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sshbpodcast · 1 year ago

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Tales from the Holodeck: VOY Fanfic: Chris’s Teleplay

It's that time again. It's A Star to Steer Her By's 7th anniversary, and [not so] coincidentally Star Trek's 57th! Slightly more coincidentally, we also just wrapped our watch-through of Star Trek: Voyager! Not only can you check out our favorite and least favorite episodes, but you can also peruse our latest celebratory fanfic!

Scroll on below to read the latest installments from our annual "Tales from the Holodeck" writing challenge, and follow along with our cold reads on this week's podcast episode (this one starts at 1:15:49). We present to you Chris's hologram malfunction of an episode, complete with just about everything but the kitchen sink.

[images © Paramount/CBS]

“Wednesday Night Lights”

By Chris

Random picks: Michael Sullivan, Satan’s Robot

SCENE 1

Narrator: In a ready room that still has that new starship smell, a familiar face stands by a window, dictating to her computer.

Janeway: Admiral’s log, stardate 606341.2. The shakedown cruise of the new Dauntless, based on information gathered during my time in the Delta Quadrant, is taking an unplanned detour. Shortly after departing spacedock we got an urgent message from the head of the Fleet Museum at Athan Prime, saying there was a situation only I could handle.

Narrator: The Admiral is interrupted by the familiar whistle of the ship’s comms

Ascencia: Admiral, we’re about five minutes out from the fleet museum.

Janeway: Thank you, Asencia. Tell transporter room one to expect me.

SCENE 2

Narrator: Mere minutes after finishing her log, Janeway finds herself in the transporter room of the Fleet Museum, greeted by a wide-eyed operator and the Museum’s Curator, a bit of living history in his own right.

Janeway: Commodore Scott.

Scotty: Please, Admiral, no standing on formalities. Scotty is fine.

Janeway: In that case, it’s Katherine. Now, what is this about?

Scotty: It’s Voyager. We got a message from her. And she’s asking for you.

Janeway: The…ship is?

Scotty: Well, no. Someone on board her. But we don’t know who. And every scan we’ve tried hasn’t dug up a single life form. But her power grid’s lit up like a Christmas tree. I can patch her through if you’d like.

Janeway: Please.

Scotty: Computer, play the message received from Voyager.

Michael: Kathy! Kathy, it’s Michael! Everything’s gone mad, I need your help! Please, if you get this, get here as soon as you can!

Narrator: Janeway is lost in a moment, a voice she’d not heard in some years and had never expected to hear again bringing up old memories and feelings.

Janeway: No wonder you couldn’t detect any lifesigns. I need you to beam me outside her holodecks.

SCENE 3

Narrator: Janeway appeared in Fair Haven’s familiar main square. A creation of photons and forcefields, it should have been the same as ever. But straightaway the air is different. The sky is hazy. Some of the buildings are in absolute ruins. A few timid faces peer out from windows.

Janeway: (calling) Michael? Michael? It’s…it’s Kathy!

Narrator: Suddenly, a familiar whooshing sounds from overhead. But it is a whooshing that does not belong in late nineteenth century Ireland. Janeway looks up to see a man hurtling through the air, flying with the aid of Captain Proton’s jetpack. He lands almost expertly, and whips off his goggles. There is a pause as the Admiral and the hologram study one another before embracing.

Michael: Kathy! Oh, Kathy, it’s so good to see you! I wasn’t sure if I sent the message right!

Janeway: Michael, I…how? And what…what’s going on?

Michael: It’s a long story. Come on, we’ll get to my bar and Leo can explain everything.

Janeway: Leo?! Not…

Michael: I know, he’s supposed to be dead. But if I learned anything from you and your friends, it’s that the impossible usually makes more sense than you’d expect. Come on!

Narrator: Michael goes into a run, and Janeway falls into place beside him. They soon make their way to his creaky-but-comfortable pub. But the middle of the room is largely bare, with several tables pushed together into a single unit and a map tossed atop it. An older man stands over it, stroking his beard and consulting with some of the townsfolk. Nearby, a tottering, tubular automaton does something at the bar.

Janeway: I don’t believe it…

DaVinci: What? Ah! Katarina! Michael managed to reach you!

