#do you like the way I cope
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more mouthwashers converted to dialtowners... WHY DID THE QUALITY DOWNGRADE IM CRYING
Anya ,,, o my beloved. She, in this universe, is a doctor!! horray!!! Pony Express not existing in this AU and all that stuff made me decide, y'know what? happy ending for Anya!! she's a successful doctor :))
Curly ,,, just had him be a pilot for whatever airline or whatever. idc. jk I do care. Maybe he and Norm could bond, as Norm was a navy pilot before.
Jimmy ,,, he's a mailman. that's it. he sorta is fresh outta prison; who cares about this guy.
Daisuke and Swansea ,,, they have their own little roadside mechanic company goin' on!!! Daisuke is still learning but it ok. also he'd be bffs with Oliver istg they're so ALIKE (i didn't know what shirt to give Swansea so I made him sorta match with Daisuke by wearing a blueberry shirt thingy heh)
#do you like the way I cope#dialtown#mouthwashing#mouthwashing au#object head#I got lazy on daisukes flannel I am sorry#I love anya
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i'm ready to try
#This drawing is kind of personal to me#I recently graduated (CUM LAUDE WOOOO!!!!) and its like. not to get depressing#but when i was younger i was never sure whether i would make it to this point#When i was going through what i consider to still be like. the worst time of my entire life#This fictional character was there for me and she was something for me to latch onto and cope with#eGem helped me a lot with being able to process my emotions at the time but also helped me to reflect on myself#which i think is a big reason as to why I'm really happy with where i am with myself right now#I'm going off to uni next school year to study astronomy!!! which!!!#Im also doing because of eGem!!! She ignited this kind of childlike wonder for space for me#I love doing math and physics and whilst Im still a bit scared because. honestly i don't know whether this is what i want to do with my lif#I think i'll be okay either way#either way i wanted to draw egem again even if i haven't done so in a while because its like#i think i wouldnt be who i am without her. i think i'd be a lot worse off#so like. thank you empires smp thank you geminitay thank you egem This drawing is me expressing my gratitude#AND THANK YOU AUTISM!#empires smp#empires smp s1#empiresblr#esmp#geminitay#art#fanart#alice.art#mcyt#mcytblr#song is andromeda by weyes blood... obv.. you guys know me by now :oP
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Meeting the Light Dragon ✨🐉
[tagged as spoilers!]
#do you like the color of the sky#sorry long post#anyways#everyone’s talking about ‘the theme of totk is hands’ okay yeah but have you seen the eyes??#this game is so good I’m biting my hands#I just wanted to get this one off my chest bc im tired it didn’t turn out the way I wanted but that’s okay#coloring was really fun though!#im sad now gotta draw happy stuff to cope#totk spoilers#the legend of zelda#legend of zelda#tloz#loz#tears of the kingdom#breath of the wild#totk#botw#Zelda#Nintendo#totk link#totk Zelda#totk light dragon#light dragon#totk zelink#zelink#tloz fanart#totk fanart#art#my art
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some opinions on fanfic trends for Disco Elysium on AO3 for the past 2-ish years; i address racism, ableism, jean and kim tropes, accesorization of harry and the way the game themes appear to have warped.
some of you may know i've been reading every fic published on the disco AO3 tag chronologically since 2019 for a little over a year and jotting down some trends (not a proper statistical study, just some tracking of when certain tropes are introduced and when and how they reproduce because i like observing that kind of thing.) there's been an uptick in trans(masc) Kim and Jean character studies since late 2022-early 2023, among many others, but these ones were like overwhelmingly prolific once they were introduced.
harry, kim and jean are overwhelmingly the characters with most fanworks in the tag. and having read a little over 4k works it turns out that people engage in a very distinct way with them for the most part that tracks with the growth of the trans Kim and Jean character studies as a trend.
the disco elysium fandom's english-language writers are, according to my cursory snooping, overwhelmingly trans, some flavor of gay, white and from north america and western europe. given personal anecdotes, i also suspect they are upper middle class (though not as statistically huge as the previous things) and struggle with mental health. in the past decade or so a lot of fanworks have followed a trend of exploration focused on catharsis and personal relatability.
