#do you think Arthur remembered that phrase?

[arthur-lesters-right-arm]

-

Once more, with feeling.

Part 34 The Butcher // Part 38 The Tear

[snakeunderyourboot]

we should talk about malevolent but soulmates au, especially in the context of Jarthur

Imagine the situation when your soulmate is not only some eldritch being BUT ALSO someone you have to share a body with. Also, it could be both romantic and platonic

like....there are many different versions of how soulmates work. There could be soulmate marks, or being colorblind and only seeing color when you met your soulmate, the timer that runs out when you see your soulmate, the first phrase they are going to say to you, some tatoo, or even just a name etc etc. All of those are potentially interesting, ESSPECIALLY if we apply them to jarthur

Soulmate marks, where Arthur left pinkie has a darker color. Or his eyes are. Or all parts that John would later come to possess have darker color. OR Arthur has weird scars that no human has ever seen before and could not be explained by any human logic. It is almost like they are divine in nature.

Seeing color when you first meet your soulmate, where Arthur has never in his life seen color. He has no idea what John means when he says that something is yellow, because what the fuck yellow even means. Sure, he knows that the sun is yellow or dandelions are yellow, but he doesn't understand. He would probably think that John is able to see colors because he is outwordly being so he doesn't apply by the same rules mortals do. And if it is true, what if John being able to see color is his proof that he is human, that he is no longer God. Or if it is NOT true and gods do have soulmates, what if Kayne or King in Yellow mention something about it?

Would Yellow see color? Would he see it with Larson? Would he see it later in Dreamlands, whenever he is?

The timer that runs out when you meet your soulmate, what if Arthur's timer is all fucked up, with strange symbols, that are always changing? And what if the second he picked up the book his timer abruptly stopped on zero? What if John later asks what the strange line of zeroes means and Arthur wouldn't know what to even say to that. What if in Addison his timer is back again to being all fucked up and Larson notices it and recognizes some of the symbols? What if after he has Yellow, his timer is also all fucked up?

The first phrase your soulmate is going to say to you, where Arthur doesn't have "Don't you remember?" INSTEAD he has "Arthur? Arthur!" because that is the first thing JOHN tells him after a coma? I just think it would be neat if the prase is from John when he is John, and not the Entity. You know what, we can even play it out to episode 43, where Arthur has tattooed the first words John says to him when he is resurrected. ORRR what if it's the first words John says after he has his own body?

In the same way, John doesn't have the soulmate mark until they are in the hospital or in the witch's lair? Or what if it is different, what if the words tattoed on your skin are the words your soulmate says when they realize they love you. Would then Arthur's words be "I suppose so" (when he talks to the King in Yellow in s2 finale) while John has "Because I care about him?"(from s4 finale)?? What if he only understands what the words mean when they are confronting the Witch?

This is actually my favorite variant because THERE IS SO MUCH that could be said.

A tattoo where again Arthur's tattoo is all fucked up, some weird sign that he knows nothing about. He starts looking, finds some mentions of eldritch gods, and decides that NOPE he is out of here. And then he meets John?

Or even just a regular name, where life is so much more complicated for Arthur. I would say homosexuality would be acceptable much earlier in human history if soulmates were a thing, but I would say he still would have a hard time with it. John is one of the most common names, but the problem is also that the name "John Doe" is literally given to people who are not identified. Can you imagine how long Arthur needs to search for his soulmate? And then in the hospital when John asks to be called by John and Arthur is just head in hands??

And you could say even MORE I just listed the most popular and the ones that come first to my mind. We should talk about malevolent soulmates au because this is an entirely new level that is so interesting to talk about

EDIT: also I did not mention Arthur relationship with love BUT we could play it out too. Arthur could be completely ignorant of the soulmarks. Or he could think that soulmarks mean only romantic love. Or both of these or neither or something completely different!

[kissme-withyour-cherrylipstick]

Merry Kissmas, Day 23

Merlin has never been so miserable. After what happened over the weekend while Christmas shopping and all the things they said to one another, Arthur pulls a two-point lead. And kisses him like that . Merlin is so confused now. He must have misunderstood everything from the past three days, because he was starting to believe it was possible this was more than a game, but now everything is upside-down again and Merlin is left hanging.

When Arthur texts him, his heart leaps into his throat.

“What is it?” asks Gwen, who has been wonderfully supportive and perceptive throughout this whole ordeal.

“It’s Arthur. He wants me to come to his office.”

“Oh. That’s not necessarily bad, remember what happened last time.”

“Yeah, but would he do that twice? I don’t think so.”

“He probably just wants some privacy.”

“Oh shut up , Gwen.”

She smiles that sweet smile of hers. “Do let me know what happens.”

The blinds covering the glass wall of Arthur’s office are drawn when Merlin arrives. Was Gwen right about the privacy thing? Strange.

“For what purpose have you summoned me to your chambers, my lord?” Merlin asks with a sarcastic bow as he enters and sees Arthur at his desk. The light in the office is dim with the blinds closed and Merlin is certain he’s never seen Arthur’s office like this.

Arthur grimaces. “Don’t call me that.” He stands and circles to the front of the desk and Merlin’s spine stiffens, weirdly terrified that Arthur will kiss him. He should have left the door open for a quick escape. But Arthur just leans on his desk like he did last time. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Why?” Merlin can’t shake his suspicious feeling.

“I’m sorry about what I did yesterday.”

“What?” Of all the things, this is not what Merlin expected.

“I shouldn’t have done that after we basically agreed to keep it at a tie until Christmas Eve.”

“ What ?”

“It’s very near the end. I got a bit carried away. I know I upset you. I’m sorry.”

“That’s—” Merlin bites back his response, not wanting to admit the real reason he needed Arthur off of him at that moment. “Really?”

“Yes. To make it up to you, I want you to kiss me.”

I want you to kiss me . Why would he phrase it like that? This man is insane , Merlin decides. “Hm... I don’t know if I want to,” he hedges.

Arthur looks shocked. “If you don’t, I’ll be forced to kiss you and that will be it. It will be over.”

“Maybe it’s for the best.”

Now he looks hurt. “You don’t mean that.”

Merlin’s chest tightens and he steps closer, but not too close. “Arthur. I don’t want to do this if you don’t.”

“I do. I want you to kiss me.”

Those words again, combined with Arthur’s face, let Merlin believe that he really means it, that the game doesn’t matter anymore, that it’s no longer about points or winning or any of that bullshit and that Arthur really does just want Merlin to kiss him.

Merlin rushes forward into Arthur’s arms, only just making sure Arthur doesn’t kiss him first, and connects his lips to Arthur’s, surprised to find him so receptive, then his mouth opens and Merlin lets himself sink into the kiss, already so familiar and inviting, his hands tangling into Arthur’s hair and jacket, and he allows himself this moment for as long as he can before the thought that this is only a game comes creeping back in and he pulls away, but Arthur looks so invested that he goes back in for another, a short, indulgent kiss that immediately fills him with shame.

“I’m sorry,” Merlin says, stepping back from a surprised Arthur. “I know that doesn’t count.” He puts a hand over his mouth as the realization that he’s basically just told Arthur that this is more than just a game for him washes over him. “I’m sorry.” He turns and flees.

“Merlin—” Arthur calls, but Merlin is already gone.

Gwen notices something is wrong as soon as Merlin gets back to his desk.

“What happened?” she asks.

Merlin shakes his head. “I can’t talk about it right now.”

“After work? I’ll walk with you?”

Merlin turns his downcast eyes up to her with a sad smile. “Thank you.” Arthur may be his best friend, but Gwen is also his best friend. And less emotionally constipated.

Merlin manages to avoid Arthur out of embarrassment for the rest of the day, then slips out with Gwen as quickly as possible. It’s cold and dark out and they hold their coats close against the wind, but the lights of Christmas in the city illuminate their path.

“So what happened?” Gwen asks again.

“I don’t know how to explain it, really. It—it was like... his exact words were, ‘I want you to kiss me.’”

She looks dumbfounded. “That sounds like a good thing.”

“But—it’s just about the game.”

“Oh, Merlin.”

Merlin glances at her. She looks sympathetic, but still a bit exasperated at his idiocy. “There’s more. I kissed him. Twice. It doesn’t count after the first time. There was no reason to do it a second time. He knows. He knows how I feel. There’s no way he doesn’t anymore.”

“Oh, Merlin,” Gwen says again, still patient, just less so. “That’s why you’ve been avoiding him?”

“I know. It’s stupid. But I don’t want him to tell me he doesn’t feel the same way. That’s what I’m afraid of. I’m a coward.”

“That’s perfectly natural, Merlin. This can either go very well or very poorly for you at this point, but I’m sure it will go well. I know he feels the same way about you.”

“How can you possibly know that?”

“Merlin, you don’t get it because you’re in there,” she gestures at his face, “but the rest of us are out here, and it’s pretty obvious from where we stand.”

“What do you mean ‘we?’”

“The rest of us in the office. You’ve been kissing each other in front of us for almost a month now. It’s kind of a lot.”

“You’ve been talking about it with them.”

“I don’t need to. I can see it for myself. You two love each other.”

He stares at Gwen in apprehensive amazement, then turns his eyes skyward in agony. “I sure hope so.”

[windypuddle]

Based entirely on the two Mikoto MVs, I'm convinced Mikoto is the personality that killed all the people and John was the one doing the cleanup afterwards. John says "I learned how to clean a crime scene for you. Please jsut say thank you once please"

See I , when I found out that John could attack Es but Mikoto can't, also thought that Mikoto is the one who did the actual murders. Because if MILGRAM can differentiate between the two, you'd think it can differentiate correctly. Unless they just had to encode Mikoto in there somehow before they knew about John... but I can't think of how something like that would be able to tell the difference. Maybe brainwave patterns? the whole "prisoners can't attack the warden" and the 09 situation is really interesting too. MILGRAM is either supernatural (...they do have a telepathic rabbit) or extremely futuristically high-tech ("any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic" - arthur c clarke). And if it was that level... you'd hope its accurate.

