#despite there being no main gay romances if I’m to believe what i read?

[sorryiwasasleep]

Catradora dressed as Wenclair

_____

I haven’t and won’t watch Wednesday, but it’s missing She-ra hours and I wanted to see them in these outfits.

[queer-reader-07]

the way crowley loves is so personal to me. as in, i relate to him deeply (in part) because of how he loves.

so in today’s “adrianne goes on for far too long in something that you could call a meta but is it really?” i give you: what i believe to be the main reason i didn’t see the romance angle for so long (aka until end of season 2)

background info: i consumed all of good omens (book & show) in the span of about 3 weeks in august. so i went through every emotion, all 5 stages of grief, and a heroes journey in a very short amount of time. it was a lot to say the least.

but the biggest emotional block i faced was figuring out what the fuck kind of love i thought aziraphale and crowley had and why all the romancey sexy stuff from the fandom rubbed me the wrong way at first.

when i read the book i was a staunch “they are platonically in love.” not once did i think they weren’t in love, i just didn’t think it was romantic. i knew it was queer (like. so SO queer) but i didn’t think they were a couple like that. they gave off queer besties who everyone kind of thinks are dating but they’d never do it because they don’t love each other in that way, despite loving each other a lot (*cough* self insert projecting much *cough*). i liked the idea of them being queer platonic.

and then i watched season 2 and i had a lot of Feels™️. i spent who knows how many hours texting my friend about how i didn’t want them to be romanced because i wanted them to be platonic not because i don’t like gay shit but because it just *felt right*.

it was a lot.

but post season 2 i’m here very much ok with and on board with the idea that they’re romantically in love (still on my “they’re asexual icons” high horse though).

and i think what my original feels boil down to is one thing: the way they loved each other looked and felt so much like the way i love my friends. it felt like labeling the love i have for my friends as romantic to say that aziracrow were romantic.

i saw crowley walking on hallowed ground to make sure aziraphale didn’t get discorporated and i saw him run into a burning bookshop and screaming out in anguished pain that his best and only friend was gone. i saw aziraphale give crowley holy water even though it could be a suicide pill. i saw all of it, i saw them do literally what ever it took to keep the other safe. and i thought to myself “well yeah. who wouldn’t do that for their best friend?”

seeing yourself in characters as deeply as i see myself in crowley (and in some ways aziraphale) is a beautiful thing but it brings with it a lot of difficult feelings.

i now know that aziraphale and crowley are in love in a romantic sense, i think that much is undeniable with the canon we have now. and i’m not just ok with it, i’m very much here for it. i love their love. i love that we have this story in the world. and i can’t wait to see what happens for them next.

but honestly? i would be just as happy with queer platonic aziraphale and crowley and if anyone has some cute fics for that plz let me know.

[enbyleighlines]

Super touchy subject buuuut…

I’m unsure if this is a recent trend or I’m just getting exposed to it now, but I’m kinda sad about how much people are dumping on the “fantasy racism” trope.

Like I know the trope has problems but I also believe that it still has value.

The main arguments are that, 1. It usually doesn’t do a good job of portraying IRL racism due to the oppressed group usually being animalist, possessing superpowers, or overall just being a complete different species (think the x-men or zootopia), and 2. What’s the point of including racism in a fantasy story if you don’t have to?

And I’m not going to argue with the first point because it’s completely valid. It IS incredibly problematic.

The second point assumes that all fantasy stories are meant to be escapist fiction, which I disagree with. Fantasy stories can be escapist, but they don’t HAVE to be. Personally, my favorite fantasy stories involve forbidden gay or lesbian romances set in medieval-inspired times. For me, the appeal is that it feels familiar, yet removed enough from my life that the sympathy pain I feel is cathartic rather than overwhelming. Different stories appeal to different people for different reasons.

And again, I believe that, despite the inherent problematic nature of the fantasy racism trope, it still has value.

I am currently reading the first of a trilogy called The Broken Earth by N. K. Jemisin, and oh boy. The fantasy racism isn’t just a feature of the series; it’s the core theme. The oppressed group, called the oregenes, have the terrifying ability to manipulate thermal and kinetic energy in order to cause seismic events. They have this power from birth, and have to learn to control it at a young age, lest they slaughter people by complete accident. As such, they are treated in such horrific ways that I constantly find myself nauseated by reading the book.

They are even called by a slur, which despite being a complete made-up word, I find myself hesitant to type, because it is a clear reference to the n-word.

Is this a problematic use of fantasy racism? You can make the argument that, yes, because the people of the world have a legitimate reason to fear and oppress the oregenes. All stereotypes about certain ethnic groups being more dangerous or more prone to commit crimes are complete nonsense. But I feel like it makes the message even more abundant: Even if all the stereotypes are true, even if a group of people do pose a higher theoretical threat, that STILL doesn’t justify oppression.

Plus, isn’t it also a bit of a power fantasy? Isn’t that why so many queer folks are monsterfuckers? Don’t we see ourselves in the monster?

And yes, some people find empowerment in saying, “no, I am not a monster.” But some other people find empowerment in saying “so what if I am a monster? Am I not still deserving of love, respect, and humanity?”

I think we need to take a more nuanced approach. Fantasy racism works best, in my opinion, when it isn’t a one-to-one comparison to any one minority group. Rather, it works best when it functions as a theoretical thought experiment on the nature of prejudice as a whole. Yes, the oppressed group in a story might be a different species, with a completely different biology, but instead of thinking of it in terms of “real life racial/ethnic groups are all part of the same species, and therefore this portrayal of racism is irredeemably flawed,” we can ask questions like, “how does this explore how different groups might have opposing needs? What problems arise and what solutions can be found?”

It may be exaggerated, and it may not always line up with real life situations, but it’s still a valuable exercise on the nature of prejudice.

Sometimes, stripping abstract themes from their real-world contexts allows us to look at them with fresh eyes, to deepen our understanding while keeping that protective barrier of fantasy in place.

[chenqing9]

Unintentional Love Story

I just watched the Korean Bl drama (based on a manhua I haven’t read) and really enjoyed it. Since I feel the need to rant about everything I watch here is this trash. I’m rating (out of 5)

Overall - **** Loved the characters and felt very drawn into their conflict. Personally did not love the user plot dynamic or the perceived power differential between the main characters for most of the show but that’s my strong dislike of “daddy” energy and clearly my own problem.

Connection/Romance - ***** The connection between the main couple is what I consider perfect. They fall hard and then stick with it because they can’t do anything else. The care they show each other is sweet, typical bl expressions of affection but what absolutely slays is the eye contact. You got me writhing on the ground over EYE CONTACT? Ok guys you did something right.

Humor - ***** I laughed out loud multiple times. The sprinkling of humor throughout is very good and legitimately unexpectedly funny.

Angst - ***** High complex situational angst holy crap yeah I was very upset in multiple ways at once? Read below for my shameless spoiler rant.

Side Characters - ***** It might not get better than those two fools in love.

Seriousness-to-Fluff scale: Balanced. Oh it’s fluffy alright. Which I believe matches the novel so it makes sense. But it’s also emotionally serious and tackles some real issues (corporate corruption, familial abuse, user-y exes etc.)

My spoiler rant below:

———

Alright. The plot. I will be 100%, I hated Wonyoung for a good 2/3 of this series. I’m sorry. I know he’s cute. He’s also a snitch. Yeah… you find someone who’s in hiding to the point that they changed their name? You do NOT report them to the people searching for them my god. What a naive little gfghsagjk. I was entirely in Taejoon’s court and my heart hurt so much when he found out he was being used by the person he loves.

What redeemed Wonyoung for me? Besides something my rabbi said that I have taken horribly out of context, it’s the fact that he grows the hell up. Towards the end he does a complete 180, he’s no longer a desperate tool of the company but a self-determined individual who does not give up on Taejoon despite everything. He even protects him within the company and gives his ex an absolute piece of him mind. When Taejoon is finally at the point where he’s willing to forgive him, so am I.

The relationship between Donghee and Hotae is so fascinating to me. They are both hilarious characters in their own right (Donghee has perfected the dramatic long-suffering gay sigh and Hotae’s puppy-dog attitude is just the cutest paired with his gangster reputation.) Watching them navigate the idea of a real relationship is sweet and painful. Donghee is, I think, so scared. He has been abused by his family for being gay and it’s not clear to me if he wants to protect himself or Hotae or his Auntie or everyone by denying himself. The fact that he has to hold all of that actually makes him the saddest character to me. I’m happy when I see Hotae say things like “I’ll just hang around you for the rest of your life” because that’s what he needs. That level of certainty.

Manager Jung can go grovel in the mud like the slug he is. Actually I like slugs, nevermind.

Finally, Cha Seo Won is so hot. My god, man. Sorry, I am just in awe. He should keep that haircut and wear a trenchcoat at all times.

[distraughtmary]

Guilty of Affection

Three years ago I wrote a one-shot, which is still available here: https://danceonthebrink.wordpress.com/2020/04/26/the-flowers-you-gave-me-always-wilted/ It was supposed to be a horror story inspired by Junji Ito’s brand of horror set in a world where your deceased lovers rise as zombies and try to kill you because it’s lonely in death. A killer concept, pardon my pun, but it simply wasn’t meant to be.

I could give thousands of excuses to my readers, and one of them could even be valid (some of the story is better suited for the visual novel presentation), though the truth is that back then I didn’t think far, and my experience with English-language literature was still limited. Some might say that my writing has deteriorated despite my period of excessive reading, which is fair. But reading more isn’t guaranteed to make your writing better – it only shows you what themes have been explored, how they have been explored, and what you can ultimately contribute to the rising pile of queer literature. “The Flowers” had a trans main character and a gay deuteragonist, which is a good combo, but there was one flaw – at the heart of the story was a straight romance. I could’ve made it compelling, I could’ve criticized heteronormativity, and I could’ve made queerness more prominent, but I didn’t, and the train has left. Why did I decide to remake the story years later? First of all, I still love the premise, and the new prologue attempts tp retain the same atmosphere. I also needed a horror story to add to my portfolio. And by needed and I mean NEEDED. Romance is all and well, but it’s not my forte. There’s no romance in my life, but there’s plenty of horror. And with everything turning into shit with each passing second, I need the outlet. As for why the character was changed into an agender person, it’s a long story, and I might devote a separate post to it. All my readers have to know for now is that I’m exploring the boundaries of my identity, and I believe that as an AMAB person who does have they in the pronouns, I’m allowed to do this. Those who’ve read the characters’ bios on my tumblr (https://distraughtmary.tumblr.com) might’ve noticed that Fleety is also asexual. This was actually a more difficult point to write about than their agender identity. Here I follow the definition of asexuality as the lack of interest in sex but the presence of attraction to people. Some asexual people may disagree with this definition, but from what I could find it’s a valid thing. My goal was to focus on the queerplatonic relationship between Fleety and Kyle and show that it doesn’t have to turn into something romantic or sexual, although the nature of the story doesn’t exclude anything. Now, let’s focus on my inspirations for ‘Your Death’. The obvious ones are the When They Cry series and American Horror Story, although me namedropping them doesn’t mean that it will literally have question/answer arcs and so on. ‘Your Death’ is basically an anthology focused on the same characters in different situations. For now I’m planning 5 ‘seasons’: The Beginning, The Alien, The Devil, The Void, The Truth, with potentially more to come. There’s also the prologue that kickstarts the story, and The Beginning tries to explain what led to the events in the prologue while being a horror story in its own right. The rest of the seasons will take place after The Beginning, forming a sort of branching paths. The main similarity with When They Cry is that with each season the readers will know more about the characters, see how they would act in extreme situations, and The Truth might answer some questions regarding their behaviour. The AHS similarity comes from the themes, and the names of the seasons are pretty telling. Speaking of Junji Ito inspirations, they won’t be completely dropped, and The Void will be rather Itoesque. I’ve written the prologue and the first part of The Beginning. The next update will include all of The Beginning, and then we can move on to The Alien. Don’t expect much blood or horror. For now I just want the readers to get to know the characters before they face the worst days of their lives.

The first part can be downloaded here: https://danceonthebrink.wordpress.com/2023/06/18/your-death-was-so-pathetic-i-had-to-rewrite-it-introduction/

[deviouswhiz]

Nekozaki is ✨gay✨ and also best girl - a compilation of evidence

KOkay, hear me out. This girl has been my new favorite character recently. I love Shikimori-san not necessarily because of the main couple (they’re cute, but ehhh, I don’t really care for romance). Nekozaki instantly caught my eye while reading the manga - I started with the manga before I watched the anime. Anyway, she just gives off gay vibes. Why? 

