#disorder berlin

[courseyoulovemeyoudontknowme]

The Hours (2002, Stephen Daldry)

14/08/2024

[disorder-rebel-store]

Breaking the silence! Stop the bombs! Stop the war! Stop occupation! Against the walls! Against all forms of opeession! Against Hate! . Wenn wir free Palestine sagen, sagen wir: Freiheit und Gleichheit und gerechter Frieden für ALLE Menschen die dort leben. Frei von Unterdrückung, Frei von Gewalt, frei von korrupten Machthabern und durchgeknallten Milizen. Frei von Rassismus und Antisemitismus und frei von patriachalen Strukturen!Frei von Militärkontrollen, Mauern, Chackpoints und einem zwei-Klassen System. Frei von Besatzung und Krieg!  Die Mehrheit der werktätigen Menschen auf allen Seiten will Friede, Gleichheit und ein Leben in Würde, das ist übrigens überall auf der Welt so. Und für die, die uns hier die Worte im Mund verdrehen wollen oder absichtlich Falsches in unser Plakat dichten wollen: Kommt mal klar - Free Palestine heißt nicht und niemals „ein Land ohne Jüdinnen und Juden“ sondern gleiche Rechte, gerechter Frieden, Demokratie und Teilhabe für Alle! Und wir stehen bedingungslos an der Seite der Menschen die sich für unteilbare Gerechtigkeit im nahen Osten einsetzen, scheissegal welche Religion sie haben. Das heißt Free Palestine! Eine Auseinandersetzung mit der europäischen Kolonialgesschichte ist dabei unabdingbar! Wer allerdings meint Kritik an der Politik des Staates Israels oder seine Wut auf die Ungerechtigkeiten und den Krieg dadurch äußern zu müssen, jüdische Menschen zu bedrohen oder seinen Protest vor jüdische Einrichtungen zu tragen ist auch unser Feind! Basta! Und wer meint sich bedingungslos an die Seite einer faschistischen Regierung und ihrer Kriegsmaschine stellen zu müssen, hat seine Entscheidung getroffen. Wir stehen an der Seite der Unterdrückten und Ausgebeuteten. Von gerechtem Frieden in der derzeitigen Situation zu sprechen scheint völlig naiv, schon klar, aber das ist ja alles was wir machen - völlig naiv. Wir wollen auch libertäten Kommunismus statt Turbo-Kapitalismus im Endstadium hier zu Lande und zwar jetzt. So naiv sind wir . : Fight Fascism Everywhere! Stop the war on Gaza! Stop the violence in the westbank! Kisses and Hugh’s to all our friends in Haifa, Tel Aviv, Jaffa, Jerusalem, Ramallah, Bethlehem, Herbron we where lucky to meet on our last trip! We are with you and your people!

www.disorder-berlin.de

[derearchiviatoria]

The city in the city. Berlin: a green archipelago 1977 Oswald Mathias Ungers (1926–2007), architect Rem Koolhaas (1944–), architect Peter Riemann (1945–), architect Hans Kollhoff (1946–), architect Arthur Ovaska (1951–2018), architect

[machazer]

Marusha sucks my depression.

[jcmarchi]

Pioneering muscle monitoring in space to help astronauts stay strong in low-gravity - Technology Org

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/pioneering-muscle-monitoring-in-space-to-help-astronauts-stay-strong-in-low-gravity-technology-org/

Pioneering muscle monitoring in space to help astronauts stay strong in low-gravity - Technology Org

Astronauts have been able to track their muscle health in spaceflight for the first time using a handheld device, revealing which muscles are most at risk of weakening in low gravity conditions.

NASA astronaut using the Advanced Resistive Exercise Device (ARED) onboard the ISS. Credit NASA

An international research team, including the University of Southampton and led by Charité University in Berlin, monitored the muscle health of twelve astronauts before, during and after a stay on the International Space Station (ISS).

Findings published in Nature Scientific Reports indicate that the astronauts’ daily exercise regime was effective in preserving most muscle groups, but crucial lower leg muscles showed signs of deterioration.

The technology and assessment protocol used in space could also bring about a step-change in healthcare back on Earth, allowing healthcare professionals to better monitor muscle health in neuro-musculoskeletal conditions, such as Parkinson’s Disease and stroke, and in patients in critical care.

“Being able to perform inflight muscle health checks will allow the astronauts to see which muscles are losing strength and adjust their exercise programme accordingly,” says Professor Maria Stokes OBE, UK lead of the project, from the School of Health Sciences at the University of Southampton. “Being able to personalise exercises like this will be crucial on future long-duration missions to the Moon and Mars.”

Muscle loss in space

Microgravity conditions during spaceflight mean astronauts’ bodies aren’t subjected to the workload they are used to on Earth, meaning muscles don’t have to work very hard to perform functional tasks onboard the spacecraft. This puts astronauts at risk of muscle weakness and bone loss, with up to a 20 per cent decrease in skeletal muscle mass over a month.

To counteract this, astronauts onboard the ISS perform an exercise programme for around two hours a day, six or seven days a week. Until now, monitoring the effectiveness of this programme has only been possible with pre- and post-flight checks due to a lack of appropriate equipment.

Handheld device

The MyotonPRO is a smartphone-sized device which measures the properties of superficial skeletal muscles, tendons, ligaments, adipose tissue (fat), and skin. It’s non-invasive and uses a ‘tap and listen’ method, sending a precision impulse causing the tissues to oscillate and recording the way the tissue responds to compute various characteristics, such as stiffness, tone and elasticity.

The device was used to measure specific points on the astronauts’ bodies throughout their mission, before the flight, during a 4 to 11-month stay onboard the ISS, and up to three months post-flight. Researchers were particularly interested in measuring passive muscle stiffness, as it reflects muscle strength, which is not possible to measure in multiple muscles in space.

“People tend to associate stiffness with poor flexibility and mobility, but an adequate degree of passive stiffness is needed to maintain joint stability and posture,” says co-lead author Paul Muckelt, a research fellow at the University of Southampton. “Stiffness provides support during movement, preventing excessive stretching of muscles and reducing the risk of injury. It also contributes to the efficiency of movement by storing and releasing elastic energy during activities, such as walking or running.”

Passive muscle stiffness can shift throughout the day, so recording conditions needed to be standardised to ensure accuracy.

