#cw autism denial

[angie-words]

Second part of details from the Am I Broken: Survivor Stories episode titled Claire "I ignored It and I Believed Him Because He's A Storyteller [Neil Gaiman]". Part 1 here

Again, a reminder that I really, really urge you to listen to the episode if you feel able, found on Apple and Spotify.

EDIT (1st August 2024): two further women have made allegations

CW: details of sexual coercion, gaslighting, power dynamic imbalance, sexual assault, trauma, ptsd, sexual predator behaviour, grooming, abuse of power, discussion of rape culture, victim-blaming

Claire says she is glad the fandom is doing the work to believe victims, but she also understands those "burying their head in the sand" because that's what she tried to do

DeBoer asks what else has helped Claire, besides learning new vocabulary to help her frame her experiences (e.g. grooming, sexual coercion). She says that listening to her body's physical responses, including the trauma dreams, has helped

She began telling friends and she said this helped a lot as they validated what she was feeling rather than believing Gaiman's narrative

Claire says that writing has also helped her process, including writing letters she never sent. She wrote blog and reddit posts, but didn't publish any of them because she didn't know how to come forward with her story

DeBoer thanks her for finding the ability to come forward and asks her what allowed her to feel this was possible now. Claire says that talking with a friend allowed her to develop a certainty, especially when she starts advocating for herself and other people

Claire says that she had been in denial because she was trying to protect herself from the knowledge that someone she trusted and adored had violated her trust

She expresses a deep sadness about how her memories and love of Gaiman's work have been tainted by what he has done to her. She describes that loss of "such magic and beauty" as being deeply sad

The last time she spoke to Gaiman was 2022, which it now turns out was the same year he got Scarlett to sign an NDA.

Claire reiterates how he is seen as a god, deified by the fandom

During one call, he said "I don't know what I see in you - I'm an award-winning author and you are-" and he didn't finish the sentence but she says he didn't need to as the meaning was clear. She describes herself as one of many fans willing to do almost anything for him

Claire says she and others worshipped him. She says consent wasn't impossible, but she was operating from a hero worship complex, fueling a fawn response

DeBoer states that fans are incapable of true consent - what they see is a projection, they are worshipping someone who isn't real, and so they are incapable of being in a real relationship with that hero

Claire agrees it was his responsibility to open the discussion about power dynamics and adhere to it. She said he didn't check in or respect boundaries; she says that wasn't because of autism or something else - she doesn't know why he felt he was owed her body/consent. DeBoer agrees the responsibility was Gaiman's

Claire says that ongoing consent discussions are needed; DeBoer agrees that such things also need to start slowly, and they both discuss how fast Gaiman moved things between him and Claire

Reflecting on how these experiences have affected her in light of the allegations, she can see now she experienced trauma responses to things that reminded her of him. She had to distance herself from friends who still loved Gaiman; she found she couldn't even enjoy reading. She even stopped going into book stores.

Claire almost stopped volunteering at the rape crisis centre. She wasn't sure how she could advocate for anyone else when she hadn't been able to do so for herself. Her manager validated her feelings and said that if everyone who'd had their boundaries violated left, they'd have no one left. It's implied this gave her a new perspective and moved her away from some victim-blaming of herself

She still experiences feelings of doubt and a lack of self-worth in comparison to who Neil Gaiman is, what he's done. However, Claire is trying to move past this mindset, the voice of him in her head

DeBoer encourages her by reminding her that she matters, that she has a voice. They thank her for her bravery and courage

Claire hopes people come away with believing how our bodies respond to trauma - "listen to all of it, not just what people around you are saying"

Claire says she is not broken: she is sad for the child who lost her hero. At this point, Claire becomes a little overwhelmed. She states he influenced how she thought about the assaults

DeBoer ends by talking about how sexual abuse is about both sex and power, not just power as some have stated, otherwise this would be a different type of abuse. They say that there are many indicators of Gaiman having power (money, fame, social capital, age, maturity, gender, eloquence and mythopoesis)

DeBoer says the person with the power has the greater responsibility for shaping the boundaries of the relationship

They say that Claire's healing has come through being able to tell her story, finding the power within herself. DeBoer details an exercise called "safety bubble" that can assist with this (I'd recommend going to about 1:09:00 into the podcast if you want to learn more)

DeBoer reiterates listening to our bodies and how they respond to trauma - it can be difficult to interpret what the sensations we feel are, but it can allow us to reclaim our stories

They define rape culture and how it is insidious, blaming victims, then sharing original notes DeBoer sent when Claire first contacted them. They say Gaiman was testing and pushing boundaries, that this was predatory behaviour; they also said at the time that there was a high likelihood Claire was not the only person Gaiman had done this to

They end with mentioning where to find more information about restorative justice steps someone can take if they have hurt another person

I think that's all folks. It's been extremely difficult for me, as someone who's experienced sexual assault and also this kind of gaslighting thanks to rape culture mentalities. I hope this has been useful for some folks. Please look after yourselves❤️

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for inviting my cousin to an LGBT meet up?

Cw: mentions of suicide and transphobia

I (18M) am a trans man and my cousin N (21F) is a lesbian who is very masc presenting. We're the only queer cousins in the family (at least in our generation) so weve always been good friends and shes been one of the biggest supporters of my transition, defended me from bigoted family members and always corrected family when they used my deadname/old pronouns. I lowkey hoped she would come out as a trans man or nonbinary as well. We dress in the same style which makes it so when were hanging out together one of us is gonna get misgendered since people asume both of us are trans men or masc girls. When N is the one being misgendered she doesnt bother fighting it since its more trouble than its worth but looking back i think it really annoyed her.

Earlier this year N was severely struggling with her mental health. I apologize for the wording i may have since i dont know the proper terminology for this stuff or any specific disorder diagnosis she may have (other than autism). She was having some sort of manic or depressive episode. She was dead set on pushing people away and making them hate her so she could take her own life without regrets.

I visited N once to give her my support during a struggling time but i stupidly told her there was nothing she could say that would push me away. She told me not to test her but i kept pushing it and i admit what happened next was my fault. She told me in a very cold voice that she was a terf, though that she didnt want me dead but that "we" (im guessing she meant trans ppl) made it so much harder for her to exist(???????). I didnt let her keep talking just and left her room, said my goodbyes to her family and just cried while driving home.

Im still not sure if she meant it or if it was part of her mental episode and just a way for her to hurt me and push me away. On one hand ig it explains some of her behavior? N sometimes complained when she got asked for her pronouns or being misgendered like I mentioned before. On the other hand, I gen do not believe she has been a terf all along esp with how supportive shes been of me. If she was a terf youd think she would try to subtly talk me out of it, but that has never happened. My friends have nicknamed her schrodinger's terf lol

Anyway, i went no contact with N for a few months for my own wellbeing. During this time i heard that she tried to kill herself a few times, which got her into a mental hospital. She was given higher doses of meds and seems to be doing way better.

We had a family reunion this week and i decided to approach her. N seemed a little hesitant to talk to me but stayed polite. I tried testing her and talked about the effects T has been having on me but she acted like she always had and congratulated me and even complimented me on how deep my voice has gotten. I wasnt satisfied cause i wanted an apology for what she had said to me so i pushed it more. She did end up apologzing but it was a very surface level apology. At this point i didnt want to keep pushing in case it set her off again so i just took her apology (plus i wanted my best cousin back) and spent the rest of the day hanging out with her.

On the way home my mom said she was happy me and N had made up and that i should invite her to the lgbt club meetings Ive been going to this year. It seemed like a good idea to me, she lost a few friends during her episode and she could make more queer friends here. If N is trans and just in denial it could help her get the resources she needs to feel comfortable coning out. If N IS a terf maybe having more positive interactions with trans ppl could change her mind on it. Overall i thought it would be a win for her.

I brought it up to my friends and some of them blew up at me. Their argument was that itd be exposing the other trans ppl in the group to a terf and putting them in danger. I truly hadnt considered this angle so im kinda conflicted now. She had never felt like an unsafe person before and now that her episode is over she feels normal again. Even if she is a terf i dont think she could actually cause harm? I want N to get better but i dont want to put my trans friends at risk.

So tumblr, WIBTA for inviting N to my lgbt meet up?

What are these acronyms?

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

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1. I remember that fic — lwg accidentally killed wwx and then raise Wen Yuan. JYL live in it. Sorry for mistakes — english is't my first language. Also it first time when I use tumblr too 😅 @derrenaissance​

FOUND? A Little Fall of Rain by Just_a_Girl_in_a_Crystal (T, 47k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Grief/Mourning, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, Golden Core Reveal, Protective LXC, Protective LQR)

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2. A friend and I are hoping you can help find a fic for the next fic finder. It's a modern AU and LWJ is on the autism spectrum but wasn't tested until he was an adult because LQR either didn't want him tested or was in denial about it when LWJ was a child. There was possibly an aunt that was on the spectrum too. We can't remember anything else about it and have gone through the autistic lwj tag and our bookmarks on ao3 but none that we found sounded right. Thanks in advance!

FOUND! together, we’re just enough  by lulu_kitty (E, 134k, wangxian, past WWX/OFC, modern, younger LWJ,   bartender LWJ, older WWX, rich WWX, fluff, yearning, smut, bottom LWJ,   LWJ has scoliosis, slow burn)  

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3. Good day to all! There is a twitter fic that I wanted to read again but I forgot to save it (or like it). Can you help me find it?

Its about foxxian who goes into heat and he spend his heat with dragonji. Foxxian got pregnant and the jiang keep asking who is the father. Apparently, foxxian doesn’t know who is it. Then, when he gave birth, 3 eggs came out. The jiangs are shock. And when the eggs were hatch, all of them are dragons. So the jiangs knew now that the one who impregnant foxxian is a dragon from Lan Clan.

Thank you so much!

FOUND! Foxxian/Dragonji thread by @/cerbykerby (wangxian, cw: dubcon, mpreg, memory loss)    

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4. Hi! I wanted to know if anyone remembers that wangxian time travel fic where lan xicheng goes in this little sidequest where he adopts Xue Yang and Meng Yao??? I think??? And helped them have decent childhoods while wwx fixed everything else

FOUND? And Time Is But a Paper Moon  by sami (M, 138k, WangXian, XiChengQing, Time Travel, Fix-It, Everyone  Lives/Nobody Dies, Healing, Mental Health Issues, PTSD, Hurt/Comfort, Depression, BAMF WWX, BAMF JC, BAMF LWJ, BAMF JYL, Getting Together) Lan Xichen is shown the future by Wwx via empathy. He finds XY and MY when they are still kids and brings them to Cloud Recesses.

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5. hi!! Thank you for all the hard work you are putting! I'm looking for fic where wwx is in the hospital after a car accident. When he wakes up he doesn't remember lwj because he has a six years memory loss and the two of them met five years prior to the accident. They were also about to get married. Lwj played the violin for a living and composed music for Disney if I'm not mistaken. Wwx was an engineer for prosthetic parts and he was working with wq. That's all I remember. If you have the time, I would love if you looked for it!

