#do i even need to add my thoughts here?
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screenshots picturing: yagami fixing kuwana (1), and kuwana making yagami worse (2)
#kuwagami#judge eyes#putting letters together one word at a time#today i'm definitely not normal#something something motif of change#do i even need to add my thoughts here?#nah okay idk if i said that before but what i love the most in kwgm is that the change wasn't one-sided#because usually with this dynamic it is. someone always “wins” and another has to compromise their ideals. or something#while with them there is no real winner. even if only yagami knows of his loss#holds lost judgment gently. you are my everything#lost judgment spoilers
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I might be crazy with this one but hear me out
Batfamily PLATONIC soulmarks
Were it's a black blob that starts to take color that gives away it's form when you met said people, the more people you'll get, the bigger it is
At first, Bruce's parents were slightly worried upon seeing their son's mark, one that covered his whole torso, back and front, with only a little blank space in the place of his heart, where a tangle of lines seemed to met
Nor Thomas, with his years of medical experience, Martha with her wisdom or Alfred, who had seen far more than many, had ever look at something similar, although, they we're soon relieved, "Bruce will deeply love many people, and many people will return said love"
When the boy started to gain cognition, some color finally appeared in between all the black, a collar of pearls, like Martha's favorite, an scalpel, the one Thomas works with, and to Alfred's surprise, a cup of tea, mirroring the one he was drinking when they discocevered it, one that also connects all three to the tangle of lines around the heart
After that night, though, Bruce thinks it's impossible he'll ever get more, he doesn't want to get more, if it means he'll feel the same pain as now if he loses more of the people they represent
Then, many years later, after taking Dick in, a blue bird mid fly colors itself, a faint line joins the tangle.
He sighs whenever he sees it, after his son is not at home anymore, it doesn't faint, but will it really get better?
It happens again, when he finds a boy trying to steal his tires, it's another bird, a red one, it looks as if it were giving you his back, but it still connects to the hearth
It hurts to look at it, it's worse than before, he gets why it doesn't look at him now, he failed Jason-
Then, a few weeks into adjusting to Tim, he sees a new mark, and- it's a lighter tone of red
Another bird. This one is on a branch, it is making a nest
Then, when a girl comes in too, another bird, a purple one, sits on the branch with Tim's, this one also seems to be looking away
Just like Steph, he thinks
Along them, the shape of a smiling bat hangs upside down from the same branch, black but visible by golden edges that give away it's form, Cass
There are few more, here and there, hints of green when he met Barbara and Jim, Babs seem to fake the form of a hand next to Steph's and Cass's
Yellow, red and blue combine into two familiar symbols after he mets Clark and Diana, the only time he ever complains to his mark, why these people, why them, they're idiots
They're his best friends, but still idiots, he will never tell them, but they probably know anyway
Then, a new bird appears, and so does a color, a deep shade of green, this one looks like it's about to attack a prey
But, as Bruce gets time to know Damian, he realizes, it's not attacking, it's protecting the rest of the picture
A yellow figure of the sun gives it light, when he mets Duke
Maybe all the lines in the tangle have color then, maybe not
#batman au#batfamily#batman fanfic#maybe ill think bout it#good dad bruce wayne#bruce wayne#alfred pennyworth#dick grayson#jason todd#tim Drake#damian wayne#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#duke thomas#barbara gordon#im not making this shippy#Clark and Diana are here as his besties but look at it however you want#i didnt add Talia or Selina for the same reasons#feel free to add them to your own thought#but we all know selina will be a cat#also my take on damian is that#let me love my boy#oh and tim building his own nest and i don't even need to explain why do i#he's tim i forced batman to make me part of this mess jackson Drake#sorry drake-wayne now
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To make up for the fact that I didn’t do anything for them for Christmas, here’s another fake shoujo magazine chapter cover :]
pose ref ↓
HAHA ITS FROM ITAKISS!!!! Naoki and kotoko are nothing like the blorbs but I thought this pose worked for that scene (it’s apart of a much large page split into two images, but I decided to crop it cause the rest of it doesn’t matter tbh)
#‘but Emily it’s too early for Christmas?’ shut up the hallmark/w channel here in Canada has Christmas in July going on rn so it’s fine#/j it is too early for Christmas I’m just being silly#I’m aware of the fact the Japanese I put on here is terrible I’m not very good#while I know some words and have certain hiragana characters memorized (looking at you よ(yo))#my Japanese is still garbage and I rely on shitty online translators and the Japanese keyboards I have on my phone and now ipad#thought I’d add it this time around to make it feel EVEN MORE like it’s a shoujo being published in a monthly magazine in the 80s and 90s#also yeah I’m gonna post these covers out of order if I make more (keeps me from losing interest in completing something)#also also later on ill share what the test says as I’m too lazy to do it rn#anyways I’m gonna go read the blue castle now as I started rereading it recently and my phone need charging#stranger things#nancy wheeler#jonathan byers#jancy
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so here's my honest thoughts on dragon age: the veilguard, after ~40 hours of playing. i finished the main quest after having finished all companion quests and major faction quests. just to clear up what content i saw, i played as an elven transmasc rook who is a member of the lords of fortune. he romanced lucanis (although after finishing the game i'm now leaning towards taash). i don't know what's happening in playthroughs that have a different race, gender identity, romance or faction going on.
