#dear god what has my writing ethic been

[prince-liest]

I was outlining the next radiostatic fic when I got distracted by the fact that someone needs to put Lucifer into their lap and tell him he's a good boy, and now I'm 6.2k words deep into something that's turned out way more emotional than I thought it would.

[1800-page-not-found]

Wingwoman (Wriothesley x reader)

summarry: Being the secretary of the hydro archon isn't easy, although I suppose being her friend does make it easier. The hydro archon-furina, is quite a good friend actually. Though, her methods of helping you get closer with the man you fancy aren't always quite...ethical. But I promise you, she does mean well.

notes: i still havent completed this quest yet so its probably wrong in some areas lol. I also think i'll be updating some orv writings on the weekend where I have more time.

not proofread

"[name] [last name], by order of the court, you will be sentenced to-" the lady paused, trying to make sure what she read was correct. "-to twelve hours in the Fortress of Meropide for...not being true to yourself?..."

oh.

oh.

This was Furina's doing. You sighed, holding your head as you nodded.

"Right..." You answered, also seeming unsure.

This...this was really the best Furina could come up with? Just because you said you didn't fancy the Lord of the Fortress of Meropide.

Okay, sure. Maybe he is a little handsome, and strong, and kind, and-

ahem.

You were led to the inside of the Fortress and there you were. 'Furina, my dear archon and friend, what the fuck am I supposed to do here?!' You nervously bit your finger nails, freaking out internally. 'Oh archons, she wouldn't extend my sentence would she?...what am I even saying-she definitely would.'

-------

Wriothesley walked with Lumine and Sigewinne, going down to eat. His eyes widened at the sight of you, down here at the Fortress.

"[name]?" He spoke, his voice seeming surprised, at a dash of excitement. Had you-had you come to see him?!?

You turned around surprised. "Wriothesley? Lumine?-hold on, Lumine!? What are you doing here?"

"Ahahaha...Its...complicated. I'd rather not explain my sentence. How about you?" Lumine asks, smiling. It was good to see a friend again.

You certainly weren't here for business, that's for sure. Wriothesley would've been officially notified.

"I uh...also got sentenced. For half a day." You laugh embarrassed. You were definitely going to cut Furina's sweet intake by 25%.

Before anyone could reply, someone-who worked at the Fortress- ran up and handed Lumine a letter. "An official letter to Lumine from the Hydro Archon!" speak of the devil.

After reading it as you and Wriothesley conversed about business, Lumine laughed.

"Wriothesley, If its alright with you, Paimon and I would like to look around the fortress ourselves for a bit if that's okay. You could tour [name] around instead!"

No way. Theres absolutely no way Furina asked the renowned Lumine to help her-you, on this little fiasco. However, when Wriothesley nodded and turned his back to Lumine and Paimon, they both winked and gave you a thumbs up.

Oh my god, she did.

"-ame]? [name]? Would you uh, like a tour?" Wriothesley scratched his head bashfully.

"Yes, I'd like one if that'd be okay with you."

You smiled, trying not to freak out. Was this-this could definitely be considered a date right!?! I mean, you were arrested for a stupid reason but I mean, it worked! Damn, Furina was a really really good wingwoman...

"Great!-sorry ahem, I meant, it'd be no problem."

Oh my god what is this, a cheesy rom-com movie?

-------

After the tour ended, it was already nearing the end of your short sentence. (lets just pretend Wriothesley has no work responsibilities.)

"It was really lovely getting to know the place you work at. You seem like you enjoy your job." You smiled at him.

"I do!-sorry I meant yes, I do enjoy it. I also really enjoyed talking to you outside of work." He scratched his neck shyly, looking away, before mumbling, "you're much lovelier when you're yourself anyway..."

-------

And that was that. You were discharged from the Fortress, and you guys were going to become strangers again-

"[name]!" You hear his voice call out to you as you walked. Pausing and turning around, you were faced with Wriothesley.

"If, If you'd like, could we have lunch every now and then? I really liked talking with you today!" His cheekes were flushed, was it from running or his bashfulness?

"I would like that too..." You covered your face, blushing. What a cliche romance plot! Just like the novels you've read from your library Furina had gifted you...

"R-really!? Wonderful! Maybe you should get in trouble more so we can see each other more often-" Your eyes widen in surprise, and he stutters over his words.

"I-I'm sorry I shouldn't have sai-"

"Pft-ahahahaha!" You laugh, covering your stomach. "I didn't know you could crack jokes like that too!" You laughed, tears brimming your eyes from laughing so hard.

"Who knows? Maybe I will." You laugh, as Wriothesley waves his hands in the air in a frantic manner.

"N-no! That wouldn't be good for you! It would be on your record and it might put your job at stake!" You smiled, regaining your posture.

"Haha! No worries, the beloved Hydro Archon and I are practically best friends! I know her quite well."

You smile softly, then deciding to be bold and tucked his hair behind his ear, and kissing his cheek. "I hope I see you again soon."

You turned around and left, leaving a shocked and flustered Wriothesley. Little did he know, you and a really giddly smile on your face.

Maybe you should increase Furina's sweet orders by 25% instead...

[leverage-ot3]

time for the obligatory post about what episodes I want to see in the upcoming leverage season(s)

(for reference, I made this similar post in 2020 after the reboot was announced. I'm pasting some from that post bc I still want them to happen lol)

new ideas:

I mentioned a date night episode in the last post (apollo really did bless me with foresight for the date night job on that one) but for considerment: ot3 date night. possibly their first date night after they all get together. breanna and sophie know it's happening (harry is, like, peripherally aware) and some crime hijinks are going down and the three of them are frantically trying to stop bad things from happening that are going to interfere with the date. I want to see them going through it behind the metaphorical curtain. I want to see breanna fighting for her life trying to out-hack the hacker that is going to ruin their ten-part itineraried date. harry has to get in a fistfight and eliot is so proud about it when he finds out after everything is over

tree law episode. harry has been frothing at the mouth about it since it was made. his life has been moving him towards this penultimate moment. breanna thinks it's HILARIOUS and cheers him on 100% of the way. she is VERY enthusiastic about this con

I'm not going to mention certain things because I've seen jrogers posting on bluesky social and I know he might be already writing some of those plots

con that the food trucks have plot-relevance. like, one of his food truck stations is being harassed /victimized by, like, a local gang or something that takes advantage of food truck/cart workers and the team steps in. the actual (veteran) food truck workers get involved in the con. leverage international might just have gained a few retainer members

quinn should come back for an episode. I know the actor is friends with ckane. they should make it happen because it would be iconic and I said so

on a similar note, ckane is friends with jensen ackles and. guys. wouldn't it- wouldn't it be extremely funny if a flame from eliot's past named sean sylvester who is a rugged drifter with a questionable past

episode where tara or maggie (or BOTH, can you imagine how powerful that would be???) come back and there is slight flirting with sophie possibly??? that or very obvious chemistry from a past tryst. sophie has slept with both of them, I know it in my heart of hearts. bonus points if tara and maggie fall in love (I think it would be funny. maggie's taste in men is canonically atrocious, I think she deserves someone like tara at this point)

I just want a lot of side characters to come back, okay? sue me I miss them

gonna put the rest under the cut since this post has become obscenely long

not episode-specific, but I want more mentions of the korean leverage team. and all the other teams too! we know that in canon there is the south korean one, the nigerian one, and one in london (I think that's it for mentions so far, but correct me if I'm wrong!)

episodes addressing issues with american imperialism and its effects on minorities and marginalized communities, specifically within this country (there aren't a lot of episodes where they are actively out of country)

dear fucking god take a more abolitionist stance on policing I'm begging. would it KILL you to not be weird about cops? pls just punch some more cops. take down white supremacist cops, I'm sure you can scrounge something up bffrrn

women's rights episodes. I know it's kind of recent, but episodes about accessibility of stuff like birth control, abortion access, etc. y'all are capable of making excellent episodes on that I know it

more climate crisis-related episodes. god knows you're feeling it in the deep south

taking down a corrupt megachurch pastor (although lbr, there is no ethical megachurch anything and you can fight me on this)

something to do with ace rights bc I think it would be really cool to see the team advocate for that stuff, especially since breanna is canon ace

helping a polycule that is being victimized by X organization/entity (maybe a housing association or medical or something???). breanna is bombastic side-eyeing the ot3 the entire time. it is making hardison sweat. sophie thinks it's hilarious

taking down 'writers' that use ai and self-publish AND/OR people that take original/fan works off of like ao3 and wattpad and publish them for personal profits without the author's consent. breanna would have a field day with this (god herself could try to convince me that girl does not read/write fanfic and I wouldn't believe it)

episode about underfunded public schools. we saw corrupt private schools in the fairy godparents job but I want an episode that would make abbot elementary writers proud

episode addressing native/indigenous. eliot is from oklahoma, I'm sure he is well aware of the health/job/economic/etc disparities on reservations. I will email jrogers about it myself if I have to- it anyone can get people going about native rights through a tv show it would be leverage.

