverbal" or "partially selectively mute" doesn't seem quite right.
Help?
#question#neurodivergence#autism#selective mutism#nonverbal#selectively mute#neurodivergent#sometimes I pretend I've lost my voice if I need to go in public when I'm in that headspace#folks are a lot more kind toward 'I lost my voice'#than 'speaking is REALLY HARD right now'#I just want to be able to use the right words for my experience#and maybe find some help#sometimes I write letters to give like my doctor or something if I worry I'm going to go words-hard during an appointment#doctors have actually been really happy about it and kept the letters for my records#because even neurotypical folks forget things during an appointment!#writing things you want to discuss out on paper beforehand helps!#but dang#sometimes for more spontaneous situations I wish I had a text to speech device#because if I try to talk while I'm like that I sound 100x stupider than I actually am
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Hi ! Facts about the Lafayette couple. Thanks.
Hello Anon,
well, well, the La Fayette couple, Adrienne and Gilbert - where to even begin with these two? Their marriage was arranged and arranged marriages were very common for the time and people of their position. A family with wealth, a title and influence was keen on preserving all of this – and tried to add to it by trying to arranging marriages with families who as well had at least one of these things. A truly popular combination was a family with a great name/title that had fallen on hard times and a very rich family without too great a name. Now, La Fayette and Adrienne were lucky in so far as that they really loved each other. Their marriage was far more than pure convenience. Still, not everything was picture perfect. La Fayette had different mistresses and although he loved Adrienne, I always feel like it took him quite some time to realise just how wonderful Adrienne truly was, how loyal and devoted. It was not entirely uncommon that a man and a women in an arranged marriage barely know each other prior to their marriage. That again was different with La Fayette and Adrienne. La Fayette actually lived with his future in-laws together in their house prior to the marriage. Behind the scenes everything had already been sorted out, but the bride and the groom were still none the wiser (although La Fayette was told before Adrienne was told). Partly responsible for this living-arrangement was Adrienne’s mother, the Duchess d’Ayen. She was the metaphorical lioness protecting her cubs. She was fiercely protective of her daughters and thought that Adrienne was still way too young. So La Fayette moved in with them, they had some time to get to know each other and to mature a bit. La Fayette also won over the Duchess, who was a bit skeptical at first.
When La Fayette and Adrienne finally married, she was fourteen and he was sixteen. Their marriage contract stated that they should continue to live with Adrienne’s family and that their marriage was not be consumed for some time. This rule again was included due to the input of the Duchess – who still thought her daughter way too young for any martial endeavours. Regardless of that, Adrienne became pregnant with the couples first child during this proposed period – the popular opinion is, that La Fayette after some time simply wanted to be with Adrienne and sneaked into her room (something that he supposedly confessed to later in life). Whatever happened, they both seemed quite happy.
When La Fayette departed for America, Adrienne was completely clueless, she said that herself but there is also circumstancel evidence to support her statement. She had a young and sickly daughter to look after, a daughter that would die a few months later when La Fayette was still in America. She furthermore was pregnant with their second child and Paris was on fire with rumours. Newspapers printed rumours about La Fayette’s death on the field or something similar every other day and she often had no possibility of hearing from her husbands for months and months (before La Fayette’s first return to France they had not heard from one another for roughly eight months). The news of the death of their oldest child Henriette reached La Fayette so late that he send Adrienne many letters asking about Henriette, asking if she was well, long after Henriette was deceased. But despite all of it, Adrienne put up a brave face in public and never complaint. In general, whether she agreed with her husband or nor, weather she liked what he did or not, she never criticised him in public, never embarrassed or questioned him in front of others.
After the conclusion of the war in America La Fayette and Adrienne together with their children moved into their own home. They were, for people of their time and status, very engaged parents. They started hosting their “American Dinners” on Mondays and Adrienne was also included in La Fayette’s “Plantation-Project”. La Fayette kept a lively correspondence with George Washington but Adrienne also exchanged letters with Washington. There is one lovely, humours account by Washington in a letter to La Fayette dated September 30, 1779:
“(...) But at present must pray your patience a while longer, till I can make a tender of my most respectful compliments to the Marchioness. Tell her (if you have not made a mistake, & offered your own love instead of hers to me) that I have a heart susceptable of the tenderest passion, & that it is already so strongly impressed with the most favourable ideas of her, that she must be cautious of putting loves torch to it; as you must be in fanning the flame. But here again methinks I hear you say, I am not apprehensive of danger—My wife is young—you are growing old & the atlantic is between you—All this is true, but know my good friend that no distance can keep anxious lovers long asunder, and that the Wonders of former ages may be revived in this—But alas! will you not remark that amidst all the wonders recorded in holy writ no instance can be produced where a young Woman from real inclination has prefered an old Man—This is so much against me that I shall not be able I fear to contest the prize with you—yet, under the encouragement you have given me I shall enter the list for so inestimable a jewell.”
This is just such a funny, carefree, teasing letter between the three of them. Its adorable. But these carefree times soon came to an end with the onset of the French Revolution (you could argue that the Revolution had already begun long prior to 1789 but in that year it rapidly gained speed).
La Fayette entangled himself in the political and military matters of the day and when everything started to go down the hill (from his perspective at least) he tried to fled to America and got caught before he even could reach a harbour. Adrienne and the children stayed behind in France. Now, it had became some sort of custom that the women of (aristocrat) man who fled France during the Revolution “divorced” her husbands. (“Divorce” because these divorces were often not real civil divorces in accordance with the law but more a sort of public separation from their “treacherous and anti-republican” husbands that could get these women a passport and/or out of prison. It also opened them the opportunity to marry again later in life.) Somebody proposed a divorce to Adrienne and she was absolutely repelled by the idea. She had married La Fayette for better and for worse and she would not, not under any circumstance divorce her husband. Period. In fact, she started signing all her papers with “la femme de Lafayette”, “the wife of Lafayette”. After and eventful and fearful time, Adrienne was eventually released from her prison in France. She gathered her two daughters (her son was safe in America with his tutor) and went to Austria were La Fayette was still imprisoned in Olmütz. She had some family connections to the court in Vienna and eventually obtained the permission of sharing her husbands imprisonment. Although accounts vary, all accounts agree that Olmütz was a true hell-hole. Adrienne and her children were treated better than La Fayette - but the treatment was still not good. Soon Adrienne became ill and the prison doctor could not really do anything. Adrienne was told that she was free to go, leave this place behind, find a good doctor, settle down somewhere more comfortable. Nobody wanted to see her suffer or even die. The only stipulation, if she would leave now she was not allowed to ever return – and with that Adrienne stayed and suffered and hasted her death because she would not leave her husband behind. In my opinion her sacrifice at that moment made La Fayette understand just how incredible his wife was. He never forgot what she endured for him and her actions probably lead their relationship to unknown heights.
After they were eventually all released from prison they settled first in Danish-Holstein and then in the Netherlands before returning to France. Adrienne managed to regain a lot of the property that they had previously lost during the Revolution. Although she was successful in that regard, her health (and beauty) was forever ruined. Despite all that she took great joy in seeing her children marry and becoming a grandmother. When Adrienne died on December 24, 1807 La Fayette was absolutely shattered. He wrote a very, very long and very, very sad letter to a friend, retelling Adrienne’s last days and expressing his grieve:
“As yet you have always found me stronger than circumstances, but now this event is stronger than me. Never shall I recover from it. During the thirty - four years of an union in which her tenderness, her goodness, the elevation of her mind, charmed, adorned, honoured my life, I felt myself so used to all that she was to me, that I could not distinguish it from my own existence. She was fourteen, and I was sixteen, when her heart amalgamated itself with everything that could interest me. I knew I loved her, I knew I needed her, but it is only now that I can distinguish what life which I had thought was to have been entirely devoted to worldly matters. (...)”
The letter is really long but so worth the read if you are interested. Really! It is such an honest, open, affectionate and reflected statement of their relationship. Adrienne’s last words were “Je suis toute à vous” (I am all yours) and La Fayette had these words inscribed on a miniature of Adrienne that he constantly had upon his person. Here is an account of the portrait from Jules Germain Cloquets book “Recollections of the Private Life of General Lafayette, etc”:
“In his children he cherished the memory of their mother, (Mademoiselle de Noailles,) whom he had loved most tenderly, and whose name he never mentioned but with visible emotion. One day during his last illness, I surprised him kissing her portrait, which he always wore suspended to his neck in a small gold medallion. Around the portrait were the words, “Je suis à vous ,” and on the back was engraved this short and touching inscription, “ Je vous fus donc une douce compagne: eh bien ! benissez moi .” I have since been informed that regularly every morning Lafayette ordered Bastien [his valet] to leave the room, in which he shut himself up, and taking the portrait in both hands, looked at it earnestly, pressed it to his lips, and remained silently contemplating it for about a quarter of an hour. Nothing was more disagreeable to him than to be disturbed during this daily homage to the memory of his virtuous partner.”
I hope you have/had an awesome day!
#marquis de lafayette#lafayette#general lafayette#adrienne de lafayette#adrienne de noailles#george washington#france#austria#america#american history#american revolution#french history#french revolution#amrev#children#parents#marriage#1807#letters#henriette de lafayette#anastasie de lafayette#george washington lafayette#virginie de lafayette#mourning#1779#1789#ask me anything#anon
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My Adoring Fan ch. 3
Chapter 2 chapter 4
“Damn it. I keep missin’ the door handle...” The half demon grumbled as she kept reaching for the knob. Eventually, it occurred to her that maybe she should use her right hand to feel around for it and open it that way. As she opened the door, she stuck her head in the door way, not wanting to invade her favorite human’s space fully.
“Maaaaaax, can I ask a favor of you?”
“I don’t know, can you?” Max teased before turning her attention to the cambion, “What do you need, Sunshine?”
As slight blush crossed her cheeks at the nickname, “I was, uh.... I was wondering... if you’d watch while I cook ta make sure I don’t hurt myself...” Azalea looked down, embarrassed. She had just been making a fuss about feeling like she was being babied and now here she was, asking for help when she could do it herself if she tried hard enough.
“Yeah sure. I thought it was your brother’s turn to cook tonight?” She sets the spell book she was studying down.
“He’s not doin’ too hot right now... So he asked if I would do it instead since Zulima’s not allowed anywhere near the kitchen when it comes to cooking dinner.”
“How about I cook tonight instead and you can help me?” The human offered. “I live here too so there’s no reason I can’t cook in place of one you two. By the way your cousins not that bad of a cook. I find it to be enjoyable actually.”
“Are... Are we eating the same cooking?”
“You two are just picky,” She stuck her tongue out at Azalea and Azalea repeated the action.
“C’mon then, let’s go before Hakan starts to destroy the house. Snacks will only satisfy the kid for so long.”
“Alright, alright, I’m coming.” Max rolled her eyes with a soft smile.
“That’s what she said,” The half-demon laughs at her own joke
“Azalea!”
“Bye!” The girl takes off, heading toward the kitchen.
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“Heya, weeb supreme, what’s got ya so bent out of shape?” Azalea asks as she ruffles Henry’s purple hair.
“My favorite idol is going on hiatus and she has no plans to come back yet” The boy’s eyes were wet with tears. “How could she do this to her fans.”
“Bruh... she’s a person too. Maybe she just wants a break, did ya ever think of that?”
“Yeah but she could have told us sooner instead of just dipping on us like that!” Henry puffs out his cheeks. "A normie like you wouldn’t understand what it feels like to just be abandoned like that.”
“What did you say?” She asks as a threatening aura emanating from her. “Pretty bold of ya considerin’ you’re scared of everything up to your own shadow.”
“N-Nothing,” He squeaks. “Sorry.”
“Thought so. Now off with ya. Go play some games or somethin’.”
Henry nodded and scrambled out of the kitchen as Max came in.
“What’s his deal?” She asks.
“Oh nothin’,” Azalea smiled. “Just angsty weeb things, nothin’ to worry ‘bout.
“Mhm, sure,” Max was doubtful. “Just get the good out alright?”
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“Yo, ‘Relius, how ya feeling?” Azalea barged into her twin's room before promptly running into the side of his desk. “Oww,”
“You just do not learn, do you?” The younger twin chuckles at the ridiculous of the scene. “Why don’t you have that dumb stick the doctors gave you so you know what’s in front of you on that side?”
“’Cuz its stupid. I got one eye left so I don’t need it.” Azalea pouts as she rubs her hip where she bumped into the desk.”
“You very clearly do considering you misjudged where my desk was and the amount of lamp posts you ran into on our way to school last term.” Aurelius sighs, “If you go back home with any more bruises from running in to shit, you’re gonna give Dad a stroke.”
“Eh, I’ll figure it out eventually. He worries too much.”
“Whatever you say, ‘Zay, whatever you say. Anyway, I’m doing better, thanks for asking. Has Henry stopped fussing over that idol yet?”
“Prolly not. Who knows with him...” She shrugs. “So, about that letter...”
“You’re not fighting anybody.” Aurelius shuts her down quickly, “I don’t even know who sent it other than an initial.”
“Boo, you whore,” She made her way over to his bed and plopped down on it. “Anywho, peppers are in the oven. Max cut ‘em for me and I stuffed ‘em.”
“Thought you wanted to do everything by yourself? Or is it different with her?” He teased.
“Shaddup!” Azalea threw his pillow at him. “It ain’t like that okay?”
“Suuuuure,” He laughed as his sister’s face turned beet red. “We all know the truth, Simp.”
“Stoooop! She’s just my friend!”
“But you don’t want her to be~” he says in a loud sing-song voice, hoping Max might overhear them, “Admit it ‘Zalea. You’ve got a crush.”
“Lower your voice and stop teasing me!”
“Not until I hear you say it.” He smiles.
“You’re a sadist, ya know that? Why do you do this to your only sister?!”
“Because it’s fun for me. Now say it.”
“Fiiiiiiiine,” the older half-demon groans, “I've got a crush on my friend.” It's said in a mumble.
“Huh? Couldn’t hear you. Could you say that again?” Unknown to her, Aurelius had started recording her confession.
“I said I have a crush on Max! There I said it! Happy?” She practically yells as her face turns an even deeper shade of red.
“Oh, yes I am.” He chuckles as he stops recording and Azalea realizes the mistake she’s made.
“You delete that right now!”
“Come over here and make me.” He gets up and pockets his phone as she dives at him.
With a quick dodge to the right where she can’t see him, Aurelius books it down the hall and down the stairwell. Azalea gives chase but runs smack dab into a wall which buys the younger twin more time to get out of the house. As he passes the common room where everyone is hanging out waiting for dinner, he yells out,
“I’m going out. My sister’s going to kill me. Don’t wait up.” And with that he’s out the door and dashing down the sidewalk and into the night.
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She was doing her last-minute shopping before the new school term started next week. As she shouldered her bags, the now on hiatus idol steps out of the shop when she gets nearly run over by Aurelius who was still trying to put as much distance between him and Azalea as possible.
“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry.” He says as he helps her up, he’s slightly out of breath. “I should have been watching where I was going.”
She’s a little starstruck as she stares up at him. She was hoping they would meet soon, she just never thought they would literally crash into each other. “I- Oh no, I’m alright. Don’t worry about it. What about you? You’re not hurt, are you?”
“No, I’m alright,” he smiled. “Thanks for asking though.” Aurelius keeps looking behind him for any signs of his sister.
“Were you running from someone...” She pretends not to know his name. She needs a reason to introduce herself after all.
“Yeah, my sister. I have something she really doesn’t want anyone hearing.” He doesn’t introduce himself, assuming she already knew who he was which wasn’t wrong, but he didn’t need to know that. “I assume you already know my name, but I’ve never seen you around town before... Are you new here?”
“No, I don’t. And yes, I’m transferring to RAD this term.” The succubus thinks she has a pretty good poker face but he gives her an odd look- like he’s surprised. “My name’s Persephone, by the way.”
“Nice to meet you, Persephone.” he thinks she lying but she has no tells that he can recognize. If she is, maybe she’s only lying so he doesn’t feel uncomfortable for nearly plowing over a fan of his.
“You really don’t know who I am? Do you read DevilStyle teen?” Persephone only shakes her head, another bald-faced lie. “Well, that’s refreshing. My name’s Aurelius.” he holds a hand out to her with a smile. “Nice to meet you.”
The succubus takes his hand and shakes it with a smile on her face but internally she’s screaming.
“So which dorm are you in?”
“The House of Sorrow.” Her response makes him stop.
The House of Sorrow? And her name starts with a ‘P’... Oh.... Oh no. Okay, play this cool, man. Don’t act weird about this. She seems normal enough so maybe it’s not her. Ahh but it’s as Uncle Asmo always says: ‘Crazy hides well underneath normal’.
“AURELIUS! WHERE’D YOU GO, YOU LITTLE SHIT!”
“And that’s my cue. Sorry to cut this short but I have to get moving.” He says as he brings his demon form out. “Maybe we’ll have classes together at school. I’ll see you around, Persephone.” He hopes they don’t. In fact, if she is ‘P’, he hopes they never meet again but he’s trying to act personable. “Bye!” And as soon as he came, he was gone- soaring high into the sky. “By the way, you might want to take a few steps back! My sister’s about to come barreling through here in a matter of seconds!
The former idol can only nod as she thinks he looks even more beautiful in person.
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find more on my masterlist
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Bounded by the words.
Pairing: Bryce Lahela x F!MC (Casey Valentine)
Summary: A momento from a patient lead to a new hobby for Casey, as it records the moment of their relationship.
A/N: It was an impulsive reaction, but.. I wanted to post something and this has been in my drafts for months. I actually have submitted this before, and I am posting this again since it is edited much better than before. Today is the 25th and, honestly... it is a hard date for me in a way. So, I am coping it with fics unfortunately, but... I wanted to post it for a while now and I had shown it to @bratzlahela before she went on hiatus; and nikka, this is for you and i miss you soo much ! This is a love letter AU which had been in my drafts for months now. I am also dedicating this fic to @mrs-raleighcarrera as a thanks for everything, <3 I have something planned later, I hope I manage to start it but... enjoy. 💜 (I noticed... my love for letters can be shown.. I am so sorry ;;)
Tags: @bitchloveskcbaseball , @storyofmychoices @jaxsmutsuo , @mvalentine , @princess-geek , @lahellacute , @this-person-is-busy , @annekebbphotography , @mrsbhandari , @dcbbw , @choicessa , @choices-confessions ,@fantasyoverreality98 , @baltersome , @ofpixelsandscribbles , @thundergom @starrystarrytrouble, @kelseaaa ,@bratzlahela , @choicesficwriterscreations , @lalizah , @drethanramslay , @arcticlumineer , @choicesstan1 , @aveeiro , @eleanorbloom , @openheartfanfics , @brycesgirl , @rookitcarrera (if you want to be removed or added, let me know 💜)
MY MASTERLIST
Casey is assigned to take care of 19-year old, Brianna who is diagnosed with a Gastroenteritis. As she walks in the room, Brianna was burying herself into a book. She smiled at the sight, as she tries to remember the last time she gets a chance to read a book herself. The title on the book caught her attention, with the minimalistic cover that certainly calms her eyes. ‘Bounded by The Words.’ The title says.
“Bounded by the words?” Casey said to capture her attention.
Brianna startled, as she drops the book down to her lap. Her eyes widen as she saw Casey there grinning at her.
“You scared me!” Brianna stated as she places her hands over her beating heart whilst Casey walks towards her.
“I’m sorry Bri, you looked like you were drowning in the book. I had to save you somehow.” She winks at her, as a smile appear on Brianna’s face.
“Ha ha ha, very funny doc.”
“So, what is the story about making you drowned in the pages?” Casey asked as she checks on her vitals.
“It’s a story of two lovers..”
“Typical.”
“Hey, I am talking here!”
“Alright, alright my lady.” Casey bows as she lets herself have fun with her.
“As I was saying, it is a story of two lovers who was bounded by a series of letters. They never really got a chance to see each other face-to-face as the man is apart of the world war before. Their communication only relies on letters, handwritten letters that caused their love to grow each day. Unfortunately, neither of them got their happy ending as the man sacrificed himself into the war leaving her a thousand letters behind as a reminder that he will always be there for her…” Brianna wipes a tear as she describe the book.
“Oh wow… that is really sad.” Casey felt her heart break a little from hearing Brianna talk about it.
“Yes, it is. I ended up crying every time I read it and this time is any different.”
“Can I take a look at it?” Casey asks her as she immediately pass the book to her.
“Maybe you should hold onto it, as a momento for taking care of me and keeping me company.” Brianna said with a small smile plastered on her face.
Casey’s eyes widen,
“It’s your favourite book Bri…”
“Don’t worry, I have a few more copies of it at home! You should keep it and maybe try read it at your free time. I know doctors don’t have much time to rest, so consider it as a self-care gift from your favourite patient, which is yours truly to you.” Brianna insists before Casey could return the book in her hands.
“My favourite patient? How did you guess?” Casey asked with amount of sarcasm in her voice causing both of them to break into laughter.
Both of them ended up talking for a little while, exchanging stories, a few hugs and a signature from Brianna aswell. Patients like Brianna, really reminds herself why she wanted to be a doctor in the first place. She loved helping people, saving lives, but she is also interested in knowing the stories of her patients. During her time at Edenbrook, she had met a lot of people with various backgrounds; a surfer, a lawyer who is living this world as she is. She always felt pleasure in knowing her patients, and Brianna is one of those patients that gives her the sign that she loves her job.
After finishing up her shift, Casey makes her way back to Bryce’s apartment as they often have sleepovers with one another. She makes her way to the apartment, where she was met with Keiki who was furiously typing on her (Bryce’s) computer as her brows furrowed in frustration. Casey immediately took off her coat and make her way to the couch, as Keiki perks her head up at her presence.
“What do you got there?” Keiki eyes the book she was holding as she sat down.
“It’s a gift from a patient, I think I am gonna absorb myself in some literary entertainment after those long shifts.” Casey said as she gets herself comfortable on the couch, she starts to read the book. After felt like an hour, she already had surpassed the 100th page.
The door opening pulled her out from the zone, as Bryce finally arrived from the hospital. Casey turn her head to the sound, and smiled as she saw him. Casey stands and give him a kiss on the cheek, guiding him to the couch where Keiki is still on the computer looking more ease than before.
“So, what did you guys do today?” Bryce asked as he placed an arm around Casey pulling her close to him.
“I am trying to finish up this darn assignment, and its just so hard! Why did I take computer science?” Keiki whined as Bryce lets out a small laugh.
“What did you do today Cas?” Bryce turns his gaze to her, as both of their eyes meet.
Casey smiled as she shows the book to Bryce.
“Bounded by the words? It sounds like a cliché rom-com if you ask me.” Bryce said as his eyes are on the book.
“Hey, I am a hopeless romantic and this book managed to play with my heartstrings!” Casey protested as she held the book like her life depends on it.
“Okay, okay…Enlighten me, tell me what is the interesting scenario you have come across in the book?” Bryce challenge her with a wink.
“Their entire love story consists of letters, and they never met yet they still love one another…” Casey felt herself gaze as she placed a dreamy look on her face as Bryce just shook his head.
“Whatever makes you sleep at night Cas.” He says as he placed a kiss to bring her back towards reality.
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Casey suddenly felt herself to be inspired from the book, as she felt her heart hold on to the concept of writing love letters. It is midnight, as Casey felt herself feeling awake. She slowly makes her way out of Bryce’s hold as he was sleeping peacefully. She puts on one of Bryce’s shirts and heads out to the living room. She sat down on the floor, with a box full of stuff contains, coloured paper and a huge amount of pens. She smiles, as she proceeds.
My dearest Anastasia,
The darkened days had now befallen us, the roared of the enemy unmistakable. Where it’d be my last sacrifice in the name of thy country. The time has come for me to filled in my word, as I would let myself be pained from the death that followed me every day. Regrets washed over me, as this letter would be the final reminder, where life with you made it very much better. The warmth of your touch can still be felt, as our farewell was playing in my mind for the longest time, a needed farewell that kept me awake on one of these days, longing to be in your touch again. But, even in the depths of the darkest roads, you will always be in thy heart. Forever, and always.
Love,
Roland.
The one that started it all, the final letter of Roland Rosio to his long last love, Anastasia Luvielle as their love continues to grow even after the death of Rosio during the final battle. The inspiration that started it all.
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Dear Bryce,
It is our first date together despite the hundreds of times we went and spend our nights at Donahue. It is when we are, something. Something beautiful, as one would say it. The 21st night of September, was a date to remember; our first night out as something more. As a kid, I always imagined myself going to the ball with my very own Prince, as we dance the night away.
But, in this case… they were no prince, a dress, a castle, a glass slipper, heck there aren’t any pumpkins involved in the beginning of our story. It was a story of clumsiness, fairy lights and a whole platter of fries. An interesting combination one might say, as it started with grace and ended with a bag of loaded fries from a small vendor.
It was unique, as you told me your jokes as I would find myself getting red, as the sight of your sweet and smiley face. The way we danced around the circle, as the fairy lights were hanging above us, has been a permanent attachment in my mind.
