#cuz I’ve been binge free for so long and

[taegimood]

(edit: pls send me requests omg give me something legit to write about 💀🙏🏼 help)

ok literally no one asked for this but i’ve been asking my moots these questions, so i figured i might as well answer them myself too lol

which member's type do you think you'd be?

which member is closest to your type (bias or not)?

which member do you think you'd be closest with platonically?

which member do you think you'd be the least close with?

1: i think i’d be closest to yeonjun’s type, at least visually.. my primary fashion is grungy street style so i think we have a lot in common style-wise and would vibe hard tbh :3 (but personality-wise..? idk i haven’t thought that far ahead lmao what do you guys think?? would any of them like me o_o)

2: oh man.. this is hard cuz visually i don’t really have one set type, i’m attracted to several different vibes.. but yeonjun cuz of the fashion and fox features, and soobin because ??? look at him ?? kdrama first love coded, periodt. (but they’re all so stunning that if i saw any of them on the street without knowing who they were i’d definitely want their numbers and also their [redacted])

personality-wise… RAHHHH why are these questions so hard i literally suck at making decisions- i’m the one that made these questions too ffs- ok sometimes yeonjun makes me want to shove my hand into his face and PUSH (lovingly. respectfully.) because he’s so Frat Bro Coded sometimes LMAOO 😭 so i think soobin or beomgyu. gyu is INSANE but i think we’d have so much fun together and he can be soft and serious when the time calls for it. i rlly want someone i can be goofy as hell with and gyu def fits the bill. and soobin……. oh, my sweet soobin……. dream man…. he’s so 💖💕💝💘💗 ……. (not me clowning matcha for being biased for gyu in her response while soobin is living rent free in every single one of my answers 🤡) soobin is the Actual Love Of My Life™ and i think we could fit well together in so many ways but 3 things that DEPRESSINGLY make me wonder if we’d work:

i’m also an introvert so i need someone more extroverted than i am to get me out of my shell 😖 biggest one is he said he doesn’t lead in the relationship and lets the girl make all the decisions (i prefer a guy who leads and wants to make decisions together) and he loves physical touch but only when he’s the one giving it 🤨 IM SUCH A TOUCHY CLINGY BITCH SOOBIN PLS LET ME HOLD YOU-

3: this post is so fckn long for no reason why am i such a verbal processor this one is ALSO hard cuz not to sound like a pick-me but i feel like i could be pretty good friends w any of them?? 😭 maybe gyu ??? i’m an introvert so he definitely might get too overwhelming for me at times but i also become a crackhead when i’m with friends i can be myself with who share my humor, so i think when i’m in the right headspace gyu and i could just go crazy together and be goofy asf lol. we could also game together and i could run him into the ground in victory 🫶🏼

but ok yeonjun and i would be such bros together plus he knows what it’s like to live in america so there’s that and fashion to bond over… i could be total gym buddies with taehyun and we’d bounce that dry humor off of each other… just like soobin and kai, i’m a huge anime and video game nerd (could do show and tell w kai and all our plushies too 🫶🏼) so i could game and binge anime for hours and be totally content especially if i’m bonding over it w someone else o_o SOOOOO i feel like i could be friends with all of them but as for besties? not me wanting to pick soobin again i don’t know 😀

minji do you literally know anything

4: honestly i think taehyun :((( i just think i have the least amount of things in common with him, that’s all !!! no other reason i still love him sm although i’m also a singer actually (fun fact) so i think we could do such pretty covers together 🥺

anyway this is LONG AS ALL HELL for literally no reason other than the fact that i talk too much lmao so here are the answers that no one asked for 😍

[that-hippie-user]

hedonism as a means of healing

seems tumblr sh@dowbans posts involving w33d in the tags, so let’s try this again, sft style

yesterday i achieved ego d34th and entered a state of animalistic bliss without fear. i became fully freed of all my worries, and developed a new leese on life

i’ve always been a hedonism in practice, agreeing that pleasure seeking is an ideal way of living when done within reason. no other philosophy is as succinct and easy to argue as “pleasure good, pain bad.” but until now my own depression and self loathing had twisted that mindset into an unhealthy one.

i was content to, as my therapist put it, lie on the ground and be miserable. because it may hurt, but it’s easier than taking risks.

anyone who knows me knows that’s no secret. yes, i’m on disability for legit reasons, i got ptsd, autism, panic anxiety, among several other things which prove i’m not ready for the workplace. that much is true and the diagnosis have already been made. but i can’t deny it’s been a massive weight off my shoulders to not have to work. by the end of highschool, i became so dissolutioned with capitalism that i actually considered joining a group home to get away from my family and not have to be employed. literally i was willing to sacrifice personal freedoms for the sake of a miserable safe space. i’m glad i didn’t go through with it, that would’ve been hellish for me

but the problem with embracing base pleasures and avoiding uncomfortable risks, is that i conditioned myself to waste away into nothing. letting my ai roommate (the youtube algorithm) decide my entertainment all day every day, laying in bed binging leftist video essays, game reviews, and niche indie music as if ANY of that would give personal fulfilment.

i avoided painting despite my legit talent for it, i avoid guitar lessons despite investing in a decent starter guitar and lessons being free, i avoid learning game design despite Unreal Engine 5 being FREE and free assets being given away every month on the Unreal storefront. literally i can buy, and have bought, premade assets that bestow full freedom with minimal effort to make my own games with assets that are easy to rearange and rework, yet i do nothing.

i have this idea in me that i’m some kind of genius, that fame and fortune are already set for me, and that someday in some vague future i’m going to end up beloved by all for my achievements.

and i LOVE getting praise. somehow i get gender euphoria from being called a game designer, or any other fancy title. if i was a beloved novelist, game dev, musician, heck ALL these things, my transition would be complete. i’m beautiful when people recognize my talent.

but that’s just it. i like results, i like when i have something finished and can show it off. but i HATE the learning process. writing comes easy to me because i’ve got years of practice from fanfic and essay writing in highschool. but music? games? art? i don’t have definitive results to tell me i’m good enough to persue those things. writing is easy cuz as long as you can string together some nice words in a good order, the work is good. comprehensive knowledge on english is all you really need as a baseline for writing. do it right and you can SEE genius on the page in front of you. but game design takes programming and troubleshooting, art takes mountains of bad sketches before you see the good stuff, music takes hearing yourself fumble with an instrument until you get something good.

art, in all its forms, is built on a MOUNTAIN of garbage. name any artist you look up to, they’re bound to have some shit work from their early days.

but yesterday, i got st0ned. i let go of all my worries and fears and achieved complete and full embrace of human id, and knew what it truly was to stop second guessing myself. and now i have a new lease on life.

youtube, gone. deleted and replaced with youtube music. i can watch essays on my tv while i eat bekfast. but during the day? when i have stuff i can do? i want ALBUMS. i want albums and nothing BUT albums reccomended to me on the regular. i don’t wanna have to deal with the bullshit of ENDLESS essays to detract me from my work. i may as well be shoving potato chips and twinkies into my gullet till my stomach aches for all the good it would do me. the youtube algorithm is a curse that destroys your ability to create.

i’m still autistic, i still need SOMETHING to occupy my headphones while i do stuff. so i’m getting the app that gives nothing but music.

i was paying for youtube red anyway, i use mobile for the most part and can’t easily install adblock on my phone, so i get premium access to youtube music by default. might as well use it.

my lesson, to whoever may be reading, is thusly: EMBRACE IMPULSE. dare i say, get STOOPID.

i congratulate my romantic partners every time they misspell or mispronounce something. know why? because humans are beautiful and so are our mistakes. if you’re neurodivergent, chances are you’ve spent your whole life being put down by authority figures telling you you “don’t work hard enough” or are “too lazy” dogging on you for every mistake you make. well FAWK THAT.

i say this now because you likely don’t hear it enough. I’M PROUD OF YOU.

let your mistakes flow freely, your genius is somewhere inside of it. embrace your impulses no matter how insane they may sound, and that means embracing whatever hobby or hyperfixation you get that month, LIVE YOUR LIFE WITHOUT HESITATION OR SHAME.

here’s a maxim for you. BE MORE BOLD. because the bigots and morons of the world get stronger every time you beat yourself down for them. YOU are strong. stronger than you know. so prove it.

cringe culture is dead, life is too short to worry about wether your place in it is significant, wether you exist or not means nothing next to what you do with yourself, and you CAN get out of bed and do something, if you address the things that are leaving you miserable in the first place and find passions to follow.

i write this ramble/essay on a keyboard built by me. her name is Eva. Eva is a beautiful purple and green 65% gasket mounted keyboard with ASA keycaps, modded with electrical tape, polyethaline foam, and fitted with custom switches lubed by hand. it is the product of years of research, obsession, craft refinement, and embrace of cringe.

i divined this keyboard in a fanfic i wrote for my own entertainment, and diving headfirst into cringe i built it and made it my main.

her name is Eva because of the Evangeleon Eva-01 keycaps i chose for her, she’s neurodivergent cuz she has LED lights that don’t always function like they should, and she’s trans cuz she’s had trans affirming surgery (mods to the top and bottom of the pcb) and voice training (parts assembled in such a way to achieve a WONDERFUL sound profile)

i made this. i did this through my own hardwork and effort, and it’s paid off.

and now, i’m gonna write my magnum opus, work on making my first game, dedicate the year to learning guitar, listen to LOTS of new music while i do, avoid the brainrot of 24/7 essays, and become the jack of all trades genious i wanna be.

i have chronic clinical depression. i’m in pain. i cry at night and lie in bed wondering if i’m worth anything in this world.

and i. can. do this.

you can to.

[fitgothgirl]

So I will say my weed break lasted 5 days. Rather than be down on myself for not going longer, I’m just trying to be happy that I made it that long, especially on a whim and without having set any sort of defined goal. Each time I make attempts, I strengthen those connections in my brain and learn for next time.

It’s just hard because all my issues with it are just from smoking too much. For myself and many others, there are benefits when it’s the right amount. And even the negative effects from smoking too much aren’t that bad compared to hard drugs. So overall the temptation/habit is too strong and the consequences are too little, so it’s too easy to bargain with myself when completely abstaining. I’m  already a pushover lol.

I’ll say the first smoke I had after 5 days was amazing though lol. Not just from missing it, but my tolerance was so low and I blasted off with just two hits lol. So that’s a good reason to moderate too! I really need to start using my K-Safe again...

Anyways, life goes on. Unfortunately I’ve had a couple bad binges the last two days (probably coincides with the return to smoking), so going to rein that in now. I went grocery shopping last night so I’m all stocked up, and at this point I’ve scratched the itch anyway. Like I could definitely continue to let things go, and probably would have in the past, but I’ve been doing so great the last 4-ish months with working out and slowly losing weight, and I had just passed the 15-lb-loss mark. I don’t want to undo that work or stop my progress. So the lifestyle change seems to really be getting solidified in my mind and I’m eager to just get back to it. 

I gotta owe it to weight lifting too. I’ve just been loving going to the gym and working on progressive overload. I love vibing off others there, including the bros in the free weight section. Years ago I would be too shy to go over there like a lot of people, but one of the great things about getting a tiny bit older is the dying off of the fucks you give haha. Cuz we all know that’s dumb anyway. I also got more comfortable with it when I would look up form and plan exactly what I wanted to do first so I wouldn’t be wandering or confused (and of course we should be sure about form no matter what lol). Then I started just going in and taking up the space I needed and keeping my head high. And honestly I feel like we’re all working out together, like we’re all silently supporting each other. I even love seeing people check themselves out or take pictures of themselves, I’m just like “yeah, get it, you rock!” 

(So if you’re one of the people who are nervous to go to the free weight section, just remember there are people with this attitude!)

