#do you really like to listen to me ramble? lol
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🎣 Giving P3 Curly a sick fishing outfit…
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⭐ Downloading Tulpar Crew Pack…
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🐟 Bleep blop bleep blop… is that how fish make sounds? Oh well…
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🌻 You chose the following:
P3 Curly as your character avatar
Download Tulpar Crew Pack
Normal Mode: Swish-Swash Buckling Shlongaloo
Jimlings #3: Crickets
🌻 A great choice! Now that these are out of the way, let’s start off with a bit of a storytelling, shall we? Let me just turn on my narrator voice… ahem ahem... dot dot dot... (insert really cool narrator voice)
You are a humble fisherman who just decided that today was going to be a good day. You grabbed yourself a cup of coffee to start it. The aroma of fresh coffee beans filled the atmosphere, hitting it juuust right. Everything was fine and dandy… until the world decided that it wasn't going to be fine and dandy. You experienced every minor inconvenience known to man: Spilling your cup of coffee, a small but noticeable stain on your favourite shirt, stepping on a wet puddle with socks on, those unskippable YouTube ads that lasted for a solid minute for a 30-second video… getting caught in a red light and you have to wait. So close, yet so far…
When you got home, you decided that maybe a fish sandwich would cheer you up. To your unbelievably worst luck that never seemed to run out, there was no fish. How ironic...
So you decided to venture out to the sea to find yourself the perfect fish for your perfect fish sandwich. Sure, you can buy fish from the supermarket, but catching it fresh makes it all the more delicious.
After grabbing your trusty Swish-Swash Buckling Shlongaloo and a box full of Jimlings #3, you finally made your way to your boat and set sail. Normally, the ocean would be shrouded in darkness in the dead of night. However, the moonlight seemed to be glowing so strong, it became the light in the void and revealed royal shades of blue you never thought you’d see at this time. The call of the night reeled you deeper into the heart of the ocean…
🪼 Now Playing: Emma Is Lost - Isobel Waller-Bridge David Schweitzer 🪼
.ılılılllıılılıllllıılılllıllı.
0:00 o──────────────────── 1:07
↺ |◁ II ▷| ♡
As you drifted farther away from home, all that was left were the faint hum of your boat’s engine and the swooshing sounds of the sea. The smell of salt wafted in the air as the cold midnight breeze gently bathed your entirety. Your eyes flooded with the sight of the blue horizon. Perhaps this is how you got those so called “ocean eye”. Whether or not you had loved the ocean, it had left a part of itself in the window of your soul. You were truly part of its world.
After your nightly dose of the lustrous sea, you placed your gaze upon the full moon. The fishermen at the docks said that you won’t get a good haul if she’s fully out, but you believed that that was a bunch of baloney. Besides, you get to see the whole of her beauty. Moonlight painted your face, an ethereal glow highlighting your features. She seems to be listening right now. What do you say to the moon?
[1] - (You are free to say anything. Make small talk , pour your heart out, anything, really! Perhaps the moon will respond... perhaps not, who knows?)
Random ramblings from d1tz to the mod:
I was too late to realize... that Curly's fishing fit looks almost like Mario without the hat... sobbing screaming frothing at the mouth
I gotta give him a bucket hat, I don't want to draw Curly and think of that goofy ahh Italian plumber
Yes, I decided to use the nighttime screen to avoid drawing another piece LOL
!!
All right, let’s see what we’ve got.
Wonderful art. I like the little crew doodles, hah. Feels like something Daisuke would draw on Swansea’s Post-Its.
Coffee, eh? Guess fisherman Curly’s sleep schedule’s not so good either. Heh.
Wait, why do the wet socks bother me if my feet are fake? Why am I wearing socks over my prosthetics? I’m overthinking this. These little inconveniences sound fantastic, honestly. Carry on. 
This art is insanely funny. Thank you!
Hmm, I like the song. It’s eerie, but nice, you know?