full spoilers ahead, i mean it. don't read further if you want to avoid them. i don't want complaining about it in my asks.
oh and also, if you're worried because of a few negative reviews online i can comfort you by saying don't give a fuck about a certain big name youtuber who is very much tied to bethesda franchises giving this a negative review. i'll explain why.
i'm starting off with the things i liked
the game looks really pretty. i was worried it wouldn't feel like thedas anymore (with them trying to "focus on northern thedas only" i thought they'd make a clear cut in environmental design. they do and they don't. it's complicated. i'll elaborate on it when talking about the negative stuff). anyway it does. minrathous feels like kirkwall. treviso enchanted me like the winter palace did. the hossberg wetlands reminded me of the hinterlands and a couple other inquisition maps. arlathan looked like... arlathan. the crossroads were different, but familiar. overall i like the way it looks and feels. it's thedas, with a twist. it's a good one, and gives everything a solid but unique feel.
combat is top tier. if you're a hardcore dragon age player you WILL miss the tactical aspect of it for a bit, but i promise you, once you're used to the way the combat works, you will be lapping that shit up. and once you get to ability combos you'll mourn the control you used to have over your companions in battle a bit less
the MAIN quest and its story. i expected worse, way worse. and for a while the game even had me tricked (harr harr you'll get it in a second) it is Really That Much Worse. but holy shit was it good. i walked away satisfied ngl.
your choices have SOLID weight. there's consequences, good AND bad. i got minrathous blighted, ruled over by venatori, and the leader of the shadow dragons ultimately died because of my decisions. i made those at the beginning and throughout the game. he died at the end. DAVRIN died because i didn't expect what i was saying to have that much weight. i thought i was in the clear. he had hero status. well turns out, your choices can still get your companions killed even if you do everything right. i fucking love him. he shouldn't have made that sacrifice just because i told him to do everything it takes once.
the inquisitor, morrigan and dorian being there, surprisingly. there's also negatives to this though, see below.
speaking of companions dying and the inquisitor playing a bigger role: the final quest feels like me2's suicide mission. i was blown away by it and the fact that i got to see the results of all my efforts playing out in front of me.
bioware are NOT trying to redeem solas. they love him as a character yes, but i wasn't forced to see any good in him. he betrays you. he fucked my rook over twice. he fucked him over right back, for good this time (the veil wasn't torn down, i anchored it by binding him to it, he's doomed to uphold it). but solas really lives up to his name as the trickster elven god. rip to all the people who grew really attached to him over the years.
varric died. if you like him that's probably as hard reading it as it was watching it. varric died and the game lies about it until the very end. when the realisation hits, it hurts. but in the very best way.
the amount of care they put into gender expression and trans identities this time around. (i'll add onto this with negative points as well too).
rook feels very much ingrained in the world of thedas. he doesn't ask questions that expose the player to lore through dialogue as if he's stepped foot into thedas for the first time. those conversations feel very solid and good. i hope other faction players got as much joy out of this as i did.
and the things i didn't like and boy there's a lot unfortunately
the music. let's just get that out of the way holy shit. it doesn't feel like it belongs in this universe. it gets so incredibly sci-fi-y at times you'd think it's taken straight from mass effect andromeda. there's not a single song unique to veilguard that i really enjoyed. it broke my immersion, real bad. hearing a busker play the tavern songs from inquisition on a lute right after i killed some venatori with wobbly bass songs playing in the background is just odd. weird tonal shift. don't like it. it's made for people who like flashy light-weight cinema.
tevinter nights is required reading. the podcasts are required listening exercises. the game is so fast paced, especially at the start, that there's no time to introduce you to characters and how much weight their names carry in-game. i would not have known who half these people are if i hadn't skimmed over tevinter nights. i'd care even less about them than i already did. there is no time to get properly attached to them. people will act as if you're talking to a legend personified and you'll be thinking man goddamn which chapter of tevinter night were they in again and what did they do???
there's a weird mismatch with the animations. you'll have beautifully fluid ones, like emmrich casting spells. and then you'll have rook's face animating in the most unnatural manner that's sorta reminiscent of mass effect andromeda's "my face is tired" addison, when their emotions SHOULD be landing with the player rn instead.
i'm not vibing with the art style. sometimes it works. most of the time it doesn't. at points i felt like i was watching tangled.