FOUND? High On Information by Latigra (M, 110k, WIP, WangXian, XuanLi, Hurt/Comfort, Amnesia, Established Relationship, Injury Recovery, Family Drama, Set in USA, Shitty US Healthcare System is Good for Fictional Drama, Modern AU, mild body horror, Traumatic Brain Injury, Warnings at End Notes, Past Drug Use, ADHD, Jealousy, Dom/sub Undertones)

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6. Hello! im looking for this wangxian fic that ive been missing for awhile now. I dont remember much but it was modern and everyone was a hitman or assassin (?) all i remember is that people were involved in the killing business. the only scene i remember is that JGS or JGY dies in the bathtub by being shot by LWJ or LXC. Oh thats another thing im pretty sure the way LWJ killed was by clean shots to the head. I know there's smut in it. It frustrates me so much that i cant remember more this was one of the first wangxian fics i remember reading

FOUND! 🧡 modus operandi by synonemous (E, 21k, WangXian, Modern AU, Serial killer WangXian, Eventual happy ending, WangXian's Canon Kinks, Smut) Not everything fits - they are serial killers and jgy dies in a bathtub, but he wasn't shot / I think #6 is modus operandi too! HGJ kills with headshots, but JGY gets taken out by ZWJ, who comes out of retirement just for that one personal hit.

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7. i have been remembering a fic where at the start wwx is engaged to jzx and lwj is engaged to jyl and obviously in the end they switched partners 😂 but idk the title or author, does this ring a bell for anyone? thanks in advance!!!!

FOUND? Neatly Arranged by thunderwear (T, 45k, WangXian, Arranged Marriage, Angst with a Happy Ending, lwj’s mother is here but only briefly, RIP, Shenanigans, Fix-It, of sorts, Canonical Character Death, but not all, did i forget to tag pining, because this fic is like 90 percent pining, Hurt/Comfort)

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8. Hi i’m looking for a fic that I read a while ago but can’t find. Wei wuxian gets sent back in time after his death to the cloud recesses lectures. He ends up in the middle of a lecture and starts crying. He can’t handle it and attempts suicide by jumping off a cliff at cloud recesses but he is found and saved. I think he gets sanctuary or something but i’m not sure. Thank you your page is a life savor!! @st3wartladle​

FOUND? Without end by barisan (M, 70k, wangxian, major character death, time travel, suicide attempt, hurt/comfort, depressed WWX, protective LWJ, good uncle LQR, bad parents JFM & YZY, not YZY & JFM & Jiang friendly, implied/referenced child abuse & self harm, BAMF WWX, WIP) The scene you mention is right in the beginning of the fic.

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9. Looking for a vampire WWX/Hunter LWJ fic, that started with LWJ kneeling for the marriage ceremony and being bit, then the rest after that involved LWJ trying to keep away from WWX for his own good before they both get together. LWJ stays human. I think I found it on AO3? @bcaugust

It's not the right one(though it is one of my favorites and really close to the same vibe.) I also remember that the vampire bite would scar to indicate a spouse, if that helps anyone.

Not FOUND I Think Sunshine Would Treat Me Kind by vassal101 (T, 24k, WangXian, Exorcist LWJ, Vampire WWX, Human/Vampire Relationship, Fantasy, Vampire Bites, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Protective LWJ, Pining LWJ, Jealous LWJ, Pining WWX, POV LWJ, First Kiss, First Love, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Assassination Plot(s), Undercover Missions, Breaking Up & Making Up, Blood Drinking, Consensual Blood Drinking, horny vampire drinks from equally horny human, Falling In Love, i would say this is more angst than fluff, but it's not too too sad dw, Happy Ending, POV Third Person) reminded me of this one? Doesn't start with a wedding though, lwj simply arrives as a peace offering

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10. Hi!

So I'm looking for a fic that I can't find where I can't remember what exactly happened, but it goes something like this;

Lwj and Wwx are sleeping, Lwj gets a nightmare, and he doesn't tell Wwx about it, but he figures it out anyway and then Wwx waits to see whether Lwj will go back to sleep or have sex. They have rough sex in which Wwx specifically requests that he doesn't want to come. And then they talk (I think it was just outside on a porch or something?) And then Lwj fingers him and gets him off.

I'm sorry I don't remember more, I think it was one chapter and I'm really desperately trying to find this fic. If you could find it it would be much appreciated!!

Thank you!

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11. Heya mods, I'd really appreciate it if you could find this fic. It was about God Lan Wanji and him trying to find fellow god Wei Wuxian after he went missing. LWJ found him with the Dafan Wens and was living happily as a mortal with them. He wondered why WWX wasn't leaving or even thinking about his position as a god, but then it's revealed that his robes (which all gods need) were torn apart by the bad Wens. WWX also gives the robe to a'Yuan iirc. Read it on ao3, might've been a oneshot. @yetusagi

FOUND? Three Worlds, One Life by limedumplr (T, 9k, WangXian, Angels & Demons, Heaven & Hell, fairytale AU, Eternal Love Spinoff, Pining, happy ending I promise, Arranged Marriage, Forced Marriage)

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12. Hi! I’m looking for a fic where the jiang and wwx test their blood relation (not modern btw). I remember the rumor about sect leader jiang and wwx being father-son are just really just rumors because it shows that they are not related. However, when they test out madam yu and wwx blood, apparently they are related to each other. It turns out CSR’s parent is a sibling of Madam Yu’s parent (I dunno if they are really siblings but I know they a family) making it CSR related to Madam Yu (counsin ig)

Hi! I’m the #12 requester in the recent fic finder. Thank you but unfortunately it is not the one I’m looking for. I think the revelation of the blood related thing happened early chapter because as much as I can remember, madam yu treats wwx better after knowing they are related. She actually treats him as her nephew.

NOT FOUND! All Things Belong by kuroi_atropos (M, 64k, WIP, WRH & WWX, WangXian, WWX is a Wēn, Abuse, Whipping, Manipulations, Warning: WRH, Smart WWX, Possessive Behavior, Warning: JGS, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Past Rape/Non-con) it turns out in the later chapter that wwx is somehow related tu mdm yu via his grandmother (who was cssr's mother). And said grandmother was a distant cousin or just from yu

Unstoppbble by Immortal WangXian (Mr_Pervert) (M, 47k, wangxian, JC/LXC, JYL/JZX, immortal WWX, immortal LWJ, good parent YZY, good parent JFM, good uncle LQR, good XY, evil JGY, yin & yang cultivation, time travel fix-it, WN lives, MXY lives, WQ lives, supportive NMJ, YLLZ WWX, possessive LWJ, protective LWJ, fluff & smut, crack, action/adventure, mpreg, WIP)

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13. Hello, first I want to thank you for your service! I am looking for a fic where there's a scene where Lan Xichen sets up a dinner date to introduce Lan Wangji to his boyfriend Nie Mingjue. However, Nie Huaisang came to the restaurant because he lost his apartment keys and he was looking for his brother for help. NHS brought his bestie Wei Wuxian with him so LWJ mistook WWX as LXC's boyfriend. @ksoostrauma

FOUND? Man on My Mind by brooklinegirl (E, 50k, WangXian, Modern AU, Sex Cam Worker WWX, Identity Porn)

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14. just wanted to find a specific fic. It is one where wangxian time travel, and everyone is suspicious of them in the sunshot campaign. Jin guangshan suggests using a magic ball to spy on them, but it turns out they just end up combing each other's hair of something intimate but not shameless?

FOUND? lan xichen is very concerned (and confused) by theninjacat (T, 3k, WangXian, POV Outsider, Time Travel, Canon Divergence, Sunshot Campaign) I just read it, and the hair brushing spying thing was fresh on my mind and in my AO3 history!

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15. Hi! Please help. I lost some of the fics I was reading, and cannot remember where I first saw them (was using incognito at work, but there was an update and pcs got restarted). It's about the cultivation world punishing ppl, especially Wens, at the BM. During war, they see only Yiling is not attacked, and the guardian, who wears a mask and talks through WQ, accepts to help them if he gets married to a clan heir, as a warranty they won't turn on him. There's a scene where an assasain gets to the camp and is about to kill JYL, but Yllz saves her. Do you know it? @allthoselhb

FOUND? Tumblr post by ShanaStoryteller I think this is 15

15 sounds very familiar but I can't find the fic. If it helps, I think it's the one where YLLZ is walking around with a swirling mask of resentful energy all the time and never speaks, and Wen Qing is his voice. Everyone thinks WWX is dead

For 15, I don't THINK it's these, but have similar elements, so maybe, or at least interesting? I forget the name, but there's one fic where wwx and lz never met before the war, and wwx and the lans insist on an arranged marriage between him and a main clan member after the war (they live on burial mounds, not quite a sect kinda big household vibes) to kinda legitimize themselves to protect their people, thinking anyone sent by the clans to the "evil" yllz must be abused/not valued, so they'd actually be saving someone from a bad situation and into a married in name only respected guest situation. Only they get lz instead. Lxc is very worried for awhile thinking lz must be getting abused meanwhile yllz is a masked but perfect gentleman who proves to be a kind dedicated family leader/lord of the area and lz becomes sympathetic/supportive and ends up falling HARD for him and adores ayuan

there's also another one. Idk about a mask, but in it I think jgs? Tricks both wwx (backed by the bm wens) and the lans into thinking that each other are insisting on some sort of forced political marriage with each other, with the Jin being a "neutral party mediators" when actually the Jin are threatening and pressuring both sides into it/lying. Wwx lz and Co find out when they meet for first time on Jin grounds and unite against the jin.

there's also another fic featuring masks, where the yllz is more spooky unknown who always shows up wearing a full face? Silver mask, with the designs changing every now and then. You later find out that the identity of yllz is being shared between wwx, the wen siblings, and I think mxy? And this is during sunshot campaign after the sects asked for their help (tho they might of also offered it as a strategic move for themselves?)

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16. ive been looking for a fic where for some reason wwx stays with the nie after the ssc. nmj threatens to cut off wwx's tongue if he does demonic cultivation but wwx just depresses his life away instead. jgy blocks letters from everyone so hes really isolated. eventually nhs brings him out of his shell and hes eventually allowed outside his rooms. Later, lxc comes to play clarity/rest, and in the training grounds wwx has a panic attack after being accused of cursing jyl and her second pregnancy whoch he hadnt even known about. Now that i think about it, it probably actually takes place after qiongqi pass.

follow up for the imprisoned in the nie fic, im fairly sure that in the summary, nhs is like "you used to be so confident and happy..."

FOUND! Always walked a very thin line by tucuxi (T, 22k, WangXian)

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17. Hi, can you help me find these fics? I've been going crazy! They were on ao3; I hope they haven't been deleted!

A) I think wwx was a ghost, & found himself at the Cloud Recesses in the aftermath of lwj's punishment. Lwj was in bad condition and almost died (a couple of times?) Eventually there was some sort of ritual to bring wwx back into a physical body, & he was in the adjoining room bc he was also very weak. (NB: this is not the fic where wwx is actually astral projecting from Baoshan Sanren's mountain, it's a different one).

B) Lwj stayed at the Burial Mounds, & his health was very poor, he kept getting very sick quite often. At one point there was an epidemic in Yiling; some of the Wens died, and then they went to go help in the town bc of their medical knowledge. Lwj had to stay separate bc of his fragile health; he had to tend the fields alone and he couldn't attend the funerals.

