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keigo-chan · 9 months ago

Text

I Don’t Know Where To Put My Hands

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Keigo comes home, just for a bit, in the middle of spying on the League of Villains. He needs you, he needs this. And you love him. What else is there to say?

Word Count: 6.7k

Warnings/Tags: Pro Hero!Reader, No Gendered Pronouns for Reader, Reader Has a Vagina, Extremely Dubious Consent, Unhealthy but Loving Relationships, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Emotional Masochism, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Injury from Sex, Fluff but Evil

FULL TAGS/NOTES ON AO3

Communication from Keigo had all but disappeared after the battle in Kamino. He didn’t even text anymore. He certainly didn’t call. He didn’t even send mail, or notes, or anything. Civilians spotted him, even around the very city they lived in, as the tags you had alerts on for notified you, but he didn’t make any effort to contact you.

You tried to be calm about this. He was still alive. That’s what mattered. If he wasn’t trying to talk to you, it was because he couldn’t.

But that was a scary thought, too.

You thought about asking the Commission for a short leave. It was the Holiday season, so many other heroes were beginning to stagger out their own leaves. But that only made you more hesitant to do so in turn. Your agency- Hawks’s agency- was always close to reaching ‘understaffed’ numbers. You wanted to be there to help fill in the gaps. Especially with the biggest gap right at the helm of the agency. What was important these days, as the voice in your mind that sounded a lot like Keigo reminded you, was how the public saw the heroes. The best thing they could do was bring hope- so you kept busy making public appearances, trying to just keep up with him.

When you finally got home at the end of that week, the end of your set of patrols, you were exhausted. You were distracted by your phone when you unlocked your door and went in. You tripped over the threshold of it, barely catching yourself with your wings. You looked back at your stoop for what had made you fall, and saw a red book waiting for you.

Attached was a note. “From: K”.

Your heart dropped. You lunged for the book at once, picking it up and flipping through it. Just like you suspected, there were many highlighted portions.

You and Keigo had been working side-by-side for years, and though actual partners for longer, you knew a couple of the more intimate details of what the Commission dragged Keigo through. You’d known for a long time that skills associated with espionage would be necessary. The two of you had made up your own.

You flipped through the book, barely registering what it was even about, as you hurried to shut the door and locked all the locks behind you. You fluttered about quickly, drawing the curtains and blinds while opening the book with one arm. There was nothing else written not in code. You settled in on the couch and began to decipher.

You used a cipher, always based off of a word or phrase or date only you would know. The cipher that worked would correlate to the level of danger they were in or amount of secrecy they needed. You worked your way up three levels, to the day of your anniversary.

‘Being watched by LOV.’ Reading that alone had made the ever growing anxiety worse. Is that what he was doing? Something involving the League of Villains? ‘No big danger now. Keep ear to ground. Lay low. Attack in four months. Hope to come home for New Years. Miss you. Love you. Be safe. Keigo.’

You sighed out a long breath you didn’t know you were holding, shutting the book and resting your forehead against it. He’d held this book, had written in it with care. You wished he had left anything else, though the messy handwriting on his note was nice.

All of the feathers you’d had from him had faded, gone a very dark, dull red- a sign that they had died. Keigo no longer had control over them, and could no longer hear or feel through them.

If they were going to attack in four months, did that mean that he would be away until then?

You tried to clear the thought from your head. He was on a mission. Clearly one that even he took seriously. For now, you needed to take over as the cool-headed hero that everyone wanted. For now, you needed to take care of the Agency. Keigo’s image as a hero didn’t need to suffer, even if he was away.

You could do this. You would wait for the next couple of weeks, until you might be able to see him again. Keigo wouldn’t have mentioned it if he wasn’t decently sure that he’d be able to come back.

He’d be alright on his own. He’d be alright on his own. You set the kettle on to boil and made his favorite tea. It gave you an idea.

Over the next couple of weeks, you left things out for him. Boxes outside with small notes, assurances left in code. Sweaters and smooth pebbles and old trinkets they’d collected over the years, so that wherever he laid his head to rest, it would feel a little more like home.

He took them. Sometimes it was overnight, sometimes days or a week went by without them being taken. But he always did, and he always left something in return. A shiny, pink shell. One of his feathers. One of the silver rings he always wore, too big to fit anywhere but your thumb. You took to wearing it around at once, rubbing it when you were nervous or overwhelmed, thinking of him, thinking of his hands.

New Years came limping around the corner. You sent everyone in the agency home with warm smiles and their much-desired bonuses. You went back to your own home alone, shuddering under your coat. The Christmas tree had already been put away- because it had never gone up. You and Keigo always took it out together, decorated it together.

You hadn’t spent a Christmas without Keigo before since you’d met him. Even before you were dating, when the two of you found out you had no one else to spend it with, the agreement to visit each other came almost immediately. That very first time, you’d waited to put up the tree until that very day, and you hadn’t managed to finish decorating until he’d gotten there. You were ashamed- but he was just excited. He asked you, stars in his eyes, if he could help. He confessed, words rushed and still half-flying, that he’d never gotten to before. You didn’t ask and he didn’t offer. You handed him a box of mismatched ornaments gladly.

That night, you’d sat around the tree, the sight of threadbare branches and two gifts perhaps looking pitiful to anyone else, but there were lights. Keigo had gone and gotten lights mid-way through, saying he’d been struck by inspiration, and he hadn’t come back for quite a bit since most of the stores were closed, but they were beautiful. You’d turned the rest of the lights in the house off and just basked in the warm glow of them. They reminded you of Keigo’s eyes, a bit. That was the first time you’d rested your head on his shoulder. He wrapped his wing around you.

You couldn’t help but be upset that he hadn’t even mentioned Christmas, much less apologized for missing it, even if it felt a little childish. You felt homesick more often than not. All you wanted to do these days was lie in bed, lounging around in his baggy clothes, twirling dead feathers between your fingers.

You left him a gift before Christmas. When you saw that he still hadn’t picked it up the next day, all you could do was sigh. By the time New Years came around, the gift remained by your doorstep. You began leaving less and less, just to stop crossing that threshold.

You baked cookies that night. You lit candles and dimmed the lights and listened out for sparkles and fireworks all over. You’d started hating fireworks when you started dating Keigo. He’d made a joke once about having to fly through them and it made you sick to your stomach just thinking about it. He was as flammable as a bundle of dry straw. The heater was on, but you still wore one of his old, tacky Christmas sweaters around. You popped open a bottle of Champagne and poured yourself a glass.