Oh, uh—
Hello, Moon. It’s me… Curly…
You look a lot like the Tulpar’s nighttime window screen if it were the real thing and not a glorified screensaver. Which I obviously know nothing about, being a humble fisherman and all. Hah.
Uh… So… Any good fish in these parts? I’m on a very noble sandwich-making quest. I’ll appreciate any help. Thanks, Moon.
God this is ridiculous. I love it.
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If you can't handle me at my Willem x Rom you don't deserve me at my Yurie x Rom. 😔
#shitposting#personal#I am still bitter at that long term mutual who blocked me over willem x rom hcs post tbh ffhgkjv#and then vagueblogged about how fromsoft fans are such weirdos they want to-#-delete their from fanart so it isn't touched by us lol#why do you get into a fandom for media with dark topics and get baffled at dark content?#status imbalance and discomfort of manipulation is not even the worst thing these guys do#sir they kill mothers to abort and sacrifice their infants in this setting!#but teacher who is a bad person getting crazy over a student who 'actually listens' is worse?#sigh.....#additionally bitter because I LOVED their art and got excited over it#like if my mutual posted hcs that make me uncomfy I'd just unfollow or ask them to tag#again I am only overreacting because fromsoft games ARE horror#and full of bad people#but it isn't the first time someone is upset at really fucked up shit?#like remember the guy who told people that ship sulyvahn and aldrich while using-#-gwyndolin's corpse to 'explode'?#maam sulyvahn made a princess he usurped into a sex slave in this game!#these games have scary shit! maybe 'weirdos' are target audience!#fandomry rambles
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NaNo 2024: Victory!!
Hello, world, here's my tidied desk in the aftermath of FINISHING ANOTHER BOOK!!! It took me EXACTLY four (4) pens this year (I was literally writing my wrap-up stats in the back of the notebook when the in on the last one started to go!), on 82 pages across two (2) notebooks, and preliminary* word count is 71,541!! (*subject to change once typed--I count by hand and tweak as I type haha.)
Also featuring: the NaNo Earrings, Volumes 2 and 3 of the Bitch Journal (where I whine about writerly things and also Reflect On My Process--I learned very much this year and got a lot of dopamine from it!!), the tiny watch that kept me company in my tertiary writing space, the earplugs that made working at home Tolerable (mostly), and some of the frantic scribbles on scrap paper (I got a LOT of mileage out of a dead receipt that Panera misprinted for me lol).
Now, onward to TYPING!! I would love for this not to take most of December, so I'll probably have more Unhinged Goals About That (I don't know why I am the way that I am), but! The hard part is done!!
#nano2024#hh#writing#i already don't love the title i wrote at the top of the manuscript by the way lol#i might just call it 'the wintergreen house'#instead of a street address#it doesn't need a street address because of where it is#i just also like how 'seventeen wintergreen' sounds so....unclear lol#and anyway listen the half a space lichen doesn't really vibe with names humans can pronounce anyway#so they end the book not sure what to call it#or how to refer to it#which is fair because how would YOU try to pronounce a constellation of flashing lights and weird almost-smells??#exactly. good luck lol#ANYWAY I HAD SO MUCH FUN I LEARNED A LOT ABOUT MY PROCESS (i have tag rambled about this elsewhere i won't do it again lol)#100/10 recommend doing a Journal Thing if you have a creative process btw#to hack your way around said creative process#The Bitch Journal has been THE biggest game changer for me in writer land lately#it started out like the top one says 'mostly just whining' but it's wild how easily that slides into Reflection and Figuring Yourself OutLO#if i ever taught writing this is the only kind of journal i would implement#i had a professor who wanted us to do Idea Journals which fine cool observation things#but GOSH this one was SO MUCH MORE HELPFUL TO ME#and really framing it as whining was SO good#because you get all the gunk out and then words can GO#anyway. everyone needs a Bitch Journal i think#be a bitch do your bitching etc#nano#the Void already started coming for me last night btw#IT'S TOO EARLY FOR THE POST PROJECT CRASH LEAF ME ALONE!!!!
