#do pretty girl don't speak
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clint mcelroy creating a dnd character: oh yeah, this bad boy can fit so much simple zest for life in him
#eliot posts#taz#the adventure zone#merle highchurch#zoox anthellae#ive not listened to graduation yet (and idk if i ever will) so idk if this applies to argo or not#i remember so little of amnesty and am only 10 eps into steeplechase so i can't speak for the non dnd campaigns either#it's funny how a lot of people's ttrpg characters often have common themes in them#me and my friend john from our irl dnd group were talking about that and it's like#alicia plays the most Friend Shaped girls imaginable. caleb's Cause Problems On Purpose. julia's are sassy and tend to do their own thing#john's are edgy in theory but extremely friend shaped and caring in practice. and i tend to play The Mom Friend.#not ALWAYS but pretty often. and basically always they're just really looking for human connection (whether they know/accept it or not)#even my goddamned PISS WIZARD is quickly careening towards mom friend territory??? somehow???#very few people tolerate him so he's protective of those who do. even if it's mostly just a coworkers situation in the party#and most of the party is So Fucking Stupid#it's a very hilarious party composition overall. just 5 guys all thinking ''wow. what a bunch of freaks. good thing i'm normal :)''#and the only one who is REMOTELY accurate in that assessment is the cleric whose catchphrase has quickly become#''hey. don't look at me. i just work with them.''
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none of the LI's in FOM really look of interest to me personally
which kind of sucks because when i saw the art of Celine(?) I was very Oh this style is so cute!!
doesn't mean anything ofc that's all based on like looks and general vibe
i could fall head over heals with one based on personality later if I played it
if i ever decide to get it
#like are they all attractive?#i mean yeah#But like even the girls don't get to be like cute?#they're all like typically pretty or sexy#Like where are the cutie pies?? or the ones that just look kinda weird? Why are they all very stereotypically safely attractive#Like I get that it's like marketing doing only very attractive people means more people are likely to find one they like#but i look at them like hm kay I don't want you#anti fields of mistria#not really but in case someone really doesn't like seeing negative opinions about it they won't have to#Like I have this opinion for SDV too and really most indie farm sims that ive seen#though there i honestly thought they were ugly at least here its like “yeah i see that they are attractive but that doesnt mean i want it”#so I know it's just my character taste not like lining up for what they're going for#sadly the characters in sdv in general kind of suck so after i finished their events they still didn't have a lasting impression#Anti SDV#Point is none of them really speak to me and I'm a little sad my character taste sucks so bad lol
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Guys would you think I'm cringe if you knew that Im actively giggling blushing twirling my hair and kicking my feet
#i told them that they r pretty and they turned around at hit me with the your the prettiest girl in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#aoaiudheheksoaidudhrjejskskwodiehehwjjaoeorueusuajskwkriirehhwuwiriei#im gonna die over winter break i cant do this!!!#and the way they look at me!!!#bro!!#and and they do this cute little wiggle when im holding them and start to kiss them cuz theyre so happy!!!!#ougghghuggg#it hasnt even been 24 hours since i saw them last im so cooked but i don't even care bc they are so so so so so so lovely#like ive felt like shit off and on all week and they were so caring and attentive ough#i wish i could have kissed them goodbye but i think my dad would have actively died on the spot lol#she speaks!