I sent an ask to wil wheaton once asking if he was open to returning to leverage and I think he said he would be down for it. but chaos either has to be a reluctant ally to leverage international and is being handled by quinn as a hitter OR he is just. in jail. bc he sucks.

bpas and/or pfas episode. breanna has mentioned microplastics before but I want more

the team tears the shit out of conversion therapy camp owners and plants the seeds for legislation that will punish parents that try to send their kids to those hellscapes

while we're at it, I'd love to see an ep where they tackle the trans bathroom issue. god knows the news doesn't talk about it nearly enough

something to do with foster care. they end up starting some sort of foster care network that past clients/allies can take part in. maybe a mentorship program for kids that want to do what they do one day (they are very reluctant to encourage kids to participate in crime BUT if that is the avenue that they are going to inevitably go towards, they guide them in the right direction). nana makes an appearance (*insert 'everybody liked that' meme*)

prison industrial complex episode. I KNOW we had the jailhouse job BUT we really need this in our year of 2024

another episode on corrupt influencers. maybe influencer parents? dear god pls take them down a notch

ep where there is an underlying message that tells you how to avoid becoming victim to scams or something, or like is a tutorial for how to identify scams you might fall victim to (sorry, I just have to say this after two separate people tried to pig butcher me in less than two (2) weeks))

not to say I want them to do an ep calling out cop city, but it would feel really good to watch the leverage team rip that concept to SHREDS

the minimum wage job. need I say more? we deserve the catharsis

pls go after goodwill execs, esp the ones in the pnw that have their sector as for-profit and have become millionaires+ because of it while paying their staff (especially disabled staff) fucking pennies

while we're on the topic, pls call out salvation army (the corporation)

I can probably go on for like five hours so I'll stop here

ep that we get to see harry and his daughter bond :)

job where they get to lower the price of insulin (and other drugs)

actually, you know what? an episode where the crew annihilates big pharma and terrible insurance companies

I think that breanna should be able to go off about mass/over consumption as a treat. I 100% believe she has Thoughts about it. like, she will absolutely call out the corporations that are responsible for these trends, but also she should be allowed to mention our tendency for overconsumption as a society. obviously there are a few corporations that are doing most of the world's pollution/ecological damage, but we should be doing our part too and I KNOW it would be in-character for her to go off on it

I bet she has a LOT to say about influencers, tbh. obviously not all influencers are bad, but there are sooooo many problematic ones and problems within the influencer industry

sizing discrimination in the modeling/clothing industry. let eliot talk about how there are no perfect bodies. also while I'm on the subject, can we PLS have more body-diverse background actors on the show? I know this is nitpicky but I'd really love to see some more people that look like me, even if they are just in the background

a thinly veiled writers' rights episode (I'm looking at you media execs and the stupid amount of time it took for you to comply to the WGA demands)

something to do with media companies making entire movies/tv shows and then fucking cancelling them/not releasing them and using them as tax write-offs. every time it happens it baffles me. that is cartoonishly stupid villain shit. I can't imagine lovingly working on a project for a year plus and then the company just going, nah, we aren't going to release it because you suck and it's a good business move

ai art and ai in general. please. let it BURN

okay now I'm done

ideas from the previous post that I still want:

comicon job. I said it before and I will say it again- we deserve it!!! come on, it's the age of the geek after all!!! (in the last post I also said a ren faire ep, but I will let the card game job count for that)

summer camp ep? I saw a tumblr fic about it and I think it could be cute. it could kinda be like the fairy godparents job- eliot in charge of some type of sports (archery, fencing, etc), hardison would be in charge of arts and crafts (this boy might be a genius with tech and in general tbh, but the show did such a good job of showing that he’s also very talented with the arts- sculpting the statue for the miracle job, forging the old diary in the king george job, etc), parker would LOVE to be in charge of a high ropes course. breanna would totally be down for some sort of nerdy kid robotics or simple, traditional camp games (can't go wrong with the classics. everyone loves making bracelets!) I feel like it's too stereotypical to have sophie have kids put on a play but we all know that's exactly what she would do. idk for harry? I think he has the same traditional camp activities vibe as breanna. he's in it for the nostalgia. OR something to do with videogames

please, please, please, please, please make an episode where they take down a cult, im begging. that would be such a good episode. definitely a mindfuck episode like the experimental job (4x11). I’ve seen a few posts about a job dealing with a cult (here’s one) and I think it would be really interesting 

MORE STERLING being DONE with leverage shenanigans!!! give me feral!sterling like in the frame-up job (5x10)!!! give me sterling that protests every step of the way but conveniently looks away and “whoops, the team just disappeared, I have no idea how that happened!!! diddly dang darn it, they got away again!!! sorry guys!!!” bonus points if mcsweeten is there too and also participates in intervening hijinks

the team takes down a circus that is still using and abusing wild animals!!! because first I’d LOVE to see acrobat!parker swinging up in the air like a pro and being in her element, but also because those places are the fucking worst and need to Go Down. give me eliot having to pose as an animal trainer with deep sympathy for the animals being abused, quietly talking soothing words to them when he thinks no one is around (correction: hardison is, in fact, around, and filming his boyfriend’s softness to save for later). give me charismatic hardison playing the role of ringmaster, running and flaunting about and being passive-aggressive to the circus master. give me eliot freeing the animals from their chains when they are finally able to shut the place down and relocate the animals to sanctuaries (his hands shaking just a little as twists the key in the lock, because he too was once an abused, caged animal in his own right and he knows how liberating it is to finally be free). 

[shotmrmiller]

okay so i've had an idea, and my destiny 2/cayde-6 brain worms are too strong so i'm never personally going to write this BUT. had a thought. about civilian specialist!reader, an ethical hacker that works with agencies of all sorts to nab cyber criminals, with a specialty in trafficking. SO, the idea is that she's been working in a little hacker pod of primarily women and LGBT folks. basically has formed a queer little social bubble where there is nary a cis-man in sight.

enter the 141.

they're after some guy that's difficult to pin down. too tech savvy for their usual intel gathering techniques. so, reader gets called in. referred. price is told, "top of their field, a true professional, won't find anyone better." so, when a tattooed, green haired girl with an attitude and a mouth for back sassing shows up, he's flummoxed.

but soap, dear johnny boy, is smitten. head over fucking heels puppy boy love.

she passes all the tests, proves to be every bit of the professional while on a job that was promised. so she gets added, temporarily, to the team. has to be on site with 'em too, something about needing direct access to a closed network, who knows none of them really understand what she's saying anyway.

so they're on the job, out in the field, and reader has been trapped in testosterone soaked HELL for weeks now. it's getting to her. the belches, Ghost's crass jokes, the Horrible Feet Smell. the bulldoze ahead without consideration attitude of self assured, confident men that haven't really been told 'no' enough in their lives.

and johnny, poor johnny, overhears her say to gaz (cause lets be honest, he's the only one of them that'd have a skin care routine and regularly moisturize so she's bonded with him the most), "i can feel this experience actively turning me into a lesbian" after watching price flick a still lit cigar into the dirt and hock up a smokers lung loogie to finish it off. johnny panics.

from then on he is Desperately trying to get the lads to clean up their act because "no. no, no, no, she cannae be a lesbian i havenae asked her out yet." (─‿‿─)♡

i'm gonna keep it a stack , i think i've seen some like hacker girl who's got a whip for a tongue and attitude for days on here somewhere, alTHOUGH i think she pulled in price, i can't really remember.

she was all tatted up too i think?

it's out there, i just know it.

johnny nagging behind the guys like please god stop being disgusting i need her number is killing me though

[laiqualaurelote]

Hello, dearest author,

Please write more of that cracky superhero au as an actual fic? It's really good, and made me smile and laugh.

Thank you,

Azadale, Independent

Dear Azadale! I am so sorry I missed this ask, which has been languishing in my inbox for ages. I am afraid I do not have any more of the cracky superhero AU written but I am happy to share what would have been the general plot, which I once brainstormed with @leupagus.

The superpowers of the AFC Richmond team are, respectively: - Isaac: can chop things in half with his hands - Zoreaux: elasticity - Jamie: invulnerability - Sam: healing - Dani: blazes light - Colin: chameleon, basically invisible - Bumbercatch: X-ray vision - Richard: incredibly sensitive palate - Jan Maas: is always right, or so he says

All the players manifest some kind of superpower, although it takes some time to figure out who has what, since some of them, like Richard's, are not immediately obvious. The sole exception is Zava, who brushes this off by saying that "Zava needs no superpowers for he is already God". It clearly bothers him, however, and he eventually quits the team.

