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edenfenixblogs · 11 months ago

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What are you doing to help black people?

Several things! (A Note on My Personal Limitations: I am not black. I am unable to protest for health reasons. I do not have much money at all)

I elevate black voices whenever I can

I joined an anti-racism book club where I can learn how to be a better ally and unlearn as much systemic prejudice as I can

I do not tolerate anti-black racism from anyone in my life for any reason. I call it out every time, publicly.

I donate (when financially possible) to several causes devoted to both long term and immediate aid to to black people including: various bail funds in my current state and my home state, the southern poverty law center, the Homeless Black Trans Women gofundme, the ACLU, and others.

I consistently educate people in my life about the goals of BLM — including defunding the police — in order to reduce their knee jerk reactions and foster better understanding.

I shut the eff up unless I can help. I’m no savior; I know this. I don’t break into conversations that don’t involve me. I just listen. Most of my public advocacy is amplifying black voices on issues that affect the black community without adding my irrelevant opinions as white-passing person.

Privately, I have and continue to reach out to the several black people in my life to let them know I support them and that I am listening. I listen to them vent to me about their pain and suffering. I let them tell me if I’ve fucked up somehow without getting defensive. Then I apologize sincerely and onboard the new information and don’t do whatever the offending action was again. I have not had anyone tell me I’ve fucked up in that way in over a decade, though. I did, however, realize (during my continuing journey of learning how to be anti-racist) that I’d held problematic opinions as a teenager (nothing crazy. Just ignorant teen bullshit borne from growing up as a liberal in a red state and thinking I was more progressive than I actually was at the time) and proactively reached out to the black friend I’ve known since my teenage years to say that I know I was an idiot back then and I’ve learned a lot since then and I will continue to learn and to apologize.

My work involves public communications. In my role, I continually advocate for anti-racist, black-affirming language in our company guidelines and publicly disseminated materials, even when that means confronting my boss—who is a white man.

I vote in every election in which I am able, researching every politician and bill thoroughly from multiple sources and voting as leftist as possible and educating people in my life about these bills details and the politicians platforms and records.

I am not perfect and don’t claim to be. I only claim to try my best to continually improve.

I don’t make a habit of sharing private communique and am only doing so now because this post asks for receipts. Here are some excerpts from conversations had during 2020 when tensions were a little higher. I decline to share receipts from more recently, as those conversations include more private and more identifying information. The pictured conversations involve friends I’ve had since pre-school, high school, and college. Again, this is not something I would normally share, because saying “I have black friends” is tacky and gross. But I am trying to respect your request for my commitment to the black community, which does of course include my friends. It feels wrong not to mention them in this context, even though I feel awkward saying it at all. Im also sharing only the start of longer conversations, as my friends’ pain and concerns are not for public consumption.

Idk if replying to your question alerts you, so tagging you just in case. @phantomdiebe

#racism #anti-black racism #white privilege #about me #activism #allyship

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cherrysmokesaconha · 8 months ago

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Hello Eddsworld fandom. Could u guys help to warm a little heart?

Hey. This is basically a request post. Ik lots of people won't see it, but idc.

Today at school was a day. A bad day. I cried a lot today and I was demotivated to draw vent art (I still am)

So um, if u guys don't mind, I wanted a request! I'm making a post cuz more people will see it (or maybe not).

If u guys can, please draw 2004/Christmas Special Tord (or 2005/Zombeh Attack Tord, or even both) saying that "everything will be fine" or even holding a board or paper that says the same thing. Basically a positivity post. It doesn't need to be that exact phrase, any positivity is fine.

Here's their pictures for reference.

And also, please know my boundaries. ↓

- I don't like when people draw 2004 Tord (left photo) with horns. If you're going to draw 2004 Tord from the left photo, please don't add his hair horns to him (if it's 2005 Tord/right image, then it should be fine, u cab draw him with horns);

- And that one teenager headcanon makes me hella uncomfortable. I don't like when people draw 2004/2005 Tord as a teenager or even with pimples. Please draw him as an adult if you're going to draw my request (if you're comfortable with it ofc, I won't feel offended if u don't want to draw this).

And also. I don't mind how you're going to draw this. I won't care if it's just a sketch, a complete drawing, or even a quick and poorly done drawing. I just need comfort. I need my comfort character to tell me that everything will be fine.

You don't need to draw this if my boundaries bother you, I will totally understand. If you don't want to draw, reblog for other people to see and possibly be interested in doing it.

You can tag me in a post or even send it to my askbox, as long as you send me the drawing.

Thank you for reading this. <3

#eddsworld #eddsworld 2004 #eddsworld 2005 #2004 tord #2005 tord #ew tord #request #comfort #cherry talks #/neg #eddsworld tord

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cupofbeesbackagain · 9 days ago

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Introduction + My rules (4 myself lol)

Hey! I go by Bee on here. I use he/him prns. This is mostly just gonna be a vent blog centered on ed stuff but also a place for storing info + asking questions lol

Im 17, I had my old blog on here from when I was around 12-14 but then I tried to recover and really fucked everything up weight wise!! I went from 119 lbs to 230 in the span of about a year thinking that was 'recovery' (it was binge eating)

Ig Im back now though, not sure how long though since typically I relapse for like a week then recover but honestly I am so damn fat i think it's gonna last a lil longer this time + I've never actually made a new blog except for this time so

Stats:

Height: 5'3

Hw: 230

Lw: 115

My other stats are in my bio + will be posted weekly once november ends (not weighing this Nov which really sucks since I won't even know my relapse starting weight lol)

i want moots..... I beg....

