#did someone call for Too Much Information??

[lila-kriegerin]

It would be amusing if someone did send an e-mail for each sex of that fungus while continuing to try to censor "mushroom" and other frequently repeated words so they don't easily spam block anything that says shroom, fungi, amanita... you know the drill. If the entire text became increasingly hashed the office trying to block e-mail would possibly block someone sending them too frequently, but if everyone would happen to be throwing eggs, tomatoes, toilet paper, etc., it would be impossible to spend too much time trying to block all senders since theres no time to sort kfficial mail from noise so not massive sweet bans should be happening either.

Thays an interesting IT security problem for their iffice to grapple with. It's a good thing I know nothing of those things and it's way above my paygrade and every one else's since no one could ever interfere wkth making america great again, right?

I bet someone might want to run the risk of using the global replace search function in a word processor since that is the tits for doing the task of continuing to change many recurring items like "17,000" (for example) with random alphanumeric variants which should also help keep someone out of the spam filters... though that person may be tempted to vary document length so whoever may wish to stop them wouldn't have the bright idea to block their favourite words and alphanumerical sequences, right?

The US government has many 3I373 H4X0r5, so you shouldnt even think of ever trying to have fun poking their baskets while looking for holes to shove so much data into!

That's a bad idea to call them and e-mail them too much with unimportant stuff because they need all available time to properly do their jobs instead of feeding hard drives of data through cloud analysis to find useful data in the e-mail servers. That would cost too much time, effort, and money so don't make their jobs harder!

While you're at it, don't remember the e-mail address DEIATRUTH@OPM.GOV unless you really have a real emergency to report someone illicitly using DEI practices in any place of business or society, golf resorts, etc.

It's really important to have good patriotic citizens telling them important things about those uppity minorities throwing their weight around and disenfranchising true American patriots who want to make America great again.

I would never tell someone to ever even think of swamping their phone numbers and e-mail addresses and web portals because Donald Trump is the nunber one hero to patriots who want to make American great again and you could get in trouble!

You should know it is also never worth sending copies of various film scripts in plain text format in the e-mail's body that involve anything you're interested in, although I do know someone who works there would love to find out what the actual dialogue was for the Wookiees in the Star Wars Christmas Special and all three trilogies.

Whoever shouldn't do those things also definitely would want to avoid sending anything truly pornographic without protecting their parts and lil ipp because whoever could do anything that unrecommended could catch nasty bugs and worse attentiin, shame, and fines if they ended up as Don Quixote in court or even a drunk tank or on a ridealong with one of our excellent boys in the thin blue line between American citizens and their woke DEI goals.

Be careful out there, everyone!

Be a real, true-blue, dyed in the wool, American patriot!

Forget about anything except doing your jobs and using your personal time (not company time on the job) to to properly inform the right offices and contacts about unamerican activities and all the interesting things they need to know.

That way, you can really paint the town red going after those fake american wannabes by reporting them on only your own personal time when you arent misusing the moments you're bored at work. Focus on the job when you're the job, and focus on special people when at home— absolutely never on the clock —and may God bless America!

Make America great again by showing them who needs to be kicked out of the places that only the real American patriots belong— in power in the USA!!

(X) (X)

ETA a new option:

(From a source I will not link.)

[residentrookie]

NFU 

a messy exes/right person, wrong time jegulus microfic inspired by the song NFU by del water gap for my bb @static-radio-ao3 as my thank u for the introduction :))

“Hello?” 

“Regulus,” a hoarse voice rasps on the other end of the phone, drawing out the syllables of his name. Rough and low and… drunk. Extremely fucking drunk, by the sound of it.

Regulus stiffens. “James. Are you-- you’re drunk calling me. Again.” 

“Very astute. You’re always so astute, Reg.” 

He checks the clock on his nightstand with bleary eyes. 3:30 AM. God. Not this again.

“I thought we talked about this,” he sighs, sitting up and rubbing a hand over his eyes. 

“We don’t talk much these days,” James points out rationally. “I think I would have remembered.” 

Regulus rolls his eyes. Not fucking likely. 

“Since you were in a similar state the last time we had this conversation, I’m not surprised you don’t remember. Just so we’re clear that doesn’t make it okay, James. This is— you have to stop doing this.” 

By ‘this’ Regulus means getting wasted and calling him when James is too far gone to talk himself out of the idea. And, if Regulus were smart, he would stop picking up when James’ name flashes across his screen. 

“Like I said. Astute.” 

Drunk James is his worst nightmare, truly. Drunk James is a walking, talking reminder of everything he doesn’t have anymore, everything he will never have again. When he calls, lacking crucial social skills like self-control and any modicum of a filter, Regulus is forced to be the rational one, reminding them both that this boundary exists for a reason. A very good reason.

“Okay. Well I’m glad— it’s good that we talked about this. But this is— this has to be the last time. I’m hanging up now, okay?” 

James continues as if he never spoke. “How’s your um— your boyfriend doing?”

Immediately no. 

“I’m not talking about this with you—” Regulus attempts to shut him down, but James is nothing if not obstinate. 

“You’re still dating the guy with the dumb fucking name, right?” 

James knows full well that he is. Sirius would have informed him otherwise. He just wants to hear Regulus say it because he’s fucking sick and twisted. Naturally, Regulus can’t give him the satisfaction, so he avoids the question. 

“You can’t think Regulus is a perfectly normal name and then turn around and shit on a guy for being named Kingsley.” 

James scoffs on the other end of the phone. “I can shit on him as much as I want. Fucking hate that fucker.” 

“You’ve never met him. You can’t hate someone you’ve never even met.” 

“Sirius hates him.” 

“Sirius doesn’t hate him—” Sirius just wishes he was you. 

“Mhm. Told me so. Said he’s a little bitch who can’t hold his liquor.”

Now it’s Regulus’ turn to scoff. “This coming from you right now? You sound so fucked up, I doubt you can even see straight. Not that you could before, but—” 

“I’m not fucked up,” James insists, then says calmly, “I just missed the way that you talk.” 

This. This was why they had to stop. In his worst moments, Regulus loathes the fact that Sober James all but ignores him most of the time, only bothering to text him on important holidays or birthdays. That is, until he’s reminded that Drunk James wants to ruin him— completely and thoroughly— by the casual cruelty of speaking his mind and expecting Regulus to go on peacefully with his life as if he didn’t just upend it entirely. 

“James…” he starts shakily. 

“Shit, that sounded stupid. This was,” James hiccups, “not my best idea, I fear. Rash. Extremely rash feeling.” 

“What, drunk calling your ex? Yeah, I would say it’s one of your worst.” 

James is quiet for a moment. “You kill me, you know? I-I hate talking to you.” 

Rage wells up in Regulus’ throat so fast he nearly chokes on it. “You called me—”

“God, you sound good. You always sound sexy when you’re angry, did you know that?  Rougher… hotter. All red in the face and your neck…I can almost see it, if I squint.”  James pauses, presumably squinting like a drunken idiot. “Maybe that’s why I called you— to make you angry. To hear you be angry at me again. Stupid fucking thing to miss, isn’t it?”

Yet again, Regulus is at a loss. 

“You— I’m— God, you’re a real fucking bastard, you know that? Do you have any idea how excruciating it is to talk to you when you’re like this?” 

But James ignores him, saying ruefully, “Sirius told me, he always tells me, he says, ‘Don’t do it, James. You always regret it, you always yell at me the next day for letting you call him,’ but he can’t stop me,” a childish giggle bursts from him. “I’m too fast. Much, much faster than him, just for the record. He’s never once beat me in a foot race, and if he says he has he’s a big, fat fucking liar—”

“James, I sincerely don’t give a fuck about that— be honest, did you run away from him at the bar?” 

Drunk James will do that. He’s a runner. Well, not when Regulus was around to keep him on a tight leash, but it seems that without him, James is turning back to some of his worst habits. 

The line goes quiet. Then, “A little bit.” 

“It’s a yes or no question, James.” 

“Mm.” He seems to think on it. “Yes, then.” 

Regulus tosses his hand in the air, forgetting James can’t see him. “Go back and find him!” 

“Don’t want to,” James sniffs. “Tryin to make my mistakes in peace.” 

“You— I’m hanging up and calling Sirius.” 

“No, no don’t!” James yells into the receiver, making Regulus wince and pull his phone away from his ear. James’ voice is much quieter when he speaks again. 

“Don’t, I have to say— I wanted to tell you. I have to tell you that I’m sorry, Regulus. I’m so fucking sorry.” 

A pit of dread forms in his stomach. James sounds wretched. He sounds like how Regulus feels when he thinks too long about how far they’ve drifted apart, how little they speak to each other anymore. For one infinitesimal second, Regulus gets the satisfaction of knowing that he’s not alone in this specific shade of misery— dark blue and bottomless. And then he reminds himself that he’s sober and his ex-boyfriend is drunk and they shouldn’t even be fucking talking right now if they knows what’s good for them. 

“James, look, you’re drunk, you’re emotional—”

“‘S not what I’m apologizing for.” 

“What, then?” 

“Everything. All of it. I never—I wanted…” 

Don’t say it, Regulus begs silently. Please don’t say what I—

“I still love you,” James breathes out. “I love you so much I can’t breathe around it.” 

Regulus lets his eyes sink closed, firmly shuttering the tears forming in his eyes. He can’t let himself say it back. He can’t. If he does…

“James…” Regulus lets himself savor the sound of his name on his tongue. Then says softly, “It’s okay.” 

They both know it’s not. 

______________________________

James looks down at the number on his phone. Blinks, just to make sure he isn’t imagining… but, no, he isn’t making it up. He picks up his phone, his apprehension growing. 

“Regulus?” he asks, unsure. 

A snort sounds on the other line. “Hm, fffancy seeing you here.” 

James blinks again. “...We’re talking over the phone.”

He doesn’t have to see Regulus to know that he’s just waved James’ words away with a flippant hand. “Metaphorically, then.” 

It’s been weeks since the last time they spoke. James remembers very little of that ill-conceived conversation, except of course for the part where he said the one thing he promised himself he would never say again because his brain hates him. It’s played on a loop in his head everyday since, his ragged, sincere words and Regulus’ noncommittal response to them. 

It’s okay, he had said. 

It was anything but okay. They both knew that. 

He had been doing so well, had been training himself to think of other things besides his ex boyfriend and his ex boyfriend’s new boyfriend and what the two of them were getting up to together, all the fun things they were probably doing while James was just focused on getting through his day. On getting to the next one. The next. The next the next the next the next the next—

“You don’t have ‘nything to say? Hm?” Regulus’ words slur. Unusual for him. Regulus was always so in control of himself. 

James frowns. “Are you okay? You sound—”

“Drunk? Well, that’s because I am. Royally, massively fucking toasted. Thought I’d return the favor and call you for once. ‘S your lucky day.” 

“Oh. I guess— I deserve that.” 

“I’ll say. Taste of your own medicine. Drink up, Potter.” 

James huffs a humorless laugh. “You must be drunk if you’re calling me ‘Potter’. You never call me that.” 

“Never say never, Potter,” he spits out meanly.  “It’s never a good idea to say never, remember? Remember how not good of an idea it is to use the word never? My therapist, she says I need to stop talking in absolutes. Never and always. Never say never, I learned that from her. Shame you didn’t, too.” 

James sinks into a kitchen chair, burying his face in his free hand, rubbing out the headache growing in his left temple. “You were right,”  he admits. “This is excruciating.” 