Hi, I messaged recently for help finding 2 fics, so naturally I finally find one of them again not 24 hours later 🙈 The one with Lan Zhan in poor health at the Burial Mounds/the epidemic situation is Over the Rotted Bridge by vailkagami! I can't believe I forgot about the necromancy or Lan Zhan being mute!! I would still love your assistance with finding the other one 🙏🙏 Thank you!

17B)

FOUND! Over the Rotted Bridge by vailkagami (T, 314k, WangXian, Temporary Character Death, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, LWJ dies, Wei Wuxian doesn’t die, neither do (most of) the  wens, JYL also lives, Original Character(s), outside pov, YLLZ WWX,  Canon Divergence, CQL Verse, Illustrated, Grief/Mourning, Non-Consensual  Resurrection, mute LWJ, Hurt LWJ, Slow Burn, canonical death of a child  (mentioned), Survivor Guilt, PTSD)

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18. hi!! for the next fic finder, i have been looking for a fic for a few weeks but since it's been some time ive read it, its lost in my history. it was a time travel fic, where wangxian get back into their bodies during the wen indoctrination. the pov was actually jc's if im not mistaken, but i remember clearly that in the end he accuses lwj of seducing wwx into demonic cultivation, after wx kill the wens there and wwx raises an army. thank you <3

FOUND! I’m pretty sure this one is ❤️ Wen Chao’s Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day by Shializaro (T, 2k, wangxian, time travel, BAMF wangxian, outsider POV, Mojo’s post)

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19. Hello! For the next fic finder, can you help find this fic? It's a sickly WWX because of his live in the street before. I dont remember much but there was a horse riding lesson, he learn about strategy, and when he make a journey alone to make his sword. In his journey he met with imperial soldiers that patroled around capital and befriend them. I think he calmed a resentful mother cat too i think. It's a WIP story. I read that recently in this year but i think it was a fic from around 2019-2020? Thank you @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

FOUND! A Burning Cold by MountainRose (G, 29k, Chronic Illness, Pre-Canon, Nirvana in Fire Fusion, Character Study, Wen Bullshit, Snow Beetle Poison) is a sort of Nirvana in Fire fusion called A Burning Cold by MountainRose locked to archive here / but it's restricted for logged users;

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20. Looking for a fic where the focus iirc was more on LWJ teaching/raising lan juniors to express their emotions healthily.

Sorry, I don't think it's To be of use, I remember it being something shorter. Also WWX came back towards the later part of it.

not FOUND To be of use by Erisette (Not Rated, 53k, LSZ & LWJ, Found Family, Accidental Baby Acquisition, (kinda), Father-Son Relationship, Missing Scene, Good Teacher LWJ, Seclusion Lite(TM), Fluff, Worldbuilding)

FOUND? Gathered Herbs & Sweet Grasses by hansbekhart (Not Rated, 19k, LSZ & LWJ, WangXian, dad wangji, LWJ’s Questionable Parenting Skills, Grief/Mourning, Recovery, Injury Recovery, Hopeful Ending, Canon-Typical Violence)

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[j-chineseenglishdidstuff]

cw: block letters, denial of DID from supposed to be metal health professional

Good news: We get to change doctor, the current doctor straight out DENIED TO GIVE DIAGNOSIS OF DID EVEN WITH A REFERENCE LETTER STATING ABOUT TRAUMA HISTORY PRESENTS AND PATIENT SUFFERING FROM DISSOCIATION PROBLEM

Bad news: We still have to meet that shit the last time tmr before we get rid of him, and the transfer is actually from "autism and adhd specialist" to general psych. It's not like the new one is going to know much about dissociation, and I highly doubt there are that many good doctors available here in where we live, they might as well be some kind of turd just like the previous TWO DOCTORS in a row. And let's be honest, the consultation psy doctors say shits like switching is obvious (being obvious or not is still valid, but they sound like that's the common case and we know that it's usually the opposit in general system population) in interviews...

[spicycoffeebean]

If you don't want to answer that's COMPLETELY fine and you can ignore this entirely, but if your comfort zone permits: I happened across your tag and am. curious how someone could use reddit to try and get someone to detransition. Like, do you mean she made a post about it to get people agreeing with her or??

Hi Anon! I'll be honest and say I'm glad somebody took notice enough to actually ask. Because I still refuse to believe it happened.

No! She did not make a Reddit post. She just sent me several posts from r/detrans to get me to detransition.

More below the cut! Idk how long this will be, but cw for transphobia and all around shitty/questionable behavior

For those who don't know (I can't track down the post, but I commented in tags) my own mother (60) has been very actively against my transition (ftm) since I began taking testosterone in November 2021(I have been openly trans and using he/him prns since 2018, so it's not like any of this was "new" information to her) On top of blatant misinformation, my mom tried to source REDDIT, the detransitioner's subreddit to prove that yes, people do detransition. Never once denied her that. My issue here is that no, she did not make a post, she was ~browsing~ the detransitioner subreddit r/detrans to push me to detransition. She was "sourcing" it (I wanna say she said in the same conversation that she doesn't trust sites that have LGBTQ+ flags despite the statistics being very real and very present. I'm an analytics/statistics student.)

I have a million issues with this, but very simply, she is using people's struggles and real trauma to fuel a transphobic agenda to get me to detransition (I was so much happier when I chose to be openly trans let alone when I actually started T last year.) If you actually read the subreddit, 99% of those stories are OP saying "Transitioning did not work for me" but not once do they denounce transitioning. They make it clear that their experiences with it did not work out.

“I talk to detransitioners all of the time” she said “Why don’t you talk to a real trans person?” I asked her “Because I know their story.�� is what she said word for word Bitch I’m trans and I don’t know trans people’s stories. I just am trans?? I made it super easy for her. Talk to a doctor or a real trans person. She makes any excuse to NOT DO THIS. A cisgender doctor in California will tell you that you are out right wrong and doing more harm than any good you might see from it.

Less than 1% of people detransition, and the majority of those who detransition ARE STILL UNHAPPY. Even then a handful of people detransition because of society, family, or something simple as healthcare. People are denied healthcare because doctors don't want to provide basic care to a transgender person. (I live in the US where this practice would be illegal) My mother acts like I myself deny that people detransition while she literally won't acknowledge WHY people detransition at all. LGBT clinics are apparently shutting down in the UK, Norway, Sweden etc. Yeah cool cisgender people are losing healthcare too. But apparently that doesn't matter. My brother's(cis) bisexual and he could be denied care if he lived in such a place. I don't think she'd take kindly to that, knowing she was the most supportive when my brother came out well over 10 years ago.

I do not want my story or trauma to be used as fuel for a fire to hurt somebody else. I doubt any of these detransitioners would be happy knowing this either. Their stories are not for my mother to tell

anyway she sends me to college(to study analytics/statistics lol??) and insists I'm brainwashed and need an autism diagnosis(YES, SHE ASKED ME 3 TIMES TO GET ONE. NO I JUST HAVE ADHD. I ASKED DOCTORS FOR 5 YEARS ABT IT LOL)

She's just in denial she spent 1 million usd and 2 years of paperwork on a China doll because "[She] didn't want to try for another son" I was told this my entire childhood and it's haunting me almost every day now.

That's the super dumbed-down version of that Reddit comment. Let alone EVERYTHING ELSE she put me through the last 14 months.

TLDR; She did not make a post to get people to agree with her, she was just taking people's stories and struggles to fuel a hate agenda detransitioners themselves do not agree with (she cannot read.)

[lazyscience]

Especially since some families don't change their minds even after suffering. Like the family in Oregon who didn't believe in vaccination whose child was hospitalized for almost two months with tetanus, who when he was released refused any further vaccinations. A little child who had to spend more than a month in darkness, sedated, alone and the parents were still worried about...I don't know, tracking chips? (The family was never identified to protect the child's privacy so we have no information about why they declined further shots). Or the Stephan family (who we unfortunately know about because their son died and unlike health information, court cases are public record), who were unrepentant about being antivaxx after their son died of meningitis and empyema (lung infection).

(broke this into a readmore, cw: child suffering/death, protect your mental health if you need to)

The problem in cases like those is a kind of sunk cost fallacy; they can't accept that they made such a big mistake that it resulted in their child's suffering or death. So they convince themselves that there's no way to know their child wouldn't have gotten sick anyway, or that something even worse would have happened if they had been vaccinated (although what's worse than DEATH in excruciating pain exactly, I'm not sure). And in the Stephans' case, the child's grandfather had a thriving supplement business after blaming his wife's suicide from bipolar disorder on "big pharma" and "curing" his children by giving them the herbal cocktail he invented which was supposed to help "depression, schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder, ADHD, autism and anxiety" that the child's father David Stephan's main income came from, so accepting they were wrong about a) not getting Ezekiel vaccinated against pneumococcus or Hemophilus influenzae (HIb), not taking him to the doctor when he refused to eat for days and was being hydrated by EYEDROPPER, or taking him to the ER instead of a naturopath when his little body was too rigid to place in a carseat and instead they put a crib mattress in the back and took him to the naturopath that way two days before he stopped breathing and they FINALLY took him to the hospital would mean losing their part of the business as well as killing their child and well...people have gone into denial over less.

Meningitis is a hideous, painful way to die.

The thing about the Stephans that sticks with me were the parents saying "haven't we been punished enough? Nothing will bring Ezekiel back" with FOUR WHOLE OTHER UNVACCINATED CHILDREN THAT THEY DON'T INTEND TO START VACCINATING. Yeah, nothing is bringing back the one that died - and nothing is stopping something unneeded and awful from happening to the other four. What about the other four, David and Collet? What about the other four?

But no, they still believe they're being unfairly persecuted.

You don’t say.

[dipshit-does-crimes]

WELCOME TO HELL FUCKERS.

Yooooo. vent blog. wooooooo

I made this blog cause i wanted to and also i hate my life right now and have no one else to talk to. if you reconise my artstyle, don’t tell anyone who i actually am, or i will.. i would say kill myself but that just proves i have bpd(which i don’t btw) so i’ll just throw a really really big tantrum about it and then delete every tumblr i have. i will also send you hate. unless you’re a mutual then i’ll just delete everything and assume you hate me. fun, right?

name i’ll be going under here: crime. cuz i can

disorders i’ve been diagnosed with: adhd

disorders i probably have: bpd(denial), autism, anxiety, depression, hypersexuality

why this is important: if you’re gunna send hate might as well do it where it hurts. also it’s what i’ll be posting about dipshit what the fuck did you think? god

orientation: alloaro, if you couldn’t tell

pronouns: it/its

cw in case you don’t read bios: discussion of self harm, suicide, gore, and possibly other things i can’t remember. it’s a vent blog wtf did you expect

i cope with humor so expect me joking around a lot. not trying to make this shit seem lighter than it is it’s just how i am. if you don’t like it come tell me to kill myself i’ll welcome you with open arms and also me killing myself because that’s what hate mail does. seriously what do you hate anons expect? me to get off to your hate? lol

tags i guess? idk its organization: #crime does crimes - talking about shit. #crime draws awful shit - shitty vent art i post

[mary-moongood]

SOTRYTIME (CW: stereotypes regarding autism and identity denial)

I am mad today, I need to vent this out to so I will do it here.

