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I do not think I could actually do this to Jamie. But I did just remember the existence of bastinado. And like…maybe with the right whumptober prompt.

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I absolutely love the difference in the way that Jackson Lamb and River Cartwright go about being spies.

Lamb takes in a piece of information, forms a hypothesis, then pretends he doesn’t know or understand that information in order to learn more from people refuting him. He uses his position as a chronically dislikable prick to pull information out of people who don’t want to deal with him, or want to put him in his place. He’s careful, so much smarter than he looks, and he only approaches a solution once he has all the pieces comfortably under control.

River hears one piece of entirely unverified information and sprints face-first into some drywall to try and save the day.

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Jamie + Roy edit this song is so them

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Only a true icon like River could confidently climb on rooftops and still almost kill himself falling into a pile of tires

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Honestly I think the most tragic part about it all is how hard Jamie tried to be a cycle-breaker, how desperately he wanted to stop the chain of abuse and generational trauma and be there for his son. One of the times in the show where we see him at his absolute happiest is when he’s holding his infant son for the first time, and then we keep seeing him try to bond with James in any way he can. He was so excited to be the type of father John could never be for him, taking time out of his political office job to go play with his son in the field. always smiling, being so so careful and gentle with him. The dialogue even said it, Jamie never had any good role models on how to be a father but he was determined to be a good one for his kid. He distanced from the Duttons, kept his son a secret from all of them (even Kayce) to ensure he would never be swept up in all their drama.

Jamie just wanted to break the cycle and put that nasty aspect of John’s legacy in the dirt for good, and now his child will grow up in a world that perpetuates a myth that his dad ran away from him and disappeared, even when that dad, who once had nothing to live for, fought so damn hard to stay alive to give his boy the childhood he himself never got.

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The Great Pot Brownie Debacle

Fandom: Yellowstone

Request: @queenofthesquirtles - John wants to learn about Summer's culture so he allows her to make pot brownies. Jamie accidentally eats one. High Jamie ensues.

Pairing: None

The Yellowstone Ranch kitchen was bustling with an unusual kind of energy. John Dutton leaned against the counter, watching with a mix of skepticism and reluctant curiosity as Summer Higgins bustled around, mixing ingredients in a bowl. The air smelled faintly of cocoa and something... earthier.

“I still can’t believe I’m letting you do this,” John muttered, sipping his coffee.

Summer flashed him a smug smile, her hands expertly folding melted chocolate into the batter. “It’s about cultural exchange, John. You’re always telling me I don’t understand your way of life—this is me giving you a little glimpse into mine.”

“Your way of life involves sneaking illegal substances into dessert?” John raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed.

“It’s not illegal everywhere,” Summer replied breezily. “Besides, they’re not just for fun—they help with stress, pain, anxiety. You ranchers could use a little relaxation.”

John snorted but said nothing. He wasn’t entirely convinced, but he was curious enough to let her have her way. That curiosity extended only to watching her make the brownies, not eating them himself. He wasn’t about to lose control of his faculties—there was a ranch to run, after all.

Once the brownies were baked and cooled, Summer cut them into neat squares, setting them on the counter to cool further. John gave her a warning look. “These stay here. No one touches them unless they know what they’re getting into.”

Summer rolled her eyes. “Got it, Sheriff.”

---

Hours later, the ranch house was quiet. John had gone out to check on the herd, and Summer had disappeared to take a call. That’s when Jamie wandered into the kitchen, looking for a quick snack. He eyed the brownies on the counter with suspicion, but after a quick sniff and a taste of the edge, he was sold.

“Finally, something decent around here,” Jamie muttered, grabbing a large piece and taking a big bite. The rich chocolate flavor was overwhelming, masking any telltale taste of the “special” ingredient. He finished the brownie in a few bites, licking his fingers as he headed back to his office.

---

About thirty minutes later, the ranch was treated to a sight no one was prepared for: Jamie Dutton, tie askew, wandering into the barn with a faraway look in his eyes. He paused, staring up at the rafters like they held the secrets of the universe.

“Do you ever think,” Jamie began, his voice unusually soft and dreamy, “that horses... know more than they let on?”

Rip Wheeler, who had been in the middle of fixing a saddle, looked up sharply. “What the hell are you talking about?”

Jamie turned to him, his eyes wide and glassy. “I mean, think about it, Rip. They’re always watching us. Judging. What if they’re just biding their time? Waiting for their moment?”

Rip frowned, setting down the saddle. “Jamie, are you drunk?”

“No,” Jamie said, his voice high-pitched and defensive. “I’m enlightened.”

Rip stared at him for a moment, his brows furrowing as he sniffed the air. “Did you... eat something weird?”

Jamie blinked slowly, then burst into laughter. “Weird? Rip, we’re all weird if you think about it. You’re weird. I’m weird. Life is weird.”

Rip’s scowl deepened, and he grabbed Jamie by the shoulders. “Alright, what did you eat?”

“The brownies!” Jamie exclaimed, his hands flying into the air. “They were... divine.”

Rip’s stomach dropped. “Son of a—Jamie, those were—” He cut himself off, his eyes narrowing. “Stay here.”

---

By the time Rip dragged John back to the barn, Jamie had climbed onto one of the fences and was trying to have a heartfelt conversation with a confused-looking horse.

“You’re beautiful,” Jamie said earnestly, his hands gesturing wildly. “Majestic. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

“What the hell is this?” John barked, taking in the scene with a mix of disbelief and irritation.

“Your son ate one of Summer’s brownies,” Rip said flatly.

John’s eyes narrowed. “Jamie, get down from there.”