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does anyone else feel like they could be a really really good tour guide if the memory problems didnt exist
#LISTEN. LISTEN I COULD RAMBLE TO YOU FOREVER ABOUT MY CITY. I REALLY COULD#BUT MY MEMORY IS ASS AND I KNOW I WOULD END HALF OF MY SENTENCES WITH 'BUT THATS JUST ME' 😭😭#i would hate myself for misremembering something and passing on that information. and even more embarrassed if someone corrected me in fron#of a group of people.. i mean i guess its not realistic to know everything about everything but still a little embarrassing#but like seriously.. i could tell you about the weird public art sculptures. i could tell you about the local cryptid sighting from the 70s#i could tell you about the weather and public transportation system. i could tell you about the weird underground walkway#pretend im grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking you back and forth because i would have so much fun doing that. UGH#on a similar note its also really fun to go through atlas obscura and wonder how tf some of these dont get more attention. like i get that#popular attractions would be more worthwhile. i tend to go for museums and aquariums whenever im visiting somewhere#but idk i think it would be cool to chill in an abandoned train station or popular skate park. shrugs#i seriously need to get out more. sigh#i showed crow pictures of it snowing hard this morning and they were flabbergasted that its like -5 degrees here lol#yapping#txt
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taz 11th hour and suffering game are truly sooo good. true Charlie bait. nothing can top those two storylines. somehow griffin managed to make the two most perfect Charlie targeted stories for Charlie to relisten to for the nth time 🥴
#ironically I think stolen century might be my least fave despite being the best because#I find that arc so incredibly creepy that it borders on horror to me. and I don’t often want to listen to horror.#(probably because I find sci fi creepy and unsettling)#but arguably stolen century is objectively the ‘best’ in quality but#nothing can top 11th hour and suffering game !!!!!#rock port and petals to the metal are okkk but they still haven’t truly figured out the characters yet#and crystal kingdom is fantastic on the second round when you can see the foreshadowing#but the 11th hour…… how can anyone not love a time loop cmonnnnnnn#and griffin really mastered the music on suffering game. also I do like suffering.#(looks at icon) oh yeah also they’re very Magnus centered. sadly I hate Travis (affectionately) but he really nailed Magnus 🥴#the ramblings of a man who just finished 11th hour/suffering games again lol#taz#a day in the life of steeve
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Yes Hello to all my fellow Miss Lemon fans out there:
If you love her as much as I do, then 6.2 Hickory Dickory Dock is the episode for you
Now let us all just take a moment out of our busy day to bask in her glory:
That coat with those hats?? ICONIC she has such a flawless style
and this little scene where she's like 'this is just a quirk of Mr. Poirot's, don't worry about it' fellas help she's so cute
also HELP lads she took Poirot's comment about Inspector Japp's 'healthy appetite' way too literally!! LEMON SOLE! she's so funny aagh
Also she looks really damn good in burgundy wow
Also you know I hate the trope where guys tell ladies to take their glasses off and let their hair flow in the wind because they'd somehow be 'sexier' or whatever. That is just simply not true. Case in point: Look at how cute Miss Lemon is in her glasses!!
Just. Everyone just. Look at my favourite girl. Look at her!!! Her filing system is perfect! Her filing system could kick your ass!!!
