#spoilers in the next several tags. u have been warned

[shalpilot]

given form

[littleoanh]

Hiii may i ask if u can write a kakucho fic like how you write about ran and i’m really obsessed with it! LOVE your writing style. Can you make one about a yandere y/n joining bonten because of how strong and reliable u are and kaku being inlove with u the moment u walked in to the room when mikey introduced u.. and ran having crush on u as well and tries to make u his but y/n only has eyes for kaku kun🥰🥰🥰 they end up together ofc✨✨

A/N: Hello Anon! Thank you for your kind words <3 At the moment, I am busy with my current writing projects BUTTTT this is such an interesting idea that my brain came up with a story :D. I haven’t written a yandere theme reader before, hopefully I represent [Y/n] well! 

You Belong with Me

Characters: Bonten!Kakucho x Yan!Reader (G/N, no pronouns)

Warnings: Dark Content [MDNI, 18+ ONLY], cursing, violence (threats, kicking, stepping, blood, severed finger, fighting, breaking bones), love at first sight, brief mentions of Izana (possibly manga spoilers?), yandere reader, stalking, obsession and unrequited feelings (not Kakucho). 

Special Thanks: My Editor Bestie (EB) for proofreading and being my beta reader.

Like, reblogging, and kind comments are appreciated.

By agreeing to keep reading, you are confirming you are 18+.

[Photos for banner is by Satushi Icon from Facebook]

“Does anybody know what this impromptu meeting is about?” Mochi asks once the executives are seated. Everyone received an early morning message from Mikey to be in the conference room at exactly 8 AM. Did someone fuck up a mission or was there another traitor in the organization? Whatever it is, this meeting might not be good.

No one seems to know what this is about, but the chattering stops when Mikey’s commanding presence appears in the conference room. “I have an announcement to make.” Everyone closely pays attention to Mikey’s words. “We have a new executive on the team that is joining today.” Their eyes widened, why did Mikey suddenly recruit a new executive? Were they not up to Mikey’s standards? No, that can’t be it because they would all be dead by now if that’s true. This new executive must’ve done something that caught Mikey’s interest. He is not an easily impressed person. Then there are firm knocks on the door, “Enter.” 

The doors open, everyone glues their eyes to see who this new executive is. The clacking of your shoes echoes the room, however there is one executive who’s heart is racing… Kakucho. The moment he lays his eyes on you, it feels as though he is in a beautiful daydream. The way you stride into the room with such confidence and gracefulness, your appearance is refined but most of all, it is your eyes. When you meet his gaze, there’s fire in them that ignites the burning flames in his heart. He’s not one to believe in love at first sight, but you are the first to change his beliefs. 

What Kakucho fails to notice is that his fellow executive, Ran shares the same interest. Though his feelings are not quite as strong as Kakucho, but he is captivated by you. Your perfect features and fortitude makes him want to ruin you. It’s been awhile since someone caught his attention, he’s got to have you and put another notch on his bedpost. 

You stand next to Mikey with a levelheaded attitude and break into a charming smile. “This is [Y/n] [L/n].” Mikey continues your introduction, Kakucho thought it a heavenly name. “You guys can introduce yourselves later, we still have that contract we need Ryosuke to sign.” Mikey’s black orbs land on Kakucho, “Kakucho, take [Y/n] and Ran with you and make sure to get him to sign it. I don’t care what it takes.” 

“Yes, Mikey.” Kakucho is discreetly excited he has first dibs to be working with you even though Ran is tagging along. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you both.” Your voice is like music to his ears. “We’ll make sure to get him to sign that contract this time.” Your self reliant attitude makes Kakucho feel like he can do anything.

“Can’t wait to see what you can do, [Y/n] chan.” Ran’s playful lazy smirk appears as he stands up with Kakucho and is ready to meet Ryosuke again. Last night's meeting didn’t go well and Ryosuke refused to cooperate. 

“I’m sure my actions will speak louder than my words.” You match his playfulness, Ran is determined to make you his. You will be so much fun to play with. The three of you take the elevator down to the lobby and find the usual security guards to have bruises on their faces. Kakucho and Ran thought it was strange because they didn’t have those bruises when they came into the conference room earlier. 

In the car ride, Kakucho feels a bit left out as you and Ran are having an easy going conversation. He wants to say something to get your attention too but he’s afraid his shyness would make him stutter or say something idiotic. He wants to show you he’s easy to talk to as well. But your radiating presence makes it difficult for him to speak. This is the only moment he would ever feel jealous of Ran. 

“So [Y/n] chan,” Ran takes his downturned eyes off the road to take a side glance, “how did you impress Mikey into making you one of the executives?” Kakucho looks into the rearview mirror, he is too wondering what you did to impress him. There has to be a reason why Mikey chose you.

A sly smile spreads across your plump lips, “Now now, that’s between me and Mikey. If you really want to know, why don’t you ask him?” Ran scoffs, Mikey is full of secrets and will never utter a word about anything. 

Ran pulls into the parking lot of the club Ryosuke owns, the three of you step out of his car and approach the entrance. The security guard sees the Bonten tattoo on Ran’s neck and immediately notify you that Ryosuke is not in the club. Before Kakucho or Ran can say anything, you knock the security guard down and step on his back, digging your heel into his lower back. He is screaming in pain as you shove the side of his face into the pavement. Kakucho’s heart beat is pounding, now he understands why Mikey chose you.

You are so strong and ruthless. Your swift movements are exhilarating and almost majestic. Your hair even reminds him of his old king, Izana Kurokawa. No wonder, he was instantly in love with you. You are similar to him.

“Tell me where the fuck he is.” Your tone changes, sending shivers down the security guard’s spine. Even the look in your eyes has altered. “For every minute you don’t talk, I will break every bone in your spine until you become a useless piece of shit.” The heel of your shoe is dangerously about to break a bone. “I suggest for you to start talking while I am feeling generous.” The security guard blabbers about Ryosuke's location. “Wow,” Your eyes widened in amazement, “you are the worst security guard ever. You should really consider finding another job.” Ran is barking in laughter, you step on his face before heading back to Ran’s car to go to Ryosuke’s real location. 

“That was amazing, [Y/n] chan!” Ran is showering you with compliments while Kakucho quietly praises you for your quick thinking. He wasn’t sure if you even heard him but then he feels your eyes on him and he makes eye contact with you.

Your soft smile and adoring eyes set his heart ablaze, “Thanks, Kaku kun.” Kakucho’s cheeks are blushing, he wasn’t expecting you to give him a nickname, let alone what he had praised you for. He hopes you continue to call him that. 

When you three find Ryosuke’s real location, Ryosuke sets out his men to ambush you three. What a pathetic fucker, who does he think he is to do a surprise attack on Bonten? You and Kakucho have the same stamina and brute strength. The way you fight is an art form, like you’re performing a classical ballet. Kakucho’s mind is occupied with thoughts of you that one of Ryosuke’s men almost hit him in a blind spot. You quickly threw yourself in front of him and took a hard blow that almost knocked the wind out of you.

“[Y/n]!” Kakucho’s chest is aching, how could you have protected him? He should be the one protecting you. He wants to repent for letting you take a hit for him.

“Don’t worry about me.” You still have your fighting spirit, you spit out the blood from your cut lip, “Get to Ryosuke! I got your back!” Kakucho will not let your determination go to waste, his anger fuels his brute strength and fights on while you defend him from behind. You, Kakucho and Ran caught up with Ryosuke and Kakucho seized him. Ran talks to him into signing the contract, initially he refuses until you step on his bloody hand possibly breaking it and he screams in agony. “Yes, scream louder.” Your crazed eyes dilated from adrenaline, “That’s okay if you don’t want to sign it, I will make you sing instead.” You are about to step on his other hand and he sputters to sign the contract. “Geez, should’ve done it sooner instead of hiding like a goddamn coward.” You still have the heel of your shoe on his bloody hand to ensure he would use his other free hand to sign it.

“Thank you!” Your beaming smile brightens the bloody scene and you release his hand from your heel, “A pleasure to be doing business with you, Ryosuke!” Ran and Kakucho are enamored by you. They started walking off but you haven’t moved from your spot.

“[Y/n]?” Kakucho is confused and worried about why you are not following along, “What are you doing? Let’s go.” 

“Go on, first.” Your velvety tone sounds so honeyed to Kakucho’s ears, “I just want to have one quick word with him.” Kakucho and Ran take a glance at each other wondering if they should leave you alone with him.

“Ran, go to the car first. I’ll stay here with [Y/n].” Kakucho doesn’t want to leave you, he has to make sure you are okay. You are still injured and he refuses to let anyone take advantage of you. Even if your same stamina and brute strength matches his. He doesn’t want the love of his life to be in harm’s way. 

“Don’t be silly, Kaku kun!” You playfully dismiss his kindness. “I won’t be too long, I promise.” Your soft expression is hard for him to say no to you. Why do you have to look at him like that? 

“If you are not back by 3 minutes, I’m coming back for you.” Kakucho makes this promise to you and you nod enthusiastically. 

“I’ll be back by then.” Kakucho and Ran reluctantly leave you behind, once they are out of earshot. Your demeanor changes into a dangerous and violent aura. Ryosuke knew he was fucked. You smash your shoe into his face and he groans in pain. You continue to kick him, releasing your anger, “You fuckin piece of shit! This is for running away like a stupid fuckin coward.” Each kick is harder than the last, “This is for one of your men almost hurting my Kaku. And this is for having my lip cut on my first day of work.” You did a finishing blow on his ribcage, breaking his lower ribs. “If you pull another stupid fuckin stunt like that,” You yank his hair and pull closer to your face, “I will kill you.” Your crazed eyes scared the shit out of him. You release his greasy hair and wipe your hand on his shirt and start walking back to the car before Kakucho comes looking for you.

“Wai-wait.” Ryosuke weakly calls out to you, you stop but not turn around. “Wha-what about my finger?” Your shoulders start shaking and let out a joyous laughter echoing the warehouse. Then you finally turn your face with an enchanting smile that easily masks your psychopathic personality. 

“You really think you deserve your finger back?” He lets out a gasp, how could someone who looks normal as you be a maniac. “Just kidding!” You laugh that is almost childlike again, “Your finger is left with that security guard of yours at your club.” Then you tilt your head to the side with a cute thinking face, “Though I didn’t ice it. So you may not be able to get it reattached. You might want to hurry!” You continue to amble your way out of the warehouse. 

When you step outside, you find Kakucho pacing around Ran’s car with a worried expression. How cute, your heart swells with so much love. He stops when he sees you approaching and he meets you halfway. “Are you okay?” He couldn’t help but to cup your cheek and look at the cut on your lip.

“Of course, Kaku kun.” You wish he didn’t have to see you like this. “I am really fine.” You collectively reassure his worries. “Now, let’s go back and show Mikey the signed contract!” You smile, though you can feel the burning cut by smiling. 

The ride back to Bonten's Headquarter, Ran is openly flirting with you in front of Kakucho. Though he doesn’t like how forward Ran is, he feels like you and him have a connection. Maybe you feel the same way as he does (maybe not as strongly as him). When Ran parks his car in the private underground parking lot, he tries to be all touchy with you.

“Come on, [Y/n] channnnn!” Ran cutely calls your name and opens up his arms, “Let me carry your injured body into the building.” 

“My legs can still walk, there’s no need to carry me.” You brush off Ran’s offer, but he persistently wants to touch you in some way. His hand touches your lower back, dangerously close to your ass. 

“Don’t be shy,” Ran leans forward and talking huskily into your ear, “I promise I will take care of you.” Kakucho is fuming, how dare Ran touch you so vulgarly. You should be treated with respect and be cherished. He is about to step in to pry Ran’s grabby hand off of you but you beat him to it. 

“Now now, Ran.” Your voice is sickeningly sweet but that thin smile of yours is not to be messed with, ”It’s impolite to touch someone without their consent.” You strongly take his hand off of you. “One might accidentally break these pretty hands of yours one day.” Ran’s eyes widens in surprise but quickly recompose himself by laughing. 

After showing Mikey the signed contract, he nods in approval knowing that this would have been resolved today. Sanzu, Rin, Koko, and Mochi interrogate Ran and Kakucho about how you were on the mission today. Ran is singing you praises while Kakucho watches you disappear into your new assigned office. Fortunately it is next to Kakucho’s. He walks out of the conversation to check in on you.

“Ahh!” He hears you hiss, Kakucho looks inside to see you are dabbing a cotton ball on your cut lip while looking in the mirror. He saunters into your office without you noticing and takes the cotton ball from you. “Kaku kun?” You are a bit flustered to see him.

“Let me help.” Kakucho gently cups your soft cheek then leans forward to clean your cut lip. Your fiery eyes make him feel nervous, but he mustn’t let you know that. He focuses on how pretty your lips are even if there is a cut. Kakucho wonders what kind of kisser you would be. Would you be shy or passionate? Next he notices your scent is pleasant and calming, if he could he would nuzzle his face into your neck. His eyes trail back to your eyes again, they are so daring. He should say something, “I’m sorry you got hurt because of my carelessness.” Your eyes widened in surprise.

“There’s no need for you to apologize.” You shake your hands to reassure him that you were not angry with him. “As long as you are okay, that’s all that matters to me.” How are you so selfless? 

“I should look out for you, not the other way round.” His soft smile appears and cheeks are lightly tinted, “But thank you.” Your cheeks are also blushing, how is this man so adorable?

“You’re welcome.” You two share a quiet intimate moment while he cleans your lip. This feels right, being with you brings Kakucho some light in this darkness. He has been stuck in the shroud of blackness after Izana’s death. Kakucho feels he has no purpose and is just letting life pass by. Your glowing aura has broken through and he needs you to stay with him. He vows to protect you and refuses to let anything happen to you.

“Done.” Kakucho carefully tosses the bloody cotton ball into your trash can.

“Thank you.” You both stand there, admiring each other and Kakucho bravely breaks the silence, wanting to be the first to ask you out.

“Do you want to go out?” Your eyes dilated, he wasn’t sure if your reaction was a good thing and continued to ramble while averting his gaze, “I-I mean, to have lunch. You know, since it’s uh lunch time. I’m-I’m sure you are hungry from all that fighting. You don’t have to if you don’t-” You gently place your hand on Kakucho’s cheek for him to look at you again.

“I would love to go out with you, Kaku kun.” His chest feels light and easy, “Do you want to go to XX?” Kakucho is surprised that you suggested his favorite place.

“Sure, I’ll drive us.” Kakucho is discreetly elated to go out on a date with you and so quickly. Maybe soon, he will be able to confess his love for you. In your mind, you feel all your hard work has finally paid off…

What Kakucho didn’t know is that you had been stalking him for about 6 months. You’ve happened to cross paths in a passing glance. He didn’t notice you, but you obviously did. You thought he was the most beautiful man you had ever laid your eyes on. Without realizing, you secretly started to follow him. You’ve learned he was from a dangerous crime organization called Bonten and he is no. 3. You needed to be closer to him somehow, you felt compelled to get stronger. You’ve watched him train at a gym, finding out his favorite food, what his hobbies are, where he lived, and you learned about his respect for his old leader, Izana Kurokawa. During those 6 months, you changed your hair color to match Izana’s hair color and trained yourself to become stronger, ruthless, and to show no mercy when you fight. 

Last night, you discreetly followed Kakucho and Kokonoi to Ryosuke’s club. You overheard their private conversation and found out Ryosuke refused to sign the contract. Kokonoi was frustrated and Kakucho tried to persuade him but Ryosuke didn’t give in. Your hand turned white as you clenched your fist. How dare Ryosuke refuse Kakucho’s offer. He should be grateful Kakucho would even talk to this fucker. Once you saw Kakucho out of sight, your legs began to move to the VIP section and approach Ryosuke. 

Your alluring presence didn’t raise any red flags and you charmed him enough to be invited into his booth. When you had the chance, you tugged his hair and slammed his face into the glass table several times. His guards raised their guns at you and you grabbed a big glass shard threatening to cut Ryosuke’s throat if they pulled the trigger. Ryosuke asked what you wanted from him, you demanded him to agree to sign that contract from Bonten. He couldn’t understand why you wanted him to do that and so you used the glass shard to cut one of his fingers. He was screaming in agony, the guards were in shock and didn’t know what to do. You threaten to cut more of his fingers if he doesn’t reach out to Bonten. He swore that he would call Bonten to sign the contract. 

You told Ryosuke if doesn’t sign, you would break more of his useless fat fingers. As a safety deposit, you kept his finger and if he less incompetent, maybe he'll be able to get it reattached. When you left the VIP section with his bloody chubby finger, you felt someone was following you. This was a strange feeling. You were never the one to be stalked. You led your stalker to an abandoned arcade and your stalker revealed himself to be Mikey. 

“You’re … you’re Manjiro Sano.” You never thought to be face to face with the man himself. For as long as you stalked Kakucho, you were well aware how intimidating this man is. You knew how strong Mikey was and you know your own limits. You would never win a fight against him. You felt a bit nervous, was he angry that you interfered with Ryosuke? You couldn’t tell from his empty dark pupils.

“What is your goal?” Mikey questioned you and took a seat on one of the stools. “You have been following Kakucho’s tail for quite some time. Why would someone like you get involved with us?” He also couldn’t get a read on you either, you appeared to be ordinary.

“To be closer to Kakucho.” You brazenly answer him, you knew better to tell him the truth. “I will do anything for Kakucho and make him be one of your top men. Whatever is important to him, it is important to me too.” Mikey’s eyes narrowed.

“You would blindly follow his path? That’s stupid of you.”

“I could say the same for your right hand man, Sanzu. Yet you let him stay by your side.” Mikey’s eyes were no longer narrowed, “I am infatuated with Kakucho, I would do anything to be with him. If you want, I can cut my own finger to prove my loyalty to him and a promise that I won’t get in Bonten’s way.” Mikey remained quiet, you were not sure what was on his mind.

“It would be a waste.” Your eyes widened, you weren’t sure if cutting your own finger would be a waste or you are a waste of his time and he'll just kill you on the spot. “If you want to be by his side, you should be part of my executive team.” Your ears were ringing, you weren’t sure if you heard him right. “Your strength and ruthlessness reminds me of my brother.” From what you learned from Kakucho, Izana is Mikey’s half brother (well not by blood). “Based on how you handled Ryosuke, I could tell you are reliable too.” You couldn’t believe Mikey was actually praising you. If you impressed Mikey, would Kakucho be impressed too? “Come join my team.” He extended his thin arm out for you to take his offer. 

“If I join… will you tell Kakucho about my feelings?” You didn’t want Mikey to tell Kakucho about your stalking and obsession with him. 

“As long as your feelings for Kakucho do not bring him in any harm’s way, it’s none of my business.” You let out a sigh of relief, then you extended your arm out to shake his hand. Based on the handshake, you could feel Mikey’s power. It is no wonder he is one of the most notorious crime leaders in Japan. “Welcome to Bonten. Come meet me at the Headquarters at 7:45 and get yourself situated.” 

You couldn’t sleep that night, you were too excited to finally be in the same presence as Kakucho. He will finally notice you and you need to make him yours. The following morning, you walked into Bonten’s Headquarters with light footsteps until the security guards stopped you. You looked like a normal citizen, what business could you possibly have with Bonten? You were not going to let them ruin your day. You’ve beaten their faces until Mikey showed up and you stopped. Mikey informed the security guards you were the new executive for Bonten. 

Mikey led you to his office telling you Ryosuke did reach out and offered to sign the contract. He planned for you to go on your first mission with Kakucho but also having Ran Haitani to tag along. You don't care as long as you can be with Kakucho. Mikey informed you to wait outside of the conference room for about 5 minutes before knocking to come into the conference. Your heart is rapidly beating, you made sure your clothes are in order and that you would make a good first impression for Kakucho. When you heard Mikey tell you to enter, you walked into the conference room and your eyes met. You saw the look in his eyes that he was intrigued by you. 

You belong with me, Kakucho.

