#damn it. gotta write that one now
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*clasps your shoulders gently and looks you straight in the eye*
Keferon. Please read Ninth by Kyn on AO3. I think you would love it very much. It has a large chapter count, but don't be intimidated, it's very easy to get into. It is currently unfinished, but is being updated regularly.
You are the seventh person that recommended this fic to me so ahahahaha yeah
I’m doing great Help I hate some parts of it but I love the other parts I’m spinning in the blender
…..I made the moodboard….
#chapter 37#of 120 or something#I must be like 90k words in haha#large word count is not an intimidation. It’s an invitation haha#I love the fics that I can’t read in just one hour:)#I gotta say I don’t enjoy the concept of making robots into organic life#it’s just my preference#seeing them as humans or animals or whatever feels so fucking wrong#the concept itself drives me off#like. Strongly#But at the same time. This fic isn’t about them being ‘haha cute organics’#it’s ‘oh god. I was turned into something I’m not’#instead of teeheee they’re fluffy#it’s please free me from this fucking nightmare. please let me be myself again.#idk how to explain. I resonate I guess#it often feels very disturbing but the characters are also disturbed#So now I’m kind of stuck reading this fic because I just can’t stop lol#just politely skipping the parts that make me too uncomfortable#also#the body horror is….damn. Impressive. I didn’t expect to read about grotesque fleshy creature turning itself inside out#it’s not even aesthetic or symbolic#it literally looks like a fucking nightmare. Which is impressive also.#the flesh is g r o s s#the beginning got me struggling and skipping#but the intermission is currently ruining my sleep schedule#oh fuck….I usually send my posts to the authors of the fics I read…..but I feel like I might offend the author of Ninth if do this……..#there’s a tiny chance they’re following me….if it’s true then I wanna tell I’m sorry pls don’t take this seriously#your fic got me waay out of my comfort zone#huge points for writing Ratchet. Drift in this fic is…the grossest fucking thing I could probably imagine but Ratchet doesn’t even hesitate#he helps him and he cares for him. Which is…..imma be real my first instinct would be to set Drift on fire to end his misery
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ok, well. if last time i talked about parallels between near & light, i guess it’s only fair that this time i talk about parallels between mello & misa. yap central on this blog lately.
the main thing that stands out the most about mello & misa, and the reason why i will forever Defend them and their place in the story, is that in my mind they both function in a similar way on a narrative level: namely, both of them are incredibly active wild-card characters that keep the action going and the story moving forward when the other main characters like light, L, & near start getting too passive.
notably, while i often see this trait praised in mello, usually in the context of a comparative criticism of near for his overly-abundant passivity, i have also seen it used as a criticism of misa's character, that she breaks up the status quo of DN too significantly and thereby makes the story feel less realistic. this last point in particular is an odd argument to make imo, as if anything misa's presence only increases the realism of DN by adding some extra luck/random chance into the story in a way that is ultimately still character-motivated and thus easier for the audience to go along with-- something DN in general is very good at, often introducing elements through pure chance but keeping them grounded in characters enough that you almost don't even notice.
take light meeting naomi misora, for example: the only reason he runs across her at all is because he offers to run an errand for his mom on a bored laundry day, literally stumbling across her right at the exact moment she is divulging important insights she is literally the only person capable of making about kira. yet this moment does not stand out as particularly aggravating or out of place in the story, as ultimately the only reason why light is able to get out of that situation is his own quick thinking and ability to calm himself while under immense pressure, squeezing his way out of a potentially run-ending situation he didn't even know existed moments prior.
(not a fan of that big joel video, if you couldn't tell. lmao.)
point is, mello & misa both fulfill about the same narrative function in the story by being so aggressive in their actions, catching the others off guard even if their plans aren't as well thought out or careful as they could otherwise be. they're both incredibly passionate, dedicated characters as well, tough enough to take the hit when it inevitably comes, and in my opinion neither of them are nearly as stupid as the other MCs like to make them out to be. to some degree, i think both of them are aware of the fact that they can't win at the Mind Game Cold War Bullshit the others are inclined to get involved in, so they instead choose to carve out their own place in the story through sheer perseverance alone.
which, speaking of passion: one of the most interesting parallels i think you can make between mello & misa is the ways in which they idolize their respective heroes, misa's obviously being light while mello's is L. allow me to elaborate.
as this post points out, DN has some very interesting use of its religious imagery & theming, and in particular its use of christian/catholic gothic imagery in its story and especially its art. however, as op notes, a lot of this is quite superficial, ascribing to an aesthetic of "kitschy Catholicism," that was characteristic of a lot of early 2000s japanese goth style. yet, while i admit that a more serious consideration of religious elements in the art & story could add some interesting flavor to the story, i also think that, regardless of intention, the superficiality of DN's religious elements works really well in the context of this particular story. as i stated in my tags on that post: light is a superficial god. he is a fake, a scam, some idiot human that stumbled across the powers of a real shinigami and got his head up his ass about it. and a lot of the arcs of other characters in DN is about their reaction to light's claims-- whether they choose to follow him (e.g. misa, mikami), follow somebody else (e.g. mello), or follow nobody at all (e.g. near, also kinda soichiro?), and the implications that has for their lives and personalities.
this is all to say that while you can, on a surface level, connect misa & mello pretty easily as the two aggressive, fashionable blondes of the series, i also think that these somewhat superficial traits betray a greater connection between the two of them. if we understand the christian/catholic elements of misa & mello's fashion as a demonstration of their connection to not just a higher power but a lie, a superficial deity simply reflecting the sunlight of powers greater than himself, then i think we have great insight into another key element of both their characters.
do not forget: in the world of DN, heaven & hell do not exist. at least in the context of death itself, the realm & lore of the shinigami reign supreme, a point which the DN musical makes even more overt: "Isn't it a laugh? / Isn't it a shame? / Thinking there is someone in heaven to blame?" and "Going through the motions / as if there will be a reward / Oh, while we stay eternally bored!" (BEST SONGGG.) everyone is destined for the same fate of MU, the same void of nothingness awaits all. no reward, no punishment, no greater deity looking down upon us than the bored, slothful shinigami, lazing about in their realm and picking people off only when necessary (for the most part).
misa & mello are thus dedicating themselves to false idols, and we can see the negative effects this has on them in almost every facet of their character-- particularly for mello, who is perhaps more self-aware and has more of a mixed emotional outlook on his idol, but maybe even to a more extreme degree for misa. i keep going back to this idea of equating boredom with depression in DN, but where light/L/near are all "bored" in a very quiet, passive, stewing-in-bed late at night kinda way, misa & mello are characteristically a lot more aggressive and intense about it-- while neither of them are super overtly suicidal, necessarily, their actions still betray a distinct lack of care for their own safety or lives, expressing the same thematic sentiment as the others. even if they still don't straight up say it, through their actions they're a lot louder about not liking themselves, and seem to take the problems they see in the world more personally, shouldering the blame as a failure within themselves instead of projecting it outward like the others: e.g. light taking his unhappiness at the emptiness of his life at the start of the story & placing the blame on the world for "going to shit" & humanity's moral failings, versus misa being willing to literally & figuratively give up her life for KIRA the second he demands it, whether that be in the form of shinigami eyes or killing her own friends w/o second thought-- all because he was the only thing to bring justice to her own parents' deaths, an almost undoubtedly traumatizing/horrible experience for her considering how much value she places on KIRA/light afterwards.