Sorry. long winded way of saying I agree that Mikoto is the one who actually did the murder.

This was definitely what I thought before Double came out, and i only listened to the 09 t2 voice drama recently. I don't remember much of it besides John being scared that if he's fronting too often, Mikoto will disappear, and he doesn't want that to happen because he did all this to protect him, so he (John) should be the one to disappear. But I think (and correct me if I'm wrong) but when a system forms due to some traumatic event, usually the system forms after the event itself, so it would make sense if Mikoto did that, then John formed and cleaned it up, and Mikoto simply blocked out the memories. But Mikoto on his own repressing the memories seems more complicated than him simply not remembering it because he didn't do it, since amnesia is one of the diagnostic symptoms of DID; at least, it would make more sense as per Occam's razor.

[dramatic pause while i go rewatch MeMe and Double. putting this under the cut because it got super long]

MeMe

"I'd play dead even though I'm alive" (subtitle translation, bear with me) is a really interesting line. It could be referencing this facade that Mikoto is putting up about not knowing anything, or possibly his attitude during the murder detaching himself ("playing dead") even though he's the one actually doing it, leading to repressing the memory/pretending it was just a dream.

"'I' will save 'me'" as a line coming *after* the actual murder is interesting. I do think the general view of MeMe is that the more angry/harsher voice is John, while the milder one is Mikoto, but maybe it's not that simple. Nothing is ever that simple with MILGRAM...

"I won't forgive you if this is happening to me even though I'm right" is also interesting in that he turns the forgiven/unforgiven thing back on Es. But what is he "right" about? That he didn't do anything? The phrasing and use of "if" implies that he isn't certain.

The second murder/verse shows Mikoto in the Hanged Man t-shirt (the hanged man signifies sacrifice or indecision/waiting), which is also what he wears in the chorus where his voice is softer, supposed to be Mikoto and not John... earlier at the line of "I will save me" he takes the shirt off and puts on a plain white shirt and talks about shaking it up/switch up that brain, which only John seems to be aware of being a system, so if the plain shirt/shirtless is John and the tarot shirt is Mikoto... then that would indeed be Mikoto murdering someone.

In the mirror scene after the shower, when it sort of zooms out, the Mikoto closer to the camera is wearing his jacket (you can see it on his arm at 1:44) ... interesting. and then the "Take a good look at me until you find me, the truth will come to reveal itself" in the chorus... right after the mirror thing.... very interesting. veeerrrry interesting.

And then he gets the Devil card. Meaning (according to various sources) obsession, addiction, powerlessness, excess; violence and fatality; your "inner demons"/"shadow self"; and in the Fool's Journey, economic materialism. Hmm. like a job. That connects to how John says the stress of his job is what drove them to murder people as stress relief. Another observation: Most iterations of the Devil card have the Devil perched on some kind of pedestal which has two people chained to it, a man and a woman; Mikoto's version of the deck has neither of those people, but some strange objects instead, and the Devil's body is a mannequin, like the ones on the train in Double.

...

And then we see both of them in the same outfit, so maybe just ignore what I said about the shirts...

The security footage after the line "I'm already the fake one" implies that Mikoto doesn't remember those moments directly, but maybe is aware of them due to evidence/the actual security footage

In the very last chorus he flips the Fool card at the viewer, signifying that he's the one that the Fool's Journey is applying to here... and then does a whole tarot spread that i do NOT know enough to interpret. and then the last card he flips over is Death. Meaning transformation, release, change. Essentially, letting go of the past to embrace the future. Hmm. That makes me think John could entirely replace Mikoto by the end of MILGRAM. But who knows...

Double

Right off the bat we get John talking about all these recurring themes, that Mikoto is overstressed and work and too much of a people pleaser, but he needs to stop taking on so much, and John will help him deal with all the pressure and protect him from the consequences.

All this language about John "saving" Mikoto definitely could be implying that he cleans up the scene afterwards. While he does acknowledge that the murder was for stress relief, I don't think he'd go so far as to say randomly killing people is "saving" Mikoto; but if Mikoto was killing people, and John was cleaning up the evidence, that could definitely be it.

Based on the cues to tell the difference between John and Mikoto, the bridge of Double seems to be Mikoto on the phone with his mom, and John killing indiscriminate people... But tbh every single person in this series in as unreliable narrator. just to keep that in mind.

The ending frames of Double go so hard. I think it is Mikoto saying "I'm so sorry" which could be him apologizing for the trouble he's caused with all this damn murder! or just like.... everything. in general. Idk.

TLDR I'm not certain on the specifics of Mikoto and John's whole situation, but I can absolutely believe that Mikoto is the one who committed the murders, and the structure of Milgram itself supports this. The MVs complicate things but people are complicated. I 🩵 unreliable narrators

[insomniac4000]

If you Loved Me- A ChrisMD Fic

From my Wattpad

Sometimes if you love someone you have to let them go, you never understood that phrase until it came a point in your relationship with Chris that it was obvious it was no longer going to work. His channel was keeping him busier and busier and flights to the mainland were happening more frequently, it was only a matter of time until the question came up but you knew you couldn't go with him.

"But I've found a great flat, it's on the ground floor it has two bedrooms your mum can stay," Chris pleaded as he looked into your eyes, they were brimming with tears, this wasn't a journey you could go on. Your mother had been ill for as long as you could remember and she was only getting worse, degenerative diseases did that but she could live for another twenty years with round the clock care or she could die tomorrow, you couldn't leave her and couldn't ask her to leave her home. All the specialist equipment was set up for her here, she had a sister who would help, she had the carers she knew and recognised.

"You say it like it's easy. She can't get on a flight you know that." Your mum's muscle disease had now rendered her bed bound, she had been for six months now. There was no way to get her to the main island even she wanted to. 

"We can find a way, boat? I'll pay for a private ambulance and then..." You cut him off, with your eyes flooded with tears you hugged Chris tightly before painstakingly pulling away, your heart ached, more than it had ever done before, more than when your dad left when you were ten. He couldn't hack it anymore, it had only been you and your mum since and it had to stay that way she needed you. 

"Chris. This is your dream, not mine. I need to stay here I'm sorry," you whispered. Chris gasped sharply knowing what you were doing but wanted to fight it every step of the way. You had been together since you were fifteen, you were twenty four now these kind of romances were so few and far between. 

"My dream is being with you."

"Don't. You've let me hold you back for this long, you need to go and I need to stay here. I love you but we're at a crossroads now and we've got different paths." You had always felt guilty every time Chris ended a shoot early or came back from the mainland early because there was an emergency with your mum. You couldn't do that to him anymore. 

"Please don't do this," Chris whispered his eyed now spilling with tears, he grabbed your arms tightly but not to hurt you as he went to kiss you. You turned your head away and shook it, knowing if you kissed him you wouldn't be able to let him go and you had to. Instead you placed a kiss on his cheek and told him you loved him and you were proud of him for following his dreams. You turn turned on his heel and left his house, leaving a very heartbroken man standing in the doorway to his room. 

Of course Chris did go, him being able to collaborate more only made his channel grew. In fact he ended up moving in with a couple of other content creators George Clarke and Arthur Hill with yours and Chris's old school friend Arthur Frederick not far away. The four collaborated a lot, along with some other people and whenever you got time you watched some of their videos. You tried to make a point not to watch him a lot, you still loved him and as much as this is what he needed to do it was hard to hear jokes about all the dates he went on. 

The truth was Chris went on so many dates because he was desperately trying to find someone but no one matched up to you, every single woman was measured to you and none of them made the cut, he told himself he just had to keep looking. 

He was currently making a video with Arthur, George, Harry and Theo when Arthur who was on his phone like usual gasped. 

"Chris, Chris I think you need to come and see this," Arthur bellowed as loud as he could in his usually soft voice. 

"Arthur I don't care about chess," Chris moaned as he dropped the football by his feet.

"Chris please." Arthur looked so serious that Chris couldn't help but run over, he looked at the screen and his face dropped when he saw a message from Arthur's mum saying that your mum had passed away. Chris got his phone out of his pocket and saw a similar message from his mum, with the additional info that the funeral would be Friday. 

"What do I do?" Chris asked.

"What's happened?" Harry enquired, walking over to the Jersey pair. 

"Y/N's mum's died." Arthur announced sadly, he then turned his attention back to the small man who was running his hands through his hair. "I think you need to go."

"You're right." Chris nodded, that smart little nerd was always right. Harry then placed an arm round his friend, along with Arthur he was the other person who knew how much that girl meant to him through his time visiting Chris and doing videos in Jersey. 

Back in Jersey you were coping but only on the surface. The funeral arrangements were keeping you busy enough to stop yourself from losing it completely, to an observer you were doing very well getting your head down and organising everything. The truth was your mum had her wishes laid out years ago so you knew what to do. People who knew you a bit more noticed how quiet you were, Chris's mum came over with a cup of tea and a cake from your favourite bakery plus some home made pasta bake so you didn't have to worry about cooking. She was always sweet to you, even after the breakup if she saw you round the island she'd always stop for a quick chat, making a point to not mention her son as she knew you were hurting too. 

It was the day before the funeral and you sat there in your living room, it was yours now but you didn't want it you just wanted her back. The doorbell went and you sighed before getting up from the cream sofa walking to the door, assuming it was someone checking in on you, your aunt or some more flowers you opened it not caring you were still in your PJ's at two o clock in the afternoon. There on the other side of the door was the only other person you had wanted to see again apart from your mum. You hated yourself for thinking about how good he looked, his hair was now natural and curly and he had sprouted now facial hair, it suited him. Completely forgetting you two hadn't spoken in two years you broke down into tears and fell into his open arms. He wrapped them around you as tightly as he could without hurting placing his head on yours as you sobbed into his shoulder. 