You had a bad feeling, but you pretended like you didn’t. You glanced at the clock. Keigo wouldn’t have given you false hope- no matter how optimistic he was. But eventually, the clock struck eleven, and you were two glasses of champagne and batches of cookies in, and there was no sign of him.

You groaned when you finally heard the clock mark the hour, resting your forehead on the cold of the kitchen table.

Why were you so miserable without him? You obviously could never know, but you were willing to bet money on the idea that Keigo was not nearly as shaken up about it when he was away. In fact, the more dangerous a task he was about to embark on, the happier he seemed to send you away. A familiar coil of bitterness rose up in you. After all this time, he didn’t trust you. He didn’t think you could hold your own, not next to him.

But maybe he’s right, You mused, munching miserably on your cookie. After all, he goes away and I spend all my time sick and moping and thinking about him. God, I really am useless.

Maybe you should get a cat. Keigo was never their biggest fan, and they didn’t do well around his wings, but you really wanted one for times like these. And if he was going to spend this much time away from now on, what did it matter?

You were idly scrubbing a dish when the clock went off at midnight. Screams erupted from every direction around you, the sound of illegal fireworks, the cheers of loved ones celebrating with one another.

Honestly, you thought you’d be more sad, and angry, and disappointed. But you weren’t. The hour passed and it was the next year and Keigo wasn’t there to celebrate- like he always was- even though he said he’d try to make it and it didn’t hurt nearly as bad as Christmas. There was no one to call, no one to text. You finished washing the dish and downed the last of your glass, before pouring yourself another.

You settled onto the couch. You weren’t ready for bed yet, not with the sounds outside. You scrolled through a million shows and movies before settling on one you’d seen a million times, like white noise. It was past one am, and you had finished up your millionth game of Sudoku when you heard someone at the door.

Fear rang through you, at first. You were alone, you were tipsy, and your hero brain whispered that nobody would hear your screams with the din of New Years around you. You jumped to your feet the best you could, setting aside your glass and phone at once, preparing to defend yourself when you heard keys turn the lock.

It was Keigo. Of course, of course, it was just Keigo.

All of the resentment, all of the bitterness, all of the anger you told yourself you’d take out on him softened at once when you caught sight of him. Not only because he looked more tired than you’d seen him in a long time- with uncharacteristic bags under his weary eyes, slumped shoulders, and wings noticeably smaller than usual- but just because…

Because it was Keigo. Because, miraculously, he looked like he needed you more than you needed him.

“You’re awake.” He sounded surprised. He didn’t look it. Maybe he was too tired to even look surprised. He locked the door behind him, but didn’t move from across the room.

”I was-” You words caught around the lie. “I was waiting for you.” But he beamed, and you were glad you hadn’t told him the truth. Oh, Keigo. Always the optimist.

“I’m home now.”

“Yeah,” you walked to him, pace increasing with every step, until you were flinging yourself into his arms. Keigo, for his part, was more than ready. He caught you easily, and no more conversation was needed. When you kissed him, his face and nose and mouth were all cold, and he held you like a dying ember. The way you fell into each other reminded you of the moment you’d managed to catch him after the battle in Kamino, behind the alley, a moment you had been unable to stop yourself from replaying and replaying and replaying.

There was no thinking to be done while you were kissing, your mouths opened immediately for each other’s. You wrapped your legs and arms around him, indulging both of you in the kiss. He turned the two of you, pressing you flat against the wall. His kisses fell against your chin and neck, and then all at once-

“Keigo!” You gasped, which was the only thing saving it from being a scream as Keigo sucked at the skin on your neck hard. You squirmed, thrashed really, in his arms, trying to push him away, but it was fruitless. “What are you- Keigo, oh my God-” Your voice was just a whimper by the end as he barely even reacted to you. “W- wait, you can’t-”

The Commission had strict rules involving appearance. Some were obvious: no alterations may be made to the uniform without going through one of their designers, heroes must appear at the scene relatively kempt (unless coming from another battle), tears or rips must be mended by next appearance. But there were other, unwritten rules, pertaining to the professionalism of the costume. No hero could be caught drinking or smoking in their uniform. No hero should be seen doing non-heroic activities in their uniform. And, of course, famously, hickeys were not allowed to be showing while they were in uniform.

Everyone claimed to have a friend of a friend who had gotten in trouble for it, to the point that it was just something heroes knew to avoid while participating in… more illicit activities. But it had happened closer than that to the two of you. In fact, Keigo had once gotten in massive trouble when the Commission caught him with a hickey that you had given him. It was (mostly) an accident, and they hadn’t suspected where it actually came from, but he was put on night patrol with no breaks for the next couple of weeks.

You were extremely apologetic, but not enough to accompany him out all of those times.

Ever since then, you were both careful about it. After all, they really didn’t need the scrutiny that the Commission was trying to protect them from in a roundabout way. Not only would Hawks’s fangirls go ballistic if they thought he was actually seeing someone, but it would invite people to speculate on who. And nothing good would come of that.

This was to say, it wouldn’t be good if either of you showed up to your job with a lovebite visible on your necks, and concealer could only last for so long in a job like yours. The two of you whined and bitched about it, but for the most part, you reserved your marking for things below the collar, even if the ‘claiming’ of it all was half the fun.

Until tonight, apparently. Keigo was still sucking and biting at your neck like a man starved. “Sorry- sorry,” It sounded genuine, he sounded almost hurt him, but he didn’t stop. “Need- Need something permanent- need it to last-”

And it did hurt. You weren’t prepared for the sharp heat of it- but it was good. It was so good, Keigo’s lips wrapped around such a sensitive part of you, making you feel a mind-numbing pain derived intimately from his own mouth, his face buried into your neck, while he was holding you close together. And he was marking you. He was marking you and everyone would know you belonged to someone and entirely irrationally, for a split second, you hoped they would know it was Keigo.

He growled and pressed open-mouthed, sloppy kisses to your neck, before licking a stripe up your throat and swirling his tongue over what must have been the forming bruise. your head was going fuzzy from the abuse of your neck. You barely recognized the usual care he treated you with, even in their most morally bankrupt moments of fornication. Instead, he bit down on another part of your neck and started the process again.

