#definitely have but have not been able to get diagnosed because they want to contact my abusife family to question them about my childhood:

[willoftrees]

anxiety so bad i never draw and it's hard to kiss my husband

[the-maddened-hatter]

Alright so I pretty much said all of this verbatim on a reblog of someone else's post, but I wanted to put it here on my blog too.

As I've mentioned before, I would *very* much like to see Peri canonically having a disability that causes him to use his wand/cane and not just have it be an accessory, and so I analyzed the episodes he's in that I've been able to see so far and came up with a few observations:

As much as I'd be unopposed to seeing it portrayed, leg issues don't really seem like a major deal to fairies in general given as Cosmo misplaced his for most of an episode and a pair of sticks were a good enough replacement for him to have fun at the arcade in human form (without even drawing human attention)

And Peri can apparently use his powers as listed above without his cane since he doesn't always immediately have it on his person (especially since Dev & Hazel took his cane in Lost in Fairy World and he didn't have any power or mobility problems)

But!

I *could* easily see him having some kind of magical fatigue issue or magical equivalent of hypotonia or balance disorder, since he's shown to be

very tired after a morning spent magically creating cupcakes (a probably small but very repetitive task that leaves him running low on energy)

When his stationary float is disrupted he remains seated instead of floating back up again

3. A minor contact/startle reflex is enough to disrupt his hover and cause him to immediately fall pretty hard if not very far

4. speaking of distance, he is shown to sometimes float a bit lower than his parents, which, while not consistent and likely just an animation choice, could tie in with the other points to support the diagnosis theory

However, pain may admittedly be more of a factor than the above images suggest,

he may not just be tired from shape shifting like I'd thought since right before that he was walking (albeit in horse form) and afterwards (low) cloud float is apparently easier and faster for him than just quickly trotting past his parents

He also didn't really seem to be having too much of a problem at all before he hit the ground

Where it goes to a definitely tired and possibly more pained look.

Maybe he didn't want to tell Dev that it was painful either out of pride or because he didn't want to potentially upset him and just went with "tired" because that was what he assumed. It'd be interesting to see if it happens again in a different form.

Personally I think it'd be cool to see both and have it be a chronic condition (directly magical or otherwise) that he already had before the series began (diagnosed or not).

If he's the first fairy kid born in a long time he probably would have been monitored very closely, but it may have taken a while for doctors to notice a problem since there was little reference for comparison and may have even caused some potentially serious problems that gave Comso & Wanda a bad scare, which could tie in pretty well with their developing a high amount of over protectiveness of him, and that in turn leading him to try and behave too far in the other direction (not seeking help when he really does need it, pushing himself way too hard and suffering the fallout which he then tries to hide, ect)

If he's undiagnosed but having the problems it could be interesting to see sort of an inversion of the "character must learn to accept their disability" storyline wherein he's more connecting certain events & symptoms and we get to see him adapting to accommodations and letting himself try different approaches moreso than to having new symptoms (though we as the audience may see these symptoms more or behaviors contextualized as symptoms where they weren't necessarily before).

Idk either way I just think it would be cool (and I've probably put away more analysis into this than will ever pay off lol)

also to everyone who draws him as a disabled mobility device user: ILY please draw more of it it feeds my soul

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not wanting to move back in with my family?

The lead up to this is a bit long, but I feel like the context is necessary. After my first year of college, my (then20, FTM) father (40s, M) was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and could not work anymore. He also could not be left to his own devices, so I had to take time off school and come home to watch him and my younger sibling (then 11NB) while my mother (40s F) would work. That sucked for multiple reasons, including being responsible for all the asshole bullshit he’s pulled (when I say asshole, I mean it. He used to fake - by his own admission - epileptic seizures to get out of doing the most minor chores or exercises recommended by his doctors), my mothers violent transphobia (to the point of driving me to a mental breakdown when I asked about starting HRT) and emotional abuse towards myself and my sib. She never believed my complaints about my father and was convinced I was being lazy and irresponsible with his care. In addition to that, they moved to this area after I started college, so I was in a completely unfamiliar (and not particularly queer friendly) place, socially isolated, and so on and so forth. This shit sucked. I was promised I’d be able to go back after one semester, but after a few months it has been made painfully clear to me that this is not an option. Then COVID happened, and next year my college was fully remote. This way I was able to complete my sophomore year online. I was finally released for junior year and have not come back home since with the exception of one short-term visit, when my mother went abroad to visit our extended family. (We’re immigrants.)

I graduated this year. When I started my job search, I was planning to stay in the area and applied to jobs accordingly, with the exception of one position advertised by my college. This one would be in a major city very close to my family, so I’d be able to live with them. I was idiot enough to mention that to my mother. The gig didn’t pan out, so I settled on staying where I am and continued to search for a job, a place to live, and so on. I secured a place to live recently and was again dumb enough to share that with my mother. (Yes, I have a pattern. I’m working on it. ) The next day, my sib contacts me and asks if I could come live with them. Sib got into a really good high school with a focus on a field of study they want to go into for a career and have a real knack for. It’s kinda far from where they live right now, but they found an apartment much closer to it. Rent is a lot higher than they can afford, though. My mother lost her job when she refused to get vaccinated nearly a year ago (she used to work in healthcare), and since then she hasn’t been officially employed. She’s been getting by with instacart and my father’s disability payments.

If I lived with them and found a job there, they’d definitely be able to afford rent. Moving there, while undesirable, is not out of the realm of possibility, and my mother has been a lot better about treating me like a person and not being transphobic. Not perfect, but better. They also would not be living with dad because mom is at the end of her rope with him and is looking into a nursing home his insurance would cover. I would also be saving up money by living with them, I’d definitely have reliable health insurance, a roof over my head and so on and so forth. My personal autonomy, personal space, and most likely mental health would be absolutely out the window. I’m still traumatized by these 2 years I spent with them. Not to mention nearly complete social isolation. I wouldn’t even be able to see my boyfriend properly, there would be about 8 hrs’ worth of a drive between us.

So. Will I be the asshole if I leave my family to struggle on their own? I already sacrificed a lot for their sake. I don’t know that I can keep doing that to myself.

What are these acronyms?

[elskamo]

More Shitty Life Updates

TLDR for those who wanna know but don't wanna read the whole thing: Mum forced me to reveal trauma that I wasn't ready to share, followed by getting Sciatica then being made redundant the next day. In pain, need money, you know where this is going.

The whole thing: I've been struggling a bit (okay, a lot) more than usual over the past week or so, yet again I've had quite a few negative life events one after the other. I am in the process of getting help for everything happening right now, I'm doing all I can to take care of both my mental and physical health.

Last Monday Mum realised my mental health has been getting worse again and refused to leave me alone until I told her what was going on. She kept badgering me for information and making up random accusations about what could have happened. She also kept sneaking into my old bedroom and looking through my belongings to try and find... fuck knows what honestly.