This conversation is making him feel awful for every single time he’s dialed Regulus drunk, the barrier between his thoughts and his words nowhere to be found. Regulus was right. He deserved a taste of his own medicine. He deserved this for every single second Regulus had to keep his cool on the other line while James was busy fucking them up a little more than they already had been. 

“Like remember when you said we’d never break up? Or when you said you’d always love me? Hilarious. Really, really funny stuff.” 

Regulus’ voice is liquid rage, red hot and acidic. James swears it’s burning him through the phone. 

He sighs. “Regulus. Can we not?” 

“No, no, we should talk about it. It’s been long enough. We can be rational adults and have a damn conversation. Here, you know what, I’ll even go first. I wanted you to come with me, you know. I should have asked you. To come with me.” 

James feels his heart stutter in his chest at those words. “You did ask me to come with you,” he murmurs. 

Regulus was waiting for that, like a snake rearing to strike. “Wait. Yessss, that’s right. I asked you to come with me and you said no! Now I remember. You said fucking no.” 

James clenches his jaw, his own anger slowly rising up the column of his throat. “I didn’t say no. I asked for some time to decide if I wanted to upend my life and move across the country, which is a pretty sane response to a question of that fucking magnitude. You’re the one who decided my hesitation meant I didn’t love you.” 

“Well, it sure didn’t feel like you loved me when you let me leave.” 

“Let you—?!” James cuts off, knowing he’ll blow a gasket if he doesn’t calm himself.  “Regulus,” he starts, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but no one lets you do anything! You do whatever you please and damn the consequences! I just never— I didn’t want to be one of those consequences.” 

Regulus, to no one’s shock, does not attempt to calm himself. In fact, James fears he’s only stoked the flames. 

“You are hands down the most infuriating human being on the face of the goddamn planet! Of course you’re blaming me! Of course, like you were just an innocent bystander while I went about ruining our relationship! Like you had nothing to do with it! You had no part in it, no, not perfect James Potter, never him! I cannot believe— I just— it’s all so— fuck!” 

His voice breaks on the word and then the rest of him breaks too. His tears sound painful, like they’re fighting they’re way out of Regulus’ body with each sob. He cries loudly and messily and James can’t pretend like the sound doesn’t break his heart all over again. 

“Regulus?” He makes his voice gentle. Soothing. “Hey, don’t cry. Listen, you’re drunk. Why don’t we try talking when you’ve sobered up?” 

“No, James,” he sobs, gasping for breath. “You don’t understand. I fucked up. I fucked up.” 

James sits up straighter, alarmed. 

“Are you okay? Are you safe? What’s going on—” 

Regulus sniffles. “No, I’m— I’m at my place. I’m fine. It’s just… it’s Kingsley.” 

James’ mind goes still in a way that should scare him but doesn’t. “Did he hurt you?” He doesn’t  bother keeping the cool rage out of his voice. 

“No!” Regulus nearly shouts. “No.. the opposite, actually. I hurt him. Badly.” 

James closes his eyes and takes a deep, slow breath. “Look… I’m sorry you’re upset but I really don’t want to listen to your lover’s spat—”

“I said your name last night,” Regulus whispers. 

“You—what?” 

Regulus doesn’t hold himself back. “He fucked me and I said your name. When I came. Yelled it, actually. No way to hide it. James and Kingsley don’t sound remotely similar.” 

And that— well. James has lost the ability for rational thought. “Oh,” he manages.

“Yeah, oh,” Regulus mimics him harshly. “He stormed out and we haven’t talked since. And I think— I think he’s going to break up with me now. He should break up with me. It’s— what I did is unforgivable.” 

No matter how hard he tries, James can’t think of a single thing to say to this information. Naturally, Regulus won’t let that stand. 

“James? Are you gonna say something?” 

“What do you want me to say?” he asks weakly. 

“Say you’re sorry!” Regulus shouts. “Say you’re sorry for drunk calling me all the fucking time, for reminding me that you exist, for reminding me I still fucking love—” 

He cuts off, but not quite quickly enough. James still heard everything he didn’t say. 

“I am sorry,” he says, voice rough. “I’m really, really sorry, Reg.”

He hears the hitch in Regulus’ breath. If he closes his eyes he can see Regulus before him, see the pain take up residence on his beautiful face, the way he scrunches his nose when he cries, his eyes going stark red, his cheeks staining themselves pink. 

He can see Regulus so clearly in his mind. But he didn’t see what was coming next. 

“I-I just want to be with you again,” Regulus cries softly. “I want to be with you, baby. I’ll move back, I’ll quit my program, I’ll move in with you like you wanted, I’ll do anything— but I can’t live like this anymore, James, I can’t, I can’t—”

James’ own tears slide down his cheeks silently, falling off the cliff-edge of his chin. 

“Regulus,” he says as firmly as he can manage. “Stop it. Please. You didn’t move away on a whim, okay? You’re in an amazing program. You love Chicago, you love the city and the river walk and the Art Institute and that bookshop across from Grant Park—” 

“You can’t— I didn’t tell you about any of—” 

“I pay attention. I know you love it. And I love where I live. I love my job here.” He forces the next words to leave his mouth, even though they taste like poison. “We’re… in the right places for ourselves. I have to believe that.” 

This doesn’t satisfy Regulus. The most twisted part of him is glad about that. 

“Why don’t you get it, James? I can’t be in the right place if I’m not with you. The right place doesn’t exist if we aren’t in it together.” 

James squeezes his eyes shut tightly. Regulus can’t know how badly this is hurting him. He can’t know that James feels like dying every day they spend apart, that James has applied for over ten jobs in Chicago just to hear nothing back, has looked at apartments in Regulus’ neighborhood enough times he’s saved the site to his favorites bar. Even when Regulus was dating someone else. Even after Regulus had moved on from him. 

He's looked at it from so many angles, tried to reconfigure it so many times in his mind, and nothing made sense for them. One of them would always be giving up something, making sacrifices for the other, letting the resentment build.

Even thought Regulus is saying everything he’s been wanting to hear for an entire year...

He’s drunk. He’s drunk and he doesn’t know what he’s saying. Doesn’t know what he wants. 

“We’re happy, Regulus,” James tells him stiffly. “We’re both happy.” 

Maybe if he keeps repeating it, he’ll finally start to believe it. 

“If this is what happiness feels like,” Regulus snarls, “then I don’t want to be fucking happy.” 

No. And James doesn’t either. 

“You’ll feel differently in the morning. I promise.” 

Regulus laughs without humor. “I’ll still want you in the morning. Being sober doesn’t change that. It just lets me hold on to a shred of my dignity and not call you to tell you about it. But it doesn’t change a damn thing. You have to know that.” 

He’s drunk, James reminds himself. He’s just drunk. 

“Goodnight, Regulus,” he chokes out. 

“I still love you, James.” 

“It’s okay, Reg. It’ll be okay.” 

They both know it won’t be. 

[opheliachoi99]

My Oh My! 𖤐

MICHAEL KAISER X READER

ABOUT : Your cousin Isagi has introduced his teammates to you, and one person caught your attention. Is he an insane walking black flag or the literal opposite?

note : I'll still post guys! It's just that university is killing me recently T^T Enjoy!

— You were just peacefully reading a novel, as Isagi suddenly showed up in your room bringing exciting news.

"WELL IF IT ISN'T MY FAVOURITE COUSIN!" Isagi sarcastically spoke "What is it now.. You're literally just ruined my day." You rolled your eyes.

"Hey hey, I came here to tell you some news—" "Yoichi.. Aren't you training in what you call that place blue block?" You teasingly squint your eyes.

"Correction. "Blue Lock". And yes I am training, but I came here to tell you my news related to my training.. I want you to come visit! There's a day where visitors are allowed! I want to introduce my team to you" You were speechless from the sudden news Isagi had carried for you.

"Woah woah, slow down. Visitors? Why me though?" You asked "Oh c'mon! You're always staying inside your room. Go get some fresh air, touch some grass. Your skin has barely felt sunlight!"

"Yoichi, you're exaggerating. I'm coming, I did not say I wasn't accepting your offer" You sarcastically scoffed. "REALLY? YES!! Chigiri is also inviting his sister, you two will surely get along!" You simply snickered "Okay okay, slow your horses down. When exactly?"

"Tomorrow!"

— Time Skip —

As you arrived to the headquarters of Blue Lock, you noticed that they're not only Japanese men here, but also foreign men.

"Goodness, good thing I never failed my English.. Perks as mixed blooded." You sighed in relief "Hey! You must be Isagi's cousin!" A cute red haired girl approached you "Ahh yes! Hello! And you are?"

"Koyuki! Chigiri Koyuki" She smiled "AHH! You must be the sister Isagi told me about! Nice to meet you!" You bowed "Yes! I'm Hyoma's sister" You both smiled.

"There you are!" Isagi said as he was sweaty from his practice "I see you've met Chigiri's sister" He said as he bowed at Koyuki "You guys can come in now, don't mind us being so sweaty and stuff, we just finished training" He awkwardly laughed "Intense training indeed." You and Koyuki laughed.

As you guys entered the headquarters, you saw a lot of players, and all laid eyes on you and Koyuki "Uhh.. Yoichi, where are the other visitors?" You asked in a concerning tone.

"お姉ちゃん!" [ O nēchan ] Chigiri called out to Koyuki "Hyoma!! Where are the other visitors..?"

"About that... They invited their friends and family, but... Most of us here are foreigners, so traveling was one of the major problems.." Isagi explained "But what about the Japanese?"

"Busy, had reasons." Chigiri replied "So basically only you and Isagi's cousin are the visitors here" You and Koyuki stared at each other and awkwardly smiled. "Sure.."

— Time Skip —

You and Koyuki had been talking with each other while staying in the bleachers, and she was talking so much, yet you felt shivers down your spine as the boys were staring at you two, leaving you anxious.

"Uhm.. Koyuki, the boys are staring at us.." You tried to calm yourself down "I know. I just tried to talk alot to release my nervousness" She awkwardly laughed.

"Why weren't we informed that it was only the two of us.." You rubbed your nosebridge from despair.

"They're all so hot too.. Help me.." Koyuki gripped my wrist, and you tried to calm her down.

While you two were lowkey panicking on spot, Isagi and Chigiri was surrounded by the boys.

"Yo! Chigiri, who's the cutie? Is that your sister?" Otoya slung his arms on Chigiri's shoulder flirtatiously.

"Oh not today Otoya, I don't want you playing with my sister's heart, no." "Oh please, I just wanted to get to know the gal" Otoya winked.

"Isagi, is that your sister?" Ness asked "No, she's my cousin. Why?" "Uh, nothing she looks foreign, like not purely Japanese" Ness added, without knowing someone from behind was eavesdropping Ness and Isagi's conversation.

"Oh, yeah she's not purely Japanese, my aunt, which is my mother's sister had married a German, so she's half German. But she's staying here in Japan because their home is still in progress, it's a big place." Ness was astonished "So that means we can interact with her easily since she can speak German" "Correct."

"WOAH REALLY? That's interesting..." Aiku popped up "She's really pretty too" Bachira added.

"So a hottie and a cutie as the visitors of the day.. I'm BLESSED!" Otoya rejoiced "Shut up!" All of them yelled at Otoya.

— Time Skip —

As the day is finally over, everyone had done their post-stretching. "I'll be back, just gotta grab my water bottle in the locker room" Isagi reassured and you simply nodded.

You grabbed your novel you were still reading it halfway of it, a large figure appeared in front of you.

"Was liest du, hübsche Dame?" [ What are you reading, pretty lady? ] You startled yourself, "Excuse me?" You look up to find a very intimidating looking man "You heard what I asked, or you did not understand a single thing I just said?" He cockily stated.

