#detective linden

[pustelniku]

Sarah Linden from The Killing <3

[destinedtobeloved]

Stephen makes my heart ache and my stomach hurt istg and I mean that just because I love him to death but I wish they would touch on him more.

In season two when he’s standing in the middle of the road and pacing, they never really touch on it. He’s relapsed and they know it- but it’s back to normal. That scene was supposed to mean ‘if he doesn’t stop using, it’s going to kill him.’

He’s back in that car with her, smoking cigarettes as if he’s not giving up on everything he ever belived in. Gil, his sobriety- shit, even his vegetarian bull shit (even when we all know he never really followed it carefully enough anyways). The look on his face when Sarah asks if he’s eating meat again. The look of ‘it doesn’t really matter anymore, does it?’ How quick he was to give it up.

‘Is that what you think I need?’ He yells, even when hours later he’d be shaking and pacing in oncoming traffic on weary feet as Alice hurriedly called Linden to help him- to save him, almost as if she could tell what she had ment to him, even if they had only been together a tiny amount of time. Around ten days.

Please, let him be vulnerable. Let him be shaky and paranoid and sad.

[a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all]

Someone Always Gets Hurt

Fandom: The Killing, Stephen Holder

Summary: It was only supposed to be a friends-with-benefits arrangement between you and Holder, but when one of you develops real feelings, things get complicated.

Word Count: 4591

TW: Friends with Benefits (FWB), mention of domestic abuse, mentions of drugs and addiction

You thought it was the perfect arrangement. You thought no one would get hurt. You should have known better. Because in these situations, someone always gets hurt.

When Holder had first suggested a friends with benefits arrangement, you thought he was joking. The two of you had been partners back when he was part of the Narcotics Department. You were the one who discovered he had gotten hooked on meth and helped him as he struggled to get clean. And even once he was promoted to the Homicide Division, you still remained close friends, best friends. But you had never imagined taking your relationship to a physical level. However, as Holder pointed out, neither one of you had time for a real relationship at the moment and sometimes you just needed someone to help you take the edge off.

So, one thing led to another and soon the once-in-a-blue-moon rendezvouses turned into a once, if not twice, a week occurrence. Sometimes you would meet at his place, sometimes at yours. A few times, you even snuck into his office when he was working late. Linden had walked in once, and you hadn’t been able to face her for weeks.

But once things started up, you couldn’t get enough. You were astonished by how amazing your ex-partner could make you feel in bed. Holder had never been what you would call conventionally handsome or good with the ladies. He tried, but when you had watched his attempts to win over women in the past, you always found his flirtations a bit cringy. Yet the second you were alone, a different side of Holder came out. He was still goofy and playful, but most of his bravado fell away and you saw the vulnerable, sweet man underneath. And his entire goal in the bedroom was to make you feel good. You had never been with a man who cared so much for your pleasure even over his. It was an intoxicating experience that the two of you continued to share over and over and over again.

And for almost six months, everything seemed perfect until one night Holder slipped up. You figured he had probably been hiding the truth for a while but for some reason, that night, he couldn’t hold it in anymore. As you were drifting off to sleep after an exhausting night of debauchery, you felt Holder snuggle up closer to you. This wasn’t out of the ordinary as Holder loved to spoon afterwards, however this embrace felt different than normal. Then, he leaned over until his lips brushed against your ear, and he softly whispered, “I love you.”

Your heart dropped out of your chest as your stomach churned. Everyone had warned you this would happen, that someone would get hurt, but you had thought, this was Holder! You never imagined he could feel that way, not about you. Slowly, you sat up and he backed away, eyes widening as he realized you were still awake.

Looking at him sadly, you started, “Holder-”

“No, no! I didn’t mean it! I was just tired. I didn’t know what I was sayin’!”

“Holder, we talked about this. This was just supposed to be a bit of fun. A way to relieve some stress. Don’t get me wrong, you’re a great guy-” Holder groaned and buried his head in his hands “-but this was never supposed to go past that. And if it has-”

“Please, please don’t say that. Shit, I’m sorry. It just…just slipped out. Come on, mama, you know it ain’t like that.”

“Holder,” you sighed as scooted off the bed and began throwing on your clothes. “I know you. And you wouldn’t have said it unless you really meant it. So, I need to just go right now, and we can talk about it later.” You headed for the bedroom door.

Holder jumped out of bed and hurriedly pulled on his boxers, almost toppling over as he hopped around, struggling to get one of his feet through the leg hole. “Wait, don’t do this. You know what we got is good. Come on! Gimme another chance!” He practically stumbled into you as you searched for your bag.

“I can’t do this-”

“Yes, you can, you just have ta try-”

You spied your bag buried in the couch. You snatched it up and headed to the front door. “You don’t understand, it’s not just-”

“Come back to bed and we’ll talk-”

“I’m seeing someone else!”

The words flew from your lips before you could stop them. Holder froze, his hand still clutched around your arm where he had been trying to coax you back to the bedroom and away from the front door that you had just opened. His face flashed a million different emotions at once as he tried to comprehend what you had just said. Finally, he mustered a single, “What?”

“I’m sorry, I should have told you sooner, but I started seeing this guy I met.”

“How long?”

“….A little over a month.” When you saw the shock in his eyes, you tried to explain further. “We’ve just been on a few dates. We’re not exclusive or anything and we haven’t even slept together yet!”

Holder’s face crumpled into a mass of pain and betrayal. “So, that’s what this is? You been comin’ here the last few weeks, sleepin’ with me and the whole time, you’re thinkin’ of him?”

“No, that’s not-”

“He gets you all hot an’ bothered and I’m just the fix?”

“No! Never, it’s not like that! It’s just…I don’t have the same feelings for you that you do for me. If I would have known, I would have ended this a lot sooner. It was just supposed to be some uncomplicated fun. I’m so sorry.”

“Get out.” The words were icy and detached. Holder had never once spoken to you like that in all the years you knew each other and it shook you to your core.

“Stephen…. please.”

“I said get the fuck out!” He roared, a fire now lit in his eyes as he shoved your bag into your arms, causing you to stumble backwards out his open front door. Before you could try to think of anything that could make the situation better, he slammed the door in your face. As you stood there uncertain of what to do, you could hear him hurling his things violently on the other side of the door, tearing apart his peaceful dojo, his sanctuary of light he had created for himself. Destroying the one place he had felt safe since getting clean. And it was all your fault.

You knew as soon as you started seeing Glenn you should have told Holder the truth. But for some reason, you had always found some excuse not to. This time will be the last I will sleep with him. Or maybe just one more time after this. But now, everything was broken, and you weren’t sure if it could ever be fixed.

A week later, you finally got up the courage to go see Holder. Nothing had changed, you were still seeing Glenn, but you wanted to clear the air. You had tried calling him every day, always leaving long, apologetic messages begging him to call you back. But he never did. You had even tried driving by the station multiple times, but his car was never there. So, this was your last resort. Even though you didn’t love Holder in a romantic way, he had been your partner for years and a close friend for even longer. You didn’t want to lose him from your life no matter how much begging and groveling it took.

You walked to the door you had approached hundreds of times before, but this time you hesitated. You still weren’t quite sure what you were going to say to him, or if he would even let you in, but you had to try. So after timidly knocking on the door, you waited for the unknown. As you heard the lock turning, you braced yourself for his anger or his pain, but you were met with neither. Instead, you were greeted by an elderly Hispanic woman about your height.

She looked at you politely yet slightly confused. “Yes? May I help you?”

“Uh…. I’m looking for Stephen Holder? He lives here?”

The woman shook her head with a smile. “Oh, I’m sorry, but he moved out a few days ago. This is my apartment now.”

It felt as if all the wind had been forcefully sucked from your lungs. Holder was gone? ….Because of me? But no, this couldn’t be happening. He had his job, his NA meetings, hell, there was no way he would leave Liz and Davie! But the proof was right in front of you. Peering slightly around the woman, you could see everything in the apartment was different. The ratty old leather couch had been replaced by a bright, floral-patterned sofa. The dusty blinds had been covered by thick curtains. And the shelves that had been filled with books and games were now covered in pictures of who you could only assume were this lady’s grandkids. Nothing of Holder remained.