#Okay. don't kill me. but I'm gonna say it.#She has red/auburn hair. Which we all know is a weakness of Hastings'.#so like. Why didn't the showrunners kinda push them together more?#like in the books Miss Lemon was supposed to be 'impossibly ugly' or whatever the quote was#but show!Felicity is cute and adorable and beautiful and lovely and flawless and okay sorry I'll stop. but anyway. My point is#they get this absolute gorgeous cutie to play Miss Lemon and made her sorta exactly Hastings' type and then they don't do anything with it?#No implications like we get with him and Poirot? No touching or preening or lingering glances or smiles?#Sure in the Adventure of the Italian Nobleman Hastings legit punches a guy in the face for her#but she's not there to see it!#and we sorta get a whumpy scene in Double Clue where she's tending to his wounds with iodine so they could have played that up#esp. if they were really trying to no homo everything.#but they didn't. like. he barely looks at her in that scene.#And maybe they were just trying to stay truer to the source material but like. They still could have *implied* a great deal#and they didn't. IDK it was just. an interesting choice is all#they certainly imply a lot of things about him and Poirot (for which I owe them my life LOL) so it probably would have been super easy to d#maybe they were afraid of pissing off the fans? idk#or maybe those Hastings/Poirot implications were a simple result of the exceptional acting chemistry b/w David Suchet and Hugh Fraser#which of course fits into the canon of Poirot having the absolute biggest soft spot for Captain Arthur Hastings that is humanly possible#ANYWAY I LOVE YOU MISS LEMON YOU ARE MY QUEEN#and like okay I guess I can see how Pauline Moran isn't '''''''conventionally attractive''''''' or anything#but given the right storyline I could see Hastings being down bad for her version of Felicity Lemon#but maybe that's just because *I'm* down bad for her LOL#Poirot series#Poirot#Felicity Lemon#Miss Lemon#back on my screencapping bullshit#also if you made it through all of these tags bless u what a trooper you are thanks for listening to my ramblings
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yknow something i didnt realize while with them was how little i wanted to vent or open up because they made me feel guilty about it or made it about themself every time i did (even if they didnt mean to, they still did)
and how much im more willing to randomly vent to my friends now and admit im not doing okay or hell, *even tell my boyfriend when i have issues in the relationship*
hindsight is 20/20 for sure, but it's crazy how much has changed in the timespan of a little over half a year just because one person left my life permanently.
it should not have been normalized for me to be scared of telling my partner things.
#like im also more open about liking neopronouns and such#or media that my friends might not also like#or CHARACTERS or HEADCANONS they might not also like#hell ive given some characters headcanons i had before but didnt feel safe expressing because they would get angry if i deviated from their#so anyways gay lloyd from ninjago <3#lesbian barb from trolls <3#and bicurious daniel from little hope <3#im sure theres more i cant think of rn lol#i can also fully admit i like ships like climbing class now lollll#idk im rambling :P but its amazing that i can be open with my friends and boyfriend now about the things i like#and they actually wanna listen to me talk about it and dont give me one word responses or shut down the convo?#wow????#do yall understand how amazing it was to have 💙 start getting into my interests just because i went “i really like this thing”#without having to be bribed or begged to#like. wtf!!!#ive never had that before!!!#or the fact he's actively working with me towards a future where we can live together and we're working out the details?#instead of just letting shit sit around for months without looking at it?#and im not the only one saving up towards living together???#and i dont have to feel guilty about the way i feel towards things! like my polyamory!#wraow.... i love my friends and boyfriend actually#🦝#🌱 vents#vent#hey 🦝 i think you abandoning me was the best thing you ever did for me xoxo
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[just venting a bit into the void you understand you understand 😌] Lately I've been feeling very caught between "I have a lot of thoughts on Sparrow and Normal and all that with the ending and teen talk and feel like I need to get them out and voice them for my own piece of mind and resolution" and "I am lacking the strength and energy to actually sit down and write it all out and kind of really just want to fully move on to other things (AUs, fics, anything else)" but my brain can't seem to commit to either and that's quite frustrating cause it's just left me very restless. *Sigh*. Idk! Just needed to complain about that a bit ig, it's silly but this is what has been ailing me as of late.