to clarify, this is not to say that all of these characters are actually and literally depressed and/or suicidal, though you could certainly make that argument for some/all of them-- this is just one way that i think you could interpret their roles in the plot, and their thematic attachment to the story. even if DN isn't all that interested in considering the True Moral Answer to ethics/the justice system/human society/etc, it definitely takes at least some interest in the emotional viewpoints of characters in relation to those concepts, so i think this is a fair enough approach to take. or to say this another way, it's less about justifying the claim that "the world is shit," and more about trying to understand the emotional motivation & experience of feeling like the world is shit, if that makes sense.
that being said...speaking more on the whole "not liking themselves," thing: even if she doesn't say it aloud often, if ever, i think that misa is deeply aware of the fact that she was not supposed to live this long, that her existence at all is a pure stroke of luck that let her live on past her destined date. she dedicates herself to light so fully, not even necessarily expecting reciprocation (though she at least reserves herself the possibility of such), because being a disciple to her god at least gives her life some kind of purpose. similarly, i think mello is also aware of just how out of reach the one thing he wants is, how his desperation in and of itself is ironically the one thing keeping him from surpassing near and truly being #1. it's important to note that pre-time skip misa & post-skip mello are almost exactly the same age, around 20 years old at the time of their main arcs. they're immature, and in the case of mello especially, are lashing out at the world in whatever way they can because they know they don't quite fit into it in the way that they want to or should. regardless of the intent behind it, mello & misa both still make the conscious decision to kill with the DN-- perhaps in a way that still keeps their humanity, at least following near's logic, but it's a decision to end a human life either way.
anyways, going back to my previous point, this "worshiping of false idols," idea has some interesting implications-- for misa & mello yes, but also for L and the ways in which he contrasts again light, as under this logic mello's treatment kind of inherently gives L a similar status as a sort of false god/idol. which-- actually makes a lot of sense? or at the very least, viewing wammy's house as a kind of mystery cult a la the eleusinian mysteries is a neat approach to take. L & light's mutual alienation from humanity fits them both filling a false god status, anyway. also there's another thread of analysis you could follow here where near is instead fit into the role of the person mello is fixated on which AAAAAAAAA has interesting implications but jesus fucking christ, this post is long. some thoughts for another time, i suppose.
#death note#astronaut rambles#misa amane#mello#mihael keehl#mihael when he keehls you.........#damn u choc#the whole 'certified yapper' thing was kind of a joke a few posts ago fucking christ what happened to me#this ended up being about a lot more than just mello & misa oopsie#long post#had to pause in the middle of writing this cuz that ryuk/rem song is way too fucking good goddamn#...which also accidentally ended up being a couple days break. whoops#hope this one is still coherent i fear i got a bit repetitive even as the main points were quite simple =3=''#i should talk about the shinigami at some point... rem desperately needs some good meta around here aklsdfjk#sighh. all in due time#gotta post this now though so i can stop staring at it#ig it's bedtime for apples now. gotta go eepy so i can go grocery shopping tomorrow. :/#it's okay gotta feed yourself somehow#love you guys take care!!
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hey guys i haven't even had a chance to see atsv yet i just know spoilers and i want this man biblically, i'm talking carnally, i want him in a way that hurts feminism, i want to bring the whole damn movement down so i can be his stupid little housewife and raise his damn kids so i can watch him be happy and then also get railed into losing every brain cell i have
anyway here's some abo headcanons, they include spoilers for the movie/his backstory probably because idk what is and isnt a spoiler because i havent seen it yet.
also this one works a bit differently than my normal layout, it goes SFW and then dips NSFW and ends with more SFW but they're all clearly labeled!
Reader is written gender neutral with they/them and the nsfw section has afab and amab sections, but since I'm Nonbinary and AFAB that's probably how it's gonna come off for most of the reading, just to warn you!
Miguel O'Hara x Reader N/SFW ABO Headcanons
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 5k words
Content Warnings (tell me if I miss any): Dubcon, ABO, Obsessive Behavior, Toxic behavior, Omega reader, Alpha Miguel
For these headcanons we're gonna exist in a weird liminal space where Gabi is like, five to six or so and he brought her home with him or some shit idk man I just think he's a hot single father anwyay, also this is assuming omega reader because i think it's hot
if anyone wants a version where Miguel follows more canon and he still lost his kid and came back you're free to request that too i love that shit, just for this specific one i wanna raise his damn kids so-
SFW
Alpha, big alpha energies.
Miguel is the type of guy who's pretty obsessive with what he claims as his, I would honestly say borderline yandere vibes without fully delving into it - his mental state in this au/situation is also a lot better since he still has his daughter, so he's genuinely a lot less "feral" than he tends to get without her, even though in this we'll say he did almost lose her.
So when he claims someone, he's going to be damn sure he means it.
This ones a bit of a general headcanon but he doesn't really have a type when it comes to the people he likes, other than he needs someone who's interesting to him. Whether it's because you're hotheaded, or even keeled, whether you're snarky or sweet, he just needs something for his brain to latch onto.
Not a love at first sight guy but he is an "obsession I can't place" kind of guy.
Miguel has really enhanced senses when it comes to scenting, so it takes some damn strong suppressants and scent blockers to completely block him out... which if we're pretending reader here is falling with the abo trope of "hiding being an omega" (which we are because I love tropes) is just what gets him obsessed. Clothing and perfume that masks your scent, suppressants and scent blockers, and a confident attitude are all enough to throw most people off the (forgive my pun) scent.
But not Miguel.
His spider DNA has the animalistic side to it that fucks with his hormones regardless, makes it easier for him to pick up on the pheromones that even most attentive alphas can't, he's damn near a personal lie detector with how smart he is and how attuned he is to what his nose and instincts tell him, even when he's using serums to keep the more feral urges at bay.
He can only get a whiff of you, fainter than most betas, and it drives him fucking insane knowing he can smell something but he can't figure it out. He can't place it, and it nags at his brain. He can smell a whiff of flowers, or sugar, or something undeniably citrus (depending on what you headcanon your own smell to be) but he can't place it and he hates that shit.
Ends up pulling some traditional alpha shit and he can't even help it, starts trying to crowd you until you kick him in the shin or Peter B or Jess shoos him away. He has to figure out what it is, he has to know.
It only gets worse when he brings Gabi in (a babysitter fell through) and you end up butting your way in to play with Gabi and Mayday, delighting in watching them for the day instead of whatever you were supposed to be doing. They're both so cute and sweet.
Gabi smells primarily like cinnamon and a bit like dewey grass - she's not old enough to have presented yet, but her basic scent, unaffected by the secondary gender hormones, is simple and sweet, reminds you of a summer morning.
She takes after her father in that regard - Miguel smells *warm* and a bit musky, like trees and cinnamon and, a bit like a camp fire. A small tinge of oil, when you pick it apart, and you can't tell if its from the lingering scent on his skin after fixing a broken machine nobody else could, or if that's part of his natural scent.