Weakening of crucial leg muscles

The team found that the astronauts’ exercise programme was effective in preserving muscle stiffness in most sites measured, including the shoulders, neck, back and thigh. But crucially, the tibialis anterior showed signs of waning in all 12 astronauts. The tibialis anterior, located in the front of the lower leg, lifts the foot upwards towards the shin. This movement is essential for walking and running.

The soleus and gastrocnemius muscles in the calf act in opposition to the tibialis anterior, pointing the foot downward. The soleus also showed a decrease in stiffness compared to preflight, but it did increase gradually over time on the ISS. The gastrocnemius increased in stiffness, indicating it might take over most of the function of the calf.

The Achilles tendon (attached to both muscles) also decreased in stiffness compared to preflight measurements. Monitoring the Achilles is important as sudden reloading, such as that induced by a change in gravitation force, could result in injury or even rupture.

Professor Dieter Blottner at the Charité -Universitätsmedizin Berlin, Germany, who led the Myotones Project said: “These lower leg muscles have a vital role in gait and ankle joint stabilisation. Impaired function could hinder performance on missions during planetary excursions and risk injury on return to Earth’s gravity, so exercises which target these muscles should be included in the astronauts’ exercise regimes going forward.”

Use on Earth

Measuring muscle health in this relatively simple way in space could translate to everyday life back on Earth – in healthcare settings, sports, remote communities and even people’s homes.

Assessing stiffness and other muscle characteristics helps in managing neurological disorders, like Parkinson’s disease and stroke. Currently, clinical assessments involve subjective methods, rating stiffness as mild, moderate or severe.

MyotonPRO offers objective measurements for a more accurate and sensitive assessment of the effects of different treatments. In the future, devices like this could be used by patients to monitor drug effects at home, akin to self-testing blood in diabetes.

Dr Martin Warner, co-senior author of the research paper from the University of Southampton said: “This technology and the use of passive muscle stiffness as a muscle health indicator could be used by many health professionals during clinical assessments. Widespread uptake could revolutionise healthcare in neuro-musculoskeletal, critical care and geriatric medicine, rehabilitation and precision medicine.”

Libby Moxon, Exploration Science Officer for Lunar and Microgravity at the UK Space Agency (UKSA), said: “As we approach increasingly ambitious missions that will see us travel deeper into space for longer, it’s imperative we fully understand how space travel impacts human muscle properties, so we can protect astronauts’ muscle health on long-duration missions.

“The University of Southampton’s fascinating research, supported by the UK Space Agency, demonstrates how innovative technology can support this goal, taking advantage of the microgravity environment to provide insights that will also help improve healthcare in space and back on Earth.”

Muscle stiffness indicating mission crew health in space is published in the Nature journal Scientific Reports and is available online.

The study was funded through the UK Space Agency (UKSA), the German Aerospace Agency (DLR), the European Space Agency (ESA) and the Science Technology Facilities Council (STFC).

Source: University of Southampton

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[musicbykg]

I can't make a move without your blessing. "UGLY CROWN" out now https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/kileza/uglycrown

[nativeyoga]

Shiran Berkovich - Exploring the Intersection of Art and Yoga

Listen to podcast episode with Shiran Berkovich for FREE here Shiran Berkovich is an art instructor, professional artist, and Ashtanga yoga teacher based in Berlin, Germany. She views the world through the lens of an artist and a yogini, and her work explores the connection between art and yoga. You can find her on her website, https://www.choreographyonpaper.com/, and on…

[jesuisgourde]

A list of all the books mentioned in Peter Doherty's journals (and in some interviews/lyrics, too)

Because I just made this list in answer to someone's question on a facebook group, I thought I may as well post it here.

-The Picture of Dorian Gray/The Ballad Of Reading Gaol/Salome/The Happy Prince/The Duchess of Padua, all by Oscar Wilde -The Thief's Journal/Our Lady Of The Flowers/Miracle Of The Rose, all by Jean Genet -A Diamond Guitar by Truman Capote -Mixed Essays by Matthew Arnold -Venus In Furs by Leopold Sacher-Masoch -The Ministry Of Fear by Graham Greene -Brighton Rock by Graham Green -A Season in Hell by Arthur Rimbaud -The Street Of Crocodiles (aka Cinnamon Shops) by Bruno Schulz -Opium: The Diary Of His Cure by Jean Cocteau -The Lost Weekend by Charles Jackson -Howl by Allen Ginsberg -Women In Love by DH Lawrence -The Tempest by William Shakespeare -Trilby by George du Maurier -The Vision Of Jean Genet by Richard Coe -"Literature And The Crisis" by Isaiah Berlin -Le Cid by Pierre Corneille -The Paris Peasant by Louis Aragon -Junky by William S Burroughs -Absolute Beginners by Colin MacInnes -Futz by Rochelle Owens -They Shoot Horses Don't They? by Horace McCoy -"An Inquiry On Love" by La revolution surrealiste magazine -Idea by Michael Drayton -"The Nymph's Reply to The Shepherd" by Sir Walter Raleigh -Hamlet by William Shakespeare -The Silver Shilling/The Old Church Bell/The Snail And The Rose Tree all by Hans Christian Andersen -120 Days Of Sodom by Marquis de Sade -Letters To A Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke -Poetics Of Space by Gaston Bachelard -In Favor Of The Sensitive Man and Other Essays by Anais Nin -La Batarde by Violette LeDuc -Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov -Intimate Journals by Charles Baudelaire -Juno And The Paycock by Sean O'Casey -England Is Mine by Michael Bracewell -"The Prelude" by William Wordsworth -Noise: The Political Economy of Music by Jacques Atalli -"Elm" by Sylvia Plath -"I am pleased with my sight..." by Rumi -She Stoops To Conquer by Oliver Goldsmith -Amphitryon by John Dryden -Oscar Wilde by Richard Ellman -The Song Of The South by James Rennell Rodd -In Her Praise by Robert Graves -"For That He Looked Not Upon Her" by George Gascoigne -"Order And Disorder" by Lucy Hutchinson -Man Crazy by Joyce Carol Oates -A Pictorial History Of Sex In The Movies by Jeremy Pascall and Clyde Jeavons -Anarchy State & Utopia by Robert Nozick -"Limbo" by Samuel Taylor Coleridge -Men In Love: Masculinity and Sexuality in the Eighteenth Century by George Haggerty