Lights, Fries and Bryce? A perfect combination.
Love,
Casey.
The first of many has been recorded, as she slips it into a box. A small box which is going to be playing a huge role in her life moving forward. Bryce stops himself in his tracks, admiring the smile on her face before moving towards the living room. The memory of their days together, playing in his mind.
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Dear Bryce,
I don’t know where to start, I miss you. I miss everything about you and, I don’t know how long I can do this anymore . I always wondered why couples would fight over the littlest things and, I hoped that the fate won’t fall down to us, but…I was wrong. It felt like a downfall, and I regret yelling those words at you. You were never a burden, you were the light and I don’t know how I haven’t met you before. My life had changed with you, and it has change again, and… I miss you. I miss everything about you, your hugs, your silly jokes, the way you’d talk at the movies despite being shush away by the audience, especially you. I miss being able to hug you when I was happy, and…I am going to make this right.
Love, Casey.
The first fight, as there were words left unspoken. One of many that made were stained with her tears, as the sadness took over. Her life was different with Bryce, and she didn’t give up. She tried and tried, and tried and try again until one day, she did it right. Neither did he.
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Dear Bryce,
I can’t believe our time has come, we are finally getting married tomorrow! It is a common feeling of excitement to be a bride, and I am very excited for our adventure next. I always felt like you were the one with the huge benefit in doubt in myself, the day we meet in that locker room at Edenbrook. The first time I laid my eyes on you, it felt like I was going to meet a stereotypical male from a rom-com, but… you are different. A good type of different, you have been there for me since the very beginning.
You have seen through it all, and I am very lucky to be apart of your life. You have always been my number one support through the highs and the lows, and I am always going to be grateful for everything we have been through that lead us to this very moment. I am excited for our new beginning, I will see you soon.
Love,
Casey.
The day they become as one, where Casey Valentine and Bryce Lahela finally tied the knot after all these years. A new adventure awaits them, as a whole new life is looking them with a wide-smile. The ceremony was intimate, as all of their close friends and family members were invited. They got married at one of his favourite places, the beach. As they finally got their happily ever after.
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Dear Bryce,
I did it. WE DID IT! After all these years, we did it. I am finally pregnant, after all the negatives. We did it, and you are going to be a dad! I remember those days, you were telling me about teaching our kid surfing, and silently hoping they will follow your footsteps. Our dreams have been granted, and I am truly ecstatic! The feeling of being a parent had lingered on my mind since early on, and… I am beyond grateful to be on this journey with you.
Baby Lahela is 3 months strong, mommy and daddy can’t wait to see you soon. I can’t wait for all of the new memories we are going to make together. We love you daddy!
Love,
Casey.
After a few years of marriage, and trying… they finally did it. Both of them starting a new adventure with their little bundle of joy, the first adventure with the little Lahela. And, they were very excited for it.
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‘Dad, what is these letters?’ Louis asked in fascination, as he finished reading one of Casey’s letters after all these years.
A smile appeared on his face, remembering the memories from years ago. The day Casey starts to become obsessed over a piece of literature that changed their lives one way or another.
‘Mom loves to write letters, and these is all of hers. She writes it every time we are happy, sad, angry and everything in between. I never understood the purpose of it all, and your mother tends to get emotional over the littlest things and, she still managed to blow me away every time…’ He lets out a sigh, rereading the final letter in the pile. It was written a few days ago.
Dear Bryce,
We have been through it all, am I right? It has been 25 or maybe more years, since our first meeting and I can’t believe it has been that long. We have done an amazing job together, and I am very very proud of what we had achieved all these years. You have been an amazing dad to our little ones, who is not so little anymore. Our little Louis, is our astronomer now, I still remember the first time we were giving him a bath, he was a quiet baby but with a lot of determination and a gold heart, just like his father. Our little girls Kailani and Alexandra, has managed to follow in our footsteps, even though we warned them about the stress and pressure of med school along with warnings from our dear friends, and I can’t believe they did it. They were always so smart, and I can’t say how proud of I am of our little angels. Bryce, you have been my rock, my best friend, my lover, my partner and… I will always cherish you in my heart. You are the first person who never gave up on me, and… life with you, has been the best chapter in my life. You have made me a better person, you have seen me in my lowest and you didn’t left. You were there through thick and thin, and I love you for it. I will never forget the day where we said, the three words. The day where our life started to change every day. You have given me unconditional love and care, you have made my life the way it is today. My mom, always wondered how I came across someone like you before, and I would laugh; fate brought us together and Edenbrook was the start of it all.
Unfortunately, some stories would come to an end. And, the end of mine is coming very soon; take care of the kids, and tell them that mom is very proud of them. My love, you had made me the happiest and… even in the depths of the darkest roads, you will always be in thy heart. Forever, and always.
Yours,
Casey Lahela.
The end of the letter, the one line that started it all, as a small smiled appear on his face despite the tears falling down on his cheeks. Alexandra and Keilani made their way as they pulled Bryce into a deep hug, letting their sorrows take over breaking every façade that they had. Louis joins in too, as they stood there together, as a family. Her memories were playing in his mind, a recording of every sense from their little time together made it into the highlight as, the letters felt like a metaphor, a feeling somehow she is there with them, looking down with a huge smile. A smile of satisfaction, as a chance to finally let herself go.
‘I will always love you Casey. Forever and always.’ He whispered slowly, as their life story was flashed through his eyes which is the best moments of his life.
THE END.
#playchoices#bryce x mc#bryce lahela#casey valentine#open heart#open heart second year#anotherbeingsworldwrites#choices fic writers creations#fics#bryce oh#bryce x f!mc
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Blood, tears and sea breeze
Warnings: ANGST, mental health issues, graphic depictions of violence, blood, cursing, mentions of sexual assault, mentions of sex, substance abuse.
Summary: The not so peaceful town of Broadchurch face dead again, while Alec Hardy continues his journey to redemption will this school teacher be the key to solve the mystery or just another victim of the ever watching evilness that seems to reside in the town.
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Chapter 22: Handkerchief
"Jonathan Norbury arrived at Broadchurch five years ago, to open an electronic shop owned by his father, replacing a mildly successful motorcycle shop" The lawyer had put an unbelieving emphasis in the word successful, you asume it was on purpose to get a reaction from the man being question, and sitting two meters away from Jonathan you knew she was successful in railing him up "He had, by his own account" She pointed at the speaker where they had played one more time his voicemail to Ashley "An unpleasant experience with woman in a bar that inspire him to go to AA, and therefore had a religious awakening that result in meeting Y/N, Y/L/N" you start crushing a napkin you had in your hand, and DS Miller must have seen how nervous you were because she hold on your hand in hers and gave you a little squeeze, "That woman he meet turn out to be your sister, is that correct Mr. Langford" she addressed the man who was completely bsorbed by his own hands.
It had been almost five months since they pull a very wrecked Ashley away from you, five months of endless paperwork, four since you were actually free to walk without a police officer escorting you, and only one since the actual system to punish those responsible for Jonathan was in motion. They even have someone of his first AA group who testified about the drunk girl story, and you suspect it was because of Paul that he came forward, and you were glad to at least still having him.
"Yes" he responded completely uninterested
"Does Jonathan Norbury had any further contacts with your sister after that?" She asked trying to not loose her patience with him and with his attitude.
"No"
"Excellent. Then after he meet mis Y/L/N and start an amorous relationship with her and make your acquaintance did you or your sister ever brought this incident back?" You wanted to look up but somehow your eyes felt glued to your feet. "Or maybe when he proposed to mis Y/L/N after all you were friends since ypur early childhood, surely the dubious past of his partner was something important to discuss with her"
"No, we ... I didn't mention it" he said and you pull all of your strength in looking up, fearful of throwing up when you met his eyes, but you only saw that odd little boy always on the shadow of his parents, and even after all he had done you felt sorry for him, he met your gaze and look aside immediately with something almost as remorse in them "We knew his father threatened him with with stopping his allowance if he stayed with Y/N, and well I hope that if he actually left the store I could bought it back, that's why I asked him to my place to drink a few beers when he and Ash started sha... I mean a relationship" it was like a tap opening, once he started he was unstoppable, and his own attorney was so aware of it that he just kept looking at his phone.
"Ashley ... she began an affair with him, she had worked with Y/N older doctor before, I never really knew how she knew him, but she gave her ruffies so she could sneak out with him."
"So when did you start taking advantage of Miss Y/L/N" the tap was closed. And you held his look, this time you would definitely throw up, but you felt a tingle in the back of your neck, he was looking at you, he didn't think less of you, he had said it over and over again while you were questioned for those exact circumstances, but now his intense look on the back of your head make you believe it.
"I ..." he went silent for almost a whole minute and you thought that maybe he wouldn't answer "After a month or so of their affair, Jonathan asked me to look after her because he was never truly okay with her being drugged... I didn't planned it, but I have loved Y/N since the first moment I saw her, I know that what I did was wrong, but it was the only way she would be mine, I never hurt her..."
"Do you realize that you took advantage of a drugged, mentally ill woman? I'm sorry but I fail to see how just not hitting her or pointing a gun at her is not hurting her"
It seems like his lawyer was about to comment on something but a quick look at the dead glare of the judge made him realize he shouldn't.
"Why did you record her?"
"It was all for me, the editing and the voice came after, when Ashley... she said it would make Y/N look guiltier..."
"Please do continue, what where you expecting to get with all of this?"
"The plan was" Charles had said almost relieved of the change of subject, "Well it was my idea more or less... to pretend Jonathan had an accident on his way to london the day he disappeared, so they collected some of his blood in the week prior to set the scene, Ashley volunteered at a hospital at some point before Uni so she knew how... but he well he found out about me and Y/N and he dump Ashley he was really mad at us" he said, almost like he wouldn't understand why he was so angry with them.
Ashley was useless past that point in her questioning, she seemed incapable of accepting that Jonathan had in fact broken up their affair, that's why she was not at court that day, but at that point Charles seemed completely over with the whole situation and began confessing everything.
"Jonathan had sex with Ashley before she went out with Y/N, I guess he knew she will act ou so he tried to keep her happy for as long as possible... so she would not be suspicious about him. Then he went back to Y/N place to try to explain everything to her, but she was still at work, he call her to break up with her but she stop answering so he left that voicemail, but she ignored him, that's why he tried to stop her from hurting Y/N again... Ashley sent me to stop him from telling the truth, I made him write the letter leaving Y/N... I wasn't completely sober at the time, he had told me that night he saw us that he was leaving with her and I didn't want him to take her away from me, so I took him to his shop... he was very desperate he even tried to convince me to let him go, he said he will give me the shop back..." He said and the knot in your stomach became tighter, the air was no longer filling your lungs "I didn't mean to, but he start saying thos awful things about me... I just... when I realized how hard I was holding his neck he was no longer moving, I tried to give him CPR but it didn't work..."
"Miss Y/L/N you can't leave the room!" you heard your attorney scream far away but you needed air and a bathroom, fortunately there was one very close, you wonder how common would vomiting would be for that to happen, but you couldn't think it trough because another round of retches made you empty the nice breakfast Beth had gave you that morning, after insisting in going to your place at dawn to help you get ready.
When you look up ther was a white handkerchief ready for you, he had followed you with quick and silent steps and was now there doing those perfect little things that certainly made your life easier.
"Thank you" you said embarrassed, and you felt glad that you were embarrassed because you had vomited and not for all the other things.
"Are you okay?... I mean you're obviously not, but I..."
"I'm better now DI Hardy, truly" you said walking towards the sink and opening the faucet to wash your hands "I have read his confession but somehow listening to him made it real... I don't know, I'm being stupid"
"You are not, this would be hard hard for anyone, I have been wanting to punch that bastard for the past thirty minutes" he said and he gave you that almost smile he had, and once again you thought that he may finally kiss you, like he had been doing for the past four months, not like the bathroom in a courtroom was the most romantic of places, but you have wanted that. Again that part of you that just wanted to leave it all behind, that part that desperately wanted peace, that part that hold on to his words on that cell it's only you...
"DI Hardy this is the ladies bathroom!, come out at once, they are waiting" Beth Latimer said opening the door and pulling you out, it was for the best truly, any possible future with him must be at pause until this whole thing would be over, and you were glad to see the annoyance in his face, maybe this time he also wanted something else to happen.
"Are you able to continue miss Y/L/N?"
"Yes, I'm so sorry for the interruption" you said and took your sit.
"Fine, what does miss Langford did after you told him about mister Norbury decease?" She paus as of waiting for you to exit again, but you just shrugged.
"She blamed Y/N for his death, she said she had to pay for it, so she asked me to move the body to her place and she cut him, she put the blood on the floor and the letter she drive to Y/N school and gave her a small dose so she would be conscious but disoriented and left her at the bus stop, when she get home she saw me, she tried to help him, she punched me, and I did what Ashley told me, I gave her the letter and put her ring in one pocket and gave her the bracelet, Ashley said it was important to gave it to her."
You realize the tears in your eyes but this time you could only look at him, there was no room in your heart for anger or hate, there was only pain, even when you could imagine a happier life and a future the pain will be there, for evere and for ever, because you loved Ashley as part of your family, even when she hated you, and you loved Jonathan, his eyes, his bad jokes, even his darkest demons he thought he should hide from you, you loved him more after knowing about them, because it was all part of him and of his heart, his beautiful heart that was no longer with you.
In the end even when they were locked away for ever you would never be happy about it, because losing them would not make you happy, you would never have him next to you in the morning, or a tea with her in the afternoon, and you realized she had won in one thing, she had tarnished all your memories, and you will have to live with that for ever, she took everything from you, even her.
****
"So what about the lipstick, the sex toys, and all the other evidence presented here??" Derek asked looking at the pile of evidence that seem to delivery lead to nowhere. "Was all of this useful in the end??"
"Yes and no." Miller said offering a cup of tea "Langford wanted Y/N to look more guilty making the case apparently hard to make her look less like a victim" so she make everything more complicated than it had to be."
"Well at least it was impossible to exonerate her from Norbury's murder" Harford said putting down the Echo of that morning, the trial had been long and emotional but with good results at least for them as law enforcement. "But I still can't believe they have to wait that long for sentence them for the murder of Y/N parents"
"All on his time I guess" Derek said and took a biscuit from the tray Miller had "The teacher is leaving town after all isn't it?"
"Yeah, Alec... DI Hardy is leaving her at the station, is the best for her I guess" Miller said maybe a bit disappointed since her life had been almost perfect for the past half of the year, after a couple days at he hospital she and Brian have been happy and at peace, she even took a couple days off to go to Scotland with her kids.
She wish the same for him, however she agreed that Y/N was not ready for another relationship so soon, she just hope Hardy would be fine on his own.
***
"You have everything dear?" Beth asked for the twelfth time
"I do Beth, passport, clean clothes, money, everything"
"Fine" she said more sad than angry "You really don't have to go that far to teach, just go to the next city I'm sure the don't know your name."
"I'm pretty sure they do, but hey I will call when I get to London and again when I land in France, I promise" Beth gave her one last hug goodbye and let Paul talk to her.
"Don't" Y/N said before he could start, "None of this, of any of this is your fault, thank you for being by my side, thank you for being in my life. I love you Paul"
"I truly love you too, there is nice congregation in the town you'll be working, I email the reverend and he will look after you" he said happy.
"Thanks dad" she said, but she was way to move to make another snarky remark. "Beth help me with her luggage" he said to left room for her and Hardy to have a proper goodbye.
"Are you planning on kissing me Detective?" She asked out of the blue, just the kind of question and attitude that he had learned to love.
"I..." he thought about not responding but he was sure this may be his only chance and the other were thankfully far apart. "I was thinking about doing it, but now I won't" he said happy to make her blink perplex.
"Well you should rethink that since I'm leaving for a whole semester, maybe I'll found a handsome French village boy and I don't come back" she said playing along.
"That may be good for you" he said killing the joke. "Y/N I'm to old, to sick and too stubborn not just for you but for everyone, when you said you would leave I was sad, but also glad, you deserve to be happy and not going feeling like you have to comeback."
"And what if I want to? What if I'm happy to be with you no matter how old, how sick and how stubborn you could be? That's not up to you DI Hardy... if I come back Alec, it will be because I want it no matter what you or anyone else has to say, I have spent most of my life listening to others, waiting, being cautious I'm done doing that I'm done being afraid" she said and short the distance between the two.
"I can't" he said pressing his forehead to hers, "I love you Y/N, if I kiss you now I would never be at peace knowing you are gone, it will consume me, you are right, you have to leave, I'll be right here, not waiting, hoping"
"You are the worst detective" she said and gave him a kiss on his cheek "and I think I love you too, I promise you I'll see you again" she said and run inside the train the fast that she could so she wouldn't regret her choice. And a few minutes later he, broadchurch, and blue sea sky were gone.
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#Broadchurch#broadchurch fanfiction#ellie miller broadchurch#alec hardy fanfiction#alec hardy x ellie miller#alec hardy x you#alec hardy imagine#alec hardy#di hardy#ellie miller#ds miller#dc katie harford#katie harford#paul coates#beth latimer#crime drama#courtroom#crime scene#romance#angst#angst with a happy ending
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Issei Sagawa
“Sometimes I wonder why I did such a horrible thing. Maybe it’s because I come from another planet, or another dimension and accidentally fell to Earth like a meteorite, disguised as a baby crying on the street. My mother walked by and took pity on me. I must have come from a place of cannibals, and I’m the only one of my kind who exists on this planet.”
Good afternoon, everyone who takes the time to read this!
Today, I have the very displeasure of telling you about one of the most.. bizarre human beings I have ever read about.
I have been interested in true crime ever since I could remember. My father is really interested in it as well, so growing up there were always books laying around about the worst of the worst kind of people. Even to this day, my dad and I share stories we heard or a new podcast we listened to or swap books; it’s real fun. And when you are heavily interested in true crime, you hear and see so many similar stories. This person had an abusive childhood and became a serial killer, this person was not longer interested in being a family man so he killed his whole family and moved away to start a new life, this person was strung out on drugs, this person caught her husband cheating on her and stabbed him as a crime of passion, etc. And while I am not downplaying or excusing these murders AT ALL, because no one should be murdered, I do find myself skipping stories like that. They don’t check my boxes.
Cannibals check my box. And I have, admittedly, unconsciously, been surrounding myself with cannibalistic aspects. I just finished (another) three part podcast about Jeffrey Dahmer, I’m reading My Friend Dahmer, and watching Attack on Titan like my life depends on it. (Attack on Titan is a Japanese manga series turned into a long running anime about three conjoined towns who are constantly being attacked and eaten by the HUGE human-like zombie creatures, but that is for another day.)
Have I rambled enough? Yes. Yes, I think so. Let’s get into ittttt.
Issei Sagawa, known as Pang or The Kobe Cannibal, was born on April 26th, 1949 in Kobe, Japan to a very wealthy family. Issei has said himself that his childhood was the happiest time of his life and he was a carefree child. He said his parents love him deeply. One thing to note about Issei is that he was born prematurely (and he looks.. off) and doctors did not think he would survive. Issei said because of this, he has always seen himself as an undesirable person. So, instead of friends, Issei had books! Because his family was so wealthy, Issei was afforded an incredible education and was able to travel all over the world and learn about music, art, literature, etc. He was very interested in art. This will come back around later.
So how does a rich, seemingly normal, intelligent child become a cannibal? Issei contributes a few things to this: *Issei said his first cannibalistic urge happened when he was in first grade and saw a fellow classmate’s thighs. *Issei said sex was a taboo subject around his household. He said when he had reached a certain age, he began having erections, like all boys do, but he thought he was sick and was too embarrassed to tell anyone. He didn’t know how to relieve himself at this time.. soooo. He, uh, got help from his dog. Yeah. Yeeeah. (I watched an interview he did with Vice about ten years ago, which I will link below, and watching him describe this so nonchalantly made me the most uncomfortable. Actually, he is nonchalant the entire interview and it’s so disturbing and uncomfy. At one point he says, “I think my sexual desires began to distort around that time.” Yeah, I would say so, buddy.) *Issei said he would have a reoccurring dream where he and his brother were being boiled in a large pot to be eaten. Issei said he flipped the script and began to fantasize about what it would be like to eat someone. As with most premeditated killers, his fantasies escalated from curiosity to behavior. *Issei was obsessed with western women. He said they are tall and beautiful and he has described himself as a “weak, ugly, and small man”. In an interview after what he keeps calling an “incident”, Issei claimed one of the reasons he consumed human flesh was to “absorb her energy”.
Issei said he did practice a good amount of restraint for his cannibalistic urges until his college years. While attending Wako University in Tokyo, Issei said he saw a beautiful, blonde, German woman walking by and he was “dazzled by her white thighs”. One day, he broke into this woman’s apartment on the ground floor. He said his plan was to hit her in the head with an umbrella so he could get a knife from her kitchen and cut into her buttocks and eat it. He was extremely hesitant and his knees accidentally brushed against her stomach, waking her up. She screamed and Issei fled. Police charged him with attempted rape. Issei said he did explain to psychiatrists about his sexual urges but they didn’t consider it cannibalism and let him go.
After this, Akira (his father) sent Issei to study comparative literature at Sorbonne University in France in 1981. In the interview, as Issei is recalling this, he said his mother had the an extremely sad look on her face the day he was leaving, “like she knew something horrible was going to happen”. (I could think of a reason why.)
Issei had not forgotten about how close he had gotten to fulfilling his fantasy of eating a European woman back in Tokyo. He was convinced if he was more prepared he could follow through with it flawlessly. He said when he moved to France, he would bring home a sex worker almost every night, but everytime he tried to shoot her, his fingers would freeze. While studying at Sorbonne University, Issei set his eyes on 25-year old Dutch student, Renée Hartevelt. Issei said Renée was so beautiful and he had never seen anyone like her before. (She really was stunning and looked like such a sweet person.) He also said he didn’t want to get caught staring at her, so he began making sketches of her. From what I read, and I do not know how accurate this is, the two started as friends and eventually Issei began to pursue Renée romantically. He would take her on dates to art museums and dinner. When he confessed his feelings for her, she insisted they just remain friends because she was not sexually attracted to him. So Issei lied to Renée and told her his professor wanted him to record some German poetry. Renée didn’t think anything about helping out a fellow classmate, so she was happy to come over and help. Issei said he picked out the poem she read, and as she was reading the poem out loud at his desk, he pulled a rifle out of a closet and shot her in the neck. He said she kept reciting the poem after he shot her, then she just.. stopped. Issei said he fainted after he shot her and when he came to he almost called an ambulance for her, but he knew he would regret it if he lost this opportunity to act out his fantasies.
I am going to quote Issei verbatim from his interview with Vice.
TRIGGER WARNING
“I lied to her that my professor wanted some German poetry recorded. That was the pretext. She didn’t doubt a thing. I chose the poetry. I reached for the gun while she was reading. I was talking to her with a smile on my face. I was really scared. Yet I did pull the trigger. She... kept on talking... until suddenly she fell silent. First she collapsed onto the desk, then fell to the ground with the chair. I laid a towel under her head then undressed her. I had everything planned out in my head from which part i would start feasting on and such. Starting with her ass. I thought it looked the most delicious. It had to be the right cheek, not the left. The left cheek is closer to the heart and I’m scared of blood. I abruptly bit into it, but it was too hard to bite into. It hurt my jaw. I tried cutting in with a fruit knife but it didn’t go through. I gave up and went to the market. I bought a curved meat knife. Finally it went through the flesh. I thought I’d see red meat right away, but there was a yellow corn-like substance, which I later found out was fat. I had to cut deeply to reach the red meat. I don’t remember if I sliced it off, or tore it off with my fingers. I put most of my favorite parts, like the thighs, in the fridge.”
My face right now.
He’s leaving out a lot of details on this.. right after he shot Renée, he had sex with her corpse. And, like I said before, he is so nonchalant about all of this. He ate a LOT of her. I saw a picture of eleven paper plates loaded with human flesh, muscles, and fat. Both of her breasts, her nose, her tongue, her bottom lip, and most of her lower half (her hips, middle of her stomach, and thighs) was missing. He did say he tried to eat her breast, but it was mostly fat and he didn’t enjoy it. Her buttocks, however, “(It) melted in my mouth like raw tuna in a sushi restaurant.” He continued to try different parts of Renée’s body. He would fry pieces of her and eat other parts with mustard. He even decapitated her. He took pictures of Renée’s mutilated body and would have sex with it while listening to the recording of her reading the German poem.
For four days.
He mentioned how June is the hottest month in Paris and he was worried the body would start to rot. So he took Renée’s body to the bathroom and cut her up so he could get rid of it. (He also mentioned after finishing his graduate program, he wanted to go to Greece. He said he took a big luxurious boat and actually shared a table with a butcher and his wife during dinner. He said the butcher was a fat, jolly man and told him how to butcher meat. Issei wrote a letter to the butcher after “the incident” thanking him. He said the butcher never wrote back.)