now, kim and harry appear so much in the text with so much detail that there's plenty of personal details to pull from to write them, where as jean's total presence in the game (rarely achieved in one run but i'm taking into account all his mentions and lines) is smaller so it follows that people need to fill in some gaps and there's more characterization freedom. jean is white, younger than both harry and kim, canonically depressed, non-canonically confirmed by his character player an amphetamine addict but presented as a functional person during the game, and covers a very specific narrative hinge that i understand as relevant: he's a bridge between pre-Martinaise Harry and his Martinaise self.
he's objectively a very comfortable character to play with because he's mostly a blank slate except for his relation to Harry and his vitriolic grief towards him. so logistically i understand why people who struggle with mental health, are white, are anywhere between 17 and 35, are functional and able-bodied and may or may not have a complicated relationship with a close person who struggles with addiction or other health issues might go "YES, GOOD CATHARSIS NARRATIVE FOR ME". but the sheer amount of works that value Relatability over engaging with the characters or the themes has resulted in a very strong ripple. which leads to trans kim.
the game paints a deep and vivid image of kim, both from within harry's own perspectives and the objective things he says out loud. he's a walking contradiction, he's alienated from his body and selfhood, he beat himself into submission to stay alive. he's a walking reminder of his assasinated communist parents, the people who killed them paid his salary, his body (racialized, disabled) is both a hindrance to his assimilation and a tangible proof that he could have belonged somewhere but doesn't, that no matter what he does it will be considered first. so he watches his words, his movements, his appearance. so he partakes in hypermasculinity. he's canonically gay, mixed race, diasporic seolite, and disabled. and somehow, the only one of this that is recurringly explored in most fanworks is his homosexuality, usually in the form of being a guiding figure to harry or as a Fellow Gay Cop to jean, or eyes, or someone else.
now, we have the trans kim trope. my opinion on the trope isn't relevant to the point i'm trying to make, but i will say i think transmasc kim is something i enjoy in theory, i think it's a worthy exploration that works very well with the hauntings of embodiment and perception that exist in kim's canon self. but it's very jarring when all of these tales of gay trans kim refuse to engage with race, or with physical disability. like, after you've read 800 trans kim fics you start noticing how solid that avoidance is, how big the elephant in the room is, and i can't help but think that, coupled with the explorations of Jean, the issue is: the white ablebodied writer is unwilling to engage with race and disability.
my charitable reading of this is that the white ablebodied writer doesn't want to write about what they don't know, they don't want to overstep. my neutral reading of this is that the white ablebodied writer doesn't consider how sexuality and gender's material realities are tied to race and ablebodiedness in the real world because they are the Default Categories and it didn't occur to them that kim's experience of them might overlap. my least charitable reading of this without directly falling into the assumption of ill intent is that the white ablebodied writer is uncomfortable with the idea of the fact that their experience of gender and sexuality isn't universal and it's not as emotionally cathartic to think about how they might be racist and ableist because they put on horse blinders and they're trying to write things they like, and understanding this is unpleasant and doesn't belong in their feel-good hobbies.
people love to talk about kim's body without acknowledging the way asian masculinity and femininity exist in relation to whiteness when it's harry or jean in the room. people love to talk about kim's body without engaging with the power relations that exist in many disabled people's sexuality.
the tropes' strength lies in the relatability factor (very high) and the willingness of both author and audience to engage with the canon material for the characters they are writing (very low). and so you end up with a lot of jean character studies about his feelings towards harry (when everyone but kim in the game also knows both harries, but jean is prioritized consistently) and a lot of character studies about kim (that ignore most of the lived experiences of him because they're directly tied to his and his parents' race and alienation that are not particularly cathartic for the white author and reader)
one of the big themes of the game, if not the biggest, is failure. specifically it asks the player to think about what to do when you have failed and you know there are no blank slates, and asks you to empathize not only with harry, whose every thought you're privy to, but to everyone you talk to that has the same rich landscape beyond your brief interaction. when relatability is prioritized in fanworks, this question falls apart, the purpose becomes to find ways in which these characters are like you (the author, the reader) so you can afford them the level of humanity needed to feel emotions about them.