[arbitrary line break because tumble hates lists apparently]

-Crime And Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky -Innocent When You Dream: the Tom Waits Reader -"Identity Card" by Mahmoud Darwish -Ulysses by James Joyce -The Four Quartets poems by TS Eliot -Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare -A'Rebours/Against The Grain by Joris-Karl Huysmans -Prisoner Of Love by Jean Genet -Down And Out In Paris And London by George Orwell -The Man With The Golden Arm by Nelson Algren -Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates -"Epitaph To A Dog" by Lord Byron -Cocaine Nights by JG Ballard -"Not By Bread Alone" by James Terry White -Anecdotes Of The Late Samuel Johnson by Hester Thrale -"The Owl And The Pussycat" by Edward Lear -"Chevaux de bois" by Paul Verlaine -A Strong Song Tows Us: The Life of Basil Bunting by Richard Burton -Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes -The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri -The Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling -The Man Who Would Be King by Rudyard Kipling -Ask The Dust by John Frante -On The Trans-Siberian Railways by Blaise Cendrars -The 39 Steps by John Buchan -The Overcoat by Nikolai Gogol -The Government Inspector by Nikolai Gogol -The Iliad by Homer -Heart Of Darkness by Joseph Conrad -The Volunteer by Shane O'Doherty -Twenty Love Poems and A Song Of Despair by Pablo Neruda -"May Banners" by Arthur Rimbaud -Literary Outlaw: The life and times of William S Burroughs by Ted Morgan -The Penguin Dorothy Parker -Smoke by William Faulkner -Hero And Leander by Christopher Marlowe -My Lady Nicotine by JM Barrie -All I Ever Wrote by Ronnie Barker -The Libertine by Stephen Jeffreys -On Murder Considered As One Of The Fine Arts by Thomas de Quincey -The Void Ratio by Shane Levene and Karolina Urbaniak -The Remains Of The Day by Kazuo Ishiguro -Dead Fingers Talk by William S Burroughs -The England's Dreaming Tapes by Jon Savage -London Underworld by Henry Mayhew

[justinssportscorner]

Alex Abad-Santos at Vox:

Despite being a time when people from all over the world come together in equality and peace, the Olympics are still uncertain territory for transgender athletes. There are no transgender athletes who are competing outside of the gender they were assigned at birth at this year’s Games. Transgender women who transitioned after puberty aren’t allowed to compete in major sports on a college level. Athletes Nikki Hiltz, a runner, and Hergie Bacyadan, a boxer, both identify as transgender (Hiltz also identifies as nonbinary), but both have always and continue to compete in the women’s division, which is the sex they were assigned at birth. Athletes who do not identify as trans, like Algerian boxer Imane Khelif, have also been scrutinized for their gender. Along with China’s Lin Yu-ting, Khelif is one of two women boxers who failed a “sex test” from the International Boxing Association last year. They have since been connected to discussions of sports and Differences of Sexual Development (DSD), a rare group of genetic and hormonal disorders allowed under International Olympic Committee guidelines. After Khelif’s Italian competitor Angela Carini conceded their match less than a minute into their bout, many have weighed in, including Elon Musk and J.K. Rowling.

Outside of the Games, trans people face so much backlash, often for simply existing. The conversation around sports is particularly fraught, from children’s athletics right up through the pros. Despite the International Olympic Committee vowing to be more inclusive, the future for trans athletes is unclear. It all raises the question: How did we get to this point, and did it always have to be this way? The answers found in historian and journalist Michael Waters’s The Other Olympians: Fascism, Queerness, and the Making of Modern Sports might be surprising. Waters’s book traces the emergence of Zdeněk Koubek, a track and field star representing the country formerly known as Czechoslovakia who, at 21, won two medals — a gold in the 800m and a bronze in the long jump — at the 1934 Women’s World Games. (The Women’s World Games was the precursor to women competing at the Olympics). In 1935, Koubek announced that he would be living life as a man and swiftly became an international celebrity.

Perhaps the most intriguing facet to Koubek’s story was in the public response. Koubek was more welcomed and celebrated than we might imagine. There was an open-mindedness and empathy to the reception of Koubek and his gender identity and expression in the 1930s. Waters also pinpoints where and when that changed, specifically at the 1936 Olympics in Nazi Germany. Armed with a propensity for eugenics, gender anxiety, and a startling lack of scientific evidence, a small set of Nazi officials influenced the International Olympic Committee into gender surveillance and trans panic — stuff that eerily mirrors the transphobic attacks that athletes, cis and trans alike, face today.

Anti-trans discrimination in the Olympics stretches as far back as the infamous 1936 games in Berlin.

[plutorine]

a list of miscellaneous details from dostoevsky's demons

— pretty self-explanatory; i considered this as a side quest of some sort since i'm writing a fanfic and i wanted to keep track of anything that may be of importance to the story. this was also done for the sake of record-keeping because... why not? :)

Pyotr’s mother died in Paris; he was only five years old then

Pyotr was raised by his aunts in O— Province after coming from Berlin

Stepan’s first wife is from their province while his second wife is from Berlin

Stepan likes playing cards, but he always loses

Stepan writes letters to Varvara even though they lived in the same house

Varvara studied in a boarding school in Moscow

Spring of 1855, in May: Lt. Gen. Stavrogin dies of a stomach disorder; he and Varvara lived separately due to “incompatibility of their characters”

Ivan Osipovich, the former governor, was a close relative of Varvara Petrovna

Shatov lives alone on the edge of town

Nikolai joined the guard’s cavalry regiment after graduating from the lyceum, but was demoted to the army infantry regiment after maiming two people in two separate duels

Nikolai was in the January Uprising in Warsaw, where he was awarded a cross and promoted to warrant officer, then to officer

Varvara never saw Nikolai in uniform

Yulia Mikhailovna is related to Praskovya Ivanovna

Nikolai is (possibly) named after his grandfather; his father’s full name is Vsevolod Nikolaevich Stavrogin

Stepan taught Liza without payment, from when she was eight to eleven years old

Pyotr writes extremely rarely; brief and dryly; the letters contain nothing but instructions to his father

(not sure about this one) Nikolai was referred to as “Nikolenka” by Stepan, while talking about Varvara

Pyotr used to cross his pillow before he slept as a child, in fear that he’ll die during it

Kirillov eats very little; only drinks tea, and never sleeps

Kirillov has been abroad for five years; he has “forgotten his Russian”