One he had cut the body up into pieces, he placed the pieces into two suitcases and, made plans to dump the body in a lake in Bois de Boulogne, called in a cab. “It wasn’t easy getting the body into [the suitcases]. The torso is extremely heavy. It’s really hard to cut to begin with. It’s nothing like a horror movie.” When the cab driver picked up Issei’s suitcases to put them in the cab, he asked Issei if he had a dead body in them. (That tidbit made me really sad.)
Once Issei reached the lake, he pushed the suitcases down the slope. He vastly underestimated how light it still was outside at 8 pm. He said several people were sunbathing still. The sun was setting across the lake, and Issei said for the first time, he saw color. He was fascinated watching a young boy and his grandfather at the top of a hill and while he was distracted, another man came up, opened one of the suitcases, and saw a bloody bedsheet with legs wrapped in it. A woman screamed and someone else yelled, “Murderer!” Issei said he just walked away.
Issei was, of course, arrested. He was interrogated by three psychiatrists who deemed him mentally insane. Issei was sent to a criminal psych ward, but before he could even begin treatment, he was deported back to Japan because the French people were very uncomfortable with him being there at their expense. Once Issei arrived back in Japan, he mentioned the hospital he was staying at didn’t conclude that he was mentally ill, just that he had a personality disorder. Issei was forced to leave the hospital without undergoing any treatment. He did not serve any time in prison for ungodly crimes he had committed. Actually, in a weird turn of events, he became a local celebrity. He became an author, had several interviews, has illustrated mangas (that’s why I mentioned he loves art), made porn, and was even a food critic. He even travelled to Canada, Mexico, and Iceland with two friends of him. I don’t have time to cover all of that because that in itself could be a whole other essay, but like I said, I will link the YouTube video I watched below.
And that is the gruesome, awful, gut wrenching story of Issei Sagawa.
Below are pictures of Issei Sagawa and his victim, Renée Hartevelt. I am also linking the Vice interview on YouTube as well as the crime scene photos. Please view at your own risk.
Thank you for reading. <3
Crime scene photos: https://murderpedia.org/male.S/s/sagawa-issei-photos-2.htm Vice Interview: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BosZxa1bYcE&t=336s
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this is basically an AU me and @snazzieyama have been talking about where haikyuu characters are the actors in Hamilton, and i haven’t been able to get it out of my mind so have an obnoxiously long set of headcanons about it
(i wrote this listening to the soundtrack, proper jamming i tell you)
CAST LIST (hear me out on some of these)
alexander hamilton - hinata shoyo
aaron burr - akaashi keiji
eliza schuyler - kageyama tobio
angelica schuyler - atsumu miya
peggy schuyler - yachi hitoka
john laurens / phillip hamilton - nishinoya yuu
marquis de laffayette - bokuto koutarou
hercules mulligan - tanaka ryuunosuke
george washington - sawamura daichi
thomas jefferson - tsukishima kei
james madison - yamaguchi tadashi
king george III - oikawa tooru
maria reynolds - kozume kenma
james reynolds / the doctor - kuroo tetsurou
samuel seabury - sugawara koushi
charles lee - lev haiba
george eacker - yaku morisuke
the bullet - shimizu kiyoko
HEADCANONS
hinata auditioned for hamilton despite having literally no theatre experience besides like school musicals and like one community theatre show. he was cast in ensemble at first but worked his way up to hamilton’s understudy and then the official hamilton
tsukishima auditioned for burr. he was salty that he was cast as someone else (his dynamic with yamaguchi was too good to pass up and akaashi had a better voice for Wait For It) at first but then he immediately clashed with hinata and took great pleasure with being able to roast him every night
in Alexander Hamilton, the laffayette/jefferson and mulligan/madison parts switch actors every show so bokuto, tsukishima, tanaka and yamaguchi all get to do it. sometimes they switch it at the last minute because “please dude my grandma’s come to watch i need to be on stage as much as possible”
tanaka has the Best fun on stage. he never fails to get the crowd pumped, he is jumping around and bringing so much energy, especially in his part in yorktown. it makes you mad that its a musical and you can’t start jumping up and singing along
suga was cast as seabury because he was perfectly good at the role and they preferred kageyama as eliza, which he auditioned for originally. he’s really good at it but it took way too long for Farmer Refuted to come together because him and hinata kept bursting out laughing. they both consider each other, like, the least threatening people ever, and they couldn’t take it seriously whenever hinata would have to get in suga’s face
SOMETIMES IT STILL HAPPENS!! if you watch carefully, you might see one of their lips twitch while they try to keep a straight face. the minute suga gets off stage, someone always has some cushion or piece of clothing he can laugh into because once he started laughing while his mic was still on
THE BIGGEST CAST JOKE IS ABOUT THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HAMILTON AND ELIZA!! kageyama looks so much taller than hinata (coz he is but its so noticeable when they’re alone on stage) and they torment hinata with pictures where it just looks ridiculous
oikawa always absolutely steals the show. he’s so dramatic, but he’s also one of the most simped-for cast members and sometimes he’ll throw a wink into the audience in the middle of You’ll Be Back to make things more interesting.
also the bits in act 2 where he just comes in to watch and laugh at everything that’s happening? he’s so fun! just because he’s not the main focus of the scene doesn’t mean he isn’t gonna make the most hilarious facial expressions. half the audience ends up focusing on him instead.
daichi is the most commanding washington literally ever. he just comes on and he immediately takes over the stage. he barely has to try to give the character the air of authority. literally the perfect actor for the role
he’s also been in the show the longest. was cast as washington right off the bat and has been doing the role for multiple years. it makes him the unofficial dad of the cast and the go-to for advice since he’s seen a bunch of people do every other role
the “CALL ME SON ONE MORE TIME” line was another one that took too long for them to do without laughing. daichi has been doing this for ages but when he practices with hinata, he can’t help but laugh because this is the kid who he witnessed choke on hello kitty gummies with five minutes until the show began (back when hinata was in ensemble). hinata does the line too well and its hard to take it seriously at first
akaashi singing Wait For It is the literal most beautiful part of the show. he’s an amazing actor and his voice is incredible and it’s the sort of thing you could rewatch on loop for an entire week non-stop without getting bored
bokuto got akaashi the audition for burr, and even though their characters don’t interact too much their chemistry is really good. The “everyone give it up for everyone’s favourite fighting frenchman!” line is so genuine they just really admire each other as actors
lev auditioned for lee for the sole purpose of getting the line “i’m a general, WHEEEE”. he got the role mostly because he was just,,, really good at that line
atsumu refused to interact with anyone outside of rehearsals and performances for a solid month. the instagram of the cast had loads of photos on the story that were just mugshots of him saying “day 24, atsumu still won’t talk to us :(” whenever any of the cast take over it for a day
akaashi is the second most simped-for actor in the cast (after oikawa). you can literally feel people in the audience swooning in Dear Theodosia because he’s just so sweet
when yachi found out she was the only girl in the main cast she was literally terrified. she latched onto kiyoko really quickly and there’s a ridiculous amount of pictures that every fan has seen of those two together
kiyoko is really mesmerising as the bullet!! when she’s lifted her form is just stunning she just looks really nice okay-
every wondered whether kageyama would be like,,, actually good because he just seems kind of awkward off stage, but the minute he’s on stage and following a script, he’s like the perfect eliza
nishinoya has the perfect range for both laurens and phillip. fun and friendly yet still principled and serious rebel? check. small sweet nine year old? check. charismatic flirt? check. heartbreakingly dying from a gunshot wound? check.
tsukishima is a really unique jefferson. he’s not as flamboyant as the role usually is, but he’s super sassy to make up for it. it’s really refreshing and SO fun to watch. “uh,,, france?” becomes “france.” with a ‘are you stupid’ expression
yamaguchi wasn’t expecting to get anything past ensemble but he came in to audition with tsukishima and he is so good at what few lines he has. “which I wrote!” is said with such a scandalised tone, it gets a laugh every time
everyone who knew kenma before thought he’d be too awkward to do maria but he is actually really good once he gets past the initial awkwardness, he manages to portray her like a victim really well
i’ve already done like two of these so here’s some more scenes that took too long before they didn’t burst out laughing: eliza teaching phillip to play piano in Take A Break (just imagine nishinoya and kageyama doing it i can’t-), the duel in Ten Duel Commandments (the height difference between nishinoya and lev made them laugh every time they turned around), 90% of Say No To This but especially the kiss (kenma would just stop and get off like ‘no, i can’t, i can’t do this’ every time it was about to happen while hinata just started cackling)
part of the reason noya got cast as phillip as well as laurens was because he’s one of the only people who auditioned who was shorter than hinata
in rehearsals, akaashi has fallen off the table from The Room Where It Happens because they couldn’t time him jumping while the tablecloth was pulled off. there’s a compilation of the falls on youtube, no one knows who recorded them, let alone who posted it (it was kuroo)
speaking of kuroo, he takes his like five lines and he runs with them. he’s awesome as james reynolds but he’s also the fandoms favourite instagram of the cast because he just posts all the backstage shenanigans. he’s somehow always recording whenever something is going wrong.
he also teases kenma relentlessly about how their characters are married, but kenma is having none of it. it always goes like “awe we’re married” “,,, you’re literally abusive” or “come on, do it for your husband” “i’m cheating on you”
(i stopped here to jam to That Part of Hurrican. i wrote my way out hell i wrote my way to revolution i was louder than the crack in the bell i wrote eliza love letters until she fell-)
bokuto managed to rap Guns And Ships first try. he listened to it like twice, read the lyrics, and he could immediately do it. he took ages to do a convincing french accent though, and it pained everyone
TSUKISHIMA COULDN’T DO THE FAST PART OF WASHINGTON ON YOUR SIDE AND HAD TO ASK BOKUTO FOR HELP
bokuto is just,,, such a good laffayette. he’s jumping all over the place, flexing his muscles while he does the fast raps without looking out of breath at all. it seems almost impossible
also!!!! kuroo has a ridiculous amount of videos of bokuto backstage fortnite dancing to serious songs like Burn or Its Quiet Uptown
kageyama in Burn!!! heartbreaking and beautiful but he burns his hand on the letter too often. he’s gotten used to it at this point so he only slightly flinches when the flames touch his hand. its worrying
congratulations was almost brought back because atsumu really likes it and he absolutely kills it. they recorded him singing it in like a studio and everything because its just that good
when noya found out yaku was playing eacker he was so happy because they’re both short and he already looks ridiculous and tiny enough in the first duel
tsukishima will never admit how much fun he has with “southern motherfucking democratic republicans!!!” but its so clear his eyes literally shine (he kind of carries that line coz yamaguchi and akaashi are a lot more mellow)
oikawa once got dared to fortnite dance in reynolds pamphlet when he’s throwing the one singular sheet of paper. he was going to do it but the directors found out about it and literally threatened to fire him if he did it (they did it in a rehearsal to make up for it)
you know that bit in Your Obedient Servant where its like “careful how you proceed good man, intemperate indeed good man, answer for the accusations i lay at your feet or prepare to bleed good man”? literal chills from the look on akaashi’s face when he does it
whenever other cast members get food gifts from fans and they leave them unattended atsumu will always steal them. only daichi has figured out its him and he has kept quiet on two conditions - he leaves his alone, and he gets half of all the cakes
sometimes yachi just likes to lie down in the middle of the spinny floor and spin to destress. yamaguchi joins her sometimes.
there’s always a ton of people waiting at stage door, and kuroo has made it his mission to come out first and announce everyone as they leave. people play along with it and cheer for every person. some of the cast (mainly oikawa and bokuto) make it super dramatic and do massive bows as they walk out. kageyama never fails to look bewildered despite it happening every day
oikawa chills in full king gear backstage way before and way after he needs to. like half of his instagram is selfies is him in it doing dramatic poses. he’s broken the crown too many times because it fell off his head
hinata sometimes subconsciously does the My Shot dance while he’s going about his life. he can’t escape
they can be sorted into three groups: is the literal sweetest baby to their fans and is kind of shocked they even exist, adores having fans and fully expects them to exist, and the ‘i appreciate the support but pls leave me alone i want to go home’
i don’t know how to round this off but this is getting too long and its gonna keep on going because i’m listening to the soundtrack as i write. maybe there will be a part 2 one day.
#haikyuu#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu hamilton au#hamilton#hamilton an american musical#hq!!#haikyu#haikyu!!#haikyuu!!#hq headcanons#haikyu headcanons#haikyuu hcs#hq hcs#haikyu hcs#haikyuu au#actor au#haikyuu actor au#anime#manga#fanfiction
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Femme: 41
Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader, GDragon x Bigbang
Rating: mature
Length: 4.9k
Warnings: sex, cum denial, mentions of assault, Dom Namjoon.
Announcement: Thank you for waiting patiently, I have been struggling with the internet. Here is the new chapter, I hope you all enjoy. If anything is missing let me know it took me 3 hours to post this from my niece's phone haha
Recap: The boys all found out y/n is having Yoongi’s baby and you all have to learn how to accommodate a little one. You have a magical wedding. You and Yoongi are getting down and dirty when you go into labour. You give birth to a beautiful baby boy named Kyungju. Scary, Fun and Cute times have been had and that’s where we left off.
Yoongi was playing the piano while wearing a papoose. Making exasperated sounds when something didn’t sound right in the song he was writing. Kyungju knew nothing about music but what his father exposed him to. Making a grunting sound whenever the music stopped playing he tried hard to mimic his father's sounds. When he really liked a song or melody he would wiggle and kick his feet squeaking happily and Yoongi continued brainstorming, silently laughing at his son’s cute reactions.
It was the first time Kyungju was without you. Looking at potential daycares for the days one of you weren’t home and seeing as Yoongi works from home and Taehyung and Namjoons jobs were contract-based. Meaning they only worked when there was work for them. This wouldn’t be often.
Yoongi placed the baby in the walker and sat on the floor in front of him taking out a container of puréed peach apple and pear. He tried to feed his son but he refused eyes full of amusement. “Come on Kyungie we aren’t playing it's time to eat”
After another refusal, Yoongi sighed taking a spoonful and trying to entertain his son to no avail. “Look I don’t know what your complaining about its fruit look it’s tasty” he scooped some into his mouth and made exaggerated sounds pausing.
“Man that’s actually really good, if you don’t eat it I will” Yoongi scooped another spoonful into his mouth watching his son leaning forward mouth open making grabbing hands, he laughed feeding him “that’s all it took, you will do it if I do it?”
Yoongi was chatting to Kyungju about his work while feeding him. Kungju’s eyes were growing heavy, dropping adorably. “I don’t see what the big deal is you know, it’s not like it’s a particularly good tune I mean I wrote it on the toilet” he scooped himself some purée before offering another to his son.
Kyungju slowly rolled the purée around his mouth most of it escaping as he slowly laid his head on his arm. Yoongi blinked shocked picking up his son and walking him to the nursery, he played him the music he had written for the infant. Making sure it was a low volume on the sound system. He cleaned his son’s face and hands removing the bib from his chest and laid his boy into the crib.
He switched on the monitor and walked out looking for his phone, spotting the half-eaten jar of purée beside it on the coffee table. He picked up both scooping some of the baby food into his mouth.
You had arrived home early, to see Yoongi enjoying the Jar of baby food. He froze, throwing the spoon into the sink and placing the small jar in the fridge. “No one will believe you” he smirked shutting. “Shit you are right, why didn’t I take a photo, look I won’t tell anyone about you eating the babies food if you go to the shop and buy some more, because that was our last jar”
When your boy woke he didn’t cry. He was babbling in his crib playing with his Woogie. You stepped into the room and watched his eyes light up and the pull of his all gum smile in response. He looked so much like his father. Taking Kyungju to the antenatal clinic he was weighed and measured they asked you questions about his diet and movement.
You walked home pushing the pram, Kyungju dropped his Woogie off the side and a kid in uniform stopped picking it up. “Hey little man you dropped this” he smiled and looked up, you took a sharp breath. It was the same kid the one who had helped you get your purse but also led you down an alleyway where people were waiting to do god knows what.
Your breathing became erratic, freezing up as if one wrong move could hurt your baby. “I’m sorry,” he said and turned away from you, noticing his face was bruised and busted. “I’m sorry, please don’t hurt me” He curled up and was hyperventilating more than you, your son turned looking up at you and reached forward to gently pull on the boy's hair.
“Kyungie, no we don’t pull hair” grabbing your son’s hand and untangling it from the reddish locks. Shushing the teen until his breathing evened out “Listen I am not going to hurt you, but, can you tell me about why you did it?” “Everyone has their breaking point, I let them all getaway and had been beaten because of it but everyone has a limit when their fear takes over and they will do anything to keep themselves or their loved ones safe, I am sorry it had to be you”
“What happened to your face?” “It was just a couple hits,” he said and you looked at his face and sighed “it’s not like I can do anything I have no home or family or anyone who cares about me, they all died years ago, when I was starving on the street they told me they would protect men feed me and put a roof over my head but now I can’t escape”
You bit your lip, hooping like hell you wouldn’t regret this, you gave him your number, “look if you need help call me, and use the code word bangtan. Stay safe”
When you arrived at home Yoongi still wasn’t back yet he texted that he took a detour for lamb skewers. Taking the opportunity to film. “Hey, guys so I just got back from Kyungie’s appointment they say he is looking really good. But today I have some exciting news, I am pregnant again I haven’t told the boys yet but I just got back from the doctor and I am sixteen weeks which is four months, I successfully kept this one a secret, though I think Jiminie and Hobi are getting really suspicious, I haven’t had any morning sickness this pregnancy which has been a dream.”
“I also got the results on who the next father is, but I haven’t read it yet I am going to tell them all tonight so I will record it for you and-” you told the camera your plan and began editing the first half of the video so it was almost ready to post.
The boys came home one by one. You had set up multiple cameras around the living room with the remote in your pocket ready to film their reactions. Dinner consisted of jjigae, rice and banchan for the adults, Kyungju had puréed chicken broccoli and pumpkin, he was having more fun spitting it at Jimin than actually eating.
“Come on Kyungie eat your dinner” “I went to the doctor today, Kyungie hasn’t really put on much weight so they want to monitor him a little more but he is growing really well and is in the top seventy-five percent for his age”
“But babies as they get more active and as his diet is changing it will slow down his weight gain we just have to watch he is eating enough. I called Yoongi‘s mother and she said Yoongi was the same and not to worry”
“And the doctor was impressed with my muscles said if I keep following Kookies light workout routine that I should have no troubles at all and she said sex and orgasms are a good work out for pelvic floor muscles so if anyone wants to work out, you know where to find me” “That’s good that you had no issues” Namjoon grinned from across the table, “if anything changes let us know your health is most important to us”
“Did the doctor say anything else?” Hoseok asked and you grinned at him. “He said Kyungie needs his six-month vaccinations but I booked that later this week when Namjoon had his day off, I couldn’t go alone and tomorrow is his first day at daycare and then I am heading off to work so if anyone wants to drop him off with me you can otherwise we will record it if someone is busy and so we can keep it forever”
Seokjin was taking kyungie for a bath after dinner. The two sat in the warm water Jin smiling and playing with the squeaky bath toys that made Kyungie erupt in fits of giggles. Taehyung took him to get him dried and dressed. You told him you had laid clothes out on the changing table in the nursery. You pressed record seeing the red lights on the hidden camera’s switch on.
Taehyung walked him back from the nursery and laughed. “This is funny his suit says big brother on it like he is asking to be a big brother” he showed them the words on the suit.
“Are you pregnant again?” “I knew it Jagiya, Jimin and I have been discussing it for weeks” Hoseok laughed “I thought I hid it well” “We are going to need a bigger house. How far along are you?”
“Kyungie you’re a big brother” Taehyung grinned down at the boy “Who is the father?” Hoseok asked “One at a time, okay I am four months. I got to sixteen weeks without you finding out and it was exhausting but I didn’t get morning sickness this time because I knew how to prevent it better”
“Who is the father?” Namjoon asked quietly. “I don’t know but I have the letter, so who wants to read it first” They all shook their heads and you hummed opening the letter and covered your mouth crying, “Kookie, you’re going to be a daddy” you sniffed and he shot from the chair and wrapped his arms around you crying. He had a wet face and his hands were shaking.
“I love you” his laugh was broken by a sob, “I’m going to be a dad” The boys tackled him and patted his back. “Jaykay, you sly dog” they cheered happily.
You took Kyungju to daycare with your usual walking and Taehyung. The place was run by a lovely group of young men and women, “ah Miss y/n, so this is Kyungju, how are you today? He looks happy” a cute young man with a name tag that said ‘hello my name is Sungmin’. Sungmin grinned scooping up your son from your arms. He tried to keep his voice from sounding winded as he received several strong kicks to the chest by a smiling Kyungju.“He is a strong one”
“Congratulations we saw your announcement video, another baby” Sunny smiled Yoona gave you a quick hug before you had to go to work. You had met the two the day before for all the paperwork and interviews. They assured you they would call if anything seemed odd, you kissed your boy and tried not to cry.
Inshik listened while you spoke about the daycare and your new pregnancy, he comforted you about your son being away from home. You got up to serve a customer but it was Jimin, eventually, all the boys turned up and you stepped out the van, “hello my lovers why are you all here? I’m not giving free ice creams”
“Joon told us to” Hoseok smiles pulling you onto his lap pressing his lips to the back of your neck whilst rubbing your tummy. Namjoon spoke quickly to Inshik who told you that was all for today. Namjoon led you to a company van and after a short drive, you arrived at a lovely building. The group stepping out to greet others.
“Okay, this is a little expensive but it is just a block from Kyungie’s daycares and still close to our workplaces it’s got a huge master bedroom, it’s built as a Femme home, so there are a lot of rooms.
A realtor walked you through and you looked around imagining how you would decorate. “But what about the TXT boys I can’t leave them behind“ “We have so many rooms they could stay over for sleepovers” Taehyung grinned and you debated the costs.
“This is a big and expensive house” your face showed your concerns. “We can do it, we all make a good living and the videos we make online can cover most of our expenses anyways” “Let’s sleep on it”
The channel grew more and more. The boys and their families all put money in to help you buy the house outright and you were so happy moving in. Staying in the huge master bedroom the room was ten meters wide and there were two Super Caesar beds each bed was 3.65 meters wide and could fit four people in each so both beds custom fit together could hold eight people comfortably.
Rolling from one side to the other was a full 7.3 meters and the bathroom was huge as well, there were five bathrooms in the house and the boys had a computer and games room an office and Yoongi’s studio. You all decided to make a room for making videos for your channel.
So the new house had twelve rooms and you were excited some of the boys still used their own rooms when they needed their own space. Otherwise, they all stayed in the master bedroom and left the other rooms for guests.
And not only was their room for guests you had room for pets, so all the boy’s beloved pets moved into the house. Yoongi had taught holly to protect Kyungju so he spent most of his nights on the soft rug in the nursery.
When Kyungju would crawl across the floor after Yeontan and Mickey, Holly would lay on his belly and crawl along beside Kyungju.
Sometimes you would see the Mins sleeping on the studio couch, Kyungju on Yoongi’s chest Woogie in his little fist and holly at Yoongi’s feet.
“Hey everyone it’s been so hectic, as you saw in our house tour video last week, we moved into a new house. It’s May and I am seven months pregnant and extremely exhausted after setting up, so today we are just going to have live mukbang so I can eat and relax and talk about things happening”
“I have a few friends coming over with some, so they should be here any minute” the TXT boys turned up and with bags of food making themselves comfortable in front of the camera. “We got you your favourite foods Noona, hello everyone?” “You look tired Noona are you feeling okay?” “Just tired from moving but this house is so big which is perfect for our growing family”
“Noona look what I am wearing today,'' Yeonjun showed his shirt which you had given them in a PR package, it was your channel merchandise. “You grinned showing him the TXT phone case, which you put on especially for them. Eating and talking, Soobin whose hands were full bouncing Kyungju to sleep was being fed by Beomgyu and Yeonjun.
Your son woke after all the food was demolished so you ended the live, fed and changed him, giving him to Taehyun who was super playful. Your phone rang, there was no caller ID.
“Hello?” Someone was sobbing into the other end and you felt your body tense, who was this. “hello?” “Bangtan,” the voice said “please Bangtan” “Okay stay on the phone are you safe?” “No they are outside the door they are going to bust it down”
You took Soobin’s phone off the table and called Namjoon, he didn’t answer. You lied through your teeth, “help is coming” “Hurry please” “Hang in there we will be there soon tell me where you are?” He gave you an address “can you put something in front of the door a dresser or a bed or something”
You told the boys to take care of Kyungju for a few minutes and you took a cab across town and threw the driver some cash and told him to stay and keep the car running. You left the door open much to the driver’s dismay.
You wondered if this was the place, your suspicions confirmed by the shouting from inside, you called him. “I am here are you near a window” you saw his head poke out and you frowned he was on the second floor. You hummed sneaking across the lawn and he started climbing out. You could hear the men breaking down the door he jumped. You heard a sickening crunch and he slapped a hand over his face muffling his scream. The door wouldn’t hold much longer and they would know he had escaped. With all the strength of a mother saving an endangered Child you picked him up and moved quickly to the taxi, you placed him in.
