#cuz this conversation does like. go on.
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horrorknife · 6 months ago
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common ground
part 2
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bulbabutt · 3 months ago
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sometimes you just need somebody else to point out the obvious. thank goodness for mikey and her gender collecting habit!
previous | next | turtle trek series (chrono)
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puppyeared · 6 months ago
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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oceanwithouthermoon · 7 months ago
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i think its weird that i have to make this disclaimer but the internet is crazy so wtvr,, anyway,,
if i say i dont like something, that doesnt mean "that thing is bad and nobody should post it.."
i swear literally every time i even mention that i dislike something, people will go "wow does that mean u fucking hate me cuz i post that thing? ur a fucking stupid bitch and all ur opinions r wrong" LIKE ?? er.. no. just because i say i dont like certain characterizations of certain characters (the saiki k fandom is CRAZY about this cuz i can state an opinion on literally any character and a group of people will still go 'well only we're allowed to post our opinions about them because we're always right!1!1!'), or certain ship tropes (mentioned my hatred of toxic yaoi maybe once or twice on here months ago and people STILL get mad at me as if i said toxic yaoi lovers r evil or something), or certain ships, or WHATEVER, does not mean that i HATE the people who are posting them or that i think they shouldnt post them at all, NO, im just posting about my personal tastes on my personal blog and it would be extremely weird and hypocritical if i decided that i was the ONLY person that was allowed to do that,,
i think the only reason people assume that is because there are a lot of other people on here who ARE like that, and a lot of people toe the line between posting that they dont like something and posting that they think everyone who likes that thing is stupid, annoying, and wrong,, so i guess all i can say is, sorry for whatever made you make these assumptions but they arent true about me so plz leave me alone ʘ‿ʘ ur doing the same thing to me that ur accusing me of but i didnt do it in the first place so ur just actively being a dick for no reason
#crazy that the mindset some people on here have is that theyre the only ones allowed to post their opinions#ive repeated this a lot on this blog but i rlly think people forget that the person on the other side of the screen is in fact a person#if ur harassing people and publicly making fun of them then ur just as bad as any real life bully#that shit isnt as funny or harmless as u like to pretend it is#not once have i ever targetted anyone or went on someones blog to harass them over my opinion#yet people think its fine to do the same to me and treat it as if its like. revenge or something#like ? me saying 'i dont like toxic yaoi' is not equivalent to someone going on someone elses page and going 'how tf do u like toxic yaoi'#I DONT CARE !! all ive ever done is sit in my own little bubble and had opinions and that makes people mad#honestly though the people who will publicly talk and post abt it are significantly meaner#and i want to act like im not bothered by it because i know most of them r just angry that someone has a different opinion#and they want all their followers to bandwagon off of them (idk why maybe for validation or whatever-same reasons anyone would bully)#but seriously if u actually do think that something i said was out of line and crossed thise boundaries- just fucking tell me ?#im a person bro. ur solution to disagreeing with me shouldnt be 'lol im gonna post abt this and make everyone harass them'#have a conversation with me dude i dont bite ? if u cant talk to me like a person then just dont fucking say anything wtf#its so cowardly to be like 'well no i didnt wanna say anything to u cuz i didnt wanna be rude.. so instead i publicly made fun of u!'#LIKE WHATTTT STOPPPPP </3333#ok anyway this post wasnt supposed to get THAT serious.#MY POINT IS just be considerate of other people and dont base ur hatred off of assumptions#ur deflecting the blame onto someone else because u dont want to admit that ur just a fucking bully lol#being inconsiderate on here is something ive also been guilty of back when i first joined the fandom and was clueless#but grown ass adults who have been on here way longer r still doing that shit which is crazy#and i cant say anything because they have so much leverage over me and idk if its on purpose or if they dont even realize#ok im putting fandom tags cuz i want people to see this sorry. this is my one post thats actually targetted but its at a lot of people#so if u look at this and think 'hey i do that' pls evaluate urself<3#i mean its also targetted at everyone who does this anonomously so i dont know who it is OKOK IM DONE BYE SORRY HOPE THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE#watch nobody read this fr#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#meows post
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socialjusticeace · 11 months ago
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How tf did "decenter men" turn into "decenter ur mom"???????
istg every single stride to dismantle misogyny always turns into 'This is a woman's fault somehow' or 'stigmatize mental disorders more it'll stop men and get to the root of the problem this time i swear'
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kittlyns · 7 months ago
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I had yet another long, strenuous day yesterday and didn't finish work until super late and then I couldn't fall asleep until well past 2am cuz I was in so much pain from standing literally all day
#what made it worse was the client I spent most of my day with was a brand new client. and she booked super last minute#so I wasnt mentally prepared for doing a 5 hour color. and her natural hair was already pretty light so I had to foil foil foil. go back.#pull out first couple foils. foil foil foil. go back. pull out the next few.#over and over and over.#and her hair was so fucking long. and so fucking thick.#and after the first hour she wouldn't talk. like I like my silence so I don't fight it much#but every now and then I would try to engage with her. I'd say something and she would straight up ignore me. no acknowledgment.#which makes me feel anxious cuz it's like jesus... does she hate me?? did I piss her off somehow?#even when I finished her hair (it looked fucking amazing no lie. one of my best highlights yet.) she had next to no reaction to it#she was like 'it looks fine. I mean good. it's good.' completely deadpan#I laughed it off and was like yeah it's been a long day girl! but it looks amazinggg on you!!#no response. deep inhale. alright.#whatever tho.#when I did finally get off work I stopped @ bojangles cuz I was lightheaded and hadn't eaten since morning#and when I tell you I almost broke down into tears cuz there were so many people crowding the goddamn pickup area.#and so many bizarre conversations going on. genuinely felt like I was in some form of hell#like my feet hurt. my back hurts. I'm tired. I didn't get the validation I like to have over a 5 hour transformative color.#I'm hungry and there are two elderly women blocking the pickup counter. one is hard of hearing so she keeps yelling HUH???#and the other only speaks in soft baby whispers. that goes as well as you can imagine.#there's a man behind me grilling an employee abt whether or not he goes to church. he starts witnessing to him#and the employee says 'I've never thought about it like that before' no less than 4 times.#there's a child in front of me playing tiktoks @ full volume. and this is all happening simultaneously.#I really considered just leaving without my food but I knew I needed to eat and didnt have anything at home so I stuck it out#was it worth it? no. bojangles honestly sucks these days but what's a girl gonna do.#got home and tried to pass out but nope. tossed and turned all night.#put on hot n cold patches to try to soothe the pain a little. didn't work cuz one pain would be eased a bit and another pain would take over#blahhhhhh#and now. I get to do it all over again! yippeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
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phagodyke · 1 year ago
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i keep getting irrationally miffed at ppl 😐😐
#'impressed by how much u can talk abt this considering youve not played either game'#fuck off. as if im not just trying to show interest bc u + another friend are both into them + constantly talk abt them in our gc!!#i mean since u guys talk abt them all the time + theyre huge on tumblr like. it would be hard for me to not know anything abt them at all#literally what else can i talk to u guys abt anyway. i dont think there are any interests i personally have that they both gaf abt#if anything they actively dislike most of the things im hyperfixated on. or at least she does so like i cant bring that up can i.#all i did was share a post i saw on tumblr that i thought was funny. its not like i had some negative/controversial opinion#i just saw it and thought hey that makes me think of my friends bc they like those things maybe theyll find it funny too!!#dog sitting outside the door with rly big sad eyes offering them a stick i found in a puddle#i like listening to them talk and i will eventually play some of the games theyre into myself cuz they make them sound rly cool#and even if theyre not my kind of thing i like sharing interests with other ppl and sometimes thats enough for me to be able to enjoy it#i literally own some of them already but im just not in the mental space to start smth new right now. which i have SAID!!!!#why do u even care girl. as if u dont already have a ton of friends playing it that ur talking to abt it???? i wont have anything to add#and thats not gonna stop u from being able to talk to me abt it anyway????? like 2/3 of our conversations atm are abt bg3#man. i know its not that deep but it makes me kinda sad for some reason. im just trying. i guess next time ill just let u guys talk-#to each other or at me and not comment or say anything so u can pretend im not here or whatever it is u want#ughh. she probably didnt even mean it like that and ill feel stupid for getting annoyed and delete this later but whatever.#might work out early today and then i can like draw or play a game or smth the rest of the day. alright lets go#.vent#listening to my silly little jfunk/jazz/soul playlist and i already feel over it. healing
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toestalucia · 2 months ago
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“  i wanna get better.  ” @wayfaringastral
meme.