Example 1: Ideal Woman

This girl has an “ideal woman”. Okay, it seems like a lot of people seem to have a different opinion this scene, and I honestly thought the same until I re-read it. (Correct me if I’m wrong of course please). Most people say she’s just admiring Shikimori for being the perfect elegant girly-girl, and that she wants to be like her. This is a really common trope that I’ve seen a million times in manga/anime - a tomboy girl shows excessive admiration towards a more feminine girl, which sometimes comes off as sapphic vibes. However, read the first panel on the bottom row. She is happy the way she is. She is comfortable in her own skin. She doesn’t intend to change herself to act or look like Shikimori at all. Instead, she seems to be attracted to girls who contrast her. Also in general, watching your classmate walk down the hallway and telling your friend you think she is super cute is kinda gay. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Example 2: Mother

This is less of an example, but I still thought it was relevant. Neko clearly likes Micchon’s mom as much as she likes her daughter. She just keeps gushing about her, with hearts around her head (and in her eyes, when the mom actually comes out to greet them.)

Example 3 - Cool women

Neko clearly seems to have a thing for cool women, despite her profession of loving cute girls. Her reaction to Isana at the coffee shop. 

Example 4 - Hachimatsu (Too many moments to even compile)

 I am inclined to believe that Hachimatsu and Nekozaki are conjoined at the hip. In the manga, it is extremely rare to see them apart. Although I don’t personally don’t ship them, I think there’s more than enough reason that someone could. More so than with any other male character in the series (though granted, there’s only two of them LOL. NGL, we need more male characters in Shikimori... uhhhh, that sounded better in my my head.). 

Example 5 - Kamiya 

Despite being a lone wolf, Neko is always reaching out to her, trying to hang out, trying to see the best side of her. Despite Kamiya brushing her off so many times, Neko keeps trying. Most people would give up. And they eventually become friends. I think it’s a really sweet part of the story. Although it might not indicate gayness, Nekozaki is one of the genuinely sweetest characters I’ve seen in a manga in a long time. We need more friends like her. 

Evidence 6 - Wake up

Pretty self-explanatory. Hachimitsu knows exactly what can fluster Nekozaki the most. She looks like she just had an eargasm, LOL (which she probably did). As a note, I read that “little kitten” or “koneko” is a terminology used by lesbians in Tokyo towards their (usually younger) admirers. Sort of like a princely or suave phrase. Could just be coincidental considering Nekozaki’s name, but seems a bit intentional. 

Yeah, that’s my evidence. It’s not rock solid or anything, and if anyone finds a hole in my logic, then please share. But the way she’s coded makes me think she’s attracted to women. And if it’s played right, she would actually be a refreshing breath of air compared to characters playing a similar role in other slice of life manga/anime (Horimiya’s Sawada, Komi’s Ren, Scum’s Wish’s Sanae). I just hope she gets to be happy later on, instead of being the “gay but always single” friend that every show seems to have. Like I legitimately hope the author lets her get a partner. 

[caw4brandon]

Coming to Terms with Citrus

Before we get into this Wednesday’s topic, I need to put out a disclaimer so that we’re on the same page. What I am about to say is coming from a place that takes the story at face value. I am NOT good at this, and I will definitely get things wrong. So please, 

Go NUTS in the comments...(No, really. Please share your thoughts after this. Help me know what I got wrong.) 

I put off writing my thoughts on this particular series for many good reasons. For a start, I am but just a straight man and given that I’m about to judge a series about two lesbians....It doesn’t look like a good sign for me. But, seeing as how I have been joining several groups and observing comments towards this particular subject. 

I feel like I can finally make a good statement as to what my thoughts are for this series while explaining a little deeper in regards to the audience this series has attracted. Let’s discuss...

- < Citrus > by Saburouta -

< Citrus >, if you didn't know. Is an infamous Yuri incest Manga that follows our first main character, Yuzu. (the blonde) whose mother just remarried to a man and said man has a daughter who is of the same age as Yuzu. Upon her first day of attending the new school that she was transferred to, Yuzu unknowingly ran into the student council president; Mei (the ravenhead) who to her shock, turns out to be her new stepsister.

As a lovely time of first night bonding over what’s it like to kiss someone. (He says sarcastically) They did...THIS. 

Description: Mei getting on top of Yuzu and forcefully kissing her. See why I don't want to talk about this series now?

While this isn’t the only series that involves Yuri (Girl’s love) and Incest. It was my personal introduction to what the Anime community considers as “trashy fan-service shows” Given that the Anime ended with a cliffhanger. I decided to read the Manga to give it a chance of redemption.

Believing myself to have gone through heaven and hell over this very series. I wondered to myself. Despite it being “trash”, why can’t I look away from it? After joining several forums and interacting while observing the community. I think I’ve developed several theories.

- Just Cute Girls, Doing Cute Things -

A little archaic as a pointer but, its just the truth. Upon first impressions, the creation of Saburouta is just plain pretty. From the settings to the main characters, to the designs of the supporting roles like Matsuri, Harumi and Himeko. Even the one-off characters like Sara and Nina are just as pretty.

But at its core, < Citrus > is a very lackluster and fan-service series with little to no substance to the actions of certain characters with an all too vile display of invasive scenes and moments between certain characters. From Mei’s tendency to non-consensually attack Yuzu, to Matsuri getting all too close to both MCs on occasions. In summary, just a Gay old time!

For context, I read the series for a whole three days and while reading. I can’t help but feel that the drama feels hollow and the ending (trying not to bring up spoilers) was unearned. While I may have not struggled with questioning my preference, I do understand some of the reasons as to why Yuzu and Mei chose to keep their relationship hidden from their family and friends. 

Chalking it up as just “being very close to my step-sister” Adding on, if the situation was a real-life incident. It would get very messy and awkward during family gatherings.

Several forums speculate that while Saburouta’s intent was to make a wholesome Yuri with incidental Incest. She had to make more “commercial” changes to ensure that the series sells. As an old marketing saying goes “sex just sells” 

While that is based on purely speculation. Its not that strange of a theory. Romance in any shape or form is always exaggerated in media. (Just ask the heteronormative ones) Like it or not, by creating more raunchy scenes between the characters. < Citrus > managed to make bank and with the anime in the works while the manga is nearing the finale. 

Uta was given the confidence to take the narrative deeper with a more liberating direction in < Citrus Plus >. Expanding on what happened in-between the several last chapters and removing the raunchy tendencies little by little. On the forum, several commentators recommended a stark contrast when compared to < Citrus > The critically acclaimed Yuri Manga; < Bloom Into You > by Nio Nakatani.

- A Modern Yuri Fight -

When discussing the more modern Yuri scene, < Citrus > is often compared to < Bloom Into You >. Which is not surprising since the respective Anime’s came out on the same year in 2018 under different seasons. (Citrus on Winter and Bloom Into You on Fall) 

As a comparison, The relationship with the MCs; Touko and Yuu (the light pink haired girl) are far healthier and less invasive. The series is less fan-service and more about the characters discovering themselves and learning the meaning of love. To prevent myself from ranting, I highly recommend < Bloom Into You > to new audiences of the Yuri manga scene but for the sake of this post. Let’s just say while it may not be perfect, its just better.

As for the fans of both series, we are well aware as to why and how it is better. Instead of invasive fan-service incest, we have a cute one-year-older senior and junior relationship with friendly banters and teasing. As a bonus, we also have a rather complex and relatable character like Yuu. (Further expansion required)

Needless to say, I’m a far bigger fan of how unpreachy < Bloom Into You > was. Showcasing the romance itself as just simply...love. Here in lies our second problem. < Citrus > and < Bloom Into You > are two very different stories centered on just the fact that WE the audience, classify them as Yuri (Girl’s Love).

Like comparing apples to oranges, < Citrus > feels like something written for an audience that fetishizes same gendered relationships while < Bloom Into You > feels a lot more relatable and realistic to actual people who too, struggle with their preference. Pealing away the fetish aspect and making it about the internal turmoil's of a complicated character. As mentioned in an old post of mine;

Being queer in real life is complicated and is often met with prejudice and strong judgement. In some countries, you could even die just for being queer so, to see queer characters being represented in a certain media or to even watch a character learn to come to terms with their preference is a proud thing.

That being said, it still doesn’t answer the main question. What was the theory? Pretty characters, questionable motivations stacked with the issues of how the industry views romance in any form. It sounds like there is no salvage to this ship. For that, we will have to turn to Uta’s newest addition; < Citrus Plus >

- I Want to Love -

When joining the forums about the Yuri scene, I managed to stumble across this question to the followers and members of said community.

“Why is it difficult to be a straight person but liking same gendered relationships, even if it’s from a Manga?” 

The question may sound like an odd Segway but to entertain the idea. I decided to read the comments to get an inkling as to what the discourse thinks. By pure observation, there is an issue of the audience hypersexualizing same gendered characters and relationships which speaking from experience, can warp our perception to the subject. 

The problem with say, a straight male liking Yuri manga or Yuri media despite it being just a piece of media one prefers to consume. May come across as a viewer seeing what they consume as all that it is. A Fetish. While unintended and its no fault to someone like say, Saburouta. It is after all, a piece of public media. How the audience interprets it is up to them.

That being said, some of us just like warm, fuzzy, less angsty romance stories. I personally, am a hopeless romantic as mentioned in [The Thing With Shipping] But even I have moments where I fall into this tendency of shipping two female characters together, way too hard that it becomes very dangerous. At the same time, Even I have standards as to what makes a ship good.

The First Volume covers for Citrus on the left and Citrus Plus on the Right.

Description: Yuzu being hugged from the back by Mei with several differences. On the left, Yuzu looks bashful and uncomfortable while Mei gazed in a lustful way. On the right, its the same pose except Yuzu is brightly smiling and its Mei being bashful. On their hands there is a clear display of matching rings on their fingers.  

< Citrus > was a tough spot for me personally because while it is a pretty looking Yuri. Its core plot and resolves are extremely questionable with hollow substance as to why I should support the ship itself. But, thanks to the addition of < Citrus Plus > The audience, (or the ones who stayed because they are completionist. cough* ME!) The relationship between Yuzu and Mei becomes a little bit more understanding. I still hold my initial comments the same as I did after catching up to < Citrus Plus> until I realized something through one picture.

Description: Yuzu cuddling with Mei, with earphones to one side of their ears. listening to music in the cold dark night. Resting peacefully...

Out of context, this is just a typical fluffy fanart to tug on the viewer’s heartstrings but when you are like me, someone who is invested in the series from the very beginning to its current state. You’ll recognize it more. The works of Saburouta IS IN FACT, an incest Yuri...but so much more. 

Its about Mei finally being able to open up her heart to someone after being cold and distant for so long. Its Yuzu learning to come to terms with herself and the love she had for her step-sister and partner. Its Mei being able to find genuine comfort with Yuzu and vice versa.

Its about acceptance to one’s feelings while also being aware of the messed up situation that they’re in. Its the character’s respective turmoil being put to rest and them finally given peace with themselves after the various obstacles they had to go through. A quick PSA;

This post does NOT condone Incest or any blood related/ not blood related conoldle doodling.

For a messed up story, < Citrus > is perhaps similar to the likes of a < Domestic Girlfriend >. An all too fictional-but-could-be-real drama that just keeps getting more interesting and we can’t turn away from it. After struggling to find a proper statement as to why I liked and hated this series at the same time. I think I may have found my defense.

In the end of the day, for all the messed up moments they bring us. We just want to see them happy. I want to see them happy. What I've learned to come to terms with < Citrus > is that, just as how a good story can have messed up moments. A messed up story can also have some good moments. In fact, I liked some of the more tender moments Yuzu and Mei shared every once in a while. Yes, I am aware that there are stories out there with better representation.

I STILL feel the same as I did with the overall plot and I believe that the ending was still, heavily unearned, but this series truly was much less about the ending and more about the journey. The series < Citrus > has now become a household name for "Trashy fan-service Yuri" consumers will always have a strong opinion for which I will like and strongly critique, always.

Thanks for Reading

- B -

[uweiy]

I'm intrigued by Love is Science? but know nothing about it. Can you give me a run down on what kind of thing to expect and who it might appeal to? Thank you!! 😁

Ooooo boi *gremlin smile* I'm glad you asked. You've entered the dragon's den, broken the dam and thus this post turned out to be a monster so I'm gonna link here another post from @accidentallyadramablog which imo gives a nice (and short) overview.

That said let's get into

Love is Science?

Summary :

Yan Fei is a the CEO of the Love is Science marriage agency, that matches people based on scientific data. Hsuan Yu, 8 years younger than her, is a promising young hairstylist who has been in love with her thoughout their entire childhood when she has only ever seen him like a little brother.

Unexpectedly they meet again. Between the way they've each built their lives and how Yong Yan Fei's ex husband still looms over Yan Fei's life, how will their relationship develop this time around ?

Now,

just reading that summary I know what you're thinking.

Indeed, if you have some experience with dramas, you might recognize some TYPICAL TYPICAL tropes – let's get them out of the way :

love triangle (though we all know who she is going to end up with don't we)

childhood friends

'noona romance'

And they are every bit as present and as trope-ey as you would expect.

However, as they say, the devil is in the details.

And particularly, in the side characters. Let me give you a quick rundown of the lot of them :

As such, we follow the stories of multiple relationships that develop parallel to one another.