None of the coaches, nor any of the other staff, manifests any powers. Trent, by elimination, speculates that the superpowers may have to do with the showers, since Zava does not shower with the rest of the team. Ted finds Trent standing in the showers, investigating, and their ensuing banter so flusters Trent that he turns on the shower while standing under it, fully-dressed, and is soaked through.

The team debate if it is ethical to use their powers to win the Premier League. They decide it is not and make a pact to refrain from using their powers on the pitch, or for that matter anywhere in public, to keep the whole thing a secret. The one person who does break this rule is Colin, who uses his powers of invisibility to become a vigilante after hours. He hangs around LGBTQ clubs, makes sure young queer folks get home safely, and beats up homophobes who harass them.

Trent's investigations lead him to discover there is an alien spaceship buried in the sewer under Nelson Road, from whence the shower powers spread. He attempts to warn the team during the home match with West Ham, only for the aliens to invade the surface and wreak destruction, forcing the team to use their powers to protect the crowd. Nate is almost exploded by an alien but saved by Jamie shielding him.

Though AFC Richmond save the day, they are subsequently disqualified from the Premier League because their powers are deemed an unfair advantage. As Nelson Road has now been taken over as a government black ops site, Rebecca rebrands AFC Richmond as a crimefighting superhero league and has Keeley handle their PR push. The team thrive at first in their new roles, but find that they miss football. Meanwhile, Ted's depression is worsening, as he feels he has no purpose in London any more and is spiralling more than ever.

Trent eventually works out that Jan Maas' power of always being right, which nobody took seriously even though he described it accurately from day one, means that he can in fact rewrite reality. They decide to have Jan erase everything that happened, so that they can go back to being normal footballers. Only Jan - and, mysteriously, Trent - retains any memory of the alternate reality.

At the end, it is finally revealed that this entire story is a novel written by Trent. The last scene of the fic is his book launch, which the players attend. Jan confronts Trent about whether he has a superpower of his own, since he was also in the showers. Jan suggests that Trent's superpower is metadiegesis - he can move between narrative layers and break the fourth wall. At this point, Trent addresses the reader directly to state: "Reader, I can neither confirm nor deny."

I hope this made you smile!

[leafcabbage]

Every day mourning what they (the absolute overrule SBI family dynamic had on the fandom circa 2021) took from us 😔 we could have had non-fd drdi sbi,,, more phil content,, maybe even queerplatonic emerald duo,,,,

(I do not blame you for the family dynamic because i was here also circa 2021 and dear god was the sbi fd prevalent. Remembering the times with fear. If i have to see one more bad phil take about him neglecting his son tommy, or techno calling phil "dad", i will bury myself in the forest floor and never reemerge)

oh anon you understand me... trust me you will never have family dynamic with tommy and phil or techno. you shouldve seen my dms to some of the people i was close to at the time... every time someone suggested full family sbi dynamic i was out here like "nooo tommy has puffy!!! thats his adult!! phil is his cool weird teacher friend not his dad!!!!" NO hate to people who said stuff like that in comments it was the expectation of the time but i was not going in that direction

i also then tripped myself so bad by making phil a prof, and then becoming a freak about the ethical relationships between a professor and student at the college, and then just stopped writing him becuase i got chidi levels of ethically anxious about properly writing it.

all that said. anon. you are about to get so much phil. ive officially decided to move wilbur out of the story (i have plans. he is going to france.) in doing so i will be bringing in more phil and more techno. and youre gonna find out more about their whole dynamic and stuff, though i need to reread some shit and take notes to not actively go against stuff ive made canon. and please know techno may techinically have been adopted into the family but phil is not his dad hes his weird ex-and-future-roomate-and-best-friend-slash-educational-mentor-and-he-would-kill-for-phil

sorry for all the dashes

anyway thanks for the ask anon <3

[paresatbp]

Dear You,

To those who remained and still lurks in this platform. It has been years since I last wrote here. Well, I turned 30 this year. I was so afraid that I haven’t done enough. Enough money, enough experiences or enough time. Looking back in the past years, I have stopped writing food reviews. I just resort to whining about how late deliveries are these days. Or how expensive it is to dine out compared to cooking my own meal at home. Which I usually cry to my mom that I’m too tired from work to cook for myself.

If you made it this far without getting bored from my two paragraph rant about adulting. If it interests you, I have two cats who I love and adore so much. I have travelled the world, seen what it has to offer. Met so many people who, I lately say is a collection of who I am today. I took tiny pieces of them with me to build my personality, my likes and even my work ethic.

Still not married, although I have seen a few of my friends who, now has kids of their own.

I have laughed, loved, cried way more than I have ever imagined I would when I was in my early twenties. Life didn’t turn out as what I was expecting it to be. but I’m fine with what I have now.

I have kept the habit of not showing my face on social media. I don’t see any reason why I need to change it now.

Sometimes I still ask myself if I have ever really known “love” in the years of my search for it. I still can’t find the answer to that question but I believe that, more often than not, we will never really know what love is until we find that right person.

You will not believe where life has taken me and what life has taken from me. You will not think it possible for me to have endured all that I have suffered from.

For now, take care of yourself for me. Hold on to your dream and don’t even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that you will find your heart desires no matter what happens. God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow the directions. Don’t worry, don’t be afraid about getting lost, God saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you choose to follow… it will lead to your dreams… 

I believe in you,

Roods.

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Yes, I Sat Up All Night to Finish This One

Very occasionally, something wild happens and you end up sitting up all night reading a book. In my case, my sister literally messaged me on August 8 with a screencap of the Red, White & Royal Blue Amazon release date (August 11) and was like "Want to do a watch party when this comes out?" And so, dear reader, once I was off work at 10pm, I grabbed this book off my physical TBR pile and dived in. I had expected to take a couple of days to just barely get it read before we do the watch party. Reader, I sat up all night and inhaled this book in one sitting. Let's talk Red, White & Royal Blue.

*SPOILERS BELOW THE BREAK ON THIS ONE*

I'd be lying if I said I picked this book up for any reason other than a cute premise expecting it to be kind of kitchsy. I was pleasantly sursprised by this book! It has some weight to it, it has real stakes to it, it has fun, it has heart, and holy cow I am in AWE of how well Casey McQuiston differentitated their character voices in emails and text messages. That is challenging for writers, and they knocked it out the park.

Alex and Henry are quite literally the most adorable couple, and in the spirit of this book, I want to share the text messages I was sending one of my dear friends as I was reading. Yes, it's unhinged. Yes, it's all caps. Yes, you can skip to the rest of the review if you want, I won't take it personally. For those of you sticking around, here we go:

1:31 am

HOW IS THIS BOOK SO FUCKING ADDORABLE!?!?!?!

2:03 am

AT ONE POINT HE THREW OUT JONATHAN SWIFT TO WATCH HIS PRESS TEAM HAVE A CORONARY!?!? I AM IN THIS BOOK AS A HOT GAY PRINCE AND SOMEHOW THAT FEELS APPROPRIATE!?!?!?!?!?!?

2:22 am

HIS MOTHER MADE A POWERPOINT TITLED INTERNATIONAL ETHICS AND SEXUAL IDENTITY DEBREIF *SEE ATTACHED BIBLIOGRAPHY* IN A GODDAMN LOVE EMAIL I AM DYING

2:48 am

HE HAS A KEY TO THE V & A

3:18 am

ZAHRA AND SHAAN ARE YOU KIDDING ME OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!

4:02 am

THE YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS ON HIS GODDAMN TIE SERIOUSLY!?!?!?!?! Oh my god that book was too darling for freaking words

Unhinged, all caps reactions are not usually my thing for books, but uhhh...it was extremely warranted for this one.

Romance novels get a lot of crap, even the ones that end up as NYT Bestsellers and film adaptations, but honestly as someone who dabbles in writing, I am blown away by how well this book was done on every level. The writing was great. The character work was phenomenal. The plotting was tight and well paced. The premise 100% did it's job of getting me in the door.

And it was GENUINELY SMART and genuinely well researched. There is gay history, there is a solid and nuanced understanding of English literature, and when Alex and Henry get to the point of exchanging passages from historical love letters, it was absolutely incredible.

Oh, and DID I MENTION THE STAR WARS ALLUSIONS??? Because the star wars allusions are there, they're wonderful, and honestly I need fanart of the Alex and Henry and Han and Leia mural.

In addition, the book has significant weight to it, because you have two young adults--one who is, in his own words, "very, very gay" and the other who is just discovering his bisexuality--who are struggling with the realities of being public figures trying to overcome the collective conservative prejudice against LGBTQIA+ people in two countries while also being immediate family members to heads of two different states. That is given exactly as much weight as it warrants, and poor Henry just needs a hug and a safe space, because JFC that poor guy is being smothered to death by English conservatism.

