#depressive thoughts tw

[missazura]

i don't feel good. i feel like i should disappear today and never come back. whats the point of surviving if im just wasting space and being a burden to everyone

[emotionaleating]

when someone doesn’t wanna tell me what i did wrong and suddenly i’m 8 years old wondering what i did to make my mom mad again

[brkwingss]

for: matty ( @intxication ) location: the church

Life had a way with taking the reins and exhausting him too much to muster up the energy. But Ric felt like he was slipping again. He had no reason to feel like this, yet he felt his mind was taking ten steps back these days and he could feel the self-hate begin to slowly bubble up again, and the sleepless night had already begun. Seeing Jude at the block party was nice because not only had it been one of his good days, just seeing the man brought a comfort to his soul. Which is what brought him back to church. That and he didn't know where else to turn at the moment. So, needless to say, Ricardo was more than thankful for Jude to let him stay here for a couple of days.

This was a place he could come be the most vulnerable without judgement or need to explain himself. As he entered the church, he immediately bows his head in a little prayer before moving to sit in one of the church pews towards the middle section. He sits for a moment, not praying, not thinking, just sitting and enjoying the peaceful silence that filled the church. He didn't know where Jude was right now, but he suspected around doing some sort of work. Ricardo mentally told himself that he needed to fix a couple of lights that were flickering something awful.

Who knew how long he had been sitting, by this point his face was shoved in the palm of his hands, fingers entangled in his hair, but his peaceful silence was interrupted when he heard what sounded like someone taking a seat in another section of the church. He wasn't going to look over, because it wasn't his business who had showed up, but curiosity always got the better of him. Lifting his face, Ricardo turns in the direction he heard movement from. Matty. For a moment, his brown eyes, warm, tired as they were, just looked at the other and a small sigh came from him. Then, he turns away, he turns his attention to his hands instead. Was he supposed to keep his guard up even in the house of God? He knew the answer to that question.

He should get up and walk out right now. He should. But, rather, after a moment, Ricardo gets up and makes his way to slide into the same section Matty was sitting and sits next to the other. Not too close, enough to give them both some personal space. "Hi, Matty." He met him as Matty, so that's what he'd call him. "I have to admit," his gaze is focused ahead, not really looking at anything in particular, "I'm a bit bummed I haven't gotten any wrench signals. I picked out a nice cape just for you."

[commonzinnia]

death isnt enough. i need to never have existed

[muse-stellium]

Apologies for the bed & depression has claimed me

[visilepoem15192x]

[eccedentesiast-skies]

You’ve grown into someone who would have protected you as a child. And that is the most powerful move you made.

[hamoodmood]

In another universe I was happy

[rainywhispersblog]

[injuredsoullessfrog]

[emotionaleating]

[lostmf]

[hauntedandabandoned]

sometimes i wish id die in a freak accident because im too cowardly to do it myself

[sinfulconfessions]

I am sick of feeling things

[iwillnotseeheaven]

[sleeplessv0id]

maybe in another universe, I can ask for help when I need it.