[End]

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[loki-hargreeves]

Loki x Reader - Strawberry Cake

Warnings/tags:  [Loki spoilers] f l u f f  for days, food, mentions of an injury, clumsy reader, just a kiss 

Word Count: 3,6K

Summary:  Loki takes a break from his Avenger case to help you bake a cake a cake, which leads to some interesting late night talks.

Author's Note: I’m so sorry if you’re allergic to strawberries. Other than that, please enjoy some fluffy and slightly carefree Loki! <3

YOUR POV

Of course they made you stay at the compound! You couldn’t believe that a silly little hand injury had resulted in you losing your mission and being forced to stay put until at least they would remove the cast that was now hugging your dominant hand tightly. 

Thanks to your abilities and the quick medical aid you had received, you would heal sooner than regular people, but it still bummed you out severely. As your teammates were now out there, being productive on a mission, you were trying to kill time by baking a cake. 

It was summer and the idea of having a cold drink and a slice of strawberry shortcake in the evening was the only thing that kept you calm for the time being. Besides, it wasn’t that bad. You weren’t entirely alone in the compound.

Ever since the Asgardians had moved to Earth - or Midgard as they liked to call it - Loki had been ‘redeeming’ himself. Not that he needed to. Most people already knew that Thanos was behind the attack of New York, but a lot of people refused to let go of the grudges they held onto stubbornly. Not even all the Avengers truly accepted Loki, which had you confused. None of them had perfect, bloodless pasts.

Lately, you and the god of Mischief had grown close and you truly enjoyed the company. Perhaps even a little bit too much. 

Loki’s magical abilities and his ancient wisdom had truly come in handy when breaking some dangerous and difficult cases. Not to mention that shape-shifting was a foolproof way of getting into places that were otherwise nearly impossible to get in. He was surprisingly great at solving riddles and looking at files, reading between the lines until he could see something that everyone else had somehow overlooked. 

Right now, Loki was in the nearby living area which was usually packed. But now that it was only him and you, he could freely wander around the compound without running into any cold shoulders. 

The delicious scent of freshly baked sugar bread distracted him for a while and he tore his eyes off the numerous pictures that he had put down on the coffee table before him. In his mind, it was a perfect time for a break. Therefore, he abandoned his work and made his way to the kitchen with such silent steps that you had no way of knowing he was coming, not until he was standing almost right next to you. 

“What are you making?” Loki wondered, trying to have a conversation with you. Out of all the people in the compound, he often found himself with you. You, who never seemed to judge him for who he truly was, or tried to belittle him in any way shape or form. And he thought you were fun. The two of you had put your mischievous minds together a few times and the results were always fantastic.

“Strawberry cake,” You answered him and tried not to cut off your fingertips. The last thing you needed was another hand injury. “At least I’m trying to.”

He noticed how clumsily you were holding onto the large kitchen knife as you tried to cut the strawberries, without much success. The cast was in the way and your grip was awful. 

“Here, let me help you,” Loki offered kindly and gently put his hand above yours, offering to take the knife. 

“Oh! Thanks, Loki,” Your cheeks felt hot just like that. It only took one touch and you could swear your heart was beating a little bit faster. Was it because you were flustered or simply embarrassed? You thought it could be a mixture of both. 

It didn’t help much when he simply smiled at you as a reply. Did he know what he was doing to you? 

Smoothly, you stepped aside and allowed Loki to cut the strawberries. His expertise in knives really seemed to be useful in the kitchen.

“I suppose I’ll get started on the filling then.”

It didn’t take long for you to grab the ingredients for the vanilla cream filling and lay them out on the counter top. Carefully, you mixed all the ingredients together and then began whisking it together. Something about baking was always very rewarding and relaxing. You enjoyed that it took your mind off of the mission that didn’t go too well and in the end you would have cake. What more could you ask for?

Loki stole a few glances of you every once in a while. The way you stood there, being so focused on something so simple and delightful made him feel strange but in a positive way. You were one of the most powerful people he knew of and yet there you were, baking a cake. It was so normal. Yes, normal and Loki liked that. There were no raging beasts around you, no evil enemies who wanted to hurt you or wreak havoc. It was a casual, earthly afternoon and the two of you were doing what normal people did. For a brief moment, Loki let himself soak in the lovely feeling and let himself believe that he too could be normal - with you. 

Finally, the cream had thickened and you deemed it ready. You grabbed a tea spoon from the drawer and dipped it in the soft dessert. 

“Do you want to taste it?” You asked Loki, breaking the comfortable silence.

“As long as you haven’t poisoned it, I’ll be glad to taste it,” He joked, which caused you to roll your eyes playfully.

“Well I suppose you’ll have to trust me on this one,” You retorted in a similar witty manner.

Loki let go of the knife for a moment and accepted the spoon. As he brought it to his lips, you grabbed another spoon so you too could taste test the cream. It was cool, which was great on such a hot day, and the hint of vanilla danced on your tongue. It would go perfectly with the strawberries. 

“That’s...delicious,” Loki was surprised at how good it was. He was used to eating the most luscious foods and desserts on Asgard, but the simplest things on Midgard had quickly become his favourites. He had become very fond of coffee too after Thor practically begged him to have a cup. 

“Oh just wait until the cake is ready!” You were hopeful that he would like it just as much. 

“I’m sure it’ll be most scrumptious,” Loki didn’t doubt your skills at all, not even when your hand was injured. He wondered if you felt any pain or if the pills you had been taking were making it feel slightly more comfortable.

Your eyes met and neither of you looked away. For a moment, you were just two people who were excited for dessert like little children. A wild thought crossed your mind, you could get used to this. 

“So-” Eventually you looked away before you would get lost in those beautiful eyes of his, “I think I need help cutting the cake in half,” You admitted and raised your hand, indicating that you shouldn’t be running around with a knife when your grip was so loose. 

"Show me the way,” Loki was more than willing to help you. As a Prince, he never had to prepare his own food and he wasn’t sure if he had been allowed to even if he had wanted to do so. Being with you, he had learned new things about himself, such as the fact he enjoyed preparing food. 

You removed the blue cloth that had been on the cake as it had cooled down. “Just in the middle,” You pointed at it. 

Loki grabbed a clean knife and then carefully, he began cutting the cake. It didn’t take long until he was done and he had cut it almost perfectly. Of course he had. He handled knives like they were extensions of his actual arms. 

“Thank you!”

“Where shall I put the strawberries?” Loki wondered, wanting to stay for a bit longer. Work could wait.

“If you don’t mind, just sprinkle some sugar on them and put them in a bowl,” You gave him a task and proceeded to scoop a generous amount of strawberry jam and spread it on the bottom layer of the cake. 

The rest of the time passed rather quickly, but you had fun. Loki helped you decorate the cake with fresh berries and a lot of whipped cream.You had almost turned the decorating process into a food fight when you had accidentally thrown a strawberry at him, but then you both realized that you already had enough cleaning up to do. Another time, you had both agreed and formed a truce.

In the end, you had a beautiful - slightly chaotic - cake that would only need to be in the fridge for a few hours until you could finally cut into it. 

“Do you mind opening the fridge?” You grabbed the cake as well as you could, underestimating your own injuries.

Just as Loki was going to open the door for you, you lost your grip on the cake and could only watch in horror as it fell to the side. 

“Watch out!” 

Right before it would’ve hit the floor and not only made a giant mess but also wasted both of your time, the cake was surrounded by a cloud of glimmering green magic. Loki had caught it just in time.

“That was a close call,” Loki used his magic to bring the cake with its tray to his hands and it looked just as good as it had moments before.

“What would I do without you?” You avoided his gaze, feeling embarrassed. You were an Avenger and here you were, failing at the easiest of tasks. Luckily, you had his help. 

The question made Loki’s heart skip a beat. He knew you didn’t mean it too seriously, but still he couldn’t help but wonder. Silently, he put the cake away and then heard voices. Several people were talking and they were coming closer by the second. The team had returned from their mission.

“Y/N! It smells wonderful in here!” Sam’s friendly voice was a relief to hear, because it didn’t sound like anyone was hurt.

“Sure does,” You replied with a smile, expecting him to enter the kitchen and inspect what had happened when they were gone. Bucky would most likely come too. You knew that he was secretly a sweet tooth.

“But you can’t credit just me, I actually had help-” You turned around and hoped to see Loki, but he was long gone. When had he left? Seeing that he had retreated to his own private chambers once the others returned made your heart sink. It wasn’t fair that he didn’t feel welcome. He was just as much of an Avenger as anyone else in the compound. 

“Help?” Bucky raised his eyebrows curiously, since he didn’t see anyone. It didn’t even cross his mind at first that Loki could’ve helped you, not until he saw the upset look on your face. He hated it when you were sad. Everyone on the team adored you. If only they could’ve shared the same fondness for Loki too. 

“Yeah, Loki helped me.”

              Several hours had passed and it was dark outside by now, with hints of pink and purple in the parts of the sky where the sun was setting. Despite it getting late, you knew Loki was not sleeping. It was far from unusual for you to chat until the sun would rise again. Every time, you wished to stay even longer but you never did. 

After catching up with everyone about the mission, you wanted to see Loki. The cake had been dug into by now, but you saved some for Loki. This time you held onto the tray very carefully as you made your way to his room. You had made coffee and put two slices on cake on plates. After all, he deserved a treat as well, he had helped you make it. 

Once you were behind his door and unable to knock, you cleared your throat, “Loki? Are you in here?”

Only a brief moment later, he appeared behind the door. He seemed glad to see you. 

“I hope you haven’t brushed your teeth yet because I brought coffee and cake.”

Loki thought it was so kind of you to come to him with cake. When he had left so soon, he worried it would’ve upset you. 

“That’s very nice of you. I can take that, please come in,” He grabbed the tray and stepped aside to let you further inside. He closed to the door with magic and followed you to his little sitting area. Loki enjoyed the space he had made for himself in there. The emerald green velvet couches reminded him of Asgard. Despite its many horrors, Asgard had still been his home and he did have moments of joy growing up. Although those were rare moments, they were real and dear to him.

He put the tray down on the coffee table which had been covered in papers only moments before, but were now tucked away safely in his drawer. The scent of the hot drink made its way to his lungs and Loki could hardly wait to taste it all. 

“How did the mission go?” Loki inquired as he took a seat, at last. It had been a long day and it felt great to sit down with you and just chat. 

“Oh!” You remembered what Bucky had told you, “It went well. I think they found out where a possible hideout is. They’re going to inspect that tomorrow. It could be dangerous,” You explained and took a sip of your drink. 

Loki mirrored you unintentionally and relaxed his shoulders after a sip or two. 

“Dangerous?” He was curious now.

“It’s on old HYDRA territory,” You remembered. By now, Loki was well caught up with HYDRA and other terms. You were convinced he had read all the mission reports that he could possibly find. 

“I wish I could join them,” A sigh escaped your lips.

Loki knew very well how much you longed to do something, anything! He understood what it felt like to be held back, but he also didn’t want you to get hurt again. 

Wishing to not dwell on what couldn’t be changed, you let go of the topic and put the cup down. With a smile on your face, you grabbed your slice of cake and gestured for Loki to dig in as well.

“Let them eat cake,” You declared dramatically, wondering if Loki realized the reference.

“Marie Antoinette,” Loki surprised you. He took a bite of the cake and tasted it. His eyes widened slightly in surprise. How could something so simple be so tasty?

“How did you know?” 

“I’ve been places, Y/N. And this cake is divine, we should bake together more often,” Loki suggested ever so cheerfully.

It was a relief to hear that, but you couldn’t just let that line slip. Had he been to France and witnessed such historic events? Where else had he been? Or perhaps it was more appropriate to wonder when he had been. Loki was a god. He had witnessed far more than you could ever dream of seeing.

“We most definitely should, but you must tell me about where you’ve been and what you’ve done! Please,” You were ready to beg for him to tell you stories of his life. The way Loki spoke made each story sound like an absolute adventure. 

This time it was Loki’s turn to be surprised, “Do you truly wish to hear me ramble?”

“Oh, Loki, I’d love to. I’m all ears,” by now you had crossed your legs on the sofa and you were leaning toward him eagerly, “that is if you want to. You don’t have to.”

When was the last time anyone had shown such genuine interest in what he had to say? Loki couldn’t even remember, it had been so long. But now seeing you with your eyes full of excitement and a smile that could melt even the coldest of hearts, Loki was convinced you were true to your words. He wanted to tell you about his adventures and for the first time in a while, he didn’t worry that he would bore anyone. 

“Alright then. I think I have a few stories I can recall,” Loki didn’t even know where to begin. All he knew was that it would be a long night, which neither of you seemed to mind. 

              “You were D.B. Cooper?!” Out of all his tales, this one nearly made you choke on the piece of cake you had been chewing on.

A wide smile was painted on Loki’s face. He found your reactions absolutely adorable.

“The one and only,” He confirmed what you had heard. 

During the time you had talked, you had nearly forgotten about your cake, but Loki hadn’t. Instead, you had been holding onto your coffee cup tightly and taking sips whenever you were sure you wouldn’t gasp or laugh at what he had to say. So far, no accidents had happened so you thought that was a very successful night. 

“Wow, I don’t even know what to say,” It felt like someone had stolen your vocabulary. You were astonished, but in the very best way. You hadn’t thought you could like Loki even more than you already did, but he proved you wrong again and again. 

“I just love-...I love that,” The tension in the air around you changed as soon as you said that. Why did you stop? Your lips parted in shock of how reckless you felt. You hadn’t even thought of saying anything, but when you said the word ‘love’ out loud while looking at him, you felt shivers running down your spine. It was a sudden, static feeling, like a realization of some sort. Love? Sure, you had grown close, very close in the past year or so. It was undeniable that you had feelings for him.

Did he notice how strangely you were behaving?

Loki definitely noticed the puzzled look on your face, and the whipped cream that was giving you half a cream mustache. 

“Y/N,” Loki caught your attention, “You have something there,” He touched his own lips, hoping you’d catch the hint.

Oh dear, you thought. Why did he make you react like that?

“Here?” You wondered and tried to wipe your face clean.

“No, it’s on the other side,” Loki leaned toward you this time and pointed at your lips. He was so close you were certain he could hear the way your heart was racing in your chest, so close that he could feel the heat of your skin and perhaps even hear the thoughts that were getting louder and bolder in your head. 

Something about the way he looked at you filled you with confidence. You wiped your lips with your thumb and then licked it off your finger, “Did I get it?”

What were you doing?!

Before, Loki would’ve thought you were unaware of the tricks you were playing to get to his heart, but now it felt different. He saw that mischievous look in your eyes and how the corners of your lips twirled into a smirk after you licked your thumb clean. Loki wasn’t a fool. He knew that you were fully aware of what you were up to.

“Oh no, I still see you’ve got something there,” He didn’t actually see more of the cake on your face, but he was simply toying with you. Two could play that game.

The boost of confidence was making you do things you normally would be too shy to even think about. 

“What are you going to do about it, Loki?” 

By now you were so close that he could’ve easily closed the distance. But he was careful. He traced your soft, warm lips with his own thumb and then cupped the side of your face. He enjoyed the way you leaned into his touch, but he wanted to be absolutely certain that this was what you desired,

“May I?”

“Please,” You whispered. The way he was cradling your face was already setting your skin on fire and you longed to feel his lips on yours. 

That was all he needed to hear and finally, after months of staying up late together and stealing glances that lasted a little bit longer than necessary, after nervous touches and so many what ifs, you finally faced your feelings. Loki kissed you softly, but it was enough to ignite something deep within the both of you, something that couldn’t be tamed now that it had begun. 

His scent, his touch, everything about him was so lovely, it was almost overwhelming. You closed your eyes and deepened the kiss and wrapped your arms around him, softly holding onto his dark locks of hair with your non-injured hand. 

Loki parted his lips and kissed you again, this time a little bit more passionately. It seemed like just one bite was enough to have him hooked. Neither one of you wanted the moment to end. Was this bliss? The adrenaline rush of kissing someone for the very first time, the gently touch of needy hands, the taste of strawberries on each other’s lips. 

As the kiss eventually came to a halt, both of you smiled and stayed just as close, not wishing to let go just yet.

“I think we should do this more often, too,” You took the words out from his mouth. 

A/N: I wrote fluff again, it’s a miracle. I hope you liked it! If you did, I would love to hear your thoughts 🥺

TAGS: 

@iraniq  @embrycallsgirl  @blackroseyaz @badass-psycho  @r-alexandra01 @p3aches13  @your-pixels-are-showing @disasterren @iamsuperjenna  @yuna-belikova @ornella0910 @optimisticpeacecollector5 @thehumanistsdiary @your-pixels-are-showing @klanceiscannon14 @i-have-arrived-bitch  @castiels-majestic-wings @lucywrites02 @myraiswack @prettysbliss @weirdfangirl2416 @gaitwae​

[emotionallyits2009]

deancas fic rec list!

hello everyone! happy christmas to those who celebrate it, my gift to you is my fic rec list that i said i would make like a month ago. the only thing it is organized by is canonverse vs alternate universe. tried to cover a variety of subjects but there are in particular many fics of the genre “postcanon where cas is human and he and dean live together and slowly finally get their shit together” because i know what i’m about, son. HOPE U ENJOY. and if you wanna talk about any of them or rec me other fics please do. :) 

Canonverse:

where the weeds take root by deathbanjo, 30k, explicit “Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.” There are many fics set in a post-canon universe where Cas is human and he and Dean live together and slowly fall into a relationship. Imo this one is the best of the best of that genre. This was one of the first fics I read back in July when I was getting Back Into Supernatural where I was like oh fuck I’m like in this. Dean builds Cas planters and bookshelves and a chicken coop and they fight and work through it.

Cuckoo And Nest by komodobits, 10k, explicit For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental. It puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless. Really Gets the dynamic of Cas doesn’t think Dean wants him to stay/Dean thinks Cas will leave the first chance he gets. Also a nice example of Cas thinking he’s not wanted if he’s not useful/powerful and being told otherwise. Another all-time fave!

lonely hearts by outphastthemoat, 4.5k, gen He thinks he might give up having his own anything just to be able to step foot inside the room next door and sit on the edge of Dean’s bed instead. This one is for the CAS GIRLS who know what LONELINESS feels like.

Helionneiros by aeli_kindara, 24.2k, mature In which Dean visits his mother, and Claire takes Cas on a hunt. I’m always on the lookout for more fic with Claire and Jack. Jack doesn’t show up until the end here but the relationship between Cas and Claire is really nice.

Crawl by aeriallon, 11k, explicit It’s been almost four years since Castiel left Kansas; he'd eventually settled in an island town where he has a job, a house, and a life without the Winchesters. Every winter, Dean drives down to the coast to see him. Another fic where Cas is human but in this one he took some time for himself and got some distance from the Winchesters! He gets to be competent and weird as a human and we love that for him. I must warn you all that this fic contains one use of the phrase “making love” which would normally put me right off but it’s still worth reading. The first of a three-part series.

home where you hold me by microcomets, 1.6k, gen Cas and Dean, in the moments between their battles, ache for quiet spaces. Technically this is a coda to 10x20 but you don’t need the episode for context. Short and very sweet.

Build a Home by domesticadventures, 20.1k, teen After they save the world, Dean expects Cas to come back to the bunker with them. He doesn’t. This one is so cute it’s like what if once they were done saving the world Sam and Dean actually invited other hunters to move into the bunker with them. Obviously Dean wants that to include Cas but doesn’t know how to use his words.

the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo, 22.4k, explicit This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore. Angst fic! They go on a road trip and Dean is severely fucked up post-Mark of Cain.

Unknown Quantities by xylodemon, 8.6k, explicit No one ever tells Dean anything. Another nice getting-together fic.