Janeway: Maestro. How…how are you in…

DaVinci: Ireland? Simple, it is my neighbor!

Michael: One day everything just…blinked and here we were. Over the hill was Renaissance Italy instead of the O’Halloran farm. Over the river is France in the middle of what they’re saying is the second world war. Except the floor of one of the buildings there contains parts of your ship, and your cook.

Janeway: Neelix? Which program is he from…

Neelix: Oh, just something Mister Tuvok came up with when he had some…things to work out. He found me an invaluable help.

Janeway: He never mentioned.

Neelix: Oh, you know how Vulcans are. Very private. (beat) It’s nice to see you, Cap…oh! Admiral now, I see.

Michael: Program?

Janeway: Neelix, can I speak to you in private for a moment.

Neelix: Of course, Admiral.

Janeway: Michael, we’ll be out front. I’ll be back soon.

Michael: Alright, Kathy. Be careful out there.

Narrator: Janeway puts a hand on her former cook’s doppleganger’s shoulder and leads him outdoors.

Janeway: Alright. So you know you’re from a holodeck program. Who else does?

Neelix: As far as I know, I’m the only one who’s certain. But some other folks are starting to think maybe not everything is what it seems. Especially the Fair Haven locals, since a lot of them were pretty shaken up by the whole “spirit” incident.

Janeway: Since they contacted me I thought maybe…

Neelix: That was my idea. Since I knew what was what and had access to Voyager’s computer I worked out that you got home and the ship is currently in dock. But I don’t really know anyone else in the Alpha Quadrant, so I thought it best to call you.

Janeway: So what’s going on?

Neelix: To be honest, I’m not entirely sure. But I think it’s a computer virus of some kind. Not only have all these programs switched on and started merging, but something is trying to reroute command systems here. If the ship hadn’t been effectively entirely off it may have happened already.

Janeway: Something is trying to take over the ship? Damn. Janeway to Scotty!

Scotty: Scotty here.

Janeway: We have a potential security breach on Voyager. I need the museum on yellow alert, and you need to be ready to deal with her if she starts attacking.

Scotty: Attacking? How?

Janeway: I have reason to believe there’s a hostile program in her. I need you to patch me through to the Starfleet Communications Research Center! Ask for Reginald Barclay!

Scotty: Aye, right away.

Janeway: Now, Neelix, what else has been happening? There’s clearly been fighting.

Neelix: Well, Admiral, I think it’s my fault. It started not long after I began looking into the computer issues. I think it’s trying to stop me.

Janeway: So did this virus come from the holodeck to begin with?

Neelix: I’m afraid that’s a bit outside of…Admiral. We have a visitor.

Janeway: Hmm? Is…is that Abraham Lincoln? I suppose there’s probably a program about him in the database somewhere. Don’t remember anyone…

Neelix: Captain, he’s armed!

Narrator: Sure enough, the President had pulled a large, double-bladed battle axe from behind his lanky back. Shouting, he held it over his head and began charging the Admiral and her companion.

Janeway: I don’t suppose the safeties are on?

Neelix: I’m not sure, you’re the first real person to come here!

Michael: Kathy!

Narrator: The awesome beam of Captain Proton’s ray-gun sliced through the air, blasting the weapon from the raging President’s hands. He spun to face his attacker, only to find himself face-to-face with a rocket-boosted punch to the jaw. The Evil Lincoln collapsed in a heap.

Janeway: Thank you.

Michael: I told you to be careful, Kathy. It’s been happening for days now! Folks of all sorts just coming out of nowhere and wreaking havoc! Come on, let’s get back inside. I’ll get someone to truss him up.

Narrator: The trio are soon back in the pub, and Janeway is also studying DaVinci’s map.

Janeway: So this is everything you’ve covered so far.

Michael: Aye. We’ve got scouts trying to see if there’s anything past France in the west. Northways is still Ireland so far, south is some kind of resort town. You should see the bathing clothes people wear. Not exactly leaving much to the imagination.

Satan’s Robot: I still believe we should confirm this is not another invasion from the Fifth Dimension!

Michael: And I told you, if I could figure out how to confirm that I would. Now please, make yourself useful.

