#idk. add this to the pile of “evidence for ocd” or whatever | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rustedgate · 20 hours ago

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im not enjoying the whole "well enough im doing ok, but having Moments over dumb shit anyway" cause now i feel like im being irrational or attention seeking or selfish because i dont have a reason. im angry, im frustrated, but i feel like i cant be those things. i'll be on the verge of a meltdown and the only thing stopping me is that what if im making other people uncomfortable or scared. im stuck been the feeling that every emotion i have is selfish and the reality of everything i do is filtered through the lens of what will make everyone else comfortable. i dont know.

#healing sucks #i want to not fucking care. so bad. but i cant because thats no fair to anyone else #but at the same time its fucked me up so bad i cant WANT #ppl say to go make friends; go join a group; go do SOMETHING. and sometimes its non-judgemental. and sometimes its VERY judgemental #i feel selfish for not doing anything; for being confused and scared; but id feel just as selfish TRYING to connect with people #i feel like i dont belong anywhere; like im invading space for OTHER people. things arent meant for me #and ill have all these thoughts and there will be shame for even THINKING these things. youre so self centered; how DARE you selfflagellate #youre just sorry for yourself.#and being online doesnt help; sure. lots of things here make that feeling worse. but i dont know where else to go.#i feel. shame. guilt. for a lot of things. things i dont need to. and no matter how hard i try to let it go. it stays anyway #idk. add this to the pile of “evidence for ocd” or whatever #even writing this has me torn. is it fair to push my insecurity into the faces of others? im i even asking for help?#'m sorry. ive been to the grocery store 3 times today. so that does not help #txt #vent

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