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Stop being so pretty already, gosh (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#DAX#ZEX#They're just too pretty goodness me#Grumpy DAX! Piggybacking a bit off his grumps with ZEX but not all That much haha#Enjoys his company <3 Excitable and pleased and healthy - a good ZEX to be around!#Loves him ♪ What can you do#Pretty flirty ZEX! I don't mind making those obviously digital edits from time to time hmm#Makes things much more contrasty which is nice on the eye :) Dunno! I usually leave my scribbles alone but it might be fun to do more often#Like I don't already spend long enough on editing lol not the point it's for the ~aesthetics~ lol#Speaking of ♪ Starry dress ZEX ah <3 <3#I have a history of putting green aliens in sparkly starry dresses I just can't stop it's The fashion choice really#I think he'd look really stunning in a blues-and-golds like the VUX view in their close ups hehe#Though that central piece on his chest is a moonstone - obviously ♫#Phases of the moon belt :)#I love drawing the gathering of whispy dresses so much ahh and the way his arms pull either with just the tip or fully grabbed#Gathered into a bunch! Very fun shapes haha#I really enjoy putting him in unrestrictive clothing! Deserves to move comfortably!#Surprised I haven't put him in something with a leg slit yet tho lol - why does DAX grab me more for that style hmm#I guess the tunic style is usually like that haha I've got to put at least one of them in a Chinese style dress at some point#Not enough jewelry on his head tendrils now that I look at him hmmm - some starry webbing next time for sure#I never officially gave Bar the star-twinkling dress just the shooting star obi........o3o owo#It's a thought! It's an idea for sure :)#Fun fun fun with fashion ♪ S'why YIK is best girl hehe
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Regarding the previous post, I think the way I approach trying to evaluate a piece of art is asking "Do I think the positive things I get out of it outweigh the parts of it that I don't like?" And when I call something a "guilty pleasure" song/show/book/piece of media/etc. it's really more in the sense of, "Given who I am as a person, the flaws I've found in this should be complete dealbreakers for me, but somehow they aren't, and it makes me feel like I'm having an identity crisis."
#like. I think something like...idk shiki or cxgf excels on multiple levels. I understand why I like them. given the things I look for in art#it makes sense that these shows would speak to me because they make the effort to showcase those things I look for. because the people#in charge of those works clearly valued the same kinds of things and cared about seriously exploring them.#but with something like. uh. ctrlz. that is NOT the case and I frequently found myself going 'why would anyone make this writing#decision?' but I still sat through all 3 seasons of it! I still really enjoyed it! those flaws SHOULD have made me give up according to#personal history but they never did. and I very very much genuinely question why. I have NO IDEA why I still care about this#silly convoluted teen drama show so much. but I do. I wrote SO MANY FUCKING POSTS ABOUT IT.#I really love wicked the musical. I've heard many people call it 'hokey' or 'cheesy' or 'objectively bad' but here's the thing! I DON'T#think it's bad!!! like literally at all!!!!!! and it does do some genuinely cool things in regard to the music and the way the characters#develop and what the show says about the nature of prejudice and human connection. is it like. idk Serious™ the way that something like#Parade is? no. but it doesn't have to be. it does what it sets out to do and it does it well and this is why the whole '''objective#evaluation''' thing doesn't actually mean anything. I value thoughtfully-constructed music and dynamic female characters#(which this musical has). I value stories that deal with the complex and messy feelings that come with being a human (which this musical#has). I value stories about 'other'ness and romantic subplots that aren't just built on 'This Girl Is Pretty' (which this musical has).#and I value professional displays of technical vocal ability because I know how fucking DIFFICULT that is (which this musical...if you cast#it well...has).#if you value something else in a musical then yeah you will probably think THIS one is '''objectively bad'''#if you don't see the point of musicals as an art form you will probably think wicked is '''objectively bad'''#do you see where the problem with categorizing analysis like this is??
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of course the counter is that at some point they are going to break up and I'm going to have to deal with the terrible awful fallout. so no winning here I don't think
#it would actually be a nightmare.#and the thing is as much as I'm loathe to say it is he IS pretty decent. as far as they go#her taste is horrible she's dated some real assholes#but god. what if she MARRIES that guy!#being taken through all of uni is madness. but I'm getting ahead of myself#speaking of. I need to start dating around. like I don't it'll be a disaster but getting laid could fix me#if I could just get drunk and not be neurotic I think I could pull off cool masc lesbian I really do...#for a night I mean after that I can't guarantee anything#Ideally I should get into a charged homoerotic relationship with someone in my seminars but unfortunately they're all kind of lame. :/#god I miss epics 101 girl... she was so beautiful it was crazy#there was this one girl and we both voted werewolf for a horror thing but I don't think I've ever seen her again since that first class 💀
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Three boys, jeering, examining all four of us girls. They look at me. They grin and say that without a doubt, I "rank the highest"— as if I am an object, a shiny car, a celluloid aphrodisical, designed to be judged. They say that I am the best-looking. My father's voice interrupts the stream of my self-critical inner monologue to cackle in opposition. I open my mouth to defend my girlfriends, yet all of them nod in agreement and chime in, saying that they completely agree. None of them contradict the boys. None of them seem offended. The shock tears into my insides. You're all blind, I want to say, blind and foolish.
