#do we have to keep score?
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the bodys keepin that damned score again 😤👎👎👎
#do we have to keep score?#cant we just play for funsies??#ive been processing big trauma revelations/memories#& ive felt so sick & hungover for daaays#idk when its gonna end ive only discovered the very tip of the iceberg :/#just trying to be nice to myself abt it all#cutievents
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Sometimes a day makes you want a Starscream to bite and squeeze
#guess who got their final scores back ahaaa#class avg was 60 percent 😭#also I have blocked the transformers tag on TikTok that place is a hellhole#bit of a vent here but it’s so crazy#I was talking to a person I didn’t even follow a while back and we were making jokes like yeah the autobots ship megastar#on my fyp a couple days later and I see them reposting “shipping megastar is bad and gross’ like bruh what#I saw one of my followers commenting ‘yeah can’t believe it’s so popular’ I HAVE POSTED MEGASTAR BEFORE WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE#I POSTED MY STARSCREAM AND MEGATRON FIGURES RAILING EACH OTHER#I only started posting cause I was like eh if it’s getting banned might as well#these people were poisoning my fyp smh#I’m convinced it’s just a moral superiority thing like all of those people who thought abo was so cringe and then someone was like#‘I secretly like abo’ and everyone agreed that they also like abo and it’s not that weird anymore#Ngl though. it is kinda sad but also kinda funny#sorry for the rant cause I talked about it before and I don’t want to keep on talking about it but those two baffled me#transformers#transformers fanart#megastar#megatron#starscream#transformers g1#megascream#maccadam#its like watching one of those religious couples where one of them is gay and theyre like 'I am working through my gay to be straight'
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was at work and plagued by the thought of retail worker will graham being pestered by hannibal in the high end food aisle. to be clear, this is an au in which will still has his heightened empathy but just works a shitty job. hannibal is absolutely enraptured by his autistic rizz anyway.
#bc y'know how many neurodivergents have issues gaining employment irl#hannibal is still a cannibal but boy is there something compelling about this strange little man who can read him like a book#plus he has a great knowledge of fine dining ingredients! score!#will works for a 3rd party merchandising company bc a) so do i#and b) it gives him a reason to be stuck in his head and not talk to as many people as a team environment usually requires#“ah good will. how strange that we keep this way.” “do we keep meeting? must not have noticed.” (hannibal read his name tag)#will graham#hannibal lecter#hannigram#murder husbands#hannibal fanfiction#mine
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How I sleep knowing I'll never trust anyone that hates Sydney but worships Richie:
#the bear#the bear fx#sydney adamu#carmen berzatto#richie jerimovich#jk kind of#well on days I don't see or think about Sydney haters#under every damn comment section in this fandom is someone saying Sydney didn't take accountability#like I know we all have our biases but yall are really shameless about it#Sydney scored A LOT of Ws for The Beef AND The Bear#but one time she makes a mistake and justifiably walks away from a toxic work environment she's the devil#Richie worked at The Beef for years and Sydney did more for it in what less than four months than he did#on top of being a prick to Sydney in particular because she was changing things he wanted to keep the same#to the detriment of the restaurant but also everyone#and overall being unpleasant to Carmy#Nat and anyone that didn't find him funny or interesting or like his bs#pre-Forks Richie reminds me of those types of people that only listen to people that like them#and I love that because it's realistic to some ppl#I do like Richie#it just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth knowing there are people that hate Sydney#ignore her accomplishments only to raise up Richie#in the same breath when the actual show is showing you what's up#like you'd think there were different versions of the show with how these two are perceived#I get this weird need to defend Sydney when people shit on her because I wonder how often said people treat the Sydneys of the world#but that aside#In Fishes Richie mentions something about wasting potential at the beef#In Ceres it's implied he called the popo on the dealers after Sydney deescalated a situation Richie previously dealt with#in an unorthodox manner#he recognised he needed to change but still was an arsehole to the one person who was facilitating that change effectively Sydney#this show is great but people denying what they're seeing on their own screens is crazy
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how can some people go to bed at night satisfied that they ripped off/defaced posters of actual civilians being held as war hostages just to make a point
