#do u have the wrong person or something?
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Can you make the box smaller? Asking for... not the Lord
You mean this one? Well, I can, but it's really not worth it because, when it comes to tight spaces, after a point she kinda just...
…turns into whatever this is, so…
Today's Daily Degurechaff is… optimized for small spaces
#dailydegurechaff#‘asking for not the lord’??#I was confused to see that because like…#you want something ecchi? from me?#do u have the wrong person or something?#but then I realized… yeah I did make a sex joke just the other day didn’t I#oops#anyway#the trapped in a box trope really works best when you shove two people together#but I don’t have the time for something detailed at the moment. maybe in the future#for now something silly
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The Arcane fandom, especially on TikTok is never beating the allegations because why, now, some fans act like it's too inconceivable to imagine that Ambessa was, not only, pregnant twice but gave birth twice as well? And their reasoning for this is "She looks like the type to get a man pregnant instead" or "She's too tough for that, I just can't see someone like her going through that." There are layers to these statements because, for one, just because someone, especially a woman, is a dominant force doesn't mean that they can't get/don't want to become pregnant (do you believe overtly dominant men can't be fathers?) It's also very weird because the undertones of misogyny and misogynoir and the overt masculinization of black women are there because, not only are they viewing pregnancy and giving birth, in general, to be viewed as something "weak" (even though it's grueling hours of labor that results in tearing the body apart, sometimes even death) but also attempts to strip Ambessa of her nuance. Yes, she is strong and very dominant, but she also deeply loved her children, who she birthed, and when one was taken away from her it changed her deeply. It's very gross to view a character like her in this way because it also reflects how you view dominant women in real life, pregnancy, and childbirth as a whole. Like how are you going to praise Arcane for having such a wide and diverse ensemble of female characters, but then have misogynistic takes like this? Make it make sense.
#arcane#ambessa medarda#arcane ambessa#anti arcane#anti arcane fandom#bc if i said the “she gets a man pregnant bc she's girlboss” also plays into misogynistic tropes bc it not only#devoids female characters of their nuances but also frames pregnancy as something “weak” or those who go thru it as “lesser than” but always#pressing the pregnancy in question on male characters who they either ignore (so they only view pregnancy for breeding and nothing else) or#infantilize (so you only view pregnancy as happening to someone who is submissive?) there's layers to this#and bringing it back to the masculinization of black women especially dark skin women people are already viewed as#existing outside the stereotypical lens of “femininity” and that in turn includes pregnancy and childbirth (which is viewed#thru a stereotypical lens as well) and bc people already don't view black women to fit the first box they definitely don't for the other#especially if she matches ambessa's body type &/or personality#even tho a big part of ambessa's character is literally her being a mom!#and don't get me started on how some of you view mother characters as anything outside of motherhood in general#(but a part of that is also bc the media doesn't give them much at times either but fandom still gets it's lashing too!)#like lets analyze: why do you think female characters who are “too tough” can't be pregnant as well? why do you think they can't be mothers?#why do you think they are “too tough” to give birth? is it bc u subconsciously view it as a weakness?#why do you think black women especially those like ambessa can't give birth & be mothers? is it bc you have biased views towards motherhood#where it's stereotypically “feminine” (yte) and black women don't fit that mold in your mind?#like i could go on!#(if i also said back to the girlboss & get men pregnant thing how a lot of it carries undertones of misogyny as well id be wrong but-)#some of yall did the same thing with mel & continue to do so when those pregnancy rumors were coming out#masc women can give and want to give birth while still being who they are (it literally happens in real life) so why people act surprised?#tw pregnancy mention#tw childbirth mention#fandom racism#fandom misogyny