I've recently started delving into a past trauma with my counsellor that I'm not ready to share yet with anyone, let alone my mum, I will not be elaborating on it any further than this. Eventually it got to the point where I was forced to tell her, she cycled between being disgusted, accusing me of making things up, getting mad at me, and attempting to be supportive for a couple days. Frankly I feel violated as hell and it made my mental health nosedive even further.

By Wednesday morning I suddenly started getting shooting pains from my lower back going all the way down my right leg. It got to the point where I collapsed from the pain and had to be sent home from the office early. It took hours getting bounced back and forth between 111, the GP surgery, and out of hours care. Eventually they diagnosed me with Sciatica and managed to arrange for me to pick up some prescription painkillers the next day. The pain is nowhere near as bad as it was last week but I'm struggling to walk because of it and I haven't been outside in days.

The nail in the coffin came on Thursday morning when one of my bosses called to check up on me. He let me know that at the start of the week three of the staff had a meeting where they agreed that when my probation period finished at the end of October they were gonna let me go because they've decided my position at the company isn't what they need right now. Since I had to go off sick from the Sciatica they said they'd instead just make me redundant now.

It really came out of the blue, especially as I've been uncovering a lot of marketing, commerce, and general technical issues since I've been employed there and there's definitely no shortage of work for me to do. My mum is convinced they're lying and don't want me because of my health issues but there's no way of proving that. It does mean that I'm unemployed again and need to go through a few meetings with Universal Credit who will want me to get a new job ASAP regardless of my health.

So yeah, right now I feel like garbage. I've got help from one of my friends to sort out the UC stuff, particularly with proving my health issues. I'm still waiting to find out what I'm getting paid for work this month, since the phone call last Thursday no one has reached out to me to discuss pay or handing over tasks or logins. When the Sciatica isn't affecting my mobility anymore I'll be able to start reaching out to my contacts again and get help with job hunting and networking.

As usual all this means I'll probably be cycling between being ghostly silent or desperately looking for comfort content. Hopefully it's not gonna take another half a year to find a new job but if anyone is able to please donate on Ko-Fi or buy something off Redbubble or Ebay (the latter is UK only right now). Etsy is still pretty barren as things got kinda manic while I was setting it up but it should be properly up and running soon now I have a lot of time to spare again. I feel crappy to have to keep doing this but please do help if you're able to!

[zebulontheplanet]

hai, and this question is going to sound HELLA WEIRD, maybe, possibly, please dont throw hate at me as i have it on paper too.

so on a meeting with this doctor at the psychiatrist clinic, i noticed he'd written that i have an ID, i have never been told, nor seen in my diagnosis (autism) that i have an intellectual disability, so i was like "huh??? what, WHY"

and im genuinely wondering, what does it even mean? what does being intellectually disability even mean? what are the symptoms. im honestly confused af about it :s

and not to be rude, i am diagnosed with autism, but are you able telling me what the difference between ID and autism is? im not saying they're the same, im honestly just confused about autism, ID, and the worst thing is i feel like i never learn anything because im constantly confused as to how im even autistic, i've been diagnosed since like 2013, and everything still confuses me, really my issue is i cant tell things apart, what is part of the ID,and what is part of autism.

please dont hate on me, i tried my best to explain as nicely as i can because i get hate for coming off like im being mean and hateful when all i am is confused, and i just want someone to please explain and help me.

thank you. c:

hope your weekends going well btw.

Hello! I get what you mean completely and I’m gonna try my best to explain.

I’m assuming that while with this doctor you had some type of testing done. Or didn’t, which would be really weird unless ID was on past medical records.

If you were being tested then they probably ran a few tests and found that you had ID. I know that this is probably a shock because you probably weren’t expecting it. I would also email the doctor or call and get confirmation.

ID itself affects your problem solving skills, ability to learn, and more but those are the main ones.

ID means you have a IQ 70 or below. While autism has nothing to do with IQ.

There’s no black and white “this is autism, this is ID” their symptoms have a lot of overlap and it’s hard to tell the difference.

I hope this is helpful! If you didn’t have any testing and it’s just on your chart then definitely contact that doctor and ask why he diagnosed you with it. If you have anymore questions then feel free to ask!

[kingmintyreturns]

Mr. Sandman is Autistic!

Headcanons below the cut (a lot of them)

he's really, really insistent on rules being followed. that's why he gets so upset when he sees other boxers cheating, even if there are no illegal moves in the WVBA

uses working out as a socially acceptable form of stimming. he isn't just showing off when he's pulling on the boxing ring ropes!

this combined with hyperfocus is a big part of why he's such a good boxer

DEFINITELY practices his between-rounds dialogue/ringside trash talk in the mirror before matches

hyposensitive to a lot of input, which causes him to stomp without realizing and occasionally break things unintentionally.

his brooding persona helps him mask his social deficits, like not talking much and having a stoic default expression. in interviews he compensates for this since he's talking about something he's interested in.

tends not to speak unless spoken to first

(self-indulgent rndjhd) when you start an engaging conversation with him, he tends to smile and do a little closed-mouth chuckle a lot.

^ Some people think he's being shady, especially since he doesn't make eye contact much, but he's just happy and trying to diffuse his anxiety a bit.

surprisingly, soft spoken unless he's excited--then he's "too loud."

he's been listening to the same playlist of songs while working out for the past decade.

he can also offer insight when it isn't asked for and come off as quite blunt, but he's really trying to be helpful. even if the recipient is annoyed, it's usually good, practical advice.

the other boxers either see him as a know-it-all or a voice of reason.

strong sense of justice, which makes him a very compassionate person even if rigid in morality.

doesn't regard social hierarchies, so he doesn't look down on any of the minor/major circuit boxers or fraternize with the world circuit. likes most of the minor circuit but especially glass joe, "'cause he's a real one."

his black/white morals do make it difficult for him to associate with boxers he thinks are "cheaters," like great tiger, and the entire world circuit but especially aran.

builds a surprising friendship with bull, who saw a lot of his own traits in sandman.

has had a special interest in boxing since he was a child, but of the more honest tactics of the fighters of yesteryear. the WVBA is a bastardization of his special interest, and he takes great pride in mowing everyone down.

usually retreats to a dark quiet place or goes nonverbal when overwhelmed, because with his strength a meltdown can be quite destructive (title defense intro !!)

was not diagnosed until adulthood due to being able to mask fairly well and racism.

was forced to seek psychological testing after his management threatened to breach his contract for suffering from burnout after Mac's Last Stand.

being diagnosed helped him accept that he doesn't have to stim in a socially acceptable, "tough" or "masculine" way, or exercising until he collapses.

