#do actual writing exercises instead of just jumping right in

[trans-yllz]

we are yet again in a ben fic writing moment which means you all get to suffer through my little snippets whenever I see fit

[illusioncanthurtme--art]

This may be a silly question… but I’m an artist trying to learn backgrounds. I’ve studied perspective until my hands fell off, but I don’t know how to choose an angle or not make things look wonky. I’ve tried asking a lot of artists, but I’m hoping to hear more than “just draw backgrounds”, because I have been, but I’m not improving.

Do you have any tips on how to practice?

The anonymous ask is much more recent but it reminded me of another ask from @cerealssoggies i forgot to answer thats, OOF... gotten old. Sorry about that. I'll answer your ask more directly at the end of this.

I'll talk about the perspective ask first. Anon... I'll answer your question as best as I can!

I think what makes perspective tricky is the beginning, when you're using perspective lines and grids and such to map out the picture. Because the actual technique of 2 point perspective isn't hard or complicated, it's getting the scene to look the way it does in your head thats tricky. I'm talking about the metaphorical "camera" location, angle, and... idk, focal length? If I'm using that phrase correctly.

So you can draw something like a simple square bedroom, and by the time you're done placing your horizon line, vanishing point, and perspective lines, and actually start drawing, you realize it doesn't look like how it does in your head. And from there, it's hard or nearly impossible to move things around to look like your vision, so you'll be tweaking each thing individually: uhh, let's move the horizon line down, the left vanishing point further? The right one closer? Both further? Huh??? And it's frustrating.

I've found, if you're drawing an environment from your imagination, the best way to start is to draw an teeeeny tiny thumbnail sketch. The smaller the better. Not just environments, but any drawing idea is easier to map out when it's smaller. Your brain can latch onto the visual as a whole when it's all tiny on a piece of paper.

Drawing my current blog header, the one of ford's research tent, I had a similar pickle. I knew exactly where I wanted the camera to be, in the corner of the tent, and I knew I wanted the camera to be more wide, so you could see most of his tent while keeping the feeling that it's small. I started digitally with perspective lines and quickly got frustrated. SO - I took to my sketchbook and thought reeeeeally hard about what it looked like in my head, and tried mapping it out in a tiny tiny thumbnail. Here's what that looked like:

This was closer to what I wanted than what I first had on my computer. I knew from there that I wanted the furniture items to be closer together and the camera higher (you can see my scribble writing saying this), so I scanned my thumbnail, and drew on top of it to get closer to the vision. Then, from there, I was able to add a proper perspective grid based on what I had already drawn.

THEN you can finally get down to the fun part - actually populating your room with furniture and details. I put this sketch on paper and did most of the real drawing traditionally:

In summary: instead of jumping straight into perspective theory, thumbnail the idea as rough as you can. Then base the angles of the perspective lines on your thumbnail.

But.... even still, I don't have the strongest ability to picture things mentally, and not everyone is gonna be able to do that (although it is a good muscle to exercise.) Sort of a segue into the second ask - those backgrounds of dibs car? I straight up traced over pictures I took of my car. I'm not the biggest advocate for tracing, it does kind of feel like cheating, BUT for the purposes of this animation? There's no point in getting on a high horse. I needed to draw his car like 10 times and there was no reason to torture myself. I did photoshop some of the photos before I drew over them because the focal length made the car look bigger than I wanted it to? And a lot of it was guessing what the car looked like behind the front seats, etc.

But this does remind me of an exercise I did in school for an illustration mentorship class. The mentor for one unit was a set designer working for Netflix. She was given photos of a room that a scene would be shot in, and she drew the set on top of it: like furniture, decorations, etc. So my assignment was to choose a stock photo, and do some world building concept art based on the photo. From the photo, you can figure out the perspective by identifying lines/angles that theoretically lead to a vanishing point. You need at least two lines, and you extend them really far and see where they cross. Where they meet is a vanishing point. Find two vanishing points and they are level with the horizon line. Then use the perspective dots you just found to draw furniture, items, and you can even get creative and change the shape/height/size of the rooms/buildings/etc, while still using the same perspective.

If an image from the internet feels too much like cheating (it SHOULDN'T, you'll only learn from it and your drawing won't look anything like the image by the time you're done), you can always take your own photos. This technique is honestly what made me enjoy drawing backgrounds in the first place. It made it fun! And drawing should be fun.

I still do this sort of thing today. Here's the reference picture I had my sister take of me for my Fairy godmother illustration. (This is from a couple years ago.) I drew on top of it in photoshop to get my best guess as to the lines and angles. I didn't trace this one, but I did use it very heavily for reference!

So I guess... to summarize both techniques, don't jump right into perspective. Best way to start, that's fun and not wildly frustrating, is to use a photo. If your vision is hyper specific, start from a tiny thumbnail and work your way up. Then the fun part!! Populating the scene with furniture and items and fun little details.

To answer @cerealssoggies question more directly: omg, thank you?? :O💞 I'm always so wowed when people talk about my prints and where they put them. I'm really glad you like the fairy godmother one! My mom also has one hung up in her room lol!

My advice on the design front isn't as specific, because that always felt like the easy part. Once you have the room or whatever mapped out, it's just about drawing all the Stuff. Which for me usually means getting in the head of the character and asking myself what sort of things they'd have around themselves and their environment. And obviously if the setting isn't a characters room/personal environment like the previous three examples, then you'd just have to think about what the environments purpose is, and what sort of stuff would be there. When I'm thinking about a background before I draw it, I'll ask myself what items or features it will have. For the ford tent, I made a list of all the stuff I thought he might have in there (I googled winter camping trip packing lists, as well as science-y tools and gadgets). For dibs car, I asked people on tumblr for suggestions as to what I should put in there.

And look up references! Reference is always a good thing.

In real life, I'm a maximalist and a clutterbug. This bleeds into my drawings - I like it when an environment feels full and lived in.

Here's my bedroom lol.

WELL typing and compiling this took up a greater portion of my Friday but I really hope this was helpful to you and others!!

[kayakima]

How the 104th cadet corps gets their exercise routine

(Plus bonus Porco and Pieck)

Eren: Jumped around on different types of exercise until Tae Kwon Do really resonated with him. It ended up being a great outlet for his energy and temper and once he started doing it regularly, everyone noticed he mellowed out a lot in his personal life. He’s a probationary black belt currently and once he earns his black belt he wants to make a display for all of his previous belts to hang up in his living room.

Mikasa: Hosts her own workout class once a week. Runs a fitness blog that focuses more on balance rather than pushing yourself continuously. Heavily cautions against eating disorders (especially towards men) and ends all her videos with “you are a warrior. Know this. You have the power to slay all the obstacles in your path, even if you have to do it alone.” Can bench 300 but doesn’t really talk about it. Is 100% that ultra-feminine girl that Eren loses his mind over when she randomly flexes and he calls her “muscle mommy” as a joke

Armin: Jogs casually in the mornings but he had a discount on ClassPass and eventually found a yoga studio he fell in love with. Wears traditional salwar pants and got embarrassed when Eren said he was wearing “MC Hammer pants”. Yoga is his time to decompress and he can probably fold his body into a pretzel. Goes to the meditation studio next door right after for an hour. Takes Annie to goat yoga for her birthday

Annie: Saw a run club online and thought that was cost-effective and easy to commit to. Sasha heard her mention it and got super excited. She still jogs with her headphones on and doesn’t talk while actually running but she enjoys Sasha’s company regardless. Does the color run every year with Sasha and Connie. Armin always writes a silly sign for her and sneaks a picture of her covered in rainbow cornstarch with a huge smile on her face and sets it as his phone background

Bertholdt: He’s tall and kind of lanky so you wouldn’t really think much of him working out, but he’s really into longboarding and is REALLY good at snowboarding. He’s casually doing Olympic-level stunts and is like “dude it’s really not hard you just have to lean into the movements and let the board go where it wants to go” if anyone asks him about it. His longboard is COVERED with OddFuture stickers he got at Zumiez

Reiner: Lives and dies by lifting. Has whey protein with every meal and curates everything he eats by its macros and nutrient density. It took Mikasa everything she had to convince him to stop paying attention to all of that and to just eat whatever he wants when he’s hungry because at the end of the day he’s still in great shape even if he eats some cookies. He still fell for the Bloom superfood powder hype though but at least it’s not creatine or alpha male podcasts.

Ymir: Doesn’t really think about working out but can hike from sunrise to sunset without so much as panting. Has a matching owala with Historia’s and could probably climb Mount Everest without assistance or gear if you left her to her own devices. When she’s in the vicinity of one she will scale a rock wall in ten seconds.

Historia: Works out more for the aesthetic than for the health benefits because she’s already hiking with Ymir pretty often. A stairmaster HATES to see her walking into the girls-only gym with her Owala that’s clattering with charms. Only wears matching sets from gymshark and does no upper body at all. Not because she “doesn’t want to look bulky,” but because she doesn’t know how to properly do any upper body and doesn’t really care to learn since Ymir is already physically strong.

Marco: Casually works out but he’s a swimmer through and through. Freestyle is his stroke but Jean keeps telling him he has the wingspan to compete professionally in a 200m butterfly. Goes to the local public pool on his own time but prefers when Jean is free so he can use his guest pass to swim in a private gym instead. His favorite pair of racing trunks are the ones Jean gave him for his birthday that look like Patrick Star’s

Sasha: Isn’t super devoted to working out but when Annie mentioned the run club she got SUPER excited and signed the both of them and Connie up. Took Annie to get matching running shorts and shoes and posts her stats on her Instagram stories. After running a 5k and the city’s annual half-marathon she celebrates by absolutely pigging out at Applebee’s

Connie: After joining the run club he unintentionally picks up a TON of girls on a regular basis. He doesn’t even notice they’re fawning over him and just thinks they want his number to get updates on official events. Gets really passionate about Hokas and all of his running shorts have some ridiculous pattern on them. Qualifies for the half-marathon every year and dumps a bottle of water on his face five seconds after crossing the finish line

Jean: ABSOLUTELY has an Equinox membership that his mom pays for (she knows someone in corporate who gets her a 75% discount). Brings travel bottles to fill with Aēsop soap every time. Does not have Equinox merch because he’s self-aware enough to know that it’s douchey. You’d think he lifts but he’s actually a great swimmer and invites Marco on his guest pass to race every week (he lets Marco win because he likes seeing him get so excited)

Pieck: Pilates Queen. Mooches off Jean’s guest pass at Equinox but he doesn’t mind because she always likes to take “gym couple” photos. Outside of that she goes to a local Pilates studio and gets the staff holiday gift baskets every year because they’re tight like that now. Has matching sets to work out in with the girlies but prefers to work out in biker shorts and one of Jean’s tshirts when she’s on her own

Porco: was originally a CrossFit fiend until he pulled a muscle and realized CrossFit does NOT prioritize form and you’re actually just destroying your body. Bought an Equinox membership at Jean’s behest but does wear the merch because he thinks it’s comfortable and doesn’t care if it’s douchey. Says Pilates is for girls and doesn’t want to be the weird straight man in a Pilates studio but is secretly very interested in it.

[nxghtstxne]

"What are we?"

Warnings: None

Pairings: Leah Williamson x reader

Words: 2222 (angel number??)

*First Leah fic, still gonna be writing for OBX and stuff so don't worry but I like this now too so I'm also gonna be writing more WOSO stuff, I actually already have a second Leah fic lined up after this one, inspired by this so it'll probably be the same timeline and background and stuff.