that also brings me to some of the dialogue. same issue. i am watching frozen. i am watching tangled. someone on the writer's team really likes the adorkable trope. bellara is its victim.
for all the talk about identity, bioware sure doesn't like theirs. the grey warden armor got a redesign again and it just makes them look like a generic army. i hate it lol
in general, i don't like the armor design. the wardrobe/appearances system is fine, but it's just not helping if all the armors are just... kinda bland or downight bad looking? and don't get me started on the lords of fortune armor. that is orientalism personified.
the world states should have been carried over, full stop. i know they said they didn't because they want to separate what happens in the north from what happens in the south, which... i could have lived with that. but the inquisitor sends you letters that keep you up to date on... the south of thedas. you learn that there's a blight again, that people are standing strong but it's difficult, denerim's fallen, the rulers are taking care of it, orlais is fighting and they're successful for a while, etc etc. what's good bioware. i thought we don't care about the south this time around. why are you feeding me so much boring generic information. if you're not gonna show any of it and just write letters, then carrying the world state over should not have been an issue. i have a game dev background. those few lines of code would not have broken your budget or pushed your engine's limits. fuck right off.
this gripe of mine carries over to all the cameos. as a lord of fortune you have to deal with isabela a lot. it's fun. i missed her. you get to go drinking with her and taash and bellara! also my hawke romanced her. she's not mentioned once. they had the opportunity to put a sentence or two about her in there with not a lot of effort, trust me.
when varric dies, all she has is a single line about it. for gold, for fortune, for varric. she only says it if you interact with her on your way to the final push. that's not mandatory.
morrigan is there. kieran isn't. the old god soul that mythal and then solas absorbed? who cares at this point, the gods are dead now and solas is locked away for eternity. i suppose? why is morrigan there. she feels unneeded. i wish they'd just left her down south, at least that way i wouldn't have had to witness her god awful redesign.
dorian at least feels as if he belongs in this story. the shadow dragons are a crucial part to protecting minrathous. he's also weirdly underutilised. isabela and morrigan had more lines than him in my playthrough.
on the topic of romance: bro that was underwhelming. no, genuinely. you know when romance picked up a bit? after the point of no return. i heard maybe two lines of companion banter about it before that. maybe i missed something which i honestly doubt, but romance did not play much of a role in lucanis's storyline. i saved his grandmother as he wished me to (and if you read tevinter nights you know she was rather abusive and their relationship not the healthiest) and told him to focus on his family. a reunified family my rook wasn't even introduced to as a partner at the end of all that.
really, do not buy this game if you're only in it for the romances. others might be better, lucanis's basically gave me nothing. except for an outing (the second coffee date i had with him, it was getting repetitive) all of it played out once i committed to the final quest. the sex scene was a fade to black. annoyingly right after davrin died. if you're looking for well paced and good spice, pick up something else. the sweet talk and the final goodbye were nice though.
for all the good the ever-presence of gender identity does, it is brought up in such a disruptive manner too. it doesn't even play out naturally if you CHOOSE the lines that are meant to be said. hearing the words trans and non-binary in this setting doesn't feel right, and i'm saying this as a trans guy. i think it could have been handled more gracefully. the amount of times my rook went "i'm a MAN" as if he's about to start drumming on his chest and roaring any second now got super nerve-grating. "i'm so glad you're into me... the me who is trans. remember?" just. tell me one trans person who'd talk like that to a person they've grown close with and are trying to romance. this game doesn't handle sexuality well, so all this hey my body might not look like the way you're expecting it to look talk amounts to nothing anyway. i feel about this the way i feel about krem: this is partial exposition to trans experiences... packaged up for cis consumption. the ONLY exception to that is interacting with taash. holy shit was all of that heartwarming and bro did it feel good and natural to talk to them about theirs and rook's gender.
rivain and nevarra are new locations added by veilguard. they're also incredibly underwhelming, small and constricted maps. rivain is a coastline with a few ruins. the hall of valor is a partial ruin nestled into a cave on a beach, with a fighting pit. isabela is there in her skimpy outfit commentating your pit fights. that's it. i'm sorry if you were looking for a bustling pirate cove or whatever. you're not gonna get it. the nevarran crypts btw are a long ass dungeon crawl. that's it.
speaking of maps. i thought people were being dramatic when they said you're gonna be fighting the same enemies on them again and again. i thought they were figure of speeching it. they're not. you WILL fight the same amount of enemies. in the same spot. every time you reload the map. best to stay on a map and clear out the enemies and do as much questing on that map as you can before leaving, because you WILL have to do it all over again once you return.