Kirillov has an older brother, who died seven years ago

Lizaveta rides around town on doctors’ orders

Marya Lebyadkina’s grandfather was allegedly an officer under Yermolov

Varvara is a member of a charitable committee

Skvoreshniki is near the town’s cathedral

Nikolai calls Varvara “maman” (French; “mommy”)

Capt. Lebyadkin served in the Akmolinsky Infantry Regiment

The duel (Gaganov and Stavrogin) happened in Brykovo, a forest in the outskirts of Tver

Gaganov likes castles

Skvoreshniki has a greenhouse

Nikolai: (1) studied for four years at a German university, (2) doesn’t drink alcohol (apparently…? Though he recounts in his confession that he did back then) (3) drinks his coffee, as a routine, every 9:30 AM, and (4) doesn’t like being compared to Varvara in appearance; he does not look like her physically, however

Marie Shatova was previously a governess to some family before Shatov married her

Kirillov can cook

[josefavomjaaga]

"Me too" in January 1813

Except that this time, it was after Murat had left the remnants of the Grande Armée on 16 January that apparently everybody lined up in front of Eugène's headquarters and demanded "Going home? Me too, please, and asap."

And to be fair, with this they merely preempted Napoleon's orders. Since at least 9 January Napoleon had written to Berthier (directly and through Clarke) repeatedly to send to France everybody who was sick or wounded and also all superfluous marshals, generals and staff officers still with the army, while keeping only those who were truly necessary for the small amount of soldiers still under arms.

Except that Berthier had fallen gravely ill at the time, and with all the disorder during the hasty retreat that preceded Murat's departure, it's quite possible that Napoleon's orders were never received, or at least not read.

It was only after some calm had returned, that the new (very reluctant) commander of the (very reduced) Grande Armée managed to file through all those probably unopened letters of the last weeks. On 23 January, Eugène wrote to Napoleon:

In accordance with Your Majesty's orders, I have instructed a large number of wounded, sick or tired generals to make themselves and their staffs available to the Minister of War. I gave the same authorisation to Marshals Ney, Macdonald and Mortier. I have kept in the army only the Marshals Prince d'Eckmühl [Davout], Duke of Bellune [Victor], Duke of Istrie [Bessières - of course he would stay to look after the kid] and Saint-Cyr. The Prince Major-General [Berthier] is a little better today, but his condition still gives rise to the same fears.

This apparently led to a flurry of activity and was reflected in various newspaper reports:

Le Moniteur Westphalien, 27 January 1813

Berlin, 23 January: His Excellency the Imperial Marshal Duke of Taranto and His Excellency the Imperial Marshal Duke of Elchingen as well as about 2o Imperial French generals of various ranks, and among them adjutants of His Majesty the King of Naples and the Prince of Neuchatel, arrived here yesterday and the day before yesterday from the army and in some cases passed through here for their further destination.

Berlinische Nachrichten von Staats- und gelehrten Sachen, 28 January 1813:

His Excellency the Imperial French Imperial Marshal Duke of Treviſo (Mortier) arrived here the day before yesterday; His Excellency the Imperial French Imperial Marshal Duke of Elchingen (Ney) left here for Paris. A large number of Imperial French generals and senior staff officers are constantly returning from the army through here to Paris.

Bayreuther Zeitung, 28 January 1813:

Berlin, 21 January. Arrived here from the Oder on the 19th and 20th: Their Excellencies the Imperial Marshals, Dukes of Elchingen (Ney) and of Tarentum (Macdonald); the Imperial French Division and Brigade Generals Pujol, Defrance, Monnet, Bouvier, Chonard, Benard, Poultier, Dunier, Faure, Corbineau, Roussel, Grouchy, together with several colonels and officers of all grades.

Augsburgische Ordinari-Postzeitung, 3 February 1813:

Leipzig, 30 January. On the 28th of this month, Their Excellencies the Imperial French Imperial Marshals, the Dukes of Treviso (Mortier), of Elchingen (Ney), and of Abrantes (Junot), arrived here from the army and immediately continued their journey to France.

And so on, and so on. The funny part: At the same time - in order to hide what was going on, probably - somebody launched reports in the newspaper about a 40,000-strong army under Ney assembling in Posen. People reading those papers must have been quite confused.

[ateezivy]

without you

( 2023 )

warning ! mentions of eating disorder, lots of crying, all i can think of, lmk if i missed anything.

Tour without Ivy has been weird. There is a missing piece in the puzzle. And while all the boys have been having fun on tour, it’s still not the same. And it’s evident to people everywhere. However, tonight’s the night. They get their girl back.

She called them a few weeks ago with the news that she would be in the audience in Berlin, and then she would join them again on tour. They screamed at this news. like actually screamed. But honestly, who wouldn’t, Ateez is going to be a full nine again. The boys got all hyped on the way to the arena. Jumping around, singing, yelling, a lot of yelling. Soon, they were all backstage chilling while the staff set everything up before rehearsal. 

“Boys,” their manager calls for them. They all look up and see him standing there staring at them. He didn’t say anything, earning a confused look from Hongjoong. They all watch as he walks over to the door and opens it. And in walks Ivy. 

Mingi was of course the first to jump off the couch and run over to her, hugging her tightly, and kissing her softly. The boys all piled over to her, suffocating her in a group hug. 

“Make sure to let her breathe,” the manager said before walking out laughing. 

“Okay, he’s right, let me breathe” she giggled as all the boys backed away, taking a look at her. She was planning on getting ready in the dressing room before she had to go out into the crowd, not wanting to be in her planned outfit longer than she had to. So she had on a pair of mom jeans and one of Mingi’s many tour hoodies. She looked so much healthier and happier. You can only see some much on a FaceTime call. She also cut her hair short with some bangs, that one they haven’t seen. 

“You cut your hair!” Wooyoung pointed out

“Yeah! You like it?” She asked, messing with the ends of her hair

“Love it” Hongjoong smiled. 

Everyone sat down, Mingi has not let go of her since she walked in, he needs to make sure she was there. “So, how was your hiatus?” Jongho asked, watching her sigh a snuggle closer to her boyfriend

“Hell,” she commented “There was nothing to do, I had too much free time. And you know they didn’t even let me drive for the first few weeks?” She scoffed. 