[because-of-a-friend]

Boyfriend!Seungcheol Fluff

Thanks for the requests and compliments anons and @seungcheoluwu​ !!! Y’all are all too sweet! I really hope you guys like this one! Remember everyone, this is a series I only do by request, so if I’m missing someone you want, just request it! I already have Seungkwan and DK requested so those will be out soon!

MASTERLIST

Seungcheol | Jeonghan | Joshua | Jun | Hoshi | Wonwoo | Woozi | DK | Mingyu | Minghao | Seungkwan | Vernon | Dino 

Honestly

Between being a trainee

Debuting in a kpop group

Having the responsibilities of a leader

And always being mostly concerned with keeping the other boys safe and happy

Coups doesn’t really ever think about dating

His life is just a whirlwind of responsibilities that never really seems to end

Anytime the thought crosses his mind, he just reminds himself that he doesn’t really have the time

As the leader, everything falls back on him so keeps any other distractions outside of Seventeen minimal so the other boys can always depend on him no matter when or where it is 

But lately

He feels like he’s been able to breathe easier

Seventeen is successful 

All the boys have grown and are so responsible and able to handle most things on their own 

So Coups is slowly having some responsibilities lifted from his shoulders

And one day he realizes that the idea of dating doesn’t seem so impossible anymore

But who would he even date?

He’s pushed that idea so far out of his head that he hasn’t even considered whether he would date anyone around him 

He’s embarrassed to admit it, but there’s a part of him that’s really shy about things like that so he doesn’t even know if he has it in him to go out and date

And there’s another part of him that he’s even more embarrassed of that really wants a magical love story, a spark

He just doesn’t feel like he has that with anyone near him

And then one day, he runs into you

“Oh my god, Seungcheol?”

He sighs, expecting a fan, readying himself to be bright and sociable 

But he knows you

The two of you went to school together years ago

“[Y/N]?”

“Seungcheol, it is you! This is so great!” 

You exclaim and then pull him into a hug

He happily returns it, feeling a familiar warmth from seeing someone from his past

“This is insane, I honestly didn’t think I was ever going to see you again!” 

“Oh yeah” he looks down awkwardly. “I’ve been busy...”

“Well yeah, you’re only the leader of one of the biggest kpop groups out there!”

He knows that, of course he does

He’s worked long and hard to be S.Coups of Seventeen

But when you say it, he feels shy for some reason 

“Oh yeah... I guess”

You laugh happily 

“Hey, we have to catch up sometime! When are you free?”

Seungcheol rattles off his schedule for the next week

You find a free spot that you share, grab his number, and make the plans

It’s lunch at a restaurant you had never been to before

You sit awkwardly at the table you grabbed and wait anxiously for Cheol to show up

When he does run in, he stops at the entrance to look for you

When he spots you, he pauses, taking time to straighten out his clothes and brush out his hair

He clears his throat and then calls to you

You feel relief fill your veins when your eyes land on Cheol

You wave at him, a grin spread across your face

He rushes over to plop down in the seat across from you

Once you two catch up on what’s been going on, there’s a bit of a silence

He’s worried that that’s it

You two just had those few good moments and now you won’t have anything to talk about anymore

But then you bring up a story from your school days

“Remember that time, Minhyuk was rushing to get to class, but he wanted something to drink first...”

“And his hand got stuck in the vending machine???”

“Yes!”

You both laugh and bring up more memories and laugh more

It eventually opens up more conversation 

And soon speech just flows easily between you two 

Then Seungcheol looks down at his phone and realizes you two have been sitting there for hours

And to him that’s the sign

There’s a spark

“Hey, [Y/N], do you maybe want to get dinner sometime?”

“Are you asking me on a date Choi Seungcheol?”

“Yes, how about it?”

“I think I’d like that very much”

Dating Seungcheol is easy

He makes it easy

He’s attentive and caring and selfless and mature

He’s a cookie-cutter perfect boyfriend

You’re spoiled as hell

Cheol loves deeply and fully and that love spills out in every way imaginable

He spends even more time on his schedule so he knows he can always make time for you

He’s always affectionate and it’s always in the ways that make you feel the most safe and loved and comforted

I mean, it’s hard not to when sitting in his strong arms

And he treats you so tenderly

Hand holding always includes soft strokes of his thumb up and down your skin

Hugs are tight and long and include sweet whispers 

Cuddling is always comfy

He loves random unconventional affection, like tapping his head against yours, brushing your noses together, plucking your chin

Kisses are always either sweet pecks on your nose, forehead, cheeks and lips

Or slow, deep, sensual kisses 

He takes affection pretty seriously since it’s one of the ways he shows he loves you

Sometimes you wonder why he’s so good to you

Or why your relationship feels so... big

Like seriously it feels like something so incredible and beautiful

One night, Cheol is walking you home and you voice your thoughts out loud

He laughs 

“Are you seriously having thoughts like that because you have a good boyfriend?”

You pout

“Seriously, Cheol, I’m just asking, why are you so good to me?”

He shrugs “Cuz I’m dating you?”

“I know that but... I don’t know”

He smiles and pulls something out of his pocket before handing it to you

“Because you’re special and you deserve it” 

You look down at what he handed you and your heart stops

It’s a little paper flower

Your mind gets taken back to high school

It was an overnight school trip 

Seungcheol had actually been able to come on that one, which was rare due to his schedule when he was a trainee

So everyone was excited to have him come along, the whole class celebrated for him to actually be able to come on the trip

You wanted to be excited too in order to be a good classmate

But 

You’d been having a rough week

Things went wrong with friends, family, grades

So you were kind of off the whole trip

You can’t even sleep

So you get up in the middle of the night and sneak out and walk around outside

It’s really pretty 

There’s a forest and a river

The stars are clear

You sit on the bank of the river and watch the stars sparkle in the reflection of the water

You jump when you hear someone walking behind you

“Hello? Is someone there?”

You can hear your voice shaking, and you feel dumb

“Relax, [Y/N], it’s just me!” Cheol’s bright voice sounds out from the darkness behind you

“Oh, hi Seungcheol, what are you doing out here?”

“I just went to use the bathroom. What about you? Why are you out here?”

“Couldn’t sleep”

You shrug and turn back to the river, embarrassed at the feeling of tears filling your eyes

Cheol’s shoulder brushes against yours as he sits next to you

“Wow, the view of this river is something else, can’t get this back home”

You shake your head to try and disguise your gesture of wiping tears off your face with your sweatshirt sleeves

There’s a moment of silence

“You don’t have to be embarrassed of crying, [Y/N]”

You freeze at his words

“Sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable, it’s just that... you’re not very good at hiding it”

You laugh a little despite the fact that tears are now pouring out of your eyes

“You wanna talk about it?”

“I don’t wanna burden you Seungcheol”

“It won’t be a burden, [Y/N], I promise”

So you let it all out

You tell him everything that was bothering you

And he listens silently as he folds a piece of paper

Once you’re done talking, he lets you cry it out

“I’m not really good at the whole advice thing sometimes, I’m not sure what to say to help you best”

He grabs your hands and and places the paper in them

“But I will tell you this: I know you’re a strong person and even if you feel like you can’t take it, you can lean on me for help!”

“When did you learn to do this Seungcheol?”

You stare at the paper he’s folded into a flower 

“Oh I can’t remember, I just do it sometimes”

You look up at him

He laughs a little at your expression and leans forward to wipe the rest of your tears off your face

“Why are you doing this, Seungcheol?”

“Doing what?”

“Being so... nice to me. We’re not really friends... I mean, it’s just... we’ve never been super close”

Cheol grins at you

“Because you’re special and you deserve it”

When your mind comes back to the present

You look up to see that Cheol has walked a few paces ahead of you

“You kept this from all the way back in high school? I thought I had lost it”

“You did,” Cheol laughs. “You dropped it on the trail back to the cabins, I snatched it up afterwards”

You stare at the flower, admiring how it’s held its shape all these years

You feel tears start to well up in your eyes

You quickly deflect by making a joke

“So Choi Seungcheol has been harboring a huge crush on an old classmate this whole time”

He shakes his head and grins at you, grabbing your hand to continue your walk

After that, Cheol is your whole world

You feel childish but you believe y’all were fated to be together

You put in the effort to spoil him as much as he does for you

You know he has a lot of pressure with being a leader

So you become a safe haven for him to rant out his problems

And you always do little stress relievers for him: back rubs, spa nights, tv binges with tons of junk food

You buy him little accessories and in-ears for him to use on stage

Sometimes you cook dinner for the boys so they don’t have to worry about it

The other members fawn over you constantly 

You and Cheol develop this ridiculous sense of humor that only the two of you get

You’re just a couple of nerds together

Whenever you’re at events together, he always has his arm around you

When you attend their concerts, he always greets you by running up, wrapping his arms around your waist, spinning you around and pecking your lips

Like I said, your relationship is easy

The two of you just click well

It’s a long time in the making but it’s a beautiful romance that is so worth it

[homophobicdean]

11, 14, 38 for the ask game :)

:)))

11. What album came out and has been on heavy rotation since then?

definitely ‘if this isn’t nice, then i don’t know what is’ by still woozy like cannot tell u how many times i played that this year haha and honorable mention to ‘home video’ by lucy dacus

14. Favorite new TV show?

dimension 20! i started watching it last month and i’ve binged a couple of campaigns pretty intensely i’ve already gotten thru both seasons of fantasy high, the seven, escape the bloodkeep, and i just started watching misfits and magic

38. What was the best moment of the year for you?

hmmm this is a toughie there has been a lot of good stuff like graduating uni and starting my new animal science course: meeting new friends and being closer to nature, being diagnosed with autism, coming out as non-binary, even just that i started my spn tumblr this january! but the first thing that came to my mind was my long time (ex) partner and i broke up very early this year it was completely mutual and healthy and all, we wanted to be friends again eventually but u can never be sure u kno. luckily we Have been friends since :) but a couple of months ago was the first time we spent time Alone together as friends just us two getting lunch and seeing a movie and it was so nice and natural and fun and i just had a moment of realization like ‘wow i got to keep my best friend it’s all worked out we have a wonderful friendship :))’ and that was really nice !!! if that’s too cheesy then i’ll say shaving my head this summer cuz that was sooo freeing and gender affirming

end of year ask game

[muwur]

do u think u could write something fluffy for atsumu? :D (if not, bc he just showed up in the anime, futakuchi?) nd they/them pronouns pls :3 ty ty!!!

dating headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for atsumu and futakuchi

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.6k words

a/n: oml my first request fgrinffej thank u anon <3 been doing sum ~research~ and brainstorming snaccing and i hope this is okay ! >:) for u i shall do both ppl hehe. feel free to lmk if you would like me to redo or add anything, i wanna do my requests justice :*)

also i find myself gettin inspo at 4 am ofhfuohf i hope this is a bit fluffy, tho its a bit playful n snarky as well fnoggrefjf. also this took me so long bc i literaly got this whole other idea LMAOOOO but i find it more suitable as a separate piece so be on the lookout for that (nudge nudge itll feature atsumu ;) i got a bit carried away AAHA). here u goo

atsumu

✧ boi’s a tease

✧ on days he stays really late to practice so like?? most days LOL  you drop by a nearby eatery and pick up some fatty tuna (or something else, you like to change it up sometimes even if fatty tuna is his fave)  for him to munch on (gotta replenish your body!!)

✧ even though it’s for him, he’ll make you share the food with him as you both sit on a field nearby the gym

✧ likes to feed you but exaggerates it just to mess with you

✧ “say ahh, y/n” he coos with a smirk when he holds out some food from his chopsticks

✧ and just to mess with him back, you close your mouth around the piece, taking it from the chopsticks slowly and never breaking eye contact with him until after you chew and swallow

✧ “ah, that was delicious, honey” you smile cheekily

✧ rip atsumu, he malfuncc inside

✧ however

✧ fights you for the last piece of any food or snack you’re sharing

✧ “why even offer sharing if you’re just gonna hog it all”

✧ “you were just slower than me, that’s not my problem”

✧ in the end, he would definitely just let you have it. Only fights you when hes bored and wants to provoke you, which is often

✧ pretty affectionate in public. likes to ruffle your hair or place a head on your hand, no matter what height you are

✧ especially likes to do this when you’re annoyed at him, which kinda makes it not cute anymore and you just wanna punch him in the face

✧ as annoying as he could be tho you had to admit that your bickering could be quite fun he was definitely a caring partner

✧ is quick to take notice how youre feeling, liek:

✧  “hey, are you feeling okay?”

