#i do not feel cash money abt this at all

[panb1mbo]

i'm halfway done with my program + i'm finally on break i would sound excited but i don't fucking want to

[izzy-b-hands]

Putting on last year's trans rigs stream from Drawfee before i have to get ready to go out with my mum and her bf today (bc i have the worst feeling in my gut he's gonna make that An Thing for me if given the chance today, aka whenever i eventually need the restroom while we're at Mystic)

[29121996]

and also paramors tickrts

[writersdrug]

omg you mind holy wow i love your brain i would never come to lobotomize you omgomg by god i need more bartender!simon you recently mention, maybe abt how they interact and develop? idk i really dont care what exactly you write, i js need any words from you abt bartender!simon

Hmmmmmm I have some headcannons!

You show up for work thirty minutes early because you're NOT risking losing this job.

Simon sometimes lets you bang on the back door for a few minutes, yelling for someone to let you in, until Soap gets tired of hearing it and opens the door. Simon finds it funny.

You think Simon is the owner of the pub until Price comes in one day with cash for your tip payout. You screamed as soon as you saw him walk in through the backdoor, thinking you were being robbed.

Simon barely managed to swing into the kitchen and grab you around the waist before you pummeled Price with an empty beer keg.

Price later told Simon he thought you were a perfect addition to the team.

You do your tips at the end of the bar every night as Simon polishes the glasses across from you. Lets you have one drink on the house.

First floor is the restaraunt/pub, second floor is the pantry/walk-in fridge/office where Price does money work, third floor is the studio apartment where Simon lives (Price discounted it for him).

When it's slow, you and Simon and Johnny all take a smoke break in the alley out back - you don't smoke, but you talk to them while they share a cig, complaining about customers together.

You bring it up to Simon that you've noticed how Johnny always comes to the front of house when Kyle brings the new kegs in, "Simon, need ya to check somethin' - ah, hey, Garrick!"

Simon scoffs at your revelation. "Jus' now seein' that?"

You live ten blocks away from the pub and ride your bike to work. Simon let's you stuff it in the alley for safekeeping.

If you're feeling especially sporty, you pop in your earbuds and take your skateboard. Simon nearly had the breath sucked from his soul when he saw you zipping by the window the first time.

You mop front of house because Simon hates it. Simon restocks the to go boxes because you can't reach the top shelf where the overflow sits.

You tried to pour a lager once when Simon was busier than usual. After watching you attempt it, he banned you from doing it ever again.

You enter Pino grigio in the POS as "peeno greeshio" and Simon hates it, but you love the way Soap cackles from the kitchen when he sees it.

Kyle sometimes sticks around to help you drag the new beer kegs up the stairs, and he shows you how to connect them to the taps.

You're constantly begging Price to set up a Karaoke machine in the corner of the bar. He says when you can afford it, you can buy it.

You broke the soda gun once; you and Soap were frantically filling container after container with tonic water while Simon was on his back under the bar, cursing and trying to turn the water off.

Monday mornings are deep-clean days, and everyone has to participate. You're all wearing sweats and bleach-stained shirts, pulling out the stove, sweeping behind the kegs, dragging the mats into the alley to clean them, emptying the fridge and scrubbing the entire thing.

Simon doesn't like to think too much about how hot you look in your sweatpants, ratty t shirt, and sweaty, flushed skin when you're exerting yourself.

You're constantly thinking about how those sweatpants hug his hips, those muscles in his arms flexing, and the grunts he makes when he's shoving the stove back into its place.

Simon gives you full permission to return any nasty attitude the customers dish at you.

After you go home for the night, Simon often finds himself lying on his bed, one arm behind his head and the other hand on his chest, staring at the ceiling, replaying the events of the day - and they're all centered around you

[chososdiscordkitten]

✫Escort!Toji✫

MDNI

Pairing: Escort!Toji x Afab!Reader content: some plot, no use of y/n, reader is a frustrated office worker, toji fucks ur coworkers, reader masturbates to thoughts abt toji, reader isnt a virgin, sub!reader, toji is a bully, teasing, brief oral (f receiving) orgasm denial if u squint, manhandling, missionary n doggy, spanking like once, rough, HE SPITS IN READERS MOUTH, no aftercare:( multiple orgasms (f & m) Toji contemplates stealing ur money ,proofread ONCE

⋆ ˚｡ ⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡ ⋆

You found yourself on your lunch break with your female coworkers, in the cafe below the offices you worked at. Only having worked there a week or so, new to the city and lacking friends.

Quiet as they spoke of their full lives while they ate their sandwiches. Older divorced women with a few kids, you didn't really fit in with them. They were elegant women, experienced in life and sure of what they wanted out of it.

You sat surrounded by them, your hands on your mug of coffee as they spoke about mortgages and how there's a stomach bug going around the school.

One of them called your name, pulling you from your thoughts as you looked up at them, “Do you have a husband?” One of them asked, seeing your face fall.

“No i don't-” you spoke up, seeing a few of them smile when they heard you.

“And a boyfriend?” another asked.

“No-” you tried saying.

“But you're so pretty! New play thing in the city- how could you not have a boyfriend?” One of them asked.

Their questions were not to get to know you. Their voices coated in passive aggressiveness.

“Speaking of- I found a new rent-by-the-hour companion.” one of them chirped, pulling her phone out and showing them a picture.

Forgetting the past conversation as you started to gather your belongings.

Hearing the women swoon over the picture, “This one, he's different. He gets down to it like no other. And he's not nice like the others are. He fucks like he hates you.” you heard her say as you walked away. 

You had heard rumors that this city was littered with “companions” for lonely women and men. It didn't take long for you to hear the older women of the office talk about them.

Trading videos and pictures like they were pokemon. If you were being honest, you found it strange. But you knew why people would pay.

You knew what that kind of loneliness felt like. How good it feels to touch another person. To feel their warmth. But your morals couldn't let you hire one. Not desperate enough to have sex with a stranger.

The next few days the ladies of the office kept praising this new wonder of a man. On one occasion seeing his picture, seeing that this wonder of a man was actually attractive.

For weeks you kept hearing more and more. This one man sticking longer than the others did. Hearing their descriptions of his body, of his cock. It got to the point that you contemplated filing a sexual harassment claim with HR, but knowing that the women had seniority, and one of them was head of the HR department.

You knew filing the complaint would bring on more harm than good. So you kept quiet, practically forcing yourself to listen to these conversations.

One day after your lunch break, one of the nicer women called your name. Asking you to wait up. “How are you feeling, hon?” she asked, her face showing genuine worry for you.

“I’m okay, just haven't been able to sleep all that great.” You replied, eyebags showing through your makeup.

“Here, hold on.” she said, pulling out her notepad and writing something down, “This is Toji’s phone number- he's helped me sleep like no other.” She smiled, handing you a piece of paper.

“He's always taking on new clients.” she smiled, hand on your shoulder as you looked at the paper. “If you're ever looking for a companion for a few hours.” She finished, walking past you and disappearing between the cubicles.

You looked down at the paper, grimacing as you read the numbers, seeing ‘Cash only’ written below it.

That paper sat on your nightstand for weeks. Not wanting to throw it out incase of an emergency. Living in the new city without friends was rough. The only things that filled your days were work and sleep.

You had thought back to the one time you had sex, your first year in college with a drunk frat guy. Didn't last longer than 10 minutes, feeling disgusted at his sweaty body on top of you.

“Companion for a few hours huh.” you thought out loud, looking over at the paper. The exhaustion of your job eating away at you. Not even being able to please yourself late at night. It was frustrating, celibacy was frustrating.

Until one night you tried to masterbate, porn not doing anything for you and thoughts of this Toji guy flooded your brain. Remembering how they described him. Tall and muscular. How he ate them out with so much fury.

Feeling your heartbeat rise and a heat shiver down your core. Closing your eyes and picturing the photo they passed around. That was the first time you had come since moving there. Right after you thought you'd give it a chance, not satisfied with your hand and wanting to feel warmth.

Besides, everyone is doing it right? Would it be so bad if you tried it once? 

