spidersdad

[spidersdad]

Hotch: it’s like hitting candy out of a baby’s hand with a bat.

Reid: wait. you mean it’s hard because babies hands are so small?

Hotch: nO, it’s easy because—

Reid: hOw cOuLd yoU hIt a bAbY?

Hotch: nobody would hit a baby’s hand with a bat in real life.

Reid: I don’t understand. Was he fired from the bigs cause he hit a baby with a bat?

Hotch:

Hotch: I’m not more interested in talking to you.

(source: bob’s burgers)

[spidersdad]

Spencer *walks by a man with a parrot*

Spencer: hi, parrot🥹

The parrot: *squark* NERD ALERT

Spencer:

Spencer: wHaT?..🥺😭💔

[spidersdad]

Unsub Spencer *broke into Hotch’s house*

Hotch: aww is my Reid a criminal?🥹

Unsub Spencer: *shots him*

Hotch: awww🥹did you just try to kill me?

Unsub Spencer *tied him up to a chair and spilled gasoline everywhere*

Hotch: is this part of your villain plan? so cute🥹

Unsub Spencer * takes out a lighter*

Hotch: awww you’re gonna burn me alive? Who’s my unfeewing sociopath🥹❤️❤️

(source: the land of boggs)

[spidersdad]

Derek: kid, you can’t pressure yourself even more.

Spencer: I call it “make it till you break it”

[spidersdad]

Spencer: "I have friends in very high places"

Derek: "lol You're like twelve inches tall bro"

[spidersdad]

*Spencer, trying to blow candles*

Derek: ahhh mommy, to the rescue

Spencer: mommy

Emily: I’m here sunshine, what do you need?

Everyone:

Spencer:

Spencer: I cAnT bLoW oUt tHe cAnDlEs

[spidersdad]

OMG😭😭

hc that reid is REALLY good at rapping. he can talk fast and he has an eidetic memory, why wouldn't he be? sometimes, when the girls (jj, penelope, emily) bring him to clubs just for the exposure, he spends the next morning rehearing the rap verses to the songs he heard the night before flawlessly.

[spidersdad]

Derek: how come I have never seen you two argue?

Emily: because we never argue.

Spencer: yeah, because if we would I would undeniably wi-

Emily *puts a cinnamon roll in his mouth*

Spencer: aww cinnamon 🥹

Derek: …

Derek: fuck, all this time this was the solution?

[spidersdad]

Elle: he’s literally grown ass man.

Hotch: hE iS nOt *carries Spencer away* shh baby, don’t listen this bad woman. She is scary, isn’t she? Yeah, but don’t be scared, your dad will protect you at all cost. now, baby, let’s go get you some sleep.

Hotch: I think we should adopt another kid.

Haley: No.

Hotch: Why ?

Haley: Because by "kid" you mean "adult from your team" and we already have four of those.

Hotch, holding up Spencer: Five.

[spidersdad]

reid being 🌸💘🌺🎀🩷🌷

and suddenly all the love songs were about him (spencer reid)

[spidersdad]

OMG REID baby, you’re literally just wake up being one step from dying 😭sunshine it’s not the best time for that

okay reid now is literally the worst time to be a smartass

[spidersdad]

itty bitty reupload :3

[spidersdad]

OMG HAHAHAHA😭😭100% correct

Spencer: Autistic and asexual? Call that shit neuro-die-virgin.

[spidersdad]

Gideon: consider this: adoption.

Unsub Reid: huh?

Gideon: I want to adopt you.

Unsub Reid: man, I’m supposed to kill you.

Gideon: the offer still stands, kiddo

[spidersdad]

Garcia to JJ: don’t look so sad, sweetie. The sun will come out tomorrow.

Garcia: Even though your boyfriend did today.

[spidersdad]

derek, joins the conversation: but he will be alright, I turned on the nature documentary for him and now he’s asleep

luke: the stress from this case has been horrible for the baby

garcia: what baby?

luke: spencer.

[spidersdad]

I see here two puppies