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#iirc the datv embargo lifts in a few hours time#its exciting for sure!! ◕‿◕#(theres some good info out there about what u can expect etc)#everyones level of comfort/preference for spoilers or what they consider/dont consider spoilers or do/dont want to see beforehand#is different and thats valid#for me rn my pref is not seeing much more of the game than i have so far so i will probably not be watching/reading most of those bits of#coverage which are described as 'spoilery' due to this#im just at a stage personally where in the main the last thing I'd like to see now is just a good look at the CC and the CC options#and then just any of the more 'generic' stuff like any new official screenshots that get tweeted or if theres one more trailer or something#(know what i mean? maybe generic is the wrong word but like vague or general or something). and thats about it#so if i'm quieter on here or not postin about sth new that you've seen or focusing more on less-new stuff like V&V eps i didnt get a chance#to listen to yet or i dont know the answer to something etc thats why ^^#i've turned off asks and submit as well jic#sry for any inconvenience caused by that and for not following/posting everything in the coming weeks hh!!#its like a push and pull between wanting to be hyped with everyone/overanalyze every new crumb/wanting my blog to be useful and#not wanting to know much more about the game besides CC than i do atm hh#ultimately we will only get to go into this game and play this game for for the first time once so yea :D#(and in case it helps to know for your own curation purposes my datv spoilers tag is 'dragon age the veilguard spoilers'!!)#mj and the world
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saw some lego dinosaurs today :3
#australia adventure#i also watched the jurassic world movie for the first time AFTER going to the exhibit#it feels like it Could have been a good movie but the writing is so sexist and i spent too much time yelling EVACUATE THE GUESTS OH MY GOD#chris pratt sucks but they should've made him a horse girl for dinosaurs. that would've fixed it a bit#claire as a character is done so horribly dirty like. she's extremely competent and professional#but the entire narrative is like... portraying her as in the wrong for... being professional? for not being maternal enough?#what kind of moral is 'omggg u just need to let loose' in a movie where a SUPERMURDER DINOSAUR IS OUT OF ITS ENCLOSURE#SHE SHOULD'VE STUCK TO PROTOCOL AND EVACUATED THE PARK IMMEDIATELY!!!!!! AHHH#justice for claire jurassicworld 2024#literally every character is telling her that whatever she's doing is wrong and bad#it's excruciating to watch. anyway#indominus rex just feels like wasted potential. like it's scary for a little but it just looks like a slightly wonky t rex#should've done the thing where you barely see it and it keeps outsmarting everyone in fun and clever ways#i also personally. think they should lean into the tragedy of creating the most perfect predator but it cannot exist on this earth#i feel like there should be a sorrow and grief in having to kill a magnificent beast#like titanic or something. idk. like as a dinosaur kid im like. i like Cool Creature. in my heart im siding with cool creature#it wants enrichment. give it a meat pumpkin#would've loved to watch a defunctland style video about the theme park
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overhated female main characters who are products of their environment and are blamed for every conflict in their story because for some reason an extreme lack of media literacy has become the cool and interesting thing to do
#the most insufferable person u know will say Hot Take But Shes The Worst Character In The Series as if they arent the overwhelming majority#and WRONG lmao#no quicker way to make my blood boil than to start talking about how Actually 🤓 shes the Worst character if u think about it#i have thought about it in fact ive written essays about it that ive gotten graded on and ive come to the conclusion that youre incorrect#interpreting every move in the most negative light while removing context yeah if i do that to a character id probably hate them too#like i wish these people would at least stop pretending like theyre new and interesting#hate who you want but know that people have been saying what youre saying for yeaes and you arent special#i dont interact with discourse anymore so if you have something mean to say just know im probably not going to say anything back#you do you etc etc#rory gilmore#apple white#rory gilmore defense squad#apple white defense squad#gilmore girls#ever after high
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I’m sorry but I don’t really understand what’s wrong with the Bendy books not being canon. I should put into account that I haven’t read any of them so maybe my opinion will change if I do end up giving them a read but let me get back to the main point. I’ve been in the FNaF community and let me tell you, they don’t take kindly to the TFTPP books. They constantly complain about what is canon or not and how it stinks that the books are now reliant to understand the lore when back then they were optional. If you ask me I think Paul and Mike dodged a bullet with this decision by just straight up telling the fans if the books are canon or not while Scott keeps it ambiguous. My final point is that there are other franchises that do this sorta thing, not just Bendy. Take for example, Sonic the Hedgehog. There’s a lot of spinoff tv shows and comics but most of them aren’t considered canon to the main games (Although I think Prime and IDW are canon though I’m not sure) so I don’t see why Bendy gets flack for doing the same thing while Sonic gets a pass.
What do you think?