^ also helps him reject his internal narrative that he's just "the bad guy," although he doesn't want to accept his diagnosis initially.

loves hugs and will squeeze you if he trusts you. will use your body as a blanket if you're at that level of intimacy with him.

[doin-just-fine]

What the brain doin?? PT. 2 of a questioning median system's journey

TW: This post may be triggering for systems who are prone to denial spirals.

"Plural vs Neurodivergent"

Am I a system or just neurodivergent

As I continue my potential system journey I want to make sure that I am open to other non-options as being answers to my situation. I don't wanna jump blindly into "I'm a system". I need to keep in mind that I am neurodivergent and just so happen to have a hyper-fixation on plurality. I need to remember that some symptoms may be confused with symptoms of my ADHD. I also need to make sure that I'm not just running into this because its one of my hyper-fixations. So...

Comparing masking and code switching to my experiences

Background

I was never really told about my ADHD beyond it makes it harder for you to control impulses, sit still, and focus. When I was diagnosed at age 8 there wasn't really enough information out there anyway. I started medication immediately and have been taking in every single day of my life since. I am now 22.

What handling my ADHD like this means:

Developing a tolerance to a dosages happened faster because I never took a break so I was on a really strong dosages really fast.

I grew up really distant from my ADHD symptoms (and other things) beyond the ones that broke through the medicated barrier.

When I take breaks from my meds now, I have the coping skills of a 2nd grader.

I am almost 100% certain that all my system questioning started when I ran out of meds and couldn't get more for several weeks back in April. The other things I grew up distant from were my emotions. I can feel the highs and lows but I can't feel the in-betweens. If you ask how I'm doing at any given moment I'll usually answer "idk" cus I genuinely don't know. I don't know how to answer that question.

My working theory as to why we might be a system is that we are a Neurogenic system. That our neurodivergency and how we coped with it is why we split off but in a "not-really" way.

Since I grew up with little information about what ADHD was and how distant I grew up from my own symptoms means that I am less familiar with the definitions of masking and code-switching than your average ADHD haver. I understand what they are and when I do them but I am fuzzy on how far those coping techniques go for me.

Comparing masking/code-switching to a plural experience.

Masking is typically defined as a technique used by neurodivergent people to hide their symptoms in an attempt to blend in with neurotypicals. Examples of this that I know I do are forcing eye contact, adding fill words when listening to someone to show you are actively listening ("right", "uh-huh", "totally", etc) usually paired with non-stop head nodding, not stimming or relying of little subtle stims, putting up with sensory nightmare environments, etc. When I find that when I'm adding things to my mask I have to actively remind myself while masking to do the thing but overtime it becomes habit.

Code-switching is typically associated with linguistics but is also used to describe the neurodivergent technique of context masking. From what I can tell, code-switching is what happens if you have two different friend groups with two very different vibes. When you hang out with one group you're going to mask and present yourself differently to fit in better than you would with the other group. Another popular example is theres you when you're with your friends and you're when you work in costumer service. Typically, those are two different ways of behaving. Code-switching and masking tend to over lap. Code-switching is like being able to pick the mask you put on.

I've read that typically, masking is unconsciously executed and code-switching is consciously executed.

Switching/Fronting can definitely fall into a similar pattern. If an alter is fronting and need to interact with someone they may mask to appear like the host OR if the host is co-con they may take control for a moment when interacting with someone. Similarly, some systems may have a member who's role is to go to work and so they may appear as the "work persona". I'm also sure there are systems who have members that are drawn out while around certain friends or friend groups, or even other system's alters!

You can start to see why this can get really confusing!!

Comparing my experience

It's so hard to draw the line on what is or isn't a "typical" experience anymore.

I disagree with the idea that masking is typically unconsciously utilized for me at least. I feel like my mask is always evolving and being improved upon, as a result I am constantly thinking about it and how well it's working. Yes, a lot of the mask becomes habit but on days where masking is hard I have to actively think about keeping up the mask.

As for code switching I feel like that can also become more unconscious over time. I worked in customer service for 4 years, I only had to actively think about code-switching for the first month really then it just became habit. In my first post, when describing what it's like to exist in my brain, one way I described it was:

"The way people describe masking but for me it feel like a more extreme level, where I’m not TRYING to change my behavior, it just sorta happens and I’m 'someone else'. What I called masking felt more like skipping songs in a playlist to get to the right one instead of putting on a mask."

I think this is actually me describing code switching. The other descriptions I listed in that post still stand.

I have never experienced someone else fronting (to my knowledge). As far as I'm aware I'm always in the front. I have no amnesia except for emotional amnesia where I am emotionally detached from certain memories. I'm going to make a separate post about dissociation because that's another confusing one. To really simplify, The closest I get to evidence of others in my mind are thoughts that don't feel like mine, and feelings that don't feel like mine.

I don't want to reflect on past times where I think someone may have been co-con and compare that to how I experience masking/code-switching because I can easily insert things that never happened into that reflection. Mayhaps I will wait until a moment like that happens after I post this and I'll make an edit to the post and reblog it.

Until then don't know what to conclude from all of this. Hopefully it helps someone else compare their experiences. If I am wrong about thing stated here please let me know. As always if you want me to expand upon something mentioned or have any questions, comments, or comparisons my asks are open please feel free to put it all there!!!

[astererer]

16 and 22 for your fav oc!!

Ask meme here!!

Choosing just ONE favourite OC is kind of tricky….. I’m gonna pick 3 hehehe 😈

16. What kinds of people do they have arguments with in their head?

Aster

The rare daycare client who treats the service as a way to abandon an unwanted pokemon “humanely”. By leaving a pokemon for more than a month without a word, stacking up a large bill, and disappearing off the face of the earth seemingly without a trace.

Aster wishes she could give these kinds of people a piece of her mind. She can’t, because nine times out of ten they ignore all attempts at contact. But watching the pokemon that have been left behind as they slowly realise their trainer isn’t coming back for them is heartbreaking and she wishes there was some way to track these people down so they know just how scummy they are. Maybe slap them around a bit.

Kaz

Less imagined arguments and more imagined punch ups. No one in particular, but if someone did something to piss him off recently and he wasn’t able to get them at the time, they become his mental punching bag for the next week or so. Sometimes it’s over really stupid stuff like he wanted to buy some beers but someone else got the last pack of his favourite brand right in front of him, other times it’s more serious like someone insulting one of his friends.

Romy

Anyone and everyone who’s ever had a bad word to say about her. Romy comes across as cool and collected, if a bit rude at times, but holds grudges like a motherfucker and lets them fester. Will stew over a review for an exhibition she took part in if it’s anything less than glowing or she barely gets a mention. Seethes over people that call her a bitch when she rejects them. Anyone who’s pissed her off enough is going to be taken to trial in an imaginary court later on.