"Shhh it's okay. I'm here now." Chris soothed, his voice sounded like angels singing it had been so long since you had heard it not being through a screen. Chris had arrived in Jersey that morning, he caught up with his mum who had told him the how and when's, suggesting that she could really do with a friend to speak to as her mum's health had worsened so much since Chris moved that you spent all of your time caring for her and most people your age had moved on with their own lives. He held you there for a few minutes until you calmed down and the cries turned to small sobs. 

"Did you want a cup of tea?" Chris asked, you nodded only realising you had barely drunk anything that day, you weren't taking proper care of yourself, it was too easy to forget to eat, or drink, or change you looked down at your attire. 

"Please. Sorry for the state of me."

"You never need to apologise for anything. Ever." Chris's words gave you some relief. Him letting you know that he wasn't mad at you for everything is all you ever wanted to know. 

"Place hasn't changed much," Chris mused when the pair of you were sipping on your tea, he even bought out a pack of biscuits from one of the cupboards. 

"Dunno what I'm going to do with it now, or with my life." The house belonged to your grandparents who, knowing their daughter was ill left it to her and she now in turn had left it to her daughter. All you have known for years is looking after your mum, you had a job in a book shop but it was part time, the owner knew you and your mother and was very understanding to your situation giving you time off and flexible hours. You would have gone to university but couldn't leave your mum, you put your life on hold for her which was why you wouldn't let Chris do the same for you. It took everything in Chris's power not to say to come back with him, now wasn't the time you needed him to be there and he was. 

He sat next to you at the funeral, held your hand he looked up at you encouraging you to go on as you read the eulogy. He had his arm around you as you watched the coffin get lowered for the final time. He stayed in your spare room for three nights, making you breakfast every morning and dinner every evening until he had to go back to film. 

"There is no pressure but it wanted a break you can come and see me," Chris offered before he left. You nodded and did think about it seriously, he called and messaged you every day to check in on you and after a month of you wallowing you decided to take him up on the offer messaging him back 'I think I'm ready for that little holiday.' 

"Chris, there's another girl at the door for you!" Arthur Hill bellowed from the front door, George smacked the back of his head. In his conversations with Chris the past few weeks he knew you were different. 

"I thought he was picking you up at the airport, he's just filming with..." George started to explain when Arthur and Chris came into view. 

"It's so nice to see you again," Arthur smiled before bringing you into a hug.

"I got an earlier flight," you smiled at Chris and almost fling yourself into his arms, they felt so safe to be in. 

"I feel like a right knob now making you lug that thing around across London."

"Oh it was no bother." You'd take anything to see Chris again sooner. 

"So how long are you around for?" ArthurTV asked when you were all sat around the sofas with pizza later on that evening. 

"I don't know, whenever I get fed up I guess, I just needed a break," you explained and Arthur nodded sadly. The expression on his face was the same look everyone else gave you, sadness, concern and pity. The only person who didn't look at you like that was Chris, he only had care in his eyes. 

You had been to London a handful of times before but there was so much you wanted to see and Chris took you to everything. You laughed together, you cried together but you had realised how much this break was needed and how much better it made you feel but it got you thinking, was it the break or was it Chris? You stayed for three weeks but eventually life needs dealing with. 

"I need to make sure the house is still standing at least," you explained to Chris as he watched you pack your bags. 

"You can always come back whenever you want. Have my key! I'll get another one cut," Chris suggested and you couldn't help but laugh at his almost childlike optimism. 

"You know I sit there in that house and I hate it. It's nothing but bad memories. It's her house, not mine and I just sit there and think about her, watching her deteriorate, thinking about all of the things I missed out on because I stayed."

"Like us?" Chris said softly. Up until now neither of them had bought up their past but Chris couldn't hold it in any longer, these past few weeks had taught him he wasn't prepared to let her go again, there was nothing stopping them this time. 

"I had to," you reminded him and yourself. You still stand by what you did, it was the right thing to do at the time. 

"I know. You're grieving I'm not going to be an arsehole and jump on you when you're down but. I never stopped loving you." Chris walked to you and gently caressed your cheek with his thumb, it was something he often did before he kissed you and he did, it was very short but incredibly tender. 

"I love you too." You whispered bringing him in for another kiss. Guess what they said was also true, absence really did make the heart grow fonder. 

[thesagesjournal]

[Log-in story] A Sonatina Of Gracious And Twisted Debauchery ①

Appearing characters: Arthur, Shino

Arthur: This one looks promising.

Arthur: It's a book on the effects of all kinds of medicinal herbs. I think it could be great material for today's assignment.

Shino: …Sure. But let's leave that for later.

Shino: I'm finally done with my sorcery homework and I'm tired of sitting in one place.

Arthur: True, I feel stiff all over as well.

Arthur: Perfect time for a quick stretch-break.

Arthur: One, two—, three, fo—ur…

Shino: Hold for two, three, fo—ur…

Shino: …By the way, did you hear the news?

Arthur: What news?

Shino: That Owen and Shylock are running a business together.

Arthur: Oh, that. Yes, I did, and it seems Master Oz and Mitile are working there, too.

Arthur: From what I understand, it's at a themed lounge where they give customers special attention.

Shino: What's weird is that the theme often changes, too. Although Shylock and Owen are only in charge of it for a day.

Shino: …Say, how would we welcome customers if the two of us were to run a business?

Arthur: Hmm, good question…

Arthur: I imagine something like… “Come one and come all!”

Shino: …

Arthur: Or something like that.

Arthur: The Master Sage said this is typical customer service in their world. I remember Nero and Faust tried to act it out before.

Shino: Yeah, but theirs wasn't that over the top.

Shino: It was more confident and sexy, like…

Shino: “Yo, wanna swing by?”

Arthur: Ooh, you captured it perfectly! I'd definitely be a regular if this is how I was greeted.

Shino: Heh, what can I say, I'm a fast learner. Come on, try it again.

Arthur: …

Arthur: “Come on in!”

Arthur: Was that better?

Shino: Nope, you're still too cheerful. Try to be more nonchalant about it.

Arthur: Nonchalant, huh.

Arthur: Okay, take three…

Arthur: “Come on in.”

Shino: You speak too clearly, try to slur your words a bit.

Arthur: “...C’mon in.”

Shino: Yeah, that's more like it.

Arthur: Did I do it right?

Shino: Better than the last three, but I can tell that's not your natural way of speaking.

Shino: …Then again, there isn't just one way to invite customers in.

Shino: I remember the Sage gave another example like “Glad to be of service!”

Arthur: Indeed, I might be more suited for those kinds of openhearted exchanges.

Arthur: If we ever get the opportunity to run a business together, I'd love to try that approach.

Shino: Sure thing.

Arthur: …Well, with this tangent over, it's time to get back to stretching.

Arthur: And homework, of course.

Shino: …Right. Let's get this over with.

Shino: The faster you help me with this, the faster we can get to dinner.

Arthur: “Glad to be of service!”

Shino: …

Shino: Shift's not over yet, your Highness.

Arthur: Ahaha, pardon me.

Arthur: The phrase really resonated with me. I'll try and remember it for Cain and the others next time I get the chance.

(Back to event details)

[chock-and-bates]

Nosferatu au 🥺🙏

For you, my loves.

My Lestappen Nosferatu/Dracula/Vampire AU. Still tinkering with things, but I'm excited for it.

Premise: After finally conquering a bizarre spell of hysteria, Charles, an aspiring pianist, moves to Paris to pursue a career in music, reuniting with his childhood friend, Pierre. When Pierre is sent away to the Netherlands to negotiate a real estate contract with a mysterious aristocrat, Count Verstappen, Charles relapses into a hysteric episode, tortured by sleepwalking and vivid dreams, frightening those who were left to watch him.

While in the Netherlands, Pierre himself is tormented by nightmares and bizarre occurrences, but manages to return home... accompanied by Max Verstappen. Despite his suspicions, Pierre is forced to introduce the Count to his employers and co-workers, as well as his childhood best friend. He is horrified by the immediate fixation the Count has on Charles, as well as the way Charles seems enraptured by the man in turn.

And all the while, Max's plan to finally possess Charles gets closer and closer to fulfillment.

Don't hate me, but I don't think I'll publish this until spooky season 🎃

Spicy snippet under the cut 🌶️

"You are sure you will be fine while I am away,” Pierre sounds so hesitant, it makes Charles grit his teeth.

“I told you, I’m sure,” he says, lightly placing his fingers on the piano keys, “I’m very sorry for last night, I don’t- I don’t know what came over me. That fit was unseemly."

He begins to play softly, a melody he’s been brooding over, one that keeps lingering in the back of his mind…

“Well… you know Esteban. He’s annoying but he will be a good host,” Pierre says, still tentative, “And Ollie already adores you, I think you will barely notice I’m gone.”

Charles shrugs, still playing. The notes are low and stirring, pulled from somewhere deep inside him.

“Charles… should I write to Lorenzo?”

His fingers stutter, an unpleasant key slipping into the melody. Charles recovers quickly, reminding himself to keep his composure, to not give anything away-

“Why would you need to do that,” he asks, doing a poor job of keeping his voice steady, but at least the music flows smoothly again.

“I just- Since you’ve been in Paris, Lorenzo has written to me wondering if the pressure is- possibly going to make your condition return.”

Clang! 

There is no hiding the awful sounds as his hands jerk to a halt, and it only adds to Charles humiliation, his face turning hot and his fingers retreating into fists as he curls into himself.