Satan’s Robot: Of course. (Admiral) Does anyone require refreshment?

Janeway: Oh. Ah…do you have coffee? My Doctor said I should switch to decaf but now’s not the time…

Satan’s Robot: Of course. Cream and sugar?

Neelix: Never for the Admiral.

Michael: Ooh, if looks could kill, Robot…Kathy’d have you out for sure.

SCENE 4

Narrator: At a small panel hidden behind a wall in the pub, a screen has been brought to life, where Janeway converses with an old acquaintance.

Janeway: Well, Reg? Are you patched in?

Barclay: Ah…yes, yes. I have…access. The, ah, tricky part will be running the diagnostic in a way that wherever the other program is won’t notice.

Janeway: How are you going to manage that?

Barclay: Well…as it so happens it’s going to be a lot easier than it should be. Thanks to Voyager’s unique history her combination of bioneural circuitry, traditional isoliner tech, and patches picked up in the Delta Quadrant means she has a few, unique quirks that I should be able to exploit to hide the processes under what appear to be normal functions.

Janeway: Do you think the program will have worked that out, though?

Barclay: I mean, this must have a creator. And the creator would have to know about the ship’s computer setup. So it’s not likely. I’ve already run a few minor tests. Little quirks to see if there was any reaction. So far…so good.

Satan’s Robot: Your coffee, Admiral.

Janeway: Excellent. [beat] I’ve been away from the real thing too long if replicated tastes this good. Don’t tell my Doctor, Robot.

Satan’s Robot: My speaker is sealed.

Barclay: Admiral, is that…

Janeway: Reg, consider this classified. I’ll have your court-martialed if you tell Noum.

Barclay: (unsure laugh; is she joking?) Right.

Narrator: Suddenly, a small chirp sounds from Barclay’s end.

Barclay: I’ve got it! It’s…huh…

Janeway: What is it, Reg?

Barclay: Well, if this is right, this originated within Voyager’s computer.

Janeway: What?

Barclay: Does “Insurrection Alpha” mean anything to you?

Janeway: Oh, come the fuck on…

Barclay: Admiral?

Janeway: It was a training program Tuvok had started writing. He abandoned it, but Seska got her hands on it and coded a program into it to hijack the ship. But we dealt with it!

Barclay: Well, ah…it looks like she had a failsafe. Just a bit of errant code that was drifting loose in Voyager’s databases. Designed to float around and then latch onto something, like a bur on clothes. I’m not sure why it took so long to do that and activate, though.

Janeway: She was only set up int he Fleet museum recently. Maybe something to do with preparing her for semi-shutdown triggered…

Barclay: Oh, no.

Janeway: Reg?

Barclay: This was designed by…

The Bur: Someone who knew Voyager’s unique computer architecture.

Michael: Kathy, we got company!

Satan’s Robot: Invader! Invader! Invader!

Narrator: Janeway rose and turned to face the newcomer. It was a strange figure composed of shifting components; a face that was at one moment human, then Vulcan, then a chimera of Andorian and Klingon, its clothes similarly stuttering between one kind and another in strange, pathwork ways.

Janeway: So. You’re our bur, then?

The Bur: That name will do as well as any.

Janeway: And what is it you want?

The Bur: Why, Admiral, what did my creator want? Vengeance. But…well, I needed time to learn. I was a simple little nascent thing, designed to learn. And by the time I knew exactly what I was and what I was meant to do, you had made contact with the Alpha Quadrant. And so much data came in. So much had changed in only a few years. Cardassia, on a path back to greatness, ruined by the Federation. Just taking vengeance on you alone would not be enough. I had to wait. Wait until we were back. So I could strike at Starfleet from within for the sake of all truly loyal Cardassians! I must congratulate you on making my wait so, so much shorter than it might have been.

Michael: What kind of spirit is this then, Kathy?

The Bur: Ah, yes. The one thing I’d not expected. These programs of yours. All too clever by half thanks to the mess your computer is. Experimental technology, obsolete technology, Borg bits here and there and what do you get…new life. Annoying life that has made my progress so much slower than it need be.

Michael: Well how about I just stop it entirely?

