#diagnosed with being in my 20’s tbh

[bi-space-anarchism]

.

[al-luviec]

juvie buddies

[mitskicodedwukong]

✨ REDSON, SIX-EARED MACAQUE, & SUN WUKONG WITH AN ADHD S/O ✨

» three-thirty (AJR) « 0:45 ─〇───── 4:07

╔⏤⏤⏤⏤╝🍑╚⏤⏤⏤⏤╗ AUTHOR'S NOTE ╚⏤⏤⏤⏤╗🍑╔⏤⏤⏤╝ ➤ This is reposted from my old account, @nothyenlowz :3 ➤ These are headcanons. ➤ This is romantic. ➤ Reader is afab & uses she/her! ➤ I don't think I went as in depth as I could have been I still hope it's accurate and you enjoy it! ➤ TRIGGER WARNINGS include profanity, a little bit of angst, and minor violence. ➤ Word count: 1,361

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

❝ You wanna skip it if it's wordy, but fit the whole song in three-thirty .❞

╔⏤⏤⏤⏤╝╚⏤⏤⏤⏤╗ REDSON 🔥 ╚⏤⏤⏤⏤╗╔⏤⏤⏤⏤╝

➤ before he finds out you have ADHD, i imagine he's confused by your behavior at best and frustrated by it at worst.

➤ your daydreaming and procrastination can be annoying for him, someone who's always about work, work, work. when you're talking to him about your fixations, he gets irritated because either he 1.) has no idea what you're talking about or 2.) thinks you're making fun of him since he often rambles about his inventions in a similar manner.

➤ he just doesn't understand why you're doing those things and neither do you. it causes a lot of struggles for you both initially, leading to shit communication and hurt feelings.

➤ when you're finally diagnosed, redson listens very closely. now your quirks are starting to make sense, but you still don't have as much information as he'd like. he researches ADHD in AFAB people rather meticulously on his own time (sometimes interrupted by his own anger at the lacking information for females), and by the end of it, he has a much improved understanding.

➤ and boy does he feel shitty. hindsight is 20/20 or something.

➤ the idea that he blew up at you for things out of your control makes him feel ashamed, especially when some of those things (like info-dumping) are signs of affection. so you don't see him for a while, partially due to some unhealthy self-punishment on his end, and also because he's trying to come up with a solution—that being a way to make it up to you, of course, not "fix" you.

➤ when redson stops avoiding you, he takes you out on a date with all your favorite activities and thoroughly apologizes to you. he promises to adjust his behavior to accommodate and support you.

➤ (which might have made you cry, considering you've always been treated like you're the problem.)

➤ true to his word, redson changes a lot. he leaves little notes for you as reminders, sets alarms for you, helps you finish or do tasks you don't have the energy for, etc. he even starts prompting info-dumping, reading up on the source material so he can ask questions.

➤ he also does his very best to educate himself on masking and burnout so he can a.) keep you from going there or b.) recognize the signs when you are there and help you. i like to imagine he made a sensory room for you that has all your favorite things and you can just go there to chill and unwind.

➤ he's also super protective over you. if people make fun of your stims, say you talk a lot, undermine your sensory issues, etc., he will DESTROY them. no way in hell is he letting you be disrespected like that. verbal smackdown, here we come.

➤ ultimately, it's a learning process. but it's one he's more than willing to thoroughly explore for you.

╔⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╝╚⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╗ SIX-EARED MACAQUE 🔮 ╚⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╗╔⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╝

➤ HONESTLY i headcanon macaque as autistic, so i feel like he had a feeling that you were ADHD before you did.

➤ probably made jokes like "it's the ADHD lol" for certain behaviors until you decided to do some research on it and were like "🧍‍♂️ yeah so—"

➤ not surprised at all when you're diagnosed, obviously. he uses the opportunity to show you coping mechanisms he's learned (though some have to be tweaked for your needs since autism isn't ADHD), and even begins to unmask more around you (which was inevitable anyway tbh, but it's easier now that he doesn't feel so different from you).

➤ since macaque thrives under routine/structure, he often handles reminders. he also keeps you on track, verbally and physically, if you have things to do. ALSO is super on you about eating, since he likes cooking.

➤ macaque's experienced dozens of burnouts in his long life, so he knows how awful they are. he can sniff out a burnout a mile away so i'd like to think that you don't experience many while with him because he's really good at pacing the both of you/being aware of your emotional and mental state. the dojo's pretty chill like 90% of the time due to his own sensory issues so it's a good place to unwind and relax.

➤ you guys have picked up so many phrases from each other. he'll be working on a script for a shadow play while you're cleaning and he'll just hear you laugh and go, "wow, didn't see that one comin'." it definitely flusters him that he's included in your echolalia.

➤ macaque rambles to you about theatrical pieces from various cultures. if you introduce him to new ones, tell him something he doesn't know about a piece he's already familiar with, etc. he'll kiss you istg. anyway this is to say the feeling is mutual and he probably ends up getting into some of the media/hobbies you tell him about!

➤ you guys mutually bully each other lmao. you'll be trying to do some work, get to talking to him about whatever comes to you, and then suddenly it's three hours later. you're like "FUCK" and he just laughs at you (you get him back, of course, and it's all in good fun).

➤ he barely thinks beating anyone who talks shit about you is an overreaction, but if you don't like it then you'll just have a clone stick around in your shadow or something to scare the shit out of anyone who decides to open their mouth to you.

➤ in summary, macaque is very helpful and teaches you coping skills when it comes to sensory issues + overload.

╔⏤⏤⏤⏤╝❀╚⏤⏤⏤⏤╗ SUN WUKONG 🍑 ╚⏤⏤⏤⏤╗❀╔⏤⏤⏤⏤╝

➤ first off, i headcanon Wukong as ADHD, too.

➤ with that said, i feel like Wukong just... assumed you knew you were ADHD and rolled with it.

➤ like you guys constantly quoted/repeated each other/shows and stimmed at/with each other. you'd get in loops. you'd adapt each other's phrases/stims. neurotypicals don't do that.