"Ja, ich verstehe dich" [ Yes, I understand you ] You coldly replied "Guess Yoichi's wasn't lying" He chuckled "Why would he be lying anyway? And who are you?" You asked as you closed your novel.

"Michael Kaiser, 19, German." He spoke bluntly "And you are Yoichi's cousin, who is half German. Age?"

"He told you?" You simply sighed "18."

"Wie schön~" [ How lovely~ ] He chuckled. You simply felt awkward since a random guy approached you out of the blue, but you couldn't deny, he was ravishingly handsome.

"So you're German huh? From where?" "Berlin, you?" "Same" He smirked "What a small world, visitors can visit here anytime you know, didn't Yoichi tell you that?" You shook your head.

"You should visit sometime, y'know to see us play" He offered "Well—"

"Kaiser.." Isagi interrupted "Let's go" You nodded "Nice meeting you Kaiser, I'll be on my way now." He just gave a salute and said "Come back tomorrow, see us play" He winked flirtatiously. "This guy.." Isagi groaned.

— Time Skip —

As Isagi took you home, you couldn't help but ask "Yoichi.. Who's Kaiser? He suddenly introduced himself to me and he knew I was half-German. How?"

Isagi furrowed "I think he eavesdropped our conversation with Ness earlier, he's a devil, don't be with him. He's insane on-field. Everyone is targeting him, because of is mad skills in soccer. He's known as "God's Chosen Emperor" he's also a walking BLACK flag, not red, but BLACK"

"You're exaggerating again" You chuckled. "His a.k.a is basically just a translation of his name, Michael means "Gift from God", while Kaiser means "Emperor" and I saw a glimpse from his hand. He has a tattoo?"

"It goes all through his left collarbone, girls find it "hot" AÆUGH-!" You laughed "I don't know if your disgusted or possessed"

"But yeah, he's right you should come back tomorrow, visitors starting today can visit anytime" You nodded "Sure, I am pretty bored in my room most of the time. See ya Yoichi!!"

— Time Skip —

It's been a month since you've visited Blue Lock, and you seemed to develop a relationship with Kaiser, but somehow what Isagi said is kinda true, since he does have a flirty and cocky attitude, but you weren't there to judge him, you were happy to have a friend. Isagi didn't like it at first, but at some point he laid low, he's only observing Kaiser. If he does something below the belt, then that's the time he'll punch the shit out of him.

The game was intense as it was Bastard Mūnchen and PXG, and at some point you admired Rin. You've been keeping an eye on Rin, every single move he makes, you observed it crucially.

Koyuki, on the other hand, had her eyes laid on Aiku. She was head over heels over him ever since they had the opportunity to visit Blue Lock.

You were confused where to cheer from, since both of the teams has your favourites.

Kaiser noticed you always staring at Rin. Somehow, he felt something.. Something desirous.

"Kaiser! Now!!" Isagi yelled, Kaiser went back to his senses and took over the ball. Rin was after him, and as he saw Rin, he felt his blood boiling, not because of the game, but something else.

"Get the fuck out of my way." Kaiser sternly said and scored the goal. Bastard Mūnchen won.

"GOAL!" The team cheered. You felt happy for Isagi, and Kaiser's team, but you saw Rin frustrated. You wanted to approach him but you couldn't, he was too intimidating. You simply sighed.

"We won, schatz" You turned to see Kaiser taking off his jersey and placing in on your back "Ew! Sweat alert!"

"Don't be so dramatic, you're lucky I gave you my jersey fresh" He proudly spoke. But you didn't realized you were staring at his tattoo. "Wow.." "What? Like the view?"

"What—? Ew no! I was just admiring your tattoo, that's all." You defended. "Only my tattoo? Liebe gotta be better than that"

"Why are you calling me names?" You raised a brow, "Why not?"

You were about to reply but you froze as you saw Rin approaching towards your direction "Hey Kaiser, you had the guts to speak to me like that?" Kaiser took his extra shirt from the side and wore it "Why not? Bothered?" He smirked "You are so mad at me, why? Is it because I almost took your spot?" Rin added.

"Look kid, don't sprout your attitude towards me like that, why so mad? I only said you're in my way. Unless..." Rin was about to pounce at Kaiser when you and Isagi broke the fight before it even started.

"Hey enough, it was a good game. No hard feelings" You advised "It was NOT a good game to start with." Rin scoffed as he walked away, you felt offended from what he said. Kaiser, on the other hand felt pissed "He's fucking lucky to be praised yet he gave a cocky attitude in return, tch" He said and walked away.

You were confused, trying to figure out what he meant.

— Time Skip —

When you visited again, you noticed Kaiser leaning from the main door, waiting for you.

"Kaiser! Waiting for someone?" You asked "Yeah, you." "Me?" Without hesitation he grabbed your wrist and brought you to a place somewhere from the area.

You felt awed when you saw how beautiful the view was, "Kaiser.. This is beautiful.."

He sat down in the green grassy field, tapping the spot next to him. You sat beside him, and went silent for a while, just adoring the heavenly view.

Kaiser suddenly clears his throat to break the silence between you two.

"You like Rin huh?" He playfully scoffed "Rin? Oh, he's a cool guy" You replied. "Cool? How so-?" He asked.

"The way he plays, he has potential. His face card too, insane" Kaiser just responded with a hum. "Why'd you ask?" You raised a brow.

"So you like LIKE Rin?" "Hey I was asking the question!" He went silent. You soon noticed the vibe. You chuckled, his face was covered by his long hair, as you tucked his hair in his ear, you spoke "Why would they think you're a walking black flag?"

He suddenly looked at you "I mean look at me.. What do you expect? Tsk. Kinda understand why you prefer Rin"

You laughed so hard "My oh my... Michael.. I cannot fathom your words at all! Please don't assume. Actually... I like someone else.."

"Pardon? Is he not from blue lock?" "No? He is here." His face looking confused "Here? Where?"

"Right in front of me" You smiled.

He went silent for a moment "Wait, me?" You laughed "Yes, you" "WAIT, ME?"

"YES, YOU DUMMY!"

"But, I thought—" "Yes, I like Rin, but not romantically silly, just adoring his skills on-field" You explained "What about my skills? I'm better than him" He smugged. "I adore more than your skills." His eyes glimmered.

"The first time when you interrupted my reading session.. I was shocked to hear someone German at that moment, and I looked up seeing you, I was mesmerized, I never thought I would see another German in Japan somehow" You chuckled.

"But didn't you listen to them? I am a "Black Flag" yet you still—" "And so what? You may look like one, but you aren't one."

Kaiser's eyes widened, it was his first time hearing those words from someone "I know you had tragic times back in the past, I can see it through your eyes" His haughty look soon softened.

"Everytime I see you on-field, I was like "My oh my.. What a man.." You thought I was only looking at Rin? Think again."

Without hesitation, he kissed you. It was sudden but ardent. "No need, I was reassuring before I would throw these feelings away." He snickered. You went speechless.

"Hello? Schatz? Wait- can I finally call you that?" You were still in shock, yet you managed to reply through a nod.

Kaiser was jumping for joy in the field, his cocky, and arrogant aura, gone. The blue lock boys were eavesdropping from afar.

"Since when does Kaiser act like this?" Kunigami coldly asked "His inner child finally came out" Ness smiled.

Isagi was looking at you, observing. But him seeing you happy, made him happy too "Out of all men my cousin would end up with, Kaiser was the least on my list, but- here we are." He scoffed.

Kaiser carried you and spun you around "Danke, dass du mich liebst" [ Thank you, for loving me ] You simply smiled "No, thank YOU, for approaching me." You both laughed.

You sighed. "My oh my, my micha.. It was always you since day one. Ich liebe dich.."

Fin

[twinribbonz]

Decussate is the ultimate bastard and here’s why.

Note: Some characters featured here might not be ones heard of. Decussate and Sever. Errik. I implore you to check them out first so you aren’t confused when reading.

Humble beginnings:

The first nine timelines of Xtale do not really matter here. Decussate was not important enough to develop his much deeper personality.

They never mattered anyway.

Moat of these timelines play out similarly to those of canon.

Timeline X:

Decussate and XPapyrus were adopted by the Royal Scientist known as XGaster. Already putting him in a rather important place at such a young age.

His best friend is XFrisk the adopted child of the Dreemurr family. The one who broke the barrier out of the kindness of their heart.

Decussate did feel he was important due to being so close with the royal family. He would brag to other kids about his best friend being XFrisk. But his attitude was kept in check by XGaster.

XGaster did not approve of Decussate acting like this. Scolding him for thinking that he was even of importance at all. These words would shatter Decussate’s self confidence greatly.

Growing up into a teenager who needed to prove himself to everyone. He demanded the Royal Guard to protect his best friend from the humans

He has always been expectedly skilled when it comes to combat. Picking up on things quicker than others.

It made him feel really proud of himself. He finally found his purpose. This is the one thing he’s the best at.

No one else is a better solider than he is.

Though, Papyrus and Undyne were there to deflate his ego, keeping it in check. It only dwindled his self worth and confidence. Making Decussate feel uncharacteristically miserable.

Sinking himself into training and protecting the only things he is good at.

Timeline X plays out similar to the events of canon.

The Downfall:

Being stuck in the void of Xtale was hell for Decussate. Trapped with Sever who wanted nothing to do with him. They cursed him and his stupid actions for getting them in this mess. Mocking him for thinking that overwrite would even work for someone like him.

Both of them grew to hate each other so very much. It was suffocating.

Eventually even Sever fell eerily silent. Becoming apathetic and nihilistic. Their will to keep going started to fade away. Thinking that they were hopeless stuck with the murderer of everyone they knew and loved. It was too much for them. So, their trait of determination began to fizzle out.

In a moment of sheer panic, Decussate reabsorbed Sever’s soul. His own determined soul kept theirs from destroying itself even more. Keeping them fundamentally alive. He admitted that he didn’t want to be even more alone. Sure, he hates their guts but they didn’t deserve to disappear.

Sever called him selfish for thinking of only himself. It was unfair to put them in this situation. But they did appreciate his rare kindness.

Ink:

Decussate asked Ink what gave them importance. They pondered the question before bringing up their position as protector. Telling him about he got to oversee a lot of people.

A twinkle returned to Decussate’s eyelights in that moment. He needed to know more about this but Ink denied telling him anything further.

Error:

The destroyer tried to rip the culmination of his being away. Error was quickly overwhelmed when Decussate freed himself with ease, impaling through the ribcage with the hack sword.

Ink arrived too late on the scene only to see Error fleeing, a trail of blood following behind.

Decussate demanded an answer on who that was. Ink tried to dodge the question, not wanting to reveal the information too soon. This was not supposed to happen. This wasn’t apart of his plan.

But being towered by him greatly was swift to dissolve any resolve they built up. They caved in and told him about the wider multiverse outside the void of Xtale.

That Error is the destroyer. He destroys alternate universes and timelines. Killing everyone inside and stealing the soul of the one with the greatest determination. So a reset could not happen to fix any damage he caused.

Protector:

Decussate was utterly sickened by Ink’s lack of protecting what mattered most. The scripts by the creators? It sounded like religious nonsense to him. The people inside mattered the most.

He knew what he needed to do. Forcefully taking over the role of protector from them. They weren’t no protector. Allowing the likes of the destroyer to run around and kill the innocent.

Decussate was made to protect others.

No one deserved to lose their loved ones or home because of an uncontrollable outside force.

He could not allow that to happen ever again as long as the soul inside of him was beating.

Decussate steeled himself immediately and recalled all his training as a guard. Ordering Sever to help access these other worlds. They told him to use a portal like Ink does.