“Take us to the hospital” you got their helping him limp to the emergency room. Phone ringing, it was Namjoon. They had arrested the men for possession of weapons and drugs. One of them had videos on their phone of them assaulting people including the young boy with you.
He had been in surgery for severe internal bleeding and to set his leg and his leg was wrapped in a cast, “what do I do now, I have no home, no money, nothing?” He woke delusional sobbing quietly his split lip reopening. He couldn’t cry well since his eyes were swollen and his broken nose made it hard to breathe.
Namjoon arrived and the TXT boys informed you Seokjin and Jungkook had returned home and we’re looking after Kyungjuf. Thanking them profusely you got the all clear that you and the baby were healthy, and was told not to enter dangerous or stressful situations.
Namjoon spoke with the young boy, “Hello, my name is detective Kim, I want to ask you some questions, is that okay?”The boy nodded “can you tell me your name and how old you are?”
“Nam Yoon-do but people call me Eric,” he said shuffling on the bed. “I am sixteen”
Namjoon finished his questions with the boy each answer pulled at your heartstrings, homeless and an orphan at the age of nine he did what he could to survive. Your genius husband headed over fixing you a cold stare, shutting the curtain. “Why is my pregnant wife going alone to the home of a gang, they are criminals, the lowest of the low”
“He called me and he said the code word for help. I couldn’t sit around and you didn’t answer your phone. He was begging for help as they tried to break down his door. I couldn’t listen to those sounds, I had to do something, I may be pregnant but I am good at hiding. If I went back in time I would do it again in a heartbeat, it’s over now he is safe and that’s all that matters”
“Yeah he is lucky to be alive, they did quite a number on him,” Namjoon said “Can he stay with us?” You asked and Namjoon blanched, he told you it wasn’t a good idea giving you some very good reasons why he shouldn’t. Almost convinced and yet one look at the sad young boy and you had made your mind up.
Namjoon saw the determination in your eyes and gave a small laugh, “you are my wife and if this is your decision then I will stand by you just know that our family comes first and we should all have a say”
“He is the same age as the TXT boys he has had a bad life” you argued calmly trying to keep your voice down. “And he only knows how to do bad things” Namjoon hissed “this is delicate we don’t know what he might do”
“Give him a chance to be good, we don’t know what he will do if we don’t give him the chance” His lips moulding against yours his hands grasping and bunching the fabric of your skirt. Grabbing your shoulders he turned you. Catching your hands on the hospital mattress you had previously been resting on.
He threw his suit jacket onto the bed beside your hands. You heard the stretch of leather, the metal clack of his belt, and the sweet erotic sound of his zip. You were wet with anticipation, he reached between your legs brushing two fingertips against your clothed clit.
Hands tightening in the sheets, Namjoon traced a line down your heat and groaned. He pulled down your underwear, the shuffle of fabric the only sound before you felt him, thick against your thigh.
He ran the head of his cock against your entrance. The ache for him was so bad. grinding back against him, he held your hips firm. And pressed the tip into your pussy, he didn’t go all the way in teasing you.
You pleaded under your breath and he closed his eyes moaning at your begging. Unable to take anymore he pulled your hips towards him sinking into your wet folds. You lifted your head up gasping.
He snapped his hips into you, his grasp on your hips was so he could pull you back to meet every thrust. You were so close muffling your sounds with his suit jacket. He came hard inside you a bloom of warmth filling your lower stomach his dick twitching as he released.
“You did something dangerous today and could have gotten hurt, you need to learn how that would affect us all as a family. So you are being punished, you are not allowed to cum for one whole week and I will be telling the other boys this too” he pulled your underwear up, turning you to face him.
He brushed his knuckles along your cheek, “you don’t know how it feels knowing you could be hurt. I work a dangerous job and there is a chance I won’t come home, what if I was beaten or even killed, how would you feel? That isn’t even half of what we might feel if something happened to you”
“I will accept this punishment because I know exactly how you would feel but please think about this. That boy has no one who will feel this if something happens to him. What if this was your son? What if we all died and kyungie was left alone? I would want a nice family to take him in rather than my poor boy be on the street”
“Why do you always have such compelling arguments?” He lowered his forehead onto your shoulder and you fixed his suit “look my parents have a spare bedroom now that all the children left home and they are much more mature and stable than us. They can give him all the attention he deserves while we are focused on the babies. Not to mention they would love another son, my father has been pretty lonely since us boys have moved out”
“He would really like that wouldn’t he” you remembered fondly Namjoon’s father absolutely adoring your husbands and trying to invite them to go camping or fishing. Yoongi seemed really interested in the latter and even convinced Seokjin and Jungkook to go when the weather got warm. Needless to say, the older gentleman had been calling and messaging every weekend with updates and packing tips and fun facts about how to be a better fisherman.
“Eric?” You called walking on shaky legs across the room. He looked up in response to his name and you felt the pang of guilt in your chest for letting him go when you saw the first bruises, why hadn’t you helped him that day. It wouldn’t have come to this.
Taking his hand in yours “forgive me, I shouldn’t have let you go back the day I saw the bruises, this is all my fault I could have prevented this” “Noona it’s not your fault, I wouldn’t expect you to help after what I did?”
“I have to go, you stay here, okay everything will be fine and I will pay the bill okay, just rest”
It was a long week the boys hadn’t let you orgasm as Namjoon requested each one silently furious that you could be so reckless. You were frustrated but you loved each of them so much you were satisfied when they were satisfied.
Eric was finally able to see properly his swollen and purple toned bruises had faded to a dark green yellow and he was looking more like his handsome self. “Where did you get this?” “Yeonjun and Kai and those group of boys you are friends with all brought me my homework a few days ago”
“Do you need any help?” “Can you help me with English?” He looked up nervous, nodding you sat on the end of his bed taking the textbook and skimming the pages. It was about hobbies and adjective orders. You decided to start small and introduce yourselves hoping he could gain confidence.
“Hello my name is y/n“ “Hello my name is Eric” “How old are you Eric?” “I am sixteen” “What do you like?” “I like… uh how you say food place and uh red colour and look seeing uh town” “You like restaurants and the colour red and you like going and looking around town?” “Ah I like going new place” “Oh going to new places, how about a new home?”
He was processing the words slowly and seemed confused dropping a ‘sorry I don’t understand’. You smiled he looked so confused. “I found you a home, I wanted to know if you would like to stay with my father in law?”
“I don’t know this one sorry” he blushed “That’s okay I can ask you in Korean. My father in law owns a big house and he wanted to know if you would like to stay in one of the spare rooms”
He pencil paused on the page and he looked up with hopeful eyes, then seemed to crush it down trying to look indifferent looking back at his page working quietly.“I wouldn’t want to intrude.”
“My parents in law, they met you would have already added you to the family. They are a lovely couple and they live close to your school. I won’t let you leave here alone again. I’m sorry but the only choice you have right now is what colour you want your bedroom, he texted me this morning”
Handing over the phone he began reading the message, “what colour does he like, I can’t paint the room before he arrives, is he allergic to anything. If he is unsure we can pick out colours and bedding when he arrives. Does he need anything, school books, uniform or bag?”
Eric stopped reading and looked up at you, “I don’t know if I am okay with that?” “Well he wanted to meet you today is that okay?” “Uh sure” his smile was small and you wanted to squeeze him to your chest and protect him. Reaching out to tousle his unruly hair feeling extremely maternal. You heard a familiar voice from outside.
“Good morning, my lady I was looking for a mister Nam Yoon-Do” you both looked at each other and you smiled. “Can you tell me if he is allowed some snacks from outside the hospital?” “Of course sir he has no restrictions to his diet and no allergies, I will just see if he is ready for more visitors” The nurse poked her head into the room and confirmed he was expecting someone.
“Ah hello you must be the young man Mister Nam Yoon-do, Can I call you Yoon-do or do you prefer Yoonie” “Yes sir, please call me Eric” He looked at his hands and you felt your heart constrict, rubbing his back and smiled. “Eric are you hungry, the lunch trolley is late again today, how about we eat something together, there looks like a lot of food”
“Ah yes, the wife made this for us to enjoy,” He smiled “we are excited to have you if you want to live with us that is, we got some rooms and you just let us know what you like to eat. And you can have the computer room to play all those games the kids are talking about and if you like fishing we could go out and…”
Walking home you walked past Kyungju’s Daycare picking him up, the staff there loved him and you were glad he was able to make a few little friends he could grow up alongside. You were picking up his bag when you saw Seokjin waiting for you outside. “Hello Daddy what are you doing here?”
“I wanted to take you on a date if that’s okay with you, we will both have to change and leave Kyungie at home with the others but then we can head on our way”
Femme Media 41
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Songbird of Jamestown (Samuel Castell x fem! Reader) Chapter Six
Summary: The year is 1619. You are one among the “maids to make wives” who landed in the Jamestown colony. Despite the hardships faced, a kind recorder helps you through and catches your eye. However, he is engaged to another woman who has given you an ultimatum- be near him or be alive.
Word Count: 6K
Content Warnings: illness, mentions of death and sex and things get really...heavy for a bit (but no smut, I promise...not yet)
Taglist: @bluesfortheredj @queenlover05 @themficsilike @itscale @itsametaphorgwil @supernaturalee for help with the ending and when I was feeling stressed about the drafting process, i love you), @blamerogertaylor , @yourlocalmusicalprostitute, @theworksgaga @theoneandonlyeclecticepileptic @rubystarflight @theoneandonlyeclecticepilepic @joemazzhello
“Master Castell,” you began, breathing in deep.
He was dressed in his yellow clothes. The same he wore on that first day. It was oddly poetic.
“Master Castell…I’m leaving,” you announce plainly.
“I know, I got your message as soon as I left the assembly. And I saw you walking by I…I…why are you leaving?” he asked, he folded his hands behind his back politely.
“I was not…successful here. The company has a price on me that must be repaid. I came here to be married. And I have other, uhm, offers in the next community over,” you say.
You look down on the dirt. It is hard to look at him. You do not want to. You did not want this pain.
“But Y/N…are you well? You’ve been sick. The other day you were barely there, it seemed. I knew not if you would even live and now…you are walking and talking. And now you’re going to leave the next day?” he asked.
You swallowed hard, “Doctor Priestly says I’m fine.”
“Look at your bags, they’re touching the mud! You look like you can hardly carry them! Something has happened to you, please tell me!” he begged.
“Please leave, Samuel,” you ordered him, you feel a crack in your throat.
“What, why? Have I…Y/N…are you leaving because…of me? Have I been cruel? I promise, if I have, it was an accident!”
“Don’t play games with me…don’t play pretend and then act like you’re sorry…” you protested.
He was right about your bag. Its weight feels unbearably heavy now. You dropped it, sighing from the release. Your breathing feels shakier.
“I’ve…I’ve cried so much these few days, don’t m-m-mind me…I’m just weak and womanly, you know, and I keep trying to be strong but…” you mumbled, tears finally breaking out.
“There, there, shhh…” he offered
He ran up as you as you finally released those suppressed tears.
Then he takes you in his arms and embraces you.
It is surreal, the feeling of his arms around you. It is too close. Your body stiffens from how close you are to him, unused to such physical intimacy from a man. His warmth and musky scent of ink and tobacco were overwhelming.
As much as you wanted to toss him aside, to throw your fists at him and scream “I hate you!” from how angry you felt at everything, at how angry that his letter put you into such danger…you could not.
The cart driver walked up and asked, “is the lady alright?”
“She’s just upset. She’s saying her goodbyes.” Samuel assured him, with a gesture of peace.
Feeling embarrassment from crying in front of a stranger, you turn up to see the driver. He tipped his straw hat at you as you wiped your face with your sleeve.
“Well, jus’ let me know when she is ready.” he ordered, lighting up a tobacco pipe and smoking.
He walked out into the fields, noting you both and leaving to give room for privacy
You saw Samuel watch him until he walked away and then led you to stand aside, near to where the graves stood like crosses growing on the field. Where no one else about town could see.
“Are you planning to leave or is the company sending you? Was this your choice?” he asked.
“Yes! But…no, not actually, no, no, no because…b-because…neither, because…because…” you fretted, the words were failing to come out of you.
There was one thing that would explain it all. Or explain as much as he needed to know. As much as would keep you safe before you left, and he was wedded.
“I’m doing it for your good and for mine too,” you informed him.
You pulled him away and then got into your bag and pulled out the copy of Ovid, flipping the pages to the letter in the back.
Samuel’s face turned pink and his jaw fell open slightly. He folded his arms and covered his mouth.
“Samuel…did you actually write this?” you asked.
“Yes…I was going to give it to you when you were better and…I lost it. Y/N, how did you find it?”
“Did you really mean it, every word?” you interrogated, ignoring the question.
He paused and then answered very softly, “yes.”
“So…this isn’t a trick or a trap? Something that could get me hanged?” you continued.
“Y/N…I meant every word.”
“You see, I have to go. It is too dangerous to be here. And even if this letter weren’t found, I’m the one standing in the way of you and everything you’ve been promised,” You explained.
“Y/N…I’m so sorry. It was on my desk in my house among my personal things. I hid it and locked it away. I never thought anyone would…”
She must have snuck into there and retrieved it.
You blinked your eyes quickly, looking up at him softly.
“I will miss you so much, you were the best part about Jamestown.” You blabbered, holding the book close to your chest.
“As were you, Y/N. I wish you to stay, but if you want to leave, you can leave. I could…I could visit you. Give you a wedding present See your husband. See your children. See you happy and smiling. Like you used to be. Help you if you needed it…”
Remembering Jocelyn’s threats, you shook your head.
“You can’t…you can’t visit me. I can’t risk being seen with you at all. This is the last time we will ever talk to each other,” you assured.
“Y/N…before you leave, tell me…do you feel the same?” he questioned.
You paused Your head lowered to the ground.
“Goodbye, Samuel,” you lamented.
“Just know, every last letter of that is true, Y/N, ” he mentioned, pointing to the book.
You turned your back and walked forward to the cart.
You paused before getting on it. You pulled out the letter and looked at it, though you had reread it a few times, still processing it, there was one phrase that struck you now. A phrase you remembered from Samuel’s words.
“If you are ever in dire need of assistance…”
You looked at him, the letter, and the cart. Your legs shook from inside as you walked to the driver and shyly requested “Sir, go on without me.”
“Are you sure, miss?”
“You have been paid already, so there’s no need. Go home. I am staying here.”
You turned around to Samuel as you heard him whistle at the horses and click his tongue as a signal to move.
Samuel’s face began to lighten, and you saw his frown turn to a smile as you walked back to him.
“The real reason I was leaving…. I was just afraid. I am afraid, now. But I’m not going to run. I’m not going to hide. I’m going to stay, and I’m going to fight. I won’t just sit by and let the worst things here happen…just…you said in the letter if I ever needed help…” you began.
“Yes?”
“I need it…I…I’m in danger. That was the real reason I was leaving.” You confided.
“Is someone threatening you?”
Stomach cramping, you kept eyeing around you in case anyone was nearby.
“Is it possible to go somewhere private?” you pleaded.
“Of course, there’s a place around the fort. Where the forest begins,” he offered, pointing to the trees.
The sun was moving into the later afternoon, its bright yellow glow drowning the village now turning everything a little orange. There was a small smell of cooking fires preparing suppers across homes.
You both walked around the fort and then to the opening of the forest beneath some trees. The wind whistled around some trunks that fluttered the leaves on their heads in answer. The bushes were high enough that most heads couldn’t see you. You felt the crunch of sticks beneath your feet and the footfalls of rabbits, expecting hunters.
“It involves someone you know…You will want to sit down…” you began quietly.
He sat down on the grass, sticks creaking beneath his weight as he rests on his knees. You lay down, feeling the soft dirt and smelling the earth around you, sitting on your knees as well.
You take a minute, then your eyes met.
“First of all, you must promise that you believe every word I say. I’m not making any of this up. I’m not saying this for any reason or plan of my own accord or yours. I am not lying in order to spread harm to people. I only want to save myself right now. I’m in danger. Someone’s threatening to kill me.”
“Who…who is it?” he asked.
Pausing, your fists clenched. Heart slowly picking up speed again, you dared not back away from looking into his eyes.
“Jocelyn Woodybrg,” You answered flatly. “She found the book with the letter. Then she poisoned me.”
“Jocelyn?”
You took a deep breath in, all of it seeming surreal
“That was why I was sick. She poisoned my water. I could be dead now if it weren’t for Verity. Then after I woke up, she confronted me. She said since I was her maid and because she had befriended the governor, no one would believe me if I reported it. I was shown the letter from the book. Samuel, I swear to you, I never saw this letter or knew of it until she showed it to me…”
Swallowing again, you saw that although his brows furrowed, Other than that he seemed frozen, his blue eyes wide.
You continued, “she said she had arranged the cart and contacted men who might be interested in marrying me in the town over these past weeks. I had to leave or else…she would find a way to destroy me!”
You backed down, your hand gripping onto your skirt. Not even believing the words that were coming out of you. A couple tears returned. But it felt amazing to finally tell someone. An inhale long denied came through you, as if finally gasping for air after swimming underwater for ages.
He handed you a handkerchief again to wipe off tears and snot now filling your nose from all your crying. You kept twisting it in your hands as you spoke.
“I…I know it…it all seems ridiculous. But…you have to believe me. I’m not lying. I’m not making this up to make her look bad in front of you. I thought if I told anyone, they would just think I’m saying these things out of jealousy and…it would be useless,” you said.
“I believe you, Y/N. I believe you! You already have my sympathy and my admiration.”
“Admiration?” you ask. Your head tilted a little.
“Things like these break people. Make them cruel. But you seem yourself. And you could have held that pain in, you could have run off and not consider asking for help, but you’re asking for it now. I believe you. You don’t have to let that worry torture you anymore…” he sympathized.
“She gave me a choice, leave here or die. She made a threat, and she will act on it. She’s proven it’s possible for her to kill me. I…I only want you to understand what she has done to me and this…this side of her.”
“She wasn’t like that when I met her, years ago. I could have never guessed she was capable of such acts. Y/N…I’m so sorry that I let this happen,” he said.
“It’s not your fault. You didn’t know.” you comforted.
It then hits you.
“Mercy…do you remember the time she struck Mercy? Has anything else happened between them?”
“Jocelyn’s always on edge with the poor girl…and then she turns around and is cheerful as ever. And Mercy never complained about anything to me…not that she would. Mercy’s too used to cruel people, poor soul, and you know how the child worships Jocelyn if you ask her.”
“Where will Mercy be by now? Perhaps I could ask her some questions, she could know something. That could give everyone proof and no one would think I’m making it up. Oh, where on earth would she be…” you babbled, your eyes darting with your racing thoughts.
“She’s in my house!” he replied.
“How do you know?”
“She lives and works there, of course!”
You both smiled. You feel it grow, curving up- almost like stretching a limb. It is a little painful from lack of use, but present.
“Y/N…thank you for telling me…but there is one thing I have to be sure of before I do anything else…” he whispered.
There was a rustle from a few more rabbits scurrying away. A few birds let out long, descending notes above you.
“Y/N…do you…tolerate me?” he asked, backing away a little bit.
“Tolerate?” you ask, your voice squeaks a little and you duck your head, avoiding his eyes. You notice his cheeks growing pinker.
“I…you have read the letter” he turned pink “you understand how it is I…I feel about you. And I’ve promised to protect you, which I will always do. Y/N, all I need is an answer. If you don’t feel the same about me, I will still help you, but I will never bother about it again. But…do you feel the same?”
You looked up at him, almost pulling the handkerchief apart.
“Y-y-yes” you stuttered out timidly.
You went red and held your face in your hands. The little cloth fluttered to the dirt. Laughing a little, you returned it with it’s brown stains.
“Oh my goodness, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t believe I…I’ve said it to you, please, oh, I’m so embarrassed. I love you so much, I’ve worshiped you the moment I saw you, isn’t that silly?” you prattled, overwhelmed.
“It’s not, Y/N…I’m….I’m happy you do.”
He gently takes your hand and rubs on it a little bit. You savor the feeling, warm and smooth. You feel a few cold rings press into you, but not too hard, and you both sit there a while. Though you notice a ring for the engagement is still there. Reminding you, like a little demon.
A small breeze picks up and you feel its coolness. It becomes sunnier.
“I can’t believe, I actually love someone who loves me in return! I thought it’d never happen!” you say.
He pulls you to him and embraces you for a bit, then you both stand up and he presses his forehead to yours gently.
“Can I…Can I kiss you?” he asked.
Freezing a little bit, you looked around. No one seemed to be watching. There were no movements anywhere. Not even from the rabbits.
Breath hitched, you gulped and said “You’ve made a promise to her…”
gesturing to the engagement ring you saw in his hand and fiddling with it.
“I’m…learning more about her. I’m not even sure if she loves me. But you love me. And I love you. And we may not have this moment again. We’re safe here.”
You nodded. “You may.”
He pulled you close and kissed you very sweetly. It was odd and wet, but beautiful. He barely finished one when he went in for another deeper one.
You pulled back for bit.
“We…we can’t!” you say, pulling away, though laughing a little like a child stealing a pastry.
“Just one more, please!” he begged.
“Alright!”
So he pulled back for a third and you let him. You smiled and he gently caressed your cheek.
“Thank you…Y/N…for indulging me.”
“You’re a fine kisser, I was the one indulged! Could you…could you walk out first…I will follow after I just…let’s not give anyone reason to talk…” you suggested.
He took both your hands and kissed them “I will”
The gesture made you grin wider again and his eyes were bright.
“Thank you, dear Samuel.”
“I could hear it all day if I could!”
He let your hands go and walked back albeit with a slight hop.
Waiting for as long as you could, you took in the sun now shining. You heard bugs and the small lizards climbing the trees. Laying down, you saw as the trees rustled above you and clouds floated slowly. You wanted to stay here forever.
You knew you had to return. But you took your time tracing your lips delicately and wondering if all of this had happened.
After you were sure enough time had passed, you walked back.
Once you were sure it was the time of the meeting in church, taking Samuel with it to record the events (with Jocelyn in the audience knowing every small event that happened here like a hawk) you knocked the door of the Castell house.
Mercy answered it, with a broom in her hand, and jumped, letting out a squeal of surprise.
“Oh, Y/N! Y/N!” she cried with joy.
She ran over and hugged you, and you smiled, hugging her back.
“Shhhh, Mercy, I need you to stay quiet!”
“How can I be quiet when there is such joy! But…why are you here? Shouldn’t you be away by now?”
“Mercy, I’m here to see you! May I come in?”
“Please!”
It was rather simple: wooden and light with a large table as soon as you walked in, a little vase stood in a corner with a few white flowers on top of a chest. You saw a large table in front of you as you walked in.
“Mercy, I’m…I’m going to stay. I’ve rejected the marriage offers.” You told her as she pulled up a chair.
“You aren’t leaving! Oh, what happy news! What a heavenly day!” she cried.
“Mercy, yes I’m staying. And I have a few questions to ask you…could you sit down for a bit?”
“Yes, I can!” she said, settling herself into a chair. Wiggling a bit with excitement.
“How are you, Mercy?” you ask.
“Today, I am quite well. This morning God has given me another day to live and so every day I wake up I am thankful.” She answered.
“That is good, and Mercy… do you enjoy working for Miss Woodbyrg?” you asked.
“Oh yes, I have never had a Mistress before! And as beautiful and good as Mistress Woodbyrg is- I could have married her myself!”
“Even when she struck you?” you asked.
“I…I deserved it. Sometimes she would chide me about my mouth but…it is a fault, and I should learn to control it. She had her moods, yes, but she is a kind, sweet, dear lady!”
“How has she…how has she felt since being here? Has she acted strange?” you ask.
“She…she doesn’t like it here. She doesn’t seem happy with anything. When she asked me to change the sheets on her bed to be clean- this was the very day she arrived, see- I told her they were washed this morning. Clean as can be. And she frowned! Thinking clean sheets as dirty, can you imagine! But she is so troubled, it seems…”
“Troubled? How come?”
“She says she has trouble sleeping! So the master asked me to stay the night a few times to attend her. I saw her, middle of the night on her chair and there was something in her hands- it was belladonna. She has been taking it to ease her pain to sleep!”
She paused a little, frowning.
“I don’t know if I should have said that. There are so many things I am to say and not to say it gets a little confusing.”
You slowed your breath.
“Really? Isn’t it poisonous?”
“That’s what I told her, but she said it wasn’t no harm and was helping her sleep, but I said I couldn’t sleep as long as she was troubled and she sent me away to my room.”
You wondered if you could trust her. To tell one other soul the truth. Perhaps.
“Mercy I…I may have seen her with the belladonna too, as I was working with her…do you think me a gossip?
“If I am honest, a bit…”
You smiled a little “I’m just worried… I wanted to be sure. I just…I just needed to hear something from you. I wanted to be sure it was real and not my imagination.”
“What is it, miss? Is something troubling you too?”