There is also Alex and Henry's desire to do good in the world and to actually do something with the places in history they have been handed, and wrestling with what that means when expectations and reality absolutely do not match up. Navigating that as an early twenty-something is never easy, and most of us don't have to do it in the public eye.

Overall, this book was amazing, I loved it, I inhaled it, and I cannot wait to watch the Amazon adaptation. I seriously recommend picking it up, because it's DARLING.

[sororalice]

On The Blessedness Of Service

A homily for the Full Moon on December 15, 2024.

Dearly Beloved,

Blessed Full Moon, dear siblings. I must confess to you that I am going through an ordeal at the moment. I am helping care for an aging and injured family member, and this work has left me triggered emotionally, in great pain physically, and exhausted on all levels. Again and again, my limits are being pushed. And through it all I am working with everything I have to be loving, to keep an open heart, and to be of use.

Because of this, this month I am moved to speak of that act that has been at the core of my spiritual practice for several years, that approach to others that starts in the heart and ends in the hands and muscles, that way of being in the world of which so many great mystics and saints have spoken.

I am moved to speak of service.

Sometimes people are confused by me spiritually. I am clearly very devout. But I am also clearly very syncretic in my beliefs. I believe that every deity that has ever come into contact with humanity represents a genuine spiritual formula, a way of being with and connecting with the Divine. I also believe that we are guided to the Divine through resonances that we experience by interacting with the world…the Divine is always reaching out to us through nature, through our relationships with each other and our relationships with everything else in the world. The stars, the trees, the other animals, ourselves, other people, spirits, the gods, every quanta of energy and field of fundamental forces, every aspect of the world both ideal and actual, celestial, earthly, and cthonic, is an expression of the Divine, and we are all in constant relationship. This, to me, is what it means to be pagan…to see all of reality and everything in it as an unfolding dance of divine life and meaning in constant relationship. To see the Divine as both transcendent and immanent, both always beyond us and always right with us.

But while all of this is very poetic and holds great meaning for me, my theology and spiritual practices have changed a great deal over the course of my life and I expect them to change again. I have worn and still wear many labels and move in many communities, as witch, ceremonial magician, mystic, and clergy. So what, other than my physical body, unites all of these different aspects of myself? How do I pull it all together so that I am still one person, even as I deal with these complexities in my identity?

In a word: values. Ethics. The way that I walk the walk and the way that I talk the talk. The things I commit to doing and the things that I swear to forsake. My values guide the way I live, and everything else falls out of that. And my values, what I have sworn to do, can be summed up in three phrases, three maxims just as defining for me as the “Lord’s Prayer” is for Christians or the “Shema” is for Jewish people. Anyone who knows me personally has heard me say them, and they show up in my writing again and again:

1. I seek and serve the Good.

2. I serve, I suffer, and I love.

3. I do whatever it takes to get the job done.

Notice none of these maxims, these defining values that tell me who I am every day of my life, is about the theology, mythology, or doctrine of any spiritual or magickal tradition. They are about what I do, not why I do it. The reasons for my commitments have changed over the years, the visions I have of the Good and what it means to love have evolved and grown, the ways that I get the job done have become exponentially more sophisticated yet ever simpler, and even the nature and quality of my suffering has shifted and changed in the many years since I first came to these values. But one thing has remained a constant. One thing has been at the core of my values since I walked beside the wheelchair of my teacher down the streets of downtown Santa Cruz 29 years ago. One thing has guided me even when I was unsure of everything else: service.

But what do I mean by service?

I have said again and again in my writings that I believe in a naturalized theology, a vision that meets the Divine through nature, through ourselves, and through our relationships with the other beings with which we share the world. I believe that reality is literally the face of the Divine smiling at us, the mouth of the Divine speaking to us, and the arms of the Divine reaching out to embrace us. I see a world that is full of spirit, bursting at the seams with holiness, a reality that is a living fire that dances with us always. And I devoutly wish to serve that Divine that I see everywhere in love and faith. So how can I do that?

By serving you, my siblings. By serving the plants. By serving the animals. By serving every atom of creation. By trying my hardest every day to help, to heal, and to mend this beautiful world, this heartbreaking world, this world that is the Divine made manifest.

Now, is this always easy? Of course not. Sometimes the faces of the Divine that we meet out there in the world may be pretty horrible. They may hurt us or each other. They may cause needless and horrific suffering. They may just not be very appealing, either aesthetically or ethically. And here is where the “faith” part of “serving the Divine in love and faith” comes into play. Because I really do believe that it’s all divine, that even the obviously evil or destructive people that we encounter are still instantiations of the Divine, that even the microbes that cause disease and the foods that cause cancer are absolutely aspects of the Divine. So I serve, even as I suffer, and I do my absolute best to love, even—no, especially—when it’s difficult. Because behind the face of even the worst monster in the world smiles the Divine. I may have to fight them sometimes, I may have to thwart them sometimes, but I must always seek to help, to heal, and to mend the world, and the world includes the monsters, too.

However, this does not equate to some self-sacrificing vision of service that throws myself under the bus for everyone and everything else. I am also an instantiation of the Divine, and so are you, my dear siblings. We all participate in the Divine, and thus we must also serve ourselves. We must also do our best to help, heal, and mend ourselves. We owe ourselves service just as much as we owe it to each other.

So let us reach out to each other and to the world around us. Let us reach within and without with embracing and loving arms. Let us reach up into the celestial heights and reconcile them with the cthonic depths. Let us help, heal, and mend ourselves, each other, and the world.

Let us serve.

Blessed Full Moon.

In love,

Soror Alice

Art: Ford Madox Brown, “Jesus Washing Peter’s Feet”, (1852-56)

[medicinemane]

I've been watching the simpsons to just have something mindless (I have trouble watching stuff I actually care about and want to focus on, and lately my brain's been kinda mush)

There's a lot of it that kinda reflects back what a unwell and stupid society we live in

I'm not gonna claim it's the simpsons' fault itself, more that it's a reflection (though the amount of pr damage they did to nuclear power, and also the way they're randomly hop on the anti gmo train or whatever it's like... you're not stupid people... this feels like a dereliction of duty at a certain point, going with the zeitgeist for an easy gag)

Anyway, what I mean by it reflecting back a stupid world is like this bit they're doing in this episode where the kids are super afraid of shots and it's like... the fact at the time it was just kinda accepted that was how it is heh heh heh instead of being like... maybe we should like... work to make it better for kids... well it's stupid

And I will say from what I can see it has gotten better and medical people often do try to both respect kids autonomy and explain what's going to happen instead of just jabbing them, and failing that at least try to distract them so it's not so upsetting

But I don't know... it's just the little gags here and there where it's like... wow... shit sucked back then and some of this stuff still sucks bad in a lot of society

(And dear fuck, the amount of "I hate my spouse" jokes... I get sick of it. And with Homer and Marge they basically have to... ping pong back and forth on whether they're deeply in love or barely can stand each other depending on if they're wanting to do actual writing or if they need a shit tier "joke"...

(Also there's at least like 3 plots of Homer almost cheating but then deciding not to and it's like... is there something you'd like to share with the audience writing staff? No as in I'm accusing them of cheating, as in they just keep inserting this fantasy of some young pretty woman falling head over heels for Homer, and being slavishly compatible, but in the end he's meant to be a love husband so he never actually goes through with things)

(But yeah, if there's a relationship it's either off screen or they can barely stand each other despite loving each other, and it's just kinda bleak and shitty. I guess the Flanders have a good relationship, but they killed Maud off so... kind stops mattering)

Anyway, I'm not gonna say I hate the simpsons or it's a bad show... but I don't know that I like or enjoy it much either watching it in 2024, both cause of shifts in my ethics but also cause... a lot of it just isn't funny, like sorry but pretty much zero "I hate my wife" jokes are gonna get a laugh out of me

Nah, I watch it cause I don't care so I can actually just watch it, and I skip a whole lot when I get bored, which happens often. It's yapping to let my mind wander

I'm not even trying to shit on the show... I guess it probably just sounds like that given how much I'm critical of

(Oh and dear god the endless fat jokes, like half the characters mostly exist to laugh at how fat they are)

[sciencestyled]

Pandora’s Bizarre Brainy Adventure: How Curiosity (Almost) Killed the Cat

It was a typical Tuesday in ancient Greece. I, Pandora, was lounging around Mount Olympus, trying to keep myself out of trouble. You know, after that whole box incident, I’ve been on a sort of divine probation. Zeus had given me strict instructions to stay away from anything resembling a container, and honestly, my reputation could use a bit of polishing. But as anyone who knows me will tell you, curiosity is my middle name.