Your shaky thumb typed in the phone number, pressing messages as you typed. ‘Hello, I got your phone number from my coworker, Agatha. Just wanted to see if you were available for service.’ You typed, cringing at how formal it sounded.

And you always hated texting, especially new people. Pressing send as you instantly regret your decision. A few minutes passed, fiddling with your fingers to see if he would respond.

A ding came from your phone as you flew to open it. Only seeing a link to the maps app. Opening it and seeing directions for a love hotel, ‘Friday, 8PM.’ another message dinged as your eyebrows rose.

You gulped, wondering if you were going to be trafficked or murdered by a strange man just because you didn't have patience to try and find a partner. It was wednesday evening, knowing that your nerves wouldn't be settled for two whole days made you uneasy.

The lack of his care of who you were or what you looked like also made you realize that it really was just for money. 

The next day was horrible, the feeling in your gut didn't settle. Hearing how highly the women spoke of him. “Last night he was taking me from the back, and I felt him move and I looked back to see him texting someone!” she exclaimed, somehow it was a compliment.

But you felt your heart stop knowing that he was messaging you while fucking your coworker. That evening you couldn't sleep. Picking your phone up and looking at the love hotel location again. You felt uneasy, like anticipation was building inside of you but not in a good way.

Friday came flying in, the work day was slow. So slow that you swore that everytime you looked at the clock it went back five minutes. You finally got off at 5:30, walking home to prepare.

Taking a hot bath as you thought of how badly this could go. Getting out and blow drying your hair, getting ready as though it was a first date. Lotioning your entire body as you waited for your clothes to finish drying. Dragging a darker lipstick on your lips, spraying perfume on your wrists and spreading it to the back of your ears. Putting on the warm clothes fresh out the dryer.

Looking into the mirror before leaving, getting a ding on your phone as you gathered your keys. ’Ask for me at the desk.’ it read. 7:37 on the clock as you walked out.

Your cheeks were warm while walking to the uber you ordered, so if he was a creep, he wouldn't know what car you drove. Wallet stuffed with cash as you didn’t know how much he would charge you.

The driver made a face at you through the rear view mirror, seeing the name of the hotel from the window. You stepped out, looking at the tall building and seeing the glass doors. Walking inside to be greeted by the front desk.

Smile on their face as they asked how they could help you, “I'm looking for Toji’s room?” you asked, looking at the small sign on the desk that showed the prices per hour to rent the rooms. Seeing her look down to the computer and look through the reservations.

“4th floor, room 203.” She smiled, her hand pointing you to the elevators. 

You started to feel the lower part of your stomach churn, seeing the numbers flash on top of the elevator as it took you up floor by floor.

The doors beeped open as your eyes laid on the dim hallway. Red colored doors as you walked passed them hearing muffled sounds of moans coming from them.

Your heart was pounding as you walked past room 200. Stepping passed room 202, inhaling sharply before standing in front of room 203. Your hand hesitated to knock, flinching your wrist back before knocking three times.

You heard heavy footsteps walking towards the door, hearing the lock come undone and seeing the black door handle turn. You gulped, eyebrows furrowed as you waited for the door to open. Blinking and seeing him.

A giant of a man before you. Face stern as his eyes scanned you. His eyebrows furrowed, not expecting you to be much younger than his usual clients. “Toji?” you asked, looking up to his face as you noticed a scar on his lip.

“Come in.” He demanded, his voice deeper than you expected, letting go of the door and leaving a small space for you to walk through. You swallowed, stepping past the entrance and leaving your doubts at the door.

Eyes scanning the clean room, lights dim and the curtains open. Flinching when you heard him close the door. “I charge per hour.” He spoke up, walking up behind you as his hands went to your coat. Causing you to slightly jump.

His hands pulled your coat off of you, hanging it on one of the hooks behind the door. “Or per service if that’s what you prefer.” He spoke close to your ear, sending shivers down your spine.

“Whichever is fine.” You mumbled, feeling his massive hands rest on your hips, guiding you to the bed. You sat down on the edge, looking up at him as he looked down at your curled eyelashes. He kneeled down to your feet, his hands going to your shoes, slipping them off slowly as you watched him.

Rolling down your knee high socks and tossing them. His hands sliding up your calf as he reached for your skirt, “How do you want it.” He stated, it wasn't a question, he sounded like he already knew the answer.

“Want…It?” you asked, feeling his hands go up your thighs slowly. 

He leaned over, smirk on his face as he whispered in your ear. “How do you want me to fuck you.” He clarified, you felt his hand slip past the hem of your skirt, kneading the plush of your thighs.

“Gentle, please.” You whispered back, feeling his body stiffen at your response. Only being used to women telling him they wanted it rough. He pulled back, looking at you in your eyes. Noticing the features on your face.

His hand going closer to your core, pulsating already from his words. He leaned you back, landing on your elbows as you propped yourself up to see him, his free hand tracing down your side down to the zipper on the side of your skirt.

His thick fingers slowly pulled it down as slipped your skirt down. Toji’s hand guiding it down to your ankles, hands sliding up and settling on your knees. His eyes make eye contact with the wet spot forming in your panties.

He spread your thighs, leaning in closer and blowing cool air to your clothed cunt. A needy whine escaped your lips, he leaned in. His tongue slipped past his lips as he licked at the wet spot. Making you almost jump.

A smile on his lips seeing how reactive you were. His hand came up from your thigh, leaning his head back as his thumb dragged from the bottom of your now soaked pantied, up to your clit. You shivered.

“I haven't even done anything and you're already this wet?” he asked, voice low as you whined. Toji’s thumb teasing the tip of your clit as the other held your hip in place.

All you wanted was to grind down on his teasing fingers. But his strong hand wouldn't let you. You could feel the mess in your panties soak down to your ass, back arched as he teased your clit.

“Don't tell me you're already gonna cum just from this?” his tone soaked with cockiness, smile on his face as he teased you, you couldn't let out any words, feeling his thumb rub against you harder as he kissed at your thighs.

Only letting out small moans at his teasing. Toji felt your leg shake against his side, knowing your orgasm was close.

“How pathetic.” he cooed, seeing you buck your hips up against his thumb, seeing white behind your eyes as he degraded you. Cumming at his cruel words. So pent up that it didn't take much for your first orgasm. He smiled, seeing you come undone by nothing.

His fingers traced up to your hips, pulling your panties down, the wet cloth sticking to your cunt as he exhaled, pleased seeing you squirm. His cock throbbed in his pants, seeing your glistening cunt. Clit blushed and practically begged him for attention.

“Oh, this simply won't do.” he said, clicking his tongue as his index finger traced your lips as he tried pressing it into your pulsating cunt. 

Feeling a thick finger slide past your entrance, lip in your teeth as you felt Toji’s thumb on your clit again. The rest of his hand firm on your tummy as he circled it slowly.

You hissed feeling his finger curl up, you knew you said gentle but this was agonizing. This wasn't gentle anymore, this was tortuous. He watched as you arched your back, pulling his finger out and looking at your face. His eyes half lidded as he held it before him.

“Open your mouth.” He demanded, his thumb rubbing firm circles on your clit, soft whines from your lips at his words. Your eyebrows curled upwards, opening your mouth slightly as you saw his hand come closer to your mouth.

Placing it on your plush lips, feeling your own juices on your lips as he pressed it in. Your lips closed around it as your hand went up to his wrist. Holding the side of his palm as you sucked on his thick finger. Moans from your mouth vibrating around it. Tasting yourself on him.

His face was decorated with a sinister smirk. Seeing how eager you were. Toji slowly pulled his finger out of your mouth, seeing how you licked it clean. Tilting his head slightly as it went down again, this time pressing his middle and ring finger at your entrance, circling it as you felt the resistance from your entrance.

His eyes on your flushed face, looking at how your eyebrows furrowed at feeling the tips of his fingers press into you. You whined, his thumb not going fast enough on your clit to give you another orgasm. Toji felt the want to kiss you, leaning into your face as he worked at your cunt.