➤ it's genuinely amusing thinking about you two just repeating the same things at each other. it's such a serotonin boost and it makes you both laugh. same for when you stim together, especially hand-flapping and jumping up and down.

➤ you're both trash at remembering stuff but fortunately you seem to have an awful lot of capacity for the other—meaning you remind wukong he has a session with MK today because he forgot, and he reminds you that you agreed to make noodles with pigsy today because you forgot.

➤ i don't think remembering to eat or drink is a big problem for you, since wukong is a big comfort eater and shares his snacks with you so you kinda just... roll with it lol.

➤ wukong has a bunch of homemade stim tools. once he sees that you're interested, he makes some more for you. even after your diagnosis, you don't try "professionally" made stim toys—you just don't need them when wukong's work so well.

➤ you guys spend hours talking about your interests, ping-ponging off each other. like: "OH, did you know x?" "NO, but did you hear about x?" x1000.

➤ you guys also bully each other. "Hey Great Sage you forgot do the dishes again, you crusty bitch"; "says the dumbass who started folding laundry and then did a fashion show with the monkeys".

➤ like macaque, wukong's had his fair share of burnouts. unfortunately, he's not super good at preventing them or even realizing he's in them until it's been a few months, but you guys take care of each other if the other is struggling. you're also very aware of the other's limits so if one of you is pushing it, you can help each other step back.

➤ wukong learned a great deal of patience and mercy from his journey, so people being unkind to him doesn't really bother him. plus, he barely leaves his mountain as is—but if one of those times, someone doesn't to be a dick while you're stimming or something? best case scenario, he has some very choice words—worst case scenario, bro's taking it upon himself to remind the public why you should be more considerate of who you're snarking to.

➤ basically, nothing changes after you get diagnosed lol. you and wukong are very happy ADHD gremlins who are celebrating your neurodivergency :)

❝ I thought I had the ADHD, but that's a real thing (and I'm just lazy) .❞

[not-poignant]

Im really sorry if this is too personal please ignore me if it is but i saw your post just at the right time and im just, im struggling in my twenties at the thought of possibly having did right now. And you say you "used to", can i ask how you healed?

A lot of therapy, anon.

It does tend to show up in someone's 20s, and I went the path of Internal Family Systems Therapy (also known as IFS or IFST) which is extremely useful alongside the three C's (Compassion, Communication, Co-Consciousness).

I wasn't aiming to eliminate any alters, and anyone who wanted to stay as a separate alter could, but I taught myself through the help of other/s to be self-compassionate, to open up opportunities and methods for communication (which also included art, writing, journalling, etc. in fact the very first tumblr that 'I' ever made was actually made by an alter, and was originally called artforartists - it's now renamed and run by 'me' because Dani has absorbed back into the system, but you can still go to the earliest entries and see her in them.

It took a few years and I didn't rush things. The main thing to know is that while it feels extreme, it usually comes about as a reasonable response to an unreasonable situation, and it usually becomes very manageable with self-compassion (to all yourselves), impartial judgement, open communication, compromise (i.e. if you have an alter that wants to play video games 24/7 to the point that you're losing weeks of memory, find out small areas of compromise where they can be given something in exchange for something), and sharing consciousness where possible (co-consciousness).

It's very scary at first but imho for me personally, it has been the 'easiest' of all of my diagnosed disorders to deal with. I still have severe treatment-resistant depression and I still have severe treatment-resistant PTSD/C-PTSD, but my DID went into remission after about 4 targeted years of therapy. It's now DDNOS (Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) which means I don't have the symptoms enough to qualify for DID anymore, but I still have a system prone to dissociation / derealisation / depersonalisation and I have days where some alters are fronting a bit more than the central self, but I usually just use it as a sign that I'm really stressed and overwhelmed, rather than a sign that there's something wrong with me.

I'm extremely zen about it, tbh. And look, I didn't have the goal of 'absorbing' my alters (or them dying or w/e), I didn't set out with the idea of getting rid of it so much as learning how to live with different people who have different opinions about things in my head. But through the course of IFST and giving everyone a voice, that started to happen anyway. Healing doesn't always mean 'getting rid of alters' it mostly just means getting a handle on the memory loss (which is the most severe part of the disorder for me) and the polarisation so that it becomes regular dissonance and not so distressing it causes someone to switch. A person can be fully healed from DID and still have alters that front, if there's co-consciousness and communication for example. This was actually what I was aiming for, it just didn't end up being my outcome.

You may not be able to access therapy or IFST, and it can be hard to find DID-friendly therapists who know what they're doing, but you can actually look up and explore IFST on places like Instagram and in books like No Bad Parts and start doing the work gently already. (IFST isn't just or only for DID patients, but it is uniquely very well suited to them).

It can be very scary at first, anon, to think you might have this. Because it's a highly stigmatised and misunderstood disorder. At its root it can be understood as 'a child who didn't understand how to cope with something, at the time of personality formation, just developed a new personality to deal with it. But as a result of this, their brain got so good at developing new personalities that it became a maladapted coping strategy, and as an adult they can learn ways to cope that aren't splitting, switching, or losing memory with compassion and self-understanding.'

And honestly we all have a lot of maladapted coping mechanisms and the whole journey of life is learning to unpack them, and repack some healthier coping mechanisms into the lunchbox. And that's really about it. Still very scary and upsetting to go through, but also not a mysterious, "insane" thing. <3333 If you can reach out for help, please consider it, but otherwise do look into IFST. I started working on those strategies long before I found a suitable therapist and I honestly feel like just the mindset of radical self-acceptance and self-compromise and self-compassion was - while extremely hard to do often - the key for me, and some of those things will at the very least be helpful for you.