well idk, couldn’t be me but sure go off you’re doing great honey fighting for human rights
#actually as a SW student i have my guesses#first being that it actually helps you sleep better at night not thinking that ‘the other side’ might not just be simply evil#it helps to dehumanize the ‘other side’ well my oh my do i have news for you#dehumanizing a 1 year old won’t make you a better person#bring them home now#israel#jumblr#antisemitism#i write ‘other side’ bc it’s just the same people who think this is a sports game where we keep score
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Magenta 😥
#imposter syndrome is bad today#anyone have tips or words of encouragement?#i got triggered by the scores on the platform#im at a 96 which isn't bad that's actually pretty fucking good#i need to stay above 85% to keep my contract#but i checked to see what areas that dipped and one of them I'm kinda going wtf?#about maintaining boundaries#im really huge on that shit and always let people know if they get uncomfortable with a topic subject or need to change the convo#we absolutely can always do that#so im kinda sitting here going “Okay where can i improve? where is this coming from? were they having a bad day? did i say something off?”#i know too you can't appease everyone and there are some clients that just won't like you for whatever reason and will answer the surveys to#dip your scores cause of resentment#logically i know these are things#im struggling with not having closure cause if i am doing anything wrong i want to correct that and i want to be told what it is#cause i can't change unless im given some direction#my mentor encouraged me to be myself show up authentic and I've been doing that#seeing the dip is making me second guess everything#and i know i shouldn't be upset cause again im at a 96 fucking percent!#but man I'm just kicking my own ass#magenta#magenta is my vent word
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first week back at school and ahhhhhh everything is a little overwhelming currently
- my living space is full of boxes i have simply not had the energy to unpack at all.... hopefully this weekend (but i have also been invited to a Social Event so WE SHALL SEE)
- this school year is going to have So Much Important Stuff happening inbetween the many weeks of practice placement
- such as The Academic Text
- AND i need to finish the big project i was supposed to have finished ages ago
- our teacher this year speaks swedish with a very thick french accent and i speak norwegian with a dialect, we really struggle to understand one another but maybe hopefully that will change over time.... please...........
- i'm stressed about Stupid Bureaucracy Stuff
- and im so so sleepytired :(((
- and it's too humid and warm for comfort :(((((
AT LEAST I HAVE CUTE SOCKS
purchased in a distraught jetlag haze and subsidized by my travel insurance. they're my favourites now
#swedenquest#everything happens so much :(((#but i will be okay...!!!!!!!! no unsolicited advice please#in fact i have been given resources for metacognitive therapy to fight my brain demons and im excited to get more into that#but also how am i supposed to read anything under these circumstances.#tomorrow is self study day and if i wasn't so stressed about Big Project I would've made myself stay at home and rest/unpack#ill simply have to compromise. sleep a little bit longer; couple hours of tinkering at school#take it easy but take it!!!!#also god i was first out to have kitchen cleaning responsibilities this week#which isnt Hard u just need to run the break room dishwasher and take out the trash BUT#the trash bags are the worst quality trash bags i have ever encountered. they tore at my touch.#i tried so hard to remove the trash from the trash cans in a neat and professional manner but it all kept falling apart#and next thing you know there's coffee grounds all over the floor and everyone looks at you with pity#i got some help but it was so stressful and Bad#and there's someone in the 2nd year who keeps emptying the dishwasher even tho it's not their turn and I WOULD DO IT IF U WAITED FIVE MINUT#they did this all the time last year too and it's like. i get that they're stressed out by dishes in the sink or whatever i really do get i#but it's really messing with the system and like... teaching everyone else to not contribute??? because they don't even get to??#AND i lost at minigolf with like 20 more points than everyone at my team#which i genuinely wouldn't mind except i dragged the average score down so bad we could never have won anything#FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL GOING FINE
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had the godkids over for christmas. the 8 year old made this with sculpey and when pressed called it “you know, an i-am-me sort of thing…” with this casual flip of her wrist, having complete confidence in her artistic statement to express her vision.
and it does!!! that’s the perfect description!!!