Creature of Habit by trinityofone, 5.2k, teen The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well. This one is ancient by destiel standards (written during season 5) but it manages to nail the married couple vibes they give off in later seasons. Cas is a bitch and Dean likes him so much. <3

The (Mostly Accidental) Courtship of Dean Winchester by Tuesday, 11.2k, mature Angelic marriage rites were never intended to go quite like this. Another old one that is a lot of fun! They get Accidental Angel Married and if you don’t enjoy dumb fanfiction tropes like that I don’t know what to say to you.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi, 4k, teen In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything. The OTHER accidental angel marriage fic written in 2010. 

Crazy Diamonds by pantheon_of_discord, 24.8k, explicit A week ago, Dean was pulled out of Hell. Now, he’s apparently woken up in 2018, and the angel that a mere twenty-four hours beforehand had threatened to chuck him back into the pit is sleepily pouring himself coffee and wearing Dean’s second-favourite Zeppelin shirt. It all seems like a perfect happy ending, but with Hell’s scars still so fresh, Dean can’t imagine how he could have possibly gotten there. At the same time, the Dean who went to sleep in the bunker, right next to Cas, wakes up on Bobby’s couch in 2008. He’s instantly bombarded with questions by a Lilith-obsessed brother and a man who’s been dead for years, and must decide between keeping his finally-perfect life intact, and the lives he could save by re-writing history. Regardless of these choices, both Deans are trapped in the wrong decade, and their only way back lies with a Castiel still very much under Heaven’s thumb – one who might find the future Dean describes difficult to believe. Time travel is FUN. There’s an excellent part where (minor spoilers) future!Dean is like, “Guess what, asshole? You like me so much you marry me!!!!!!!!!!!” to 2008!Castiel that made me laugh out loud the first time I read it. Also just a good reminder of how most problems in life are temporary and if you could go back in time to talk to your younger self you’d be like, “Hey man. Chill out. You get through it.”

The Path of Fireflies by museaway, 63.7k, mature After his humanity is restored, Dean wakes up in bed with Castiel, a wedding ring, and no memory of the past twelve years. There’s a lot of amnesia fic and djinn fic out there were Dean wakes up ~suddenly together with Cas~ but I like this one in particular because he’s initially very confused and kind of a dick about it until he acknowledges that being with Cas makes him happy.

take the long way home by dothraki_shieldmaiden, 95k, explicit Three months ago, when Dean decided to retire, he thought his life was going to end up differently. He'd thought that he might get to have it all, Sam, Cas, Jack, and nice little place to live. Instead he gets Sam and Jack off on their Summer of Love Tour, radio silence from Cas, and a never-ending road trip consisting of himself. Still reeling from the loss of his grace, Castiel travels the country in search of hunts. Driven by a need to prove his usefulness, he pushes himself beyond all limits of endurance. Together, with the help of a few friends, a crumbling Victorian house, and a stray cat, Dean and Castiel patch themselves back together and create a home together. Do you wanna read almost one hundred thousand words of Dean and Cas having extremely intense feelings but refusing to voice them aloud? Haha of course you do that’s why you’re here. There’s also a lot about Cas adjusting to being human and being depressed about it which might resonate if you’ve ever felt weird about having a body. To be honest the author could stand to use a few more commas but there were also half a dozen moments that made me put my phone down and drag my hand slowly over my face and whisper “oh my god” to myself which is like, the ultimate measure of a good fanfiction so it gets to be on the list.

like moses and batman and james dean by saltyfeathers, 31.6k, explicit dean used to turn tricks. over a decade later, he met cas. Have you seen the fanon (apparently pioneered by Mr. Jackles “Original Deankin” Ackles himself) that Dean used to prostitute himself to feed himself and Sam when they were younger? Are you interested in exploring that concept in fanfiction? Well, this is the only fic you need. Mind the tags on this one! It’s not what I’d call happy but it’s good.

Some Assembly Required by narrow_staircases, 47k, mature It’s September of 2005, and Dean Winchester, in an attempt to outrun old mistakes and painful memories, finds himself in southern Kentucky on a wild goose chase. He’s completely certain this weird religious movement he’s “investigating” is a hoax, despite the miraculous healings people report, and he’ll be back on the road in a day or two. Things are looking up when he meets Cas, an awkward (and gorgeous) graduate student who’s actually doing honest-to-god research into the local tent revival meetings. When that research takes a weird and personal turn, Dean’s left to face two very serious realities: one, this may be a real case after all, and two, he’s fallen way harder for Cas than he should ever have let himself. Stanford-era AU of Dean trying to avoid his father and getting in over his head on a case.

Alternate universe:

And This, Your Living Kiss by opal_bullets, 57k, mature Only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet Jack Allen is just Kansas mechanic Dean Winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. Not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen. Until, that is, a string of coincidences leads Dean to auditing a poetry course with one Dr. Castiel Novak. The  professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia's foremost expert on the poetry of Jack Allen. Mundane AUs in this fandom have to be really, really good to catch my attention and this one is! It’s exactly what it says in the summary and the characterization is spot-on. 

Out to Drift by deathbanjo, 20.9k, mature Dean drives a black car with a loud engine. He lies too easily. He keeps a gun in the back of his jeans, and Castiel isn’t sure, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Dean has killed someone before. Two people in fucked-up unstable situations meeting and forming a connection. Honestly guys I really just love deathbanjo.

[river-bottom-nightmare]

Nightwing 83 Review

guess who isn't weeks late this time. my opinion of the series is going up a little bit. it's still not great, but i'm not actively put off by it anymore the way i was after 81. not going to tag as spoilers, but be warned that they are under the cut

i’m sure you all are well aware of this but now, but dear god i love bruno redondo’s art. like, an unhealthy amount. the pink and blue is getting to be a theme with either him or just this run, but i am definitely enjoying it. the movement in this cover is clearly obvious, but well done. you recoznize right off the bat that the cover was drawn to drag your eyes down the page until you get to the bottom, but you enjoy the whole ride there. 

also, redondo’s way of drawing a character in stages of action so we can see just how much they’re doing in a split second of movement is quickly becoming something i like to see drawn with dick, and any other character that has that sort of ease of movement and body sense, like cass or sin or maybe a super. 

and he’s in action the entire time! there’s shot drawn just to show off a shirtless comic book character, the way nightwing is so often subjected to. he’s shirtless because he’s changing his clothes, and that’s all we see, no more and no less. very practical, very well done. i like it.

he looks so cute right here oh my god. the little squint, the hair curls. it’s adorable.

but also like. unless melinda has specifically outfitted the door spyhole so that the person on the other side can’t see dick looking through it (and in all honesty she might have) then everyone on the other side can see dick looking through that door. 

bringing your attention back to the “i can’t see melinda’s fbi file oh no!! it’s redacted!! whatever can we do!!” stupidity. redacted files are child’s play for oracle, and definitely doable for both dick and bruce. so that’s bullshit.

now, melinda apparently grew up with the maroni family, then took down part of the family from the inside. the maroni family is a large and notable presence in gotham, one that bruce pays a respectable amount of attention to. he definitely would have grown suspicious when two members of the maroni family were taken down, and with some investigation, he would have discovered melinda’s plan. and it should go without saying that the majority of things you see batman doing? dick can do it too.

it’s not so much that i don’t like how clever the villains/antiheroes are getting. i don’t like how dc heroes are increasingly written as less intelligent. they seem to be relying on pure fighting skills or luck, which may be the case for a couple heroes, but has never been the case for most of dc’s big name heroes, the bat family included. it’s irritating to me to see this sort of stuff pop up as a major plot point when i know that, if dick or bruce had been written with the amount of skill and power that they canonically possess, this entire mess would have been sorted out years ago.

unrelated but dick and melinda have the same hair

this may just be me, but i was always under the impression that dick doesn’t really have a “double life???”

yes, he’s talented enough to create enough differences between robin/nightwing and dick grayson’s mannerisms, way of movement, voices, and speech patterns so that it’s very difficult to put the two together.

but nightwing has never been separate from dick grayson, not the way bruce and batman is. he’s always leaned more towards clark in that aspect: his hero persona is an exaggerated, stately, larger-than-life version of who he really is. there’s no second persona, no real “dick grayson identity” and “nightwing identity.” they’re the same person with the same goals, ideas, and skills. one just pretends to abide by the law, and one gives up pretense of that.

oh good thank god. if he’d trusted her right off the bat (hehe. bat.) i would have slapped him upside the head. at least he’s still got instincts.

gosh the colouring on this is cool. the red has enough purple and pink tones to it that it doesn’t abruptly ruin the tone of the artwork. but it’s definitely glaring enough to take the reader outside of this personal moment they had slipped into between dick and melinda, to put them back in the present where they’re reminded that oh yea there are people hunting dick down. 

the next panel keeps this up too, in a less severe way. melinda’s bodyguard shows up (i forgot her name sorry :[ ) and subtly places us in the middle of an action scene rather than a private, personal scene.

laughing so fucking hard have our little vigilantes grown so accustomed to breaking into places that it doesn’t even register as a crime anymore??? tim coming in through the fire escape to pick bernard up for their date and being very much confused as to why bernard is freaking out.

i really like melinda’s shirt and now despite all the work i have to do and the fucking conference i have to host on monday i want to spend hours scrolling through clothing shops online trying to find this shirt. the mock neck/neckline is so cool i want it

so roland just assumes that a very dangerous vigilante who is highly talented in combat and a very dangerous bodyguard who is also highly talented in combat had a fight that ended with this very dangerous bodyguard being tied up and she looks completely fine? roland just assumes that her having no visible wounds or bruises means that they got into a fight and she lost that easily? uh. aight then

dick what are you doing. legitimately what the fuck are you doing. why are you posing oh my god. you are injured and tired and in absolutely no position to go hand to hand with one of main enemies. jesus christ run away or head to lower ground or something. don’t just stand around letting the floodlights show exactly where you are.

i don’t understand what he’s trying to do here??? blockbuster fully bought the story that dick fought them both, won, tried to get info out of them and failed, then hightailed it out of there. he didn’t have to draw roland out for a fight.

but it does look cool. the way the light just highlights his silhouette and the blue parts of his costume does look badass. he does get style points in my book for this.

w h a t  d i d  i  f u c k i n g  t e l l  y o u ,  d i c k ?

very classic superhero line and it does sound like something dick would say in a fit of righteous rage but also it makes me laugh so hard because all vigilantes think they’re so powerful that the law doesn’t apply to them. dick vigilantism is illegal. you’re acting above the law and pretending it doesn’t apply to you. hypocritical much?

it happens so often in superhero movies, tv shows, comics, whatever and it makes me giggle every damn time.

pretty decent comeback but before i start seeing people writing blockbuster as a thug i’m going to remind you that he made a deal with a demon for genius level intellect. if this turns into another bane situation i’m going to be a little miffed. he’s a smart man, which makes him a dangerous and infinitely more interesting enemy for nightwing.

this is so horribly in character i want to scream. (or. at least. it lines up with one of the versions of nightwing i have in my head.) he’s running right towards the bullets, miraculously doesn’t get shot, while making a sort-of pun. i hate this so much. i love him.

this is cool. this art is really really cool.

he leaped from a building right towards a helicopter that’s actively shooting at him, but none of the bullets are touching him. none of the corruption of the city can touch him no matter how hard it tries, because he’s too good to be corrupted. Comic Book Logic Can Be Good Sometimes Actually.

batman’s belt what??? swiss army knife who?? sorry, i only know nightwing’s bright blue escrima.

this is one of my favourite things about heroes with exceptional abilities, even more so if the hero is human. the things they can do are so far beyond the realm of normal human abilities that it’s equal parts terrifying and awe-inspiring every time they act.

he just used modified grappling wires to hook to the door of a moving helicopter, swung around the helicopter safely without hitting the blades, gained exactly the right momentum to swing upward again right through the opening of helicopter, then fought and tied up the men before they had any idea what was happening. that’s near impossible to do.

it’s stuff like this where i just sort of sigh in contentment. no matter how many times they leave out dick’s detective skills or conveniently forget that he’s actually a master planner and team leader and make him out to be this forgetful dude who makes everything up on the fly because of his “circus roots,” at least they won’t ever take away dick’s sheer physical ability honed to perfection. 

the art, too! in a few panels, dick’s drawn a little lightened or blurred. he’s moving so quickly and fighting so efficiently that he can barely be seen by the enemy. he’s got perfect form all the way through.

and THIS!

there was a helicopter that had five men shooting at him with what looks like machine guns. most people would be dead. some would run away, and be nimble enough to survive without fatal hits. there are very few people, even in fucking comic books, who can look at that hopeless situation and turn it around so quickly and thoroughly that he benefits from it instead.

i just. love nightwing.

it was funny the first time as a comic reader aware of the meme. it’s really not anymore. why the hell would you, in universe, be wearing a shirt that has a picture of your boyfriend being hit in the face by his father. 

okay that was funny. 

look at lil bitewing, so concerned for her human!!! love her sm. 

also a question as to the timeline of things. is nightwing happening before or after urban legends? 

i was so distracted by dick wearing a robe and briefs and nothing else that i didn’t register the second part until later. he slept for two days?? babs, baby, he recently had a very traumatic brain injury. why do you sound so nonchalant?

@TIM X COFFEE SHIPPERS GET FUCCCCKKKKEEDDDDD

ngl i totally forgot about that dude oops

this comic is giving so many reaction pictures. you know how you always use the worst possible picture of your friend for your friend’s contact picture? i’m just getting so many of these.

leslie!!! the titans!!! lucius!!! dick going to go see old friends!!!! the titans!!! this part made me so irrationally happy it really did. gar being the one to just. offer dick solutions with open arms. this was the best

i wish i could just copy and paste this entire scene, but that would take up way too much space, so i’m just going to talk about it instead. 

you gave me my name, nightwing, and you gave me some of the best advice i’ve received in my life: beautiful little throwback to nightwing’s origin. you’d be surprised at the amount of people who don’t know where the name came from, or who don’t know how much clark means to dick. and the fact that dick still looks up to clark as a hero, recognizes that clark isn’t always perfect and yet continues to hold him in such high esteem, and still looks back on advice that clark gave him fondly just warmed my heart so much.

for a man who has fearlessly stood up to darkseid, bruce will do a lot to avoid a conversation: “grrr. i’m the BATMAN. i’m so DARK and MYSTERIOUS. nobody knows the true me. no one ever will. i will be LONELY for the rest of my CURSED LIFE. such is the price of a hero. ignore my farmer himbo husband in the background”

but i don’t think there’s anything heroic about being a billionaire: another nod to how much dick follows clark’s example rather than bruce. yes, this was a very poignant and important criticism, and i think it’s wonderful that this was published in a pretty popular comic book. but the thing is, there is a way to be a heroic billionaire, but only in fictional universes. the way bruce, ollie, t’challa only ever use their wealth to help people. they donate massive amounts of money to charities that they themselves create so they know exactly how the money is being used. they hire people who aren’t likely to get jobs anywhere else and pay them much more than what a base living wage is. they use their power to help push progressive laws and social change. they are helping. 

dick doesn’t fully see it that way. he spent more than half his childhood the son of a billionaire, but still believes that one could be more heroic when one doesn’t have obscene amounts of wealth. whose example do you think he followed to come to that conclusion?

superman looked up to alfred pennyworth?: i mean yea alfred may have been a wildly irresponsible guardian and one hell of an enabler but goddamn if he didn’t love his kid.

you don’t need my input. you’ve thought it all through: ooooooh this line made me grin. for so long, dick’s treated clark as a mentor and a guiding figure. he’s still seen as a kid, an up and coming, snot-nosed titan with dreams of a better world. clark still thinks of him as a kid, despite watching him grow up. but this little line was something i think dick needed sorely to hear. he doesn’t need anyone’s guiding hand on his shoulder, he doesn’t need to ask for permission. he doesn’t need clark to support him the way he did when he was a teenager. he’s all grown up now, and he doesn’t need clark’s help. i imagine it was a bit of a surprise for dick to hear that. 

honestly, i couldn’t think of a better role model: ohhh but it doesn’t stop there. clark just straight up turns the tables on dick. imagine you’re dick, and you’ve looked up to this one hero your entire life, and then one day he turns to you and says that he thinks you’re so kind and smart and worthy of a person that he wants you to mentor his son!? goes to show just how much clark trusts dick.

i swear to god dick probably cries every time he hears clark compliment him because bruce is so rare and sparing with his praise that clark giving him the slightest hint of approval is just a dopamine rush.

also, now deathstroke and superman have both asked nightwing to mentor their kids. the juxtaposition is fuckin hysterical. imagine either of their reactions when they realize what kind of company they’re with

lets talk colours for a second, because i absolutely adore how classic colour tropes have been subverted in this comic, and in this general run really.

warm tones have usually (usually, not always) been associated with light and comfort and friendship and,,,,,well,,,warmth. whereas cool tones are usually used to unsettle, or make a scene seem colder and put the reader on edge. this varies if a comic only uses cool tones, or only uses warm tones, but if a comic uses both, this is generally well-used.

that isn’t the case in this run.

dark red, orange, and other warm tones have been used to symbolize danger, action, attacks. hot pink isn’t usually included in this colour group, but it’s definitely part of it in this case. in contrast, scenes that have cool colours give us the impression of slipping into a comfortable, calm scene with babs, tim, the titans, and other allies. even the beginning scene with superman has this blue, but then it transitions into something more golden coloured. dawn broke over dick, as his new idea came to light, and that was reflected in the art (and the sunrise setting.)

have there ever been times when dick’s longed for the comfort of his mask because he didn’t feel confident as dick grayson? i can’t think of any. i may be wrong, but this struck me as pretty ooc.

am i just??? gay and reading this all wrong??

cause i was under the impression that when someone says they are grateful for your friendship you don’t immediately kiss them. 

or is this like. normal straight mating rituals.

i mean he’s smiling afterward but still babs aren’t you supposed to at least make sure it’s okay first? you guys broke up a while back after you said something along the lines of “i want to be coworkers with you and nothing more because i don’t trust you or feel comfortable around you as a civilian anymore.” like lmao after you say something like that to someone i would assume that you don’t have the permission to just kiss them whenever you want.

show of hands who else got real sad when they realized dick was talking about himself in this.

sure, he could be referencing the things he’s seen blockbuster pull, and the children on the streets. but “i’ve seen money used for enforcement,” sounds a little too close to dick’s entire life being destroyed by one man threatening the circus to pay protection money for me to completely ignore. and “i’ve seen the poorest and most vulnerable blamed and punished rather than assisted” becomes a lot worse when you remember dick was thrown in juvie for a couple months until bruce was able to obtain legal guardianship, and in there, not a authority figure believed him when he told them his parents were murdered.

he’s lived this before.

a. mother. fucking. typo.

fucking why

i mean i’ve stated my distaste for the batfamily groupchat before but like. this is reaching new levels of ridiculousness. jason sounds like he was written by a fanfic writer. tim sounds like he was written by a fanfic writer. steph sounds like she was written by someone who doesn’t know the first thing about steph and wanted to include her for “family points!!!!!” damian’s supposed to be completely off the grid, and everyone’s searching for him. i do love the way cass texts tho.

well god fuck now i’m crying

dick got a phone call, a sorry, and a thank you out of bruce. i feel so much secondhand happiness for him, if that’s a thing. we’ll just ignore the way bruce looks ugly af and focus on the good parts okay?

and again with the colour symbolism here!

i’m either going to love this or hate this. who knows, we’ll see.

something something hearts something something pink is an evil colour something something. i need to know more about this guy but there’s definitely symbolism there. 

is it just me or does this dude look like the backstabbing traitorous absolutely motherfucking piece of shit villain that killed tadashi hamada in big hero 6?

~~

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[saxxxology]

Cosmo Says - 2

PAIRING: Sam Winchester x Reader, Dean Winchester x Reader WARNINGS: smut: p/v sex, oral sex, some dom/sub themes, eventual threesome, exploration of kinks, and more NOTE: Do not save or repost my work without my consent. I don’t tag for spoilers, so feel free to message me with any questions you have. This work is 18+ only.

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Sam’s phone buzzes in his pocket. Tugging it free, he unlocks the screen and goes right to the chat string. There’s a new message from you. Odd, considering you hate texting and would rather call than send a—

Oh.