“Yeah, they wanted you to have that time to yourself Livvy, that’s what it’s for” Seonghwa chuckled and ruffled her hair. 

“Don’t care, torture” 

“How dare they make sure you’re safe,” Hongjoong said sarcastically 

“See you get it” Ivy joked along and walked around the room looking for something. 

“What’re you looking for?” Mingi asked, getting up to help her 

“Something to eat” The boys all smiled, it was clear that the hiatus helped. Of course, she’s been through this before, she understood the steps to get through it, and because she was away from her family, and her life, she was more motivated to get better.

“How long did it take?” Yunho asked her. She knew what he meant. How long did it take her to eat a full meal without throwing it up? 

“Not too long, just have to eat foods I’m comfortable with for right now, My therapist told me to eat a new fear food once a week, so I ate a burger yesterday,” She said “I feel like the only thing I can eat without wanting to vomit is salad, fruit, and that’s like it.” 

It’s sad, her once favorite foods have become the foods she fears. She may be back from hiatus, but she is still forever healing. 

“Sorry to interrupt,” one of the stylists came in, smiling when she saw Ivy, “But you guys have to get ready for soundcheck, Ivy, honey, you’re always welcome to join” 

Ivy jumped up and ran over to the stylist, hugging her and filling her in on everything she did and didn’t do over break. The boys all laughed as they followed the girls. They put their earpieces in and get their mics, Ivy looks over and sees her purple mic untouched next to Jongho’s before he picks it up. 

“You wanna come out?” He asked, pointing to her microphone, he hopes she says yes. “There’s Atiny out there, but it’s not a lot” 

“Sure” She smiles and has Mingi help her with her earpieces quickly as she picks her mic up. Mingi slips the mic pack into her back pocket, giving her butt a tap, which would be more surprising if he didn’t do that. He then feeds the attached ear-pieces through her hoodie, letting her catch them from over her shoulders, she lets them dangle there as she turns her mic on. 

“Okay, c’mon.” their manager smiles. The boys rush up to the stage, Mingi holds his girlfriend's waist from behind as he kisses her on the cheek before they follow behind the others. As she went out behind the others, the VIP’s immediately recognized her and started greeting her. She assumed Hongjoong asked them to stay calm, or Atiny was just that brilliant to stay calm in that moment. She felt fairly anxious singing in front of fans again, the last time she did she sounded horrible and then fainted.

“Don’t dance with us, you haven’t stretched and I’m not letting you when you just ate” Hongjoong said sternly, giving her a stool that was set on stage for her. While she was gone, Wooyoung normally took her lines, and she’s excited to hear him sing her lines tonight too. But right now, her lines are hers again. Some staff set some water beside her as the music started. As her lines in New World came up, she felt nerves and excitement build up in her chest. As soon as she started singing, the boys all smiled so brightly while dancing, the VIP fans cheered her on, singing along, and the fans outside started screaming loud enough for her to hear. She chuckled out of disbelief through her lines. After New World, Hongjoong and Seonghwa ran off stage quickly. “What’re they doing?” She asked San who grabbed himself water. The sweat from his forehead dripped onto the stage floor as he looked at her. He shrugged, but it was obvious he knew. 

“What are you guys up to” She giggled as Yeosang and Mingi walk over right as San left. “You’ll see, be patient” Mingi smiled and rubbed her thigh. The stool she sat on was getting uncomfortable, there was no backrest and she just now realized she was slouching. She fixed her posture, showing a face of pain, Yeosang noticed and rubbed her back for a second before she heard a familiar melody play through the speakers. Her song It Will Stop started playing. 

Fans outside started screaming like crazy, and the fans in the arena started freaking out as well. Hongjoong and Seonghwa ran back up on stage, ushering her to sing her lyrics. This song was special to her. It was the first song she wrote for herself. It was the easiest, yet most difficult thing to write. She put all her emotions into the song, knowing that one day, she would relate to it again. 

She sang the song without struggle, her boys watching and singing along with pride. After it ended they all cheered for her. The boys, the fans, the staff, everyone. She felt herself getting shy, smiling with her face hidden in her hands. Yunho jumped over and picked her up over his shoulder, making her squeal and almost drop her mic. Somehow, Mingi and Yunho managed to sit her on both of their shoulders for some pictures. There have been so many pictures and videos taken from this moment. She can’t wait to go home and frame them all.

After a small amount of time, Ivy sat on the edge of the stage to talk to the fans while the boys calmed down. “Hi” she smiled and the Atiny’s greeted her back. “How are you Ivy?” A fan with a deep accent asked. “I’m good how are you guys?” She smiled as a chorus of ‘good’ and ‘great’ was said amongst the small crowd. She felt a hand on her back, making her turn and see Mingi sitting on her left and Wooyoung on her right. They talked to the fans for sometime, avoiding questions of Ivy’s return with simple shrugs and changes of questions.

After soundcheck, they all walked back to the dressing room. Ivy had grabbed her bag full of a change of clothes for the concert from the ‘hangout room’, as they called it. Mingi went in with her, just to have a minute alone. “You sure you don’t want to stay back here and watch?” He asked, hugging her. There was everything she needed in that room, a TV to watch the concert from, a bathroom, food, water, and outlets. Everything. It’s also 10 times safer back here than in the crowd. 

“I’m sure, I got a good spot, the bodyguards will be with me.” There was a spot right behind the pit where staff usually stayed, it was a spot for people to walk through before, after, and during the show. 

“Okay,” he nodded, not arguing with it because he knew she would be in good hands. The two shared a few kisses and giggles before they had to go and get ready. Ivy went into the bathroom to change before everyone else. She walked out wearing a red bodycon dress, a black oversized leather jacket, and some Prada boots. 

“Ah, you look so good!” The stylists all cheered, making the boys all turn and look at her. The dress showed off her figure, she had gotten so much healthier already. 

“This jacket might piss me off three songs in, so if you see me throw this back on, shut your mouth.” She held up the hoodie she was just wearing, making everyone chuckle. 

“You’re so cute” San chuckled and hugged her. 

“How long are you staying back?” Seonghwa questioned

“Right before you guys go on they’re gonna sneak me out” She stated with a smile 

“Good, cause you’re matching the first outfits, it will look good for pictures” Wooyoung clapped.