You threw your head back and gave in, moaning and bucking your hips against him. This only seemed to egg him on, as his kisses grew more frantic and messy, and a heavy sort of note joined his panting, like he was moaning with every breath.

Your neck was starting to feel wet at this point, but you didn’t care. You could feel every move he made down to your pussy, and it was leaving no room for anything to go to your brain.

Several marks later, Keigo finally seemed to remember that there were possibly other ways that he could have you- though he didn’t give you any warning of this thought at all before he pulled you away from the wall and fell to his knees. This would have been alright, hot even, if you weren’t still attached to him. You yelped as they dropped, performing a clumsy combination of your arms flailing and still clinging to Keigo as he went down.

But you didn’t collide with the floor, you were simply on his lap now, nails digging into his clothes and back. He took the second of your confusion to tear off his work jacket and reveal the compression shirt underneath. You dearly loved the eyeful of his lithe muscles you got through the tight fabric. You ran your hands over his chest and shoulders appreciatively.

”You know, you could have given me a heads up,” You meant to scold him, but it came out more as a sort of pout. But Keigo didn’t laugh like he usually would have, didn’t even smile. He sort of frowned distantly as you spoke, staring only at your lips. “Keigo?” You brushed a lock of flaxen hair behind his ear. “Are you oka-”

”No,” He shook his head, his voice thick with something you couldn’t name. He took an unsteady breath and shook his head, looking somewhere just past you. “N- no, I’m-” The glint in his eyes wasn’t right. You were contemplating it when he sprang back into action. He lunged, pinning you under him on the floor, but his arms had broken the worst of your fall. Still, you cried out in surprise, Your world suddenly in an entirely different orientation. Keigo licked and nibbled at your ear as he pulled off your- his- sweater roughly, the friction of it burning for a second. He tossed it aside carelessly before returning to his position right on top of you. His hands squeezed and groped at your chest painfully- and not in a good way.

Your head spun. What was going on? This was nothing like Keigo. Even when he was rough, it was usually only because you had asked for it, or confirmed it was what you wanted at least once. Every once in a while, you even had to egg him on. But this- this felt careless and crude, bouncing between the two extremes of him being too intense and not there with you at all.

“Ow,” You hissed, but it was really more of a whisper. You were almost afraid to snap him out of the trance, even as he bruised you in places you weren’t accustomed to. “Ow-”

”Please,” He whined. His mouth was against your chest, he had begun to work his way down. He sounded… truly pitiful. “Please, I- I need- I can’t-” He sat back up and away from you, running a hand through his hair, only for half of the strands to fall back into place right after. You finally got a good look at him, closer now than across the room. He was frantic, searching. His eyes darted around your face wildly, but he didn’t seem to find what he was looking for. “Please.” He slumped down again on top of you like his strings had been cut, all at once, landing hard onto you.

“Are you on something?” You wondered aloud. “It’s- it’s fine if you are, but you should tell me, Kei-chan-”

”No, no.” He shook his head frantically. “No, I swear, I just-” He tugged at your pants. His eyes grew pleading, beseeching. “Please-”

This wasn’t how you pictured their reunion. But he was looking at you with those desperate eyes, and you could only ever be the personyou were.

Keigo was hurting. You could help him. As always, you could do your service by helping him, by being at his side.

You didn’t speak. You just nodded. Keigo breathed out what could only be a sigh of relief and tore your pants off. You were wet, your moments of hesitation unable to strip that awaym especially not when Keigo spread your legs and dipped his fingers into the place that you had wanted him for weeks. Thankfully, he didn’t finger you. You shuddered a bit to think of what his thick, rough fingers would have felt like inside you in this state. Instead, he pressed a kiss to your knee and then tapped you gently on the ass. ”Flip over.”

He didn’t need to tell you twice.you turned and assumed your position, ass in the air and face against your arms on the floor. There was a second where it was just ou, in the dark, your face warm with your breaths and the sound filling your ears. Maybe- maybe it would be easier this way, unable to see his face.

There was no preamble before Keigo slammed in.

”Oh my GOD!” You shrieked, nails digging into the hardwood floor in front of you and leaving gouge marks in their wake. “Oh my fucking God,” He took you with a speed and strength that truly belonged on a battle field. Every other stroke or so hit your cervix, entirely bottomed you out with that thick cock of his, a Russian roulette of pain that entirely cleared your mind.

”Fuck,” He cursed. He gripped your hips brutally, but you didn’t even feel it over the flood of sensation below it. He pulled you back and forth against him like you were an to for him to use, something small and thoughtless he could move as he pleased. “Fuck, yes,” He hissed through his teeth sharply. “Holy fuck, you take it so good, look at you- taking my cock so fucking good.” He babbled.

”Please,” You choked out, eyes rolling back so faryou couldn’t see anything other than stars. “P- please,” A broken gasp wracked through your chest like a sob. In fact, you rather thought you were sobbing. Your fingers and hands jumped and convulsed, just trying to hold on, to regain any sort of footing as he fucked you into the floor. you didn’t even know what you were begging for. For him to stop? For more? For him to hold you, just hold you, so you could sit in the silence and look at the Christmas tree?

Your safeword danced on the tip of your tongue. You wished you could say that you hadn’t used it to be a good girlfriend, that you’d suffered through it all silently because it was clear he needed you, that you were kind and benevolent- but the truth was that you simply couldn’t even string enough of a thought together to control your tongue enough to say it.

”Please-” He panted, pleaded, “Baby, say my name-” His voice broke around the syllables. “I- I need to- pl- please, saymyname-”

“Kei- ei- go- oh-” Each sound was broken up by the bounce of you against his cock. You couldn’t speak properly even if you wanted to. You slurred his name, your tongue too heavy in your mouth, too confusing to move properly. “Kei- go!”

“Yes, yes, yes,” He whined, bending over your body. His chest pressed against your back. He was all over you, inside you, above you, all-encompassing. Each thrust sent your body back and forth against the floor, scraping against the skin of your face and arms. Your knees ached from holding yourself up on the hard surface. Your legs trembled, weak with the strength it took to even stay up. “So tight, so fucking tight-”

”Keigo- w- wait, please-“ You gasped out, but the words were unintelligible to even your ears, too breathy and muffled and confused, too pierced through with your moans. Instead, all Keigo heard was ‘please’. The next couple of thrusts were even harder.