You were a forward for the Arsenal women's team, having scored a fair few goals for the team you were popular with the fans. However even after all your time at the club you were still rather quiet and reserved, becoming good friends with Lotte and Viv pretty soon after joining, and of course being friends with Viv meant eventually being friends with Beth and of course Leah. 

Beth and Leah had managed to soon get you to open up around them, the latter of the two quickly realising how her mood instantly lifted whenever you were nearby, finding it hard not to smile at just the thought of you sometimes. Slowly you had found yourself talking to Leah more easily, at first finding her rather stern and slightly intimidating. Now you were excited to tell her about your day or to listen to her talk about all the new songs she had found since you two last spoke. 

Eventually as the season progressed, so did your friendship with the defender, whenever you would score goals, whether they were strong and thought out or a chance you took with your eyes closed, Leah was always one of the last ones to leave the celebration, her hands and arms holding onto you the tightest out of all your teammates. After one particular game changing goal against Liverpool, you were quickly bombarded with hands patting your head and back and shouts of praise being thrown your way, but it was one set of strong arms wrapping around your shoulders that caught your attention; warm breath hitting your cheek as she pressed her chest against your back, her face pressed close to your ear.

 “Y/n that was unbelievable- you're unbelievable, oh my god!” What was surprising though was the quick kiss that she planted on your cheek, squeezing you one last time before running off back into her position. Not that you minded the way her arms felt around your torso when she was jumping in happiness at Arsenal scoring, or how close her face got to yours during that too. In fact you found yourself missing her presence afterwards when she wasn’t close to you. But she was like that with everyone right? Always the supportive vice captain, that’s all it was, is what you told yourself whenever your mind wandered to the what ifs. 

You found yourself asking the same questions during training a few days later, the trainers wanting everyone to pair up in the gym to do some 1v1 work together, you saw the blonde’s head turn your way the second the words left the coaches mouth, you were also about to make your way over to her to pair up before Victoria had grabbed your attention to be her partner instead. For the rest of the exercise you couldn’t help but notice the rather attractive frown on her face the whole time, it not going missed by Lia either; who had paired with Leah after seeing her disappointment at not being with you. Lia couldn’t help but be amused at the situation, throughout the whole time she had known Leah she had never seen her be this jealous or love struck over a girl before. At the end of session, you and Pelova had finished before Leah and Lia did, so you grabbed the blonde’s water bottle and made your way over. As soon as her eyes met yours she was like a completely different person, smiling and laughing at what you were saying, shoulder bumping into yours as you guys grabbed your bags. You both went your separate ways that afternoon, however the way her moods changed earlier that day had been stuck in your mind for the rest of the night. 

Every time you even thought about the possibility that she liked you as much as you liked her, you would get a slight flutter of butterflies in your stomach, eventually having enough of it and deciding to send her a quick message. After that it was hard to find a time where the two of you weren’t messaging each other, or facetiming while getting ready. Naturally this led to you both hanging out a lot more, movie nights, meeting up at little cafes or bars or sometimes going mini golfing or bowling. None of these had been called dates, but the way your hands intertwined casually and the longing looks shared throughout the nights, played on your mind, and unknown to you, Leah thought about them too.

 After a few months of this going on, it was obvious to the two of you that you both liked each other, however there seemed to be something stopping either of you from making the move and making it official, the fear of it not working out and then losing a friend and a good teammate being too strong. Once Leah was able to drive again after her surgery, she would pick you up and drop you off back home, not being too keen on the idea of you walking on your own after late training nights. It took surprisingly less time than you thought for Leah to give up her treasured DJ privileges and let you take control of the music in the car, it didn’t stop her from being overly opinionated about the music you played though. One night after the two of you had been out to an arcade for a few hours, you were sat in the passenger seat, the conversation had since died down into a comfortable silence, street lights lit up the car every few seconds causing you to notice Leah's clenched jaw out of the corner of your eye, a hand gently landed on your right thigh. Thumb stroking over the jeans softly as the tapping of her other hand on the wheel to the beat of the song filled the car, she was nervous you could tell, not wanting to draw attention to her you placed your own hand on top of hers. A silent response that it was okay, and you liked it. It was almost as if that night had opened something between the two of you, now comfortable with holding each other more often, hands in hands, or chests pressed against backs in the comfort of your house or her flat. 

Eventually it started to feel like the two of you were becoming something, knowing each other's schedules, each other’s favourite snacks or drinks to have after a match or at a movie night at each other's houses, the two of you even had some spare clothes and pajamas in a dedicated draw in the other girl’s room. After one particular group dinner at your place, cooking for what felt like half the team, Leah asked to sleep at yours, something that the two of you had done before but it still sent a surge of butterflies through your stomach, an instant smile at the thought of spending alone time with the girl. You quickly agreed and once everyone had helped clean up and left, not even an hour later you both were in lying in your bed, time had gone by pretty fast and before you knew it, you had spent countless hours awake together, talking about almost anything, ignoring the plot of the movie you two put on as it now only served as background noise. 

 Even hours after the two of you said you would be fast asleep, you were lying next to each other, shoulders touching and legs intertwined, giggling and silently laughing at each other’s bad jokes, hands grasping onto arms and heads turning to face each other as the laughter mellowed into giggles. Leah's eyes gently watched you as your hand reached up to tuck her fringe behind her ear, removing it from blocking her eyes. Only to giggle as it once again fell back to where it was, you moved it again, this time keeping your hand where it was against the side of her face; thumb moving up and down against her cheekbone. Her head moved slowly towards yours, nose pressing against yours, eyes holding eye contact, neither of you needed to speak to be able to understand what was being said, with a small nod of your head Leah’s lips were on yours. This was the first night of many that ended in gentle kisses while arms held each other close, waking up in the morning under warm covers with Leah’s long legs hung over your waist, an instant smile at how she even manages to frown in her sleep.

Though it wasn’t long after that first kiss that things started to escalate a little bit more, Leah always holding her hand out for you to take even in front of teammates, you guys had obviously held hands before but the slight fear of it being noticed by someone had always been there. But now it was like neither of you cared, too caught up in your own bubble to notice that people were looking, especially Beth and Katie. They noticed that one time Leah accidentally or not wore one of your hoodies to training, they knew it was yours because it was your favourite- always wearing it or having it in your bag in case. They noticed whenever Leah would make sure you were walking in front of her in crowded places, hands on your waist, her height advantage over you making it easy for her to direct you through the sea of people. They also noticed how not being official would affect the two of you when being single was brought up in conversation or online, with speculation and shipping by fans- or when a stranger would mindlessly flirt with either one of you on a night out.  And so because of this they took it upon themselves to get you both to finally confess your strong feelings to each other and make it official.

Not long after they had discussed their plan with Viv and Lotte, deciding to tag team the two of you and separately have the same talk about confessing your obvious love for each other, reminding you of how down you felt whenever you were reminded that Leah wasn’t yours, and you weren’t Leah's; convincing you and Leah the feelings were obviously there and so it would be stupid and painful to not follow and listen to them. 

That led you to where you are now, sat almost cuddled under a warm blanket on a cold October evening, hands itching to grab a hold of the other but the conversation ahead was making the two of you nervous. Space that was never usually there was present between both your bodies, a random episode of a tv show you’re both watching playing on the tv, the air around not awkward; never awkward with you two, just quietly comfortable but slightly scary. 

“Lee, what are we?” you had asked rather suddenly, your voice almost a whisper. Leah who had been focused on her nail polish, nervously checking it over and over again, stopped and turned to face you, eyebrows pulled down into that very attractive frown that you loved. Her head leaning to rest against her hand, arm perched on the back of the sofa. Copying her movements you turned to face her too, smiling as you reached up to rub a finger along the two lines in between her eyes, reminding her to relax her face; she secretly adored it when you did that, admittedly sometimes frowning on purpose just for you to do it. 

“What do you mean? We’re us, we’re good right? Just the way we are?” Her words had almost made your stomach drop, thinking that now you had definitely read it all wrong and maybe she doesn’t want to make it official or be with you for real. You had to remind yourself what your friends had told you earlier that day as you took a big breath in. 

“Yeah of course we’re good, but it would be good if we were more too, right? Even better maybe, cause then you’d be mine for real… And I would be yours for real, if you wanted.” The second those last words had left your mouth, Leah nodded, humming in agreement with your words.

“Yeah, yeah that would be good. Maybe a little scary but we’ll be alright I reckon.” Laughing towards the end of her words, she took one look at you and then pulled you into a kiss, a gentle, warm kiss like the many you’ve shared before but this one felt more passionate; possessive maybe? At the fact that you were now each other’s, comfortably and happily each other’s.  “So I guess this means no more hiding it?” 

“God shut up!” You laughed and pushed her away before pulling the blanket further up, cuddling back into her side, relieved that the hard part of the conversation was now over. “We were shit at hiding it anyway, pretty sure everyone knew already.” Leah had quietly laughed at your words, wrapping her arms around your upper body, head resting atop yours, forever thankful to their friends for giving them a talking to, because now Leah get’s to fall even more in love with you, and she will love you, sincerely, effortlessly and completely. 

[mutated-green-things]

Stop Me if You've Heard This One Before

Words: 5,189

Pairing: April O'Neil & Leonardo, Leonardo/Usagi

Rating: T

Summary: Leonardo isn’t supposed to be here. He shouldn’t be skulking outside April’s window, working up the courage to knock. He should be healing, should be working on letting go of his self-directed rage, but he can feel the thorny question at the forefront of his mind ripping at stitches, unraveling the progress he’s made thus far. He has to expel the sharp edges somehow or soon he’ll be right back to where he started. And April will get it. April will understand. At least, he hopes so.

-

There’s more than one part of Leonardo that rebels against raising his hand and knocking on April O’Neil’s window. There will be questions, oh so many questions, and he knows he can only handle so many of those right now.

It’s late too. It would be impolite. He says this to himself like it’s an actual argument, but the sun has really only just set and April is a New Yorker, she too never really sleeps.

And she’s the only one who would understand. He hopes. 

So he reigns in the rebelling parts of himself and raps his bulky hand against the glass. There’s a bit of shuffling and then sure enough, she answers. She’s clearly in an outfit that is more comfort than style, but she doesn’t look tired. Less so when she sees Leo’s face. Her eyes widen as they’re filled with sparks of surprise, and for a moment she just stares.

“Leonardo?” She blinks, then squints, like she’s sure she must have the wrong turtle. “Aren’t you supposed to be in a different dimension right now?”

Leo supposes that’s a fair question, but it isn’t one he’s entirely sure how to answer. He waves a hand back and forth and makes a sort of ’ehhhh’ sound. Then when her face starts to turn stern and disapproving, he jumps into his explanation.

“I’m feeling better! I think. I mean, I am. It’s just…” How does he explain this? Does he tell her all of it? He can barely even look at her right now, preferring instead to stare at his scaly, twiddling fingers.

Apparently, something about that is enough. When Leonardo looks up again, she doesn’t look confused or disappointed, instead her face has fallen into a melancholic kind of concern. She opens the window the slightest bit wider and steps back before gesturing Leo inside. 

He double checks to make sure no one sees him, that he’s not been tailed. After several months away from New York, he’s glad to see so many of his instincts are still holding up. That, at least, is one small island of reassurance in the racing current of his mind. He doesn’t see or sense any watching eyes or mysterious shadows, so he steps into April’s apartment and out of the early spring chill.

“You can sit wherever. I was just making—“ A kettle whistles from around the corner. She gestures toward the sound, then slips into her too small kitchen to silence it.