His thick fingers sliding into you as you squirmed under him, his body now pressed against you as his tongue was deep in your mouth. Toji groaned, being able to taste you on your own tongue. His cock now leaking as his fingers disappeared inside of you. Your cunt squeezed around his fingers as you felt the hand that was on your clit stop circling it.

Eyes rolling to the back of your head when the thumb on the same hand that was thrusting into you replaced it. By then Toji couldn't help himself, his hand going to his cock as he felt your cunt squeeze around his fingers trying to keep them inside, pleads falling from your lips.

You pulled away from him, “Let me cum-” you whined, your hand on his clothed shoulder as his pace didn't speed up.

"Do you think you deserve another one?” He asked, his hand on his cock speeding up as he palmed himself through his pants.

“Please-” You whined, looking into his eyes with tears forming in them. Toji felt his cock throb, seeing you beg for him to let you cum almost made him bust in his pants. He groaned, feeling your spongy walls pulsate around him as his lips brushed against yours. 

“Come.” He demanded, his fingers speeding up, your poor clit being abused by his thumb as the hand on his clothed cock sped up. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, your mouth falling open as you felt him take your orgasm from you.

His nose scrunched, seeing your face churn as he abused your cunt. His cock releasing inside his pants. Toji pressed his hot mouth to your open one, his groans vibrating in you as you felt his thumb keep its fast pace against your clit. Making you squirm.

Your hips bucked up against him as he pulled his fingers out of you. His thumb falling from your clit as his lips fell from yours, pulling his fingers up between your lips, he groaned seeing that you had creamed around them. He looked into your eyes as he slipped them into his mouth, craving the brief taste that he tasted on your tongue earlier.

Your eyebrows furrowed seeing his actions, your cunt squeezing against nothing in reaction. You leaned in, licking at his knuckles while your eyes never left his. Licking up the mess that had dripped down his hand.

Toji pulled his fingers out, pressing them against your lips. His mouth opened as he watched you kiss them. Inhaling air as you looked at him through your thick eyelashes. Dried streams of mascara beneath your eyes as he felt his cock harden even more.

He took his free hand and traced it up your leg, slowly inching you up the bed till you were pressed against the pillows. His hand slipped up your knitted shirt, pulling it up above your tits. Pretty pink bra holding back what he ached for.

His lips brushed against yours as he cupped one of your breasts, the other going to your back. You lifted your shoulders so he could release you from the cute pink prison that held your breasts.

Your hands pull your top off, feeling Toji’s fingers undo the clasps. He pulled it off of you and wasted no time latching to your neglected nipple, the other kneading your soft tit. He groaned when he inhaled, feeling the scent of your perfume and the sweetness of your skin fill his nose.

At that moment, Toji had forgotten what he was there for. His cock made decisions for him as his mouth sucked harshly on your nipple. 

You whined, your hands holding his head as the other went to his clothed shoulder. “I want you inside.” You moaned, feeling his teeth graze your nipples. Toji pulled away, his back straightening as he looked down at you.

Cock so hard he was sure it would rip a hole through his pants. He pulled his shirt off, revealing scars on his chest and a prominent v line. His happy trail made your cunt throb.

He reached into his pocket, finding the small square of foil, placing a corner to his teeth as he ripped it open. You nibbled on your lip, seeing the gold foil read ‘magnum’.

He slipped his soiled pants down, kicking them off as you hissed seeing his thick cock. The tip was bright pink, precum falling from his slit and the shaft dark at the base. Your eyes scanned his heavy balls.

Propped on your elbows as you looked at it, mouth watering at the sight, you knew it was going to rip you in half. But you were always up for a challenge. You saw him place the rolled up rubber on his leaking tip. Seeing his hand roll it down to his base. Cock so huge that the condom didn't even reach the base, stopping an inch or two above.

If it was up to Toji, he would've gone raw. But he didn't want to risk it, knowing you were a new client. He propped himself above you, placing a wet kiss to your lips as he pressed the tip of his fat cock to your entrance. You whined against his mouth, Toji pulled away seeing his face wasn’t as stern as before.

His eyebrows knitted as he muttered, “Open your mouth.” his teeth clenched seeing you obey him without hesitation. His eyes on yours. He sucked his tongue, collecting saliva in his mouth before spitting it on your tongue. Toji’s fat head pushing at your entrance. You felt it sting as you swallowed his spit.

He hissed seeing you swallow so eagerly. His head now fully in your cunt. “It's so big-” you whined, your hand going down to his shaft and guiding him to go deeper, your poor cunt starved of cock for too long. He groaned, hearing your whiney tone but still taking it.

Feeling his cock go deeper inside of you. You let out a loud moan, feeling his tip curve up to your sweet spot. His hips trying their best not to shove his cock fully into you, knowing his pay depended on this. He groaned, his hands went to your hips.

He couldn't take it, he flipped you over. Manhandling you as his hands fell to your ass. You moaned feeling his cock shift inside of you. Your face buried in the pillows as he pushed himself into you.

Now on your knees with your back arched. Sweat made his hair stick to his forehead as he looked down at you. His hands groping handfuls of your plump ass as he bit his lip. Throwing his head back as you clenched around him. 

You moaned into the pillows as you felt him start to pull out of you. His size causing tears to fall from your face, black streams falling from your cheeks onto he white pillows. His thrusts started slow, but little by little he thrusted faster, wanting to cum inside so badly.

He gave you a firm spank on your ass causing you to cry out. Frustration in his groans as his hand found its way to the nape of your neck. Pulling you up to him as your eyes cried, feeling another orgasm pool in your womb.

“You’re so fucking tight.” he groaned into your ear, his hand on your neck as the other held your hip up. His thrusts harder into you, bullying your poor cunt as he snaked his hand down to your clit. Your hands reached down to his hips that snapped to your ass at light speed, in hopes to relieve the ache from it.

Feeling like his rough thrusts were some kind of punishment. Trying to push his cock out a little so it wouldn't sting. You cried out as his thrusts became faster as you came on his cock, his finger on your clit as his hand on your neck roamed up to your cheek.

“Please- Please-Please-” you cried out feeling overstimulated, moaning as his cock pulled out of you, leaving only the tip inside, before ramming it in again. Toji’s hand on your face holding you up as your knees wobble. Struggling to keep yourself up right.

He looked down to see his cock slipping in and out of you. Groaning when he saw you cream around him. His fingers on your clit made you cum again, your knees buckled forcing you to fall back down, trying to hold yourself up on your knees. His cock not even hesitating to stop as he used you.

Toji’s hands now holding your hips up so he can angle himself. “Fuucckk-” he moaned, your cunt still tight around him as he heard your cries into the mattress. He snapped his hips forward. Feeling his orgasm flow out of him.

Wishing he had cum inside of your pretty cunt. He thrusted into you once more, slow as his body twitched. His big hands on your waist as he placed his forehead on your back, placing wet kisses to your spine. Keeping his cock inside of you as you exhaled. He pulled himself out of you, seeing the mess in between your thighs as he tipped over next to you on his back. Heavy breathing as he felt his cock soften.

He looked over at you, a smile on your face as your eyes fluttered closed. Smeared makeup around your eyes as he came down from the high. His eyebrows now softened, his face fucked out as though that was some kind of therapy for him.

He sat up, taking the filled condom and tossing it in the trash. Standing up and walking to the chair in the corner of the room. You flipped over, hazy eyes looked at his body. Seeing him pick up a thin sheet off the chair and tossed it to you.

He slipped his soiled pants back on not caring if people saw his mess, a small smile on his face as he saw you nuzzled up to the pillows. Silence filled the room as he put his clothes on, reaching down to where he had tossed your panties, discreetly picking them up and sliding them into his pocket as his prize.

He looked over at you, already asleep as he walked to your coat. He hesitated in taking the money out of your wallet. Normally he didn’t enjoy sex with his clients, always bored while fucking.

But it didn’t feel right charging you for fucking. Knowing you had asked for him to be gentle, guilt in his stomach knowing he used you for his own pleasure. Knowing he was too rough. He settled on just letting you pay for the room, thinking it was some sort of compromise.