Your mind and body couldn’t take it any longer, you tensed, trembled so much your limbs began to hurt, and came so hard you saw white. The scream you let out was guttural, and gave its way into sobs. Your whole body gave out, but unfortunately, Keigo’s grip didn’t relent, he hardly even noticed. “Pleasepleasepleaseplease-”. You keened pitifully. “Keigo-”

His grunts and noises had become animalistic. There were no more words or pleas from him. Instead, he moaned his own release, slamming into you with absolute abandon, finishing inside you by using his body’s weight to pin you all the way to the floor. You were squeezed between the two unrelenting surfaces, as Keigo came as deep as he could possibly go, gravity assisting him in his terrible mission.

Finally, finally, he was still.

He breathed heavily above you as you shook and trembled and just tried to do the monumental task of catching your breath or moving your limbs. Your hands shook so hard it looked like you had tremors when you tried to draw them back into yourself.

Every body part that you could think of ached in one way or another. You tested different parts of yourself, operating them like a puppet who had just gained control of their own body. It was a long while before Keigo let up, long enough that you had almost forgotten it was him on top of you. You lifted your own face from the floor. It was wet. You hadn’t even realized you were crying or drooling. Your hair stuck to your face with tears and sweat. you took a deep, shuddering breath.

Keigo pulled out. You felt his soft cock slip out of you and were astounded that the now-feeble part could have done what it just had. You remained on the floor, little will to move, no capacity to consider what he might think about it.

He laid his hand on your hip. ”Hey, do you wanna-” But you jumped. You hadn’t meant to. But it was a motion so sudden it startled him. He blinked. And it came to him. The scene, the house, his love- it all finally appeared in front of him. “Oh my God-” He breathed, expression stricken and horrified. “Oh my God, baby bird, I- oh my God-” You tried to push yourself off the ground, but your arms gave out underneath you, and it looked downright painful as youfell. Keigo pulled you up at once and flipped you over, as gently, but quickly, as he could.

Keigo hoped, prayed, that it wasn’t as bad as he suddenly remembered it all was-

When you turned, something in the back of your head warned you to school your expression into a more neutral mask, but it was too slow and quiet. But every bit of the shock and confusion you felt must have been evident on your face, because when Keigo turned you around, he shattered.

He dissolved into sobs, curling and melting onto you, into you. It only took a split second before you, too, were crying, until you were both wracked with it, holding each other. Clinging tighter than ever before.

There was nothing else to do.

*****

You woke first the next morning- and you woke in pain. The way your insides ached made you feel like maybe the phrase ‘rearrange their guts’ wasn’t as fun as it was before. You realized, when you went to the bathroom, that you had been bleeding. A wave of sickness. You put on a pad and walked carefully back to bed.

The noise of the bathroom alone had woken Keigo. He locked eyes with you as soon as you came out of the restroom. Your heart sank. You immediately tore your own away. You were really hoping he wouldn’t wake for a while. He sat up as you got into bed, back towards him. Neither of you said anything for a long moment.

You gave in. You flipped over towards him, tossing an arm around his lap, your forehead against his hip. He rubbed a hand down your back, almost on instinct. You hated the way his hand jumped away once he realized what he was doing like nothing you’d ever experienced before.

You gave a gentle demand, ”C’mere.” He obliged at once, shifting down to rest next to you. You were careful not to make eye contact, even as he stared at your face, watching your expressions like- well, like a hawk. You adjusted until you were lying on his chest, arms curled around him. He was sleep-warmed. Comfy. Smelled familiar.

It was still Keigo.

Just Keigo.

Always Keigo.

Only Keigo.

”I’m bleeding.” You said softly, shutting your eyes. You didn’t know why. You didn’t want to guilt him. You didn’t really even want him to know. But you felt like he needed to. Deserved to, even. You listened to the sharp breath he took.

”Fucking shit,” He breathed, and that was it for a moment. You pretended like you couldn’t hear him crying. He pretended like he couldn’t feel you do the same.

”Will you make me some tea?” You asked quietly, when you had both gone still and silent again. Keigo jumped up at once. He was just in his boxers, the ones he had pulled on last night when you had finally gone to bed in a daze.

”Yes. Yeah. Of course.” He nodded, looking grateful for something to do. He hurried off to the kitchen at once. You laid on in warm space he had left on the bed. You tucked yourself in and sniffed the pillow he’d been lying on deeply. It smelled like him- like the man you knew and loved. In the kitchen, pots and pans moved around, water ran, the stove clicked to life.

It wasn’t long before the smell of food filled your nose instead. It smelled like grilled fish and rice. After another couple of minutes, he walked in, holding your favorite mug.

”What kind?” You asked, pointing for him to set it down on the bedside drawer.

”Your favorite.” He didn’t even let you react before he hurried out, “ButIcanmakeyouadifferentone! I just- I thought that I- I guess I could have asked-” He winced at his own words, and you sighed.

”It’s fine, Keigo.” But your voice sounded tired, even to you, and his name rang cold. ”Thank you.” He hesitated. You buried yourself deeper under the covers. You just… didn’t want to hear it right now. Thankfully, whether he got the message or simply couldn’t decide what to say, he walked out of the room once more. After another ten minutes, you finally stood and came to the kitchen, wincing as you did so. He smiled when he caught sight of you, but the worried furrow in his eyebrows didn’t unknot.

”H- Hey, good morning. I made breakfast.” He gestured around at the spread. You eyed it over. “I- um- there’s fish and rice and miso soup and a rolled omelet- I made coffee, too, just in case- or we could- we could always order takeout or-”

”Hey.”you put your mug down on the table and walked towards him. His wings drew up, somewhere between fear and shame. He seemed to balance on a knife’s edge as you stood in front of him. You leaned forward and rested your forehead on his bare chest. “It’s okay.” You said softly, wrapping you arms around him and stroking at his back, between his wings.

Keigo nodded shakily, before finally hugging you back.

”I- I just- I didn’t feel like me when I came in last night,” He babbled against the top of your head, “And I’ve- I’ve felt really lost in the mission, all of my interactions are being watched, I could only step away last night because-” He took a breath. You felt the shudder in his body. He was tense, like he wanted to hold you tighter, but was too afraid to. “I wanted to come back and feel like me, I wanted- I-“ You hushed him. Keigo buried his face deeper into your hair. ”I’m…” Keigo started. You tensed. “I’m so-”

”Don’t.” You snapped.