✧ “yeah im fine, why?”

✧ “you know you dont have to lie, right? you cant hide these things, anyways, i can just tell if something’s up. what’s wrong, babe?”

✧ pulls you aside to talk things out a little, then offers to spend some time together after practice  

✧ squeezes your hand as he walks you home, plants a soft kiss to your forehead before parting ways, and says goodnight

✧ he also notices any changes, no matter how small, in your appearances:

✧ *scrutinizing you* “what do you want, atsumu?”

✧ “did you do something different today? maybe like with your hair or uniform or something?”

✧ “o-oh, yeah, i did.”

✧ “hm. it really suits you, actually.”

✧ “oh, thanks. it’s such a small change, i didnt think anyone would notice--”

✧  “dont get too ahead of yourself, i didnt say it looked nice-- im kidding, im kidding!” he has to say in order to defend himself from your piercing glare

✧ lowkey highkey cant go long without seeing you

✧ so when he finally gets to spend some time with you, he’s even more touchy than usual

✧ you eye him suspiciously before saying, “you’re acting like you missed me or something”

✧  “yeah, i did miss you. something wrong with that?” he asks, burying his face in your neck as he hugs you from behind

✧ “yes, because its been two days”

✧ expect lots of kisses and hugs, though. mans is deprived and he gets what he wants (with consent, of course)

✧ makes sure everyone knows he’s there to stand up for you if necessary, which can be pretty intimidating

✧ loves it when you fall asleep on his shoulder. will take selfies with your sleeping face and show you later

✧  “you look cute even when you’re drooling all over my arm”

✧ doesn’t talk about how he sniffed or kissed your head when you were asleep. definitely doesn’t admit how he was whispering about how lucky he was to be in love with you asdfghjk

✧ was the first to admit he loved you

✧ it occurred after his team won a game to qualify for nationals. excitedly, you raced your way to meet him and tackled him in a hug. who cares if he was sweaty. “i knew you guys would win, and im so proud, atsumu.”

✧ he stumbled a bit and hugged back. he pulled away shortly to look you in the eye

✧  “y/n, i love you.”

✧ and all you could do was blush before he pulled you into a soft, yet passionate kiss

✧ surrounded by like. literally everyone lol

✧ osamu just fake gags in the background

✧ later that day:

✧  “sooooo do I get a reward for winning ? ;)”

✧  “dont push your luck”

✧ but you do spend the night just chilling at his place, watching a movie and cuddling, unwinding from a long day

futakuchi

✧ you met each other in class, bonding over how bored and sleepy you both were

✧ one day he started passing you notes and you went with along it until this class’s purpose in y’alls lives was just for goofing off and totally not to see each other’s smiles or be a bit flirty

✧ loves to mess around with you, but also thinks highly of you

✧ shortly after you started dating and met the boy’s volleyball team, moniwa asks you to please keep futakuchi in line

✧  “babe, please, you’re driving your seniors crazy”

✧ but ever since he became captain, you could sense that futakuchi seemed more responsible

✧ but poor bby was also wayyyy more tired than usual

✧ you poked his back with your pencil whenever you found him dozing off in class, just in time before he risked getting caught by the teacher

✧ you also nagged him about getting more rest and maintaining his health, doing things to help him out until he gave in and made a better attempt at taking care of himself

✧ unless you have other activities going on, you’d usually come by the gym to watch practice and then walk home with futakuchi

✧ you always bring him and his team snacks. they all love you, especially koganegawa

✧ “how are you and y/n dating, they’re so much nicer than futaku--”

✧ cant even finish his sentence before the captain smacks his head and poor kogane chokes on his snacc

✧ but les be real you also go to admire your manz

✧ on the walk home one day:

✧  “you hit a really good spike today”

✧ sheepishly scratches the back of his head, “oh, thanks. kogane’s sets are improving, so it’s getting easier to hit the ball”

✧ secretly loves and craves your praise

✧ futakuchi’s pretty down for pda. you two can often be seen walking down the aisles, hand in hand

✧ will also give you lots of pecks, especially on your cheeks and lips

✧ he also insists on helping you carry your things

✧ wants you to rely on him

✧ saw you shivering once and took his jacket off, draping it around you like nbd

✧ lets just say he wishes he coulda thought of that sooner dhqnwxhgergk  youre not allowed to look this cute

✧ but now you literally keep half his closet in your house cuz he always tells you to return it whenever you want

✧ could go on dates anywhere and literally have such a good time. the night market? y’all will share foods and play games the whole time. the park? he could go for a nice, relaxing walk, or if it’s at night, he’d love to lie in the grass and admire the night sky with you (as long as you hold hands lol). at home? would totally binge some shows or movies with you, has sour gummies n a blanket ready to share hog

✧ can be a tease, but will protect you at all costs

✧ glares at anyone who looks at you with interest (boi gets jealous)

✧ had to pull you into his arms and give you a kiss to save you from getting hit on by someone from a rival school. “hey babe, i’ve been looking for you. let’s head back, everyone’s waiting.”

✧ you happily follow him, not noticing how futakuchi looks back at his now sworn-enemy and sticks his tongue out at them

✧ he will fIGHT anyone who hurts you, is very overprotective to say the least

✧ always makes sure he knows where you’re at, starts to worry a bit if you’ve gone mia

✧ got reallly worried one time when he called you like 5 times and you didnt pick up!

✧ 20 minutes later his phone rings and he picks it up immediately. “hello? y/n? are you okay?? you haven’t been answering me for a while.”

✧  “ahh, yes, im sorry about that, my phone died :P”

✧ thinks the best cuddles are the ones in which you both end up falling asleep. also likes to admire your sleeping face totes not a creeper

✧ also loveloveloves to snuggle you from behind and bury his face in your neck and loves to just smELL you

✧ you told him you loved him first

✧ you were having a rough day when you heard a knock on your door

✧ opening it, you found a futakuchi giving you a small smile and carrying a plastic bag full of goodies. “i, uh, didn’t want you to be alone, so i thought we could hang out for a bit? just us two, your favorite snacks, and whatever else you want to do”

✧ touched by his gesture, you pulled him in by his jacket’s collar and gave him a long kiss

✧ after separating, you looked into his eyes as you cupped his face gently. “thank you, kenji. i love you. this means a lot to me”

✧ ejiufnicenjfdhksujsk he nearly melted in place

✧ later tries playing the pocky game with you, but then y’all forget about the pocky after your first round and stick to the smooching

[theresaflyinmymouth]

I got tagged and finally got some free time so let’s get iiiiit

Thanks to @free-falling-grenade for tagging me. Love your blog! Don’t normally get tagged for these so here goes nothing 🤙🏽

Nicknames: I don’t really have any. My mom calls me “flaca” which is Spanish for skinny but that’s about it. I’m usually the one giving other people nicknames 😂

Pronouns: she/her

Star sign: Sagittarius

Height: 5’3

Time currently: 1:45pm

When is your birthday: The 25th day of the 11th month! Sometimes my birthday falls on thanksgiving which is great cuz I get to eat a bunch and still get presents.

Favorite bands/groups: I got a bunch but off the top of my head, Portugal. The man, Cage the Elephant, and The cure. I can go on and on though, don’t get me started.

Favorite solo artists: I’ve been listening to a lot of clairo lately. Omar Apollo. Angèle who’s french. Mac demarco. Julieta Venegas. A nice lil mix.

Song stuck in your head: It switches from Juice by Young Franco and Long way up by Courage

Last movie you watched: Scott pilgrim vs. The world. It’s my favorite movie so I watch it all the time.

Last show you binged: Living single. It’s on Hulu, it’s so good and not enough people know or talk about it 😭

When did you create your blog: I don’t remember exact year but I was in 9th grade.

Last thing you googled: a cafe to take my gf to 😊

Why’d you choose your url: When I was a kid I was playing tag with my cousin and right when I was about to tag him I saw a fly coming my way and I was breathing with my mouth open and the fly flew in my mouth. I was able to cough it back up but that fucked me up for a while. I laugh about it now tho.

Do you get asks: not really but it’s cool, I’m trying to stay as low key as possible.

How many people are you following: 159 but I’m pretty sure a lot of them aren’t active anymore.

How many followers do you have: 84

Average hours of sleep: 8. I have an internal body clock that wakes me up at 7am. It’s a blessing and a curse.

Lucky number: 10

What I’m currently wearing: white converse, black jeans, yellow pineapple Hawaiian shirt, green vans jacket. 🤙🏽

Dream job: No job. I wanna be an old lady who sells mango by the beach side.

Dream trip: Sweden and Spain

Favorite song: I got 2 I will not choose between the two. Evil friends by Portugal. The man and Atomic man by the same band. 😂

Top 3 fictional universes: Daria, atla, Steven universe.

So das it. I don’t really have anyone else to tag so this is it this the whole post. 😂

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 246: Plot Whiplash

Previously on BnHA: Hawks handed Endeavor a copy of Re-Destro’s NYT bestseller and was all “ಠ_ಠ READ THIS!!” He then flew off back to the PLF and was all “hey guys just got back from handing out free copies of Destro’s book to everyone in a 1000-mile radius, which absolutely nobody asked me to do, well anyways you can thank me later” and they were all “SWEET.” Back at the Endeavor HQ, Bakugou got all fired up to BUST SOME HEADS but Endeavor’s sidekicks were all “WAIT FOR THE PLOT YOUNG MAN.” Meanwhile in his office, Endeavor discovered a secret code in the book Hawks gave him, which basically read “HEY WHAT’S UP THE LEAGUE HAS TAKEN OVER THE MLA AND HAS AN ARMY OF 100,000 PEOPLE” and Endeavor was like “!!!!” And then we cut to the League and Toga was all “IN FOUR MONTHS TOMURA IS BLOWING THIS SHIT TO KINGDOM COME” and then the chapter just ended. Sometimes it be like that.

Today on BnHA: Tomura sits down with Ujiko who monologues a bit about Quirk Singularity and then starts some sort of quirk-upgrading process which will apparently take four months to fully set in. And also he’s like “oh btw let me tell you about One for All” so THAT’S A THING NOW, GREAT. We then cut back and forth between Endeavor and Hawks, who both somehow come to the weird conclusion that THE INTERNS ARE OUR ONLY HOPE NOW using logic that is hard to explain on account of THERE ACTUALLY ISN’T ANY LOGIC BEHIND IT, SHHH. But anyway, so Endeavor figures out the rest of Hawks’s message and he knows that Hawks is trying to figure out what the League is up to, and something something that’s why the internships are so important. Like, I get that the Terrible Trio are future legends in the making, but these guys are seriously like “well okay let’s just go ahead and rest all our hopes on them” out of the blue, and Hawks has this big monologue about how “THINGS WON’T GO ACCORDING TO YOUR PLAN, VILLAINS” and okay then!! And then the last two pages are basically just DID SOMEBODY ORDER SOME HYPE with more shit going on than I can possibly sum up so I won’t even try lol. But damn.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.) 

okay guys, I’m feeling kinda under the weather today, but I know this chapter’s gonna be good so lesssssss gooooooo. bring me back to life Horikoshi

(ETA: lol well there sure was a lot happening in this chapter, that’s for sure. my head hurts.)

oooooh it’s a sexy Jump cover celebrating season 4!