22. What simple activity that most people do / can do scares your character?

Aster

Riding a bike. Never learnt how to ride one until she had to use one to get across the cycling roads in Kanto and Hoenn when she was around 17/18. Can still ride one if she had to, but finds it uncomfortable and constantly worries she’ll lose her balance and fall off. Has no issue with using roller skates or using her pokemon to traverse bodies of water and fly her places, despite all of those likely being considered more dangerous in most people’s eyes. It’s just a matter of her having more experience in those fields, and experience begets comfort where the unfamiliar does not.

Kaz

Anything to do with finances. He can spend money with no problem and has a sizeable trust fund that allows him to do just that, but when it comes to stuff like taxes, budgeting or figuring out how much money he needs to send to Heidi so they can sort out the rent and bills for their place he just doesn’t get it and is way too embarrassed to tell anyone. Numbers have always been a struggle for him, he finds anything beyond basic adding and subtraction super intimidating if he has to do it all on his own. Almost definitely has dyscalculia but never got diagnosed.

Romy

Cooking is a basic life skill but something Romy is kind of scared of experimenting with. She doesn’t want to waste food so hesitates with trying unfamiliar things in case she hates it so much she can’t finish it. Was never taught any cooking skills as a child beyond how to use a microwave either. Also doesn’t feel she has enough time to learn properly. Tends to just get by on raw salads and microwave meals when Aster isn’t cooking for the both of them.

[brokenhardies]

woo woo, margarita, and long island iced tea + gwen, amber, and madoka?

𝘄𝗼𝗼 𝘄𝗼𝗼 〜 what’s their relationship like with their parent(s)/guardian(s)?

Gwen

Her relationship with Spencer's good! Better than her relationship with her dad! To summarise - being used as a DNA experiment, then p much being abandoned with your 'brother' for two years having to lie about his identity just for your father's sake, and then, after everything's been resolved he goes back and makes more robots???? Gwen literally takes Dax's name for that sole reason.

Amber

She has a pretty healthy relationship with her parents - well, the one that's still alive anyway! Her mum - Carol - became her rock after her dad died, even though she's busy with her work - being a nurse is a rough go when dealing with your 10 year old child grieving the death of her father - but Amber doesn't hold it against her. They're close but not like 'friends' close, there are boundaries and Carol knows that there are rules, but Amber also knows when her mum needs her space!

Madoka

In spite of her having a very close relationship with her parents, she constantly feels expected to reach very high for her dad's lofty goals. After finding out that Yuuki didn't tell him about Kamoshida, Eikichi is mortified and believes that Madoka's hiding things from him out of fear, so he tries to become more open, but even then that messes up. It's sad, and he's trying his best -- probably because of his own relationship with his father he kind of overcompensates. Plus as a Wild Card (headcanon taken by @hobie-doh), Eikichi can hear Della Rose and later, Hel, so he knows that she's probably a Persona user but doesn't know how or why she got the powers, but that's like awkward to bring up at the dinner table

𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗴𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗮 〜 does your oc have any disorders or disabilities?

Gwen

Gwen is pretty able-bodied! She has an inferiority complex if that counts as a 'disorder' :')

Amber

Amber is definitely neurodiverse but she hasn't gotten diagnosed yet, mostly due to not knowing if she's actually neurodiverse or if she's just being 'weird'. Probably has a Cluster-B Personality disorder of some description

Madoka

Madoka has both Autism and ADHD! tbh i also kind of wanna make her dyspraxic bc as someone who managed to get my coordination issues in check bc i really wanted to play the violin it seems like something Madoka would do as well!

𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘀𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗰𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗲𝗮 〜 who are some of your oc’s best friends?

Gwen

Up until meeting the Overdrive team, she didn't have any friends outside of Mack. Now, she has a tonne of friends - mostly in the team -, and stays in contact with them even if they're far apart. She also - somewhat - considers Jane Fairview her friend, mostly because she treats J-Borg like a person and not an experiment lol

Amber

Nate and Rachel have both been in her life the longest and she loves them platonically so much. She met Nate at a grief support group but they both felt bad bc their parents died long before they joined the group and felt like they shouldn't be there, so they hit it off. Then Rachel joined and they've been thick as thieves since! I'd also say Billy is one of her closest friends, they both know each other's secrets and other embarrassing traits :')

Madoka

Hifumi Togo became her friend upon moving to Kosei. Much like Madoka, Hifumi didn't have many friends, so Madoka immediately scooped her up, and she's kind of become her 'extrovert adopts introvert' friend. She also encourages Hifumi to get together with the protag, and is very happy when she finally confesses her feelings to him!

[reality-detective]

Energy Update 👇

✨ Wohooooooo! Dear family, are you feeling it yet? This time it's nothing that comes from the Sun. What we're feeling now is the effect of Cosmic Rays (a higher vibrational frequency-much higher-than that of the Sun because energy particles enter at a higher speed) entering through our Magnetosphere. When solar activity decreases, the Sun's General Radiation Index also lowers, and that causes our "shield" (the Heliosphere that creates a magnetic field that catches Cosmic Rays) to let in more Cosmic Radiation. Although we are under geomagnetic conditions Kp 4 actually the general activity of the Sun decreased after the March 23 Geomagnetic Storm Kp8 which in addition to causing us several symptoms, overloaded electrical installations in different parts around the world and unusual activity on cell phones, electronics and watches. ☀️💥

✨ So they may be feeling dizzy, unexpectedly tired (general muscle weakness), burning in the brain (mostly right side), pricking pain in the back of the neck and lots of pressure in the facial bones. It is also normal to feel irritated eyes, hear tones or buzzing in the ears, heat or tickling in the throat, palate and tongue. Some may experience a vasovagal syncope because the nerve is particularly sensitive to cosmic Rays. That nerve is one of the main ones of our Nervous System and it goes from the head to the lower abdomen connecting with all organs. The symptoms of vasovagal syncope are: dizziness, tunnel vision, nausea, sensation of heat, paleness, cold and wet sweat, blurred vision, slow pulse, abnormal movements due to lack of motor coordination. The vasovagal syncope lasts only a few minutes and improves immediately if you lay down or place your head between your knees (restores heart rate and regulate blood pressure). It doesn't always happen, but to many people and that's why I put it on here. It may also happen that they feel "soul leaving the body", that their body is moving unintentionally (as if they were being pushed in different directions, or losing balance), that they move in slow motion, and that they speak slower than usual. They may also "lose" time lapses, accidentally break things (like they couldn't measure space) and anticipate dialogues when talking to other people or when they're watching a movie or series. You might also notice that everything is made of "pixels", colored orbits, white flashes on peripheral vision, or shadows (like tissues) of different colors. 🪐✨

✨ The entry of Cosmic Rays causes lucid dreams, visions, downloads of information, epiphanies and all experiences related to the expansion of our Consciousness. They do not resist and flow, if you feel very uncomfortable physically a massage with lavender oil helps a lot, as does holding quartz (no matter neither the color nor the size, but if it is transparent much better). Epsom salt baths also serve (although just dipping your feet in a tub), contact with water and trees and plants. 💫

✨ They are not going crazy, they are not going to get rid of their body, their life is not at risk, nor do they have a serious disease that no one has been able to diagnose (although it is never too much to go to the doctor if their symptoms are very strong, at least to make them feel calmer). Anxiety will stop feeling like anxiety when you take on your physical adaptation process with an open mind and heart. Trust the Divine Plan and have patience and faith. Everything is perfect. 🙏✨

I felt wonky yesterday and today... Definitely a different vibrational energy for sure. I had things to do yesterday and I didn't want to be around people doing anything. 🤔

[storiedhistories]

Send me a ⭐ and I'll tell you muses I want to throw your way! // Accepting!