You had an unspoken agreement- the two of you never apologized. You were almost proud of it, your ability to move on from mistakes and stupid things the other had said. You gave each other space any time you had an argument, and came back with level heads and open arms. This was the first real thing either of you had, they were both bound to make mistakes. You were happy you both knew that, and found something that worked for you guys, even if other people didn’t understand it.

Hearing him almost do so now made your throat tight and eyes burn.

”No, really, what happened last night-”

”Takami Keigo.” You wrenched yourself out of his grip, instead grabbing him by the arms, pinning them to his side. The cruelty in the sneer and look and touch and name shocked him like ice water. “It’s fine. I said yes. I could have used my safe word. I ask you to be rougher all the time. It-“ You cleared your throat. You removed your hands. “It is fine. I need you to drop it.”

Keigo stared, face to face with bared teeth and anger. “Okay.” His voice was just a whisper.

You stared for one last minute before letting go and turning away, back to your tea.you took a long, deep draught, before something caught your eye. He looked where your gaze fell. It was a mirror, in the hall. You touched your neck. “I forgot about those.” You hummed, looking thoughtful. Keigo couldn’t discern anything else from your expression, so he said nothing.

He turned away and grabbed a couple of dishes and began to plate everything up for the two of you. Before you sat down, he grabbed a pillow from the couch and placed it under you without a word. For this, at least, you were grateful.

You ate in silence for a while. It wasn’t exactly comfortable. He found it a little hard to look at you, now, close up. He wished he could have been pleased to see you all marked up, but instead, you just looked… bruised. Battered. The way you did after a battle didn’t go your way. There was an exhaustion in your eyes you couldn’t fake and you didn’t bother to hide.

“When are you leaving?” You asked, your voice carefully free of any inflection. He bit his cheek. Usually this question would be asked with the clear wish that it wouldn’t be for as long as possible. But today, he was unsure.

“I was-” Any strength in his voice broke. “I need to leave tonight.” He admitted. You were entirely still for a moment, but just a moment. You resumed eating, without even looking at him the whole time.

“Alright,” Was all you said, soft and small and sad. Your utensils clicked, but otherwise, it was silent.

*****

The first day of the New Year was difficult. For once, you found yourself glad that Keigo was leaving. No matter what you did, you couldn’t get rid of the silent stiffness that permeated all of your interactions. Perhaps the distance would do you good for once.

When night fell, Keigo had to leave. He stood by the door and you came to say your goodbyes. He held his arms out tentatively, and you fell in at once. He squeezed you tightly. You squeezed back.

”How long will you be gone?”

“I don’t know.” He answered honestly. ”…Probably at least another three months.“ Your heart sank. You knew that, but to hear it was another can of worms. “But I will visit before then, I promise.”

”Okay,” Your voice was hollow with unshed tears. As he made to pull away, something desperate in you woke at once, and you held on tighter. “I- I miss you so much when you’re gone.” You rushed out, like he didn’t know that already. “This mission was so sudden, I went from seeing you all the time to not at all, and I don’t know what you’re doing or how dangerous it is, and I don’t even have anyone I can talk to about this because you’re who I talk to about things, please don’t leave me.” Your pathetic plea rang in the air for much longer than was comfortable.

He spoke, “I’ve been seeing you online again.” Picturing him seeing all the embarrassing headlines and memes and photos from your recent appearances made you groan. “You have no idea how proud I am of you, or how much I miss you, too. I’ll tell you all about it the second I can.” He pulled away a bit, cupping your cheek in his large, warm hand, lifting your chin to look at him. “I don’t- I don’t want to do this again, okay?” His gaze was loving, and sincere. You nodded, tears beginning to stream down your cheeks silently. “I don’t like it either, I promise.” He kissed your forehead. “Be brave, okay?”

“Okay.” You nodded, but the lump in your throat and chest hadn’t gone away. He hugged you again, and you both rocked back and forth and back and forth.

”Hey,” He said seriously. “I love you.”

That was another thing you didn’t say. Or, at least, it was very rare. You really only said it when you didn’t have to actually… say it. You wrote it in notes in code or texts. Occasionally, during a very intimate moment, or if you weren’t sure you were going to see each other again.

You swallowed, wondering which one of these things was true now.

”I love you, too.” He wrapped his wings around you. Their hold was soft and strong, and you felt like you could breathe easier, even if your chest was tighter.

Finally, finally, you pulled away. ”I’ll see you soon.” He promised, and your lips met for one last kiss.

”See you soon.” You repeated throatily. You waved with a miserable little half-smile as he slipped out the door, taking his bright red wings, all the color, and your heart from your world.

When you went out the next day, you remembered Keigo’s present and groaned unhappily, having forgotten to remind him of it- but when you went to check it, you saw that he had taken it, and left something in its stead.

It was a tiny box, covered in shiny, red wrapping paper. You stepped right back inside your place and tore it open, finding a ring box inside the first. Inside was a silver band made of metal feathers widing their way into a ring. Your mouth fell open at that alone, only to realize that there was an extra slit in the box.you checked the larger box it had come in. Inside was two photos- one that must have been of the advertisement, with your ring and a thicker-banded version of it- and the other was one of Keigo.

In the photo, he was somewhere far in the sky during sunset, pink and purple and orange and lovely all around him. He was beaming, always so handsome, but glowing with the halo of the sun and his smile. His wings were a blur behind him, but in front of him, his gloveless hand was fanned out, showing off his own ring from the matching set.

You laughed through tears, sliding the ring onto your finger. It seemed he hadn’t forgotten about Christmas, after all.

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stories4eve · 2 months ago

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★ THE NEXT GENERATION OF HEROES, PARENTAL DYNAMICS!!★

( excuse me for any mischaracterzations of the beasts... I don't know their characters all that well yet!)

(★ @batshikns ... feels nessecary to tag you in this)

Pure Vanilla + his children.