Of course, he knew how to make one. Summoning the sword to tear a rip into the fabric of reality, entering the dorm of the world tree. Yggdrasil stood before the duo in its ethereal glory.

This is the hub for Ink to enter everywhere. He seized the paper of his home, storing it in the heart locket for safe keeping.

Being protector returned Decussate to his sense of self worth. He was back doing to what he did best.

Declaring the title of Decussate for himself. Abandoning his old identity as Cross.

God slayer:

Killing the likes of Error and Nightmare gave Decussate an incredible ego boost. He had protected everyone from the evil that plagued the multiverse.

Not even gods can bask in his greatness. Which just fed into his ego even more.

The Delta Sanctuary:

Knight’s tale Omega timeline equivalent.

Decussate had established a connection there due to his acts of heroism. He agreed to help people evacuate there during an attack on the alternate universe.

He was thanked immensely for his efforts. His accomplishments were celebrated. Becoming a hero to all who talked to him.

Yet, he made no actual friends. Most found him unbearable to how he acted and his constant bragging. Some even grew tired of him altogether and outright ignored him.

He brushed it off as them being jealous of his superiority. Deep inside he was extremely insecure. Wasn’t his best enough? He is doing what he is the best at.

Banishment:

The gods of Knighr’s tale banded together and cast Decussate out of the multiverse. His actions doomed the balance of the multiverse. Its fate would be collapsing into the Sea of Code.

They were originally going to kill him for this level of treason.

But the Messenger of The Angel stepped in and told them that it would personally deal with him.

Errik:

It had lied to the gods. They were sent to retrieve him.

Feeding into his ego and playing it up. Telling him about the countless other multiverses that desperately needed him and only him to save them from evil.

Errik struck up a deal with Decussate to provide him access to anywhere and everywhere. In return, he would act as entertainment for him.

Sever was concerned about this deal, telling Decussate to not take it. That Errik felt strangely dangerous to them. Their pleads were ignored. He needed to protect even more.

LV:

It is obvious. His level of violence would skyrocket to alarmingly degrees because of his nonstop slaughter.

Decussate and Sever soon grew even more distance from everyone. The LV coursing through the shared body is a constant reminder.

This affected Decussate worse, fueling his ego and making him worse as a person to interact with.

Nowadays:

The duo still wander through the multiverses purging them of evil.

But Decussate has become a shell of his former self. His pride became so massive that he doesn’t even bother to talk anyone. No one is worth it anymore to him. With the only exception being Sever.

His temper has gotten only worse. If someone dares to question him or his actions, he will only glare at them. His mannerisms become aggressive making him seem hostile even if he doesn’t do anything. His large stature makes most refuse to approach him. He refuses to kneel down to even speak with someone shorter than him. He is above them in every way after all.

Sever has taken up doing the talking for Decussate. They are awful at it. Being rude and judgmental about everything. But upsetting them in any way will provoke Decussate.

Most choose to keep a conversation with Sever. Peeking at Decussate’s expression to make sure they aren’t doing anything wrong.

Miscellaneous:

Decussate does believe that he is the best version of Cross. Since all the others fall into similar situations. Him being a protector makes him superior to them.

Sever doesn’t argue with it. They know it’s true with everything they have accomplished in comparison to other Cross. He’s better because he did not get rid of them the moment it presented itself.

Decussate truly cares about Sever despite everything. He prioritizes them over all. They are the only who has seen him at his worst.

[pushspacetocontinue]

Russell had to say he really didn't care about the Twins' excuses for ignoring what was going on. He also didn't really care to hear them talk for much longer.

At least it seemed they had gotten some valuable information from this exchange.

"Listen, I, I really don't care," Russell said. While he was still annoyed at the Twins for allowing this, and for even kidnapping Rook in the first place, he knew they couldn't change what they did, "You, you were following orders, doing it for, for pay, blah, blah, blah, shut, shut the fuck up. I, I don't, I don't give a shit."

All they could really do was stick to their word of helping them now.

"I guess they can have the Pervert Mangler story another time," Travis said, "Especially now we got another one to mangle."

"Maybe another time," Simon only said then. It seemed that he had been typing notes as Russell had been writing them too, for he soon stopped.

Leofric gave Smokey a tiny smile at that, before gently kneeling down to give a pet on the head.

"Perhaps I can allow you to see my true form more thoroughly under more favourable circumstances," Leofric said.

"I suppose I didn't think that though, did I?" Antonio admitted, when he heard the screams once more, "Well, while it doesn't bother me that much. I suppose he does need to have something left of him for the others to have a turn with."

Russell didn't follow for the time being, not so sure if he wanted to see a torture scene. He instead just ran a hand through his hair.

"I'm gonna go check things out too," Travis said, as he started walking, "Let's see what our ninja friend is up."

"Heh, I might as well go see the show," Bill said, grinning.

"I will stay here for a moment," Leofric just said. It felt like someone needed to stand guard and Russell wouldn't physically be able to do anything to stop the Twins if they decided they wanted to go for an impromptu walk, "But do call on me if some healing needs to be done."

The brothers shrugged. The offer still stood and it wasn't as if they had anything better to do. If they couldn't provide information, they could always go fetch things for them– Perhaps more snacks, or an iron maiden.

They were professionals, after all. They would adapt.

"Look, we did what we could. We don't do that shit."

"Five sent us away on purpose."

And there was very little they could do about the walking wasteland that was their former boss. Refusing to do something would have only got them drugged too. Five really wouldn't have hesitated.

Though at least they could hear his footsteps. The brothers wondered why, of all people, Antonio was the scariest of the bunch. He wasn't even doing anything! He was just staring at them and they felt like their minds were about to melt right there.

While the two silently panicked, Smokey started meowing at Leofric as he rushed through the last stretch between them.

"Oh. Smokey figured out you're a ghost too." Erica translated.

"I know we can trust Willow, but you should really be more specific." Rook said, "She can do a lot to a person before going for the kill."

She had enough blades on her to do it. Right on cue, Ratchet's screams resumed, followed by the sound of something heavy being tossed around.

Rook sighed, "I'll go check on her."

"I don't want to miss this." Lucien said, following.

"Yep, that's the idea." Erica replied, "Though it depends on whether there'll be anything left to hit."

[fandom-susceptible]

So I've been thinking about where The Dragon Prince left things after Season 7, especially since they had to wrap it up so quickly and it doesn't look like they're likely to get full ten seasons.

I'm still very unsettled by Terry. I know he had his whole "Zuko here" moment and "redemption arc", but it rings hollow for me for a guy who spent the previous several seasons totally cool with a genocide against his own people as long as it was Claudia doing it. I super don't buy his shock and dismay at Claudia trying to kill the illusion of her mother after what he himself did to Ibis. I want to know where he came from and why he's okay with Dark Magic, just so long as it's not Aaravos.

Which is only loosely tied into a thought I wanna dwell on more, but is somewhat important background information for my thought process.

So at the end of Season 7, Soren, Corvus, Pyrrah, and Terry take off looking for King Harrow in the body of Pip the songbird. They wouldn't even know to look except that Runaan confirmed that King Harrow didn't fight back at the assassination, and instead just squawked, and Corvus put the pieces together.

Ezran is still struggling to forgive Runaan for his part in Harrow's death, which I think actually adds to his depth of character. He's no longer an innocent child - the "true soul", "death of innocence" theme from this season was strong, and Ezran is the peak example of it. He must find a way to balance his ideals with the pain that far more adult figures have been struggling with for years. Callum made a good point bringing up that he forgave Zubeia, and we didn't get to see Ezran's response, but imo his reaction to Callum's betrayal sort of fills in the blanks. It was Zubeia's mate and son that she thought were dead. I can see how that would make more sense for a kid like Ezran, who grew up with very strong familial bonds and values, than Runaan and the other assassins carrying out revenge for someone else when they have no personal grudge of their own.

Anyways. Consider.

Pip/Harrow's been missing for three years now. That bird could be anywhere on either side of the continent by now, though he is living with the mind of a king. He's also nowhere near Katolis, or Ezran would have found him already, from going to talk to "Pip" and finding that the bird is carrying an entirely different soul.

So imagine, in that time lapse in the final episode, Soren and Corvus come back and confess that they haven't found anything of worth. The last maybe-sighting of Pip was from some soldiers in Viren's army who thought they saw the bird following them into the Sunfire plains in Xadia. It's been two years, and they don't know.

So Rayla says she knows someone who might be able to help. The best tracker in Xadia. He can find anyone on the Xadian side of the border, and anyone he's ever tried to find in the Human Kingdoms too. He's diligent and has only ever missed one target. If anyone can track down King Harrow, it's him . . . but Ez isn't going to like it.

Runaan.

And at first Ezran doesn't. But Rayla makes a point, and Corvus and Soren aren't having any luck on their own or with Terry (if he's even relevant, tbh, if I write it he probably won't be because i am still disturbedd by that guy). So he agrees - with conditions, of course.

Runaan is hesitant when he's told the news, and when Ezran asks him why, he just delicately points out that a king in the body of a bird is also a bird with none of the instincts of a bird, and may not have survived regardless of the war, unless he's learned how to feed himself and managed to avoid all possible predators for three years straight.

Ezran acknowledges it, tells him that's something he's . . . preparing for. But Corvus gets to make the call that they've searched too much and Harrow is likely dead. Not Runaan.

So the terms are agreed to and Runaan ends up going on a road trip with Soren and Corvus. Please imagine the comedic value of dignified older assassin in the midst of a major cultural deconstruction trying to do serious business with Soren. Especially Soren and Corvus. And the flip side - imagine Soren and Corvus seeing what Xadia is like towards Moonshadow elves, especially ones of Runaan's description (tall, menacing, leader, broken horn, homosexual - am I talking about Runaan or Kim'dael). Possibly featuring an appearance from the surviving Dragonguard, and Runaan's reaction to Hendyr specifically, the Skywing elf who KNEW Tiadrin and Lain stayed to protect the egg and chose not to save it or to clear their names.

[mordcore]

thinks about how everything points at me having moral ocd and about how my abusive flatmate triggered that same thing on purpose yesterday, calling me an abusive fash prick and saying i'm not really a leftist i'm all talk

and my partner not understanding how bad it is bc i suggested calling the cops to have abusive flatmate evicted and my partners reaction was one of disgust at "pigs" and. well i'm certainly having a time here. and not a good one.

[theonlyadawong]

i am on my hands and knees praying, hoping, begging capcom not to retcon the night leon and ada spent together between re4 and damnation. the idea that either of them would have sought the other out outside of their line of work is so good, and it adds so much to both of them

[inkedobsidian]

ok but

we're writing it.

fuck it beginning under the cut! (im like 1k words in and im no where near done I fear)

It wasn’t strange for the people across the ship to follow the holidays of their homes while travelling on the SR-2. Most humans celebrate the same holidays across the board, but they can differ depending on where you live and believe. However, when someone happened to mention that Halloween was a few weeks away back on earth, there began a strange buzz around Normandy. Jane decided pretty quickly that they were going to celebrate it. After everything this team had done with the collectors, they could at least take one night to pretend to be different people in a world far away from this.

There had been a few stops here and there to pick things up, the bar was plenty stocked but people needed time to get an outfit unless they just went dressed as each other. There was also a very sly stop to a certain information brokers base, they couldn’t leave her out after all of this. Mess Sergeant Gardner was spending his time setting out the different “Halloween” themed drinks and also sorting them into dextro and levo, tonight was not the night for an accident like that.