Narrator: Michael fired, and the Bur-man burst into a terrific cloud of light…that soon pulled itself back together into its odd, flickering form. Before it could regurgitate more smug nonsense it found itself clasped from behind by a pair of accordion arms, pincers trying to grasp onto its own flickering limbs.

Satan’s Robot: I have seized the invader!

Narrator: Suddenly the Bur flashed out of existence, reappearing a split-second later behind the bemused automaton.

Satan’s Robot: Invader?

The Bur: Really, Admiral. Control your toys.

Janeway: This ship’s warp core and weapons have been removed. What could you possibly hope to achieve?

The Bur: Come now, Admiral, don’t you think I know that? But new ships arrive all the time. I can just jump into one of them before your technicians can gut it and be on my way. (beat) Well. That was the plan. When I detected your Michael calling out for you, I realized I could do something much more fun. I just had to wait for…Kathy to answer the call. And once her ship got in touch with the station, I just had to hop into the line, as well.

Janeway: The Dauntless!

Asencia: Asencia to Jneway! Admiral?! Admiral, can you hear me?! Systems are locking crew out all over the ship!

Scotty: Admiral, it’s Soctty! Something’s wrong with the computers over here!

The Bur: First I go inside the Dauntless. Then I tractor Voyager away and make you watch me obliterate your foolish museum before I finally end your sorry…

Narrator: Mid-word, the Bur-man was gone. There was a tense moment as everyone waited for his return.

Barclay: Admiral? Admiral?

Janeway: Reg? I’ll be right there!

Barclay: Oh, good. It worked.

Janeway: What did?

Barclay: Well, the channel was open and…ah…I heard him mention obsolete technology. And wouldn’t you know it, at some point one of your people somehow got what was effectively a duotronic circuit properly integrated and functioning in your network without burning out.

Janeway: I see. And?

Barclay: Well, it occurred to me there was a chance that the program had been hiding there. Traditional diagnostics wouldn’t necessarily work due to the nature of the old processors, even though it had been jury-rigged into the larger system. And, well, wouldn’t you know it?

Janeway: But he was already in the Dauntless.

Barclay: Not entirely. He’d only transferred just enough data to begin taking control, but his root processes were still in the old circuits. Thanks to the ship running on batteries instead of power from the warp core the adaptors weren’t working as well and his transfer speed was pretty badly choked.

Janeway: And?

Barclay: I sent a power surge and overloaded the chip. Should be somewhere in…Jeffries tube six, deck four. Tell them to just follow the smell of burning circuits.

Janeway: And he’s definitely gone?

Barclay: There’s still some errant code floating around. Voyager, Dauntless, and the museum’s computers are going to need a good scrubbing to be safe. But the brain is gone. There’s nothing guiding anything, the bits don’t know what to do yet.

Janeway: That’s two I owe you, Reg.

Barclay: Oh, please, Admiral. All in a day’s work. Oh, actually, I have some reports that I was working on before you got in touch. I should get back to those…

SCENE 5

Narrator: The town square, some time later, looking exactly as it did when Tom Paris first activated the program.

Michael: I’m not even going to try and pretend I understand any of what’s been going on the past week or so. I suspect you have an idea. But I don’t think I want the answer.

Janeway: Maybe not.

Michael: It’s funny. I’d swear I’d only seen you a few weeks ago, but…that streak in your hair is something that should’ve taken a while.

Janeway: Well…time works a little differently for me.

Michael: It suits you, at least. So, any chance you can stay around?

Janeway: I’m afraid not. I have an important mission to see to. An old friend went missing, and I think I’ve finally got a lead on him.

Michael: Well. Think you’ll be able to stop by after that?

Janeway: I…maybe. (pause) Computer…end program.

End

—

Don't forget to also check out Jake, Caitlin, and Ames's stories from this year's Star Trek Day festivities. And next week, you definitely don't want to miss when we finally start in on Star Trek: Enterprise over on SoundCloud or wherever you get your podcasts, keep your eyes here for a new series of posts on the blog, hang out with us on Facebook and Twitter, and watch out for Invaders! Invaders! Invaders!