the three choices i made for my inquisitor didn't matter lol she didn't have to face solas and therefore couldn't stop him at any cost as she had sworn (maybe because my rook tricked solas into binding himself to the veil, there was also an option to fight him. would she have stepped in? who knows). blackwall wasn't mentioned. and either her using a small amount of her forces in the final fight was the reason the civilians of minrathous fared so well..... or it just didn't matter. ultimately i think she had very little impact on anything
#datv#datv spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard#oh wow i hit a limit typing this#anyway to tie this up a bit: the good and bad to the environmental design being that well-known architecture like minrathous and dwarven#ruins look fire and remind me a lot of the previous games#but newly added locations are very... generic... very bland#i was very excited for rivain. i thought we'd get to see ships. not a bunch of ruins and a fighting pit and that's it#and why did i say to ignore a certain guy's review? bro because he was complaining about taash being ace and that taking up their screentim#and them being too up in your face about their identity. he did all this while she/her'ing them constantly#but my man they're trans. nb. not ace.#y'all need to be careful about bad reviews. they're coming from people who are upset about gender identity being handled as a topic in this#game. meanwhile they have no clue what they're even talking about. i don't think matty knows the difference between ace and trans#and neither do the hundreds of people who are one star rating this game currently#i liked this game. it's not top tier. it's not something i'll sink hours and hours and hours of my life into#it has tonal issues and it's moving away from what made dragon age stand out for me#but i do think that it's a genuinely fun play and people who are very invested in dragon age will squeeze joy out of it wherever they can#i had a hard time warming up to the new characters (taash and lucanis being the exception because they have an older bioware air about them#but solas's and varric's story (and don't get me wrong that's what veilguard is about) is GOOD. that is how bioware used to be.#and i wish they'd given us that energy all over the game. that direness. that grit. serious and mature writing.#that consistency is lacking#and whether you're gonna enjoy this game or not is entirely dependant on what you came here for and how well the game delivers on it#i think their weakest points are ironically the thing they advertised the most: the new companions and their writing#you won't find nuanced and good enemies here (i already reblogged something about this. you can go scroll around a bit and catch up on that#really the only thing that had me super invested and emotional was the main quest.#so make of that what you will. ultimately i was more frustrated with the game than i got enjoyment out of it. i was close to just put it#aside for now... until i went to minrathous to end ghila'nain's and elgar'nan's ritual. that all blew me away. still on a high off of it.#anyway yeah that review got cut short by the character limit maybe i'll add more to it tomorrow but rn... i am heading to bed#thanks for coming to my ted talk. also i'm sorry. zevran REALLY isn't in this.#dragon age
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Not forgiving yall for making me believe Price was a proper Tired Old Man™. What do you MEAN he is canonically 38/39 💀
and what do you mean Soap is like? 27? sir you are but wee boy. where are your parents.
#like. i get it. i do. he has the vibes#also ya know. being captain and spending time in a whole ass gulag will add about 30 years to you#EVEN SO!!!#i've been here for what. 2 weeks? if that? and everywhere i look Price is the hot middle aged dilf who looks well into his 50s#AND HE ISN'T EVEN 40??? A YOUNG LAD!! THAT'S EVEN MORE TRAGIC OMG???#i do agree those weird sideburns do NOT help. wasn't too keen on them but. i see it now i do. he pulls them off#i was doing some Research™ and like. what do you mean Soap is my age 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#they are all SO much younger than i thought omg. which like. okay! fandom and all absolutely 100% fair#(this is NOT me romanticising irl military btw. looking at this through a fictional lens because irl military is. hm. well.#not going into the details of systemic corruption and how unfairly privileged they are)#like. i just wanna wrap him in a blankie and have him take a long nap#all of then really but omg Price NEEDS it#not me getting all soft about some pixels 💀 ANYWAYS!#i am writing this at [ungodly hours of the night] so excuse me if this makes 0 sense. gonna schedule for a less offensive time of the day#anyways x2#captain john price#cod#cod mw
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Broke: Damian is bad at being a Robin because he's too violent
Woke: Damian is bad at being a Robin because he's afraid to hurt people
#obviously it's always funny to do the whole 'what do u have there Damian?' 'a knife!' 'nO' thing#and like make him a horrendous and silly evil gremlin who can and will pull a sword out in the middle of a parking lot to fight#but listen#he doesn't like the assassin background that much and once he learns about like The Normal World he's honestly in anguish about it#that's canon! that's the truth! (right?) (the whole thing with Goliath?? I'm not making it up right???)#i think he's just the kind of guy who loves his swords because they're what he knows and they're a strong connection to his family#but I think it's nice if he spends his time on field telling others what to do because everyone else learned to fight the OTHER way#(by defending and subduing opponents rather than maiming and killing)#so he prefers to take on a tactician general role despite being perfectly capable as a fighter because he knows what everyone else needs#to do to succeed in fights - especially when things are a bit of a mess - but is afraid to be too rough or scary or violent or Demon Son-is#(the things that make him feel like he doesn't belong in a happy civilian world - WHICH IS WHAT HE WANTS IN MY HUMBLE OPINION.)