At my school we are going to do a thesis project soon. Our teacher wants us to pick a social topic we have experience with or that affects us. I wanted to pick "The negative effects of the current educational system on neurodivergent kids" because I am autistic myself.

I told her this and GUESS WHAT THAT OLD ASS LADY HAD THE GUTS TO SAY

She fucking told me "You are not autistic. If you were you wouldn't have any friends, you wouldn't talk to anyone and you wouldn't even be able to talk" I tried telling her that that was non verbal autism and that there were other types of autism, but she kept on about how I am not autistic because I talk and socialize and why I couldn't do my thesis about autism because of that.

THE AUDACITY OF THIS BITCH!

I didn't keep that a secret, not from my classmate nor with my school's counselor.

[firelynxinbloom]

The Closest Thing I have written to a Biography: “My Mind is a Time Machine.”

Here is a short story that I wrote for a university class about a year ago. It is one that centers around time and memory, and it also surround my life as an Autistic woman, and my father’s struggle to accept his Autistic identity. All the characters in the story are based in real friends and family, but all the names have been changed for privacy reasons. This includes mine and my father’s name. I hope you enjoy it :)

...

As I watch the thundering rain falls heavily in a wet drape of blue and green, I am taken back to my childhood, where I sat in a cheap kiddie pool in my Dad’s backyard and looked up at the flashing and booming lightshow that flares above me. The wetness of the pouring rain, and deafening crashes and bangs, and the bright streaks of white and gold sent me into an overload of sensory ecstasy. This wonder is slightly marred by the faint screeching of my father’s worried voice, slowly taking shape into the words; “Talia! Get inside!”

“Talia, dinner’s ready!” The beckoning call of my mother pulls me back into the realm of the present. Reluctantly, I pull myself from my bedroom window and slowly make my way to the kitchen. I sat at the dining room table to eat when I noticed what was on the plate in front of me. It was a piece of grilled flathead fish with vegetables and tartar sauce on the side. I was overwhelmed with disbelief. “How did you afford this?” I asked my mum with eyes wide open. She looked at me with a warm smile. “I’ve been saving up for it. I wanted to spoil you the night before your graduation.” As I tuck into my ridiculously expensive meal, my mind wanders off to one of my winter holiday trips to my father’s rural home....

Every winter, since my parents broke up, my dad would take me to his home in the rural coast. The smell of ocean salt and cocoanut-scented sunscreen is a gateway into series of long road trips and petrol stops that led into a paradise of paternal reconciliation. One day, at the age of nineteen, Dad and I joined his girlfriend Julie and their family on a fishing trip to the Hamilton River. In my pale blue jumper and my rolled up jeans, I waded into the freezing water and let out my fishing line. I bask in the serenity of bright blue sky and the gentle of warm wind that carries the laughter of Dad and Julie and the impatient groaning of my supposedly de-facto step niece. The scent of cigarettes and cologne greets me, and I turn to see Dad standing beside me. I remember that look of pure love and joy on his face, a look of man that did not want to lose contact with his baby girl again. This serenity is broken by the strong tug of my fishing line as a frantic white object splashed about the river on the other end. “Pull it! Pull it! Come on, Talia! You can do it!” Dad cheers me on as I yank a massive flathead fish from the river depths. “I caught a fish! I can’t believe it! I caught a fish!” I shouted joyfully. I took a good look at my prize. It was a white, shiny, and graceful looking thing. It had a flat and wide head with an eye on both sides and what appeared to be thick slimy whiskers of its face. I gently gave it to Julie, and she put it in a large bucket of water. “That fish is a Flathead. They are expensive when you buy them at the shops, so it was a lucky catch for you today.” I remember her taking the fish to her place to prepare it, and Dad and I had it for lunch the next day.

As I finished my dinner, I remember the sense of accomplishment that I felt when I caught that fish. I remember the smile of pride on my Mum’s face when I told her about it. I think that is why she cooked flathead fish for dinner. It is her way of showing me how she is proud of my hard academic work in light of my graduation. My Mum gives me a hug as walk into the lounge room.

“Do you have a dress picked out?”

“Yes. I’m wearing the black one with the peplum.”

“I’m so proud of you. I love you.”

“I love you too. Good night.”

“Good night baby.”

I walk into my room and I climb into my loft bed. As my head touches the pillow, my mind begins to travel. My dreams take me to the events of my past.

The first event that beckons me to an argument my parents had when I was four. It starts with a flurry of chaos. This chaos consists of too much noise, too much light, too much of everyone else’s emotions, but most of all, too much of this burning sensation in mouth by this thing they call tomato sauce. It felt like I was swallowing napalm. As this overload softened, I was able to wake up from my meltdown. I noticed that my parents were yelling at each other. My Dad did not understand what had just happened to me. He keeps arguing the point.

“She was overreacting! It’s just tomato sauce! She knows it gets your attention!”

“She’s not faking it! How is that fake?! She was having a meltdown!”

“Too bad! It’s tomato sauce! She’ll get used to it!”

“She can’t get used to it! She’s autistic! She’s just like you! Do you remember the meltdown you had last week?”

“Don’t get me started on that bullshit!”

The beckoning of another event pulls me away, and I am taken to the day my parents broke up for good. I was twelve at the time. I woke up in the middle of the nigh to hear Mum and Dad arguing again. I heard Dad scream at the top of his lungs, “I’m not autistic, and neither is she!” I made my way to my bedroom door, but my sister Natalie walked in to stop me. She is seventeen at the time. I cried in her loving arms as I heard the front door slam and the screeching of a car driving off. “I know what I am. Why can’t he accept himself for who he is?” I asked between sobs. Through the dim light, I could see Natalie’s blue eyes shine with compassion and worry. “I heard that his family was in denial of him being different in any way. His mother is very stubborn about him being normal. I think Dad feels that if he accepts his Autism, he might somehow be insulting his mother’s memory.” This insight led me to feel a sense of empathy towards my Dad, coupled with a subtle hatred towards my paternal grandmother for emotionally abusing my Dad in this way. Suddenly, I am swept away to the day my Dad came back. I was sixteen, and I was playing fetch with the dog we had at the time, when there was a sudden knock on the front door. My Mum walked to the door and started talking to the person that was there. The conversation seemed slightly tense from what I could see in the backyard. I heard my calling to me, “your father is here.” The initial shock was followed by joy as ran into the house to greet him. He embraced me in his arms where I was reunited with the nostalgic smell of cigarettes and cologne. My mind flashes toward to an hour afterwards. Natalie came over from work and we all started talking about the time that went by. Dad said that he had moved to the rural coast to get away from all the noise of suburbia, and we talked about Natalie moving out, my high school achievements, and Mum’s struggle to raise us on her own. This scene of bittersweet joy began to fade as I woke up to my conscious reality.

As I am getting ready for graduation, my Mum is calling Natalie on the phone to make sure she has not slept in. By the time Mum starts calling Dad, I have slipped into my peplum dress. This sleeveless black pencil dress reaches the top of my knees. It has an elegant peplum flap on each side of my waist. I have paired this with a pair of plain black kitten heels. As I walked into the lounge room to see Mum dressed and ready to go. She was wearing a loose pair of black palazzo pants and a loose black crochet singlet. A rainbow chiffon shawl and a pair of black decorative sandals topped the outfit. She was on the phone to Danielle, my step-grandmother of sorts. Danielle was the de-facto partner of my maternal grandfather. Papa and Dannie, as they were known, were very close to Natalie and me. My Dad is not Natalie’s biological father. Her father abandoned her when she was five, so while my Dad was gone, Papa took the role as our fatherly figure. Natalie was closer to him than I was, so his death was extremely hard for her. I remember being in the hospital waiting room at the time. I was eighteen, and I was talking with Natalie’s partner, Ray. Natalie’s sobs pierced the peace in the room. She ran to Ray in a crying mess, and I stood there, frozen with grief. “Is he.....?” I asked, and she turned her crying red face to me and nodded. I heard the distant sound of Mum wailing in grief. As Natalie cried in Ray’s arms, I became overwhelmed by own emotions. I didn’t know which one to process first. On top of that, I was overloaded with the grief of Natalie and the grief of Mum and Dannie as they walked into the room. My head was crammed full of emotion, and most of it was not my own. I could not process anything. I could not cry. I could not make a sound. I just stood there, frozen.

The front door opened as I came to the present. Natalie came through the door with a big smile on her face. “I’m proud of you,” she beams while holding me in a tight hug. She is wearing a flowing purple blouse with silver trimming and her nicest pair of jeans. She had on a pair of silver sparkly converse shoes that match the polish on her naturally perfect nails. When she released me from her arms, I looked at her face and I saw that she had makeup on. I looked to Mum and she had makeup on too. I touched my bare face and laughed. “Well, I’d better put my face on.” Mum and Natalie laughed. “Take your time. It’s your graduation,” said Mum.

As I was fixing my makeup, I catch a whiff of a familiar perfume. I have not encountered this smell in a long time. I wandered what it was doing in my house. I called out down the hallway; “Where is that sweet smell coming from?” I heard a faint call travel back to me; “It’s this bubble gum flavoured ‘Hello Kitty’ spray that I found at the shops yesterday. I was showing Mum how ridiculous it smells. Why ask?” said Natalie. “It smells like someone I used to know,” I answered.

I associate that smell with my first year in university. This first year was my foundation pathway course because my university acceptance mark was too low. I remember crying at my computer, feeling like my hard work was for nothing when I received that mark. This sadness switched to joy when I got an acceptance letter to a foundation that would get me into university. On my first day of this course, I was sitting in class, waiting for the teacher to arrive. That was when I was greeted by the childish smell. I turned to see where it came from. Sitting next to me, I saw the most unusual looking woman I have ever seen. She had bright red hair done up in fifties rockabilly styles. Her makeup was extreme, with winged eyeliner and a red lip to contrast her porcelain skin. She wore a pink frilly fifties dress, with a pair of red stiletto pumps covering her pink frilly socks. This vintage look seemed quite. However, the brow piercing, the black clawed nails and her many ‘Disney Princess’ tattoos gave her a distinct edge. Her name was Regna, and although I was only an acquaintance to her for only a couple of months, her image made me realise that is was a way to be true to oneself without succumbing to group pressure.

As I was finishing my makeup, I thought that Regna would be a perfect example for Dad to admire. Like Regna, he should accept himself for who he is, without worrying his family. He should not have to be scared. These thought were interrupt by another knock on the door. I walked into the lounge room greet Dannie in her Sunday best glory. She also greeted me with an expression of pride and joy. “Papa would be so proud,” she said. I smiled and I look to the front door to see if anyone else was here. No one was here. Dad was not here. I felt a sinking feeling of sadness. I do not understand. He said he would be here. My mum walked over to comfort me. “It’s okay, Talia. He called to let us know that he was stuck in traffic. I told that if we leave before he arrives, he would meet us at the graduation hall.” I felt a wave of relief. Natalie gave me a knowing look of sympathy. She and I both know how unpredictable he can be. As we all get into Natalie car, I think back to rare conversion I had with Dad.