The crew had already begun filtering out of the quarters in their outfits and drinking away the horrors of the past few months, there was no better remedy for a bunch of soldiers. A couple of laughs were shared as people realised a lot of them had similar outfits, it wasn’t like there was much choice on the few small stations they stopped off at for provisions.

The buzz even extended to the non-humans on the Normandy, Grunt was already walking around with the foam spikes stuck around his suit collar and one big one on his head proudly declaring he was a ‘trycertops’ no matter how many times someone tried to help him pronounce triceratops. It would be a miracle if those foam spikes stayed stuck the whole evening.

Mordin had found himself a trench coat and was going around introducing himself as Sherlock and then telling people disturbingly accurate things about themselves, of course, he did his research on human pop culture to choose an appropriate costume. He’d even helped Thane choose a costume, opting to put him in a regular suit and draw something that resembled a human bar code on a piece of fabric and helped tape it to his neck proudly proclaiming he was ‘hit man’. It took a few moments of explaining from Mordin for Thane to realise that was what the character was called and not another one of Mordins weirdly accurate descriptios.

It wasn’t long after the drinks started flowing that the rest of the team had made their way down from the Captain’s quarters. All of the ladies had decided to get ready together considering 3 our of 5 of them had never heard of this holiday before.

Both Liara and Tali were so enthusiastic about participating in the human celebration that they thought it would be hilarious to go as each other. Liara had helped build a headpiece that wrapped around her hood with the back resembling her scalp crests. Tali had even changed her suit wraps to be blue. Jane had to admit that it was an amazing bit of costume. They had gone one step further for Liara by buying her an armour helmet that resembled Tali’s as best they could and wrapping her in the usual purple fabric for Tali’s suit.

It took some research to find a character Jack was comfortable with until they stumbled upon Leeloo from an old movie called ‘The Fifth Element’. They had found her an orange wig at a costume shop on Omega that was definitely for the girls who worked at the Afterlife. After that it was just white bandage fabric; one long piece that went directly from the white collared neck down and around her body in a straight line, then horizontal pieces to cover her breasts, her stomach and across her hips. It wasn’t too dissimilar from home she dressed already and that she was happy with.

Jack had been the one to find the costume for Miranda, although no one knows how she found this character but she loudly proclaimed it was perfect for the ‘Cerberus princess’ and after Tali and Liara saw the character there was no dissuading them. So now Miranda was dressed as Lara Croft standing in a tight tank top and short shorts with old-school gun holsters and a harness with her hair in a slick back ponytail. She wouldn’t admit it out loud but it was a damn good choice.

Then came the time to decide what Jane was going to wear. At first she tried to protest saying that this was for the crew and they needed time to let loose without the boss there. That argument lasted all of about 3 minutes until a stern look from Liara and a lecture from Tali about Shepard deserving to have fun she had already caved in. The issue came when she really didn’t know what to wear, this whole time she’d planned to not turn up so she never got an outfit on the stop to Omega. The air almost shifted as Tali turned to face Jane, she couldn’t even see the Quarian’s face but she was already regretting whatever was about to come out of her mouth.

“Why don’t you go as Garrus?” Tali asked she tried to keep her voice as light and unassuming as possible. Liara glanced over to Tali with a knowing glance, luckily Jane was not facing her or she might have caught on to the situation she was about to be put in.

“Is that not a bit weird?” Jane laughed lightly at the thought of it but she really didn’t want to offend him in case it was one of those weird cross-species miscommunication things. They’d spent so much time talking about each others cultures and home life but it’d dawned on her she’d never spoke about the concept of Halloween and dressing up.

“I mean me and Tali are going as each other! It would look more like a group costume than anything weird.” Liara chimed in from behind Jane. As Jane spun around to face Liara she missed Tali raise a hand to her mask in a gesture to cover her mouth from shock, one of the many human gesture she had picked up from travelling with the Normandy for so long.

“If you’re sure this won’t lead to some horrible cross-species miscommunication,” With hearing this it took all of Liara’s composure to keep her mouth from twitching, “Maybe I’ll follow him around with sarcastic commentary to give him a real taste of his own medicine.” Jane says as she walks over to her armoury in search of a blue armour set. It would be a really bad first step if she didn’t even have that. She was halfway through asking how she’d do the colony marks when Tali pulled out a small bottle of blue face paint.

“And you have a pot of blue face paint because?” Jane let the last syllable of her words hang for a moment to let her confusion hang in the air. Tali was lucky that her face was hidden behind a mask or her expression would’ve given her away in that moment, however, the stammering was also about to give it away.

“I bought it to paint the headpiece,” Liara said nonchalantly from where she still stood behind Jane, interuppting the Quarian’s stammering. The conflicting emotions from the two made Jane stand in the middle staring for a quick moment before she decided to trust the calm voice of Liara that this is fine.

This could full well take me 3 months to write but fuck it we ball.

(Also literally any suggestions or anything are more than helpful! I'm very new to Mass Effect writing so I feel like im googling shit 24/7 just to write this accuratly)

ok but imagine (for whatever reason) they have a Halloween aboard the Normandy and Shepard thinks it'll be funny to go as Garrus (face markings and all) and he is flustered as it is normally a marriage thing (bonus points if they're not together yet he would be a fumbling mess)

[featherymainffins]

Ough I fucking hate holidays because it is my duty as a child to visit my parents and just take whatever the fuck happens to me.

[beautifultedium]

Really just want some earrings that look like big fish hooks but not the fake gauge ones. No hate but I would really like to look like I stuck large but regular-ass hooks through my ears

[gallusrostromegalus]

Move To A Darker Place

This is a story of Man Vs. Machine.

---

Last March, my father attempted to file his Taxes.

My beloved father is a Boomer. Unlike most Boomers, my father is rather handy with technology because he was one of the people that had a not-insignificant hand in Developing a hell of a lot of it. He was studying Computer Science at Cal Poly before the computer science degree existed. I have many fond childhood memories of skipping through the aisles of various electronic and computer part warehouses while Dad described something that either terrified the staff or made them worship him as a God.  He taught himself how to use his smartphone.  Internationally.

So when he saw the option to file digitally with the IRS through the “ID.me” program, he leapt at the chance to celebrate the Federal Government finally entering the Digital Age.

It was all going swimmingly for about six hours, until he was ready to file and the system told him that it needed to verify his identity. 

“Very Well.” said my father, a man unafraid of talking to himself and getting something out of the conversation. “It wouldn’t do for me to get someone else’s return.”

The System told him that it needed him to take a “Digital Image ID”.

a.k.a: A Selfie.

“A-ha!” Dad beams. Dad is very good at taking selfies. He immediately pulled out his phone, snapped one, and tried to upload it.

Please log into your Id.me Account and use the provided app to submit your Digital Image ID. The System clarified.

“Oh. You should have said so.”  Dad pouted, but used his phone to log onto the ID.me account, do the six security verification steps and double-checked that the filing looked the same as it did on the desktop, gave the IRS like nine permissions on his phone, and held up the camera to take his Federal Privacy Invasion Selfie.

Please align your face to the indicated grid. Said The System, pulling up a futuristic green-web-of-polygons approximation.

“Ooh, very Star Trek. Gene Roddenberry would HATE this!” Dad said cheerfully, aligning his face to the grid.  My father is a bit… cavalier, when it comes to matters of personal information and federal government, because he’s been on FBI watchlists since the late 60’s when he was protesting The Vietnam War and Ronald Regan before he’d broken containment. Alas.

Anyway, there is very little information the federal government does not have on him already, but he’s as good at stalking the FBI as they are at stalking him, and had worked out a solution:  He has something approaching a friendship with the local Federal Agent (Some guy named “Larry”. Allegedly), and got Larry hooked on Alternative Histories and Dad’s collection of carefully-researched “there is very likely buried treasure here” stories, and Larry is loath to bother his favorite Historical Fanfiction author too much.

But I digress.

After thinking for a minute, The System came back with an Error Message. Please remove glasses or other facial obstructions.

And here is where the real trouble began.

See, my father wears glasses that do substantially warp the appearance of his face, because he is so nearsighted that he is legally blind without them. His natural focal point is about 4 inches in front of his nose.  While Dad can still take a selfie because he (approximately) knows where his phone is if it’s in his hand, he cannot see the alignment grid.

He should ask someone to take it for him! I hear the audience say. Yes, that would be the sane and reasonable thing to do, but Dad was attempting to do taxes at his residence in Fort Collins, while his immediate family was respectively in Denver, Texas and Canada.  He tried calling our neighbors, who turned out to be in Uganda.

He looked down at the dog, Arwen, and her little criminal paws that can open doorknobs, but not operate cell phones.

She looked back at him, and farted.

“Well, I’ll give it a try, but if it gives me too much trouble, I’ll call Larry, and Larry can call the IRS about it.” Dad told her. 

She continued to watch him. Arwen is an Australian Kelpie (a type of cattle-herding dog), going on 14 years old, deaf as a post and suffering from canine dementia now, but she still retains her natural instinct to Micromanage. She was also trained as a therapy dog, and even if she can’t hear my dad, still recognizes the body language of a man setting himself up for catastrophe.

So, squinting in the late afternoon light next to the back door, Dad attempted to line his face up with a grid he could only sort-of see, and took A Federal Selfie.

The System thought about it for a few moments.

Image Capture Failed: Insufficient Contrast. The System replied. Please move to a darker place.

“...Huh.” Dad frowned. “Alright.”

He moved to the middle of his office, away from the back door, lit only by the house lighting and indirect sunlight, and tried again.

Image Capture Failed. Please move to a darker place.

“What?” Dad asked the universe in general.

“Whuff.” Arwen warned him against sunk costs.

Dad ignored her and went into the bathroom, the natural habitat of the selfie. Surely, only being lit by a light fixture that hadn’t been changed since Dad was attempting to warn everyone about Regan would be suitably insufficient lighting for The System.  It took some negotiating, because that bathroom is “Standing Room Only” not “Standing And Holding Your Arms Out In Front Of You Room”.  He ended up taking the selfie in the shower stall.

As The System mulled over the latest attempt, Arwen shuffled over and kicked open the door to watch.

Image Capture Failed. Please Move to a Darker Place.

“Do you mean Spiritually?” Dad demanded.

“Whuff.” Arwen cautioned him again.

Determined to succeed, or at least get a different error message that may give him more information, Dad entered The Downstairs Guest Room.  It is the darkest room in the house, as it is in the basement, and only has one legally-mandated-fire-escape window, which has blinds.  Dad drew those blinds, turned off the lights and tried AGAIN.

Image Capture Failed. Please Move To A Darker Place.

“DO YOU WANT ME TO PHOTOGRAPH MYSELF INSIDE OF A CAVE??” Dad howled. 

“WHUFF!” Arwen reprimanded him from under the pull-out bed in the room. It’s where she attempts to herd everyone when it’s thundering outside, so the space is called her ‘Safety Cave’.

Dad frowned at the large blurry shape that was The Safety Cave.

“Why not?” he asked, the prelude to many a Terrible Plan.  With no small amount of spiteful and manic glee, Dad got down onto the floor, and army-crawled under the bed with Arwen to try One Last Time. Now in near-total darkness, he rolled on his side to be able to stretch his arms out, Arwen slobber-panting in his ear, and waited for the vague green blob of the Facial grid to appear.

This time, when he tapped the button, the flash cctivated.

“GOD DAMN IT!” Dad shouted, dropping the phone and rubbing his eyes and cursing to alleviate the pain of accidentally flash-banging himself. Arwen shuffled away from him under the bed, huffing sarcastically at him.

Image Capture Failed. Please move to a darker place.