Heavy feet walking over to your sleeping body. His cock throbbing as he saw your hard nipples through the thin white sheet. Filthy thoughts clouded his mind as he considered waking you up fuck again.

Cock hardening as he reminisced on how tight you were. He wondered why you were trying to pay for sex. Considering you were younger than his usuals, and much, much more beautiful than they were. He leaned down, placing a wet kiss to your sleeping lips before leaving. Noticing a pep in his step as he walked out of the hotel. Toji knew that he had to save your number in his phone.

Wanting to know if it was you if you texted him again. Only to see he didn't even catch your name, saving your name in his phone as “Tight cunt” with a smile on his lips. Hoping you'd shoot him a text again, and soon.

-

PT 2 HERE

I hope there's an audience for this one, this has been a thought ive been fighting the whole day. im already thinking abt pt 2 help me. I hate him sm he's such a bum. nobody tell choso ok

[ham1lton]

you said u read ao3 fics! what are your f1 recs?

ahhh!!!!! this is the best question you could have ever asked me like ever i love you so much. i’ve been dying to talk abt this for a hot minute. i opened myself up to any sort of ship mostly because i cared more abt the fic quality then the ship you know? kinda glad i did it because my fav ones are not necessarily ships i am a fan of. it’s really long so i put it under a read more!!

okay so number one has to be the fic that was my first fav f1 fic. this is steal the air out of my lungs (make me feel it). now this has a lot of elements that i love. guy who’s in his own head vs other guy who’s also in his own head but pretends he isn’t. also idk why but i’m always a sucker for a good medical au and this one fucking delivers!!! another maxiel fic i read was three rounds and a sound which has coffee shop owner daniel w/ stressed out student max. a lot of introspection but it’s also unfolding while the romance is. idk i just love this. it’s so good. last maxiel fic is come on, star boy which is a alt universe where daniel is the american guy he always wanted to be and max is the new transfer to his small town’s football team. it isn’t just incredibly written but everyone feels so real and vivid. i can visually see this in my mind everytime i read it. i listened to a lot of ethel cain while reading so that helped. i love this so much and the brocedes in the background?? you’ll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves youuu 🗣️

i’m not really a landoscar girl, i’m gonna be honest. however, where i am going is right where i am, is just incredible. alt universe where the drivers live on a street version of stars hollow? brocedes that influence everything even though they’re long over? charles being insane over max? pierre hating on esteban every second that is possible (i was laughing every time he would just cuss his ass out unprovoked) and annoying george being their street’s version of gilmore girls’ taylor?? what more do u need in ur life?? also oscar in this fic is just my dream man. i think a croissant from him would fix me. actually i read a lot of this author’s landoscar fics and they’re so cute i was sending kudos as much as i can. like already home! just want to bite them both and put them in my pocket. they’re so obviously in love i want to shake them down and scream and smoosh them together. lawyer!oscar i love you. check out their profile!! incredible writer :)))

i’m also not a galex truther but the two of us, in sympathy is so cute!! rich boy!george with broke junior doctor!alex. george attempting to court alex and just absolutely failing. i love it. they’re such a mess i need them in my life. also this loscar future fic is so intense but incredible. i’m really bad at describing but i binged it on my train home and i was really glad i did - i promised to forget you now.

the reason i even got into f1 aka brocedes. this fic i think was one of the first i read. on the faultline which is just amazing. i can’t recommend it enough. read it if u can. another fav is a brocedes threesome with their toxic fucking each other via proxy aka new money, and it’s all cash. cute brocedes!! nico thinks lewis is his sworn enemy but everyone knows otherwise. roseberg’s vs haminkton. this was so cute and funny. cause why was nico saying lewis, the owner of a tattoo shop was stealing business from him… when he owns a florists… he’s so dramatic i want to tuck him in my pocket. this job will take my sole has the same premise but they’re both shoe shops which makes a lot more sense. i just love stupid rivalries and dramatic nico.

now back to my sweethearts, the lights of my life, the fires of my heart - sewis. all of these fics have past brocedes just for context. every tongue should confess talks about religion and queer identity in such a nuanced and delicate way? i adored this fic. transmotion which is another alt universe with fashion designer!lewis and footballer!sebastian both figuring out their careers, themselves and their relationship. maybe together we can get somewhere - this is an mpreg fic which usually isn’t for me but it’s about seb and lewis going on a road trip for an abortion and it’s so good. honestly the ending line of ‘it’s a good feeling, to know that sebastian’s outstretched hand is right there.’ it just stuck with me. i loved it. the numbering at bethlehem which is thee sewis fic to me. professor au?? this was made for me. like perfectly moulded. everything about this is art. i could do a full essay on this fic. just read it, it’s incredible. just amazing. sebastian as the child prodigy who has nowhere else to climb?? i love them both in this fic so much!!! tnab sewis get behind me!! i’m gonna protect u!!

okay i’m sorry this is so long. i just love art. i love writing. i just love the work these authors’ have spent putting together these masterpieces for free!! check them out!! leave kudos!! comment!! <3

[qsphyxias]

Nightwing x Male! Thief! Reader

if you fetishize mlm/nblm relationships, get the fuck out of here!

synopsis ; nightwing and ur dynamic, as a small, not super skilled, thief that nightwing likes

warnings ; male! reader, cussing, mention of oral sex (no actual sex at all), banter,

note ; wish i wrote smth abt nightwing's GYATTT

words ; 1.3k+

Your teeth chattered in your jaw as you continued to shovel stacks of cash from the busted vault into your gym bag. Your eyebrows furrowed in frustration as you could feel your fingers going numb from the adrenaline rushing through your hands — Faster, damn it, faster!

The emergency lights flashed a red hue on everything you saw, and you couldn't hear anything but a pulsing in your head, and quiet and light steps behind you. Knowing who it was, you only sighed and remained tense, refusing to look your assailant in the eye.

"Really, s/o?" You winced at his disappointed tone of voice, already pissed at his audacity to talk as if — "As if you have the right to judge me, Boy Wonder." You spat out, frowning as you swivelled around to see Dick Grayson, a mere inch away from you. Your gym bag rotated around you on impact and caught itself on your shoulder. The impact and the shock alone were enough to make you take a step back — but not before Dick had slipped one of his batons behind the groove of your back, pulling you towards his chest by pulling on both ends of the baton.

"It's Nightwing now, actually." He corrected, seemingly unfazed by your resentful attitude. Your dynamic usually went this way; a small fight amongst rivals and old friends, with a mutual understanding that the other is off-limits. Looking down at your irritated face, Dick only grinned wittingly and nodded towards your bag full of cash over your shoulder, "I assume... money's tight?"

You could only laugh, feigning shock, "Oh, right, I forgot you don't know what it's like to be poor because your daddy's filthy rich." With a quick shove away from his suit-bound chest, you backed away from him and started immediately looking for exits.

Dick noticed and shook his head. "Hey man, he may be a billionaire, but he doesn't give me a single penny!" Dick stepped closer to you as you stepped back, cornering you. "Can you believe that?" He muttered, his perfect hair looking like a bright shade of red from your close-up point of view underneath the hue of the emergency lights.

You looked up at him, then looked down as you considered punching him in the stomach to get away. The vigilante began eyeing your bag, taking the chance and reaching for it when you were distracted looking for his weak points.

Acting quickly, you rip the bag away from him, bolting for a closed window jumping out of it and into another rooftop of a building. Glass had flown everywhere, some of it cutting you, and some of it landing inside your shoes. Dick laughed in slight annoyance as he saw you take off, not wasting another second and going right after you. "You can't run forever! I know this bank personally, s/o, they're getting their money back!"

You don't waste time looking behind you and flip him the bird over your shoulder, leaping onto another building with a running start. Midair, you feel a strong arm wrap grab your waist and fling you around in an unknown direction — just until you reach solid ground on top of a 24/7 diner. Not used to being in the fucking air you found yourself holding onto the superhero's shoulder's in a vice grip until you let go, finding the whole situation mortifying.