> i’ve always thought about your cock ;) 

His blood turns hot. It’s been a while since he’d gotten a text like this, the last time he’d done this sort of thing, he’d been left hanging and given up. That was a while ago. 

In the four years you’ve been with them you’ve all seen each other in the near-nude quite a bit, after walking in on showers, clothing changes, sex, everything. He thinks ‘well, I've always thought about your tits’ as a silent reply, but changes it at the last minute.

< What about it?

Your little chat bubble pops up, wavering back and forth for several long seconds before a message finally pops up. 

> how it looks. how it feels.

He chuckles to himself, ignoring Dean’s nagging “what is it” and attempt to lean over and get a peek at whatever’s amused his little brother. Dean only earns himself a muttered “fuck off” as Sam taps on the keyboard.

< You’re telling me this just now? Why?

> cosmo said sexting is good ;)

Ahhh, yes, of course. You’ve been indulging in that damn magazine again. Might as well entertain while he’s into it.

< On the road. Want a pic later?

> yes, please :)

He smirks to himself as his dick gives an interested twitch. 

< Are you gonna treat me, too?

> if you’re good. drive safe. 

“What was that about?”

Sam turns his phone over. His cheeks are bright red, he’s sure of it. “What was what?”

“Somethin’ got you happy,” Dean makes a grab for the phone, somehow keeps the Impala straight on the road, and misses as Sam yanks his device out of his brother’s reach. 

“Fuck you,” he retorts, grinning despite himself. 

“Was it Y/N?”

“Yeah.”

Dean narrows his eyes. “She okay?”

“She’s fine.” Sam clears his throat and stares out the window, trying to will his dick to stand down. He’s seen your tits on several occasions, the most notable being when he’d walked in on you touching yourself under the covers, rolling a nipple between your fingers with a hand apparently between your legs. The memory always comes to him when he needs it, and it never fails to do its job. 

“Anything juicy?”

Sam’s throat goes dry. “What?”

“She got anything on the case,” Dean clarifies.

“Uh, no.” Sam makes a show of checking his phone again, as if you might have sent something relevant to their travels. “She, uh, just wanted to check in.”

Dean relents, but gives his brother a shifty look as they continue down the long, empty stretch of road. 

They pull into a motel just after six. Dean sticks around long enough to drop his stuff, use the bathroom, and takes off for the closest bar. Sam takes advantage of the fact that he’s alone to throw the lock on the door and stretch out on his bed, phone in hand. The lure of privacy finally overwhelms him, and he shoves his jeans down his thighs, gathering his cock in one hand as he shoots you a message.

< Hey

You reply within seconds. 

> what you got for me?

Sam grins and strokes himself firmly, getting himself hard and ready. 

< Gimmie a minute

> can’t get it up?

< Feel free to help.

> mmm i can wait ;)

You’re relaxing in bed, phone in hand. Sam’s little chat bubble keeps popping up and dissapearing, and you can’t tell if he keeps fucking up the camera or not. 

> I’m sending this on Snapchat

You roll your eyes. Of course, he’s paranoid about Dean getting into his phone. 

< i’m waiting

After a good five minutes, a little yellow notification pops up on your screen. A thrill of excitement makes its way through your stomach, and you open the app and scroll to the fresh chat string.

Holy goddamn. 

He’s thick and long, flushed dark and glistening at the tip. Gripping himself at the base, held between his thumb and index finger. He’s shaved clean, or waxed, and you feel heat swirl between your legs at the thought of what he might feel like inside you. A quick screenshot lights up your screen, and you smile when Sam’s text comes through.

> Screenshot? Really?

You giggle, typing back. 

< i liked it. keep touching yourself.

> Wasn’t planning on stopping

< video?

> Hang on

You set your phone down to wait and quickly undress, getting comfortable on the bed as the anticipation builds. When another Snaptchat notification pops up, you slide a hand between your legs, teasing your clit as you open the video, volume on high. 

“Oh, fuck…” Sam’s breathy moan echoes through the receiver as the camera focuses on his cock. His hand’s moving steadily up and down, twisting around the head. You lose yourself in it, watching closely as his abs tighten, hips moving up so he can fuck up into his fist. 

The video only lasts a good fifteen seconds before it times out, and you let your head fall back onto the pillow as you try to process the heated glory of what you’ve witnessed. 

> Enjoy?

You raise your phone up to type a quick reply.

< yes - more?

> Define more.

< i want to see you cum

The next ten minutes are filled with the sound of Sam’s moaning on repeat in your head as you stroke and touch and rub yourself. You won’t cum quite yet—you’re just amping yourself up.

When your phone vibrates, you’re quick to snatch it up and scroll to the new message.

It’s almost a minute of Sam just panting and grunting, the phone angled down by his hip so you can see his cock aimed up towards his stomach. His fingers tighten, loosen, pumping up and down until he lets go with a strangled grunt and several drawn-out sighs as he spurts thick, white ropes of cum onto his abs. The video cuts off before he’s truly done, but you’re left satisfied as you shoot him a text with trembling fingers.

< messy boy ;)

> Haha. Can I see you now? Please?

Such a gentleman. 

< what do u want to see?

Sam takes a hot minute to wipe himself clean before replying. He knows exactly what he wants to see. 

< How wet are you?

> really wet

< Show me.

 He sits back against the headboard, breath held as he waits. As soon as the little chat notification pops up, he opens the image and lets out a long, drawn-out moan at the sight of your middle finger, shiny with slick and nestled between the bare lips of your pussy. He’s so engrossed in the image that he forgets to snap a screenshot and asks for a second. 

You send it without question, this one where you’ve got two fingers pressed down over your clit and Sam can see the soft pink inside of your cunt, flushed and swollen and shiny…

< I want to be inside you so bad is all he can manage to text you as his cock gives a solid twitch. 

> mmm maybe when u get back…

Sam’s mouth waters at the thought, and he’s halfway through typing a reply when you send a follow up that makes his cock perk up in his boxers.

> i bet cumming on your dick would feel real good

Sam rubs a palm over his thigh—he can’t remember the last time he got hard twice in a row… 

< Are you touching yourself?

> yeah

< Show me.

He slides a hand inside his boxers, stroking slowly as he waits. 

It’s well worth it: your legs are spread wide, two fingers swirling on your clit. He can see your cunt squeezing around nothing, and debates if it’s worth asking you to use one of the toys he knows you have. 

< Good girl… make yourself cum for me.

The next video, like his, takes a while to come through. He continues to rub and stroke himself, more intent on alleviating the pressure between his legs rather than having another orgasm. He wonders how warm and tight you’d be on him—it’s been a while since he got his dick wet and he’d be lying if he said his jackoff sessions the last few weeks have totally not been drenched in thoughts of you riding him, grabbing at him and begging for him...

His phone buzzes, and he bites down on his lower lip as he opens the video. 

Fucking. Hell.

It’s two minutes of your hips rolling, thighs trembling, moans changing in pitch and intensity. Sam pinpoints the exact moment when your orgasm peaks: you let out a long, high-pitched cry of pleasure as your body convulses, and he can tell that you’re fighting to keep your legs spread long enough for your shaky video to capture the rest of it.

By the time the recording ends, Sam’s ready to bust hands-free. He pulls his hand from his cock and replies, breathing through his nose as he fights to keep some form of self-control. 

< Gorgeous. 

> next time i cum, i want you inside me.

Sam groans, shifting uncomfortably as he types a reply.

< We’ll be back by the end of the week. Think you can wait that long?

> yes

< I wanna taste you. 

> you can ;)

Sam licks his lower lip, desperate to find some relief. He needs a shower, anyway, he can take more time in there. 

< Gonna clean up and get to bed. You all good back there?

> got cosmo to hold me down until u get back. send me a pic in the morning?

< Of what?

> you know. goodnight.

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[biblio-bitch]

Detroit Evolution Commentary Pt. 3 [FINAL]

It’s been a while, sorry. Life sucks ass sometimes and I had to do some transferring to my new laptop. I’ll write down some more fun facts as an apology. Disclaimer: This is all stuff I noticed, inferred, or interpreted. I didn’t write the film, anything I’ve interpreted is just that, an interpretation based on things I noticed using my experiences and knowledge. 

Fun fact #1: I have attempted to write in a proper novel style at least five times. After watching DE and watching @octopunkmedia ‘s script breakdowns and such, I've started writing scripts instead. I’m much farther along in those than I ever have been in books. 10/10 amazing for my visual based concepts.

Fun fact #2: My mental health was rapidly declining and I was losing interest in quite literally everything at the time the film was released. Watching the film and fixating on it for a month straight not only inspired me but helped me regain control of my life. Watching streams by the cast and Michelle while I worked for school made my productivity skyrocket.

Fun fact #3: I recently developed a tic that I now can’t get rid of. It was out of control for about twenty minutes right before I began writing this post. However, when I began re-watching the film (partially because it’s a comfort for me and I’m quite honestly terrified of what’s happening in the US right now) it stopped. So that’s fun.

As usual, spoilers and swearing under the cut! Quick note: If there should be a trigger warning on this or anything else I post, please let me know! I’m horrible at remembering to tag triggers. I’ll also be doing some quick posts on Umbrella Academy and my severe obsession with Jason Todd soon. Have fun!

As usual, here’s a list of people I know the users of in case you’d like to check any of them out. I’m likely missing people so feel free to let me know who I’m missing so I can add them!

Maximilian Kroger - Nines (@ maximiliankroger)

Christopher (Chris) Trindade - Gavin (@ trindabago)

Michael Smallwood - Chris Miller (@ michaelsmallwoodforever)

Carla Kim - Tina Chen (@ carlahkim)

Jillian Geurts - Ada (@ jilbobaggins_nyc)

Michelle Iannantuono - (@ octopunkmedia)

JJ Goller - Lazzo (@ quasar.cos)

Brett Mullen - Cinematographer (@ brettmullendirector)

Austin Butts - Sound Design (@ austinbytts)

Tiare Solis - Valerie (@ tiareleiana)

So I decided to put all of the rest into this post. It’s a long one. Not even that sorry about it bc I love this film with my entire heart. Warning for me getting sidetracked. I use a lot of Supernatural references but it’s because I’m visiting my dad and he’s binge watching the show. I like Dean and only Dean, don’t bully me for it.

The Wrist Grip™️ in the bedroom before Nines moves back

Shoutout to Maximilian Kroger’s muscles u go dude

Lighting Symbolism™️, big theme through the movie, honestly I think it’s beautiful and they did a wonderful job with it.

The little nod from Gavin as he starts talking about his nightmare 

You can see Gavin gearing up to move, like not in a normal way, in a “oh god I don’t know if I have the energy to do this” way and that’s Relatable™️

The little smile from Nines as they sit together

The SHARK PLUSHIE I LOVE HIM (THE SHARK HAS AN INSTAGRAM @ sharktreuse)

Nines being domestic, making coffee and breakfast, being Soft.

Shirt change??? Either I’m blind or he’s wearing a different shirt in the morning (He is. He’s wearing a t shirt at night and a buttoned collar shirt in the morning. Perhaps he changed? He’s wearing normal pants so he probably changed but he’s not wearing that same shirt in the next scene)

Ada eye rolling at them being passive aggressive dumbasses. Same. Apparently Jillian kept fucking with them which is,, so valid. 

The lighting in this scene (the office pt. 2) makes Maximilian look Android-white and outlined in the CyberLife blue-ish color. Very symbolic, I have no idea if it was intentional.

Another shoutout, this time to Maximilian’s eyebrows, the expressiveness is *chef’s kiss*.

“You can thank me later, Casanova.” Nines: *confused Android noises* 

Honorable mention to Michael’s Foo Fighters t shirt in the bar, it’s vintage.

Nines is in fact wearing a different shirt now. Not the same shirt from the morning bedroom scene. I also think he’s wearing a different jacket. Less of a peacoat and more of a leather jacket. Nice.

Shoutout to Tina’s (not irl) wife, Valerie! And her weird crush on Hank! I honestly can’t wait to see her in Seven Deadly Synths!!

Ada DODGING the questions that Nines is asking because she is SHADY. 

Also, he looks to Gavin when he talks about wanting to be more human. Recurring theme of him perceiving himself as lacking because of his ace-ness/android-ness, like he can’t give Gavin what he wants. Honestly I know that the android thing is a thinly veiled metaphor for race in canon but I kinda like thinking of it as a metaphor for being LGBT+ and in Nines’ case, specifically ace. Might not make sense but it does in my brain??

Gavin Senses Are Tingling and Nines is GONE. Leaving the bar for ur not-bf to try to talk things out like adults??? King shit.

Also electric lighter, fun, I genuinely didn’t know those existed

SHIRT WITH UNBUTTONED COLLAR

“You don’t want to help me, you want to fix me.” What a loaded line. Because in a way, it’s almost true? Like, Nines has this entire simulation of Gavin in his ideal world, and obviously that version of Gavin has probably been idealized at least a bit. Nature of humanity, and Nines might not be human but he’s got the Brain Things. And at that moment, it’s nearly true that Nines wants Gavin to be like that ideal Gavin. Obviously Nines wants Gavin as Gavin, but there’s the edge of that simulation there, still. 

But Nines does want to help Gavin, and that’s where he’s wrong. Nines wants Gavin to get better, wants to help stop the nightmares, etc. But by pointing that out, I think it’s partially why Nines can accept letting go of Simulation!Gavin when Ada attacks him. Because he knows that the simulation of Gavin will never be the real Gavin, and this line sort of helps him understand that he can’t really keep Sim!Gavin anyways.

Again idk if that’s legit but that’s definitely something I felt from that while watching.

Nines is constantly very controlled, but when he walks away from Gavin you can see him straining to keep that composure and not let his anger show. 

Ada looking So Done With This Shit when Nines comes back from talking with Gavin outside of the bar

“I’m sure this will be like...every other time.” Oh honey. Oh my sweet child. I am so very sorry. It most definitely will not be.

Ada’s exasperated Eyebrow Raise before taking a drink. If that ain’t the mood sis.

I love Ada’s bat wings on her outfits. 

Gavin being a stalker and putting his hood up. 

“I’m...certain that most of the credit can go to you.” IMMEDIATE ANGER. Must Defend Boyfriend.

I SO WANTED HIM TO SAY “WISDOM” WHILE TALKING ABOUT GAVIN’S SKILLS BECAUSE IT WOULD MIRROR HIM TELLING GAVIN THAT HE ISN’T WISE BEFORE THEY LEFT FOR THE STAKEOUT. He didn’t, but instinct is a better word for Gavin anyways.

Nines has Suspicion™️...press X for doubt... 

*Only vaguely related rant warning*

I do feel that we as a fandom tend to make Connor almost childishly innocent despite him being likely one of the least kind and least innocent characters. The characterization of Nines in this--and pardon me for the off topic rant--where he’s a fully grown man and acts like it is so much more realistic. Nines is a cop, as is Connor. 

Even post deviancy, they were designed and equipped to handle murder. Nines, in a lot of fandom content, tends to come off as an exasperated older brother or a gritty and mean detective, or even worse, essentially a sociopath who feels nothing in contrast to Connor’s childish and extreme innocence. I dislike both. Seeing Nines be a normal fucking person is so relieving, I’m serious. There’s still those elements of ‘oh he’s only been properly alive for like a year, right? He probably doesn’t get Chris’ Casanova reference.’ but it’s not to such an extreme that it overtakes all of his personality traits.

Like, yeah, ok, I get why a lot of fandom content does that. In order to balance what we see Connor do (and in order to further push the Hank as a father line) we over-emphasize the not getting references and such. Honestly I see the same in content for Castiel from Supernatural. Nines, when he’s added, often HAS to be a lot darker in order to make that seem not as jarring and unrealistic.

Doesn’t mean I enjoy it. If you do? That’s great, good for you, but I don’t like seeing those characters be portrayed as such one dimensional extremes. People aren’t like that. On the off chance that someone is such an extreme, there’s still other aspects of their personality.

DE has done an amazing job at not flattening their personalities. Nines and Gavin are three-dimensional and incredibly interesting characters I find myself invested in every time I watch it.

*Onto the commentary again.*

Gavin is still being a stalker

“Particular fascination with the RK line” AHAHA funny. She’s also an RK, and she likely knows more than Nines because her programming is based on information gathering. Her fascination begins and ends with what their programming can do for her.

The little computer details in Ada’s eyes as she copies Nines’ OS, and again in Nines’ eyes when he’s in the alley alone. I believe Michelle did all of that and I am just amazed every time I watch. 

The warped voice effect.

Gavin shifting to hold Nines as soon as he passes out

The ethereal colored lighting is very good for the mood, space hospital vibes

Shoutout to the latex suit they put Maximilian in! That’s not CG! He’s wearing a full body white latex suit. I’m so sorry.

Gavin looks so tired talking to Dr. Maria. His posture is defensive, pulled into himself. Shoulders hunched, arms pulled in. Eye bags, messy hair. Boy looked messed up. Somebody hug him.

Nines’ hair being disheveled and messy in the corrupted Zen Garden, rivaling his assertion that in his ideal world (Aka the normal Zen Garden) his appearance is polished, signifying the loss of control and the loss of the Zen Garden being a safe, ideal space for him. Same concept with Sim!Gavin being corrupted.

Nines: *wakes up in his mindspace*

Also Nines, immediately: GAVIN!!1!!1

Nines believes in CONSENT!! You do not go into someone’s program without asking, ADA.

Ada’s “poor widdle baby” face as Nines is freaking out because she trapped him. Mood.

Tina wearing a low turtleneck and a flannel is Peak Gay, especially next to Gavin “I wear the same leather jacket+hoodie combo every single day and probably the same jeans for a month” Reed, aka the most disastrous and chaotic bisexual I have ever seen. Again, a mood, I honestly felt that one.

The face when Nines realizes that Ada isn’t deviant yet. 

Gavin is blaming himself somebody stop this idiot. 

“Not without Nines.” What a softie.

“The last thing I said to him was ‘I don’t need you’.” BITCH WHAT THE FUCK MY HEART.

Gavin calling Tina “T” in that soft voice is so sweet omg

Ugh the bisexual LIGHTING is KILLING ME, ESPECIALLY as Gavin sits at Nines’ bedside

Tina encouraging Gavin. WLW/MLM solidarity. 

Fun fact: Chris Trindade told Maximilian not to react at all to the big speech but Maximilian literally started crying during it and there’s footage somewhere of the Dramatic Single Tear rolling down his face while he’s still ‘in stasis’.

Yes, I double checked the streams to make sure I got this right, I love the concept though.

Look I cannot get into the speech because I will write 1.5k words on it, but I will say this: It made me cry. The acting, the writing, it’s iconic. The amount of love and devotion they got without even saying the words “I love you” was amazing. Chris is so very talented. 

THERES A TAKE WHERE GAVIN FALLS ASLEEP NEXT TO NINES’ HOSPITAL BED AKSDGAKL IM SCREAMING

Tina is the best wingman ngl

The glitches in Zen Gavin are amazing. The sequence when he’s deleting the Zen Garden is also amazing. I use amazing a lot but it’s deserved.

Nines deleting the Zen Garden and Sim!Gavin is very symbolic of letting go of all of the fake stuff, letting go of the fear he was holding that kept him from confessing to Gavin and I love that

Nines sitting silently straight up. 

Gavin is highly intelligent and I’m so glad Octopunk embraces that. 

*another vaguely related rant warning*

Ok let me tell y’all a thing because this RUINS MY LIFE. People tend to take characters like Percy Jackson or Dean Winchester, whose intelligence isn’t outwardly obvious from the get-go, and remove it entirely. Percy is reduced to an idiot who can’t tie his own shoes and Dean is often shown basically unable to research without Sam. Both of those are bullshit. 

Percy has ADHD and Dyslexia, so when often we categorize smart as only book-smart, Percy’s intelligence as a battle strategist and his actual knowledge gets erased. Dean is usually the more physical and shoot-first-never-ask-questions type, and his intelligence is severely downplayed. He made an EMP detector from scratch. Made a shotgun, remembers how to kill things, is a very good hunter, especially on his own. But that’s thrown away because he’s not book-smart.