It's words they hadn't considered, lost in the never-ending spiral of situations out of their control, the pieces of words and actions remaining sprawled across the table. Rosetta and Io had said he acted strange in Agastia when they stayed behind to fight Fenrir, and it was in that same city he first denied their request. A moment like looking in a mirror, perhaps a bit distorted, but the expression he had been wearing had been uncomfortably close to their own. (Why wouldn't it? When their hearts had lost its meaning.)
And then a memory that wasn't theirs emerged, and any thoughts about his grief was shelved.
They aren't surprised. They should be. This wasn't the kind of conversation they had ever had (but neither was any other). How many times now had he helped them out? Whether intentionally or not (watching the Grandsleuth made them wonder about the path their father had travelled, she looked more happy in the sky than locked to some harbor). Getting better — from the grief? Or from the past. He should be better, they should be better, everything was alright now. The night sky was glimmering, stars from a distant place gently offering warmth across a backdrop that wasn't broken anymore. Should they aim for it next? The moon or the stars—whichever would make people laugh in disbelief.
"You should visit sometime", it flows naturally, as if they were talking about tea and not matters of the heart. Since everything was alright and returning to normal, the bond between them should also return to its uncertain, wavering form. Not a friend, but not quite a foe, a presence they weren't able to name.
If they hadn't put their existence in his hands.
If they weren't realizing that whenever someone left their sight the memories of that day crashed through their mind. Their heart uneasy even in the comfort of the Grandcypher, knowing that Io and Rosetta were making dinner with Lyria and Vyrn. And yet. And yet.
"I can't say everyone will be positive", Phoebe had been rather distraught upon sensing Astrals nearby, and as much as it pained them to see, they also knew she trusted them when they said Loki and Mikaboshi wouldn't do her any harm. "But they won't turn you away", for good and for worse, a group of people insistent on feeling the pain and joy of others, and Gran loved them so very dearly for it. A pause follows, hesitant on how to continue, on how to speak of matters such as this without the ever compassionate Lyria by their side.
"...If you hadn't helped us, then we'd still be...no, maybe I would have already..." the what-if's haunting their dreams following in a jumbled mess, trailing off while they take a moment to try again. "...Thank you. For helping us out again", this mask I wear can't be removed. Did that still ring true, when he spoke like this? "Lyria is better at this than I am, but...I think we've been through enough that we don't have to be on different sides anymore. We don't have to see eye-to-eye, and you don't have to tell me what's happening, but I don't want to be suspicious of you and your crew next time we meet. You gave me the chance to save the people I love. I want to trust you, Loki", for the first time they shift their gaze to look at him, as steadfast and determined as always, leaving someone behind had never been something they could do. "If there's anything I—we—can do for you, then we'll do it. That's why...if you want to talk about things, you know where to find us."
#wayfaringastral#srry for putting this in the imaginary post-current msq setting but u sending me thiS MADE ME SO DIZZYYYYYYYY (POSITIVE)#alrdy during the update i was thinking about how my fav 'loki talks about stuff' talks were between him & mika (about change) and him &#fenrir (when ness was going w rosetta io eugen). aka NOTHING W CAPTAIN!!!! cept for libertaria. heavens....#so i think its one of those 'actually this makes sense' when they actually get to think about it (libertaria conversation about masks. im a#believer io & rosetta told everyone about their run-in with fenrir&loki too back in act1. their initial 'loki pls help us' in agastia...#T_T whenever they mention stuff like 'loki making his usual sarcastic comments again' i get soooo emotional....................loki.....#SO I FEEL ITS VERY. gran does not have time to consider these things when everythings happening because EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING#but once its out in the open its a 'oh. oh that makes sense' kind of thing#also....gran doesnt know where to place loki & co but gran is so scared of ppl dying that............#(guy whos unable to stop thinking about oneiros fearing vyrn & lyria cuz one could make her disappear and the other could control her)#how do i make phoebe the busdriver#i dont think she'd get along superwell with any of them cuz theyre soooo intense but as someone whos so intimately aware of what its like#losing ppl u love (being betrayed by them) and loneliness........#i love making up settings canons not at yet BUT EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE RIGHT...right..........so its okay............pained smile#i miss her (the grandsleuth)#(me after adding an entire more paragraph) does this make sense#pacing back & forth. grans many suspicions/on-guard behaviors around loki (as well as the 'shut up' when he was making jokes when gran was#dying and lyria kidnapped heeellpppppppppp) vs 'sounds epic'#congratulations on getting gran to Talk loki#(pretends im normal about loki)
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waywardsalt · 11 months ago
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sitting huddled in my little writers hut trying to piece together what kinds of effects i want bellum’s possession to have on linebeck
#i refuse to puss out on this and just leave it at big scar but i dont want to go too overboard#cuz post ph is a thing and linebeck is kiiind of thr main character of that so lingering possession#stuff or anything thats a threat to his self control/agency/whatever is off the table#i like the idea of him like. having a newfound proximity to demonkind or w/e#im not even sure what that means i have berserk on the mind and came up with that phrase#like ok. big scar. it hurts and has lasting effects such as: man idk itchiness? its a big scar#im against there being anything especially magical going on. more like- hes been branded yknow#FUCK i have berserk on the mind i just fully caught up on the manga and oooooguh casca#but like less monster attraction more hes generally demonically aligned????#demonic things and monsters are slightly more chill with him while holier or w/e#creatures are less trusting of him? like monsters still attack and shit but more sentient ones#he can like. talk to he can converse decently with demons and evil stuff but more benevolent beings#dont like him as much- like its not an indication of him ig but more that hes been in very close proximity to a strong demon and that#demon has chosen to trust him like. idk how to better explain it. other than that? theres one actual magical aftereffect ive had in mind#but it only shows up after mixing with other stuff. anyways its like linebeck has been lightly accepted as a demon?#more specifically he’s trusted by bellum and survived being possessed and in a sense is an honorary phantom#it doesnt really. do anything except that other magical thing. but it does make more intelligent monsters less hostile towards him#im workin on it#salty talks#edit as i reread these: monster attraction is technically there but like. he doesnt draw them to him
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doodleddrollery · 11 days ago
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It's honestly always been like this when it comes to talking about self-harm to kids, or even talking about negative stims.