He never thought- He never imagined-

He can’t believe Lorenzo and Pierre would write to each other about that. The betrayal makes him sick. Lorenzo, Maman, Arthur, Pierre, everyone had promised that all was forgotten now that he was better-

Charles should have known they would never forget, never forgive.

Uninvited, memories from those nights come back to him. When his family came to understand how low Charles had fallen. Just how debased The Shadow had made him…

He remembers the first night Lorenzo had burst into his room, woken by what he thought was Charles’ pained cries…

Instead, his brother found Charles writhing in his sheets, naked and sweating, his hands clawing at the bedding and his legs spread obscenely. 

Charles can still recall the ecstasy The Shadow used to flood him with, the way the encounters made his cock so hard, caressed by an unseen hand as he thrust helplessly into the air. More vividly, he remembers the sense of something heavy and eager in the cradle of hips, that devastating fullness it would bring to that hidden spot between his legs, his body split around something that made him feel so wonderful-.

He hadn’t heard Lorenzo shouting in alarm, panicking that Charles was having some sort of seizure.

No, he was so lost in the rapture of The Shadow. It was on top of him, surrounding him, inside him. His body sliding roughly against the sheets as he whimpered the same phrase over and over “I’m yours. I’m yours. I’m yours.”

[inside-black-moon]

Little spoiler with psychological analysis.

You see right through me - how often have I heard this. You know that moment when...psychological traumas surface and in front of you stands not an adult, but a frightened child? Of any gender. At such moments I think - oh no...what happened to you then...

This slips into some phrases that are not typical of self-sufficient adults. Someone calls this "ability" to see people from the inside something like "people scanners" or simply "scanning". I would call it the usual creation of a cause-and-effect relationship and the ability to analyze. Otherwise, the simplest things will seem like magic.

Sometimes we take on social roles that are too big for us. Sometimes these are useful because they can become a growth point and motivation to develop. But often it works in the opposite direction and we simply break under the weight of this role. And there is disappointment in ourselves, hatred, exactingness due to inflated expectations. And the fear that others will see this weakness. Life hack for loved ones who have such people around - never focus on their failures, it will kill them.

If... if you understand that even superheroes can be out of shape, that they can have days when they cry into their pillow all night from helplessness, from the desire to give up their role, but at the same time they are torn to pieces by the thought "then I will let the others down and be a loser in their eyes, but I can't do this anymore", then you will be able to hear the answer to what they really want.

But it often happens that due to too long a stay in the conditions of "you are my hero, justify this title" they stop feeling and hearing their own desires. They do not know what they want and feverishly push responsibility for the choice onto others.

When you accept such a person in any state, and not only in moments of success, it causes a very strong attachment in them. Sometimes - suffocating with mistrust and jealousy. This is a sincere fear of losing this all-accepting connection, where you are not judged for who you are even in moments of weakness. Such people are in dire need of psychological security, a kind of "home" for the soul.

And with such people there will be endless tests like "do you really love me?" Such relationships require a lot of patience. I immediately remember the first years of my life with my husband. We traveled a lot by train and one day I fell asleep, and he came out of the compartment at that moment. I woke up, and he was gone. At that moment, I calmly decided that several years of life together were a figment of my imagination. That is, getting from hell to heaven, you will involuntarily pinch yourself constantly, not believing that you have ended up in normal human conditions.

Let's cross our fingers for Arthur - this nice guy hides great potential under a layer of self-doubt and self-criticism.

[lissasinclair]

I’ve been thinking a lot about this hard and controversial topic about Arthur, where is he - the real Arthur, where is his real soul, whether his Joker mode is nothing but his pain, or is it his ultimate freedom. Whether Joker really exists or not. So here are my feelings about that. And these feelings are also controversial.

When I’m thinking about him being Joker, I’m always trying to get into his mind. I can say that I feel this state vividly.

Let me imagine that something happened. Something disgusting, awful, terrible. It may happen unexpectedly or it may be something that has been tormented me for years and now finally reached its highest peak.

And it’s like something ignites inside of me, something alien to me.

What would I feel?

Well, first of all I’m really finally free. Free from everything that has ever tormented me, from everything that has caused me pain. Because in this state I don’t feel any pain at all. It sounds unbelievable, but I really mean it, I don’t feel anything painful. You can do anything with me, I will be bleeding, but I won’t make a sound.

Secondly, I’m not afraid of anything. This is a rather unusual state for me, because I’m used to be scared of everything all the time.

Thirdly, I’m becoming excitingly powerful. It comes from the previous points. I’m powerful ‘cause nothing is painful anymore, nothing is scary anymore, nothing can hurt me anymore, as Arthur said himself. I’m not shy anymore, I’m confident, my mental cage was broken, I don’t care at all about what other people would think about me. I’m kind of happy even…but…

At the same time there’s something that is screaming inside of me. I can’t say what it is, I don’t know what it is. Is it the real me? Is it the old version of me? Is it the frightened little piece of me still remaining? Or maybe this is my desperate try to stay sane and make everything the way it was?…

It’s voice almost inaudible, I can hear only pathetic whisper. Yeah. It’s a whisper, but it’s screaming. There is only one phrase it’s whispering / screaming: “don’t, don’t, don’t”…

“Why should I listen to you?! Why should I stay sane?!”, - I’m screaming back, - “I don’t wanna suffocate anymore, I won’t be muzzled like a rabid dog anymore, I’m unleashed, I’m FREE, FREE, FREE!!!”

And the whisper stops, and I’m doing something I don’t usually do, I’m doing something that is not supposed to be done at all, but I have no choice. Yeah, I have no choice, there are no options for me. I see something, I think about it for less than a second and I do it without any second thought. I don’t care if I would regret it in the future.

My body is shaking, I’m feeling like I’m in a some kind of a movie / cartoon / dream / fantasy / game etc. Nothing feels real, that’s why I don’t think about any consequences of my abrupt actions, even my own death is not real, because my life is not real, I’m not afraid to die, this thought even excites me for some reason. Like it will be some kind of a great journey I’ve always been dreaming of; not the end of my existence.

So I guess that it is both. It is the pain, it is the freedom. I can’t divide it completely. Pain that for some reason isn’t painful physically, but the kind of pain that is tearing you apart from inside; pain that wraps your soul in a tight embrace; freedom that is felt like a mental cage again, although you are kind of free in your actions, you can do whatever you want but this inaudible whisper continues bothering you. It’s Arthur, it’s Joker. Where is the real Arthur? He is both.

As I said, I’m always trying to get into his mind. Because I was in a kind of similar state of mind and I remember everything. How can I divide myself into two parts? How can I be sure that this other part would never come back and would never be in charge here? It’s powerful enough to shut my “sane” part up in a second.

Maybe I’m not very objective, maybe I’m wrong, because I can’t do anything about my love for him. As I once said, I will always accept him no matter who he is.

I know that he said that there is no Joker, only Arthur. Of course there’s only Arthur, and when he was Joker he was still Arthur. And when I was, I don’t know, crazy screaming desperate cartoon character, doing awful stuff, it was still me. Yeah, not the everyday version of me, yeah, pathetic version of me, driven to a complete desperation, but still it was me. Who else could it be?

I think a lot about whether my mind was split into two parts or not. Even if it was, it was still my mind. My two parts of my split mind.

I don’t want to talk about all those self harm things, so here come some other examples.

For example, when I’m screaming back at my mother, hating her with all my heart, because she has been humiliating me since I was a child, it’s me. Yeah. It’s me. It’s me, a whimpering monster. I’m deeply ashamed to admit it, but it’s me.

I’m having an eating disorder, so I used to fill my “mental emptiness” with food. Only the ones who experienced the same awful things would understand how disgusting it is. I want to say that it wasn’t me, that it was someone else, eating all I had at home without hunger, feeling like I’m not a girl, not a human being but a stupid animal (I love animals, I’m just trying to put into words that disgusting feeling when you can’t control your own mouth). But it was me.

If anyone would ever seen me like that, he would never love me. Because I’m disgusting.

I’m not sure about Arthur though, I hope he would understand me the way I understand him. Let me hope for that.

Obviously the situation for Arthur is getting more and more complicated by all those fans and Lee who are yelling “Joker! Joker! Joker!” all the time. If I were him, having a big crowd of my supporters for the first time of my life, having my “love” next to me for the first time of my life I would be anyone for them. But it’s important to understand that his mental cage is only getting smaller and smaller because of it, he should only do what they are waiting from him.

And this is exhausting. I’m not able to be burning from inside all the time, being someone’s hero, I’m sure. I called it “inner war” and it really is, for me.

As I said, my feelings about all this stuff controversial and ambivalent. I’m not even sure where is the truth here.

In conclusion I want to mention that I can’t stop loving and admiring and adoring him as Arthur and doing absolutely the same stuff with him being in Joker’s makeup and suit, I feel that he is the same person, I call him Arthur, Joker, my angel, my heart, my soul, my master, my love, my everything, and I always think about the same person, I don’t divide him, when I see something connected with the name “Joker” I always remember Arthur, I’m holding a phone while typing this and on its case there is Arthur in Jokers makeup and I love it, and I kiss it, and I adore it.

I don’t forget that this state of him was caused by suffering, I do understand that, but, again, when I remember myself, I wish there was someone who would accept even those parts of me that look like it is not me at all.

[the-kingshound]

I'm really enjoying TKH and while I went in worrying I wouldn't find a RO that would make me stay or that I might not enjoy playing the Hound, I couldn't have been more wrong. I spotted my first target pretty quickly and I really appreciate the freedom you've given in creating and playing the Hound. I feel like I can play them just as I want to and start the relationship in these early stages as feels fitting. Very eagerly awaiting the next update! My only minor nitpick are the occasional Americanisms and modernisms. While it's fantasy and I like a few that have more modern dialogues, the 'mom and dad' and 'I figure that' was a bit of a whiplash in a tale where the characters are fantasy Irish, Welsh, etc. I do also wish there was a little more world building about trans identities and same sex marriage being legalised rather than just it being readily available without further note (but I get that's more to allow us to play gay/trans characters with ease so that's more a personal bit of jealousy that it's that easy in that world lol). Also more of a question, would making the siblings look more like your Hound be an option in future as a particular relative showed up with a diff skin tone which surprised me! (Unless that's plot relevant in which case cough cough sorry) Really loving it so far and can't wait for ch3!