#Then there's also a part of me that's like “does anyone even care at this point? haven't I already talked about them too much?”#but I have seen many a take that irk me...#and perhaps at the center of it all nagging at me is that persistent conflation of love and pride#Less about that in Normal's mind so much as in Will's and the fandom's 🤔#Also that reoccurring issue of the fandom going ''Normal thinks this therefore it is The Truth'' though I believe I've discussed this befor#And... Hooks Will could have grabbed onto but didn't... Quite a few of those...#And the double standard/negativity bias in fandom of ignoring that Sparrow says both that he loves and likes Normal while doodlerized#But not treating those with the same legitimacy we do the pride thing. And ignoring Sparrow's demonstrations of love and change...#And what the love wolf scene actually implies about Sparrow (as I see it) with his own explanation of the pride thing in mind#But also!!! Also on Norm's epilogue and how despite everything taken at face value (i.e. no teen talk influence) I don't actually hate it#and I think it's plenty salvageable#And gah also that like *regardless* of how things turn out with Normal and his dad-#Well I haven't listened to much of the teen talk just the directly Sparrow-relevant clips#so I don't know quite how cynical Will is or isn't about Normal's future#But like. UGH. What I'm trying to say is even if things didn't find resolution vis-a-vis his dad#(which tbh I could go either way on- it's the meta misinterpretations of Sparrow that Bother me not so much Normal's)#(Well that's complicated. Again it comes back to the love vs. pride thing gosh this is so vague of me lol)#With all the positive influences in his life (and just the fact that life is long? and therapy is a thing?) I just don't see Normal-#being Miserable for the rest of his life. Like. I mean I won't elaborate here really but damn it no he can absolutely turn out alright stil#blugh#BUT YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN THAT'S A LOT OF STUFF AND THAT'S ONLY VAGUE RAMBLINGS ABOUT *SOME* OF IT#Like I'm proud of a lot of my essay posts (which I'm hoping to eventually compile in a masterpost eventually actually) but they take a whil#And if my heart wants to do other things... Ah idk...#ANYWAYS a vent to vent a vent to vent
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#finally met my angeeellll#went on a walk just to spend time with the moon#i was so happy really#i havent seen it in a while 🥺🥺#i miss you a lot lately#idk its stupid but i do feel like#ive been like not here the past couple of days mentally#or weeks i dont know#bt release their single and i did not listen to it#but idk why#it just feels overwhelming#and i havent watched older lives either much#i dont know#it's just shittie lately#everything's overwhelming#especially his absence sigh#but i still love BT#all of them#i just really need to sort myself out before jumping into the new era ahaha#the actual album is almost getting released and im really not ready aaaa#itll be so overwhelming#idk what to do lol. Cuz i dont wanna avoid it but i dont think i can immediately listen to it#idk! sorry for the ramble#much thoughts in this tiny exhausted brain lately#Also sorry for the inactivity and all. i have some stuff in drafts but idk. i feel heavy posting them???#its stupid but i feel like its somehow disrespectful to post old content when i know the guys are moving forward??#but of course that's not the case but yes i feel so confused#and really exhausted. im sleepwalking through my life lately honestly and it's not that great 💔#but hope itll be better soon#ahhhh. i need to finish school too cuz i cant disappoint the ppl around me. and i cant disappoint myself either
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What I'm Made Of (Sonic Heroes OST) 🤝 With Me (Sonic and the Black Knight OST): Final boss songs who's lyrics apply almost just as much to Sonic as they do to the villain he's facing
#im crazy im crazy#also i know with me is used as Merlina's leitmotif but like#you know who throughout all of satbk is like accepting being the villain of the story? Just like Merlina does? Sonic#He's literally like oh killing king arthur will make me the bad guy? oh well lol can't always be the hero#they're both willing to do what they must even if they become the villain because of it#''you know every world will have its end and i'm here to prove it all to you''#''i am who you don't think i am''#like come oonnnn that's exactly what Sonic and Merlina are arguing about throughout the final battle#and those lines could apply to either of them#AND THEN DONT GET ME STARTED ON WHAT IM MADE OF#that song people are more likely to immediately think of Sonic when they hear it for the first time#but