(Mayday smells like marshmallows, and carmel, funnily enough)
When you take care of Gabi and Mayday, your scent lingers on their skin, mixes and twists in a way that Peter B can't notice but Miguel can. It's all he can do not to be a damn freak and pick his baby girl up and sniff her hair to try and figure out why she smells like that (not in a creepy way, to clarify because there are some freaks on here, but in the same way a dog gets baffled by smelling you use a new perfume, or in the way of when you pick your kid up and go "WHY DO I SMELL CANDLES ON YOU WHAT WERE YOU DOING")
He almost can't stand how his head swims when he watches you pick Gabi up and gently throw her up in the air a bit, watching you let her climb onto you while you're distracted just like Mayday does. Soothe her tears when she accidentally breaks a toy because she's still learning to control her super strength.
He doesn't know that he wants you either, not until long after he's already manifested feelings. Doesn't realize how protective he is, doesn't realize how differently he treats you. He doesn't realize he's lingering in your area just long enough to make sure he can fill his nose with the faint scent you give off.
He assumes you're a beta - not that it mattered to him, really. Miguel would just as soon marry another alpha as he would a beta or an omega, as long as it's you.
He doesn't realize what he's doing until he's got a piece of your clothing in his hands, holding it in the dead of night up to his nose. A scarf or a glove or a jacket you'd leant to Gabi during the day and she'd spilled her juice on it and he'd taken it home to wash it.
He can smell his daughter's scent, louder than life, so familiar he could have a handful of pepper thrown at him and he'd still be able to wrap his arms around her and move her out of harm's way in the direst of straits.
And then there's yours, linger, mingling with his daughter's scent, and it's the parent of his child.
It's not, it's not the woman who birthed Gabi, it's not the woman who contributed to making her. It's you, the only other person he ever wants near his child in that capacity. And it's intoxicating. It's infuriating. It's overwhelming because the full breadth of his own emotions is so strong as he realizes what he's been doing. And he can't even tell you because he holds himself to a specific standard, a specific code of ethics, and even though he wants to risk it all just so his hindbrain (both alpha and spider and his own human instincts all mingling in one) can have his little loves all wrapped up in his arms, safe where he can protect them.
He only just has the strength to wash the piece of cloth and return it. It takes everything he has not to cling to it, to make a pretty little nest to protect his family in, webs and pillows and fabric, a basis of protection so you can properly make it your own and -
He controls himself, and returns the scarf the next day, leaving it on your desk because he can't bear to look you in the eyes.
The days struggle by, a stark contrast to his normal snark, to lingering in your space and snorting and rolling his eyes. To being by your side more than he normally is. It's disheartening, it makes you feel rejected, and he knows it.
But he doesn't stop, this tension that can cut through the air lingering. Even Gabi and May notice it, the older girl frowning and the younger fussing when the two of you are in the room together.
And then your heat happens.
(brief bullet point break because there's a limit to how much you can have in one bulleted section on tumblr and I don't remember what it is but I'd rather just break here)
You've been on suppressants and scent blockers for years now. Being in your line of work (whether you headcanon this as a spiderperson version of you, or a different kind of superhero, or a civillian all working in the society) it's necessary. Omegas aren't rare but they're not the majority of the population like betas are. In Nueva York, it's a coin toss if you'll be fought over in the streets like some prize to be won, or if you'll be coddled like a child who can't figure out what's best for them.
It's half safety half preference at this point, from your original universe's standard (before it had burnt to cinders before you), and this one's. Your suit, your meds, and your behavior, they're all meant to mask and confuse.
But you can only make it so long on the prescription you've got, the long-lasting shots that were more reliable than a pill. The scent blockers go first - not by design, but by chance. You'd been giving yourself lower doses since you'd wound up in Nueva York, supplementing it with deodorants and lotions swiped from stores and hospitals that could afford to spare the supplies when you can't buy it covertly. But you'd still been low in comparison to your suppressants.
You shower more frequently, lather yourself with soaps and deodorants and lotions of different scents and ones that have blocking effects, and for the most part it works. You can't quite fool Gabi - too smart, too tuned in to your emotions like her father could be. She's got a sharp nose, and she wrinkles it when she can smell how confusing your scent is. She asks questions, and you can't lie your way out of it, but you are able to bribe her so she's distracted long enough that she forgets the question. Miguel notices, when he picks up Gabi, but he can't quite figure out exactly what's wrong, and you leave so fast (he assumes with the tension that lingers between the two of you) that he can't figure it out.
You're so certain you're in the clear.
But then your shots run out, and even you can't get more without a prescription. And while your health information would never go through Miguel, you know that the medispiders have to go through him or Lyla for any heavy duty things like suppressants, because they have to be resourced more carefully.
And your last doctor, although wildly shady, and incompetent, and operating out of an apartment, was right about one thing - suppressants will rot you from the inside out if you're not careful. If you don't let a natural heat occur, it will only be worse in the long run. (Although you suppose he probably had a greasier, grosser reason for telling you that.)
And rot you from the inside they have - all your natural reactions to a heat, all your normal bodily functions don't work properly, when confronted with something they haven't seen in years. You know within seconds of your suppressants flushing out of your system what's going on. You're still in the pre-heat phase of things, and you feel like you're dying. You aren't, and you know you aren't, but you feel nauseous and feverish and incoherent within an hour tops. Only long enough to let you panic and send a text to Miguel that you can't watch Gabi like you'd planned. That you're going out ad you won't be back awhile. You leave your phone in your room, when you pack your bag and head for the nearest somewhat reputable hotel that you can afford. You brace the door with the dresser, explicit instructions left for the front desk to, under no circumstances, contact you for the next week.
You get an order of pre-made meals to slap into the fridge, water and juice and all sorts of drinks and things shoved haphazardly inside once the bot brings it in through the window. You're barely coherent enough to retain control to crush the landline, rendering it inoperable, before you barricade the rest of the room.
You're definitely not in control when you nest, blankets and pillows and clothing all thrown haphazardly around as you go fully out of your gourd.
You're damn well out of your mind by the time you would have normally realized the card you were using was in Miguel's name.
(another very brief line break in this portion for drama but also so I don't hit any limits)
Miguel is pissed when you leave so suddenly.
Sure, he's been avoiding you, and sure, you aren't actually together, but you're his damn it. You don't know it, and sure, he's not going to acknowledge it out loud until something happens, but you can't just leave him and your child and his child who loves you high and dry like that!
It's laughably easy to find you, to find the hotel you've checked into. He doesn't even wait to figure out the reason you left, he's so quick on his honestly kinda toxic bs.
Gabi is left with Peter B and Jess for a bit, and Miguel is honestly so smug that he finds you so fast. You were so sloppy about it. So quick to leave that even though you left your phone behind, in a moment of clarity, you barely bothered to take back streets. You used his own damn card he'd given you to pay for the hotel for two weeks, and to order food.
If he weren't half out of his mind with concern and anger about how quickly you left, he'd be angry you used the card without asking like you normally did.
(His hind brain purrs with it though, knowing he's provided for you)
He doesn't know what did it. Miguel genuinely doesn't know what he did to earn your ire in such a way, but he can guess. He doesn't think it's how cold he was, in the beginning, but he isn't sure that it's not how he'd warmed up to you. How, when he'd let his guard down without realizing it, that he'd flirted with you. Had that made you uncomfortable? Had every 'innocent' brush against you turned you against him? Certainly, it could be his absence, his sudden coolness and stonewalling. It could be how he refused to look at you, when you were in the room. Tried to hold his breath after he'd realized what he was doing.