“MOTHERFU- hang on.” Dad squinted.  The System sounded strange. Distant and slightly muffled.

Dad squinted really hard, and saw the movement of Arwen crawling out from under the bed along the phone’s last known trajectory.

“ARWEN!” Dad shouted, awkwardly reverse-army crawling out from under the bed, using it to get to his feet and searching for his glasses, which had fallen out of his pocket under the bed, so by the time he was sighted again, Arwen had had ample time to remove The Offending Device.

He found her out in the middle of the back yard, the satisfied look of a Job Well Done on her face. She did not have the phone. 

“Arwen.” Dad glared. It’s a very good glare. Dad was a teacher for many years and used it to keep his class in order with sheer telepathically induced embarrassment, and his father once glared a peach tree into fecundity.  

Arwen regarded him with the casual interest a hurricane might regard a sailboat tumbling out of its wake. She is a force of nature unto herself and not about to be intimidated by a half-blind house ape.  She also has cataracts and might not be able to make out the glare.

“I GIVE UP!” Dad shouted, throwing his hands in the air and returning to the office to write to the IRS that their selfie software sucks ass. Pleased that she had gotten her desired result, Arwen followed him in.

To Dad’s immense surprise, the computer cheerfully informed him that his Federally Secure Selfie had been accepted, and that they had received and were now processing his return!

“What the FUCK?” Dad glared. “Oh well. If I’ve screwed it up, Larry can call me.”

---

I bring this up because recently, Dad received an interesting piece of mail.

It was a letter from the IRS, addressed to him, a nerve-wracking thing to recessive at the best of times.  Instead of a complaint about Dad’s Selfie Skills, it was a letter congratulating him on using the new ID.me System.  It thanked him for his help and expressed hopes he would use it again next year, and included the selfie that The System had finally decided to accept.

“You know, my dad used to complain about automation.” Dad sighed, staring at the image. “Incidentals my boy!  My secretary saves the state of California millions of dollars a year catching small errors before they become massive ones! He’d say. Fought the human resources board about her pay every year.  I used to think he was overestimating how bad machines were and underestimating human error, but you know? He was right.”

He handed me the image.

My father was, technically, in the image.  A significant amount of the bottom right corner is taken up by the top of his forehead and silver hair.  Most of the image, the part with the facial-recognition markers on it, was composed of Arwen’s Alarmed and Disgusted Doggy face.

“Oh no!” I cackled. “Crap, does this mean you have to call the IRS and tell them you’re not a dog?”

“Probably.” Dad sighed. “I know who I’m gonna bother first though.” he said, taking out his phone (Dad did find his phone a few hours after Arwen absconded with it when mom called and the early spinach started ringing). 

“Hey Larry!” Dad announced to the local federal agent. “You’re never gonna believe this. My dog filed my taxes!”

Larry considered this for a moment. “Is this the dog that stole my sandwich? Out of my locked  car?” he asked suspiciously.

“The very same.” Dad grinned.

“Hm. Clever Girl.” Federal Agent Larry sighed. “I figured it was only a matter of time before she got into tax fraud.”

---

I'm a disabled artist making my living writing these stories. If you enjoy my stories, please consider supporting me on Ko-fi or Pre-ordering my Family Lore Book on Patreon. Thank you!

[youraverageaemondsimp]

Lust for love. // Aemond Targaryen x Wife!Reader.

Summary: Aemond's life has always been a bitter and sour one, the only sweet thing in his life was you, his wife, perhaps too sweet for his liking, yet he neglected you in the past but a series of events lead you both together into love.

WARNINGS: mdni, smut, unprotected p in v, cunnilingus, interrupted orgasm, horny aemond, martial duties, clit stimulation, tiddy succin, body worship(?), gentle and kind aemond but he gets rough during sex, + not proofread, lmk if I missed any!

WC: 2.9k

A/N: divider credits @cafekitsune

The cold breeze brushed against Aemond's face as he walked hastily towards your chamber, his boots clacking against the stone floor heavily while his heart banged in his ribcage.

He was feeling light headed, unable to form any thoughts and only the words of the maester rang inside his skull from earlier. ‘Your lady wife seems to be sick’ he had informed him and those mere words were enough to make Aemond spurt up from his chair in the meeting room and immediately rush towards you.

Aemond, frankly, did not know why he was feeling anxious at the information that you were sick, he did not even like you much and only merely married you for the connections and benefits your family provided.

You were just a mere duty to him, so when did he start caring about you?

He stood in front of your chamber door waiting anxiously as the guard gave him a bow before he opened the door, the mental hinges creaking as it slowly moved. He steps inside hurriedly and immediately lets out a sigh of relief when he sees you sitting up. You just stare at him confused.

“Husband? What are you doing here?” The tone of your voice indicated surprise, because Aemond had never visited your chambers even once since the beginning of your marriage and only called you to his chamber when he wanted to consummate.

“I had been informed by the maester that you were sick.” He replies nonchalantly, tone betraying the true feelings that were whirling on the inside. He wanted to get close to you, embrace you.

“I'm not with child.” You reluctantly tell him while looking down, suddenly feeling as though you are a disappointment. It felt humiliating to tell him that, especially when he came all the way to your chambers, he probably expected that you would be with a child.

Except that was not the case.

Aemond was confused on why you were bringing up that topic now, but then it clicked in his head and he cleared his throat, grabbing your attention before shaking his head, “Oh no, wife, I wasn't here because of that.. I was worried.” He admits and your eyes widen in shock.

Worried for you?

For as long as you can remember Aemond never seemed the type to show affection or concern for anyone, perhaps it was due to his past grievances, you had only heard about his eye through rumours, he never opened up to you about anything. You were a duty for him, someone he needs a legitimate heir from; because it is not as though he doesn’t have whores to seek pleasure from so what is the use of you? ; or at least that is what you had assumed and questioned.

But to Aemond, you were his sweet gentle wife, he was afraid of hurting you, in his vision, you were like a white swan, pure, elegant and graceful, he did not want to scare you lest you fly away from him. He did not know when he started perceiving you in this way, but as time went on, he had developed quite a soft spot for you.

“My apologies, Lord husband, I did not intend to worry you.” You apologised, he shook his head gently. “No need to apologise, how are you feeling now?” He questions and you simply blink at him, “I'm well, better than before.” You reply with a soft smile. Aemond's lip curved upwards slightly as he nodded, “Very well.” He says in a dismissive tone.

Awkward silence falls between you both as you look down, he clears his throat before speaking, “If you'll pardon me- I have to—”

“Would you like to take a walk with me?” The question leaves your mouth in a hurry before you could stop it, a desperate attempt at clinging onto this fleeting moment of affection. He seems slightly taken aback but he nods his head, “I'd love to.” He replies and you nod, stepping in his direction and standing next to him. “Shall we go?” You inquire, “Yes, wife.” He answers and you wait for him to take the first step, which he does; and soon you follow him out of the room.

You both stroll down the garden, admiring the scenery, the breeze was gentle today, and the weather seemed perfect, Aemond linked your arm in his, holding you close to him.

Your skin was soft to the touch and it drove him insane, he couldn't help but stare at the way your breasts pushed up against the material of your dress, he never really properly fucked you like you deserve.

Yet now, he just wants nothing to do but push you against the castle wall and fuck you relentlessly in the garden. Aemond realised that he never heard you moan, or show any type of reaction when he consummated with you.

He wondered how your soft voice would shriek in pleasure, calling out his name in pleasure, how you'd cling so tightly to him, he wished he could witness such a sight. He wished he hadn't gone to whores to receive pleasure while he left his wife dry. He missed out on a lot of things due to his decisions.

He mentally made a note to stop visiting brothels as it would taint your honour, he could simply seek the same pleasure from you. He became more bothered as his imagination went wild.

“... husband…? husband…!” He snaps out of his imagination, looking at your confused expression, “Y-Yes? Please excuse me, I was lost in thought.” He apologises and you give him a soft smile, “You were saying something?” He asks and you nod, “I was thinking about; well; if you excuse my rudeness, I realised we don't know much about each other.” You truthfully tell him.

Aemond furrows his brows in question, “What do you mean by that wife?”

“I want to get to know you, husband.” You stare at him in the eye and his eye widens slightly, and just then he recalls the memory of Aegon's words.

“That woman in the brothel knows more about you than your own wife, don't you find it amusing?” He was taunting Aemond, and at that time Aemond ignored those words, but now that you've openly admitted that you don't know him much made his heart shatter.

“Of course wife, what do you wanna know?” He decides to let his guard down, ready to tell you whatever you ask for. “Everything.” You reply, biting your lip anxiously, your hand travels up to his face, caressing his cheek before you trail your thumb down his scar. He knew what that implication meant and he smiles at you in a gentle manner, his own hand coming up to grab your wrist.

“Of course.”

Days pass by just like that, your marriage with Aemond had improved tremendously after your little effort to get to know him better, you felt bad for him when he began to reveal such vulnerable things, yet you never judged him.

He had shown you all of his vulnerability so openly, from the matter of his eye to everything else. You listened in silence, and he appreciated that.

As Aemond grew more comfortable, he began to show his emotional side, which included both his vulnerability and anger. He would utter treasonous things about his own brother.

This night was one of those cold nights, the cold breeze flew into the martial chambers you were waiting in, the maids prepared you for the consummation as they do, you and Aemond consummate according to your moon cycle since your only duty is to provide him with a heir.

And besides, he probably did not want to lay with you in an intimate manner, or for pleasure. You felt insecure because of that.

You were scared that after all this progress, everything would return to the same way it was before because of this night, you doubted that it would happen but your thoughts plagued you.

You winced when you felt the maid tug at a hair strand accidentally, “Sorry my lady.” She apologises to you, “It is alright.” You respond softly, you stare at your own reflection in the mirror, eyes trailing down your features.

The door to the chamber opens, and Aemond strides in hurriedly, the maids quickly finish fixing you up and leave the room immediately, you get up from your seat and turn around to see Aemond undoing his clothes.

“Let me help you.” You offered, usually he would decline and continue to undress himself, and you expected that again, but his actions shocked you.

He immediately dropped his hands to the side and turned to look at you, waiting for you to walk over to him and help him. You blinked rapidly before rushing over to where he stood before you stood in front of him.

Your hands immediately began to work on removing his vest, your fingers delicately undid the loops, you were too focused on the job that you failed to notice Aemond's piercing gaze. He watched with intent as you worked on removing his clothes, his eye taking in your form. His breeches felt tight.

You pushed his coat off his shoulders and peeled away the vest, revealing his tunic beneath the layers, his garments fell to the ground with a shuffle, you stepped back, leaving him in his undergarments.

He grabbed the hem of his tunic before he pulled it off and then began to undo his breeches, untying the strings. You took that as a gesture to lay down on the bed, facing up.

This is what you did when you both consummated before, you would lay down, he would spread your legs, insert himself, finish and leave.

You expected that to be the case, but you were surprised when climbed on top of you, his face right in front of yours, platinum locks curtaining around you. He stared at your lips for a moment before he leaned in, capturing your lips with his.

You were surprised, and didn't know what to do, so you stayed still, but he bit your lip, indicating his disappointment at your freezing up, and so you immediately tried to mimic his movements.

Your lips danced against his, yet it couldn't match the fervent passion he moved with, it was desperate, intimate and most importantly, filled with love and lust.

All your prior insecurities melted away under his warm lips which were filled with desire and want, he wanted you, he seeked you out.

You both pulled away to catch your breaths, his lips were glossy from your saliva and slightly swollen. Your heart was pounding loudly in your chest.