Leo doesn’t sit. He’s too amped for that right now and is busy taking in all the little things he missed while in Usagi Miyamoto’s world. Central electric heating. He hadn’t worried about that in a long time, hadn’t thought about it. Not since they’d turned… eight? He remembered worrying about all the wiring work Don was doing around that age, so that was probably right. Maybe nine. Definitely not ten. Only a decade couldn’t be long enough ago, right?

Second Earth had quickly reacquainted him with sturdy iron stoves and the frigid nights without them. 

The blazing electric lights in April’s apartment have almost become a wonder too, after being away for so long. Not their ease of use. He had prepared to miss that. In period pieces candles had always seemed… so much brighter, but actually trying to work or write or anything by candlelight was a hellish exercise in absolute frustration. How Usagi managed it without the eye strain headaches he would never understand. 

“Is lavender still your favorite?” April calls from the kitchen and warmth radiates from Leo’s chest all the way up to his smile. 

“You remembered,” he calls back. 

She comes back around the corner with a teapot and two cups in hand almost too quickly. Too quickly for her to have been waiting for an answer on flavor anyway. She has a wry smile on her face. “Of course I remembered, you doof. You’re all so distinct about these sorts of things it’s kind of hard to forget.” As she sets down the pot, she gestures to the couch, insisting that he sit down now. 

He finally does, saying very matter-of-factly in his best imitations of Mikey’s ‘I’m choosing to be obnoxious right now’ voice, “I’ll have you know that I have been turned into a jasmine turtle as of late. The flavor profile isn’t as light as I usually prefer but the deeper notes are—“ 

She throws a pillow at him. He laughs, and gods is it good to talk to her again. Actually talk to her, casually, without everything feeling like a deadly threat or without the world actually about to end. Whether or not she can help him, he’s glad he went to her first. His family— no, his brothers and father— would have been all somberly proud about a recovery he isn’t even sure he’s completed yet. 

She still sees it though, still smiles at him with an ease he doesn’t remember from the months before he went to go frolicking across second earth. He even smiles at that thought. That’s how he thought of it before leaving, but his time on Second Earth has been anything but easy. 

“You really are doing better, huh? I haven’t seen you this relaxed in…” she takes a deep breath, “I mean. It’s been a while. We all hoped Usagi might be able to help but—“ 

Leo winces inadvertently at hearing Usagi’s name outside his own mind. 

April flinches too, face quickly flickering into a deep frown. “Uh-oh. I don’t like that look. Did something happen? Are you two fighting?”

He laughs at that too, but this is a laugh from before any of the darkness had started lifting. Cold and bitter and absolutely devoid of the warm joy he was feeling earlier. Because really, if only it were that simple. If they were both at fault, then they could just talk things over, could just make amends, but the situation Leo’s in is all his own doing. Or… he tries to reframe it. The fault of someone else who hurt him maybe? Usagi told him the self-blame came from scars unhealed. Maybe that’s the issue. He wants to think so, but when the wrongness is inside him, his body, his feelings, his hurt, he can’t really think of who else could be blamed. 

“Leo, c’mon. What’s up? I know you came here for a reason.” She reaches toward him with one hand across the antique coffee table. His eyes dart past her manicured nails to the teapot and cups. The earthenware is immediately recognizable. It’s a gift from Donnie and him, from about three Christmases ago. 

“Is it still steeping?” He’s starting to smell the gentle aroma of lavender now. He’s surprised by how much he missed it. Usagi loves jasmine tea and Leo enjoys it enough that he doesn’t argue. He feels a little like he can’t, what with everything Usagi has done for him. With everything he keeps doing. 

“You know it is,” April says through a scowl. “What’s wrong, Leonardo? You’re—“

He picks up one of the onyx black yunomi. “Is the set still holding together well?” She’s using his full name and he just— he can’t handle that right now. Not yet. So instead, he traces the veins of gold kintsugi that wind and skitter against the black with a finger. 

April sighs and mercifully relents. “Yeah. I only use the cups when I have company, but the teapot is… I mean I don’t have a lot of them. I didn’t drink a lot of tea before I met you four, but it’s still my favorite. I use it all the time and there’s never been any cracks or issues with the bonding.” 

“I’m glad,” he replies, and even without the tea the warmth is back in his chest as he continues to trace the golden cracks. 

Donnie had been the one to find the set in the landfill. Three cups and the pot, though they’re pretty sure there were originally four. There had been minuscule bits of sharp earthenware scattered all around where Donnie had found it, like a pile of dangerous black sand. None of those tiny pieces matched any of the existing cups or the pot, and there hadn’t been enough to make a full other cup, so they couldn’t know for sure, but really, what else could it be?

The mystery didn’t matter much anyway. Something so quality so intact was always a great find, and Donnie didn’t hesitate to gather it all up into his duffel. He’d planned to repair it as he usually did. Glue and paint to hide any cracks, but Leo had taken one look and demanded it become a joint project

They practiced for weeks, following YouTube tutorials, public library books, on any dish they could get their hands on. They weren’t perfect. Leo can see the little bumps and blips in the gold even now, but they’re still beautiful, stunning really. Gold against black is always such a brilliant contrast. 

“Leonardo?” His eyes lift and sees that April’s slight frown is accompanied by a furrowed brow now. “The tea still has a minute left, but if you don’t start talking, I’m going to start pouring.” Her tone is mostly worry, but there’s also the smallest bite of annoyed anger there too. 

He sets the cup down, taking in the table as he does. Then he puts as much apology as he can into his smile. “Sugar?” 

“Leo!” 

“Okay that one isn’t a stall. I really—“

“Ugh! Yeah, I remember that too. Fine then. I’m grabbing it, but only ‘cause it’s still steeping.” She gets up, all forceful and irate, then stomps off to the kitchen, calling over her shoulder as she does, ”I swear to god Leo, if I come back and you’ve done the ninja disappearing thing I am going to be so mad.” 

He considers it. He even stares out the window. He still isn’t sure if he’s ready to do this, but then he thinks about the look on Usagi’s face and how fiercely he tried to hide the dejected shadows there. He really does need… no, more important than that, he wants April’s help. He wants to understand exactly what went wrong. He wants to know how to make the clunky weirdness go away. He wants Usagi to smile at him like that again, like all his cracks and flaws and scars have been filled with brilliant, beautiful gold, like he did before Leo’s… everything ruined it all. 

So he stays. April comes back with the sugar and a relieved kind of sigh. “Thank you.” 

He smiles again, still all shrinking apologies. 

She smiles back, and even if the grin is a tight one, it’s clear enough that she’s only this upset because she cares. “Now,” she says as she picks up the pot, “I am going to pour tea and you are going to talk.” 

“Is that—“

“Leonardo.” She starts pouring. Her voice brooks no argument. Leo nods. 

“Right um… where to start. Well. Usagi— he. I mean, I was sort of—” Leo realizes only now that he’s unsure if he ever actually officially came out to April. She knows. She has to. His brothers tease too much about celebrity and cartoon crushes for her not to. He’s pretty sure she’s even gotten in on it once or twice, but he still can’t quite recall if he ever said the words ‘I’m gay’ to her specifically. 

There’s nothing for it now though, and he knows that of all of his family, she isn’t about to judge. Still, he waits for her to finish pouring the steaming hot tea. “We… we kissed.” 

Her expression doesn’t even change. 

“And?”

“And? And! We kissed! I mean, I— wasn’t even. Really expecting it? Usagi is a good, great friend, but we were gazing at the stars and— why aren’t you more freaked out by this! I kissed someone! My first kiss! With another guy!” 

She raises a slim, perfect eyebrow. “Leo, I know you’re gay. You really think I’d have a problem with it?” 

“Well! No but… I mean. Usagi and I are really good friends but— I mean that’s kind of all we are and… and I thought this would be a bigger deal!” 

She blows on her cup of tea, then begins dropping little teaspoons of sugar into it, responding as she does. “Leo, you’ve had a very obvious crush on Usagi ever since you met him at the battle nexus. I’m pretty sure Raph and Casey had started taking bets on when you’d make your move.” She pauses, another little pile of sugar poised above her cup. “Or was it who would make the first move?” 

“Bets…?” Leo murmurs. 

“Anyway, you kissed! That’s— well isn’t that a good thing?” 

“Wait, what was that about bets?”

“Ask Raph or Casey. Or maybe Donnie. I think he might have been facilitating formal odds or something.” She waves off the idea of a gambling ring based on his romantic status with a flick of her fingers. “Why isn’t this a good thing? You looked downright devastated.” 

He opens his mouth to ask about the gambling again. Then shuts it. Later. He’ll be having words with all of them. Later. 

“It was a good thing. Or I think it was a good thing. It just didn’t… didn’t feel right.” 

She smiles like she understands, which means that she doesn’t. Not yet anyway. “Look, I hate to break it to you, but first kisses are never like the movies. My first kiss was messy. I’m sure Casey’s was too. Noses bump, teeth crack together, heck my sister ended up getting her braces tangled up and locked together with another set! She and the guy were both mortified. I don’t think I’ve seen her face that red since.” 

Leo’s nose scrunches up. “Really?” 

“Yep. They had to make an emergency orthodontist appointment. But hey! She laughs about it now. Whatever happened, I’m sure in a couple years it’ll probably just seem funny.” Her smile is still all sympathetic understanding, which is sweet, but if this were just about awkward mistakes, he wouldn't have come to her. He probably wouldn’t have gone to anyone. He knows what he wants to ask, but he also knows once the question leaves his lips there’s no stuffing it back in. There’s no pretending like he didn’t know what he meant. 

He bites his lip and tiptoes toward the line anyway, hoping he can get the answers he wants without tripping over it, knowing that’s probably impossible. “It wasn’t that. Not really. I mean… it was kinda perfect at first, y’know? He was really gentle with me and…” he goes back to inspecting the teapot. He just can’t look April in the eye when he says, “I mean, he’s soft. He’s a rabbit so that only makes sense. And that was nice. But…”

“Did he push you too far?” April asks. 

Leo can’t see her expression. He’s pretty sure he doesn’t want to. Especially when he shakes his head and responds. “No. I pushed. I shifted and it was all—“ how can he express it without the reality crashing down? If he says the words, if April figures it out, it all becomes real and the barriers, the obstacles, every single potential ‘you can’t’ becomes possible. 

Something clogs in his throat. That’s why he came here. Because April would understand, would help him mourn all the impossibilities. He swallows. “He’s older than me. By almost three years. He has more experience, more training. He’s wise and clever and I really admire him. Most of the time it’s like he’s larger than life, y’know? This sword master samurai who for some reason thinks I’m worth being around.”

“Leo—“ he hears the consoling tone in her voice and holds up a hand.

“That isn’t— I’m not done.” He takes a breath. He can guess what she sees, what she’s thinking, and she isn’t entirely wrong. It’s why he doesn’t think his recovery is over. He still hates himself. The reasons have just shifted a bit to the left. “Usagi… he’s also shorter than me. If you count the ears it isn’t by much but even with all that training he’s compact and small. And I’m.” He stares at his bulky, three fingered hand. “I just don’t usually notice it. With the presence he has, with the extra experience and maturity. But I pushed, just a little, and he let me. I had a hand on his cheek and I leaned in and he just folded. Then all I could feel, all I could think about was how— all the ways I’m bigger and clunkier and—“ he clenches his fingers into a heavy wrecking ball. His throat is stuck again, even when he swallows. He knows he wants to cry, but it’s all just lodged and immovable. Another weighty part of him. 

April is silent for several long beats, but when she finally does speak, it’s with the horrendous, crushing kind of understanding he’s been so desperate to avoid. “Oh. Oh, Leo…” 

He rushes ahead before she can offer anything. Before she can say it either. “How did you know? You know, for sure? That you wanted…” He can’t say it. He can’t speak it into existence. He isn’t strong enough to crush such a fragile, delicate wish. One he’s been holding in his heart longer than he realized. April does it for him. 