He doesn't really listen to Lyla when she tries telling him things. He heard where you where, found out the room, and swiped a key before Lyla could finish talking about vital signs and behaviors. She knows to set his alerts to emergency only for the foreseeable future, because she's figured it out much quicker than he has, and she figures she'll at least spare herself the trouble. Gets Gabi set up with Jess for the night, and is on her way so she doesn't have to deal with what's about to go down.
He's surprised by the dresser in front of the door, when he tries to get in the first time. It's easy for him to move - he just lowers his center of gravity and pushes his way into the room, slamming the door shut before he can inhale.
The hotel room is nice, with a kitchenette and a small entry area with a couch and a television. The bedroom is just tucked out of sight. Exactly what he expected when he'd heard the hotel's name - he'd never been, but he recognized it.
And it's when he inhales, that he realizes why.
Your scent hits him hard and fast, chokingly sweet in the back of his throat in a way that makes his hindbrain roar. His pupils blow wide, and if he didn't have such a strong self control, he'd have torn the damn door off its hinges looking for you.
He remembers, in that moment, why he recognized the hotel. It was one that was best known for its handling of customers in heat and rut.
NSFW INTERLUDE
(We're gonna start with general headcanons and go back into the specifics of the scenario in a sec but it's all relevant fjasdkl;)
Miguel is a Dom-leaning switch, he prefers to be in control as often as possible, regardless of whether he's topping or bottoming. Nine times out of ten, he wants to fuck his partner until they're an incoherent, babbling mess, because he enjoys the power and control it gives him, enjoys the dynamic of it.
As he gets more comfortable with a partner, he's more willing to accept the idea of subbing, enjoying it more when he has someone he trusts behind the wheel, so to speak.
(Because yes, Alphas can be subs too - that's a whole thing I could get into and might if someone asks)
And Miguel, even normally, is already a possessive guy. He's needy, and stakes his claim, and when we're talking about abo Miguel?
Sheeeeeesh
The moment he scents you in the air, the moment it clicks in his brain that you're going through a rut or a heat, it goes straight to his dick.
He damn near loses it, fighting not to tear the door off its hinges as he stalks to your room. Your scent is so strong in the air that even though he knows he should turn around, he still at the very least wants to make sure you're okay. So the sight of you, face down, ass up, fingers pressing into yourself, he almost loses his damn mind.
His pretty little wife/husband/spouse coworker, his crush, is an omega. It's almost too good to be true, and he can feel his fucking fangs extend, his mouth watering as he stares at you. You're too blissed out to even realize he's there, slick dripping down your thighs like a fucking faucet... and his name is on your lips.
He could cum untouched, could die a happy, happy man after seeing this.
He has dignity, and self control though, even as the force of your hit heats him. He's genuinely concerned, a moment later, his instinct to breed to claim tampered down by his need to care.
You cling to him, hazy, feverish, and incoherent. You beg him to claim you, to mark you, to fuck you. Miguel wants to, he does... but he instead kicks his shoes off but otherwise stays fully clothed, his cock so hard it hurts as he grabs the closest bottle of water, and an ice pack, and climbs into your haphazard nest with you. He probably should have left by now, but instead he seats you against him, your back pressed to his chest, and he presses the ice pack to your forehead, ordering you to keep it there as he makes you drink water, sip by sip.
You whine, and beg, and squirm, but you obey.
He fucks you on his fingers, once he's gotten some water into you. Hard and fast, leaving you breathless, tense, until you cum all over his fingers, oversensitive as he fingerfucks you into another one, and another, arms like steel wrapped around your waist as one hand pounds into you, the other wrapped around your dick or circling hard on your clit. It's not enough to genuinely sate your heat, but it's enough to help. And he doesn't trust himself to put his own mouth to use - barely trusts himself to speak, even though most of what he growls into your ear is, strictly speaking, complete and utter nonsense as he's caught in the moment. Every time you cum, he praises you, telling you how good you are for it. How sweet you look, with tears streaming down your face, cumming so well for him.
When there's enough coherency for you to have a conversation (but not coherent enough to be mortified), Miguel is able to get the rough gist of the situation. He really can only piece together that the heat is going to be a strong one, that it came fast, and that you had panicked. There's a confession, to be had there. He agrees to help you through your heat, but only under the condition that you're his.
It's toxic, and of dubious consent at best, but he'll pull as many orgasms out of you as needed to keep you coherent enough to talk to him. He's helped an omega through a heat or two, and he knows what he's doing. He's not exactly clearheaded himself, in making the decision - but he does make sure that this is truly what you want before he proceeds.
When he's sure that it's not just the heat speaking, that you truly do care for him, that you want him to stay even after your heat has subsided, he allows himself to indulge.
Sympathy ruts are common, and it builds slowly inside of him as he indulges in his instincts. Holding you, kissing you, pressing his fingers inside of you over and over and over again until you pass out. He keeps you wrapped up in the nest, adding his shirt to the mix while you sleep, but not trusting himself to completely strip quite yet.
Miguel is an attentive alpha.
(While you sleep, he excuses himself from the nest to call his daughter, to assure her everything will be okay, and he just explains simply that you'd gotten sick, that you needed him for a bit, and that he'd be back once you were feeling better. He promises to call every night, and he works out a schedule with Peter B and Jess in the meantime.)
(When you overhear him, voice so soft, so protective, so gentle, it half makes you want to swoon, and half want to climb on his lap and fuck yourself stupid on his cock until he fills you up so you can give his daughter a sibling.)
This man is going to spend a good majority of his time pre-sympathy rut fucking you open on his fingers and his mouth. He wants to make sure you're ready, wants to make sure he can enjoy this for as long as possible.
By the end of it, he makes sure to fuck you, nice and steady, a hand on your throat and his lips on yours. He makes sure you're nice and coherent for it. He wants to make sure you remember it, when he claims you. When his (fucking horse cock, the dude's packing like ten to twelve inches which is great for my chubby bitches like me) dick fills you up so full that you're almost certain you'll break, hiccupping and sobbing as you keen and wail, the nest below you soaked as he fills you up. His fangs sink into your neck and you cum, right then, his hands grabbing your thighs so hard he's sure it will bruise. He fucks you through your orgasm, knot catching until it slips inside. He rubs your clit/tugs on your dick as he finally knots you, making sure you cum just one more time for me, cariño.
normal Miguel definitely has a claiming and breeding kink, so it's fucking intensified by ten when he's omegaverse Miguel... let alone when the man's subject to his rut. You'll be covered in scratches and bites and hickies by the time you're both coherent enough to function properly again.
Which... for Miguel, is a solid few hours of coherency at a time.
For you? You're only ever coherent in short bursts, and it's like the peak of your heat constantly for almost the full week.
This next bit just mostly borders on nsfw/has some nsfw parts so i'll put it at the end here before going back to sfw
Like I mentioned before, Miguel is a very attentive alpha.
He's going to fuck you seven different ways in an hour with his superhuman stamina, but he's also going to make sure to actually take care of you.
He makes sure you drink electrolytes and water in equal measure, makes sure you eat, and sleep, and he bathes you himself, carrying you into the shower and keeping you pressed against him as he massages your muscles and washes your hair and body with a soft cloth, using completely unscented soaps and shampoos so it doesn't overwhelm you. Presses bandages to your scrapes and bites so you'll heal faster. Cool cloths and ice packs and fever reducing medicine.