It was one of my most recent trips to Dad’s home. We had stopped at a petrol station to for a pee break and an early breakfast. Dad stocked up on his fourth cup of coffee, and I stocked up on a litre of orange, four hash browns and a box of ‘Krispy Kreme’ donuts. As we got into the car to continue our rural road drip, Dad and I began to talk about my neurological difference.

“I’m starting to realise that Kylie was right about you being autistic. I notice that you are a little quirky sometimes, but that’s not a bad thing. I should’ve known it wasn’t a bad thing. I guess that’s why I didn’t want to accept it. You’re doing alright for yourself, going to uni and all.” He said with an apologetic smile. This surprised me. This was the first time my Dad admitted to all the hard my Mum did for me. I saw this as a good step in the right direction. I let him speak some more.

“Some of the things you do, like the day dreaming, and the fidgeting, the overloads, and your introverted streak; they’re all the things that I do. It’s weird because the doctor said that those things are what make you autistic. It’s got me feeling a bit unsure.”

I could not believe what I was hearing. I looked at him with a knowing smile.

“You know there’s a good chance my Autism didn’t come out of nowhere? It’s never too late to get the paper work, if you catch my drift.”

A cloud of silence filled the car, and I saw my Dad show an expression of deep thought as he kept driving. He glanced at me with a sense of nervousness.

“I don’t know. Wouldn’t that be a slap to my mum’s face?”

“I don’t think so. I think the only thing she would want is for you to be happy.” His face suddenly brightened.

“You think you’re right. It wouldn’t hurt to check it out.”

As I was sitting in the audience, waiting for the Dean to call my name, I turn to check the crowd for my Dad’s face. This sense of hope turned to sadness when his face could not be found.

“Talia Steward,”

The Dean calls my name, and I start to make my way to the stage to accept my Bachelor degree. I walk towards the Dean and I take my hard earned reward. I take one last look at the sea of people and a distant waving hand catches my eye. I see my Dad! He made it! I am overwhelmed with joy. He is standing next to where Mum, Natalie, and Dannie are sitting. He is in his best shirt and pants. He waves his phone at me mouths the word “Phone.” I take my phone out of my robe pocket and I am overjoyed by the text that I see. It is from Dad, and it says;

“I got the paper work.”

...

I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know if it needs anymore content warnings :)

[thescarletwitchsapprentice]

Yandere!Wanda Maximoff with an ADD!autistic!s/o

*Not my GIF.

I know I made a post about a Yandere!Wanda with an ADD!autistic!s/o, but I didn’t do general headcanons, which I want to see. Some of this may contradict “A Pure Soul,” but it’s my headcanons, so yeah. And this is probably more of a general thing, idk?

(CW: Sensory overload, self-harm mention, suicide mention, I don’t condone IRL yandere behavior, ableism mention, anti-vaxxer mention, Autism Speaks mention)

Note: Reader is 18+.

Oh, Wanda....poor girl’s lost way too much for comfort.

She’s absolutely desperate for love and affection, but she’s scared to open up, in fear of her new loved one dying. 

So when you, the newest Avenger, arrive she catches feelings for you instantly. 

And she’s terrified.

So terrified that she ends up ignoring you for the first week or so.

She’s in denial for a few days, but begins to fully see so much to love about you.

The way you smile, the way you laugh, how you space out when you’re bored, so much.

She realizes that she can’t ignore these feelings, but she’s so desperate to keep you safe as well. 

So she figures why can’t she do both?

Unlike Nat, she doesn’t have to hack into your phone or anything to know about you. This is where being a telepath comes in handy. 

In a matter of a few days or so, she knows everything about you. 

Yes, she even knows you’re autistic and have ADD. 

But she doesn’t dare bring it up. You don’t know she’s a telepath, and she doesn’t wanna creep you out.

Once she gathers her senses, she finally introduces herself and apologizes for not doing so earlier.

“I’m so sorry. I guess I take a while to.....make myself more open to others,” she tells you.

“Hey, it’s no problem! I’m the same way. It’s nice to finally talk to you!”

Hearing your voice directly is one of the best things EVER for her.

Literally like music.

She wants to hear it as much as possible.

And she wants to be around you as much as possible.

So she starts taking any chance to be around you.

You need some help with training? Wanda will be the first to volunteer.

Need a battle partner? Wanda’s got your back.

She’ll invite you to have dinner, watch a movie or a sitcom, play a game, even go out on surveillance with her.

If anyone asks during surveillance, she suggests that you two pretend to be a couple. Sounds like a solid idea, so you go with it.

She’s definitely hoping that it’ll be real eventually.

But what about others who take an interest in you?

Well, there’s one thing that distinguishes Wanda from typical Yanderes, actually a few, but the biggest one is this; she’s extremely reluctant to use deadly force, despite having the capability to do so. 

That means you won’t really have to worry about her killing your loved ones or people who flirt with you. 

Just them becoming traumatized or catatonic.

Like Natasha, the severity of the punishment is determined by the severity of the crime. 

If it’s a simple wink at you, Wanda might be able to brush it off. If not, she’ll probably send a thought at them to distract them away from you.

If it’s a nice compliment, it depends on how often and how flirtatious. 

If it’s once in a while and sounds friendly, but not too friendly, Wanda won’t mind. It boosts your self-esteem, and she wants you to be happy.

If it’s too often or too flirtatious, a nudge away or a slight manipulation does the trick.

If it’s flirtatious gestures, a small talk with them while you’re away tends to do the trick.

But then.....what about the worst-cases?

You’ve gotten catcalled and harassed a few times, and that definitely angers her. 

Expect the one who did it to go missing for a few days.

Will they come back? That depends. She might make them catatonic or she might send them away. Killing’s not usually her style.

As for the Avengers? Well, there’s not much she can do that won’t go unnoticed.

She can have a little talk with them and she’s able to use her powers to stop them from flirting with you, but that’s about it.

Nat may have her eyes on you, but honestly, Wanda would probably be able to deter her using her fear projection, or at least negotiate some sort of a deal. Perhaps even a polyamorous relationship?

Steve? He’s on her side, despite the rough start. He has to tread a bit carefully, though.

Bucky.....she’s hesitant to let you be around Bucky. Of course he needs that type of affection; he was brainwashed by HYDRA to be a freaking weapon! She knows too well what HYDRA can do to someone and it honestly hurts her heart that Bucky had to go through that. 

But she’s scared he might get too clingy. 

A hug every now and then with her nearby? Fine with her.

Maybe even a small cuddle on his worst days. 

She’ll sometimes join in.

Actually she usually will.

And then there are some she just can’t bear to tell off harshly.

Like Peter Parker. 

Oh, sweet and smol boi Peter Parker; he’s too precious for this world.

Peter is basically the human version of a golden retriever puppy; lovable, playful, sweet, and loyal.

He doesn’t want much out of you, just to be your friend.

Like honestly, he’s so freaking pure; you just wanna protect him at all costs.

He just loves that there’s finally someone as sweet as he is and wants to spend as much time with you as he can. He’s happy, you’re happy, and he’s happy that you’re happy. 

He’s the definition of a Hufflepuff, let’s be honest.

Seriously, Wanda would not have the heart to be harsh with him; he really does mean well.

She would just try to work out a schedule with him. 

Bruce is another one.

The big green Incredible Hulk is just a big old teddy bear and you have such a sweet nature. Poor guy needs some hugs every so often. 

She trusts you to be around Clint; he’s like a father figure to her.

Thor? He’s basically a giant golden retriever just like Peter. 

Vision? Another sweet boi. More like a big brother.

The only person, aside from Bucky, that she’s wary of is Tony, especially given their past.

If he tries to flirt with you, Wanda’s not hesitant about glaring him down, or in the worst-case scenario, place him in a fear projection again.

One night the fire alarms accidentally go off while you’re all sleeping.

And you wake up PANICKING.

You can’t find your ear protectors, (special headphones for minimizing loud noises) so you drop to the floor with your hands over your ears, crying. It’s absolute hell for you, and it actually causes you physical pain.

Then you see a wisp of scarlet and you begin to calm down.

The noise mutes and you hear nothing, except for the soothing tones of a lullaby in a language you don’t understand.

It’s beautiful nonetheless.

Once everything’s calmed down, you look to see who helped you.

It’s Wanda, of course.

She asks you why you’re so sensitive to loud sounds and bright lights and things like that, but in a caring and concerned way.

You finally tell her that you’re autistic, and you also entrust her with the fact that you have ADD. 

She takes the questions a bit at a time, starting with “What can I do to help make this place more sensory-friendly for you?”

And it’s not in a condescending way like most. 

No, she genuinely wants you to feel safe and comfortable.

So that only helps you open up more.

You tell her what you know about yourself, unbeknownst to the fact that she already knows.

She honestly just wants to hear it from you. She loves your voice SO. DAMN. MUCH.

No one, except possibly your family, has cared about you so much, and it’s overwhelming, but in the best way possible.

You begin to trust her so much more.

As in you might even start to trust her more than you trust yourself.

She goes through with what makes you feel most comfortable. She always has sensory-friendly snacks nearby, any stim toys or fidgets.

Wanda knows what clothing material makes you feel overwhelmed, and will go the distance to assure that you don’t have to feel those textures.

She LOVES hearing you info-dump/passion rant about your special interests and hyperfixations. You get such a twinkle in your eyes and you just look so adorable!

She’ll avoid reading your mind when she senses you’re going to info-dump/passion rant because she wants you to tell her facts about the things you love. Not just because of your voice, but also because she wants you to be listened to and she wants to learn something new from you each time.

You love that look of genuine surprise she gives you when you tell her something she doesn’t know.

If any of your stims are self-harm, she won’t get angry or force you to suppress them; instead she’ll help you find safer alternatives. 

Honestly it’s amazing what lengths she’ll go to to make you feel most at ease.

And you’re now catching the feels for Wanda.

As in big time feels.

As in “you-can’t-imagine-anyone-else-you’d-rather-be-with-for-the-rest-of-your-life” kind of feels.

You tend to try to be upfront and honest about communication. You don’t really see the point in lying.

So you....kinda just come out and tell her.

And she’s over the moon. She even admits her feelings for you.

So naturally you two become a couple. 

And you fall more and more in love with her each day.

And she falls more and more in love with you each day.

It’s just.......perfect!

I mean, Wanda’s just the absolute sweetest, isn’t she?

Well......to you, yes.

Other people? Not so much. 

Now that you’re in a relationship, she’s determined to make it clear to everyone else that you two are together.

If someone’s trying to flirt with you, Wanda’ll find some way to discretely use her powers to show the other person “If you so much as make eye contact with them, I will make sure you sleep with one eye open in life and in death.”

They don’t even approach you to tell you that she’s scaring them. You’re too smitten by her and they’re scared that if they approach you, she’ll take them out while you’re looking the other way.

And don’t get me started on ableists.

I’m gonna get started on ableists.

She’s extremely passionate about neurodivergent rights. Why wouldn’t she be when you’re the absolute light of her life?