Here are some pictures from my old blog + my new rules for myself just so yall know what you're getting into (I don't have DID there is just Something wrong with me idk what it is lmao)

thats your official warning, I don't post advice on getting worse i only reblog it. I do occasionally post m3an/sw33tspp but usually i tag that i do NOT want it to be reblogged because I do not want to be known for spreading it. I occasionally post harm reduction. I will mostly post vents that will probs make me sound crazy lmao

thanks <333

rules 4 me

~1500 cals or lower daily on school weeks

1-100 crunches daily (spin the wheel)

128 oz of water daily

cant eat till all your homework is done + checked for answers

Do a plank for as long as you can once a week

Take dog for a walk twice a week

Walk at least once a day (aim for 10000 steps, if you don't manage that then do the burn 1000 cals exercise thing)

Jog/run once a week

dont purge pls <333 and try not to drink caffiene

#ed but not ed sheeran #tw ana bløg #ana blr #4ana #tw ed ana #starv1ng #3d not sheeran #trans ed #masc ed #ftm ed #ana male

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void-galaxy-shenanigans · 9 months ago

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We’ve never made (& never planned to make) a pinned post of frequently asked questions (FAQs) or important info but...here we are. After an influx of new people, I think it might be time to make a proper introductory post.

Heads up that this will be long because I don’t want multiple parts. I’ll drop a read-more line after the basic info so you can choose whether to read the rest.

¡Hi! We are the Void Galaxy (that’s a D.I.D. system name). We are a traumagenic system with D.I.D. Welcome to our blog.

We’ll start with basics, go over a lil history, & then have terms, tags, side blogs, rules, & FAQs (in that order).

So here is a masterpost for all of the info that y’all may need on our page.

Note that I’ll elaborate on in rules/boundaries: We don’t mind “spamming” likes & reblogs. It’s completely okay to do so on this blog or our side blogs 💜.

~Nico

~~~

Basics:

Profile Picture (PFP): ¡We didn’t make the art in our PFP! We got it from @nightcatssketchbook 💜

Body’s age: 24 years

Pronouns: he/they collectively, but headmates vary & we’ll attempt to remember to include pronouns with names when someone new posts.

We’re also all for being thrown a curveball (unexpected) pronoun, as long as it’s not she/her (very much doesn’t fit us) or it/its (doesn’t fit us). We may not like every one people use, but as long as it’s used in good faith, we probably won’t mind. Unless it’s a headmate who requests otherwise, or it’s Serenity (who uses they/she, making her the only headmate who still uses she/her at all; they’re open to curveball pronouns except for he/it), most pronouns are fair game. So...¿surprise us?

Gender Identity: We usually say nonbinary-ish man. Our lover offered boyflux / manflux and that’s the best specific label we have.

(We tend to explain our gender day to day very differently. Sometimes queer man, sometimes wizard/sorcerer, sometimes abstract concept, or something genderless/agender. It doesn’t stay still. The only thing we are not (even including Serenity, who is feminine-ish nonbinary)) is a girl.)

¿AGAB?: The biological sex we were accused of at birth is none of your business. We were convicted as a nonbinary-ish man as an adult and that’s what matters.

¿Number of Headmates?: We are polyfragmented and honestly I’ve lost track at this point ��

¿When did we discover we had D.I.D.?: The journey began with undeniable evidence in early 2019. We were first medically confirmed in June of 2020.

¿Who is fronting for / writing this post?: My name is Nicolás Carriedo, but everyone calls me Nico and I usually tag myself as Nico on this blog. You can usually identify me from español being slipped in to posts, purple emoji hearts 💜, & sometimes ¿? ¡! and other tone tags (others use those sometimes).

I’m an age slider (my age varies from stress), but I’m usually 18 to the body’s age. (Sometimes I’ll be 5 or 7 or 9 or otherwise a little for a bit. (Similar to age regression, except my body in headspace slides to match and I forget everything that happened after that age, and it’s a D.I.D. experience & because I also age regress sometimes.)) As far as roles, I’m a frequent fronter right now, but I’m also a protector and trauma holder.

(Please do nOT call me Nick, I hate it and that’s not my name, & I won’t respond to it. My name is español / de España. I also have two dads and an older brother in system with me.)

~~~

History / where & when this blog began:

This blog began as a reblogging and sneaky backdoor-into-the-internet blog back in 2011 (was not supposed to have Internet or computers, so we used school computer labs and libraries), and became a fandom and shenanigans page back in 2013. In 2019 to 2020, it also became a bit of a healing journey & mental health page as we ended up with undeniable evidence that we were plural and needed a place to vent those feelings and discoveries that our biological (bio) family, and especially our bio parents, would not find.