★ Frozen yogurt, being his first child, already establishes a heavy attachment to each other. He absolutely loves his eldest. No matter how much he grows or how he changes, he will always be there to extend a hand to him and welcome him back into his open arms. Pure Vanilla, however, has concerns about his isolation. He tries to get him to make more friends, introduce him to other cookies, and what not. But he watches as they all misunderstand and leave Yogurt behind all alone. So, he picks him up, holds him tight in hopes that he gets the message that "I will always be here for you." But that isn't always something Frozen Yogurt remembers. When both his children do end up spiraling down, he can't help but still blame himself for not trying enough. Maybe if he had been there with Yogurt during that first revelation, this wouldn't have happened. He's not a perfect parent. No one is. There are times when he messes up, times when he has to look to both Hollyberry and Dark Cacao for help. But one thing will always remain: He will have himself ready for his children no matter what happens to them. He is always ready to lead them back on the path if they stray.

★ Cream Vanilla and him are close enough. She's his little angel. Beautiful little girl, whose smile is as bright as the sun. However, he seems to be too careful with her sometimes, and that can frustrate her. He's careful of what he says, but sometimes that little slip of the truth can hurt her by accident. It's not something that's huge, but over time, it can do something to Cream Vanilla. She knows she's not as great as her older brother, but can't understand why Pure Vanilla can't be honest to her about it.. I mean, it's what everyone thinks, right? But Pure Vanilla believes wholeheartedly that she is capable, just not in what Frozen Yougurt's able to achieve. Elsewhere, she will thrive, and he wants to tell her that, but the misunderstanding of his words is something that sticks to Cream Vanilla because because the mindset she's grown to have. Nontheless, he will love her no matter how much she grows to disdain him or curse him. He just wishes that she would wake up from the lies that she's built to protect herself and see that maybe she too has a chance at a fulfilling life.

Shadow Milk + his children

★ Shadow Milk never thought he'd ever be a father, but now here he stands. Despite all the knowledge he's collected over the years, nothing would have ever prepared him for fatherhood to this extent. He, truthfully, tries his best with Frozen Yogurt. Tries to teach him how to hone his magic, and they do form a relationship. One that's genuine, however, with flaws. Shadow Milk is more pushy with him to certain extents, too weary of him ending up like him someday. And when he finally does, Shadow Milk can't help but wonder - was it his insistence that he get out and really show out, caused this? After all, his son can only take so much, he wasn't born to be alone. With raising him, Shadow Milk takes a little bit of a different approach. With Vanillas' all-too-caring nature, someone has to be there to also be a little firmer. That doesn't change the fact that he loves his son. And when the end of his manic episode comes, when push comes to shove, and all has been said.. Like his husband, he will be ready to welcome him back. Albeit, he'll be a little more scolding, ruffling his hair and shaking his head, telling him to never attempt something like that again, all in good nature, though! He was definitely an emotional parent the very least. Part of him kept the joker side of himself, so trust me when I say that Frozen is tired of the badly timed dad jokes. He knows that he says them to spite him, and that's what he hates. They do love each other though.

★ Cream Vanilla? Oh they were the closest with each other! When she was younger, he'd dress up with her, make puppet shows, and other things for her to enjoy. She truly was his little princess. He sees a lot of Candy Apple in her, and that sort of endears him a little, so willing to learn and understand everything around her. However, he can't help but notice as she got older, she tried to avoid him. Was it something he said or did? Was it because he managed to call her out on every lie she told..? I mean, being his daughter, and him being the master of lies, it wasn't hard to tell-- atleast to himself-- when she was lying. What did she want to lie about anyway? Maybe it was how she truly felt, abandoned.. Not enough, never enough for everyone else? He hates the thought of her self-loathing. Does she even know how much he adores her? How much will he give up for her and her brother? Albeit, he is a little blind to her jealousy towards her older brother, and doesn't understand her reasonings then. When she turns away from them for good, he can't help but feel conflicted. He learns of how she feels truthfully, how she lied just like him to protect herself and others from the world that they live in. He then finds that he understands her, and he will use that understanding to drag her back into the light, just as his other half did with himself.

Golden Cheese + Her children

★ Golden Cheese adores her first son dearly. Her children are her dearest treasures through it all! Goldie is a very involved mother within her child's life. Always checking in, always making sure Pepperjack has enough of everything. She even offered to train him in his combat, seeing as he uses a spear too! She teaches him to hold his head up high, never let the world make you kneel, instead make the world kneel to you. However, she can't help but sense the slight itch of doubt he has. He can't act as tall as he does around her, for she will see it. Golden Cheese makes it her goal to make him fully believe that he is capable of taking on her throne. Leading his people as he should, but sometimes, they can and will argue about it. Pepperjack is too careful. He needs to be bolder. Being too safe will only get so far. He needs to find a balance between the two as she has. Because they're both such large personalities, there's bound to be clashes in between and some distance. In the end, they resolve it through Spice having to convince her to try again with him. After all, that's what she did with Spice. Why not lend a hand to their son?

★ Her and Saffron have a good bond. Not nearly as close as she is with Pepperjack, as Saffron is most definitely more attached to Spice. That does not change that they have a loving relationship, however. She finds his determination to be admirable and his spirit? Just as bright as hers, maybe even more! She's proud of him in a way. However, with his stubborn mindset, destructive tendencies- even if they are unintentional - she is a little worried about his future. However, Golden Cheese will let time work its magic, as it has with her and everything else, and let the lessons he's learned change him for the better. She knows that with enough pushing, she'll get him on the right track. It's just a matter of getting him to listen... Quite honestly, Golden Cheese herself is still new to this whole parenting thing in the end and is trying to learn and figure out this new chapter of her life. As perfect as she tries to be, parenting can be challenging.

★ Kofta is her little mini me, her darling little princess that she spoils to no end. She'll dress her up in the finest of clothing, gift her everything she seems to ask for. Of course, there's a limit, Golden Cheese needs to set boundaries somehow. Kofta is a mommy's girl through and through. They go shopping for things together, they do spa days together - everything! There are points of tension between the two, just your average bickering between child and parent; you know, letting the girl take her own steps, let her be more independent. And sure, Golden Cheese understands that her children will leave the nest one day, but she can't help but want them to stay, at least Kofta to. Pepperjack was independent enough and matured faster than she expected. So it has just been her and Kofta for a while because Saffron will mature as well. Kofta, of course, understands her mothers longing for her children, but does remind her that she will have their father too. Eventually, Golden Cheese will let her go, maybe after arugement or two. Only to find that they will still be her babies, no matter how much they grow. Her precious little jewels through and through.