The relationships

• Yan Fei/ Hsuan Yu : Not much needs to be added I think. Their storyline might be the most predictable but they are pretty sweet and heartwarming. pining for like 12 years though poor Hsuan Yu. Anyway you can enjoy it or find it boring or but you can't hate it.

• Mark/Ouwen : Noooow we're getting to it. Their dynamic is so... Refreshing and unique. Confident gay with a soft heart and dumb disaster bisexual I mean *chef kiss*👌delicious

After the disasters of their first meetings, it's a cat and dog relationship where Ouwen is the hsssssss don't touch me– cat and Mark is the golden retriever trailing after him not really realizing the rampage he's creating in Ouwen's heart. while Ouwen is like "Remind me why the FUCK I caught feelings again ?".

IDK it just has everything 'Enemies' to friends to lovers, (not actually) unrequited love, pining, sweet moments, jealousy, feelings realization, snarky banter... What more could one want.

• Cho Nai Hui / You Fu : they are. So. So sweet. Both are older and have experience, and as such they are not so naive or stupid as the youngsters. Them sharing their life experiences and going on dates like typically teenagers (in movies or TV shows anyway) would is refreshing to see and really really heartwarming.

• Liu Sheng Ying/ ??? Her ex ? : The show hinted at a wlw storyline and this arc seems to have JUST begun. Basically Sheng Ying's ex comes to Love is Science as a client and requests Sheng Ying as an advisor, while Sheng Ying still seems heartbroken over her. I can't WAIT to see how it develops.

The friendships :

Something I greatly appreciate is that both the romantic relationships AND the friendships have a great importance in the drama.

• Joanna and Yan Fei : Jo, queen Jo 👑. She's just here to gossip, get all the gossip and be the voice of reason and we love her for it. You can see how comfortable they are around each other and how they were there for each other during tough times and still are. Kudos to the actresses because I believed the characters were besties in a heartbeat.

• Hsuan Yu and Mark : they are honestly... Such polar opposites you kinda wonder how they became friends but they are and it works perfectly.

Hsuan Yu still hasn't gotten he maybe shouldn't take Mark's advice, and Mark still hasn't gotten that he, definitely should take Hsuan Yu's. It also enables to develop a more playful and mischievous side to Hsuan Yu, giving him more depth?

• Ouwen and Sheng Ying: rivalry to reluctant solidarity to friends-but-i-will-deny-it-if-asked to just friends. IT'S GREAT

I also ejoy the fact that these multiple storylines are allowed to coexist. The romantic ones, the friendships, older, younger, m/f m/m and f/f like take your pick !! And tbh a WLW storyline ?????? These are so scarce I will take anything.

The recurring themes :

The show more or less subtly touches on some topics/issues, to which the dating aspect contributes to.

A non exhaustive list would be

Divorce, and how divorced women can be viewed as failures for some reason

How successful men over 30 are sought after but successful women after 30 are somehow deemed undatable

Preconceived notions and homophobia

And beyond the topics, there's just things like... Joanna not being interested in long term relationships nor wanting to get married, reporting sexual harassment, older people going on dates.... I'm not saying it's a groundbreaking activist drama –which is not really what I was looking for– I just appreciate the fact that it is a pretty mainstream drama and that these things are there.

Mad respect if you've made it up to here ! but we're not quite done yet.

The cast and crew :

The other element that made this drama stand out for me besides the side characters is the cast.

It might be weird that such a meta thing impacts the appreciation of the show but it did, for me at least.

📣📣TMI WARNING 📣📣

For me what happened is I stumbled onto Mark and Ouwen cuts on YouTube, then somehow onto the behind the scenes. They weren't subbed at the time so I could barely understand a word of what they were saying, thus I'm not sure what but something about how the rest of the actors, the director and the crew were interacting just told me it was a show worth watching or at least checking out.

📣📣END OF TMI📣📣

The cast honestly seems to have a blast and to have, how to say it, come together really well. It seems like most of them have become genuinely friends, or despite differences in personality have truly enjoyed working with one another and with the rest of the crew, and it shows.

Where it's lacking

In my opinion the show does have some aspects where it underperforms.

As previously mentioned, the main plot is kinda tropey, furthermore, in a drama typical fashion when something is about to get resolved, immediately something else happens. Nothing unexpected from a drama though.

The pacing : Some moments of the main plot especially dragged on, so I admit I skipped through some parts.

Because I feel so strongly about all the characters though, I don't really mind the previously mentioned points. I just think it's a shame because I feel like if it had been crafted a little bit better it could have made the show go from an 8/10 good drama to an 11/10 friggin amazing drama easy.

Lastly, there is a pretty unequal time distribution so Yan Fei and Hsuan Yu do tend to occupy the most part of an episode. However some episodes are more centered on some pairings (like ep 11 that will probably have an important Mark/Ouwen part).

Overall

it's a drama that warms my heart, as simple as that. It's not that deep, it's pretty funny, the acting ranges from good to excellent and I have taken a liking to a lot of the characters, which is what I think fuels my interest for the drama.

And I feel like it managed to attract a wide range of audiences because the romances and relationships are so diverse. Whether you watch the show for its entirety or for one aspect/storyline/character is entirely up to you and I feel like the creators of the drama are aware of it as well : and you can easily find subbed compilations about each specific pairing on Settv's official YouTube channel.

Take that aspect that you like–if you find one of course–and enjoy it, that is all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

What's left to say besides.... 🎉🎊 Congratulations for making it to the end of this lengthy post !

[okeydrama]

every drama i’ve seen so far pt.3

record of youth

4/5

so beautiful & aesthetically pleasing

very lighthearted, like a slice of life more than a melodrama

Park Bo Gum <3

both male leads are super cute, I liked how they were both just nice

subverts a lot of traditional drama tropes, it didn’t feel as predictable as other dramas

there was a lot of cute scenes between the leads that made the romance very believable

it was easy to watch until the end, I didn’t really lose interest very often

the leads and most of the side characters were very flushed out in their motivations, dreams and purposes

it’s just so cute

I took a star off because of a few unnecessary scenes, plots and twists but they were not that bad

weightlifting fairy Kim Bok-joo

5/5

wow wow wow

this is one of the most iconic dramas i’ve ever seen

this is a friends to lovers drama which is not something we see often

the leads have so much chemistry and it makes sense that they dated in real life

the female lead is not traditionally feminine and it is so refreshing

the male lead is also not traditionally masculine and it makes him really likeable

the drama itself is hilarious and has many quotable sayings

the characters in this drama also have really flushed out motivations

the found family is iconic

the pacing of this drama was well done

the love triangle was interesting because you don’t necessarily root for her with the second lead but it is realistic portrayal of a teen girl’s coming of age

i just loved all aspects of this drama

true beauty

5/5

another one of my FAV dramas of all time

i was very hesitant about this drama because of the premise and not absolutely loving the webtoon but i gave it a chance and i absolutely don’t regret it

the pacing, energy, tone and aesthetics of this drama were not only consistent but were SO incredible

i had heavy second lead syndrome the entire time but unlike usual, i still loved the main lead and was fully invested in both leads scenes with the female lead

besides the main leads, the side characters were just as incredible

the secondary romance with the female lead’s sister was so cute!!! i genuinely watch an entire drama of just their romance

the female lead’s brother’s romance was engaging as well

unexpectedly, i cried because of this drama which, trust me, i never do and it was because of the incredible representation of mother daughter relationships

the message of this drama was misrepresented in my opinion and is much better than its portrayal

my only complaints are that the horror comic aspect of this drama should have been played up and that the bullying and addressing of bullying could have been touched on more or at least better

love alarm S2

2/5

this was very much a waste of my time

i think i’ve outgrown this story honestly because i was not at all invested in this season

basically, i love that she didn’t end up with the first season’s main lead, i think the person she ended up with was more suited to her and will treat her better

i also liked the maturity of this season compared to the last

the last thing liked was the sweetness of the romance

that being said, this is was mind bogglingly boring to me

the side plots and messages were unnecessary and took up too much airtime

the romance was also unnecessarily drawn out

the tone of this season was completely different than the last and it was a negative change in my opinion

the slow pace, drama and characters were not engaging

this was extremely dramatic and whimsical and it didn’t work for me in this story

yeah... just generally not a fav

reply 1988

5/5

THIS IS IT THIS IS IT THIS IS IT

i have never ever seen anything like this

this is the perfect show, like absolutely perfect

the depictions of familial, platonic and romantic relationships was PERFECT

the nostalgic vibe of this setting was incredible

the settings, wardrobes, objects and events were so well done

never has a show so perfectly invested me in every single character’s story while having so many characters

when i tell you i watched this entire thing in 2 days despite its length, i am not joking

i could not look away or think about anything else for the entirety of watching it and for a week after

there is an element of mystery with who the female lead ands up with and i was personally VERY happy with the result

another drama that i cried watching MULTIPLE times

the representation of different families, romances and personalities was incredible

there were so many scenes that were placed in that were not related to the plot and that was perfect because it was like we were watching their daily lives and interactions and made the watcher love the characters so much more

it is such a sweet, low stakes watch and such a slice of life story

some of my favorite plots: the father daughter relationship, the single-father son relationship, the single-mother son relationship, the protest storyline, the smart-mean-girl nice-good-boy love story, the moments over time create love, the first crush story, the working-mom son relationship, the found family group, the not knowing what the future holds and SO MANY MORE

reply 1997

5/5

i obviously had to watch another show in the reply series

i also LOVED this one

this was more focused on just the kids in the families rather than the families as a whole

the romances were so cute in this drama, and there were more romantic scenes compared to 1988, which i loved

the stan culture depiction in this drama was so interesting and fun to watch

i can’t express how much i loved that she was a kpop stan like it was so entertaining

this felt like a really good depiction of high school and how high schoolers are

i loved the vide of this drama too, the high school and concert setting were very immersive and comforting

the main lead’s romance was SO cute and i fully developed a crush on the male lead

it really felt like i was in 1997 Korea and it was so nice

the gay character representation!!!!! like this is HUGE for a kdrama and especially one set in 2012

I LOVED the female lead, she was so cool

the characters’ growths were so good and well done just wow

i will say that 1988 was better because of the elevation of the familial bonds and the general plot connections but the romances of this one were a lot more developed simply because there were so many scenes

they tried to do a mystery ‘who does the female lead end up with’ but it was very predictable compared to in 1988

hands down another favorite of mine

love in the moonlight

3.5/5

this was a hard one to rate

the romance for me is a 5/5 but the rating went down for a lot of reasons

firstly, i’m a huge fan of sageuk and this drama was a perfect one

Park Bo Gum <3

i think the leads ahead a lot of chemistry

i loved the side characters a lot, and especially the female lead’s friendships with them

the settings and aesthetics were A1

the banter was great

the plot was great and believable

the reason i had to lower my rating comes down to few minor issues that compiled so much that it hindered my enjoyment

the first issue i had is that here were SO many third act conflicts like waaaayy too many

the characters got together way too early so you can tell the writers created a bunch of issues to keep them apart and it could have been avoided if they hadn’t done that

the plot started imposing too much on the main storyline towards the end and i didn’t love that

the second lead was good compared to how they’re usually written so it was extremely bothersome that the love triangle wasn’t made believable, not once did i believe the female lead had any romantic feelings toward him

just generally the individual aspects of this drama were very good but when combined it was all over the place and not cohesive

anyway that’s the update, if anyone has any recommendations for me, please let me know. thanks for reading!

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

What will be in my bag? Pre-ordered Manga. Straight and Lez edition.

Here’s a list of English-released manga I’ve currently got on pre-order, and manga series I ordered before but won’t be continuing with the series.

As a note: Some of these titles have been released but I have not received them yet due to a issues with covid backlog effected how things are released.  I personally find that if you pre-order it tends to get you manga quicker.  It seems there is more pressure to keep up with the new release schedule than chip away at the backlog.

I’m starting with the stuff I’ve already read some of and confirmed enjoyment, then stuff I’m shooting in the dark for, and finally series I have tried recently and have discontinued.

Heteros

My Androgynous Boyfriend

Story & Art by: Tamekou      Publisher: Seven Seas

It is rare for straight shit to end up in my library but My Androgynous boyfriend is an exception that will surprise no-one since it’s pretty queer adjacent.  This story is mostly a couple being lovey-dovey between jokes about sexuality and gender but (so far) isn’t problematic at all.  The female lead is quite enjoyable as she’s well-balanced and has agency throughout. There’s even ace representation! It’s very low-stakes, wholesome, and sweet so far. (Volume 3 is set to release in November.)