#in this essay I will explain why this allows for him to show awe and love for each of his siblings' fight styles by utilising all of them#and I just think Dami Babs and Tim could really work together as a detective/tactician comms team (with varying distances from the field)#because I think that'd be so fun: Tim is solving (mid-range) Babs is watching/providing supports (far) and Damian is commanding (close)#because the others are like The Bruisers (in their non-lethal way) who trust themselves to only hurt as much as is needed and are good at i#PLUS babs is SO stretched thin and literally the backbone of the bats so I just want a future where some of the kids become HER robins yk#anyway back to the point of the post:#it's kind of alluded to in 2017 supersons; EVERYONE in it comments on how Robin is JUST doing flips and shouting orders#and jon is like The Muscle and the one Doing Stuff - but Jon IS following orders 85% of the time and it works out well for them because#that dynamic of 'I'm not sure I can do it right by myself and I trust you to be my partner so we can do it right together' really#is my favourite like.. they're both filling these ideas of who they're meant to be and they just :( they just seek their own path together#oh no I lost the point again immediately and it became another WHY DO THEY SEPARATE THEM rant#I just think it's really fun to think of Damian as 'the most well trained fighter but ALSO the most likely to step back from a fight'#like yeah when we add in my thoughts on pit rage it adds some angst but that doesn't matter here in THIS post#have I even talked about my hc on pit rage/madness? I don't think I have LMAO (maybe another day)#anyway it's late I'm tired why do I always chat in the tags so much#my posts are literally all in the tags 2% post 98% tags smh#damian wayne#damian al ghul#damian al ghul wayne
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the doctor isnt neurodivergent or autistic or adhd or nonbinary or genderqueer or asexual. what the doctor is, is Not From Here
#which necessarily of course says something abt their (non)whiteness#(i had all these words in quotation marks first so mentally add those to whiteness too)#but we've them be black for all of 1.5 episode now so#lets see how that develops you know#also i dont think i understand the politics of that part well enough to say much abt it#not that i probably understand the politics of these parts better but#im annoyed enough abt this Thing happening these years. in these 20s i guess. the 'representation' thing#to complain abt it anyway#the dsm isnt real and it isnt gonna fuck you buddy#maybe i'll read some books and then one day i'll write an essay driven by spite and pettiness#i wonder if i can make the thesis statement about the tension between their status of main character#in a 60 year running family adventure show vs this therapy thing we're doing now#like. you cant do that. in terms of like. what story is and does. what a character is and does. it strains#in an interesting way. like im not saying they Shouldnt have done it. im just observing. that you cant do that really. i think#or maybe you can! but i'll find that out#i also dont know shit abt narratology or whatever so. need to read books first. sigh#always have to pause my thoughts to read myself in first its so annoying. esp bc i rarely really do#bc then new thoughts new things to do you cant do EVERYTHING. you can do almost nothing. bane of my existence really#but like you might even be able to say smth interesting here about whether you can call them traumatised at all#remember that article i saw around on tumblr a few years ago i think that was abt like. some scholar in the middle east maybe#saying that ptsd is a western thing bc it necessitates a Post#all of this is western. psychiatry is western. its all stories. how you conceptualise trauma is a story#whos Other is story#where youre from is a story what you stand for is a story who you are is a story#ah. checked the article. dr samah jabr. palestinian. i'll start with her book maybe
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i have a headache
#i've been stuck scrolling instagram for the past few days#i don't even like being on there#modern ig is so overstimulating everything is either a reel or a reel in disguise or an image post that inexplicably has audio#i kept making myself go on there because i wanted to find a way to make art friends or a community or w/e#and i thought if i had more of a presence and interacted more i'd eventually get people to like. talk to me and comment stuff ig. idk#but ughhhh#i don't think insta is a good platform for that cause it's either pictures with a short caption or the worst media format known to man#like. idk i wanted to find and follow and be friends with and be Cool Artists (don't ask me to define that)#but no artist on instagram is a Cool Artist because there's no goddamn text on there#like if it makes sense i wanna find people who talk About art as well#but not in an art Discourse way#which is another thing. even if instagram had more Talking it would still be shit because the mainstream 'art community' is insufferable#art tiktok is that on steroids#and instagram is is bootleg tiktok#the same five discourse topics jokes memes advice whatever the only difference is now they're circlejerking about ai too#i wanna be Casual and Spontaenous and Mysterious and shit but IG's layout makes me feel like i can't just post whatever#i feel this pressure to give my posts all the same format and add tags and do this and do that and have good Branding or w/e#and it's just ughhh why can't I be a famous enigma (<- doesn't make or share anything)#even on tumblr the pressure is the same#and at the same time i hate looking back on my art accounts (both ig and here) because it just. doesn't align with what i wanna do#like my attempts at categorising and tagging and being consistent#it's just so. yuck#i want to have a Good Brand but i also want to be 'real' but then i look back at my disjointed messy past work and i cringe#i think i need to block my irls from my art accounts bc i feel super embarassed trying to do any typical Get Noticed on Social Media thing#cause it feels embarassing being seen doing shit that's ''influencer-y'' (idk what to call it)#cause it feels out of character to how i actually am in real life#but also why i do want to show my ''real'' character? I'm not cool#and that's another thing I've had these accounts for ages#looking at my past posts makes me fuckign cringe#I want to purge them or start over