if you listen from the perspective of Metal Sonic it's like mind blowing#especially since its such a sonic style song like its got such a familiar feel to all of Sonic's other Crush 40 themes#and I'm including Open Your Heart and Live and Learn in this#Open Your Heart is just Sonic singing directly to Perfect Chaos and Live and Learn is similar to the songs im talking about above#in that Live and Learn can apply just as much to Shadow as it can to Sonic it's their duet as they save the world from Gerald's plan#(insert an ''I'm Live'' ''and I'm Learn'' the Live and Learn Brothers joke here)#but anyway the point is that you think of those songs when you hear What I'm Made Of#it SOUNDS like a Sonic song#but then really you listen to it...... and it sure does sound like things Sonic would say yeah#but ultimately? It IS a Metal Sonic theme. And it is playing on the parralels between Metal and Sonic on purpose#''i don't care what you're thinking as you turn to me cause what i have in my two hands is enough to set me free''#LIKE THAT'S THE FIRST LINE IN THE SONG... Sonic is ALREADY free. You know who isn't and is doing everything in order to be free?#''let me show you just what i'm made of'' is a Sonic line but oh my god is it also a Metal line#dont get me fucking started on the verse about 'one by one they all become black marks on the floor' and how insane the implications make m#these boss songs are all CONVERSATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway. Sonic music good#sth#moodle rambles
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yesterday i spent 45 minutes of my life watching a video essay criticising the use of cheap shock values and crossing of taboos for a video game and i went from "he has a point even if he's explaining it in a really inflammatory way" to "oh umm... i can see how he thinks that way even if i don't agree" to "oh this guy's just straight up using people on tumblr as material for an audience to get mad at like other outdated people on the internet. nvm he's just an asshole"
#yuu rambles#it was about the coffin of andey and leyley btw - i agreed w him on the first half of the video about how it felt rather noncommittal to it#concepts and themes but i recognise its not really *trying* to be serious which means its not a reasonable#framework to judge the intention and execution of its work - an apple pie does use butter in it but just bc it does#doesnt mean you get to compare it to steak; a dish that also uses butter. this is intuitively easy to understand for me#but nonetheless it was like 3 am i had stuff to do so i just put it on my background to listen#he makes a diss at “people on tumblr” early on that i just raised my eyebrow at but shrugged it off bc its such an old joke#its lost its zinger; and im p sure its just confirmation bias from going into the tags of the thing you dont like lol if you use tumblr#normally you wouldn't come across things you dont like bc you'd have blocked them. But Anyways#then at the end he got sooo self righteous about how people on tumblr are insane and weird and showed screencaps about how twisted everyone#who likes the game are. there were some screenshots of people's post that were like “incest is bad and shouldn't be explored in media.#paragraph break‚ me who is an incest survivor and finds it helpful for working through my trauma: lol”#those types of post. but then lmfao he started going out of pocket and just mentioned the lists of other people he doesnt like which are#a screenie of a video essay about how kink is important at pride#and then some other stuff i dont remember anymore w the tumblr screenies#it was very mockingly written and said and at the end of it i felt sad i couldnt#block people on youtube lmao. like its not i dont want this guy to comment on my videos. i dont want to see his channel involuntarily#recommended to me ever again. just resorted to the most base sort of trolling behaviour he accused and judge other game devs for in his#video essay. good fucking god. the psychological projection is unreal#i dont have any strong feelings towards the game at the end of it even though i thought i would be like Eugh at first#but my bleh for any cheap gimmicks is overshadowed by my disdain for this guy's reliance on self righteous rhetoric#i discovered another new channel i really like tho after that vid!! bc i had to watch smth else to cleanse my palate lmao#they're jacob geller and freddydude! ive only seen one vid from freddydude about his essay on#detention‚ the horror game set in taiwan during the era of white terror under new cn leadership after ww2#im personally quite jumpy so his humour and the way he edits his videos to make it silly even though its Scary#made me like it a lot!! im going through jacob geller's other vids but ive watched three specific types of terror#and the one about pinocchio which made me go :00 wow his scripts are super good!#again everything at your own discretion esp w the whole james somerton shit‚ but i enjoyed what I've seen so far#i just wanted to end this in a somewhat positive note JSHDKSJDJD the ramblings Continue...#theres a pedantic error in one of ky tags but im gonna update it when im on comp bc mobile sucks smh my head