I despise when people take characters who are talented and smart in ways that aren’t just reciting the periodic table and reduce them to muscles and angst or drooling children. 

Octopunk having a scene where Gavin is working through a case, already having done the things that Chris, someone who was only recently promoted, suggests, is just affirming Gavin’s intelligence in a way I wish I could be not surprised by. Gavin is smart, and luckily I haven’t seen much downplaying that fact. He’s a detective for a reason. Unfortunately I think it might be because the fandom tends to turn Connor and Nines into actual children, but a win is a win.

Now I’m not saying I don’t love a good himbo character but I literally had to stop interacting with Percy Jackson content because people wrote him as incapable.

*Moving on*

“I think I can help with that.” Bitch why are you so dramatic I love him so much.

Nines’ t-shirt says “Detroit City Marathon” 

“You...undead asshole.” What an iconic line. I need a t-shirt. 

“I...hate you.” “You love me.” Harkens back to the beginning where the roles are reversed. Yes I used that unironically. Words are fun.

Gavin looking scared right before The Kiss™️ 

THE PULSE POINT!! THE SCENE WAS SUPER EMOTIONAL SO MICHELLE WANTED THEM TO DO YOGA ZEN SHIT TO PREPARE AND THEN THEY JUST DID THE THING BUT THEY PUT IN THE PULSE POINT 

ANYWAYS THAT’S WHAT GAVIN IS FEELING FOR ON NINES’ WRIST RIGHT BEFORE THE KISS.

I thought that was cute when I learned it in one of the streams.

Nines’ LED spinning blue when they finally kiss asgladkaf 

“What dipshit programmed you to do that?” “I’m the most advanced android ever made, detective-“ “oh you are such a fuckin’ prick!” “Takes one to know one.” I canNOT with them, I laughed my ASS off

The little broken laugh Nines does

Nines rubbing his hands over Gavin’s while they talk about Gavin’s jacket

Shoutout to Chris’ surprised pikachu face. (Tina is also there) That was a joke take, it’s in the gag reel, too. The face wasn’t supposed to make it into the film but Michelle added it. (In the gag reel, Carla yells “Let’s go to Denny’s!” At the end.) 

And Ada’s leather pants. Honestly?? She’s so pretty. I love her. They’re all really attractive it’s actually terrifying.

Nines and Tina being a part of the Gay Turtleneck Gang

Nines’ untucked turtleneck

Tina being a Smart Girl. (Nines calling her “Officer” and her replying with “I’ll make detective someday.”

Chris being Exhausted during the whole meeting. Me too dude.

Chris and Tina doing literally nothing while Gavin and Nines have a whole heart to heart

The WHITE COAT. Tina in her blues. Chris’ Foo Fighters shirt. They’re such icons but they absolutely look like a group of gay ppl who did NOT decide on a theme.

The fight sequence is impressive, considering that they’re literally not stunt actors. I’m not a fight choreographer or stunt person so That’s really all I have to say on that.

Chris patting Gavin’s gun after he explains what he’s doing. \

As a Jason Todd lover the crowbar is unfortunate (had to, sorry)

Nines’ smirk and the TURTLENECK as he spins away from Ada with the crowbar. Iconic. The Big Dick Energy. Especially for someone who doesn’t have a dick.

Chris being a Dad when Gavin runs off to go stop the body calibration

Ada just YEETS Gavin. Iconic.

Ada: *doing the villain “you won’t shoot me, you’re too moral” thing*

Chris: Shut the fuck up *shoots her*

Deviancy sequence, iconic

“You’re awake now” bitch get your own tag line, Markus became Robot Jesus for this shit

He’s HOLDING HER HAND while DEFENDING HER!! PLATONIC HAND HOLDING

Gavin trusting Nines’ decision immediately. Amazing. THAT’S LOVE BITCH.

The SMILES after Ada leaves!! They know they made the right choice!

Ugh the COLOR SYMBOLISM!! This is one thing that Michelle has touched on herself! Gavin isn’t wearing white in this scene because he’s not ‘fixed’, he never will be! He has trauma and he’s just barely beginning to heal from it with Nines’ help. He’s wearing grey, lighter than his usual, but still grey because they aren’t pure or innocent and they’re not perfect!! And that’s the fucking point!! It’s also a contrast against Sim!Gavin wearing white! Sim!Gavin was an idealized version of Gavin in Nines’ idealized world!! Real Gavin isn’t that!! So he’s wearing grey!!

Gavin immediately understanding that Nines is Ace and that it’s ok!! Beautiful!

“You’ve been a whole person since the day you woke up” YES!! YOU DO NOT NEED SEX TO BE WHOLE!! FUCK YEAH!!! (this is ace excitement. In the months since writing this I realized I’m aro-ace and trans so fuck yeah for ace rep.) 

Gavin being a dick and making Nines tell him about the skin thing

THE KISS!! They slowly move more into the light!! Because they’re getting better TOGETHER!!

Ok before I sign off, it’s only 3 am so I think I’m awake enough to talk about this, I like that they bring up that Gavin has like, actual issues that he needs to get through. Let’s be 100% honest here, I see Gavin as having ADHD, depression, and probably a form or symptoms of PTSD. He’s kinda fucked up and I’m gonna be real here he needs some therapy. He’s got trauma and needs to work through it. 

I like that at the end they explicitly have Nines understand and accept that that’s what needs to happen. As someone who has actually had relationships ruined because of trauma (on both sides) that we were unprepared to work through together, if I had seen something like that? Game changer. As it was, most relationships I had seen were idealized and seemed to “fix” those issues by way of just being in a relationship. Thanks major media. 

Now that the Detroit Evolution post series is over, I’m gonna be a bit sentimental and say that this film quite literally changed my life. Seriously. Michelle is such a big inspiration for me and I can only hope to be the same for someone else. 

If you ever have a chance to check out any of the amazing people who worked on this film, please do. To put into context how big this was: I changed my ideal college major from Forensics to Film. 

That’s it that’s all, ending this post at 3:24 am before I literally start crying over it. Thanks for suffering through my long-winded explanations, I hope you enjoyed. Have a wonderful day.

[xfangheartx]

Just Us Two- Chapter 1

Ta-dah, it’s here! The sequel to my InuKag High School AU, Only You!

Now, I won’t lie, this might not get updated as often, but I hope you’ll continue to enjoy it!

Next

WARNING: This contains spoilers for Only You, so if you haven’t read that, first, you might want to do that.

Tagging: @cstorm86 @keichanz @zelink-inukag @keepyoursmilesup @myverysweetescape @xxaries-witch-postsxx @ashcanvas @realinugirl @meggz0rz @desiree239 @inuyashaeienni

Anybody who wants to be tagged (or doesn’t want to be) let me know!

Enjoy!

Ch. 1- The Summer

Monday, June 9th. 11:55 AM. The air was getting warmer as the days went by. Where there were once flower petals raining down from the trees, there were now bright sunny rays and the sound of cicadas buzzing. All these changes meant only one thing: summer would be coming soon. At Shikon High School, the air was abuzz with chatter. The students, both human and demon alike, were all heading out to the cafeteria for lunch period. As they did, they all talked about one thing and one thing only: their plans for summer vacation. For instance, some girls sat at a table in the corner, chatting amongst themselves as typical girl cliques do. "So what are you doing for the summer, Naomi?" "Hmm...dunno. I'll probably go see my grandparents for a few weeks. What are you doing?" "Probably just stay home and eat junk food." The girls all laughed while nearby, a group of boys also chatted about their plans. "What are you doing for summer break, Tatsuki?" "I think I'll finally ask Mizune if she'll go out with me." "Mizune? The snake demon girl you've been crushing on for the past few weeks?" "Yeah. I figured it was about time, you know?" "I don't blame ya. She is pretty hot!" As the students talked and gossiped, there was one particular student who was heading up the stairs to the roof, holding a bundle in her hands. She had a look of excitement on her face and she couldn't stop the giggling that was bubbling up inside her chest. A warm blush was painted on her cheeks as she carried the bundle up the stairs. Her raven hair was tied up in a ponytail as a measure to keep off the summer heat. Kagome Higurashi, a second-year student with spiritual powers, was going to give her boyfriend a homemade lunch she made. In the past, she didn't think she'd ever do something like this: cooking homemade meals for someone she cared for. Now that she was actually dating someone for real instead of just sleeping around with guys, she couldn't contain her giddiness. She could imagine the look on his face, now, the moment he took that first bite. She honestly felt like they were already married, even though they were still in high school. As Kagome headed up the stairs, her phone buzzed, causing her to pull it out of her pocket.

NEW TEXT MESSAGE FROM INUYASHA: 

"Hey, where R U? I'm starving."

Kagome giggled as she began to text back. KAGOME: 

"I'll be there soon." ^^

INUYASHA: 

"I hope so. My stomach's about to eat itself."

Kagome giggled again. "Oh, Inuyasha..." She then headed up the stairs, passing several students on the way there, particularly of the male variety. "Hey...isn't that Kamakiri Kagome?" "I heard they don't call her that, anymore...not since she and Inuyasha Taisho started going out about a couple of months back." "Are you serious? Aww, man...I thought I could get a chance to score!" "Dude, don't let Taisho hear you say that!" "Are you kidding?! I wouldn't say it to his face! You know what he'd do to me?!" Kagome sighed and rolled her eyes. It seems that despite how much things have changed, part of her reputation still followed her. Despite that, she smiled. She wasn't going to let that bother her. Not today. She was going to be spending a much-needed break with her beloved boyfriend. Soon, Kagome opened the door to the school roof, where she was soon greeted by three familiar faces. First was Sango Tachibana, a third-year sophomore that was skilled in martial arts and Kagome's best friend since childhood. Because of Sango's fierce and protective attitude, some people often called her Kagome's bodyguard. Her younger brother, Kohaku, had been injured from a hit-and-run earlier this spring, but thankfully, he survived the incident and was now in his third year of middle school. Then there was Miroku Tatsuya, also a third-year student. He was a Buddhist priest-in-training who had a bit of a reputation amongst the female student body as a ladies' man. Even though he and Sango were dating now, it seemed that old habits died hard with him. To this day, Sango still doesn't know why or how she fell him, but here she was. "Hey, Kagome!" Sango exclaimed. "How's it going?" Miroku asked with his arm draped around Sango's shoulders. "Pretty good," Kagome answered. "Where's Inuyasha?" "Hey, baby girl." Kagome turned and smiled fondly at the one who spoke: her half-demon boyfriend, Inuyasha Taisho. Inuyasha was in his third year of high school, now. A half-demon born of a human mother and a dog demon father, Inuyasha had quite the reputation at the school for being a juvenile delinquent. He often had a nasty temper and got into fights with anyone who so much as even looked at him funny...at least, that's what people believed. Really, Inuyasha was a big marshmallow at heart with an affinity for small and cute animals. He actually adopted a stray kitten a few months back that he had affectionately named Miyuki. "Hey, boo," Kagome said as she walked up to Inuyasha and stood on the very tips of her toes, kissing him on his lips while Miroku and Sango smiled at them. It was hard to believe that just about three months ago, in the middle of spring, that Inuyasha nearly killed Kagome when they first met. It all started way back in March. Inuyasha had been asked by Miroku to help him recover a confiscated DVD (Sexy-Ninja-Something-Or-Other, Inuyasha couldn't quite remember the name) during the night, sometime after curfew. During that time, Kagome came outside after being bullied by a bratty girl and her clique. Back then, Kagome had a bit of a foul reputation for sleeping around with guys and...well, the bullying got to be so bad for her, that she felt like she wanted to die. That night, Inuyasha nearly granted her wish, but he struggled with his inner demon. Not wanting to bring harm to an innocent human girl, Inuyasha let Kagome go, thinking that he'd probably never run into her again...but it seemed that fate had other ideas. The day after that, Inuyasha ran into Kagome at the school garden, wanting to get flowers for his mom since her birthday was coming, soon. Imagine Inuyasha's surprise when Kagome's idea of a reward was to strip down to her underwear and prepare to have sex with him. Needless to say, the half-demon was definitely appalled by this sudden turn of events and ran out. Upon hearing of Kagome's reputation, however, he suddenly felt the urge to see her more often. Days passed and before too long, Inuyasha found himself deeply in love with Kagome, who began to reciprocate those feelings...even after Inuyasha's ex-girlfriend, Kikyo, came back to town, and Kagome was kidnapped by the deranged half-demon student, Izumo. Since then, Inuyasha and Kagome officially became a couple. "I brought you something," Kagome said as she held up the bundle, which she opened to reveal two lunchboxes. "One for me and one for you!" "You made me one?" Inuyasha asked as he took one of the bento boxes. "Just to show you that I love you," Kagome said. Inuyasha smirked at her before he opened up the box, revealing an assortment of food such as chicken karaage, tamagoyaki (a little bit blackened in some parts), sweet potatoes, octopus weiners, rice balls, and fried pork cutlets. "Wow, you made all this?" Inuyasha asked. "I had a little help from my Mom," Kagome admitted. "I just thought that maybe you could use a change from eating instant ramen, every day." Inuyasha shrugged. He didn't really have a problem with eating his daily cup of instant ramen...but then again, even that could get boring, now and then. Besides, Kagome did go through all this trouble of fixing this lunch box for him. The least he could do was at least try a bite. So, he sat down, took a pair of chopsticks and took a bite out of the tamagoyaki first...and the moment he did, all of a sudden, he found himself shoveling every morsel he could into his mouth while Kagome sat down beside him, giggling at his ravenous appetite. "I guess it's safe to say you like it, huh?" she asked. "Mm-hmm!" Inuyasha nodded. "How come you never eat my homecooked meals for you like that?" Sango asked as she looked at Miroku, who gulped. "Uhh...well...about that," Miroku said, nervously. "Y-you see, the thing is...I, err..." "Well? What are you trying to say?" Sango inquired. "That I'm a terrible cook?" Inuyasha snorted while Kagome glanced off to the side, an embarrassed blush forming on her face. "Kagome, you don't think my cooking is terrible, do you?" Sango asked. "...Well..." Kagome muttered. "Umm..." 'I can't just tell her that the last time I ate something she made, I ended up in the bathroom for almost 6 hours...!' XXX

12:12 PM. Empty trays and bento boxes were the only sign of a finished meal. The two couples remained on the roof, staring up at the sky. Miroku leaned against the wall with Sango, his arms still wrapped around her shoulders while Inuyasha lied on his back with his arms behind his head and Kagome lied with her head on his stomach, her hands folded over her own abdominal area. There were so few clouds these days. Hardly provided any shade, but...they didn't mind. It was still beautiful to look at. "So, Inuyasha?" Kagome asked. "Yeah?" Inuyasha asked. "What are you doing for summer break?" Kagome inquired. "Oh...I dunno," Inuyasha replied. "My parents and I are probably gonna go to our summer house for a few weeks." "The one in Hokkaido, right?" asked Miroku. "That's the only one we have," Inuyasha answered. "You ought to know. You've been there." "Yeah, only once," Miroku pointed out. "What are you going to do, Kagome?" Sango asked. "Oh, I don't know," Kagome replied. "I'll probably just stay home for most of the summer. Maybe go to a festival later." "That sounds fun!" Sango added. "You know, my Dad got me a new kimono for summer! Maybe you and I could go, together!" "And don't forget me, right, love?" Miroku asked. "...You, I'm still skeptical about," Sango quipped, causing Miroku to drop his jaw while Inuyasha snickered. "She's got your number, Miroku," he said, causing his best friend to sneer at him. "Haha, very funny," Miroku said, sarcastically. "What are you doing for summer, Miroku?" asked Kagome. "Oh, you know," Miroku said. "This and that." "By which he means trying to pick up chicks," Inuyasha retorted, prompting Miroku to toss his empty milk carton at his forehead. "Ow!" "Oops! Did I do that?" Miroku asked, feigning innocence, causing Inuyasha to growl at him, but then Kagome gently reached up, took his left ear betwixt her thumb and index finger, and began to tenderly rub the fuzzy appendage, causing Inuyasha to sigh softly, a soft rumble reverberating in his chest, which made Kagome giggle at the feeling. "That better?" she asked. "Thanks, baby," Inuyasha said, locking his smoldering golden eyes with her chocolate brown orbs. Kagome sat up on her elbows before she crawled over to Inuyasha's face, prompting him to prop himself up, too, chuckling darkly as he gently cupped Kagome's face. "How'd you get to be so cute?" "It's a gift," Kagome shrugged...before she soon wrapped her lips around his, causing him to moan softly in her mouth as he pulled her close. Taking this as their cue to leave, Miroku and Sango glanced at each other before they smiled and promptly took the exit. Kagome moaned quietly, her hands gripping Inuyasha's shoulders while he let his hands roam down her back and her nice, slender curves, one hand slowly reaching under her skirt. That's when Kagome squeaked as she felt a set of claws slipping under her panties and squeezing her right butt cheek. Not long after, she pulled away, giving the half-demon a sultry grin. "Naughty doggy," she said. "I don't know any other way to be," Inuyasha smirked while Kagome lowered herself down, laying a trail of kisses down from his jaw to the base of his neck. "Ohhhh...ohh, yeah, right there, baby...!" Another giggle bubbled from Kagome's throat. "You like that, huh?" she asked. "What do you think?" Inuyasha inquired, his crooked grin widening, showing off a glinting fang that he knew Kagome hated because it turned her on so bad. "That's not fair," she said with a playful pout. "You know that I can't resist that." "I know, that's why I do it," Inuyasha replied before they started to kiss, again. "Mmm..." Kagome moaned as she momentarily pulled away squeezed her body up against his. "You know what'll be nice about summer break?" "What?" Inuyasha asked. "We could have more moments like this," Kagome answered as she rubbed her nose up against his. "You and me, alone...together..." "Yeah..." Inuyasha drawled as he brought her lips against his, his right hand gently brushing up into her hair. He pulled away again just to bury his nose in those luscious charcoal locks...to breathe in and drink her intoxicating scent of roses, mint tea, and vanilla. God, he just loved this smell... He loved her. Her body, her eyes, her smile, her personality, her scent...everything. How in the hell did he ever get so lucky?

Pretty hot, right? And we’re only gettin’ started!

[peachymess]

1/2 Peachy I would love your opinion on a post I came across. Spoiler warning.... The post goes over Armin's crying scene, they say that Armin was actually moved my Yelena's words and how Armin has changed for the worst over the years. How he just wants to sit and talk etc...ah I wish I could link u the post on this. It's in the Armin tag and it's a recent post. I would love your feed back on that. I'm just kinda paranoid and worried for Armin, I could see him actually being moved by those words

2/2 to find the post the title is “Armin was pretending to fool yellena”?“ I kinda worry for him, I seen a lot of theories that he’s faking it or that his emotions were real but what came out of his mouth was a lie. I also saw your post that another Anon asked over Armin’s crying and that could also be it. Reading your post I kinda got reminded of how Armin has lied to Bert on Annie and also lied to the female Titan of crushing his best friend to distract her.