Now it is becoming a mix of shenanigans and reblogs, and actual advice and knowledge and theories and discoveries, and sometimes a place where we mention or discuss witchcraft and polytheism. (I don’t know when it officially became a blog that people followed for the reassurance and theories and advice, but here we are.)

~~~

Terms:

• Plurality / Multiplicity (noun / adjective): refers to the fact that one brain & body has multiple people in it, whether they have OSDD-1 or D.I.D.

• System(s) (noun): the collective people sharing a brain & body, or identifying as a unit. This can be two people or many. A system is a single group; systems refers to multiple bodies who experience plurality. Some systems also have subsystems, groups within the same body/mind that identify as or are considered somehow separate from the main system.

• Headmates, Headmages, Mindmages, Mindmates, etc. (noun): these refer to the people in a plural system. Each individual person is a headmate, mindmate, etc., including the host(s) &/or gatekeeper(s). The term in the DSM is “alters” but that refers to ‘alternate personalities’, which treats us as facets of a whole, like some monstrous Frankenstein’s monster, that doesn’t actually exist. Headmates/mindmates is akin to calling them roommates (we live together and share a space; we can be friends or family, but can also be strangers who never meet or strictly business partners or acquaintances or etc. & don’t automatically get along, so roommates encompasses all possibilities for us). As for mindmages/headmages, my keyboard auto-corrected to this once and I stared at it and laughed, and started actually using it because I loved the idea of magic & fantasy being interwoven with our existence. The most common term you’ll see us (& some other systems) use is headmates.

• Fronting/Fronted (verb - to front): the act of controlling the body & interacting with the outside world. This can be the person writing/typing, speaking, doing chores, taking care of the body, etc.. For some systems, this is like puppeteering from a distance, and others it’s like a computer or video game console, and there are likely other ways this is represented (all systems are unique).

• Front (noun): the physical/mental place from which we front (verb). This can be a blank space for some systems, or a house, or something more complicated. Our fronting space is currently a room that has computer screens to see outside (3 screens; peripheral vision (2) + central vision), and we control the body via PS3 remote controls like a video game. Sometimes there will be multiple people stealing one remote or passing it around, and sometimes there will be multiple remotes as we share control of the body & voice. There's a city around the building and all the buildings are made of a reddish brown brick. (I have a very vivid imagination so we have a vivid headspace that I built to make the space more comfortable.)

• Co-conscious (co-con) (verb / noun (place)): when a mindmage is conscious of the outside world, near enough to the fronting space to observe what the others are doing, but not in control of the body.

• Co-front(ing) (verb): when two or more headmates front together. There might be a primary fronter with others co-front, close enough to control the body &/or speak, or there may be 2 or more headmates splitting the controls.

• Mindscape, Headspace, Mind Palace, etc. (nouns): the physical place inside our mind where we go when we dissociate. If we dissociate a little we see the fronting space, but if we switch out or dissociate to co-con we can see different parts of it. Some people have a blank space or no visuals, and some have vivid &/or complex headspaces. Our mindscape is complex and vivid.

• Roles: these are the jobs that headmates may be assigned. They describe the tasks that person usually does. This can be a person remembering trauma the other(s) can’t handle (trauma holder), the person protecting the system or a headmate from further trauma (protector, persecutor), the person taking care of the physical body or helping the body cope through heavy emotions or flashbacks (caretaker, caregiver), or more.

~~~

Tags:

• # ~Nico, # ~Jack, or other # ~name tags — these are fronting tags. We may forget sometimes but are trying to consistently tag whoever wrote or reblogged a post in the post &/or the tags.

• # original art, # original photography, # original character, etc. - these are photos, art pieces, & characters we designed. They may be reblogs from our other side blogs, but they are ours. Unless marked, any photography or characters we reblog don’t belong to us. However, other people’s art with be marked with # not my art or # not our art

• # Liliana, # Liliana 🐱, # Lili, # Lili 🐱, # our kitty, # my kitty - We have a calico kitty named Liliana (nickname Lili). Sometimes we talk about her or share photos 💜. These tags mark when a post is about her.

~~~

Side Blogs:

@void-galaxy-art-stuffs - ¡art we’ve made! Some of this may contain triggering content / topics though, so scroll at your own discretion.

@void-galaxys-photos - photos we’ve taken. These are all taken on cell phones (most recently (past 3 years), Samsung Galaxy S8, Samsung Galaxy S21, & Moto One 5G Ace (Motorola)). We often take pictures of nature, especially clouds.

@note-to-self1119 - these are notes we need, directed at our younger self, but they may be helpful for others

@teaquotes48 - these are quotes I’ve found on tea bags when we drink cold/flu tea. Some of those quotes were just worth sharing 🤷‍♂️☺.

@wpffw - this is where we share writing prompts that are quotes or scenes from stories. Two or three are from our creative writing class in high school, two or three are ideas, and we occasionally reblog prompts/quotes, but the rest are quotes & scenes from our own writing. We hoped someone else may benefit from prompts in this style, after we discovered a lot of prompts were too vague or too specific or just...not inspiring or giving us ideas and that we write easier from lines out of books and TikTok videos and songs than we do from those. The blog name stands for Writing Prompts For Fictional Writers. It's a couple years old and has around 170 prompts. Prompts are primarily around fantasy & magic and queer & trans characters, & of course plenty of trauma & comfort trope scenes/quotes, with some exceptions.

@say-it-with-me-affirmations - affirmations we have written down for y’all to look through and benefit from

~~~

Rules & Boundaries:

• We are not a medical professional, or licensed psychologist. There will be questions where all we can do is tell you to seek professional help.

• Asks (including anon) are open. If you have a question we may be able to answer, ask. The most we’ll do is say we aren’t comfortable answering your question, or reply privately to your ask. You will not be belittled, mocked, or bullied for what you don’t know, and we are comfortable answering most questions around our plurality (and some other categories). If we have the spoons you will likely get an answer. It’s also okay to use asks to say hi, or to let us know our content helped you in some way (on or off anon). ¡We also post ask games sometimes and would love it if people participated in those with us!

• That said, hateful or cruel asks will be deleted and blocked. We may also delete other asks at our discretion. We are not obligated to answer every ask, and may choose not to sometimes.

• Our ask box is not a space for donation requests. We don’t have money to help anyone, and it’s likely our followers don’t either. We may boost existing posts, but won’t start a new one from asks. We wish you the best in getting that help, but that’s not what this page is for.

• LGBT+ hate won’t be tolerated on this blog, or our side blogs. This includes bioessentialism, trans-misogyny, trans-misandry, transphobia, enbyphobia, aphobia (acephobia, arophobia), biphobia, etc. Your replies or asks will be deleted and you will be blocked.

• Sexism, racism, and other bigotry (-isms, -phobias) won’t be tolerated on this blog or our side blogs. Your replies or asks will be deleted and you will be blocked.