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sometimes I think about how everyone is so obsessed with how they look and think other peoples' opinions are what determine if they are attractive or not. by that logic, i'm one of the ugliest people to ever exist because i've never, to my memory, had a random person tell me i'm attractive in any way just by looking at me. I've only had people give me pity compliments after I say something like the last sentence lmao. but I don't accept those. I don't want your pity
#lee text#random thoughts with lee#i'm doing fine without being told i'm attractive. be like me. stop complaining about looks ans calling yourself ugly fbbfnjdsnns#i only think people with good personalities are attractive and pretty si if you care so much what others think:#get a better personality LOL#(what i mean by that is work on yourself and stop trying to use physical appearance to get what you want. its weird and wrong)#((wrong in many ways like looks dont last. thats superficial and doesnt matter. beauty is subjective#YOU WILL NEVER BE ATTRACTIVE TO EVERYONE so give up and find a new hobby))#i feel like this will sound super mean to certain people who have what i call Ugly Syndrome (they think theyre ugly and blame failure on it)#but these people never seem to listen to listen to logic and feel bad about themsleves no matter what you say#even if you call them beautiful multiple times a day. so who cares at that point fhdhhdjjsj i cant help them and they annoy me#i guess thats the unempathetic side of my autism coming out. i live on an empathy sliding scale ive come to realize#lee rambles#if this does offend you maybe think about it. really think about how to fix that issue within yourself. i genuinely hope you get better#also people who use “i do it for myself” but its obvious they actually care more about how others see them. you also suck. get well soon.#I dont want anyone replying to this getting offended or well actuallying me or something. either take the tough love or go love yourself#one of the gremlins in this brain doesnt empathy. its me. the unempathetic gremlin. but i still hope you recover quickly.
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Cool.. Our rent price got raised. :') I did not know it was even possible to get even MORE poor than me and mom already were, but here we are. Guess I'll start surviving on literal bread and water at this rate.
#/vent#personal#no but when will things stop getting worse?#in moments like this I feel especially bitter thinking about that asshole that went to me like:#'wahh wahh katy i won enough money in the court to buy everything I want but it doesn't matter because I can't buy YOU uwu'#*ten days later* 'actually I don't want a friend/sister anymore can you please stay in your bum spot and simply be my-#-online friend and listen to me ramble about my interests without any regards to yours and show off how cool my life is to you like always?#like no I am not materialistic but when people make dramatic promises of this kind they better stick to them#'nooo but you MUST get out of russia!!!' bitch how? I can hardly afford enough food let alone travelling and living abroad#anyways yeah I am done using the guy that pretended to want a better life for us both and then turned tail as a core for venting#sorry it just makes me angry#not so much living in powerty and not being able to crawl out of debt and my life state no matter what#but more about a very consistent trend of having friends that one day get RICH and dump me as 'lower class' right after that happens#he is not the only one like that in my life he is just the most recent one#really speaks about how unlikeable I am if people lose interest in me as soon as they can buy happy things instead#shows that my worth as a human being is super low and I only work as entertainment when people can't buy something to do that instead#like videogames food travels objects books etc etc...#I am just below those things and less interesting than those things and I'll die early hahaha lol#hopes are that supernatural luck power that doesn't want me to escape easily will send me something to help. because yeah my situation-#-is B A D.
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asshole commenter didnt reply to my thing so. ????? guess they just decided to leave it at that????