Hi, anon. I’m sorry; I really wanted to write a thorough meta for this, but I simply don’t have the time. I got this on my way to work yesterday evening, and today will consist of packing until I’m picked up to head to the family cabin (no net there; only on phone). I’ll be staying there till the 22nd of April, and I’ll be busy until the 25th. I would have saved the asks and replied once I’m back, had the topic not had a, probably, short expiration date. Meaning, I assume you’ve probably either landed on something, or there’s just a few days until a new chapter might give further answers, by the time I can actually get to it. However, if, at the end of April, you still wonder, feel free to ask me again about this topic. You’re right, I already gave a general reply, and I’ll give another. If I write another, deeper diving meta about this, it will only be to build up under the thoughts and arguments I have already given. Because, short answer to all of this is: I believe Armin is faking it, in hopes of getting an upper hand out of it. Armin has faked stuff and played on emotions like this before. He lied about Annie to reach Bert (and Reiner’s) emotions twice, he played on Eren’s trust in him during the Return arc - so that Eren wouldn’t catch on to his plan of self-sacrifice (if you don’t remember, Armin knew Eren wouldn’t go along with the plan if he told him the planned endgame, so the moment Eren started to ask himself what Armin was getting at, Armin pulls the “I’ll back out before I get too hurt, I promise; would I ever lie to you?”), he withheld the planned endgame from Jean and Mikasa for the same reason (aka, he knew their emotions could get in the way of them allowing him to sacrifice himself), he woke Eren twice from titan from by appealing to their dream (emotions) - the second time even when he thought he wouldn’t see it (read: he thought to himself “if this plan works, I’ll probably never see the ocean”, and then stabs Eren in the neck and says “Eren, wake up, we’re going to see the ocean”; lied). He also sweet-talked Annie into helping him, by talking about good vs bad people, and how she’d be a bad person to him if she didn’t help him - because we’re all human, and we have an instinctual need to be liked by others (especially if we like or respect the person in question, which Annie did). Armin also lied about his best friend been crushed under her foot, to (among other things) save Jean’s life; by faking his emotional distress over seeing his friend dead - as in, using emotional manipulation. 

My point is, Armin understands people’s emotions very well, he analyses situations well. He knows how to use that to his advantage. If he is faking it with Yelena, it would not only be “in character”, it would be textbook Armin. Even more textbook Armin, than him being generally moved to tears by words. I haven’t looked into what exactly it is Yelena says yet, but by word of mouth, she talks about their work being remembered past their own deaths (among other things). Armin doesn’t want/need to be remembered. You have to think about what his goals and desires are. He doesn’t want bloodshed. He would want every single person to live, if there was a way for it. Even if what they do gets remembered for centuries, do you think he’d be happy if what they did, was to commit genocide? 

Again, I don’t know Yelena’s stance in detail, nor her words to Armin, but I know their positions pre-116: opposite sides. Words will not sway Armin from one to the other. He has an analytical mind, and he has thought about both sides already, from many angles, I am sure. He has picked the side he morally believes in. And because he has thought about it thoroughly, I doubt that simply phrasing the (in his mind) “wrong side” in a certain way, will suddenly convince him to agree with it. If people, words or emotional appeal would convince him, don’t you think his best friend would have been able to get him on board these past 4 years? Armin and Eren are torn because their morals have garnered considerable distance to one another (or so it seems), and Armin will rather uphold his morals than break bread with someone over a treasured friendship (and before anyone goes after Armin for that, remember it takes two to tango; the exact same could be said about Eren).

What more, think about the story aspect of this. Firstly, what was the point of the scene? What was the point of showing Armin getting on Yelena’s good side? Either it’s to show Armin’s development into being a Zeke-follower - but if that isn’t it (which I don’t believe), then the point was that Armin having Yelena around his little finger, will become an asset to him later. He can use it to influence her choices/actions, to free his friends, etc. Where would the story take him, if Isayama makes Armin suddenly side with Yelena? It looks like a dead end to me, especially this late in the game. What will happen next, if Armin goes over to Yelena/Zeke’s side? Eren is gonna throw Zeke a curveball, which means the parties will split into three (if not more). This would leave Armin (still) opposite to Eren, but also opposite to Mikasa. Which would make it finally easy(er) for Mikasa to go against Armin over Eren. And after Mikasa reluctantly sides with Eren to take down Armin, who becomes a side of his own, then what…? We return to Eren vs SC, just like before? A dead-end loop. Of course, there’s a lot of room here, and I honestly won’t pretend to know what the future of this story holds. I will, however, trust my knowledge of Armin enough to say I highly doubt that Armin is being moved to tears over some fanatic’s words. It’s all about motivation here. I already mentioned it, but that’s because it’s such an important thing to look at. You cry when something resonates with you. What about Yelena’s words, would resonate with Armin’s ultimate goals? 

… Because his goals are the same today, as they’ve always been: as much peace as possible, for the smallest price possible. I’m still eager to hear him talk about his dream (ocean, northern lights, etc.) again, just to see where his stance is on that now (it’s the only part of him I won’t confidently guess at), but that’s somewhat irrelevant right now. The point I’m trying to get to is this: Armin hasn’t changed for the worse. He hasn’t changed at all. What has changed, is Eren’s opinion on Armin and his ideals. Before, Eren admired him, now he’s impatient with him. I don’t think I heard anyone talking about Armin’s morals changed, before Eren brought it up at the round table. Because Armin hasn’t changed; what Eren said, he said (either) because he’s convinced himself of it, and (or) because he wanted Armin to start doubting his own mind/motivations. Armin’s strength is his mind, and as long as he thinks he can trust his own judgement, he will be solidly in place (as he has been for 4 years). Topple that confidence, and he might finally, possibly be susceptible to manipulation. That would be to Eren’s great benefit. I think that’s part of why he said it. But he’s wrong either way. And I think that went over parts of the fandom’s heads. 

Because whether Armin has Bertolt’s memories or not, he is still himself. If all the shifters were just an empty shell of the shifter that came before them, then Bertolt wasn’t himself either; he would in turn have been the shell of the previous one, who was a shell of the one before him, etc. Even with shifter influence, that function only works, if it’s at most partial (except for, possibly, exceptions under special circumstances that Armin don’t meet). Look at all the shifters; there is enough evidence to say with certainty, that they are to some degree their own person, with wishes and feelings connected specifically to them. Things from previous people might be added, but not everything from the pre-shifter holder is taken away. Just look at the BRA chemistry: Reiner and Bertolt are friends, and Annie is going “meh” on the sideline. Fat chance the original colossal, armored and female had the exact same dynamic as the BRA trio had pre-shifters, yet they are the same trio before and after becoming shifters.

Armin has tried to talk things out with the enemy before. He tried to talk to Bertolt in the return arc, he tried to talk to Bert and Reiner when they were running away. He generally wants to understand the enemy, and for them to in turn understand him. He believes that if they can find common understanding, they can find common ground. Him wanting to build bridges with the other countries has nothing to do with Bertolt’s memories, and it is not something he “wouldn’t have wanted before”. Remember how upset he was when he shot the MP lady? She was an enemy, but he was still so distraught he puked and cried his heart out. Remember in the return arc when they blew Reiner to bits (one of several times, lol)? Armin looks at him, tears in eyes, and expresses that he is heartbroken that it had to come to that because there was no room for talking. He explicitly mentions how he regrets that they weren’t able to talk it out. Armin Arlert has always wanted to pursue the most peaceful solutions! This is not new! And I was going to dedicate a large chunk on my meta just for this, but sadly, I don’t have the time. I have talked about this many, many times; talked about how he’s not a pacifist, as some claim he is, because he is not - but that he, instead, feels like they have a duty to make sure the violent option they choose, is still the least violent option. He would let a thousand men die if it meant saving the rest of the world. But not before he is confident that there isn’t a way to sacrifice only a hundred for the same outcome! 

1. Zeke and Yelena’s plan is to kill probably several thousands, to save the rest of the world. Armin thinks they can save the world by sacrificing considerably less than several thousands. That is why, no matter how pretty Yelena makes it sound, her plan will never move Armin to tears. 

2. Armin’s morals have not changed; he’s always wanted to save as many people as possible and to get as far as he can with communication. His first line in this damn story is about how if you abandon arguments and resort to violence instead, it means you’re in the wrong. 

3. … Yet he’s not a pacifist. When there is no other solution, he will restore to violence. Eren forced his hand with Marley, and what did Armin do? He didn’t stand passively by; he did the only thing that was left to do to proceed: blow up the harbor. When Jean was about to get shot, what did he do? He shot that MP in the face. He doesn’t like violence, and he wants to avoid it as much as possible, but he recognizes that if communication doesn’t get you all the way, violence will cover the rest. However, he feels that they all have a duty to exhaust all possibilities before turning to violence (”the end justifies the means - if you were mindful of the means”). That is why he and Eren now differs: Armin feels that Eren is no longer attempting to look for less horrific means, and instead going for the first thing plan that comes to mind. And it’s making Armin question his morals; if Eren truly cared about everyone, would he not also - just like Armin - desire to spend at least some time to think and analyze, and test the waters of less horrific plans? Eren, on the other hand, seems to feel pressed for time, and has no patience for Armin’s “lingering”, and thus grows angry and refuses to put himself in Armin’s shoes to try and understand why he “lingers” against the enemy. Pick what side you want, but Eren is wrong in the way he sees Armin. And the fandom should realize this and not so readily take his reprimand of Armin as facts. Armin has not changed. … but I know I’m seen as biased in Armin’s favor, just like that post you read sounds to be biased against him. And since I have no time, I’d encourage you to seek out @momtaku; she’s given good, believable, objective analysis of Armin before and I trust her to treat him fairly. She writes metas a lot more than I do these days, so - though with fear of sending too much work her way - I’d suggest you ask her what she makes of the scene. Either way, that’s enough of my rambling. I hope that no matter what, anon, you are able to de-stress somehow. SNK makes me worry a whole lot too, but Armin stepping away from his greatest strength (good judgement) at the last hour, is not one of those worries.  

(PS: I didn’t read that post you talked about, I don’t have the time, but if there is a fair point in it that I don’t cover, feel free to ask me about that part specifically. Also, had I read it, I would have sourced it and tagged the author so that there is no shade). 

[brookecuzyes]

I posted 410 times in 2021

135 posts created (33%)

275 posts reblogged (67%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.0 posts.

I added 471 tags in 2021

#marvel - 112 posts

#loki - 78 posts

#loki laufeyson - 49 posts

#mcu - 40 posts

#bucky barnes - 38 posts

#loki series - 38 posts

#sebastian stan - 37 posts

#damiano david - 29 posts

#loki spoilers - 27 posts

#loki odinson - 23 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#brought to you by: me reading a fic and screaming and thinking ab what i’d say if my mom asked why i was screaming and how if it were my kid

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

three years of you. — cruel summer

Damiano David x GN!Musician!Reader

Main Masterlist — 3yrs Masterlist

Summary: three years is a lot of time to get to know someone. you can even learn the way that people think, but it isn’t always a good thing. (Part 2)

Word Count: ≈2.8k

Warnings: some cursing, mentions of a fetus on a plane.

A/N: I kind of made an AU here lmao. I’m incorporating the Julie and The Phantoms band from the show as the band Y/N is in. I didn’t feel like making OC’s when the main character isn’t even an OC. So… if your a JaTP fan, I hope your happy 😉😏

———————————————————————-

Devastation— severe and overwhelming shock or grief.

Devastation— that’s what Damiano felt.

His partner of three years had left to go back to Los Angeles. You didn’t even say goodbye. You only left a note.

Damiano was severely overwhelmed with shock. Or was it grief?

Regardless, Damiano felt as if a knife struck through his heart. He cried. A lot.

He wanted to call you so badly. He just wanted to apologize for all of his wrongdoings. However, he couldn’t. You were on a fourteen-hour flight, you were probably asleep and your phone was probably on airplane mode.

He had to get to the studio. The band was still recording the album. He just felt like he couldn’t bring himself to do anything. But, the thing is, you couldn’t either.

——

Victoria picked up on Damiano's behavior almost immediately. She saw how gloomy he was, but she couldn’t get it out of him— whatever it was. But, what she did know is that you and him were having troubles, so she messaged you.

Hey, is everything ok between you and Dami? she texted.

No.

What’s going on?

I’m going back home, Vic. The plane just landed.

Wait, you did what?

I’m getting off the plane, I’ll text you when I’m at Alex’s.

Alex was the drummer of the band. He was taller, blonde, and an absolute sweetheart. He was one of your closest friends— though, the entire band is like a family to you. Your band is called Julie and The Phantoms. It consisted of you and your friends: Alex, Julie, Luke, and Reginald— or Reggie. You guys have been together as a band since high school. You were the newer addition, joining a few months later after the band was formed.

You had texted Alex after the plane took off. He said he would pick you up from the airport, which you were glad to hear. But, you knew he’d ask why you got back so early. You were in Italy, for crying out loud— why would you want to go back home a few days before you needed to? You probably won’t be getting to his apartment for the next few hours, though, so you could reach out to her later in the day.

While she had the time on her hands, Victoria was going to try and pry the information out of him— just so she can get an idea of what’s going on.

“Dami,” she called out after he announced a small break for the band. “How are you?”

See the full post

95 notes • Posted 2021-08-25 15:24:10 GMT

#4

three years of you. masterlist

Main Masterlist

Last Updated: September 28th, 2021

Damiano David x GN!Musician!Reader

Summary: After a horrible falling out with someone whom everyone thought was an angel, you decide to take matters into your own hands. Even if that means calling out the devil.

inspiration from Love Me or Leave Me by @literallymitch

———————————————————————-

(1) i love you.

(2) cruel summer.

(3) tear myself apart.

(4) good 4 u.

104 notes • Posted 2021-07-28 23:01:30 GMT

#3

No Need To Worry — B.B.

40s!Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Bucky Barnes Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Summary: After Bucky and the other soldiers were rescued, Bucky, Steve, and some of the other soldiers went to a bar to relax. Who would’ve thought that a few beers could turn into something more? (3rd Person POV)

Word Count: ≈5.1k (wha-😃)

Warnings: extreme fluff, cursing, it gets a little spicy but also doesn’t at the same time, sorta alludes to loss of virginities, alcohol consumption, Bucky gets upset at reader but nothing too crazy happens, sadness (If i missed anything, please tell me!)

A/N: This one-shot is for @startrekkingaroundasgard ‘s writing challenge. I had sooo much fun writing this. It was originally supposed to be smut, but I chickened out lmao. I hope you enjoy this regardless, though! (I added the picture prompt for the header thing— if you don’t want it there, just tell me and i’ll remove it)

———————————————————————-

Steve Rogers had just gotten some-400 men out of the hands of German scientists. They were so relieved to have been saved after quite a few weeks of being Prisoners of War. After returning to America, Steve wanted to go back and take down HYDRA. So, he took on the responsibility to assemble a team to go with him.

“See,” Bucky said to Steve, who was walking over to the bar. He had just convinced a couple of guys to join him going back to Germany. All they needed were a couple beers and were drawn-in immediately. “They’re all idiots.”

“How about you?” Steve asked, “You ready to follow Captain America into the jaws of death?”

“Hell no. That little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight… I’m following him,” Bucky replied, earning a small grin from Steve. “But, you’re keeping the outfit, right?”

“You know what? It’s kinda growing on me.”

“Well I think it looks remarkable, Captain Rogers,” a lady’s voice said, putting an arm around the two boys. Steve and Bucky turned their heads slightly and were met with a familiar face. “Hello, boys.”

“Y/N!” Steve exclaimed, standing up to give her a hug. “Surprised to see you here. Bars aren’t really your thing.”

“Well, they are when I know my two idiot friends just came back from a war. Speaking of,” she slapped Bucky’s shoulder, “don’t scare me like that, Barnes. Becky had me thinking you were dead.” He smiled sadly and stood up to hug her too.

“My bad, doll. Next time, I’ll make sure to write,” he wittily replied. She scoffed and sat down in between the two boys. “And, by the way, if you’re calling Steve ‘Captain’, then you get to call me ‘Sergeant’. Understood?”

“Yes, Sarge,” she replied while saluting him, making the two boys laugh. The soldiers Steve recruited had been singing quite loudly for the last few minutes, and it came as a surprise when the singing ceased. Steve, Y/N, and Bucky turned their heads to the doorway and saw the one and only Agent Peggy Carter. She was dressed in a beautiful red dress— something that no one would normally see her in. No wonder the boys stopped singing; they were in awe.

The boys stood up when she walked in, and Y/N stayed sitting in her chair, unsure of what she was supposed to do.

“Captain,” Peggy greeted.

“Agent Carter,” greeted Steve.

“Ma’am,” said Bucky. Peggy looked at the girl sitting at the bar, knowing who she was, and waved at her. Y/N waved back and gave her a nice little grin.

“Howard has some equipment for you to try. Tomorrow morning?” she asked Steve.

“Sounds good.” Steve was eyeing her, and both Y/N and Bucky picked up on it. Though, Bucky was more focused on Peggy himself to really give it a second thought.

“I see your top squad is prepping for duty.”

“You don’t like music?”

See the full post

155 notes • Posted 2021-07-09 04:48:38 GMT

#2

did y’all have a Jelsa phase, or was that just me?

180 notes • Posted 2021-07-27 14:27:19 GMT

#1

three years of you. — i love you.

Damiano David x GN!Musician!Reader series

Main Masterlist — 3yrs Masterlist

Summary: a late-night argument turned into a mess he couldn’t fix with a simple, ‘sorry.’ (Part 1)

Word Count: ≈3k

Warnings: angst, some cursing, Victoria being a supportive bestie (tell me if i missed anything) *Part One in a series*

A/N: i don’t know Italian whatsoever, so any phrases that i used have a crazy chance of being wrong— that’s on me. if i did mess anything up, please tell me. Also, this isn’t really proofread 😬

———————————————————————-

The crowd was screaming. It was probably one of the loudest crowds you had seen. Your smile grew across your face and the adrenaline started kicking in. Your heart was racing. Maybe it was just nerves from performing— that’s normal, right?

You took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, calming yourself. Slowly, you moved the microphone up to your mouth, opening it to say…

——

“Damiano talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about!”

Your boyfriend had come home late, again. Of course, given the fact that he was working on another album, he was going to be stressed and he was going to come home late. That was normal, especially for the way Damiano works. But, recently, he had been distant from you, which was odd. For the three and a half years you two were together, him being distant never happened. So, when the time came, you grew concerned

“You never have anything to talk about,” you snapped back. “Everyday for weeks on end, you’re at the studio, and you come home at ungodly hours to not even acknowledge the fact that I exist. And, I know that you’re busy, but it would be nice to have my boyfriend back every once in a while!”

“You really think that?” Damiano asked, almost offended

“Yes.”

“The only reason I have to ignore you right now is because you’re being a selfish, ignorant bitch!” He yelled, storming off into your shared bedroom. You stayed in the living space, pissed off and upset at Damiano, when you heard shuffling in the room. You looked down into the hallway and saw Damiano rummaging through his drawer for some clothes.

“What are you doing?” You asked, walking closer to the bedroom.

“Sleeping in the extra bedroom. You obviously hate me right now, so I don’t want to be more of a burden to you. I’m grabbing clothes so you won’t have to see me in the morning. I’ll leave before you wake up— you won’t even know I was here,” he explained, not making any eye contact with you. He had all of his clothes in hand and some of his bathroom items, and exited the bed teem and stormed into the guest bedroom down the hall. You watched him as he did so, and when he closed the door, tears started forming in your eyes. Sighing, you walked into the room again, and closed the door behind you. You walked over to the bed and went under the covers, and started bawling. You tried not to make too much noise, since Damiano was probably trying to sleep. However, after a few minutes of sobbing and sniffling, you could hear a few whimpers from the guest bedroom— you immediately knew it was Damiano. You didn’t have the energy or forgiveness at the moment to walk in there and comfort him.

Eventually, you did end up falling asleep for quite awhile. You woke up around noon, and it was the best sleep you had gotten in a while. After eating and brushing your teeth— not even bothering to change out of your pajamas— you pulled out your phone and opened up Victoria’s contact to message her.

call me when you’re on break

ok, is everything fine?

yeah, i just need to talk :)

You closed your phone and set it down on the kitchen table, getting back to work. You were emailing your manager, since your band wanted to start recording another album. Everyone was trying to work out a start date, so they don’t plan a lot for the next upcoming months.

About an hour and a half after you texted Victoria, she called.