I think you should read the other posts where I have literally explained this so many times instead of explaining to me stuff I already know. I am literally so sick of people like you expecting me to write a new response EVERYTIME you need it explained to you those situations are DIFFERENT. Here are the links, they are all in the Ramblez tag on my blog, it's not hard.
There. Go read my other posts I know you have nothing else to do but expect strangers to treat u like a baby and hold your hand through these topics but I am not being paid to be ur babysitter. Also if you can't even bother to read the books you think shouldn't be canon, you're not allowed to have an opinion on this. I'm literally gonna make a fucking banner at this rate just telling people to check my ramblez tag before asking me a question on a topic I've gone in depth on. If you still have questions that's fine but you're literally explaining to me shit I already know and being rude about it.
#ramblez#sorry but I am so sick of this#I have better things to do with my time then have to answer EVERY SINGLE ASK that comes to me explaining in a condescending tone#why someone doesn't like my opinion when they didn't even take 5 seconds to actually READ WHAT I SAID#if u can't be bothered to actually read my reasoning I'm not gonna write a special essay just for you!#I'm not a fucking essay writing robot guys at some point you gotta either word your questions in a polite and kind tone#or take the time to read through what I have ALREADY SAID ON THIS TOPIC BEFORE ASKING ME SOMETHING I HAVE#ALREADY ANSWEREDDDDDDDDDDD#also the sonic comics are literally canon you are literally just fucking wrong abt that lmao#sonic fans love idw being canon so Ig ur own point makes no fucking sense#but u still came to tell me it in a smug rude tone so thanks for that#im literally a fucking sonic fan and no prime isnt canon dumbass#I also used to be an extreme fnaf fan so yes I know this shit#dont come to lecture me when you are the idiot speaking confidently abt shit u dont know#literally fuck you I know ppl like u dont care but like Im a person#if ur gonna ask me a question on a topic Ive spoken abt several times#at least be polite abt it fucker
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given form
#ffxiv#ffxiv oc#au ra#geese art#ocs#oc: yesui#final fantasy fourteen main story quest you SHOULDN’T HAVEEEE#blinks cutely. heehee#spoilers in the next several tags. u have been warned#okay.#the exarch trying to crack the weird protection around kiril’s soul n accidentally grabbing the wrong person AGAIN#except this time. uhm. she is not supposed to be here because also she is dead#or she was…#it’s not like she’s alive though. still just a soul.#but she can touch things now!! she can feel again!!!!!#first thing she’s doing is slapping the shit out of the exarch. as is her right#and then eating something. yaye :)#and then waiting for kiril.#also i gave her clothes because she simply did not want to not have clothes.#such is the way of things.
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it happens every now and then but it's always such a pleasant surprise when i realize i'm actually rly happy with my art and where i am skill-wise
#hina.txt#i think i mentioned in passing that doing art fr this au has reinvented my art process and completely shifted my style#and i honestly couldnt be happier w it :'>#it reflects in my output too like. i have not skipped a day of drawing since *checks calendar* may 28#which is insane and will never not be insane 2 say out loud#i love u creative high i love u recognizing progress and personal growth#poses and angles that wld have put up a fight a month ago r coming so much easier#same with visual storytelling n body language#knock on wood but i think im starting to Get it ?? my expressions n concepts r slowly getting more and more dynamic and i am. :'D !!!#kinda crazy what a muse can do#like dont get me wrong i never Disliked creating art fr jjk canon#but something abt this au has flipped a switch and i dont feel Stuck like i sometimes wld creating fr canon
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i feel so at peace but at the same time so chaotic and drained
#it’s literally been wavessss of emotions lately#life feels weird w no friends or a partner but it is peaceful#i’ve been spiraling lately bc i’ve been feeling lonely#but i have to keep reminding myself that i’ll attract the right people eventually#right now i’m focusing on finding myself again and being content w where i am bc ive been so so so hard on myself lately#it’s better to have solitude rather than faking my personality around the wrong people#i deserve to be loved for who i am and i’ll wait to love the future people that come into my life#things will be okay and i know now that it isn’t time for a relationship#my first wlw crush and i are still flirting and talking everyday but i knowwww i cant get involved bc i still have sm to worry about#i do love her so much but we both have shit we need to figure out and we’d probably destroy each other if we decided to fully fall in#i’m ranting rn guys but this is the first halloweekend i didn’t go out and i was kinda sad abt it but im also SO glad bc i usually act so#stupid and dumb when i drink impulsively#it’s for the best#i don’t drink as much as i used to and that in itself should be something i am proud of#hehe anyways ily all and if you read this entire thing i love u even more#personal
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why do twitter and tiktok users feel so entitled to peoples ocs and to their own twisted sense of how the world should work. you people should all just die.