“Mercy…I’m just scared because…your mistress…doesn’t like me.”
“But you’re so good to everyone, miss! Why shouldn’t she?”
“No matter what I do…I can’t get her to stop hating me…” you confess.
“Well, she prayed for you! I saw it myself. But I prayed for you even more, just to be sure.” She added.
You decided to leave it at that.
“I must be going…” you finish.
“But Miss…even if our mistress has her little angers it’s only because she has pain. And even if she doesn’t like you… you’re still a kind lady, in my eyes.”
You smiled and said a simple “thank you, Mistress Mercy.”
She gave her wildest smile at that and walked you outside.
Then there was the next step of your plan, hurry home. Some people glanced to see you running back with a full sack. Joy and that odd mix of anxiety and certainty gave strength to your arms and you carried it as if it were nothing.
You went into your home, thankfully undisturbed by any presence since you left. Dropping the sack, shutting the door, locking it and shutting the window, you set to searching.
You looked among the food and pots. You looked under the table, under the bed, blankets, and pillows.
Something under your pillow was shining too bright to be a crumb of food or a hair.
Looking carefully, you saw it as a pearl earring.
It was Jocelyn’s, no doubt. She had planted and planned your fate had you refused her ultimatum.
Now came the time to wait until the next church service tomorrow.
You dressed simply, washed your face with water, and taking a few careful bites of bread and fruit and drinking milk from one of the goats. You could not seem weak to anyone and your appetite was returning.
As the church bells rang, you took the pearl earring in your hand and clasped it tightly. People gathered in and you followed. The familiar sight of brown wooden walls, pews, and the altar that seemed still despite everything that had happened. Though a few curious faces turned to looked at you.
People went to you and said “oh, Miss Y/L/N! You are well again!” Every face, even a few who weren’t familiar, smiled at the sight of you. It was like being surrounded by a flurry of concerned chickens. The church groaned as feet shuffled your way.
And at that moment you saw Jocelyn’s blonde head turn.
Now, if you wait forever, this will never be done. Not with everyone in town here.
“Oh, Miss Woodbyrg! You left something at my house.” You said.
Her reaction to your appearance was that of large eyes and a slightly lowered jaw, only showing a bit of her teeth. Her eyes scattered away from you, briefly, as if figuring out what she could say.
“Misstress, when you were nursing me the other day, as you were so kind, you forgot something by accident! Allow me to return it to you- you must have dropped it!” you insisted loudly.
With as long and clear a movement as you could, so everyone going into church could see, you handed the earring back to her, placing it in her hand.
“I’m glad you have your earring back!” you chirruped.
Her nostrils flared.
“Oh Miss Y/L/N, as am I…and what of your…your proposals?” she asked.
You heard the footsteps of the minister make his way; the service would begin soon.
“I only wish to stay here. Seeing I’ve made a name of myself and there are plenty of men. Will you need my services tonight? I can also check my house, perhaps nursing there may have been more things you have forgotten?”
“Oh, no, Miss Y/L/N you can…you can be dismissed from my service. I…I wish you to rest and…and find yourself a proper husband in that time,” she said.
Her face was still frozen, though her cheeks were getting redder and the slight scowl couldn’t lie.
You smiled wider and wider; it was easier to focus on the sermon today. People continually looked at you, hoping you were well.
And as you knelt to pray, you remembered Mercy’s words, the simplicity of her gratitude in just living. Things that a week ago perhaps you took for granted.
“Please…give me one more day…one more day to breathe…one more day…”
Once you returned home, you ripped the back page of Dante. Looking at the table, you saw the pen and ink you had borrowed thankfully still remained. Dipping in the pen, you wrote:
“MERCY SAW HER WITH POISON. ASK HER. BURN THIS” in your shaky, clumsy handwriting.
It would be better to wait. Perhaps tomorrow there would be less business in the evening for the church meetings. Once you were sure it was the right time, the sun dipping into the evening, you hurried to the meeting hall to the corner on the far right where Samuel always sat with his book, scribbling away. You could hide the note for him to find.
The next evening came and your heart hammered as you prayed Jocelyn’s wandering eyes would not search his records. But as you passed the Castell house with its door open, you noticed Mercy sweeping.
A “hello” barely escaped your lips when you saw her suddenly stand still. She swayed for a little, barely able to hold the broom.
Then she collapsed on the floor.
Letting out a little scream you ran to her.
“Mercy! Wake up! What’s wrong!?” you asked.
“Miss Y/L/N…I…I’m so sorry, I…I just feel so…so horrid…” she mumbled, there were a few tears and she was shaking.
With all your strength, you pulled her to her feet, noticing a little curtain with a small room, just enough for a servant, you dragged her there and placed her on the bed.
“Mercy stay on the bed, I’ll be back,” you promised.
Lifting your green skirt, you ran out. Eyes searching, you noticed Silas looking at the butcher’s wares perhaps for the Sharrow’s supper.
You shook his shoulder and said “Silas! Do you know where the apothecary is?”
Feeling the panic in your voice he replied, “Miss Y/L/N? Yes, I do!”
“Please get him at once, hurry! Mercy’s sick-she could be dying!”
“Should I bring Master Castell as well, miss?”
Pausing a little, you said “yes…yes, of course!”
He dipped your head, offering “Miss Y/L/N…you were a great help to Alice…she wouldn’t be here, in body or spirit perhaps if it weren’t for you, and…and I don’t think I would be either, thank you” before bounding away.
You immediately fetched some water, brought it into Mercy’s bedroom. and lapped off her forehead With a cloth
“Mercy…oh, Mercy…can you hear me?” you wonder.
“It’s…spinning…everything spinning…” she mumbled.
You untied her cap to cool her off, brushing out her long, wavy hair with her fingers. It was incredibly beautiful, thick and the color of a dark chestnut tree. If only she did not have to tie it beneath a cap all day long.
“Mercy, stay awake, please stay with me…please don’t pass out!” you begged.
But then a memory struck you. This was not too different from your condition a few days ago.
Running with all your strength and a newfound anger, you went home and returned with a bit of the medicine Priestly had given you. It was only a little from what was left in that vial, but it was enough. Rushing back, huffing a little from all your activity, you went before Mercy on her sickbed and tipped the vial to her small mouth.
“Take this…”
“No…I need to rely on…God…if my faith is strong enough…he’ll save me…” she mourned.
“Mercy, I…I think God would want you to take it. I think you caught my sickness. This saved me and…I don’t want to lose you, why else would God give it to me first? It’s a sign, Mercy …so please take it!”
You lifted it to her lips and the girl swallowed a little obediently.
“Mercy…tell me at once…do you remember…when were you with Mistress Woodbyrg?” you asked nervously.
“I…the other day…I just asked her if the belladonna was helping…with her sleep…and she told me not to talk of it…and…and I said I was just worried…and I have to talk of a thought if it consumes me…do you understand?”
Your heart raced, all you could think was no, no, no, no, no…it couldn’t be…but, she can be like that…you found that out already…
You nodded.
“I understand, Mercy…”
Doctor Priestly entered in a few minutes.
“Doctor, I leave you to examine her but…I suspect she has the same symptoms I did…” you explain, holding out the medicine in your hand.
“I gave her this medicine to be safe…”
“Quick thinking, miss, thank you! Could you…could you strip her down to her shift? I’ll…. I’ll leave the room…” he walked out a bit.
You undid Mercy’s apron and pulled her dress over her head then laid her down. The girl was very slight, like a thimble, and she did not resist. She was only barely conscious, holding on with the medicine.
You laid her down and then walked out, waiting for a while as Priestly spoke with her and examined her. You sat at the table, trying to listen to the sounds outside to distract yourself, wondering how on earth you would explain to anyone what you were doing in a man’s house unaccompanied.
Doctor Priestly returned.
He looked at you and nodded his head with a worried look.
You handed him the rest of the medicine and said you had to leave. But once you left the house, Samuel was running up with Silas.
“She’s sick?” he asked, eyes wide with worry.
Silas bowed to you and ran off to carry on with his evening duties.
You nodded and before anyone else could catch you, you passed the note to his hands.
“The same as me,” you confirmed before you ran away.
You wanted no reason to give anyone suspicions about you two. The least you could do right now was pray and wait.
That evening, Samuel made sure Mercy was peacefully sleeping by the time it would be dinner. He was going to din with his fiancée. Or that was what she thought. That was what was normal.
She walked into his house to find there was no smell of cooking. And his face did not look warm. There was no Mercy either. Only a small, soft snore coming from her closed room was a sign the servant was there at all.
“Is the supper ready?” she asked coolly.
There was no answer. Samuel stood in the middle of the room, his hands behind his back and his eyes like steel.
“You can’t let your maid sleep when there’s a meal to prepare.”
“I can’t have supper with poisoned food a maid ate…Jocelyn��what were you doing with belladonna?” he asked sternly.
“Was…was Mercy spreading something false?” she asked.
“Jocelyn…please tell me the truth, yes, Mercy fell sick. Christopher said it was poison. And I learned you had it. What is it belladonna for?”
“I…I needed it.” She answered.
“Why would you use it on a child who poses no threat to you?”
“I…I must have…have dropped it. I needed it to sleep.”
“The symptoms matched Y/N’s. When I asked Priestly, he said she was poisoned too. I don’t see how attacking both of your servants would have helped you sleep.”
“She…just wouldn’t… would not keep quiet that I had it!”
“Why didn’t you tell her you were finally at peace then? That you were sleeping well. Is it her fault that you kept saying you were worried and kept the thing with you? Why were you keeping belladonna in the first place? Do you really need it to sleep or is it something else…are you lying to me? Who else are you trying to poison.”
Jocelyn backed a little bit. Then she folded her hands in front of her, calm as ever.
“See, Samuel…if the Marshal was out of the way- Think of how many people would be help. How they would love it once you were governor.”
“Jocelyn, if you were caught, you would have been hung!”
“I would not have! The men here are corrupt, they’re going to ruin everything and everyone! You should know that better than anyone.”
“Well, what about Mercy? Or even Miss Y/L/N? How could they ruin the town? What would people here think of a woman who poisons her servants?”
“Miss Y/L/N had to be taught a lesson. She…she’s mad for you, Samuel. You’ve…you hurt me! You hurt me when you mention her name!”
She walked toward him, backing him before the fireplace.
“And you retaliate by trying to kill her? Jocelyn, I chose you to marry. I even told her in private that I chose you for my wife. How can I marry a woman who tries to kill any person I talk to? Would you have hurt her if you knew that?”
“As long as she’s here, as long as she can even look at you, I know you’ll never be mine and…she’s going to ruin you,” She spat softly.
“Ruin me? How?”
She pushed him down to a chair.
“Little Y/N won’t give you anything. Do you know what she even told me when I finally asked her about you?”
She touched the sides of his face to look right at hers.
“She said she wished you were a poor farmer and not a recorder so she could be with you! What will that entail, hmm? Think of what that means. No house, no money, nothing but the dirt and plants and heat and work when Massenger, Farlow, and the rest destroy everything. How could you live like that?”
He stood up a little more, he took her hands but pushed her away, lifting from his chair.
“Jocelyn, when I met you, I thought I loved you. You were kind. You cared about others. I thought when I paid your passage that I was agreeing to marry that woman I met in Oxford. But you’re not the woman I thought you were.”
He let go of her hands. But she didn’t keep her distance.
“Don’t you want rule over everything you see? Don’t you want to change things here? See what kind of leader you would be …”
“You mean, what kind of leader you would be…”
She paused.
“We could work together…I could make you like a king…we could be happy…and I love you”
She moves closer, touching his face and kisses him. By instinct, Samuel kisses her back. Something about her was so attractive and her kissing was indescribable.
“And…just imagine the wedding night with me…she could not please you like I could, Samuel. And…we do not have to wait until then…Technically we are married now. I could show you what it would be like, starting tonight”
She kept kissing him and moved her hands underneath his clothes, finding the buttons.
He squinted his eyes. She was cool and soft. His lower body felt tight and hot.
But he thought of Mercy, asleep in her room a few feet over. Just a few steps ahead of death. He thought of Y/N, darling Y/N, crying and afraid to even tell what happened to her.
Who would be next? Was it worth this one moment of pleasure?
Fighting the heat rising in his body, he pushed her away gently.
“Don’t touch me, please” he asked.
“But I know you like it, I know you like danger, I know you like fun…and looking there, I know you like me,” she purred glancing to his breeches.
Her hands lowered from his chest and seemed to go to the seam of his pants. Resisting his own arousal, he finally pushed her away.
“I asked you to stop!” he said.
“You don’t understand, Samuel…pleasure, safety, change…!” she said. As she stepped forward, he stepped back.
Breathing in deep, his hands shaking a little he said “the money has been paid, I promised I would pay for your passage here and it’s been covered, the company won’t care. I talked with the governor today. I wanted this to be done quietly and peacefully. And he gave me his consent.”
He slipped off his engagement ring and placed it on his desk away from her.
“I refuse you, Miss Woodbyrg. You’re free now,” he said.
“You could be a king with me!” Jocelyn argued.
“I think I would rather be a farmer. Now please leave,” he finished.
Once he thought his heart would stop racing, right before she turned the door, she looked at him and said:
“The slut will die for what she has done to us. To the colony. She wants to stay here, then she’ll die here.”
Samuel’s stomach dropped as she shut the door with an odd quietness. But her words still echoed in the room. If he had to help Y/N like she asked him to, he had to act fast.
#bohrap#bohrap fanficiton#yes I am cross tagging#I know y'all complain#but i dont care#carrie writes#jamestown#17th century#jamestown colony#Jamestown ITV#jamestown pbs#gwilym lee#gwilym lee x reader#gwilym lee x fem! reader#gwilym lee x fem! y/n#gwilym lee x you#gwilym lee x this person right here reading this#yes you!#whoops he isn't himself here#samuel castell#samuel castell x reader#samuel castell x you#samuel castell imagine#samuel castell x fem! reader#samuel castell x y/n
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What are your favorite johnlock fics of all time?
Ohhhh.
Ohhh noo.
Nonny you’re cruel.
Okay so funny story:
Someone asked me this exact thing a couple years ago.
I started a fic rec list offline at that time
Said list kept growing and growing as I decided to start sorting my fics.
It’s now a couple years later, and the list has over 300 fics on it XD.
So you see my dilemma LOL.
I have done a few fic lists in the past along this vein:
Top 20 Fave 40K+ w. Fics (April 2017 )
Ten Fave Short Johnlock Fics (Easy Reads April 2018)
25 Fave Johnlock One Shots (April 2018)
Top 10 Fave Fics (September 2018)
So what should I do today? How about the fics I ALWAYS re-read when I feel like I just need something familiar and oh so delicious? Would that be okay? Fics that I never hesitate to read again? Note that this list will probably change in a few months’ time as I re-read newer fics I’ve recently bookmarked; if I’m in a certain mood, a fic will get added and another removed, LOL. In fact, I’ve had this sitting in my drafts from quite awhile before I finally posted it, LOL. Waited a week, because my “feels” kept changing, HAH!
I have WAY more than 30 of these, but I had to stop somewhere! So here’s the criteria for these ones today:
I’ve read them more than 5 times since I bookmarked them
I read them start to finish, without skipping anything even though I know what happens.
That’s it. It’s just so I can keep my list down, LOL. Seriously, I love SO many fics that this list was HARD to do. Hope you enjoy!
I-J’s TOP 30 READ-AGAIN FICS (MARCH 2019)
The Strait of Juan de Fuca by mightypog (T, 6,400 w. || Vacation, Love Confessions, Friends to Lovers, Canada, Post-TRF, Love Confessions) – Sherlock is back and all seems forgiven, but something is missing between him and John. Their friendship initially appears intact, but Sherlock doesn’t understand why John seems to be slipping away. Finally, in terror, he tries to reconnect with John by taking him to the one place that seems to inspire any emotional interest in John any more: the Canadian wilderness. While there, Sherlock faces his greatest fear.
Fa Subito by kim47 (E, 6,659 w. || Suit Porn, Cockblocker Mycroft, Obsessed Sherlock, PWP) – John wears a suit. Sherlock finds it extremely distracting.
Bread and Wine and Curry Once a Week by cwb (E, 8,737 w. || Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Stroppy Sherlock, Love Letters, POV John) – Sherlock asks John for relationship advice. Little does he know that it’s him that Sherlock is in love with.
The Emergency Contact Series by blueink3 (M, 11,763 w. across 2 works || 5 and 1′s, Whump, Mutual Pining, Fluff and Angst, Caring Sherlock / John, Scars) – The first time John Watson’s emergency contact is called is the first time Sherlock Holmes finds out that he has the job. The first time Sherlock Holmes realizes he needs an emergency contact is the first time he mentally appoints John Watson with the job.
Iris by slashscribe (E, 11,948 w. | Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Post-S3) – Sherlock does his best to make John happy when John comes back to 221B with his new baby after the events of Season 3, but Sherlock has a track record of getting things wrong in this area. This story is an exploration of their gradual shift from friends to lovers, told from Sherlock’s perspective, full of a lot of pining and lack of emotional awareness.
Speaker for the Bees by antietamfalls (M, 14,649 w. || Deaf Sherlock, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss / Time, Fluff, Sign Language) – It isn’t always easy assisting a deaf detective. Luckily for John, they make a pretty good team.
A Hundred Thousand Ways to Say the Name John by Jberry (E, 16,825 w. || Fake Relationship, Fake Marriage, POV John, Pining John, Cruise Ship, Angst & Fluff) – John Watson and Sherlock Holmes must solve a case on a cruise ship. To get close to the crew and passengers, they must get married for the case on the Baetica. However, their relationship hits rocky seas both due to the case and internal conflicts. Part 1 of Baetica
A Shipless Ocean by myswordfishmind (M, 22,135 w || Post-TRF, John has a Kid) – Ten years after the fall Sherlock goes back to London to find that John no longer lives there. Instead, he resides in a seaside town, a widower, and the father of a seven year old son. Now, Sherlock must struggle with the fact that there may no longer be a place for him in this new world.
Knotted by naughtyspirit (E, 23,166 w. || UST/URT, Cuddling, Sharing Body Heat, Confessions, Kissing, Mastrubation, Frustration, BAMF!John) – John has to cancel a date because of Sherlock’s case, which leads them to be tied up in a basement from which they have to escape. They get wet, get tied up close and John has to step up and save them. Because he’s pretty. And hot. And just a little bit of a BAMF.
Tomorrow’s Song by agirlsname (M, 24,645 w. || Post-TRF, POV Sherlock, Angst with a Happy Ending, Virgin / Repressed Sherlock, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Pining) – How can he think a relationship with me would be a good idea? I am the sort of person to take a break from my life and when I come back after two years, I expect to find it exactly as I left it. In reality I find it shattered to pieces. (I actually equate you with my life. When did I start doing that?)
26 Pieces by Lanning (E, 28,236 w. || H/C, Torture, First Time, Happy Ending, Schmoop) – Mycroft gives Sherlock the apparently simple task of solving a puzzle box containing a stolen microchip. It isn’t simple.
Hitting the Water at Sixty Miles an Hour by what_alchemy (E, 30,568 w. || Fake Rel., Roadtrips, Slow Burn, Mummy Holmes) – “You love your mother, Sherlock?” John watched the muscles in Sherlock’s jaw jump. He nodded in one sharp jerk.“Then we’re going to her party and making her happy.” John let out a resigned sigh. “As a ruddy couple, you bastard.”
A Study In Auto-Signatures, Sniper Dolphins, and Sex Holidays by cwb (E, 32,690 w. || Case Fic, Post S3, Evil Mary, Dev. Rel., Honeymoon, Epistolary, Bottomlock, First Kiss / Time, Fluff, Secret Agents, BAMF!John) – John and Mary go on their sex holiday, and Sherlock is grumpy and pining about it. Part 1 of HOT DOLPHIN SEX
a good old-fashioned happy ending by darcylindbergh (E, 32,731 w. || Christmas, Frottage, Comfort, Est. Rel., Fluff, Insecure Sherlock) – For Christmas this year, Sherlock wants to get John something special: something every fairytale deserves. Part 2 of things fairy tales are made of
The Yellow Poppies by SilentAuror (E, 34,952 w. || H/C, Nightmares, HLV Fix-It, PTSD, Trauma, POV Sherlock, Doctor John) – Sherlock is threatened and assaulted in the hospital immediately after having been shot in the heart, first by Mary, then by Magnussen. As he recovers at Baker Street with John and plans the attack on Appledore with Mycroft, he fights to work through the trauma caused by these two visits. Set during His Last Vow.
LHR-HNL by scullyseviltwin (E, 35,066 w. || Hawaiian Vacation, Post-TRF, Friends To Lovers, Slow Burn, Just Talk Already, Drinking, Mutual Pining) – In need of an endangered flora sample, Sherlock and John must make a trip to an unexpected destination.
Classified(s) by blueink3 (E, 36,153 w. || Wedding Date AU || Fake Relationship, Jealous, PIning, H/C, Idiots in Love, Happy Ending, Mary is not Nice, Escort Service) – Clara’s American father is the ambassador to some such territory that Great Britain probably used to own, but she (and Harry’s undying love for her) is the reason John is getting on a flight at 12:30pm, flying across the second largest ocean in the world, and pretending to be in a perfectly happy, healthy relationship with an undoubtedly perfectly coiffed stranger. See, Clara is not only American (and wealthy to boot), she’s also best friends with John’s ex-fiancée. Whom she’s placed in the wedding party. As Maid of Honor. And John just happens to be Best Man. Bloody brilliant.
A Promise Made to Be Broken by PlantsAreNeat (E, 37,018 w. || Fake Relationship, Pining, Slow Burn, RST, Eventual Relationship, POV Sherlock) – A young John makes an ‘if we’re still single at 40, we’ll get together’ pledge to a woman who ends up all wrong for him. She keeps reminding him of the promise, and won’t let go of it. John asks Sherlock to pose as his boyfriend at a family wedding, so as to dash her hopes permanently. Sherlock, who has at last acknowledged his feelings for John, reluctantly agrees despite knowing how painful it will be to ‘have’ John, but not keep him.
Goodness Gives Extras by mydwynter (E, 39,629 w. || Fluff & Angst, Case Fic, Oral / Anal, Humour, First Time, Miscommunication, Snark, Christmas) – Christmas time. ‘Tis the season to settle down with a drink, some food and a present or two, and to enjoy the quiet relaxation of the holiday. Instead, there’s a case that drags them all over, missing presents, disappointed kids, angry parents, and a freak snowfall. On top of that John has to deal with Sherlock, who is being even more of a prat than usual. He really shouldn’t have expected anything different.
Right Hand Man by SilentAuror (E, 42,031 w. || H/C, Injury, Slow Burn, Infidelity, Mary is Not Nice) – When John’s left arm becomes paralysed after a car accident, Mary asks Sherlock to take him back to Baker Street to recuperate, as she’s about to give birth. Despite the fact that the search for Moriarty is ongoing, Sherlock takes John in and takes responsibility for overseeing his rehabilitation as he adjusts to the loss of his arm.
Left by lifeonmars (M, 45,153 w. || Magical Realism) – John Watson is left-handed. He’s tried not to let it affect his life, but as any Lefty knows, that’s almost impossible.
Corpus Hominis by mycapeisplaid (E, 47,709 w. || Casefic, Fluff, Romance, Frottage) - John knows the human body intimately. He’s had plenty of opportunity for study as a doctor, soldier, and lover. There’s one particular body, however, he knows very little about. When Sherlock launches himself head-first into a new obsession and they get sent on a case in an unlikely location, the pair discovers each other’s bodies with confusing yet delightful (and sometimes hilarious) results.
Triage by scullyseviltwin (E, 51,612 w. || Character Injury, Introspection) – Sherlock’s mind goes exceedingly, devastatingly quiet and gray-blank. When he speaks it’s through a thick haze, it’s through molasses, he’s so disconnected from the words that it may as well be the unconscious shooter speaking.
Spare Change by Ermerness (E, 51,966 w. || Rich Sherlock AU, Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Alternate First Meeting) – The Holmes family is one of the richest and most powerful in England. Sherlock spends his time flying around the world on the family’s private jet drinking a lot and shopping at expensive boutiques as a way of trying to alleviate his endless boredom. His mother decides it’s time he settles down with someone powerful, wealthy and well connected. John Watson happens to be none of those things.
Coventry by standbygo (E, 52,020 w. || Dollhouse AU || Case Fic, Slow Burn, Sci-Fi / Fantasy, First Kiss / Time, Attempted Rape, BAMF John, Falling in Love) – “Let me get this straight,” John said, wondering when his life had become a science fiction film. “Some guy orders up a personality, a person, to his specifications, and they program this into a real live person, who has consented to do this, and she goes to this person and acts as his wife, or lawyer, or Royal Marine, or Navy Seal or what have you, and she has all the skills, all the knowledge, everything? Then you say the magic words, and she follows you back to The House, and they erase it all until her next appointment?”