"Breakfast?" Dick looked at the bright Neon sign that was below eye level from his spot on the rooftop, grinning at you so coyly; he was serious.

"It's 4 AM, Dick." You say his name like an insult, rather than a title.

Dick, however, was unfazed, having heard that joke over a thousand times in his lifetime. "Well, yeah it's midnight, but I'm hungry and— Oh shoot! I'm short on cash... S/o? Do you happen to have cash?" Nightwing crossed his arms and hummed in thought looking around like a sailor looking for land.

You could only roll your eyes at his behaviour, knowing he was serious about using the money you stole to buy himself a chicken-fried steak and a stack of pancakes.

A normal person who was to look at this man's behaviour would have instantly known he was joking; you, however, were no ordinary man. For you have known Grayson for longer than you wanted to have known him, and a couple of years' worth of time spent with the acrobat was enough information for you to know; he fucked around, but man, did he love finding out.

You felt your shoulders drop in a "why-not" attitude, and you let out a long sigh, shrugging and gesturing to jump down from the rooftop of the diner.

With a pursed lip smile, Dick hopped down and opened the diner's front door, beckoning you inside eagerly. After you got down, you rolled your eyes at him but laughed anyway, finding the situation unbelievable. "Did you want a blowjob for your chivalry?" You joked, peeking over your shoulder to catch Grayson checking out your ass from behind you.

"Why; is that an offer?" Grayson ran his tongue over his bottom lip, rapid-firing his side of the banter. The hostess stood before the two of you, watching the exchange occur uncomfortably. Despite your public profanities, she couldn't care less, it was 4 am.

"Table for two?"

——————————————————————————————————

The air was calm in the diner, it smelt of coffee — which made sense, because how else would you stay awake at this ungodly hour? You were lucky that there was no one else here; a swarm of men and women alike would have crowded around the superhero sitting before you, had it not been empty.

As you scanned the menu briefly, you couldn't help but get a little distracted at the sight of the man before you. Stealing glances above the menu, you leaned back in your side of the booth and shrunk, trying to look as if you aren't staring at him just for the sake of staring.

"I know I'm gob-stoppingly gorgeous, but be careful, you might even fall in love with me with that look." Dick snorted, dropping the menu down on the table to reveal his shit-eating grin.

"Oh fuck off," You murmured, looking away for a second only to meet his eyes again. "... So what's the plan, Dick?" Your embarrassment was soon replaced with your focus on the important matter at hand. "Are you planning not to turn me in today? Plan to take me out to dinner like one of your girls?" His attention was now completely on you, his eyes carefully watching you as you got comfortable in your cushioned seat, balancing your head on your hands as you leaned forward.

"What do you want?"

Dick gulped. "Well, I... I want a huge stack of your house buckwheat pancakes and a soda float, if you please." His demeanour shifted completely as he transformed from sexy-man to child-patron when he waved his hand over to the waitress to get her attention and his order in. "And— What, a milkshake? A milkshake for the gentleman please— And fries!" He looked back at you, "can't have a milkshake without fries, am I right?"

You could only stare blankly at him as he conversed with the waitress across the room, "Dick, look at me." getting fed up with his indifference, you reached forward to grab his jaw lightly by the tips of your fingers, angling his face to confront you. You could feel your heart skip a beat as his dark blue eyes focused on you once again.

Your breath hitched, and you nearly forgot what you wanted to say. "... The hell do you want with me now that we're here?" You repeated under your breath, watching as one of his hands reached up to grab your hand on his face.

"Well,"

"Maybe I just wanted to waste some of your time, sweetheart."

[daydreams-after-dark]

i knew i recognized that goblin in ur brain reading abt scientists channie🥵

but i need to know more, like that happened before ch.1? how did they meet? why did the reader decide to be one of channie’s test subjects? are they doing it willingly or were they tRICKED BY MASTERMIND CHANNIE AND-

ahem my apologies idk what came over me there🥲

if you have answers to these clearly very important (read with major sarcasm lol), feel free to reach me at @kpopsstuffs

also, if no one has told you today, you’re hot af, and you got a cute butt (;

🤠🤩🖤

Well, gosh, thank you for the butt compliment (I love words of affirmation).

You know… I hadn’t thought about a backstory. My imagination was just thrown into it already established. It was originally a oneshot, and I might have felt it having captive vibes back then … but I had a little think about it all this morning, in bed.

This is what I believe to be the backstory:

Chris needed test subjects. So he put out an ad online seeking participants, in exchange for financial payment. A lot of females applied, and in the end he selected ten, including you.

The experiments started off well. All pussies were very receptive. But as time went on, his subjects began to withdraw from the experiment. Some of them were just staying until they’d saved enough money to pay for their college debts. Others decided it wasn’t for them.

Eventually, Chris only had three test subjects, you and two others. You were so receptive and enthusiastic that Chris decided to let the other two go and focus all his efforts on you.

When you applied to be a test subject, you weren’t entirely sure what was involved. But in the very first meeting Chris explained what he was working on: making pussies come, and all the ways it could be done.

You were intrigued. So you let him do his first hole inspection there and then. The look in his eyes when he investigated your pussy made you feel alive, and your body wanted him to touch you. He didn’t touch you that first time. He only looked.

Your payment was both in cash and board, and you moved into Chris’s premises within the first week. You spend your time reading, researching, studying, and are just as interested in the experiment as the scientist.

You didn’t know you had these desires inside. The desire to please, submit, endure. You wanted to push your own limits as much as Chris did. You wanted to know how much pleasure-pain you could take.

When the experiments are being conducted you’re submissive and compliant. A good girl letting the scientist(s) probe and play with you.

Outside the experiment, Chris talks you, gets to know you, confides in you. Your relationship has become sexual too, and you often end up in his bed at night.

You aren’t bound to this experiment, you’re not held against your will. You can stop at any time. You can leave at any time.

But you don’t want to. You’re too curious and intrigued, and the pleasure is just too good.

Hope this helps xxx.

Tag list : open

@channieandhisgoonsquad @noellllslut @itsseohannbin @weareapackofstrays @kangnina @3rachasdomesticbanana @palindrome969 @xxkissesforchanniexx @chuuchuu1224 @fun-fanfics @wolfennracha @rhonnie23 @jisunglyricist @strayywayy @lurking-coconut @bethanysnow @bubblebisk @openthevale @rylea08 @doyunkang @jabmastersupriseee @stephanieeeyang @comicnerd557 @stellasays45 @shltsnglggles @grandma143 @armystay89 @stays-mya @frozenpeasworld @still-a-stray @jeonginsleftcheek @kpopstuffs @babycheech

[a-swamp-creature]

goddamn like….

there was an extremely sus “bridgerton ball” held downtown this last weekend that turned out to be a dashcon-level scam. probably couldve guessed that from the ads/website being littered w spelling errors, but anyway…listing a few of the things i know of:

-it was supposed to happen last month but the organizers (Uncle & Me Events) sold 1500 tickets for a venue w a max capacity of 450. Venue cancelled, of course. Organizers sent out one (1) email two days before the thing was supposed to happen. A lot of ppl didn’t even see the email so people were showing up to an empty venue in downtown Detroit wearing regency-era ballgowns. Security apparently told some of them that the event was a scam but idk how true that is. Anyway it was rescheduled at a new venue for a month later.

-valet parking was promised, not delivered. parking downtown is a pain in the ass in general but these people were also wearing ballgowns lmao

-nobody checking tickets at the door. there was a tiered pricing scale for tickets starting at $100 and going up to $1000 (a fool and his fukkin money i s2g) so all these ppl from the suburbs who paid hundreds/THOUSANDS of dollars to be treated like VIPs were pissed

-because nobody was checking tickets, people were just kind of wandering in off the street lmaaaaoooo so ppl were just kind of milling around in normal clothes eating the buffet, which leads me to…

-the food was bad: pasta w marinara, canned green beans, meatballs, and undercooked/raw chicken wings. people were expecting a sit down meal apparently? but I think that might just be the expectations of ppl more accustomed to tea parties than actual large scale events - ain’t no way they were ever going to do full-service dinner for 1500 people. it was always going to be a buffet.