@brittlefcrged asked: ⭐ ❤️❤️❤️❤️

OH BOY, OKAY, HERE WE GO.

I've already mentioned Vastra and I'm stupidly excited already. I genuinely think it's going to be pretty amazing.

To kind of build on that, Nine would also work to help her as much as he could, but it would definitely be in a more platonic sort of way, in an "I'm the Doctor, and you clearly need help, so I'm gonna give it to you. OH, that's an interesting power you have, and you should be able to figure it out without people telling you you're crazy" sort of way.

Crowley would find her fascinating, ngl. He would very much be able to help her in a lot of ways, though it would definitely be in that "I'm not actually helping you" sort of way that they have. Still, he's very much not human and would be able to tell her that actually, you've got powers, surprise! And would very much Deal With Her Aunt because.....he's still a demon.

Orpheus is another good option to help her out if she wants to get back into music. In verses where he doesn't get torn apart by maenads, he becomes something of a patron of the arts and could have found her through her music. Plus, he's not exactly a god, but he's kind of god-adjacent, and has a lot of power and influence through his own music (and is a lot less naive the longer he's been around).

If you feel like a slightly less modern and more D&D-related (or honestly a sort of modern verse that just has magic), Zahra is a lot like Vastra in that she's no-nonsense but also very understanding when she needs to be. She very much enjoys taking care of people, in many different ways, and she has quite a few contacts in many different fields.

My OC Van is kinda technically a paranormal investigator (she wouldn't put it like that, but it's what she is), so it could be pretty interesting to have them interact! Van lives in her van and mostly focuses on hunting down the vampires that (she thinks) killed her dad, but she has some knowledge in other areas too.

And then Aster can fit into pretty much anywhere! He's usually a child of Dionysus, and his own powers stem from the fact that Dionysus is so much more than just the god of wine. He would very much be able to tell that Reese has been getting the wrong diagnoses, and he would do everything he could to try to help her, whether that's from the point of view of a therapist or a friend or anything else. ^^

[thefeathercollective]

26 April: If you're interested in other people/want contact, how do you normally make contact with others? Do you stay where you are and hope that they approach you, or do you approach them?

If you're not interested in other people, do others respect and understand that? Were you negatively affected by the "autistics are very social actually and want friends, they just don't know how to do that!" mentality (for example that everyone tries to force social interactions because they think you secretly want social contacts)?

i pasted both parts of the question because even though we're interested in contact now, that didn't use to be the case.

from ages 3-5ish we had absolutely zero interest in talking to/playing with/befriending anyone our age or otherwise. the only type of interaction we'd purposefully start would be with the Boy We Chose To Be Our "Crush" For The Year. nothing like barely being a person and already having to deal with amatonormativity /s

of course, the adults would get worried and stuff. if we were diagnosed at that age they'd definitely try to force many interactions. but i pasted the question mostly because our mother, after finally accepting our diagnosis, bought into the lonely autistic mentality and came to us all like OH POOR CHILD YOU when. no skdhskd

now that we have interest in people, though! we had a pattern all throughout elementary/middle school where we would gain 1 sorta-friend a year, towards the end of the school year, way after every classmate had already chatted a bit and figured out their little groups. we would be invited into a pre-existing one (rare) or be approached by the fellow outcasts, hang out at recess and maybe find some interests that kept us together.

in high school and now college, though, especially after getting our diagnosis, we've been able to find the fellow neurodivergents on purpose and start friendships ourselves with a lot of effort! and somehow we acquired wayyy too many friends and friend groups. and we can't keep up. send help /j

[computerfrog2000]

So as an update to this post by @whalesharkpasta :

I wanted to do an updated version for myself after thinking more about my autism symptoms and recent-ish regression/burn out I’ve experienced.

So when it comes to how strangers perceive me in public, it mostly depends on how overwhelmed or stressed I am. If someone is casually observing me I can either just appear fidgety and aloof, or I can be ticcing, moving unusually, and unaware of my surroundings where I’m running into things and other people.

Now when I actually interact with a stranger that’s a different story. All focus goes to just being able to say what I need. This will involve stuttering, completely forgetting words and how tone works, and long pauses to get my thoughts together. And with fidgeting and little to no eye contact. I think most people realize there’s something up with me at this point. Luckily most of the time they are patient and kind.

I am constantly moving my body repetitively and “weirdly” and rarely notice that I’m doing it. Most of the time I think it’s funny that I do this and my boyfriends poke fun at me at how I do things and maneuver around. Other times it can be problematic where my tics can’t be controlled or I run into things/other people. I often have bruises of unknown origin from banging into things and not feeling it.

My meltdowns often can lead me to banging my head or even trying to run away. Meltdowns usually lead to shutdowns afterwards, or shutdowns happen on their own. Shutdowns can and often do make me go catatonic and unable to speak. This can last anywhere from like 20 minutes to a couple hours.

I was in general education and got speech therapy and was in “social skills” groups in elementary school. I definitely should have gotten occupational therapy for my sensory processing and motor skill issues. I luckily am getting that now at the age of 24… I was not diagnosed with anything when I was a kid due to weird reasons like my parents and pediatrician not wanting to label me with anything. Plus my mom having sexist views on girls having autism. Even though she is a speech therapist. She actually was my speech therapist at my school since she worked there.

When it comes to my language, I completely understand what others are saying for the most part, except for auditory processing stuff, once I know what words they’re saying I do understand. I struggle with expressive language most of the time to some extent. When I am not overwhelmed I sound pretty “normal” with good tone, though I still have frequent pauses because I don’t think in words. I think in images, feelings, abstract concepts, vibes, etc. Before I speak or write/type I have to translate my thoughts to actual words. This happens faster or slower depending how I’m feeling. I often forget words, several times a day. I remember the feeling of the word, and that it exists for the context of what I’m saying. (Though there have been times where I think a word exists when it actually doesn’t)

When I get overwhelmed I can lose all tone and rhythm to my speech. I pause after every couple of words for several seconds. Sometimes I give up and go to using gestures or typing. I’ve been considering using symbol based AAC during these times, I just would need to get that set up and find a decent app for it. Plus get over my internalized ableism and embarrassment associated with it.