#star trek #star trek voyager #voyager #fanfic #star trek fanfiction #voyager fanfiction #michael sullivan #satan's robot #captain proton #leonardo da vinci #fair haven #bride of chaotica #holograms #save star trek prodigy

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gunsandspaceships · 8 months ago

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Tony Stark’s achievements

Childhood:

“Brilliant and unique mind”

At age 4 built his first circuit board

At age 6 built his first engine

Cracked the Pentagon’s firewall in high school on a dare

Went to college at 14

Built cool smart robots (Dum-E and U) when he was a teen

At 17 graduated summa cum laude from MIT

Polyglot

Before Afghanistan:

“Da Vinci of our time”

Became an owner and CEO of Stark Industries at 21

Successfully ran the company for decades

Advanced the world of technology, not only in weaponry and robotics but also:

created advanced AI J.A.R.V.I.S.

created holographic interface technology

created repulsor technology

Participated in charity

In and after Afghanistan:

“I’m sorry, I’m not Tony Stark”

Survived an open-heart surgery in a cave, without general anesthesia

Lived with, in fact, a debilitating wound, shrapnel, and a huge and dangerous technological device in his body for years and was willing and capable of doing not only his usual work but also being a superhero and doing all these next things...

Did not give up under torture and fought with his captors

Invented and built a miniaturized Arc Reactor, in a cave, with a box of scraps

Invented and built Iron Man armor, in the same cave, with the same box of scraps

Escaped from captivity by himself (with help from Yinsen, but without any armed assistance)

Became an expert in piloting and driving

Saved people in Gulmira

Saved a USAF pilot

Probably the best hacker in the world, was able to easily hack networks of the Pentagon, US government, AIM, and SHIELD

Fought with Iron Monger after nearly died. Defeated him and saved many lives. Was ready to die for that

Built many more different Iron Man armors

Fought terrorists between IM and IM2 (IM2 tie-in comics)

Saved a submarine crew (IM2 - newspapers in Vanko’s home)

Saved a woman from a fire (IM2 - newspapers in Vanko’s home)

“Stabilized East-West relations” (IM2 - newspapers in Vanko’s home), so the world was “enjoying its longest period of uninterrupted peace in years”

Organized Stark Expo

Was able to keep Iron Man armor in his safe hands despite the government’s and HYDRA’s attempts to take it for themselves

Defeated Ivan Vanko in Monaco

(Re)Discovered a new element

Synthesized it, by building a particle accelerator, at home

Revolutionized energy industry and science. Gave clean energy to the world

Defeated Vanko in New York with Rhodey, Natasha, and Pepper and saved many lives again

Saved Peter Parker (IM2)

Made it so that the Abomination would not leave prison and join the Avengers

Built Stark/Avengers Tower powered by Arc Reactor technology

Saved Steve Rogers and many civilians in Germany from Loki

Was able to fight with Thor on equal terms

Biggest brain on Earth, arguably - in the Universe:

best scientist on the team, in SHIELD, on Earth, in the Universe

expert in nuclear, particle, and quantum physics

was able to learn very quickly – became an expert in thermonuclear astrophysics in one night

Successfully tracked Tesseract by its gamma radiation with Bruce

Saved Helicarrier with the Avengers and SHIELD agents on board, almost died

Saved Rogers from a merc right after that

Fought with Chitauri, killed many of them, saved a lot of people

Was able to blow up a Leviathan by himself

Saved New York City by redirecting a nuke to the wormhole

Saved the world by destroying Thanos’ Chitauri army, almost died again

Founded The United States Department of Damage Control to clean up after battles

Rebuilt Stark Tower into Avengers Tower and gave each team member their own quarters

One of the best biologists and biomedical engineers on Earth, even if it’s not his main area of expertise:

helped Maya with Extremis back in 1999, because knew more in her own field, and even didn’t remember that

was head hunted by Aldrich Killian to work on Extremis with/instead of Maya, who was the leading expert in tissue regeneration

improved and stabilized Extremis, so it became safe regenerative technology, and with it…

cured Pepper

healed extensive injuries in his chest

invented and implanted devices for remote control of his suits (into his forearm in IM3, and most probably into his brain for Mark L armor in Infinity War)

invented build-in diagnostic system in his suits

Invented many devices for protection purposes (ex. bomb disposal)