#.wakas#saw the yaelokre situation.. like yeah actually its normal to not want ppl to fetishize their children ocs.#like are u dumb? did u get lobotomized?#the argument of 'dont publicize your work if you dont want people to be weird about it' is so fucking stupid#like firstly its just weird and WRONG to do that with kid characters in general#but also its not even something thats like.. largely trademarked. its someones personal ocs#like.. 'oh u posted ur characters online that have fun lore and people got into it#now u have to deal with the consequences of people being perverted. ur fault tho for showing the public them!' like girl? i dont think so..#sorry.. rambling here..#these people just dont have any brains or social awareness whatsoever!
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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need 2 find myself again in 2025 . tbhwu
#depression has hollowed me out in2 a shell of my former self#and i thmk i need 2 grit my teeth and just get over It whatever It is#recognizing its no easy task but also knowing i cant keep on like this#and allowing myself to spiral into misery thereby preventing any possible change or growth#sigh …. sogh .. i want 2 be a person again . picture friends circa 2008 outlining me in chalk. i want 2 know theres something there#how u ask (me asking myself)#idk but one way or anotjer . and not in that new yrs resolution fallacy way#anyways . anyways z . crazy how a week off from work will leave u feeling real again#i gotta get out of there . step 1😭🙏🙏#its especially hard when everyone arnd you is objectively doing better. partners finances purpose . >staring in2 the camera 1000 yd stare#u get thru the beast of being a teenager like thank god thats over and then b4 you even catch ur breath#your mid 20s are casting a shadow over u like some menacing thing and u have to gulp and say hes right behind me isnt he#i think people often like to give the advice that youll figure it out but it leaves me feeling so disquieted#bc its like sure im sure i will ive made it this far i can do what i need to get by when the moment matters#but it does nothing to assauge the immediate anxiety and feelings of worthlessness and lack of direction yk#goddmanit assuage i spelled it wrong everyone point and laugh#bc its like what if i dont and i mean that in a very like . existential & not material way . idk what im saying but i think thats the advice#i hate most . not sure if u have felt or do feel the same . -__- like yes oersonal experience sure whatever happens will happen and you will#simply adjust but will i ever feel like its something i want to experience/endure .#whatever anyways x2. im journalling i think that helps me the best rn . and its the one thing thats allowed me hope and i think#having that time to examine and mull over and deconstruct is rly helpful tbh. and i would like to think#over the long term i can repair my creativity and cultivate a new outlet that doesnt leave me feeling empty if i cant draw as i used to#yaar#i feel like i dont write for very long tho thats the one thing that kinda blows#two pages maybe and ive only addressed two maybe three points if im being generous lol i get so bored with the actual motion#when my mind moves 10x as fast . and idc for audio logs either ykwim.#ohh tumblr how i love u . tag system like no other
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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the thing that gets me abt religious ppl is they'll demand u respect their religion & that religion hating your existence but they won't respect ur right to be like yea my belief says god isn't real so thats a dumb reason for hating other people or ye ok then ur god is homophobic thats kinda shitty they go APESHIT like. it goes both ways? like they can say i hate gay ppl bc of my religion but when a gay person says well i dont respect that religion bc it doesnt respect me its ww3. I'm not walking on eggshells for people who are too quick to condemn me to hell
#likeeee. ppl have been homophobic to me bc 'their religion condemns it' but i cant be like ok well then fuck ur religion?#but they can say okay fuck you and be hateful and intolerant like that?#why do i tolerate u if u wont tolerate me? im just#like to me as an atheist/agnostic im like. hearing that something i dont even think is real is why u hate me as a person is so insane#like 'its unnatural and wrong bc my religion says so' like ok. why does that have to affect me as someone who doesnt follow said religion#jusr wish more religious ppl were as understanding and non judgemental as they claim they are??#like ur gna say that shit to me? u think god likes that ur speaking for him rn? u rly see urself on the same level as god?#u think YOU can judge others? embarrassing#*smacks own ass* this baby can fit so much religious trauma#i love religion sm for some ppl but then other aspects of it im like why cant yall just modify this as society progresses#them books old as hell them writers didn't even know electricity but ur talking their word abt an entire group of ppl being wrong & evil?#i like when religious ppl apply the teachings to modern society & take into account how shit has changed#when ppl take the good parts of religion and focus on them and bring that religious warmth w them where they go is so nice#(my friends<333)#like they live by them teachings and are good ppl but dc abt divorce or abortion or gays bc society has changed & ppl ultimately deserve#control of their own bodies and shouldnt have to be trapped in bad partnerships#& girls who love other women and dont agree w the typical 'woman serve men' that a lot of religious old folk got goin on#if u can modify some stuff in the religious books whats stopping u extending that grace to literal people just being who they are
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The thing with timelords is that yeahh theyre people but theyre also sort of complicated moving sculptures. or they all see themselves or function in some way as Projects as much as people. partially because doylistically, they... are.
