#crime: cheese theft

[one-time-i-dreamt]

Somebody broke into my house but the only things they took were the blanket off my bed and an opened bag of shredded cheese.

[runelocked]

❓ did you take the shredded cheese last night

SEND ❓ & A QUESTION THAT MY MUSE HAS TO ANSWER HONESTLY! / ALWAYS ACCEPTING

THROUGH SHEER FORCE OF WILL, HE ALMOST MANAGES TO OVERCOME THE STRANGE BOUT OF HONESTY THAT HAS GRIPPED HIM. But alas, despite his best efforts . . . “ I did. And the hand sized chunk you see missing out the block of cheese too. I’ve been doing it for months and blaming it on whichever employee annoys me that day. ” He stops, horrified at what he’s revealed. Mentally, and very seriously, he adds Addy’s name to his mental hitlist.

This question will have consequences!

[newsfromstolenland]

Update on cheese heists:

Article quoted below the cut:

Some of the recent heists have been sophisticated, risky, lucrative.

They have grabbed our attention, sparked our sympathy, and riled our imaginations. Maybe it's because we love a decent crime story — whether the would-be thieves are thwarted, or make off with hundreds of thousands of dollars in stolen goods.

Or maybe it's just the fact that what they're stealing is cheese. Luxury cheese, in fact.

On Thursday, B.C. RCMP revealed they'd recently foiled an attempted cheese heist at a Whole Foods in North Vancouver. They'd been on patrol Sept. 29 when they found a cart full of cheese outside the grocery store. A suspect fled on foot, leaving $12,800 worth of cheese behind.

This most recent attempted heist comes as the cheese world is still reeling after a U.K. cheese heist that saw con artists make off with more than £300,000 (or more than $540,000 Cdn) in clothbound, award-winning cheddar. A 63-year-old man was recently arrested and released on bail.

The cheese — 950 wheels of cheddar weighing 22 tonnes, stolen from Neal's Yard Dairy in London — has not been recovered.

But why cheese, of all things?

"We suspect cheese to be the target due to its high resale value on the black market," a spokesperson from North Vancouver RCMP Media Relations told CBC News in email statement.

As soon as a product goes up in price significantly over a short period, like cheese has, you will attract the attention of organized crime, explained Prof. Sylvain Charlebois, the director of Dalhousie University's Agri-food Analytics Lab.

Full article

Tagging: @allthecanadianpolitics

Frontline officers in B.C. got the mozzarella but didn't get their man in a recent "cheese heist" at a Whole Foods in North Vancouver.

RCMP say they were on patrol Sept. 29 when they found a cart full of cheese outside the grocery store near East 13th Street and Lonsdale Avenue.

It was 4 a.m., and the store was closed, so police say they started to investigate and identified a suspect, who fled on foot, leaving the cheese behind.

Full article

Glad the person got away, but what the fuck is up with all the dairy heists happening right now? Guelph just had a string of butter heists.

Tagging: @allthecanadianpolitics

[if-you-fan-a-fire]

“IS ARRESTED AT SUDBURY,” Brantford Expositor. June 24, 1930. Page 7. ---- Suspect in County Theft Charge Is Being Brought Back ---- Provincial Officer Campbell went to Sudbury yesterday to bring back to the city Hector MacBride who is wanted by the Paris police on a charge of theft concerning some automobile accessories that were missed in the county some time ago.

The arrest of MacBride took place at Sudbury following the issue of a warrant here by Chief Brimstone, of Paris, who started on the trail after three suspects one being the local man, another James Bullock now held on a charge of stealing, or being in possession of cheese, and another who is not yet apprehended.

Bullock's capture was made in the city recently by Sergeant Blower and P.C. Rutherford, but it was not known here at that time that he was connected with the rob- beries from county garages.

Chief Brimstone, after making sure of his ground, asked the provincial police to co-operate with him as the suspected men were widely separated. Proceeds of the robbery were found in the county and from this discovery the check-up was made. 

Provincial Officer Campbell is expected in the city with his charge to-day.

[brittle-doughie]

How will the cookies Reacted to finding out Y/N have been frame for a crime they never committed and was jailed and was traumatize by the incident leading to Self Doubt and Trust issues and the Yandere Cookies met the culprit who cause Y/N Misery and Arrest

Antagonized

Innocent until proven guilty, that’s my take.

You looked down to the floor of your jail cell, hands cuffed together as you sat in silence, trying to take in what had just happened that led to you winding up in here.

You were arrested for the theft of Cheese Stones in Pumpkin Cookie’s Appraisal, being the only Cookie at the scene when alarms were raised. You swore up and down that you were only there to have Melon Bun’s stones apprised for her, but cops at the scene didn’t want to hear it. Cheese Stones were stolen, you had a bagful of them, and you were a new face around these parts, you had to be the crook.

You never would’ve expected to find yourself at the back of a police car today, getting your mugshot, then placed into a cell as they started their investigation into the matter. You again swore that you had nothing to do with this matter, but the guards putting you into your cell could care less for what a crook had to say.

So here you were, sitting in silence within your cell, awaiting your sentencing. Your hands were shaking, you’ve never been arrested before, let alone about to be prosecuted.