He finds he has to bribe you, during this time, even for the most basic tasks like eating and drinking, and he would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy having to plug you up with his cock just to get you to eat wasn't hot as hell. The fact that you need him so badly you'd rather forgo basic necessities... it's addicting. Granted, he doesn't actually let you - he's got enough control that he can make sure you're taken care of in all regards.
Back to SFW time!
After your heat itself passes, you're subject to the suppressant sickness that comes with it. Your fever has broken, but you're still nauseous and dizzy and fatigued as your body flushes everything out of your system.
Miguel is beyond pissed when he finds out why you're still sick.
It's reckless to not even have a natural heat once every six months, let alone taking your suppressants so solidly that you hadn't had one in years. If he'd known, he'd have said consequences be damned and would have bitten you the moment he walked through the door, and taken you to the hospital.
He doesn't care how embarrassed you are, when he packs all of your things back up into the sealable bags, and dresses you in his own clothing. He's almost out of his mind when he takes both of you back to HQ - only just remembering to take back corridors to the medic so they can check you over properly.
You've then got two spider people who are pissed, as the medic rants about how dangerous that was, how stupid it was that you did that, instead of just swallowing your pride and letting them help you control things. They order you on house arrest for a full month, to make sure your body can recover properly. No suppressants, no scent blockers (at least the medical kind) for a couple years, and only medicine that's medically necessary, and even then it has to be monitored more carefully.
Miguel lets the Medispider tear you a new one for a moment while he steps into the hallway, giving you privacy and space to figure things out with the doctor while he catches up with Gabi.
When you're done with the Medispider, it's not a question on if you're staying with Miguel or not - you really don't have a choice in the matter, he tells you. When you're recovered, you can decide if you want to move in or not, but until then he was going to personally keep an eye on you.
Gabi, who lacks the complete understanding of the why and the how behind it all, is just glad that the person they've been trying to scheme their father into confessing to is actually going to live with them. (Even if only for about a month.) She grins smugly when she realizes you smell like her dad.
Miguel lets you have pick of the house, when he carries you back to his beautiful, cozy suburban home. He leaves the proper tour up to Gabi, as he carries you both, letting Gabi tell you about everything excitedly. You stay in his bed (you two had claimed each other, and although Miguel does give you the option of your own room... you'd rather die than lose the comfort that comes with being around your mate.)
Miguel cooks properly for you while you stay with him and Gabi.
No more prepackaged meals, he sneers, instead making you chicken noodle soup from scratch, with bone broth and lots of vegetables. Breakfast every morning before he takes Gabi to school, tucks you in to sleep while he pops into the HQ to check on things. He's out of commission from missions while he cares for you, but he still makes sure things go smoothly. He's home by lunch, sometimes bringing you fast food instead of cooking so you can have your fill of a greasy burger or fries or something to sate the part of you that needs something unhealthy and indulgent. Holds you in his lap while you both eat, watching TV on the couch.
He finishes his work and goes on emergency-only mode when it's time to pick up Gabi from school. He tucks you into the passenger seat if you feel up to it, buckling you up himself and pressing a kiss to your lips, even though he doesn't need to. He knows you can buckle yourself up, and lets you do so when you insist, but it makes him happy to know he's taking measures to keep you safe.
He does force you to take a blanket with you, just in case though.
When all three of you get home, he makes dinner, sometimes with Gabi helping him, sometimes you, sometimes just himself. He has a pretty wide range of foods he ends up making, but it's primarily because they're foods he likes, or Gabi likes, and he learned to make them. He's a good cook, overall.
It's the best work-life balance he's had in a long time.
When you're better, he all but begs you to stay.
And god, how could you say no to him?
(Also for those who it matters for, if you do end up pregnant from the Heat Adventures he obviously loves kids and would love one with you, but if you don't feel ready/don't want to have kids other than Gabi, he absolutely respects it, and will talk about options with you. Granted, he'll be disappointed, but at the end of the day it's not something he CAN'T move past. Discusses birth control options with you almost immediately when the two of you get intimate again.)
#miguel x reader#miguel o'hara spiderverse#spiderverse#strawberry writing#strawberry headcanons#also on god if i find any minors in my notes or in my inbox i'll maim you#i might turn this into a proper fic at some point#but you get the really long headcanon/rambly version that's all just ideas for now#because i like to feed my followers and the tag#gotta contribute b/c theres some damn good fics ive read so far#smut#i gotta update my tags smh#great news everyone i got wildly into this one#so it gets posted early
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i mightve found the only other undertale fan in my entire school and he's playing one of those roblox ut fighting fan games. and then i saw his avatar and i'm like 80% sure it was dust but i cant tell because theres an undyne head over the avatar. man what the hell
#i dont even know if it was actually dust because fucking the mtt all look like goddamn sans#AND DUST (and horror)S ONLY DEFINING TRAIT IS ON HIS FACE!!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!!#im not speaking to him because then ill get cooties but i sit behind and watch him.play. what an enigma#theres always 1-2 undertale or utmv fans in every school across the world its a very high probability#this is so funny to me#bro is probably one of those powerscalers#bro probably learned about the mtt through roblox#BRO NEEDS TO SHOW ME HIS AVATAR IS THAT DUST OR NOY#i probably look so damn creepy rn but maaaan i gotta know#im 80% sure its dust the hood is up. no classic sans cosplay would have the hood up possibly#im far away but the face looks slightly deranged iHAVE to believe its dust#im over here writing about my shitty multiverse au and hes over there playing a roblox game#the duality of the utmv fandom.#HIS FAT HEAD IS IN YHE WAY I DONT KNOW IF HES COSPLAYING DUSG#this is my new entertainment now. watching this guy play this silly game like hes an experiment#its giving killer sans#WAIT IT IS DUST!!!!! ITS DUSY CONFIMRED!!!!!!!!#AND THE WEIRD LITTLE RED GHING BEHIND THE HEAD WASNT UNDYNES HAIR IT WAS FUCKING PHANTOM PAPS#THIS IS A MOMENT IN HISTORY#goddamnit now i cant stop imagining dust playing those silly little roblox fighting games. he'd pop off on them i swear#alright my soul is freed from this torment of wondering of its dust. time to stop watching this guy#tricule rant
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Fandom: Tekken
Relationship: Kazama Jun/Mishima Kazuya
Rating: Explicit (this one has sexy times so not for kiddos)
THIS IS POST TEKKEN 8. BIG TEKKEN 8 SPOILERS. DON'T READ IT WITHOUT FINISHING THE GAME UNLESS YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT SPOILERS.
Additional Tags: Reunion, Reunion sex, Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Awkward Conversations About Not-So-Accidentally Trying to Murder Your Son and Actually Murdering Your Dad and Kind of Accidentally Abandoning Your Unknown Baby-Mama, Forgiveness, Getting Back Together, Dealing with the mental fallout of Tekken 2 to Tekken 8, which for both of them is...a lot, but they're getting there
"I am not the man you want me to be," Kazuya admits. "But that does not mean the man I am does not love you."
"...Still?" Jun asks, the word the only thing that can quite get out of her throat.