Burning Spice + his children

★ Spice was even more surprised and even more unprepared to be a father than Shadow Milk was. He was already a little uneasy around children, fearing that he'd unintentionally hurt such fragile things. When Pepperjack was first born, he was oh SO careful holding him, feeding him and what not. He was terrified of ever hurting something he finally created. Eventually, the scare goes away, and he adjusts to have little Pepperjack around. He often teaches him the history of the world around him, how the cycle of change begins and ends, how he has a very large responsibility on his back of upholding it when he's old enough. He tries his best to guide Pepperjack in the way Burning Spice thinks he should have gone before corruption. Teaching him that destruction is necessary for new roots to grow in place. But still, there is that overlooking fear he has that he will fail his children, and in turn, his wife too. Pepperjack and him don't argue a lot about much, but when they do, it does get messy. He kind of has to knock sense into him to try and reconnect with his mother during points of distance, but it's just for his sake in the end. Very much huge papa bear vibes from him <3

★ Spice and Golden Saffron are tight-knit. He teaches the boy how to fight and use an axe or other close ranged weapons! He worries the most about his future, though. Because he recognizes his thinking process, he recognizes that little part of himself in him. So he will sit him down, warn him and tell him that all that he had worked for, all that he has done to better himself would have been for nothing if Golden Saffron looses himself to destruction. He is a storyteller at heart and takes Saffron through the historic ruins of his temples and what not to bond with him. For the most part, growing up, they had a good relationship. Spice would help Saffron with those powers of his.. But the older Saffron got, the more pressure was applied on him, and that seemed to sort of cause a little rift in the relationship they have. Small arugements over outbursts turned into larger disagreements. Finally, everything comes out, and they resolve it through an intense spar. This time, Golden Cheese is the one to smack them both into sense to get along. They eventually reconnect and find peace.

★ Kofta is his pride and joy.. No, literally, he is doting on her from day one. From allowing her to dress him up in pink, huge bows, and telling her exaggerated stories about him and her mother.. Those are some of the better memories they have together. Just enjoying each other's company, Kofta looks up to her father. She thinks he's strong, one of the strongest people she will ever have the pleasure of meeting. That doesn't really change the older she gets. Sure, they turn their hangouts into more mature things-- like sparring or running errands together. However, they do tend to argue over Koftas own ever expanding ego and how she might need to tone it down a little. Other than that, it's a loving relationship between them, probably the one child Spice fights with the least, much to Golden Cheeses pleasure. Overall, she trusts him and looks to him for help, too. She enjoys messing with him as well, as much as she loves him. I mean, sure that gets her chased around, but it's all in good, loving nature between her and her papa <33

White Lily + Her child (and reaction to her untimely death)

★ Nodding Lily was White Lily's little miracle, her blessing from above. She adores her baby girl and finds their similarities in physical appearance, in almost everything so fascinating. She's always wanted to be a mother, wanting to know how it felt like to raise a cookie from the start. So she tries her best to be mentally prepared for her, to be there when she needs it. She absolutely encourages her creativity, and Nodding Lily finds her mothers support to be her stone when creating. They don't argue at all. Rather, they will sit and talk it out because they aren't the type to aruge. Whatever issues they have, Lily and her can resolve through peaceful conversation.. To a degree. White Lily isn't a perfect mom, but she sure is trying her hardest.. As for how she takes Nodding Lily's death? Oh, she's grieving, mourning her every hour of the day. There's a sort of bitterness that grows within her towards the others. How come their child wasn't subjected to Nodding Lily's own self-sacrificing power.. Was it her? Was it her fault that she let her child be pushed to the edge? She only now has her partner and can be seen holding onto them tighter ever since their child died. She had her whole life ahead of her, and now this? Was this how it felt like to loose too..? Maybe she understands the bitterness that Golden Cheese holds against her better now that she's experienced loss of her own. White Lily will leave her flowers every time, hoping that her baby, from wherever she's watching, will understand that she's still looking out for her.

Silent Salt + their child (and their reaction to her untimely death)

★Silent Salt.. How should I put it? Was it somewhat prepared? I mean, they understood this is what White Lily wanted the most, and who are they to deny her of anything? Come to find, they absolutely adore her too. She teaches them how to be more open-minded, stop oppresing certain parts about themselves, and teaches them how to be creative. In return, they teach her how to fight, use her powers, and try to guide her through a path of unity and solidarity instead of the crushing path of oppression. Often, they would be found walking together, painting or doing other things. They have this special spot near the old silver tree, where her and them have planted three lilies. One large purple one, the other a medium-sized white lily, and the last a small magenta Nodding Lily in the middle. Its a reminder that the three of them are a family forever. With the lessons she has taught them, they instill in her that her biggest source of support are the people that she holds close to her heart, and she reminds her to always look to them for everything, including themselves. They, too, don't argue, but they take concern to her, wearing herself out by being too much of a giver to everyone else. Remind her that she still is someone and a daughter to them besides being everyone's doormat. But.. to their utter, utter dismay, they still lost her. Failed her. Let her die, especially when it was in front of them and Lily. They couldn't save her from it, from the slow and painful wilting she took to her demise. They couldn't stop it. Her death was traumatic to her parents. Silent Salt had a hard time coping. They didn't know what to do or how to even come to terms with it. They just held onto White Lily even tighter, trying to keep her close, as close as they could so that they didn't lose her too. They sit in silence at her grave, at that special place they had together. Their silence speaks volumes, though. The wind howls, and it seems to convey the agony they feel. They light candles in her honor and even lay their helmet beside her grave as a reminder that she isn't alone.. even in the afterlife. They will carry her legacy within them, but that doesn't change the fact that she is gone.