#i made something in a similar art style right next to her and added a flat backing to keep mine secure#i told her i’d bake hers for her but she expects a sturdy disc of a piece and girl didn’t exactly skip and score those coils#so i’m going to be gong in and meticulously solidifying the piece in a way that does not disrupt her vision#for thise interested: she started with just pastels but they were in short supply. her older sister had called dibs on the bright rainbows#so that left her the neutrals and the excess of black i already had and also the glittery navy i scrunged up from the bottom of a drawer#the craft we were doing was to make flat little trays for the candles we were also making#i started with coils so she did as well ofc and beyond that she ran wild and free with her heart#i also have two acrylic paintings she busted out while we were making brunch while truly pressed for time#one of a sunset and one of the rainy day we are having#she’s BRILLIANT
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WE STILL GOT ARCANEEEEE
#ambessa saying mel is safer as their enemy..... OOF we are going to get her side of the story this season#one thing i dont like is that they are really hauling ass in the first episode like damn. cait and vi are too quickly on the way to raid imo#i cannot velieve my fucking eyes..... vi dropping her gauntlets to keep kissing akdhaksjsk and OF COURSE cait is the one to do it OF COURSE!#were is thay gif of the butch watching football and raising her fist bc they scored that is me right now aldjsksnsl#vi saying please dont change bc she is seeing the signs is so AJDHAKSJK the break up will end lives..... i see why vi becomes an alcoholic#salo and cait wlw mlm hostility for reals#ambessa seeing cait as a rival the second she does her job and uses her military power.... yeah bc she has a real goal not just power grab#jayce fucking up vi and cait by messing with the arcane omg they are IN DANGER!!! JAYCE STOP FUCKING UUUP!!!!#OH MY GOD CAITLYN!!!!! HITTING VI ENOUGH FOR HER TO CRY OH MY GOOOOOD!!!#THERE IS JUST SO MUCH AKDJSKSKAL THE CHILD!!!! JINX GOT A NEW SISTER NOW VI GOODBYE#also vi wasnt going to kill her and jinx told the child to stop.... the only person there willing was cait and look at her.....#also sevika vs cait.... oof.... and jinx fighting vi BARE FISTED!!! GIRL!!!!#what can i fucking say like god.... “is her blood through your veins” “i thought you were different”#jinx is right i hope they got to you know before all of this akdjaksjsk.... christ#also amazing how vi told cait to don't change and she did it 10 minutes later.... girl you are in for it...#i think they just dont understand each other yet but they are in such a situation that they keep changing every 2 minutes so they never do#does that make sense loke ofc cait changed when her mother died and vi did too bc she accepted that her sister was gone#so in a way cait changed and vi stayed the same.... cait liked her “change” but vi did not like cait#ambessa bringing caitlyn to.be a general oh my gooooood her stress is going to get thru the roof like she doesn't have enough to deal with#its bc she knows she can control her... of course she offered her army to her.... and she doesn't mind putting her in danger#AND SHE DID ORCHESTRATE THE ATTACK!!!! OOOF#MEL PLEASEEEE TALK TO CAITLYN PLEASEEEE#like of course she disappears RIGHT NOW!!!#my god... also vis drinking buddy has left too.... of course.... you're good man....#talking tag#watching arcane#watching arcane season 2
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do you think the eagles or chiefs are winning on monday?