Hi, I am very glad you are liking the story so much, especially the options available to shape your Hound.

Unfortunately, as I am italian and started writing in English only a few years ago, it is difficult for me to polish the modern bits of phrasing out of the writing - just because a more formal, more dated kind of writing takes time to learn. If you, or anyone else, has suggestions on the specific bits to change and how to substitute them, I'll be very grateful for the help!

About the trans identities/gay marriage, it was only talked about briefly in the game so I don't blame you for not catching that, but MC says it was Uther to first legalise female and commoner knights, then Arthur legalised gay marriage (I think it was stated when MC remembers Saraah being the very first noble to marry a man). I haven't yet talked about trans people, or presentation and gender identity, but I have plans to do so (I also want to cut out the scene with Morien talking about binding/hormones with MC so soon after their arrival and move it later when MC is more comfortable with Morien and can open up). Again, if anyone has feedback/suggestions on making things more organic, feel free to send them in.

I can totally tweak the code to make sure there is more physical resemblance with the siblings, it would indeed be cute to see!

[ladaveen]

ArthurxEames fic recs

These are my favorites and not in particular order I just love every single one of them, also some are probably smuts so beware hehe

Presque Vu by rageprufrock : this is probably THE arthureames fic, I was floored by literally everything in the story

M | 69k words

Or, "on the tip of the tongue." Arthur meets Mal first. He inherits Dom, after. Everything else is on him.

Early Returns by rageprufrock

M | 15.5k words

Thinking that a reporter genuinely likes you is pretty much on par with feeling like you really are special to that stripper.

Trouble With Dreams by sparkledark

E | 39.7k words

College AU in which Arthur is a cranky senior and Eames is a professor of Dream Psychology.

These fragments I have shored against my ruins by aprettyaway

M | 10.2k words

This is what his life has become: hotels and coffee and reveling in those few hours he has to himself. The French news lulls him to sleep, and Arthur thinks if he can just get through this job, then it will be over. If only.

Late Night Phone Call by sparkledark

E | 14.6k words

Arthur usually finds blatant fishing for compliments extremely irritating, but in Eames’ case he is reluctantly charmed. In fact, he writes the phrase “reluctantly charmed” into the Eames notebook the moment the words occur to him because they so perfectly encapsulate his entire situation.

Pants on Fire by Helenish

E | 15.1k words

"Ah," Yusuf says, lifting a reproving hand, "are we calling less than 24 hours of memory loss amnesia now?"

we were once cinema gods in the night by gyzym

M | 21.3k words

That's the thing about Hollywood--everyone has a Hollywood story.

All's Fair (In Love & Werewolves) by Whisky (whiskyrunner)

E | 29.6k words

Arthur is lucky to have Eames. Somebody just as different, someone who understands when he wakes up in the middle of the night feeling like he's all alone in the universe. Eames makes that feeling go away. Eames, however, is not alone.

Incipit by thehoyden

E | 8.5k words

Arthur has been his editor from the beginning. Eames says he won't work with anyone else, and what Arthur will never tell him is that he would cut anyone who tried.

between my reflex & my resolve by gyzym

T | 4.7k words

People you kiss in an airport baggage claim and then don't talk to for thirteen months shouldn't be able to exist, let alone make your chest do the things Arthur's chest is doing. There are rules.

Catalyst by five_ht

E | 3.3k words

Arthur is a freshman omega in college who hasn't yet had his first heat. Eames is a friendly alpha who is willing to lend a hand.

Hello, I Love You, Won't You Tell Me Your Name by eleveninches

E | 3.6k words

Many people, Eames would find out later, assumed Eames had wanted Arthur from the moment they'd met. It was true Arthur was devestatingly attractive, but in all honesty, the first thing Eames had thought when he'd met Arthur was, Why did Cobb bring his son? (Or: It's all about trust.)

Don't Fall in Love with a Dreamer by eleveninches

E | 19.7k words

Arthur joins the mile high club, Cobb joins the broken hearts club, Eames joins the smug extractors' club, and Yusuf just wants to club everyone. Or, Eames steals Cobb's point man.

In Our Line of Work by enjambament

T | 15.7k words

Arthur wakes up and realizes the last ten years of his life have been a dream. He is nineteen, and he can barely remember where he is. What he can remember is the ghost of Eames’ hands pressed down on his chest trying frantically to stop the blood flooding up around his fingers as Arthur died (as he woke up).

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 心宅猎人/Psych-Hunter.

Psych-Hunter is a 2020 drama about a hot young amnesiac who, accompanied by a rich psychiatrist with major daddy issues and a rich girl who cosplays as a cop, uses his Inception-style psychic powers to solve crimes that are part of a shadowy conspiracy orchestrated by a mysterious figure.

True story: Once I couldn't remember the English name of the drama, so I called it "House Haunters," and now my brain insists that's the real English title. If only!

Do not, under any circumstances, labor under the impression that this show is good. It's not. It's incoherent. The writing is bad. The villain is absurd. The vibe is comically melodramatic. People make inexplicable and out-of-character decisions all the time. Countless complex mysteries get set up with no way to resolve them. There's a thin lampshade hanging over it that blurs the line between bad decisions made on accident and bad decisions made on purpose, but the net result is largely the same. This is the show that first inspired my wife to declare something dumb as a guinea pig in a roller skate.

But it's fun. It's a sea of colorful chaos with brilliant pieces that shine through like strange gems. It knows how to work an atmosphere and does so to create some legitimately creepy moments. It spins a wild yarn filled with bizarre and loveable characters. And it has some twists that truly have to be seen to be believed. In the mood for some beautiful nonsense? Here's five reasons that despite everything I warned you about in the previous paragraph, I think this one's worth watching.

1. Psychonauts for Jazz Age homosexuals

Honestly, that phrase alone should let you know if this is the thing for you. But just in case, let me explain the basic premise of the show:

Jiang Shuo, a man who has lost his memory and been adopted by circus folk, is capable of jingling his keys and diving full-body into someone else's subconscious, represented by lovely and thematic dreamscapes. He does this to solve crimes. Sometimes he takes along a handsome doctor who seems like he might know more than he's letting on, by literally tying their hands together with a red string.

Also, when they do this, they get gorgeous steampunk magical girl costume changes, complete with the cutest little pony nub you've ever seen.

This show can be stunningly beautiful. It knows how to manifest dream logic eerily well. Most of these cognitions are gorgeous, and many are done with primarily practical effects, like it's a stage play. ...And it's good it relies on that so much, because the CG it has is kinda cheap and terrible! So, yeah.

(Side note for the DMBJ fans: This is directed by the same guy who directed Sand Sea, which I assume is related to how this both is a visual treat and completely falls apart on the back end.)

The reason I'm a bit surprised that this hasn't taken off more among the creative set is what a great piece of worldbuilding this Psych-diving is. These boys (and, once, the girl) get to short-term manifest bodily in someone else's materialized mental state, where the person whose brain they’re in neither controls the experience nor remembers what happened after it’s done. Were you writing weird Arthur/Eames fic a decade ago? I got a new best thing for you. Can you say freaky dream sex? Because I can.

The base premise should be more than enough to get your gears going. Come ready to get weird with it. There's so much potential here, and so much of that potential is incredibly gay and wearing impeccably tailored suits.

2. Your friendly neighborhood circus family

As I mentioned before, Jiang Shuo lucks into the best possible fate that can befall an amnesiac: being picked up by carnies.

The troupe includes Ventriloquist Man, Really Big Dude, One-Eyed Acrobat, Other Acrobat, Cheerful Fat Girl, Boy Who Looks Like A Kid But Is Actually Played By An Adult So I'm Not Exactly Sure How Old The Character Himself Is Supposed To Be, and Silver Fox Circus Dad, who manages the whole crew. They're a ragtag bunch of performers who all live together in this cute little compound in some very nice slums, and sometimes they open the gates to their lavish compound and put on a circus show for all the common people!

Now: You know this is not going to be the wokest, most sensitive portrayal of body differences, because of course it isn't. But damn, it's pretty not-bad. The show treats all the circus members as valuable people worthy of affection, whose (occasionally exasperating) quirks are no more or less exhausting than those of the non-circus weirdos in the rest of the supporting cast.

I was half-expecting them to disappear after the first arc, but no! They’re a constant fixture through the show! They’re mostly there to support the show’s more comedic moments, but some of them get wrapped up in more emotional plotlines as well. And every now and then you get to see them actually do their circus shit, which is great.

I will admit that my fondness for them is related to how much I generally love fictional Freaks — you know, misfits who have banded together because society considers them unacceptably weird, but together their weirdnesses make them strong. When you find them, they’re usually the bad guys (e.g., the Gung-Ho Guns from Trigun, the Scorpion crew from Word of Honor) whose freak statuses make them formidable and occasionally sympathetic antagonists. But not so here! The Psych-Hunter Family Circus is good guy support all the way through to the final episode.

I know "found family" is a term that suffers from overuse, but that's the best way to describe what's happening here -- really, it's a family that's already found itself even before the show starts, and now they all live together as an unconventional collective of astonishingly flexible people. How did they find one another? Doesn't matter! What matters is that they all love and would do anything for their newest member, and they think it's great when he comes home with his attractive rich friends, who often arrive bringing snacks, which is really the best use for rich people, if you think about it.

