#disabled musician

[motelghostsofficial]

Who here still likes My Chemical Romance?

xfullxcoverxofxourxladyx

Ghostie

[ash-the-fluffy-cat]

My band teacher is probably the teacher who has spent the most time making materials accessible for me out of all my teachers in my life. It took me until I was in high school to end up with a teacher who seems to care that much. I am so glad I ended up in a school that actually has a good level of support and funding for disabled kids, that’s what happens when there’s only like two high schools in the division, compared to in the city where there’s like four or five.

[jessi-is-tired]

Done being humble, every time I perform theres a 68% chance that I frew up in the bathroom before and Im being so brave about it AND I'm dizzy AND a connective tissue disorder makes playing guitar 100 times harder AND I have nodes AND a partially paralyzed esophagus so singing is hard too and IM DOING BOTH AT THE SAME TIME so I deserve extra applause 😤

[stuffydollband]

Hey there, Dolls! A minute of your time please. If ya haven’t heard, I’ve now got a subscription service through Bandcamp!

It’s got a few tiers, each with its own fun perks, but for just 5$ a month, you get my whole back catalog as well as early access to new music like my most recent album, “Hanging…” which is ONLY available through the subscription and will remain so for a while. At high levels, you get access to input on what I’m working on, credit as a Producer (I’ll even swear on a Bible that you’re an honest to goodness music producer if you want to put it on a resumé), and if you’re CRAZY and give 30$ a month I might send you something weird!

I know we’re all struggling out here, so truly no pressure if you can’t afford it. My music will continue to be available on streaming platforms and Bandcamp, and the albums that are released early through this subscription will eventually make their way to the public.

But! My goal right now is just to make 200$ a month through this. That’s only 40 people who would need to sign up at the lowest tier. I’m old and sick, with myriad issues that make touring (an already failing model for independent artists) basically impossible, so I’m hoping this can serve as a way to get a bit of financial relief and allow me to keep making my sad songs for you all.

That’s it! Thanks so much for your time, please spread the word, share this post, and, if you can, consider donating. I love you all, stay tuned Dolls!

Oh! P.S. I’ll also take this time to announce that the next album being released on this service will be called “Like You Own The Place”! It’s an album entirely of waltzes of various genres. Some purely instrumental, some with lyrics, and I’m very excited for you all to hear it. Long time fans know I love slipping in a waltz or two, but this time I went fully overboard and made like 17 of them because it was cold and I needed a distraction.

[ghostcashew]

hey! my wife @stuffydollband's laptop that she uses for everything including making music has become unusable! as a big fan of my wife and also of her music, i'd very much appreciate if any of you could donate to help her get a new one 💜

[scamallach-1]

ya’ll I’m bummed out.

I’d like to know if there are any bodhrán players out there that deal with dyspraxia and/or fine motor skill issues (I am a disabled player). Any advice at all on how to grip the tipper (wether heavy or light weight seems to make no difference to my issue, I struggle with all the ones I have so far). My playing has gotten so much more fluent - but my grip is weak, even with pencils and pens. Whether fast songs or slow and gentle, I cannot maintain control of my tipper enough not to cause sloppiness that makes me skip beats. It gets to where I wanna cry lol

I’ve been practicing for 6 years (not as regularly as I should until the last 2 years) and there is just, so far, no way I can figure around my grip issue. I’m a lone player too, so it just hurts extra worse that I don’t know anyone to reach out to about these specific issues to due with my disability. I’ve used rubber bands to create a ‘stickier’ grip, even tied my fingers themselces with rubber bands to secure them to my tipper lmaooo

No success :(

[joyful-witch]

Being a music major is so weird bro what do you MEAN I don’t have half of my classes because our director is out of state taking an exam for his doctorate and my clarinet professor might have Covid.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I have Friday off but I have to stay here because the marching band festival is this weekend.

I have nothing to do I’m going insane.

My addiction to clarinet is getting stronger by the hour and I fear I may join orchestra just because I love playing my instrument so much… but my health issues may make another ensemble difficult… but more clarinet time sounds appealing…

My therapist says I cannot date right now because of my trauma… but maybe that’s a good thing seeing as the true love of my life will always be clarinet…

I’m normally so busy not having many classes this week is legit driving me crazy. I fear I may get lost in the sauce if this goes on much longer.