See the full post

188 notes • Posted 2021-07-28 23:00:02 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[blue-collects-things]

ok IT book spoilers ahead so beware but stan kills himself as an adult and I'd like to imagine what it would be like if he struggled with suicide as a kid too. I also like to imagine what it would be like if bill walked in on him in the middle of an attempt. :)c

The Scent of Purple Hyacinth

Stan Uris x Bill Denbrough

Word Count: 6.2k

Warnings: suicide attempt, graphic descriptions of suicide, depression, anxiety

Author’s Note: This is something I’ve been kind of putting off for a while because it’s some pretty heavy stuff and I wanted to execute it well. The losers are about high school junior age (about 16/17) in this to give some perspective. It gets pretty graphic and I tagged that, but just be cautious please. My messages are always open if you need someone to talk to, to vent to, anything. Don’t stay silent. Also, I must have listened to Heal by Tom Odell and Oblivion by Bastille 400 million times each while writing this to get some perspective. Please enjoy.

Read it on ao3

The day that everything went to hell started out pretty normal, all things considered.

Bill had had a decent day, got to spend time with his friends and boyfriend, and only had a little homework to do after football practice. He was halfway home when he realized he left his history notes in his locker and needed them to study for the test tomorrow. He turned back around, hoping to catch someone who could let him back in. As he ran up to the front steps, Bill caught sight of the janitor tying a black bag full of trash and knocked on the main doors of the school building.

The older man fumbled with the keys on his ring momentarily before unlocking the door. “What are you doing here so late, Bill?” he asks.

“Hey, Gary. Forgot my notes,” Bill explains, “I’ll b-be back in a minute.” He rushes up the steps, taking them two at a time, to get to the third floor. He walks briskly down the hall to get to his locker and put in the combination. When he flings the door open, a piece of paper flutters to the ground. He crosses his eyebrows in confusion before bending to pick it up. He instantly recognizes the handwriting on the outside that his initials are written in as Stan’s elegant script. Bill unfolds it and reads the six-word note.

William, my love,I’m sorry.-Stanley

Something about this doesn’t sit right with Bill. He grabs his history notebook, slams the locker shut, not bothering with the lock, and sprints back to his car. He drives several miles above the speed limit to get to Stan’s house on the other side of town. He feels the panic ebbing and flowing with his bloodstream as he pauses at stop lights and gasses on green ones. He makes the near twenty minute drive in nine. He doesn’t bother with shutting the car door as he runs up the front steps of the Uris household. He thumps his fist against the front door and shouts, “Stan! Stan, a-are you in there? He-ello?” When there is no answer after ten seconds of waiting, Bill dashes to the side of the porch where a spare key sits under a pot of hydrangeas. He fumbles to fit the key in the slot but finally gets it.

After he shuts the door, everything inside is eerily quiet, save for the pounding blood in Bill’s ears. “Stan?” he calls out. Faintly he can hear the water running upstairs. So someone is home, he thinks, only worrying himself further. He climbs the stairs and figures out that the noise is coming from Stan’s room. “Stan?” he asks once more, pushing the door open gently. He notices immediately the adjacent bathroom’s door is shut. Bill passes the foot of the bed and trips over something, landing squarely on the floor. It is in this position he notices water leaking out from under the door.

“Hey, Stanny, are you in there?” Bill asks once he’s stood up. He tries to open the door, but it won’t budge. Not like it’s locked, but like something is pressed up against it. Worry renews itself in Bill’s body as he drives his shoulder into the door. He keeps pushing and pushing and pushing and finally whatever was lodged under the doorknob comes loose and Bill can get inside. In the process, he knocks over the chair he assumes was keeping the door shut.

And then he almost falls over again. Water pools around his feet, completely drenching his sneakers and the edge of his jeans. He notices with increasing horror that the water is tinted pink. His eyes slowly, too slowly, follow the water back to its source. The bath is overflowing and in it lays Stan, incrementally sliding under the water. His eyes are closed and the veins around them stand out so prominently, they look tattooed there.

Bill goes into overdrive. He rushes to the side of the tub, falling to his knees and turning off the water. “Stanley!” He smacks his hand against his boyfriend’s cheek and pulls him into more of a sitting position. “C’mon, h-honey, open your eyes.” Bill gets no response as he looks over Stan’s body. He’s still wearing his clothes, a long sleeved sweater and jeans. Bill delicately rolls up a sleeve and backs away upon seeing what was underneath, covering his mouth with his bloody fingers. “Chr-christ!” Stan’s arm is shredded, littered with old, white scars and new open wounds. A long slash runs from his wrist to his elbow. Bill feels like he might vomit as he looks around again, seeing the glinting of the blade Stan used in the other end of the tub. He also spots an open pill bottle labeled Eszopiclone, a sleeping pill prescribed to Stan’s dad.

Bill lets out a string of curse words and feels his eyes water as he fumbles his cellphone out of his pocket. He slides to the emergency screen and dials 9-1-1, hating how long it seems to take for them to answer. “911, what’s your emergency?” a woman answers after two rings.

“I th-think my boyfriend tried to commit s-s-suicide,” Bill says, choking out the last word, the tears in his eyes falling freely.

“Okay, I’ll dispatch an ambulance to your location. What is your address?” Bill rattles off the Uris’s address and waits for the next question. “Alright, the ambulance is on its way. Is he breathing?”

Bill dashes back to Stan and watches to see if his chest goes up and down. In his panic, he had not thought to check for breathing. He notices a rise and fall, however a faint one. “Y-yes, b-but very, v-very sh-h-hallowly.”

“What about his heart beat?” Bill lays two fingers against the hollow of Stan’s throat and waits for something. The pulse is slow. So slow, Bill can count five seconds between the beats. He reports this to the 911 operator who tells him to stay on the line. He hears sirens in the distance and soon he hears footsteps coming inside the house.

“Where are you?” a man’s voice calls out.

“U-up here!” Bill calls back. Everything starts to move in slow motion after that. The paramedics enter Stan’s bedroom and Bill moves out of the way. He watches as they lift Stan’s limp body from the bathtub and carry him out to the hallway where a gurney is set up. Bill follows behind as they push the gurney outside and lift him into the ambulance. “Pl-please, let me-ee c-come wi-hith you.” The paramedic closest to him nods once and helps Bill hoist himself into the ambulance. He watches on silently as the two men in the back tuck cannulas into Stan’s nostrils and bandage his arms several times over.

Bill doesn’t know how long it takes to get to the hospital. All he does know is that he prays the whole way there. He prays when he hasn’t in years, asking for Stan’s life. He bargains and pleads and begs that Stan will be okay. He is still praying as he is ushered out of the ambulance and follows after the gurney until a nurse stops him. “I n-need to kno-how h-he’s ok-k-kay!”

“Sir, I’m going to need you to calm down,” the nurse says. He gestures towards a room full of chairs. “Take a seat and we’ll update you when we have information.”

Bill knows the nurse is right and deflates a little. “Pl-please,” he asks, “just make su-hure he’s okay.” The nurse nods and Bill goes to take a seat. He pulls out his phone again and calls Mrs. Uris. He sobs as he reports the news to her and tells her where they are. After he hangs up, he sends a blunt text to the losers club group message: stan is hurt, please come to hospital.

He clicks his phone off and feels the exhaustion of the day sink in. He dozes off before he knows what’s happening.

~ ~ ~

When Bill wakes up an hour later, he is surrounded, the near-empty waiting room now filled with his friends and some others. Bev is seated directly next to him and notices he’s awake first. “There’s no news,” she reports without Bill having to ask. He nods and buries his head in his hands.

“A-hare the U-urises h-h-here?” His voice comes out muffled.

“Yeah,” Richie says from across the room. “They’re talking to the doctors.” Bill notices with muted shock that Richie is crying silently, a steady stream of tears flowing down his face. In the next chair over, Eddie places his hand over his boyfriend’s and closes his eyes. “I’ve gotta get out of here. I’m going insane.” He pushes out of the chair and angrily walks towards the exit.

From the other side of Bev, Mike begins to follow after, but Eddie waves him down. “Just let him go. He needs to cool off.” His voice is incredibly tight and Bill rises from his own chair to sit next to the small boy.

“Ho-ow are y-y-you holding u-up? I kno-how Stan is your be-e-est friend,” Bill asks. He hesitantly looks up to see the incredulous face Eddie is making. “What?”

Eddie just chuckles humorlessly and shakes his head. “Even when I should be the one asking you, you’re worried about everyone else. Jesus, Big Bill, how are you holding up? Stan is your boyfriend, for Christ’s sake. I don’t know what I’d do if that were Richie.” And suddenly, he breaks down, ugly sobs racking his tiny frame. Bill carefully places an arm around Eddie’s shoulder and pulls him closer. The other losers slowly surround them, Ben taking the chair on the other side of Eddie and rubbing slow circles on his shoulder, Mike coming up from behind and wrapping him in a bear hug, and Bev kneeling in front of them all, her hand delicately threaded through Eddie’s.

“I just wish he’d have said something to us,” Mike says, also crying. Bill has only seen him cry once and that was years ago, so it sends him over the edge. Soon all of them are crying and huddled together, dependent on each other for support. Eventually, Richie comes back, face a red mess from his own crying. Bev reaches out a hand for him to join them, which he takes and sits on the floor near Bill’s feet. They all have a grasp on one another, making sure that they’re all still there.

Distantly, Bill hears the squeak of shoes coming towards their group, but he doesn’t look up until he hears a small, “Ahem.” Donald and Andrea Uris stand in the hallway flanked by doctors. Mike is the first to go to them and hug Mrs. Uris, followed closely thereafter by the rest of the losers.

A doctor explains to them what they did: “Hello, I’m Doctor Rose Mendoza and this is Doctor Jarred Alexander. We’re two of the surgeons who worked on Stanley. I’m sorry we’ve had to meet in such circumstances.” She gives a sympathetic look before continuing. “We pumped Stan’s stomach and had to repair the damage to his arms. It also seems he gave himself a concussion, presumably from falling in the tub. We gave him a blood infusion and he’s doing well at the moment. It’s a good thing you caught it as soon as you did.” This last part is directed at Bill. “Had you not found him so early on, we’re not so confident he’d be alive right now.” Bill bites back a sob and feels Richie grab his hand on one side, Bev on the other.

Another doctor adds on to his colleague’s report, “He’s still under the anesthesia from the surgery, but it might take him a little longer because of the head trauma and excessive blood loss. I suggest that you go in there and talk to him, tell him about your past week at school, any plans you might have had for the weekend. Let him know you’re still there. He can hear you and he’ll wake up in his own time.”

“I’ll go first,” Richie offers. He turns to Bill. “Are you okay with that?” Bill only nods and Richie gives his hand a quick squeeze before letting go and following the doctors down the hall and to the left, disappearing into the sterile whiteness.

~ ~ ~

Stan can’t move or see, but he can hear everything.

He can hear the doctors telling his parents what happened and knowing that he failed to do what he set out to, hears them crying and feels their tender touches, hears the heart monitor beeping slowly, hears trays and and carts and voices passing by, though sounding far, far away.

Right now, he’s hearing a familiar voice say, “Hey, Stan the Man. How are you doing?” Richie, his mind supplies, feeling a little appalled it took as long as it did to recognize his friend. “Wow, what a dumb question, you’re obviously not doing too hot or else we wouldn’t be in here.” There is a silence and Stan hears Richie suck in a sharp breath and a gentle warmth encloses his left hand. “The doctors told me to talk and apparently I’m really good at that, so here goes nothing.” And Richie does talk, about school, about the photography club he’s in, everything. He tells Stan secret wishes and hopes and dreams, things he’s only shared with Eddie, he discloses.

I wish I could ask you questions and talk back, Stan thinks helplessly.

“You know, I wish you would have said something. We-” Richie stops and Stan can tell he’s trying to swallow the emotion rising in the back of his throat. “We’re so worried. I mostly feel like a shit friend for not noticing you were suffering.” And suddenly there is a choked sobbed coming out of Richie and he rises from the chair, taking his warmth away from Stan’s hand. “Bill is a mess. He won’t say anything, but I can tell. If you can hear me in there, Stanny, I want you to know we’re all here for you, but that boy would go through hell and high water to make you happy. Talk to him when you wake up because he loves you.” A short pause. “We all do.” And then the door opens and closes again, signaling his departure.

Stan notes Richie’s use of the word when and not if and a small shred of determination to wake up takes root in Stan’s heart.

~ ~ ~

Bev and Ben come in next. Together they tell Stan about how want to go on a road trip all over the country to visit all fifty states after they graduate. Ben wants to see the world’s largest rubber band ball and the Golden Gate Bridge. Bev wants to visit New York City to see whatever show is playing on Broadway and the fashion district. They talk about wanting to move in together and the kind of house they’re going to get.

Ben says he’s going to design it. A wide open kitchen with all the newest appliances where they can practice cooking and make pancakes every Sunday morning. There would be a big living room with plenty of couch space for losers club movie night. An office for Ben and a sewing room for Bev. A big garden where they grow their own veggies and fruits and seasonal flowers. There will be one big bedroom for them to share and plenty spare rooms for their friends.

They speak about wanting to adopt a dog, but can’t decide which breed they want. Bev really wants a black French bulldog and a Dalmatian, but Ben says only one dog. He argues that a golden retriever would be the best option. Either way, they can’t decide on a name. They want Stan’s advice because he always has insightful things to say.

I think Maisie would be good for a girl dog and Jackson for a boy dog. Or maybe you should name the dog based on what it looks like, he thinks in response, but of course they can’t hear him.

They speak energetically and Stan appreciates that; it’s a welcome distraction from his immobility. But he can tell that their laughter is forced because of the strain in Ben’s voice when he speaks and the nervous tapping of Bev’s foot against the tile floor. “Wake up soon, Stanley,” Ben says quietly, a sullenness like Stan has never heard filling his words. “We miss you.” Then someone leaves, the door opening and falling shut again letting him know.

The sudden fragrance of pomegranates and mangos filling his nose tells him that Bev is still in the room. She leans close, her body heat easing some of the chill Stan is feeling. “Please wake up,” she whispers, gently brushing some of his hair out of his face. She places a soft kiss that lasts for about three seconds on his forehead. He feels a drop of wetness fall there when she pulls away. “Please.” And then she is gone as well, taking with her the comfort of another’s presence.

~ ~ ~

Eddie and Mike come in together a little after the previous couple leave. Mike does most of the talking with an interjection from Eddie once in a while.

“On Saturday, the farm is getting some baby chicks. I was going to ask you guys over to help my dad and me sort them. There’s always too many for us to do in one day and we could always use a set of helping hands or six.” Mike chuckles at his own joke before talking about his farm more. The animals and what’s being planted and harvested right now. All the while, Stan can hear Eddie moving about in his tiny room. There is the sound of spritz bottles and the smell of cleaner fills the air.

“Eddie, what the hell are you doing?” Mike asks at one point, interrupting his own story.

Stan hears Eddie let out an exasperated sigh and wants to laugh at the sound. “I want this room to be germ-free when Stan wakes up so he can heal as quick as physically possible. Being sick won’t help anything.” Stan feels grateful for Eddie’s fussing and wants more than anything to hug his tiny friend.

Stan hears Eddie disappear into another room, cleaner bottle still going, and assumes there is an adjacent bathroom to his room. Mike leans closer to him, the comforting smell of his laundry detergent and aftershave calming Stan’s spinning mind. “I have a secret for you,” he says incredibly quietly. “When you come to, we’re going to be here to help you. We love you and want you to get better. Just remember, every step of the way, we’ll be there right beside you to catch you when you slip and to simply be in your company when you’re feeling good. Don’t forget that you have six personal shrinks at your disposal.” He chuckles melancholily, and Stan hears him swallow thickly. He wants to throw his arms around Mike. He wants to embrace all of his friends, but since he can’t, he adds it to his list of reasons to wake up. He is starting to understand that he doesn’t have to ache on his own, but it is okay to be hurting. “Get better, Stan.” He ruffles Stan’s curls and then the door opens, shuts, and there is silence.

Then, he hears Eddie flush the toilet and the sink water running. It is a while before the sink water turns off, but Stan is not surprised Eddie washes his hands that thoroughly, especially considering that he was just handling cleaning supplies. After the water stops running, Eddie comes back into the main room. Stan hears him come closer before laying his head on Stan’s chest and hugging him gently around the waist. “I- I love you, Stanny, we all do. Please wake up, but do it for your own sake, okay? Want to get better.” Eddie is tender as he mirrors Bev’s actions of pushing his hair out of his face. Stan hears a sniffle before the door opens and shuts again, leaving him alone once more.

~ ~ ~

It’s hours before someone visits Stan again.

He realizes offhandedly that visiting hours would’ve ended soon after he got admitted to his own room, but he still panics. What if they stopped caring about me? he can’t help but think. That’s stupid. They all literally came in here to tell you how much they love you, dumbass, another part of his brain counters. Yeah, all of them, he thinks.

Except for Bill.

Visiting hours, remember? He’ll be here. The rational part of his brain does a pretty good job of calming him down.

The nurses check on him periodically, taking his vitals and replacing the IV drip medication. A nurse, who introduces herself as Daisy, tells him that this is the first time she’s had to take care of a suicide survivor and that he should want to get better, that she’s seen all his friends’ faces, his mother’s tears, his father’s set jaw and clenching fists. Daisy says that he definitely has great things and people to live for, but the greatest one is himself. It makes him want to cry. How had he not realized that his friends would always be there for him, that this burden was not his alone to bear? Daisy squeezes his hand every time she checks on him, “To let you know I’m here when you wake up,” she explains once. She seems kind even though Stan can’t see her and for that kindness, he cannot wait to thank her.

It has been a few minutes since the new nurse, Dahlia, had taken his vitals for the morning shift of nurses when his door opens again. The room is suddenly filled with an overly sweet scent. At first, it feels like the smell is suffocating Stan, a feeling that he relates to being force-fed syrupy cough medication. After a bit, however, it is comforting, like the scent has been there all along. Whoever is in the room with him sets something down on the table next to him, the sticky sweet smell getting stronger, and drags out the chair on his right side. The person picks up his hand and places a gentle kiss on his knuckles before planting one on his cheek and another on his knuckles. Stan would recognize the smell of the shampoo with a permanent underlying tang of chlorine without the sharp, clean fragrance of familiar cologne.

Bill, my Bill.

“Hi, Stanny,” he says, a thumb brushing over Stan’s fingers. “I miss you.” And right out of the gate, Stan wants to burst into sobs. I miss you, too, he wants so badly to reply. I miss you so goddamn much. “It f-feels a little strange having a one-w-w-way conversation, but I’ll try my ha-arrdest just to talk.” There is a brief pause where Bill sucks in a sharp breath. “I w-went back to your hou-ou-ouse last night. I cl-cl-cleaned up the bathroo-hoom so your m-mom didn’t have to.” Stan feels a hot spiral of guilt drill through his stomach. I caused that. Bill had to see me like that. He wanted to say something, but Bill keeps talking. “I m-m-made dinner for m-me and your pa-harents but no-nobody could eat. We w-w-were all so w-worried for you Stan. We cou-houldn’t sleep either. I tried to sl-sl-ee-eep in your bed, but I j-just couldn’t sh-sh-shut my thou-houghts down. I e-ended up on th-he roof and sat i-i-in the same sp-sp-spot where I told you I l-loved you the first time. D-d-do you reme-hember that, Stanny? I stuttered e-e-even more than u-usual. I was so ne-hervous.” He chuckles and Stan feels himself wanting to smile. Of course he remembers; it was one of the best days of his life.

It was a blustery fall day in Derry, but that didn’t stop Stan from showing Bill his favorite spot to think when his brain got to be a little too much to handle. He had dragged him up through the attic, the two boys’ hands desperately clenched together. They claimed it was so neither of them fell but there was definitely an anterior motive. The wind had caused them to pull the hoods of their hoodies up to protect themselves from its harshness.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” Stan had asked, looking out at the incredible view he got of Derry from this high up. He sat down, legs dangling off the edge, Bill following suit. He could see the spires of the Methodist church across town and the American flag that rose from the pole on top of the high school. The sun was just setting and the sky was shades of pink and purple and red. Stan could just tell Bill’s hands were itching to get out his watercolor pencils and draw it.