harry's tropification follows four large trends: self-loathing, aggressive addict, psychic omniscient prophet, overwhelmingly emotional and adoring puppy. some authors sometimes are capable of depicting both, usually as if they are unrelated and it's a harry-esque contradiction, but it's truly baffling how rare it is to find stories that engage with all of them or with multiple of them as inextricably bound together like canon material does. harry needs to be relatably lovable (heartbroken, self-loathing, fixable by love, fixable by the universe, capable of change that gets exponentially better) or relatably hateable (physically and emotionally abusive, manipulative, unreasonably needy).
most fics in the relatable lovability fall on the kim/harry ship, most fics in the relatable hateability fall on the jean/harry ship. here's where it ties into the big tropes for kim and jean: the fanworks about a game that asks a question about failure and questioning certainty become stories about inevitability.
jean's vitriol in the game comes from the same place as harry's self loathing: a visceral response to decades of failure. they're not objective truths (i'm thinking about the mirror reveal being intended as a way to make the viewer realize harry isn't a reliable narrator at all, but especially about himself: you see a regular guy, conventionally handsome but clearly in pain and growing old and sick. he calls himself horrible shit, however).
playing up jean's part as the Bridge is comfortable because it allows the player to separate Harry's failures from their agency as a player (something that greatly drives the point of the game home, emotionally speaking -- you're not that different from Harry. Harry's not that different from anyone else he meets. the irreversible failures exist for all of us, as do the chances to try again.) if jean is right in resenting harry, and moreover, he's objectively describing harry's behavior, harry's failures become logical and inevitable consequences of his Way of Being. if Harry calls kim a slur, or threatens children, or scares civilians, that's just because that's how Harry is (according to Jean and Harry's own brain), so the possibility that one of your tries might be meaningfully good becomes... less weighty. it's a fluke, and you'll fail again, so don't get your hopes up. it's almost an excuse to believe that there's nothing new under the sun and going back to old habits is inevitable, but the conclusion becomes "so nothing i do really matters" instead of "it's hard and painful to try again when you've failed so many times before. what does this say about the person who tries?". and in that way jean is an interesting character because understanding why he resents harry for being able to try more freely than him without the weight of memory is important to the theme. what has to click to start climbing out of the grave? can anyone do it? will i ever do it? why now, and why not when i tried to pull him out?
and similarly, when we write about kim, we have to confront what makes him who he is and not another generic character to write, and the fact of the matter is that being a cop, being visibly of seolite heritage, having PTSD, having a visual impairment on record that interferes with his cophood, his cophood being the only identity he appears to have had a choice over, how he treats harry because he's a cop vs. other harry parallels who aren't, how he treats harry whether harry respects him or not... they're important. and trans kim could be a way to approach these themes but it's currently existing in a vacuum of authorial catharsis, and the refusal to address the real politics that give emotional weight to disco elysium is becoming a worrying, overwhelming trend. i urge you all to think about these things a little.
#disco elysium#binomechanisms#note: i am fairly critical with the fandom and you don't have to read this if you don't want to#if you do read it i'd appreciate it if your responses had to do with what i'm talking about and not like. Fanfic Helps Me Cope#second note: i don't dwell much on harry trope trends here because they have remained consistent (in a bad way)
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How to care for your scientist - a visual guide
#so at the start of summer my friend was like “so did you ever finish attack on titan?”#and as it turned out I hadn't cause I watched season 1 way back when my english was not good yet and my experience was like wtf is happenin#and then she was like ok we're watching it#and I put my clown make-up and was like ok sure I don't think this will affect me in any major way#what a fool I was#and of course I just had to zero in onto the grumpy x sunshine#hange I love you with all my heart why would you do this to me I'm not ok#so now I'm coping with soft au shit what about it#arguably canon in some aspects ehehehe#let me have this#i think that's enough rambling#attack on titan#shingeki no kyojin#aot#snk#levihan#levi x hanji#hanji zoe#hange zoe#levi ackerman#aot fanart#snk fanart#attack on titan fanart#violetscanfly
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I want it back / I drag its dead weight forward.