It took me until I was 30 to learn that over-grooming, skin picking, scalp scratching, head smacking, and pulling at my eyebrows and eyelashes were all self-harm/negative stims. Things I'm still trying to unlearn that I had been doing since I gained consciousness.
Something that my teachers, employers, peers, and family all knew I did and never tried to put a stop to or investigate as signs that I was going through it because "self-harming kids cut." And even those kids that did were failed. To the point Family Guy of all things made JOKES about it.
I've seen people in various platforms talking about, informing, and caring for children in these generations, hitting high-school and younger with information about mental health and what self-harm/negative stimming can look like. And I only hope it's reaching them. Because there hadn't been anyone for so long.
TW SELF HARM DISCUSSION but man we really failed kids on how we discussed self harm when i was growing up. like the entire discussion was centered around cutting and cutting only so i was like 8-10 years old going "what kind of idiot cuts themself lol" as i was shoving pieces of metal into my gums. often in class in front of teachers. i hope it's gotten better because how we discussed it at the time was helping almost nobody.
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hopeheartfilia · 1 year ago
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so im asocial its kinsa physically pinfull right now
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lushdesirelines · 1 year ago
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just finished burning god and …. i don’t understand what was the point of the trifecta? also when rin viewed kitay as a traitor in the end?? idk so much went down in this book and it was all confusing and repetitive imo.
how will they ever break from the colonizers power now? especially if they’re gonna wipe away shamanism from the world - what’s going to stop them from experimenting on people and hunting down shamans/anyone who refuses to accept their religion? nezha will never win.
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number1mingyustan · 3 months ago
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Still Yours
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idol!mingyu x fem!reader
Warnings: kissing, cursing, grinding, lots of sexual tension, explicit smut, protected sex (missionary), fingering (f.), low-key rough sex, scratching, teasing, they're so cute and domestic ugh, teensy bit (a lot) of angst cuz i can't live without it, if you realllyy read into it it’s a lil toxic but they’re so cute 😪
Summary: When you’re with him, the time around you ceases to exist. You’ve got your own little bubble that’s immune to reality where he’s just yours.
Word Count: 5.1k
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(a/n: i usually don't read/write content where they idols because I'm simply not a fan. but i read a jk fic like this recently and it was a masterpiece. to say the least i was inspired so shout out to that author and i hope you enjoy)
The cool outside air fills your lungs as you step onto the sidewalk. It’s not cold, just fresh and cool enough to rejuvenate you from the hot sweaty air from inside of the club.
It’s a lot emptier out here, it helps to clear your mind. There’s only two or three other people out here, having a smoke in silence or waiting impatiently for an uber.
Your mind is still just a little bit muggy from the alcohol coursing through your veins, but being outside has instantly given you clarity.
You just couldn’t be in there any longer. The guy at the bar just could not take a hint. He was cute too, the type of guy you would typically be interested in. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t interested in him at first.
But then halfway through your conversation and his hand touched your lower back, the guilt settled in. It suddenly felt so wrong. The guy in the club’s hand didn’t feel the same as when he does it.
Almost instantly, it registered in your mind. This stranger didn't compare. He had nothing on the guy who really has your heart.
The famous idol who doesn't hesitate to answer your phone calls or cook for you when you're hungry.
This guy was a nobody.
One phone call and you’d have so much better.
The stranger clearly didn’t pick up on your shift in energy, probably too drunk to notice how you started to pull away. You were suddenly uninterested in anything he had to say and it was exhausting to have to fake laugh and smile as you tried to make excuses as to why you weren’t going home with him tonight.
But he was persistent and suddenly felt too touchy. He probably wasn't touching you as much as you thought, but you were suddenly so aware of him that it felt wrong with him being so close. His very presence alone was irritating. You finally caught the attention of one of your friends and gave her the ‘SOS’ look. She drunkenly stumbled over to you and pulled away from the conversation somewhat smoothly.
You thanked her before letting her know you were stepping out to get some fresh air.
But now it's a little after one in the morning and your thoughts are clouded with him. Your mind begins to wander to the moments you've shared over the past few years. The pet names, the sleepovers with homemade face masks, the phone calls from his hotel rooms.
Now you're texting him.
You: you awake?
________
Mingyu sits at home on the couch, beer in hand as the TV flashes in front of him. He's watching a movie he's got no real interest in, but he can't sleep. He's been home for a little more than a day and he's still got major jetlag ruining his sleep schedule.
No matter how hectic his life has been, he always dreads the jetlag.
The buzz of his phone captures his attention and he can't avoid the smile that pulls on his lips when he sees your name flash on the screen.
Mingyu: nah, sleeping
You giggle at your phone, smiling at the device just as he is. Your hands move a little slower to text back as the cool air outside changes your body temperature. You shiver, blowing on your hands as they grow cold.
You: call me
The message flashes delivered briefly before your screen changes entirely. You're surprised to see an incoming FaceTime and not a regular call.
You hold the phone up to your face, fixing your hair before you hit answer.
He lays on the couch in the living room, the darkness surrounding him heavily contrasts the colorful beams of light that flash behind you. The loud music thumps in the background.
"Hi." He smiles.
"Hi," You grin.
You feel giddy inside. Partially because you were drinking a bit and mostly because you're talking to him again. It's been quite some time since you've seen each other.
"Where are you?" He asks first.
You take a moment to respond as you walk toward the curb. You fix your dress and sit on the curb of the sidewalk, holding the phone up to your face.
"At the club," You reply.
"Ah, fun night I presume?" He asks.
You shake your head. "Not really."
"Sorry to hear that Shorty," He says.
Your heart skips a beat at the nickname. Your heart always leaps when he calls you that.
"Yeah, not really my thing anyway," You frown.
"I remember, surprised you're even there this late," He comments.
You smile. He remembers.
"Took some convincing from my friends. It wasn't so bad when we were drinking earlier, but then it started to hit and I wasn't feeling it anymore," You say, chipping away at the white nail polish on your fingers.
"They didn't abandon you, did they?" He asks, voice laced with concern.
"Who? My friends? No, they were looking out for me but I just wasn't feeling it anymore so I told them I was stepping outside for a minute," You continue to chip away at the polish mindlessly.
"I don't like you being alone like that, especially if you've been drinking," He frowns.