Aemond moved your night off your shoulder before ripping it apart, revealing your breasts which you immediately covered out of instinct. But he gently grabbed your wrists and pinned your hands to the side of your head.

He leaned down, tracing kissing down your jawline, to your neck and to the soft flesh of your chest. His hot breath against your bud made you shiver in delight.

He hooked his tongue on your hardened nipple before engulfing it with his mouth, you let out a squeal of surprise at his actions but you didn't stop him.

He suckled on it gently, using his teeth to trap the bud in between before licking it with his tongue, he grunted in delight, his grip loosening one of your hands, freeing it from his hold.

He grabbed your unoccupied breast with his now free hand, giving it soft squeezes and playing with the bud, rolling and pinching it. You were new to this, not having any understanding of what was happening, after all, you've only read about it, never experienced such intimate acts yourself.

You rubbed your thighs together, trying to ease the ache that was forming in between them, you realised how sticky the area felt, and how it made it difficult for the friction of rubbing to work.

He notices this, lets go of your breast with a pop, he smirks before he rises off from you and settles in between your legs, this was the position you were more used to.

He spreads your legs wide apart, pulling up your nightgown, revealing all of you. He pressed his thumb against your clit which made your breath, you stared at him confused until you felt him rub small circles upon it.

Your body felt pangs of delightful stimulation, you couldn't help but enjoy the feeling, all of this was foreign to you. Aemond takes a deep breath before he closes in on your cunt, before licking a stripe upwards to your clit. You jolt from the sudden pleasure.

Aemond wrapped his lips around it, sucking on the bud slowly, you whined, grabbing his head for support as his mouth worked wonders down there. You tasted absolutely divine to Aemond, your essence trailing down his cheek as your body produced so much of it. You whimpered, thrashing around lightly as his warm tongue flickered with your bud.

Aemond's tongue swirled around your clit before he captured it with his mouth once again; “Oh! Yes!” You moaned, throwing your head back in pleasure when you felt him nibble on your bud. An unfamiliar feeling of warmth rose in your lower abdomen, you felt as if there was a fire inside you, waiting to combust any moment.

Just when you feet the flames beginning to erupt, Aemond stops his manoeuvres, putting out the fire, you furrowed your brows in confusion, wondering why he stopped.

But when you looked at Aemond, he seemed like an entirely different being at that moment, he had risen up back to his haunches again taking deep breaths almost as if he was trying to contain himself.

He was.

He had never felt such an overwhelming of desire in his body, every time he touched you; his mind scrambled into pieces, he wanted to fuck you so badly.

“Aemond?” You call out softly, confused, wondering if he was disappointed by your behaviour but it seems to snap him out of his daze and he stares at you. “I apologise; I'm finding it hard to control myself.” He admits his thoughts.

“Then don't.”

Aemond swore he heard you wrong.

“What?” He questions you.

“Don't try to Aemond, Don't hold yourself back, I want this, I want you.” You admit shyly.

The atmosphere fell silent for a second and you could feel the awkwardness from your own words beginning to sink in, that was until Aemond moved suddenly.

You shrieked as he pulled your hips onto his lap, wasting no time in inserting himself, you gasped at the sudden stretch, feeling yourself become full of him. You grabbed onto his shoulders for support.

He held your waist tightly, grabbing onto your hips for leverage as he began to move, thrusting himself in and out.

This was a movement you were familiar with, yet somehow it still feels new because of the strange sensation, it felt more intimate and passionate, his thrusts held meaning and it was as if every time he pushed inside you; he was reaffirming his love and desire for you.

He pushed you into the mattress, grabbing your legs and shoving them to your chest as he thrusted hard, his skin slapped against yours loudly, the room echoing the noises.

You threw your head back at the sensation, and you felt the fire in your stomach rekindle and you couldn't help but desperately chase it. “Ah, right there.” You moaned, feeling him hit a sweet spot inside you that fueled the fire in you, you gasped for air as every thrust of his knocked it out of your lungs. “You feel so good, you're driving me insane, wife.” Aemond grunts, his thrusts never once faltering.

Everything about this night together was very different from the previous ones, Aemond had never felt this good and neither have you, he regrets not trying to get to know you earlier. He felt like he was in heaven with the way you clenched around him.

He felt his high approaching, and he desperately ran after it thrusting deeper inside as he groaned and moaned.

Your body jolted up and down the bed and you felt the fire beginning to spread out slowly, you closed your eyes, when you felt the fire suddenly go out, you were confused but as Aemond thrusted one more time it erupted in your body like volcano, coursing through your veins and to your mind.

You moaned loudly, grabbing the sheets and arching your back as your eyes rolled to the back of your head at the intensity, you have never felt this way before.

Your vision went completely white before you could see once again, you felt Aemond finish inside you, his cocking twitching as he spurted his seed deep inside you.

“Seven hells.” He groans, riding his orgasm off, you watch as he clenches his eye shut taking deep breaths.

He looked so ethereal.

He immediately falls down next to you, catching his breath, he pulls you close and kisses you on the forehead, “You did so well for me.” He praises you, and you blush shyly.

Neither of you moved from the bed, having no intention to.

Typically Aemond would leave the room right after.

Yet he didn't.

He was stroking your shoulder gently as you dozed off, head resting on his shoulder.

He looks at your closed eyelids and thinks you're asleep.

���I love you.” He confesses, realising his true feelings.

Your lips quirk up into a smile before you open your eyes slightly.

“I love you too.”

You then doze off into slumber immediately, Aemond's heart picks up its pace, embarrassed and shy that you had heard him, but your response made him smile.

[chuluoyi]

✎ throughout heaven and earth

- gojo satoru x reader

a sudden mission. a curse beyond your grade. all hell breaks loose when gojo realizes that there are hidden machinations behind the incident that befalls you

genre: feral!gojo, injured!reader, hurt/comfort, exponential fluff !

note: we need a gojo who will go ballistic against the higher-ups for dragging you in their mess :) refer to this for the reader's CT, and this loosely takes place after the events in heaven's fury, and the epilogue is based on this very brilliant idea :))

a part of gojo's love entries

general masterlist

Something isn’t right.

You should’ve known it was strange when they assigned you with a sudden mission with little to no briefing. You should’ve gone through with your gut feeling and informed Satoru about it.

Because if you did... now you wouldn’t be running for your life like this, frantically dodging the hacks and slashes of this chainsaw-like cursed spirit that was evidently not a Grade 2 as what you were told.

“Ah!” you yelped as the sharp ends of its body struck your shoulder, leaving you bleeding openly. This was no small wound—it was deep enough to make you stagger.

You had to do something about this because merely avoiding wouldn’t save your life. You had to come back in one piece. You have to— for your baby and Satoru.

What if I can’t? The sheer thought made you tremble. Your baby boy was still so little and he needed you more than anyone, and Satoru...

God, you couldn’t bear to leave him alone. Not again. He couldn't handle losing someone again, not after all he had already lost.

You gripped your whip—your cursed weapon—tightly amidst your bleeding hand. You had barely enough cursed energy for a domain expansion that guaranteed a sure-hit effect. You have one shot. This was all or nothing.

But you weren’t sure if it would work, because you were on the verge of exhaustion, and this was a special grade curse. Your domain expansion was definitely not as refined as the Satoru’s, and this monster was an enemy of his class.

“Satoru...” your voice came out in a sob. You were terribly scared, and honestly you were entitled to. You weren’t even sure you would survive this at all, and all you could think now was your husband’s silly grin and how much you loved him.

And right afterwards, you saw the cursed spirit lunging at you, and with everything left that you had, you screamed—

“Domain Expansion: Transcendent Veil!”

“Gojo-sensei, p-please come back... Nee-san is...!”

Satoru was in Kyoto when he received that call from Megumi— and that moment shattered his world as he knew it.

“Megumi, what is it?”

“She w-was sent on a mission... but then it's a special grade— a-and... she... she e-exorcised it b-but—!”

He teleported without second thought to Tokyo. His mind was blank, the only sound he could hear was his own violent heartbeats, and his fists were clenched so tightly.

“The cursed spirit got her too… It made a cut on her neck.”

His most precious wife... the one person he must protect at all cost, was now possibly—

“Megumi.” He saw him sitting on the hallway of the headquarters’ hospital the with his son on his lap—you had asked him to look after your baby—and the boy looked up to him.

“Gojo-sensei...” Megumi appeared shaken, and seeing that, Satoru immediately took his child from his hands, pulling the little kid into his embrace.

“Go back home, I’ll stay here.”

In all his life, Megumi had never seen Gojo Satoru as calm as he was now. He looked fearsome, as if he was in the battlefield.

“Ichiji.” Satoru turned to the other man rigidly standing next to Megumi, causing him to stiffen up even more. He didn’t say anything further as he pat his little son’s back, and yet Ichiji knew all the same what he wanted from him.

“It’s from… the higher ups, Gojo-san.” Ichiji gulped as he said it. “Y/N-san was suddenly called in yesterday night, and she was told it was an urgent mission.”

“Who called her?”

“It was…”

When Ichiji told him the name, suddenly Satoru barked a snort, and his lips curled into a manic grin. It was a menacing sight for both Ichiji and Megumi, as he looked almost unhinged if not for his secure grip on his son.

But contrary to what they were thinking, what filled Satoru at that moment was pure, unadulterated fury. A righteous sense of being crossed—because, how fucking dare they?

Those higher ups first pressed him to execute Yuji, and when he paid them no mind… now they staged this atrocity against you, most definitely to serve as a warning to him.

“Ichiji, tell them that I’ll pay a visit tomorrow. And drive Megumi home tonight.”

He would make his point loud and clear. He would show them how wrong it was to ever test him. But…

The plan barely satisfied him. They hurt you. His heart finally lurched as he processed the fact… when he heard his baby’s soft whimper against his shoulder.

. . .

You sustained serious injuries, but finally, you were out of critical condition.

When Satoru was allowed to see you, you were still connected to many monitors and breathing machine. He brought your baby too inside, and upon clearly seeing both of them, suddenly your eyes welled up with tears.

“Hey…” his hand gripped yours reassuringly. You sniffled when the strain of your broken ribs made you almost cry out in pain, and Satoru immediately calmed you down.

“Sweets— hey, don’t cry, yeah? You did good.” He pressed a soft kiss on the back of your hand. “You did freaking good. You’re okay now. You’re going to recover, yeah?”

You gave him a tearful little nod, feeling so grateful that you could see him again. And unbeknownst to you, seeing you like this broke his heart too.

“Mwa...” your baby, cradled in your husband’s arms, suddenly stretched his tiny hands towards you, and Satoru handed him over for you to hold.

With the little strength you possessed, you reached out to stroke his soft cheeks. Your son... the thought of how close you came to death brought another tear rolling down your cheek.

All sort of thoughts went through Satoru’s head at the sight. His wife, the mother of his son, who is proud of him for everything he does—

—and their sorry asses dared to hurt you.

Suddenly all he saw was red.

And he swore he would make it right to you. Soon.

“Ah, Satoru-kun… to what I owe the pleasure?”

“…I’ve heard that it was you who assigned that special grade mission to my wife, correct?”

“Oh, that. First of all, I must apologize for my... oversight. We were misinformed... Our scouts made a mistake while filling the files.”

Satoru was trying not to lose his composure first thing after coming here. Really.

But the knowing tone of the elderly Jujutsu Commander only fueled his rage, growing stronger the longer he stood behind this stupid paper divider.

“So it’s a mistake, huh?” he repeated in a satire manner. “Then do you know that my wife has just gotten out of her maternity leave this week?”