Finally, you turned back to the woman and asked, “I’m really sorry to bother you. He just forgot to tell me he was moving, I guess. You wouldn’t happen to know where he went, would you?”

“I’m afraid not. He had me forward any mail to his sister. He didn’t leave an address for himself.”

You nodded, still in shock. “Okay, thank you very much and I’m sorry again for bothering you.”

You turned to leave, but the woman stopped you. “You wouldn’t happen to be his old partner?”

You whirled around, hopefully. “I am.”

“He left something for you, in case you stopped by.” The woman shuffled back into the apartment.

After what seemed like an eternity, she returned with a small box. Slowly opening the lid, you had to hold back a sob as you saw Holder’s gold chain nestled inside. You had bought it for him for your one-year anniversary of being partners. Since that day when you had secured it around his neck, he had never taken it off. Until now.

Lifting it from the box, you noticed that the clasp had been snapped off, as if he had ripped it from his neck. It had been a sturdy hook and it must have really hurt to tear it hard enough to break it. Does he really hate me that much? You nodded a thanks to the new occupant of Holder’s apartment and began walking down the hall, wiping tears from your eyes as you went.

As you exited the building, you pulled out your phone and dialed one of the only people Holder might have told where he was going. She answered on the third ring.

“You shouldn’t be calling me.”

“Where is he?”

“He’s gone. He quit homicide five days ago. Just packed up his desk and left. He said he couldn’t stay here anymore, and he was going to try to find a job somewhere else.”

“Where is he, Linden. I know you know.”

“Even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you. He did nothing but worship the ground you walked on, and you ripped his heart out.”

“I didn’t know.”

“The hell you didn’t. If you ask me, he’s better off without you.” The line went dead. And with it went all of your hopes of finding Holder.

You knew you could go try to get it out of Liz, but as desperate as you were to find him, you knew better than to cross that line. Holder’s sister and his nephew were his whole life, but they had a very tenuous relationship after he started using drugs. They had just started getting back to a good place, and you weren’t going to do anything that might affect that reconciliation.

So, all you could do was head home and pray that, someday, you might find your best friend once again.

Time passed by, and there wasn’t a day you didn’t think about Holder. For the first month or so, you thought you saw him everywhere. You chased down a fair number of tall, hoodie wearing strangers before you finally came to the realization that he was well and truly gone.

But that didn’t stop the ache you felt. You were left haunted by that last glimpse of him as he slammed the door on you. All the pain, anger, and betrayal etched into his face was all you could see when you thought of him. Every happy memory, every good time together was now tainted by the secret you had kept and the hurt it had caused him.

But the ultimate karmic justice came about three months after Holder left. You and Glenn had broken up a few weeks before after a rather nasty fight which led to an even nastier confrontation. But you didn’t care. Something had felt off for a while, but you couldn’t place your finger on what. So, one afternoon, you were taking a walk through the park, trying to clear your head. As you approached the fountain, you noticed a single monarch butterfly land gracefully on a flower. Sitting down on one of the nearby benches, you watched as it flitted from one plant to another.

You smiled as you remembered lying on Holder’s bed, flipping through his butterfly book while he lay behind you, peppering soft kisses across your bare shoulder and up your neck. He would only pause long enough to drop another fact about the insects before returning to his caresses, his moustache tickling your skin. And when he reached your lips, you rolled over on top of him, the book falling to the floor forgotten.

As you snapped out of the memory, you realized you had been absentmindedly stroking Holder’s chain which has resided on your neck since you had the clasp fixed. Suddenly, all the joy from the memory was sucked into the black hole that had opened in your chest. It became just another casualty of Holder’s disappearance.

But why did it hurt so bad? Why, after all this time did you care this much? He was your best friend, but you had lost friends before. It sucked then you moved on. But this… this was so much more. You thought about him constantly, cried yourself to sleep over missing him, everything good you had left of him had slowly just turned to pain. But you guessed that’s what happened when you lost someone who you loved.

You froze as the realization hit you like a bucket of ice water to the face. I love Holder. That’s why this hurt so much. That’s why you never felt right in your relationship with Glenn. That’s why you couldn’t move past Holder’s departure. Because you loved him! You were in love with Stephen Holder!

You burst into tears as you came to terms with this discovery. Without even realizing it, your friendship and fooling around had developed into something monumentally deeper. And you had pushed him away for loving you when you had loved him at the same time. He was gone because you had been too stupid to realize your real feelings.

For the next hour, you sat on that park bench with no one but the butterfly to watch as you wept for the man you still loved and who you had lost.

The next two years seemed to simultaneously fly by and drag on forever. You tried to move on with your life and forget about Holder but that was much easier said than done. The guilt and regret about how things had ended between the two of you ate at you every day. You tried to go on a few dates, but your mind always circled back to him and after a while, you just gave up. Once things had calmed down some, you had tried to talk to Linden again, but she was still almost as furious at you for causing him to leave as you were at yourself. Finally, you just came to accept that you were just never going to see him again.

Call it fate, call it coincidence, call it dump luck, call it divine intervention, but sometimes things happen for a reason. Your sister’s birthday was coming up and you found out that a bookstore in Tacoma had the limited edition she had been wanting for years. So, after the relatively short 40-minute drive from Seattle, you decided to explore the city some. It was a beautiful day, one of the first warm days Washington had seen since the fall, and you found yourself headed into a park by the water.

The park was busy but not exactly what you would call crowded. As you walked along the bay, looking at all the fish and birds out in the water, you glanced at a couple sitting at one of the tables up ahead and stopped dead in your tracks. The man had his back to you, but his tall frame, dirty blond hair, and gray hoodie all screamed Holder. You took a hesitant step towards him before mentally slapping yourself. You are better than this! You haven’t imagined seeing him in over a year. Not every tall guy in a sweatshirt is Stephen Holder. Pull yourself together! And so, you kept walking.

But as you got closer, more and more things about the man stood out to you. His posture, his movements, the cigarette dangling from his fingers. It was all him. You stopped directly behind the man, uncertain about what to do. But then he laughed, and you knew. It was a sound that both blessed and haunted your dreams. A sound you never thought you would hear in the waking world again.

Breathlessly, you whispered, “Holder.”

The man stiffened slightly before turning around. Oh god! It was him! He looked just the same as you remembered him, if slightly more cleaned up and less scruffy. He blinked in surprise as he saw you there and for a moment, you weren’t sure how he would react. The pain and hurt that had been branded in your brain for the past two years flickered across his face as he recognized you, and for a moment, you thought this had been a mistake. But then, his face softened and he broke into a playful grin as he threw open his arms.

“Yo! Whacha doin’ here, girl? I can’t believe it. ‘Bout time you finally tracked me down. No wonder you never made detective.” He wrapped himself around your smaller frame as he pulled you in for a hug. You stood there in shock for a second before returning the embrace with all of your strength. It’s him….It’s actually him! And he’s not mad.

Holder chuckled as he squirmed in your grasp. “Hey, hey, I missed you too! But I got ta breathe!”

You released him immediately, taking a few steps back. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t expect…I mean I didn’t know….Are you living here now?”

“Yep. Moved here right after I left. Needed a place still close to Liz an’ Davie but still gave me some distance, you know what I’m sayin’?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course….. I’m just so surprised to see you! I was just in town picking something up and decided to go for a walk and here you are.” You still weren’t sure how to treat him, how he saw you. Were you an old friend or a bitter enemy?

But his smile gave you hope. He glanced over at the girl he was with, and said, “Hey, can I catch you later?” The girl glared at you but nodded, grabbed her stuff, and walked away.

Holder grabbed your hand and began pulling you away from the water. “Here, I know a place that’s normally pretty empty. Give us a lil’ more privacy.”

You allowed him to lead you past the tourists and families spending the afternoon together until it was just the two of you in the heart of the park. Holder let go of your hand and turned to face you. Both of you seemed to be examining the other, looking for the people you were years ago.

Finally, Holder nodded slightly to your neck. “You got what I left for you, so I guess you went by my place.”