One fateful afternoon, I found myself in Athena’s library. While leafing through scrolls on human anatomy, I stumbled upon a strange contraption labeled “Neuroimaging: The Ultimate Mind Reader.” Intrigued, I couldn’t resist tinkering with it. Little did I know, this machine was designed to peer into the very depths of the brain, revealing secrets and thoughts better left unexamined. In hindsight, maybe that label should’ve been a clue.

As I fiddled with the buttons, a hologram of a brain appeared, swirling with colors and lights. Before I could say “Hera’s handbag,” the machine started whirring and sparking. Suddenly, I was transported into the minds of various gods and mortals alike. And let me tell you, the stuff I saw—Hera plotting her next scheme against Zeus, Poseidon’s obsessive collection of seashells, and even Hermes practicing his stand-up comedy routines—was pure, unfiltered drama.

Then, a thought struck me: what if I could use this technology to uncover the most fascinating, scandalous, and downright hilarious secrets of the human brain? Surely, the mortals would be just as interested in this juicy gossip as I was! Plus, it would be a great way to redeem myself. So, I decided to write an article, spilling the beans on the latest and greatest in neuroimaging.

Of course, nothing ever goes smoothly. My first attempt to use the machine on a mortal brain resulted in chaos. The poor fellow ended up thinking he was a chicken for three days straight. But after a few more mishaps (and some stern words from Athena), I finally got the hang of it. I discovered that neuroimaging could expose everything from your deepest fears to your most embarrassing memories. It was like having the ultimate gossip box at my fingertips!

Excited by my findings, I began crafting my article. I decided to call it “Pandora’s Gossip Box: Exposing the Brain’s Juiciest Secrets with Neuroimaging.” Catchy, right? I delved into the wonders of MRI, fMRI, PET scans, and even EEG and MEG, each offering a different way to snoop on the brain’s activities. The possibilities were endless, and the drama was off the charts.

Take MRI, for instance. It’s like a front-row seat to the brain’s private affairs. Imagine catching those sneaky hydrogen atoms in the act, spinning and twirling like they’re at an Olympian gala. And fMRI? That’s like reality TV for the brain, capturing every scandalous neural activity in real-time. PET scans, with their radioactive sugar, are the undercover agents of the brain world, lighting up hotspots of activity like a divine soiree.

I also couldn’t resist adding a section on EEG and MEG, the brain’s wiretaps. These technologies eavesdrop on electrical and magnetic chatter, revealing the brain’s most fleeting thoughts and impulses. It’s like having a spy cam in your noggin, capturing every moment without disturbing a single hair on your head.

As I penned my article, I realized how neuroimaging raised important ethical questions about privacy and consent. It’s one thing to gossip about the gods, but quite another to pry into the minds of mortals. Still, the potential benefits for understanding the brain and diagnosing diseases were undeniable. I was hooked.

So, dear readers, that’s how a simple trip to Athena’s library led me down the rabbit hole of neuroimaging. From the quirky quirks of the gods to the complex mysteries of the human mind, this journey has been nothing short of exhilarating. And now, I invite you to join me in exploring the brain’s juiciest secrets. After all, who doesn’t love a bit of gossip, especially when it’s all in the name of science?

Now, buckle up and get ready for “Pandora’s Gossip Box: Exposing the Brain’s Juiciest Secrets with Neuroimaging.” Trust me, you won’t want to miss this scandalous peek inside that thick skull of yours!

[trashogram]

Ok, more rambling about this Val/Charlie idea (bc I’ve been listening to the Poison remix) UNDER THE CUT.

Warnings - Discussions of multiple forms of SA, Violence, Drug-Use, Coercion in all forms, Degradation, Basically Enslavement, Unhealthy Mindsets, Peer Pressure, Self-Sabotage, Self-Afflicted Pushing Up Daisies Ideation, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms. Dead Dove: Do Not Eat applies to this no question.

If you come at me bc you read this and it upset you — despite the fact that I’ve hidden it, I’ve tagged it, I’ve explained the context multiple times, I’m adding onto a post that already exists so it lessens the possibility that it’s going to appear in a searchable tag beyond my blog, AND THIS BLOG IS NOT FOR MINORS — that is on you. I am dead fucking serious.

SO, hello 👋 If you made it past all that, welcome! The main points are here:

• Charlie finds out the full extent of Angel Dust’s contract/relationship with Valentino during the debacle in which she goes to Val’s Studio to get Angel time off

• Charlie is so horrified that she offers herself up as tribute

• I just need an excuse to have a scene like Ariel signing over her voice to Ursula but almost an inverse version — Charlie is desperate to get Angel TF outta there permanently and so basically sells herself in his place and bitch brainless Val actually does realize that it’s a good deal

• Time crunch happens — cue the dramatic lighting, the tension hooks, and Angel Dust screaming, sobbing, begging Charlie to not do this bc he’s “not worth it”

• But see Charlie is a powerful being, so crossing out Anthony’s name and writing her own isn’t quite enough to seal the deal and make the pink chains around Angel’s neck disappear and reappear on her own. No, no, she and Val need to shake on it. • It actually gives Val a head rush to have someone technically more powerful than him submit via the handshake and it fucking hurts Charlie to submit to basically being his property (and she actually CANT submit fully, but that comes into play later).

• Angel Dust is terminated effective immediately bc Val’s got a brand new shiny toy double platinum and he’s taking her straight to the top of his penthouse - work day over everyone get the fuck out

• Angel is nearly catatonic when Alastor and the Little Egg Boi who could find him (bc we’re fucking w the timeline) and Alastor is actually a bit stunned when he manages to get it out of Angel what happened

• It actually gets under our resident radio demon’s skin, not just because it’s exceedingly stupid to the point of ruin, not just bc it’s a huge impediment to Charlie’s hotel that Alastor is hosting, but because Alastor murdered men who took advantage of women during his time (and after). He has a fucked up code of ethics (and he’s also on a literal and metaphorical leash to protect the princess despite the fact that no one knows that).

• Vaggie and Charlie aren’t dating in this AU bc that would be too much heartbreak even for me dear god also they’re not the focus of this story as much as Charlie, Valentino and Angel are

• Alastor and Vaggie do come to a sort of understanding/partnership when it comes to getting Charlie the fuck out of there by any means necessary

• Angel is just fucked up. It takes a looooooong time for him to get himself together just enough to be coherent and join the crew to get Charlie back — saving her is gonna be what he “Lives for Tomorrow”.

• The Hotel is a gloom and doom mess.

• Meanwhile back at the ranch, Val shows off his new prize while interrupting Vox and Velvette’s work and they’re both actually in shock that this fucking happened bc holy fucking shit tho the princess may be a joke but she’s still the princess of Hell.

• Charlie is actually gonna be a bit OOC for the sake of not destroying her entirely bc canon!Charlie couldn’t handle standing her ground when Angel yelled at her — here she’s going to be actually quite good at convincing Val (and Vox and Velvette) that she’s worth more kept close to the chest than used like Angel in adult films and prostitution (this does not reflect any opinions I personally have on sex work none of this does it’s all fiction it’s all for the plot)

• Charlie manipulates Val once she gets what a pissy manbaby he really is — it’s hard to balance reminding herself to be both agreeable and relate to the pimp while being aware of how awful he is and what he did to Angel as well as others

• Valentino is crude, disgusting, uses violence in every form to get what he wants or just for fun, and initially delights in humiliating Charlie by parading her around in practically nothing and degrading her in public

• But Charlie is stalwart, leans so deeply into her predisposition to being kind and empathetic, that she irks him. She convinces him of things and makes him question himself constantly the longer he has her around

• Yes, they have a sexual relationship. Yes, Charlie does drugs with Val at his insistence. Yes, she pretends to think and act like him at times to appease him — abuse victims do this just to survive (take it from one herself).

• At the same time she can barely eat, she’s constantly puking and crying in odd places so Vox doesn’t catch on

• Debating on if Charlie is able to still communicate with the Hazbin crew or not — if so, she has to take key notes and tips from Angel on how to placate and appeal to Valentino (Valentino Must Die)

• But if you saw her and Val together after a time, you’d believe he’s changed her into a true demonic force to frighten all — her persona changes from the cheerful, overly optimistic young woman with dreams to a slave to demure seductress-looking time with that follows Valentino in clothes as ridiculous and luxurious as his

•In reality, Val needs to cuddle her at night and listen to her sing him to sleep and take baths with him and always fawn over him and tell him that she loves him as many times as he wants her to

• It gets to a point where Valentino imagines himself as the King of Hell with Charlotte by his side as his Queen — and Vox is so fucking weirded out bc this delusion of grandeur is enormous even for Val (but Val is convinced it’s jealousy and spite bc he won’t share Charlie with the flatscreen)

• It culminates in Charlie and Angel watching Valentino’s world crumble around him when she leaves (assuming Lucifer again comes in with the clutch dissolves it he contract bc he should be able to fucking do that, or Alastor and Lilith get to it before him, or Vaggie somehow reconnects with Heaven and convinces them to break this up for whatever reason).