So after she’s learned about the history of ABA therapy (aka autism conversion therapy) and how traumatizing it can be, she’s ready to kill a bitch. 

Autism Speaks, TACA, autism parents, NEXT for Autism, anti-vaxxers who blame vaccines for causing autism? (I’m looking at you, Jenny “I Don’t Mind Getting Botox Injections But God Forbid My Son Gets A Shot To Keep Him From Getting Deathly Ill” McCarthy) When she becomes fully realized as the Scarlet Witch, they. are. screwed. 

Technically she could probably make them pay even without being fully realized, but as the Scarlet Witch, they’re certainly screwed.

And honestly, you’re not entirely mad about that.

And then one day when you’re out, someone makes extremely ableist remarks to your face, even saying how the world would be better off without you. (which is not true.)

Whoever said that to you is going to become catatonic.

And then their friends push you to attempting suicide.

Thank God Wanda stops you.

She stays with you in the ER for those 72 hours and then makes sure you’re not going to be a danger to yourself.

And those friends of whoever she made catatonic? They’re not just gonna become catatonic; oh no, they’re gonna become straight-up shells of who they once were.

You two go through all of that shit on the Raft, Infinity War, (spoiler: you got dusted instead of her) and Endgame.

She’s long known that the world isn’t safe for you, but this settles her decision on keeping you safe.

So one night she comes into your room and casts a deep sleep spell on you.

She flies you off to a secluded cabin in what used to be Sokovia and applies everything she knows about what makes you feel most at ease.

Wanda also places a barrier around the land, as well as a strong cloaking spell. She wants to be sure no one will ever find you, nor will you ever run away.

You’re her precious angel, and no one will ever take you from her again.

[sweetandsavageautistic]

(CW: helicopter parenting mention, law enforcement mention):

So I found this post someone shared and, oh boy:

“Dear families I am begging you to listen to me. Over the last few years I have heard heart breaking stories of our young adults getting into trouble with the law in a variety of ways. The individuals with autism are usually innocent, entrapped or unaware of the situation unfolding.  Several of these young adults have served time and families have lost huge amounts of money trying to protect their children from the system. Here are my recommendations based on these families experiences. Here is my plea: 1. Get guardianship. You can always give it up later. 2. Teach your child to reach out and use you as a resource. Teach them to ask for help even as adults. 3. Being a helicopter parent is important as we release our adults in the world. There will be a huge transition and we should be actively involved in double checking they are handling life okay and not being taken advantage of or bullied in any way. 4. Be brutally honest about your child’s strengths and weaknesses and put measures in place to help them build those weaknesses up. Set goals and really think about what tools they need and create them. Denial is not your child’s friend. 5. Understand all the technology your child uses and double check it. There are people including law enforcement on social media and playing games who may entrap your child without the child knowing they are doing anything wrong. According to Homeland Security Officer I talked to there is no privacy in any of the technology platforms and every thing is recorded. 6. Make sure to put your child thru the Be Safe Program. Be Safe helps our young adults interact safely with law enforcement. One of the issues discussed is understanding their right to remain silent and their right for an attorney. You have to understand this right to get this right and it needs to be explicitly taught. We want our individuals with autism to be included in society but society does not always accommodate them and that is ESPECIALLY true of the legal system. I have tried for years to do trainings for courts, so far I have trained people who work within the system excluding the real people needing the training like judges and prosecutors and defense attorneys. Our Be Safe Program has made huge changes in our relationships with law enforcement but the legal system is still a train wreck. So we must be very vigilant and protect our kids!”

What. the fuck. are they thinking?

I have a lot of qualms over this. I understand that the law isn’t responsive to us or even trained to help us, but that gives no excuse to enforce what I consider to be the biggest problem of this post (besides calling us kids when talking about adults), which I replied with:

“I have some qualms over this, but there's one in particular; helicopter parenting. It's fine to be protective, but DO NOT become a helicopter parent. It's scientifically proven that those whose parents are helicopter parents are less able to handle the world. On top of that, speaking as an autistic woman who has felt like her parents have been kinda helicopter parents, it's stressful to the autistic person because it makes us feel like we always need to be acceptable. It makes us feel like we have no sense of control over our lives whatsoever and it makes us LESS likely to ask you for help about things or tell you about things like if we're LGBT+, things that we may not be quite comfortable with you knowing right away, things that we ourselves may need time to come to terms with. Like a lot of young adults who are not autistic, we're more desiring of independence and trying to develop our own identity. Hovering over your autistic son or daughter all the time will make them stressed out and perhaps lash out because even WE like our privacy. It's totally understandable that you want us to be safe and that's cool, but how are we supposed to handle the world if we can't be left to make a few mistakes of our own? In short, for big decisions, some guidance is okay, but only if they ask you. You can tell your autistic son or daughter that "hey, I know this is a pretty big decision. if you need help with anything, I'm here." If it's something huge, then maybe step in a bit. But if it's something like withdrawing money or depositing a check or going to the doctor's office, unless they say they would like help from you, please step back and let them do this themselves. You can ask them "hey, would you like me to go with you to do this thing?" but if the answer is no, then step back and respect their answer. Another important thing is to ask them what their boundaries are in terms of these things; when they give their answer, respect what they say. If it doesn't feel safe to you, then work with them on a compromise that both of you can be happy with. Not only does this give them a sense of independence and you a sense of security, but they may be more likely to come to you to ask for help because they trust that you'll keep to those boundaries you two have established.”

Also the phrase I bolded: The individuals with autism are usually innocent, entrapped or unaware of the situation unfolding.

Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. That post is another plea to treat us like helpless, innocent children. Which may become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we aren’t given AT LEAST SOME autonomy and control, we won’t know how to be independent, so this post is somewhat counterproductive to what some parents want for their autistic sons or daughters. They want us to be able to be independent and functioning adults, but by treating us like helpless, innocent children, that’s what we may start to become. Because psychology. 

This is one of my main problems (out of many problems) with autism parents/NT-exclusive advocacy of autistic people; they treat us like we have no autonomy or that we can’t be independent. And, in its core, it’s one of the things the Autistic Rights Movement seems to be founded on; the idea that we CAN be independent, that we DO have autonomy, and that we ARE able to advocate for ourselves in some way. Even those who society considers to be “severely autistic” can probably advocate in some way with the right kind of help and adaptions. Because what society seems to disregard is that they are people as well, people who have opinions, people who have likes and dislikes, people who have emotions. 

“Autism Parents” take them into regard when it comes to THE PARENTS AND NTs advocating over them and to argue that those of us who society considers “mildly autistic” don’t speak for them because we’re not like them, but it seems like they refuse to acknowledge them when it comes to our rights. 

[rodislandpsychic]

Previous Owner Rosie Castle, Entitled Westerner, and a Mother’s Written Letter on Behalf of Her Husband Appealing Denied Veteran Aid Hearing Loss Claim

I had a major revelation from my previous post regarding Rosie who is this really bright and beautiful person I met on Second Life.

In my previous post, I was doing a rundown all the people named Rosie I’ve met in my Life. It’s because over the last 15 years of working in the Psychic Field, I’ve come to realize I’ve been shown people all throughout my Life that preps me for when I run into someone in the future.

This ties to my previous Instagram post about “Crisis of Infinite Earths” that aired on the CW Network. Steven Amell was wrapping up his television show “Arrow” for the character Green Arrow where he becomes Spectre.

In the film, Oliver Queen as Spector tells the Anti-Monitor that his entire Life has prepared him for this fight.

[Watch the Spectre vs. Anti-Monitor Scene on YouTube]

It’s the same with me where I’ve been prepped all my Life where I’ve been shown people in my past who have certain names and do certain things. I spent time listening or observing.

So when I run across someone, especially when they’re more intelligent than me, I have to pull from a different source because I can’t take them on pound for pound when it comes to Intellect.

PREVIOUS OWNER ROSIE CASTLE

I had forgotten that the previous owner of the house I’m now in is Rosie Castle with the same name as Rosie on Second Life.

I was reminded of this when our next door neighbor Eva showed up at our door. She’s a 2nd Grader and was locked out of her grandfather’s house because she brought the bag that didn’t have the key to the house in it.

I was helping my mom with an online E-signature document. I was surprised to see the silhouette of a small little girl walking past the window and to the front door.

There was no doorbell sound. But I told my mom that I think someone’s out there. So my mom went out and looked and found Eva.

I can indirectly prove this using my ability where news mirrors me every 24 hours.

News for 1/17 of 2020 showed how a sneaky snake crawled past the door bell camera without ringing the doorbell.

I take Screenshots of the news every 24 hours to show when something happened that echoes what is going on with me in real life.

Screenshotting is a method I developed back in 2004 when I was trying to figure out a way to prove stuff I witnessed coinciding with what pops up in the news.

My adopted daughter Jordan used to ask me why I would always take a Screenshot of every Snapchat. It was a force of habit like UFO Chaser. You never know when a UFO could surface so you always want to have your camera on you.

The same goes for the Psychic Field. You never know when news article will surface that echoes something you witnessed in the last 24 hours.

If you don’t take the Screenshot, you won’t have visual proof. So when I take a news article, I’ll take the screenshot of the web browser with the time stamp and date in the lower right corner.

ROSIE’S HUSBAND LEFT HER AND THE DAUGHTER

The interesting thing about how we came to this house is that it was across the street from what we were looking at.

When we met the husband Manuel Castle, he had a whole shrine dedicated to Captain American all types of beers, which follows that Superhero theme.

After we took over the house, we learned later on that Rosie and the daughter Jocelyn had found their own house while the father Manuel lives in town.

The timing of this is where we left Avenue 313 which is 3/13 for Jordan’s birthday.

This was stuff that unfolded 8/16 of 2018. My mom had gotten into a fight with my Aunt Julia who owned the house because she clashed with my stepdad.

Then we were cleaning up around the house, Aunt Julia was upset about an old crockpot that had been thrown away that she felt she could fix. My Aunt started yelling at my mother in the front yard in front of all the neighbors. It hurt my mom’s feelings.

My mother is older than Aunt Julia by a couple years. My Aunt Julia was eccentric since she’s a spinster.

She has a Walnut farm with llamas and a horse. But what is unfortunate is that she has no barn built. We felt sorry for the animals out in the cold.

My Aunt Julia had this unusual ritual where she says that you can’t feed the animals unless you look away or don’t look in their direction.

If I figured out what that is. Jordan is born Year of the Horse. When I would write Psychic Readings on Instagram and such, it’s where you can’t look directly at Jordan in a sense. You have to look away.

It’s kind of like with laying out food for wild creatures when you live in Washington State. You don’t just stand there and stare at the food you left out. The wild critters like squirrels and birds will be too afraid to approach with you watching them.

Since Jordan is born Year of the Horse, that’s what it is.

This incident with Jordan wrapped itself up mirroring the house on Avenue 313.

ROSIE WAS SHOWING UP AT OUR HOUSE

Rosie was trying to encourage carpooling with my mother to Church but my mom didn’t want to do so because she didn’t want to be dependent on Rosie for a pick-up.