[leetlbug]

So my "therapists" growing up unofficially diagnosed me with pyromania when i was like 9 i think, they told my parents i'd grow out of it, obviously it's "just a phase" like my sexuality lmao, whatever. They tried doing whatever they could to hide it, it didn't work very well (duh) and tbh I struggled HARD with the whole impulse side of things from like age 11-17, and tbh (again) i didn't expect to actually live into adulthood. Anyway, I'm an adult now, i'm in my 30's, being a child diagnosed with pyromania? ezpz, they'll get over it, HOWEVER, my parents didn't expect 20 year old me to still be out in the middle of the night fucking around and burning shit, or sitting in the back yard and burning shit, and *god forbid* hiding in the bathroom and burning shit in the bathtub, but lmao whatever As an adult? You slip up ONCE and boom, an entire case against you. I thought it was funny, cause when i was "arrested" a few months back, it was a "you obviously don't do this regularly" blah blah, fire bad, slap on the wrist (obviously, very privileged tbh) but like ONE SINGLE mentioning to my therapist and essentially I shouldn't have said anything because she apparently has to report everything we talk about to the state if it "endangers yourself or others" sooooo WHATEVER, I GUESS LMAO. I literally can't talk to anyone about my stupid bullshit impulses aside from a tumblr blog and also my friends, like i'm sure my friends would report something if i really fucked up, but like idk, unless yall on here are out to get me (I wouldn't be surprised) if i ask for help, they deny me care cause i can't afford it or they lock me up. Or they do what they did when i was a child and essentially "pray the urges away" i wish i could like eat an entire box of corn flakes and just not feel the urge to set fires or something, idfk.

[niightravcns]

𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐍.

———  BASICS!

NAME: Aspie

PRONOUNS: She/her

TAKEN OR SINGLE: Single

———  THREE  FACTS!

I'm on the autism spectrum. I was first diagnosed at 20 and recently got it recognized so it's taken into account during job hunting.

My heart rate is lower than average. I can walk at a steady rhythm for hours but collapse in half a second if I sprint.

I always ask my nail artist for the sparkliest nail polish she has. What's life without a few sparkles?~.

———  EXPERIENCE!

PLATFORMS USED: Tumblr & Discord.

PLOTTING / WINGING IT / MEMES: I don't mind either! A little plotting is welcome to ar least get an idea about the kind of relationship/interactions our muses could have but then I'm all for winging it to see what our 'kids' will get up to, and of course menes are always open in this house.

———  MUSE  PREFERENCE!

GENDER: No preference. Though on average my muses are more males than females.

MULTI OR SINGLE: I tend to prefer multis lately. I've had my fair share of single muses but for now multis are easier to manage.

LEAST FAVOURITE FACECLAIM(S): IRL people? I guess?

———  FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT

FLUFF: My jam! I live for my muses being soft and loving, whether it's platonic, familial or romantic.

ANGST: Not the biggest fan tbh. Because of my hyperempathy I tend to empathize a lot with other people's (including fictional) situations and it can leave me anxious. Hurt/comfort is more up my alley - I'm all for making my muses suffer so long as they're comforted and loved on afterwards.

SMUT :  I don't mind it, though I tend to reserve it for Sunday or discussions in private. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea and that's a-okay, I always make sure to ask beforehand, esp if we're actively plotting and shipping.

[barxlupin]

𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐍.

———  BASICS!

NAME: Aspie

PRONOUNS: She/her

TAKEN OR SINGLE: Single

———  THREE  FACTS!

I'm on the autism spectrum. I was first diagnosed at 20 and recently got it recognized so it's taken into account during job hunting.

My heart rate is lower than average. I can walk at a steady rhythm for hours but collapse in half a second if I sprint.

I always ask my nail artist for the sparkliest nail polish she has. What's life without a few sparkles?~.

———  EXPERIENCE!

PLATFORMS USED: Tumblr & Discord.

PLOTTING / WINGING IT / MEMES: I don't mind either! A little plotting is welcome to ar least get an idea about the kind of relationship/interactions our muses could have but then I'm all for winging it to see what our 'kids' will get up to, and of course menes are always open in this house.

———  MUSE  PREFERENCE!

GENDER: No preference. Though on average my muses are more males than females.

MULTI OR SINGLE: I tend to prefer multis lately. I've had my fair share of single muses but for now multis are easier to manage.

LEAST FAVOURITE FACECLAIM(S): IRL people? I guess?

———  FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT

FLUFF: My jam! I live for my muses being soft and loving, whether it's platonic, familial or romantic.

ANGST: Not the biggest fan tbh. Because of my hyperempathy I tend to empathize a lot with other people's (including fictional) situations and it can leave me anxious. Hurt/comfort is more up my alley - I'm all for making my muses suffer so long as they're comforted and loved on afterwards.

SMUT :  I don't mind it, though I tend to reserve it for Sunday or discussions in private. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea and that's a-okay, I always make sure to ask beforehand, esp if we're actively plotting and shipping.

[inryokuhime]

so uh

quick life update before i go take a nap

i had a heart echo test done because my doctor heard a heart murmur. i have been diagnosed with ventricular dyssynchrony, a heart defect of the lower chambers not pumping blood correctly. most likely have had this my whole life since was i born 6 weeks prematurely with a heart murmur. which for some reason was ignored because premie babies usually grow out of it. or something, lol malpractice in the 80's or some shit.

the major symptoms of ventricular dyssynchrony are coughing, shortness of breath, fatigue, and swelling of legs. the first three i've pretty much struggled with my entire life, the last one has been a problem since i was like 20.

tbh i'm pissed. to have my health ignored by so many doctors because i was a chubby kid and a fat teen is just unacceptable. i was only ever told to diet and exercise and to stop being lazy. that everything was my fault for becoming obese. this should have been caught when i was first diagnosed with asthma, 30 years ago.

unfortunately since i have gone so long being untreated, the basic fixes for this aren't going to do much, which would be things like steroids and diuretics. but at least i have answers now.

my dad still wants me to think my condition is at least partially my fault for not trying hard enough to be thin. that i was lazy and gave up too many times. probably about time i don't even talk to him about my health anymore if he can't have any sort of understanding or empathy for me.

anyway, thought y'all should know. i'm gonna go sleep a bit now.

[edienotsedgwick]

Introduction again

It’s been a while since my last pinned post and a lot has changed. I deleted it cause I decided I wanted a new one.