“That I wanted to be a girl?” 

He winces. Then nods. The fear is so horrifically real, but when he opens his wet eyes, he sees that miraculously, the world hasn’t crumbled around him. 

April is even smiling at him. She’s reaching out a hand. Now she knows, now she sees, and to Leo’s surprise she doesn’t look consoling or sad like he expected. Her smile is joy and excitement more than anything, genuine and bright. “I think you might already know the answer to that question.” 

He swallows. He nods. He brushes away the tears in his eyes before they can finally fall, staining his wrist wraps with salt and despair. “Don’t tell anyone.” He whispers through the heavy thickness in his throat.

April looks confused for a moment, but she nods. “Your secret’s safe with me, but…  do you really think your family will care?” Then she pauses, and seems to realize something else. “Will Usagi care? Is that what this is about? Cause if he won’t accept you as a woman, take it from me, he isn’t worth it.” 

Leonardo blinks for several moments. He honestly had never even thought about it. Usagi comes from an entirely different culture, one that’s missing over five hundred years of cultural baggage and interaction with western traditions and beliefs. Clearly if he kissed Leo, he doesn’t entirely consider himself straight, but the modern cultural connotations of that word are probably lost on him anyway. Leo hasn’t exactly taken the time to explain the Stonewall Riots to his extra-dimensional, early-Edo-period crush. 

“Uh— I don’t. I mean, It might surprise him, but I don’t think… I mean I’m not even sure how odd that would be to him, y’know? He lives in an entirely different dimension that I’ve only experienced for a little over six months. He’s— I’d like to think I know him well enough to know that he wouldn’t— he’d accept— he would be—“ how did he word this? 

“He wouldn’t lose any respect for you?” April offers and Leo nods once, sharp and sure. 

“Then are you just— I mean if you aren’t ready that’s fine. I shouldn’t judge. I just— I want to understand why you feel that way so maybe I can help.” 

The puffing wheeze of air escapes Leo’s lungs before he can help it. It’s not a laugh, not a cough, it’s more pathetic and painful than either of those. “There’s— you can’t help. That’s the problem.” 

“I—“ April’s mouth presses into a flat line. Now she looks really confused. “Look I don’t mean to toot my own horn or whatever, but I have kind of done all this before. If you have questions about— about any of it really! Hormones, blockers, make-up. You don’t have to change your name legally so that’s nice, but if you want ideas I already have some rattling around! I don’t know every little thing, but I’m here and I know a lot. I could even like— if you need me for moral support when you tell the fam, or heck even Usagi. I’ve gone to a different dimension before. I can do it again.” 

It’s all so sweet and supportive that it makes a couple more tears fall. An inane detail floats up to the top. Something he’s thought about longer than he wants to admit. “I already had a name in mind actually…” Mikey had given him the idea inadvertently while babbling about some comic when they were… eleven? Twelve? Something like that. 

His brother had bounced in his seat at the dinner table, telling them all about the superheroine who channeled the sun’s immense power to defeat her enemies. Going from how her supernatural abilities worked, to her armored outfit, to her secret identity and normal human job. He’d asked Mikey to repeat that last one, and then smiled at how something so similar to his own name could be so beautiful and elegant. 

Back in the present, April beams at him with the same solar power Leona uses to fight villainy. “Really? That’s awesome! What were you thinking?” 

Leonardo’s brain communicates to his body that a dire mistake has been made and he feels every single one of his muscles tense. From the outside it probably looks like a flinch, and he watches as the bright sun of April’s smile dims and then flickers out. She’s faster to recover this time though. 

She takes a breath and holds out both hands in surrender. “Sorry, sorry. I know this is a lot. I’m being a lot and changing your whole life around is already scary. I just— I dealt with the beginning scary bits when I was like thirteen and… well to be honest I thought the whole mutant turtle thing would take the bite out of the whole gender thing.” She waves her hands in a way that hints at sculpting something amorphous. 

“But you’ve had your whole life to get used to the shell and scales and weird glowing mutagenic mystery substances whereas this— this is all new. And new is always gonna take some adjustment time. So, take as long as you need, okay? But when you wanna lay it all out, I’ll be here.” She reaches out again, only this time, she bends herself forward, not offering a hand but setting her small delicate fingers on Leo’s own clunky, twiddling digits.

This time, he really does flinch. Away from her. 

As April responds with her own flinch back, Leo stands up, shoving himself out of the chair, almost spilling his tea. 

“Leo I—“

“I shouldn’t have said anything.” He thought, he oh so foolishly believed she would get it, but her ideas are grandiose, bright hope like Michelangelo might be. Like, Usagi might have been if he’d shared? 

His friend had spent the last six months trying to get him to see all the little spots of shining joy in the world. Usagi hadn’t babied him, hadn’t told Leo it would all work out or be okay in the end. He’d acknowledged that fear and failure were simple inevitabilities. But then he’d turned Leo’s eyes to all he’d been missing. The little beautiful sights, sounds, tastes and feelings of the world. He’d urged Leo onward with those, telling Leo that’s how he’d avoided giving into despair years ago, when his lord was killed. 

There had always been something out of reach though. A chain around Leo’s heart that he hadn’t fully felt until the other crushing weights had started to lighten in Usagi’s company. He knew Michelangelo wouldn’t see the truth of it, suspected Usagi wouldn’t, but April was a scientist and knew so much more than the little bits Leo had hunted down through the private browsing tabs on Don’s computer at seventeen. 

Raph and Master Splinter probably wouldn’t have understood at all, which was fine but not useful. And Donnie would know. For certain, irrevocably. Donnie could, would shatter every fragile hope and dream without even trying to. And that was so painful Leo tried his damnedest to not ever think about it.

He’d gambled on April O’Neil gentle tact not hurting as much as Don’s assured decree and made the wrong bet. Now he had to leave. Right now. 

Only his chest is soaking in surprise and what he knows is wrongfully placed betrayal. He stumbles toward the window, but April is already there, hands held out again. Not a surrender this time but a barrier.

“Leo, wait! Please. What— I didn’t mean to rush you or… or try to force things. I’m just trying to help. I promise.”

He swallows. “Move.” She doesn’t get it. He has to leave. 

“Leo. Please. Just talk to me.” 

Something boils over. He wants the frustration, anger, despair, horror, pain to come out as tears. He wishes it could. Instead, it comes out as words, loud and unwieldy and too deep and too honest. “ Talk to you? What, so you can not listen to me again?” 

“What?” April can only manage that one word, quiet and hollow. 

“You can’t help April! There is nothing you can do that will magically fix this. I’m not—“ he growls. Doesn’t she see the obvious? It’s right in front of her after all.

“Leo, what are you talking about? There’s all sorts of treatments and exercises and—“

“April, I’m a mutant turtle! I’m an— an anomaly! A fluke! Our bodies don’t work the same as a normal human’s. We have no idea how prescribed estrogen and hormone blockers would affect me. If— if they even would.” He clenches his fists. “Where would I even get it? Am I just going to start stealing it from someone else? In the same dose? Every single month? Like that wouldn’t get suspicious!” Then he splays out his fingers much like she is. “Even if it did work, there isn’t some magical fix for these! For— for who I am. For all the ways I’m too—“ 

April takes his hands. Grabs them, squeezes them tight for multiple beats before responding, “Leonardo. Is the talking turtle who just came back from another dimension about to tell me her becoming the woman she wants to be is impossible?” 

“I…” Leonardo hadn’t ever really thought of it like that, hadn’t really ever compared this to the other impossibilities of his life. His family had experienced some truly astounding things, but getting thrown through time and space, finding the lost city of Atlantis, overthrowing an alien empire. Those had all been dangers, near deaths. All turtle luck, true to form. There are very few things he or his brothers have stumbled into that feel truly miraculous or fortunate, and most of what comes to mind at the moment involves warm pink-red eyes and blue swirling pools of light. He doesn’t expect, can’t imagine, another stroke of luck like Usagi again. That just isn’t how his life works. 

“Leo, you have three tremendously geeky science freaks on your side, one of whom is the world’s preeminent expert on mutated turtle biology.”

Leo holds up a finger, and repeats a favorite line of Donatello’s, “I’m an engineer, not a medical doctor.” 

“Yeah and we both know that’s bullshit.” Leo blinks at her owlishly, not quite absorbing the fact she just cursed. April resorting to foul language to refute Donatello of all people almost felt like a crime. “He’s kept all four of you alive for twenty years, he’s stitched you all up more times than even he can count, and sometimes he’ll just, casually mention setting an extreme compound fracture or doing an in-the-field blood transfusion. Just because he prefers machines doesn’t mean he isn’t an expert in biology out of necessity. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a file stashed somewhere with regularly updated blood counts and cholesterol levels for the four of you. And Splinter. Especially Splinter actually.” 

Leo can’t argue with that. April is right. They both know that Don has done something stupidly tough or miraculous in every field he‘s touched. They also know he’s overly paranoid and has nearly driven himself insane with sleep deprivation when hunting down answers. They call him a mad genius for a reason. Still. “That doesn’t mean he’s about to become my long term endocrinologist April. He has more important—“ 

“More important things than his big sister’s happiness?” 

“We don’t even know—“ 

“Uh uh uh. Leo. Stop. Would it make you feel better about yourself? Would it make you happy?” She still has a hand on Leo’s cloth wrapped wrists. She squeezes them now. 

“I— the hormones?” Maybe? Probably? That’s what the hope is.

“ All of it Leo. The hormones yeah but… dressing different maybe? The she/her pronouns. I noticed you didn’t correct me on those by the way.” 

Leo felt heat rush to their face. They thought April was just being kind. Maybe she was. 

“Being the older sister instead of the older brother. Being Splinter’s daughter. Being… I don’t know, Usagi’s girlfriend maybe? You don’t exactly have a normal life so…”

Leo loses track of what April is saying for a moment. They don’t use Donnie’s computer that often, but it’s a cobbled together thing they’ve seen blue screen many times. Leo’s pretty sure that’s what’s happening now. Girlfriend. Girlfriend. Girlfriend. 

They blink and reset their motherboard, or hard drive, or whatever is the correct metaphor.

“…no matter what you’ll have a huge network of support right there with you.”

“I— I know. I know that. It’s… that is great, but again. Mutant turtle. There’s no guarantee that any kind of…” a deep breath, “I’ve thought a lot about this April and if I’m doing it, I’m not doing it halfway. I know– I know I’d want the hormones April, I just don’t know if—“ 

April moves her hands from their wrists to their shoulders. Leo looks up into eyes that are all green warmth and kindness. “Will it make you happy?” 

Leo’s hand goes to their mask tails, fidgeting with them. They stop to really think about that question. Immediately girlfriend comes to mind again. They imagine Usagi saying it and have to move on before some other metaphorical machinery bursts into spectacular flames. It isn’t just that anyway. Sister. Daughter. She. Her. Leona. She finds the smile on her face more than she makes it happen. 

A disbelieving, unsure chuckle leaves her mouth. “Yeah. Yeah, I think it will.” 

“Then that’s all that matters. Whatever it takes, we’ll make it happen. Okay?” 

There’s something stuck in her throat again. This time it doesn’t feel as heavy. “Okay. Thanks, April.”

[5cherryblossom5]

smartass, kyle . b ୨୧ [2]

pairing:: kyle broflovski x fem!reader

synopsis:: kyle broflovski has been a pain in the ass since day 1. you hate him, probably more than he hates you, but you're gonna have to swallow your pride if you want him to tutor you for the worst subject known to man: calculus.

started 8/9/23 ↫

ongoing ↫

warnings:: excessive cussing, death of a parent, underage substance use, [will add tags w/ updates]

part 1

TICK.