• Free Palestine (stop the genocide), BLM, ACAB, and anti-capitalism. If you disagree with any of those movements, please block us and leave our page. If you argue any of these points, your replies or asks will be deleted and you will be blocked.

• We are long overdue for a full-scale revolution (pro LGBT+, pro ‘cringe’ / weirdness, pro true freedom, pro neurodivergent, pro culture, pro choice & for people making medical decisions about their own bodies (medical gender transitions / gender affirming care, abortion or post partum care, etc.), pro (better) therapy, pro emotional maturity, anti-racist, anti-capitalist, anti police / ACAB, anti occupation/colonization, anti ableist, anti white supremacy, anti conversion/assimilation). Either get out of the way or join us.

• Please please please reblog from us. We don’t mind “spamming” likes & reblogs. It’s actually very fun for us to witness / be notified about. If you like our content, 100% ¡share it, reply to it, send us asks about it! Engagement is not at all annoying or problematic. 💜☺

~~~

FAQs:

Q: ¿What does “medically confirmed” mean?

A: We have not been told if we have a professional diagnosis on paper yet. But we have been openly acknowledged by 3 different licensed medical professionals and repeatedly told to seek a D.I.D. specialist for a professional diagnosis.

Q: ¿How did you get medically confirmed 3 times?

A: After a year of therapy (first time around; ended June 2020), our therapist said she “[had] met 26 of [us]” and that she highly recommended we got to a D.I.D. specialist. (We did not know how to find, or have money for, a specialist at the time.) That means a professional confirmed our existence. This happened again with our new therapist (began August 2023), who has already distinctly met 3 of us (me, Lucca, & Serenity). We know because we’re getting more comfortable openly presenting as plural; I usually wear blue (shirt + button up / flannel) with the body’s natural hair, but Lucca wore a wig that looks like his hair in headspace and a green outfit (shirt + flannel) and Serenity (they/she) wore a wig and a dress with a coat over it that covered up our chest (we agreed to let her not bind in the therapy room as long as they wore a coat to hide our chest elsewhere). Our therapist has also encountered (co-conscuious, has spoken aloud but wasn’t fronting) Jack several times, and this week she encountered Wolfe and Sylver for the first time. So that’s two therapists. And lastly, our psychiatrist asked about what the intake person had only noted as “hears voices” (I explicitly called it D.I.D. so that was rude), & I was honest. By the second check-in on meds, she explicitly asked us “who’s fronting today?” (she met me, Nico, before that but I was alone, & that time there were 3 others with me, no clue how she knew) & especially after that session (we were switchy and talking to eachother aloud) she agreed that she saw signs of D.I.D. and that we should seek a specialist when we can. Between all of those, that makes us triple medically confirmed. (Technically our current therapist has an intern shadowing her who has also seen and acknowledged our D.I.D./plurality, but she's not licensed yet.)

Q: ¿Do you believe that D.I.D./OSDD-1 has to be professionally diagnosed to be valid?

A: Absolutely not. Access to professional diagnosis is limited and often expensive. It can take up to 15 years (and sometimes several medications) to get the correct diagnosis, and the minimum is usually 3 to 5 years. I do think that self diagnosis should be careful and involve official research papers (using Google Scholar if needed, but preferably using scientific journals if you can access them), because (a) confirmation bias (believing you have something & ignoring any evidence to the contrary) & (b) there are similar disorders that may fit better. There has also been some stigma and misinformation spread on social media (and in movies) to be wary of. But I do believe that most self diagnosed D.I.D./OSDD systems are correct about their own experience and are completely valid.

Q: ¿Are there movies or TV shows where I can learn more about D.I.D. or see it represented? ¿Are there ones I should avoid?

A: Yes, if you take them with a grain of salt because they are still dramatized and may contain misinformation or stigma or other biases. Most systems believe Moonknight (a TV show on Netflix) is the current most accurate representation. But as far as avoiding representation, or being cautious to do high levels of misrepresentation or only representing dangerous & negative stories around plurality, please avoid or be careful with The Crowded Room, & Split & Glass.

Q: ¿Did you shatter/break as a child? / ¿How did you become plural?

A: (No.) The current most supported theory (supported by evidence with replicable results, but psychology is a newer science and not a hard science so not 100% proven) says that everyone is born with identity fragments. These fragments integrate with a single identity and memory at 9 to 12 years old, in healthy childhood. This creates a multifaceted personality, or the phenomenon of people being a different person with their family vs coworkers vs lovers. When a child forms plurality (D.I.D./OSDD-1), repeated trauma (mixed with severe trauma, or smaller trauma compounding) prevents these fragments from fully integrating their identity, memory, or both. These fragments get separated by amnesia walls (they forget about one another, forget about memories or separate identities or both, & can't access or integrate with one another), which then forces each individual fragment to form its own multifaceted identity. The difference between 1a, 1b, & D.I.D. is the degree of identity separation / distinctly different people and the degree of amnesia (forgetting trauma, day to day events, &/or switches). The identity & memory separation cannot be from religious or cultural experiences (e.g. shamanic practices or religious trances) and has to be persistent (the minimum observation time prior to professional diagnosis is one year). It's usually a covert disorder, but if someone discovers their plurality it can start to reveal itself in more obvious ways.

(Spirit (one of our headmates) actually wants to combine these into one label, something along the lines of ‘traumatic amnesia with plurality’, & (similar to autism) have what is now separate diagnoses be scales under a single label (degrees of identity & memory separation), but unless that happens they are considered three separate and related disorders.)

~~~

If you actually read this far, thank you so much, and welcome to our page! 💜

¿What song, band, or playlist saved your life when you were at your lowest?

(¡tell us asks, replies, or reblogs if you want to!)