I really need the anime team to step up and give Ochako and Tsuyu some more screentime in the Basement Arc since the manga did not do them justice. there’s only like a 20% chance of that happening, which is depressing, but it’s 2019 and the winds are slowly changing, albeit at a geriatric pace. so I’ll allow myself to have some hope. you never know

YEAH SON LOOK AT THIS COLOR SPREAD Y’ALL THIS IS RAD

hello I love everything about this. the colors, the focus on our best girls, Deku’s bizarre-yet-awesome assorted sci-fi accessories (Deku do those headphones let you communicate with space or what), and of course, the five million TVs in the background which for some reason all appear to be from the 70s. all of this to remind us to TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR THE LONG-AWAITED SEASON 4 DEBUT. I will definitely tune in! the first episode is just gonna be the usual half filler/half clip show, but honestly season 3 was so good that I could sit through a whole hour of nothing but highlights and still be thoroughly entertained

anyway let’s move on because there are GAMES AFOOT, and we’re hopefully about to learn which direction this arc will be headed in!

OH SHIT OH FUCK

yep, that’s him. Shigaraki “destruction incarnate” Tomura. I see we’re getting our weekly dose of “just a reminder that WE ARE SCREWED” even earlier than usual this chapter, huh

so does anyone else get a chill up their spine every time Ujiko makes an appearance, or is that just me? like, god. he may honestly be even creepier than AFO. he’s just completely soulless, this guy. he’s got like this Mengele vibe to him (though that may be kinda dicey to compare horrific real-life atrocities to fictional ones in a shounen manga, but I’m just trying to explain why I find him so disturbing) and it really freaks me the hell out, ngl. anyways so him wearing a surgical mask and standing in front of this weird examination chair is pretty much the last thing I need right now. go away Ujiko

so Tomura is all “I want it cuz you promised, so pay up jackass”, and like. fair, though

I really like this new art style Horikoshi’s been using for him since his Awakening. kinda curious how it’s going to translate to the anime, or even to a color spread. but at the very least in black and white it looks siiiiick

smh look at this little punk trying to downplay how insanely freaking overpowered his quirk currently is

okay first of all, “President Baldy” is only alive because you left him alive. and he also had to chop off his own legs to stay that way. like, what kind of argument is this, Tomura? “this power is far from invincible, all my enemies have to do is amputate their own limbs and then they’ll have me right where they want me.” you know what, just go on and destroy the world right now kid. you’re getting greedy now and it could be your undoing

that is a nice parallel between him and Deku there, though. now I’m craving some Symbolic Artwork of them standing back to back each holding out their scarred right arms. maybe with their respective mentors in the background. here at BnHA we prefer our parallels nice and dramatic

sdskfjlaskdj

son of a bitch. I really wish he wouldn’t say that with such utter certainty. “the next conflict will be our last.” cue me flipping through the BnHA table of contents and trying to determine just how far along we actually are here, because this is veering dangerously close to Final Battle signaling, and like, ALREADY?? TOMURA ARE YOU JUST BEING THEATRICAL OR ARE YOU FOR REAL OMG. motherfucking DARK LORD’S LIPS curling into the WICKEDEST FUCKING CRESCENT I’VE EVER SEEN, fuck me

(ETA: it occurs to me on readthrough #2 that “the next conflict will be our last” could be interpreted to mean him and All Might specifically. like, the last conflict between the two of them. and that might very well be true, and would not surprise me at all. shit.)

fjsgk now Ujiko’s talking about research. and quirks!! glkjlkl

fully expecting the camera to cut to some NOUMUS any second now oh my god. also trying not to think about how crazy ominous that fucking chair looks. and how many people this maniac has probably strapped down to it and done god knows what to them. hey Horikoshi you know what, I’ve had just about enough of this dark shit, can we please cut back to my kids now I’m feeling too unsettled. goddammit

anyhow of course we are NOT cutting away, and Ujiko is continuing to talk about quirk evolution, and now segueing into a speech about that quirk singularity thing. -- which he apparently named?? wow

is he actually going to do something to Tomura? holy shit?? this whole time that they’ve been talking about this “power” I’ve just been assuming it was something external, like some other handy dandy villain resource that AFO’s just been sitting on or something. this is not where I expected things to go. didn’t he just get an upgrade??

anyway so here’s a brief summary I just wrote up of The Past Six Months of BnHA:

Deku: [gets a new quirk]

everyone: bruh. Horikoshi really out here giving Deku AFO Powers while Tomura just sits around starving to death on a couch. what the heck

Horikoshi: [powers up Tomura to the point where he can destroy anything just by it being in contact with something that Tomura happens to be touching] [has Tomura use this power to level an entire city]

everyone: -- oh. okay, you know what, never mind --

Horikoshi: [gives Tomura an army of 100,000 people] [also gives him command of 11 extremely lethal and nigh-unstoppable killing machines, just one of which was almost enough to take out the number one hero, LITERALLY THE STRONGEST GUY THE GOOD GUYS CURRENTLY HAVE IN RESERVE]

everyone: okay we’re sorry we get it you can sto --

Horikoshi: APOCALYPSE IN FOUR MONTHS!!!

everyone: WE GET IT WE’RE SORRY PLEASE

Horikoshi: [GIVES TOMURA ANOTHER POWER-UP]

everyone: [curled up in fetal position sobbing]

starting to think the mangaka might be the actual final villain here. hmm

anyway. so I guess we have four months until Tomura ascends to Actual Godhood and proceeds to rain hellfire down upon the world. what are you all gonna do with your four months. I personally have a lot of stuff to binge, but knowing me I’ll probably just waste all my time reading fanfic while youtube videos play in the background which I’m not paying any attention to. what am I doing with my life

oh were we not done hyping him up? there’s more??

(ETA: I got so caught up in the OFA comment I didn’t pay attention to Tomura becoming a beautiful decayed butterfly in this exquisitely creepy panel here. but damn.)

-- HOLD THE FUCK UP. does Tomura know about One for All??? because I was under the impression that AFO hadn’t told him? this would change a lot if he knew this entire time, holy shit?!

aaaaaaaaand exactly one panel later Horikoshi is all “no he didn’t know calm the fuck down” lol

okay then. so he didn’t know, and he’s only just finding out now. well tbh that’s still worthy of a smiling crying emoji face though :’) this is fineeee

shit here we go oh shit

-- WAIT, SO WE’RE JUST CUTTING AWAY FROM THEM? NOW YOU CUT AWAY? YOU GET WITHIN INCHES OF CONFIRMING THE FUCKING ALL FOR ONE FOR ALL THEORY AND THEN IT’S JUST “ANYWAYS HERE’S ENDEAVOR” YOU KNOW WHAT, HORIKOSHI, I --

just. come on dude. AFOFA 2019! let’s make it happen! dammit

sigh, so looks like it’s back to the admittedly-still-epic “Hawks passes down secret information about the villains to Endeavor” plot. I guess we’re not exactly hurting for good plots all around. I may complain but honestly we are spoiled

so Hawks is saying that he actually doesn’t know the specifics of the villains’ plans yet. well shit

apparently his feathers can only pick up sounds from short range, and the villains keep escorting him away whenever they get to talking about the good stuff. well at least that explains that potential plot hole from last week. Hawks’s feathers may have a short range, but Horikoshi’s plot hole caulking gun can fill in leaky plot holes from fucking miles away. amazing

ffffffff

don’t mind me I’m just sitting here fretting about Hawks continuing to be in mortal danger and risking his life to gather information in a race against time against the end of the world. Horikoshi out here piling up stakes like a freaking vampire hunter

but in the meantime, everyone please stop what you’re doing for a moment to look at this absolute unit of a bellhop slash security guard

apologies Lord Vader he was just trying to get to the dining hall. my bad. as you were

and holy shit I hope you enjoyed that light comedic break because two seconds later Re-Destro has dropped in to fixate Hawks with one of those Lightly Menacing Smiles he’s so infamous for. so that’s just fucking great!

HAWKS WATCH OUT FOR YOUR FINGERS

omg. imagine, a showdown between the two stealth murder MVPs of the series, Yotsubashi “Sleeper Hold” Rikiya (yes I did have to look up his real name just now) and Takami “Tag Em And Bag Em” Keigo. true, RD may no longer have legs, but he didn’t need them to choke out our little mouse buddy now did he? anyways speaking of which I just remembered that I fucking hate Re-Destro and I honestly hope Hawks does kill him. it’d be pretty easy to fit him into a bag too. he’s basically just a torso and arms now

oh sure Horikoshi go ahead and spring this on me after all of that ranting why don’t you

by the way does Re-Destro have Robot Legs now, or

looool he does

I will say this for Horikoshi, he knows my weaknesses. more robot limbs please. either badass or memeable ones, either is fine

meanwhile I skipped over this panel of Hawks and Twice being buddies in order to get to the legs, and shame on me for that. let’s go back

Twice is a genuinely good guy and I hope Hawks can tell. I wonder how fake this smile is. I feel like it’d be easy to relax around Twice regardless of how tense you are about your secret spy mission which could go south at any time. anyways this is wholesome

and now we’re cutting back to Endeavor who is taking his sweet time reacting to this whole thing. Endeavor can you fucking chill with the poker face already geez

okay wait, what

are you serious?! I fucking can’t with this lady. “now make sure to throw these children directly into the line of fire! it’s good for them and builds character!” I’m sorry, I thought this was the Hero Public Safety Commission, not the Putting Juveniles Directly Into Harm’s Way Commission?? at least change the acronym to something more appropriate then. Heinous Pathetic Soulless Cowards. just a suggestion. jesus

anyway so for a moment I got confused as to whether this was implying that she’d told Endeavor about Hawks’s undercover mission. but it seems like he’s still unaware. shouldn’t be too long before he puts the pieces together though at this rate

lol in the very next panel, even

meanwhile you’re just sitting on your ass reading a book! FUCKING DO SOMETHING ALREADY, ENDEAVOR

so he’s thinking that the “preparation” part of Hawks’s message is referring to the interns. let me back up a sec and write down the entire message as he’s read it thus far

“four months from now / rising to action / until then / will send / signals / in case / of failure / preparation / numbers”

...read like that, it really does sound like Hawks is advocating to get as many soldiers ready as possible. even if that includes actual children. including Endeavor’s own son. shit. I mean, I get that they don’t have much of a choice, but that’s still so fucked up. sure, we as omniscient readers know that Deku is their one and only hope, but they don’t know that. as far as they know these are just a bunch of teenagers with less than a year’s worth of experience that they’re propping up on the front lines. and the plan is then... what? hope they don’t die too quickly?? fuck

Hawks is out here having an argument with me in his thoughts. you wanna play it like that, Hawks? fine

I don’t know what kind of “but” you can tag on to the end of that paragraph that could possibly win me over, dude, but go for it I guess

and we’re finally cutting back to the kids in question now! with Burnin’ casually trying to crush Kacchan’s hopes and dreams

okay but I love how both Deku and Shouto are like “easy there buddy, we got you” and trying to keep Kacchan from having a fucking aneurysm sob. JUST TRY AND HOIST HIM ONTO SOME DUMB SIDEKICKS, LADY. YOU’VE MADE A POWERFUL ENEMY HERE TODAY

oh shit

oh my god. are we going to get our first actual interaction between the three of them that doesn’t consist of them grumbling annoyed introductions at each other and then running off to fight an old fortune teller omggggg

I love how Deku and Bakugou look weirdly intimidated by him lol. Bakugou where did all that “YOU’RE KIND OF A JERK” confidence go all of a sudden

YESSSSSSS

GODDAMMIT, I’M STILL SO MAD AT YOU GUYS FOR BEING ALL “LET’S JUST MAKE THE CHILDREN DO IT,” BUT DAMMIT THEY KICK ASS THOUGH SO I CAN KINDA SEE YOUR POINT