I used to be a lot more functional than this. Most people wouldn’t think that I was autistic in middle and high school. Even from ages 18 to 21 ish. But I started regressing for various reasons. Especially in the past year or so. Thankfully I think the regression has stabilized at this point.

I was finally diagnosed with autism sometime last year by my neuro-psychiatrist. I’m wanting to get a full psychological assessment to fully determine my level of support needs and what sort of support I would benefit from. But finding providers who assess adults and take Medicaid is nearly impossible.

Looking at this guide, which shouldn’t be viewed as an actual diagnostic tool, it can be helpful in understanding yourself and give thought to what to bring up with your doctors. Discussions with my loved ones and therapist/doctors has led to thoughts on what my level could be. Me and my boyfriends half jokingly say I’m level 1.5

It’s hard to say without getting fully assessed. I know that I require support, and it seems like I require more support than a lot of level 1 autistics I personally know. There’s a lot to take into consideration, since the shutdowns are exasperated by my dissociative disorder. And my level of independence is impacted by my seizure disorder(s). Plus a bunch of other things that complicate how my symptoms present.

I want to briefly clarify that I am fully supportive of people self diagnosing. I self diagnosed in middle school with ADHD and autism, mostly cause no one would listen to me and the adults in my life had no interest in assisting me. Turns out I was correct. And I believe most people who self diagnose are correct about their situation as well. Not everyone is privileged enough to get diagnosed, and some people don’t want a diagnosis for various reasons. Sometimes just understanding why you feel and experience life in the way you do is enough. For me, I needed to get diagnosed because I require supportive services that would otherwise be unavailable to me without diagnosis.

Alright, have a nice day everyone!

[caseyqdilla]

My MS Journey

Hello again! This isn’t a fic like I’ve been posting lately, but I wanted to post about the process that led to my diagnosis. I want to post this not only for myself, but for anyone else that may be going through this as well to hopefully shed light on the process from a perspective that people can relate to better. Being that I would look up what things were that I didn't understand or wanted to know the process beforehand I was usually met with the medical terminology; as smart as I am, when it comes to this kind of stuff I would just prefer it to be in laymen's terms.

So I hope this helps someone that is going through the same thing that I went through. I'm always happy to answer questions to the best of my ability, I will also add a few parts to this as well so it isn't too terribly long.

Sending you love and positivity, the journey is scary but you can do this! You're a badass!

Warnings: mentions of medical procedures, blood mentioned (in the capacity of it being drawn for testing), vision loss/low vision, and anxiety/fear are mentioned.

I hope this has helps someone that may be going through this experience as well. If you have any quesitons concerning MS, understanding your diagnosis, or the process of being diagnosed please reach out to a medical professional. My experiences are only meant to serve as peer support so you can understand the process from a perspective of someone that has already gone through these procedures.

While I haven’t been diagnosed with MS very long, I do have some things that I’ve learned are associated with it. Some are temporary, but there are a few that I’ve come to terms with the very real possibility that it’ll be permanent. The main one that’s been a hinderance that has not been one to go away is Optic Neuritis, for those that don’t know (because I was definitely one that didn’t) Optic Neuritis is swelling of the optic nerve. It sounds painful, but my experience it hasn’t been; it’s mainly been an inconvenience more than anything. There’s things that I used to be able to do that I no longer can or if I do, I have to be extra cautious whilst doing so. It started slow, I was doing haunted tours in Savannah, Ga where I would be able to walk around and tell the history of the beautiful city and make it fun. I noticed that it was more difficult to see out of my right eye when it was dark, it was almost like when there was no light I was basically blind in my right eye; which losing my vision is one of my biggest fears. Since I wore contacts all the time I just thought maybe I needed to take a break from that and wear my glasses, but when it didn’t subside I knew it was time to bring it up to my doctor, hopefully they’d just tell me to not wear my contacts for like a week or two then I’d be cured; wishful thinking on my behalf.

When I went to my primary physician and told them the symptoms the best I could, it’s really hard to describe when you don’t know exactly what’s happening or have any kind of inclination of what it may be. She recommended that I go see a neurologist, which made me super nervous; it made everything feel more serious as I booked an appointment with them. so began the waiting game unfortunately since they were so far booked out, but they had a cancellation so I got in earlier than anticipated. Which made me feel a little better knowing that I would hopefully get answers sooner rather than later. Little did I know, it was just the beginning of a long process a process that I thankfully didn't have to go through alone; knowing my family would be there for me no matter what the outcome would be.

Now there aren't many things that give me genuine fear, anxiety yeah of course; I'm an anxious bitch, but when I found out that Optic Neuritis is a symptom that is commonly associated with MS, I was terrified. All the thoughts I associated with a disease like MS bubbling to the surface and just stayed on my mind all the time as I waited for a test that the neurologist wanted to perform to try to rule out MS.

The very first thing the neurologist had me do was to get an MRI done, which for me meant that I had to prepare for it. What I mean by that is that I had to go and get retainers put in for most of my piercings cause I was afraid of them closing up if I simply took out the jewelry. It's not the worst test, unless you're claustrophobic, which if you are and you have a good team doing your MRI they will give you ways to prepare for it beforehand so that you won't be too uncomfortable. The worst thing for me was the cage they put your head in since they were needing to do a scan of my head.

So the results came back and normally if they're not bad then you get a call just saying, "Hey they're normal so followup in like a month or whatever." (Obviously they're not going to talk to you like that, but you get the picture.) However, I got a call to schedule an appointment to go over my results. He told me that they saw white spots on part of my brain, but I also have a piercing (it's a dermal on my right cheek below my eye) on that side that I was unable to remove so they had to do another test to make to further eliminate or confirm the diagnosis he was suspecting.

The second test that I had to do first was called a provoked potential test, without going into all the medical terminology (because lets face it, I'm not a doctor and will 100% get all that crap wrong). Basically it's a test where you get sensors attached to your head, there's something else they put on you but for the life of me I can't remember what it was, and you have to watch a center focal point on the screen and whenever you see something you push a button on the remote they give you. (Again I could be remembering this wrong and I apologize if I do, I promise you the test sounds daunting cause of the long ass name, but it is quite literally probably the most boring medical test you can take aside from the ADHD test you take at a psychologist's office.) I wanna say I was there for about 2 hours I know they had to redo parts of it a few times cause my hair kept getting in the way and throwing off the sensors.