My Excitement Level: The gentle about to sink into a bubble bath variety

Yuri/Lesbian

Even Though We’re Adults

Story & Art by: Takako Shimura  Publisher: Seven Seas

Takako is also the creator of Sweet Blue Flowers and Wandering son.  I have dipped by toe in to both those series.  I overall find their writing kinda meandering and tepid (might just be me) but technically pretty solid.  I am hopeful for this series since it features adults....if the title didn’t make it obvious.  I was intrigued by the one character being married but the man finding out about the affair quickly and reacting more realistically and interestingly than the average male love interest in a Yuri.  I also found myself relating at bit to Akari’s angst about being unlucky with relationships with women.  I also do enjoy the artwork! This one is the most likely of my followed series to be dropped at some point. (Volume 2 of this manga was set to release in June this year.)

My Excitement Level: Cautious Optimism

For more click the jump!

Kase-san and Yamada

Story & Art by: Hiromi Takashima  Publisher: Seven Seas

This is a series I keep going back to.  While it is the very typical low-stakes bubbly, cutesy School age Yuri...it is a very good version of that.  Just warm bubble bath vibes. (Volume 7 is set to release in February of next year.  I think it was originally supposed to be released this May but was bumped back.)

My Excitement Level: The gentle about to sink into a bubble bath variety

NOW ONTO THE SERIES I HAVEN’T READ BUT I’M TAKING A CHANCE ON!

Adachi and Shimaura

Art: Moke Yuzuhara Story: Hitoma Iruma  Publisher: Yen Press

This, as I understand it, is a slow-burn romance about two delinquent girls.  I have heard good things about the novel and the anime series!  However I prefer manga to novels and don’t have a funimation account so I went to snag it in manga form. (Volume 1 was set to release in February this year and 2 in September)

My Excitement Level: Cautious Optimism

The Girl I want is so handsome!

Story & Art by:Yuama     Publisher: Seven Seas

The premise is a young lady has a crush on a handsome older girl who’s oblivious to her advances.  When she tries to confess she instead gets roped into being the club manager of the basketball team that her crush is a part of.  So it feels like it may end up cycling through 2 jokes and be so deep in the stereotypical manga bullshit you can easily-predict its beats volumes in advance. HOWEVER that is also a premise that is similar to Monthly Girls' Nozaki-kun which is legitimately a hilarious series. Also I fucking love butch/stud/masc-presenting women/AFAB people.  So I’m willing to risk “The same Anime bullshit” for good jokes and a cute lezzy romance with a beautiful butch.  (Volume 1 is set to release of December of this year.)

My Excitement Level: Pretty nervous actually.  I hope it works out!

Monologue Woven for You

Story & Art by: Syu Yasaka     Publisher: Seven Seas

A woman gives up on a career in theater gets tangled in a relationship with a woman passionately pursuing theater.  Since it is set between college age women, and appears to be about more personal and mature themes I am interested. (Volume 1 I BELIEVE is supposed to be released in February of next year.)

My Excitement Level: Cautious Optimism

Mizuno and Chayama (No page yet so far as I can tell.)

Story & Art by: Yuhta Nishio     Publisher: Yen Press

Two daughters of feuding families meet in secret.  This is by the same author of After Hours.  I read a bit of After Hours and found it fine but boring since it seemed without conflict.  Conflict doesn’t seem to be in short supply with a story like this!  While I enjoy the sugary-sweet high school lesbian romances...those are not in short-supply. So I am always hungry for something darker, meatier, more mature. (Volume 1 is set to release next February) 

My Excitement Level: Cautious Optimism

5 Seconds Before The Witch Falls In Love

Story & Art by:  Zeniko Sumiya     Publisher: Seven Seas

It appears to be a playful fantasy about a Witch and Witch-hunter who’s antagonism turns romantic.  This may end up one note and stupid...but I’m always hear for queer romances set in high-fantasy and I haven’t read a Yuri where rivals turns to lovers. (Volume 1 is set to release next February)  

My Excitement Level: Low-key

Catch These Hands! (No page yet so far as I can tell.)

Story & Art by: Murata     Publisher: Yen Press 

A former delinquent runs into her high school rival.  After losing a fight to her she agrees to her terms...her terms being to go out on a date with her.  I mean the title alone makes me want to pick it up!  It may run afoul of bad anime humor, but I’m hoping with the fact that it’s full of gay adult delinquents that it’ll be a little different.  (Volume 1 is set to release next February)  

My Excitement Level: Medium-key

Series I have discontinued:

I’m in love with the Villainess

Art by: Aonoshimo  Story by:  Inori   Publisher: Seven Seas

A woman gets reborn into her favorite Otome game but she wants to romance the villiain!  I had heard a ton of great things about the novel but I picked up the manga version. (If the novel is totally different I can’t speak to it.)  For me, the writing is ham-handed, the jokes flop 90% of the time, and the fact the lead’s only personality trait seems to be ~obsessed with a bully~ really dampens this title.  Her advances are so aggressive and unwanted I honestly started feeling bad for a spoiled rich bully.  I will say it’s saving grace is the fact that the lead is masochistically into the villainess’ tsundere abusiveness. For me I hate tsundere romances if framed like, “I like you DESPITE your insults.” It is only tolerable if it’s instead, “I like you cause you tell it like it is. I’m a dirty little pig. Please step on this bad little piggy!”

Our Teachers are Dating

Story & Art by: Pikachi Ohi      Publisher: Seven Seas

Well one reason I stopped the series is that cover you see up there.  The sex in this series is fade to black but FOR SOME REASON the 3rd cover has them both butt naked.  But on a less superficial note, the story is about two teachers who start dating.  And while cute at points, I was just underwhelmed.  I think a part of it, is the fact that this behaves like a stereotypical high school romance...and while set in a high school...these are grown ass women not 15 year olds.  So I have less patience with the, “Gosh when will I get to kiss my girlfriend?” bullshit.  I mean, I would hesitate to call it bad...but it’s just not a good version of it’s brand of bullshit.

Breath of Flowers

Story & Art by: Caly                       Publisher: Tokyopop

Absolute train-wreck, this is hands down the worst Yuri I have ever bought.  The story is nonsensical and all over the place.  There is a love rival who’s trying to break the two of them up so she can get with Gwyn...but then switches mid-gear to put in a lot of effort to bring them together intentionally...but she also still wants to hook up with Gwyn...it’s very ????????????  The main conflict of Gwyn is hiding their gender so they can play basketball on the boy’s team (not well explained) is built up hugely and resolved with a hand flick.  There is a melodramatic moment where a school nurse says more or less, “GIVE IT UP YOU’LL NEVER BE A BOY!” And it’s like “OH SHIT! The fact that Gwyn is on the basketball team is cause he’s a transboy trying to live life as a boy! Oh gosh it makes so much more sense now!”  But the author seems to not even know that trans people exist cause the story bumbles along as if that scene never happened.  The closest we get is at the end Gwyn is like, “Look I’m learning to do make-up on myself to make you happy lawl!” Which is I GUESS supposed to be, “NO NO DON’T WORRY ALL OF GWYN’S GENDER STUFF WAS JUST THERE TO MAKE THE MAIN CHARACTER SEXUALLY CONFUSED WHEN SHE DISCOVERS GWYN’S TRUE GENDER!  HER TRUE GENDER IS 100% CIS WOMAN CAUSE SHE DID MAKE-UP ONCE! IT’S FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!” Like whaaaaaaaaat?  And it ends on a very random scene which doesn’t really fit in with the rest of the story.  Ugh just very bad do not interact!

A White Rose in Bloom

Story & Art by: Asumiko Nakamura    Publisher: Seven Seas

At an all girls catholic school a young woman falls for a mysterious foreign student.  I grabbed this cause it’s gay and I overall like Asumiko Nakamura’s work (she also does Doukyusei, double mints, and others.)  However I was just not grabbed with this title.  I just felt like I wasn’t getting what was making the MC pants on head obsessed with Steph.  Also the lead’s mother tells her that she’s getting divorced and therefore will no longer have money to pay for the university and she’s framed like a super bad person for this.  Like I get why the MC (a teenager) would think that something like that is THE END OF THE WORLD! But I remember them really framing the mom like a selfish bitch for this...when like...it’s well established that her mom and dad’s relationship has been toxic for YEARS and that they TRIED SO HARD to fix it.  OH WELL!  This might be good but it just didn’t grab me in the 1st volume.

I’ll make a post on the BL titles later! Take care and Stay Rotten!

[freddiekluger]

Why Cap Being Internally Closeted Is Not Only Possible, But Valid Representation 

i wrote this to a lot of mitski and onsind, so you can’t blame me for any feelings that bleed through

now i don’t know if it actually exists, but i’ve heard of there being a lot of discourse surrounding the captains story arc regarding his sexuality- i believe the general gist is that having a queer character that remains closeted to themselves is either unrealistic or ‘bad’ representation, and as someone who really treasures the captain and relates to his story so far a lot, i thought i might break this down a bit. 

i’ve divded up every complaint i’ve heard about this into four main questions which i’ll be covering below the ‘keep reading’, because this is gonna be pretty comprehensive. full disclaimer i reference my experiences as an ex-evangelical non binary butch lesbian a couple times, and i spent a year studying repression and the psychological impacts of high demand sexual ethics for my graduating sociology paper, so this is coming with some background to it i swear

the big questions:

can you EVEN be gay and not know it????

but isn't this just ANOTHER coming out arc, and aren't we supposed to be moving beyond those?

but if cap can't have a relationship with a man because he's a ghost, what's the point?

since cap's dead, isn't this technically bury your gays, and isn't that bad? 

1. "but is it really possible to not know? Isn't that bad representation?"

short answer: no and no.

before i get into the validity of the captain's ignorance about his own orientation as 21st century rep, let's break down how the hell the captain can be so clearly attracted to men and still not even consider the possibility that he might be gay, as brought to you by someone who literally experienced this shit.

the captain's particular situation is both a direct result of the lack of information around human sexuality he would have had (aka clear messaging that it's actually possible for him to be attracted to men. i don't mean acceptable or allowed, i mean physically capable of happening- the idea that orientations other than heterosexual exist and are available to him, a man), and a subconscious survival mechanism. the environment in which he lives is outright hostile to gay people, while the military man identity he has constructed for himself doesn't allow for any form of deviation from societal norms, let alone one so base level and major. as a result of this killer combo of information and environment, instincts take over and the mind does it's best to repress the ‘deviant’ feelings until a. one of these two things changes, or b. the act of repression becomes so destructive and/or exhuasting that it becomes impossible to maintain. the key to maintaining a long-term state of repression of desire is diverting that energy elsewhere, and a high-demand group such as the military is the perfect place for the captain to do this (this technqiue is frequented by religions and extremist ideologies worldwide, but that’s not really what we’re here to focus on). 

while the brain is actively repressing ‘deviant’ feelings (aka gay shit), this doesn't mean you don't experience the feelings at all. when performed as a subconscious act of survival, the aim of repression is to minimise/transform the feelings into a state where they can no longer cause immediate danger, and something as big as sexual/romantic orientation is going to keep popping up, but as long as the individual in question never understands what they’re feeling, they’ll be able to continue relatively undisturbed. you know how in heist movies, the leader of the group will only tell each team member part of the plan so they can’t screw things up for everyone else if they get caught? it’s kind of like that.

this is how the captain appears to have operated in life AND in death, and it’s a relatively common experience for lgbtq people who’ve grown up in similar circumstances (aka with a lack of information and in an unfriendly-to-hostile environment), and accounts for how some people can even go on to get married and have children before realising that they’re gay and/or trans. 

personally, while i can now identify what were strong homo crushes all the way back to childhood, at the time i genuinely had no idea. there was the underlying sense that i probably shouldn't tell people how attached i was to these girls because i would seem weird, and that my feelings were stronger than the ones other people used to describe friendships, but like-like them in the way that other girls like-liked boys? no way! actually scratch that, it wasn't even a no way, because i had no idea that i even could. i even had my own havers, at least in terms of the emotional hold and devotion she got from me, except she treated me way less well than cap’s beau. snatches of the existence of lgbt people made it through the cone of silence, i definitely heard the words gay and lesbian, but my levels of informations mirrored those that the captain would have had: virtually none, beyond the idea that these words exist, some people are them, and that's not something that we support or think is okay, so let's just not speak about it. despite only attending religious schools for the first couple years of primary, until i got my own technology and social media accounts to explore lgbtq content on my own- option a out of the two catalysts for change- the possibility of me being gay was not at all on my radar. don’t even get me started on how long it took me to explore butchness and my overall gender, two things which now feel glaringly obvious. 

when shit starts to break down, you can also make the conscious choice to repress which can delay the eventual smashing down of the mental closet door for a time (essentially when the closet door starts to open, you just say ‘no thanks’ and shut it again by pointedly Not Thinking About It). in the abscence of identifying yourself by your attractions, it becomes quite common to identify with a lack- in my case, this meant becoming proud of how sensible and not boy crazy i was, and in the captain’s case, this means becoming proud of how sensible and not sensuous/wild (aka woman crazy) he was, identifying with his LACK of desire for women and partying (which, even in the 40s, involved the expectation of opposite sex romances and hook ups). i’m not saying that’s the only reason he’s a rule follower, but i think the contrast between About Last Night and Perfect Day pretty much support this. (the captain getting on his high horse about general party antics that he inherently felt excluded from because of underlying awareness of his difference & his tendency to project his regimented expectations of himself onto others, vs. joining in the reception party, awareness of how the environment supports difference in the form of clare and sam, and relaxing his own rules by dancing with men- the captain doesn’t mind a party when feels like he has a place there.)

so the captain was operating in a high demand, highly regulated environment (primarily the military, but also early 20th century England itself), with regimented roles, rules, and expectations. working on the assumption that he wouldn't have had out/disclosing lgbt friends, he would have had little to no exposure to lgbt identities, and what information he did receive would have been hushed and negatively geared. while my world started to open up when i started high school was allowed to have my own phone + instagram account, resulting in me realising something wasn't quite 'right' within a few years (making me a relatively early realiser compared to those who don't come out to themselves until adulthood), in life the captain never had that experience. he didn't receive the information he needed, his environment didn't grow less hostile. with the near-exception of havers related heartbreak, his well disciplined and lifelong method of repression never became destructive/exhaustive enough to permanently override the danger signals in his mind and allow him to put his feelings into words. neither of the most common catalysts for change happened for him, so he continued as usual, even after his death.