Wars We Fought, Things We’re Not by blueink3 (M, 55,204 w. || Parentlock, Fluff & Angst, Kidnapping, Whump, Post-TAB, UST, Slow Burn, Couple for a Case) – Five months after John’s world has fallen apart, Mycroft sends the consulting detective and his doctor on a case that neither is prepared for.
Perdition’s Flames by i_ship_an_armada (E, 63,435 w., || Treklock AU, Est. Rel, Genetic Engineering, Angst & Fluff, BAMF!John) – Sherlock would do anything to save him. Risk anything. Give anything. His money, his life. His soul. What he does, though, is change both of their destinies forever. Genetic re-engineering is the only option left. It turns out researchers underestimated the life expectancy and potential abilities of genetically re-engineered subjects. The British government and what would eventually become the United Federation of Planets, however, had not. Part 1 of PF Universe
You Have Drawn Red From My Hands by J_Baillier (T, 67,085 w. || Three Garridebs, Heavy John Whump, Hurt / Comfort, Pining, Heavy Angst, Case Fic/Adventure, Slow Burn, Sick Fic, Injury, Guilt & Depression, Just Talk Already Please, Medical Realism, PTSD) – John getting injured leads Sherlock on a path of guilt and revelations.
Shatter the Darkness (Let the Light In) by MojoFlower (E, 109,683 w. || Genie/Djinn AU || Magical Realism, H/C, Kidnapping, Genie Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Case Fic, H/C, Angst, Clubs, John Whump) – Fairy tales are for those who remember how to dream; not John Watson, broken and hiding from his bleak future in a beige bedsit. But then he discovers a lamp and finds himself in the dangerous riptide of an enigmatic man whose very existence is unbelievable, murder charges against his sister, and the growing pains of feeling alive once more.
Midnight Blue Serenity by BeautifulFiction (E, 151,907 w. || Friends to Lovers, Gay Bar / For a Case, Drugs, Pining, Case Fic, UST) – When Sherlock infiltrates a club in order to track down a serial killer, his altered appearance is enough to make John question his assumption that Sherlock is beyond his reach. However, is he the only one who appreciates his flatmate’s charms, or is Sherlock at risk of becoming the next victim?
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Dr. Tali Sullivan Chapter 32
Our new routine, now that I was home and being watched for ANY sign that our baby was about to make his grand debut, was pretty damn amazing. Harvey never really took vacation time before we met, and he had stockpiles of it along with his own parental leave, so he and I revelled in our time together with Abigail. Aside from the papers that my students sent that needed to be graded, and the reports he had to file, most of our days were spent sitting together, inside or on the porch, while Abi explored under our careful watch.
Letters and gifts kept coming from John, and Mary I suspected, and each one was tucked carefully away for Abi to deal with when the time came. Her big brothers checked in almost daily, and listening to them try to carry on full conversations with her and hold her attention for longer and longer became one of my favorite parts of the day.
Harvey would let them know any updates on me and our impending arrival, then I would get to say goodbye and promise that we’d let them know when the baby came. Castiel was on standby, fearful that he wouldn’t be called to stand with us when I gave birth for a second time. And Rowena and Crowley were on pins and needles as well. Only my parents were taking it in stride.
“There’s no point in worrying,” Mom reminded Harvey as he was going over his checklist for the mad dash to the hospital when the time came. “You’ll be fine. Just don’t forget the most important part.”
Harvey nodded and replied with, “having a fully gassed up car and her go bag.”
Mom and I shared a look, trying not to laugh. “Or,” she offered, getting him to look up from his list, “maybe, Tali?”
He blanched, realizing that I wasn’t on the list, apparently. “It’s kind of hard to give birth without the actual mother around, babe.” And that did it, Mom and I laughed long and hard as my dad commiserated with my baby-daddy.
It happened so close to the due date my doctor had first given us, that Harvey joked he should have given odds and won some money. He argued with me about taking the time to drop off Abi at my parents, fearful that I’d pop in the car, but gave in when I reminded him that it had taken hours for her to come out. Then off to the hospital, legs in stirrups, and my extended family surrounding us in the family delivery room I insisted on.
Cas held one of my hands, while Harvey had the other, and Rowena had taken her former spot at my head. Crowley, watched from the corner by my bed, and together they kept me from freaking out and giving in to the pain. Of course, that could just have been Cas and Rowena’s special help, but soon the sounds of our son’s cries were echoing through the small room. Harvey’s eyes were flush with tears as he went with the nurse to cut the cord, and Rowena was kissing my temple and telling me how good I’d done. Cas and Crowley were beaming as an angel and demon only could, having added to their roles as ‘uncles’ once more.
“Have you chosen a name?” Crowley asked, coming closer once I’d been cleaned up a bit and our little boy was cradled in my arms.
I smirked up at Harvey and saw how wide his smile had grown. “Caelum Jayson Russell,” Harvey offered, kissing the red hair that crowned the tiny head of our son.
“Caelum?” Cas’ eyes grew wide. “You’re naming him after the heavens?”
“I’ve lived through hell, Cas, only to find heaven.” I whispered, drinking in the tiny form snuggled against me. “It seemed perfect.”
“Aye,” Rowena said, her hand cupping Caelum’s head. “It is.”
My parents came soon after, Abi in Dad’s arms and looking fit to burst with excitement. Caelum had been fed, dressed, and was wearing the tiny hat and mitts on his hands so he wouldn’t scratch himself. I watched with a smile as our daughter stared at her baby brother with the wonder only a two year old could possess.
Harvey propped her up in the soft chair near my bed, adding a pillow to her lap, and helped her hold her little brother for the first time. I watched as he knelt in front of our children, whispering to Abi about how good she was doing as a big sister, and how much Caelum loved her. She was whispering back to her daddy, mimicking his voice so the baby wouldn’t fuss, and then I felt like my heart would explode when she leaned forward and kissed his soft head.
“They’re beautiful,” Mom offered, watching my tiny family bonding nearby. She’d taken out a camera and was capturing the moment, and I realized that Dad had his phone out recording it.
We were all home a day later. The fridge stocked with enough reheatable food so we didn’t have to worry about meals, and enough drinks and snacks on hand to make unnecessary errands avoidable. Flowers, multiple vases of flowers greeted me when we walked inside, and Harvey shrugged as my parents greeted us with Abi hot on their heels.
“It looks like a funeral home in here,” I whispered, and shut my eyes at the darkness of that joke. “Sorry. Lots of flowers.” Lame, Tali, so very lame.
Mom shook her head and helped get me settled in my regular seat on the sofa as Harvey came behind carrying Caelum. “Yes, well, everyone seemed to want to greet you with blooming flowers.” She picked up a stack of the tiny cards that must have come with the bouquets, along with larger cards and handed them to me. “I wrote which arrangement came from whom on the back of the cards.” Then she went toward the kitchen, telling us that she was making lunch.
Harvey grinned at me as I took in the pile. “Let’s see who loves you so much, sweetheart.”
I had one from Dean, one from Sam, Crowley, Cas, and Rowena all sent an arrangement each, although Ro’s was lavender and chamomile to help keep us calm and serene with our new bundle. John and Mary had sent a card, which I dutifully handed to Harvey to share. I had one from my parents, one from the college, a few from the businesses I’d become a frequent face in. Abi’s daycare had sent us a card, as had Harvey’s boss and some of his coworkers. The amount of well wishes was something new for me, since Abi’s birth had been so secretive. Yet, even John and Mary’s made me feel warmth.
Abi came back in and crawled onto the couch with us, smiling as I pulled her onto my lap. “I missed you, princess,” I offered, kissing her forehead. “Are you happy that we’re home?”
She giggled as her daddy tweaked her tiny nose and she gently reached out and touched her little brother’s bright hair. “No more?”
I was confused, but Harvey just chuckled. “No more what, Abi?”
“Babies,” she answered, staring up at me so solemnly that I had to fight my own laugh from coming out. “Just us?”
Biting my lip and feeling Harvey’s own mirth vibrate against my side, I nodded. “Yes, Abi, just us. No more babies,” I shook my head and smiled as Harvey’s mouth touched my neck.
“Just practice from here on out,” he murmured against my skin as I felt the curve of his smile.
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(Un)Natural Selection Chapter 12
Éponine
I was sitting on my balcony reading over the letter that Justine had sent to me when I heard the knock on the door. After all of the stares I got during dining I just wanted to stay here, away from everyone else. But the knocking persisted and it took all of my willpower to wrap myself in my robe to answer the door. Enjolras was standing outside of my room still in his four piece suit.
“Well I feel terribly overdressed,” he greeted.
“I would have stayed in my dress if I would have known you were coming. Now you have to see me with my hair wrapped like a crazy person,” I laughed motioning at the rags Laila had arranged.
“If you don’t mind I don’t mind. May I come in?” He asked while we awkwardly stood in my doorway.
“Oh, sorry. Come right in,” I said, holding out my arm.
“I see you didn’t change any of the decor,” he noted looking around while I retrieved my letter from the balcony.
“I don’t mean to sound plain but this room is perfect just the way it is. This room is bigger than my family’s apartment so I’d be fine if there was just a bed in here.”
“So you’ve never had a room to yourself?” He asked, sitting on the couch at the foot of my bed.
I decided to swallow my pride for the next ten minutes in order to push some bonding.
“A bed. I’ve never had a bed to myself,” I said looking at him.
I could tell that this struck a nerve with Enjolras and could see the wheels turning in his brain.
“Serious note aside,” I said sitting on my bed, “why are you gracing me with your presence tonight?”
I could actually see his mind switch tracks.
“I came to apologize for throwing you under the bus during the Report. I should have asked you permission before telling the entire country about our secret encounter. I was just trying to keep the mood light so Kyran wouldn’t bring up that horrible fight,” he said, turning around to face me.
“Oh, don’t apologize. I was actually going to say the same thing for when I threw Kyran’s question back at you,” I laughed.
“No need to apologize. I also came to congratulate you on your first Report of many. I met with Combeferre after and he said that you were very composed and charismatic.”
My first Report of many? Did that mean he kept on keeping me around? Was he going to every girl’s room to congratulate her?
“It’s probably thanks to the meetings. Thanks to you I feel much more comfortable talking in a group setting.”
“The pleasure is mine. Have you ever considered furthering your education Éponine?” He asked, sitting up straight.
“Never seriously, since I technically don’t have an education to advance. I know I said I didn’t go to high school, but I’ve even never been inside a school. I mean the only reason I can read is because my mother wanted to prepare me for the Selection,” I laughed, trying to lighten the mood.
“That sounds very considerate of her. What are your parents like? I’ve really only heard you talk about your sister.”
I felt my heart rate increase. My mouth became dry and I struggled to swallow. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t lie about my parents. Why couldn’t I tell Enjolras that his possible future in-laws were the perfect couple with no sort of criminal history? I had never had any trouble lying. It was a survival tactic engrained for personal protection.
“Éponine? Are you alright Éponine?” Enjolras asked, moving to sit next to me on the bed.
“Sorry. I just need some fresh air, it’s a bit hot in here,” I lied, moving towards the balcony.
It was a horrible lie. The room was the perfect temperature, just like the entire palace. Everything and everyone here was perfect.
“I’m terribly sorry for offending you, Éponine,” he apologized, approaching me.
“No I’m not offended. I guess I’m just a little overwhelmed,” I breathed, feeling the cool breeze on my skin.
“Yes of course. I shouldn’t have come to your room unannounced after your first interview on the Report. I’ll let you get some sleep,” he said, putting his hand on my shoulder.
I could feel an excessive amount of heat on my shoulder. I turned my head to look at Enjolras and I was immediately disgusted at the amount of sympathy on his face. It was the face that my neighbors gave me after listening to my parents argue all night. It was the face my stylist gave to me when he first looked at me. It was the face that every Five and above gave to me when they saw me walk to work in the morning. That sympathetic face evoked a different kind of anger that coursed through my body. I stood in place to watch Enjolras walk towards the door.
“Should I send for one of your maids?” He asked as he opened the door.
“No thank you. They should be allowed to sleep at night,” I said.
“I’ll post a guard outside of your door tonight, just in case,” he persisted.
“Thank you, Enjolras.”
“It’s my pleasure, Éponine. I’ll see you for the meeting tomorrow,” he said, closing the door.
I stood outside until I felt calm enough to get into bed without crying. Everything part of me hated that Enjolras and I had yet to learn anything deeper about each other than our political opinions. I remembered how Cosette asked him about her life at home and how Enjolras said that her father sounded admirable. But she probably didn’t tell him about her father rescuing her from my family.
As I walked towards my bed, I picked up the picture of ‘Zelma that Justine sent me in her letter. My parents didn’t believe in spending money on pictures so I didn’t have any with me when I came to the palace. In this picture, Azelma was holding a cup of tea in the Brouder’s kitchen. Her curly blonde hair was pulled in a messy ponytail while she worked, and she was wearing one of my old T-shirts. I wondered if she regretted asking me not to write to her and if she was taking the blunt of my parent’s aggression again. I wondered if Enjolras could let me call her so I could make sure she was okay.
The next morning I took breakfast in my room while Mariam chastised me about needing to sleep more. Our relationship had greatly increased since Laila and Elise had told me about her daughter. When I decided to let her fuss over my appearance she became much more agreeable, and I became used to her presence. I was curious how the other girls interacted with their maids and remembered the constant commotion I could hear from Tereasa’s room, which was across from mine. Before her first date with Enjolras we could hear her throw a vase at one of her maids, who narrowly missed it, and flew at the wall.
“After you finish your breakfast you’ll need to go see the Doctor in the infirmary,” Miriam reminded me.
“If it makes you feel better, Miriam had to let out some of your dresses,” Elise chimed from my vanity.
It was my second time making a trip to the Palace’s Infirmary during my stay. During the last visit the Doctor said that I needed to gain at least two more pounds to stay on track, but I wasn’t feeling optimistic about my odds. As I walked towards the Infirmary I smiled at Grantaire, who guarded the Men’s Room. Grantaire and I had become acquainted since he walked me to the kitchen before every meeting. I learned that he had a real passion for painting and that he dreamed to one day save enough money to become a Five. At one point we spoke about our worst experiences as Sixes, which for Grantaire was only a few months ago. He said that he had lost his job and become a roaring alcoholic before he applied for a position at the palace. But the bright smile on his face as he waved back to me said that he was doing much better now than a few months ago.
When I entered the Infirmary I was surprised to be greeted by Joly and Combeferre instead of my usual Doctor.
“What brings you in today Éponine?” Combeferre asked, pulling out a chair for me to sit in.
“I had an appointment to have my weight recorded today. If this isn’t a good time I could come back later.”
“Dr. Tapp was called away for a few hours, but Joly and I would be happy to weigh you. Only if it’s okay with you, of course,” Combeferre said, pushing up his glasses.
“I don’t mind at all,” I said sitting down.
“Excellent, I’ll go look for your file,” he said leaving the room.
“Would you mind changing into this gown for me?” Joly asked, holding out the thin slip that I wore in my last appointment.
“Not at all,” I said, walking towards the divider in the corner of the room.
“How have you been Joly?” I asked, deciding to make small talk.
“I’ve been closely monitoring the pollen count for this week, which looks dreadful by the way. Needless to say I’ve been a bit agitated this week,” he said, the frustration in his voice evident.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I sympathized. “Have you been doing that breathing treatment you mentioned in the last meeting?”
“Twice a day and whenever Combeferre says I’m getting out of hand. I’ve found it to be quite effective, but lacks a long term effect.”
“Maybe you could try yoga, the woman I work for goes three times a week to help lower her stress,” I said, walking out from behind the divider.
“Thank you for the suggestion. I’ll be sure to add it to my ever growing list,” he said, sanitizing his hands for the second time since I walked in.
“Now, sit tall and take some deep breaths while I listen to you,” he said as I sat down.
Combeferre came back with my file while Joly was putting something around my pointer finger to measure my oxygen levels.
“How have you been sleeping Éponine?” Combeferre asked.
“Well, to be honest every day I feel like it’s time to wake up as soon as I fall asleep,” I laughed while Joly removed the sensor.
“So the sleeping pills you were prescribed a few weeks ago haven’t been working?”
“No they haven’t,” I said, looking at the ground.
I would dare to tell him that I’d never taken a sleeping pill before in my life, or that my mother probably sold them for booze money.
“I’ll talk to Doctor Tapp about getting you a stronger prescription. I also see that your blood pressure is a bit elevated, have you been feeling a bit stressed?”
“I mean, I’m only here competing against a bunch of girls for a guy that’s out of my league, so yes I would say I’m feeling a bit stressed,” I sighed, partially relieved to finally tell someone.
“Why do you think Julien is out of your league?” Joly asked in shock.
“Because he’s a Prince. A highly educated, well-versed, charismatic, and all too perfect Prince. And I’m a housekeeper,” I stumbled.
“Éponine, I’ve known Enjolras for sixteen years, and trust me when I say, he is the least perfect person in the entire palace,” Combeferre comforted.
“Yeah well the only flaw I’ve found is that he lacks self-preservation skills. God, I can’t even talk to him about anything personal. He came to my room last night to apologize for throwing me under the bus during the Report and I freaked out. He asked me about my parents and I felt like I couldn’t breathe, so he left.”
I felt a tear hit my wrist. Was I actually crying over some guy? Joly and Combeferre exchanged a look.
“I know that this experience might be difficult for you, especially since you’re a Six,” Combeferre began.
My head snapped up when he said Six. The entire time I had been here no one had addressed my caste specifically to my face.
“When Énjolras says he doesn’t want to know your caste it’s because he’s trying to show Illeá that society can be so much more than a caste system. You’ve been to the meetings, you know how Enjy gets when he gives his speeches.”
“It’s like nothing else in the world matters,” I said aimlessly.
“Because to Enjolras, nothing except for Illeá matters. That’s why he skips meals, why he doesn’t go on a date every single day, why he insists on going by his surname. Nothing in the world trumps the future of Illeá,” Combeferre finished.
“Was that supposed to be a pep talk? Because if it was, it sucked,” I laughed as Joly handed me a tissue.
“It was meant to be informative. All of these girls here think that they’re competing to be first, but they’re really just competing for second place to the country.”
“What about me? Aren’t I one of these girls?”
“You might be. But it might help you to know that you’re the only Selected girl that Enjolras ever talks about,” Combeferre said, helping me over to the scale.
The stupid light that lit in my chest my bright enough to help me through the rest of my time in the infirmary. Even though I had actually lost two pounds instead of gaining them, I was still happy. I had a new found hope that was going to get me through the other girl’s stares and day spent practicing my high heel skills. I couldn’t help but smile like an idiot while I walked back to my room. Azelma would have a chance to go to school and we would be able to move out of Allens. Just as I was thinking about what to Justine in my next letter I smelt a nauseating amount of pine. It smelt like an expensive bottle of cologne that only one person that I knew would wear.
“Well if it ain’t the little Lady ‘Ponine,” a dark voice snarled from behind me.
#enjonine#eponine#enjolras#prince enjolras#cosette#the selection#les amis#les miserables#fanfiction#crossover#cross-posted#ao3#Montparnasse#modern universe#combeferre#courfeyrac#joly
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The Captain Next Door Ch.3
Summary: You’re a doctor who also just so happens to be a fan fiction writer. You love lots of fandoms but Captain America is by far your fave, so what happens when you get a new job, move to Brooklyn and realize that the brownstone you bought is right next door to Captain America? Obviously shenanigans ensue.
Warnings: Swearing. Light Mentions of NSFW material.
AN: I’m sorry for the super late update. I am actually in London right now for vacation so I thought it would only be right for me to post an update. Hopefully this will be the last time I have to take a hiatus like this. Thank you for all your reblogs, comments and likes. Your feedback is always welcome and I love hearing from y’all. It’s worth noting that I do not care for or abide by the timeline, there are some people mentioned that haven’t technically been brought together yet [ As per Winter Soldier ] but I did it anyway. P.S. I do not currently have a beta and the ‘f’ and ‘u’ keys on my keyboard are messed up so incase you see repeating letters anywhere they aren’t supposed to be feel free to let me know.
“It’s my genuine pleasure to be here Y/N, and please, Steven is far too formal, ma’am. Steve is just fine. Thank you for your befriending Sam-” Steve started.
“Samuel! Samuel, yes, Sam, Samuel. Samuel Wilson. Wilson comma Samuel on government documents right Samuel?” You looked at him like a fire that needed to be put out. Grabbing the bottle from Captain America who was, literally standing in your foyer looking like all of the things that your fanfiction fantasies could hope for. However there was a look of something on his face. It was an emotion you couldn’t place. He looked down and rubbed his strong arms over his neck and your eyes jumped to his biceps.
“Please,” you said out of breath, and gesturing to your living room “make yourself at home, I just need Samuel’s help in my office with that thing I told you about earlier. Remember Samuel?” Grabbing his collar like a drowning child. Steve quirked a brow.
Laughing and prying your fingers from his shirt “Aww come on Doc we’re back at Samuel? I thought we were friends Y/N-”
“Samuel PLEASE” you screeched wringing your hands around the wine bottle.
“Alright, alright fineeee I’m coming Doc” He rolls his eyes and juts his thumb out while sticking out his thumb at you and Steve laughs a little. You both start up the stairs and to the left into your office. Closing the door and turning swiftly and taking in a sharp breath you prepare to give Sam the haranguing of his life.
“Samuel Wilson! If that even is your name!” You accused, pushing his chest “How could you not tell me?! You know I’m basically in love with him right? Why did you not tell me you were roommates with Captain Fucking America?”
“Listen Doc, I’m going to be honest with you. Getting to know you these past few weeks, we have our fun but I’ve never seen you flustered… and I’m a little bit of a prankster. Plus the added bonus that whenever you talk about how great the Avengers are you always focus on Cap really made me want to be able to have a front seat to this reveal without you being able to prepare yourself and be composed. ”
Unable to help it your shoulders start to shake lightly and then uncontrollably and before you knew it you were open mouth laughing. “Ok, ok. You got me but I just want you to know that you’ve started a prank war. You brought this upon yourself, Samuel! And you owe me! You have to be super nice to me for the foreseeable future because that was just cruel and unusual punishment.”
“Still with the Samuel?!” He laughed along with you “C’mon, Doc!”
“Fine, Sam. Let’s go down stairs, I think we’ve kept him waiting long enough.”
====================Steve’s POV=======================
Stepping out of the shower Steve was happy to be back in his own home after another strenuous mission. He was supposed to be on vacation. Matter of fact, Falcon was the one that was meant to be handling things for about 3 weeks but hey, when the your country needs you, and Nick Fury personally calls for you, what are you going to say, no?
Usually when he comes back home from a long mission he goes to Sylvia’s in Harlem and picks up a plate and continues to make it through his to-do list. Next on the list was season 2 of Friends, which from his googles he learnt was maybe a rip off of a show called Living Single? Never the less it was added to his watchlist. He was unusually happy though because his roommate Sam told him all about their new neighbor who apparently was very blessed when it came to throwing down in the kitchen. Speaking of his loud roommate he heard him shouting over the Troubleman soundtrack that he didn’t want his food to get cold. Pulling on a plain white shirt and some khakis he put on some sneakers he jogged down the steps he quickly got a bottle of wine out of the fridge and followed Sam out of the house and locked the door behind him.
Meanwhile Sam was skipping like a child on Christmas. He knew Sam loved his food but he felt as if this excitement was a bit over the top. He’d eaten with her several times. Was the food that wonderful? Why did he look so happy? Standing behind him on her stoop he was getting more and more confused. Raising an eyebrow at Sam who was almost bouncing out of his shoes, Sam turned around and gave him a large gap toothed grin.
“You alright buddy?” He asked gently placing an arm on Sam’s shoulder.
“Yeah, sure man. Just really happy about what’s about to happen” before he could respond, the door swung open and a tantalizing aroma started wafting out as he heard Sam say exactly what he was thinking. The house smelled amazing. Before he knew what was happening he was being asked if he thought you looked nice. He could have sworn that he heard his favorite song, Unforgettable by Nat King Cole playing while she spun in what seemed like slow motion and stopped to look at him. He heard his mouth saying she absolutely did look gorgeous. While they were having whatever exchange they were having the music in his mind was still playing and he couldn't stop looking at her like the magic she was. Slowing drawing his eyes over her umber skin, this dark yellow-brown that looked so warm and inviting. He looked at her eyes like onyx and was getting lost in them in the best way possible. She was tall for a woman, around 5’8 at least, and she was definitely what the internet told him was thiccc. Looking to the top of her head he wanted to run his hands through her hair and then twist it around his hand and pull back and expose her neck and pepper kisses there. His eyes were pulled to her breasts and as he watched them rise and fall he thought about palming them and taking a Hershey’s Kiss into his mouth and all of a sudden his member started to wake after such a hibernation. He had to snap out of it. This was grossly inappropriate, this respectable woman invited him to her home being neighborly and here he is, violating her in his mind. Imagining terrible sinfully delicious things he could do with her, and to her. Imagining pulling her dress up and finding that she forgot to wear panties. He caught her looking at him crazed and to be honest he hadn’t been listening or even hearing anything said between her and Sam. His eyes shot down to the floor and he rubbed the back of his neck. He had to convince himself that she couldn't read minds. Yes he had met some special people with special abilities but he had to just pray to Christ she wasn’t one of them. Feeling guilty he continued looking at his feet. He heard her tell him to sit and she took the bottle of wine from him. Her long beautiful fingers briefly grazed his and he felt as if he was diving into that ice cap all over and there’s the music again! That same song! What the hell was happening? Okay she was beautiful and ethereal and quite frankly looked like a painting that someone slaved over and like she was made out of love and light, but so what? He’d been with other women since Peggy, sure, but none of them made him feel this way. None of them made him hear music for Pete’s sake. While she and Sam went upstairs he was grateful to be able to adjust himself without anyone seeing. He took a seat on her sofa.