The last test after that was a lumbar puncture, also quick side note, most of these tests come with a complimentary blood test with them, so there's that too. Also, you can't drive yourself to the test and you can't drive I think it was either 12 or 24 hours after the procedure until the puncture they have to make essentially closes up, they'll tell you all the side effects that are possible as well as precautions, but just so you know especially if you're someone like me that prefers to do things alone. (However, I am extremely happy that my mom went with me because she eased my anxiety so much, just knowing that she was in the other room. They won't let anyone in there with you since its a sterile environment.) So after I got my blood drawn for what seemed like the millionth time, I had to lay on a motorized table so they can adjust for the height, angle, and whatever else they may need to perform the test. Before I got on the table I had to take off my shirt along with my sports bra, and pull my pants down so they access to the base of my spine without me having to get completely nakey (cause it was cold af in that room). You're given one of those flimsy hospital pillows to get as comfortable as you can. Once you're comfortable and they adjusted the table, they'll clean the area with what I assume was iodine given the color that it was on his glove. After the area is clean, they'll go ahead and numb you, I don't think they used an IV or anything; I'm pretty sure it was just a syringe of anesthesia I tried not to pay attention and spoke to the nurse that was in there with me to assist during the procedure the entire time to keep my mind occupied. Much like any procedure when you're needing to be numbed or given any kind of local anesthetic to numb the area but stay awake they'll tell you if you feel any sharp pain to let them know so that they're able to administer more and keep you as comfortable as possible. Sometimes though when you're experiencing something new, your body won't know the difference between pain and pressure; so if you feel anything that makes you nervous or uncomfortable just let whoever is performing the procedure know and normally they will ask you to describe the sensation as best you can so they can better determine 1) where to put more numbing or 2) if you're feeling the sensation of pressure as you're experiencing something new. Once that's all figured out and you're all prepped, they'll insert a guiding tool to allow them access to your spinal column to extract the spinal fluid they'll be testing.

Once they get what they're needing, you'll be patched up, it's like a gauze and surgical tape they put over the opening that they had to create to get the fluid. After you're all patched up they'll give you the instructions letting you know that you essentially can't do a whole lot for the next 12-24 hours until the puncture closes up for fear of some of the fluid leaking out and causing unwanted side effects such as migraines (I can't remember the other ones honestly.)

Then just like the other tests, it's a waiting game once again. Waiting for the results to come back and see if you have the antibodies that are present in MS patients. If you are going through this, I hope and pray that your results are negative; if they're positive though just know that there are some resources out there for you, should you need them.

In conclusion, I fell like I'm writing an essay for a lit class with that start haha, my results came back and I do have those antibodies that are present in MS patients. So after that I was officially diagnosed with MS in November last year. Yeah it was scary, but I think not knowing and things getting worse would have been even scarier.

I would just like to reiterate that if you have any quesitons concerning MS or understanding your diagnosis, please reach out to a medical professional. My experiences are only meant to serve as peer support, so you can understand the process from a perspective that has already gone through these procedures.

[beckitty]

My husbandwifes ophthalmologist did something similar after their previous one utterly failed them.

Buckle in folks, this is a bit of a long one, and tw for eye stuff and medical abuse.

Shit doc had diagnosed my husbandwife with diabetic retinopathy (correct) told them there was nothing to be done about it (incorrect) except slow it down with laser surgery (could have helped alongside the actually needed treatment, damaging without) and that they would eventually go blind (Thomas has never seen so much bullshit). He keeps this up for 5 years, while their sight deteriorates.

My husbandwife eventually has a major bleed in their eye, and goes blind in it as blood and the vitreous fluid mixed and completely blocked it. It happened over the space of about 2 minutes, and they describe it as "like a light-blocking blind being pulled down". More that a little freaked out, we went to the local A&E. There, the doctor knew exactly what it was, and knew one of his colleagues specialised in repairing and managing diabetic retinopathy and could fix it. So he referred them, instead of sending them back to shit doc.

So husbandwife is referred to the surgeon Mr. Saveyoursight, who sees the referral and immediately phones us asking if they can come in today. Screw waiting lists, this is an emergency. Of course we do, and Mr. Saveyoursight examines husbandwife carefully, then sits us down for a conversation. First, he wants to know how long they have been having these vision issues (about 5 years by this point) and why they hadn't been seeing an ophthalmologist. When we explain that they have, and what shit doc had said and done, he gets real quiet for a minute or so, with a face that had been getting increasingly furious.

He takes a deep breath, and calmly explains that there are fairly simple, routine surgeries and treatments for diabetic retinopathy, and that he can definitely help my husband and shoud be able to save his sight, but because it had been left for so long it would now need more invasive measures and would take longer (6 months in the end) to restore his sight and limit further damage. He then apologises to both of us on behalf of his profession, says with our permission he will be contacting shit doc, and reporting to the relevant authorities, and should we wish to take shit doc to court he was happy to supply evidence and testimony.

He did. We didn't sue, though we certainly had grounds, but shit doc was fired, stuck off, and never harmed another patient again. All because Mr. Saveyoursight was pissed at the harm he had caused and ready to not just call him on it, but take measures to stop him from doing it again.

My husbandwife would be blind, or possibly dead by now if it wasn't for Mr. Saveyoursight, and gods alone knows how many other people with routinely treatable eye conditions could have lost their sight without him.

Doctors should snark at each other more, be a bit mean. Not for no reason, mind you. But if five doctors blow me off about symptoms and doctor number six FINALLY runs actual tests and gets a diagnosis, I think it should be Doctor Six's right to call up the other five and tell them they're lazy pieces of shit. That should be socially encouraged. Those first five doctors clearly can't listen to patients, but maybe another doctor might finally get to them.

[notjennyfromtheblocked]

Putting the whole truth out there in the hopes it could help someone.

As many of you know over the summer last year I did some pretty horrible stuff towards two trans people. The rundown foe those who don't know: I got a crush on a trans man, not knowing he was trans at first, but he eventually came out as a trans man. I had a friend who I met in college who was afab. I asked my male friend out and he told me I wasn't his type. I decided, based on nothing more than him saying I wasn't his type, that he said that because he was T4T. The three of us were friends for about five years.

My other friend came from a very abusive family. When she started college she sought therapy and was diagnosed with BPD. She told me that when she was in high school she once joined theatre because she had a crush on a guy in the class.

After my trans male friend turned me down, she came put as bigender and wanted to go by either she/her or he/him. I decided that because she had been diagnosed with BPD, and didn't come out until after he had turned me down and I decided that meant he was T4T that she was faking being trans to trick him into dating her. We are all on pur mid 20s.