BUT, and here’s where we come to why this is actually great representation, arrival of mike and Alison represents the opening up of new world. for the first time, the captain is actively made aware of the fact that his environment is no longer hostile, and better than that, it’s affirming. he’s also getting access to positively geared information about lgbtq people and identities, so option a of the two catalysts for change is absolutely present, and resoundingly positive. 

the captain’s arc is also relatively unique as it acknowledges the oppressive nature of his environment, but actually focuses on the internal consequences, and the way that systems like those that the captain lived in succeed because they turn us into our own oppressors. for whatever reason, we repress ourseslves, and often can’t help it, and i find that the significance of the journey to overcome that is often overlooked in more mainstream queer media. perhaps it’s just not very cinematic, or it remains too confronting for cishet audiences, but ghosts manages to touch on it with a lovely amount of humour and hope. Jamie Babbit’s But I’m A Cheerleader is another favourite piece of queer media for the same reasons.

not only does it show this, but as the captain continues to get gayer and lean into some of his less conventional traits (like an interest in fashion and the wedding planning), it shows lgbt people who have been or are going through this that there CAN be a positive outcome. it takes a lot to unlearn all the things that have painted you as wrong, especially when a massive institution is desperate to continue doing so, but you can do it, you can be happy, and it's never too late. (i've been meaning to say that last point for ages for ages, but a mutual beat me to it here)

2. not just another coming out arc

i absolutely support the demand for queer stories that don’t center around coming out (it’s like shrodinger’s queer: if you’re not coming out on screen, do you really even exist?), but i don’t align with the criticisms that the captain should already be out. for the reasons mentioned above, the captain’s particular story is fairly different to the ‘young white teenager who mostly knows gay is fine, it’s just everyone else that’s got the problem, but have a unremarkably straight sounding soundtrack, a trauma porn romance, and a cishet saviour’ that we keep seeing. the captain’s ongoing journey with his sexuality emphasises the overaching theme of the show: recovering from trauma and humanity’s endless capacity for growth, and i think that’s worth showing over and over again until it stops being true.

additionally, while the captain’s journey regarding his gayness is a big part of his character and story, ghosts makes it clear that it’s not the ONLY part, and being gay is far from his ONLY characteristic or dramatic/comedic engine. the fact that i’m even having to congratulate ghosts for doing that really shows how much film and television is struggling huh.

while all queer media is, and should be, subject to criticism, i think if it helps even one person then it absolutely deserves to exist, and i can say i’ve found the captain’s journey to be the lgbt story i’ve found that’s closest to my own, which says a lot considering he’s a dead world war 2 soldier who hangs out with other ghosts including a slutty Tory, a georgian noblewoman, and a literal caveman. 

3. if captain gay, why he no have boyfriend???? 

another complaint that’s been circulating is that since the captain doesn’t, and likely won’t, have a boyfriend, that makes him Bad Representation because it follows the sad single gay trope. i kind of get the logic from this one, and a lot of it is up to personal interpretation, but part of me really enjoys the fact that the captain’s journey towards accepting himself is separated from having a relationship.

coming out is often paired with having romantic/sexual relationships (either as the reason or reward for doing so). my own struggle with repression didn't end the second that came out, and i still struggle with letting myself develop & acknowledge romantic feelings as a result of actively shutting them (and most other feelings in general) down for years, and statistics show that lgbtq youth in particular tend not to live out their 'teen years' until their twenties. by not giving cap a relationship straight away, ghosts separates the act of claiming identity and sexual orientation from finding a partner (two things which are, more often than not, separate), and also provides some very nice validation to folks who have yet to have the relationship they want, especially when lots of mainstream queer media is now jumping on the cishet media bandwagon of acting as if every person loses their virginity and has a life defining relationship at sixteen. it’s essentially a continuation of the earlier theme of “it’s never too late”, and who’s to say the captain won’t get a gay bear ghost boyfriend to go haunt nazis with??? people die all the time, it could happen.

(also, i think him and julian will have definitely shagged at least once. it was a low moment for both of them and they refuse to speak of it.)

lots of asexual/ace spectrum fans have come out to say how much they’ve loved being able to headcanon cap as ace, and while that’s not a headcanon i personally have, i think it’s brilliant that ace fans feel seen by his character- we’re all in this soup together babey (and sorry for cursing everyone still reading this with that cap/julian headcanon. i’m just a vessel)

4. “okay, but cap’s a GHOST- doesn’t that make this Bury Your Gays?”

this is a bit of a complex one, but i’m going to say no as a result of the following break down.

Bury Your Gays (BYG), aka the trope where lgbtq characters are consistently killed off (and often with a heavy dose of trauma, while cishet characters survive) is probably one of my least favourite lgbt media tropes. BYG has two main points:

1. the lgbt character is killed, thus removing them from story entirely- hence the use of the phrase ‘killed OFF’ (killed off of the show/film)

2. the character’s death reinforces the perception that lgbtq people’s lives must end in tragedy, instead of being long and fulfilling, or are inherently less valuable. bonus points if the character is killed in a hate crime or confesses same-gender love right before they die (that one implies that queer love genuinely has no future!)

not every death of an lgbtq character is bury your gays, and i personally feel that the captain is an example of an lgbt death that isn’t. 

first of all, while the captain is dead, so are the vast majority of characters in ghosts. the premise of the show means that death is not the end of the line for its characters- for most of them, it’s the only reason we get to see them on screen at all. as such, the captain being dead doesn’t remove him from the story, so point one is irrelevant.

at the time of posting, we don’t know how or why the captain died, but we've had nothing to suggest his death was in any way related to his latent sexuality, so his mysterious death doesn’t actively play into the supposedly inherent tragedy of queer lives, nor the supposedly lesser value. that’s as of right now- since we don’t know the circumstances of his death it’s a little tough to analyse properly. while the captain’s life absolutely features missed opportunities and it’s fair share of tragedy, hope and growth (which seems to be the theme of this post) abounds in equal measure. the captain may not be alive, but we DO get to see him growing and having a relatively happy existence, that for the most part seems to be getting even better as he learns to open up and be himself unapologetically- that doesn’t feel like BYG to me.

while writng this, it’s just occured to me that death really is a second chance for most of the ghosts, especially with the introduction of alison. from mary learning to read, to thomas finding modern music, they’ve all been given the chance explore things they never could have while they were alive, and hopefully grow enough to one day be sucked off move on.

in conclusion,

i love the captain very much and i hope his arc lives up to the standards it’s set so far. i don’t know where to put this in this post, but i’d alo like to say i LOVE how in Perfect Day, the captain wasn’t used as an educational experienced for fanny at all. i am very tired of people expecting me to be the walking talking homophobe educator and rehabilitator, so the fact that it’s alison and the other ghosts that call fanny out while the captain just gets to have fun with the wedding organisation made me very happy.

here’s a few other cap posts that i’ve done:

the captain’s arc if adam and the film crew stayed

a possible cap coming out 

the captain backstory headcanon

if you’ve read this far,

thank you!

also check out @alex-ghosts-corner , this post inspired me very much to write this

[ladyloveandjustice]

Belated Spring 2020 Anime Overview: My Next Life as Villainess

For the Spring 2020 anime season, I mostly watched continuations of shows I was already into. The one new show I did pick up was My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom!

My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom! follows Katerina Claes, a spoiled young noble girl deviously scheming to win the heart of a prince- oh wait, never mind, she hit her head and remembered her past life! Turns out she’s an eighteen year old Japanese otaku chick who died and got reincarnated as the villainess in her favorite otome game. 

If you don’t feel like reading the wiki article, an otome game is basically a female- targeted dating sim where you play as a blank slate main character and date a bunch of pretty boys (and sometimes girls, but usually only if you go outside the mainstream ones), unlocking their backstories and collecting all the romantic endings.

Having played this game, Katarina is well aware that the Villainess character- who constantly tries to interfere with the game’s heroine and whichever boy she’s pursuing- is either exiled or killed in all of the games endings. And now she IS that villainess, living in the world of the game and all its characters! Does that mean she’s doomed to a horrible fate? What’s a girl to do?

Well, if you’re Katarina, what you do is be supportive and kind to the people around you and in doing so accidentally get every single character in the game to fall in love with you. And yes, this includes all the boys the heroine is supposed to date, the other female romantic rivals the heroine is faced with and the game’s heroine herself.

That’s right, we finally got us some bisexual romantic comedy hijinx last anime season, my friends! My Next Life as a Villainess was the delightful little show I really escaped into during these anxious pandemic times . All these girls casually falling in love with Katarina without it being treated as ‘weird’ was what particularly drew me to this show and warmed my gay little heart to see. It was honestly the perfect fluffy, low stress watch during these high stress times.

Anime has long been oversaturated with ‘harem’ stories- where a usually unwitting protagonist somehow gets a bevy of beauties in love with them- but it’s still unfortunately really unusual to see bisexual harems, especially ones with a girl at the center, so right away there’s a big draw to this story that helps it stick out from the rest.  (And worry not, the story is largely focused on Katarina having fun with these pals-who-are-not-so-secretly-in-love-with-her, rather than having a ton the dubious shenanigans you see in more sexually charged tales.)

Harem protoganists also famously tend to have the personality of potatoes, being so painfully bland it’s unclear why so many people would fall in love with them in the first place. But that definitely not the case for Katarina. She’s brash, ridiculous, kind and INCREDIBLY dense, and that for a pretty dynamic combination in this setting! She does genuinely come off as a fun person to be around. Unlike a lot of modern isekai shows, she doesn’t stumble into having incredible magic powers or skills, so her compassion is genuinely her greatest strength and what saves the day and wins hearts time and time again.

Katarina’s five brain cells doing their weekly check-in

(The moment she won my heart was when she responded to a tragic Frozen style situation with her friend locking himself away from people because he believed his magic was dangerous by taking an axe to his door. My kinda girl!)

The premise also allows for some plausible built-in reasons for the characters to take such special notice of Katarina- having been raised in a different world, she isn’t beholden to all the social rules, class divisions and noble family drama all the other kids in this very specific midevial-esque fantasy world are so embroiled in. This combined with her naturally earnest, accepting and straightfoward nature means she’s able to cross boundaries and reach out to them in a way they aren’t accustomed to. She was significant in each character’s life because she genuinely was the first to show them acceptance and affection without pretense, if only because she isn’t even aware there was supposed to be a pretense.

Katarina’s focus on trying not to die and her fear she’s going to meet the same fate as the villainess in the game also at least gives some kind of a basis to her comical obliviousness to everyone being in love with her. She assumes that everyone has to be into Maria (the heroine) and terrified of her because that’s how the game GOES okay, that’s CANON! Of course, this logic stretches thin as time goes on and it would be abundantly clear to most people that things have diverged greatly from the game’s storyline, but the show makes it clear that Katarina’s determined, one track mind is as much a gift as a curse. 

Her bullheadedness when it comes to picking up how everyone REALLY feels about her is an intentional gag on the show’s part and even her love interests are well aware of what a colossal dumbass she is and not afraid to point it out!

My Next Life as a Villainess isn’t without its flaws, and the personalities/backstories of some of the ‘love interests’ Katarina gathers may be a stumbling block on some- mostly the male ones.  Geordo, “the black hearted prince” has a bit of the “ possessive shoujo bad boy” archetype about him, and though he’s far from the worst that genre of love interest has to offer (there’s not much bad he can get up to due to Katarina’s obliviousness, the lighthearted nature of the show, and his rivals constantly getting in his way), the way he refuses to break Katarina and his engagement off despite her repeatedly asking him to, as well as some of his lines here and there, are definitely NOT cute. 

Keith is Katarina’s adopted brother, but clearly has a thing for her too. On one hand, they only first met when they were nine and he fell for her pretty immediately. On the other hand, he still refers to her as “sister” constantly which is kinda eesh. 