3. Two hands, one ring

Now, if you've seen the series already, you know the moment I'm talking about. But if you haven't (and, statistically, you haven't), know that what I mean is the relationship between these two losers.

Together, Qin Yiheng and Jiang Shuo form the emotional core of the series. They're both drawn to one another because of mysterious circumstances that have started to align. Jiang Shuo's memory is missing, Qin Yiheng's dad has vanished, and all signs point to those absences as having something to do with one another.

Very early in the show, we see Qin Yiheng pull a "come with me if you want to live" on Jiang Shuo, giving the impression that he knows just what's going on in this crazy city. Except, no, he doesn't. Or does he? No, we're pretty sure he doesn't. Or he does, but he's forgotten what he knows, if he ever even knew it in the first place. Anyway, time to tie their hands together and jump into someone else's brain!

I'd say they're in love, but that's not quite it. Dr. Qin Yiheng, high-class homosexual, is in love with Jiang Shuo to the point where he's about to murder someone (possibly Jiang Shuo himself) out of frustration about it. Jiang Shuo, on the other hand, is much more sticking his fingers in his ears and going LA LA LA YOU CAN'T CATCH ME GAY THOUGHTS while trying get a girlfriend in an effort to pretend that all the shit they get up to together isn't tremendously romantic.

That is, until the scene that leads to the which-hand ring guessing game, at which point the burden of their relationship falls on Jiang Shuo (and the Inception parallels get unignorable) for exactly as long as the show will allow it to, before it freaks out and has to add another girl love interest just to make sure all the homos got no'd.

It's not textually gay, because seriously, have you met Chinese television? But it's pretty gay. Or, rather, I think Liu Dongqin (Qin Yiheng) is playing his character as a dedicated homosexual on purpose, and Hou Minghao (Jiang Shuo) is just ... kinda like that? I mean, everything I’ve seen him in, he gets real dreamy-eyed around strong men who pay close attention to him. Maybe it's just his thing as an actor. I'm not judging.

However, the main cast isn't just the two of them. One of the things that led me to this show was the promise of an OT3. And does it deliver on that promise?

Well ... sorta.

Qin Yiheng, Jiang Shuo, and Yuan Muqing are a pretty standard MFM not-love-triangle trio of Male Bestie, Main Guy, and Girlfriend (respectively). There's about five seconds at the beginning of the series where it looks like Yuan Muqing might be into Qin Yiheng, but no, that evaporates almost instantly and is never spoken of again -- and with it disappears most of their interactions with one another, period. So it's less an OT3, and more a case of bisexual cutiepie Jiang Shuo getting both a boyfriend and a girlfriend in a world where censorship will only let the latter relationship exist textually.

But damn if these boys aren't made for one another. Sure, there's a level of conscious comical queerbaiting to it -- I mean, there's straight-up an "only one bed" moment, so you know the show isn't stumbling into rainbow territory on accident. No matter how sexual or nonsexual or whatever you read it as, though, their dynamic is the spine that holds the story together. Really, it's almost sad how often the relationships are set parallel to one another, because when you do that, it becomes obvious how intense Jiang Shuo's bond with Qin Yiheng is, and how largely lackluster and comphet most of his canon romance with Yuan Muqing is by comparison.

Like so.

sidebar: The Girl

I am not going to go into a full-throated defense of The Girl this time, as I am wont to do, mostly because I think Yuan Muqing is full of potential in concept but so badly executed that there's really no hope for her. Her entire personality is whatever they need her to be in any particular scene. It's just that once in a while, what they need her to be is completely insane -- like, seeing-things-that-aren't-there insane -- and it's so great that it makes me mad! She could have been like this all the time! But noooooo

As it is, she has a perfunctory canonical romance with Jiang Shuo that's about as endgame as anything is capable of being (see point 5), and it actually gets pretty cute when it finally gets to the point where it's not just awkward obligation! But alas, it only does that so late in the series that it's not even worth it getting invested in it.

She is a creation of the show. She has no novel counterpart. Her entire function in the drama is to un-gay the dynamic between the boys. You can tell that she was initially supposed to have a different role -- to be the muscle of this trio -- but the narrative forgets pretty quickly that she's got that skill set, and she regresses to being The Girl. She makes dumb decisions that forward the plot. She gets put into danger whenever it's convenient. She demands Jiang Shuo do manly things for her because that’s what a girl is supposed to do, I guess? And then there are moments where she’s cool and crazy and it’s awesome! But they never last.

So if you are going to watch this, be prepared for the fact that the female lead is badly written to the point of frustration. I feel her actor is doing the absolutely best with what she's got; the problem is that what she's got is pretty crappy. Still, Muqing gets some pretty charming moments here and there, and I think it's worth hanging onto those and imagining the character she could have been, if the writers had cared just a little more, or even at all.

4. Powerfully surreal worldbuilding

I'm not even talking about the way people's psyches are structured according to dream logic -- the "normal" waking world is almost equally bizarre. The story takes place in sort of the real world c. 1930, except that a lot of things are off. For example, Japan and England are real locations, but China kinda isn't -- instead, the show takes place in a Shanghai-like city-state run by this moustachioed generalissimo with a faux Latin American dictator aesthetic. The place has its own flag and government and police force (where all the cops have coordinating surnames) and diplomatic relationships with other countries, so it’s clearly its own thing. But what that thing is? What it’s even called? Look, don’t worry about it. Nobody else is worried, so you shouldn’t be either.

You will, at every point in the series, be wondering if the show is trying to telegraph to you that Something's Not Quite Right Here, or if it's just making weird decisions for the sake of artsy weirdness. But don't worry -- there's absolutely no way to tell the difference between the two! Just roll with it.

There's a weird mix of universe rules happening throughout, where everything is mostly period-appropriate for a while, and then somebody builds a clock with levitating parts, or causes someone else to have very specific memory loss — or, again, swings some coins in front of a person’s face and gains the ability to treat their subconscious like a VR amusement park.

You can sort of reconstruct the evolution of this weirdness: The book has actual factual ghosts in it. Well, that’s fine for books, but TV isn’t allowed to have ghosts. But TV can have people who imagine ghosts, so long as it’s all in their heads. Okay, but you know jumping bodily into those imaginations isn’t actually a thing real people can do, right? Well, then let’s make it scientific. How can that be scientific? I don't know, it’s psychiatry. I don’t think that’s psychiatry. Look, it could be. Well, it’s definitely not psychiatry in 1930s Shanghai, and that’s the set we’re allowed to film on. Okay, what if it weren’t actually Shanghai? What if it weren’t actually 1930? What if all of this were at best a weird approximation of the period that adheres to no rules except the ones we want?

Once you’ve thought that, the sky’s the limit.

The show has a very inconsistent grasp on reality, and I am listing that as a pro instead of a con because I am choosing to embrace it as a deliberate choice rather than assume it’s the result of craven incompetence. There's something to be said, though, for how pervasively inconsistent it is. It'd be one thing if there were just a few plot holes here and there (and there are), but this is more along the lines of: We woke up in a mysterious boat and got taken to an island with a giant sea monster skeleton on the shore! What's that all about? Couldn't say! Was it real? Maybe! Moving on!

Let the number of "it's fine! who knows!" comments I've made throughout this rec indicate how much this is the kind of show you just have to roll with. If you are a nitpicker or someone who is troubled by unexplained nonsense, this is not the thing for you. If you love artistic magical realism and high strangeness, you will eat this up with a spoon.

And the lampshade that hangs over all of this worldbuilding is...

5. THE STUPIDEST POSSIBLE ENDING EVER

Okay, usually I am coy about when I think an ending has problems. I am going to drag this one out front and center: Psych-Hunter has an ending so jaw-droppingly, head-clutchingly stupid that I'm actually listing it as a selling point, because it has to be seen to be believed.

When I first watched it, I suspected the show ran out of time or money or something and just had to slap together the quickest possible ending ever. But no! This is the ending they meant! If you go back to the rest of the series, you can see that this is what they were (kinda) setting up the whole time! They just set it up so poorly and decided to make the twist hit at such a late point that not only is it complete nonsense, it actually renders moot the entire emotional stakes of the show! Absolutely incredible!

Now, as I've said before in other places, I don't begrudge the actual twist itself. I mean, it's stupid on its face, but I think they could have done something with it — if they'd had it happen halfway through the series, when the characters would have had time to adjust to the new knowledge. Instead, they slap it on at the last possible moment, when there's no time to have any reaction to it. It's just jarring and baffling, and then the whole thing's over.

I've seen lots of people say "season 2 when???" Season 2 never, friends. There was never going to be a season 2. The only reason you think this was an even remotely acceptable narrative move was that you were assuming that this would be the midpoint, not the end. You're having the same reaction I did, only I can tell this was always meant to be their spectacular dismount.

(To me, it's clear what happened: They J.J. Abramsed themselves into a cool premise for a mystery with no idea how to solve it, hoping they'd figure it out along the way. When they got to the end and still hadn't figured it out, they simply ... opted out of solving it.)

Now, if you want a normal viewing experience out of this show, watch to the end of the next-to-last episode, close your browser window, and have imagination adventures about how you think all the mysteries should resolve. But you're not going to. You are going to continue on to that last episode, and you are going to realize that nothing I could have said here could possibly have prepared you for this. And somewhere, I am going to feel the urge to cackle wickedly and not even know why. Except I'll know why. We'll both know why.

Want to watch this hot mess?

That baby's an iQiyi exclusive! But you can watch the first episode on YouTube, if you feel like getting a taste that way.

Look, I know I may have spoiled my pitch somewhat with that last selling point. After all, why would you bother watching a series if you know it has a shit ending?