Dark Cacao + his daughter

★ Choco Oat and him have such a complex relationship. He sees a lot of him within her, but also not. He understands the need she has to keep her kingdom and her people safe, but wants her to understand so desperately that she needs to stop and take it easy sometimes. But she is stubborn and unreltning, and he is too. That causes frustration that boils down into a huge argument. They also tend to bicker about smaller thing.. Choco Oat never really found it in herself to truly forgive her father for what he's done to Dark Choco. There's that, too. But she knows that he's trying. There are sweet moments between them where she'll climb onto his back as he sits.. filling out documents and whatnot. He'll braid her hair for her or style it when she can. They are still loving, and she has a somewhat better childhood than Choco had. Because he has learned from his past mistakes. He's as patient as he can be with her in the end, but sometimes it gets frustrating to talk to such a perfectionist. He does not understand why she must overthink every minute detail until he steps back and realizes he, too, in a way, was like that. But he cannot voice his sympathy for her without her retalating.. Insiting that she was fine and could handle it on her own. When her powers first came in, he was terrified that she would misuse them and end up like Dark Choco. So, he would encourage her to put its use to a minimum and try her best to repress it. Choco Oat somewhat understands, but doesn't as well.. Part of her wants to be free to use it, and feels slight bitterness about her father's response to it, the other part of her undersands that her and Dark Cacao share a common goal of wanting to protect the kingdom.. And that includes protecting them from her own power, too. But Mystic Flour takes notice of this, and rest assured she and Dark Choco will not tolerate this distance between them. After a long and angsty argument, they finally are honest and open-minded with each other, embracing one another as father and daughter do.. and with the help of Mystic Flour and his son, they build a better bond and learn to be there for each other when it was needed.

Mystic Flour + her daughter.

★ Choco oat and her are closer than she is with Cacao. Mystic Flour understands her baby girl and was actually the most prepared one to have a child as Cloud Haetae is not far from one. Though she has her own fears, she knows that under the right guidance, Choco Oat will turn out just fine. They spend some quality time together, weaving shrouds, tapestrys that tell stories. She often weaves silken robes for her daughter, and most of the clothes Choco Oat wears is from her mother. Because Mystic Flour seems to be the only one who understands her sense of style and comfort at the same time. Mystic Flour and her often pray and meditate together, too. She teaches her how to be a good tender to the pagoda and introduces her to Go and whatnot. As for points of tension, mainly it is Choco Oats' ever lasting perusit perfection for herself. Mystic Flour thinks it is.. well, outlandish at times, but she is not one to outright harshly judge her daughter. She will sit her down and talk to her sternly instead about reconnecting with her father and taking a break once in a while. It's only really up to her if she wants to listen now or later, but Mystic will take a page out of her husbands book and will be patient and unreltning with her. As for how she handles Choco Oats powers, unlike Dark Cacao, she tries and encourages her to use them freely in a safe area. Be in tune with them, channel them so that she too can use it for the greater good. Though Cacao is not fond of the idea at first, Mystic convinces him later on after that argument, and soon enough, Choco Oat will learn how to accept even the ugliest parts of herself. For chosing to be ignorant will only lead her down a path of Apathy.

Hollyberry + her twin children

★ Candied Berry and her? Absolute partners in the more daring activities! Hah, there would even be periods where her and Holly would run off together for a bit, go on a hunting trip for a week or two, and come back with spoils to share! Needless to say, they are very close. Hollyberry has finally found an equal with her for her passion, her bravery, her hope is so inspiring. Ever since Candied was a little girl, she would get herself into dangerous situations most of the time, and yes, that would concern Hollyberry. There are points where Holly thinks she's a little too bold, and that cause tension between them, they either spar it out or have a messy talk about it.. Candied Berry also tends to sort of nag her on taking so much Berry juice in daily.. She loves her mama, but too much is too much sometimes, and Candied wants her to know that! Of course, Holly stops when her children ask her. She's not the type to prioritize her juice over her kids, of course. Eventually, through her help, Holly will cut back on that addiction of hers.. But it's going to take a while between the both of them to help each other improve and be better. Hollyberry is willing to be there for her every step of the way, and she can only hope that Candied finds bravery within herself to face her own inner challenges just as she has faced her own long ago.

★ Sugared Berry reminds her of Royalberry in a sense. She finds his calmness to be equally grounding as her wife's own and finds that he and Eternal Sugar are voices of reasons to her and Candied. However, Sugared Berry is more insistent that his mother should take on healthier eating habits, take better care of herself, and what not. He often feels concern for her, and Hollyberry appreciates that. She too also finds that his burn out days can be rough on him too, and reminds him as well that he is still a cookie as well and needs his own rest periods. They don't find much to argue about, except for days where they just can not understand each other eye to eye.. However, Hollyberry is a good listener and will listen to her sons cries and calls, whatever their current state of tensions are. Also, it is worth noting that Hollyberry is one of Sugared Berry's biggest supporters musical career wise, she's always there clapping the loudest during his performances, and will encourage him to be passionate about it too! No matter how discouraged he may get. She will always be there to remind him to keep moving on and to stay passionate for the things he loves. Because she has been a mother before, and having new children doesn't mean she loses the lessons she learned with her first child.

Eternal Sugar + her twin children

★ One of the ones who are less prepared for kids.. Twins at that. She wasn't expecting two kids, but she would love them both deatly anyway. Candied Berry is much like her wife in a lot of aspects, passionate, brave, bold, and daring. For that, Eternal Sugar feels sort of endearment towards her. But she doesn't know where to start with teaching them anything, what to say - how to lead them to a life of happiness. She often looks to her wife for advice and tries her best to channel it, too. However, for Candied, she finds it harder to connect with her because of her nature being so different from Eternal Sugar's own. She still loves her, don't get me wrong, but there's a clear distance between her and Sugar sometimes that they're trying desperately to overcome, but it seems near impossible at times. Eternal Sugar can't quite wrap her head around the activities that Candied deems fun and was worried out of her mind when younger Candied got herself into situations where... It was near life-threatening. The scoldings she gave were a little firm and assertive, but she only wanted to protect her baby. However, now that that rambunctious child has grown into an even more off the walls teenager, she just sighs and shakes her head... Whatever is Eternal Sugar going to do with her?

★ Sugared Berry and her are extremely close, though. She finds his love for the harp, the lyre, instruments in general to be a lot like her passion for them too! She teaches him how to play the lyre and even the harp, and he has her to thank for his great skills. They definitely sit down and relax together when the day calls for it, and she even gives him little bracelets and necklaces she happens to have found from her old status as a virtue. However, they do aruge a little about his tendency to just give up. She can not allow him to go down the same path of sloth as she once did, and he does not understand what is so bad about slacking off from time to time. It's not as major as most of the other kids' issues.. but it does worry Eternal Sugar a lot, especially because she has never been a parent before and does not know what to expect of this. Do not fret, Hollyberry will help her, ease her worries, and allow her to find a way to communicate her concerns to her children in another way besides incessant nagging. Other than that, Eternal is a caring mother and is good at soothing and comforting her children to a degree at the very end.. Even if she isn't the most educated on the topic of parenting.

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