(My answer: Citizen Soldier (Let It Burn, Would Anyone Care; ICU, You Are Enough), but also sometimes Simple Plan or other bands/songs.)

~Nico

#masterpost #~Nico

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tylovesmushrooms · 1 year ago

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☆INTRO POST☆

I realized that I never made one so here we go!

Hi, I'm Ty (no, it's not short for anything)

I go by he/they but am good with neos

I'm a minor

I sometimes reblog nsfw jokes, but only jokes

I am some arospec queer identity, but I don't care enough to find/use a specific label lol

I am a punk and I mainly listen to punk, metal, goth, and folk

I'm proudly transmasc and I present a WIDE variety of ways, sometimes very fem. If you don't like any part of that, fuck off. I have no time for terfs, transphobes, or exclusionists of ANY KIND.

I am autistic and my special interests are mycology (study of fungus), botany, foraging, and jumping spiders. If you want to hear about these or tell me fun facts about these or interact with these with me in any way PLEASE reach out! Also I LOVE identifies fungi, plants, and jumping spiders so please send me images of any you find! There is a better chance I can identify things if you take close-up and farther away pictures for multiple angles.

I am proudly disabled, both physically and developmentally. I use a cane. If you are ableist FUCK OFF. I am also a lot of other things outside of being autistic but I don't feel comfortable sharing those.

I recently started tagging posts I reblog with undescribed image or image not described, and image described in alt text, when they apply. If I forget to tag a post that needs one of these tags please tell me.

I only speak English fluently, but I am learning Latin for school

I live in the southeastern part of the US

I am a leftist, I am really doing my best to learn about different ways of life and perspectives. If I say or do something that if not okay/offensive/rude please tell me. You don't need to educate me if you don't have the energy, I can do research on my own if needed

I am an artist and I work in many mediums, feel free to ask about my art, I love talking about it!

Whether or not we're mutuals, feel free to reach out to me! I'm not great at socialization, but love people when I'm feeling social. My only rules are no nsfw, no venting/trauma-dumping without warning if we don't really know each other. I will let you know when I am comfortable having you vent to me.

I won't always respond immediately, even when I'm online. This doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you, I just often have a low social battery or forget to respond to things. If it's urgent you can remind me to respond an hour or two later, just don't be rude about it.

If you need me to tag any topic or type of content for any reason, please tell me! I want people to feel safe on my blog (unless you're a bigot, then you are not welcome here in any way shape or form)

I am usually happy to answer RESPECTFUL questions about my disabilities or identities. This is not true for everyone (so don't just question random people) but it is true for me

I think that's it, love y'all, bye!

#intro post #introductory post

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bunny-hoodlum · 2 years ago

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☆ Share 3 fun facts about you, then pass this to three of your mutuals! ☆

Wow, I've been tagged four times! @alexis513, @littlemonstert-blog, @mrs-messy and @mysummerchoi, thanks for tagging me. :3

@mysummerchoi, I feel the exact same way. 😭 Plus, I'm not used to supplying info about myself when asked, haha. That stuff always evaporates from my head. ( . _ . )

I might have maybe almost died when I was three or four? Just kidding, but my mom thinks so. It was a day at a Californian beach, I was buried up to my neck in the sand for a picture and I guess they buried me too close to the water, so when a wave washed over me, they completely lost me in the sand, like either I sunk in deeper or sand washed over my head. My uncle just scooped me out like shwoop! lol. Without a picture, I won't know if it was a bad as they thought it was.

I can be clumsy and hurt myself and for whatever reason I never get scared or feel pain with this happens. Sometimes it feels predictable or like it's happening in slo-mo and I just go 'damn' before it happens. Like, at my old job working warehouse, I tripped on my ankle I think? And I just neatly fell forward like a feather, like I just knew not to resist or I'd hurt myself more. Try to imagine a lego man but with bendable knees. Now picture how you would use that lego man in a stop-motion film. It was like that. And it was so weird too that I thought it was funny. Sometimes when I derp and hurt myself it is actually pretty damn funny, but if it happens too often I get severely frustrated and devolve into a 5-year-old. Another time we got rear-ended twice near the offramp to Santa Barbara, and before the second impact, I just relaxed expecting it -- cuz you know, shitty drunk drivers survive because they literally can't tense up or do something worse like move to look behind them (you will hurt your neck doing that) -- But… But..! Try to get my attention when I can't see you, I freak the fuck out. This was probably more than one thing, but I think it's all related to each other lol.

Maybe this is too personal, but I always find psychology and whatnot very interesting, so from that perspective I'll share this bit of dumbassery: My attachment style has improved but is still pretty damn fucky. I just recently remembered how I had a crush on this boy in middle school (our middle school had 3 separate schools attached, so only time you could mingle with students from another jr high was after school clubs and we met in art club and bonded over FLCL), and I didn't know I liked him until the following year, but then I couldn't do anything about it because he was already dating someone else, a witty Korean-American girl (and I also had a complex about not being Asian enough). Time skip three years and he's finally a freshman, so I get to see him again. (We were same age but he had to start school late). I ask if he's still with her (because I still got some feels leftover) and he said she moved to Canada and had a girlfriend. And fuck if I know why cuz... I don't. My initial reaction wasn't 'Oh goody, I get to try again!'. No. I thought 'She's bi?! Why didn't she have a crush on me?!', like in that split second I wanted to be HER girlfriend instead of this other person. How dare this totally cooler than me girl that grabbed my crush find her own super cool girl to be with, like, first I'm not good enough for him, now I'm not good enough for her, I can't even begin to imagine how cool her Canadian GF must be, blah blah blah, she must be unsurpassably cool because she was chosen by someone also unfathomably cool and that's just how that shit works, blah blah blah-- sigh. The silent screams of my pathological need to be important, everyone. And that is why I will no longer do vent posts, because I feel super ashamed whenever I get validated for my bullshit. ; u ;

Haaa, alright, pick three mutuals. Hm. Feels like everyone got tagged tbh... @peppercornpress @char-lotteral aaaand @spaciousignatius 💖

#tag game #I am le cringe #🙃#Is 3 somehow an example of pakikisama or pakikibagay? Or was I just BPD af?