"I'm okay, I promise..." You assure him. "I wanna see you though."
A boyish smile forms on his face. "Yeah?"
You nod. "You home?"
"Yeah, come over," He offers. "I'll get you something to eat and you can spend the night."
Your ears perk up from his words. Your heart jumps out of your chest in anticipation.
"Okay, I'll order a–"
"–Text me what club you're at," he interrupts. "I'll get you an Uber here."
______
You call another one of your friends while you wait. You’re surprised she picks up on the second ring. “HELLO?” she shouts into the phone.
“Hey love,” You say.
“Y/N WHERE DID YOU GO?? The hot guy you were talking to is still here, I thought you went home with him.”
The loud music thumps in the background, but you can surprisingly hear her clearly.
You shake your head. “I’m heading home, I’ll see you guys later.”
Of course, the terms of your NDA don’t allow you to tell them where you’re really going. You make up an excuse about not feeling well and she pouts.
“Aw but we were– Hana NO!” She interrupts herself and the line goes silent for a few moments.
You hear shifting and wait to hear her voice again.
“Sorry, we’re in the bathroom and Hana started throwing up. She’s fine now. You feel better though, and text one of us when you get home. Stay safe babes.”
“Okay, I will.”
Before you can hang up, she’s calling out to the other girls. “GUYS, Y/N IS GOING HOME.”
More shuffling suddenly fills your ears and female voice.
“Nooooo, don’t leave,” Hana drunkenly slurs.
You laugh. “I’ll go out with you guys again next weekend.”
After a little bit more drunken banter, you finally hang up and wait on the curb until your ride gets here.
____
Considering he's the one who ordered the Uber, you know he'll know exactly when you get there. So, you spend the entirety of the ride in the backseat fixing up your appearance.
You play with your hair, refresh your lip gloss, and adjust your appearance for the better.
When you arrive at the familiar home, your heart rate picks up and you open the door with shaky hands. You stand outside the car, purse in hand as you shut the door.
Just as you close the car door, his front door opens almost on cue. His full stature comes to your sight and your excitement bubbles over.
He leans against the door frame, grinning at you. He looks cozy, wearing a pair of grey sweatpants, a white wifebeater, and his glasses. Your knees nearly give out at the sight of him in his glasses. He looks so good. His muscular body is visible in the tee and you have to stop yourself from pouncing him.
His hair is definitely shorter than the last time you saw him. And it's been well, months since you've seen him. Two? Maybe even three? But that doesn't matter, what matters is that you're here with him now.
You try not to express how excited you are, but you just can't wipe the smile off your face. You walk toward him and he invites you in with open arms.
His strong arms wrap around your frame. You're so happy you could cry. Your arms wrap around him, squeezing his frame. You inhale, breathing in his scent. He smells like home. His touch is so comforting, this moment feels unreal. You hold him and appreciate him for everything he is.
He pulls away, looking down at you with a grin. He presses a kiss to your forehead. "Hi, Shorty."
You grin up at him, bringing your hands to his hair. You run your fingers through it. "You cut it."
He nods. "Couple days ago yeah, you don't like it?"
"I always like it," You tell him truthfully. "But it was a little sexier when it was long."
He pulls you all the way inside, closing the door and locking it. "I'll tell management to let me grow it back out just for you."
"Doubt they'll see me as reason enough for that," You say.
"They'll just have to deal with it," He runs a hand through his hair. "I'll never let scissors touch my hair again if you say so."
Oh my gosh. You hate him.
You hate how he makes your heart skip a beat and he somehow always knows all the right things to say to you.
You giggle. "I wouldn't ask you to do that, Gyu."
"You'd still like me if I was bald?" He asks.
"Yeah Gyu, I would." You admit.
"Oh wow" He has a boyish grin on his face. "You like-like me."
"Yeah well, you like-like me too," You remind him.
"Damn right I do, Shorty," He pulls you in by your waist. "Don't know why you're so far away."
You squeal when your body moves against his. "I'm still wearing my shoes! I need to take them off."
"Relax Shorty," He lifts you up effortlessly, placing you on the kitchen counter.
He drops down, undoing your heels and placing them on the mat next to his front door. He stands back up to his full stature, face mere inches above yours.
He leans in. "I missed you."
You look up at him with soft eyes. There's so much yearning behind your pupils, that it makes you wonder if he can see through to it.
"I missed you too," You admit.
You find yourself back hin his arms. His big hands circle your waist, pressing your chests together. But now, his lips are on yours.
The kiss is soft, just delicate enough to express how much he missed you. Your small hand cups his cheek as your lips move against one another. His touches are gentle, but they spark so many things inside you, igniting you from the inside out.
But your moment is cut short when your growling stomach interrupts.
You pull away just a little bit, brushing your nose against his, giggling to yourself. He lets out a genuine laugh, holding your hand in his. "I did promise you food, didn't I?"
You nod. "I believe you did."
He helps you off the counter and back onto your feet. He walks over to the pantry.
"Sorry to get your hopes up," He admits sheepishly. "I just got back so... there's not much."
"Oh that's okay, it can't be–"
You open the fridge, finding virtually nothing. Some milk, A couple water bottles, half a carton of eggs, a few bottles of liquor, and a can of half-eaten kimchi.
You wedge your way in front of him, looking into the pantry and it's somehow worse. There's only stuff that needs to actually be cooked, and there's not much of it.
You fall dramatically into his chest and he laughs. "I told you there wasn't much."
His hand touches your lower back as you sink your face into his chest. This time, it feels right.
"Why did you even offer me food if you didn't have any?!" You exclaim.
He holds your head in his hands, cupping both of your cheeks. "I don't know, I guess I forgot Shorty. You do that to me."
While his words are making your stomach turn, the hunger rumbling is a lot louder. "Is the milk in the fridge even good?"
"Yeah, I just bought it today." He says casually.
"You went out and bought milk... and nothing else? Knowing you had no food?" You question.
"I needed it to go with my cereal," He shrugs. "But that's not important. Look, there's some rice in here."
He grabs the uncooked rice out of the pantry. "I can make you some fried rice with egg and kimchi. I've got soy sauce somewhere around here."
"No I think I'll just take some cereal," You walk out of his grasp, making your way toward the fridge.
He pouts. "I can cook for you though."
"I'll take you up on that offer another time," You tap his cheek with your palm lightly. "I'm very hungry. And you've got no vegetable to go with, not even a green onion. I'm getting some cereal."
You open the fridge, grabbing the milk while he gets the bowls and spoons. You try to grab the cereal box from above the fridge, but you can't quite reach it. Mingyu comes up behind you, grabbing it with ease and a shit-eating grin on his face.
You frown, but you're too hungry to make any comments. The two of you sit at the table, each pouring yourselves a bowl of cereal. "You said you just got back?" You ask.
He nods. "Like two days ago, I think. My sense of time is a little messed up, jetlag."
You nod in acknowledgment. He continues to tell you about the past few months since he's seen you. You play friends catching up as he answers all your questions about his life as of recent. The shows, the photoshoots, all the traveling, filming, and preparations for the upcoming months as well.