I refute your objection thus: Knowing it has a shit ending changes the whole game, because it removes the feeling of betrayal that hits upon your discovering that the ending isn’t what you wanted. You know that already now, so there can be no betrayal. The ending goes from being an unpleasant surprise to being exactly the unexpected thing that you expected. With that in mind, you can dive right in (ha ha) knowing that you’ll never get the closure you crave, and therefore whatever you make up along the way is perfectly valid.

This is obviously a turnoff if you prefer shows that are like seeing someone start a magic trick, perform it without breaking a sweat, and walk off calmly, leaving you wondering how on earth they accomplished such an amazing thing. Think of this more as someone starting a magic trick, accidentally letting the rabbit fall out of their hat, saying “I meant to do that!” like thirty times, and suddenly vanishing through a trapdoor, leaving you wondering what the trick was even supposed to be in the first place — but they were really good-looking and well-dressed, so at least whatever they were doing was nice to look at while it was happening.

See? They're having fun.

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Sorry for being gone for so long, I haven't been feeling great both physically and mentally, so that was awesome...anyway:

Look, Eddie wasn't that picky when it came to companions. He wasn't much of a catch either - as a bard, it was already expected of him to cause chaos, but with his choice of songs, the result was less of a bardic inspiration and more of a "turn everyone against each other" or "make everyone extremely horny". Which...actually worked when they needed to avoid combat, but by ancient gods, he didn't need to see that group of orcs going at it.

Anyways. Eddie wasn't picky, but Steven Harrington was becoming a bit too much for him.

First: he was a rich kid. Eddie was a proud trash raised in a cottage that barely held together and he had no patience for people who never washed their own laundry (not that Eddie did, well, not too often, but still).

Second: he was effortlessly handsome. Annoyingly handsome. Bad hair day? Steven fucking Harrington didn't know those. His moles were placed in perfect places. Eddie had nearly invisible freckles and his only moles were - embarrassingly enough - near his groin and if you squinted hard enough, looked like a daisy petal. So uncool. But uncool was a word Steven Harrington apparently lacked in his vocabulary.

And third...this. Just...all of this.

Eddie didn't want to think of himself as a prejudiced person, he really didn't. But there were two things he didn't like in this world: lawyers and necromancers.

And Steven somehow managed to blend both of those into a horrible combination that just. Fucking. Worked.

Eddie was strumming on his lute and watched Steven open a bag full of old bones, yet another unlucky trader, adventurer or whoever had died in the woods before them. He placed them carefully on the ground, arranging them - admirable knowledge of anatomy, Eddie would give him that - and muttered an incantation. Green light, weird whooshing, some sparkles, yadda yadda and the skeleton reassembled itself. It sat in front of Steven and they started working in hushed tones over a pre-prepared contract. Eddie could only make out phrases as "a work opportunity," "being dead must be boring," "do you have any family that could use a percentage of the spoils from this quest" and the best of all, "no pressure, if you'd rather be left alone, just say the word." From what Eddie had seen in last few weeks, very few of them did say the word, and if they did, Steven would honor his word and bury their remains where they desired.

It was a really decent thing to do and Eddie hated himself for even admitting it.

One discussion about details ("do you want to be only reassembled when needed or would you like to accompany us the whole time?") and a bony signature later, Steven carefully stuffed the newest party helper (Arthur, Steven made sure to remember all of their names, another fucking decent thing!) in the bag and stretched himself next to the fire.

Eddie couldn't help but glare. That fucking guy. Built like a fighter from carrying half of a cemetery on his back, pretty, rich and for some reason also awfully nice and moral. Eddie wanted to barf.

"You know," smiled Steven and Eddie's traitorous stomach did a triple flip with a botched landing, "I love seeing you like this. Calm. Strumming those slow melodies. You look really pretty, too." He laughed to himself and turned onto his back, staring at the stars. "Well, you look really pretty all the time, especially when you're trying not to be bitchy, but these times you look the prettiest."

Eddie almost dropped the lute. Almost swallowed his own tongue as well. "Are you trying to kill me, Harrington?" he sputtered. "Don't you have enough to resurrect?"

Steven just shook his head, smirking. "That's a thought. But no. Breach of ethics - I'm pretty sure killing someone to resurrect them wouldn't make them want to join me. Plus, I was thinking less of a "fight for me" and more like "fuck me, possibly date me" - interested?"

Eddie stared at him with large eyes, moving his lips without any sound. "Uh...well, sounds good to me," he said, not very intelligently, but his brain was chanting kiss those moles pull that hair shut him up kiss him like right now maybe. "Do you...have a contract for that?"

Grinning, Steven - no, Steve, he asked to be called that several times and maybe this was the right time to give in to his wish - pulled Eddie to the ground with him. "For you? I'm sure I can draft something."

When Gareth, Robin and Chrissy arrived back from their supply run the next morning, they found Eddie and Steve curled against each other, fully clothed but very obviously satisfied. Robin just snickered and whispered to Steve that she wanted details, all the dirty, sticky and scandalous details, but Gareth just rolled his eyes. "And here I thought you disliked the guy when you said "Fuck him," he nudged Eddie as he unpacked healing potions.

Eddie closed his eyes and hummed a new melody that came to him with Steve's touches and gentle words. "It was open for interpretation," he laughed and reached for his lute.

[libraford]

Also while I'm thinking about tarot and therapy, I'd like to link yall to a book on the subject of using cartomancy in a therapy setting, which is how I've been approaching tarot for the past 10 years.

It can be a bit dry to read sometimes, but it's been really useful when it comes to recontextualizing what it means to read tarot for clients.

It's been awhile since I read it, honestly. I cant remember exactly what it says. But instead of cards being a message from the divine or whatever woo spin you want to put on it, I've learned that cards can be a lot of things.

-a third person in the room to open up conversation

-a mirror for the querent to project onto

-a tool to tell a story

-a riddle for the querent and reader to solve together

-a rubber duck for the querent to talk to to sort out the problems.

-an image to inspire memory recall.

-image and word association

Like this is a non-exhaustive list of things that tarot or any Oracle deck can do outside of the woo aspect. And incorporating woo in my context works fine because, as I've said before- I'm a tarot reader, not a therapist. But these are ways that cartomancy can be divorced from that mystical setting and used for more practical problem solving.

It also means that you can choose to make the tools more approachable for people who might have stigma against it. On a few occasions, I'll be out doing readings and someone will be shy but curious about tarot and I'll ask them 'hey, you look like you've got some questions- feel free to ask.' And more often than not the question is about what's involved, are we summoning things, is my soul in danger- Hollywood stuff.

And I tell them that its art on cardstock. It's no more dangerous than a movie ticket. You pick some images at random, I tell you what I think they mean, and you can tell me what you think they mean if you want.

I think it opens people up a little to have it phrased like that, in a more plain context of what it is.

Anyways, that went on a bit longer than I thought it should. That book really helped me figure out a reading style. Strong suggestion.

[drconstellation]

Monkey Business with Furfur

This is a 2024 Smut War meta

(NSFW? I tried to keep it reasonably clean, just filled with innuendo.)

Time to dig up some dirty dirt from before the Fall.

Memory problems? Oh, Hell no! There was no way Crowley was going admit to remembering this bit of history between him and Furfur, especially not in front of Aziraphale.

On the surface this incident with Furfur in the dressing room at the Windmill Theater adds weight to the appearance that Crowley has holes in his memory, just like Gabriel does during S2. But a closer look at the language being used during the post-magic show scene actually reveals quite the opposite - something that is - well, I shouldn't say totally unexpected because I've written about it tangentially before - but something that I think will shake up the way we view things between the three of them.

Firstly, lets review what I call the sub-story theme running underneath this section of the episode: King Arthur and Camelot. I talked about it length in my meta Once and Future Royalty. Here's the important paragraphs from that work for this particular meta:

Yes, poor old Furfur. Two's company, three's a crowd, as they say. Now we know we're in Camelot, we need to be reminded of the central tragedy of the Arthurian story, that ultimately led to the golden kingdom's fall. Lady Guinevere, Arthur's queen, famously loved Sir Lancelot, and the two were passionate lovers. It was essentially a love-triangle at the top, with Arthur being jilted, but he wouldn't/couldn't discard his queen. Where do we see this playing out in 1941? Furfur, pleased with himself for catching an angel and a demon in the act of consorting together (with the help of the zombies,) barges into the backstage dressing room, and confronts the lovers with their crime. But who is playing who in the Arthurian love triangle? I would say Furfur is clearly caught in the role of Arthur here. Consider the following exchange:

[See GIFs at top - I will quote relevant script shortly in detail]

Furfur claims a past intimate relationship with Crowley, which Crowley spurns offhandedly. Crowley is playing Guinevere here, jilting Furfur/Arthur, which leaves the demon-smiting Aziraphale standing in for the handsome hero Lancelot (with his French connections, no less), and doesn't he make us weak at the knees when he drops his voice an octave in dominating disgust. (Is it suddenly getting hot in here...?Phew!)

Recently someone posted more images of Furfur's costume, and the sash was shown reversed, where a red crown can clearly be seen under the stag's head, which to me just adds weight to the Furfur=Arthur role.

Next we need to take another look at this line from Furfur:

FURFUR: I was right next to you. We did loads together. You used to jump on me back, little monkey in the waistcoat.

Everyone took this too literally.

Really.

I mean really really.

There are two things - ok, three things - this set of lines tells us.

The first is the most obvious and likely the surface impression - maybe Crowley did turn himself into a monkey. But this is a misdirection to the real information here, so forget that. Put it to one side for the moment, at least.

Secondly, Furfur had a "monkey on his back."

We see by this turn of phrase that he was burdened by a problem, or something he couldn't let go of, and in this situation it clearly looks like a long held bitter feeling towards Crowley and his apparent freedom on Earth.