[destroyingangelneveragod]

La Vie en Rose Cover! #singers #singer #lavieenrose #singing #cover

La Vie en Rose cover!!!!!

[violin-check]

I thought it might be fun to share a video of a violinist I found. This is, as the video title shows, Clayton Haslop, a violinist who has focal dystonia. This obviously has a large impact on how he plays, as he can only use two fingers when the violin is designed (and its music is written) to be played with four.

The way he plays is so fun to watch, partly because of the differences in how he has to play (mainly a lot more shifting than usual) but also because he's just such a good musician.

[blxxdbxnnie]

I HAVE A SOLO AT MY LAST FIRST CHOIR CONCERT!! (aka the first concert of my senior year of highschool!!) WISH ME LUCK!!!

[riverkwai404]

Being a disabled musician is fucking wild because I play a woodwind instrument (flute) where half the game is how fast you can move your fingers. Like for 30 MAYBE 40 minutes on good days? Fine. Beautiful runs. But on bad days like today? I played ONE piece ONE time and I’m sweating and can barely move anything except my thumbs (the fingers you use the least). It’s a trip.

[motelghostsofficial]

oh no theres another haunted venue in Los Angeles!!!!

Who are these cute little ghosts???? The bamd of course!!!!

[ash-the-fluffy-cat]

y’all ever just accidentally trap yourself in the corner with a tuba, timpanis, a couple speakers, backpack, binders, cane, foot pedal, iPad, and then realise once you sit down that you forgot a stand. But people aren’t in whispering distance, so you have to raise your hand and ask the teacher if I have stand privileges. No? Just me

[ofdinosanddais1]

Came up with an album idea called "Revenge Fantasies" about the complex emotions of suffering violence and abuse in a community that tells you that good people can only go to the good afterlife if they forgive everyone who hurt them and then cue the victim feeling like absolute shit that they can't bring themselves to forgive someone that's caused so much pain and maybe forgiveness is empty after all because what is forgiveness actually supposed to look like??? And then diving into the part of C-PTSD that causes a change in beliefs/religion because after suffering for so long, the way you were taught to view the world is just confusing now because why would someone use this as a lesson or for growth?

And then I'm debating whether to release a song with references to my abuser's own trauma that he used against me to guilt me into letting him abuse me because these lines really throw his insecurities in his face but also, like the title of the song, I don't care. When I did, I couldn't live. Believe me there's no fucks to give.

Yes those are actual lyrics to the song.

[stuffydollband]

My new song, “Flightless Rail”, is out NOW wherever you stream music!

A beachy song about a bird for all your lazy summer hangs! This was inspired by a recent @scishow video so big props once again to Hank Green et al for everything they do to make education accessible.

[jessi-is-tired]

My friends love to cook and to eat. They love going to different restaurants and trying different foods. It's a huge part of their connection to each other and to the world. It's something that brings them joy and for some of them it's how they connect with and share their culture. But to me, food is just food. They could spend so much time discussing the texture and flavor of each meal together, but I can't answer the simple question "how is it?". It's good I think? It hasn't made me feel sick yet. Thats good. It took me a long time to put into words with them when it felt like they were frustrated that I didn't engage in the discussion of the intricacies of every bite. I told them "you guys experience food, I just eat it. I'm trying to figure out how to do that. I physically can taste it, but I almost immediately forget it after. Food holds a lot of trauma for me and my body doesn't know how to live in the present in general so I just very disconnected from it. But I'm trying"

This has always been true for food. But now the more trauma I go through, it feels true for everything. I don't experience anything. I just do it.

Going to the movies used to affect me so profoundly. I always left the theatre with a change in perspective and with my mind spinning. If I loved a movie I'd think non-stop about it and engage in fandom things. Nothing really feels like that anymore. Now when I see a movie, it ends and I leave the theatre. Thats it.