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shatterthefragments · 10 months ago

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✨ End of Year Questions ✨

Tagged by @ongreenergrasses 💖

I also didn’t think I created much this year, and. To be completely honest, I didn’t really make much new art, and what I did I didn’t really post here. Most of what I’ve done this year is really continue writing snippets of lyrics/verses/poetry in my notes. Hoping to make more time for a lot of things this year!

What is the favourite thing you created?

A sailboat reduction print (lino style but on a literal disposable plate)

Which work are you most proud of?

Honestly, either that same sailboat print or some of the poetry/lyric snippets I’ve written this year. Or the leather medicine pouch (also created for my class final project)

Is there anything you’re proud that you achieved this year?

I’m proud that I created anything at all outside of class requirements (I took one art centred course at the beginning of the year, which my sailboat print was created in)

Did you explore anything new this year?

Not so much for creating, but I did get stickers made of some of my previous work to sell at fairs and whatnot.

Wait no the leather medicine pouch - I haven’t done much leatherwork yet though I really want to create super long lasting functional pieces and textiles is very new to me and is a way of connecting to my grandmothers’ past. And I also joined a sewing/quilting club at school (which doesn’t seem to be running this year but I have no time anyway this semester so that’s fine) (I have not finished the sewing supply bag project we started)

Which work gave you the most difficulty?

Anything finished haha. I am still striving to fully finish and edit and refine some of my lyrics into songs (eventually to try to record and produce with whatever free and/or cheap software I can find).

Also some of the more unusual custom cake requests at work were difficult to do but they worked out.

And textiles can be. Frustrating.

What was your biggest creative challenge this year?

Finding time to create. I definitely took this as a year to go and do things that I. Had to go to. And while I probably could’ve brought a mini sketchbook with me, I didn’t usually.

Which work brought you the most joy?

A birthday card I did for a friend. It’s a pen sketch of their favourite beach (at least the view I got when I took a quick visit and picture of it)

Which of your works do you think people should check out?

…from 2023 nothing is posted unless you’re on my personal instagram or something. (Unless I did post my year of the water rabbit watercolour paintings? In which case - those.)

Otherwise my Creating Awl Together story/series (once I make time to create more for it 😅)

Do you have creative plans for the new year? Is there anything exciting that you’re working on?

Oh always 🥺💖✨

I accidentally made a new years resolution to record one of the songs I’ve written,, but also I want it to be. Better than the literal middle school vent lyrics I’ve written.. so we are. Trying to write some new stuff and upgrade to… mid twenties vent lyrics… (and some like!?! Joyful lyrics too?!?!) (I’m actually excited and terrified and don’t really play any instruments right now and what I played on flute isn’t really necessarily the vibe for what’s in my head?? But it could have a place so I’ll probably play again and if need be I could probably rent a tenor sax for a day or so.) so. Next up is learning (or throwing together) a bit of music production (I am currently gathering royalty free free samples from anywhere I find them more or less)

I really want to draw a lot more this year!!

And paint more again!!

And of some of these drawings I want to transfer them to be lino cut or dry point and do them as prints!!!

I have several quilts I want to make!! I’m going to start really small though to. Learn how to sew them haha 😅 But I hope my first quilt is a lovely sea turtle themed quilt for one of my best friends’ cat. Or a lap quilt for mum. I. Realistically I don’t think I’ll get to this before the end of the year.

I want to paint more ceramic pieces at the paint your own ceramics place (I have. Several pieces that I just need to finish painting)

More cards that I drew on~ I have a bit more energy than last year despite everything it seems right now so I am hoping I can continue to draw on cards for my friends 💖

This shall be the year I finish my dogs out doodle (barefoot ship life!!!)

Lastly, any words of wisdom or advice to share?

To myself: just try. Just try. Just do. It can be whatever. Just create something. Just create anything. Joy, catharsis, one single line. Anything you can.

Given how late I filled this out I’m not tagging anyone 😬

#tag games #tag game #✨ creations ✨#long post #you know what? yeah! I am excited for this year!

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swueesharts · 2 years ago

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For Misery Loves Company

-A Picture I took this evening, after seeing some acquaintances I know take pictures of the same scenery. Guess my photo diary habits did influence others

Today, was a day that leaves no mark in my life. Well, it does. But not in a way that leaves me satisfied. I am utterly chagrined with myself. I tried to improve myself more and take a step closer to a better me; I planned to study art from P5R(Persona 5 Royal), I wanted to do some figure croques. I also wanted to organise the vocabulary that I accrued over the years to expand my repertoire. But alas, my media addiction took ahold of me. I wasted 5 hours of my life on Netflix. Although while impressive and relatable, binging blue period wasn't on my agenda.

It's funny how terrible you could feel from realising the damage you did to yourself. I currently feel like someone took a cutter knife, stabbed it deep into my heart, and left it there. Watching as it weighs down my heart, slicing it deeper, and deeper. While a gruesome allegory, I believe it best describes how I feel witnessing my unfolding misery. But you know what they say, "Misery loves Company". I ran a quick google search and absorbed the information that the phrase is used to explain how those who share similar pains would try to connect to each other. My misery also wanted company. I thought perhaps meeting new people might help, so I went around snooping for some online communities where they talked about formalities and etiquette. I desperately wanted to share my desires to reborn again. But my efforts were futile. A discord bot wasted me 3 hours of troubleshooting its captcha only to find the place unwelcoming of my prescence. The bot mocks me with its corporate flourish.