The other two guys are all right- Nicol’s big thing is he’s inexpressive and doesn’t talk much which, considering show doesn’t spend much time inside his head, doesn’t make him a very interesting character in the ensemble (maybe he comes across better in the novels) but there’s nothing wrong with him. Alan is undoubtedly the Best Boy in my book. He’s another common trope- rambunctious and competitive with Katarina but clearly soft for her- but he’s done well and they have a lot of cute moments together.

I find the girl love interests to be a much more interesting group overall, though this may be my obvious bias talking. Sophia has the strongest connection to Katarina, their backstories being intertwined in a surprising and touching way (I’m told in the novels her affection for Katarina was treated as more platonic, but the anime definitely plays it up as having romantic elements). Maria’s original role as the game’s heroine puts her in the most interesting position (and would make her the most narratively satisfying choice of love interest, if the show was actually interested in choosing). And while Mary is comically tenacious in her pursuit of Katarina, she’s doesn’t ever act ‘sinister’ or overstep boundaries in the way Geordo does, her “scheming” only really amounting to straightforwardly asking if Katarina wants to ditch her fiance and run away with her. 

As I mentioned, one thing that really contributes to My Next Life as a Villainess being a relaxing watch is that the queer characters are treated with casual acceptance. Mary in particular isn’t subtle about her crush on Katarina, but nobody bats an eye at her and she’s completely open and comfortable with herself too. The observing maid notes that the girls are in love with Katarina with the same bland affect as when she notes she notes the guys are. And while the social practices of the nobles are pretty heteronormative- girls are always engaged in arranged marriages to guys, the guys are expected to dance with the girls (something Mary complains about!)- there’s apparently a booming queer romance novel industry that inspires our young wlw.

Katarina, having grown up in a different world, seems to be the one most prone to heteronormativity of her group. She never really considers  that a girl would ever fall in love with her, but is also never hostile to the idea. It’s telling that when Mary very clearly indicates her desired romantic partner would be a girl, Katarina’s the only one that gets tripped up and has to walk back her assumption that Mary would be talking about a guy. 

Mary LAYING DOWN THE LAW

Also, Katarina has  SEVERAL “she’s so cute! My heart is beating faster!” moments with the other girls, on par in frequency with her moments with the guys. This strongly hints she’s an oblivious bisexual disaster.

So, My Next Life as Villainess is a fun, frothy watch and the rare positive example of silly wish-fufillment that’s inclusive to a wlw audience. But is the actual plot good, or remotely complex? The answer to that is no, the plot is fairly predictable and one definitely shouldn’t got into this story expecting a deep examination of the nature of fate or anything like that.There’s no real explanation of big reason as to why why Katarina was reborn into this game world and so on.

 The antagonist that does eventually emerge plays off otome game tropes a bit, but ultimately isn’t that interesting or built up all that well. . The attempts at drama the show makes towards the end fall a little flat, especially since it tends to rely on very-late-in-the-game-exposition-dumps (dark magic isn’t even MENTIONED as existing in this world until like, the second to last episode where it becomes relevant and we get a vague infodump explaining its mechanics). The conflict honestly almost feels shoehorned in and the climax is pretty standard and doesn’t really utilize the big cast of characters all that well

But in the end, that’s okay! The show makes it abundantly clear from the beginning it’s not here to be Deep, but to be some silly fun. And it really fulfills that purpose well, from it’s catchy, peppy theme tune to its consistently warm tone. It MAY get repetitive at times for some, and I do have some quibbles- like how I found the childhood segments to be some of the shows best material and wish we could have stayed in that section for a bit instead of rushing through it, how I wish Katarina had kept her cute little scar, etc- but overall, it was definitely the soothing balm I needed during a very rough time and I absolutely recommend it if you’re looking for a chill, feel-good watch.

 And hey, a second season’s supposed to be on the way too, so there’s something to potentially look forward to!

[northlight14]

A love for love

Description: Roman loved love. He always had, even as a small child. So why was it so different whenever he was involved?

TW: panic attack, mention of making out but nothing is actually shown, cursing, questioning, unrequited love, let me know if I should add anything else

Ships: unrequited royality, platonic roceit, dukeceit

Genre: high school au

Prompt: prompt 6, aromantic (prompt by @pridewrite2021)

Roman loved love. He always had. Even as a small child, he'd watch wide eyed as Prince Charming leaned down and gave sleeping beauty true loves kiss, something so powerful that it was able to break an evil witches curse. He'd stayed up till early hours in the morning, squealing with excitement as he read about two warriors able to take on an entire army, motivated by their want to keep the other safe and stealing glances at each other as their metal swords collided with the enemies weapon. He'd sing his heart out when a romance song came on the radio, gushing about their love interest with such emotion that Roman adored.

Yes, Roman loved love.

So why was it so different whenever he was involved?

The earliest memory Roman had of this was when he was in first grade. Two of his classmates ran up to him giggling as they sang "Savannah has a crush on you!" Instead of feeling that overwhelming joy like the ones described in his books and music, he felt a deep cutting disgust in his stomach. Roman felt less like he could conquer the world and more like the world was going to swallow him whole. Rather than singing any great love song that he'd sang so many times in his room or in the car, he began crying instead while the two girls looked at him in confusion.

"It was just because I don't like her." Roman told himself.

But this feeling of being out of place only grew as his fellow classmates gushed about their boyfriends and girlfriends, crushes and which cartoon character they find cute. Granted, they were in second and third grade, so the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" roughly translated to "they let me borrow their crayon at break once and now we're in love and going to get married." However, this love for love spread like a virus and Romans desire to fit in only grew. So, during a sleepover with his friends, Roman looked upon the TV, at the princess Aurora and decided 'She'd make a good crush.' Before announcing it to the crowd of toddlers, the words immediately sounding wrong as he spoke them, as if he'd spoken them in a foreign language. He decided that night to never speak of his supposed "crush" ever again. Roman liked Aurora with Prince Philip much more, anyway.

Roman was in fifth grade when he was talking to one of his best friends, Valorie. The two of them just laughing and joking when his friends approached.

"Who's your girlfriend, Ro?" one laughed, putting his arm around Roman. And he knew it was a joke. He knew that. But it still felt like the arm hadn't wrapped around his shoulders and instead knocked all the air out his lungs in one hard punch. This moment lingered in his mind like a haunting apparition, quickly causing any friendships with girls to become strained. First only talking occasionally while in class or on the yard, to only talking when his guy friends weren't around, to only texting outside of school to nothing at all. Roman mourned these friendships but it had been made clear that boys and girls couldn't just be friends and the idea of people thinking he was dating any of these people made him feel like a caged bird.

Later that year Roman decided, despite his love for love, he didn't want to date. The reason for this being...

"I'm just more focused on my career."

"I just don't see the point in dating right now."

"I've never really liked anyone so what's the point?"

"I just like being more focused on myself."

And any other excuse he could possibly come up with, repeating them as many times as he needed to to believe them. Roman had always been a good actor, after all. But, of coarse, with this supposed decision came "reassurance" from adults, as if they had the ability to see the future.

"You just haven't met the right person, yet."

"You'll change your mind one day, when you get a bit older."

"All kids say that at your age."

"Roman isn't interested in dating YET."

These invalidating promises made Romans blood boil the more he heard them. It was as if he was yelling while trapped in a soundproof box, unable to escape. But, despite what seemingly everyone around him was saying, Roman knew deep down that romance just wasn't for him.

He also remained thankful that this love for love hadn't infected his friendship too much.

That was until seventh grade when what was originally a few cases of a love for love became an epidemic. It seemed that all anyone wanted to know was "do you have a crush on her?" "Did you hear that Lily and Reese are going out?" "Do you find her attractive?" This soon made its way over to his friends as they talked about how hot the girls were and teased each other relentlessly about who they liked. Roman once again felt like an outsider in his friend group. His friends conversations about their girlfriends may as well have been spoken in Latin.

Then the day came when his twin brother, Remus, came out as gay and started dating a guy named Janus. It then occurred to Roman.

"Maybe the reason I haven't been feeling anything for all these girls was because they were girls! Maybe I like boys instead!" Roman had never been a very logical person but this definitely seemed to make more sense. If he didn't like women then that surely must mean that he liked men instead, right? Because otherwise...otherwise Roman didn't know what that meant.

So Roman tried. Really God damn tried to find boys cute, to fantasize about dating them, to relate to gay experiences. But all he was met with was the same foreign and hollow feeling he'd felt when he lied about having a crush back in 2nd grade. Roman quickly began feeling his love for the concept of love diminish.

So when Roman entered grade 9, he decided to put anything to do with his romantic feelings (or lack there of) in a little box in the back of his mind to deal with later. Instead putting his passion and good acting skills to use by joining his schools drama department. The moment he stepped foot on stage, he felt himself come alive. The crowd, the praise, the creativity, it was addicting.

And it was only made better with the more friends he made. There was one person who he grew partially close to. Patton Heart. The two quickly became best friends, often hanging out outside of rehearsals and texting non stop. And, for the first time in what seemed like years, Roman was happy and comfortable.

That was until 10th grade. Roman way lying on his bed watching Netflix on his phone when a message from Patton came through. Roman clicked on the message and was caught massively off guard as he read it.

Patton: hey, Roman. So I've been thinking a lot lately. In particular about us and about you. And over the past few months I've started to realize that I have a really big crush on you. You're really handsome, funny and talented and I love spending time with you. It's totally ok if you don't like me back, but I figured it's better to be honest.

It should've been it. The moment when one of the main characters confesses their feelings for the love interest and they proclaim they feel the same way. Sparks fly and their hearts beat faster with excitement. It all becomes so clear when they hear that confession in movies and books.

But this wasn't a movie.

Roman felt time stand still as he read the message, his hands shaking so much he didn't think he would be able to respond even if he knew how to answer.

He couldn't breath. Why couldn't he breath?! The edges of his vision went fuzzy as he desperately gasped for air.

"Patton's great." He thought through his suffocating panic. "He's funny and charming and sweet. You should like him. Why don't you like him? What's wrong with you?!" Romans thoughts yelled as he tried desperately to hold back the tears threatening to spill over.

Not sure of what else to do, Roman ran to Remus' room, hoping he'd know how to respond.

Roman knocked on his brothers door and Remus responded with a very annoyed "come in" after a few beats of silence. Remus and Janus were sat on Remus' bed and Roman could tell from their slightly red lips that the two had been making out. But he wasn't in the headspace to even pretend to care that he'd interrupted them right now.

"Ugh, what do you want?" Remus said, clearly too irritated by his brothers presence to notice his distress.

"P-Patton just messaged me s-saying he likes me and I don't know what to say." Roman barely stuttered out, trying desperately not to cry in front of Remus and his boyfriend.

"Aw, cute. Roro finally got a man." Remus joked but Roman was definitely not in the mood for that kind of humor.

"Do you like him back?" Janus asked, calmly, clearly taking more notice of Romans distress.

"Well, I do. But not like that."

"Ok, so just tell him that. It doesn't have to be this whole thing. Why are you getting so upset?" Remus said, looking at Roman as if he was stupid.

Which, to be fair, Roman did feel very stupid right now.

"He's my best friend. I don't want to upset him." Yeah, that was the reason Roman was freaking out. He just didn't want to hurt Patton. That was it.

"Well, just say you don't want a relationship right now or some shit. Besides, he's probably more worried now because you've taken so long to answer." Remus pointed out. Yeah, Roman was never coming to Remus with his problems ever again.

"Yeah...ok." Roman said. Slowly, he walked out the room, noticing Janus looking at him curiously but deciding not to focus on it.

Roman: I'm really sorry Patton, but I don't feel the same way. We can still be friends tho. It doesn't have to be awkward between us. Especially because I really like being friends with you.

Patton: Yeah, that's ok. This is kinda what I was expecting to be honest. But yeah, I still wanna stay friends.

A few days later Janus came over again for dinner. Afterwards, Roman went into the living room and sat on the couch, scrolling through Instagram.

To his surprise, Janus followed after him and sat next to him. "So, how are you feeling after a few days ok. Broken his heart yet?" Janus teased.

Roman huffed out a laugh. "Uh, yeah, we agreed to just stay friends. Which I'm happy about but it's also really weird. I honestly don't know where we go from here which sucks because I really like Patton. Just not like...that." Janus nodded in understanding.

"You must care about him a lot if you had a panic attack just because you didn't want to hurt his feelings." Janus said. Roman just shrugged in response. "So, does that mean you like someone else?" Janus asked.

"No...I. I don't know. I've...I've never really liked anyone. I don't think I ever will. And people say I'll change my mind but...it isn't like I've made a choice. I've felt like this my whole life and everyone around me has had a crush on someone by now. I just... don't think I was built for romance. Which I know probably sounds stupid but that's just how I feel." He said, so honest it almost hurt.