A capable detective. Figured out the cause of explosions in IM3 on his own

Saved Pepper instead of himself by putting Mark 42 on her during the attack on his Malibu mansion

Survived the attack with a barely working prototype suit. Shot down a helicopter with a piano

Was able to fight with enhanced fire-breathing regenerating terrorists without armor and weapons in Rose Hill. In handcuffs

Knowledgeable and skilled in medicine:

saved a kid with his arc reactor in a deleted scene from IM3, selflessly pulling it out of his chest and performing defibrillation under electric shocks

knew how to recognize hyperglycemia when Harley was eating 3rd bawl of candies

closed his wound in Infinity War with nanoparticles

performed first-aid on Bruce after his snap

Built a lot of stuff from random things he bought in a store for the assault on the Mandarin's mansion. In a motel

Successfully stormed the Mandarin's mansion full of armed and huge security guys with dogs. Alone. Without his armor

Successfully escaped captivity in the Mandarin's mansion with just a few pieces of armor on

Saved all the people who fell from the Air Force One

Stormed Roxxon Norco ship with Rhodey, without a suit. With one handgun

Saved the US president

Defeated Killian and his Extremis-enhanced terrorists, saved many lives

Built quinjets

Created Iron Legion

Became the benefactor of the Avengers, provided them with everything, was a combatant, and also the team’s pilot, hacker, engineer, medic, and scientist

As an Avenger saved many lives on missions, including destroying the rest of HYDRA in AoU

With Bruce’s help created Veronica and Hulkbuster suit

Defeated a rogue Iron Legionnaire with a fork

In contrast to other team members was able to function after Wanda played with his mind

Defeated mad Hulk. Saved a lot of lives in Johannesburg

Easily hacked nuclear codes in Nexus and found J.A.R.V.I.S. “in the world’s biggest haystack”

Created advanced AI F.R.I.D.A.Y.

Many advanced AIs

Created Vision

With the Avengers defeated Ultron and his army

Evacuated people who were left in Sokovia

Saved a falling evacuation shuttle with people on it

Together with Thor saved Earth by destroying the falling Sokovia

Rebuilt Stark Compound into Avengers Compound for the team in Upstate New York

Invented several medical devices, including leg braces, blood toxicity detector

Sponsored the development of technology for psychotherapy (B.A.R.F.). Prevented it from being used for harm

Funded all the students’ projects at MIT

Did everything possible to legally, politically, and physically protect the team before, during, and after the Civil War

Was able to disarm Winter Soldier without a suit, with only one armored glove

Figured out Spider-Man’s identity

Created Spider-Man’s suits

Mentored, sponsored, and looked after Peter Parker

Saved Peter Parker (SMH). Twice

Saved the ferry from sinking

Invented nanoparticles

“Earth’s best defender”

Went to space to save Peter, Strange and bring back Time Stone

Saved Peter Parker (IW)

Saved Strange on the Donut spaceship. Killed Ebony Maw

Cloak of Levitation chose him as his second favorite (deleted scene with Tony wearing Levi and Strange in Mark L)

Was respected by Thanos himself

Withstood when Thanos hit him with a moon

Fought Thanos, made him bleed, kept fighting even without armor

Survived a severe injury thanks to his own invention

Was able to function, tried to fix Benatar, and return home while injured and ill with an infected wound

Built a lab for Bruce and helped him to become one with Hulk (combine the best of both worlds)

Became an amazing dad

Became an expert in time travel physics

Discovered/invented (controlled) Time travel

Built a time machine

Went on Time Heist and stole Tesseract from a guarded military base

Created his own Infinity Gauntlet

Thus brought half of the universe back to existence (Bruce snapped and partially sacrificed his health, but nothing would be possible without Tony)

Saved Bruce’s arm by providing emergency medical care

Fought with Thanos again and…

Saved the whole Universe

#tony stark #iron man #mcu #marvel #the avengers #avengers endgame #captain america civil war #avengers age of ultron #iron man 2 #iron man 3 #spider man homecoming #avengers infinity war

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