#tekken#jun kazama#kazuya mishima#kazjun#kazujun#kazjun week 2024#kazujunweek2024#yes this is SO GOD DAMN LATE#But it took on a life of its own and it's 16K so#;_; I throw myself on the mercy of the Kaz/Jun shipping court#this is the last prompt so now I gotta finish the others I started lol#There will probably be a sequel to this with Jin's perspective at some point because I am mentally ill for the Mishimas atm#because I imagine it would be so fucking weird to seeing your dad and mom get together after all...that#my favorite part of this fic is the repetitive aspect where they mirror one another a lot#....and tbh Kaz going GET USED TO YELLING MY NAME WOMAN which I think is the most in character thing I've ever written for him#this man is a service dom and a terror#I tried to write more realistic sex scene for them here and that was also quite fun!
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rating: G tags: established relationship, fluff, smooching prompt: Love is being late to work because you can’t ever say goodbye in a reasonable amount of time. @steddielovemonth
Eddie wakes up to a heavy weight flopping gently down on top of him. He comes to with a hum and a stretch that pops down his spine even as Steve wraps himself around Eddie, his face pressed into Eddie's neck.
Steve is already dressed for the day, green vest and jeans, his hair a little crunchy with spray, his deodorant fresh and bright compared to the warm smell of sleep. Eddie has to wiggle a bit to get his arms from under the blanket to wrap around Steve's shoulders in return.
"Mmm, you're a jerk, waking me up so early," he whispers, even as he shifts them until he can hook a leg around Steve's hip, blanket and all.
"It's eleven, lazy bones," Steve whispers back. He lets Eddie move them more, until they're all tangled up again. Steve will have to fix his hair, but Eddie doesn't care. He should have thought of that before waking Eddie up.
Not that Eddie minds—would probably call Family Video as soon as the door closed behind Steve to make sure he wasn't mad at Eddie.
Eddie starts kissing a path from the top of Steve's forehead down to his lips, tasting toothpaste and mouthwash, and wondering if Steve's ever grossed out by Eddie's morning breath.
He must not be, because he returns Eddie's lazy kisses with a happy sigh, holding Eddie a little tighter. It drags on like that, and to Eddie it's timeless, too short and an eternity, bliss in just being able to kiss Steve like this, the smell of Steve in his sheets and his toothbrush in the bathroom, and his millions of hair supplies in a basket under the sink. Wayne's no doubt asleep in the front of the trailer, and Steve would have been as quiet as a mouse getting ready before he snuck back into Eddie's arms to say bye before leaving for work.
Eddie loves this. Says as much into Steve's mouth, swallowing it up when Steve says it back, whispers lost between them and the morning sun.
"Gonna be late for work," Eddie sighs, even though he doesn't move except to run a hand down Steve's back.
"Robin shift," Steve murmurs, moving in to kiss Eddie again, like he can't get enough of him, the same way Eddie can't get enough of Steve.
Laughing, Eddie kisses him more, addicted to the warmth, the wet slide of their lips, the heat of Steve's breath. "Gonna get fired one of these days," he says when Steve has to come up for air. Laughs again, when Steve just dips back in to start it all up again. "Steeeve."
"Don't wanna go," he whines.
"I know," Eddie says. This time, he shoves Steve onto his back to he can press him into the mattress, peppering his cheeks and nose with kisses. It's gotta be going on 11:30 by now, and Steve will be a whole hour late at this rate. "Just for now, baby, and I'll come visit you later."
"Promise?" Steve does this thing that he must have picked up from a girlfriend, where he looks up at Eddie with big eyes and pouts his lips and bats his lashes at him, and it shouldn't work. But it does. Every time.
"Promise," Eddie breathes, smiling, and leans down for another kiss. And another. And another, another. And Steve doesn't get to work until well past noon. When Eddie comes to visit around five, Robin chews him out too.
#steddie#steddie fic#steddielovemonth#this prompt made me weep#fun fact this lil drabble lives in my lil day dream where steve and eddie are waiting for the rest of corroded coffin to graduate HS#and they start driving city to city making it big and steve's like their lil roadie/group/merch stand man#and they're all besties but they're SICK of how in love E&S are but also would kill and hide the bodies of anyone that threatened them#and then one day they almost make it big but the producer takes one look at steve and tells them to lose the clinger and theyre like#actually fuck you steve's a part of the band#and the producer is like ?? how??? he doesn't play#and they gotta be like 'dude eddie couldn't write a song for the rest of his life unless it's somehow about steve#literally a vital member'#if i ever wrote this fic it would be slice of life fluff happiness sweaty boys sleeping in the back of vans and not showering for 2 weeks#damn now i kinda wanna write it#shush mal#my fic#dribble drabble#my steddies
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Part 2
There is a universe, somehow, where Silco drowns again.
It's not a quick sort of thing - never is. That time he spent under the waves, tasting the sick concoction of Piltover filth and Zaun's rot, it may have been the longest moments of his life. Vander's hands around his throat didn't help in that regard.
This drowning is... different.
The decay of Zaun's dying streets is still there: the taste of his home akin to a corpse. It's curling up on itself after too much abuse and crying for justice. The stench of Piltover is there too: metals and shoe polish. Smoke too... if he went up to the surface and took a breath he'd smell Vander's last moments of glorious violence.
He doesn't.
He stays in his office below the waves, the river waters twisting the light into geometric patterns that dance around the sad conglomeration of lost souls. He's... drowning, and it fills him with familiar rage. This helplessness. This confusion. The same damn question ripping into his brain like a certain mouse into his late cat.
Why, Vander. Why?
What did he do to deserve... this?
The wily witty one, Mylo, sits at Silco's desk, at its corner. He's spinning a pencil around mindlessly, staring at the fish through the glass. Claggor's taken a seat on the floor, close to the door but out of harm's way should it slam open. He's taken to picking at his sleeves, suffering in the silence that must be drowning them all.
Silco doesn't quite care to change that. He's drafting letters to critical players in his game and prestigious business partners (he's sticking his head in the dirt and hoping that if he tries hard enough it'll all go away).
The blue girl, Powder, she has no qualms with breaking the silence, humming away an old lullaby. A pathetic sort of call for Piltover's better nature, a reminder of the siblinghood between Zaun and her filthy brother of a nation. Powder doesn't know that, she just knows it at Felicia's lullaby - perhaps Vi's lullaby. She was too young to remember much of Felicia, surely. She's snatched one of Silco's nicer pens and taken a seat next to her sister, intent on taking that mechanical pen apart. Vi is unnaturally still, staring into space when ever Silco dares to glance at her.
He's glancing at all of them, like a cornered rat. Which is wrong in itself. He's the danger here - likely more dangerous than any enforcer the children could've run into. Yet they lounge, unsure of what else to do and far too shaken to question.
What Silco would give for Vander to kick down the door. What he would give to see that familiar rage burning in the man's eyes as he demanded to know where his children were. Only then would the world make sense again.
Silco would grab Mylo - the boy was the closest - and the knife in his desk was always in arm's reach. Vander would trade himself for one of the children and there the plan would all fall back into place. Vander, helpless. The children, dead. Silco, victorious, his vengeance complete and Zaun's future ensured.
Instead, he's playing office worker with four awkward orphans.
Why, Vander? Why him.