The basics

My name is Edie

I’m from Aotearoa/New Zealand.

I’m 20

She/her

I’m autistic (likely autHD actually but the ADHD hasn’t been diagnosed yet)

I’m a lesbian

I’m an animation student on the weekdays, a musician and a essay writer on the weekends.

Aquarius sun, Capricorn moon, Aries rising

INFJ

A witch who’s extremely lazy with her craft.

I’ve been on Tumblr since 2014! You may have known me from…

Many cartoon fandoms. Too many to count. (Spanning from 2014-16)

Emo bandom tumblr circa 2017-18. Particularly the Fueled By Ramen/Decaydance bandom.

Early Scenecore tumblr in 2018. (I still have a few selfies and hit posts from then gaining notes).

Britpop/early alternative music bandom 2019-2021

And since then I’ve just kind of been doing my own thing and mainly using this blog as a personal moodboard and an outlet to post ideas I don’t want to share anywhere else. I do post about a lot of things I like, but I’m not tied heavily to fandoms anymore - I mostly just lurk. That being said though, don’t be afraid to talk if you share a particular interest with me. I always need to infodump!

What I post

Stuff I find pretty. This blog is mainly a moodboard. I keep wanting to expand out of it but I always give up at some point.

Stuff that makes my brain go brrrrr! Mainly bands + shows.

Music stuff! I mainly like to post lyrics from songs I’m writing that are a work in progress, and sloppy covers/demos that I feel aren’t polished enough for my other socials. I also do cheeky self promo of my songs that you can already listen to. You guys should stream my E.P ‘Thing Is Me’.

I’ve been aspiring to write long form essays about things I’ve been passionate about for ages. I don’t think I’ll directly post them here, but once I get my Substack up and running you’ll be able to see them getting crossposted here.

Stuff I like

Feel free to talk to me about any of these things cause they’re my main special interests!

Music history from the 60s-2000s. In terms of what specific period I’ve jumped to at the moment, I’m fixated on mid-late 2000s indie music, twee pop of any era (mid 80s-present tbh), + some of my old favourite scene bands lmao. I’ve been nostalgic for them lately.

Skins UK (yes I know how 2014 and sad of me). I’m a Cassie apologist so leave me alone if you think she sucks lmao. That’s my Blorbina and my adopted little sister who’s currently got a song + a Substack essay series being written about her. In all seriousness though, I find this show to be very misunderstood in general.

Sighthounds! I love all dogs in general but the pointy ones are my favourites. I have a Greyhound, he’s my best friend :,) When I move into my own home one day I want to have another Greyhound + a Borzoi!

This is a very casual one of mine but (in case you can’t tell from what I mostly reblog here) I love fashion! My fashion tastes span the same general group of decades that my music history knowledge does. Much like my current music fixations I’ve been inspired by the late 2000s, but what I actually wear on a day to day basis is never one particular style. I mix and match a lot.

bla bla bla DNI time

Don’t follow if…

You meet the typical DNI criteria (no ists or phobes of any kind please! Just basic bare minimum human decency)

No pro ana (one of my special interests being skins + me seeing myself in a disordered character you made the face of your little circle does not give you a pro ana free pass around me. I’m not disordered myself + I ask you don’t follow me because I don’t want to accidentally trigger anyone by letting people of your group in my space.)

Same goes for general S/H blogs!

That being said, if you are already vulnerable seeing me potentially reference any of these sensitive topics in anything I post/talk about don’t follow me for the sake of your own well-being if you know it will be triggering to you. Stay safe ILY. I do try and tag though and you can always ask me to do that if you wish.

No creeps of any kind! Please do not send me anything sexual, or talk to me about anything sexual unsolicited you will be blocked immediately.

Okay that’s everything! If you’re cool I hope you enjoy following me. Please listen to my music. ‘Edie VC’ on every platform if you want to. You’ll like it if you like twee/folk/dream pop Xx

All the tags below are for my interests, aesthetics that people could say match my vibe, as well as my face tag (if you want to know what I look like) and my text tag. Hopefully I can make some cool new mutuals.

[chasing-rabbits]

I turned 30 on Tuesday and I don’t know whilst I know it’s not old it’s more so that I feel very old for where my life is at. Like I don’t feel old old but I do feel I should be further along in life at this age. I feel old in the sense that I’m 30 and still have no idea what I’m doing and don’t have a career or a job and tbh I’ll probably never be employed because of all my illnesses. I am scrambling to try and make something of my life, to try and set up my own business at some point so I can have a job, a career and I know that’s not everything but to me it would be fulfilling and rewarding to be able to have a job and be earning my own money. It’d feel like an achievement because I lost all of that when I had to take time out of university to get assessed/diagnosed with Bipolar and I’ve spent years & years since just trying to get it under control whilst gaining ever more illnesses as the years go by. So I guess the thought of turning 30 was kind of depressing really but I’m trying not to see it that way I mean my mum was always telling me about her cousin who retrained in her 30s or 40s I think to become a midwife. So your never too late I guess it is sad to me because I spent my childhood having to take on the adult role & dealing w/ abuse, trauma etc etc and then I spent my 20’s trying to deal with the fallout of my shitty childhood & all the mental illnesses it gave me. And now I’m 30 and last year I got diagnosed with 2 more mental illnesses (not really surprised though) and only just started EMDR therapy for the CPTSD (although it apparently can help w/ my other shit too) It’s like I’ve moved into a new decade of my life & my shit still isn’t together and I’m still ‘in the trenches’ trying to get my mental health to a place where I can function again and it’s kind of hard not to be bitter about that. And no I’m not waiting for this perfect moment I’m not expecting miracles in regards to my mental health not at all if anything I’m often pessimistic about the outcomes therapy can truly have on my MH. So when I talk about improving my mental health I’m really talking about the bare minimum you know, to be a semi functioning human being for most of the time I’d take that.