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#tw suicide#no seriously heed the tw this is probably upsetting i just. i need to say it somewhere and i will not say it to my family.#puddleglum hours#personal#its just i was thinking.#tother day the doctor asked: do you regret it? about the suicide attempt tuesday night.#and i said something that i still feel: if i regret anything about it it's that i didn't succeed.#they're talking of discharging me tomorrow or something and im just.#what do i need to do to be kept in for longer?! damn it all i *know* how i could kill myself in here.#but i don't want to. i need them to save me#because i can't save myself! if they discharge me tomorrow i think it very likely ill be dead before the end of the week! or at least in#hospital from another attempt! this new med has made me more numb but the thoughts haven't gone away just muted. and then.#at times like this im perfectly wild about it! i cannot keep myself alive i need them to do it for me!#but when ive seen the doctor each time its been when im exhausted and numb and i don't care but that is not the case always.#i don't know. i don't see a good outcome any which way.#hopefully tomorrow the doctor sees me at a time when im feeling like this i think.#because i think i need to tell them. but i don't know how or even if it matters#and sometimes i just want to die.#im so tired of living guys. why#editing to add i am still on hiatus and if you want to contact me and know my discord contact me there#so i will not be responding to anything here for this moment at least
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Hrmm... put together a roommates quiz finally after years of thinking it would be an interesting idea lol.. Though obviously not meant to be taken super seriously, I just like thinking about this aspect of personality compatibility. Like yeah, maybe you could get along with someone just chatting with them, but living together is such a different thing. .. curiouse...
#Not that I think that many people would really care since I barely know anyone on tumblr in real life and would never live with random#internet strangers lol but... idk.. I made this to give to friends from time to time and thought... why not post it here too#just out of sheer curiosity if anyone takes it what the most common results would be and etc.#My initial assumption is that most people would probably fall into the 'maybe' category and that either extreme of 'best roomates'#and 'worst roomates' would be the least common#very long also since I like to be thorough I guess#THOUGH... upon second thought... tumblr is home of the like Weird Introverts Who Sit Inside All The Time.. so maybe it's more#likely to come across compatible poeple on here. given that many of the questions are about how meticulous#people are with their scehdules or how often they invite friends over or if they like to mostly stay inside etc.#(since personally I think having a roommate coming and going and bringing random people over all the time would be too chaotic#lol... I need a peaceful quiet household)#Also I kind of don't like the way uquiz seems to do results. I was hoping it would be a number tally? I used some sort of quiz making site#before where you weight the question responses with a number (so the 'Best' response is worth a 0#The worst is worth like 5 points. and all the in between are like 1 - 4 points or something). So then it is actually possible to have a#''perfect score'' category (someone who gets a literal 0 points). and also you could weight some EXTREMELY bad answers#to add like +10 to the score instead of just +5. And someone who got the MAX possible points would be the WORST compatibility. etc.#But uquiz seems to just be like ''which category did you score towards the MOST'. So someone can give some pretty bad answers#that are VERY non compatible. but as long as MOST of their answers landed in a 'compatible' category#then they would still be listed as compatible despite still actually having some dealbreakers in there. Which is also possible with the#'every answer is a number amount' ranking system too. but I feel like that one does allow for a little more customization#and accuracy (like making the dealbreakers add like...+40 to the score or something so that#there's basically NO way that someone could answer with one of those and still get a good score. Or the ability to have a literal#'perfect score' (getting a zero) etc.#BUt anyway lol... inchresting.. inchresting... curious to consider maybe making a uquiz#for the characters in the gameI'm making like.. which npc are you type quiz or something#now that I've made one and seen how it works.. hrmm hrmm....#(< game will not even be done for like another year but still thinking about nonsense like this lol)
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im not enjoying the whole "well enough im doing ok, but having Moments over dumb shit anyway" cause now i feel like im being irrational or attention seeking or selfish because i dont have a reason. im angry, im frustrated, but i feel like i cant be those things. i'll be on the verge of a meltdown and the only thing stopping me is that what if im making other people uncomfortable or scared. im stuck been the feeling that every emotion i have is selfish and the reality of everything i do is filtered through the lens of what will make everyone else comfortable. i dont know.