He asks you about work too, although your updates are not nearly as interesting as his though. But he doesn't ask out of courtesy, he genuinely cares. He likes hearing about your life, likes just listening to you speak even if you're not the one doing Calvin Klein photoshoots.
The time flies, and before you know it, it's 3 in the morning. You always find yourself invested in him when you're together, like the world around you ceases to exist. You get caught up, failing to realize that time is indeed still passing, and a lot of it.
He pulls you in by your hips, pressing your back onto his chest.He pulls the bowls and utensils out of your hands swiftly and turns you around.
"Nope, don't worry about that," he drops them into the sink. "You just go hop in the shower, I'll give you one of my t-shirts."
"Are you saying I stink?" You accuse him playfully.
"Never, Shorty." He kisses your cheek. "As much as I love this little dress on you, it's getting late and you should be in something comfy. Now go." He playfully taps your butt, sending you to the bathroom.
You look back at him, feigning offense as he grins.
______
When you step out of the bathroom and into his bedroom, there's a t-shirt laid out for you with a pair of boxers. You get dressed before walking down to the living room.
Mingyu lays there, scrolling through his phone. When he hears you enter, his attention shifts to you immediately and he gives you a warm smile.
He sits up all the way and pulls you onto his lap so you're straddling him. "Thank you, for letting me using the shower and for the food."
He holds you close to him. "Of course Shorty
"Where are your clothes?" He asks.
"Folded on the dresser in your room, why?" You ask.
He pulls you off his lap and stands to his feet. "Wanna wash them so you can have them tomorrow. Are they washer and dryer safe?"
"Yeah, but you don't have to worry about it." You assure him.
"Don't worry about it, I have clothes I need to was anyway. I'll just through yours in with them," he says.
He disappears up into his room and when he emerges, he's holding a basket of clothes and your dress on top. He walks down and walks over to you on the couch.
"That's all you had? Just the dress and the panties? No bra?" He asks.
You grin. "Nope."
He inhales sharply, but pushes his thoughts aside. "Come with."
You follow behind him downstairs. He leads you to the laundry room in the basement.
You sit on the dryer as he loads the washing machine. There's a comfortable silence in the atmosphere. Everything about this is so comforting... so domestic. It's exactly what you needed.
"Hand me that?" he says, pointing to the detergent behind you. "Please?"
You grab the detergent, handing it to him. "Thank you, Shorty."
After he's done with it, he hands it back to you and adjusts the settings before starting up the machine.
"Ready for bed?" He asks.
You nod, reaching your arms out to him. He turns around, lifting you off the machine and piggybacking you all the way up to his bedroom. He drops your body on his plush mattress and strips down to just his boxers. He places his glasses on his dresser gently. Immediately after, he climbs under the covers. You join him, making yourself comfortable in his bed.
He pulls your body against his, yearning to have you close to him. He looks at you with a softness in his eyes. His hand runs along your thigh gently and innocently.
But right now, close doesn't feel close enough. You've missed him so much, you want to feel consumed by him. You need him inside of you.
You press your forehead against his, look at him with soft, sultry eyes. His hands start to wander, moving from your thighs to your butt.
Almost simultaneously, you pick up on one another's energy. The sexual tension grows and pretty soon his lips are on yours again. You moan softly against his lips.
He brings his hand to your cheek, cupping it softly as your lips move against his in perfect harmony. He takes everything you give and vice versa,perfectly in sync.
Pretty soon, you're itching to get undressed even though his clothes are extremely comfortable. You're eager for more of him, pulling away from the kiss.
"Gyu," You breathe out.
"I know baby, fuck–I know," He pulls you onto his lap so you're straddling him once again.
He lifts your hips enough to pull his boxers off of your body. The t-shirt you're narrowing is next to go, leaving you completely naked on his lap.
"Fuck," He whispers. "You're so pretty, Shorty. Need you so bad."
You lean over, leaving a trail of kisses on his neck. You know better than to leave marks, but you grind down against him slowly. He lets out a shaky breath, holding your hips as you move against him. "Mm-fuck."
His cock grows stiff beneath you, poking against your bare core. You grind down harder, feeling the veins of his cock against your clit through his boxers. "Feels good, Gyu.." You moan.
You chase the friction selfishly. You know you could cum like this, and with how good it feels, you're not entirely against it. But his hand comes in between the two of you, pressing against your pussy to feel how wet you are.
"Fuck, Shorty you're soaking..." he groans.
You can only nod in agreement as the pads of his fingers graze your clit. You're dripping on his fingers, so much so that he could easily slip–
"–You want my fingers?"
Fuck, he knows you so well.
You nod eagerly. He pinches your clit, making you yelp.
"Use your words baby."
You mewl. "Yes, fuck yes, please."
He lifts your body, flipping you over so you're underneath him. He holds himself up with his arm, hovering over you as he slips two fingers into you with ease.
Even though it's just his fingers, he can feel how tight you are. Your cunt stretches around his digits as he pumps them into you. You moan out, feeling the way the pleasure builds in your lower region.
His fingers are so skilled and he knows your body well. He knows that when he curls his finger, you're gonna squeeze your legs together and cry out.
Which is exactly what you do when he curls his fingers inside of you. He pries your legs back open, picking up the pace of his fingers as you moan out loud. "Ah fuck–nngh."
His cock twitches in anticipation as he pleasures you. He's not focused on it right now, but your pleasure is his pleasure.
"Shit–I'm gonna cum," You warn him, gripping his bicep.
He grins, teasing you with his words. "Already, Shorty?"
You breathe out, pushing your hips against his hands. "Fuck– 's been a while.
Oh?
His digits press against the sweet spot deep inside of you and you arch your back up off the bed and cry out. "You don't touch yourself when I'm not here, Shorty?"
"Not enough–ah!" You moan. "Can't cum."
You know you'd never admit this if you weren't drinking earlier or on the brink of an orgasm. But your words affect him more than he lets it show.
He's ruined you.
That means you haven't slept with anyone since he last saw you. And to top it off, you can't get yourself off without his help. A sense of pride fills his chest and only encourages him to go faster, pushing you over the edge.
Although, the same can't be said for him. The pride in his chest is pinched by a small twinging of guilt.
It's not something you really talk about with each other. You know it happens, but you choose not to acknowledge it. As much as it feels like it when you're together, you're not together. It's been nearly three years since your relationship, if you can even call it that, came to fruition.
But with him constantly busy and on the move, you've spent a small fraction of those three years in each other's presence. When he's not with you, he's performing and traveling the world. He catches the attention of plenty of other pretty girls who are more than willing to sign an NDA to spend the night with him.
He's just a man after all. And a famous one who constantly travels at that. He's got needs of his own and the means to fulfill them.
He's someone you trust. You know he'd never catch something and risk bringing it to you. He's too careful, has too much at stake with his career.
But those thoughts only cloud his mind, and for a brief moment at that. With you underneath him, writhing and gasping for air as you cum on his fingers, his attention is fully on you.