Your hand flew to his chain that hung around your neck. “Oh, yeah. I stopped by about a week after…it happened. The new tenant gave it to me. I took it down and got the clasp fix and……It just felt wrong keeping it in that box, so I’ve been wearing it ever since.”

“I’m glad. It looks good on you.” You felt your cheeks grow warm and you turned to apologize, but Holder cut you off. “So, ya still with Jeff or Gordon or whoever?”

“Glenn. Uh, no….that didn’t last very long.”

You subconsciously rubbed your cheek, and Holder noticed. He reached out as he brushed your hand and hair to the side, revealing the scar that was usually hidden.

You saw his jaw tighten as he asked. “Did he hit you or somethin’?”

You shrugged softly. “Only once. He had a ring on. But you know I don’t tolerate shit like that. He was out on his ass before the sting of his hand was gone.”

Holder chuckled, some of the tension visibly vanishing from his body as he ran his thumb lightly over the mark. “Bet he didn’t leave in one piece either. Woulda loved to see that.”

Biting your lip, you suppressed a small smile. “Let’s just say, all those Jiu-Jitsu classes you talked me into taking came in good use that night.”

“That’s my girl!” His grin quickly faded as he realized what he had said. His hands instantly dropped to his side and he stepped back, putting quite a bit of distance between you.

Both of you stood in an awkward silence for a moment before you finally burst out, “I’m so sorry, Holder! I was wrong about everything! Even before Glenn hit me, I was already planning on leaving him. I realized something was off in our relationship, but I didn’t know what. And then a few weeks later, I saw a butterfly on my way to work, and it made me think of that book you used to have, and our time together and it just hit me. I love you, Holder. I love you now and I loved you back then, I was just too stupid to see it. And I’m not expecting you to forgive me or even want to be friends. But I just needed you to kno-”

His mouth was suddenly smashed against yours, cutting off the rest of your words. For a moment, you were so shocked that you didn't know how to respond. But as he deepened the kiss, you let yourself fall into him just like old times. As his hands came up and cupped your cheeks, you ran yours through his hair, pulling him in closer. The kiss felt almost the same as you remembered it, but there was a fire behind it that hadn’t been there before. A neediness that only came from years of separation.

When the two of you finally broke apart, panting slightly, you gazed up at him in wonder. But he just smiled his same old dopey grin. “I love you too, mama. Never stopped.”

“Really?” you breathed. “But the woman you were with? You’re not…”

“Nah, Jasmine? I’m her NA sponsor. I’m goin’ on five years clean,” he said proudly.

You grabbed his hands tightly. “Oh my god, Holder! That’s amazing! I was afraid after… you might have...”

His face dropped slightly. “I thought about it. A lot. Came really close, had the stuff in my hand an’ everythin’. But I knew it ain’t what you would’ve wanted. You were always so proud of me an’ supportive an’ shit. Even after what happened, I couldn’t let you down like that. So, I stopped myself and I still haven’t used since that night you first found me.”

You threw your arms around his neck, forcing him to crouch slightly to compensate for your height difference. “You’re right, I am so incredibly proud of you. And I’m so sorry I put you in that position in the first place. If I had just taken my head out of my ass long enough to see what I had, none of this would have happened. These last two years…. We could have shared them together.”

Holder straightened up suddenly, causing you to have to let go of him. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, as he stared down at you. “Listen, I… I never stopped lovin’ you. But, that don’t mean I lived like a saint these last two years neither.”

You stared at him nervously. “What do you mean? You said you were still off the drugs.”

“Yeah, it ain’t that…….I got a kid. A daughter.”

“Oh.” You weren’t quite sure how to take this news. After all, you were the one who broke his heart. He had every right to go out and sleep with every girl in the state if he wanted. In fact, the two of you had never really even been a couple. He never had to have any loyalty to you, you sure hadn’t had any to him. Yet, for some reason, this revelation still stung.

“Me and her moms dated for a few months, but my heart just wasn’t in it. Then a few weeks later, she tells me she’s pregnant. So… yeah.”

“Wow… congratulations! That’s wonderful Holder.” You pulled him back in for another hug of celebration, but you also used the opportunity to hide your face as you tried to fight the flood of emotions swimming across it. “What’s her name?”

“Kalia. She just turned one a few weeks ago.” You could hear he was still nervous, but there was also a pride and excitement underneath that you had rarely ever heard from him. “She’s fuckin’ amazin’! Everythin’ she does just blows me away, you know what I’m sayin’? An’ she’s already gettin’ so big! She used to fit in one of my hands, an’ now she’s huge! We have joint custody, so I don’t see her every day, but each time I do, she seems bigger! It’s incredible!”

You looked up at Holder’s face and marveled at the joy lighting up his face. You had never seen him happier. And that was enough for you. Anything that could make Holder smile like that, you couldn’t be upset about. “I would love the chance to meet her one day…. If that would be okay?”

Just when you thought Holder’s smile couldn’t get any bigger, it did. “Fo’ real? Like fo’ real, fo’ real? You’d want to meet her?”

“Of course, but only if and when you’re comfortable with that, I don’t want to pressure you. But, I mean, she’s a part of you, Holder. And after so long without you, I want every part of you that I can get. Now and forever.”

He pulled your body tight against his as he leaned down until his forehead was pressed firmly against yours. His smile was shining just as brightly as before. “Mama, you got me, all of me. Then, now, and forever.”

[ggswaywardgifrepository]

TW; smoking

I wanted to track this clip down earlier because it was recently the anniversary of Ron Glass's passing. Alas, I couldn't find it until tonight.

Detective Harris in a nutshell. His clothes were ruined in the line of duty and he's seeking reimbursement as only he could do.

He's seriously such a great character. His priority is his wardrobe and he'd rather be writing, although the latter doesn't get a mention in this particular clip.

[artblooger19moon]

Lavender Linden, Amber, Pigment use Candy Corn to bother/mess with Mewtwo

So, Mewtwo, I'm seeing so much pumpkin spice slander. However, a more definitive answer for fall vibes when it comes to sweets is Candy Corn. So, like or kill?

Kill it, burn it in fire, put it in the shredder machine, smash it, and reduce it to atoms.

I dont care what people say, all it is is sugary fondant that tastes like wax...you people are basically eating edible wax! People who like candy corn need to be in straight jackets, someone truly hurt you in the past and you scare the fuck out of me

[loupy-mongoose]

WARNING: THIS PART CONTAINS IMPLIED DEATH...

PREVIOUS NEXT (Finale)

START | CHRONO

This is where it started. This idea.

A human trapped under debris in a collapsing building, and a Mew taking his memories to "save" him...

That idea is the seed from which Linden Roots grew...

Judging by the asks and theories I've received, a looooot of you saw this coming. I've loved reading all the theories, even if I didn't reply to the vast majority of them! (I've seen several mentions of Detective Pikachu--While I did watch it years ago, I had forgotten about that element of the movie. It could've been a subconscious influence.)

This one cements the answer to the big question of my story, but the facility arc isn't done quite yet. There's one more to go. One more part of Mo's sendoff...

[romancemedia]

I've got to start making a list to remind me of the new ship names from all the new anime couples since last year.

Shallanne - Anne and Shall (Sugar Apple Fairy Tale)

Miyoka - Miyo and Kiyoka (My Happy Marriage)

Noahrali - Noah and Raeliana (Why Raeliana Ended Up at the Duke's Mansion)

Itsuyuki - Yuki and Itsuomi (A Sign of Affection)

Jinmao - Maomao and Jinshi (The Apothecary Diaries)

LeoSari - Sariphi and Leonhart (Sacrificial Princess and the King of Beasts)

The only couples that don't seem to have a ship name (at least none that I'm aware of) are...

Akane and Yamada (My Love Story with Yamada at Lv999)

Rishe and Arnold (7th Time Loop)

Elise and Linden (Doctor Elise)

Amane and Mahiru (The Angel Next Door Spoils Me Rotten)

Yumiella and Patrick (Villainess Level 99)

I love anime ship names. They are so cute! My other favourite ship names also include some beloved favourites...