The time went by, the boys got everything they needed to do done, and finally, they hear the fans piling in and singing as they all got ready. “Ah, handsome” she dramatically sighed and gushed over her boys. They all rolled their eyes as they got ready to take pictures with their girl. The pictures were perfect and so cute, they would more than likely post them that night. 

“Okay, you guys go on here soon, get mic’d up, let's go” Their manager clapped, rushing everyone over to the mics, “I gotta go,” Ivy told them as they put their pic packs back in.

“Just a second Livvy” Hongjoong made her freeze. “Everyone ready?” He looked around, seeing all of them placing their earpieces around their neck. They nod and bundle up in a circle, wrapping their arms around each other as the staff flashes their lights and takes videos. The girl happily dances and jumps next to Mingi and Jongho. “Okay, let’s go out there, perform with our best. We got Ivy with us tonight, so we have to do our absolute best.” Hongjoong goes on with his usual speech and praises “Ivy?”

“Oh, uh, don’t fuck up, I love you guys”

The boys all protested against her ‘speech’ and laughed

“Okay, okay. Just perform like you guys always do, with or without me, I want you guys to do your best, and have so much fun out there.” Mingi smiles and kisses her forehead. 

“Okay, 1,2,3…”

“Nine makes one team!” As a full nine again.

“I love you guys,” she hugged them all individually “I’ll be out there, look for me” 

When she got to Mingi, he wasted no time in giving her a deep kiss, bending himself forward and her into a damn-near backbend. The boys cheered them on as she laughed into the kiss.

She was soon rushed out into the audience, bodyguards circling her, yelling at people to move out of the way. She reached the back of the pit where security and other staff stayed to make sure there were no audience members out of place. 

She smiled and waved at fans who saw her and cheered for her. 

The concert went on amazingly, Ivy sang along with every word. It didn’t take long for Mingi to find her first, after that all the boys would check on her at least 10 times each song. It soon got to that time when the boys all stand there and interact with the fans. 

“And tonight, we have the most special guest” Wooyoung yelled and the crowd screamed. At this point Ivy still didn’t change into her hoodie, the boy assumed she was fairly comfortable in that new jacket. She had her lightstick and phone in hand. The camera panned to her, showing her on the big screen as she laughed and waved at the boys. 

“IVY-AHHHH” San yelled and Yunho clapped with Hongjoong. “She looks amazing doesn’t she Atiny?” 

Ivy continued laughing and covering her face so she didn’t show off her blush. The fans screamed in agreement. “Ivy, I think we all have some things to say,” Hongjoong started “Should I go first? Anyone else wants to go?” 

Yunho and Yeosang shook their heads as the others gestured that he could go first. 

“Since Ivy first came to the company, I knew she was something so special. What I didn’t know were the amazing effects she has had on Ateez.” Atiny cheered after the translator spoke before he continued. “It’s incredible how much you have impacted so many people's life. You make Ateez special Jisoo-ah. And during this hiatus, it’s been hard on us, but we are so glad you took your time to heal. We love you, Ivy, and I think everyone can agree when I say we are glad to have you back home.” 

Ivy was tearing up, mouthing “I love you” to Hongjoong. 

Wooyoung nodded and brought his mic to his lip. Oh god, she thought to herself, this could either embarrass the living fuck out of her or make her bawl her eyes out. “I’m not sure if many people know, but Ivy and I used to not get along,” Ivy laughed at his start off “But now I would say we are the closest we have ever been. Through the years, I’ve got to learn so much about you. I know when you’re upset, happy, or mad. I’ve had the pleasure to watch how much you’ve grown over the years. And I just know how proud your family is of you. And I know you’re dad would be so beyond proud” Oh god, she’s crying. She misses her daddy, so dearly. She hopes he’s proud of her. “I wish you came to me. Or any of us when you were struggling,” now Wooyoung was crying “I love you Jisoo-ah, and I would do anything to see you happy and healthy all the time…” They both bawled as Yunho walked over to Wooyoung, hugging him. Mingi turned away from the crowd as he cried, Jongho tearing up in the corner. The fans all cried and called out. 

Seonghwa sniffed before he spoke up, “Being able to be someone you feel safe around has been such an honor. My number one goal is to always make sure my members are safe and happy, and sometimes, I feel like I fail at that. I know there’s only so much I can do Ivy, I know. Please call me more, please tell me when you need help. Come to me more often. I want to help Olivia. Please let me help” Seonghwa sobbed, begging. Ivy wanted nothing more than to run up on stage and hold every single one of them. 

Yeosang prepared himself for whatever words came out of his mouth when he spoke “I didn’t know you were hurting until it was too late. And, I can’t help but feel I could’ve done more for you. I can’t lose you Ivy-ah, none of us can. We love you, and it hurts going on stage and not having you here. I’m begging you to focus on yourself more.”

Between each speech was a moment of cries. Each member would take their time to prepare themselves, make sure they can say what they need. And a couple times they couldn’t. their speeches would fall short because they can’t say what they need to say like this.

San was next “Atiny and Ateez have been waiting for you, we will always wait for you. You always have support by your side at all times Livvy. We’ve been hoping that you recover well and on your own time, and your being here tonight shows us how well you have been doing. And now you’re home, and we can help you. And be up your butt 24/7” He ends his speech with a slight giggling, hoping to bring light to such an emotional moment. Ivy chuckled through her tears and shook her head. 

“Well, I don’t know about you, Ivy, but I had trouble sleeping last night because I was so excited to see you again. And I think I even texted you” Yunho laughed, tears streaming down “You’ve always supported us when we need you, you’ve always been here for us. You’re probably the most kind and most empathetic person any of us have ever met Jisoo-ah. And even in times when I didn’t think I needed support, you were still there, whether I wanted it or not, you were there. You’ve always been there. And I just can’t believe I let you struggle for so long. Ivy, you deserve everything good in the world. I wish I could just give you the earth” He smiles with the tears falling down his shirt. Jongho nodded to himself, knowing he had to go next. He didn’t have to, but he wanted to and needed to for himself and Ivy. 

“When I first met everyone I kind of felt like the odd one in the group. And then you came in and you had to feel like the odd one,” The crowd laughs along with Ivy as he continued “but I never really knew what it was like to be so close to someone. And ever since you joined our family, I never felt alone. I never felt like I didn’t fit in. You always made sure I got to bond with everyone, and that we made the steps we needed to take to be able to become a family. And now, I look at all of us, and, I can’t even imagine Ateez without Ivy. Ateez wouldn’t be Ateez without any of us, especially you.”