-NO ALCOHOL lmaaaoooo the event info said open bar, there wasn’t even a cash bar. no shit, they had water and “mocktails”. check out the menu:

ITS ALL LEMONADE LMAAAOOOO but wait!!! ppl who bought VIP tickets also got hawaiian punch !!!

-see the tablecloth in that pic? the decorations were bad. like dollar store bad.

-they were supposed to have a bunch of different activities: dance lessons, costume contests, carriage rides. neither of the first two happened. the carriage rides did, but you had to pay extra and they only did them for three hours. again, 1500 people.

-that’s not to say there was no entertainment. they had a dj playing pretty standard birthday party dj fare: the hustle, cha cha slide. he also played hiphop which really upset a lot of the ppl larping as wealthy colonizers for SOME reason 🤔 disclaimer: i assume they were expecting classical music but a looooot of people specifically complained about the hiphop

- oh there was also a single exotic dancer stationed in the middle of an empty room. i am not joking. im not in the business of posting photos of strangers but the photos are out there and they’re tragic. this poor woman just took a gig and ended up with a bunch of middle class pearl clutchers complaining abt her on fb. that being said, my understanding is bridgerton is smut for ppl who want to pretend they’re above watching porn so idg why a dancer is such a big fucking deal, just sit down and watch ffs. oh wait-

-there was nowhere to sit lmao

-and no refunds

seems pretty clear that after overselling and losing the first venue, the organizers lost all their vendor contracts and had to scramble to have anything at all. could’ve just cancelled. btw the no refunds thing included if it was cancelled - they’ll just credit you for the next event lol

now listen. i do feel bad. I don’t think anyone deserved this really. I DO find it very funny that a bunch of of ppl who can afford $1000 tickets to dress up in expensive costumes and pretend to be aristocrats got scammed big time by Detroit.

[leviathanofdeath]

rotb spoilers i talk abt Noah in depth bc im autistic and its 1 am

(this is also strictly talking abt the movies)

idk bout yall, but i really like Noah and his character and the way he interacts with everything thrown at him., I really like how (because of Mirage's chill personality) he wasn't completely overwhelmed by the existence of robot aliens. sure he was freaking the hell out abt the car driving by itself but yknow he caught on pretty quickly. and this is also due to the fact that he wanted to save earth as well. and specifically he wanted to help his brother. can we talk abt the fact that he was so willing to go against his morals just to scrounge up some sort of cash to help his family. as soon as he got into Mirage he was like "I don't wanna do this" and he was trying to get out the car. I also really like the relationship Noah had with his little brother. trying to be that light in his life and give hope. doing everything just to help his little brother not be in so much pain. it was just a nice touch to show us how truly compassionate and caring Noah is and you could really feel that through the performance, imo. you can tell they've both been struggling for quite some time. you feel sorry for when Noah gets immediately rejected by that security officer, and he's completely honest and trying to explain how he deserves a second chance (and he does) and he's probably repeated those reasons a thousand times in the past. he almost completely doubts himself until his brother reiterates that they're always gonna be there together and theybcan do it. and even though it sounds unrealistic, me and my sister have said the same thing to each other so it feels all the more powerful to me. it's a completely different approach to a character in the movie series and I cannot appreciate it enough.

and can I just say, sorry to the sam likers out there, I like how Noah doesn't just immediately insult Mirage trying to save him or befriend him. they actually have a strong ass bond almost right off the bat. sam was always yelling at bee everytime bee came in to save his ass (I hated this bc bee can do no wrong ok) but when Mirage was fighting scourge all by himself JUST to buy time for Noah, literslly risking his life for Noah. literslly becoming a suit of armor for him. Noah was nearly in tears, watching mirage's optics fade becsuse they've already become so close. Noah and Mirage have the silliest banter because they just get along so well. I know it's kind of stupid to compare the two (sam/bee and noah/mirage) but my point is simply: they connect so well together and I really fucking appreciate that. we've seen it with Charlie and Bee where they genuinely care for each other and now we see it again with Noah and Mirage. its just so nice to see the two get along swimmingly. even after they save the world, Mirage meets Noah's brother and everything and Noah begins to fix Mirage up as well. showing that they've become closer after the entire incident.

and Mirage. I just gotta say he is seriously the star of the show. Pete Davidson did an amazing job with him. and Mirage's personality fits with Noah so incredibly well. They've got the same type of style, use the same slang, stuff like that, and they compliment each other. Mirage is so genuinely interested and curious about Noah that he comes off as extremely friendly, defensive, and playful. He doesn't hesitate to risk his life for Noah and he gives Noah a little gauntlet to at least keep himself safe when they're apart. he even tells Noah off the bat that he can turn into any car and be sold so Noah can have money for his family. Maybe its the fact that Mirage has been cooped up and told to stay hidden for so long that he can't help but appreciate the first person to "reawaken" him, but regardless their relationship is just extremely refreshing and nice. The way they can bounce off each other is awesome. God i love them so much honestly I can't think of a better duo than these two theyre just perfect for each other whether its platonic or more

[gltzpzy]

Other day, I was thinkin abt how every time I come home from shopping (with his card ofc cuz he gets pissed @ me if I use my own) n show him my new nails that I just got done.

I’d twiddle my fingers in front of him n be like “Look, bae, u like??” n he’d be all like, “super pretty, mama, you paid with my card right?”

n he’d kiss my hands all over n then I’d offer to give him back rubs cuz he loves when I get em’ almond shaped for that reason n then he always offers to give me one too then it alwayyssss leads to baby making, oop- n I’m like, “damn why does this always keep happeningggg oh nooooo.” 🤭

Then had a second thought recently about Miguel w glasses n how he’ll come home super late from work, he’s tired n annoyed, n I tell him to just sit down on the bed n just relax, then I help him take off his clothes n I smother him in kisses n tell him how well he’s doing n what a hard worker he is n that makes him all hot n bothered then he pushes me into the bed but mid-make out sesh,

he stops, takes off his glasses, and throws them onto the night stand just to keep eating my face and take his stress out on me brooooo I’d fold.

OOOOOOO YESSSSSSSSS (∩˃o˂∩)!!!!!!!!!!!!!

first of yessss!!!!!! miguel canonically has cash money for days, he’d rather hear nails run down a chalkboard than to see you spend… your… own… money… he’s already shaking thinking about it 😞 nd miguel is literally just a cat, he needs back rubs from his girl or his whole mood would be off for the entire week and then some

and so real with the almond shaped nails, not with back rubs tho but whenever i get my nails done i’m now the designated back scratcher bruh i did not sign up for this

and miguel with glasses?? MMMMMMM i need him so bad, need to praise him for his hard work and how proud i am of him for working so hardddd while giving him lil smooches 😩😩😩!!!!!!!!! already getting hot thinking of this fuck

i could just imagine miguel slowly getting all hot and bothered from the praises n kisses, his head on your shoulder as you mumble how good he is, letting out tired hums nd grunts of approval to show you he’s listening despite still stressed and exhausted from work

at first it was innocent until your praises started to rile him up unintentionally, i mean the man is hella exhausted; he can’t detect whether your words were suggesting something or not D:

but he doesn’t care as soon as you start to hive him some scalp massages to relax him more, that’s when he folds. again, he’s literally a cat so to feel his scalped massaged so gently and softly made him so relaxed ….. nd turned on. thoughts of work beginning to melt away as all he can now think abt is your words and touch, and that was enough to get him hard af, take off his glasses and lay you on ur back to begin baby making RAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

[29121996]

.

[windywallflower]

QUICK REMINDER

We're a small queer duo making comics and we have...???

THINGS YOU CAN READ FOR FREE????

AUGUSTINE

We've been telling folks this is kind of a Mad Max meets Greek Mythology, my brother said its more like a Disney's Hercules meets Borderlands-- all of these are absolutely wrong but we'd be lying if we weren't inspired by them all even just a little bit. Its queer, this group of misfits is a found family out in some junky little desert where the cash is literal liquid (water) and the people are rough around the edges. August and her team just want to be heroes but maybe pissing off rich people comes at a bit of a nasty price.