So that’s where I feel I am with Rosie. What’s interesting is that I feel I’m getting close. In the last 2 years, I’ve felt my journey is drawing to a close.

I’ve just been doing this since 2004 and it seems to drag on.

ROSIE THE RIVETER

While I was doing some research, I ran across Rosie. One thing I’ve noticed over the years is I’ll be led to information.

Rosie the Riveter was on the Saturday Evening Post 5/29 of 1943

I’m born 5/29

Riv(ET)er = River + ET

ET = 5th Letter 20th Letter = 5th Sign 20 = Leo XX = Sun Female

So that’s where Rosie is in history

EMPATHY

i gave some thought to what Rosie was asking me about those who are empathetic or have empathy.

Empathy is understanding people.

Rosie made me think about something on whether I’m empathetic. If we’re talking about face to face encounters, I’m very accommodating.

Online communication in text is cold. You can say things where you didn’t mean for it to sound cold, but it does.

Like when when Rosie asked if I’m autistic, that took me by surprise.

The reason why I claim I’ve been groomed to be empathetic is because I spent most of my Life living under the same roof as my stepdad who has low Emotional Intelligence.

My stepdad has a temper. While growing up as a kid, if you said or did something wrong, you could set him off and he would be in this foul mood that would last for days or even weeks.

So you had to tiptoe on eggshells. You had to be careful with what you said or did or else you’d set him off.

I feel that is what groomed me for empathy where you have to understand the needs, feelings, and behavior of that person so you can manage them.

It was to a point where my mom told me that the reason why she would punish me before my stepdad did was because she wanted to put on a show or where my stepdad could see that I was being punished for my actions.

So you’d get punished for things and it was so that your punishment wouldn’t be worse.

It was kind of a sad way to live. Often times, I kind of felt that my mom was punishing me over little things that I really don’t think would have set my stepdad off.

But maybe it was a blessing in disguise living with that kind of person because if I didn’t, maybe I’d be worse off and completely unaware of other’s feelings.

So in a weird way, living in fear forces you to be empathetic.

AUTISM VS. MY MOM AS A REMEDIAL ENGLISH TEACHER

Rosie asking if I was autistic took me by surprise. However, I did give it some thought.

To completely push out such ideas without looking at them is unhealthy. Then you get into denial.

But if you can look it in the face or address it, then you’re better off.

I think I also found out why my mother was a high school remedial English teacher. My mother had to deal with students who had learning disabilities ranging from ADD to Autism.

My mom would work with those high school students.

What I found with my mom is that with her 28 years of working with those students is that she could tell by watching children like at Church whether they are autistic just by their behavior.

I think that worked out in my favor because if my mom had known I was autistic, she would’ve let me know and she would’ve taken measures or steps in dealnig with a child who has autism.

So I don’t think I have autism.

COLOR OF YOUR ARGUMENT

Talking with Rosie made me think about an old post I did about “Magic: The Gathering” with the Color Wheel.

The colors of the Magic: The Gathering Wheel can be used to determine what kind of argument is being used by your opponent.

GREEN: Nature or what you do naturally

RED: Fire and Passion

BLACK: Pestilence, Death, Anarchy, Poison

BLUE: Knowledge

YELLOW: Justice

This was from a company Wizards of the Coast based in Washington State.

There was a test you could take that would determine the color of your “Star Wars” Light Saber.

“Light Saber” in ESPanol means Light to know or “Knowing the Light.” If you know what kind of Light you have, you know what argument.

If you know what argument your opponent is using by its color, you can use the opposite color as counterbalance.

People will usually use hybrids or work with two colors that are often adjacent to one another on the color wheel.

COLORS SEEN IN HOW PEOPLE COMMUNICATE

These colors are seen in people with how they communicate. For example, if you see someone using Knowledge, then they’re using the color Blue. So you would want to do either Green or Red.

Green is Nature or doing what’s natural while Red is passion.

When I work in the Psychic Field, I usually go up against people who are more intelligent than me or have Science backing them up.

Since a lot of my information isn’t accepted by the Scientific Community, I can’t use Blue. I have to either be passionate with Red or do what’s natural with Green.

That’s where I’ll show what is seen in Nature to reinforce my claim.

When I say Earth’s Electromagnetic Field as a Neural Network Hive Mind with 8 billion Subconscious Minds as Planet Size Brain Cells mirrors the human brain’s electrical field neural network hive mind with millions of brain cells, I’m leaning what is seen in Nature.

FORCING COLOR CHANGES OR FLUSHING OUT COLORS

In my travels working in the Psychic Field, I’ll usually run across people play with  a Blue Deck as Information.

They’ll tend to dual wield with a White Deck. A Blue White Deck is Knowledge and Justice. That’s a strong combination and very good.

However, what’s tricky about it is where some people may they wield Knowledge as Blue and do it in the name of Justice and something good, but it could be a deception.

It could be deceiving others or self-deception. That’s where something that seems White for Justice is really Black for Pestilence and Death.

You this with Politicians where they think they do things for a Good Cause which is a White Deck, but it is really Black Deck.

That also includes people who lie to themselves. It may seem like they’re on the side of Good, but they’re using bad information or have been tricked into supporting something bad.

I personally try to use this method monitor myself. I like to think that it helps keep me in check.

Some people just argue and don’t even know what they’re arguing about.

ENTITLED WESTERNER

Rosie is in England and she used a term called an “entitled Westerner,” which I’ve never heard before. 

I can understand it. I know how we’re in the United States and have a lot of luxuries here where we’re better of than 3rd world countries.

However, Rosie prescribing this to my behavior was interesting to me because I could see it in younger people like Millennials.

The reason why I don’t feel that I can be easily grouped with that of entitled Westerners is because I’m not a normal person.

The stuff I work with is tied to the economy, film industry, television, and music.

Rosie hasn’t worked with me long enough to see it. Rebecca and Alexia who have been with me longer than 3 years have seen a lot of it.

DISEASES AND OUTBREAKS

While it seems like I may be finicky or don’t want to do this or that, I’ve got things I stress about.

I have to deal with diseases and outbreaks.

This is something others can’t deal with. So when someone like Rosie suggests that maybe I should get a part-time job, she has a point in the context of regular people.

Nobody ever said Life was fair.

That’s just how it is.

However, what’s really unnerving is that while I’m being told to go get a part-time job which means cutting down the time dealing with major international disasters, you’ve got diseases that are threatening people and where I’m one of the few people can take on this problem who is being made to get a part-time job.

DEAD BIRDS IN WALES

Rosie is in England and she hasn’t seen how the news is affected by things that go on in the Psychic Field.

News for 1/17 of 2020 reported dead birds hitting the Earth fleeing from a bird of prey.

That’s what it looks like when there are hiccups in the system with England that is lighting up with Rosie’s tag.

Rosie hasn’t worked long enough with me where I can pull her aside and address that with her.

That’s the problem I had with Jordan who only had a run of 6 months. I couldn’t pull Jordan off to the side and tell Jordan to ease up on what she’s doing. My hands were tied.

It ties into my problem where you can’t ask for help from people because they don’t believe it’s really happening or anything tied to me.

So you’re stuck in this rut.

MOTHER’S LETTER OF APPEAL

I’m including a copy of my mother’s letter of appeal to Veterans Affairs that denied my stepdad’s file for aid over his hearing loss.

It’s a very well-written letter. The representative sending it off complimented her saying that you could take over my job.

I show this because there’s a claim that you can tell a lot about the child through the mother in 2016. It was debunked saying that it’s not, but there is something that can be said about parents and how they shape or mold their children.

My mother was a high school remedial English teacher for 28 years where she would deal with students who had learning disabilities.

While she may not be a qualified physician to diagnose patients, she has spent enough time autistic children.

In our Church, my mom would point which children are autistic.

This letter is just showing how a my mom with 2 Bachelors in Psychology and Social Work and a Masters in Education communicates.

I’m not even half the writer she is, but at least I get to see what good writing looks like.

It sets a standard. Maybe I’ll never be as good of a writer as my mom, but you’re exposed to good writing.

The way that my mom is trying to file for an appeal to get a little bit of help financially mirrors my attempt to raise money for what I’m doing to survive and be able to continue my research.

Both of us are of above average Intelligence. My mom used to memorize speeches at the age of 4 and a sharp memory. She could remember the exact clothing people wore when she first met them.

It’s unfortunate at how we as people who contribute a lot to the United States don’t get any aid and have to struggle.

=====

December 30, 2019

Department of Veterans Affairs

Gentlemen:

I asked my wife to help me write this letter so I can adequately express myself in my attempt to seek further review of my claim for loss of hearing and tinnitus while serving in the Air Force as a jet engine mechanic from October 25, 1957 to June 6, 1962.

At the outset, I would like to thank you for thanking me for my military service. Joining the military in 1954 at age 17 after my sophomore year in high school was the best thing that happened to me because it saved me from my battered home life and freed me from my mother’s bondage and beatings.  I thank the military for giving me the opportunity to be able to support myself at such a young and inexperienced age, become self-reliant, restore my self-esteem, and prove my own worth.  

Please allow me to address your “Reasons for Decision” 1) Service connection for bilateral hearing loss. Veteran’s e-file and c-file contain no in-service documentation of hearing exams. Upon my discharge from the Air Force in June 1962, I had to undergo a complete physical examination that directed me to go through one cubicle to another.  My last destination was with the doctor who looked at the exam results, told me that I had a hearing loss, and advised me to file a claim for it. He added that my claim would be based on the extent of my hearing loss as it was, i.e., any further deterioration would not be honored.   I was not given a copy of my hearing test result.  The one and only document that was handed to me upon my discharge was the DD-Form 214 for my service in the Air Force. 2) Service connection for tinnitus. There is no in-service documentation of reports or complaints of hearing loss or tinnitus. In the winter of 1961 and spring of 1962, the Air Force sent me to Fairbanks, Alaska, as a mechanic to “tint” the B-52 bombers. This assignment involved six months of working under the plane with the engine’s loud noise running while I communicated with the pilot through my headphones. It was during this tour of duty that I started to hear ringing in my ears. The ringing was a nuisance, but it didn’t hurt. Since I was fully task-oriented and not a complainer by nature, I simply ignored the ringing when it occurred and thought nothing more of it.   When the VES audiologist asked me last December 5 if I knew of my tinnitus, I answered that I was (quoting from your letter, p. 3 of 4) “first being aware of it about one year ago.” I misunderstood his question…I thought he was asking me if I knew of the term “tinnitus” which I learned last April from my wife of 38 years. In fact, I was surprised when, from out of the blue, she asked me if I have ringing in my ears. I never mention to anyone that I have this condition and discomfort as it is my nature to keep things to myself if they only concern me. My wife then told me that she had just read in her computer that “tinnitus” is VA’s term for the ringing in the ears. In retrospect, upon my discharge in June 1962, if only I had been given any help, guidance, or was at least provided the form for my hearing loss claim, I would have filled it out right there and then. In contrast, your letter dated December 10, 2019 is very comprehensive and thorough. It is full of valuable information, explanation, and guidance on what to do to request a review of your decision. I can clearly see how far and how much VA has progressed over the years in its goal to help veterans in filing for their claims. It makes me sad to think that I didn’t have any such help upon my discharge. I also wonder why my e-file and c-file have no in-service documentation to support my claim. What happened to the result of my hearing exam that the doctor was looking at? Why did he advise me to file a claim if there was no valid or substantial basis for it? How about my six-month stint in Fairbanks, Alaska, to “tint” the B-52 bombers? Is there a record of it?  Without any malice, “If justice is going to prevail, who should be held responsible and be made accountable for this absence of in-service documentation? Since I was not given a copy, is it fair to lay the burden of proof on me and be the one at the losing end for this oversight?”