Jongho wasn’t the kind of guy to open up like this, and Ivy never knew these things, she never knew Jongho felt this way…

And finally, Mingi. Ivy couldn’t even prepare herself for Mingi’s speech… her chest tightened, and tears fell as she watched her boyfriend wipe his tears away. 

“Without you, I don’t think I would be the person I am now. Without you, Ateez wouldn’t be Ateez. I’ve always wanted to just feel loved and cared about. And being with you, it’s taught me so much about myself. I just- I can’t believe how far all of us have gone. I can’t believe this is my life. And it’s thanks to you Jisoo-ah. Watching you grow and become the woman you are, it’s incredible. And I always think about all the times we’ve stayed up later writing songs, or just talking because we couldn’t sleep. Our Facetime calls, our late night snack time. All of it is so special to me. I love you so much, Olivia. I’m nothing without you.” 

They all cried and hugged, wishing they could have Ivy up there, but they had to move on before things got caught up. The concert went on and ended after a few more songs. She would’ve loved to stay in the audience for the encore, but she had to run backstage before then so she didn’t get lost in a moving crowd. She ran through the halls once the manager told her they were out there, Mingi was of course the first she reached. He lifted her as she wrapped her legs around his. She cried into his shoulder, mumbling ‘I love you’s into his shirt. Mingi continued walking with her like that, rubbing her back before placing her on the ground once reaching the dressing room. The other boys all got to hug her and cry with her at last. 

She’s home. And they weren’t a complete home without her.

taglist: @atolua @skzfairies @itzy-eve @cixrosie @stopeatread @alixnsuperstxr @smh-anon @txt-yaomi @starmaniic

[disorder-rebel-store]

no war but class war. www.disorder-berlin.de

[tf2-nurse-is-dreaming]

[There is a paper sitting atop Nurse's desk. He doesn't seem sober enough to notice how everyone can read it]

Patient name: Adel Schäfer

Gender: male

Sex: Male

Age: 27

Date of Birth: N/A

Place of Origin: Berlin, Germany

Known Illness(es): Schizoaffective disorder, clinical insanity, derealization disorder

Medication(s): [Redacted]

Side effects of medication(s): increased aggression, suicidal thoughts, homicidal thoughts, mood swings, nausea, decreased appetite, anxiety, depression

Notes: Patient may become aggressive when not on medication. Sudden stop of medication will cause the patient's brain to panic which increases aggression and fear. If patient needs to stop medication, slowly decrease dosage.

[beardedmrbean]

NPR defended embattled chief executive Katherine Maher against "online actors with explicit agendas" on Wednesday as her old social media posts continue to go viral for exposing her personal left-wing ideology. 

What seems like a never-ending supply of social media messages Maher posted before running NPR have been unearthed in recent days by critics of NPR, including Manhattan Institute senior fellow Christopher Rufo. 

Maher, who served as the CEO for Web Summit and Wikimedia Foundation prior to taking over NPR last month, showed her support for Hillary Clinton in 2016 and Joe Biden in 2020 while regularly sharing liberal talking points and criticizing Donald Trump. Many feel that someone with such blunt partisan views running NPR on the heels of veteran editor Uri Berliner penning a scathing takedown that detailed the "absence of viewpoint diversity" at the organization could be troublesome, but the organization chalked up the resurfaced tweets as "bad faith" attacks. 

"This is a bad faith attack that follows an established playbook, as online actors with explicit agendas work to discredit independent news organizations," an NPR spokesperson told Fox News Digital. 

"In this case, they resorted to digging up old tweets and making conjectures based on our new CEO’s resume," the spokesperson continued. "Spending time on these accusations is intended to detract from NPR’s mission of informing the American public and providing local information in communities around the country is more important than ever."

Rufo has also unearthed old video of Maher saying the First Amendment makes it too difficult to censor "bad information." But much of the controversy surrounding her is the result of posts on X, the platform previously known as Twitter. 

Before taking over NPR, Maher tweeted essentially whatever was on her mind. For example, she once shared details of a dream where her and Kamala Harris were on a road trip together "comparing nuts and baklava from roadside stands" before she "woke up very hungry." 

Others were more political. 

Maher wrote on X in May 2020 that while "looting is counterproductive," it was "hard to be mad about protests not prioritizing the private property of a system of oppression founded on treating people's ancestors as private property." In another post on the thread, Maher said that property damage was "not the thing" Americans should be upset over. 

In another 2020 post, Maher is seen donning a Biden for president hat and said it was the "best part" of her efforts to get out the vote.

"I can’t stop crying with relief," she wrote after Biden won. 

Maher also took issue with the infamous New York Times Tom Cotton op-ed in 2020, saying it was "full of racist dog whistles." She argued it was based on the "false premise that the country is in a state of ‘disorder.'"

Several of her old posts that have resurfaced reference concern over White privilege and "White silence."

In June 2020, Maher declared "White silence is complicity." 

"If you are White, today is the day to start a conversation in your community," she continued. 

Maher identified herself as an "unalloyed progressive" supporting Clinton in the 2016 election. However, Maher had some criticism for Clinton at the time, saying she wished the then-Democratic presidential nominee "wouldn't use the language of ‘boy and girl,'" because it was "erasing language for non-binary people."

In 2018, she wrote, "I’m angry. Hot angry, slow angry, relentless angry. This anger is going to fuel and burn for a long time, and it will deliver back exponentially," during Christine Blasey Ford's testimony accusing Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh of sexual assault.

Rufo joined Fox News on Tuesday to explain why he’s been busy circulating Maher’s old tweets. 

"I spent the last day or two digging through her tweets to show people exactly what she believes. It’s actually incredible. It is the most vapid, left-wing propaganda imaginable," Rufo said on "Jesse Watters Primetime."

"She’s been at it for year. She’s a supporter of BLM, she believes in the pseudo-science of White privilege, White fragility, she criticized her own Whiteness," he continued. "It’s like Mad Libs for left-wing women." 

In addition to the deluge of old social media messages being resurfaced, NewBusters reported on Wednesday that Maher has donated to Democratic candidates such as Stacey Abrams. NPR did not immediately respond to a request for comment about her donations.  

Berliner, who resigned after blowing the whistle on NPR’s liberal bias, doesn’t think Maher is fit for the job. 