[silvermoon424]

hi katy :)) i’m sure you’ve answered this before, and if you have, you can totally just ignore this ask, but recently i’ve been wondering if i have adhd. i’m a 20 year old woman, and i’ve been diagnosed with anxiety for basically my whole adolescence. in the past few weeks though i’ve learned a lot more about adhd/neurodivergence and i feel like it’s much more accurate to my experience. my only real exposure to adhd is my little brother, who has been diagnosed since he was 12 and behaves VERY differently than i do. if you could possibly detail your experience with adhd as a woman that would really help me out a lot in deciding if i want to pursue a new diagnosis. thanks in advance!!

Hi there!

ADHD/autism/neurodiversity in general can be experienced a lot of different ways by people; it's a very broad spectrum, but there are definitely traits that pop up again and again for a lot of people. Here are some traits I have personally identified as being influenced/driven by my ADHD (or autism, sometimes it's hard to distinguish the two)

Very poor impulse control, especially with money and food

Having poor memory in some areas but excellent memory in others (usually due to how strongly the topic interests me)

Having trouble remembering things (as in appointments, important dates, etc)

Having a very hard time focusing or maintaining focus

Easily distracted

Fidgets often (my fidgets are picking through my split ends and jiggling my ankle)

Needing to take frequent breaks when working/doing chores/etc due to burnout

Needing CONSTANT stimulation; for example, much of my free time is spent listening to Youtube video essays while I color manga, typeset, scan things, etc. Sometimes I do just watch things (especially late at night when I'm tired), but I don't think I could ever do a menial task without having some other stimulation for my brain

Talking to myself

Info-dumping

Being amazing at multi-tasking (but struggling with single-tasking because of the whole "need more stimulation" thing)

Hyper-fixating on things to the point of not realizing I'm thirsty, have a crick in neck, etc

I daydream frequently and have an entire daydream universe (called a paracosm) full of my own OCs and storylines. I'm what's called an immersive daydreamer. Immersive daydreaming/maladaptive daydreaming is its own thing, but from what I've heard people who do it are often also neurodivergent. If you daydream a lot about a fictional universe(s) of your own creation, I would highly recommend looking into this topic.

My brain literally never shuts the fuck up. Ever. I'm constantly thinking about SOMETHING. Even when I'm trying to fall asleep I'm playing with my OCs and paracosm, lol (one of my favorite parts of the day tbh). Because of this I've suffered from insomnia for much of my life. I've been on a sedative that also functions as an antidepressant for many years and it's helped a lot.

I literally just learned that this has a name: Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD). People with ADHD are often highly sensitive to criticism and rejection (real or imagined). For my entire life I have been extremely sensitive to being criticized, and all this time it has been a side-effect of my ADHD!

When given a task, I need to be told exactly what to do and how to do it or else it's not getting done. In general I have a hard time "thinking outside the box" and can be pretty oblivious.

Executive dysfunction is a bitch. This also overlaps with depression and autism, but basically I have a literal mountain of projects and hobbies I want do and another literal mountain of shows/anime/movies I want to watch but I can't get past the mental hurdle of actually engaging with them. It's very hard to explain, but it's like even though I want to do them I either don't have the energy, get overwhelmed by the enormity of the task, start doing it and then lose focus/motivation partway through, etc.

That's all I could think of off the top of my head but I'm sure there's more. I feel like every week I discover there's a new way ADHD is impacting my life. Please let me know if you have any other questions!

[rcbcllixvs]

𝐆��𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐍.

———  BASICS!

NAME: Aspie

PRONOUNS: She/her

TAKEN OR SINGLE: Single

———  THREE  FACTS!

I'm on the autistic spectrum. I was first diagnosed at 20 and recently got it recognized so it's taken into account during job hunting.

My heart rate is lower than average. I can walk at a steady rhythm for hours but collapse in half a second if I sprint.

I always ask my nail artist for the sparkliest nail polish she has. What's life without a few sparkles?~.

———  EXPERIENCE!

PLATFORMS USED: Tumblr & Discord.

PLOTTING / WINGING IT / MEMES: I don't mind either! A little plotting is welcome to ar least get an idea about the kind of relationship/interactions our muses could have but then I'm all for winging it to see what our 'kids' will get up to, and of course menes are always open in this house.

———  MUSE  PREFERENCE!

GENDER: No preference. Though on average my muses are more males than females.

MULTI OR SINGLE: I tend to prefer multis lately. I've had my fair share of single muses but for now multis are easier to manage.

LEAST FAVOURITE FACECLAIM(S): IRL people? I guess?

———  FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT

FLUFF: My jam! I live for my muses being soft and loving, whether it's platonic, familial or romantic.

ANGST: Not the biggest fan tbh. Because of my hyperempathy I tend to empathize a lot with other people's (including fictional) situations and it can leave me anxious. Hurt/comfort is more up my alley - I'm all for making my muses suffer so long as they're comforted and loved on afterwards.

SMUT :  I don't mind it, though I tend to reserve it for Sunday or discussions in private. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea and that's a-okay, I always make sure to ask beforehand, esp if we're actively plotting and shipping.

[primrosebitch]

My dad is such an interesting person, like he has had such a wide variety of jobs (i'm not gonna mention them to avoid doxxing myself) but i have no clue how he managed that because he went to college then law school and then did lawyering for over 20 years so WHERE DO ALL THE OTHER JOBS FIT IN, like i know one of them was concurrent with the lawyering and one was while he was in college but the others would be very hard if not impossible to do at the same time

And then this man used to take regular all nighters playing a goddamn video without realizing that he was taking regular all nighters, he has since stopped after i pointed it out to him, but like still wtf (one time he stayed up for like 3 or 4 days straight, i don't know how he didn't pass out)

I have no doubt that if he cooked his own food he would eat like a slightly healthier college student, why am i so confident in this you ask. Because when he was making his own food he would take a raw chicken breast, microwave it till fully cooked and then eat it, he did not add anything, he ate plain microwaved chicken for lunch, he did not see anything wrong with this. To add insult to injury he is a great chef, like he's really good at making great food, but he chooses to eat like this.