After my discharge, I went back home to Hawaii and worked as a janitor and then as a stevedore, toiling 12 hours a day to support my family of five.  I embraced my hearing loss and tinnitus as a part of me and my way of life that it never entered my mind to file a claim despite my financial hardship. My last job was as an electrician at the naval shipyards in California, Hawaii, and Washington, for 27 years. When I retired from [the Shipyard] in [Washington], in December 1992, the Department of Labor honorably acknowledged my hearing loss and awarded me $15,000.00, free annual check-ups with an audiologist, free updated hearing aids, and free batteries for life. In this regard, I asked my audiologist (Amy *******, Au.D., CCC-A, Doctor of Audiology) to supplement my claim with her records. You specified in your letter (page 2) that VA will assist me in gathering this new and relevant evidence.

Fifty-seven years after my discharge from the military and already 82 years old, why am I filing a claim only now?  It has to do with my move from Washington, to California, in May 2018. I was looking for a house in [California] to buy when I found out about VA’s home loans for veterans. When I applied in June 2018, my lender, asked me if I have a VA disability. Last March (2019), I applied for VA refinancing and was again asked if I have a VA disability. I was then told that if I have at least 10%, VA’s funding fee would be waived. This information brought my hearing loss and tinnitus to the fore and prompted me to file a claim last May.

I hope that this letter, along with my audiologist’s input, is providing you the “RELEVANT evidence that tends to prove the matter at issue,” and that my explanations, on their own merits, justify my right to seek  further review of your decision. I humbly ask that in your “careful and compassionate consideration” to please factor into the equation the moral and human elements that are integral to understanding my situation as you deliberate on reaching a decision that is just, equitable, and righteous.      

In closing, I take this opportunity to thank and salute you for all your efforts in finding ways and means to enhance your programs and services for the veterans. You have indeed come a long way! It is a tangible manifestation that you continuously look after our needs and welfare.  

Thank you for your attention and consideration.   Respectfully yours,

******

[butterflyinthewell]

* * * CW: Religious content. * * *

I know people want to help autistic people. Their hearts are in the right place. They throw money to the biggest, most prominent autism charity they see because big charities are good, right?

Ah, sorry, that’s not true. Autism Speaks sounds good on the surface. Unfortunately, it’s just a mask that hides the years of harm they’ve done and are still doing to autistic people and the perception of autism.

This speech happened many years ago. This is part of the transcript. Click the link above to get the whole speech.

I know what you’re thinking, and no, I am not putting implications into the speech that aren’t there. I’m going to tell you the cold, hard truth of how ableism gets implanted through flowery language that includes some and excludes others. 

This how Autism Speaks is so insidious with its dehumanization of autistic people. 

Here’s Suzanne Wright using religious language that insults autistic people to appeal to the Pope. You’re witnessing a prime example of how Autism Speaks insults and dismisses the community it claims to stand for while using language that appeals to everyone except autistic people themselves. It’s like we’re invisible.

She compared autistic people to “a Lent* without Easter”, “trapped in our bodies” and “lepers”. 

Lent is a time of reflection and renewal. There is sadness because of Christ’s Crucifixion, but the joy at the end is Easter. Easter symbolizes hope. 

The implication is autistic people can’t see God and are hopeless creatures who need salvation from this “demon” of autism.

The implication of “trapped in our bodies” makes it sound like there is a neurotypical person hidden somewhere inside all the autism symptoms. 

Nope, sorry, autism is not a shell wrapped around us, it IS us. It shapes our brains, shapes how we experience our lives and shapes our personalities. Removing autism is removing a person. 

Leprosy, also known as Hansen's disease (HD), is a long-term infection by the bacteria Mycobacterium leprae or Mycobacterium lepromatosis. In biblical times, people with HD were seen as the filthiest people of society. They were the people nobody wanted to be around or take care of. 

This woman is saying autistic people are filthy and diseased and nobody wants us around.

Just...what?! WHAT!? 

She totally dismissed the fact that even nonverbal autistic people who need lots of daily help and can’t make their communications understood are still communicating even if it’s not understandable. They can live full, happy, comfortable lives with the right care and accommodations.

Then she contradicts herself all over the place when she paints autism as if autistic people cannot experience joy unless it’s given to them by someone who isn’t autistic. As if our happiness, wants and desires don’t count unless we experience it in a neurotypical way.

As an autistic woman who is also Catholic, I’m disgusted. 

I know this woman has since passed on to Heaven and I’m sure God is still giving her a long lecture about what she did wrong. It’s like she had a good idea, but executed it in totally the wrong way and it has had lasting negative effects on how people view autism. 

Yes, she made the world aware of autism, but in every possible wrong way, and it has done damage rather than heal. 

The sad thing is the caregivers who support Autism Speaks can’t see the harm because they’re not autistic and not the ones being constantly insulted, dismissed, dehumanized and silenced. Autism Speaks taught them to dismiss autistic voices and frown on autistic people who protest Autism Speaks as if we’re ignorant or misguided.

Would fellow religious people want to be spoken for by Atheists?

Would Atheists want to be spoken for by religious people?

So why do you think autistic people want to be spoken for by an organization that has zero autistic leadership?

If you want to help autistic people, please donate to charities that are run by autistic people for autistic people.  The Autistic Self Advocacy Network

The Autism Women’s Network

Parenting Autistic Children with Love and Acceptance

The Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism

ThAutcast

TASH

ADAPT

More information about why Autism Speaks is extremely harmful to autistic people.

Don’t light it up blue in April. Awareness isn’t enough. Go #REDInstead for #AutismAcceptance.

Thank you for your time.

*For non-Catholics, Lent begins on Ash Wednesday and ends on Easter. It is the time of year that celebrates Jesus going into the desert for forty days to be tested by the Devil. It’s a time where Catholics turn inward, do penance by giving up something or doing something extra to cleanse themselves of the spiritual junk they collected during the year. We face the commemoration of Communion being instituted at the Last Supper (Holy Thursday) and the sadness of Christ’s sacrifice on the Cross (Good Friday). Then, almost overnight, all that grief explodes into joy for the renewal that is His Resurrection on Easter. Lent is all about death and renewal and hope. Lent is a reminder of how much God loves us.

Penance = Give up something (self-denial) between Ash Wednesday and Easter. It can be as simple as not drinking soda pop or as drastic as avoiding TV or the internet. It can also be doing something extra like volunteering at a homeless shelter or setting time aside to pray on all the mysteries of the Rosary (which is time-consuming). We also don’t eat meat on Fridays during Lent, though fish is okay because it’s not a warm blooded animal.

[inkstainedqueer]

autism and me

yeah so I have concluded that I am absolutely definitely autistic and need to get diagnosed. my stimming has increased a lot now that I’m more comfortable with myself. my desire to stop speaking is increasing a lot. I’m going to take a day of silence next weekend, under the guise of spirituality, but really it’s just to see how I feel not talking.

for the past three days, I’ve been writing and using tarot as much as possible to communicate with my deities rather than speak. it’s been very soothing.

I want this so badly, y’all. I feel like I’ve been pretending to be um idk not-autistic all my life and it turned me into this tight uncomfortable little spring compressed in a really tiny tiny space! and I want out!!!!

I’ve been daydreaming about quiet and days and days of silence since college but didn’t realize it for what it was. I masked it under the guise of “oh I want to be a monk” because I was in denial about my autism / nobody ever told me I want autistic / I was born three months early and was *supposed to be* autistic but nobody ever detected it????

I spoke to my boyfriend yesterday. I told him I was worrying about copying our two autistic friends (his boyfriend, and his bf’s girlfriend). he thinks I am not copying them and that I’m just picking stuff up from them. like when I was dating Trish, who is an aspie (and my bf’s bf’s gf), they came out as agender. and now I’m coming out as autistic. so I feel like we influenced each other in this really sweet way.

so the stim that has definitely truly convinced me that I am autistic and really need to be out as autistic is that I really really like groaning as a stim! it’s amazing! it feels so good! so far I only do it at home but I will occasionally let out like one or two groans in public, pretending to lift my oh-so-heavy schoolbag or whatever.

(cw: sexy stuff)

and I realized that the reason why I masturbated so much as a child and teen was because I was stimming. like the pleasure was nice and all but I just needed the repetitive movement. I needed to stim so badly and I didn’t know. T.T

I’m feeling a lot of compassion, sadness, and love for my child-self these days, who clearly had no idea what was going on.

anyway to go back to my original subject, I have a really intense desire to mostly not talk at all except sometimes. I have a plan to maybe make this a feasible reality but WE’LL SEE. it’s gonna involve a lot of coming outs and teaching people about autism and letting myself be visibly autistic to others rather than hiding it which is scary as heck. it’s going to be difficult but so totally worth it.

I just... gotta somehow inform/show/convince my parents that I’m autistic. how do.

[depressivealtfeels]

my mental illnesses the overview

cw: contains denial of mental illnesses which might be triggering, this post is only about me and not anyone else or the disorders in general <3

anxiety: nope buddy nice try, you’ve had about two actual anxiety attacks your whole life. you only get anxious about everything because you worry about situations you create, and you always put yourself in shit situations. your fault bitch! you wanna stop being anxious? stop being lazy fucker, it’ll be so easy it’ll walk straight the fuck up to you. fuck off.

depression: close but nah. you’re always sad, that’s not what depression is. do you lose all emotion? you like to pretend you do, don’t you? but you’re more emotional than you’ve ever been before. sure you’re out of energy, because you force yourself to stay up doing nothing until you only get two hours of sleep. you never have problems with shit like leaving bed, sleeping too much, not brushing your teeth, drinking water, etc. you do all that shit like it’s no deal. fuck you.

autism: maybe? but more likely, you’re just so uncaring for others that you don’t even attempt to figure out shit. just find yourself a group of nice, accepting people, drop a few casual mentions of asperger’s, and then they do all the work for you. never call you out on your shit bc that would be prejudiced and wrong and can’t they consider your poor little feelings?

bipolar disorder: fuck no. don’t even try. don’t fucking try. fucking stop it. you aren’t manic-depressive, you just sometimes stop being angsty and function like normal. actual people have this disorder and you have the gall to hint at it to other people just to gain more attention points? fuck off

add/adhd: uhhh naaah, you can concentrate. you just choose not to bc again, laziness. isn’t it great that acceptance culture in the mental illness community basically revolves around the concept that that statement is never true? you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone! just be lazy and the whole online world jumps to defend you. your stupid little fucking electronics should be smashed to a pulp. bet you’d have an easier time concentrating if you didn’t bring shit for the express purpose of distracting you. please die