InuKag - Inuyasha and Kagome (Inuyasha)

Zenyuki - Zen and Shirayuki (Snow White with the Red Hair)

Hakyona - Yona and Hak (Yona of the Dawn)

ShinRan - Shinichi and Ran (Detective Conan)

MirSan - Miroku and Sango (Inuyasha)

Kyoru - Tohru and Kyo (Fruits Basket)

[blackbatcass]

hii linden! i kinda needed some help

so, i wanna read some comics based on:

donna troy, cass cain and wally west

but i have literally noo idea where to start 😭 ofc ik the basics but i was hoping you could suggest something?? thank you so much if you do and have a wonderful day!

yeah i gotchu!! those are literally my besties lol i can definitely give you some recs. i'm not sure what you'd consider to be the basics so i'll just include all the big stuff to be thorough

donna troy:

first rec is always new teen titans as you probably would have guessed lol. it is a very long and arduous undertaking though so some more specific recs would be vol. 1 #38, #50, vol. 2 #18-21, #50-55.

i've gone into more detail on her appearances in darkstars, green lantern etc but honestly though they are important to understand the status quo & what was going on with her, i don't think they're very good comics to just read for donna. my next rec would probably be wonder woman (1987) #126-136, which is a VERY important arc for her. it goes into more detail on her origin, reconnects her to the amazons & diana, and i believe is where she officially passes on the wonder girl mantle to cassie. and she appears frequently throughout the rest of that wonder woman run after the arc if you want to continue on!

titans (1999) is another big one, beloved beloved comic. lots of good donna content.

titans/young justice: graduation day #1-3 YIKES! unfortunately pivotal to her story lol

dc special: the return of donna troy look. i know I gush about this comic like it's my full time job. but honest to god i adore it to pieces, it's a love letter to donna and her history and it's one of my favorite comics of all time despite only being 4 issues. begging everyone on the planet to read it rn

cass cain:

cass was famously introduced in batman: no man's land! now that event is very very long so it might seem tempting to skip straight to bg 2000 but i'm here to tell you to not do that. if nothing else it is PIVOTAL that you read her introduction issues (mark of cain pts 1 & 2), batman #567 and detective comics #734. probably the coolest most metal introduction of any comics character in history, it's that good. if you're interested in cass's role in nml but not the whole thing, here's a list of her appearances:

Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #120

Azrael: Agent of the Bat #56

Azrael: Agent of the Bat #57

Batman Chronicles #18

Batman #569

Detective Comics #738

Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #124

Batman: Shadow of the Bat #92

Detective Comics #739

Batman: Shadow of the Bat #93

Azrael: Agent of the Bat #60-61

Detective Comics #741

i think nml is essential reading for cass and it makes me sad that a lot of people skip it.

next is, of course, batgirl (2000). it's her character bible it's god's (kelley puckett's) gift to mankind it's maybe the best comic ever written. what more can i say

she's also a fixture in gotham knights! cass was a part of most batfamily events in the early 2000s, ex. officer down, joker's last laugh, war games, bruce wayne: murderer? and bruce wayne: fugitive. it's pretty easy to find them since they mostly cross over with her batgirl run.

detective comics #790 is only one issue but it's. ough.

aaaaand then we get into the evil cass arc stuff which just sucks and isn't worth it. she's pretty much written out of the story for a while, other than red robin #17 & #25.

she does show up as black bat in gates of gotham! i really enjoy that story, and it's only 5 issues.

that gets us to new52. i would completely disregard her rebirth and batgirls appearances honestly. she is a part of the current birds of prey ongoing! and while i am not kelly thompson's biggest fan i do think she gets a lot of cool moments and for the most part she's done right.

she is also featured sporadically throughout ram v's gotham nocturne storyline (it started way back in detective comics #1062 if you want to read the whole arc, it's VERY good). i have to give a special shoutout to #1084, which has a backup story that's focused on cass and it legitamately blew my mind. like i couldn't believe my eyes when i was reading it, maybe it's because cass has been done so dirty over the years that anything makes me happy but to get a cass-centric story featuring shiva that cares about her as a character in 2024 was crazy 2 me i will rave about it forever. thank you alex paknadel.

wally west:

the good news is my wally reclist is WAY less complicated. as is predictable for me, pretty much the only wally rec I have is flash volume 2 (1987). it is for all intents and purposes The Story of Wally West tm. it's his character bible it follows him throughout nearly a decade of his life. because it's so long my specific rec would be to read waid's run on it, from #62-142. if you want more context to his life at the time you can start earlier in the comic, i think #31 is a good jumping on point if you want to experience some messner-loebs but not too much messner-loebs lmfao.

he's featured in titans (1999) until about issue #20, iirc. wally is just fated to quit titans teams lol. there is some good stuff with him up until that point though!

that is honestly about all i got until you get to more modern flash comics. after rebirth he's reintroduced in flash vol. 5, and #768-800 is the jeremy adams run.

he's also the main focus in si spurrier's flash vol. 6! aka the current flash ongoing. which... as i have often said, i am a big fan of.

AND THAT’S MY LIST!!! i hope it helped you out at least a little lol!

[balkanradfem]

Finding Ginko

So, a while ago I was researching what trees are planted in the parks, in the city I live in, so I would recognize them more easily; I found out they were planted 200 years ago, and it's mostly wild chestnuts, lindens, and maple-leaf sycamores. I also found out that somewhere in the city parks, there is one Ginko tree. This immediately thrilled me, because I knew about the Ginko tree from anime, there was a few episodes of Detective Conan specifically about this tree. So I knew it was originally asian, I knew it had beautiful, fan-shaped leaves, and I was a weeb deeply in my heart still, so I decied that one day, I would find this Ginko, and enjoy the japanese anime tree (the tree originated in China).

Yesterday, I watched a video on medicinal properties of Ginko, and I found out that the leaves have healing properties for brain, memory, and ears. These are the 3 things I consistently have problems with, so I generated a plan; I would find the Ginko, get the leaves, make infusion, drink it every day, get my head fixed. I continued watching the video, and it was revealed that not only it had these healing properties, but also female trees could grow nuts that originally would smell very bad (they referenced dog poop smell) but if you cleaned them properly, and dried them, you could roast them and they'd be delicious, addictive even. So now my brain has generated a new plan: Find Ginko, wait until the seeds fall, propagate it, grow my own, have it growing in my food forest, have the medicinal properties + delicious nut forever. I am going to get my hands on that tree.

So I went out the same day, on my bike, to scout the parks for the elusive Ginko tree! It took me 5 minutes to spot it. It wasn't where the article suggested it would be, but in the random walkway, and it was a majestic, beautiful tree. However, the people responsible for prunining the park's trees, have messed it all up for me. All the lower branches were pruned so heavily, that the lowest branch was still several meters out of my reach. I couldn't get a single leaf. I couldn't climb on the nearby fence as it was spiked. The city was not gonna let me get my ginko leaves.

I despaired for a second, then figured, maybe there's a second ginko tree. This one did not look 200 years old, it looked younger. And the article suggested it was in a place by the river, where trees were at first planted in a botanical garden, and at first every tree had a plaque; I knew where this place was. I said bye to the tall, unreachable ginko, and went on my merry way to seek another.

This time it took me longer. I checked every tree I couldn't immediately recognize up close. In my journey, I inspected one inconspicious tree that was growing next to a restaurant, that I never before paid attention to, and discovered it was a mulberry! Absolutely delighted, I started picking fruit and putting it directly in my mouth; it was delicious. Insane that I didn't know about this fruit tree! A group of girls saw me eating from the tree, and they also went to inspect it; they were delighted, and commented on how long it has been the last time they tried a mulberry. Mulberries are an ancient slavic fruit, my great-grandmother had one in her backyard and I used to climb it and eat from it all day. But a lot of them got cut down because it doesn't have commercial purposes, it doesn't store well, you have to eat it as soon as you grab it from the tree.

Happy with my discovery, I would go on, and not spot any tree with ginko leaves, but I found this plaque!

This is the original ginko tree, the one planted 200 years ago. It was so tall and unnacessible, I couldn't even see the shape of leaves up there, the branches were pruned to 7 meters up. It was almost funny how badly my plan was going; I found two ginko trees, and a mulberry, and yet I had nothing to bring home with me. But then I thought, wait, this ginko was here for 200 years, it could have managed to plant itself somewhere, and it's such a valuable and exotic tree, I'm sure they would allow another one to grow. So I sniffed around and searched the area, and finally. I found another, very young ginko tree. So young they couldn't trim the branches 7 meters up, as it was only 5 meters tall. And I was able to get some leaves!