Wake up, I scream
You don't see what lies beneath these clothes of mine,
What swims beneath my skin (The beating yet broken heart, the dysfunctional organs, the to-hell-and-back-and-hell-again spine, the either too full or too empty stomach)
You don't know me.
you don't know that im not beautiful at all. not really.
I whisper to my friend, claim that they wouldn't say that if they saw my body. She insists that my body is beautiful and slim and enviable, and all I can think is that, my mother said the same thing when I wasn't eating so do you want me sadder? My father wants me happier— regardless of whether its real or not. He doesn't care either way. I think he'd prefer if it was fake.
A plate of food in front of me.
Eat it, my father says
Spit it out, my mother says
They disagree. They turn on eachother. They fight. The cacophony clouds my ears.
When it is over, when they're done, I tuck them both into their separate beds and listen to their troubles regarding the other. When I tell them about my own grievances, both of them fall asleep. I leave and clean the broken glass on the floor with my bare hands, ignoring the blood that protests at this, and tuck myself into bed with tears down my face, staining my pillow and mixing with the red.
You tell me I'm the most beautiful you've seen and when I oppose you beg me to tell you why
I shrug my shoulders, I don't know what to say (I'll give away too much if I do)
You should meet my father, he'll tell you if you give him all day and all night
After all, I was raised to be this way. Raised to believe every other girl was more pleasing to the eye than I. Raised to believe I should always look to them for inspiration, that I'd never be the inspiration myself.
#?? Just found this in the drafts....#I WROTE THIS? ME?#its true but my god what kinda emotional distress was i to have been able to produce something like this#this is based on the time a bunch of guys told my friends and i to our faces that im the best looking and stuff#I wish I could see myself the way other people do. But the idea of being perceived by others or seeing myself from their eyes is sickening.#It's all so paradoxical#Theres something so innately humiliating about being called the prettiest when I see a beauty in everyone else that I fail to see in myself#When I'm told to accept something I can't and don't believe in at all#Where is this pretty girl that everyone speaks of? Tell her to come find me and swap bodies with me#Even if no one else sees a difference at least I finally will
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That one girl in my class is soooooo cool, I think we could be friends, perhaps in a different world we are friends
She also clocked me as 'someone who definitely knows what AO3 is' that one time
(and yes, that's the same classmate who was reading some web novel during that mess of a class)
#if it weren't for that one person I really don't like constantly following me around#(and I do mean constantly. they followed me home last Thursday even though I told them that I didn't feel like talking to anyone)#I'm pretty sure I'd just be hanging out with her and her friend#they're both really nice#(plus I'm out as trans to both of them so yippee)#it's the same girl who saved me during that public speaking class when I was having an anxiety attack by the way
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I had yet another long, strenuous day yesterday and didn't finish work until super late and then I couldn't fall asleep until well past 2am cuz I was in so much pain from standing literally all day
#what made it worse was the client I spent most of my day with was a brand new client. and she booked super last minute#so I wasnt mentally prepared for doing a 5 hour color. and her natural hair was already pretty light so I had to foil foil foil. go back.#pull out first couple foils. foil foil foil. go back. pull out the next few.#over and over and over.#and her hair was so fucking long. and so fucking thick.#and after the first hour she wouldn't talk. like I like my silence so I don't fight it much#but every now and then I would try to engage with her. I'd say something and she would straight up ignore me. no acknowledgment.#which makes me feel anxious cuz it's like jesus... does she hate me?? did I piss her off somehow?