TICK.

TICK.

Your hand ached as your pencil sped across your paper, filling in circles and using big, meaningless words to finish sentences as you took the literature quiz.

This was your best subject. Here was where you shined. Excelled. Transcended!

"Oh, that's a good one." You mumbled to yourself, writing it down. Brilliance couldn't be rushed.

TICK.

That damned clock. It did nothing to calm you as you frantically checked over your test, making sure no word or answer was out of place. There was no room for mistakes. Everything had to be perfectly executed.

TICK.

You inhale through your mouth, doing mini-breathing exercises to calm your anxiety. Only one page left to double check and you were home free.

That's when you heard it.

Scrrrrrrch.

The shifting of a desk.

The movement of a chair.

There was no way was there?

Panic arose, and your head whipped around just in time to catch Kyle frantically climbing out of his seat.

Oh, hell no.

Slamming your pencil down, you rush to gather your papers, praying to whatever the fuck was up there that your checks had been thorough enough.

You could feel the eyes on you as you jumped to your feet, chair slamming to the floor in your haste. He already had a head start, but you weren't gonna let that phase you.

Your shoes thud against the wood floor, (the school was so fucking cheap and never renovated anything) the classroom seeming so much bigger than it did before. Kyle spared a glance back at you, a mix of determination and fear in his eyes as he ran toward Mr. Garrisons desk.

'You're not getting me this time Broflovski.'

You were almost there...

almost...

"THERE!"

"HERE!"

...

"You two are fully aware there's still an hour and a half left, right?"

"Only?!" Kyle cried, his voice doing this whiny whimpery thing that did things to your stomach you'd rather not acknowledge right now.

You decide to ignore him instead, shoving an elbow into his side and slamming your paper on the desk for your teacher to read.

"Done! And I'm 99.9% sure everything's correct, so I just did basically all of your job for you." You smile. "You're welcome."

Your balding teacher looks anything but, sighing and soothing his temples with his fingertips.

"You both never cease to amaze me." He snatches Kyle's paper from his hands before setting both of your tests into a bucket next to his desk with 'hellhole' written on it in sloppy sharpie.

"Now, go sit your asses down. Everyone else probably hasn't even written their names yet."

Kyle glares daggers at you the whole way back to your seats, you happily flicking him the bird in retaliation.

' That's another tally added.' You think, extremely pleased with yourself.

That feeling of triumph quickly goes away though once you spot Wendy, your best friend of 2 years, sending you an icy glare from her seat behind yours.

"We've only been in this classroom for 20 minutes Y/N." She says quietly enough for only you to hear.

"...I know.."

Her eyebrows furrow even further and now you know you're in trouble.

"What did I tell you about beefing with my boyfriends bestie?!"

Grimacing, you slide back into your seat. You don't bother to hide the fact that you're entirely turned towards her desk. Mr. Garrison could give two shits.

"Wendy, please don't say beefing," You plead, already for a verbal beating. "It paints an ugly picture in my head."

"Not important!"

She's frustrated, you can tell. This has been a thing for the last...well, actually, for the entirety you've known Wendy. Her and Stan are attached at the hip (gross, but cute) and every problem between their best friends brings problems to them.

You hate making Wendy pick sides, and she's never even considered it. It's always "talk it out like normal people Y/N!"

That was just it though. Kyle Broflovski wasn't normal. It's like he got off on making your life fucking miserable. How and why did he have so many friends??? Why did people even like him???

Anger (and maybe a little jealousy) burned through you, Wendy's words falling on deaf ears.

You hated that boy.

"Y/N?! Jesus christ, your face is all red!"

Wendy's harsh whisper shouting broke you out of your thoughts, and anger wasn't the only thing your face was burning with now.

"S-Sorry, Wen. You were...you were saying?"

Shame creeped in as you watched your best friend huff, hurt written all over her face. She grips her pen in her hand once more, eyes falling back to her paper.

"I love you Y/N, you know that. But I love Stan too, and you and Ky's kiddy fights make things awkward for everyone."

She sighs, lip quivering slightly.

Now you really felt like an ass.

"I wish you two would just get along. You have so much more in common than you know!"

A scoff leaves you before you can help it. "Yeah? And what exactly could I have in common with that dick?"

Wendy remains silent, obviously done with the conversation.

Frustrated, you decide to address this at another time. Wendy usually needed some time to cool off after big disagreements anyway.

Turning back towards your desk, you reach down and sift through your backpack for your history homework.

Might as well do something productive for the next hour and a half.

──

"Dad, I'm home!"

The lack of an answer is nothing new to you as you step into the foyer of your home, closing and locking the front door behind you.

Soft snoring leads you to the living room. There your dad lays, obviously exhausted. A half eaten microwave dinner sits on the armrest of the sofa while he sleeps, small strings of drool dripping from his lips.

It was a weird kind of adorable. A small pang of sympathy rings through your chest.

"Hey dad." Grabbing a blanket from the opposite chair, you drape it across his sleeping body, making sure to tuck his feet in the way you know he prefers.

"School was exhausting. What's new?" You chuckle to yourself, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. His hair is soft underneath your fingertips and you're grateful you resemble him so much.

"I did turn in my test before Kyle though. That and him busting his ass in the middle of the cafeteria during lunch was probably the highlight of my day."

He stirs slightly and you make sure to move the dinner onto the coffee table, just in case he hits it.

Taking a seat next to him, you rest your head on his shoulder, enjoying how your breath flows in time with his.

The silence allows your mind to flow freely, thoughts from all throughout today suddenly becoming the forefront of your attention.

"Sometimes.."

Silence.

Wendy's face appears in your mind, your conversation from earlier playing on loop.

Sighing, you run your fingers through your hair, frowning at nothing.

"I don't know. Sometimes it's hard to be your own person and keep the people you love happy."

Your eyes drift back to your sleeping father, smiling at the irony.

"Funny how you and Wen's are the only two on that list, huh pops."

The loneliness resonating off that statement isn't new to you. It's an underlying feeling, one that's always there. Sometimes quiet. Sometimes loud.

Never gone.

"Goodnight pops."

And with that, you head to bed, dreading tomorrow.

 ୨୧

[tsukimefuku]

Team fighting

You decided to train team fighting with Higuruma in an unorthodox way.

Tags: Jujutsu Kaisen, f!reader, light Higuruma x reader, crack taken seriously, fluff.

WC: 1.1K

The song (heh): Aozora Lonely - Sunny Day Service (on YouTube)

This is part of my "Jujutsu Partners Canon Divergence AU". A sequence of short stories and random drabbles for a Nanami x Reader x Higuruma long fic I might write. To see the ever-growing list of one-shots and short stories, please visit my masterlist :) 

Disclaimer: they’re NOT written and posted in chronological order of events. To see where this story fits in the timeline, please check the masterlist mentioned above.

"Are you... Serious? Aren't we a little too old for that?" The former lawyer asked, sat beside your makeshift dorm room bed, incredulous, as you pointed at your phone, showing him a video of two teenagers playing Dance Dance Revolution. You sighed, because even though he had a point, you thought it'd be beneficial to try it in order to develop your synergy in the field.

You had been working alongside Higuruma for two weeks now, and on your third mission by his side, you had to save the sorcerer from being hit by the poison curse both were fighting, rendering you bedridden. Furthermore, you still had a couple of days to rest, but thought that, as long as there wasn't any actual fighting or cursed energy manipulation involved, you'd probably be just fine.

"Look, playing things like these has helped me improve my control over my cursed energy. It teaches you to move without thinking." You pointed out. "But if we do it together, maybe you will learn to sync your movements with someone else's. God knows you need it."

He scratched the side of his temple with his thumb, pensive, without any faith this would work. "I can get behind the principle in what you're suggesting, but aren't you still in your recovery period?"

"I am, but this is just dancing, not actual heavy training, you know? I think I'll be fine."

He looked at you, wearing pajamas and sitting on your bed. You still had a few wound dresses around your face and neck. The video showed an extremely vigorous dance game session, with all the jumping, stomping and pirouetting. Higuruma thought to himself that sparring would probably be a lighter exercise routine when compared to this. 

"This looks pretty intense, and no offense intended, but you don't seem to be ready for this much exercise at the present moment." He said, still staring at the screen.

You sighed, a little defeated, and leaned back against the wall on the side of your bed to think of an alternative. Even if he wasn't right — and he was —, there was still the issue of leaving Jujutsu High's headquarters and walking around Tokyo to find a joint that had Dance Dance Revolution.

Then, you had an idea.

"Higuruma, get up and put your chair over there." You said, pointing to a corner of the room. Curious, he followed suit, as you got up, and started to search around the songs you had saved on your phone. "I had an idea."

"And what was that? I might get behind it, or leave you to your own devices. You still need to rest and shouldn't be coming up with these kinds of shenanigans." He said, putting one of his hands inside his pants' pocket. Even if he was more open to collaborating accordingly with Jujutsu High, his demeanor was mostly uncooperative, overall. Higuruma was still feeling like a wild animal in domestication process, and you noticed that, trying to propose this exercise to chip away at his aloof facade. If this got him to fight less like a suicidal maniac, you'd be satisfied enough.

"I'm doing this in order to not get hurt again when trying to protect you from your lack of practice fighting alongside other people" you told him, still searching for something to play. He opened his mouth to answer you, but felt a light surge of guilt, choosing not to say anything instead. After all, it was his fault that you were injured like that. These little pinches of guilt and remorse creeping up on him were bringing Higuruma back to the real world and its consequences, after what happened when he awakened his cursed technique.  

"Ah, here it is." You finally found a song, and let your phone on standby over the bed. "We will dance together, and you'll let me lead, okay?"

He huffed, somewhere between a sigh and a sardonic chuckle, still in disbelief at your idea. "I have no problem with that, but is this really necessary?"

"Firstly, I'm bored out of my mind. If I don't do anything, I might actually go insane locked up in this room." You began answering. "Also, you're great when fighting alone, but an absolute menace to any ally around you when fighting with company. We can't have that being the norm when you're stuck working with me, and I'm stuck working with you."

Higuruma sighed, defeated, and acquiesced.

You took both of his hands and pulled him to stand right in front of you. Then, raised one of them to rest over your waist, holding the other around shoulder-high, and rested your own palm on his shoulder. "Are you ready?" You asked.

He simply shrugged. "I guess. I must warn you that I am not very good at this, though."

You smiled and parted from his hand briefly, extending your finger to press 'play', beginning to waltz around to the beat of the song. You chose something easy and slow enough to start out. Higuruma was stiff as hell, so you tried the simplest thing you could, trying to guide him two steps back, two steps forward. Your efforts were fruitless. He was sturdy and his body would simply not budge. The sorcerer was clearly having a lot of difficulty following your lead, ending up stepping over your toes a few times. On top of that, he was trying to follow your movements by looking at your feet, as opposed to feeling the movements of your body and following along.

"Ouch! Higuruma, what the hell? I feel like I'm dancing with a rock." You told him, stopping for a second.

"In my defense, I informed you I wasn't good at this" he pointed out.

You sighed. "This isn't difficult." You looked at Higuruma and pulled him closer, so he wouldn't have room to be looking at your feet in between your bodies. "Come on, look at my face, not our feet."

You felt his body tightening, as his shoulders stiffened and rose up slightly, startled at the sudden way your bodies had pressed against each other. You tapped the hand you had over one of his shoulders and said, "relax. If you don't, I won't have toes at the end of this. Inhale, exhale, you know the drill."