(That is the tall, unreachable ginko tree in the first picture)

Pleased with myself, I went home and made tea. The tea is almost completely transparent, with only a slight yellow tint, and it tastes very mildly sweet; the only thing I could compare it to is the pleasant taste of tree bark. But I like it, I can drink this every day now I know where to find it. Isn't it cool someone planted this tree 200 years ago and I read about it, found it, and was able to make tea from it? Thank you people who planted the Ginko!

[spidersdad]

Detective Linden: Where'd you find this kid?

Rossi: He was left in a basket on the steps of the FBI.

Spencer: dAaaadd, stop embarrassing me

[artstar1997]

Here are the older trolls as monsters for my monster au. It’s kinda fancier and more complicated to finish them because their designs have lots of details.

Peppy is a former alpha of his pack, now that one of the twins, Poppy ends up taking over the position while Viva, the other twin formed her own. He was Bastion’s best wolf buddy ever since they prowled in their 100’s. Being very close to the vampire prince, Peppy became the best wolf in his wedding and vice versa when he got married to his mate. He hasn’t seen the vampire couple for so long until they finally reunite and had to band together to fight the evil horde that is trying to invade the monster world.

Prince Bastion of the Nevermore Clan is one of the few vampires who tolerated werewolves since he’s best friends with Peppy. They were inseparable like bats in the ceiling ever since they met as a batling and wolf pup respectively. Alongside Dr. Moonbloom, Mags Gumdrop, and Sky Toronto, they loved prowling in the woods and scaring anyone in their way. When Bastion ends up marrying Jasmine Dracula, he and everybody else were attacked by a mob of angry humans and they fought their way out to the shadows for their safety. When they had Rose, they had no choice but to keep her safe by giving her up to his mother, Queen Celestia so that she can grow up safely and prepared to become the next vampire queen. They make sure their other children, Linden, Aurora, and Twilight are prepared for their roles in fighting the divine republic while watching over Rose in a distance. He was later reunited with her and Peppy after years on being on a lookout and he joins forces with the other monsters to fight their common enemy. His vampire gift is the ability to detect lies. As the younger sister of the infamous Count Dracula, Jasmine’s vampire gift is darkness manipulation, which is one hundred percent stronger since she is a part of the vampire king’s family.

Queen Celestia is the queen of the vampires. She was a former consort of the late vampire king and the mother of six children, having five daughters and one son, Bastion. As a proud grandmother, Celestia had lived thousands of years and still haven’t aged since vampires are ageless. She is also very close to Rose, whom she have raised to become next in line to the throne and to fulfill her destiny, even though she has to sacrifice herself to protect her beloved family. Her vampire gift is the siren song.

Quincy and Essence are plant monsters who were born from the seeds of different plants, with Quincy’s being formed from an unspecified tree while Essence came from a rare corpse flower. They lead their own monster community while raising their sons, Cooper and Darnell but they have to move to a settlement near the Nevermore Castle because of the monster hunter. Now, they welcome two more plant monsters to their family, Jussy, and Emi, who both became the love interests of their sons.

Trollzart is a harpy who is the leader of his own flock and one of the monster communities. Not much was known about him but he is a ferocious attacker and hunter if any human or rogue attack any monster under his wing.

Delta Dawn is a deerling who leads her own monster community and the Wildhoof tribe. She looks friendly at first glance and she was initially sympathetic but she can be protective of all the monsters from humans, whom she harbors resentment because of ecological destruction and the persecution of humans. She has a sassy attitude and love for all "Southern" things, as well as being as smart as a whip, but she is also in a zing with Dickory.

Thrash is a former alpha of his pack, which is now lead by his daughter, Barb. He is absent-minded, but he dotes his daughter a lot and was a skilled hunter and warrior who showed no mercy on the Gileadeans that he tore apart for years. Despite his senility, he is willing to accept other monsters, including innocent humans.

The next one will be a pawful so be prepared, ghouls and mansters.

[lgbtqreads]

Do you have any recs for books with detective/investigator partners or something similar? I think the mix of so many hours and years spent together and the crime and danger aspect lends itself to eroticism. Any pairing. My favorites are Scully and Mulder, Linden and Holder from The Killing and Rust and Marty from True Detective. (If anyone has any recs for movies or tv shows too i would love that haha). Thank you! :)

Yep, just answered this yesterday with a few! https://www.tumblr.com/lgbtqreads/765775269250416640/hello-can-you-recommend-any-funnyamusing?source=share and the Ask was spun off OP's enjoying Allie Therin's Sugar & Vice series.

I will also add Louisa & Ada by Sarah Bell and Domestic Partners in Crime by Frank Anthony Polito. I'm also deeply looking forward to this book by Ruthie Knox and Annie Mare.

[a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all]

Please Wake Up

Fandom: The Killing, Stephen Holder

Summary: Stephen goes missing in the middle of a case so you join the search party even though you ended things with him a few weeks ago. However, as you search, some revelations make you rethink your decision to break up with him.

Word Count: 4502

TW: Angst, Happy Ending, Blood, Mentions of beatings, Unconsciousness, Missing person, References to cheating/infidelity

Note: Takes place during 2x08 of The Killing

Your phone rang for the third time in the last sixty seconds and for the third time you let it go to voicemail. It was really pathetic that he had resorted to having her call you to try to talk you into taking him back.

However, the fourth time it rang, you lost your patience. Picking up the phone, you huffed in frustration, “Linden, you need to stop calling me. I’m done and there’s nothing you can say to get me to take Stephen back.”

“Holder’s missing.”

“W-what? What do you mean, missing?” You gripped the phone tighter, pressing it closer to your ear.

“We were working a case at the Wapi Eagle Casino. I needed to sneak in to gather some evidence, so he caused a distraction. When I came back, he was gone.”

“Do you know what happened?” There was only silence on the other end of the line. “Linden! Where is he!”

“I don’t know. But….” She trailed off.

“Damn it, Linden! You called me! Now talk! I can handle it.”

You heard a deep sigh, and when Liden spoke again, her voice was strained and hoarse. “I got a call a few hours ago from Holder’s phone. When I picked up, all I could hear was him crying out as they beat him.” A chest-rattling sob tore through you, but Linden continued. “I called in the whole department as soon as they hung up, and we should be ready in a few minutes to start a search.”

“How…how can they think they can get away with this?” you managed to choke out.

“These people think they can do whatever they want because legally, they don’t fall under the jurisdiction of the Seattle Police Department. The casino is on the Indian Reservation so they have their own laws. They’re hiding something from us, and they are trying to use Holder as a way to send a message for us to back off.”

You had to take a few deep breaths before you could ask, “They won’t… they can’t kill him…can they?”

When she doesn’t respond, it is all the answer you need. Another irrepressible sob ripped from your lips as you sunk to the floor. Even though you had been the one to end things with Stephen a few weeks ago, you still loved him and the thought of this happening to him was too much for you to bear.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go. The rest of the search team just arrived, and we need to start looking for him.”

“I’m coming to help.”

“No.” Linden said firmly. “I know you want to be here, but you can’t. We’re already breaking a lot of rules with our team being here, I can’t allow a civilian to come too.”

“I’m coming.” You responded just as firmly. “Besides, I’m a nurse. If we find him… if they hurt him really badly…I can help. You have to have some sort of medical team there, just say I’m with them.” You paused and there was silence on the other end. “Please, Sarah….I have to do something. Please.”

“Fine. I’ll text you the location. You’ll have to take the ferry.” She paused. “And I don’t know what we are going to find. So…prepare yourself for the worst.”

It took you an hour and a half to get out to the island where the casino was located, and every minute of the trip was pure agony. You couldn’t stop imagining all the things those people might have done to Stephen. You thought back to the first time you had met him, when he and Linden had come by the hospital to interview a suspect. He was so different from any other guy you had ever met, and when he asked for your number before he left, you couldn’t say no. And the next year with him was the happiest of your life. He had turned out to be everything you always wanted but never knew. Yet, you had thrown it all away.