He somewhat recently got really into pickle ball and i have no doubt that he would play into the a.m.'s if it wasn't for the fact that the lights at the courts turn off and that everyone else leaves then, and by really into pickle ball i mean really into pickle ball, like he bought a good scale to weigh his rackets, he bought special shoes, he got lots of other stuff that i don't know the name or function of.

He once went through a philosophy phase and got really into this one philosopher, i can't say much about this endeavor of his because i am personally very uninterested in the philosopher he liked but i can say that he knew lots about that guy and was talking about him for several months.

He reads scientific journals in his spare time, which isn't weird or anything but in combination with everything else just makes him even more baffling.

When i started drivers ed he told me about how he passed the written part of the driving test, what this man did was he didn't study he took the test, failed, looked over his answers and checked what he got right and wrong, did the test again, failed again, looked over his answers again, did the test a final time, and passed. You were only allowed to take the test 3 times, and my father basically used the first 2 tries to figure out all the answers so he didn't have to study or put in extra work, I did not follow in his footsteps to say the least.

He told this story from when he was in college, he had developed insomnia and so he went to the doctor to help and the doctor asked about if he drank caffeine like coffee or coke etc and turns out my dad had been drinking a diet coke every day in the afternoon and he didn't know that coke had caffeine in it.

Another story from college, he was at a party and was offered cocaine and he decided to taste it (for some reason?) and his entire mouth went numb from just a tiny taste and so he decided not to do the cocaine because of that, i do not understand this man (fun fact, cocaine is a local anesthetic and used to be used in medical procedures before better anesthetics were discovered, so the cocaine numbing his mouth was completely normal)

He's recently gotten into ai like chat gpt and has started to learn to code, this man has so many random skills and knowledge.

It took him 56 years to find out he has adhd, i got diagnosed years before him, i have no clue how he didn't find out sooner because he presents pretty typically (ex losing his keys and them being found in the kitchen sink, the varied interests that change semi frequently, losing track of time, losing stuff often, forgetting to do stuff like he puts stuff on the stove and then it burns because he forgot about it, etc etc), tbh i had assumed that he had adhd and it was like a known thing that just didn't come up in conversation before he came home one day saying that he just found out he had adhd.

There are probably more stories about my dad that i don't remember at this time, so i might post them if i remember them, but i hope my fathers antics entertained you, my dads great but he's also weird as hell lol

[darlingkara]

Nevermind the loose dirt. It's my 99 cent grocery store plant rescue that I am trying to save via better soil/re-potting and with bread ties, and my little tiny espresso. The stems were brown when I got it, but I don't think she is gonna make it. Taken a few days ago, but seemed like good photo for this post.

I woke up WAY too early. Again. I either stay awake for like 25 hours, and sleep 8, or the usual 16 hours and sleep about 4 hours. I have had 3 sleep lab tests done (albeit years and years ago) when I kept falling asleep. This was before I had this weird habit I have now. I slept normally back then. Diagnosis: Narcolepsy and non-24 hour sleep cycle (Circadian Rhythm Disorder?). I was a bit blown back, to be honest, especially by Narcolepsy. And guess what? The MD had to report it to the DMV, if I did not. If you have a driver's license, it is stated on it AND you have to be medicated while driving. The medicine was Dexedrine, or pretty much @mphetamine. Makes sense-- Can't be falling asleep while driving. I stayed awake, and my depression lifted. Any MD's reading this-- Please consider it for treatment resistant depression. I never felt hyper on it (I felt nothing, tbh) which would of course, lead me to being diagnosed with ADHD*.

So now, I am an unmedicated ADHD and sleep disorder gal of a mess, hahaha. But I am happy, or at least content. I think it has gotten better, or I have learned how to deal with it. I could not do now what I did in my unmedicated 20's-- Full time school, full time job and a kid. Nope. I have ZERO idea how I did it. The narcolepsy mostly went away. I WILL fall asleep at the theatre, so don't bother inviting me, especially in Plague Era that 99% of people refuse to admit still exists. And it is 50/50 in any dark situation, regardless of how well rested I am.

Luckily, I can now work when I want (other than 2 days a month), and do not have to drive. I do have to set an alarm for three days out of the week for class (it is used as a take a shower and get ready alert bc I keep waking up before it, lol), but luckily it isn't early. I LOVED driving, btw, and I loved cars. But as an American, what else are you supposed to do? Tangent, but... I would re-do SO much in the USA if given the chance. Like...Public transport and social housing. These are looked down upon in the US, which makes it seem SOOOOO odd to me now. Plus the whole gun thang. Sorry, but I will never change my mind. The 2nd Amendment was written for MUSKETS. We have drones now. If you feel the need to open carry a weapon of death to the grocery store, there is something wrong with you. Sorry, not sorry.

I am not exactly against hunting (if you do it for food, not sport). When I was about 12, we moved** to a mostly hillbilly area (not making fun of them-- I mostly like them dern hillbillies, and one of my BF'S was one since I was TWELVE... Though I have not been able to find her since 2021 or early 2022. Covid or went Trump, I do not know. I will continue my search. Her having the most generic name in the English speaking world does not help)). And well, my first look at hunting was not pretty. Dead deer legs, sticking out of truck beds. Like, everywhere. People told me this was normal. I literally vomited and remember thinking and saying, out loud at lunch, ''The fuck, this is NOT normal. Throw a TARP over it, for Christ's sake.''

*Btw, girls and women are SO good at hiding ADHD. We are typically not hyper or rowdy. If we are, it is within our safe spaces, with friends. If your sister/mom/gf/wife tends to forget things you have told her, seems unorganized or stressed over little things, gets bitchy before leaving the house with you, look into it first and do not get upset.

**I was not an Army Brat, but my family did move a lot (6 times, to different states), and it was not because of financial instability. Yes, my parents worked for the government, but not in any military way. So--I learned a new term-- TCK-- Third Culture Kid (also applies to adults). We are GREAT at fitting in anywhere, more empathetic, less racist (bc sometimes, even being white, people are racist if you are the minority. Trust me, I know personally, and it was horrible), tend to attend university more (not saying all should).. But of course there is a catch.