Janus nodded slowly, taking in what Roman was saying. "It doesn't sound stupid." He said before pausing, as if considering his next choice of words. "Roman...have you ever heard of the term aromantic?" He asked.

"No." Roman answered, looking at Janus curiously.

"It basically means someone who experiences little to no romantic attraction. So they don't get crushes and stuff like that." He explained.

Roman felt his heart leap and for once it wasn't because of a fight or flight reflex. "Wait, that's a thing?" He asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, a surprising number of people identify with it. I don't want to assume anything but I thought I might mention it just from what you've told me and what Remus has said in the past. Plus that panic on your face yesterday reminded me a bit of when I tried to force myself into romantic situations with girls." Janus smirked to himself.

That night Roman researched more on aromanticism than he did for his science test. The more he searched, the more it just made sense. Of coarse, he still had a long way to go towards self acceptance. Roman could feel himself already starting to mourn the idea that this was a choice he'd made ages ago and he was going to feel romantic love one day. It was an odd feeling, realizing that even though he knew deep down it wasn't a decision and he'd always hated when people made those comments, a part of him took comfort in adults promising that he'd change his mind one day. He was also horrified to realize that he didn't know what his future was supposed to look like now without romance. After all, media seemed to show single middle aged adults exclusively as depressed and lonely. But as he scoured through wiki articles to tumblr pages to memes, he knew this was a good start to unlearning any nonsense society had been shoving down his throat.

The more Roman learned and the more people he talked to online about it, the more he started to feel his love for love increase. But instead of it being centered on a prince and princess in a movie, two in love warriors keeping each other alive in a book or a cheesy love song on the radio, it was a different type of love Roman was finally starting to feel the more he accepted himself.

Self love.

Reblog’s >>>> likes

[grishaversecommunityyy]

The Grishaverse Ship Survey Results

So! After all of that, we finally have the results! What is the general opinion on the ships in the Grishaverse? Well, that’s for you to read below! It’s actually pretty interesting and, while some parts make sense, there were definitely some parts which... surprised me... Anyway, onto the results!

Everything in this post can be split into:

The Grisha Trilogy

Six Of Crows Duology

The Nikolai Series

Shadow and Bone: TV Series

Most Enjoyed Ships

Least Enjoyed Ships

Crack Ships and Shipping Discourse

Notes from the Survey 

(note from mod emily: i tried to bold all of fritz’ comments, but i might have missed a few! be aware there are two of us analysing here :))

The Grisha Trilogy

The first book series we asked about was, of course, the first chronologically: the Grisha Trilogy. The most popular ship, with 83% voters for this series selecting this, was Genya/David (Fritz was glad to hear that; Yes I am). This is likely due to the lack of alternate romantic interests in the series, which seems to be a major issue for Alina’s ships. It also seems to be one genuinely enjoyed by most fans, in contrast to Darkling/Alina and Mal/Alina (each around 30%) and Nikolai/Alina (just under 20%), for which I have definitely seen plenty of debate. The second and third most popular ships for this series were Tamar/Nadia (55%) and Nikolai/Zoya (47%). Interestingly, Genya/Alina (43%) and Zoya/Alina (30%) ranked surprisingly high, especially considering how few of my friends and associates I hear talking about them. Good for them!

Honourable mentions:

Alina/Sun (no doubt inspired by that crack fic I wrote a while back) (Still havent read that out of fear)

Alina alone (a common concept among those surveyed, though most mentioned it later)

Zoya/Genya or Alina/Zoya/Genya

Six Of Crows Duology

This series was a little less divided, I would say. Predictably, Kaz/Inej came out on top with a whopping 96% of voters (:relieved:), with Wylan/Jesper next (90%) and Nina/Matthias just after (83%). None of the others really came close, despite Nina/Inej gathering 35% of the votes and Colm/Aditi at 25% (yeah, I’m not sure why that was so popular on AO3 either, but nobody really has objections so I assume that’s why it amassed so many votes). As Six of Crows is decidedly less divisive about ships and doesn’t have such controversial ships (more on that later), it seems the fandom agrees with canon pairings and the votes are... pretty unanimous.

Honourable Mentions:

Jesper/Wylan/Kuwei

Polycrows (platonic or romantic)

Kaz/Inej/Nina

Whoever didn’t read the instruction about this being for only the book series and put Jesper/Milo. I will never escape. 

The Nikolai Series

This one is a little harder for me because I actually haven’t read this... so over to Fritz for analysis! But first, the stats. At 85%, the most popular ship is Genya/David, followed by Zoya/Nikolai at 77%. Tamar/Nadia and Nina/Hanne draw at 61.5% and Nina/Matthias has 56% voters onboard. There’s no real honourable mentions for this one, sadly. Hello Fritz here! Read the books and very glad to see Genya/David as the top ship as it damn well should. Although still a bit surprising since its more of a side-arc of the two and only ties in with the importance of the story at a specific chapter that I feel like I don’t need to elaborate about, if you read Rule of Wolves. (I believe the popularity of the ship also sky-rocketed due to ROW) Following of course Zoya/Nikolai, the high ranking makes sense, it is the main ship and lets be honest they deserve it <3

I think the only really surprising thing about this is the high votes for Nina/Matthias since [SPOILERS CROOKED KINGDOM] he’s dead so I feel like people should move on from that. Nina/“Hanne” having not as high a ranking as I would’ve thought, but with Matthias still being in the frame I guess we shouldn’t be surprised either.

Shadow and Bone: TV Series

This one is really interesting, with the exclusive show watchers now taking part! We have 89% voting for Kaz/Inej, 76% for David/Genya, 71% for Matthias/Nina, 67% for Ivan/Fedyor (that’s a thing???-->Yeah they had a few somewhat sweet interactions in the background-->nvm i watched it you’re right fritz) and 62% for Mal/Alina. What’s really surprising is how high Malina is compared to Darklina, with Darkling/Alina at 36%. Who knows, maybe Fritz’ analysis can shed some light on this?

Yes yes Fritz to the rescue: First of all we have to see their interactions a little different from what we already knew of them by the end of episode 8. I still think it is a surprising number, since the Darkling in the show isn’t as nasty as he was in the books BUT over all his actions are now seen on TV. We all thought the deer antlers were a necklace amirite? Well no apparently not, the darkling used the worst kind of small science to fit Alinas collarbone to the bone and out comes a gruesome sight: a reason why many people might have started thinking: Wow what a disgusting person he is. And on the Malina “ship”: Mal finally has personality!! jkjk :eyes: Mals and Alinas friendship has been portrayed way better in the show and I believe that the people noticed more chemistry between them especially by the end of season 1. So I’m still a little surprised Darklina has such a low ranking (what with him being all sweet and cuddly in the middle of the show) but it makes sense and the Malina ship as well. Their vibes are just *chefs kiss* and thats coming from someone who didnt even like any of these “ships” <3

Loving the quotation marks for the word ‘ships’, Fritz. Over to the honourable mentions!

Honourable Mentions:

Jesper and Milo (isn’t milo a goat? guys, why?)

Nadia/Marie (huh that didn’t appear anywhere else)

One person had several - Kaz/Inej/Jesper, Dubrov/Mikhael, Dubrov/Mikhael/Mal - and yeah, you can really see the show differences in these mentions right? (whose dubrov...and whose mikhael...)

16% actually voted for Inej/Alina which is wild to me because of book context (they did have chemistry in the show tho :cowboi_smirk:)

Another person with several! We have Nina/Inej, Genya/Alina, Zoya/Alina, Zoya/Genya/Alina. Very sapphic. Good for you.

Kaz/Jesper and Nina/Inej all in one

That’s a lot of honour and mentions but it’s so interesting to me and I think you should see too

Most Enjoyed Ships

The most enjoyed ship was Kaz/Inej. This had unparalleled support, being at 35%. Jesper/Wylan, which was next on the list (23.5%) and Nina/Matthias (18%) were also pretty popular. Most of the others were quite low, though interestingly Mal/Alina only had 1 vote (plus one for the show version). Overall, the SoC ships were a lot more popular in this section, which makes sense - this part is really about your favourite ship, and those were more unanimous in the last sections.

Least Enjoyed Ships

Most people said Darkling/Alina, which got 47% of the NOTP votes. A lot more people disliked Darkling/Alina than liked Kaz/Inej. Make of that what you will, but I take it as a somewhat general agreement among many of you guys. Mal/Alina was also strongly disliked at 22%, but around a half or more of these were clarified to be about the book version of the ship specifically. They really must’ve upgraded in the show! Jesper/Kuwei and any other Darkling ships were also voted by a few, but all of these pale in comparison to the anti-Darklina votes. Shoutout to the person who said Apparat/Anyone. I agree, though it’s not something I thought of before seeing this response. Also one person said they didn’t like the poly ships, which I hope meant just the ones mentioned earlier and not all poly relationships in general... Another shoutout to whoever said Kaz/Heleen, because why did I have to read that. A fun question, all in all!

Crack Ships and Shipping Discourse

I love talking about crack ships, so let’s start with that! This time, I really don’t want to have to count and list because... well, let me show you:

I think that sums up the sheer variety, to be honest. Then again, it would be rude not to mention that the most popular were Jesper/Milo, Darkling/Nikolai and Alina/Sun. (If you’re still confused about that last one, I take full responsibility.)

YES KAZ/KRUGE I SUPPORT!!!

Honourable mention to this:

which was a lot to take in, and:

Now for the discourse. Yep, the part you probably came for. 

Actually... maybe you didn’t? Looking at all of these responses, I see a lot of people genuinely don’t care about ship wars and so on, and often enjoyed the books regardless of the romances involved. Quite a few disapproved of the ongoing (though small) wars between Darklina and Malina, and others had a similar line of thinking, saying we should maybe stop focusing so much on it. You guys are right. I know this is a ship survey, and the conclusions should not include that shipping isn’t as important as we make it (Yes it should), but... that’s where it’s at.

And then again, a lot of you guys expressed disapproval for Darkling/Alina, discussing how it is often one-sided and manipulative and overall unhealthy, so I could be completely off with that last one. Some people mentioned that they ship this but as a slightly different version that the one given to us, recognising the flaws of the canon ship.

Someone said they headcanon Tolya as aroace (OMG YES!!). We need more aroace characters, so thank you for that headcanon :) We also have a few gay ships mentioned here, and one person telling us they love Malina. Yes, you’re right - it’s pretty unpopular, it turns out. Someone else said Alina should’ve been single, and I agree, actually!

One person rickrolled me here. Thankfully, Youtube’s ads saved me. *wipes forehead*

I leave you all with this, in the end:

Notes from the Survey

Statistics Stuff:

The top ships were taken from AO3, so some ships may be more focused on in other books and may not provide accurate statistics for an earlier series.

The main circles this was sent around may have had bias as most people are from the same discord server, which has debated these topics in the past. Hence certain ships may have lower-than-average results. In future, this could be improved upon by sending this to other servers and areas of the fandom.

Personal bias may be present in the analysis, though I have tried to minimise this in the more formal sections.

Observations and Notes from Me:

You guys really don’t like Darklina. Or you love it. Usually one or the other. Wow.

Be glad I didn’t talk about any of the cursed ships in this. The things I have seen... (:cowboi_eyes:)

I thought more people would rickroll me, ngl.

What Surprised You Guys:

Kaz/Inej/Jesper

A few of you guys saw some of those cursed ships, and that surprised you. Well, me too!

Nikolai ships being in the TV Show section at all, what with his character not being in the show (yeah what was up with that huh tztz)

Inej/Alina

The existence of The Severed Moon

Darkling/Nikolai(/Alina)

How fun the quiz was :D

Things You Sent Me:

Bee Movie copypasta

“Nobody expects The Spanish Inquisition!”, except via an AO3 link

A fun fact about enzymes! I liked this one

Fic recs for Feriku and Sarai (esp for Wylan/Jesper shippers)

Another rickroll

Nice compliments :) aww you guys

I asked everyone for some kind of placeholder name and never used it. Sorry! But hey, anonymity, right?

Closing Statements

If you got this far (I feel like ive been sitting here for hours), thanks for reading! This was fun to do and I hope you enjoyed all of this too! The survey is still open for anyone who hasn’t done it but wants to. If I get a huge amount of new responses, I might update this post! But for now, adios!

-mod emily (and mod fritz)

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - An Overload of Cute

July 2022 Wk 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying the most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Triage (grey) Ep 13 fin - Sing & Gap turned out to be the true heroes of this story. I liked Triage a lot, I thought the plot was good if a little redundant and occasionally exhausting. The pairs were all well done, low heat but with decent chemistry, and the support characters were likable (or unlikable as required). I feel much as a did with Manner of Death, which is to say: this feels less BL than it does gay romantic suspense. If anything, the romance arc detracted and distracted from the main plot. However, I’m into BL for the romance and the rewatchability, and this had very little of either, so I’m giving this: 7/10 RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS, but I rate it knowing this is going on many people’s best of the year lists, and I totally understand why. Full review here. This author has another BL in the works (the one with Fluke but no Ohm) titled Make a Wish which seems to be a lighter medical fantasy about a doctor who can see ghosts. I’m looking forward to it. 