#even when I finished her hair (it looked fucking amazing no lie. one of my best highlights yet.) she had next to no reaction to it#she was like 'it looks fine. I mean good. it's good.' completely deadpan#I laughed it off and was like yeah it's been a long day girl! but it looks amazinggg on you!!#no response. deep inhale. alright.#whatever tho.#when I did finally get off work I stopped @ bojangles cuz I was lightheaded and hadn't eaten since morning#and when I tell you I almost broke down into tears cuz there were so many people crowding the goddamn pickup area.#and so many bizarre conversations going on. genuinely felt like I was in some form of hell#like my feet hurt. my back hurts. I'm tired. I didn't get the validation I like to have over a 5 hour transformative color.#I'm hungry and there are two elderly women blocking the pickup counter. one is hard of hearing so she keeps yelling HUH???#and the other only speaks in soft baby whispers. that goes as well as you can imagine.#there's a man behind me grilling an employee abt whether or not he goes to church. he starts witnessing to him#and the employee says 'I've never thought about it like that before' no less than 4 times.#there's a child in front of me playing tiktoks @ full volume. and this is all happening simultaneously.#I really considered just leaving without my food but I knew I needed to eat and didnt have anything at home so I stuck it out#was it worth it? no. bojangles honestly sucks these days but what's a girl gonna do.#got home and tried to pass out but nope. tossed and turned all night.#put on hot n cold patches to try to soothe the pain a little. didn't work cuz one pain would be eased a bit and another pain would take over#blahhhhhh#and now. I get to do it all over again! yippeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
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oh! my nephew stayed here last night, and he told me that his grandma's partner - the most annoying, conceited, boring man I have ever met - said he doesn't like it that I always contradict him :)
I've met this guy maybe... 5-10 times total? and every time he manages to say something even more stupid than the last! it's almost impressive! like, he thinks he knows everything. and no one ever says anything, they just let him talk because it's not worth it (I know that because almost every one of them has told me this).
but I get too pissed off when it's something I care about. and I'm an adult now, I can talk back to shitty adults, I don't give a fuck.
anyway, I just think it's absolutely hilarious that he feels that way and now I'll do it even more often :) it's very fun when I ask him what his sources are for what he's saying and he just stammers some bullshit and tries to say that's not the point (pretty sure it's 100% telegram and tik tok, because that's the kind of useless old guy he is).
#some fun recent examples include... my niece gave back my rainbow high doll. he saw it and commented that it's disgusting that dolls#sexualise little girls like that because of crop tops and high heels and makeup and garter belts. what the fuck man. no one is sexualising#anything except YOU#that's a fashion doll. meant to be like 15. wearing fun pretty clothes and colourful makeup. if you look at that and think oh that's#too sexy. then I'm sorry but that's YOUR problem#(and garter belts??? it was some decoration hanging off her skirt what the fuck.)#he didn't like it when I said that no one ever says toys for boys have to be good role models :)#got realllly pissy when I wouldn't stop :) like hello dude you know there's something you can do if you don't want anyone to respond to your#fucking bullshit right? it's called THINKING. just keep that shit in your head#I'll keep doing this until he no longer wants to say dumb shit when I'm around :) (so. forever probably. but he's old he'll die before me so#it'll be fine).#oh and one time he tried to convince us that regular people in the UK are better off since Brexit. hello? dude you don't speak a damn word#of English. you barely know how to order a drink or something. how the fuck would you know#it drives me insane. he couldn't be any more mediocre and stupid if he tried. yet he thinks he's the greatest person ever#can't fucking stand him#and men like him in general. (yes it is only ever men. women like my mother are similar but they're never this fucking sure of their shitty#opinions.)#(in fact they usually give up way too easily. in my experience at least.)
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Kaido lore?!