Liden met you at the docks when the ferry finally pulled up to shore. Neither of you said a word as you climbed into her car and she drove out to the search location. The two of you had always gotten along really well whenever Stephen had brought you together. But now, there was a tension that hung in the air, and you weren’t sure if it was from the current situation or from your breakup with her partner.

When you finally arrived at the base camp that had been set up, the two of you quickly joined the search efforts. For the next five hours, you walked side by side, combing through every inch of the forest along with a handful of other police officers.

Occasionally, you and Linden would exchange some brief small talk or point out something you had noticed. But for the most part, you searched in silence.

Until that is, Linden suddenly blurted out, “Can I ask you something?”

You sighed heavily, jamming your hands into your pockets. It was inevitable she was going to bring it up and you were honestly just surprised it had taken this long. “You want to know why I ended things with Stephen.”

“Well… yes. It’s clear you still care about him, and I know he still cares about you. So, what happened?”

“There was too much baggage. It got in the way, and I couldn’t move past it.”

She nodded in understanding. “I know he’s had a difficult past, but he really is trying to do better, to be better.”

You stopped walking as you stared down at the ground. Softly, you muttered, “It wasn’t his baggage…. It was mine.”

Linden looked at you in surprise. “Oh… I’m sorry. I didn’t know…”

“It’s stupid. And I realized it was stupid even as I was breaking up with him and every moment since, but I just couldn’t move past it.”

“Do you want to talk about it? I know we don’t know each other that well, but sometimes it helps to talk things out with someone on the outside.”

You sighed as you began walking again, “Most kids grow up thinking their parents are perfect. That they walk on water and can do no wrong. Well, I didn’t. For as long as I can remember, I knew that something was wrong with my parent’s relationship, even if I didn’t understand it. It wasn’t until I was eight that I realized why my dad stayed out late a few nights a week and why when he came home, he always smelled like a different perfume. Why I recognized the hair on his jacket or the lipstick on his neck. And I hated him for it. For putting my mom through it, week after week. Acting like he wasn’t screwing half the women in town.

“Yet as much as I hated him for doing it, I hated my mom just as much for putting up with it. She pretended she didn’t know, that she didn’t hear the whispers or see the stares, but she did. She just let herself be a laughingstock because it was easier than confronting the problem. And I swore to myself that I would never grow up to be like her.”

“But, as they say, we all become our parents.” You turned to Linden. “Did Stephen ever tell you I was engaged once?”

She shook her head. “No, he never mentioned it.”

“It lasted three days. We had dated for over a year when he popped the question. It was the happiest I had ever been up to that point in my life. That is until three days later he came home and asked for the ring back. He told me he had gotten his secretary pregnant, and he was going to marry her instead. Apparently, she was the work he was always staying late to finish. And I realized, I had become my mother. It was a real eye-opener and I promised myself I wouldn’t let it happen again.

“So, that night when Stephen came home….” You stared off into the darkness, recalling every moment of that last night. “It was too much. I couldn’t handle it.” You glanced over at Liden but then quickly looked away. “How much did he tell you about what happened that night?”

“Not much. Just that it had been your anniversary and he missed it because of the case. When he got home, you had had enough, and you ended it.”

“Basically, yes. But that’s not the whole story.” You sighed. “He came home at 3:40 in the morning. I was mad he missed our anniversary and didn’t even call to let me know. But he apologized, told me that the two of you had gotten stuck on a stakeout with no phone service and that he was so sorry. He said he had planned a huge surprise at dinner but that now was as good of a time as any. And he proposed.”

Linden blinked in surprise. “Oh, uh, no. He didn’t mention that. So, I’m guessing you said no?”

You shook your head. “I said yes. Of course, I said yes! I love that man with every fiber of my being. I still do! But when he slipped the ring on my finger and pulled me in for a kiss…. I could smell you on him.” You ducked your head, unable to look Linden in the eye.

“Me? No, no, no! I would never! Not with Holder! Especially when I knew he was in a relationship. It must have just been from sitting in the car together all night on the stakeout. I swear, I’ve never even thought about him like that!” Linden protested adamantly.

“I know. Damn it, I know!” You ran your hand wearily over your face. “Deep down in my heart of hearts, I know he wouldn’t ever cheat on me, with you or anyone. But I can’t convince my brain of that. Every previous night he didn’t call or didn’t come home until 3 or 4 in the morning, I couldn’t help but remember my dad or my ex sneaking home. And when he missed our anniversary dinner……

“I thought the proposal made up for it, but as soon as I smelled you, all I could think of was when my ex proposed, and I found out the truth days later. I couldn’t put myself through that again. So, I ended things. I broke my own heart before he could break it first. And then I locked all my feelings away. Told myself it was through, and we were done forever. But when you called tonight and told me he was missing, it all came rushing back. I love him. I love him so fucking much. And I want him back. But if something has happened and I never get to tell him…I never get to… apologize… to te-tell him… th-that I….” You couldn’t finish as you dissolved into a hysterical mess of tears and sobs.

Linden wrapped her arms softly around your shaking frame. “Hey, it’s going to be alright. Holder’s stronger than people give him credit for. And he still loves you so much! You’re all he ever talks about. When we find him, he’s going to be thrilled to hear what you have to say. Alright?”

“But it’s been too long. Even if he was still alive…even if they didn’t…It was so cold last night. If he was out here-”

Suddenly, the howling of dogs filled the air. Your head snapped towards the sound, heart pounding in your chest. You and Linden exchanged a look as you both heard an officer call out, “We’ve got something!”

Before Liden could say a word, you tore yourself from her embrace and charged off toward the commotion. Stumbling through the trees and foliage, you ignored the branches that whipped at your face and the uneven terrain that threatened to trip you up. You had one singular focus, and nothing would distract you from your goal.

Just as you saw a clearing up ahead and the sound of the dogs became louder, you heard multiple officers reacting to whatever they had found:

“Jesus.”

“We have him!”

“Officer down, we have a code 3! I repeat, officer down!”

And as you crested the hill, you got your first look at their discovery. There, sprawled out at the base of a massive tree, lay Detective Stephen Holder, face almost unrecognizable behind the blood and dirt.

For a moment, your knees grew weak, and you felt like you were going to collapse to the ground. However, somehow you managed to keep running down the hill towards his broken form even as Linden yelled at you to stop. But you didn’t care about anything, you just needed to reach him. Now.

You pushed past police officers and search dogs until you got to his side. Falling to your knees beside him, you took in the full extent of the damage. The only thing that was keeping you from losing it completely was the slight, almost imperceptible rise and fall of his chest. Laying one hand carefully on the side of his throat, you could feel the weak throb of his pulse beneath his skin. He was definitely alive.

However, his pants and gray hoodie were splattered with mud and various shades of blood, indicating he had been in this state for some time. Based on the blood and condensation that had soaked his clothes, you assumed he had been left here for hours. His right shoe was missing, and his leg was positioned at an awkward angle, though not enough for you to suspect it was broken. His hoodie was bunched up, revealing a section of his stomach that was bruised in dark reds and purples and you were afraid of what you would find if you raised it up any further.

But his face was the worst. Blood covered most of the right side, starting at his hairline and dripping down. At one point, his nose had been actively bleeding and large clots had gotten tangled in his mustache and beard. His lip was split wide, and his teeth were dyed red from the blood dripping from his mouth. You noticed a particularly deep cut on his cheekbone, and you knew it would probably leave a scar.

As you leaned in closer, you noticed a slight shiver traveling through his body from the cold. You quickly ripped off your jacket and laid it over him. Though it was too small to completely cover his much larger frame, you hoped it would provide him some sort of relief.

You gently ran one hand through his damp hair, brushing away blood, dirt, and dew, while you clutched at his hand with your other. Bending down close to his ear, you whispered. “Baby, please. I need you to open your eyes for me. Please. Come on, can you squeeze my hand? Nod? Something? Stephen, I need to know you’re still in there. Please.” There was no response.