"Fine." Higuruma closed his eyes, inhaled, held his breath, exhaled and then looked at you. He seemed more focused now, and you began to dance again, pulling and pushing him slowly to the beat of the music. This time, he had his eyes locked on yours, and followed your steps appropriately, so you began to increase the difficulty. You started to dance circularly, and he followed your waltzing effortlessly, as you smiled at him.

"There you go. See? You're not so bad," you said, "not bad at all."

For the first time in months, he truly smiled. This was the first time you saw him smiling, actually, and you returned the expression.

Higuruma began thinking to himself that this, maybe, was really not bad at all. 

[thelouspicystash]

A Surprise Visit

I'll admit, this isn't what I usually post. When I worked with Monster on that trade a month or so back, I kinda enjoyed writing for his FFXV boys, and I kinda got inspired to write a bit o' something myself. So here's a lil something of Noctis and Ignis chatting up some baby talk after a visit from a very round Lunafreya. Dunno if I'll write more for this setting, but if I end up getting inspired again, I just might. We'll see.

For the record, this is disconnected from the setting as depicted in "Four becomes Five". It's reminiscent, but it's its own thing.

Commissions currently closed, but will reopen on the fifth! Mutual trades are open, though!

Word count: 1381

This story contains: Pregnancy, sexual allusions

======================

Noctis quietly opened the door to his home, only to walk into the kitchen and come to a halt.

“Ah, Noct,” Ignis smiled, waving to his husband. He was seated at the dining table, while across from his sat Lunafreya, who was at the moment very pregnant. “Wasn’t expecting you home so soon. Something come up at work?”

Noctis took a moment to glance at Lunafreya for a moment, his eyesight growing hazy for a brief moment, before bouncing his gaze back at his husband. “Shipment mistake. We ended up with crates of frozen patties instead of fish. We’re closed until we can get it sorted out.”

“Oh, that’s rough,” Lunafreya remarked, wincing a tad. “Hopefully, won’t be too much of a strain on you two.”

“We’ll manage for a few days,” Ignis responded, as Noctis made his way over to the fridge. “Not like we have nothing saved or anything.”

“I know, I know. You just know how I worry about you two boys.”

“Whatcha doing here, anyways?” Noctis asked rather bluntly, as he cracked open a can of soda.

“Just some HOA business,” she remarked plainly. “I could tell Iggy here was relieved when he heard we’re much looser on things here then where you were last time.”

Ignis chuckled a bit bashfully, adjusting his glasses. “Y-Yes, right. Anyways, thanks again for coming over about it, Luna. Can’t imagine it’s too easy with your condition and all.”

“My condition?” She chuckled, raising an eyebrow. “I’m pregnant, not sick. If anything, I was happy to get out of the house for a while. Lucien’s been a gem helping me out, but it means I spend a lotta time sitting on my ass.”

“You’re making a baby. That’s something,” Noctis pointed out bluntly.

“Noct!”

“Heh, he’s right,” Lunafreya noted in playful agreement, grabbing the table and pushing herself to her feet. She then paused, and winced a tad. “Ooh…”

Ignis quickly jumped to his feet and to her side. “Hey, is everything alright?”

“Yes…just a bit of movement,” she remarked with a small chuckle. “Well, a lot, to be more accurate. So close to being due…really, I wouldn’t be surprised if I pop any day now.”

“Mm,” Noctis nodded, sipping his drink as his eyes lingered on her belly. “Well, let us know when you do. If you need the help. We’re just up the road, after all.”

“Of course,” she nodded, gently waving off Ignis. “Course, Lucien and I have a plan for when the baby does come, but with how stressed he’s getting over it all, I worry he’ll have a hernia if even the smallest thing goes astray. That includes the baby coming early.”

“You’d think he’d account for that…,” Noctis quipped under his breath, can to his mouth.

“Maybe Gladio could stop by? He’s worked with expectant couples a few times, he might be able to provide some…pointers? Exercises?” Ignis shrugged. “It’d be something.”

“I’ll see what we have time for,” she noted, and then her face lit up. “Oh, and speaking of time, better get going. Lucien is cooking up some sliders, as per my request.” She smiled regally. “Plus, I’m sure you boys have some plans, so I’ll get out of your hair now.”

“Always nice to have you over,” Noctis nodded, smiling at her. “When ya finally have the kid, bring your family over and we’ll have a cookout or something. Been forever since we’ve had one.”

“That sounds great, actually!” Lunafreya nodded. “We can hash out the details later on. I’ll just see myself out. Have a good evening, you guys!”

The two said their goodbyes, watching as she waddled her way down the hall to the door, and soon out of the house. “What a remarkable woman she is,” Ignis commented with a light chuckle. “Such a pleasure to talk to even when it’s that drab HOA stuff. I can see why you had eyes for her all those years back.”

“Yeah, back when I liked girls,” Noctis joked, and the two laughed. Silence hung between them for a moment, only broken by the sound of Noctis sipping, before the darker haired man spoke back up. “You ever thought about having a kid with me?”

“Occasionally,” he responded quickly, and with a shrug. “Not that I’d mind for the sake of it, but I heard from Prompto the whole adoption process is a bit of a—”

“No, no,” Noctis shook his head, interrupting him. “I mean, like. A child between the both of us. Not adopted.”

Ignis gave him a strange look. “You mean like…establishing some kind of surrogacy of the sort? Well, I guess I wouldn’t—”

“Ignis.” Noctis spoke flatly, which came as a bit of a shock to him. “I was asking in the sense of what if I got you pregnant.”

“What if…WHAT!?!” Ignis yelped, jumping back almost. “Noctis, what are you…what spurred this?!”

He gave his husband a look. “You’re smart, love. I don’t need to spell it out.”

Ignis sputtered. “Wh-What, Luna?! Did seeing her today suddenly make you want to, what, knock me up?” He seemed to have calmed down a bit, but still looked on in bewilderment.

“She’s our neighbor. I’ve seen her a few times in the past months,” Noctis remarked, his tone still casual. “It’s been…circulating. In my head. Seeing her today…guess it just set me off, ya know?” He set his can down, and gave his husband a more serious look. “Are you against this idea?”

Ignis opened his mouth to answer, before closing it. “Not…entirely,” he continued after a moment, pushing up his glasses. “I was just a bit shocked, is all. Didn’t seem like you to suggest something like this, especially not out of the blue.”

“Like I said, it’s been circulating,” he noted, pointing at his head. “Probably wouldn’t even have said anything if Luna wasn’t here today. Maybe not ever even. I want you to at least understand two things.” He turned his head away for a moment, staring down at the counter. “One, I know it’s a lot to ask for, considering what you’ve had to deal with before. It could reopen some old wounds. You’d have my full support, of course, but you can say no. And two…,” he took a breath. “...I only bring this up because…I do want to have a kid with you, Ignis.”

Ignis’s eyes widened, as he stared at his husband. Noctis turned to look at him, a small yet bright smile on his face. “I’d love to share the experience of having a child with you, love. But I want it to be something you love, too. So, I’m more than happy to take a different avenue if that suits you better.” Slowly, he extended his hand out, offering it to his husband.

Ignis, while still a bit surprised, yet also equally touched, stood there for a moment in frozen contemplation. A million different ideas and emotions were spinning through his head at the moment. Maybe there was something clever he could say, something romantic or sexy. Maybe skip all that and drag him back for making out. But there was also a fear gnawing at him, that common of possible parents. Worry about being a good parent, but also the desire to want a child. Even then, there was another fear, that of becoming pregnant as the man he was now. He had to admit, his mind zipped to the worse case scenarios…but he’d be lying if the happier moments didn’t shine through as well.

Collecting himself, he simply smiled, reaching out to take his partner’s hand and squeeze it. “I’ll need some time to think it over. But…I’m happy you want a child with me, Noctis. It means a lot.”

Noctis’s smile grew. “Of course. And please, take all the time you need. Last thing I’d want to do is rush into this. Though…there is another matter we’re going to need to figure out soon.”

“Really? What’s that?”

Before he could respond, the quietness of the kitchen was broken by the sounds of growling stomachs from both men.

“Dinner,” Noctis chuckled. “In case that didn’t quite give it away.”

Ignis chuckled as well, before flashing a more confident smile. “Now that is something I think I can handle.”

[sadmoonface]

Author’s Comments: Disaster in the making

MHA oneshot: (xReader) smut fic. Character: Shigaraki Tomura

I went on a side quest in the last few weeks to teach myself how to write smut. It was unplanned, kind of just decided to write this randomly one weekend.

I was like, I don’t have to work on Monday, why don’t I use this 3-day-long weekend to write a quick 1–2 k words long oneshot (that somehow ended up 7.7k words long, idk how) to try my hand at smut? I was already planning on writing some sex scenes for my other fic TLK (a DazaixReader BSD fic), but I knew I would struggle once it was time to actually write them.

So I wanted to dip my toes in the art, you know, figure out the vocabulary and the expressions I should use, but more importantly, desensitize my shy ass to sex scene writing. I’m not like, a shy, innocent little girl who knows nothing of sex and would never touch it with a ten-foot pole, but I am a bit uncomfortable with the subject. But like, only when it comes from me? Like, anyone else talks sex with me and I’m fine, but you’ll NEVER catch me admitting to wanting to kiss a fictional character, that’s too much for my pure soul (/j).

I ended up stuck at one point when I was writing the first kiss scene and later on when the smut actually began. I was too shy to put my thoughts on paper, so this whole process ended up taking me 3 weeks instead of 3 days. But I powered through it, and once I got into the groove of writing, it wasn’t so bad! But it still felt so damn awkward lmao.

Anyways, enough with my personal struggles with the concept of sexuality. Overall, I think I didn’t do too bad, I’m pretty satisfied with the end result even though there are some things I would change if I were to go back. I think the entirety of the beginning of the fic (flirting with the hero + Tomura’s introduction) could be SIGNIFICANTLY cut down. I think it’s way too long, too much fake plot for my “Porn without Plot” oneshot lmao. It might have been a symptom of my nervousness to write porn, like I was nervous to actually write it so I kept coming up with useless things as a way to push back the thing that made me nervous, you know.

I also think the switch between “these characters are fighting” to “these characters are fucking” is pretty awkward. I did what I could with the whole jealousy thing, I think I could’ve executed it better, but whatever. This was meant as a writing exercise so I could practise a bit, so I guess it’s normal for it to feel weird and clumsy sometimes.

On top of that, I would have liked the 3 different sex acts to be longer. Compared to the beginning of the one-shot (and the never ending make out sesh that was also an attempt at avoiding the smut), it felt pretty short. I personally wouldn’t say it was rushed, since I spent at least 2 weeks on that part only (it’s fine if you disagree with this lmao), but still, it went by pretty fast when I read through the whole thing again at the end.

Anyways, that’s pretty much it for my comments. Even though I struggled quite a bit, I’m really happy to have gotten out of my comfort zone and to have tried out something new. I feel pretty good right now, and I’m ready to jump back on my TLK grind (I’ll try not to make you guys wait too long for another update lmao). I’ll say, working on fics in parallel to my 9 to 5 and my summer class is really hard, but it’s getting better!

Also, here’s a meme I made that perfectly encapsulates something that happened to me while writing this thing:

Asshole did it 3 times in an hour, gave me a heart attack every time (he needed help with his math homework lmao).

Thank you so much for reading these comments, I really hope you enjoyed my work! See you guys later! Much love <3<3<3<3

[dracocheesecake]

Daiyu Fun Facts Because I refuse to write Jaded Destiny:

She was 55 when she died (was murdered).

