#disability prejudice

[fanficfanattic]

Trick or treat! 🦇

Because I am desperately trying to actually get Boots to Bottles moving forward, you get a little treat from it!

It’s already over 2,500 words and I have Jamie only finally having finished talking about Pre Dad and Beginning of Dad time.

“But the shine on having a kid with learning difficulties despite mad footy skills faded pretty quick. I’m dyslexic, so I stayed late after school working on how to get better at me reading. Or having someone doing reading with me so I could do me homework faster.

He wanted me to spend that time getting better at playing. And it didn’t matter explaining that all the academies have education requirements. Which is when he really started in on the names, didn’t he?

Which I were already used to with me classmates. People were either too smart, which were considered bad. Or normal which was good. Or…I don’t actually gotta use the word, right?”

And he finally looked up but it was to lock eyes with Doc Sharon. She was the one who told him that ‘facing reality’ didn’t mean accepting the labels others put on him. That was a phrase society used to keep people down.

She didn’t disappoint, letting him know with a nod that he was okay not saying it. Roy had taken an especially deep breath right after he said it, making him brace for whatever he was gonna hear from the coach. But he didn’t say anything at all. Plus Keeley had grabbed his hand when he said that, which were nice. It kind of felt like the whole room disagreed with his dad actually.

“Like, I know even now people think I’m thick. Which can be true. But I actually like learning. Just gotta do a couple extra steps to really do it properly. It doesn’t make me stupid, cause the actually stupid thing to so would be giving up just cause things are hard.

And I don’t do that. I’m not afraid of hard work. Wouldn’t have gotten to the professional level at all if I were. And wouldn’t have come back to Richmond if I let having to prove I deserved to be here intimidate me.”

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[girlgerard]

i love pride and prejudice. like most good art, it’s an autistic woman projecting onto all of her autistic women characters she writes about to cope with the fact that she can’t do much but think. darcy is included as one of the women.

[lifewithchronicpain]

For a decade, disability advocates led a concerted effort to stomp out use of the word “retard.” Now they’re concerned that the language appears to be making a comeback.

Online, in popular culture and in politics, use of what’s known as the “r-word” has rebounded after largely receding from the conversation, advocates say.

Earlier this month, The New York Times reported that former President Donald Trump called Vice President Kamala Harris “retarded” during a meeting with donors. The term has also gained traction on social media. And, on a recent episode of the FX show “English Teacher,” two teachers decided that their students “are not into being woke anymore,” noting that things have “circled back around” such that “they’re saying the r-word again.” (Read more at link)

I’ve been noticing this too and I hope it stops.

[lunarharp]

things.. uh... Gentry era au

[calamitys-child]

Obsessed with the audiobook choice to make the borogravians all northern except mal who is Dracula. I love them so much you have no idea how much I adore these little genderfuck desperate losers with swords. Monstrous regiment u r everything to me forever

[musical-chick-13]

Regarding the whole "Fandom Is An Escape, so why should I have to care this much about misogyny/racism/ableism/transphobia/etc." thing. Idk about the rest of you, but it gets kind of hard for me to "escape" when I keep seeing people say the same vile things about characters who share aspects of my identity that I hear all the time in real life.

[kaykeykiykoykuy]

my school friends are bullying me for liking object shows again

[cursedvibes]

I've said this before, but it always makes me really uncomfortable when Sukuna fans and jjk fans in general talk about what "human" Sukuna would look like. Because the form we currently see couldn't possibly be how he originally looked. Clearly this is his curse appearance because it's so deformed and inhuman and a reflection what an evil person he is. No normal human could possibly look like this. Basically they are parroting the exact talking points that led to Sukuna being called an "unwanted child" 忌み子. Someone who looks like that can only be evil.