We're working on Chapter 2 right now and will be back to regular updates in August this year!! You have a whole honkin 75-page first chapter to read already!! HURRY!!

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PAINT THE TOWN RED

You want vampires? You want werewolves? You want them to kiss? You want them to flirt? You want that gross gooey shit that makes you all warm and fuzzy inside? Look no further, we're throwing a layer of sapphic over all of these babes and ripping the drama rug out from under them-- okay I'm losing my train of thought here.

Winny's never known much about the supernatural side of Merlot aside from the fact that werewolves exist, so what does she do when she suddenly becomes one? Well she sets up a shelter with her best bud Odile (also turned werewolf) and takes in visitors during full moons. Except one night a vampire stops at their doorstep... what are they even supposed to do with that?

We've got 3 volumes up on our shop and are now uploading them on a schedule to make the story free to read online!! We're nice like that.

--

THE SANITY CIRCUS

Hey so, you totally know what its like when you're living your life absolutely normally, totally unbothered, just having an average time living and then suddenly your best friend is actually a monster and your whole life goes to shit and you meet a shifter who turns into a seagull and I guess he's you're new best friend now and--

No? Well you can definitely learn what that feels like reading through 700-800 pages of Sanity Circus up riGHT NOW--

I know... its on hiatus... its not been updating REGULARLY--if I catch you making my partner feel guilty about it I'm breaking through your screen and kicking your ass. It's not dead, the whole ending is planned. Its gonna be killer I promise.

Now go read for a bit!!

BUT WAIT BEFORE YOU GO--

THINGS WERE GONNA BLAB ABT ON PATREON--

(and reasons why you should pledge-- you're getting like a 3-for-1 deal here we have so much to unpack, this is barely the tip of the iceberg!!)

Hey you mighta seen some of this... looks familiar...?? You should pledge and find out a little bit more, help us out making them all so we don't have to worry & stress about bills! Gosh wouldn't that be something~!

(We also have a shop, though if subscriptions aren't your jam.

AND WE ALSO HAVE A NEWSLETTER we update once a month for folks who might not be able to spend money right now, you can be in the loop of everything we're working on and what's coming up~!)

[plum-pitt]

Holy shit. I just realized i’ve never even yapped about my headcanons for the rise guys. This is a criminal offense on my part! Must be rectified immediately!!

Disclaimer: Don’t think there’s a lot of hot takes here, but feel free to disagree and talk about your own interpretations if you’d like!! Headcanon is fun and i love discussing it. it’s all fictional and since the text doesn’t give us much concrete shit on these topics we’re all free to make our own, equally valid readings of it. :3

Leo- Transmasc He/Him, gay as fuck who here could’ve guessed, ADHD haver, definitely smokes weed. Fluent in spanish from watching telenovellas as a child. Wants to be a flirty whore/aff so fucking bad but whenever he sees someone he’s legitimately attracted to any charisma he might’ve had gets thrown out the window and into a woodchipper in favor of helpless stuttering. His portalling mishaps early in the series have led him to silly sidequests all over the world that he just,,,, doesn’t really talk about. This won’t come up until they’ll end up in some random ass place and find out just how well travelled and connected he actually is. He’s also got a job at Hueso’s for fun and extra cash to fund his addiction to pot and ordering stupid shit he doesn’t need online. He’s a server, wears rollerskates to “move faster” on the job, just ends up running into shit more often than not. Great with the kids tho, performs little sleight of hand magic tricks and tells jokes to make them happy, never had a fussy kid he couldn’t calm down in a snap. Calls himself Hueso’s nephew and nepotism hire, ignoring the fact that he’s actually a decently competent and well liked employee outside of the several skating related accidents. Shell was cracked badly in the invasion, when they sealed it up, he asked Mikey to paint the healed cracks gold, mimicking the japanese practice of Kintsugi.

Mikey- Definitely queer but not into labels ;3 He/Him is what he defaults to, but any pronouns work for them. Semi fluent in italian, don’t ask me why, just feels right, let chef boy speak italian dammit. One of those mfs on instagram who insists on posting pictures of the food he makes, except his actually looks good and not painfully mediocre so they get a pass. Has been tagging walls in hard to reach spots all over the city for years at this point, after Raph confronted her abt it, fearing that he’d get caught someday, he told him that he’d stop. Yeah, that was a lie he kept doing it, just sneakier now. Makes money off of art commissions, still broke as hell tho cuz he spends it all on bougie ass ingredients and art supplies. Post canon definitely delved more into mystics and spirituality, trains with draxum but also took up meditation in his free time. Fucks with weed and the occasional psychedelic when working on art, says it helps get the creative juices flowing. Considering asking donnie to forge some documents for him so he can attend college online and earn a psych degree. His speech patterns flip on a dime between vague, wise fortune cookie therapist man and typical gen-z slang so abruptly it gives anyone not already familiar with him total whiplash.

Donnie- NonBinary They/He Bisexual but i can’t decide if they’re the kind that can’t stop pulling or can’t pull to save his life. Fluent in several languages, ASL, French, Russian, Japanese. Actually one of their few acedemic endeavors that he doesn’t typically show off and gloat about, makes it all the scarier when his siblings hear him muttering vaguely threatening sounding shit in russian when shit doesn’t go their way. Has tried most substances for “research purposes”, ultimately decided he doesn’t like the feeling of their big ol brain being hindered under the influence, this has a few exceptions tho, mainly when it’s with Leo. Has John Bishops IP address and threatens to drop it on 4chan to “see what happens” every time he tries messing with their family or stopping him from “borrowing” material resources from the US government. Almost considered bs-ing his way into college before they used a cloaking broach to shadow april at school for like 2 days. It was there they learned that the education system fucking sucks and he probably knows more than most professors about his topics of interest anyway. Does freelance work for cash, as far as their brothers know they’re not building and selling anything dangerous (which is code for probably arming both sides in a far away military conflict with deathrays). Spends his free time cyber bullying children on roblox and twitter, and caring for their greenhouse of plants that all have names. (yes he grows weed. his GeniusGrown™️ zaza is known far and wide for its consistently excellent quality. and no, Leo does not get a family discount. Mikey does tho.)

Raph- Someone please send the big man some help😭 he/him(?) Definitely queer in some way shape or form but refuses to confront any identity crisis because he’s just so busy keeping his dumb ass siblings outta shit. Tried weed once and will never touch a substance again, makes his anxiety spike real bad when he doesn’t feel in full control of himself. Runs around with Cassandra and sometimes Jr to do vigilante justice on the side of he and his siblings’ usual patrols. Living garbage disposal and i mean that quite literally. He has and will eat anything, rocks, toys, silverware, sometimes on accident, sometimes on a dare, and sometimes just because he wants to. He grew up gnawing on the legs of furniture, rusty sewer pipes, really any nonliving thing that he could fit his choppers around (unlike donnie who just bit any living creature within a 5 mile radius of his location). Since the invasion made Leo step up as leader Raph has been able to step back a little bit and not have everything in a chokehold, he has a mini crisis about his place in the family and his sense of identity without being a leader. Tries to hide how much it’s affecting him but ofc, living with mikey, this does not last and his ass FINALLY gets chucked (very lovingly) into therapy. Loves to knit, definitely in some kind of old lady facebook group centered around it (he has so much nursing home gossip floating around in his brain hehe)

Alright that’s all for the teetlez. lmk if yall wanna hear about my thoughts on the rest of the main cast, or some of the side cast! Can’t promise i’ll have this much to say on all of em but i’ve definitely got thoughts lol. I might even make a post diving into different character dynamics. idk tho, my fingies are tired typing all that shit😭

Anyway i hope u enjoyed my ramblings, have a lovely day :3

[aquickstart]

pls may i have some saltburn takes. i saw u liked my post abt oliver never having read the reading list and it made me giggle.