• Debating on if Valentino gets to be tortured for the rest of eternity in a Prometheus kind of situation - dude is picked apart every second of every day for all time forever or if he’s just smited along with the other Vees.

Anyway, lemme know your thoughts if you want, or don’t. Thanks for reading if this floats your boat.

🐐🖤

Ok, this would be kind of out there but also compelling to me (and probably only me):

I really just want a fic where Charlie takes over Angel’s contract with Valentino and brings the fucker to heel. I think it would be so interesting to read Charlie managing to break him and bring him to his lowest, even if it’s thru perceived kindness.

Like I fucking LOVE stories where the protagonist changes a monster into someone who can genuinely feel love and remorse but the kicker would be that Val does change and fall in love… only for Charlie to completely crush him, heart and soul, with a “if only someone out there loved you” and revealed that he does nothing but disgust her and she hates his fucking guts and makes him (un)live with the pain and consequences and he’s never the same — until she and Angel murder him ruthlessly.

Ugh, it’d be so good.

[sebsational-vettel]

Dear Seb ❤️

I’ve been dreading to write this ever since that summer day in late July; when I and the whole F1 community watched your video announcing your retirement. It made me cry. For the last couple of years your retirement was something I feared. Because I knew that that meant that we would lose a very special figure and driver in Formula 1. An extremely talented driver who has won 4 world championships. An outstanding achievement which only a few on this world can claim. A man whose passion for the sport reaches to infinity, on and off the track. But besides that, also a man who’s the most sincere, down to earth, and kindhearted. A man who’s genuinely good in every fiber of his body. A role model for every generation. A man with incredible work ethic, who’s always helping and caring for others and who will fight against injustice. All the stories fans and people in the paddock tell and write about you, Seb, describe what a wonderful person you are.

From the first F1 race I watched, you have stolen my heart and have been my favourite ever since. Sometimes I joke that one doesn’t choose who they support, but the driver ‘chooses’ you. And actually, this may very well be true. You have an undeniable attraction around you. Not only thanks to your raw talent - which has me in awe time and again - but also because of the person that you are. And the fact that I recognise myself in you. The way you handle things, the way you make jokes and the way you treat people. In you I see the values in life that I too have. You have been a role model for me and thanks to you I have always wanted to improve in life. Thanks to your perseverance each race weekend and the believe to never give up. You have motivated me to always try and to believe in myself. Last summer I graduated from my masters at uni. Thank you for getting me through all those years of hard work. Even though you probably don’t realise it, rooting for you has kept me going and I know that’s the case for a lot of other fans too.

I don’t know how to say goodbye. I think I still don’t realise that after today, after this last race in Abu Dhabi, you won’t be on the grid anymore. Next season, we won’t see you race in F1. It hurts to think that you won’t be there. My heart is aching and while writing this, I am tearing up again. For the umpteenth time this weekend. Because this weekend it is getting real. It feels definitive, the end of many chapters, the end of an era of a legendary driver. And I’m gonna miss you so so much.

But, I also know your reasons and I wholeheartedly support them. I wish you all the happiness in the world. To enjoy all the time with your incredible wife and kids. To have fun, explore what other things you love to do in life, to only have the obligations you set for yourself. To retire when you feel the time is right, and that is now. It is what you deserve.

God, how I have enjoyed your presence in F1... Your ecstatic cheering when taking pole or winning the race. From the ‘ring a ding a ding’s to the ‘grazie ragazzi’s. All the laughs at the press conferences and the singing on the board radios. The lion of Singapore. The king of donuts. I’m gonna miss it and I’m gonna miss you. I could go on and on and fill a book with my words for you. Only in superlatives, because that is how I will always describe you and how people will remember you. And they will, oh dear they will. Because you’re one of a kind, Seb. And I know you will never change. With tears in my eyes I tell you that I love you so much!!! Enjoy your last race! All the best for the future, champ, icon, legend!!

DANKE SEB ❤️❤️❤️

[bogkeep]

maybe it's a little bit early but i'm ready to do the Review and Reflection of my 2022!!

where the past two years were very static years for me with only subtle changes (yes there's a pandemic but i still had to go to work and it all blended together into a soup), THIS year set off the rube goldberg machine of Theo Quit His Job To Move To Sweden And Started Watchmaker School. SO YEAH i think i can make a list again >:)

- I QUIT MY HOTEL RECEPTIONIST JOB THANK FUCKING GOD!! on one hand, i've been incredibly glad to have had the income and stability, especially during a pandemic even though holy fuck i sure had to go to a public facing job during a pandemic, and there were many aspects of my job that i genuinely enjoyed, and i felt quite good at it. that said, thinking about my job now triggers a spike of anxiety through my brain, and i was planning to quit sometime already last year. all of my good and cool coworkers quit shortly before me and i had to train all the new ones (including the new manager!) and i hope i never have to work at a hotel ever again or interact with cops that much. i gave myself so many headaches trying to accomodate all the guests to the best of my very limited abilities - there's only so much i can do with old building inaccessibilities (the elevator didn't even go to the top floor) (most of the bathroom doors were not wide enough for wheelchairs) (COULDN'T WE AT LEAST BUY SOME SHOWER STOOLS?) and the lack of AC. and while my wages were livable enough, i don't think i got paid nearly enough to compromise my personal morals and ethics on a regular basis. that's capitalism for you i guess. ANYWAY GLAD TO BE OUT OF THERE

- i got into watchmaker school!!!!!! i was looking into this and preparing for it already last year, trying to figure out what to DO and where to GO, and it's a huge relief to me that i actually got in!!! a new and exciting step for whatever my future will turn out to be!! :D

- as a result i didn't only move out of my town but out of my country. for now. but now i get to live in an itty bitty garage-turned-house by myself and it's WONDERFUL. this is my first time living entirely by myself!!! i love it!!!!!! yes i will have to temporarily move out in the summers when the houseowner wants to use the space as a tourist season airbnb, but getting to be in control of my own environment is very healing and affirming to me. i spent so much of my teenage/early adult years thinking i'll never be able to handle adult life, but here i am!! thriving!!!!! i am more self sufficient and capable than i ever thought i'd be!!!

- my summer was incredibly chaotic due to all of the moving out and moving in and uncertainty of whether i'd get into school or not et cetera, BUT i did get to visit the czech republic again for the first time since december 2019. it was good to see my family and my childhood best friend again.

- i got to meet several close friends i haven't gotten to see in person for a long time. i got to spend some good quality time with friends i lived close to, as well (that i now miss so so much). i made some new friends that are very dear and important to me.

- i got really super into S & D tier this year, and my brainworms have calmed their wrigging since i've been busy with school and all these other life things, but it's such a wonderful series that i'm absolutely thrilled to have discovered. it even got me making fanfic, and it felt really good to get back into writing again!!

- i think i got a new tattoo earlier this year? so much has happened since march that it feels like a completely different year! it's also very small compared to all the tattoos i got during 2020 and 2021, but i didn't have much else going for me then. so.

- i wish i had like, anything to report regarding my gender transition, but all i've done has been like... 2? video consultations with the trans clinic? and zero progress? i don't want to think about it too hard because it makes me want to tear my hair out. I'M HANGING IN THERE

TO CONCLUDE. this year has been one of huge changes in my life!! i am thoroughly overwhelmed by it but doing my best to ride the waves!! i am being so so brave and pursuing the things i want to do!!!! every now and then things turn out Good and i have to confront the reality of Sometimes Things Are Very Good and it's a little bit like a blinding light too bright to look at directly, because i'm a little burnt out, i'm lightly toasted, and i'm taking on these big things and trying to change along with them, and it's a lot but ultimately worth it, yes? yes.

[wistfulrat]

a 4-part rec list of my fave drarry fics - the thrillers, dramas, soft bois, and wankbanks getting me through 2020′s shitstorm

[the soft boi list is here and truly i’m not surprised this rec is going to be the longest bc if there’s one thing a bitch is going to do, it’s yearn.

as always! if you love a fic, follow the authors, leave kudos & comments, send them nice msgs bc free art is still labor xoxo]

part 3: soft bois

mood: for when I need respite, a balm to the all-consuming shittiness of life

includes: fluff, comfort, low-stakes, slow-burn fics. a wistful look, a rainy morning, an unexpected grace, a stupidly disarming joke. i could live inside these fics. the smallness of human lives removed from the site of that which hurts & irreparably changes. the story-equivalent of a deep breath after a long day. pregnant silences & pensive mundanity & shy smiles. banter with bite but without the cruelty. the color lavender. weirdly whimsical. soft fics are not necessarily conflict-averse (no drarry fic rly can be, considering the context) but, they offer the reader a generous distance from the initial harm. they’re the quiet cleaning up after a storm. sometimes healing is an exacting surgical knife and other times it’s a slow scabbing. you read these fics to be reassured that the way forward is not always ruthless. and honestly?? they deserve a semblance of peace godDAMmit.