Of all the people - of all the requests -
The door flies open and Silco hates how his heart soars. The children jump to defensive positions in a familiar dance they've all learned from Vander. Big ones protect the younger. Weapons are whatever you have handy. Look mean - look tough. Don't show them you're scared.
It's not Vander, it's Sevika. She's hardly in the room before the exclamation leaves her shocked lips: "Vander's dea-"
She cuts off as her eyes snap to Vi, the biggest and brightest colored of the bunch. It seems even the ever-ready Sevika is shocked silent by this... ridiculous situation.
"Sevika?" Vi manages in desbelief.
Silco's newest enforcer looks to him for direction. Oh, joyous reunions all around. Silco leans back in his chair and throws her a scathing look.
"Sevika, say hello to our guests," he emphasizes, massaging his head.
This is a nightmare, somehow. It should've been the greatest turn of events - a ridiculous stroke of luck from a dead man's foolishness. Instead, it's a weight around Silco's neck, heavier than any hand. Trust. A fickle, dangerous thing.
A heavy thing.
Sevika does not say hello. She takes a long look at all the children and then stared incredulously at Silco, it doesn't take a mind reader to guess what she's asking.
What the fuck is going on, Silco?
He'd like to ask a certain someone the same thing, but apparently, Sevika heralded the news he'd expected and dreaded.
"You have news on Vander," he supposed.
Sevika shook her head with a sharp scoff of disbelief: "Yeah. He's dead. The enforcers just shot him down a few blocks from the Last Drop."
The children take the news predictably. Quietly, though. None of them speak a word, eyes watering but keeping their jaws clenched. Claggor and Mylo sit back down, Mylo laying back on the desk and spinning his pencil once again. Powder sniffles, trying to muffle her cries. Vi stays standing.
Vander's dead.
This isn't a bad joke. This isn't a trick or a trap or an idiotic attempt at... anything. Vander's dead and he left Silco everything.
He's drowning.
It's Vander's fault again. This time though, things are different. Silco fought his way out of that river, blood running down his face and sickness bubbling out of his lungs. A baptism of pain and betrayal - he'd walked away with a purpose: the same determination a gnawing fox has to escape a trap that caught its foot.
Now, there's no determination. There's no direction.
"You wanna tell me what's going on here?" Sevika demands as she saunters into the room and gestures to Vander's four children. Lost and alone and looking to Silco for his answer.
Vi's watching him closely, hands closing into a fist. She doesn't trust him, maybe she knows something. Maybe she's smart enough to recognize that Vander's friends wouldn't take the news of his death with a smile. She's hurting. She's angry. She's moments away from snapping - just like Vander would be in her place, but she stays quiet for the younger one behind her.
"I assume you mean our guests," Silco hums as he looks away from Vander's successor. There is a smile on his face, but it's one of necessity. He doesn't know how to feel so he settles on the reliable guise of amused near-apathy. It keeps him confident and all others unnerved.
Sevika throws him a very demanding look. She thinks he has the answers.
"Vander sent them," Silco muses after a moment, pretending to return back to his work. "It seems I'll be looking after them for the immediate future."
It slips out of him as easily as blood from a head wound. It trickles to the floor and stays there, staining the soles of his shoe with... sentimentality. And yet the moment he says it, the confusion eases.
Sevika is staring at him in disbelief. Mylo and Vi are watching him something... softer.
Relief.
This doesn't change anything - if anything it makes his path clearer. Vander's out of the equation. With proof of his backing, his territory and his sympathizers open themselves to Silco like clams in boiling water. The children are... useful.
They're Vander's. No point in killing them now that the old Hound is dead. Silco's never been one for waste... they'll be capable and useful.
This changes nothing.
"We'll move into his territory tomorrow. His absence will leave certain fools the fester," the order seems to relieve some of Sevika's nerves too. She likes plans of action.
"We're going home?" It's Powder who asks it, hope in her teary voice.
Silco manages a dry chuckle: "If only it could be so simple."
There will be turf wars, at least until Silco utilizes some of his more... useful tactics. Hopefully, Vander's softer alliances will be sympathetic to the children. They'll have to stomach Silco. It's taking a breath of fresh air as his mind begins to churn again: reworking his plans around the children and their painfully reminiscent late Father.
Like he said: they're useful. That's enough.
He can make it mutually beneficial, while not completely forsaking the words on that damn napkin he has half a mind to burn.
This changes nothing.
#Arcane#Arcane fanfiction#Yeah I'm writing more of this lololololol#Part 2#Silco is the master manipulator#And by that I mean he gaslights himself#“No I don't can't about Vander”#“No I don't care about these kids!”#Vander just... left them#I can't LEAVE them there!!#This is literally the equivalent of hating your ex and then finding out they left everything in their will to you#Like what are you supposed to do??#Sevika doesn't get paid enough for this#Silco#Vander#Powder#Vi#Arcane AU#AU#Claggor#Mylo#Sevika#Silco's a dad now#No one is more confused than he is#Damn I gotta think of a name for this AU
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CHERRYTOBER 2024 days 1-7 + day 0 (september 31)
#cherrys evil art#original art#oc#eyestrain#cw eyestrain#okkay turns out cherrytober is an actual thing like an actual tag but i dont know what its abt i gotta look it up wait#update i am goingto cry#nothing against freaky ppl i fw you ig but omg 😭😭😭😭 im doomed#okkay what do i tag this as now damn . . .#okkay i got it#CHERRYS SUPER CHERRYGINAL CHERRYTOBER 2024 CHERRYTAG#yeahh there we go#might still leak into the other one but i did what i could 😭😭💔💔#also im writing this tags as of day 2 so yep
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i’m like ugh i hate writing sports and politics meanwhile the marauders are just a bunch of jocks going through political unrest
do you know how many sports games i’ve written at this point (3) i’m sick of writing sports😭free me
#it’s only 3rd year too#these stupid jocks i cwnt do it#marauders#the marauders#nowhere man#first one is just bc it’s james’ first game#second is important for other reasons#third now regulus is here i gotta write about it#DAMN SPORTS…#james potter#this is YOUR FAULT
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please pick friends u can argue or have misunderstandings with and actually communicate with immediately after like, it’s so fucking important
#like if anything I’ve learned the last couple years is fucking communicate#like actually#my family isn't really big on it and that's probably part of the reason I started writing so young#tried to break that with my niece and was mostly successful we fight but can actually discuss and work things out and talk#I always have encouraged her to express her damn feelings because my stereotypical scorpio sister is in there too so I had to drag it out#and I can be the same it’s hard for me but I try harder now than before#I’m always honest with myself but expression is hard I get it#like we fought the other day and when she came home l expected her to just go in her room#and she just stood there and looked at me like well??? like that one meme haha#and we talked instead#gotta break those generational curses man#but yeah holding people accountable and calling them out is needed sometimes and also apologizing and talking it the fuck out#even if it sucks….do it#set boundaries and u allow what u allow#I’m at the point of my life I just won’t tolerate certain things and that’s valid but also without communication#you’re not moving either way with clarity and clarity is everything#it’s ok to move on from any kind of relationship but were u honest first? was there clarity#and if nothing changes or you can’t find peace you can move on and compartmentalize that loss better because u tried first#I get some reasons don’t warrant any of that but overall#but yeah I do word things like a straight up bitch sometimes and yes u should tell me hahah#can piss eachother off and misunderstand eachother#but there’s paragraphs coming and that’s the important bit#I’m still learning but better than I was