When she was alive, she had a bad tendency to stress eat, or eat things she wasn't supposed to (small objects, paint, candy wrappers, etc.).

Plays with things she holds, or gestures with her hands alot. When she was young, her mother used to scold her for playing with her fan by opening and closing it too often- Daiyu also opens and closes her fists very rapidly and tightly when she's angry, to the point of accidentally stabbing her palms with her claws.

She folds her arms behind her back most of the time to avoid this. She copied it from her father, who she used to imitate.

When she hatched, her melanistic scales were actually seen as an auspicious sign, as black in ancient China was a lucky color, representing authority.

Daiyu was a weird baby, and only grew to be a weirder little girl and an even weirder adult.

She was always climbing trees around her home as a child, or straight up climbing along the walls and balancing on balconies to do flips off of them (and ended up scaring her parents).

She also used to swim in the lake so often her parents had to practically dive into the waters themselves to fetch her out. As an adult Daiyu swam from one end of the lake to another as "light exercise".

As Night Warrior, Daiyu would sleep all day. She also snores extremely loud.

Daiyu always loved children. She wanted some of her own, but never settled down.

Had quite a few boyfriends, and broke up with all of them, but on good terms. Her first boyfriend was a rhino.

Became Night Warrior as a young adult, after an unexpected bandit raid on her village. No casualties, and they only took things and money, but it rattled Daiyu so horribly because she realized just how vulnerable her city was, and decided it would never happen again.

Actually pretty buff for her species.

Doesn't fight using kung fu- it wasn't invented yet when she died. Her fighting style is more ab-libbed, relying on balance and using the opponents' weight and weakness against them- to subdue, not harm.

Had a bad dog allergy when she was alive. Dog hair would make her sneeze, cough, and also make her eyes really itchy.

Daiyu actively tried to work to rehabilitate the criminals she captured, instead of just tossing them in prison- some, of course, refused to change their ways, but others gladly gave up the life of crime when she offered them legitimate jobs or aid.

Daiyu tried to get Min to reform several times- she always refused, though the rest of her gang dropped off into better lives one by one.

Despite almost always keeping a flat tone of voice and a blank facial expression, she was known to have a sense of humor- a bizzare, often times dark one, and also cracked unexpected puns.

Earned a "colorful vocabulary" from her mother.

As a Spirit Warrior, whenever she breathes in cold air, the warm breath only streams from her right nostril.

Daiyu was scared of the dark as a child.

Aerial silk dancer in her youth. She used the skills later on as Night Warrior- was really handy when she jumped from one rooftop to another, or swinging from various wires or hangings in the city. (Didn't stop her from occasionally crashing into walls, though).

Loves salty foods. Also savory, but will eat anything.

[lunapwrites]

Monthly(ish) Reading - September

Okay so we're clearly a bit late here. There's been a lot going on this month, what with *everything.*

I'm trying something different this go round, because I've found that all my decks have a different "voice" and perspective, and things they tend to focus on. So I thought that since I'm at such a loss right now, I could benefit from a council of sorts lol. As such, I am pulling from all three of my main decks right now, and forgoing the runes and oracle cards since those are for providing flavor, and I already know what the flavor is for this month (terrible.)

So without further ado...

I swear I shuffled that first one.

The first thing that jumps out here is holy shit wands and cups. There's a lot of emotional shit going on, a lot of energy and volatility. However, the effect is largely muted: fire (wands) and water (cups) tend to cancel each other out. So where does this leave us?

ARCHEON: overall positive. This deck likes to focus on my personal relationships, and this is no different. I'm in a place of great change right now but I've generally been taking it all on the chin with as much grace and courage as can be expected. My relationships are a support at the moment and not a burden. If anything, I could stand to lean on my partner a little more. A solid foundation to work from.

CROW: Still a little new to this one and feeling out where its focus is but uh. Jesus fuck. I'm in a delicate balancing act rn. There is conflict brewing right now, which on its own wouldn't be too dire - generally a talk to out issue normally - but unfortunately the wheel keeps wheeling which is specifically a lot of cycle of life bullshit right now. Lots of life and death happening, sunrise sunset, yada yada. To me and around me, specifically. It's a lot. And my mental state ain't great right now. We are probably careening headfirst towards a breakdown of catastrophic proportions. Very cool.

LINESTRIDER: tends to be a little more external, so we're looking at what's around me. Page of Cups? That's Bean. That's always been Bean. We once again have conflict, echoing Crow that it's primarily going to be conflict with communication and ideas/beliefs, which tracks. Hanged Man is begging me to pump the breaks and take a deep breath: let these things sort themselves out instead of trying to control every little thing. (Did my partner write this?) I have great support around me, everything I could possibly need or want. But I can't see the forest for the trees right now and I'm ignoring all of those good things in my life because I'm focusing only on the bad. [Points at self in mirror] Stop that. Like, yes, shit has been bad recently. I've taken a lot of emotional hits. But Jesus Christ. Get out of your head. Breathe.

So to kind of triangulate the messaging here, nothing is actually as catastrophic as it appears rn, and I desperately need to shift my mindset and start faking it just to make it for a bit because if I can't pull myself out of the swamp of sadness here, imma make like Artax and fucking drown in it. And no one can do that for me unfortunately which really sucks because I'm just. Exhausted.

Anyway that aside this was a neat exercise, I feel like I just sat down for an intervention with myself lol. Let's do this again for the next crisis lol.

[tennessoui]

I’m so curious to your writing process! I wish I could write as much as you do! Do you write using Word, Google Doc, Scrivener, etc? Have dedicated time in front of a keyboard and screen? Type on your phone? What’s your secret?

I’m incredibly bad at prioritization and 8 times out of 10, I am the first to try and give up an irl obligation in favor of something I’m very familiar with (like sitting in my room or at a coffeeshop writing instead lol) — my current job is mostly work from home so if I’m feeling up for it, I can write between tasks. Unless there’s something horribly wrong with a draft or it unless it feels wrong to me as I write, I almost never edit further than fixing a couple of words and punctuation in ao3 during my read through right before posting; if I’m on a bus and no one’s sitting next to me (rare) I’ll try to type a bit; when I’m running for exercise, I usually try to work over stories in my brain and try to write certain pieces of dialogue or beats by repeating them so often I have them memorized and can write them down in my notes app or Google docs when I get back)

The ONLY thing I think is a good part of my writing process is that I almost always do some form of writing warm up where I write a little ficlet of something that is its own story or set in its own au completely separate from my main project and after 1-2k I’m ready to work on the actual thing I want to work on — I cannot stress enough how much I support writing warm ups for writers!!! Artists who draw don’t usually just jump into their wip! They sketch a bit first to get loose and feel creative!!!

the rest of my writing process is literally a garbage can on fire and should not at all be envied

[marieariewritesstuff]

Five minute Writing sprints - July 2nd 2025

I wanted to jump right back into writing the second part of my KPDH fic I was working on but got a little frazzled midway. So instead I did a few writing sprints using a random word generator.

@chxrry-bombs posted 6 writing exercises (READ HERE) a while ago, so I decided to try out sprints for the first time.

I don't write these little things often. Sometimes I get an idea a jump straight into the deep end. No wonder I get frustrated when it's not perfect. I bite of more than I can chew sometimes. Doesn't everyone?

This really worked to relive a lot of that self imposed pressure. Thank you Cherry for the inspiration.

I won't lie after the sprints I did edit a bit because I can't spell for shit and the grammar was actually terrifying. But I did follow the no backspace rule while doing the actual sprint itself promise. They made for really nice jumping off points I could use in the future.

PALACE

(TW mentions of irresponsible alcohol use, underage drinking, and feelings of social isolation)

Nearly all of my university friends had homes that looked like palaces compared to mine. Equally shocking was how casually they’d speak about certain things, it always took me aback.

They’d freely speak of their weekend ragers or the bar crawls them and their friends participated in. Without shame or care they shared tips on where to get the best fake ids and which bouncers at which bars downtown were willing to bend the rules for them and for how much.

Now that I really think about it these people weren't my friends. Just people I knew of. They didn’t really even know me. We were already months into the semester and they were still asking me to remind them of my name.

Genie. like from Aladdin.

Genie like the Britney Spears song.

Nothing could get them to remember.

~~~

MATCH

You ignite something within me I thought was long dead. I am a match and you are the book I strike, the friction brings me to life and I am born anew.

The old form of mine burns away crumbles to ash and pure charcoal. The flame I embody now glow like nothing I've ever seen before

Like a phoenix, my wings spread wide and begin to soar

It makes me forget, the bliss of the burn. I forget that it will all end. That I will return to ash and dust from which I came. But I fly unbothered, glowing gallantly, and I forget what dying even is

With you I've been giving a gift. The most glorious present

~~~

DESERVE

"And I hope you have exsactly the day you deserve, sir."

"What’s with all that mouth of yours? you lucky you ain’t been smacked for being that flippant with your words,"

The older gentleman raged and ranted on. Normally, I would feel bad for a poor minimum wage barista getting shouted at but she seemed entirely unfazed.

She was a bit older than the other workers so presumably she’s been at this quite a while longer. It sure does suck that to survive a job in customer service these days you don’t just need a thick skin you need to be totally soulless to be able to deal with these people.

While the younger two were quite literally cowering behind her she stood tall as a redwood. Unbothered in every sense of the word. Her expression was cold and perfectly still. That woman could've been carved out of marble.

[alteredphoenix]

Run Like the Wind, Bullseye! [Tentative Title] (Berseria Modern AU)(WIP)

A/N: Steadily plunking my way through this latest entry of An Exercise in Futility, and I figured it's far enough along now that I can post a snippet of what to expect out of it (read: absolute utter absurdity lol).

Also it's the first fic where I'm actually writing Magilou as a featured character and not a quick side note in a story, so that's another reason to share this.

-

There’s a shape coming out of the darkness ahead of her: slow, easy, soundless, through the grass.

Velvet comes to a stop and takes it in. Now who might this be, she thinks, and automatically wraps her fingers around the switchblade that’s neatly tucked into her jacket pocket. It’s a quaint little thing, just the right size to fit against the palm of her hand, and it could be a rock, it could be a ball of notebook paper, maybe even some pocket change, and people would be none the wiser.

At least until the steel pops out. That really wakes them up.

I swear, if you fucked this up, she begins, and then the shadows part and Eleanor emerges into the moonlight, hands in the pockets of a robin’s egg blue hoodie a size too big on her and meant for a season much colder, like autumn. She looks up from where the ends of her bell bottom jeans flare up and out with each step and does a double take, lips parted. “Oh,” she says, blinking once. “You made it.”

“Yup,” Velvet says. “Gang’s all here.” She sweeps a gaze out before them. Eleanor joins her. The hilltop sprawls around them and back down the way Eleanor had come, into the knot of trees. To Velvet’s right and Eleanor’s left, downtown Pendrago winks up at them: from the radio towers to the skyscrapers. Red and yellow streams of traffic lights carve serpentine paths on both sides of the median through the highway.

There’s no one else here.

Eleanor glances around a second time and blinks again. “…O-Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.”

Eleanor blushes. Then she clears her throat and rolls her shoulders back, shuffles her feet. “So, uh…How long have you…?”

“Just got here. About a minute ago.” Velvet furrows her brows. “She did say to meet us here, right? Didn’t send the wrong directions?”

“No, this is the place.” Eleanor takes a moment to dig into her hoodie, pull out her cell phone, and set her fingers to work. “West-northwest of the Pendrago Freeway.” Her screen lights up, stark white against the natural tan of her face. Blue eyes skim back and forth across the text studiously. “Take the train out up to the business district and input the coordinates on the GPS app…which leads to here.” She looks back up and gestures at the hilltop with her free hand. “This is it.”