#THE GIRL SANJI HIT HAS A RAT???#if sanji kills the rat he is not going back... this poor woman tho....#sanji didn't really get to dight his siblings so now he is kinda doing it lmao#sanji didn't hit her?? queen did??? omg. sanji don't lose hope.... but i want you to kinda do and succumb to the germa ajskdha#nvm he figured things out.... got the rat and everything... sanji talking to himself with the cage on... yeah..... omg zeff and luffy <3#omg queen got yeeted.... the rat.....#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1061#king asking zoro if he is trying to be a king implies now that as sanji beat queen he is one. now when zoro beats king???. exactly.#omg... zoro dont kill king he is too pretty to die.... zoro.... i was wondering where all the nephilim fanart came from akdjsk#this is so slay... zoro with the king of hell enma fighting an angel.....#kaido with shackles in punk hazard???? is it bc he is an 'ogre'????#wtf.... zoro is seeing a biblically accurate angel akdjsns WAIT. did king say he isnt biologically capable of besting him.#and zoro said he doesnt like those types of excuses. because he is equaling that to what kuina said about being a woman.#please someone tell me this isnt the resolution to that. please. that is so stupid.#also wtf is zoro gonna do against that. thank god he learnt how to cut fire damn. thanks kinemon. hope izo and usopp find you soon#the music. the visuals. slay. oh :( goodbye my angel..... him thinking kaido is joyboy??? you've got it very twisted. it's kinda tragic#how his faith is misplaced and ends up defending evil and dying for it..... :(#the z on the end screen akdhaka.... now o want kaido lore. why was he im punk hazard. i mean ti be experimented on but there's gotta be more#you know whats funny. robin becoming a devil for luffy. zoro becomong king of hell for luffy. sanji just doesn't turn evil :) AHDHAJAJ#which actually could be the most dangerous maybe bc goodbye emotions xd even if the king of hell and a demon could end him#inch resting. i want more about lunarians?? and kaido now. also MORE about zoro and kuina... please that can't be it....#did i explain here how at least in the op spanish speaking fandom there is a gag that zoro is racist?? it started with that woman from bw#he just now killed a survivor of a nearly extinct (or extinct) race xd. you can appreciate why the gag exists#episode 1063#usopp looking for kinemon and the scene hes gonna walk into.... izo please get here soon....#usopp calling them suicidal samurais ajdhak he will cling to life sobbing and full of snot!!! EXACTLY!!! this is actually so helpful.....#like they really are suicidal samurais... committing seppuku for anything.... izo thank god. he's gonna get the kun treatment from now on#episode 1062
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the day i scrape together like $50 JUST for makeup is the day i'll be complete.
#SCREAMS#i need to find more se asia makeup artists so i might have less trial/error#do u know how hard it is to be Not Pale and be into east asia makeup trends....#SCREAMS in constant fear of Your Darkest Shade Is Too Light For Me#LIPSTICK DID THAT i rlly appreciated them don't get me wrong but THAT SHADE OF LIP GLOSS WON'T SHOW UP ON MY SKIN#awkward 👍#SPEAKING OF I FIGURED OUT TD WHY AEGYO SAL LOOKS BAD ON ME#BECAUSE I HAVE LONG LOWER EYELASHES AND THE SHADOW MAKES IT MUDDY#hell rlly is a teenage girl (not a girl) (this isn't even that bad lol)#i should've gotten more makeup in indonesia#I SHOULD'VE ASKED MY COUSIN'S GF FOR RECOMMENDATIONS#she's literally so pretty omg
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. (tw heterosexuality)
#i am having the worst sexuality crisis of my life. i was so sure i was a lesbian but there is this One Guy..#he makes me feel things. i think. but i cant categorize them#relationships w men sound.. unappealing.. if i think about it generally#like a random man? sounds weird. or maybe not. i dont know. i havent even had a first kiss lmao i dont really know stuff#but him............oh...........hes so funny and cool and nice to everyone. his hands are pretty (weird thing to notice but ok)#he explains math to me and i cant focus because he's too close. thats so MORTIFYING I THOUGHT I WAS A DYKE#but at the same time 12 year old me was having heart palpitations around my first girl crush and shit#and he hasnt made me feel anything that strong so far. so. idk. but also i was 12. so idk#well okay generally speaking women make me feel much more doing way less#there was this occasion where this girl who i always had a mild thing for but never did anything about it just came up to me#at school#and just. haha lol i had a dream about you last night ;)#i am not joking when i say i felt weak in the knees. she was smiling in a like playful way so i was gonna make a joke but i could not#because i was going to pass out from being too gay#this guy (or any other guy for that matter) doesn't seem to have the power to make me feel like that#..........am i bisexual with a female lean or whatever people say. or am i experiencinf the worst case of comphet of my life#this is awful. not because i don't wanna like men (its just sexuality idc) but because i don't want to prove my mom right#😭what if it WAS a phase#but who knows. mentioning the girl who dreamt about me kind of replaced the thoughts i was having of him for a bit there#i miss her she was nice. well sort of. but i was never involved in the drama so who cares fr. she graduated last year#anyways sorry for breaking character. tumblr user kaeyapilled is lore dropping
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I think finally understanding how differently I act when masking VS when not was a delight. I mean, I don't act on it consciously most likely, but I have been wondering abt it for a while so coming to a conclusion at least brings me some kind of satisfaction.