At concerts I'm in the wheelchair accessible area and its usually seperate from everyone else. Everyone's having fun and I'm away from them all. I try to dance and enjoy it, but for a long time it came with a lot of grief and longing to be able to jump around in the pit again. But now I feel nothing. I don't feel the excitement of seeing even my favorite bands. I just go and then barely remember it.

Musicals used to bring me to tears and now they feel so long.

I used to love lyrics and pour through them on lyric genius reading and seeing what they meant to the artist and to other people. When I was a kid I even used to print them out. When I bought a CD I'd be so excited to read the booklet, hoping the lyrics were there. There are lyrics that would blow my mind and I'd feel so inspired. That's why I'm a songwriter now. But no lyrics can penetrate my brain anymore. They just bounce right off.

My own songs even. After each concert I perform people ask how it felt to finally get to play my own music after I was sick for so long. I don't know. It just happened and then it was over. I thought I'd cry tears of joy if I ever got here, but now I'm here and I can't even feel it.

I used to love making new friends. I wanted to know everything about them. I wanted to hear whatever stories they told. If they had a special interest I wanted to hear them info dump. I wanted to know what their favorite song was and why. I wanted to know what movie, TV, or book character they related to the most so that I could understand them better. I wanted to know what they were like before meeting me. I wanted to support them as they healed from trauma. I used to handwrite every birthday card. I spent so much time making so many cards personal. I wanted to know them and make them feel seen and heard. Now I want to feel seen and heard so badly that I can't see or hear anyone else. I'm never present and I can't seem to listen to anyone. I'm too selfish now. My brain is just screaming "ME ME ME" so now I know nothing about new friends. And for a while I'd dump so much on them when I got a chance to speak. So now I avoid talking about real things and feel very surface level friends with everyone. And that feels safer because it feels wrong to not feel their friendship if its deep & meaningful for them.

And my love feels broken. I feel disconnected in my relationships. When I was younger I wanted to be held and loved loudly. Now physical affection feels so wrong and uncomfortable. I hate it. When someone looks at me with love in their eyes I want run and hide and bury myself alive. It feels like I'm being attacked. Stop stop stop, please stop. And someone complimenting me, especially how I look, especially in public feels insulting. I don't like it.

The magic is gone, nothing feels right.There's not even anything to daydream about because every fantasy just hurts or is boring. I never thought I could take things for granted after all I've been through. I thought I'd be so grateful to have survived. But now I take everything for granted. I don't care. I don't even want to be in my favorite places. Everything just happens. Nothing comes from it and everything feels pointless.

But I continue on. Because when I write my songs, a lot of heavy things come out. I can't feel them right now, but they are there. I'm curious to know this version of me. I'm trying to bring her out of hiding. She's very angry and I was always taught to shut that off. But now everything is off. I don't even feel like I'm real.

But still sometimes when I'm scrolling and see a gentle poem about feelings that I wish I could feel, I don't really *feel* anything but I notice tears in my eyes. Sometimes I see something wholesome and my heart beats again, just once. Maybe twice. Sometimes my puppy licks my face and I catch myself laughing. Sometimes I see my friends and my soul reaches for them. There's a wall, but it's still reaching. I cheer for my girlfriend's accomplishments even though I feel like a zombie and I try to encourage them when they need it. I'm not great at it anymore, but I always try. Which means the desire to support and connect is still there. I go to therapy and I keep creating things. But why? Why would I do that if nothing matters?

I think the fire that used to be in me is still there. It's just very faint right now. And I am trying my best to keep it safe in hopes that someday it'll shine brighter than ever and I'll feel everything, good and bad.

If you've read this far, your fire is probably dim right now too. There are tears in my eyes as I write this specific part, so I think my fire cares about yours. And yours probably cares about mine. Please continue to try to find little ways to fuel it and I will do the same. Keep going. Stay alive please and someday we will live and thrive. Your spark is so special and so important and someday maybe we'll have the biggest, brightest fires this world has ever seen and we can help other to keep their fires burning too and burn down all of the systems that put out our fires and rebuild this world. Or maybe, our fires will be normal sized and we will feel things again and we will save only ourselves and thats just as important.

I wish I could live and this doesn't feel like living. But I will try my best.