NOW HAWKS IS METAING ABOUT THEM AHHHHHHH

DAMN STRAIGHT THEY WOULD HAVE. BRING ON TOMURA AND ALL OF HIS STUPID POWER-UPS. WOW I’M WEIRDLY HYPED UP ALL OF A SUDDEN WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME

AND FUCKING LOOK AT THIS TWO-PAGE SPREAD AHHHHHHHHHHH

MOTHERFUCKER [WHIPS OUT PEN AND NOTEBOOK] TIME TO ANALYZE THIS BITCH

so Ochako and Tsuyu did indeed go back to intern with Ryuukyuu again! makes sense, she is a top ten hero after all. who’s that with them, though? almost looks like Yanagi from the hair and the mask, but the costume looks different? hmm

I CAN’T BELIEVE IIDA WENT BACK TO INTERN WITH FUCKING MANUAL AGAIN. THIS GUY IS THE BRAN CEREAL OF HEROES. though I fucking love him though so yeah it’s fine

JIROU AND SHOUJI TEAMING UP WITH GANG FUCKING ORCA AW YISS BOYS THIS IS THE GOOD SHIT LET’S GOOOO

KOUDA AND MANGA TEAMING UP WITH WASH OMG. MANGA IS THE ONLY ONE ON THAT TEAM WHO ACTUALLY FUCKING SPEAKS. IS WASH’S SIDEKICK SOME SORT OF BROOM PERSON OMG

A WHOLE FUCKING ACRE OF KIDS HAVE ALL GANGED UP ON THIS CAVEMAN-LOOKING FELLA I DON’T EVEN RECOGNIZE. WHO ARE YOU. DID YOU CROSS OVER FROM THE FANTASY AU

KIRI BACK WITH FG AND BROUGHT TETSUTETSU ALONG FOR THE RIDE HELLS YEAHHHH

KAMINARI AND SERO WITH KAMUI WOODS AND EDGESHOT I’M HYPERVENTILATING AHHH. AND SHIOZAKI TOO!! I’LL JUST PRETEND I DON’T SEE MINETA THERE IN THE CORNER. MIGHT BE TIME TO DUST OFF THE OLD “CANCELLED” STAMP AGAIN BUT WE’LL SEE HOW THINGS GO

WHO ARE MOMO AND TOKAGE AND MINA AND AOYAMA (WHICH BTW IS THE GREATEST HERO TEAMUP OF ALL TIME HOLY SHIT) TEAMING UP WITH!? TELL US. AND PONY AND MONOMA. GODDAMMIT HORIKOSHI

whew! anyway. they’re all still screwed, but by golly that was nice to have that little invigorating breather of life and hope

LOL OH SHIT THERE’S ANOTHER ONE

okay, SOMEONE TELL ME RIGHT THE FUCK NOW WHAT ALL MIGHT IS LOOKING AT OR I’M GONNA LOSE IT. holy shit. he was researching the past users of OFA, wasn’t he? WHAT DID YOU FIND OH GOD. he’s not just upset, he looks one step shy of fucking crying?? did he learn about what happened to Nana’s son and his family, maybe? shit shit shit

so Yanagi is interning with Kendou then? so who was that with Hadou and Ryuukyuu and the rest. one of Ryuukyuu’s sidekicks?

IS THAT FUYUMI (SPOILERS FUCKING YEAH IT IS) AND WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE SHE’S FUCKING PRAYING OMG. it looks like she’s kneeling at a family altar?? like saying a prayer for someone who is PRESUMED DEAD, maybe?? LIKE MAYBE A LONG LOST TWIN BROTHER OH SHIT OUT OF NOWHERE THE HYPE DON’T STOP!!

AND WHY DOES NAO HAVE HIS HAT OFF AND CLUTCHED TO HIS CHEST LIKE HE’S TELLING SOMEONE BAD NEWS. GOD WHAT THE HELL EVEN ARE ALL OF THESE PLOT THINGS HAPPENING ALL OF A SUDDEN. LIKE I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO LOOK NEXT

KUROGIRI AHHHHHHHH

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO ERI’S HORN!? DOES ANYONE ELSE SEE THIS?? AIZAWA??? HELLO!?!?

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, TEAM OT3. TIME TO FUCKING SUIT UP. APPARENTLY. WELL ALL RIGHT THEN. [JACKET ZIP] [GUN COCKING SOUND EFFECT] LET’S GO PUNCH ‘EM IN THE MOUTH

y’all. this chapter was like plot whiplash. this went in so many different directions and hinted at so many different things that I’m at a complete fucking loss as to what to process first. but I guess the interns are gonna save us all, somehow. lol okay then

[sugasugawarau]

Sleep, don’t know her and ya better be eating doe 😊🥰. OMG THE NEW EP. I’ve been wanting to watch it for a while but I’m like trying to pile them up so I could binge them afterwards (also cuz of school being a bitch 😾). I’ve been an Akaashi simp for such a long time😼 but sachiro😳. HE’S A DOG PERSON THO AND I'M SCARED OF DOGS 😭💀 (embarrassing🙈). OMG PLZ ARAN IS SO FINE- i needa take a breather 🚶‍♀️I’ve read the manga so ik what’s up and what’s gonna happen 🗿-💠

YES WE DO KNOW HER EXCUSE ME.. Do I need to yell at you to sleep because if so that works out great with you having to yell at me to do my hw >:)

Ooh stockpiling is smart!! I might end up doing that since school is just going to get more hectic from here on out but I couldn’t resist last week bc it was flooding my dash 😿

Akaashi omg 🥺🥰 I love him sm and his dyanmic with Bokuto is..too good for this world.. I’ve been seeing some Sachirou fans pop up and he is pre cute, I’m excited to get to know more abt him and Hoshiumi!! (And psst IT’S NOT EMBARRASSING we’re all different and you’re perfect the way u are no matter ur fears and honestly i’m more of a cat person myself hehe) ALSO ARAN!! HE’S SO SWEET TOO LIKE?? just the whole of Inarizaki <3 they took over all our minds rent free <33 I haven’t read the manga yet so all ik abt Kita is through the fandom/his wiki but.. I love him plS why am I such brainrot 💔

[rat-in-a-cloak]

feel free to scroll past. I just need to write this out.

I know my eating was bad. I know it's still not good.

but it wasn't, and isn't, bad enough

I beat myself up for eating anything at all. I beat myself up for eating over x amount. I have hated myself for not getting an insane amount of steps in. eating and losing weight has taken over my fucking life.

I was obsessed with being bone thin. I still am but it's so much more subtle. I want it, but there are other things in life, now.

now, I'm not 100% devoted to using my energy on food. I can hang out with Peyton and actually enjoy it. I can cuddle with them without calculations ripping through my synapses. I can lay around on a bad day and not hate myself intensely for not exercising enough. yeah, I feel like a failure, but it's not to the point that I stay up all night walking to make up for it. I can put fucking milk in my coffee (as long as I measure it out). I can have a snack.

things are going back to normal. and part of me wants to return to what I've been doing, instead.

yeah, I went a couple days without eating. yeah, I was consumed by the thought of food and exercise and how to get to be nothing but bones. yeah, I can't remember most of the last few months because it's a haze of numbers and disgust and hours spent walking. but I was never bad enough, consistently, for it to fucking count. I binge. I get up to 1000 or 1300 or 1500 every few days. I'll restrict well for a week or so, then I'm back to eating in the healthy range for a day or so. I'm a fucking fake. I can't even starve myself right.

and so this whole thing? this last five months? they don't fucking count. I didn't do it right. so I can't say I had a real problem. and I recognize as I write this that this way of thinking is kinda fucked. but it feels true. and I know, no matter how much I try to convince myself, that I've never been bad enough to actually warrant giving a shit.

I haven't had an eating disorder, cuz I can't even do that right. and I'm fucking pissed. I've had the problems. I've dealt with the fucking burning hatred. I've dealt with the hours I've spent trying to fast longer and longer. I've dealt with being so insanely terrified of an ounce of fucking food. a 5 calorie drink. I've dealt with my entire day being governed by the number on the scale that morning. I've dealt with stripping down, 3 or 4 times a day, to weigh myself. I've dealt with so much of the shit that counts for an eating disorder, but not enough. not enough to count. not enough to deserve calling getting off my fanciful bullshit "recovery".

I'm not recovering. I'm just realizing that none of this is worth anything. not even a label.

and despite that, I still want it so fucking bad.

[xtsyb4by]

if ur a bored bitch like me here’s some shit u can do to occupy ur mind with, these r just things i do/im tryna do to help pass time cuz ik it’s fkn difficult being at home with nothing to do but think lmao: (feel free to add to the list)

- clean yo room!!! no excuses bitch, u have time now. clean room = clean mind. i’m not saying you gotta do a full deep clean but idk change ur sheets, organise ur closet, vacuum the floor, clean ur mirrors. it doesn’t have to be major, anything is better than nothing.

- make, edit or re arrange your music playlists. i do this a lot bc it takes a while. go to ur playlists and delete any songs you don’t listen to, add some new ones you like, make a whole diff playlist for different moods and settings. maybe change the name or cover pic if you want.

- exercise. now bitch i’m not a fitness junky so i’m not telling you to do some 30 min work out bs lmao, if that’s ur thing u do u but if ur lazy like me then opt for something shorter. i found a 3 min workout on yt for a smaller waist, the girl goes thru the exercises in real time so you can do it as the vid plays. ofc u don’t have to do everything on the list maybe challenge urself to complete 2 of those exercises every couple of days. don’t set ur standards so high, work your way up. link - https://youtu.be/UmjecVlllCk

- clean up your social media. unfollow people you don’t talk to/inactive accounts, delete posts you might not like in comparison to others. maybe make a new post? remove inactive followers.

- clean up your camera roll. i hoard so much crap on my photo gallery idek why, but go thru that shit and delete the stuff you know you’re never gonna use. or download google photos, it saves all ur photos/vids on the app so you can delete them off the photo gallery without actually losing them (idk if that makes sense but yh) everything’s backed up on the app so when you log on the things that have been on ur photo gallery are on the app.

- binge watch a new tv series. yes ik not everyone has netflix, amazon prime, hulu idk what else ppl use. theres plenty of dodgy sites that you can use (i’m not gonna list them) *cough, 123movies, Gostream* but some things i’ve enjoyed watching are; rupauls drag race, shameless (usa version), prison break, on my block, skins uk, russian doll, orange is the new black, top boy summer house, you, sex education, when they see us, narcos, the good place, the act, rick and morty, no jack horseman, the assassination of gianna versace, the end of the f***ing world, black mirror.

ok my minds gone blank so yeah, ik the list isn’t very long so pls feel free to add stuff to it! - xtsy

[doctorgerth]

o shit waddup

Hey, guys! Hope you’re all doing well today. I’m chilling at home, relaxing and working on some requests during my day off! I hope to get a good bit out for you guys today!

In the meantime, I wanted to give you guys a little info about me just because I feel weird not properly introducing myself to you all! If you’re not interested in getting to know me, I completely understand, I’m boring af lol but here’s some info on me. I’ll put it under “keep reading” since it is a bit long!

Name: You are more than welcome to call me Doc, as some of you have already! For a personal name, you can call me Coop. That’s what I’ve been referred to as the most on here and irl, but I will respond to either :) I’ll probably never reveal my real name on here, so don’t bother asking. Can’t have my true identity revealed!

Zodiac//MBTI: Cancer, INFJ

Age: I am currently 21, will be 22 on July 12th!

Brief Appearance: Uh, I have green eyes, long dirty-blonde hair (lots of ppl argue that I’m actually a brunette but I don’t think so) and I’m 5′9″ (1.753 meters). No tattoos, though I want to get at least one some day! Only piercings I have are my ears. I’m really basic looking lol 

Location: I reside in the hell fire that is the United States - a lot of you are from literally anywhere else, so I apologize if my blog seems too English driven for you? Or if my humor goes beyond your heads lol I completely understand. But, I’m willing to work through any language barriers with you if you’re willing to work with me!