Looking around Steve was loving the ambiance. He looked around and then stood up to get a closer look of everything. Laughing to himself he saw the record player propped open and spinning with Nat King Cole’s smile looking up at him. At least he wasn’t completely crazy. Okay, well maybe he had to get laid? It had been a while admittedly. He let out a stressed sigh and continued to look around. He saw pictures leaning up against the wall in frames and the nosier part of him got the best of him and he started thumbing through them. He saw little girls and a teenage boy, assumedly her family. Her parents and then her. There was one of her smiling with her white coat and remembered that Sam does call her the Doc. Thinking of Sam he turned wondering what was keeping them, listening keenly he heard hearty laughter. Sam came down first and held a hand out to help her down the stairs. She clutched her imaginary pearls and in an exaggerated Southern Belle accent said
“Oh my, thank you kindly sir! You’re just too sweet! ”
“Of course darlin’! Anything for you!” Sam said in a likened manner. “ Plus you know our agreement and all. I’m yours until you say so”.
He caught her wink at him. What was she winking for? Why was Sam hers? He just met her for crying out loud how close could they possibly be? In an instant he felt something in the pit of his stomach. What was that? It felt heavy and uncomfortable. He actually shifted in his seat thinking his stomach started acting up when he was about to have the meal of his life. More importantly he wanted to know what the hell was going on with Sam and Y/N. All he knew was Sam needed to back the hell up. Why was he getting so angry? Why was he feeling so…so…- that train of thought was cut off immediately when he saw her smiling and her lips moving with no sound coming out. It was as if a shining light was upon him and in an instant he felt better. Like any issue he had could be solved. What was this?
“Captain” She said in a voice as smooth as silk “Are you ready?”
He wasn’t sure what she was asking about but he knew right then he would do whatever and go wherever she wanted. He would follow her to the ends of the earth if she smiled at him like that.
“Yes ma’am. And please it’s Steve!” He said giving her a patented Captain America smile.
“Well if I have to call you Steve you have to call me Y/N. Dinner’s ready and the table is set. Are you ready?” She repeated.
“After you” He said with an out stretched arm.
Seated at the table he was admiring her while she whizzed around the kitchen. He didn't know how long he was staring at her before he heard Sam clearing his throat. Turing his attention back to his roommate he caught him with a mischievous smile on his face.
“What is it?” He inquired
“Nothing man, just looking at that stupid grin on your face every time you look at the Doc. You like what you see?”
“Sam, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Mmhmm, yeah, sure, whatever you say Cap”
“I hope you guys brought your extra loose pants because there’s a lot of food here!”
Turning his head to the sound of her voice he found himself getting up.
“Can I help you with anything ma’- I mean Y/N.” He corrected
“That's so sweet of you Steve.” She said passing him a big plate of fried chicken in one and a bowl of mashed potatoes in the other. “Sam why don’t you come get some plates as well?”
“I think the Cap’s got it”
“It’s no problem, helping out is the least I can do.” They said in unison. She laughed at their harmony and agreed. After a 2 more trips to the kitchen the table was set and they were all seated around it.
“Everything looks delicious Y/N, I can’t wait to try it” He said.
“I’m more than happy to oblige. You both were so helpful the first day we met, Sam has been really handy around the house as well. It's the least I could do, plus he told me that you loved soul food. Although he didn’t tell me you were Captain America, it was a little bit of a surprise. Kept that little bit of information for himself.”
He looked at her tentatively “I hope it was a good one, hope you’re not disappointed”
“Absolutely not” She rushed out. A silence fell in the room and he was getting lost in her again.
“Well!” Sam’s voice irrupted, shattering the moment “Now that the cat is out of the bag, lets dig in!” He snapped out of whatever daze he was in and for the next hour they ate and laughed. He had his fill of the most amazing fried chicken that was just spicy enough, corn bread, mac and cheese, greens, black eyed peas and things he’d never even tried before. He looked at her and realized he hadn’t stopped laughing all evening. She was a fantastic host, just as he’d thought.
“The chicken is amazing Y/N”
“Thank you! You don’t think it’s too spicy? She asked.
“Not at all” He started “ I actually added a little bit of Frank’s hot sauce on it”
“Don’t listen to that mad man” Sam said “Mr. Boner was right, the chicken is hot.”
“Mr. Boner…?” Steve said confused.
She laughed“ Sam means Dr. Boner, the bone man. He’s just my work husband and lowkey a little bit of my husband, husband. We were friends back in med school and now we work together. He was the one that recommended me for the job. And I’m sure as you remember from the first day we met, I can do most things by myself, however when I really do need help and I’m completely out of my depth I call him.” For some reason Steve started to feel that thing he felt when he was watching Sam help Y/N down the stairs. “Wow,” he breathed “So you both must be close”
“Yeah what can I say? He’s…peculiar but he’s always there when I need him. He’s one of the people I think I depend on second to my family. In fact I would love for you all to meet officially one day.”
“Officially?” Steve inquired.
“Yeah Sam here has spoken to him a couple times on Facetime and they make fun of me and Boner tries to tell him some embarrassing school stories.-“
“Yeah! The Doc here is trying to keep this calm and collected façade up and I would like to know what she was like before she turned into this statue of constant perfection” Sam said rolling his eyes.
She kissed her teeth “Boy please, I’ve been perfect from the day I came out the womb!”
A comfortable silence fell over them and Steve imagined to himself that there probably wasn’t a time she wasn’t perfect,
“I hope y’all have space for desert! I’m keeping it real simple with apple pie, homemade vanilla bean ice cream sprinkled with pralines.” She started to push her chair backward from the table but Sam told her he would do get it. Did he really know her home thatwell? After a little back and forth and a lot of convincing she decided to stay. It was only the two of them at the table and then she turned her full attention to him.
“So Steve, tell me about yourself.”
======================Your POV=======================
Try and act normal Y/N , please Y/N, please please, please I am begging you just be normal for once in your life. Try to act like you didn’t fall asleep after rubbing one out to this man last night. Think of anything. ANYTHING else. Anything but how you want to be devoured by him and how you want to eat him up too.
“So Steve, tell me about yourself” Nice one Y/N! Way to fucking go! tElL mE aBoUt yOuRsElF. What the hell is this? 60 minutes?
“That’s a really broad question…” He started. Of course it is! Here I fucking go trying to be all Fox and Friends, meanwhile there is a whole ass museum about ‘himself’ that I now have to act like I’ve never been to.
“That's fair” you said, trying to save face “How about what do you like to do when you aren’t wearing the stars and stripes?”
“Hmm. I enjoy the internet as whole. So much helpful information on there. I like that when I become a fan of something in real life I can meet people who also love said thing and they can give me more information about it and even new recommendations. I enjoy painting. I consider myself a little bit of a foodie. I like going to movies that are barely full so I can get that theater experience without so many people around. That’s all I can think of off the top of my head.”
“What forums are you a part of? What do you like to paint? Are you into realism or do you kind of just do your own thing? I love making food and eating it even more. I do that theater thing too! I want to be able to cry without anyone seeing my ugly crying face.”
“I highly doubt anyone would ever consider you ugly”
You looked down quickly thanking God for the melanin because chile, the blush. He probably is this nice to everyone he meets. He is, after all, THE Captain America.
“I kind of just like random stuff,” he continued “probably nothing you’ve ever heard about. And as for my paintings I also just do whatever comes to mind. And drawing and painting things that are fandom relevant.”
“Fandom?” You said with the quirk of a brow “You sound like someone from Tumblr. Now I’m really curious. What do you get into online Captain Rogers?” You noticed a redness creeping up on his face. Hopefully you hadn’t upset him by getting too flirty. He was from the old school after-all. Before you could put your foot in your mouth any further, Sam came out with the desert.
“Now listen here!” Sam boomed “ I had to take just a sliver of this here pie to make sure it was good. In our line of work we have lots of enemies. One can never be too careful. I did this for the greater good. I did this for my country! That being said I don’t want to hear anything about this further! We’ve spoken about the missing piece long enough!”
After a brief second passing between you all, laughter broke out and you told Sam to sit his ass down. You got up and served Sam first, since he did ‘work so hard to insure the pie was good’. Next you turned to Steve and served his up. You served yourself a plate last and sat down to wait for the verdict. You heard a deep moan coming from the Cap and turned to see him with his eyes closed. That moan was definitely going to be thought about later.
“You like?” you asked. The only response you got was a slowly nodding captain savoring your food. You were on cloud nine at this point. He opened his eyes and looked at you. You started on your pie as well. The night continued and you brewed some coffee for the gents and a nice cup of honey ginger tea for yourself. You all eventually moved to the living room and were all laughing like old friends. It was as if even though you just met you had some type of rhythm going. A push and pull of sorts.
“Well” Sam slapped his hands to his knees standing up “Thank you so much for dinner Doc”
“It was great to have you as always Sam,” turning to Steve “ And it was an absolute pleasure to meet you. I hope to get to find out eventually what exactly you’re into Captain Rogers.” There goes that redness again. You had to get this shit under control and stop making him so uncomfortable in your home.
“Trust me Y/N, the pleasure was mine.”
“I hope we can do this again sometime soon”
Shutting the door behind them you leaned up against it and let out a squeal. You couldn't believe it you actually had the Captain America over at your house. For the last few hours you wined and dined him. Now all that was left was to 69 him. You laughed at your immaturity and went to clean up the kitchen.
The next day you went into the hospital. You had unofficially started and not everyone knew you yet. The guy that had your old position’s name was still on the door. You walked into your office and greeted your assistant, Sonia. She was from the UK and had everything and everyone in the hospital on lock. She knew everything about everything, how to get what you needed, and if she couldn’t get it herself she always ‘knew a guy’ who could. Usually you had a rule about not mixing business with pleasure, but for her you were thinking about making an exception.
“Good morning Dr. Y/L/N. How was your weekend? She said in her beautiful voice.
“Nothing much, just had some friends over for dinner”
“And I didn’t get an invite?” making the cutest pouty face, you had to laugh.
“Damn” You said with a contemplating look on your face, raising a Tupperware with her name on it “Now what am I gonna do with this? I mean I thought I was going to bring this to my wonderful super ADULT assistant but all I see is a little baby. Little baby? Do you know where my assistant is?”
Straightening her back and stretching out her arms with grabbing motions “ Gimmie, gimmie! I’m a big girl!”
Laughing even more you hand her the Tupperware. You lean on her desk and prepare to ask for your messages when a man walks in.
“Sonia, my darling, do I have any messages?”
“I didn’t know you were his assistant Sonia” You said turning to her.
“I’m not” she remarked making a biting motion at the gentleman. Completely ignoring you he rolls his neck.
“Christ. I had to cut my vacation short. I heard the new boss has started up. He wasn’t even supposed to start for another 2 weeks. Since I got passed over for the whole promotion to head of Cardio at least I could make a good impression with the guy and be a sturdy number two. I’ve heard his work is flawless and I’ve heard he’s developed his own technique for plaque removal and I want a front row fucking seat. What’s his name again? Dr. Y/L/N? From the what I hear we have a new cardio god in our midst. It’s about time. I really needed that deep tissue massage too. I hope he notices my efforts, fuck.” You scoff and he rolls his eyes over to the schedule wall as he squints. “There’s an angioplasty scheduled? I need to be in on that. Sonia, babe, you have to get me into that.”
With your chin in your arm casually leaning on the desk and looking out the window you remarked “ I don’t think you’ll be able to Dr. Daniels. Seems like you’ve had your own procedure scheduled for the same time.” He finally turns to face you, while you continue to look out the window at the Manhattan skyline.
“How’d you know my name?” he asks abruptly. You lazily turn to him and tap a finger to his badge. “Right you are…ma’am. Well I can understand that this is a little complicated for you. medical schedules were difficult for me to read when I first started working here–”
“Dr. Daniels” Sonia tried to interrupt. He put his hand up to silence her.
“As I was saying I understand how complicated medical jargon can be for...” How did he manage to look like he was undressing you yet belittling and patronizing you at the same time? “someone like you.”
“Dr. Daniels!” Sonia said a little louder this time.
Cutting a look at her he continued “Even though it seems that I have a scheduled procedure I would like to move it as something more important would be taking place at that time.”
“More important than patient care?” You questioned “Seems like bad doctoring to me.”
“Again ma’am, I am sure this all has gone over your head and I would be happy to get someone to explain this in layman’s terms to you-”
“Gerald!”
“Sonia please! I have been trying to explain to this… woman.” He looked you over again, this time with more annoyance than anything else. Starting to mumble he started “ Honestly these people watch one lifetime special and get a WebMD membership and think they’re doctors now. Honestly I didn’t go to John’s Hopkins to deal with this bullshit.”
“That is no way to talk to a patient” You remark “that how you talk to all your patients?”
“First of all, you aren’t my patient ma’am; I am just trying to be curious to you, and you’re making that pretty difficult by the way. Secondly you come in here acting like you know everything because what? You read my name super fast and can read a procedure board? Thirdly, you’re putting me in a foul mood when I have an important meeting any minute now. Quite frankly I am done with this conversation so good day. He’ll be here any minute” He said straining and looking past you, down the hallway while adjusting his jacket trying to look his best.
“Well then this is as good a time as any I suppose” You reply. Fully turning to face him you badge dangled from your neck. “ I’m ‘Him’. Hello Dr. Gerald Daniels. My name is Dr. Y/F/N Y/L/N. You can just call me Dr. Y/L/N. I’ve heard I am the resident Cardio God.”
He looked as if he was going to shit a ton of bricks. All that could be heard was Sonia snickering and when you turned to look at her she was typing jibberish on a blank word document. You had to laugh at her antics. Flinging your coat onto the couch in her office, you called over your shoulder “Sonia my messages in 5 please. I’d like some tea as well. Surprise me.” You slammed your door closed and sat at your desk. Damn it felt good to be the boss.
The rest of your day went by without a hitch and at 4:55 you heard a knock coming from your door.
“Come in!”
The door opened slowly to reveal a humbled looking Dr. Daniels with a blueberry scone in one hand and a cheesy mug in the other. You didn’t want to laugh but you did. You loved bad jokes.
“Dr. Y/L/N, listen I am so sorry about this morning. I was really amped to meet you and I went about things the wrong way. I would like us to start again… If that’s alright with you. Please don't let my poor behavior taint your opinion of me. I get a little high strung with a mix of competitive and it usually doesn’t manifest in the way it did today and I cannot stress how sorry I am about it-” You put your hand up cutting him off.
“ Look dude. You were totally an asshole and should actually be reporting to HR. I was going to report you myself but I asked around about you and apparently you aren’t usually that way with patients. In fact doctors and patients around seem to love you, I couldn't get one bad thing said about you. So I’m giving you a second chance, because I believe in those. But you’re on probation with ME.”
“Thank you Dr. Y/L/N! This is such a relief for me!”
“But tighten up! I don't want that kind of trash in my halls again, Daniels! I mean it!” Looking at the clock “And after hours it’s just Y/F/N. Are those for me?
“Of course!” Handing you the scone he got a packet of heavy cream and jam and gave that to you as well. “Blueberry tea. I sort of have a thing for blueberries and I grow this myself.”
Nodding you took a sip. It was delightful. It tasted as if you could bottle up the feeling of a country afternoon eating a picnic on some grassy hill with cows roaming over yonder.
“Daniels this is delicious. I’m going to have to get the leaves from you sometime.”
“If I give them to you, could you lift my probation?”
“Don't push it!” Throwing his hands up he made a ‘no offense motion and laughed’ backing out of the office he said he would see you tomorrow.
Officially off the clock you brought out your laptop and logged onto Tumblr. You sent your beta a message.
MSG to Jay: Jaybaby. I know this is coming late. I know, I know. Works got me swamped but on the up and up I’ve come up with some new heat and I’m sure the readers will love it. Here are the next few chapters. Could you get them back to me within the week? Love ya big time. X
You sent that and started with your new fic. This one was about a girl moving next door to captain America and basically falling in love with him. It’s going to be super fluff and light hearted cuteness. There’ll probably be a situation where oh no! they have to sleep in the same bed or some trope shit like that. Before signing off you heard a ping and it was a couple jpegs from Rod. It was a picture of you this time. Well part of you anyway. You had your identity to worry about but your icon was a picture of your eyes and part of your hair behind your glasses. He made the most beautiful rendition of it. He also sent a couple of pictures of T’challa, Aquaman for your amusement. Attached you found a note:
Doc. You were one of the first people to start reblogging my pictures and you were the first person to write a fic based off something out of my imagination. You really gave me great feedback and support and I’ll always be grateful for that. Take care for now and happy writing.
You changed you icon to the one he painted and closed your laptop smiling. You turned off the lights to your office and started on your way home.
Tag list.
@champagnesugamama @smooth-sunflower @queenwinchester27 @hamilboots @trees-are-friends (y’all didn’t ask to be tagged explicitly but I assumed you may want to be, If not let me know and I’ll remove you from the taglist xx)
#The Captain Next Door#captain america#Captain America x black reader#Captain America fanfiction#chris evans#chris evans x black reader#chris evans fanfiction#Chris Evans x reader#Steve Rogers#steve rogers x reader#Steve Rogers x black reader#steve rogers fanfiction#TCND#black woman fanfic#black woman fanfiction#captain america fanfic#Chris Evans fanfic#Steve Rogers fanfic#black woman#black women
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The Fox Guards the Wolf
Part Sixteen
Counting Chickens Before They’ve Hatched
“What do you mean he’s gone?”
Kisuke turned slightly in his seat and cocked his head as he looked at Tessai. “Did the words somehow change meanings when I wasn’t paying attention?”
Tessai raised a hand before the Director could explode. “What Urahara-san is trying to say,” he said calmly, “is that after his meeting with Okura Kagetaka, Kurosaki Ichigo packed his belongings and vacated his Onmitsukido supplied apartment without leaving any contact information. He has not, as far as we’ve been able to discern, moved back into the apartment he had before the incident at the coffee house, or back into his family’s home.”
The Director frowned at Kisuke’s carelessly swinging geta, each slap of it against the bottom of his foot cranking the man’s temper another notch higher. Kisuke kept the rhythm constant, a small aggression in lieu of the larger ones he would prefer.
“I thought you said he was in danger from Okura?” The Director pinched the butt of the cigarette in his mouth and pulled a long drag from it, blowing it towards the men across the desk from him.
Kisuke stilled. “He is still in danger from Okura, and it isn’t as if I could stop him.”
Kawasaki Ryō had been Director for as long as Kisuke had been in the Onmi. His methods had never changed, no matter what the world around him did, and he sneered at Kisuke’s denial.
“Sure. And I’m Ultraman.” His lips twisted in a smirk as he sucked on his cigarette. “You brought him here to get Okura’s attention, and now that you have it you’ve sent the kid out as bait. I didn’t think you had it in you anymore, Getaboshi. It’s almost like the old days.”
Tessai shifted in his seat but didn’t say anything.
“Actually,” Kisuke said, snapping his fan open and waving it in counterpoint to his swinging sandal, “I didn’t.” He raised an eyebrow at the man who’d become his second biggest concern. “Kurosaki signed a contract with Taka-chan that promised him more money than he’d seen in ten years as a med student or an entry level doctor and then he just… left. Stopping him, while probably in his best interests, would have been beyond my purview. He’d done nothing wrong, and his presence was strictly voluntary.”
The Director leaned forward and slapped his palms on his desk. “You’re telling me that you don’t have a line on him? He really is just gone?”
Kisuke nodded, fanning himself as he watched the red creeping up his boss’s neck.
“What is wrong with you? Have you lost your mind?” He was getting into full rant mode. “That kid has been running loose in the building for almost two months now. He’s had access to your labs. To the other agents. And you just let him go.”
Tessai made a small sound of disagreement. “It was his right to leave. He was…”
Kawasaki exploded. “I don’t give a damn what his rights are! You find that bastard and you bring him back. I don’t care if you have to dust off your shibari skills to tie him up and drag his ass back, you get him back!”
Kisuke snapped his fan shut. “I’m not going to just kidnap an innocent off the street on a whim.”
“You will do exactly that if I tell you too, Urahara-san.” The Director’s eyes were dark and angry. “The situation with Okura is your fault, and any of this… all of this… is because you chased him away. He had the potential to be the best agent in the Onmitsukido, and your…”
“Morals? Unwillingness to target civilians? Regard for the law?” Kisuke didn’t even look at him as he spoke, but he could hear the offended intake of breath across the desk. Pfft. Kawasaki’s ego was as sensitive as Taka-chan’s. Two insecure men with more power than sense. It was no wonder they got along so well.
Kawasaki growled under his breath, his anger an almost palpable thing. Kisuke made a production of looking at a dry cuticle.
“Your regard for the law.” The words dragged over broken glass. “What a joke. You know as well as I do that in the end you will do exactly what I tell you, or I will personally give Okura Kagetaka access to you, your research, and your precious little civilian.” He spat the last of the threat out like poison. “I think I could almost convince him to come back to us if I gave him that kind of welcoming present.”
Kisuke shifted in his chair and yawned delicately. “How lovely. It finally becomes clear. It isn’t just me you’re willing to sacrifice to get what you want.”
Tessai stood up. “Director,” his voice was aloe on a burn, soothing and bland, “I quite understand your frustration with having lost contact with Kurosaki. Would it be appropriate for me to assign a team for surveillance of his known locations?”
Kawasaki unclenched his jaw, forcing his eyes away from Kisuke. “Surveillance to start. Once his location is known, I want him brought in.” He bared his teeth in a shark’s smile. “For his own safety of course.”
Tessai bowed briefly to both men. “I will get right on that, then.”
As the big man left, the Director waved a hand for him to close the door behind him, leaving him an arm’s length from Kisuke.
It would be so easy to just break his neck, Kisuke thought. It wasn’t the first time, and Kisuke was certain it wouldn’t be the last. Other things needed his attention first, though.
“You wanted to say something else… Director?” He paused before the title, making his distaste clear. This man didn’t deserve his position, and Kisuke made no attempt to soften the cutting edge of his disapproval.
Yoruichi’s voice hummed in his ear. Only two life-signs in the room, Kisuke. Starting independent recording now.
Good. Now he could get things moving without having to worry about Tessai. No one else would be leverage in this fight.
“I did.” Kawasaki shook another cigarette out of his battered pack, trigger-calloused fingers making quick work of the action. “This thing with Okura has gotten out of hand.”
Kisuke pretended to misunderstand. “I agree. He has never publicly involved himself before, especially with a civilian. Clearly he is deteriorating.”
The Director blew a cloud of blue smoke. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it. I mean the snake. Involving Mamushi. You are the one who is deteriorating. You crossed a line, Urahara-san.”
Not exactly the tack he was expecting, but it supported his theory that there was a direct line of communication between Kawasaki and Okura. No one in Taka-chan’s circle would have been made privy to what happened. He couldn’t afford for his weakness to become public knowledge. Attacked in the security of his own center of operations? He would never give that information out.
Except to the Director, apparently.
“Hmmm. Pillow talk, Kawasaki-kun?” He gave a prurient little grin and crossed his legs, swinging his sandal again. “You must have hidden talents. I never pegged Taka-chan for sharing his little secrets, even during his afterglow, but then I never expected him to be attracted such an older man, either.”
Kawasaki surged to his feet, his desk squalling in objection as it gouged tracks in the tiled floor. “Shut your fucking mouth and listen for once, Ki-chan.” His face was purple, and he flung the lit cigarette at Kisuke, just missing his open neckline where it would have burned bare skin. “This is your last warning. Stay away from Okura. If you don’t—if I hear one fucking whisper about you following him, interfering with him, delivering a fucking letter to his building—I will make your life short, ugly, and miserable. And, just so we’re on the same page, consider anything that I might be able to do you to be in the cards for your little friend Kurosaki as well.”
He bared his teeth in a rictus of a grin. “Do you understand me, Ki-chan? Think before you open that mouth of yours. This is the only chance you’re going to get.”
Kisuke picked up the cigarette where it had landed in his lap and made a distasteful moue. “You know that this,” he waved the white cylinder, “is going to be the death of you. You should know better at your age. I suppose, though, that they’re right. Old dogs really don’t learn new tricks, and you are definitely,” he reached across to the over-flowing ashtray on the Director’s desk and stubbed the ember out, “an old dog. You’re lucky you’ve lasted in this game as long as you have. Have you considered what you’ll do after the powers-that-be decide that they need to drag the Onmitsukido into the 21st century? If you’re not careful they’ll just take you out behind the building and put you out of your misery.”