He pins your body on on the bed, adding more pressure as you grip his bicep. You nails dig into his skin, sure to leave marks. He doesn't mind though, not when you cry out his name and screw your eyes shut in pleasure.
Your hips move on their own, grinding against his fingers as you ride out your orgasm. "Shit, Shorty... that's it, yeah."
It takes a moment for you to come down. When you do, you blink your eyes open, loosening your grip on his bicep. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, warm breath fanning against your neck. His fingers slip out of you slowly and you whine as the loss of touch.
His hard length presses against your thigh, making it very known how badly he needs you. You think about pushing him down on the bed and sucking him dry, but you'd much rather have him inside of you.
You press a hand on his chest gently, pointer finger lightly dragging on his skin. "Mmm, that was so good, Gyu."
"Yeah?" He lifts his head up.
You bite your lip seductively and nod softly. "Yeah... want you to fuck me now, though."
He licks his lips slowly. "Want it, or need it?"
"Need it, need it so fucking bad, Gyu" You pull at the material of his boxers. You're so needy. He can hear it in your voice and it's clear in your actions. He wants to give you everything and more.
He presses his hips down against you and you help him to pull of his boxers. You wrap your hand around his cock and start pumping him slowly. He lets out a breath of relief.
His cock is hard and heavy in your hand. It's pulsing and aching to be touched. He inhales sharply when you circle your thumb around the tip, smearing his precum around.
You love it when he's sensitive like this, so reactive. It reminds you that you have just as much of an effect on him as he does on you. You continue to pump him, and he reaches into the drawer of his nightstand and pulls out a gold package.
You snatch the condom out of his hand. "I wanna do it."
He grins. "Okay, Shorty."
You tear open the packaging with your teeth.
"You know, you shouldn't do that," He warns you. "Could accidentally puncture a hole in it. Wouldn't want another pregnancy scare would we?"
You toss the gold wrapper onto the nightstand. "First of all, you use your teeth every time we do this. Second of all, you used your teeth to open the condom the time we had to scare." You remind him.
He smirks. "I learn from my mistakes, baby."
You ignore him, rolling the condom onto his length and laying on your back. He hovers over you again, stroking his cock a few times before lining himself up with your entrance.
When he enters you, the stretch is immaculate. You both breathe out, moaning as he bottoms out inside of you. He sinks further into you, deep into your warmth and you stretch to accommodate him perfectly.
"Fuck... Gyu," You moan out, wrapping your arms around his muscular back.
"Shorty... fuck me–" He groans. You breathe out, wrapping your legs around his waist, pushing your hips up into him. You move in perfect sync as his hips drive into yours. His neck nearly goes limp as his head dips down. "Yeah, Shorty–just like that–uh. Fuck, you're so hot, baby."
"Mingyu–" You moan out. "I missed you so much... so fucking much."
His hips snap back, his cock thrusting deep into you. "Missed you too, missed everything about you."
His thrusts slow down, but they don't stop. He taps the side of your thigh, silently telling you to unwrap your legs around around him. You oblige, and he lifts your legs up.
He drives his cock deeper into you, bringing your legs over his shoulders. You gasp out at the sudden stretch and wave of pleasure that hits you.
The pure force of his thrusts, how good he feels as the pain turns into pleasure into pleasure, the noises he makes – it's overwhelming in the best way possible. It's so much, but it's so good, you don’t want him to ever stop. Your mouth falls open in a silent moan as your breath catches in your throat. You eyes fall shut as your face scrunches in pleasure before the sensation courses through through you and you can hardly take it. Your hands grip the sheets tightly.
"Fuck... pussy's so good," He groans. " 'S all mine."
"Hah-fuck," You cry out.
"Tell me it's mine, baby," He demands. "C'mon Shorty."
Your eyes fall shut and your breathe in through your nose as his cock pushes deeper into you. Your voice is broken and soft. "It's all yours–"
He thrusts into you particularly hard. "Say it again–louder."
"Fuck! It's all yours."
It's a lie, somewhat. Everything between you two is complicated, yet simple. But in moments like these, you don't focus on the small details or realities.
"That's what I fucking thought," He groans.
You whimper, pussy fluttering around him. A telltale sign that you're close to the edge. His pace doesn't falter, and he continues to fuck you as your orgasm courses through your body.
Your body spasms beneath him, writhing to escape the overwhelming pleasure. He doesn't let you though, pinning your body down as he continues to drive his cock deep inside of you.
"Fuckfuckfuckfuck–uh!" You cry out. Tears are brimming the corners of your eyes.
Your pussy tightens around him, convulsing as you cum for the second time tonight. He watches as your face twists and contorts with pleasure, a sight that remains forever etched in his memory.
You're still coming down while he's fucking you, grunting and groaning with each thrust of his hips. There's sweat dripping down his body, causing his skin to glisten in the moonlight.
Your mind is hazy, still struggling to process all the pleasure you're body is enduring. You're growing overstimulated, but you can tell he's getting close.
His hips lose their rhythm, thrusts growing erratic and uncoordinated as your pussy milks him. He lets out a long groan, cursing out your name as he spills his load into the rubber.
His chest rises and falls rapidly as he sits up. He presses a kiss to your ankle before pulling out of you and allowing your feet to touch the bed.
His body is spent, and the soft look in your eyes relaxes him. It makes him feel blissful and at ease, it makes the sleepiness creep its way into his body.
You wrap your arms around his neck softly pulling his face toward yours. "All good?"
"Fuckin perfect," he sighs with a smile.
He's too close and too tempting not to kiss. So you do, softly pressing your lips against one another. The feeling in your heart is overwhelming. You don't know that he feels it too, two hearts moving rapidly yet somehow in perfect sync.
It's moments like these where there's a conundrum of things weighing heavily on your mind that you want to express or say out loud, but you don't. You know better than that, and so does he.
So a kiss will have to do. To speak the words that will remain unspoken and seal it closed. A silent way to express the thoughts that run through your brains and the emotions that are pouring out of your hearts.
So you kiss him, because that's all you can do for now. While he's still here, while he's still yours.
___
After you two clean up, you climb back into the bed. You face each other, laying on your sides.
His eyes are closed, but he's not fully encaptured by his slumber. He's halfway there though, pouting in his state of rest with a soft expression. He looks so peaceful, so cute. Such a contrast to the man who had your legs thrown over his shoulders only minutes prior.
You press your hand onto his hair, pushing it back ever so lightly as you admire his features. You see the smile tugging at his lips. "Go to sleep, Shorty."
His eyes don't open as he speaks to you.
"Sorry," You say sheepishly. I was just admiring."
"Cute, you can admire in the morning though. Go to sleep, baby."
You nod, although he can't see you, and exhale softly. You adjust the comforter and his eyes blink open slowly.
"I'll make you breakfast in the morning," he offers, pressing a kiss onto your forehead.
You hum, smiling to yourself. "lemme guess, cereal?"
A breathy laugh escapes his lips. "Alright, I'll take you out for breakfast, or we can order in if you can't walk."
You punch his shoulder playfully before burying your face against his chest. You fall asleep in his arms peacefully.