“Lucky you, I had to take the bus and loop around south on two different stops before I even found the stupid trail. All that money on halogen lamps and they still can’t light up the whole damn park.”

“Well I had to go north through the suburbs and walk around to the other side of the park because there were too many lights.”

“You should’ve come with me instead.”

“Magilou said no. We couldn’t be seen together.”

“Fuck what Magilou says. If she told you to go jump off a bridge, would you do it?”

Eleanor heaves a long-suffering sigh and shakes her head, mumbling under her breath; it almost – definitely – sounds like she’s saying “Oh gods, Velvet, why are you like this”. She places her phone back in the hoodie. “Well, anyway, we’re here.” She looks around herself a third time, raises her hands palm up questioningly. “You don’t think she…?”

“Dipped out? She better not have. This was her idea.”

“I mean, it’s not like we’re late; we are on time.” Eleanor shrugs again. “Maybe she…?”

“Got caught up in something?” Velvet finishes, giving her a droll look.

Eleanor grimaces. “It’s…possible…?” The look grows severe. “It…happens to the best of us?”

“The best of us, my ass,” Velvet growls, and rakes a hand over the back of her neck. “Swear to Empyreans, if she doesn’t have a good reason for this I’m going to give her a five-knuckled surprise.” She turns away from Eleanor, ignoring the wince coming out of her, and closes her fingers into a fist she tightens and shakes. “Thumb under the knuckle, Eleanor. Just like this, the way they teach you on the streets. If she doesn’t come in the next sixty seconds, this is what she’s gonna get.” She turns around the rest of the way, looking across the hill in the way she had just come from.

She lowers her fist and arches her brow at the figure approaching. “…And look who decided to show up. Right on time,” she bites out.

“The fun…has…arrived!” Magilou pants, and comes to a stop doubled over, hands on her knees, blonde ponytail spilling over one shoulder. Unlike the two of them, she’s decked out in a thin red rain slicker, with a hood filled with so much volume she could stuff thousands of gald in it and tie it up if it wasn’t attached. Her breathing is as loud and laborious as a freight train. Velvet rolls her eyes. “Sorry...Sorry I’m late!” Magilou gasps. “I…I…couldn’t find a good parking spot…!”

Velvet stares at her. “…Seriously,” she says.

“Yes…. Seriously…! Woof!” Magilou sucks in a breath, tenses, and straightens herself up in a lurch that almost sends her tipping over and right on her ass. Her ponytail goes flying and flops down to rest on her back. Sweat dots her forehead. “It’s jam-packed at this hour!”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Eleanor mumbles, non-confrontational.

“And you’re late,” Velvet adds for emphasis. She smiles wickedly and shakes her fist at Magilou. “How would you like to make it up to us?”

“By getting on my knees, with my hands tied behind my back and a blindfold to keep the hair outta my face,” Magilou says, grinning at the way Velvet scowls at her. “Guess what the safe word is.”

“Die.”

“Even better! It’s—”

“Please die—”

“MAGIKAZAM!” Magilou shouts, and then “BOOM-BAM!” with a resounding clap of her hands that rings throughout the air. Eleanor jumps and Magilou cackles, witch-like. Velvet groans and shakes her head. “Come on!” Magilou says jovially, claps a hand on her shoulder and rocks her back and forth. “Laugh a little! It’s a cute image! I’d bet you’d really like to see me all trussed up like that, now wouldn’t you?”

“No, not really.”

“Boooo! You’re so vanilla!” Magilou sticks her tongue out at her. “Quit being so vanilla!” She tousles Velvet a little harder; Velvet grumbles and reaches up to grab her wrist, but doesn’t fight her off. “Well. Whatever,” Magilou says, and lets her go. “You’ll come around. We got more important things to talk about.”

[insteadofwritingmythesis]

I need to write my thesis so instead of writing my thesis i will write about this song that stuck in my tummy. Song is called "Stuck in a Sports Bra" by Mossy Rock. Before reading my rumbling you should listen it.

After couple of listen, i felt this urge to write about it. In surface the surface this is a silly tiktok song about sports bra. Which is totally cool. I am a huge believer of entartained by shallow things, not everything has to have meanings, we can enjoy things just as they are. And if you please you can just do that. You can listen this silly little song and continue your internet surfing. But i would like to deepdive little bit, risking being cringe. ( The word cringe doesn't exist in my language so using word 'cringe' is also cringe, for your information).

The song starts with an amazing comedic contrast. This girl with obviously classicaly trained voice (maybe she didnt, i don't know) sings about very normal, almost boring, situation with this very emotional piano. So it is already funny. Also it is very relatable; yes indeed, stranger on the internet, i also got stuck in a sports bra. She goes "you might just fit but then you are never getting it off" and in my mind it goes funnier. Actually rest of the song just gets more relateble and more funnier. I can't stop laugh. But the way she sing and the way she plays the piano you can't help feel emotional. I shouldn't feel emotional though, this is a funny song made for views, right ? I think everyone reading this piece already can see where this piece is going. Are you rolling your eyes and yelling me to just get to the point. Okey, i will get to the point.

To all of your suprise i actually think this song has deeper meanings. I don't know if this was the artist's intention. I go and check her spotify she has other songs in this style. I guess she likes making silly songs with emotional melody.

You can check her out if you want. Or don't, ireally don't care. Only thing i care is how this song makes me feel as a girl and then as a woman. As a girl you always feel stuck. Boys are also very welcome to feel like this but as a girl i only know me and the girls, so i would very like to talk about from girl point of view. So as i said as a girl you always feel like got stuck and you cam't get out. And the reason you are stuck in this tiny disgusting bathrom called life is because you are a girl. For fucks sake ( İ dpnt know what does this mean, i only used becasue saying fuck is cool) if i were not a girl i wouldn't have to wear this tiny bra.

When i was younger i would associate being weak, dumb snd everything bad. I was always a petite weak girl that no one take serious (me not having anything serious to say is not related). I hated being weak, being dumb, being slow so i hated being a woman. But i was a woman. Or worse i was a girl. So i was stuck in my worst fears. Like that girl stuck in toilet. She didn't chose to have boobs, i didn't chose to be girl. You might say well, she shouldn't have been fat. Then i might say having an annoying boobs is not related to being fat, and also being fat is not a crime you little shit. Having boobs are very intresting thing, once you are a little who wants to have boobs ( because being a adult girl is better than being a little girl no one listens. Everyone listens adults, no doubt) and second you have some fat tissue hanging out of your chest out og nowhere. Suddenly you can't run, you can't jump rope, rou can't wear clothes you like, you can't lay down, you get pain out of blue and you are just ashamed to exist. You feel like everyone is looking at you but you also feel like a narcissist to think anyone would bother to look at you. But lets say this girl in the bathrom is just fat. I would like to point out the only reason she is trying to wear sports bra is she wants to exercise. She is trying to lose some weight but she is getting punished. From the "this is what happens when i exercise " part we can understand this is not the first time she exercised nor the first time she got punished for it. She is ashamed and stuck in this disgusting toilet and she will never exercise anymore. She would rather sit on a couch and eat crisps. Because it is easy, comforting and sometimes the only thing you can do without hurting yourself or your pride. And it is such a shame because she enjoys exercising, especially cardio because it is good for her and it makes her demons go away temporarily. But she will never exercise aanymore because whenever she is got punished with pain and humiliation. A humilliation that is so big that you would rather dislocate you elbow and die here sweating on the bathroom floor. Humiliation of being a girl. She could have easily ask for help, cut the bra. But first of all this bra belongs to someone and they are kind of expensive. Also you are in such a vulnerable position right know, both physically and mentally.First of aşş your boobs are haning , you don't want antone to see that and second of all am is just gonna admit i failed being a basic human. No, no one wants that. I don't want that. I was already weak all my life. But as a girl you can't help it. This world didn't designed for you, and nobody informed how you should function. So you just try, try and try like fish stuck in a shore. So either you can die or sea can show mercy and some waves to save you. But do you want to be saved like that ? There is Turkish song by Teoman, it goes like this "Aşk kırıntısıyla doymaktansa tek başıma aç kalırım bu hayatta". It means; I would rather stay hungry all alone than survive with love crumbs. Even tough this lyric is fully about romantic love it fis for so many things.

To conclude this song reminds me girlhood and how much you misplaced you feel even though how much you try to fit. Maybe everything is so on the nose and it didn't need explanation. But i don't care because as like Sait Faik "Yazmasam deli olacaktım". This all i got to say about this song, for now. Have a nice day. At least better than that girl stuck in tiny bathroom.

[rotationalsymmetry]

So, I'm not great at avoiding procrastination either, but some thoughts on it:

Schedule leisure time and honor it at least 80% of the time, even if some stuff doesn't get done. Also get enough sleep most of the time -- if you're up late on a big project now and then, OK, but don't routinely stay up doing schoolwork. This is important not just because leisure is a human right, but also because of course people sneak around and steal leisure time wherever they can when they can't get it by following their own rules. That includes study breaks. Your brain needs some times where it's not actively working to absorb new information.

Break it up: people tend to be better at not procrastinating when there's a near future, urgent deadline, so it's a good idea to break large projects into smaller parts with smaller deadlines at the beginning. Sometimes people have trouble responding to self-imposed deadlines; sometimes positive reinforcement (pretend you're 5 years old and give yourself stickers or something) helps a lot, sometimes getting an accountability partner (someone who will ask you if you've hit your smaller deadlines or not) helps a lot.

Just do it/first step: when you catch yourself procrastinating in the moment, you can try telling yourself you'll just take the next smallest conceivable step to doing the project. Like opening a document on your laptop. If you do the next smallest step and really can't bear to do more, oh well, but often once people get going they want to keep going.

Sometimes people can break out of a cycle of "I know I should do x" but not actually doing it in the moment by counting down from 5 to 1 and then doing something in the physical world, like standing up (or eg putting down the phone if it's an electronic distraction.) This gets easier to do if you've practiced it a few times.

Breaking up the shame spiral: I don't think people usually procrastinate because they're actively enjoying whatever they're doing instead, I think what happens is they're (or at least this is how it works for me) feeling bad and there's something other than Doing The Thing that is better distraction from feeling bad. So, doing something to change the feeling bad into feeling OK can break a procrastination cycle. What I do is write "I fucked up" in a notes app and write down what happened and how bad it is and how I can make it less bad, and that tends to make me feel way better (and once in a while even helps me figure out how to do less of the thing I feel guilty about); but any emotional management thing that actually works for you is fine. Take a walk around the block or do some jumping jacks, say some affirmations, do a breathing exercise, whatever. Anything reasonably short, that actually works.

Acceptance: behavioral change takes a while and tends to involve some relapses, that's how people are, people don't need to be perfect to get things done.

Finally, this isn't anti-procrastination advice, but: DON'T DO EVERYTHING. Prioritize. Part of what you're supposed to learn in uni is to learn what to do when you have more to do than what you can do -- learn which things are lower priority and can be put off or skipped entirely, and which things have to be done. In particular, you will get too much reading, so learn to skim. This is not cheating or slacking off. This is part of what you are supposed to be learning. See also: asking for extensions and stuff when you need them.

So I’m a first year uni student. How did you survive your bachelors? It feels like such a long slog, and as I write this I have five things I need to do.

In particular, how did you… not procrastinate

I’d really appreciate any advice you can give!

One day at a time mate. One day at a time.

I can't give you any advice on procrastination, I procrastinated every project I had throughout all of uni.