I started a discord for fandom reasons and a bunch of 16 year olds joined. I convinced them that she was manipulating him and basically raping him against his will and faking being trans because shebwas bigender and not presenting androgynously enough for my liking but the truth was I was jealous and finding Amy excuse to blame her. I talked so much ahit on her on this discord and kept showing tiktok videos about how people with BPD are evil. I convinced these 16 year olds to brake into her (I'm using her pronouns since she's OK with both and I don't want this to get confusing by saying he/him too much and I genuinely cannot remember the fake names I gave them in the AITA) anyway I convinced them to break into her apartment with me and have an intervention. We basically pinned her against her counter and insulted her, called her all sorts of names and pushed her a bit. Like physically pushed her. So she started freaking out and screaming and the noise we made got her in trouble with her landlord. Anyway I immediately tried to seduce her boyfriend and tell him not to ever contact her again because she'll lie about me but he didn't believe me. Anyway I ended up with two restraining orders. I made an aita and I purposely worded things and left details put to make it look a certain way but nobody fell for it and then she made a rebuttal which kinda made me spiral a bit ans double down.

Eventually the response kinda woke me up and I realized I had fucked up. In fact i sterted thinking about a lot of my behavior for years. I thought about how i planned my hallway routine between classes to basically follow my favorite male teacher. I had him as a teacher and then one day the office pulled me into the office and topd me thet i needed to be in a different class and they needed to change my schedule ans it wasnt until recently i realized he mustve asked them to take me out because i qasnr subtle about following him. I srill continued to follow him though he wasnr my teacher. I even found out he would be shopping at a certain time and basically threw a fit until my mom went shopping at the same time but didn't tell her why I asked and I followed him at the grocery store too. And then he moved to a different school and I told everyone that he and I had had an affair. Mind you I was in my mid teens so I definitely wasn't too young to understand what I was doing was inappropriate. He actually had to leave thebjob hed just got hired on because the staff found out about my rumor. Of course i immediately admitted once the cops got involved that i just lied so he was able to get another job. But still.

On top of that my behavior in collegevwas also inappropriate. Despite calling my bigender friend a slut because she made out with people at parties BEFORE we ever met our trans male friend, I was constantly going up to the attractive guys at the party and trying to bump and grind dance with them. I was asked to leave multiple parties and after I once made put wirh a passed out guy on the couch when I was sober (he was literally passed out and not responding) I was physically thrown out and everyone was aware that if I tried to show up to any more parties I was immediately kicked out. My behavior wirh my trans male friend was also bad. I was constantly grabbing his thigh, sticking my hands in his hoody pocket, calling him sexy, baby, honey etc, even after he told me to stop several times.

So I sought therapy but I didn't exactly have a lot of money so I saw a free counselor within my parents' church. The counselor doesn't have a license but was given the position within our church to be our church counselor. Anyway so I stert telling her about my trans friends and my restraining order but instead of calling me put on my behavior she was disgusted at how they reacted and disgusted at the response I got here on tumblr. The more I talked to her the more I felt correct. She even supported my behavior, telling me that they were dealing woth the consequences of their action. She misgendered my trans male friend frequently saying that God had been trying to use me as a conduit to teach them to follow the commandments and the Bible. And it sounds absolutely ridiculous but it was addi ting at the time to basically be told I was a hero and everyone else was a villain.

So I started talking on the discord again and I kept getting angrier ans angrier the more I ranted and my counselor agreed and sorta egged me on by saying that bad people deserve to be be punished and that they were bad people because theybwere sinners due to living together before marriage as well as being trans and leading me on etc. So on discord I would say mean and violent stuff whole talkong with one of the 16 year olds that hadn't blocked me after it all went down and because of my restraining order I convinced this teenager to attack my bigender friend because I knew of she got hurt or died then my trans male friend would be hurt emotionally and may be receptive ro me trying to comfort him and I could use the situation to make him fall in love with me. Well she was hit in the face multiple times with a can. She was injured really bad. And the 16 year old ratted me out because shebwas like "well the bitch deserved it, she's a freak of nature and a psychopath"

I had told so many lies. I was living in a fantasy world in my head. I was constantly making plans and fantasizing and daydreaming about my life as if it were a movie. I convinced myself that my bigender friend was a bad girl boyfriend for the guy I had a crush in and so therefore everything she did I twisted to make her a villain so I could swoop in and play hero and use "story stucture" to earn his love like I lived in a movie.

Ive been charged with several crimes and all my chats and discord messages have been provided as evidence, as well as photographs of me violating my restraining order (I had it in my head that if I made sure to stay outside the official 'parameters' of hoe close I could stand that it didn't count. So I would literally count how many feet away from their house, walk an extra ten feet away, and just stare at their house and watch them for hours, same at grocery stores. Even though I totally thought that I was legally in the clear because I was technically not within the certain feet.) andnacreenshots of posts I've made online that were clearly targeted towards them. My parents bailed me out over Christmas but I still had court dates.

Well initially this angered me so I tried contacting the 16 year old again and just fully violated my restraining order by leaving threatening messages on her phone and sending him messages begging him to realize shebwas abusive and that because he and I were both introverts we belonged together and that all extroverts were psychopaths and that for his safety he should put her down like a dog. He blocked my yet another throwaway account and obviously informed the right people so I was arrested again and by thst time there were mountains of evidence.

However as people looked over all my social media and screenshots and behavior they decided that I have something wrong with me in terms of mental health so they're currently trying to Gove me a different type of sentence where I go to a mental health hospital facility instead of prison. It's still a type of prison but for people who have mental health issues.

They required me to speak to a licensed psychiatrist and I'm currently on house arrest and there will be an official for real sentencing court later on. I'm being charged with stalking, several types of assault charges, charges similar to like hiring a hitman, exploitation, etc. There are a lot. I've been talking to my psychiatrist and there are several theories as to what I might have and what comorbidities that come with it. We are trying various medications until we find the right combination that fit me and the aide effects aren't debilitating.

I just wanted to give you a little update on my life and to explain tlnot only that I was wrong, but full disclosure on the extent of how badly I messed up and several instances of me messing up. I have been thinking about maybe trying to explain further so other people can spot warning signs that they need to re evaluate their lives but I truly don't think that I have the credentials to do that.

But to those who encouraged me: you are bad people. You are not my friends. You need help. Please get help before it's too late and you hurt people the way I hurt people. I loterally, literally ruined multiple lives, lives of people I really loved, ans will absolutely be spending a lot of time in a mental health facility for criminals. I will never, ever be able to mend my friendship with either of my former friends and several teenagers have criminal records now because I convinced them to do bad things on my behalf. I intentionally manipulated them knowing I could convince them because if their age. It doesn't matter how sorry I am. Someone has a permanently disfigured face because of me. None of these people will ever forgive me because I genuinely don't deserve forgiveness and it doesn't matter how mentally unhealthy and what disorders i have because many people have mlsimilar disorders and don't do ehat I did. Like. Thisbshit not only ruined my life but more importantly the lives of many many other people and anybody who encouraged me or turned me into the hero is as I was/am and YOU NEED TO GET HELP before you end up like me and hurt people and yourself.