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OHNO
#SHIIIIT MAN I GOTTA LIKE WRITE DOWN ON MY FUCKING ARM ALL MY MUTUALS BOUNDARIES AND TRIGGERS AND EVERYTHING BECAUSE I JUST ACCIDENTALLY BROK#E ONE ON A SIDEBLOG BECAUSE I JUST GENUINELY FORGOT AND NOW I FEEL SO FUCKING BAD EUU H GHHHHHHHHHHH#GOD DAMN IT#not so silly sillytalking#<- IDK BUT I DONT FEEL LIKE THIS SHOULD GO TO MY MAINTAG
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I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun
#sorry if anyone sees these im tired of using my personal discord servet to vent. i always spiral too much#anyways i have an idea for a good poem to write for class because of recent events#ughhhh idk i just wish i wasnt so annoying about asking if i can open ip to people#or if someone would just ask if i was okay. i mean actually id probably lie i am not actually good at being open.#but like hey idk it feels nice to feel like people genuinely want to know#ughhhhfhfhf i do this to myself sometimes JSHSJSKDJDJD#welp its just how life goes. i feel lonely all the time and i soldier on#surely helping the next person will make me feel better! nope. surely helping yhis next person will make me feel better! nope. surely-#tgats me. thats what i sound like#yeah idk it feels like everyone is going through something worse than me so itd be a moral failing on my part#to ask them if i could just like. feel bad. noticeably#not even talk about it just look down and out of it for a day#yknow i emailed one of my teachers asking permission to go by a new preferred name#this is at like. a massive very queer and trans art school.#and i asked him permission to do this#and i was joking with my friends about how pathetic i sounded in it#and one of them patted me on the head and said “there there buddy” like very jokingly#but i almost cried because thats the first time in so long someone has like. really tried to comfort me#or shown me much physical affection#my mom gives me hugs and stuff but thats always about her. i dont blame her shes got a lot of stuff going on#but idk its really selfish of me but i just wanna have people see me and feel bad for me and it be about my pain for a little while#ill get over it im just being a teenager but shit god fucking damnit#i just want a break from feeling like my world is falling apart#then getting some footing#then it falling apart again#okay i feel a bit better now better stop the complain train JDJDJSKSJD#hey why do i never hear that it rhymes and everything thays so good#damn i gotta use that more#welp weve reached our stop sorry if anyone ever read thjs. hope you have a nice day tho lol
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Improving in your life is actually kinda hard and sucks, I'm gonna pretend I'm at the beginning of my anime arc now
#now this ones a hard one to tag#but can you tell i've just rewatched the Inarizaki match in Haikyuu?#probably not actually#but like damn#i'm gonna pretend Kita is someone i actually met#shinsuke kita#haikyuu kita#this is so random#writing this at almost 1am while eating slightly over-salted pasta after not being able to be productive on a day#(due to slight physical exhaustion and pain)#this is the regular#“i'm questioning my life in the middle of the night because what am i even doing”#do i ... do i tag this with HQ!!?#i only mentioned Kita in the tags...#well it can't hurt#pls Haikyuu people feel free to ignore this#haikyuu!!#inarizaki#haikyuu#honestly i could start getting into blue lock in the tags...#idk how many i have left though; i'm kinda just rambling#i hope no one wastes their time reading these#it's mostly to distract from my over-salted food#bc i was hungry but i'm too tired and would feel too bad throwing it away to get new food#it's not actually That bad#this is kinda pointless but hey#let's hope i can start my anime journey of kinda getting my shit together after i've slept#(i told myself this 500 times by now but like... it's gotta work at Some point)#and also ngl Haikyuu just kinda makes you wanna be A Person#i love all the arcs and motives and views and stuff. it's genuinely awesome
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#my dream last night was so mean to me. not bc it sucked but bc it was Good n now i wake up n its not REAL??????#it was so realistic too JDJJDJDJSJS#this is mostly for my benefit to write it down like this but djjdjsjjzms#ppl were at my house. [redacted] included. and we didnt get to sit near each other n he was Upset LOL. so he makes a comment about me like#not wanting to be near him n i was like thats not true !!! so he fuckin... comes near me JDJJDNDNDND and im like oh this is too much n i#like. keep having to back away. bc im just so overwhelmed. not bc i dont wanna be near him#but just the Idea of it... NDJNZNZMZMZ n e way#and hes like SEE???? and im like no !!!! you dont get it !!!! n hes like i have to go n goes to leave. so i chase him outside n like#hes got a ride waiting for him and im like... [redacted]!!!!!!!! and he turns around n hes like. i really gotta go#n i was like but !!! its not true!!! i do wanna be near you. and his rides like... oh i can wait. so [redacted] like tries again n no ones#around so like JJZJZJJZJZZJZ AHHHHHHH i dont squirm away or anything. and hes like.... oh i cant even say it JDJZJSNZZ#hes... holding.... me HIDJEKEKSKSKSKSK and his face is really close n hes like. so this is okay?? and im just like ya.. and i think i say#that i like him??? and like idk JDJZJZJZJZJZ he says it back and THEN I WOKE UP RHRKXDOJJDJZJZM ITS SO MEANNNNN SO MEANNNNN#but actually reading it out. its not really that realistic IDK#im just.... damn. back to reality JDJZJSJSJJSJD#personal
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I-
PAUL
#damn guys then just kiss already! lmao#well and now i really gotta write that one ian/paul fic that has been on my mind for a while now...i don't make the rules sorry#hignfy
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Was having so much fun replaying p3p that I forgot that this game is bad lol
#the klock keeps ticking#i gotta get my ranting gear on its happening again#just got to the part where its revealed that shadow experiments happened at the school 10 years prior#and yeah its as badly written as I remember lol#like first off it really is just kinda like ‘ah yes the kirijo group experimented on kids and created the dark hour and we’re being#recruited to clean up their mess’ and the only one who seems to care is yukari but then like#oooh she cant be mad after all cuz her dad was in on it or whatever#and my favorite fucking guy Ikutski is there with a smile like ah yes yes the fucked up shit ah well anyways lets keep fighting lol#and its like briefly mentioned so fucking casually that mitsurus family involved her in this shit and forced her to awaken to a persona#when she was like 8 and you know. now she has to act as a tool to clean up their mess#and it’s like hold up now. why arent we talking about this aaaaaaa just gonna drop that bomb and leave#my favorite fucking part though is like afterwards all the little scenes we get of the characters processing this information#none really seeming to care all that much about the fucked up part theyre just like ‘damn the dark hour is gonna end’#and we get some of that iconic p3 dialogue where characters just look into the camera and explain their trauma before walking away#akihiko just goes up to shinji to be like ‘hey lol remember that we’re both orphans and thats how we know each other and also my sister#anyway Keep Looking Forward™️ bye’ and then fuuka looks into the camera like#‘yes btw my parents have an inferiority complex and thats why they abuse me which is why i dont mind being manipulated’#like she just. says that its so funny this game was written by a toaster#its so frustrating cuz the conflict could be so interesting but they handle it soooo boring and ignore all the parts that shouldnt be#oh mitsuru dont worry ill write you a better game to be in#come to the fat lesbian party where we kill the kirijo group with hammers
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