The Way Down by @letteredlettered - 65k - T “and I thought that if someone talked to you as though you were a human being you might—maybe you could act like one” --the way i think about this line daily. the characterization of draco in this fic is one my favorites bc he’s earnest and neurotic and tired of harry’s shit. which is to say, he cares so so much. and harry doesn’t know what to do with that bc he’s got a monster in his chest and lives as a recluse. but they both humanize each other in ways no one else can. “you’re just a person” has to be some kind of drarry ethics of belonging and it makes me CRY. -

Little Deaths and How to Avoid Them by @greaseonmymouth and dustmouth - 96k - T “Maybe it’s not about deserving it? Maybe you just get to have it anyway. . .I’m allowing myself to want something and to let myself have it and to fight for it.” --harry runs a daycare and also works at a library. draco spends a lot of time in said library. they bond over sci-fi books and therapy anecdotes and quiet philosophical conversations held over cafeteria soup. and harry’s struggling to understand his asexuality. draco’s learning how to live with anxiety and depression. they both want to be deserving of love. incredible fic with beautiful art by dustmouth. - 

Open for Repairs by @drarrytrash - 35k - T “A few leaves rustle in the gutter and the muggle world pays no mind to them, to two lost boys holding on for dear life.” --all of their fics feel exactly like this. like you’ve been allowed to look at something private, tender, unexpected. draco, known abba fan, is a repairman in the muggle world & harry can’t stop breaking thrifted things in order to see him? say less, i'm thERE. also “I think I have a crush on you” goddddd  - other faves by them: Counting Down By Ten - 2k - T: draco’s stepped outside of the party for a smoke. harry follows him bc of course he does. i could read this 100 times and not get tired of it. - Clouds That Veil the Midnight Moon - 36k - E: FUCKING HILARIOUS I CACKLED THROUGH THE WHOLE THING. draco’s wolfy problem and harry helping him and harry being flustered by how much he likes draco and draco’s hot heroic moment. shutup it’s perfect. “He almost asks if Draco ever gets tired of being a miserable complaining shit all the time, but he knows that he, personally, never ever gets tired of being a miserable complaining shit.” and “It’s the traumas,” Harry says gravely” --lines that live rent free in my head -

Harry Potter and the Future He Doesn't Really Want, Thanks by seefin - 70k - E “That was the only logical thing to do here, wasn’t it? It was the next step, it was the end of hurting each other and the beginning of the exact opposite.” --harry lives with luna and neville and also he dreams about the future sometimes? and he keeps running into draco. draco thinks this is sus as hell, until he doesn’t. feat. taxi rides, museums, cinemas, rooftop conversations beneath a lunar eclipse, mid-sex innocuous banter, draco and harry discussing nicki minaj. this fic charmed my ass off. seefin writes the most effortlessly hilarious dialogues. i smiled at my phone like an idiot at least 7 times. -  other faves by them: Wild - 93k - E: “he liked feeling needed, for the things that he was needed for back at the house in Ireland. For cooking and gardening and driving. Easy things.” --this shit makes me cry it’s so good. harry lives in Ireland with these three brilliant, hilarious, wandless witches and draco’s a potions student who's come to study under one of the housemates and the boys have so much shit to work through but their love becomes so tender and honest. draco yells at harry a lot and harry lets him and they both keep each other grounded in something real and fuCK.  - Divination for Dickheads - 7k - G: “I’m terrible at having crushes. I’ve never played anything cool a day in my life.” -- oh harry, we knOW. a bus ride, a fortune teller, an aquarium birthday party. god i love this fic. -

Modern Love by @tackytigerfic​ - 61k - E “But we’ve worked so hard at this, haven’t we? Yeah, I know it’s a horror to have to talk about it, but fuck it. We’re friends now, but it took so long to get here. Have you ever had to work so hard at something before?" --the steady blossoming of their friendship in this fic is so goddamn beautiful i want to yell. it’s draco and harry learning to trust each other and the whole thing unfolds so slowly, in this whimsical mix of london streets, wizarding politics, church halls feat. a Hot vicar, and a magical antique shop owner who’s married to literal poseidon?? goD the environment of this fic. immaculate. [also there’s a tender shower scene that makes me cry every single fucking time so if you read this fic pls dm me so we can be embarrassing about it together tbh] -

Nice Things by aideomai - 22k - M “He kept waiting for the weird shock of touch to not knock him clean out of his head, leave him quiet and warm and happy.” --8th year. harry forms an unlikely friendship with draco that begins with smoking weed on a windowsill. harry is touch-starved and draco touches him like he touches all his close friends - like it’s easy. the quiet affection in this fic, the way harry burrows himself into touch bc he’s been without it for his entire life. reading this is like being held. -

Running On Air by @tinyhistory​ - 74k - T “do you remember when we were eleven?” --alexa play coldplay’s the scientist it’s sad girl hours and we’re about to fucking yearn. you’ve seen this fic rec on every drarry list under the sun and i'm here to be redundant. the hype is so goddamn real. this story is a lyrical masterpiece held together by lines that act as refrains that will rattle around your brain until you die, probably. draco’s been missing for 3yrs. harry goes to find him. it’s their odyssey of homecoming. -

Title of Their Sex Tape by @cibeewastaken - 12k - T “But Draco, Draco was everything but boring. Draco made sitting in the rain watching an empty house fun.” --auror partners pining and draco being eccentric and harry being very earnestly gay about draco’s eccentricities!! god this fic is so genuinely fun skskd feat. undercover missions, murderous faeries, a book heist, a stunning navy dress, harry’s eyelashes. -

How We Throw Our Shadows Down by @thistle-verse - 14k - T “Draco is about to say something else— to thank Potter for what he’d done, however poorly— but Harry is smiling at him again, and it’s so soft and perfect that Draco holds in any inadequate words, lest he spoil it.” --draco collects tea cozies and of course harry has the one he wants. the sad and tender gays are at it again feat. conversations in the rain at a train station, melancholy Blaise, muggle photos, wizarding e-bay, the Dursleys.  -

Helix by Saras_Girl - 92k - E “Draco sighs in his sleep and Harry clings on to consciousness, needing to hold on, to give this tiny, insignificant moment the attention it deserves” --I think maybe you can describe every soft Saras_Girl story as giving tiny, insignificant moments the attention they deserve. like, this is an 8th year fic about snails and it’s full of whimsy, grief, compassion, and easy humor. an absolute must-read author in this genre if you want languorous, episodic fics full of distinct OCs and affectionate creatures. - other faves by them: Light up the Night Sky - 98k - M “Draco, sometimes you make my head feel like soup” --the one where harry is a fireworks artist and has a pet chameleon named ken. draco is on the wizarding arts council. they both pine like hell. - Headlights in the Snow - 71k - M “they stare at each other in silence, Harry’s heart beating so loud in his chest that he thinks the biddies must be able to hear it over the sound of their card game.” --the one where draco drives the knight bus and carts around the biddy club, a group of rambunctious old ladies who knit and drink tea and gossip. harry can’t help but fall in love with the everything about this. -

Follow the Water by @xanthippe74 - 38k - T “Harry’s heavy thoughts lift at the sight, like dark clouds blown away from the sun by the wind. The tent doesn’t feel so cramped and stifling now. It feels cozy. And safe. It’s the same feeling that Harry gets when he’s at the Burrow for Sunday roasts, when a group of people who care for each other deeply are crammed into too-small a space.” --harry wanders to the lovegood house on a sunday afternoon. he’s baffled to see that luna’s taken pansy, greg, and draco under her wing. what follows is a summer of forest walks, scavenger hunts, gardening, water fights, odd cakes, faerie rings, and picnics. so many picnics. i love the pace of this fic, the innocent return to childhood things, the way luna brings out the best in all her friends. reluctantly soft slytherins are just *chefs kiss*!! -

Going Postal (A 125pg comic) by dustmouth - T what. a. beautiful. ass. comic. the wizarding fashion, the textures, the character design!! harry travels a lot for his job as a resourcer. draco works in the regulations dept. they pine like a bunch of lovesick idiots via field report notes. god i love dustmouth’s art. -

All the Earnest Young Men by @tepre​ - 29k - E “Draco is twenty-seven layers of personality wrapped up in drama and humour, and a wit so sharp it still stings when he doesn’t see it coming. But there is something below that, too. Something that makes Harry ache just looking at him.” --the way i would lay down my little life for tepre’s characterization of draco, whom invented the word earnest. he’s a magical art theory expert and portraits are disappearing all over London and harry’s the auror assigned to this case. and well. they’re both so very avoidant about how gay they are for each other and it’s like!! shutup and kiss!! which they do in fact, shutup and kiss.  -