#healing sucks#i want to not fucking care. so bad. but i cant because thats no fair to anyone else#but at the same time its fucked me up so bad i cant WANT#ppl say to go make friends; go join a group; go do SOMETHING. and sometimes its non-judgemental. and sometimes its VERY judgemental#i feel selfish for not doing anything; for being confused and scared; but id feel just as selfish TRYING to connect with people#i feel like i dont belong anywhere; like im invading space for OTHER people. things arent meant for me#and ill have all these thoughts and there will be shame for even THINKING these things. youre so self centered; how DARE you selfflagellate#youre just sorry for yourself.#and being online doesnt help; sure. lots of things here make that feeling worse. but i dont know where else to go.#i feel. shame. guilt. for a lot of things. things i dont need to. and no matter how hard i try to let it go. it stays anyway#idk. add this to the pile of “evidence for ocd” or whatever#even writing this has me torn. is it fair to push my insecurity into the faces of others? im i even asking for help?#'m sorry. ive been to the grocery store 3 times today. so that does not help#txt#vent
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how and why is there discourse about whether or not certain queer identities exist/if people should be allowed(???) to use them. why is "people know their own identity better than you ever could, and they're the only one who get a say on what they are" such a tough concept to grasp
i think if you find yourself offended by the label someone uses (especially if they're a stranger) or think it invalidates your own, it's a good idea to look inside yourself and question why that may be. more often than not, it's a result of insecurity or uncertainty of your own identity (or many other things, but i won't make a whole list here). whatever reason it is, until you resolve it, you shouldn't take it out on people for having an identity you don't understand
many have said it before but it's worth saying over and over. infighting only helps our oppressors. conservatives don't care if you're a cis gay or a xenogender aegosexual aplatonic lesbian, they hate all of us either way. trying to fit in by going for people who are easier targets for them isn't gonna help you, it'll just alienate you from your own community, and you're never gonna please them. the momentary rush you get from hearing you're not like "one of /those/ gay people" is not worth it and is gonna do more harm in the long run, i assure you
also, it is important to me to say this, but having some less than nice kneejerk reaction caused by confusion about an identity you don't understand doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything. as long as you aren't mean to that person, and you take a second to think smth along the lines of "wait a minute, this isn't any of my business" after having said reaction, you're good 👍 a lot of reflexive reactions we have to things are ingrained into us simply by. well. living in a society 🤡 and you're not terrible for having those thoughts. it's your actions that matter, and your second thought (the "wait, why did i just think that?") is more defining of your actual character and morals than your reflex. i know that having thoughts like this, even tho they're unwanted, can very easily make one spiral, so it's important to me that whoever needs to hear this knows this doesn't make you a bad person 🙏 you're good, keep taking actions to be good, accept other people even if you don't understand them, and you're on the right track :)
#i considered adding that last part in the tags but i figured it'll be too long for that 😭#i noticed i'm posting a lot of rants lately. sorry. but i do wanna make sure no one's actually feeling bad over them#if i complain about something that you do or call it mean and such. that doesn't make you a bad person#you can always work to change and grow 👍 it's not easy but it starts with smaller steps than you'd expect#and now i just switched to a whole other topic from my original point. oops#i do firmly believe that any discourse about someone's identity is dumb as fuck#seeing it in poll blogs always makes me 😐😬 like how is it any business for any of us. why is this up for debate#if a person says they're queer then they are. they don't need to pass some test or go through initiation to be accepted#if they feel comfortable with a certain word that's awesome. why does it matter to *you* which word they use#'they're only using this microlabel to feel special' so? is there anything wrong with that?#'this label contradicts [insert other identity that falls under the same umbrella]' ok. but does that hurt anyone in any way#a lot of identities can even be self contradictory. does it matter tho? does it affect anyone in any way?#'they might realize that label is wrong later' again. what's the harm in that.#i don't blame anyone for these thoughts bc like. this is how cishets view a lot of the even more common labels#so you're basically taught to think this way from day one. that doesn't mean you need to stick to that thought process#you might have these reflexes forever no matter how hard you try. but you'll get quicker about moving on from them#but you do have to try. you do have to realize that other people's identities aren't about you#anyway. this post feels like batting at a hornets nest. really hope i don't get some bad faith readers here lol#(i noticed a lot of places one could apply bad faith but like it's 3:30 am i'm too tired to add this many disclaimer.#so i'm gonna trust you to not jump to conclusions and to approach this in good faith okay? mwah 🖤)#also my whole ramble abt morality (in the tags too) is relevant to. any topic really#i may just make a separate post about it really. .....tomorrow tho.
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does honno have any au versions?