Jamie turned slowly, his face lit up with a huge grin. “Dad! Did you know that horses—”

“Jamie, shut up and get down,” John growled, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I can’t,” Jamie said, spreading his arms. “I’m connected to the earth right now. To the animals. To the cosmos.”

John glanced at Rip, his expression dark. “Where’s Summer?”

“Nowhere to be found,” Rip replied with a smirk. “Probably didn’t expect her brownies to take out Jamie.”

With a sigh, John turned back to his son. “Jamie, if you don’t get down right now, I swear I’ll—”

“Dad,” Jamie interrupted, his tone suddenly serious. “Have you ever really looked at your hands? Like... really looked?”

John turned to Rip. “We’re cutting him off. No more snacks.”

Rip chuckled, shaking his head. “Might want to keep him inside, too. Last thing we need is him wandering off into the woods looking for the ‘cosmos.’”

As Jamie continued to ramble about the interconnectedness of all life, John sighed heavily, muttering under his breath, “Never again.”

And somewhere in the distance, Summer was probably laughing her ass off.

Please support my work with like and comment

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Kayce & Jamie Dutton aesthetic

Don't waste your tears on me tonight. We were born and raised in black and white. I chose the dark, you chased the light

We were born and raised in black and white. We were born and raised in black and white

The wind blows hard across the Texas plains. Makes some people go insane, while others quietly pray for rain

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This is a neat little interview that I must have missed last year.

Jamie Tartt, emotional arcs, & hair

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Phil Dunster as Jamie Tartt Ted Lasso 2.04 ― "Carol of the Bells"

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Do you want to read a tour de force? Of course you do. Look no further!

Everyone thinks Jamie’s black-eye came from Roy punching him in the face. Even though he’s now the manager and Jamie’s the star player and they’ve both been in therapy for months (him) and years (Jamie). Jamie is treating it like it’s nothing but a joke. Roy is losing his goddamn mind.

But then he realizes that the joke Jamie thinks is happening is far, far different than the one Roy assumed. He thought he was losing his mind before. But now? Doesn’t even compare.

Jamie bit his lip, his eyes settling somewhere above Roy’s head. Roy wasn’t sure Jamie even knew when he did it, but Roy hated it. When he first met Jamie he simply thought the prick didn’t care enough to look someone in the eye. Now Roy recognized it for what it was. Now Roy recognised it as a defence mechanism and he still hated it because he hated being something Jamie’s brain thought of as a threat. He hated that Jamie was conditioned to view older men as a threat, and he hated more that Roy had given him reason to believe it of him.

For the Holiday gift thing, if it's not too late, I would love to read the first chapter of your Copenhagen fic or the next chapter of False confidence 💚❤️💚😊 But! No pressure at all! I love everything you write and I considered myself very lucky that you share your writing with us!

For one of the most supportive, kindest, wonderful people on this site <3333 I hope this brings you a small percentage of the joy you spread to others

After spending the night in Copenhagen, Jamie gets on the bus with a black eye and a cheeky “Roy said to tell you he didn't hit me” Only problem is no one believes him.

@badthingshappenbingo - black eye

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Six (+2) Sentence Sunday

It’s eerie, watching the father of her child on video as he settles into a seat. To hear the attorney in front of them now also as an echo from the tv.

“Jamie, are you ready?”

“Oh, I’m just giving my sister time to make a snarky comment on how this is ridiculous and I’m pathetic and she shouldn’t have even come.”

Beth had just been scathing once she realized he’d left a video to accompany the reading of his will.

Christina would have laughed if she wasn’t so heartbroken. Jamie knew all of his family’s weaknesses and strengths, their faults and all their perfections, he loved his family.

And they killed him for it.

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“Dommage” is French for a spellcaster who tops you 

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Conversation that Tumblr is not ready for:

A Vampire's fangs are also it's reproductive organs

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fundamentally it's just cathartic to watch a show that's built around characters who have fucked up in the past and continue to fuck up. i can admire hypercompetence but that's never going to be me. i have however accidentally taken down a huge part of a client's database and then frantically spent the next 36 hours recovering it. it's just really cathartic to see river et. al. fuck up like that and then roll with the consequences and have the show still be about them instead of them being the bumbling comic relief sidekicks to the badass amazing protagonist who seldom puts a foot wrong

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Ready for an unhinged (yet still very hinged) story?

Got a youtube short rec’d to me last week. It was from Cruella. And once you click, it feeds you more. So probably the like 100th one has her ducking into a kebab shop and I heard the worker speak. I was like “…is that the guy from Taskmaster?!?”

Which is quite a silly way to put it because technically the only two true guys would be Greg & Alex. What I meant was “is that one of the taskmaster competitors?”

It was! (Paul Chowdhry)

So I just started watching it and there is a flash of a face in a jewelry store. Me “…is that Simon?!?” (Yes).

Jasper is from Our Flag Means Death but I didn’t recognize him from 1/10th of a second screentime lmao. He’s one of the fucking leads lmao

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ask game! give 5 boring facts about yourself and pass it on <3

1. When I play 2 Truths & a Lie, I say one more sibling than I actually have.

2. I’m from the American midwest.

3. I’ve written a six-figure check.

4. My birth name is an anagram.

5. I’ve never been engaged.

6. I’m right-handed.

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Looking for some whump and holiday cheer? Look no further!

not to me, not if it’s you

Jamie Tartt watches England’s dream for a World Cup title die, not from the pitch, but from a Qatar hospital bed.

Roy and everyone spend the lead-up to Christmas doing all in their power to cheer him up.