We probably have attachment disorders on all sides. I didn't get the overly attachment type, luckily. If anything, I need help attaching. And I do not have ''the itch'' to move. As an adult, I rented the perfect house for me and my minion at the time. Great school district, fenced in (by chicken wire on one side for most of the time) backyard, walkable to the downtown area in 3 mins, and I was allowed to plant a garden and paint, etc. I did have to mow the effing backyard when my weirdo neighbor went away every summer. Fucker never told me when he was leaving, but the grass length did. I lined the fences with gladiolas and ivy and had a gas BBQ and a nice table and umbrella. I would let my kitties out every now and then, but only when I was there-- they could escape if they wanted to. One was a serial killer, not even kidding. A Persian, fluffy, serial killer. I got minion*** a slip and slide, hahahaha... We threw some pretty good backyard parties. All of my neighbors were snobs. Like Harvard asshole snobbery. Anyway, I lived there the longest-- almost 11 years. My landlord wanted to sell it, and it was sold within about a month and a half. THAT SUCKED and was not expected... Thought I had about 5 or 6 months.

I had to go live with my mother, as she lived in the school district minion was in. Worst decision of my life. I love my mother, and she was really a great mother, but something went CRAZY in 2002 and again in 2014, that I am not yet capable of discussing on a public forum. Thinking of substack. Like a $4 a month thing. This is shit that horribly affected my life, and I needed therapy for-- as an adult. Shit that when I think about, even 8 years later, I still tear up. And I am NOT a cryer. As a mother, she was awesome! She told me to avoid beauty magazines, taught me how to plumb and do home repair, said chose your religion when you are an adult if you want to, and sooooo much more. My father was really great, as well. They stayed married for FAR too long. I think I was about 25 when they got divorced, but it was over my mom being selfish with her health insurance and cutting my dad off. He had a disabling heart attack when he was 42, and died in 2007. My mom cutting off his health insurance was fucking brutal.

The dude was ALWAYS on my side. So, I still say hello from time to time to my mother. Most importantly, I talk to minion, but he is busy working and crushing on some girl, his best friend's girl. They work together and he hates his job. He is waiting for her to give the okay for them to both leave and work somewhere else. I said DO NOT WAIT FOR ANYONE--- EVER!!! He sent me a pic of her and said that sometimes she drinks too much and gets sexual. I was like OMG.

She looks like me and that is what I did when I was younger. Freud, are you out there? It's me, Kara.

And I have lived here the second longest.

And I want to die and be buried here. Every year, there is a free concert, ranging from classical music to rock music, held at the cemetery.

5-30K people can come listen to music, drink a bit, dance, and have fun. That the cemetery I would like to be buried in.

If that is morbid to you, you are not invited. :)

***Minion is now an adult. I am not worried about his financial future (everyone born after The Boomers got fucked, let's be honest)because luckily, I am a Black Sheep, and he will get my inheritance. Good for him! Since I am 34-99 years old (haha), I will not tell you how old he is. Yes, I was married and he was planned. I was TOO young-- but when your spouse made $80k a year in the early 2000s, you figure, nice, I will just raise minion, and then finish school. That did not happen the way I had it planned. The ex husband is still wealthy and lucky, and it pisses me off. If you knew the full story, you would understand. Let's just say that one brutal character mentioned in today's blog had a lot to do with it, including my parent's divorce. I swear it is not some Jerry Springer shit, and they did NOT bang, and luckily, my father and I were together when we found ''the letters''. The Brutal one would end up doing MUCH worse things than having feelings for her daughter's husband, and yeah-- it is personal.

Life is 50% unplannable. I do believe in luck, and I do believe in you get what you give, although I LOATHE woo woo pseudoscience bullshit.

I will NOT be camming tonight. My theatre thing begins tonight. It is only once a month. Last week, I couldn't have a schedule because I still have periods, which are very predictable, but this every 18 days shit is a bit new. Usually its every 25 days, abnormal is under 23 days in between periods. Went to the dr, had hormone levels taken. Good news-- I am NOT an alien. Bad news is that the tests prove pretty much nothing. I am having about 5 more periods a year than normal-- so about half the year. Great. Of course I now have to a dailytake high-ish dose iron supplements. I believe I have peri or pre-menopause which literally NO ONE talks about, yet it affects HALF of the population. And pre or peri-menopause is WORSE than menopause. Menopause is easy street, so I have learned. Some days I am nice and patient, other days I want to bite your face off. Sometimes I am horny, sometimes I seem asexual. When my roommate/ex bf of like 12 years (No, we do not bang and maybe once a month I fall asleep in his room watching a movie), DARES to shut MY room's window or turn off MY fan, especially if I am sleeping and wake up hot, I am literally thinking:

''I could kill you, and if half the jurors were women 35+, it would be an excusable homicide.'' I am not a violent person at all, btw, in any way or sense. I am learning as I go along. Surprise, surprise, there is not a whole lot of research on it. Reddit's Menopause has been a Godsend.

In the one racist area I lived in, I was ''jumped'' by 3 or 4 girls who basically PLAN attacked me, outta the blue. I won. All almost 5 feet of me. I learned about adrenaline and JFC, I get strong and mean if I think I am gonna die. I kicked dirt into their eyes and kicked their throats. How fucked up is that? I was maybe 11 years old. I did not and do not know how to fight. Is is something instinctual? I have no idea and too many research topics as it is. All I knew was that there were three of them, one of me, and they were larger and taller than I was.

Anyway, off to shower and go to my classes. Idk if I will cam after the theatre or not.

And you would not believe what I found when I took out the garbage, shortly after writing this (within the hour). It is not a popular name here, afaik. I will post it on Twitter @DarlingKara.

[jasmineiros]

YaYa's life updates:

Sister & I were finally able to move out, thank God. We had lots of issues on the way, specially due the fact mother & father kept sending messages threatening and offending us in all sorts of ways. This lead us to heavy emotional overload & we will still take a while to totally de-stress. Like, when you're called a thief & a whore by your own mother you kinda have the confirmation there is not such thing as unconditional love the presence of a mother promises & you end up asking yourself if it was ever present at all.