School: I attend a university here in my state. I’m a senior, but I have one more semester left this fall before I intern! I’m studying Elementary Education, with a goal to teach grades 3rd-6th! 

Pets: I have two cats - a tuxedo cat named Percy and an orange tabby named Ace! He’s actually my boyfriend’s cat, but I claim Ace as mine too lol 

Work: Since you always hear me talking about work I figured I’d at least mention what I do. I currently work part-time at a grocery store where I take your money and bag your groceries lol. Tbh, it’s way better than working fast food, People are way nicer to me here than they were when I worked at Dairy Queen.

Fav Artists: Yo, this is honestly super hard considering my taste in music varies so greatly. Some of my current favs include: Marina, Lana del Rey, Billie Eilish, LANY, Florence and the Machine, Sam Smith, Hozier, Troye Sivan, Panic! at the Disco, and honestly sooooo many more 

One Piece: Soooo I absolutely refused to watch OP in the beginning because I was severely uninterested. My boyfriend practically made me one day and honestly I can’t thank him enough because I am now obsessedddd. So, I started OP back in like November of 2017, I officially caught up in the anime in February 2019! So it took like 1 year + 3 months to watch the whole thing (casual watching with only a few binges) and then I picked up where the anime left off in the manga so I am currently caught up in the manga as well!

Other Anime: I’m still new to the anime world, so I really haven’t seen a ton yet. Currently watching Black Clover! Other than that I have seen My Hero Academia, Bungo Stray Dogs, Seven Deadly Sins, and Assassination Classroom (not caught up). 

Random Facts: I play clarinet in my college’s marching/concert bands. I’m the oldest of three siblings. I love travelling and experiencing new places. I really enjoy fishing and kayaking or just being on the water in general! I’m obsessed with Disney World. 

Why I started this blog: Honestly, it’s just for fun! I’ve been perusing around tumblr looking at other OP blogs for a whileeee now, and after the help of some friends, I got the confidence to start my own! I used to write All Time Low, One Direction, and 5SOS fanfictions on Wattpad OOF so I’ve been in the ff game for a lil while now

Why Doctor Gerth?: Tbh there’s no major reason since we haven’t seen a whole lot of her in OP. I just thought she was a really unique character to use for tumblr considering not many ppl know her. When I saw her in the cover art, I was like, ‘this is what i would want to look like if i were in op’ so I just kinda went with that! I love that she’s a giant and a doctor! Reminds me of how tall I am and how I love to help people lol she just seems like a really sweet yet badass character and i love it. For those who don’t know, she is a doctor for the New Giant Warrior Pirates! She also knew Big Mom when they were both children.

Shoutouts: I’m feeling a lil emotional today, realizing just how quickly and easily I’ve made friends and supporters on here! I just want to give them a shout out cuz i love these kind souls.

@all-blue-headcanons

@doflomingos-glasses

@nightshine629

@thefreedomisouronlyrule-op (@rule987)

@laws-hat-headcanons (@arkanfire)

@madlymiho

@morikawahotaruotakuhime

@inma-r

@pinkhatlizzy

Thank you all so much for continuously supporting me and inspiring me! Without you guys, I probably never would have stuck to this blog, let alone even start it! Thanks for letting me fangirl and discuss OP with you constantly. And thanks for giving me ideas on stuff and helping me write OCs! It’s not much, but I just want to let you guys know how much you mean to me!! <3

And there you have it. Bless you if you managed to read all the way through this mess! Thank you all for sticking with me through this dumpster fire of a blog. I look forward to forming friendships with more of you guys in the future! Never be too shy to message me! If you have any further questions about me, feel free to ask. Now, I’m gonna stop distracting myself and get to work! x

- Doc

[spissues]

Week1

GW:57.0kg

day1

CW: 57.7 kg

Waist: 26in

Thigh: 24in

Wrist: 6in

(guess i was bloated b4(60.3kg))

Breakfast: 40g water oatmeal

Lunch: lettuce, cucumber, bell pepper, chicken 50g

Dinner: 1 slice of bread with 2 eggs, + lettuce and cucumber

Snack: 4 almonds

In addition: water, coffee , tea

After day 1 i was so hungry I couldn’t sleep, therefore i had the almonds. Not sure if I should make adjustments or try to shrink my stomach

day2

CW: 58.6kg

Not sure why my weight has gone up this much.. I was working all day yesterday and didn’t have time to exercise. I’m assuming it’s water weight or I’m constipated so I try not to worry about it! The most important thing is to keep going... In truth I should plan eating less this day, as I’m joining a birthday party tomorrow, but I  would like to be able to sleep.

Breakfast: <40g oatmeal

Lunch:  1.5 slices of bread, scrambled eggs (2??), with crispy lettuce, 2 slices of bacon and 20g(?) philadelphia cream cheese

Dinner: 300mL soup, 1 apple(170g) + 5g peanut butter  

Snack: 3 small bites of cake.. 200kcal?

In addition: water, coffee

End of day note: frick!! I couldn’t help myself from cake at work today, but I hope I managed to keep 1200kcal... I think I should punish myself tomorrow somehow, but I’m not sure how. It’s important I don’t give up now. I ate this much dinner so I’ll be able to sleep without waking up from hunger and binge or smth... Been thinking I should find a model around my height I can look up to, and work towards.

day3

CW: 57.7kg

I know I will probably have to eat something before I sleep so I’m able to... Instead of lunch I will go to the gym.

Breakfast: 40g oatmeal

Lunch: Smoothie ice cream + sugar free soda = 78kcal

Dinner: probz 600kcal of what’s served at the birthday party (scrambled eggs, 1 piece of bread, small piece of salmon and turkey, ice berg lettuce)+ 3 pieces of cake!!!

In addition: water, coffee, 0kcal energy booster

End of day note: So... Birthday party was pretty late so I didn’t have to worry about having to snack before sleep. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway because I had way too much dinner and dessert! At first I was planning on a very light dinner +   1 piece of something sweet, cakee, so noone would suspect anything, and maybe not finish it. I think I went so hungry shopping today, I barely had energy to move and so my body was really craving sugar and carbs by the end of the night. I wasn’t able to workout. HOWEVER. I will not quit. I can still do this. This is my 3-day-curse where I binge and quit. I will not quit. I will keep going and in the end I will see results. Tomorrow, I’ll have my regular breakfast, skip lunch for gym and light dinner and snack... I will just get back on track like regular. It will be okay. (Although it sucks cuz today I could actually see my pants had been getting looser!!!)

day4

CW: 57.8 kg

Aaaa I didn’t gain too much from my binge yet!! I’m going to the gym today and I hope all those calories will go in to preserving my muscles... Still so hungry now I’ve woken up tho?? I’m determined to follow my plan!! I will not quit, school starts in 2 weeks, and I’m leaving for uni in a year. I can keep this going! I will make my end of week goal.

Breakfast: 40g oatmeal

Lunch: =Half a pack cup noodles + 70g veggies mix

Dinner: 1 slice of bread with 1 egg, ice berg lettuce, cucumber + pepsi max

In addition: water, coffee, tea, 

End of day note: I didnt really think i ate that much but looking back it’s kind of hard to tell. I was really hungry before lunch, but before dinner I was both hungry & full? maybe full on water? I was feeling sort of sick and didn’t want to eat but I needed my mom to see me eat a meal today, she’s acting suspicious. I assume I’ll gain my weight from yesterday tomorrow, especially since I can’t find my gym card and can’t go to the gym and only walked a lil less than 7k steps today. But as long as I stay on track I still have hope to hit my week goal by the end of the week!

day5

CW: 58.0 kg

As expected I did gain a lil bit of weight, even though I followed my plan yesterday. I’m hoping it’s water weight, and will still follow my plan today for results!

Breakfast: Oatmeal 40g w water 

Lunch: 1 slice of bread, scrambled eggs (2?) , 2slices of bacon, 10g cream cheese

Dinner: 1 large slice of pizza w 1tbsp dressing

Snacks: 1 small piece of cake(but spit out and not swallowed) , 500mL sugar free soda= 10kcal, cheese from pizza buns 20g? + 5 pieces of chips

In addition: water, coffee, tea

End of day note: Aaaaa.binge.sadz. totally exceeded 1200kcals.gots to keep going, but what makes things worse is that i’m at my dads now and don’t have a scale... I won’t be able to weigh myself until wednesday :’( Don’t know how i’ll keep my motivation up then... I will try my best! If i just keep going I’ll be able to wear huge sweaters in december...

day6

CW: ???

I’m at my dad’s!!!

Breakfast: Oatmeal 40g w water

Lunch:  lettuce, cucumber, bell pepper, chicken 50g

Dinner: 3 small pieces of homemade pizza, small homemade pizza bun

Snack: lil chocolate=150kcal, lil cupcake topping=200kcal, pizza dough + 30?g cheese, 15 chips

In addition: water, coffee, pepsi max

End of day note: :(. cravings. have to learn to fightem. At least I’m at my mom’s now and will be able to weigh myself tomorrow for motivation.

day7

CW:57.9kg

1 week ago I weighed 60.3 kg, so I’ve sort of lost 2.4kg since that. But actually I lost 2.6kg overnight, and even though it was probz  water weight or smth, this sort of feels disappointing. At least I’ve sort of maintained that weight, but I find it hard to believe I’ll lose 0.9kg over tomorrow, so I probz won’t reach my goal for the week. Nevertheless, I’ll have to keep trying today, and try to eat less. Today I’ll be superr-aware not to snack in between my meals like I did yesterday, and eat only in the presence of my mom. If my mom wants me to eat but I’m not feeling hungry, I’ll say I’m sick or smth and have smth small instead, we bought 95kcal musli bars yesterday.

Breakfast: 2 small slices home made grain bread + 1 slice gouda + 1 slice brown cheese + 10g butter + 1/4 cup lettuce + 4 slices of cucumber

Lunch: Family dinner, only 1 plate! = 1 hamburger (1 patty, 1bread, 1/2cup lettuce + 4 slices of cucumber) + dessert= 50g mango

Dinner: Chia pudding: 1dL almond milk + 2tbsp chia seeds 

Snack: 95kcal muslibar, ‘3-400 kcals of small bites of cake+bread+chips

In addition: water, coffee, pepsi max , tea

End of day note: Well. I was not able to avoid snacking. I think the problem is having nothing to do after eating a meal boosts my cravings. Also I went for a mountain hike after breakfast w my mom today. I didn¨t have any energy and almost cried myself to the top as I didn’t even get motivation on the way. It was awful. I’m disappointed with the week but I guess I’ll see my progress tomorrow. I just have to keep going. I feel really lonely. I don’t have the energy to do anything, but I kind of want to. Idk. I have work tomorrow I guess. I’m going to allow myself a small scoop of ice cream if I crave chocolate when I’m hungry. Hoping I’ll avoid  binging. Hope I didn’t gain weight. Hope I¨ll be able to sleep even though I’m hungry.

RESULTS

CW: 57.0kg! (-0.7kg)

Waist: 25.6 in (-0.4)

Thigh: 23 in (-1in) each

Wrist: 6 in

So I just woke up and omg. I really wasn’t sure if I made it!  This is just what I needed to keep going. Hopefully I’ll make smarter choices and binge less next week, and get even more results. I’m really happy about my thighs since they are huge and I lost 1 whole inch. I thought they seemed smaller in the mirror but I wasn’t sure- overall I’m really happy I made my first week goal and will continue :)

[fictionalabyss]

Do 'em all 🤣🤣

You jerk rofl. Okay, this is gonna take a while..

also under a readmore cuz long.