#Better drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#digital art#This was a style experimentation doodle that took on a life of its own.#In a way it is a great example of 'beautiful failure'. The original goal was to try a pure black and white contrast piece.#Which I very much failed at doing. Not quite ready for that! However what this turned into is something I like a lot!#Different but in a way that really pushed me as an artist. A little less simple; a little more proportional.#I was also recently thinking about LWJ's grieving that we only catch glimpses of.#LWJ grieved his first love for 13 years. His love that was never reciprocated.#He chose to dedicate his heart to that mourning and most painfully of all - he did so knowing there was no end to that grief.#Wei Wuxian comes back to life in MDZS but that is an exception. Not the expectation.#He was dead. Not missing. Not 'maybe in hiding'. He was dead and his spirit unreachable.#Jiang Cheng went forwards with denial but LWJ takes that grief on. He copes by continuing to carry the weight with him.#Let me be clear. Neither are healthy approaches. It is a way to cope but it does not mean that is healing or healthy.#Grief is loved transformed but it is also about endurance and letting go. Grief can change you. You can also change your grief.#It isn't a good or evil thing to experience. It is just an experience.
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chrollo fucking you in several different positions while muttering sweet praises in your ear. he’s got your body bent, and pinned against the sheets in all the lewd ways he could think of while mercilessly driving his cock into your sopping cunt yet that doesn’t stop him from whispering saccharine words. “that’s it just like that.” “since you’ve been good, why don’t you give me one more, yeah?” “i know baby, just a little more. you’re doing so well.”
it’s almost laughable at how chrollo’s voice greatly differed from his sinful actions—as though he wasn’t hitting all the sensitive spots inside you, as though you weren’t watered down to a cock-drunk mess with tears, and saliva unceremoniously rolling down your face. chrollo muttered those praises into your ear with such heat, and passion, almost like a sacred prayer to a god—you—and he, your devout follower.
locked in a full nelson? chrollo would crane his neck just enough for his lips to reach you, and amidst the lewd noises of skin to skin, his praises nibble at your ear like sweet kisses. bent in half with your legs slung over his shoulders? chrollo would shamelessly gasp into the ceiling above at how good you felt around him, exposing the length of his bobbing throat. prone bone? chrollo would turn your head to the side, and mutter sweet nothings into your lips, your hot breaths locked in an intimate dance—maybe even a series of i love you’s in between.
it was beyond your comprehension how chrollo was able to form coherent sentences but you knew one thing for sure, he meant every single word.
#‧₊˚ 𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾. lunar letters#my chrollo drought coping mechanism by the way#im so fucking insane about this man i need him so much#LIKE you don’t even know 🫵🏼#a blonde man’s hold on me is immense but do not get me started on a black haired man’s power over me and this pus—#chrollo smut#chrollo x reader#hunter x hunter smut#hunter x hunter x reader#hxh smut#hunter x hunter#chrollo
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My copium where they all survive and they are an iconic one eyed trio
Also some random sketches because 266-267 have been killing me emotionally thank you
#genuinely how the fuck do they go back to society after this???#for how Megumi would lose his eye#I saw some really cool fanart a while ago where he got some scarring post-possession due to Sukuna's weird face thingy#Forgot where it was but I thought it was so cool#and wouldn't it be fucking hilarious if they all have one eye at the end of this#Hell if you wanna cope you could throw Gojo in there too with the eye theories#This should not be funny but it is to me sorry#Gege just mutiliating peoples eyes for some reason#As it stands Yuji and Nobara are matching in canon since he supposedly can't use RCT anymore#Unless he fucking dies before they reunite#I swear to god gege#bro has been throwing too many death flags#Yuji feels like a ticking time bomb every chapter I keep thinking hes gonna die every week#Any way happy sunday yall#jjk#jjk spoilers#jjk 267#jjk267#my art#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#nobara kugisaki#jjk art