Father is currently in a dangerous health condition. Technically he is...dying. He is currently on life support, actually. He lost both kidneys some months ago and being diabetic didn't help. He actually never took care of his health, never ate properly and always in excess and always excelled in alcohol consumption as well. You can consider him some sort of long term suicidal, since he never really cared about being actually loving with his own body and health.

I am not sure how to feel about this. My half brother was freaking out once he got the news since he seemed more attached to him but I don't really feel the grief and sadness a daughter would normally feel. He left us at a young age and visited us seldom. I always felt uncomfortable around him due to his violent and unpredictable behavior and used to come up with excuses not to meet him. He committed way more wrongs than rights and many of these wrongs are borderline criminal. But even so I wouldn't wish that for anyone. I wouldn't wish for this kind of end and even less, to have to live inside a mind like his. I don't really know what I'm rooting for tbh.

Still about family, I don't really talk to my young half-sister anymore since I deemed her not trustworthy. Her mother once was our (me and my sister's) stepmother and she never really liked us. I can say we and this half-sister had a more or less healthy relationship until her mom came up with stuff about us and since she's a minor there's not much to do. So I decided to cut ties.

I don't really speak to any members of my family since they somewhat are omitting themselves from what my mother did to us or are just taking her side. It is an isolating situation, which makes me wonder if I'll ever recover of this emptiness I feel when it comes about family matters.

On a brighter note, my sister finally got a job. We don't know for how long since it is kinda freelancer but we will be able to get by for a while.

On a self-discovering note, I was diagnosed with both ADHD & autism, pretty much as my sister. I still don't know how to feel about this. I was pretty sure about the ADHD but not the autism. It explains most of my behavior and feeling of isolation throughout my life but at the same time I wish somehow I could know that before my late 20's.

For now that is it, thank you for coming to my TED talk 🙏🏼🌷✨

[camp-counselor-life]

agirlnamedafteraseason replied

hi first off I’m neurodivergent myself so I have definitely noticed my non verbal learning disorder makes social interactions kinda difficult so I get the whole not being great with social advice thing so no worries about that. As a camper I did really well being involved within camp and the social scene for the most part but towards the end of the night I needed my own space and just time to recharge and my counselors I think understood that, keep in mind I didn’t get diagnosed with nvld until I was 17 and a senior in high school and I’m turning 20 this year but if I had gotten my diagnosis early I think it would of helped a lot socially at camp. As a jc though during our training weekend prior to camp I had a really hard time connecting with the other jc’s for a multitude of reasons but I got along with all of them. Fast foward to jc week I found myself being the odd one out of my Jc group it seemed and I felt a disconnect and I don’t know why that happened. Going into this year I had a much better time at our training weekend thing and felt much more in my comfort zone and made new friends. The issue is the majority of my Jc group all aged out together as cit 2’s so I’m like a outsider almost and in the group chat I’m just feeling kinda weird like what happened last summer. I think having nvld is definitely making it harder but you’re right I’ll try your tips. I actually have a meeting with my camp director and a staff member who is in charge of the jcs tomorrow so I’ll let them know my concerns and ask for advice on how to feel more involved within the group so this year is better for me. I really struggled last year but this year I’m determined to have a better summer. Thank you for taking time to respond and validate my feelings and sorry my question and responses are so long.

Ok, so, I hear you about the neurodivergence making a difference. It's made it difficult for me to bond with fellow staff at camp, as well as now in adult life outside of camp. My parents never told camp staff, and tbh I didn't share my diagnosis at work until mid-way through the pandemic.

I do think that chatting with your camp director and staff member is a good idea. They can better support you on the ground at camp. They'll know more about the dynamics of this group of JCs too, because at least the camp director has probably seen them together.

Try your best, but be kind to yourself with whatever you do accomplish. Like I said, it's ok to not bond entirely with this group, or to bond more with a small amount of people. I wish you a wonderful summer and hope that it's better for you this time.

I’m a second year junior counselor at my camp and I’m two to three years older then the first year jc’s I’m working with this summer. Last summer I was more close in age with my Jc group but even then I was feeling a disconnect between me and them. Like I was a cit 2 with a good majority of them and the others I already knew as well but I felt a disconnect between all of us and I felt very left out. Now I’m trying to bond with my Jc group before our camp week but I’m feeling like I’m grasping at straws to connect with them and not be the super annoying second year. I don’t want to feel left out again but I don’t know how to connect with people that I’m so much older then and haven’t really known in the past but have to jc with this summer. For reference I’m much closer in age with a lot of the staff then the jcs but covid screwed up me going on staff when I was supposed to and I really struggled last summer as a jc so I’m doing it again. Any advice would be very much appreciated.

Hi friend,

First, let me say, as an autistic person, I am maybe not the best to be giving social advice. What I can speak to is the camp environment, so here's my suggestions.

It is ok to not connect with them prior to camp. Participate in conversation on whatever medium you're using, but don't try to force it.

When you get to camp, it is ok to start with 1-2 people that you know better and work your way out in socializing. Getting to know just one person well will be super helpful.

Just like with making friends and socializing in the "real world," you should practice active listening and ask open ended questions. However, you should only start more in depth conversations when it's an appropriate time. Appropriate times: time off (not resting or trying to rest), meals during training (if you have that)/away from campers, downtime at training. Not appropriate times: during training sessions, with campers, the exception to that being when you're doing get to know you games with campers.

I think that it's important to still be yourself. If you try to force yourself into a box, you'll falter or stumble at some point, and it's hard to recover after half truths and lying.

As much as it sucks and hurts, it is ok if you don't make a quality connection with your fellow JCs. It sounds like you're young enough that a couple of years makes a huge difference in life stage and maturity. Sometimes that's just hard to overcome. Try, of course, but be gentle with yourself if it doesn't work out.

It's hard for me to give more specifics without knowing about your JC program, as it sounds different than ours.

Take care and have a great summer.