CROWLEY: Oh, we shan't, this is ridiculous. [leans back and puts hat over his face] FURFUR: No, what's ridiculous is demons like you doing what they please. And somehow still getting on, while demons like me graft for hundreds and hundreds of millennia and never get a sniff of a promotion! Well, not this time. Expect a Legion to come for you first thing tomorrow. Enjoy your last night on Earth.

Thirdly, the whole thing indicates there is a past history of "monkey business" between Furfur and Crowley, before the Fall. This is further emphasized by Furfur's greeting on arrival:

FURFUR: Hmm, well, well, well... What have we here? AZIRAPHALE: Sorry, have we met? FURFUR: Oh, no, you never had the pleasure, but... we have, haven't we? CROWLEY: Have we?

Ohhhh, Crowley. o_0 No, no, no, no, nooooooo..........

Can you see it? Can you see why he would deny knowing Furfur? That they did "loads together?"

Do you know what "monkey business" is an alternative phrase for?

Remember the Arthur/Guinevere/Lancelot love triangle?

Do you think Crowley is going to admit this in front of his angel?

Uh huh.

Really. Really really.

An "unreliable narrator" indeed.

[caramecocoa]

Ricky’s Birthday - EOU Short Story Translation

リッキィの誕生日 (Ricky's Birthday) is a short story that was originally written to commemorate the 1st anniversary of EOU, but it appears that it wasn't published until its inclusion in the Visual Materials Artbook. Since I do not think there are any translations of this one online, I decided to take it upon myself to make an (poorly made) attempt at it!

Foreword

I'll preface this post by saying that I am not fluent at all in Japanese, so I had to rely on machine translation whilst double-checking with online dictionaries and/or rewording some certain odd phrases (while making this in just about two evenings' time). Therefore, this translation is not perfect, but it should meet the minimum standards of readability. (When and/or If I'll reach a higher level of fluency, I might rework and republish this.)

When notable changes in respect to the source text are made, I have made sure to explain them in the appropriate footnotes. I also made sure to include other interesting notes.

All that said, please enjoy the read!

As usual, the Golden Deer Pub is packed full with explorers that have finished adventuring for the day, so there is a peculiar hustle-and-bustle.

…Among them, one of the tables is especially lively this evening.

“Happy birthday!”

“Happy birthday to our leader!’

“......”

I, Frederica Irving, am watching the commotion from another table at a distance. There isn’t a reason for it… My eyes are just drawn to “something out of the ordinary”.

I blurt out a question (1), “So, is that how you celebrate birthdays?”

Upon hearing that, Raquna, who is sitting next to me, stares at me dumbfoundedly. “That’s the day everyone’s born in. We give thanks for our existence and for being born–I suppose it is something to celebrate?”

“You don’t even know that? That’s so lame (2)!” Arthur, listening in across the table, interrupts the conversation without hesitation.

…This guy is always like this. Whenever I show the smallest hint of weakness (3), he always lectures me in this snobbish manner.

Raquna says, “That boy never had any juniors… Can you bear with it a little?”, but, to be frank, it does little to lift my spirits.

“It is no wonder if I don’t know. I don’t remember when my birthday falls anymore.”

After I say that, I immediately regret it. It has made everyone uncomfortable… (4)

As I feared, an odd silence has befallen the table, and even that insensitive Arthur has an awkward expression on his face. This is not what I wanted to happen.

“It… It is nothing special. So, what is the big deal? I was just wondering because in the past it wasn’t celebrated in such a grand fashion. That’s all.”

“Ricky…”

…I try to follow it up in a hurry, but I can tell by the atmosphere that it is not a successful attempt.

“Birthdays are to be celebrated” is something I am aware of from common sense knowledge. However, since I wasn’t close to any other people my age and Dad (5) was too busy to ever come home, I spent my birthdays alone for many years.

Once M.I.K.E. was created, he would be the one to give me celebratory messages, but… That said, celebrating like that at the tavern seemed something novel to me, so why do I feel so bad right now?

While resenting my own indiscreetness and Arthur's unnecessary provocation, I ponder if there is any way to somehow get through this heavy atmosphere. (6)

“...Hm. It is a date from a millennium ago. In that case, with some calculations we should be able to figure it out… No, if the calendar itself is different, then it is another story.”

“I wonder if the Midgard Library has a research team looking into that sort of thing? Like the collection of documents marked with dates…”

“And we could seek that information from them! Or we could just ask M.I.K.E.! (7)”

Ah, stop! Don’t make such a big deal out of it! But no matter what I might say right now, it would be futile. I have no doubt that my earnest companions will think that “I am just pretending not to care”.

Seriously, I don't care that much about my birthday… How did it come to this?

Whether or not he knew of my state of mind or not… The youth who has remained silent up to that point has suddenly spoken up (8). “If you don’t know it, you should make it up.”

…Make it up? My birthday?

What is he talking about?

“That’s right! Just as expected from you, Highlander! Well said!”

“...He doesn’t have anything to do with this.”

“Oh, I get it! That’s a great point!”

What!? How do you know that? What does Arthur understand that I don’t!?

Not being able to understand anything of what they are saying, I can only stare at their faces and compare them.

“In other words, those two are saying that you can make your birthday any day you want.”

“A day… I want? The day I was born?”

Simon must have realized my confusion, because he explained it, but... I still don't get the picture.

“Yep, yep, in my case it was Simon who chose my birthday!”

“What. You… Are you serious!?” (9)

“Yeah, isn’t that right? So, Ricky, you can decide it to be whatever you like!”

To decide for myself the day I was conceived?

Do I have the right to do that?

Does such a decision even make sense?

When, in fact, it is not a choice?

But if Arthur, one who “has no memories of suffering”, says that he actually did and there is no problem with that…

In this day and age, is that good enough? (10)

Looking at the happy-go-lucky Arthur and the confident look on the youth's face who made the suggestion... It's strange, because it makes me feel like it's the proper thing to do.

“Um, well…” I speak up as my heart beats fast.

There is one “important day” that I would definitely choose if I had to do so. But would this decision actually matter?

There is only one day I was born. It is the day when Mom and Dad made that important decision for me. But, that day… It is not a happy one.

If I had to choose an important day that is not that. 

If I had to celebrate a day I could call my “birthday”.

I am very, very embarrassed about it, but I know that no one here will make fun of me, so I am going to put my wishes into words. 

“...I want it to be the day I met you all.”

Yes. 

The day I woke up in this era, and when I met those people I cherish…

I want it to be that day.

And so, ever since then… I have had two birthdays.

──────────────────────

One night, after dark. Four suspicious shadows stand in one of the rooms of the Rooster Inn.

“Heh heh, I bet she’ll be surprised when she wakes up!”

“Hmm... It's a pity we won't get to see it.” (12)

The shadows surrounding the sleeping girl... Secretly, stealthily, they place one present after another under her pillow. The short shadow leaves an assortment of sweets. The one with the long hair, a hair ornament.

The tall shadow puts down the stuffed animal as he mutters, “…But isn’t this a way to celebrate a different event?” (13)

Then, at last, with a nod, a shadow-the youth's-places a small wrapped gift.

“Well, some people here are pretty shy about being direct.”

“Sh-Shut up!”

“You are being too loud. It would be bad if we were caught, so let’s get back to our rooms.”

Then, silently, quietly, the four shadows leave the girl’s room. Among them… One shadow, the youth, stops and looks back at her.

‘Ricky… Happy birthday.”

One year had passed ever since the boy and the girl had met. (14)

Footnotes

(1)  The literal phrase was “The question comes out of my mouth”, but since it is a somewhat unnatural construction in English, I opted to change it for “to blurt out”, which hopefully conveys the “involuntary” aspect of that utterance. (2) ダッセェ is the slang form of ダサい, which means “uncool”, “lame”, “corny”, etc. (3) So, the original text doesn’t specify what the 少しでも見せると refers to. Literally, it would translate as “When I show a little…” which, in English, doesn’t particularly make sense. From the overall context, I assumed the word “weakness” to be the “missing part”. I think the fancy French translation term that applies is suppléance mentale?

(4) I originally opted to retain the translation for こんな事は言うべきではない (i.e. “I shouldn’t have said that”), but, since it was redundant, I opted to cut it. I also considered translating the 「しまった」と思った。こんな事は言うべきではない。as something like, “My thoughts were filled with regret…” but I felt something like that was a bit too poetic for it to be Ricky’s character voice.

(5) In the official English translation for the game, Ricky does refer to her father as “Papa”, if my memory serves right. I personally think it does sound a bit too childish coming from a teenager, so I opted to render it as “Dad” instead. (6) For some reason, only in two particular sentences the POV switches to third person (the noun 少女 is used to refer to Ricky). POV mixing seems to be a thing, although it is more of a thing in alternate chapters, not in the middle of narration… For the sake of consistency, I decided to turn them into the first person. (7) Since the party is still in an amicable position with M.I.K.E., it is safe to assume this story takes place between the events of AREA III and AREA IV.

(8) See footnote 6. (9) According to this post, そうだったの can be used as a reaction to something surprising. I decided to translate is as “Are you serious” as it felt more appropriate. (10) I believe Ricky might be concerned about bureaucratic matters here. (11) The change of tense is intentional here, as I assume the previous narration utilised the historical present to recount the events. See the Wikipedia page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Historical_present. Check also this for a more concise explanation: https://japanese.stackexchange.com/a/73870 (12) This line of dialogue might imply the epilogue takes place the night after the Primevil/Yggdrasil Core battle.

(13) The event referenced here is most likely Christmas and similar celebrations wherein presents are left to children in the middle of the night. (14) While in the rest of the translation I opted to use “youth” to translate 少年 (referring to the Highlander), here I left it as “boy” both to retain the “mirror” structure and as a reference to the “Boy Meets Girl” narrative trope: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BoyMeetsGirl