Trenches by sara_holmes - 3k - M “Somewhere in the distant part of his mind that hasn't frozen solid, he thinks that maybe he and Draco are about to become more than auror partners, smoking buddies, wine-mates and co-inhabitants of a snow filled trench somewhere in western Scotland.” --the plot line here is literally “it’s cold and i need a fucking cigarette” but let me tell you how I never tire of the shared loaded-silences of two emotionally repressed gays. -

The Years Before Love by lomonaaeren - 13k - M “That’s one of the meanings of peace, he thinks, as Hermione hugs him...That he can do things slowly, softly, without worrying that they won’t be there tomorrow.” --andromeda taking harry under her wing and harry finding solace in teddy. narcissa and draco showing up and the tentative relationships that slowly develop in the quiet calm of andromeda’s house. found families and kisses in the snow and special xmas gifts ugh what’s not to love -

The Moon Looks Lovely Tonight by Omi_Ohmy - 35k - M “I want this to be a house where people are welcome, where they don’t have to be any one way or another” --in which harry collects lost things--owls, best friends, inept bakers, potions experimenters--and turns the mausoleum that is grimmauld place into a home. feat. your fave drarry tropes like shared-beds and reluctant waltzing partners. -

[part 1: thrillers | part 2: dramas | part 3: soft bois | part 4: wankbanks]

[remuscore]

I'm enjoying this au too much lmao I'm sorry for the person I have become but since I cannot draw for awhile, y'all are gonna get small oneshots of them instead.

Warnings: Descriptions of a dead body, a little bit of body horror?? Idk what else. Oh yeah and since pronouns don't matter in this au, I used mostly she/they for Janus just cause that's what I ended up writing

_____________

Virgil remembers little of his rebirth.

He remembers sitting and waiting in a small dim room, filled with sheet covered science equipment and dusty glass tubes. He didn’t have the best hearing after it all― they always felt clogged― but he remembers hearing that smooth voice from the other side of the door talking about things he couldn’t understand. He remembers Janus coming in and wiping their hands on their pants despite their gloves, shaking them out to release some buzzing excitement. They had smiled at Virgil and said it was time to show him off.

After that was a blur of yelling and hands trying to grab him and suddenly Janus had grabbed their arm and they appeared in a little old cabin in a forest.

Virgil had a lot of nightmares of hands and tearing after that night. He would trace the missing fingers that someone had stolen when they grabbed his hand. Now, Janus had gotten him some form of prosthetic so that he could still use his hand, wooden joints and bones melding into the taunt flesh. Virgil often got stuck staring at them, just trying to bend the bark.

“Good morning, Virgil,” Janus said, descending the rickety steps of the cabin. Their cape dragged on the floor and trailed soft yellow petals with it. They didn’t need to step over any loose rocks or twigs, the objects simply moving out of the way when she came near. She smiled at their experiment as they put in their earrings. “How did you rest?”

Virgil kept silent like usual. Talking either caused black gunk to spit from his teeth or was just useless babbling. Most of the time it was both. It was hard to talk when all your muscles were only strong enough to hold your head up. He wanted to talk. It felt like hell not being able to say a single word since he had been awakened.

“Not going to try today?” they asked. Once their earrings were all on, they sat on the steps besides Virgil. She had made some furniture out of wood, but they weren’t the best. Her magic was more about science and spells than making things, hence why Virgil was such a disaster. “Do you want to try a ‘hello’ or maybe a ‘hi’ at the very least?”

Virgil didn’t care about those things. He just wanted to ask one thing. One syllable.

Why.

It was a long struggle on the ‘wh’ just trying to get past that point. It was already gathering spit and falling from his lips, but this is the farthest he’s gotten so far. Janus was grinning nonetheless, pointed teeth barred. Virgil had the sudden thought that maybe Janus thought he had said ‘hi’ but just a really messed up one, so he tried again. Repeating the word with more strength to his broken voice to make it more obvious. Janus just nodded in delight.

“That’s very good, Virgil,” she praised. Their hand came up to wipe away a bit of sludge that had dribbled down his chin and heading towards the stitches in his neck. “I know it must be frustration now with having to relearn these skills from when you were a child, but you’ll get there in―”

“Why?” Virgil interrupted angrily. He jabbed his chest with his stiff fingers, hitting the large stitches in his chest from where his organs had been taken out and put back in. He jabs the same hand into Janus’ chest too, making her pull back in surprise and rub the spot. “Why? Why?”

“Why?” Janus parrots, ears lowering. Her expression turned sad as she looked at how hard Virgil was hitting his chest (he didn’t have any control of his strength now that his nervous system wasn’t working. He was completely numb). “Why… why what?”

“Why!?” Virgil shouts in a volume that shocked even him. His body really is all out of control. He pushes Janus' chest this time, shoving her back against the banister. “Why me? You? Why you— to me?”

It was so humiliating how hard it was to get those words out. He had to swallow pointlessly against the gunk under his tongue. It was pouring out his mouth now. He brought up his hands to try and wipe it away, but he still couldn’t make a fist or turn his wrist to use his palm so all he did was smear the gunk on his fingertips.

Janus gets up suddenly and Virgil doesn’t watch to see where they’re going. He felt like he wanted to cry in anger, but didn’t know if he even could. He hasn’t drank or eaten anything since he was alive. Janus returns to the step and reaches out to him again, wiping away all the drool with a cloth. Virgil let them just because he didn’t feel like trying to do it himself and risked humiliating himself more.

“Why did I bring you back?” Janus said, clarifying that that was what Virgil was trying to say. He nodded with a sharp jerk up and down with his head. They sighed softly. They folded the cloth over to the dry side and continued cleaning his face. “To tell the truth, you were the freshest body on such short notice. They haven't cremated or buried you yet, so it was easy for me to just take you and bring you back. And I know stealing a body isn’t exactly ethical, but I was saving a family from the heartbreak of identifying your body. Sure, it was probably frightening to hear your son died and someone had stolen his body and next thing you know, you’re watching the news and hear about a local manic that had—”

They stopped themself and shook their head, laughing faintly. “Anyways there was no significance on why I chose you. You died from the drug I needed and were healthy enough to keep all original parts. I’m sorry I don’t have a better reason.”

She pulled away finally and took Virgil’s messy mistake, wiping at his fingers. The black sludge was stubbornly sticking to his wooden fingers and Janus had to adjust their grip on it to wipe more furiously. They sighed again in frustration.

“I didn’t expect anything like this,” they said, their normally smooth and controlled voice was now bitter and imperfect, a small lisp slipping through. “I thought my notes would at least be taken into account. They were all so impressed by the doll and yet when I showed them you, no! That is sick and disgusting! I brought a man back to life using the same drug that killed him and that was all they had to say about my findings? It’s ridiculous!”

They stop. Virgil still has stuff in between the cracks in the wood. Janus’ thumb brushes against what would be the nail and Virgil could almost feel it. It was a weird feeling. He wonders if he’ll ever forget what it’s like to feel.

“I’m sorry,” Janus gasps and Virgil looks up. Her eyes are screwed shut and they rub their forehead, mouth pulled down into a harsh frown. “God, I’m so sorry. What have I done?”

Virgil wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t know Janus, they were just forced together now. Janus was a big question mark in the beginning but now they’re an even bigger question mark with how their morals kept switching around. Just seconds ago she was boasting about what she did and now she’s apologizing for it? And Virgil couldn’t bring himself to be angry either way because on one hand they had brought him back to life which was honestly amazing because Virgil distinctly remembered not wanting to die when he was dying, but on the other hand Janus had stolen his body from his family and he is practically a prisoner here because if he were to go back to human society, he would probably be euthanized or worse; dissected and studied like a rat, never to die because his existence is revolutionary.

That’s another reason why Virgil couldn’t bring himself to be mad at them. She practically saved his life.

She was a weirdo freak, but Virgil guessed he was now too.

So he brought up his hand and placed it on their head, making them stop. He dragged his hand slowly through their hair, combing through any small knots and petals stuck in there. They opened their eyes and they looked so sad. Virgil didn’t understand why, but maybe she just felt guilty. Maybe she should be, but Virgil still didn’t want them to be.

“Don’—” spit flew from his mouth and his lip twitched into an annoyed scowl. “Do… no’ cry.”

“I’m not crying, dear,” Janus awed, bringing up her now empty hands and holding Virgil’s face in her hands, pressing against the stitches. He knew she wasn’t crying, but it was easier to say than don’t beat yourself up about it. “At least you’re nice. I don’t know if I could handle a mean little monster.”

Virgil grunted. Guess he was a monster now.