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#sangihun#squid game#i have to say i view their dynamic as very. repressed i guess#i don't want anything to actually happen between them i suppose. besides when i want to jerk it to yaoi#there's the fujo side that wants to be like kyaa sangihun >w<#but then i'm like but what would sangwoo my beautiful princess with a disorder actually do here#at first i lold.. and then i serioused...#i think my other post about sangwoo explains the way i view their dynamic#it's very.. non sexual. can't even say it's pure emotions because sangwoo hasn't felt an emotion in 30 years and gihun is so deep into his#coping mechanisms so it's like if a relationship was a thought exercise#i view gihun as a guy who “doesn't want to push it”. you know what i mean?#in terms of getting inside sangwoo's head. even if he is genuinely worried#it would take them tons of alcohol (or being on the verge of death in the final battle) to finally feel#fully vulnerable and umm#god take all of my ocd and give it to sangwoo so his ocd doubles#maybe triples.#let me know what you think if you read this lol!!#cho sang woo#seong gi hun#<- forgot about the name tags
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heartbeat
#project sekai#pjsk#tsukasa tenma#prsk#proseka#prosekai#idfk.#colorful stage#yeah sure man#feel free to squint for ruikasa theres yaoi everywhere with those for the eyes to see i guess#thought it was funny w the howl tsukasa art when ppl jsut tagged assuming it was ruikasa. do howl and calcifer have yaoi ?#i read the book and i think calcifer can do better. idk.#Not doing so great but its way easier for me to post here than twt or insta or whatever so.#you get a month old wip i wont have the will nor time nor happiness to finish#i wanted to say I might not draw or post for a while but well 1 every time i say that i feel like drawing right after.#and it helps me cope or whatever. who cares. but 2. i post once a month anyways. so adios
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Don’t know if anyone has ever done this but here’s another one
(It’s almost November guyssss🤙)
#arcane#meme#jayce talis#viktor league of legends#jayvik#league of legends#arcane memes#I love doing stupid stuff like this#it’s my way to cope#jayce would totally do this you can’t change my mind#poor Viktor he so done with him#I NEED SEASON 2 NOW#arcane season 2
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MIGHT finish this idk!!
Bonus stupid doodle bc I liked their fuzzy designs.
#art#fanart#my art#original art#wip#work in progress#Splatoon#Splatoon art#splatoon fanart#splatoon fan art#Splatoon marina#marina Splatoon#spatoon marina fanart#marina ida#Splatoon Pearl#pearl Splatoon#Splatoon Pearl fanart#pearl houzuki#Splatoon pearlina#pearlina#pearlina splatoon#Splatoon au#fuzzy Pearl#fuzzy Marina#fuzzy au#sometimes I post these and I’m scared someone’s gonna point out the fact that I include a lot of body hair in them#but like first of all you shouldn’t do that and second of all. it’s pretty to me?? I personally love body hair and it’s natural so why do#i complain about it? it’s also a way to feel comfortable about my own body. idk I got weird coping mechanisms bear with me#im weird in general#and i like it
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Its so funny that Arin and Sora have shown to have significantly better emotional intelligence than any of the ninja from all of the old seasons combined. "You should be taking care of your mental health" and "yeah saving the world is upsetting! no wonder you're having stress dreams" oh my precious children. You are surrounded by a teen dad with massive self-worth issues, the only one of two people who remembers the genie incident and also turned into the sea once, guy who's died like 3+ times and committed genocide under mind control, and a child soldier who's been living the hard knock life since age 2.
I hope to god you two are prepared to witness the most mentally unwell behavior you've seen in your entire teenage lives. You think you've already seen how bad it can get now? Fools. Just wait until you get a mission involving the Departed Realm
#ninjago#ninjago dragons rising#dragons rising#lego ninjago#arin#sora#ninjago ninja#text post#departed realm#i wouldnt say 'prepare to become the team therapist' because lets be frank#its not even a matter of 'they wouldnt make the kids their therapists'#its literally just bc they would literally never get to that point#because that implies talking about their problems. like an normal person#what do you mean that random fits of rage or fcking off into oblivion from time to time isnt healthy#this is how i cope! this is a perfectly reasonable way to cope#arin and sora are watching the most mentally ill people alive fray at the seams before their eyes#theyre like the monkey side-eye meme warily looking at each other like are#are they good??? are they good.....#then they hit the departed realm and suddenly all that morro & ghost cole trauma FLOODS back#and theyre just like OH THEY ARE NOT GOOD
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Rook: I'm really worried about Davrin and Lucanis, they keep arguing with one another... Its very bad Varric, what if it effects them in battle?