1. describe yourself.- Mel, 32, mom of two, mental health issues, and no idea of who I am or ever was.. lover, fighter, spiteful, friendlier than I’d care to admit. I think that about does it?

2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be? I’d be willing to go to a lot of places, honestly. Scotland is top of the list if I can count a wedding as an expense haha.

3. do you have siblings? On my mothers side, no, I’m an only child. On my fathers side, I have a half brother, and two step brothers.  I haven’t seen them since I was 11 though, but they’ve been added to my fb and now ignore my existence there.

4. what is your favorite constellation, why? Don’t think I have a favourite.

5. favorite color. Don’t have one. I like different colours for different things, and even that can change with my mood.

6. what kind of music do you listen to? Pretty much everything. My workout music (basically the only time i have time for music) ranges from the 50′s cowboy and love songs all the way to more current EDM and some metal. You introduced me to Mongolian metal, and I’ve come across and Indian metal band that has a song about fighting depression, and I love them so much. I’m still sad to have missed both Babymetal and Alestorm (Scottish pirate metal) when they came to town. Alestorm actually offered me free tickets if they could name Matrim when I was pregnant rofl.

7. favorite flower. (you can name as many as you want cause flowers are awesome)  Wild flowers. I have violets that grow wild in my back yard and I love them.

8. if you could do magic, what is the first spell you would learn? I think at most, I’d like to learn minor healing, or something that would attract goodness to people.

9. favorite childhood memory.The memory of Pat getting in the baby swing and yelling “push me on the swing, mommy!” and me pushing him as high as I could and leaving him there when he got stuck roflrofl. We were 9, and it’s basically how this relationship started. I was annoyed, he was in love. I’m still annoyed but now we’re both in love.

10. have you ever been cheated on? Not that I’m aware of, but that might not have been for a lack of trying. WORD ON THE STREET WAS one of my ex’s was trying to get with someone else while with me and was turned down.

11. if you could describe your perfect room, what would it be? Big and spacious. Super comfy bed, plenty of pillows. But also a little corner with a fort that I can be little in. Close proximity to both bathroom and kitchen for obvious reasons. Big window with cute curtains. and all the thing my current room has, but less unfolded laundry rofl.

12. favorite animal. Don’t have one, but it for sure isn’t a fkin slug I’ll tell you that. Pete the peeper ruined that for all slugs.

13. what was the last photo you took of? Luke’s new pokemon cards so I could show Pat while he was at work.

14. do you believe in soul mates? I do. I believe that soulmates aren’t just lovers, but that you can have many people that your soul resonates with. I had one, or thought I did, until I was dropped like hot garbage and shit was said behind my back like I’d never find out. The fucked up part, if I got an apology, I’d probably believe them and let them back into my life like I did last time. Because I’m a fucking sucker and a slave to my heart. But the more you hurt me, the harder you have to work for my trust so I’ll probably never get one. Too much work.

15. do you hang toilet paper over or under? I have a toddler, so under so he can’t just unravel the whole fucking thing into the toilet by slapping his hand on it.

16. your go to place to eat & your favorite thing to get there. Greenstop and Poutine. They have this killer brown gravy omg.

17. do you believe everything happens for a reason? yeah. Everything is either a consequence to our actions, or a lesson to be learned. Karma, my friend. And sometimes, bad shit just happens so you have room in your life for better things. That’s how I got you and Kay.

18. guilty pressures? You mean other than 80′s and 90′s one hit wonders?

19. favorite mythical creature, why? Dragon. Cuz...dragon?

20. something most people don’t know about you. Uh.. not everyone knows me to be as friendly as you tumblr peeps do. Truth is, I’m kind of known as a bitch in person. I don’t socialize well because of my crippling anxiety, and have RBF, so people just assume. Others know it as fact because I treat people the way they treat me.

21. where did you grow up, what was it like? at 8, I moved across the street from where I live now. Before that, I lived in ‘The Point’ but most of my childhood memories are of here. A lot of my neighbours are the same people. I grew up in the 90′s, so we use to play in the street day and night and there were no worries. I’d go from park to park, house to house, just wandering from place to place with my friends. No parents, just us, as long as I got everyone back out front by the time the street lights came on, and then it was hide and seek in the dark while all the parents drank on one of the balconies and watched. It’s not like that here anymore.

22. do you believe aliens exist? You’d be an idiot to think that we are the only lifeforms anywhere.

23. what was your last google search? Big Iron by Marty Robbins.

24. what did your last relationship teach you? You really wanna get into that? It taught me that no matter what I know about a person, I don’t know them. If they talk shit about other people to me, they are talking shit about me to other people. It taught me that just because they earned my trust once, doesn’t mean they should get a free pass on it for life, that I should make them keep earning it. And finally, than when they say “I’ll understand if it doesn’t work out” it’s bullshit. I’ll end up tossed aside and forgotten while I break. And when I realize I deserve better and move on, everything becomes my fault.

25. would you relocate for love? depends where. Example : I love Kay, but I ain’t moving to Florida roflrofl.

26. do you hold grudges or forgive easy? Forgive far too easily the first few times. After that, fuck you.

27. favorite book. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

28. do you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert? Introvert.

29. have you ever kept a journal, do you now? I have attempted to a few times. Didn’t work out. so no.

30. top 5 favorite movies. Porky’s trilogy. Ginger Snaps trilogy. uhhhhhhm.. fuck.. idk, why do you do this to me, I can’t pick favourites.

31. do you believe that everything happens for a reason? We already went over this.

32. what is your greatest fear? Falling.

33. favorite alcoholic beverage. Jack, disarono, Fluffed marshmallow vodka. UPPERCUT. legit, go into a bar and order an uppercut.

34. most embarrassing thing you’ve done. If i could think of something, I wouldn’t tell you guys muahahha.

35. do you believe in ghosts? not sure.

36. what is the best and worst part of your personality? That I’m nicer than I’d like to be. I’m mush. I’m forgiving and kind, and loving and sometimes I hate it.

37. should you split the dinner bill? Who am I at dinner with?

38. are you a good liar? Fuck no roflroflrofl. I’m the worst at it.

39. what keeps you up at night? these days, story ideas.

40. would you rather go without your phone or music? bye bye music.

41. do you believe in god? Nope.

42. how do you relax when frustrated? Mindless game on my phone, nap, or binge something.

43. what’s something that offends you? people. People offend me.

44. favorite food I’m a sucker for a good lasagne. but also cheesecake. I can never have too much cheesecake. I mean, I can, I’m lactose intolerant, but shush. Something are worth it.

45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be? If there’s booze on the flight, anyone. if not, literally no one. I’ll just pound back some Oxazepam and nap. wake me up when we get there.

46. when do you feel the most confident? never. ROFL.

47. what do you do on your free time? What is free time?

48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respect Oh yeah. If you’ve read this far, you might have an idea.

49. have you ever broken someone’s heart? Probably not, no.

50. did/do you play sports in school? In gym class. Oh, and I did that one summer to Tball and hated it.

51. when are you happiest? when I'm asleep.

52. coffee or tea? Tea. fuck your coffee.

53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without? internet.

54. what is the first thing you notice about a person? Height.

55. what is your favorite season, why? I love winter, because I love everything looking so white and clean when the snow is fresh. But I also love spring because of the rain, and summer for storms and fall for colors and good weather.

56. what makes you laugh? What doesn’t.

57. are you a clean or messy person? I was given the nickname ‘Messy’ at 10 for a reason. It still applies.

58. what is important for a successful relationship? Be it friendship or romantic relationship, my answer is the same. Trust and Honesty.

59. what was your upcoming like? Do you mean upbringing? I had a single mom who worked all the time. I was pretty independent.

60. favorite holiday? Christmas.

61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery? pay off debts.

62. what’s the best pizza topping combination? Bacon crumble and cheese. Not bacon bits, fuck that shit. Bacon fucking crumble. its like, little balls of bacon or something and not many places have it anymore *sad panda*

63. favorite outdoor activity. meditation. Does that count? I just like to be barefoot outside.

64. how are you? honestly. It’s 9 am, and I’m already getting frustrated with kids. And I have a soccer game and medal ceremony coming up soooooooooooo.

65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort? how about cabin in the woods, ooooor a beach resort with woods backing it. yeah.

66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature? everything.

67. favorite type of candy? Don’t got one.

68. if your life was a book, what would be the title? something super depressing, I’m sure.

69. what movie quotes do you use of a regular bases? “Later masturbater” (The Pest)

70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now? Frosted tips, mesh shirts, and snap away track pants on men HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA,. Oh, them early 00′s. I legit saw someone wearing them a few years ago and almost died.

71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eves dropped on? dunno hombre.

72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched? uhhhhhhh

73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had? again, 90′s. Mushroom cut with a nike check saved in the back HAHAHAHAHA. Oh man, everyone had that way back when.

74. what do you like to cook? most things.

75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild? wild beavers make me happy.

76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen? Japanese game shows. nothing is as funny as japanese games shows. Human Tetris for example is fucking hilarious.

77. do you usually follow your heart or your head? Heart. Unfortunately.

78. what is your favorite quote? I’m not sure these days.

79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had? I’m not sure..

80. what’s your love language? I dunno. I legit just had to google what they were, and I’m not sure which.

81. do you ever feel alone? Always.

82. ever been bullied? Far too many times.

83. are you usually early or late? Early, thanks anxiety.

84. what kind of art do you enjoy most? these days, written. But I love paintings the most, i think.

85. what do you wish you knew more about? Everything. If I could, I’d go to school and learn everything that interests me even the slightest.

[hagaard]

remember when I wrote "My next post will be a writing prompt"? well. lies. it's not done yet 'cuz it's exam period right now, so I essentially have no time for this. instead, I'm going to do something that I have wanted to do for a long time: screaming into the void. I never had a place to scream into the void before, but now I do. I should have started doing this a long time ago... anyways, if you want to read my two cents on the current state of the brony fandom and how I feel about it, then it's under the cut. and if you don't... you're probably right. after all, this is self-indulgent.

So I've been sucked into MLP a few years ago, in the French equivalent of high school. I can't remember when exactly, but I do remember that I was suffering from pretty severe depression. When I discovered the show, which was on a vacation day, I binged the first season in an afternoon, and followed with the second the very next day. It was... different. Refreshing. Bright. Colorful. Happy. I felt like I had found something that I was missing. And I loved it.

I started searching for content online. I found forums, websites, fiction repositories... all in French, since I hadn't learnt English at the time. But the content was... disappointing? Not what I was looking for. The big forum I joined was very toxic. I still have an account there, but I never visit. The fiction repository was better, but still had its fair share of drama. I wasn't satisfied. The bulk of the content was locked behind a language barrier.

I tore it down in a few months. A few months is all it took me to go from "hello-how-are-you-goodbye" to a good enough level that I was able to understand most of what I was reading. Not everything, of course. But enough. And from there, I would only go up. That's so emotionally invested I was; and, despite this, I could never talk about all of this to anyone. I was constantly looking for new content, but I was so anxious about myself and talking about what I liked that I never really got to talking to the content creators I was adoring. I never talked to anyone about the happiness they filled my life with. I was having suicidal thoughts, but here they were, with their beautiful stories about pastel horses doing stuff. It kept me alive, and I never thanked them. I didn't talk to my own therapist about this, and yet I could have trusted this man with my life! That's how anxious I was talking about my hobbies.

During all this time, I was vaguely aware of the controversies about the fandom. To outsiders, we were a joke. A black sheep, to point at and laugh at. And I don't know how to feel about this, because now, I feel... they can be right. I'd like to say we generally have a safe and welcoming community. I'd love to say that everyone in the MLP fandom is nice and kind. But I feel like I can't say this. There is an uncomfortable number of alt-right sympathizers (read: fascists) that proudly wear MLP badges and such. There are an uncomfortable number of misogynistic assholes within the community. The fandom often gets angry over little nothings. I have met a number of homophobic, transphobic people within the community. I feel like Hasbro is uncomfortable of our very existence because of this.