_______________________________________________
© number1mingyustan - Do not repost without permission.
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ishizizzle · 2 years ago
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My 19-yo manager got upset off someone else's energy and talked to me stupid. I cared for hours longer than I should but thankfully, I'm growing apathetic to the whole person
#it me#i really been journaling these thoughts out lately. I'll write it down and#watch my complaints get smaller and smaller because i already wrote i was mad about this or that#so the only logical step I can is forward but I'm mentally ill so logic is built like a crazy straw and I'm wearing stilettos#but i get the shit out and get it smaller and smaller until i can summarize it and get to the root issue. its nice. it saves a lot of words#i know I'm in the right but there's nothing wrong with humility. her being 19 wouldn't even matter if she didn't act so immature#but that's whoevers fault that is for hiring her in that position cuz i clocked her and the scene the moment it happened#i even tried having a conversation about because SHE was talking about it like it was something to talk about#and i told her it didn't seem fair to her to have a future in wherever she's supposed to be going and be stuck in#a position you don't have the skillset for like i said it normal but that was the point of my end of the discussion#and all she could say is how is it unfair if its something i choose and i shut up because fuck off I'm not explaining that to you#not only would she not care or understand the answer but I'm not her mama her friend or her sis that's not my business#they pay her more to tell other niggas what to do.to go up there and cheat on the bf she stay on the phone with. she doesnt clean#I'm like what does she do other than show up and make sandwiches that's the only reason they were impressed. she asked and they said yes#before either knew if the other understood what they were signing up for and now she's cracked#she was alreasy cracked but its like chill out damn this why ppl dont like teenagers bro#leave all that bullshit at home can you come to work to work please idgaf if you want work friends#lame ass kids in this emotionally mature positions dude it makes no fucking sense#if they were adult enough to handle it fine but these are clearly kids and who cares but like#can someone else babysit i already babysat in jr. high and them parents paid way more for less of my time please dont push me#all that to say i feel myself tired of thinking about it. I'm bored of it. its not even noteworthy cuz it wasn't even a beef#she only got mad bc her pick me signals went off and she always acts the same as the guys but like#when they get mad she is suddenly mad to you know? and its embarrassing#i guess second hand? like am i embarrassed for you or myself for making you think we were on the same level
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bullsh1tterz · 3 months ago
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A blink, then the littlest of chuckles. "You're a smart kid." He tells him, hand reaching out to point his way as the smallest, most unreadable smile of the twenty first century remains plastered to his features. "Kinda like that, yeah" he nods. "'cept I don't believe I'm all bad, kiddo." a small shrug. "Everyone's got a mix in 'em - y'can't physically be all bad 'nless you're an exception to that rule." Which some are. Some definitely are; but even the world's most vicious dictators and irredeemable psychopaths have had to them so much as a single quality which one could deem a general positive. Such qualities are never grounds for redemption after one has gone too far, they never are, but they undeniably link them to human kind. Perhaps, though, in a way human kind itself is never ready to process - the fact that the vicious and terrible are human and not fundamentally foreign from their state of existence - that one is not separate from the innate traits in them which might fester into heinous, iredeemable horrors.
Adam is, perhaps, a much milder and less lethal case - hell, he's righteous - but he remains such a case nonetheless; a microcosm of the more fatal inflection of the trope. "'s just that I've got more bad than good 'n here." The smile doesn't fade, but falters, previously pointed hand now pressing against his own chest. "Y'don't gotta be all bad to be an asshole, y'just gotta be bad enough." a shrug, the smile leaving him. "'m sure it's even the same with your mom. She's good and nice at times and a total bitch at others, no?" The sign of an impeccable manipulator.
And again, as the kid continues to speak, Adam finds himself reverting to - referencing - older times, vicious times. Acceptance. Flaws. The agony of being one's self when one mustn't be such a self; when people expect the personhood of everyone around them to match their perception of what it should be. He sighs. He doesn't know what the kid is talking about and there's no way on earth he's going to guess that. To him, it was bisexuality. To him, it was his brutal honesty. To him, it was his innate hatred and cynicism towards the world. To the kid, it must be something. Damned he'll be if he pries it out of him, no. It's not his place. And yet he's compelled to lighten the load somehow, some way.
"I've been called a freak 'n I'm still here." he begins, taking a step forward and crouching enough to the other's height. "The funny part's that they didn't even call me a freak over the right stuff - it was just the stuff they thought was wrong with me." A little head tilt, frown present yet empathetic. There's a little sigh that leaves him. "How old are ya, kid?" he asks. "Can't be older than sixteen." he replies to himself, mostly, but he does leave him a window there to correct him. "I'm twenty seven. That's at little over ten years on ya." index and middle finger drum up to brush against the camera hanging around his neck. "I don't fucking know jack about what my purpose is." He rises up, finding the nearest stool and sitting as he speaks.
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"It's fine if somethin's missin'. There's always gonna be a blank bit o' ya, that's how we people work." He turns to the kid, not motioning for him to sit beside him but giving him an expression which, in very subtle manner, suggests it would not be ill-recieved. "The good news is... that's proof you're no monster, kid. Monsters ain't walkin' around wonderin' what their sense o' purpose is or wishin' ta find what's missin' in 'em." A little lean. "Whatever it is you are - the bits o' ya that y're so intent on hidin' - there'll be people out there who don't give a single fuck."
Aside from the passing possibility that the child is a serial killer, which Adam now thoroughly doubts but still cannot quite remove the smidgen of skepticism tethered into, Adam is almost pretty sure he wouldn't care what the kid's big dark secret is. No matter how big. Or how dark. With the nature he sees before it, there's the slightest and most negligible chance that this kid has done or is doing something which Adam would be repulsed by. But, then again, he can only really truly know if he comes to hear it. And he's never the type to pry his way into such.
"And there are gonna be people that like ya for it or in spite of it or whatever else - everyone's annoyingly different." A pause. "Does your family ever tell ya that sorta thing? That- they're not the only bastards in the world who'll accept ya?" Oh, shit, wait - he just asked a question. That's not good. That's not good at all; now the other must think he's taken an interest!! Because, well, he has. But he wouldn't want that to be known, no, now that's grounds for trouble.