Varric, remembering that one time Fenris broke Ander's nose then took a knife in the back for him in the same night: I'm sure they'll be fine kid. They're barely even arguing if you ask me
#dragon age#dav spoilers#sorry its so funny to me#varric hearing the veilguard talk about their problems like adults instead of fucking/drinking/fighting their way out of it:#'wow my kirkwall friends really were fucked up losers huh:#'* whoops#i wish veilguard cast was a little bit toxic... i need them to be mean#lucanis should hate me so much more for choosing minrathous over treviso#i was counting on the yummy character drama...#he does trust rook a little bit less cause of it though so ill take that#i do feel bad about treviso im already planning a crow rook to save it and romance lucanis#sorry to compare these two to fenris and anders again i just think its funny#they should let me stick anders in the middle of the lighthouse#his sheer inability to cope with shit in a healthy way would be like setting off another bomb#someone tries to applogize and anders starts on his Bullshit you know what I'm talking about#can you guys tell i miss him. hes so bad at coping babygirl come back to me...#crow rambles
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imo a core part of the newmann dynamic is like... you've got these two very very intelligent people who have spent most of their lives being Smartest Guy In The Room. which feels great! but also, it's very hard to form close and trusting relationships when everyone else sees you as Smartest Guy In The Room. and if you maybe don't have great social skills to begin with, you can't figure out how to compensate. and it's hard to build up solid self-esteem when the only thing people value you for is your intelligence, and a lot of them resent you for that, too. so really it is very very lonely.
and then they meet! and neither of them is the smartest guy in the room anymore! and that is both EXHILIRATING (omg! someone who gets me!) and TERRIFYING (the fragile pillar i built my whole self-esteem on is crumbling! help!).
they do NOT know how to cope with this. best they can do is being obsessed with each other.
#newmann#newton geiszler#hermann gottlieb#unscientific aside#pacific rim#i dont talk about the whole Gifted Kid thing much because people get shitty about it but like#i think 90% of the time it's not ''oh i am smarter than all these losers. they are beneath me. i am so bored in their company''#it's ''im just vibing but for some reason my peers hate me??? what did i do''#+ poor social skills#and then the way you GET the asshole ''all these less intelligent beings are beneath me'' side of it is#the kid isnt given any tools to cope with being ostracized aside from ''don't worry what they think b/c you're smarter than them anyway''#also. thinking about One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces in relation to newt#i'm your nightmare little man!
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“You can’t enjoy being neurodivergent/disabled/having X disorder if it makes you suffer so much! How dare you be making jokes about it!!!” Well you see, your bad days only suck a little bit so you don’t appreciate the good days very much. My bad days suck so much worse, so I only appreciate the good days that much more to compensate.
#like#sorry if you’re offended by me finding joy in things you don’t understand or think should be hated#yes ADD makes it hard to stay on task and get things done and i forget things a lot#yes autism makes it difficult to socialize and i don’t know how to cope with things sometimes#yes being a system is stressful and some of us have harmful behaviors and maladaptive coping mechanisms#but that’s not all it is#ADD lets me hyperfocus and lock in on doing something. and i can make some incredible connections from one concept to another#and autism. my brain works in a way that lets me enjoy things i’m interested in so much more than i could have otherwise#and as a system i get to have silly little guys in my head who help me do things#sorry for hating an experience you don’t have and thus determine as extremely regrettable and horrible#cb writing stuff#neurodiversity#neurodivergent#neurodiverse stuff#neurodivergencies#neurodiverse things#add#adhd#attention deficit hyperactivity disorder#attention deficit disorder#system#system stuff#plural#plurality#autism#autistic#actually autistic#autistic things
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