Your voice cracked as you tried your best to hold yourself together. “Baby, I love you. Do you hear me? I love you so much, and I never stopped. I should have never left, but I was scared. I’m so sorry. You never gave me any reason to doubt you. I should have trusted you, and I didn’t. So, please baby, just wake up and we can talk about everything. Please….. Stephen…. I need you.” You cupped your hands gently around his face and leaned over until your forehead rested on his. Tears began leaking from your eyes and raining down on his bloody face, creating clean streaks through the mess. But he still didn’t stir.

Linden approached cautiously, and you looked up at her through tear-filled eyes. “He has a pulse, but it’s really weak. We need to get him help now.”

She nodded, eyes never leaving her partner’s mangled form. “The ambulance will be here in a few minutes. Is there anything you can do for him until then?”

“Give me your jacket.” Linden quickly stripped it off and passed it to you. You laid it down on top of Stephen where your jacket had been too small to cover. Running your hands as gently as possible over his body, you said, “I don’t see any wounds from a weapon, like a knife or gun. Mainly just blunt force trauma, likely caused by a fist, foot, or possibly a rod of some kind. He’s definitely suffering from exposure, but as long as he gets help soon, I think he’ll be okay.”

You ran your thumb over a particularly nasty-looking bruise and, after saying a silent apology, you pressed down hard on it. Nothing happened. Stephen didn’t as much as flinch or shift. Your voice shook as you turned back to Linden, “But there’s no responsiveness at all. There’s a chance he might have a brain bleed or some sort of internal bleeding that’s causing an issue I can’t see but there’s nothing I can do here. He needs real medical attention.”

As if on cue, the ambulance suddenly pulled up. Two men quickly climbed out of the back and grabbed a gurney. Linden grabbed your elbow and carefully pulled you to the side as they began to examine Stephen. After a few moments, they lifted him on the gurney and began to wheel him over to their vehicle. But Stephen still didn’t move or make a sound.

As soon as they got him settled, they started to close the back door, but you quickly thrust your hand in. “I’m going with you.” The two of them exchanged glances so you explained. “I’m a nurse at St. Mary’s and his…. girlfriend. Please, I need to make sure he’s okay.”

One of the men sighed. “Fine. We were heading to St. Mary’s anyway. But stay out of the way.”

You nodded as you climbed in and settled on the bench next to Stephen. You heard Linden shout that she would meet you at the hospital just as the doors closed.

The ride to the hospital seemed to take forever. As the emergency crew danced around the gurney, hooking Stephen up to IV’s, monitors, and oxygen while also carefully examining his wounds, your hand remained firmly wrapped around his. Yet, even with all of the movement and commotion around him, he still didn’t move a muscle.

Ignoring everyone else around you, you continued to whisper pleas for him to wake up, to give you some kind of sign he could hear you. But nothing happened. When the ambulance finally arrived at the hospital and they wheeled Stephen off to the OR, you had remained sitting motionless in the back of the vehicle until Linden found you about twenty minutes later.

When she climbed in next to you and drew you into a hug, you had finally fallen apart. Your lip had begun to tremble as your tears began to flow down your face as you sobbed, “He won’t wake up. Linden, why won’t he wake up?” over and over again. She offered no response, instead simply rubbing your back and pulling you in tighter.

They had finally forced you out of the back of the ambulance and Linden managed to talk you into changing your clothes. You hadn’t even noticed until then that you were covered with Stephen’s blood. Luckily, you always kept a spare set of scrubs in your locker in the back. After a quick shower and a change of clothes, you returned to Linden’s side to wait for any news.

It took about an hour, but finally, a doctor who you knew pretty well approached the two of you. He cleared his throat and said, “First of all, he’s going to be fine.”

For the first time since Linden called you, you felt like you could breathe again. Linden squeezed your hand as he continued. “He has several contusions, broken ribs, he’s suffering from exposure, and he needs time to rest. But he is awake and alert.”

Relief surged through you. “He’s awake?”

He nodded. “Yes, but like I said, what he needs most right now is rest. So, I would advise against visitors at the moment.”

“Please… I know he needs rest, but please can I go see him? Just for a minute. I need to see…I need to know…” you bit your lip as you struggled to keep your composure. “Paul, please. For me.”

He hesitated for a moment before he sighed, “Fine. But just for a minute. He should still be awake but if he’s not, DO NOT wake him up.”

You nodded feverishly. “I promise! Thank you so much!” You turned to Linden. “Are you okay waiting here?”

“Of course! Go, go!” She shoved you gently towards his room.

You smiled softly at her. “Thank you, for everything, Linden.” And with that, you took off down the hall.

When you reached Stephen’s room, you peered anxiously through the window. He had been patched up, but you could still see bruises blossoming across his chest and blood seeping through some of his bandages. Yet, when you stepped hesitantly into the room a smile spread across his face when he saw you. However, it couldn’t hide the pain you noticed in his eyes. Whether that was from his injuries or your presence, you couldn’t be sure.

“Hey, mama. Whatcha doin’ here?” He mumbled softly, but his smile slid from his face as he saw what you were wearing. “Oh, I didn’t know they brought me ta where you work. Sorry if this is weird for you.” He shifted slightly so he wasn’t directly facing you anymore and you saw the shiver of pain course through his body at the movement.

You moved to the other side of the bed, planting yourself once again in his direct eye line. “No, I asked them to bring you here. I figured I could pull some strings for you, get some extra accommodations and such. But, uh, I was actually there as part of the search team.”

His brow scrunched in confusion. “Why? And how’d ya know ‘bout it?”

“Linden called me. She figured I would want to know. And I’m so glad she did. I was there when they found you and I rode in the ambulance on the way here.” Your bottom lip began to tremble as you remembered Stephen’s limp body laying under that tree. How you thought you had lost him for good.

His expression softened as he murmured, “Aw, hey. I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not! You almost died! And I never– I didn’t get the chance– Oh, Stephen….”

“It’s okay, mama. I love you too.”

You blinked in surprise. “What? Really? Still?”

He nodded. “I heard what you said out there. Thought it was a dream, but now I guess not.”

“You heard me?” He nodded again. “I guess that makes this a little easier. But Stephen, I’m so sorry. I let the horrible things other people did to me in the past make me doubt you even though you have never been anything but honest and open with me. I should have never questioned what you were doing, and I should have believed you when you told me the truth. I know I don’t deserve it, but do you think you could ever forgive me?”

“Nothin’ to forgive. Yous and me, we’re good. We had a fight, a lil’ misunderstanding, nothin’ more. I love you and you love me and that’s all that matters.”

It felt like an enormous weight was suddenly lifted off your shoulders as your heart soared in your chest. “I do love you. I love you so much it hurts. And I never want to be with anyone else!” Cautious of his injuries, you placed a deep, tender kiss on his left cheek (one of the few places that seemed unharmed).

He smiled brightly once more. “Same. And in fact, gimme my jacket.”

“Stephen, whatever it is, it can wait. You need to rest.”

He shook his head. “Nah. This has waited long enough. Now gimme my jacket.”

Pursing your lips slightly, you grabbed his jacket from where it had been draped over the chair in the corner. It was still sticky with his blood, but you tried to ignore that fact as you handed it to him. He dug around in the pocket for a moment before producing a familiar ring box which he opened and held out to you.

Your eyes grew wide as you let out a small gasp. “You kept it with you?”

“Always. Knew one day you’d come around and I wanted to be ready when ya did.” He took the ring out of the box with one hand and grabbed your hand with the other. “I can’t really get down on one knee at the moment, but whacha say? Will you marry me?”

Your smile shone bright enough to light up the room. “Of course, I’ll marry you, Stephen Holder.”

His smile matched yours as he slid the ring onto your finger. And as you bent over to kiss his cheek again, he grabbed your face and pulled your lips against his. You could taste a small hint of blood from his split lip, but you ignored it as you savored the moment.

And when you finally pulled back, Stephen carefully eased himself to the right side of the bed and patted the open space next to him on the left. “Come here.”

You shook your head. “I don’t want to hurt you. We’ll have plenty of time to lay in bed together once you’re better. For now, you need to get some sleep.”

“What ‘bout you?”

“I’ll take a nap in the chair. I’ve done it before, it’s fine.”