“N-not as b-b-beautifu-hul as yo-oo-oo-ou,” Bill said. His stutter seemed to have gotten the best of him. Stan whipped around to look at his boyfriend. Bill’s eyes were unwavering and staring lovingly at him. Stan smiled at how cute Bill was and extended his fingers towards his boyfriend so they could hold hands. They are silent for a moment, the warmth between them reflecting back and forth. Stan leaned his head on Bill’s shoulder when he said it, “I-I lo-hove y-y-you.” For the second time that night, Stan whipped his head around to look at his boyfriend. Bill wasn’t looking at him this time and his high cheekbones were alight with a bright blush.

Stan squeezed his hand and smiled as he said, “I love you, too” and meant it. They had only been dating for four months, but they both loved each other to the moon and back.

That was before It. Before the Deadlights.

Stan is brought back to the present by Bill sniffing. His voice is tight when he speaks again: “I l-love you sti-hill. You kn-know that, ri-right? I w-w-will always love yo-hou, Stanny. A-always.” Then Bill is crying horrible, body-wracking sobs. “I’m s-s-sorry. I’m s-so, s-so sorry. I’m sorry I di-hidn’t n-notice you we-here in pain. I-I’m sorry I didn’t a-a-ask you ho-ow you w-w-were doing m-more often. I’m s-sorry I di-hidn’t force you t-to ta-ha-halk about what ha-a-appened wh-when we w-w-were kids. I’m just s-so sorry for being a sh-shitty boyfriend and fo-hor everything else. It’s m-my fault. I-I’m sorry.” Bill’s final emphasized apology sends Stan over the edge. He wants to shout at the top of his lungs and cry and get angry and be upset all at the same time. It’s not your fault! It’s mine! It’s all mine! his mind screams.

Then, Dahlia comes back in to check on his vitals again. She introduces herself to Bill who gives a clipped greeting. “Lovely flowers,” she comments, removing her rubber gloves and tossing them in the trash when she’s finished with her examination. “What are they?

“Th-they’re hyacinth,” Bill responds curtly. After Dahlia leaves, Bill returns to his spot by Stan’s side. He sounds remarkably calmer when he speaks: “Do you know th-the my-hyth how hyacinth got its na-hame?” Stan can’t answer, but if he could he would still say no. “Well, the sun god, Apollo, and the god of the west wind, Zephyr, were competing for the affection of a mortal boy they both loved. His name was Hyakinthos. One day, Apollo was teaching Hyakinthos to throw discus and Zephyr got very jealous. He sent a violent wind their way that made the disc come back at Hyakinthos, which struck and killed him. The brokenhearted Apollo named the flowers the sprouted from his spilled blood hyacinth to remember him.” Whenever Bill told stories, he never stuttered. It was like an override function that allowed to him to speak without ruining the flow of his tale. Stan always loves to hear stories from his boyfriend and this time is no exception, only he wishes the story was a little happier. “Th-that’s why I got you purple hyacinth. I’m sure you sme-helled them when I came in.” Bill lets out a short laugh. “Purple hy-hyacinth means asking for f-f-forgiveness and symbolizes deep regre-het. I h-hope you can forgive me for what a terrible boyfriend I-I-I’ve been, not being able to see when the only person I’ve ever lo-hoved was hurting.”

And suddenly, Stan is very angry, Because how dare Bill think he was to blame for Stan’s fucked up mind? How could he think he was the reason for aftereffects of that demented, child-eating monster? For the past two days, Stan kept telling himself how he wants to wake up, but now he was going to try. He focuses all of his energy on moving something, anything. I’m coming, Bill. Hold on. He feels his fingers tingle and tries to squeeze them around Bill’s hand. When he succeeds, he hears Bill suck in a gasp. “St-Stanny, is that yo-hou, love? Can you h-h-hear me?” Stan squeezes his hand a second time and Bill lets out a teary chuckle. “God, I l-l-love you so mu-huch. I’m here when you wake up, o-okay?” Stan gives one more squeeze before feeling totally drained and slipping into the darkness at the back of his mind.

~ ~ ~

When Stan comes to, he is surrounded by his friends. He blinks his bleary eyes open and studies all the familiar faces in his room. They are chatting in hushed tones with one another so they don’t see him wake. He shakily lifts his left hand to get Richie’s attention knowing his loud mouth will get everyone else’s attention. His fingers gently brush against his friend’s bare wrist, making him jump. When Richie turns to see his friend awake, tears immediately spring to his eyes and a sad smile turns his lips upward. He lets out a few quick breaths, saying “Stan” on one of his exhales.

Then, there are five more pairs of eyes on him. They are all crying, even Mike who Stan had only seen cry a handful of times, which makes Stan cry as well. All the pent up emotions from yesterday, the day before that, all the way back to the sewers come flowing freely out. He tries to speak, but his voice pains him from so many hours of disuse. Bev rushes to the windowsill where a pitcher of water was being stored to keep it chilled and pours some in a cup for him. She delicately lifts it to his lips because his arms are shaking like leaves.

When he’s finished with his drink, Stan clears his throat a few times before beginning to talk: “I’m sorry.” And his voice is shaky, from the crying or something else, he doesn’t know. “I’m sorry you all had to go through that.”

Bill takes his previous seat and holds Stan’s hand like it’s going to break. “Sh, sh,” he hushes. “Wh-what do you have to be sorry a-a-about?”

Stan lets out a few more heartbreaking whimpers before clenching his eyes and drawing in a shaky breath to order his thoughts. “I’m sorry that I didn’t trust you guys enough to tell you what was going on. You all- you just wanted to help me but I thought I could handle the horrors of my own mind by myself. I couldn’t.” Stan punctuates the awful explanation with a humorless laugh. None of his friends find that funny, though. “When It came to Derry and I was alone with that fucking clown, It showed me It’s true form.” Stan shivers as he recollects what happened that day.

They had ventured into the sewers to find Bev, the ominous bloody message sending them right into the heart of It’s lair. Stan, of course, was reluctant to descend underground through the house of Neibolt Street, but they had no choice. Bev was in danger and it was up to them to save her. They were almost all in the entrance way when Henry Bowers nearly killed Mike.

That’s when he heard it: Stanley, the wind seemed to whisper. He turned abruptly, his flashlight beam falling on another stretch of sewers. Stanley, come here, it said again. Against his will, Stan’s legs began to move towards the sound. He knew rationally that straying from his group was a bad idea, but he couldn’t stop moving. His lungs expanded and shrunk rapidly as he entered an open chamber. All around him he heard the voice and the dripping of the pipes. We all float down here, Stanley. And then he was attacked. He got knocked to the ground and he tried to scream but he couldn’t.

“It opened It’s mouth and I saw-” Stan shudders as he retells the story. Bev places a grounding hand on his left shoulder and Mike stands by her to rub his fingers over the back of Stan’s hand. “I saw It’s true form. It was dark and cold and I felt like there was no hope left in the world. I felt so- so alone, like I’d never be happy ever again. And then you guys came and-” He draws in a shaky breath. “If you hadn’t pulled that thing off of me, I think I’d be dead or crazy.”

“Why didn’t you just tell us?” Eddie says, a strange tightness in his voice. He looks a little angry with Stan, but Stan doesn’t blame him.

“Yeah.” Ben contributes, wiping his nose on his sleeve. “We would’ve understood. We were all tormented by It. We wouldn’t judge.”

“But you don’t know!” Stan says, frustrated tears rolling down his cheeks. He feels Bill put his elbows on the bed and raise the hand he was holding to his lips. He was crying as well. “I got so paranoid after that. If you guys didn’t answer my text messages in ten minutes, I got worried that you’d gotten taken, or worse, that you were ignoring me.”

“Never,” Richie says. It’s strange that he had been so quiet until now, usually the one to command a conversation’s direction. “Never, ever, Stan. Do you understand?”

“I do now,” Stan replies, reaching to link his pinky with Richie’s, the only movement his shaking arms could allow. “But before, nothing could convince me. I just- lost all hope. Food didn’t taste like anything, so I stopped eating. Whenever I slept, I would only see It and the horrible things It showed me, so I only slept as little as I could get away with. I’d get anxious every time I stepped outside my house alone, like people knew that I was depressed and suspicious about everything. Then I started- started cutting to release some of that pain. It worked for a bit but I still wasn’t happy or at least not sad. And then yesterday happened.” He realizes he’s taking short, choppy breaths and that his friends are crying full force again. They’re all silent for a while, long enough for Dahlia and Doctor Mendoza to check on him. His friends are banished from his room while they take his blood pressure and talk to him.

“We’re going to give you some antidepressants,” Doctor Mendoza says, pulling out a pad and pen from her breast pocket. “And there’s a therapist that’s ready to see you whenever you get out. She’ll want to see you for an two hours twice a week to assess you. Until then, you’ll talk to the one we have on staff here. Okay, Stanley?”

“Yes,” he says confidently. “I want to get better.”

“Well, that is certainly a step in the right direction,” Doctor Mendoza says, a smile lining her lips. “I’ll get your friends back in here.” She leaves with a small “thanks” from Stan. He sees, now that the door is open, that his friends only crowded together right outside. He smiles wide and finally realizes that these people are with him every step of the way.

~ ~ ~

Stan is getting better. He still sees Iris, his therapist, twice every month, but that’s an improvement. Some days are bad, yes, when he can barely get out of bed because he feels hopeless. But these are the days when Eddie comes by before and after school to make sure that Stan is still taking his medications and talks to him and brings him homework. These are the days Ben brings over Lego sets that have a thousand or more pieces to distract Stan. These are the days when Richie and Bev bring CDs and dinner and sit with him while they all eat and listen to whatever artist is singing. These are the days when Mike brings over his dog, Mr. Chips, so that Stan can pet him for focus. These are the days when Bill ditches school or work altogether to lay with Stan and hold him until he feels whole again.

These are the days that Stan realizes he has two caring parents, five incredibly persistent best friends, and one exceptionally devoted boyfriend who all love him dearly. And it’s all Stan could ask for.

~ ~ ~

I just want to say two things before I wrap this up.1. To the anon who requested this: you have the patience of a saint and I wish I had me some of that.2. Please, please, please talk to someone if you feel at all like Stan did in this. Even if it’s not a face-to-face conversation, it will help. I promise.Have a request? Submit one here. See my masterlist here.

[heyfish64]

Eleven question thingymabob

The Rules

1. Always post these rules

2. Answer the new questions given by the previous person

3. Write eleven new questions

4. Tag eleven people

Tank yu to @literalvampire​ for tagging me :)

one. what’s your favourite musical?

cause i have listened to barely any, imma have to go with a disney one, so i’m thinking moana, with the new beauty and the beast as a close second

two. if you were an animal, which one would you be? & why?

raven. even since i was in primary school i wanted to be a raven or at least, i’d have minor existential crises (crisises? crises? crisis?) at the age of 8 about why i wasn’t born a bird, specifically a raven. they’re super smart, they’re black (like one half of my soul, the other half being rainbows) and yeah

also i’m in ravenclaw so there’s that

three. what’s the last song you listened to & ur fave lyrics from it?

the last song i listened to would’ve been Gypsy Caravan by Wolfmother and my favourite lyrics would be

“we can live together where the ocean meets the sand”

four. who’s your favourite fictional character, who Deserved Better?

this is gonna be a spoliery mess for the gone series, so don’t read this if you plan to read that

okay now the spoiler warning is covered, it’s a choice between Brianna, Jack or Duck Zhang. probably Duck the most, cause the poor guy just wanted a pool, then some racist dudes attacked him (racist towards people with powers) and that accidentally triggered his power of changing density, which, imo, is the coolest power in the series. then at the end, he is the only one who is able to beat the baddy, so he sacrifices his life to do it, but then it turns out it was only subdued. poor Duck

spoilers are over friends

five. what’s one of your treasured childhood memories?

I don’t really know, my child memories were never particularly special, for a few reasons, so i can’t really choose

six. who’s the first “celebrity crush” u remember having?

I legit don’t think i’ve ever had a proper celebrity crush ever sorry. that catagory was mainly filled with crushes on fictional characters instead. the first of which was Percy Jackson, which i didn’t realise back then

seven. which mythical creature would you most like to be?

either a pheonix or a dragon cause they’re both these epic, ancient creatures and just, i love them so much and i could ramble on about them both for ages

eight. you can pick one smell, that permanently accompanies you wherever you go, which one?

peppermint chocolate

nine. what’s an insecurity you have overcome?

i’m as insecure as the day i left the womb, next question

(okay but all jokes aside, i have got over my insecurity about talking about my interests which i don’t know if that really counts, but i used to be scared of letting anyone know what i like because i was afraid that either 1) i would be shunned for liking something unpopular or 2) i would be shunned for not liking something enough)

ten. if you had the ability to bring back people from the dead - would u use it?

I would, but only in very rare cases which would get too complicated if i tried to explain

eleven. is hufflepuff the coolest hogwarts house? (this is the only question that u can potentially give a wrong answer to; the correct answer is yes)

as a ravenclaw, the house of the wise, i can solidly say that yes, hufflepuff is by far the best and coolest house

OKAY so my questions are

1. who is your least favourite fictional main character/protagonist

2.if you had three scented candles always burning around your house (don’t worry they won’t set anything on fire) what will the be

3. favourite overall book series

4. what lava lamp colour combination would you like (for example, purple liquid and green floaty things)

5. What is your favourite kind of guitar (accoustic, bass, electric, etc) and why?

6. 1 big doggo teddy or several smol tiger teddies?

7. Ziplines or rock climbing?

8. if you had any kind of tree in your back yard, what kind and why? (show me your forrest expertise)

9. Fantastic beasts or philosopher’s stone

10. what remote control object would you want to own the most

11. favourite mammal

thanks for reading through everything if you did, i won’t be tagging 11 people cause frankly, i don’t know a lot of people but anyway

@sock-oddity @ohthisismuchworse @lestersboy @97cookies @campstamp @0daireble

[aion-rsa]

Clone Conspiracy #5 Reset A Key Aspect of Spider-Man’s World

SPOILER WARNING: The following article contains major spoilers for “The Clone Conspiracy” #5 by Dan Slott and Jim Cheung, on sale now.

Dan Slott and Jim Cheung close out the latest Spider-Man clone saga in “The Clone Conspiracy” #5, but while it’s an ending, the issue also serves as a new beginning of sorts for Spidey’s world. The event has featured the return of several supporting characters, or reasonable facsimiles thereof – some of them well-known and remembered, and others who had been nearly forgotten. The conclusion of Slott’s event seemingly institutes a sense of finality regarding the fate of some of these characters, while leaving a path for others to potentially return, possibly changing the dynamic of Spider-Man’s world in the wake of the story as well as several of the cast members who inhabit it.

RELATED: Spider-Cloned: The Life, Death & Return of Ben Reilly

The Extent of Dead No More Is Revealed

The “Dead No More” tag had been attached to this storyline months before it began, and its meanings had been many – it was applicable to the return of Ben Reilly, clone of Peter Parker and the one character in the Spider-Man mythos who many had concluded would never be seen again. Slott’s story hook also earlier teased the return of Uncle Ben – a notion that was dispelled midway through. In more general terms, though, the phrase was fittingly tied to the actual return of familiar friends and foes alike, from Gwen Stacy to Otto Octavius, and the resolution of “Clone Conspiracy” provides the scope of this revelation; in short, most any character once dead is ripe for eventual return, and very few of them need be dead no more.

This revelation is made possible thanks to Peter Parker’s technological knowhow, after he hacks into Parker Industries webware worldwide and broadcasts the sonic frequency counteracting the one that had been unleashed by The Jackal last issue to accelerate the decay of his creations. This includes the regenerated members of Peter / Spidey’s supporting cast who had been living within New U’s Haven facility — or, at least, most of them. While several are revealed to have already disintegrated (among others, Gwen Stacy and Marla Jameson are shown as dissolved into dust, while The Prowler’s clone and Jean DeWolff are mentioned), there are many more who remain unharmed, and unnamed.

Having fled Haven during the chaos, the potential for most of Spidey’s once-dead friends and foes – including those not specifically shown in the storyline – now have the potential to return at any time. So while Uncle Ben remains safe in the afterlife (for now), and the characters mentioned above are seemingly off the table, the future return of anyone ranging from Jack o’Lantern to Nick Katzenburg is made a little more plausible by way of Slott’s story. Peter’s past promise that “no one dies” is slated to take on a new meaning that he likely never envisioned.

Ben Reilly Bites The Dust. Again. For Now…

While all of the clones who decomposed within the story are implied to be gone for good, the series’ most notorious character has been set up to be the most notable exception. Not only serving as the storyline’s only known clone-of-a-clone, Reilly is also the only clone to be genetically strengthened by Miles Warren’s twisted scientific experimentations on him. Reilly disintegrates along with Octavius during their climactic battle, and while the finale is structured to imply that Reilly is gone, other factors indicate otherwise, the most prominent one being the upcoming “Ben Reilly: Scarlet Spider” series by and Mark Bagley.

RELATED: Ben Reilly is the Scarlet Spider (Again) In An All-New Series

Reilly’s unique background and multiple regenerations offer a possible clue as to his pending return. After Peter and Anna Maria Marconi observe the remains of Reilly and Octavius in the battle’s aftermath, Anna makes a reference to “the ultimate template,” the clone prototype Reilly had shown her earlier in the event, tempting her with the promise of a body free of genetic defects. Reilly has already been set up as the series’ character slated to come back from literal certain death, and his upcoming return indicates that this template is something Reilly could have already used to augment himself, or perhaps the proto-clone is Reilly’s next body. The genetic manipulation that enables Reilly to return to life with comparative ease, and in perfect form, could indeed serve as a template that could be applied to others, postulating what’s essentially the promise of potential eternal life.

Who Else Will Be Dead No More? Place Your Bets

With the notion of death now being established as even more of a revolving door back to life than a barrier to it than we’ve ever seen before in the Marvel Universe, the possibilities of who just might walk through that door are many. Some, like Uncle Ben, still carry a reverence that Marvel Comics’ writers and editors don’t seem ready to defile, and others, like Jean DeWolff, are unlikely to be resurrected for other reasons. Most others, though, stand a pretty fair chance of returning.

Otto Octavius is an odds-on favorite to be one of them; it’s unlikely he would finally be brought back as the classic incarnation of Doctor Octopus only to be killed off again for good. After Ock committed the ultimate crime against Peter by taking control of his body and usurping his life for a time as the Superior Spider-Man, Peter still has that longstanding grudge to settle, and it’s one that hasn’t really been addressed since Peter’s return amidst all of the other Spider-events. And, Octavius’ remains likely mixed with those of Reilly’s after they dissolved, so some of that ultimate template DNA is a more than a little likely to literally rub off on Ock.

Gwen Stacy, besides her cloned self being prominently featured in this series, is currently starring in a title of her own, albeit as the alternate versions known as Spider-Gwen. With all of this demand for Gwen, and with Peter back to being his old bachelor self for the past decade or so, there’s really no reason not to bring back the “real” Gwen into the “real” Marvel Universe. Besides, the character has been in woeful need of a fashion overhaul since the ’70s; every time she’s supposedly been brought back, she somehow feels the need to bring her miniskirt and headband with her. It would be nice to see how the classic Gwen would play out in the modern world, if for no other reason than to see her adapt to modern styles.

Lastly, the classic Green Goblin, whether as a clone of Norman Osborn, Harry, or someone else entirely, has been a long-missed villain in Spider-Man’s rogues’ gallery, and deserves to reclaim his place. While only an extra in “The Clone Conspiracy,” the character was seen in the background enough times to indicate that he didn’t simply flee Haven only to never be seen again. Indeed, he’s been revealed as the main protagonist in “Amazing Spider-Man” once artist Stuart Immonen joins Dan Slott on Spidey’s flagship series.

The saga isn’t quite over; the story of The Rhino carries over into “The Clone Conspiracy Omega” #1, on sale March 1. Ben Reilly’s new life – that is, his latest one – picks up in “Ben Reilly: Scarlet Spider” #1, on sale April 26.

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