The Curse of the Wheel™️ has landed on the Chiefs... I believe in our lord and savior Brandon Perna EAGLES BY A GAZILLION BIRDS COUNTRY LET'S RIDE
#in all seriousness I am fucking scared#our secondary is absolutely decimated at the moment while Chief's D has been elite so far this season#all Pat has to do is quick slant us to death... man our intermediate pass defense is so bad Travis will eat us alive#it's going to be tough but if we can keep it at one score going into the 4th quarter we will always have a chance#at least our pass rush is still solid? I'm just hoping for a clean game... no injuries no backbreaking penalities NO BULLSHIT PLAYCALLING#anyway I'm predicting something like 31-27... hopefully for the Birds... please......#.asks#Anonymous#going to slash my life expectancy in half watching this game no matter the result... our upcoming schedule is brutal good god
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in other words its my ex-bsf's birthday today and I am in no mood to wish her and idc how petty or immature that makes me
#i feel like 2 years is a long enough time to dwell on it and honestly#if she's not interested in keeping in touch/patching things up fine#but im not going to make myself into some idiot and try to do it myself#besides i feel like ive rmb her birthday more than she has mine#and sometimes i think she only rmbs mine cuz its a few days after hers#and also we have a mutual friend who she is still in touch with so maybe she just doesnt want to stay in touch with me#which is fine#this is so bitter and so mean to say but 2 years ago one of us graduated w a perfect score so#like im too busy excelling and moving towards better things in life and having way better friends to be hung up on her#and this kind of makes me feel like im pretty close to getting over her entirely but part of me feels like its not the healthiest way#rn my coping mechanisms are very 'IM the best thing at this party' coded but its fine#anyway ill be girlrotting to i miss you im sorry for the rest of the day :))) lovesick all over my bed indeed
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said the phrase "what's your sneepmeep" to a coworker today and when he understandably was like "what are you talking about" i said "god im the fucking worst im so sorry. sneepcheep. SNAPCHAT"
#for those keeping score at home this was with tito and he thinks everything i say is hilarious#i said 'i forgot my meds i don't have nic im rawdogging this shit today'. had him crying on the floor#i also think everything he says is hilarious. 'so get this: we're gonna go to my car. we are NOT gonna do anything sexual. we're gonna#partay for the five minutes it's gonna take them to notice we left' and then gave me fireball#turns out my guy does work on his scanner in his car to make it look like he's still inside#.brillian t maneuver
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I feel like I'm going to explode with stress. How do other people do this. There is a knot of anxiety in the back of my throat, in my chest, in my stomach. I have not slept enough and can't calm down enough to sleep. This is so stupid. Nothing is even happening. This is just from the confirmation that I will be moving out in a month and a half
#a leftover studio viewing today then tomorrow a contract signing for the apartment I'll be living in#and then we should be done with stuff for a while#then it's just a matter or arranging the insurance/gas/power/internet for the place#and scoring furniture where we can find it of course#there's plenty enough time and I'm sure my parents will help anywhere I need help#I'm certain they'll still let me sleep over anytime if I ever need it#so WHY is my body exploding. girl help#I'm entering a stress loop bc I'm leaving for budapest on the first#and last year I got what I believe was a stress induced illness this time of year while I was in denmark#and it SUCKED. I couldn't do anything and it felt like my heart was going to give out.#I was scared to go to sleep bc it felt like I wouldn't wake up. and that fed into the stress sleep deprivation loop#I hope this calms down because if it keeps up I will definitely get sick again. and I want to enjoy my friend trip!! aaaa!!!!#I also hope I can settle into the apartment okay#this is all very new for me and there is a fear that living apart just. won't work for me#but I'll get to try it for a year. and if it doesn't work? then so be it#but if it does? I get to stay in a nice apartment with a little private garden space#so I'll just have to endure feeling like shit for a while and stay strong#hashtag autism I love intense physical reactions to stress and major life changes#bien rambles
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we are all just sitting here baffled out our mind that somehow our event team has more talent than our main wonderhoys team when the main wonderhoys team has multiple 4*s w increased mastery so it should be the most powerful team we can currently make w that alone??,,,,
also it's attributing it to decor, but the type decors are all at the same lvl (5-6 depending on location with the cute type being a 6 in the 5s group. thats the only outlier) & nearly all the personal decor is maxed out, but that wouldn't make a difference anyway bc it's all the same charas so ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
#mine#it's not like a Deal. we're not upset or anything it's a 1k difference it has zero impact on our score we max it out regardless w them#but we're all just. so confused how tf the decor is SO different ??????#the type decors are all the same except that one cute outlier#& their personal decors are all maxed out except rui & tsukasa bc we're always low on coins but like. still that. wouldn't make a differenc#cause it's all the same charas on both teams i. i dont. bro this broke our brain we are so confused#tbh since cute type IS an outlier & slightly higher that should make the main team the higher one since we have two cute types on it ???#i have no idea. truly we are all just baffled out our mind#proseka#we're not changing our main team cause those are all our fav cards we currently own for them#well. caterpillar nene is our favorite nene but merm nene was the first nene 4* to FINALLY come home for us so.#obvs we maxed her out to compensate for her tireless long journey & always keep her on our main team#but otherwise yeah like we're not upset or freaking out it literally makes no actual substantial difference#we just do not understand what is going on here to make it a thing lmao#we've played this game for over a year every damn day minus v few exceptions & still sometimes it just pulls stuff like this#& we're like. do we... do we even know how you work correctly. what.