Taking a step back, perhaps it is expected to take a positive twist on this. Today is the last day before... the last day of school. So maybe it is supposed to be a day where I could wind down a bit and take things slow. Maybe I've been looking at my current social life in the wrong light. Perhaps instead of looking for new, I should instead keep in touch with my old connections and check up on them. I also now know Discord has an issue with the captcha feature on mobile phones.

To add further, perhaps I should look into support groups instead of finishing schools. I feel as though I am not "emotionally stable" enough to brush up on my social grace yet. Perhaps I should connect with those with life wisdom to help me form a better version of myself. I also should check on how my "brain" is doing after ignoring it, but that's another confession I'll cough up later once it allows me to.

Anyhow, sorry for this dull and gloomy blog entry. This post is a way for me to let off some steam in a composed manner. If any of you lizards and afros know how to tackle my situation, hit me up. I'd appreciate some solace and support. I know I'm not alone, and that is what's gonna push me forward.

ps. A side tangent if I might, but I do adore discovering animal foortprints on leftover snow. Makes you wonder what journey they were taking, and where it leads them. Exciting, don't you think?

#vent #emotio- (ah right, tags don't work this way in tumblr haha.)

#vent #emotional support needed'#misery loves company #solace #emotional support #tangent #gloomy #down the weather #I just want a happy life #is that too much to ask #hopeful #i am not alone

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eulbkrad · 8 months ago

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Another year. Another year avoiding FB. It feels like hiding 😶‍🌫️ It maybe 🤔 un-admitted shame of not doing enough but just venting.

If you are reading this, I choose to share with you.

But I didn’t. I choose to share with void. With someone who just simply stumbles accidentally because of tags 🏷️, or g-d knows what else .

Today I no longer can separate acceptance from giving up. But I don’t want to leave room for any misinterpretations on what “giving up” means here. It is damn hard to explain it on paper with clarity when you’re out of practice. And yes - I don’t want silent 🤫 judgement or words of encouragement. So I’m back here, in my safe place, on tumblr.

I always hold high hopes that for M to succeed just enough awareness and acceptance needs to be in place with a slight addition of support; far from what he is getting at school. That I can’t give up.

Self-talk anywhere and everywhere for no reason and to self-soothe

No attempts to make friends or to keep the ones who reach out

* Recording subway 🚇 tunnels

* Watching 2hr long videos of subway tunnels

* K-5 level cartoons

* RTVi along but resistance to learn Russian

* Talking pretend Russian to people who don’t speak 🗣️ a word of the language

* Visits to Times sq to record trailers available on YouTube for months

I used to try to redirect or mask 😷 (big negative word in ASD community that seems to me extremely self-indulgent, coming from people who don’t deal with complexities of being adult on a lower end of the spectrum). I tried to tap into whatever inappropriate and give it a spin that would bring it closer into fitting into what in foreseeable future will be societal norms.

I accepted defeat and just let it be. Sometimes it backfires badly in public and otherwise; most of the times it’s ignored if noticed. Of course, I can’t ignore it. Sheer for the fact for needing to be alert 🚨 enough to step in when it hints danger ⚠️ levels or awkwardness overload. Like with the rest of this quirky and unpredictable life, the unpleasant reality became mundane and normal. Well… MY normal. I can’t ask anyone to subscribe to it because once in blue moon 🌖, I get a day of respite into the actual normalcy and it still hurts to return into the ASD routine. Not like a bleeding 🩸 hurt more like a paper 📄 scratch that takes annoyingly few days to heal.

I almost gave up on

* not having a conversation that hasn’t been played out gazillion times already

* having hard time between picking favorite, even when it is obvious (like picking cake 🍰 over sandwich 🥪)

* Mistaken pronouns (I am not MY mom but YOURS) and preposition (the cup NOT at the table; it is ON the table)

* And general silliness of your sentence structure and thought 💭 expression

* …

I started this post yesterday after a long day of brewing thoughts 💭 of what and where to write ✍️. It’s 5:30 am and M already woken up ⬆️ like he always does regardless whether it’s a school day or a weekend. I should’ve done soooo many things yesterday but I chose to write until I crashed into sleep 😴

it’s April 2. I write every year on Apr 2. It is silly as I don’t quite believe in traditions. But in a similar vein as I can’t forgo Christmas tree🎄for New Year, I can’t skip ⏭️ and not post today. On the eve of Apr 2 I’m reflecting more than any other day. Again I’m reflecting on acceptance: personal and general. Nobody forces me to write. And yet I hold some slight hope that this is something that someone needs / needed to read. Exactly as I wrote TODAY (which for all I know might not be even the day or month or year). I read so many encouraging posts and they helped. I read so many despot cries and they help. This one is neither. But, if you read thru the end and now feel a feather 🪶-bit lighter, I’m glad for both of us. Hugs 🫂

P.S. dedicated to the lack of regular emojis bank 🏦 -lol… I used to ace social stories with pictures. I thought 💭 that in 14 years the options for OOTB emojis would expand a lot, given the number of spectrum folks and their supporters in the industry. Oh well… here is to another ten 🔟 years 🥂

🔵🟦 🌀 🗣️ 🖌️ for Ⓜ️ 🩵🌐💙

(In all seriousness, social stories what helped a lot us with transition and training for public events. Do that. It’ll be the easiest thing today you’ve done ✅ to help yourself and your kid. )

#myasdmymmg #asd #asd mom #asd parent #asd dad #autism acceptance #autismawareness #autism #april #autism awareness #life

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exit75 · 9 months ago

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The object of art is not to reproduce reality, but to create a reality of the same intensity. - Alberto Giacometti

Hello and welcome to my art blog! I have been making art for a very long time, and basically went to art school for 12 years (literally). I have been trained in "traditional" art, specifically painting and drawing, with some printmaking as well.