I noticed that when I unmask my voice gets significantly deeper and slower, I don't mind sitting in weird positions around the person (or people) I'm with and I allow myself to be more excited or emotional about stuff that I like. And with that, I also struggle less with eye contact.
When I do mask however I speak in a significantly higher tone (that I myself hate), try to make myself as small as possible during the conversation, and just stare into the void a lot. AND I stare more at my phone a lot more.
Idk if I'll ever be able to change this or if I even want to, since I'm pretty closed off and wouldn't unmask around others I don't feel a 100% safe with. The thing is that with my masking also comes a lot of infantilization cus it's like I make myself as less threatening as possible and my clothing style + overall features don't make me look 20 (because we all know that a frilly skirt suddenly makes you a child, heh), so I'm conflicted on how to feel about it...
#moon likes to rambletm#I came to this conclusion two days ago while out at dinner with people from this course I followed for the month.#i *am* the youngest of the group; but something started to feel off when I realised I wasn't speaking during their conversation about-#-sexual relationships (I had nothing to add) and one of them went 'oh don't talk about these things in front of her; she's young and you'd-#''scare her''#and he was surprised when i told him im 20? like... the whole thing threw me off#also. I don't mind being called cute or doll-like cus that's literally my whole thing but I *do* notice when people say it in a way-#-that they almost don't take me seriously. it's like they are completely unable to accept that a 20 y.o may enjoy pretty clothes-#-without them actually just being an overgrown child.#i don't dislike them and i even met a cosplayer girl at this course who was very nice to me#just. needless to say; i don't feel comfortable unmasking around them while also disliking how i get treated when i *do* mask.#idk if i'll ever keep this for long here i just needed to get this out.#actually autistic
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#I'm just going to say that the whole Camille interview and harries overreacting proves that the tide always changes no matter what and it's#what we've been pointing out the past few days#it's only a matter of time#Camille suddenly became the 'it' ex once he started dating olivia and now that she spoke about her experience (which btw isn't even in full#detail) suddenly everyone reverted back to hating her and telling her to zip it and not speak on harry#like girl didn't even say anything bad she just said it was hard to date him because of all the attention and that she wants to be her own#person? which is something she has also said in the past? it's not even something that reflects on him more so on his fanbase#harries are doing the most the moment someone mentions harry and they don't like it especially if they're women#they also very conveniently leave the part out where she says 'because of the attention'#the amount of harries I've seen saying that she's not allowed to talk about him is appalling#it's always the 'sit in the corner quietly and look pretty' and you won't get hate that does the job
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UGUUGUUGGGHGHGHGH (<- annoyed)
#marzi speaks#so i lost my id in england and i'm probs not getting it back from there right#so i went to go online to apply for a replacement#WELL . online replacement requires you to know the id number and audit number#i know neither of these. it was a pretty new id#so NOW i have to fill out the application and make an appmt#so when i go to the dmv (already a miserable experience) the employee is gonna ask what i need#and i'm gonna have to go 'i'd like to apply for a replacement id card'#this tells them 2 things#1: i'm an adult who can't legally drive#2: i managed to lose an id card not 6 months into being an adult#UUUGHGHGHGHGGHGHGHGHGHGH#i KNOW they don't give too much of a shit#but the dmv is so miserable that nobody there is having a good time#and there is a non-zero chance they will judge me#girl it was covid! i had nowhere to drive!#and if my mom comes with me (she probably will bc i need to be driven there)#then she'll do her mom thing where she thinks what she's saying is innocent but it actually comes across as mega judgemental#and i'm gonna want to sink into the seat but i can't do that bc i'm an Adult Now#*head in hands*#i blame all of this on woman pockets. if those pants had better pockets my id would have never fallen#y'know at least it was in england. a brit won't be able to do much with a stolen texas id#we have pretty different accents
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