Silence stretched between them, the Director’s hands clenching in fury on the desktop. Kisuke made a sympathetic sound.
“Such a shame, too. After all your years of devoted service.” He looked at the older man through the shadow cast by the brim of his hat. “Maybe you could get a job working for Taka-chan. I’m sure he’d be happy to help you, even after you retire from the field. Who needs contacts or leverage, hmm? Loyalty is so much more important.”
Kawasaki scowled and jabbed a ragged-nailed finger in the air. “You know nothing about loyalty, you bastard. I’ve watched you for fifteen years. Always thinking you know best. Disregarding orders. Breaking the chain of command any time it suits you. When the time comes, I’ll be happy to sign the kill order with your name on it. Yours, Kurosaki’s, and your little friend Shihouin. Give me a reason, Ki-chan. One reason. I’ll drop you so fast you won’t know you’re dead until you’re dining in Yomi.”
Kisuke planted both feet squarely on the floor, facing his old mentor. It’s come to this.
“Have you been to the training rooms recently, Director-san?” His voice was light. Harmless. “I hope that you have. Keeping track of your subordinates’ skills is so important in these situations. Knowing exactly what talents to match with what task. Your newest batch of recruits is very different from the class I entered with. Much more independently minded. And, while they all have honed their physical skills, many of them have never even seen combat.”
Kawasaki glared, tired of the dance.
Finally.
Kawasaki leaned forward, a look of almost delight on his face.
“Oh, I know you’ll kill some of them. Maybe all of them. I don’t care. That’s the thing you never understood. I. Don’t. Care. Plus, it has the added bonus that I know killing all those so-called innocents will destroy you. I will send everyone from the senior agents down to the mail boy if I must. You are just one man. You’ll screw up sooner or later, and I will be there to laugh as you bleed out. You with your convenient morals and your ridiculous belief that the Onmi exists for any reason but what I tell it to. I know where all the bodies are buried. No one will touch me. You are out-gunned, out-classed, and out of time, Ki-chan. Today is a new day. Okura-san understands that.”
Kisuke tsked at him, rolling his eyes derisively. Such a drama queen.
“Taka-chan understands better than you do. He understands that he has you in his pocket. He gives you scraps of power and keeps you on a leash. You’re his very own pet Onmi Director. I can’t even imagine the hard-on it gives him when you two get together. Do you always kneel for him, or is that something he reserves for blowjobs?”
Kawasaki’s rage was incandescent. “How dare you speak to me that way? I’ll kill you myself. But first, I’ll have you court-martialed. How’d you like to be convicted of treason, Ki-chan? And Kurosaki, too. You can watch yet another innocent life be destroyed because you couldn’t keep your fucking mouth shut.” He almost smiled, but there were too many teeth. “I’ll ruin you first, and then I’ll have you killed. Then I’ll make your body a present to your protégé so he can take it home and piss on it. I think that will pretty much guarantee my retirement, don’t you? How’s that for a new trick, you little bitch? Hmmm?”
“Not a new trick,” Kisuke answered blandly. “Hell, not even a new family to ruin. You had Kurosaki Masaki killed. Taka-chan told me you approved it personally. Something about her connections to Mamushi’s lieutenant at the time. One of the other convenient casualties of the turf war you two engineered.”
Kawasaki dropped back into his chair and grinned. “Ah, so good of you to remember. Killing her worked even better than we’d hoped. And now, you couldn’t have done me a bigger favor than pulling Kurosaki Ichigo into the frame. What better reason for you to turn on your old yakuza associates than a new young lover whose mother was killed in a turf war? Your friend Shihouin won’t like you going against her dear Uncle Mamushi, so you’ll have to kill her, too. Then, once it’s come out that you, an Onmi-trained assassin, have killed them both, it will start a new turf war, but this time it will be between the Onmi and the yakuza. The gangs will target agents everywhere, and we will be then be able to take them out with impunity. The branches will be decimated in weeks, leaving a very nice power vacuum. Then, the public—scared to death of the yakuza—will be thrilled to accept the assistance of the Okura keiretsu. Such a respectable business, run by a retired civil servant who wants nothing more than to give back to the community that has given him so much. In the end, you will be brought in and that will be the end of Getaboshi. The irony is wonderful, isn’t it? It is practically poetic that your undoing will be the keystone of Okura-san’s success.”
“You can’t just kill me, though,” Kisuke said quietly, and Kawasaki chuckled at how much less confident he sounded.
“Oh, can’t I?” Kawasaki sat back, nicotine-stained fingers steepled. “What if you tried to kill me?” He pulled a drawer open and laid his service pistol on the desk top. “It would be easy. My word against yours.”
Kisuke snorted. “If I wanted to kill you, you’d be dead.”
Kawasaki nodded. “True. You are a born killer. Everyone knows that. But that works to my advantage as well.”
The pistol disappeared back into the desk, and Kawasaki leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially.
“You are the greatest killer the Onmitsukido has ever trained.” His voice was oily. “No one will have any trouble believing that you managed to kill the old snake where so many others failed. All I must do is convince them that after a decade of killing you’ve gone over the wall. It wouldn’t be difficult. I have reams of documents proving that you have always had zero respect for the rules, and I have dozens of people willing to testify against you. They will say anything I tell them to say.” He lit another cigarette and dragged the smoke deeply into his lungs with a satisfied sigh. “You’re trapped, Ki-chan. Even a Go master like you won’t be able to find a way out. Now, get out of my office,” the Director ordered, sneer firmly back in place. “I can’t wait until I never have to see your face again.”
Kisuke stood and stared down at the man, his face blank, before turning to leave.
“For once, something we agree on, Director,” he said. He stopped at the door and looked back over his shoulder. “I will be happy to never see your face again.”
His lip pulled up slightly at the corner as he saw the Director’s expression fade to one of doubt. He pulled the door open, and left, the seed of fear well planted behind him.
Yoruichi murmured in his ear. One life sign remains in the room. Heartrate just spiked.
Kisuke smiled.
#Urahara Kisuke#Kurosaki Ichigo#UraIchi#Bleach#Kisuke stirs up trouble#Yoruichi is listening#Tessai's smart and gets out of the way
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Dinner
SasuSaku Month 2018 - Day 12: Dinner Rating: T+ (Some language) Context: Non-massacre AU A/N: Thank you for reading and I hope you like it!
From the minute she woke up, rushed to the bathroom once she realized she had forgotten to set her alarm the previous night and tripped over a pair of shoes, Sakura knew it was going to be one of those days. She jumped into the shower and got a face full of freezing cold water, to which she proceeded to choke on for a couple of seconds. Snatching whatever she could find, she dressed quickly and flew out the window of her bedroom and headed straight to the hospital for her shift that actually started 15 minutes ago. She prided herself on her punctuality - for she had to have an unblemished record thanks to the irritating Council members that were looking for any excuse to discredit her status as Chief Doctor at the Children’s Clinic. One mistake, one slip up, could cost her everything she had worked so hard for.
Needless to say, she was given a stern lecture from one of the old fossils and handed a mountain of folders that had to be filled and dated by the end of her shift. She scoffed and made her way to her office with a large damper on her mood. Sakura had pulled a double shift the day before and had only achieved four precious hours of sleeps, so her patience was running dangerously low. One small mercy, however, was that she had no scheduled patients to see and if there were no village threatening crisis on the horizon, she’d be able to hide in her office.
An hour into staring at tiny letters on various pieces of paper, Sakura felt the beginnings of a migraine lurking at the back of her head. She set the papers down and was about to go in search of a fresh cup of coffee when a soft knock tapped against the door.
Please, don’t let it be anyone important, Sakura prayed. “Come in.”
Beautiful, silk black hair was the first thing she noticed poking through as the door opened slowly. The second was the warm smiling face of Mikoto Uchiha. Sakura stood up quickly, patting down her clothing slightly in hopes of looking more presentable, and walked around her desk.
“Saku-chan,” Mikoto greeted her. She hugged Sakura lovingly. “I’m so glad I was able to catch you. You’re always busy.”
“Hello Mikoto,” Sakura greeted her back, smiling in return.
“Honestly, they’re working you to the bone, my dear,” frowned Mikoto. “Sasuke’s been telling me about your endless amount of shifts and side missions. Those old coots don’t even leave you time to have dinner with your boyfriend’s parents. Quite rude, if I say so myself.”
Sakura stared at her puzzled. While it was true that she’d been pulling a couple of double shifts here and there, she hadn’t had a mission in months now at the request of the Hokage. Something about needing her skills more at home than in a simple mission abroad. Her puzzlement gave way to just a tiny bit of anger. Sakura never thought she’d see the day when Sasuke would willingly lie to his mother, but did he have to get her involved?
In a split second decision, she opted from calling out his lie and went along with whatever Mikoto was saying. She stored every piece of information and started plotting ways to make Sasuke cave and explain this whole mess to her before she really became angry. She couldn’t deny that she was curious, though.
“Please do say you’ll come for dinner tonight, Saku-chan?” Mikoto asked with a tiny pout. “Fugaku and Itachi actually have a day off today, so they would love to see you too!”
When it came right down to it, Sakura couldn’t refuse Mikoto any more than she could refuse petting a puppy. This woman treated her like a daughter, more so ever since she and Sasuke had made their relationship official a year ago.
“Of course, I’ll come,” smiled Sakura. “You know I can’t refuse your cooking.”
Mikoto laughed gleefully and patted her cheek. “You’re such a sweetheart, Sakura. My son better not let you go or I’ll never speak to him again.”
Sakura blushed and let out a rather embarrassed laugh. “The things you say, Mikoto.”
“I’m just telling the truth,” she grinned. “Dinner should be ready by six, so come by around 6:30, okay? Alright, I better get going and let you go back to work.”
“I’ll be there,” Sakura assured her.
“I can’t wait.” Mikoto pecked her cheek and gave her a hug before leaving the office.
Work completely forgotten, Sakura plopped back into her chair trying to figure out why Sasuke would say those things to his mother. She’s been having dinner with them once every month for years now, even before getting together with Sasuke, since they were part of the same genin squad. It’s been two months since she’s been at the Uchiha Compound due to her lately hectic schedule. She’d asked Sasuke to send her sincerest apologies to his family and he’d always tell her that it was okay. Thinking about it now, she wondered what else Sasuke had been lying about. That thought alone unsettled her. She’d never had doubts about him before and he was as honest as they came.
“What the hell’s going on, Sasuke-kun?” Sakura asked herself, temper flaring.
Her thoughts were put on hold, however, as a nurse came flying into her office and announced in a panicked voice that a small team of ANBU had been brought it with severe injuries. She was the only one on staff that had the clearance to work with ANBU and was therefore ushered away.
Sakura spent seven grueling hours in surgery fixing and mending each one of them. She wasn’t sure if it was luck or skill that kept any of them from dying on her surgery table, but she was grateful nonetheless as she finally stripped her bloody gloves off. Shizune had stepped in to help with the post-op and sent her with strict orders to go lay down. Sakura stumbled out of the ICU and miraculously made it back to her office without passing out. She crashed on her couch and clenched her eyes tight as an overwhelming wave of nausea rolled over her due to chakra depletion. She allowed herself a couple of minutes to try and even out her labored breathing. When she finally opened her eyes, she shot up from the couch with a curse.
6:24 pm.
She shrugged out of her lab coat and rushed towards the mirror behind her desk to check her reflection. A groan of misery slipped past her lips as she caught sight of herself and ran her fingers through her hair in an attempt to make it presentable. In the end she simply swept it up in a ponytail, threw her coat on and ran out of there. She refused to miss this dinner. Sakura arrived at the Uchiha compound almost fifteen minutes later, cursing up a storm as her chakra failed her so she ended up walking there. It also didn’t help that various Uchiha had tried stopping her on the way to make conversation with her or to greet her, making her even more late since she couldn’t just blow them off either. She knocked politely at the front door and took a couple of seconds to pat down her clothing to rid it of any wrinkles.
The door opened revealing Itachi, who frowned as soon as he saw her. His observant eyes took in her appearance and exhausted body posture. Not to mention her dangerously low chakra levels.
“I’m so sorry I’m late,” she apologized.
“There’s no need to worry, Sakura,” he assured her and welcomed her in. “Mother ran a bit late and we were just about to sit down. Come in.”
Itachi took her coat and led her towards the dining room where Fugaku sat at the head of the table flipping through a couple of files unbothered. She was about to greet him when Sasuke walked in from the kitchen carrying a plate of food, but froze as soon as he saw her.
“Sakura?” He looked at her confused.
Mikoto walked in right behind her son carrying another plate of food and smiled when she saw her. “Ah, Sakura! I was about to think you couldn’t make it, dear.”
“You invited her, kaa-san?” Sasuke asked his mother, his tone almost sounded accusing to Sakura. A flash of hurt stabbed her heart as she realized that maybe he didn’t want her there. She raced through her memories trying to find if she did something wrong, anything to warrant this kind of behavior towards her.
“Well, why ever not?” Mikoto pouted as she set the food plate down and placed her hands on her hips in a challenging manner. “You said tonight was a special dinner and Sakura-chan is important to this family.”
Sasuke set his own food plate down on the table. “I never said she wasn’t important. I only wanted a dinner with just us.”
“Sasuke, explain yourself,” Fugaku frowned at his son’s unusual behavior. He didn’t fail to see the hurt in Sakura’s eyes and frowned further.
“I-I should probably go,” Sakura spoke up sadly. She didn’t know what was going on with her boyfriend, but if he didn’t want her there then she wasn’t going to overstay her welcome. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your plans, Sasuke. I’m sorry.” She started to head towards the front door.
Mikoto turned to her youngest son, angry. “Sasuke, what’s wrong with you?”
“That is no way to treat your girlfriend, little brother,” Itachi chastised him.
Sasuke watched Sakura walk away with slumped shoulders in a defeated manner and felt angry with himself. He tried running to her, but his family was in his way and scolding him. Fed up with the situation, he sighed in irritation.
“I’m going to marry Sakura!” He shouted, effectively shutting up his family. Sakura froze on the threshold of the dining room then whirled around, staring at him in shock. “The reason why I wanted this dinner with you three was to let you know of my intention to ask Sakura to marry me.”
There was a tense silence before Mikoto broke out in a high pitched squeal and hugged Fugaku in happiness. Itachi shook his head at his brother’s mess of a situation, but couldn’t be happier. Sakura, on the other hand, was still in shock. The words marry Sakura were swirling around in her head over and over until reality set in. Her breath caught in her throat and the world around her turned black.
Sasuke felt her practically non-existent chakra flare in response a second before she passed out and flash stepped just in time to catch her. He cradled her against his chest tenderly
“Honey, we need to work on your proposal,” Mikoto said, worriedly.
“Yeah, you might actually end up killing from shock next time,” Itachi retorted with a chuckle. “Wait until Izumi and Shisui get wind of this.”
Sasuke glared at his brother and hissed. “Shut it.”
“Izumi and Shisui? You mean, wait until Tsunade hears you rendered her precious student unconscious,” Fugaku added in with the slightest hint of a teasing tone.
“I’m never having dinner with you guys again.” Sasuke picked up his girlfriend gently and headed to his room. He could have sworn he heard laughter coming from downstairs as he closed his bedroom door.
He barely lay Sakura down on his bed when she groaned softly and her eyes fluttered open. She blinked a couple of times to chase away the lightheadedness and focused on Sasuke’s worried face. Sakura was struck with how handsome he looked that she almost forgot about what just happened. Almost. Her hand closed into a fist in anger and punched him on the shoulder, hard.
“What the fuck?” Sasuke swore as he grabbed her wrist to stop her from hitting him again. His shoulder throbbed painfully.
“That’s for lying to your mother and to me, you jerk,” Sakura glared at him.
Sasuke sighed in defeat, letting go of her wrist. He reached down and stroked her cheek. “I’m sorry. I went about this the wrong way.”
“Hmph.” Sakura pouted, turning her head away and stared at the wall instead of his intense obsidian eyes that nearly had her forgetting what she was mad about.
“Sakura,” he smirked at her. “Do you know how long I’ve been planning this? I’ve been having dinner with your parents for the past two months.”
“What?” Sakura snapped her attention back to him in shock.
“Your parents are incredibly protective of their only child and it took a lot of talking to get their blessing, especially your mother,” Sasuke replied. “I meant to voice my intentions to my family tonight, so they can let the clan heads know that I’m not marrying anyone else.”
“Oh, Sasuke-kun…” Her eyes filled with tears as her heart filled with joy at his words. While most of the Uchiha clan had readily accepted her, there were some that did not approve of Fugaku’s second heir - yet heir nonetheless - having a relationship with an ‘outsider’, even one as distinguished as her.
Sasuke let out a small smile and slipped down on the bed next to her. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against him tightly, and hid his face in her hair. Her familiar scent washed over him and erased all the troubles he was carrying on his shoulders.
“I love you, Sakura,” he whispered against her neck so lowly she almost missed it. “I want you to be my wife… if you’ll have me as your husband.”
Sakura shivered, her heart racing. She turned her head until she caught sight of the eyes she loved so much. The emotions brimming in his eyes left no room for doubt. They were honest and made her feel incredibly loved. Without another thought, she reached up to grab a fistful of his hair and pulled him down until their lips met in a flurry of passion.
“My family’s waiting downstairs,” Sasuke mumbled against her soft lips.
“Then you better be quiet,” Sakura mumbled back seductively and tugged on his hair roughly just the way she knew he liked it. The groan that reverberated in his chest was all the response she needed.
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"My Dear Theo"
A letter from Vincent Van Gogh to his brother Theo Van Gogh (written between Monday, 11 and Thursday, 14 August 1879)
It’s mainly to tell you that I’m grateful for your visit that I’m writing to you. It was quite a long time ago that we saw each other or wrote to each other as we used to. All the same, it’s better that we feel something for each other rather than behave like corpses towards one another, the more so because as long as one has no real right to be called a corpse by being legally dead, it smacks of hypocrisy or at least childishness to pose as such. Childish in the manner of a young man of 14 years who thinks that his dignity and social standing actually oblige him to wear a top hat. The hours we spent together in this way have at least assured us that we’re both still in the land of the living. When I saw you again and took a walk with you, I had the same feeling I used to have more than I do now, as though life were something good and precious that one should cherish, and I felt more cheerful and alive than I had been for a long time, because in spite of myself life has gradually become or has seemed much less precious to me, much more unimportant and indifferent. When one lives with others and is bound by a feeling of affection one is aware that one has a reason for being, that one might not be entirely worthless and superfluous but perhaps good for one thing or another, considering that we need one another and are making the same journey as travelling companions. Proper self-respect, however, is also very dependent on relations with others.
A prisoner who’s kept in isolation, who’s prevented from working, would in the long run, especially if this were to last too long, suffer the consequences just as surely as one who went hungry for too long. Like everyone else, I have need of relationships of friendship or affection or trusting companionship, and am not like a street pump or lamp-post, whether of stone or iron, so that I can’t do without them without perceiving an emptiness and feeling their lack, like any other generally civilized and highly respectable man — and I tell you these things to let you know what a salutary effect your visit had on me.
And just as I wished that we not drift apart, this is also the case with regard to those at home. Even so, at the moment I really dread going there and am strongly inclined to stay here. It could, however, be my fault, and you could be right in thinking that I don’t see things straight, which is why it may be that, despite my great reluctance and notwithstanding that it’s a hard journey, I’m going to Etten for at least a few days.
As I think back on your visit with thankfulness, our talks naturally come to mind. I’ve heard such talks before, many, in fact, and often. Plans for improvement and change and raising the spirits — and yet, don’t let it anger you, I’m a little afraid of them — also because I sometimes acted upon them and ended up rather disappointed. How much has been well thought out that is, however, impracticable.
The time spent at Amsterdam is still so fresh in my memory. You were there yourself, and so you know how the pros and cons were weighed, considered and deliberated upon, reasoned with wisdom, how it was well meant — and yet how pitiful the result, how daft the whole business, how grossly stupid. I still shudder at the thought. It was the worst time I’ve ever gone through. How desirable and appealing the rather difficult and troubled days here in this poor country, in these primitive surroundings, seem to me compared with then. Something similar, I fear, will be the result of following wise counsel given with the best of intentions.
For such experiences are pretty drastic for me. The damage, the sorrow, the heart’s regretfulness is too great for both of us not to have learned the hard way. If we don’t learn from this, what shall we then learn from? A striving such as reaching the goal set before me, as it was put then, truly that is an ambition that won’t easily take hold of me again, the desire to achieve it has cooled considerably, and I now look at things from a different perspective, even though it may sound and look attractive, and even though it’s unacceptable to think about it as experience taught me to think about it. Unacceptable, yes, just as, for example, Francq the Evangelist finds it unacceptable that I declared the sermons given by the Rev. Jean Andry to be only slightly more evangelical than the sermons of a priest. I would rather die a natural death than be prepared for it by the academy, and have occasionally had a lesson from a grass-mower4 that seemed to me more useful than one in Greek.
Improvement in my life — should I not desire it or should I not be in need of improvement? I really want to improve. But it’s precisely because I yearn for it that I’m afraid of remedies that are worse than the disease. Can you blame a sick person if he looks the doctor straight in the eye and prefers not to be treated wrongly or by a quack?
Does someone who has consumption or typhus do wrong by maintaining that a stronger remedy than barley water might be useful or even necessary, or, finding that barley water in itself can do no harm, nevertheless doubts its efficacy and potency in his particular case?
The doctor who prescribed barley water mustn’t say, this patient is a stubborn person who is set upon his own ruin because he doesn’t want to take medicine — no, because the man is not unwilling, but the so-called medicine was unsuitable, because it was indeed ‘it’ but still not yet ‘it’ at all.
Do you blame someone if he fails to be moved by a painting which is recorded in the catalogue as a Memling but which has nothing to do with Memling other than that it’s a similar subject from the Gothic period but without artistic value?
And if you should now assume from what I’ve said that I intended to say you were a quack because of your advice then you will have completely misunderstood me, since I have no such idea or opinion of you.
If, on the other hand, you think that I thought I would do well to take your advice literally and become a lithographer of invoice headings and visiting cards, or a bookkeeper or a carpenter’s apprentice — likewise that of my very dear sister Anna to devote myself to the baker’s trade or many other things of that kind (quite remarkably diverse and mutually exclusive) — which it was suggested I pursue, you would also be mistaken.
But, you say, I’m not giving you this advice for you to follow to the letter, but because I thought you had a taste for idling and because I was of the opinion that you should put an end to it.
Might I be allowed to point out to you that such idling is really a rather strange sort of idling. It’s rather difficult for me to defend myself on this score, but I would be sorry if you couldn’t eventually see this in a different light. I also don’t know if I would do well to counter such accusations by following the advice to become a baker, for example. That would really be a sufficient answer (supposing it were possible for us to assume the guise of a baker or hair-cutter or librarian with lightning speed) and yet actually a foolish response, rather like the way the man acted who, when accused of heartlessness because he was sitting on a donkey, immediately dismounted and continued on his way with the donkey on his shoulders.
And, joking apart, I honestly think it would be better if the relationship between us were more trusting on both sides. If I must seriously feel that I’m annoying or burdensome to you or those at home, useful for neither one thing nor another, and were to go on being forced to feel like an intruder or a fifth wheel in your presence, so that it would be better I weren’t there, and if I should have to continue trying to keep further and further out of other people’s way — if I think that indeed it would be so and cannot be otherwise, then I’m overcome by a feeling of sorrow and I must struggle against despair.
It’s difficult for me to bear these thoughts and more difficult still to bear the thought that so much discord, misery and sorrow, in our midst and in our family, has been caused by me.
If it were indeed so, then I’d truly wish that it be granted me not to have to go on living too long. Yet whenever this depresses me beyond measure, all too deeply, after a long time the thought also occurs to me: it’s perhaps only a bad, terrible dream, and later we’ll perhaps learn to understand and comprehend it better. But is it not, after all, reality, and won’t it one day become better rather than worse? To many it would no doubt appear foolish and superstitious to believe in any improvement for the better. Sometimes in winter it’s so bitterly cold that one says, it’s simply too cold, what do I care whether summer comes, the bad outweighs the good. But whether we like it or not, an end finally comes to the hard frost, and one fine morning the wind has turned and we have a thaw. Comparing the natural state of the weather with our state of mind and our circumstances, subject to variableness and change, I still have some hope that it can improve.
If you write, soon perhaps, you will make me happy. Just in case, address your letter care of J.Bte Denis, rue du Petit-Wasmes à Wasmes (Hainaut)
Walked to Wasmes after your departure that evening. Have since drawn a portrait.
Adieu, accept in thought a handshake, and believe me
Yours truly,
Vincent
Original Letter below
#van gogh#letters#vincent van gogh#van gogh letters#theo van gogh#vincent#long post#text#depression#artist#starry night#indie#hipster#art
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