Not many! I do have some that Honno are in that my friend made but their a lil different from Hesokuri Wars Aus? I do want to draw some Hesokuri Wars Aus! When I have the time for it so I'll put down the one's I like! and want to make content for! Youkai- I'd like to make something for this au? but I'll put it on the back burner for now till I get ideas for this,,, Vampire- I do like this one what else can I say? I'm a monster enjoyer but my friends au for this one a lil different? I enjoy it though :] I love the au content I've seen moots drawn! Musical- I think this one is neat! I've even found this song I'd think would fit hanichi in the au as well? but I've always thought of a funny idea of how Honno and Ichimatsu meeting and basically it being Honno walks in while Ichimatsu is in mid using black magic and think their gonna tell on him or something?? I'll use this audio as a example! Jason Ichimatsu-(aka/Calming Detective) LOOK HEAR ME OUT only reason I bring this up cause my friend showed me a song that would be hanichi mostly Honno point of view...and I'm insane and I wanna make a silly skit bit comic of the two Work/2- I think it pretty fun to have Artist Ichimatsu and Writer Honno make a manga story together.... NGL I do want to make my own Au? Maybe a funny crossover au? Idk I want to have the matsuno brothers go on a wacky adventure trying to get back home type shit?
#smore rambles#au#theres more BUT LIKE i need to look through the aus again cause its been a long time so have my fav so far#theres the demons/princes ones as well but I'm just insane guys...#I can even add Tomoki into the chaos but I'd like to flesh out his character out a bit more before putting him in aus#idk if it's strange maybe but what if a wacky ass Au where the neets came into irl BUT they still look in anime but everything is real?#probably wont do that but its a silly thought#there was a au/alt timeline idea where ichi knew honno in high school...(it'd probably be sad though....)#ill stop here before i start rambling lol
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Shirt mockup was successful. Did a truly obscene amount of bringing in seams to get here
"But Jules, wouldn't it be easier to just widen the sleeves and neck of a raglan t-shirt instead of taking in a whole peasant shirt?"
I have never done anything the easy way and I have no plans to start now
#the thought process was i have the neckline and sleeve length/width#and i don't want to go through several passes of mockups cause i'm using a woven fabric and my tee pattern is for knits#and y'know what it worked wonderfully#i won't even need to add a zipper#those center seams will be gone eventually#......maybe this is why i stopped posting wips here i immediately forgot how to shut up about what i'm doing#sophie wip
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oh shit yeah grimm and yarrow are exes to lovers huh
#tbf i don't rly think of my writing in tropes. even then exes to lovers doesn't cross my mind as often as friends- or enemies- to lovers#as in it's like. slightly less common? idfk i don't pay all that much attention to that. it's also not a trope i inherently jump at as#someone who personally does not find the thought of getting back with an ex remotely appealing#however. when my characters are stupid about these things...#i think it didn't cross my mind bc they don't. formally break up so i kinda forgot they're technically exes at the beginning of p2#it's like 'i need to fucking book it bc i killed a guy and his guys want my head for that but i'll come back [doesn't do that for. five#years and mostly comes back bc they're out of options]' not 'it's fucking over' yknow?#their relationship by the end of p1 is kind of funky though. it's absolutely romantic in nature but grimm is. kind of a mess bc it's got#this tension of wanting to simultaneously get close to someone and not let them in so the two of them actually don't get all that far?#they're both too afraid to have sex about it that's for sure#i'm not even sure what they call their relationship at that point either. for grimm's sake i don't think they'd really call it anything#in essence it ends with a lot of broken promises that weren't quite promises yknow?#if grimm hadn't booked it i think eventually the two of them might've sorted out their shit but also there's a v high chance grimm would've#fucked things over for good. actually now that i think about it they probably would have run off at some other point#i also think it's important for yarrow's development that grimm fucked off. gotta add some bitterness to that mixture there#you see the five years between p1 and p2 are essential for character development. they gotta marinate in who the fuck they are#make themselves a bit better. make themselves a bit worse. date someone else for a year or so. as it goes#i'm fully rambling here but. what the fuck ever that's what this blog is for#at all times i want to talk about my characters. i only occasionally find a way to make it into a post#grimmyarrow
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you ever just think what you want done with your body after you die
#i got slightly curious after seeing a clip of a medical show episode that was about the mother of a brain dead girl deciding to donate her#daughters face to someone who needed a face transplant#so i searched up if i am even able to donate organs (didnt know if i can cus my medical conditions) cus if i ever die id like to do so#id love it if parts of me could live on in someone else after i die. and whats left of my body id like cremated and spread somewhere#(idk where but prob the highlands. i always enjoyed going up there whenever we did. or the local forest or river works too)#but apparently its unlikely i can donate at all sadly (seems like ppl with ehlers danlos cannot donate in the uk#except for pancreatic islet cells and i think blood too)#idk how to feel about that tbh#anyways here have the thoughts i decided to write out lmao#btw just to add on just incase. i have no intention of dying anytime soon i just got curious incase an accident happens to me somehow
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