I still remember that one guy in one of the forums I was visiting, that had as a signature (roughly translated): < "Lesbian ponies" is lunacy, and the worst idea the fandom ever came up with. > I didn't understand why this made me so uncomfortable while younger. Now I know why. It's the idea that lesbian cartoon ponies, homosexual fictional characters, should be treated as fucking jokes, that made me uncomfortable. This guy had no issues shipping a mare with a stallion. At the exact moment it was two mares together (and considering the very balanced cast of 90% mares, which I'm not complaining about by the way, the target is supposed to be girls), it was a joke. It wasn't serious. It was lunacy. This guy couldn't understand w/w pairings as anything else than a joke.

Holy shit.

Also. Adult content! I would usually argue against talking about the adult part of any fandom, 'cuz they're generally a more niche thing? I think? But when half of the featured box in your biggest fanfiction repository, fimfiction.net, is smut fiction, I'd also argue it's a part significant enough that you'll want to talk about it, so here we are. MLP adult content is like any content. There is the better part, which is... cute ponies having fun and it's also hot. And that may be just my perception, but I feel like that's not what the bulk of the content is. We get a lot more of... general sexism, rape, gore, exaggeration, "extreme" content. And y'know, if porn is your thing and you're able to dissociate the reality from what you watch, then go nuts or something. But as the audience gets younger (we used to get a lot of 40s in the fandom, now most who join are 15 or whatever), you'll also expose people that don't have the tools to deal with this stuff and will confuse it with reality. And I really think we as a fandom don't generally put up enough content warnings for that. Not nearly enough. (also. foalcon. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HAIRY. STOP DOING THAT.)

A whole lot of other shit, too! Weird ships that are both popular and potentially abusive! I used to ship Twilestia, aka a student and her mentor/motherly figure, which is NOT FINE! unless you screw with the canon to change a lot of things in their relationships. Don't get me started on Lunestia, they are SISTERS STOP DOING THIS INTERNET! Outside of shipping wars, now, there was that debate on one featured fic about whether making a joke about transgender people being traps and transwomen being disgusting was fun: it was a terrible joke, stop calling out others for being "overly sensitive". Fallout: Equestria, the crossover that literally split the fandom in half! That is not a joke. And what would be a good fandom without its edgy fiction where the entire country gets brainwashed, the women are now all slaves, the men are now all phallocentred assholes that spend their free time thing about sex or raping every woman they see? I'll tell you what it would be: A MUCH BETTER FANDOM. This story is literally "what if I narrated a game of FATAL"? And it's awful, of course, but also, absolutely exhausting.

So I stopped seeking MLP-related content. I was so focused on the negatives, at some point, I couldn't take it anymore. I took a pause. I stopped checking for updates on stories I was following, stopped making searches. Despite this, I was still reading stuff about other things. There sometimes was a joke about how bronies were all ugly fat kissless virgins, and it always hurt me to read it, because I knew it was a lie. But sometimes, I believed it. I never really got a chance to talk to anyone about this.

I'm glad I can now. I should have created my own little corner to scream into the void a long time ago. I should be able to talk about my interests, rather than reading what others think about them. Everybody should relieve themselves of the pressure sometimes. Can you believe I never once did that? I used to had a blog somewhere else, but the platform was and still is absolute garbage.

welp, here ends the rant. better post this on my tumblr too until I chicken out like I did with that infodump about that one game nobody cares about.

[amphetameme-queen-blog]

If you slip up...

Here’s my master list of how to take care of yourself after a b/p, stay strong my lovelies!

1. Physical Damage Control

Teeth -

It's usually a warning sign to have bad teeth as someone less than seventy years old. It's a 'classic' symptom of bulimia and I've heard a lot of (rookies) swear by brushing their teeth. DON'T FUCKIN DO IT MAN. I used to b/p anywhere between three to ten times a day at my worst, but I always kept a handy supply of TUMS or antacids on me. Your teeth become weakened when you b/p in the first place, so the abrasiveness of toothbrush bristles tends to wear down on your enamel. I never brushed my teeth after I would purge, and I've been b/p'ing on and off for about four years now. Like I said - ten times a day at the worst. I went to the dentist last month and they said that my teeth were like, perfect. It was actually shocking. Thank god for chemistry I suppose.

So how does it work? Well, the calcium carbonate (the main ingredient of TUMS) neutralizes the hydrochloric acid (stomach acid) on our teeth like it would in our stomach. It's basically a high school chemistry equation.

CaCO3+ HCl -> CaCl2 + CO2 + H2O.

The symptoms you'll get (after an antacid) is basically just burping up the CO2 lol. It's much more preferable to tooth decay, might I say. OH and if you don't have any antacids on you, baking soda works in the same way. Just put a teaspoon of baking soda into water, swish it around your mouth, and spit it out. It doesn't taste great, but you could probably mix it with a little alcohol-free toothpaste so it tastes more minty. I highly recommend against swallowing baking soda because it will most likely irritate your stomach and make you even more nauseous, and not in an emetic way. (Ana butterflies don't get any stupid ideas it's not gonna work like you think). Swallowing baking soda just makes you kind of uncomfortable, really.

Y'all need to floss too. I sound like I've got a major stick up my ass, because who actually flosses flossing is for old people and l0zers fuck that shit. Nope. Flossing once before you go to bed helps your teeth against yellowing, in my experience. I wouldn’t recommend flossing post-purge as your gums tend to be much more sensitive. ‘Cuz who’s trynna get gingivitis yeah no one.

Sinuses -

​Remember that time you (regrettably) b/p’d on rice? And you felt that rice grain up there and took a napkin and blew fuckin snot rice into your napkin, like the sexy beast you are?

Yeah I remember that too.

It’s pretty apparent that stomach acid anywhere besides your stomach is a recipe for havoc. The stomach acid eats away at the mucous membranes in your nose, leading to constant sniffling, loss of smell, and chronic sinus infections. Even if you don't feel irritation in your nose immediately following a b/p, the acid can still lead to damage.

So how do you remedy this?

From my experience, the Neti-Pot saline rinse is the best bet. You can use the one that looks like a tea kettle or the one that's a squeezy bottle - both do the same thing. I have the squeezy bottle and it's really simple to use. You add water up to the fill line

And then you pour the saline packet into the bottle and mix thoroughly (just shake the bottle). Be sure to use FILTERED DRINKING WATER because tap water often contains heavy metals like copper or iron, which isn't good for your nose. Then put the plastic bottle with the saline-water solution into the microwave for approximately 35 seconds, and be careful to make sure it isn't too hot. Make sure it's just slightly warm and then screw the cap on tightly. Lean over a sink and gently squeeze the bottle into one nostril until the water comes out the other. Don't worry, it doesn't provoke the dreaded “oh god there's water in my nose I feel like I'm drowning” feeling. Your sinuses are connected and because the water is warm (like body temperature) it won't come as a shock to your body. Repeat the process on both nostrils until the bottle is done.

I've had actual chunks of food come out of my nose before, and I'm like, “shit, that would have just been hangin out in my nose the entire time?” So it's really important for preventing sinus infections or acid damage to the nasal cavity.

​Electrolyte Imbalances -

​If I had a dollar for the amount of times I've seen THAT PICTURE of the dead bulimic girl I would be richer than Donald Trump. Yeah, she died from gastric rupture blah blah blah but I always see blogs referencing that picture with the danger of heart failure and death in bulimics.

Despite how frequently I used to purge, I'm not dead yet! Hurray I guess! I used to get serious heart palpitations after a long day of purging, but I could mitigate some of those side effects with proper hydration and electrolyte drinks.

I ain't talkin no purple Gatorade shit either. Gatorade isn't as hydrating as one would think. It's made for athletes who are working out and sweating, and releasing salt through their skin. Gatorade replenishes the sodium and sugar, but if you're not working out/sweating a lot, the extra sodium could cause water retention *panics* The best option for electrolyte-replenishing is coconut water, in my opinion. It's naturally high in potassium, which is the principle electrolyte lost by vomiting. Pedialyte takes a close second for hydration because it's designed to replenish electrolytes, like if you have the flu or something. You can buy Pedialyte over the counter at most (American) pharmacies.

Electrolytes are important in muscle contraction, which includes the heart. This is why many bulimics die from heart attacks

Of course, the best way to get potassium is through potassium-rich foods. Some examples:

Avocado

Acorn squash

Spinach

Sweet potato

Wild-caught salmon

Dried apricots

Pomegranate

Coconut water

White beans

Banana

Source: Dr. Axe

Y'all also gotta be mindful of your magnesium too. Magnesium is lost (most notably) through diarrhea and thus laxative abuse. Here's how to remember the electrolytes:

Potassium is lost through Purging and Magnesium is lost by taking Mega Shits.

I'm laughing bahahah but I shouldn't be because the magnesium thing is no joke.

2. Psychological Damage Control

The Post Purge Freakout-

​Quit playin. You know what I’m talkin’ about, that anxiety like fuck fuck fuck what did I just do I’m a worthless human I deserve to-

Stop.

These thoughts seem real, like ground-breaking realizations that affirm your worthlessness and desire to continue hurting yourself with ED behaviors. Diffusing these thoughts feels like the hardest thing to do in the moment, of course, but self-care is one of the most important factors in preventing another episode. I’m not trying to be some over-simplifying, self-righteous therapist who thinks that mindfulness is the only way out ‘it’s all about positive self talk, honey!’ Nah fam, anyone who’s dealt with the vicious cycle of bulimia knows it’s not that fuckin’ easy, and so I’m not trying to sugarcoat the fact that post-b/p self-care can be really goddamn difficult.

The best post-b/p self care I’ve implemented is putting on cozy pajamas (if you’re at home) and just taking a five minute break from what you’re doing to listen to music, draw/write, or go on a short walk. Let yourself feel comfy and secure, like being wrapped in a warm fuzzy blanket. Give yourself just five minutes to collect your feelings, and realize that a past slip-up can’t determine the future. Because that’s all it is - in the past. What’s in the past is done, and no amount of hateful self talk or self-injury will change that. But what you do in the present is what matters. Think about it as a fork in the road -

“Okay, so I just binged and purged, I have urges to hurt myself or compensate for what I just did, but what will happen if I don’t do either of those things?”

Nothing.

You might panic. You might cry. Let the tears come, if you are in a safe place where you feel you can do so. We know that the day might have sucked, but time stops for no one. The next thing you know, it’s the next morning. The sun is shining through your window, you are alive and your body is resilient. BOI IT’S A NEW FUCKIN DAY! YESTERDAY WAS A CAN OF SHIT, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, TODAY DOESN’T HAVE TO BE. The important thing is that you lived through those horrible feelings, and you’ll remember that. You’re stronger, more resilient, and persistent than you think. You don’t even have to be in recovery to apply this. That’s not what I’m getting at. If you’re pursuing a goal, whether it be eating at regular intervals or meeting a certain calorie limit, there are going to be times you might mess up. And good god, it is absolutely okay.

Imagine yourself going to bed the next night, realizing that you had your first binge free, purge free day since you could remember. Knowing that you fought your urge to b/p will help you remember that next time, “hey, I’m stronger than my urges.”

I guess what I’m emphasizing here is self-forgiveness. I know a lot of people’s ED’s are driven by self-hatred and you’re all such beautiful human beings who deserve to love yourself as others love you. Wow. That got really deep real fast. But hey, I’ve been through it all.

~

Yo. I'm gonna add more to this, but only if people are interested in my ED-related writing. I'm actually working on a blog right now but I figured I might as well post some stuff here for feedback. PLEASE comment I would love to hear from you guys. 'Do I write like a sappy self-help book'? 'Is it relatable and/or helpful?' Let me know in a comment or DM what you're feelin about it. Sending hugs!