The man behind the divider chuckled quietly. “Satoru-kun… I know the sentiment. Of course you’ll be worried, and it did end in a rather… unfortunate incident. However, jujutsu sorcerers are bound to their duty, and your wife cannot rely too heavily on her status as a member of the Gojo clan to be excluded from—”

Fuck it. He had no patience any longer.

“Seems like I need to be a lot rougher, after all.”

Suddenly the room crackled with electricity and the Jujutsu Commander gasped at the sense of foreboding he felt. “Gojo, you can’t—!”

“Heh, but I can.” He let out the most satisfied laugh before opening his palm and chanting in a lower voice: “Cursed Technique Lapse: Blue.”

In a matter of seconds, the audience chamber of jujutsu headquarters turned into a pile of destruction. The commander barely made it out the deadly vacuum vortex with a shriek.

“Ah! N-no! Get a-away from me!” Satoru stared down at him coldly through his unobstructed heavenly eyes, as he pitifully tried to crawl away. He took one step towards him, stomped on his hand ruthlessly—causing the man to scream, before he got down to his level.

“N-no! Please, s-spare me...!”

“This is my first and last warning to you.” It was beyond terrifying, to see those six eyes in this close proximity. But even more dreadful was the tight chokehold on his throat—

“If you ever try to pull this idiotic stunt again on my wife, know that I can and I will snap your neck.” Satoru’s face split into a sinister grin as he tapped the man’s nape, before he crushed the bones of his hand with a crack and made him howl. “Remember that, yeah?”

. . . that day, none in jujutsu headquarters dared to spread any word about Gojo Satoru’s outrageous conduct, even when it was an attack against their own highest ranking leader.

“Satoru, you don’t have to, really—”

“Nuh, uh! I’ve promised you I’ll nurse you back to health!”

Unaware of anything and everything, you thought that your loving husband was a silly jester trying to make you feel better. On the fifth day of your stay in hospital, you were well enough to eat solid food, and Satoru insisted on spoon feeding you the fruits he cut himself.

“Good girl,” he praised with a wholly playful smile as you chewed on the watermelon. You looked at him with a mock frown, pursing your lips.

“You’re making me look like a kid.”

“You are, in fact, my second kid, so I have all rights to baby you.”

You let out a giggle, but then suddenly your throat felt like it was closing in and you coughed. Instinctively, you reached for your neck— your fingers tracing the scar there.

You still could remember the sense of paralyzing fear you felt as soon as your neck was cut. The heavy bleeding that followed, the way the world blacking out around you…

“Sweets…?” Satoru put down the plate and got a grip on your trembling figure. He gently pushed your chin up to meet his eyes. “Hey, look at me. Look at me, hmm?”

Your frantic eyes locked onto his, and your rapid breathing steadied. Your clammy hand reached out to touch his face... before you lunged forward, throwing your arms around him.

“Sweetheart…” Satoru hugged you back in return, sighing against the nape on your neck, as he planted a soft kiss there.

You tried your best not to cry but it was hard not to while remembering everything.

“I-I was so scared…”

“Mhm.”

“I-I kept thinking… w-what if I c-can’t see you… or baby again…? I… I s-still want to do a lot of… things… w-with you…”

The way you shook in his arms like a fragile leaf made something inside him burn. He was supposed to provide you with security, give you a life far removed from curses—

Having left that warning against the higher-ups wasn’t enough, he should’ve made him beg for his life more—

“Listen to me,” Satoru said as he broke the hug, the deep frown in his grave expression made you almost sob. He gently wiped your overflowing tears with the pads of his thumbs.

“Stop thinking that. You’re alright. You’re going to get better. You and me—we are going to raise our son together.”

You took in each of his words fully, even as your lips quivered.

“And mark my words…” Right in this moment, you thought that your husband was most dashing as he gave you his promises—as his blue eyes glimmered under the light. “They won’t ever lay their hands on you ever again. Not while I’m here. Not ever. I already made sure of that.”

You were curious about what he did, but you chose not to press further when Satoru leaned in suddenly and brushed his lips against yours in a soft kiss, melting your heart into mush.

When he pulled away, it was his usual teasing grin on his handsome face. “Now, I only have one duty left— that is to get my cute wife back on her feet. So, be a good little wifey and have lots of fruits and sleep, okay?”

You giggled freely this time, feeling tremendously safe and loved, and instead of answering, you chose to peck his lips instead— hoping that he’d know that you trusted him with your whole life.

. . .

“By the way… Satoru, where’s our baby?” you missed your pumpkin, and while being with your funny husband lifted your spirits, you wanted to cuddle him too.

He chuckled in response. “Ah! Since Megumi is on an assignment, I left him with Ichiji earlier! Don’t worry, I’ll come pick him up soon, ‘kay?”

Epilogue

“I’m going out for a bit, and if you ever make him upset or cry… I can and I will sense it! So Ichiji—do your best!”

“Bwa…”

“Eeek!”

Ichiji stared at Baby Gojo with literal sweat on his forehead, as the little being curiously looked up at him.

By all means, this baby was adorable. Even more so when his father dressed him in a shark onesie. It was a peculiar choice—just like any of Gojo’s choices were—but it sure made the baby look even more endearing.

But the thing is… he didn’t feel secure enough to hold him! Especially when he didn’t know if Gojo’s claim of telepathic connection with his son was true or not!

Amidst his thoughts, suddenly Ichiji felt a soft touch on his arm and immediately turned to find the little munchkin putting his little hand on him and staring at him with such pureness unbefitting of Gojo Satoru’s son.

How can this baby be a stark contrast to his father? Ichiji was almost tempted to snuggle him, but he knew better.

“O-oh… d-don’t touch me…”

And as he retracted his hand back, the baby suddenly widened his eyes, feeling betrayed apparently, as his little lips wobbled and face scrunched up, so ready to burst into tears—

“Hic…”

“—!! Nooo! Don’t cry! Your father will fry me! Eeek!!”

[hunnieknight]

Kitty Kitty Cat!

You are their treasured kitty!

[JingNyan, Blade, Kafcat, Luocat]

Extra

SPAY /NEUTERED YOUR PET, reader is not spayed yet because plot, Modern AU?, reader is a female cat, no proofread, BAD GRAMMAR

Context added to each 'chapter'.

@jymwahuwu wants cat, i give cat.

----

Jing Nyan

Yukong feels so lonely after her daughter left the house for college, she wants a company and someone to take care of.

She is happy to feed you, a stray one, and you officially become hers when she managed to put on a collar on you.

However, she is ill-informed about taking a stray as a pet and never crossed her mind to spay you.

Resulting her kitty to be missing for days, only to come back with filled belly.

On the other side of the neighborhood, Fu Xuan has this healthy fat cat, she foolishly thought her cat is so lazy as long as he is inside, it will be okay.

Oh how wrong she is that Jing Nyan is determined enough to meet up with the stray cat walking outside their house.

Imagine the surprise on Fu Xuan's face when she sees the status from her neighbor about the oh-so-familiar looking kittens.

The meeting started with both women apologizing for not spaying their cats, and ended up with Fu Xuan roasting the hell out her own cat.

----

Stellaron Stray

In a small studio house, the Express Family got an indoor cat, you, a very curious yet timid kitty.

The neighborhood got many stray cats but one of the most famous one are the so called Stellaron strays.

Two of the old cats taking a liking on Express's beloved cat. They don't worry much since every single windows and door are clo-

Oh my god how did the cat get pregnant?

March was quite upset, she has a male cat in mind to mate with her purebred cat. Only for you to just have kittens with the neighborhood gang cats. And how the hell you got a female cat to impregnate you

However, the Express didn't expect the strays to keep visiting, and even leaving animals that they hunt for you!

The Express decided to keep your babies too instead of giving them away.

Now Himeko is followed by kittens who always beg food to her.

And Dan Heng being haunted by the kittens who just....stare at him for some reason.

The Express also realizing these kittens are escaping artist, no matter how tight the door and windows are locked, the cats always find a way to get everywhere.

----

LuoCat

Your dad, Welt, doesn't approve your cat boy friend.

[drchucktingle]

how are you human?

so many interesting comments and thoughts on my post saying buds should consider not coming up to strangers in marginalized groups and saying 'how are you a real person that actually exists?'. i will point out this: despite my VERY gentle tone a few buds said i was having a 'meltdown' for even mentioning it

others said i was being too serious for someone who is ‘not a real person’. so if you would any more evidence of what it is like to be a buckaroo like myself there it is. every day, autistic folks who may seem ‘weird’ are bombarded with messages and comments and implications that they are fundamentally not human beings

sometimes it is outright and blatant like the comments on last post saying ‘well why are you getting mad? you are not even real’ and sometimes it is in the very subtle ways that folks use language when they talk to us. there is huge difference between ‘how do you exist?’ and ‘i am glad you exist.’

anyway, something that i think many people who have not lived this experience dont seem to understand is i KNOW the poster who said ‘how are you a real person that actually exists’ probably meant it as a compliment. that is THE POINT of why i am taking a moment out of my trot to gently and anonymously let them know how it might feel to be on other end of something like this as a queer or autistic or otherwise marginalized buckaroo. it is obviously not their intent to actually hurt someone, so i am letting them know

maybe because queerness and autism are not physically apparent it is hard to explain, but imagine going up to very tall or very short person and saying ‘cant BELIEVE you are real’ as a compliment. not a great way to treat others. on my original post, an indigenous author chimed in with their own experience and feelings similar to my own. a woman who said she was very tall told her story. point is, while i do not have their experience, what i am saying has a universal thread for 'othered' folks

point is: i UNDERSTAND there is this sort of exaggerated or ironic (or maybe even sometimes very literal) language around fandom to say things like ‘how are you a human?’ to creators, but since it is not your intent to hurt, i think you might want to know how that feels to marginalized buckaroos sometimes.

obviously you can say anything you want. i do not hold it against you. also, if you think ‘oh no, did i say something like this to chuck at a convention? i am so embarrassed' then DO NOT WORRY i promise you buckaroo you are just fine. i present myself in a way that is unusual by definition, so i have pretty thick skin about this type of thing and a lot of patience. MANY buds start off thinking i am ‘a joke’ and then become fans over time and i am glad to trot beside them and prove love is real.

however there are other autistic or queer or marginalized buckaroos with smaller platforms who hear this just as much as me, so i think it is important to say it loudly and maybe together we can work on making a very slight shift in the way we speak to the ‘others’ in our lives

we do not NEED to let subtle dehumanization slip into our language. in some cases it has been called ‘micro aggressions’ but i think buds dont often consider what that means for COMPLIMENTS. ultimately, telling marginalized people YOU ARE SO AMAZING YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY EXIST may seem very fun and silly on the surface and for some folks it probably feels that way, but for others it can feel like a reminder of the broader doubt about their humanity. you can just say ‘YOU ARE AMAZING’ without the reminder of the many times autistic or queer or marginalized folks are told in a very serious and pointed way (like comments on the last post) ‘YOU ARE SO WEIRD THAT I HAVE DECIDED YOU ARE NOT REAL’

buckaroos can take this information and apply it to their interactions, or they can ignore it, that is totally fine. we are all trotting our own trots and proving love in our own way and thats okay bud, HOWEVER i feel like it is important to at least let folks know, even if that means getting told i am having a ‘meltdown’. i think it is important to have complex or difficult conversations if it will prove a little more love in the long run. THANK YOU FOR READING BUCKAROOS. i am honored to trot forward with you can tackle this kind of thing with you, and honored you buckaroos have created such an amazing space with me to pull apart these kind of feelings. THIS IS PROOF THAT LOVE IS REAL LETS TROT