OH YES DUDE oh i Loved that post because it brings up actually something that for some reason i haven't seen discussed much. oliver's unreliable narration.

i have a brilliant, i think, genius four-question plan for making people understand saltburn, and it has worked before and i will maybe elaborate on it, but not right now. right now i'll talk about one of the questions.

who is oliver telling this story to, and why?

we've established that he's an unreliable narrator at least because it's the logical conclusion for a movie shot in a way that opens and closes with his narrative. but what does oliver being untruthful actually mean for what we know about anything and everything that happened. have you ever obsessed over this particular question. well. i have.

my hot take, first of all, is that oliver is not that smart. he's clever, but the point of the movie is that he's caught up in and driven by desire; desire, pointedly, in the moment, merging desire, adapting to circumstance and leading him on. his want is not concrete from the beginning. his want is insatiable hunger that grows.

so, okay, from the top. the whole meet-cute with felix? because of a punctured tire? eh. idk if that's true. the money thing at the bar, pretending to not have any while he actually did? eh, perhaps. chronologically he then lies to felix about his dad, and this is big, this is deliberate, this is what ties felix to him for good.

what if the first two instances were coincidences? like, felix genuinely in trouble then, oliver genuinely out of cash. makes sense to become attached and actually do something, something impulsive, drastic, when felix seems to be drifting away, and lie about his dad.

interjection: you might be saying, nadia, he lied about his family from the get-go. well of course. i didn't say he's not smart enough to clock what image of a damsel in distress felix would gobble up. i'm saying he didn't do it for the long game, because there was no long game to speak of, as narrator-oliver would have you believe. i think he wanted felix so badly in that moment of several months in oxford, i think he was so blinded that he would've said anything. and he did.

now, i've briefly talked about oliver's feelings about the invitation to saltburn, and i think this is very important here. in the moment, he couldn't possibly know what exactly this invitation could mean, in the long run, only that it is definitely the next step in progression of desire for felix. present-day oliver interjection, and i believed him, after felix said he could leave anytime, i read as a slip up, an admission that oliver didn't plan shit, or at least from the beginning he didn't. it lured him in as soon as he got there, gothic house driving mad-style. he held on to a dream of something elusive (felix as a friend? lover? forever-partner in whatever capacity? i want him so bad i don't care what he is as long as he's there? please? please?).

the other obvious hole to poke at is in the end. venetia very conveniently takes the razors he places for her, and while sure, it could be read as him just hinting at how he conveniently read her fragile state and took advantage of it, i don't buy it. (i'm honestly even tempted to suggest he met elspeth on accident, to then spin a pretty story for his own sake, but him keeping tabs on the surviving cattons all those years tracks with what we know about obsessive oliver; he's definitely known about her flat for a while.)

but those are all minor stuff. i get completely if you think i'm reading too much into it and this is all just a headcanon after all, to be fair. BUT. but.

my second big take is that oliver was/is madly in love with felix. i know, shocking. but you have probably seen people say he wasn't. i will elaborate.

i wasn't in love with him. i loved him. i hated him. what does this sound like. have you ever had a friend come to you after a breakup fuming and telling you how they'll never end up with this asshole for sure and then get back together with him and then break up and say the same thing again.

i loved him, but i wasn't in love with him. i know everyone thought i was, but i wasn't. have you never told anyone something of the sort, specifically the last part, to emphasize just how it's everyone around you that's kinda hung up on whatever it is, and you've moved way past it, actually. have you never told yourself that.

i have. i know many other people who have, too. so, who is oliver telling this story to, and why? there's no one but dead elspeth in front of him. there's no one but himself. fun fact: each time you recall an event, it distorts under the influence of the mix of past and present emotions. each time you recall, you mold memory (source, e.g., x). the way i personally see it, oliver, for whatever reason, retells the story in order to solidify his own memory of it in the way that he wants to remember it. whatever he says, this is his final word, and this is his final truth.

this is also why details slip through, like my beloved i believed him, like the emotional i hated him growing into self-convincing, misleadingly dismissive, definitely unsure i hated him by the end. those are the true emotions that he recalls, those are the times that are hard to rewrite, for whatever reason.

of course, he hated them all. but before that, he loved felix to the point of blindly following where felix's desire led oliver, at least the way oliver perceived felix's desire. it failed, crucially, when felix's desire brought them to the center of the labyrinth, where oliver could not be the desired anymore.

my third hot take in connection to this is that oliver did not know he would kill felix until the very night he did it. he didn't know it, i think, until the last hour, until felix refused to reconcile completely, until he made his blood run cold. i also briefly mention it here, specifically how farleigh is tragically connected to felix's death, in my opinion. this tracks with, again, my strong belief that oliver lies, lies and lies throughout this whole story about wanting to take everything from felix from the beginning; no, he fucking didn't. he wanted felix. he wanted felix to be his. that was number one priority. he wanted felix and whatever else came with it, undoubtedly, but not the other way around.

paradoxically, he also wanted to be felix; he wanted to be him and be with him just as us tumblr people can often relate and the tragedy is that you always have to choose. felix pushed him away, so there was no other choice but to take what was left of felix that oliver could take. hence the clothes wearing, the table scene talk, the refusal to leave.

felix chose not to choose oliver, so oliver became felix. it's his fault. felix promised oliver could leave. felix left instead. what was oliver to do.

but to your point about the books, i think it could be either way, actually. i think he could have lied about it because technically that's also in character for him, he was performing for an audience of his tutor. but i also think that he was, genuinely, a nerd before he came to oxford, and he didn't, and still doesn't, have any friends, and he hates his sisters and his mother and is miserable. he's the perfect profile of someone who'd read king james' bible over the summer, and then some, imma be honest.

so, yes. i think oliver lies about most things in saltburn and i think he's pathetic, lost, confused, grieving, angry, horny, down bad and in denial. and i fucking love him. i so fuckin do.

[catboylister]

any ark headcanons for pre or post canon?

AAAAAA OKOKOK SO

pre-canon;

lister has never been to the beach before and jimmy and rowan find it ridiculous becauze they from fucking kent. so they go together and lister just has a field day. he goes in the sea band then freaks out because it was freezing. then spends and hour digging a big ass fucking hole like boys do. srsly everytime ive been to the beach with guys they just start digging holes like what is up with that ??

due to the money struggles, louise ended up homeless for a short while, so she had lister move in with his dad and step-siblings for a month or two when he was about 9, but he didnt really understand what was really happening at so it was a confusing time for him

rowans parents work super hard to give him a good childhood, so he was in a bunch if extracurriculars since a kid.

jimmy and his sister were actually quite close when they were younger, bit drifted as he started getting famous because she would compare herself to him a lot over it.

lister knew how to swim when he was little, bht then never went in a pool again for years so he kind of just forgot. rowan teaches lister how to swim again. with a lot of struggle. but he does it.

lister would get in trouble in school for not handing in work a lot, and ditches class most the time. after becoming friends with jimmy and rowan he attempts to focus on his work more but for some reason he just doesnt get it so he just. gives up.

when learning abt listers financial situation, rowan and jimmy make sure to bring extra cash or snacks to give to him at school but are always like oh i mustve got two on accident oh nooo. lister knows what their doing but he appreciates it.

jimmy and rowan would have sleep overs basically every other weekend. they had their own tooth brushes at eachothers houses.

post canon;

the ark group therapy is very important to me i think itd take a while for all of them to actually be onboard with it but they get there

also they should get a pet. i think a cat because. i like cats. its in the username. or maybe a bunny because their super cute. tho i feel like listers the type of guy to get a snake or some type of reptile.

lister uses a cane for a while after kent due to his leg injury, he refuses to use it at the beginning but realises hed rather not be in pain all the time and uses it to win fights with rowan. (also rowan has 100% once pushed him too hard while play fighting and lister j straight up collapses. he apologies like 20 times but lister cant say its okay because hes laughing so hard)

frowan. idk what abt them but just frowan. oh i do like the idea that rowan is a fan of uc and has found frances art style super cool and unique, all while frances has no idea who rowan is lolol

lister sometimes fills up an empty bottle of vodka with water, then drinks it in front of rowan to see whats happens.

did i mention the cat already ?