#projects in the sense of something being put together for a particular aim. not projection#'a piece of planned work or activity that is completed over a period of time and intended to achieve a particular aim'#thank u cambridge dictionary online.#and like. i dont think that watsonianly as a character the master is a vanity project fsdgdfg that would be#mean and wrong and stupid to say. but the Entity Known As The Master is mostly another smaller entity- called a Person-#inside doing a weird vanity project.#the doctor is an endless work table with one million starts in different interests and directions. building the ultimate reinessance man. b#t theyre almost too easy to discuss.. they have more going on but#the THING is how most time lords are tied to The State as like a weird appendage. or are people which are trying to be thhe best#new innovation-y type of cog in the machine that is the state. and then theyre suprised theyre fucked up#this is actually prompted by a brax paragraph @i-am-become-a-name just posted from their brax reading project-#hes going 'everyone. act naturally' and then puts his feet on the table which. works but is the last brax thing ever#cuz braxiatel is the Project of Appearing To Be. often various types of normal things but mostly just. thats what he operates w#idk. idk. you get what im putting down?
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Huh... just connected the dots between my soul-crushing shame and inability to imagine myself "carelessly having fun" without feeling a Heavy Judging Gaze That Thinks I'm Such A Funny Stupid Little Baby on myself and like... my parents finding it the funniest thing in the world, worth bringing up over and over despite my discomfort, that I used to bob funnily to the music as a toddler
#basically I seem to like... react v strongly to being told that my body and the way I use it is somehow inherently hilarious#there have been cases where people would take photos of me when I wasn't paying attention and was making a HILARIOUS pose#and they'd either show it to me or reupload them on group chats like look how fucking funny! and i'd go awhhh come on guys :< like u do#but internally i'd be like WHAT the fuck is wrong with me that i'm the only person getting this treatment#basically i just. seem to be inherently cringefail no matter what I do and instead of rolling with it like a normal person would i am inste#*instead very sensitive about being perceived as a funny pathetic moron. and i do imprint on similar characters which means I always#end up internally tormented when 99% of the fandom is pissing their pants laughing over how incredibly hilarious this wannabe cool#(but actually incurably pathetic) this (character I can relate to) is. its this like. inability of achieving physical dignity? okay this is#nothing but basically. the emotional anguish of being aware that you might think you're doing normal things and moving normally#but unbeknownst to you (and very well knownst to everyone else) you're wearing squeaky fish-shaped slippers with a long piece of#toilet paper trailing after each one AND slipping on banana peels at the same time#no matter if i dance silly style together with friends OR try to look cool and sexy there's this huge Eye constantly present at the back of#my mind that coos about how cute and funny i am half of the time. and laugh uproariously the other half#which is why: i don't dance + cover my mouth while smiling + happiness is for other people#shrimp thoughts#it's wild how fucked up brains can get. I'd love to have realized this like a decade earlier so that I could have a semblance of a chance#at maturing emotionally into something at least roughly resembling a functional adult but ohhhhhh welllllllllllll
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