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he can't help the way his feelings uncomfortably stir : he doesn't thank the other or insist any further , ( because adam is , after all , an adult , ) but the word "worth" still pricks him in a way that gave him the same itching , irritated lump as the word "deserve" did . he wants to resist , decline , insist : but you do . no matter how meek and timid the niwa perpetually seemed , weren't feelings like those still his own ? to dispense and allot wherever , to whomever he liked . had he the words to express any of this , then maybe he would have balled up his fists a little at his side and stood his ground until adam accepted it .
instead , he stays as still as he can and listens , unable to help the way his eyes glide shy away from the other's --- like a nervous animal hoping not to get eaten , a dog with another's teeth bared close , far too close to its nose .
delusions ... right . what confrontation he's avoided and tried to muster up all sorts of excuses for , he suddenly feels chided over . ' kind of like --- ' he hesitates just on the brink ; feels his thoughts lurch at the thin , sliced edge of the conversation , a chasm that rips itself open right in front of him and whose deep , open plummet makes his heart sink and thud in his chest . ( adam would either immediately hate him for this , or end up shocked at the sheer hidden guts and gal it took for it . maybe even both . ) nevertheless , daisuke verbally leaps : ' like the way you kind of ... talk like you're all bad , even though you really aren't ? '
it's not the place for comparison , he knows --- but he can't help the times he had wondered whether or not there would ever be any sort of light for him . what was good , what was evil ... ? did a drop of poison always pollute the entire well ? did a weed in a field render it foul and infertile ? cherubs were said to only know peace and wear smiles ; in its shadows , the devil and all its stormy leers and grim brooding could be concluded a devil for as long as these things remained a truth .
even thieves had their reasons . their little white lies ; their rampant delusions . he's never known whether or not good intentions could make up for cardinal sins , but if he could have told adam the truth , here and now , what would the other have said , then ? would he have lent mercy , even more sympathy and encouragement , no matter how rough and crass ; no matter how bitter and angry , to the sorry kid --- criminal --- raised from birth like all of his ancestors to fall out from innocence and to endlessly steal ? his family might have been the entire reason for his woes , beginning with an ancestor of hundreds , maybe thousands of years ago , a curse --- but , after so much time , he still cared for everyone . his mother , his grandfather , a father he barely felt he knew ; the artworks he had laid his hands on , even his other self .
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' i just ... ' if anything , he wished his mother really was here right now . to hear what she might say to an ordinary person when all the other times he had tried to declare that he was going to give up thieving , he had been met with nothing but a chorus of pleads and tears and demands and declines . ' ... they're the only ones who accept me , too . they know --- parts of me that no one else knows about . that i'm too scared to show to strangers or ... even my friends . ' his flush reddens a little , even more . his voice shrinks and stays infinitesimally small . ' i just don't want people to hate me . what if someone points and --- and calls me a freak or a monster ? what if it's the truth and everyone's right ? what if i can't change or --- or fix it ? '
a beat . ' i mean , whether or not it's my fault , isn't there something still wrong with me ? ' a breath . ' i'm so stupid and i keep thinking --- wondering , maybe i'm not any good for any of it . not my family or strangers or ... o-or anybody . ' and just like that , lifting an arm to rub a sleeve across his dry lips and hide away his mouth for however briefly , he apologizes again . ' sorry . i didn't --- i didn't mean to ... i just don't know what i'm doing . it feels like everyone knows what they want in life and how to talk and ... be normal , but me . and i don't know how to fix it . i never know just ... what's missing . '
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thebeesatemyknees · 1 year ago
Text
141 as ex-husbands
Some ex-husband (ooc) Simon Ghost Riley, John Price, Kyle Gaz Garrick and Johnny Soap MacTavish x reader headcanons.
Word count: 860 || No warnings (let me know if any). || Reader: gender neutral. Pronouns: "you"
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Note: In all four scenarios, you got divorced for fairly harmless reasons. You were getting along, you loved each other, there was no fighting. But perhaps you realised that you both have different hopes for the future. Maybe you got sick of waiting for him, missing him, of worrying if he's gonna come home alive and in one piece. Maybe he didn't realise how lonely you felt beside him.
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Ex-husband Simon Riley, who still thinks of you as "his", but not in a possessive way. You're still his person, his family. He still would do anything for you and wouldn't even give it a second thought. 
You need help assembling new furniture? He can come by after work. Need a ride to the doctor's appointment? He needed to run some errands anyway, it's not a big deal. Anything happens while he's deployed? You can call his base and he'll contact you as soon as possible.
And he doesn't expect anything back. How could he? He's gonna do anything for you because that's what you're supposed to do for your people. And he'll give you your space, keep it clean between you. You wanted a divorce and he respects that, doing his best not to overstep any boundaries. He's mindful of the things he says, keeps his hands away from you. A respectful distance.
But God, does he miss you. If you showed the slightest interest in getting back together, he would agree immediately, going back to what you two had, as if the divorce never happened. 
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Ex-husband John Price, who kinda forgets that you're not married anymore. Similar to Simon, John still thinks of you as his and would do anything for you without expecting anything back. 
But you often have to remind him that he's overstepping. "Darling" or "love" casually added to his sentences. Hands gently holding your shoulders or hips while he directs you to move to a different spot. He doesn't do it on purpose. The last thing he'd want is to disrespect your boundaries or make you uncomfortable. But keeping you close just comes so naturally to him.
He apologises quietly when you reprimand him, pulling his hands away and restating what he said without the pet name this time.
He wouldn't beg you to give him another chance. He's got enough respect, towards you and himself, to not be dramatic, to not make it messy. But he has a hard time accepting this new reality.
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Ex-husband Kyle Garrick, who subconsciously goes back to courting you, as if your marriage never happened and all of it was still ahead of you. 
He's more distant, doesn't initiate touches, doesn't use pet names anymore. And at first you think it's because that's just how break-ups work, because he'd moved on. But it all seems to be caused by him suddenly becoming almost shy around you. 
He sends you messages from time to time, checking if you're doing alright. He asks you out for coffee, just to catch up. You ended things on good terms, so there's no harm in it, right? And you can see him trying to act casually about it. He brings you one singular flower he picked on his way to the café. Cuz you like them, don't you? It's not a big deal, he saw it and put it in the pocket of his jacket. So casual. Then, your conversation stays on a purely platonic path. Well, except for a few compliments and pick up lines he throws your way. But that's what friends do! And if you don't let him drive you home, he asks you to at least text him to let him know you got back safely.
If you confront him about his behaviour, he gets quiet. His jaw twitches, a shameful look fills his eyes as he looks away, unable to fully face you. He doesn't feel like he's in the position to defend himself, to argue. He's guilty. He wants you back for himself. And he so badly regrets letting you go without trying harder to fix things.
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Ex-husband Johnny MacTavish, who becomes bitter towards the whole world. He's not happy about losing you and he's straightforward about it. He's hurt, filled with regrets, he's angry - but not directly at you. He understands and respects your wishes, but he's just so angry with himself. Angry that he didn't notice where your marriage was going, that he didn't change his ways, that he assumed that you're his and therefore he's got a lot of time to slowly fix things. Angry that he didn't do enough. 
He wouldn't hide his emotions. He wouldn't get shy,  wouldn't just quietly yearn for you. 
He keeps his hands to himself, making sure he doesn't make you uncomfortable and that you still feel safe around him. But he continuously asks you for another chance. He knows better now. He can be better. Just give him a chance. Or at least let him do this or that for you. And don't act as if him helping you is weird! He's yours, nothing will change that. He promised he'd be there in sickness and in health, and he meant it. No matter how much your life-paths split. So stop pushing him away and just let him help. He'll stop asking you for a second chance, but at least let him be there for you.
He aggressively offers himself to you. Getting upset and moody if you act as if he was more akin to a stranger rather than someone who belonged, body and soul, to you.
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