Vice Versa (Sat on YouTube) Ep 3 - The show is a little bit confusing but it’s very engaging (and I don’t mind having to suspend my disbelief while the characters figure out the world-building, I come out of SF/F so this feels natural to me). We are on ep 3 and they’re already in the bath together? GMMTV what has happened to you? I’m shocked I tell you. Shocked. (Also delighted, of course.) Am I the only one really enjoying VV? Maybe, but I am really enjoying it. I should remind you all that magical realism is one of my favorite sub genres of BL. I recently re-watched Color Rush and yes, it is still one of my favorites of all time.

Love Mechanics (Sun WeTV) Ep 6 - One of the few Thai BL‘s that’s still working for me right now, and it shouldn’t be. What can I say? YinWar win the Great 2022 Chemistry in Bad BL Wars (TM) 2022, even over BounPrem. Vee is an arse. It was very satisfying to watch Mark punch him (I rewound 3x). Might be one of my favorite moments of the week. Mark standing up for himself at last was great, but he should’ve broken up with Vee for at least one ep. You know I want my semes to SUFFER.

Coffee Melody (Mon Viki) Ep 2 - Aside from very Thai pacing (read: SLOW AF) this show almost has a Korean feel to it (in the Behind Cut vein). Jean is MINE, I love him so much. I’m not wild about the lead though. (I keep getting Sunoo of Enhyphen vibes off him, is that just me?) Frankly, this show is v pretty but a bit boring, even Pavel in an apron isn’t saving it for me. But I’ll keep watching for this sparkle: 

Unforgotten Night (Weds on GaGa) Ep 5-6 - It’s just terrible. TRASH WATCH (up to ep 4) IS HERE! 

Check Out (Sat IQIYI) Ep 7-8 - The amusement park date that never ends. I watch this show 1.5x speed and I’m still skipping through most of it. It got somewhat pleasingly traumatic in the last five minutes, but I could not care less. That’s (prequel) ep 0 was so good and I wish that was all we ever got. The fact that the rest of this series has failed to live up the promise of that debut reminds me a bit of that first KP Trailer. Yes, I said it. I think I might DNF. (And I’m now really worried about Bed Friends.) 

Even Sun (Wed iQIYI) Ep 4-5 - I am so bored with this show. Just give us Between Us. We’re tired of all this other nonsense. If it weren’t almost done I’d DNF. 

My Secret Love (Sat YouTube Sat) Ep 9 - I am skipping everything that doesn’t have the Tim storyline in it. Also Pete is great, forthright and clear and sweet. I don’t believe his bad reputation. Anyone else keep thinking that the actor playing Tim would’ve made a great Dr Pha in 2 Moons 2? Just me?

New Thai BL universals rule? 

Story arcs with characters named Pete are always good. 

Despite an influx of new shows in August I am feeling the sudden inexplicable urge to rewatch Make it Right. Huh. 

His tongue! Come ON Shin, let some of us live, even if you can’t extend that grace to Minato.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Minato Shouji Coin Laundry (Japan Weds GaGa) Ep 5 - I like this show so much I started a SQUEE WTACH ALONG (because it’s not a trash watch but requires so much thought and analysis). So I’ll stop overloading the weekly recaps here. So this week, there was an attempted make-out, a side dish manifested (yes, we love this for Asuka), and nothing has progressed but I am still fucking over the moon over this darn BL.  

Want to See You (Vietnam YT) Ep 10 - Look Bah Vinh just gives great sex scenes. It’s funny how many mismatches in chemistry we get out of Thailand, and this boy pretty much has good chemistry with anybody he acts opposite. I don’t know how he does it, but I am impressed. Did anything really happen in this episode? Nope. Does anything ever really happen in the show? Nope. Are they serving up prime domesticity? Of course they are. This is Vietnam, you get what you pay for.

Senpai, Danjite Koidewa! (Japan Fri Viki) Ep 6 - It was a fun confession and a sweet if chaste kiss. But I don’t think I’m ever gonna like this show very much. It’s OK but the premise makes me uncomfortable. I look forward to the flash forward a year next ep, hopefully the uke has developed a backbone and gotten over his hero worship.

In Case You Missed It

Gameboys 2 is on GaGa now... for some, not me, tho. 

Semantic Error the movie (a repackage with extra content) is being rolled out into actual theaters first (Korea, Taiwan, and Japan so far). So unlike the other Viki movies, we will have to wait for it. Hopefully not FOREVER like Cherry Magic. 

Love of Siam stars, Mario (in the same shirt as the movie) and Pchy, reunited in an equal rights event in the middle of Siam Square. Love of Siam released in 2007 (Nov 22 will be its 15th anniversary). It’s wildly considered Thailand’s first BL. 

About Youth dropped a trailer finally, it looks SO GOOD! Like Taiwan’s Love Sick. This is one I’ll be motivated to track down.... somehow. 

Viki dropped the movie versions of Oh! Boarding House (review here) and Ocean Likes Me (review here). 

They also got and are distributing (to USA) DNA Says Love You which I adore and highly recommended (so if you missed it on GaGa go watch it on Viki, push through the first 3 eps, it’s WORTH IT, I promise.) 

Gossip

2023 Thai fundraising teaser dropped for a SF dystopian BL Wish You Luck  from Studio Commuan (new to me, they have another one coming next month: SELF the series) about a luck-stealer and an optimistic innocent trying to survive after a meteorite global destroyer. Stars Tonnam (Dr Sing in Triage) and Title (our beloved baby Nut from the Yearbook). Normally I don’t report on teasers but I LOVE THIS IDEA. Tropes include: sci-fi, dystopian, survivor, paranormal, country setting, tsundere/sunshine. trailer. (Not to be confused with Wish Me Luck which is about office workers.) 

@bluesandfilms​ reported in that the leads from Taiwanese BL Plus and Minus (review here) seem to be IRL dating. Warning: Their show has ended but they are both still doing promo. I checked their respective IGs (@.chenghao.shih and @.bbalin1000) and they look like an actual couple, but they are still tagging their couples’ shots with the show’s hashtag so... suspicious. Then again, actors are always ON. Anygay, I don’t read Mandarin, someone can confirm for me if they like. No formal statement has been issued from their agencies, but it’s Taiwan, they don’t haffa do any of this. I’m not being anti, just cautious. If they are together I wish them more success than most actor relationships. Also I *think* this would be the first gay couple to come out of a BL, are we surprised it’s Taiwan? 

Adventures in Miss Captioning

Been a while since I had one of these. 

“You don’t need to poke your face so close.” Technically the words used and placed are correct but also no one would actually say this in English. Except me now. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

War of Y starts Tuesday on AISPLY and/or GMT+8 YouTube. COPY A BANGKOK brings us 20 episode of Cheewin’s nonsense starring the boys from Y-Destiny and SCOY. If it’s easy to get hold of Stateside I’ll watch it but otherwise, I’m not fussed. 

On Cloud Nine (8 eps) a country-set atmospheric series from MindTrio starts Saturday. No idea on distribution, but since it looks sad I am, again, not fussed. 

21 Days Theory (8 eps) a high school BL from Rookie Thailand that looks to be high angst, messy, cheating, and a secret crush, starring Bever (En of Love: TOSSARA, The Best Story, Love Mechanics) and Tee (The Cupid Coach) starts Sunday. Probubly airing on Rookie Thailand’s YT channel. 

I have a list of all the BLs coming in August here. 

This week’s best moments?

Calling all us out, sheesh (Love Mechanics). 

Jean (Coffee Melody) my PRECIOUS CHILD who I love for ever and MUST protect. 

Side dishes in Unforgotten Night giving the show, and me, life. 

Don’t look so innocent, Shin, we all know what’s going on in that pretty head now, don’t we? (Minato’s Laundromat) 

Gotta stan the confident gay (My Secret Love). 

What can I say? (Vice Versa) 

Want to See You bringing the neck kisses. Thank you. 

(last week)

[gabrielcasagrande13]

THE ILLUSTRATIONS OF “SPILL THE TEA: DIARY OF A TEENAGE DRAMA QUEEN”

Hello, darlings! My name is Gabriel Casagrande and I am the author of “SPILL THE TEA: DIARY OF A TEENAGE DRAMA QUEEN”, the first book of the “DIARY OF A TEENAGE DRAMA QUEEN” trilogy. Starting today, it is available on Amazon Kindle for only 5 dollars or, if you loan it on Kindle Unlimited, it is free.

In this post, I will show you some of the illustrations of the book because they represent really well my characters’ personalities. They are being published on my Instagram, @gabrielcasagrande.pdf. You should follow it to be updated on news about the second book, “BAD REPUTATION: DIARY OF A TEENAGE DRAMA QUEEN”, which will be released soon.

The narrative is based on the point of view of Ronan, the protagonist, who tells us the story of his high school senior year through his diary. Even though romance is not the main theme of the book, one of the first plots is the crush Ronan harbors for Carlos José, the new kid in school. Ronan describes the boy as “a prince”, despite the fact that Carlos made friends with James Matthew, “the most insufferable boy on Earth”.

He’s new in our school and he’s beautiful. He just arrived, and honestly, I don’t even know what to think. Jessica doesn’t think he’s pretty, but she also doesn’t think our teacher, Richard, is handsome, so she’s clearly insane (and has bad taste in men).

The new boy is called Carlos José, but he already said we can call him CJ. Unfortunately, he’s already made friends with James Matthew, the most insufferable boy on Earth. James is the biggest jerk, and he loves to make my life hell, he’s been doing it ever since we met.

James Matthew and Ronan never got along: James is the typical high school bad boy and always picked on Ronan. They have some conflict during the year but end up growing closer as the narrative progresses.

"What do you want? Don’t you have to go to the woods smoke weed with your little friends?"

His brown eyes stared at me with some anger, it was a deep look. Eye to eye. He hated when I gave him sassy answers. I knew that and I loved to provoke him.

"I do, but first I’m gonna buy a Coke," he replied and stood up to go buy it. I exhaled heavily and he simply threw my backpack on the ground because he clearly had nothing better to do.

TOTAL JERK!

James is the former boyfriend of Hanna, one of the three Queen Bees of the school. Ronan may not like any of them, but it’s senior year now, and he believes it’s no longer time to worry about having stupid arguments with people that don’t matter. This, of course, does nothing to prevent the multiple messes he and his best friend Jessica get in involving the three girls.

After class ended, Jessica and I left the school and were going to the mall when that bitch Denise walked by us and threw Jessica’s bag on the floor.

"Hey, there’s no need to pretend to be insane, we all know you actually are," I commented, very ticked off by her attitude.

"Insane? I thought you had decided I was a hag," she replied, trying to be funny but failing miserably.

"You’re an insane hag, is that better?!" Jessica was very mad.

And her comment did nothing to calm Denise down.

"Bitch!" Denise screamed.

"Whore!" Jess replied and I decided to intervene before I had to separate them by force.

Jessica and Ronan are best friends and spend most of their time together, whether it be gossiping on the school hallways or skipping the afternoon writing classes to go to the movies. However, when Jessica makes a big mistake, their friendship does not prevent them from growing apart.

She said she’d have lunch with me, and she’d pay me there. Then we were leaving the school to go to the mall, and she goes "I’m just gonna use the bathroom real quick", I kept waiting at the door until Rachel comes out to say Jessica asked her to tell me to wait for her at the mall because she had to give her younger brother some money but she’d meet me there. I waited for her at the mall. NOTHING. When I confronted Jessica and asked her why the fuck had she done that, she said that actually she’d asked Rachel to tell me to go and eat by myself at the mall because she was going to have lunch with her baby brother, but that Rachel misunderstood her and told me to wait at the mall. Then Jessica said she’d wait for her older brother to bring the money to school today and that she would message me, so I’d come get it (in the morning she told me she had the money in her bag).

Barbara is a classmate of Ronan’s, and he finds out she’s in love with him. His first reaction is to be surprised that someone in the whole school thinks he’s straight, since everyone knows he’s SUPER GAY. But as time goes on, Ronan realizes she’s not the crazy and clingy girl he thought she was, and they become great friends.

"Dear Ronan, your eyes are as blue as the sky and your lips make me want to kiss you every time I see you. Could you meet me at the foot of the front stairs?

Signed, your secret admirer."

That had to be a joke.

Who in the hell thought I was straight? God, I’m gay!

G-A-Y. Like, super gay... how...? That made no sense. See? This party was just insane.

I decided to ignore it for the moment. It could just be one of the snakes trying to prank me which, no thanks. Also, a minute after I read the note from my secret admirer, my phone dinged in my pocket.

These are the main characters of “Diary of a Teenage Drama Queen”. So, stop wasting time and get your digital copy of the book right now, exclusive on Amazon’s Kindle. You should also follow the Instagram @gabrielcasagrande.pdf to get news about the trilogy!

XOXO, Gabriel Casagrande.