🌟What you'll find here: My main interests are narrative and emotion. I really love when the viewer has an emotional reaction and connection to my art. This is really the goal i strive for. I typically make representational art; it's very rare that i make abstract work. This doesn't mean that i see it as valueless, it's simply not my main way of expressing things.

My art often deals with heavy themes, especially mental illness, including self-harm and suicidality. I will tag those specifically (see under the cut for tags). Earlier work may not be tagged; for some reason Tumblr won't let me edit tags on older work.

🌟Currently posting: _

☕️If you'd like to leave a tip, you can do so at my Ko-fi page. Thank you so much!

🈲️If you are a dick in my notes, asks, messages, you will be blocked. Being a dick includes things like racism, mental illness stigma, any kind of queerphobia, etc. I'd like to think you get the picture from a handful of examples.

🌟.。*゜ .*.。🌟.。*゜ .*.。🌟。*゜ .*.

tags:

general tags

original art

painting

drawing

sketch

sketchbook

comic

vent art

blood

self harm tw (old tag)

self harm

suicide tw (old tag)

suicide (includes suicidal ideation)

fandom tags

lotr (The Lord of the Rings)

yugioh

puzzle boys (puzzle-/blindshipping tag)

sorry buddy ("Atem is going through it" tag)

the locked tomb

epic the musical

#housekeeping

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vent-for-peace · 1 year ago

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I must say, it feels nostalgic...

I'm not sure why, maybe i have healed after so long, who knows, maybe i'm just a little twisted... although, i wouldn't mind the latter. I do wait patiently for the first time in my life i get to enact revenge and tear someone apart

I always thought of revenge on them after what happened, i always thought "you better thank your lord and saviour that i can't reach you without making a fool of myself, otherwise the law would know where to look around if they want to disappear too", i genuinely thought of such things and to tell you the truth i regret nothing... well, except for the irresponsibility, i acknowledge it and hold myself accountable for it and have improved, but it could've been better and less... well, you know~

But now i can't seem to take it seriously like i used to! What happened to the resentment?? The anger, the lust for blood?? The desire to feast on their flesh?? The desire to leave my message to whoever crosses my path??? Where is it??

I guess i may have healed! Haha! Yes the speech about how my hunger for revenge suddenly disappeared is exaggerated. I'm not one for that kind of drama, and i never will... anyway!

Now i occasionally have these random thoughts of putting people even remotely related to them hostage, and spouting things like "i'm putting your bag of Cheetos at gunpoint, now sing that song for me!", "Hey i shot your foot, you should act like it lol", "i shot your fuckin' Cheetos, apologize or the Sprite is next!" And so and so... very silly yet violent things, i even laughed at these one time. They sounded so silly, i couldn't take it seriously from how goofy i made it sound! Seriously, "i shot your fuckin' Cheetos!"??? Come on, that's goofy, admit it!

I guess i've healed, because i can't take it seriously anymore! How funky is that?! I made some dumb trauma funny for me and now i can't see it as anything else other than a joke! Hahaha!

Haha! Ha! Hahaha..! Haha... ha... heh... hm... and now i feel somber, no longer goofy and full of whimsy... now i feel like i'm mourning, mourning something that doesn't deserve to be mourned or missed...

What's with the bipolarity now?? I guess it's a heavy yet strange yet important part of my life and it's expressed in my duality, my sudden jumps from one side to the other side of the spectrum of emotions, it's one after another in this matter whenever the moment calls for it... it's a strange thing about me that i honestly find intriguing, i will not lie... i should look into this further and further~

It feels nostalgic, like a fond memory- no, genuinely, i remember it strangely fondly now! It's weird! Haha! It feels very nostalgic, like i'm remembering the first time i've had true fun in my school, true laughs, i've felt my kind of happiness in the place where everything clashes so hard, everything shatters and rebuilds, over and over and over again... see? First i'm silly and goofy, and then i'm somber and deep. I bet you my remaining impulse control that at some point in this post i will get angry then sad then crack a joke all over again!

I guess what i'm trying to say is... i may have healed, because now it feels like a fond memory that still gets me to giggle...

I won't tag this with any tags that may guarantee people of that community to find this, i have respect and manners, i know it's wrong because i have that feeling it's not something people would want to encounter when looking for pictures of their favorite characters or a character they feel romantic desire for... yes, i'm part of the latter, that man-made god has stolen my heart and i couldn't be happier for it, haha!

See? There's that quirk again! Hahaha! Now it's making me laugh too! It's so entertaining right now! Right, moving on!

If anyone does find this (i doubt it, being honest), just know i'm not making a stance or anything like that, i'm just... venting, i guess! It sounds too cheery and such to be a vent, but who knows? Indians have made it to the moon, anything is possible!

And if, somehow, by probably pure magic and chance, that person finds this... know this...

I'm sorry for what you've been through and that i hope it gets better for you.

I'm sorry you are flawed and broken, and treated like nothing more than what your actions spoke. I've been there before, i know what it's like, you put me through it, so i can only wish you good luck on your journey to healing and moving on from this madness that although you yourself have caused... it was truly never meant to be, you truly didn't mean no harm and i can see it in your final response. I'm sorry for the hurt they have caused you, you also deserve better.

If we were all alone in a forest, camping... i'd definetly set a campfire and relax with you in the warmth of the fire. We both need it and deserve it. You need it and deserve it.

See you on the flipside, if it's meant to be.

#a strange memory

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