#speculation nation#i'd like to think me pointing out both the objective falsehoods they were saying#as well as laying out in detail how i came to my own interpretations of akechi's character#(albeit in an abridged way. i could ramble for Hours on analysis of his character. and have. lol.)#maybe this made them reconsider replying???#like Perhaps realizing they werent exactly in the right here#like ya kno different interpretations happen. if u wanna assume akechi's an irredeemable monster i cant stop you#i just cant get over the fucking. 'wakaba was uncommonly saintly for a single mother in japan'#& saying for sae that 'he constantly belittles or tricks into giving him food while plotting to kill her and pin it on the Thieves'#literally what are you TALKING about?????????#aside from the objective incorrect claim that he was plotting to kill her & frame the phantom thieves for it#he's a teenager??? like???? yea he's obnoxious puppydog eyes about it but he's literally a teen & she's an adult#there's no 'tricking' her into buying food for him lmao. she's an intelligent woman and she can tell if she's being 'tricked'#this is literally just her teenage coworker mooching off her for food. it's not that weird.#& belittling her?? he makes One kinda snide comment about 'stress being the enemy of beauty' but it's One line#and not even that big of a deal. she just brushes it off. other than that he really shows constant respect for her#talking to her. listening to her opinions. he's really more gracious with her than he is with Most people#honestly that whole comment was just like. What the fuck are you Talking about#'i do like akechi as a character' 'you have to interpret his backstory in the most favorable light for him to be anything other than#a deeply monstrous man.' like Geeze agree to disagree. also are you sure you like him#bc you sound really angry about him actually#like GEEZE i never said he was a good person. he's done a lot of awful shit & has a rude and bitchy personality#but there are good qualities to him too. and he loves so deeply that it corrupted him (in his pursuit for revenge for his mom)#(which is. at its core. anger due to how things happened with her. born from LOVE for her. see the theme here?)#anyways im gonna just let it rest after this (assuming they dont reply again) bc i dont wanna exhaust myself#i was just utterly astounded by how badly they misinterpreted like Every facet of his character. like. Ok.
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#grief rant in the tags time#losing your life partner at 25 is just. jesus christ#i’ve been most worried for kate with everything and i hope she has a good support system around her#also teardrops hits so different now. the way it ends so abruptly is so poignant#and midnight????#that’s the song that i had playing on loop when i met my ex and used to listen to it to cheer me up#it’s been a bit different since we broke up but it still made me smile and remember that life can feel good again#it’s just too bittersweet to feel anything even close to how it used to#his voice is so beautiful :( so strong :(((#he was so fucking talented dude and obviously this is just an assumption#but i really do feel like he WANTED to be better#again the thing of like. no amount of money can truly buy you out of your struggles#sure it gives you more of a fighting chance to access different forms of help that are out of reach for low income people#but it’s such another stark reminder that i’d learned myself that like. the kind of help that most addicts/bd2 people need#pretty much just doesn’t exist#makes recovery for myself feel scarier#i’d been feeling that since i got out of rehab in 2022 and this just reignites that all over again#i’m sorry the world did this to you liam. and i’m sorry you couldn’t get the help you needed#you’re so loved#i don’t love everything you did but that doesn’t mean you’re not still loved#ANYWAY GOD DAMN IT#hopefully therapy helps today lol#rowyn rambles
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been really autistic about this playlist the past few days
#it's all the songs that give this sort of peaceful type of anxiety#i can't explain it. all songs that are kind of beautiful and calming but also sad or slightly eerie#it's not meant to be like ''creepy'' music or anything it's just. idk the vibe#type of music that at least for me feels like i'm being transported to another time. but it's a vague time and there isn't really a way out#i mean yeah like peaceful anxiety#i'm listening to it now and all the songs are kind of. nice to listen to. but also there is a sense of dread that i can currently feel#like physically#it also makes me feel like. how i imagine it would feel to see a mushroom cloud in the distance#and realise there's nothing you can do now so you just accept the reality#ughhhh i'm unwell about this playlist pls look at it if you're interested in this type of music lol#also a lot of the songs in it mean a lot to me like most of them are connected to specific Defining memories. i'm unwell ok stop talking#ramble#music#playlist#do i have a playlist tag? maybe i should start one. and then it will inspire me to post more playlists here#(i have 856 atm so maybe i should start posting more of them. for the archives)#also yeah some of the songs in it are actually kind of happy? or would be perceived as happy idk. but they still give me a Vibe#so they're in there
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