Nothing about his appearance is all that inhuman. The belly mouth is physically impossible, but the rest of his body is easily explained with him just being a conjoined twin/polymelia. And the mask-like growth on his face seems to have changed during his life, so it might just be a tumour or very extreme eczema. Point is, while there is surely some jujutsu stuff involved with it, the appearance of his body is natural and given what we know so far, I think it is likely that he always looked like this and only optimized some aspects of it as he got older and more focused on fighting and cursed energy. So saying the way he looks is evidence of him being a curse or having become a curse (like a punishment for becoming a bad person) instead of his actions speaking for itself regardless of his appearance and literally everyone who knows him personally saying he's human, is extremely ignorant.

[musingsofacuriousmind]

“I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of any thing than of a book! When I have a house of my own, I shall be miserable if I have not an excellent library.”

Jane Austen, "Pride and Prejudice"

[directactionforhope]

You know that annoying/ableist thing people do where they say that conservatives or bigots or assholes must have some disability or mental illness? E.g. "Those Trump supporters are all psychotic!" or "Racists are all brain damaged!"

I've found imho a pretty effective script for countering that without potentially Causing A Scene or getting someone mad at you:

Scoff lightly and say "Psychotic people deserve better than that comparison."

Also works for other stuff like "brain damaged" and "mentally ill" etc.

As long as you say it like you're joking with them, instead of like you're telling them off, I find it's pretty successful at getting people to go "Oh, hah, true" (tho sometimes a bit awkwardly) and then either self-correct or move on with the conversation.

[atopvisenyashill]

we always talk about how theon should be at the club or renly should be at the club but i think tyrion should be in therapy, this seems obvious but i’m talking about even non extensive, you have mediocre healthcare and can only get a therapist for eight sessions before you reach the edge of their expertise which is mostly just unipolar depression & grief from a grandparent’s death, bc even the world’s shittiest therapist would listen to that man talk and be like “have you ever thought of just going no contact? it doesn’t seem like this is healthy and family clearly doesn’t give a shit. just like, change your number” ya know, and going no contact is a lot easier if you’re a trust fund baby in the 21st century bc he can just use the relatives he still talks to (im assuming gemma and jaime) as references for some high paying nothingburger job, move out, get a new phone, and just never see his dad again. like not for nothing but sometimes just waking up and knowing you never have to see that man’s bitch ass again?? it’s very healing.

[lifewithchronicpain]

I will never believe that you need to forgive people who have grievously wronged you in order to move on. But I do believe you have to figure your own way to get past the hurt for the sake of your own happiness.

[rebelwriter99]

You know you’ve made good life choices when you’ve gone from being so overwhelmed with your existence as a disabled medical student you can’t sleep, to staying up late to finish an assignment as a creative writing student. And it doesn’t feel like work. I am simply working on it now because I’m least symptomatic late on in the day, and I can choose to enjoy my work rather than fight to function.

After all, what’s not to enjoy? I’m writing an essay about Remus Lupin, dynamic disability, and seeing yourself in stories. My hardest job is keeping it inside the word count!

I also got told outright by my tutor he would not take any marks off me for referring to Professor Lupin’s creator as nothing more than “the author”. Because he could tell I was being pointed about it. So what if I’m supposedly less useful to society or some such nonsense now that I’m not a medic. This is way more fun!

[nerdyenby]

Me in my chem class: I cannot think about anything other than lego ninjago

Me in my psych research class: holy shit do you know how many disabilities exist almost exclusively in a social context???? Wanna talk about disabilities that exist almost exclusively in social contexts?? Let’s talk about disabilities in a social context

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Disability awareness this autistic awareness that trans awareness blah blah blah, please understand that plenty of people are already plenty “aware” of marginalized demographics like this, and simply believe they should be eradicated.

Awareness is absolutely an important piece of the fight but not a worthwhile fight on its own because the people that most need awareness are the people that will reject it every time and instead cling to their prejudices for dear life. The same people that have used ignorance as a tool to carve out a comfortable life in the dark for themselves. Again, they’re plenty aware, they just don’t care. or worse.

So give up “awareness” and go with advocacy or acceptance instead