"We're looking for a leader right now who's going to be unifying and bring more people into the tent and have a broader perspective on, sort of, what America is all about," Berliner told NPR media reporter David Folkenflik prior to quitting. "And this seems to be the opposite of that."

Berliner also scolded Maher when he stepped down. 

"I am resigning from NPR, a great American institution where I have worked for 25 years. I don’t support calls to defund NPR," Berliner wrote in a statement published on X. "I respect the integrity of my colleagues and wish for NPR to thrive and do important journalism."

"But I cannot work in a newsroom where I am disparaged by a new CEO whose divisive views confirm the very problems at NPR I cited in my Free Press essay," Berliner continued.

[envihellbender]

Felix Richter's teenage son discovers his father is a serial killer one night.

Rating: Mature (themes/horror)

Fandom: Dead By Daylight

Characters: Felix Richter, Milo Richter

Content: No Entity/Family AU, Angst, father son relationship, abuse, gaslighting, serial killer Felix

—

Milo hadn’t felt good about betraying his father, but the moment he heard what the man was doing, when he saw what he did to that poor man… He had to do something. Running from the house in a t-shirt and pyjama bottoms to the nearest police station was at least something. He felt a lot of anxiety making the statement, almost throwing up at one point but felt a sense of relief when it was signed. The detective took it away and then another officer came to inform Milo that his guardian was here to take him home. He followed them dutifully, but when he saw just what was meant by ‘guardian’ his intestines turned to water and his lungs froze stopping his breathing instantly. He’d assumed a member of his family’s staff would be there, or maybe at a stretch his mother. The last person he anticipated was his father, with how nice the police had been - getting him cups of hot chocolate and listening patiently - he was convinced they were building a case against the man. His shoulders dropped in defeat, his gaze falling to the ground. He didn’t even look at his father’s false, loving smile, or at his soulless eyes. Milo simply stood and listened to Felix thank the officers for finding him, he hated that fake caring voice.

“Thank you for letting me know, gentlemen,” Felix said above Milo’s head. “He is not a well boy, his current therapist thinks it’s Bipolar disorder. He gets fits of mania, he starts to believe odd things.”

How fucking dare he! Milo thought bitterly, anger rising in him like venom.

“That explains it,” the detective who’d listened to Milo so compassionately sighed. That one in particular stung. “we thought he was fairly convinced of what he’d seen. Didn’t seem like a liar.”

“He isn’t, he always has such good intentions. I’m sure he thought he was doing the right thing, he’s not a delinquent,” Felix elaborated, his voice far too smooth and charming.

Not a delinquent, just a psycho, Milo added internally and bitterly.

“Anyway, I’ll be taking him home.” Felix wrapped one arm around Milo’s thin shoulders, a little too tightly. “I’m so sorry about all this trouble he’s caused.”

“No problem, Sir. Get home safe,” the sergeant called to them as Felix guided Milo out of the police station. He was silent as he led him outside into the cold Berlin air, the fact Milo had shown up in dog patterned sky blue pyjama bottoms, a Kraftklub t-shirt, and his trainers with no socks in the middle of December probably hadn’t helped his case.

“Milo, what were you thinking coming out barely dressed?” Felix tutted, not releasing his grip on Milo’s shoulders. It wasn’t as tight as before, it was too secure for him to escape but it was almost loving.

“Are you going to hurt me?” Was all Milo could say, a stammer between two shaking lips.

“Of course not, when have I ever hurt you?”

“I… Well, I-”

“I’m sure whatever your mind has convinced you of has got you all confused and terrified,” Felix interrupted almost sympathetically. Milo’s feet dug into the ground as he stood fused still and refusing to move even as Felix pulled him towards his parked car. The sleek, black Mercedes sat there as a sickening display of wealth in the run down police station.

“I know what I saw,” Milo said between clenched teeth.

“I’m sure you do.”

“I’ve been taking my meds. All of them. This is real.”

“Perhaps we need to make some changes. Get in the car, Milo,” Felix warned as he unlocked the doors. Milo gave in, slipping into the passenger seat, shivering as he sat against the leather seat and found his body growing colder. When his father turned on the engine and the heating hit Milo’s skinny bare arms he let out a sigh of relief, tears now falling down his cheeks. “There we go, isn’t that better.”

“I don’t understand why. Why did you- just give me a reason. Were they bad people? Did you- what was it?”

“Clearly we need to get you some food, a nice warm bed, and tomorrow we can arrange an emergency appointment with Doctor Achen.”

“Don’t you want to know what I saw?”

“Fine. Tell me. What did you see?” Felix sighed in resignation.

“Well, I didn’t want to believe it at first. I mean, I thought it was a strange coincidence. Every time you were working late the killings happened, and at first I was worried that whoever it was would hurt you. You were so calm about going out after dark with a murderer on the loose.

“And then… I was up late, not doing anything in particular just sat up playing some games and I heard it. Weird howling noises from downstairs. So I went down, to the basement, and…” Milo sniffed and coughed for a moment. What he saw behind the door, what he saw his father doing… He repeated it to the police and the disgust and shame led to a rather severe panic attack. Perhaps that was when they began to think Milo was just some lying, crazed young man, he thought.

“My poor boy,” Felix crooned. He rubbed Milo’s back and in turn Milo didn’t have the energy to push him away. “That sounds like such a terrifying thing to witness. Your mind is so cruel to you, conjuring up such things.” Milo wanted to scream, if it had been the case his father was being so understanding and gentle. So much so, Milo began to wonder… what if it was a hallucination?

“I- Maybe you’re right,” Milo mumbled, Felix let go of him and turned the engine of the car on.

“I am so glad you’re starting to ground yourself, starting to realise the truth. A step in the right direction, I think,” Felix responded. Milo was still tense, he hadn’t quite said that. He was only starting to doubt.

That was until he began staring at his father. There were so many clues something was wrong, he almost seemed like the manic one. His speech was faster than normal, and his eyes were wider… but only slightly. Milo couldn’t help but feel like his father was covering something up, as if he did see something that Felix didn’t want anyone else to know. What really cemented to Milo that he wasn’t simply having an episode were his father’s hands. Or more specifically, his fingernails.

Milo saw dried blood encrusted under his thumbnail, that he hadn’t quite washed off. The right thumb that Milo saw press into the stranger’s eyeball as the victim screamed until the sound was carved into Milo’s brain.