“Nah, I ain’t letting my fiancée sleep in a chair when there’s pleny of room right here. Besides, your body is my best medicine.”

You rolled your eyes, but your heart skipped a beat at the word “fiancée”. “Stephen-”

“Don’t make me get up an’ drag you over here ‘cause you know I’ll try.”

You smiled and shook your head. “Fine, but if I hurt you in the slightest, I’m leaving.”

“Deal.” He held his arm out so once you had gingerly lowered yourself next to him, he wrapped it around you, pulling you in close. You felt him wince slightly, but you decided not to comment.

As your eyes drifted closed, you turned your head slightly and pressed a light kiss to the exposed skin of his chest. You felt him chuckle beneath you, then his lips brushed against the top of your head, returning your affection.

And that’s how Liz and Davie found the two of you a few minutes later, your head gently resting on his shoulder with his arm slung carefully around you, a bright smile on each of your sleeping faces.

[violetmuses]

No Better Love - Holder

TITLE: “No Better Love” || A Stephen Holder Drabble

FANDOM: “The Killing” (AMC/Netflix Series)

CHARACTER: Homicide Detective Stephen Holder

PAIRING: Female Reader + Stephen Holder

MAIN STORYLINE: You always look out for each other… 

Author’s Note: Hey! Wrote another drabble for my man. Feedback would be greatly appreciated and thanks so much for reading as always. - V.  💜

J Krew: @nerdysuperchick @a-reader-and-a-writer @babblydrabbly @lacontroller1991 @shadowkittybucky @loverhymeswith @justin-hammers @weallhaveadestiny @xoxabs88xox @katjnordstrom96  @skvatnavle @mayhem24-7forever @heresathreebee @alieninoklahoma @maddu-oliveira @tavners @thee-antler-queen @reveluving

________

2012

You know his voice. Even the way Stephen rolls down the window and honks rhythms from that driver’s seat makes you laugh. 

“Where you going, girl?” He’s flirting and calls you. Your man slowly moves the wheels of this car forward, driving without Linden for once. 

You’ve walked home this time, somehow not drenched from another Seattle downpour this evening. 

“Getting us food. Stop.” You chuckle again, standing steps away from your favorite spot on the sidewalk. 

Instead, Holder parks that car and hurries out, almost running towards you with the biggest smile on his face. 

Holder opens the door, standing beside you in line not long after settling for that restaurant. 

“Uh-uh. Don’t touch your wallet. I got it.” He’s whispering, stopping the way your hand unzips a purse from habit. 

“Thank you.” Your words cut, trying not to argue. 

“You’re welcome.” Holder accepts your gratitude, taking the to-go meal bag without twice.  

_________

He drove you home, just talking over dinner without explaining what happened at work this time. 

You know much better than to ask questions and have learned that routine. Late-nights. Tough chats. Rare calls. Scary hospital visits. On and on. 

Sleepy?” You joke, looking down at him. Despite long legs and one nearly towering height, he’s rested with his head in your lap quite often, only feeling safe. 

“Nah. Food was good, though.” He’s yawning instead and your humored expression kicks up. 

“Come on. Let’s go to bed.” You suggested, trying to detangle yourself from this otherwise adorable position. 

“Um-um.” Holder doesn’t move, somehow readjusting your own placement on the couch. “I’m not tired.” 

“You’ll sleep soon.” You say regardless, leaning inward to kiss the top of his head and smooth that blondish hair. 

_______

The next morning, you wake up alone, going right back to reality.

Once again, Holder is just gone, working through more cases that you’ll never discuss with him. 

At least he’s got you, no matter what. 

[lacontroller1991]

WHUMPTOBER 2023

ITS SPOOKY SEASON BITCHES AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS???? WHUMPTOBER

Main Master List

SOOOOO I am giving it a go again this year. That being said, I don't have all the days planned out and I might not post on all of the days, but the ones I do have planned out I do plan on posting. So HUGE SHOUTOUT to @ailesswhumptober for supplying the prompts I will be using this year.

They are as follows:

1) Drugged/Sick/Poisoned (Sub: Bloody Knuckles) - Johnny Lawrence

You got in a fight for your life and the only thing you could think about is going to the comfort of your sensei, unknowing of your wounds.

2) Overworked/Insomnia/Exhaustion - Ernest Lawrence

Lawrence has been working very long and very hard hours to produce the first nuclear bomb. Long enough hours to forget a very important celebration.

3) Sensory Deprivation/Overstimulation/Isolation - Ed Baldwin

Being on the moon by yourself is tricky as is, dealing with the loss of you however? It’s downright insufferable.

4) Hiding an Injury/Betrayal/Lying - N/A

5) Hostage/Kidnapping/Held at Gunpoint - Roman Sionis

With you now being known as Roman Sionis’s girlfriend, you becomes an easy target.

6) Conditioning/Mind Control/Forced to Hurt Someone - N/A

7) Flatline/Restrained/CPR - Rick Flag

Rick and you have always had prank competitions, but this year, you take it a little too far.

8) Panic Attacks/Dissociation/Seizure - Gordo Stevens

You wait at the restaurant for 30 minutes and are very irritated that Gordo doesn’t show up. Deciding to give him a piece of your mind, you go to his house only to find that Gordo is in the middle of a panic attack.

9) Scar Reveal/Interrogation/Presumed Dead - N/A

10) Branding/Scarring/Collar - N/A

11) Fainting/Paralyzed/Adrenaline - Ernest Lawrence

Feeling the buzz of finally completing the first nuclear bomb, Lawrence comes home to you and fucks you.

12) Self Harm/Sacrifice/Character Death - Gordo Stevens

After a night of heavy drinking, Gordo reflects on his life and how pathetic he has become. Wanting to hurt himself but not go through with it, he calls you, who he knows will help out.

13) Earthquake/Flood/Crushed - N/A

14) Bleeding through the bandage/Field Medicine/No Anesthesia - N/A

15) Experimentation/Muzzle/Transformation - Jonathan Crane

You decide to be a test subject for his new toxin.

16) Amputation/Chronic Pain/Hospital - N/A

17) Hypothermia/Heat Stroke/"You Look a Little Pale" - J. Robert Oppenheimer

In which the detonation of the atomic bomb is successful but the one person who should be celebrating isn’t looking too hot.

18) Fever/Vomiting/Warm Soup - Gordo Stevens

Gordo survived Jamestown but at what cost?

19) Taken for Granted/Left Behind/”Why wasn’t I enough?” - Stephen Holder

Holder is smitten by a fellow detective and so he does all of your paperwork at your request. Linden confronts Holder about this behavior but Holder deflects it. When he goes to ask you out, you reject, leaving a heartbroken Holder.

20) Dehumanization/Stockholm Syndrome/Master and Servant - N/A

21) Blood Loss/Shock/Near Death Experience - Gordo Stevens

Follows the events of season 2 where instead of Ed’s plane catching on fire, Gordo’s plane catches on fire and he’s forced to eject, causing him to land in the middle of the ocean. You are nearly devastated, Gordo has never felt more alive.

22) Whipping/Punishment/Stress position - N/A

23) Begging/”Take me Instead”/Forced to Watch - N/A

24) Failed Escape/Hunted Down/Too exhausted to keep running - N/A

25) Nightmares/Flashback/”Why didn’t you save me?” - Joe Pickett

In which Joe has recurrent nightmares about his childhood and you try to help him.

26) Magical Exhaustion/Curse/Came Back Wrong - N/A

27) Forgotten/Locked Away/Immortal - N/A

28) Whumpee Hair Pulling/Oxygen Deprivation/Sweating - N/A

29) “The easy or the hard way?”/Bargaining/Force To Choose - Obi Wan Kenobi

Maul is holding both you and the Duchess Satine Hostage and forces Kenobi to choose one, the woman he “loves” or the woman he loved.

30) Possession/Mind Games/Coma - Rick Flag

The Enchantress control’s Rick’s mind and knowing Rick’s connection with you, his best friend, the Enchantress decides to get rid of you.

31) PTSD/Headaches/Crying - N/A

If you guys have any thoughts about the ones I have unnamed, please send me an Ask or DM if you would like to see someone in that slot!!!!