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i went to this place today with a bunch of arcade and pinball machines and had a super fun time and now i'm thinking about arcade date fluff with copia....
#i lost track of time but we fully spent like 5 and half hours there lol and only left because i needed to eat#it was really fun!!#there was a phantom of the opera pinball machine and i played it a ton#i suck at pinball but it was phantom!! i couldn't help myself#it was based on the book and i kept nerding out on all the little details that i really liked#also played darkstalkers for probably over an hour#and i had to stop because i felt like i was getting carpal tunnel and i was getting way too frustrated because it was really hard#but i grew up playing a lot of arcade games so i had a lot of fun!!#we already know copia is a Gamer so i think going to an arcade with him would be really funnn#gonna cheer him on while he tries to get the high score on a game<33#and being totally in sync playing co-op games and still trying to one-up each other even when we're on the same team hehe#we play a fighting game and he's annoyed that i'm using the same strat i've used since i was a kid#which is just randomly mashing buttons and wiggling the joystick aimlessly until i accidentally figure out a combo and then spamming it#and more than that he's frustrated that it's working and i keep winning#i could go on but yeah arcade dates my beloved <33#what do you have to say doll?
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it might just be bc it's late and i get sad sometimes when it's late but i'm sad i like feeel soooo bad about several things and i feel like i want to cry but i can't ughh idk...
#just gonna like write out my problems in the tags bc that like helps me process them 👍#first of i feel like i can't connect well with people at all#especially with people in school.. there are some people i am fine with i can like talk with them fine and feel a connection#but then like with others i just feel..so out of touch with them idk#i just feel like they don't want to be around me anymore and i'm just some annoying guy that is there#but like i know that isn't true (hopefully)#ugggh and then like i go back to thinking they do actually not like me and yeah just a whole loop going on#after i get tired of thinking about that i think about school in general and start getting stressed about it#even though i am doing alright it's idk..#it;s just i'm like thinking of stuff that happens later through the school year and thinking i want things to get finished quickly#i like want to get my paintings and projects done already but i gotta think and take my time and shit!#i want it done now so i won't have to do it anymore even though i do like working on them#when i work on something i want to like sit down and work on it till it's done#which is kind of a not good habit to have i know i've been trying to like try to get rid of it#or like minimize it#ok i'm like reading over these and like. i think it's bc i might be neurodivergent.#i keep forgetting i got a high score in that autism test...hmmm#anyway also stressed about this camping trip for school that happens next week#1) my mom keeps nagging me about how i am physically weak to like go camping but still wants me to go to it#2) we have to be in groups and you don't like get assigned one you have to like just form it... which like#if you've read above i am having trouble with people and connecting hence i haven't found a group yet orz...#and that's like it for that.#school is just stressing a bit and i don't want that....#last problem is like kind of dumb but like my youtube feed has sucky videos i don't want to watch and i haaaaate it.#it's like it doesn't get me at all.....whatever...#ok i think that's like enough...feel a bit better laying it all out#still feel those things but like doing this made me feel better feeling this way and understand them#feeling things is good and alright 👍
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