It was made worse based on the fact that you didn’t anything…

————————————————————————

Almond Cookie wasn’t buying any of this. YOU, Y/N Cookie, known for your benevolence and being an all-loving friend to fellow cookies, is being arrested for theft?

No.

He’s investigating further, he’s going after the rookies who were at the scene for doing such a sloppy job and making arrests before the facts were in. They couldn’t even be bothered to get your account on the crime before they threw you in the back of a police car. Almond Cookie couldn’t bear to see your mugshot, that look at sorrow in your face and the sadness in your eyes..Almond couldn’t stand it.

Solving this case was the least of his worries. Word had gone out about your arrest and now Almond had to deal with a number of cookies expressing their outrage and sympathy for you.

What a calamity, Truffle Cookie thought. To think that you of all cookies would be arrested came as a surprise to her. She’d politely request Almond Cookie to solve the case, but that polite tone contrasted her shadowy eyed look. He BETTER find the true culprit, she refused to accept that you were the felon, and Almond might just have to accept what comes to him if you’re put away for good. His closets or under the bed will never be safe.

Almond Cookie, the Cookie that helped her with the painting affair in the past, has now decided that you were to be locked up without even an investigation on who did it in the first place? Talk about shotty detective work, Butter Pretzel Cookie thinks. Her frustration is more personal on the fact that she wanted to unveil a portrait of you when you were free, so being arrested really put a damper on her mood.

Lollipop Cookie didn’t understand. You, a cookie she’s known for a while, arrested? But…you never showed signs of being a criminal, she was having to be consoled by Butterbear after a bout of crying. You said that you would visit the shop the next day to spend time with her and Butterbear, she was really looking forward to it and was saddened that it couldn’t happen now. She’ll plead with Almond to set you free, you haven’t done anything wrong!

Melon Bun herself showed up to the witness testimonies and gave her account that you really were just doing an errand for her! She was worried when you didn’t return after a few hours and was caught off guard when Pumpkin told that you were jailed! She felt guilty for what happened and will personally see to it that you were freed! She only hopes you don’t hate her after this…

————————————————————————

Almond was done gathering testimonies and started to lay out the pieces together.

You started the day by visiting Truffle Cookie to have tea time together, having pleasant small talk with her. (Truffle Cookie did have to pause her testimony as she held her blushing cheeks, ah, you said so much sweet things to her, she felt like a highschool girl with a crush.)

You then visited Butter Pretzel to help with her paintings, she needed more materials and she’s worried that stepping away will make her current work dry out before she can get more. She wanted you to stay and draw you a portrait, it was a long task however. She grew frustrated that she couldn’t perfectly replicate you in art form, she had to throw away so many drafts before she finally got one to satisfy her standards. Oddly enough, she closed her shop for the day right around when she started to work on your portrait.

Finally, you visited Melon Bun, who wanted your help to get her cheese stones appraised, but couldn’t leave the mine. She didn’t want Goblin Cookie running off with the haul she had right now! You agreed and Melon Bun promised that when you got back, you two were gonna have a pizza date! Looking forward to it, you grabbed the bag of cheese stones and made your way to the Appraisal.

Unfortunately, this would be right around the time that the Appraisal would be robbed of their array of cheese stones, done by a currently unknown Cookie. However, the pictures at the crime scene left details that Almond Cookie knew all too well.

This…felon was the one that had done this, this crook had always been a thorn to Almond Cookie’s side. The more Almond Cookie pieced together the evidence, the more guilty he had got.

Almond made his way to the jail cells, moving past the four cookies who went after him, ignoring their questions as he reached the cells. You plagued his mind, the look of sorrow on your mugshot coming back to him. That only made his pace faster.

He had to get to you.

————————————————————————

The weight was finally lifted off your shoulders when the fell opened and your cuffs were unlocked, Almond Cookie knelt down to meet your gaze.

He…wanted to apologize for every mistake this station had done to you. It was a mistake to have arrested you blindly, to have you even jailed here, Almond wanted to personally meet the officer that made the arrest and give them a reminder of why you don’t arrest innocent cookies.

He guided you out of your cells, to meet the four cookies that had arrived after hearing the news.

Lollipop wanted to hug you and ask if you were okay, but you rejected her attempt. You..wanted to be alone right now, get some coffee, and just shake off the day. Lollipop understood…but that tear that came out betrayed her words.

Truffle held your arm and expressed relief that you were innocent, would you…care for some tea? She wanted to help take your mind this whole incident, she’ll make yours especially sweet! You shrugged off her hold and told her some other time. To Truffle Cookie’ her heart shattered as she let go, looking down somberly.

Butter Pretzel caught your attention and asked if you wanted to see your portrait! She finished it and hoped that she captured your sweetness, she really wanted you to like it and to an extent…like her. You did your best to be polite and turned down right now, but you promise to look at it some other time. She says it’s fine…but the thoughts of striking Almond over the head with the painting say otherwise.

Melon Bun wanted to apologize big time for getting you into this mess, she didn’t mean to get you arrested, she didn’t mean for you to go through this experience, she hoped this whole thing was scrubbed off your clean record. Please don’t hate her

Almond was the same, he wanted to apologize for the station’s mistakes and responded to Melon Bun’s worries that this incident will be removed and wiped off, he’ll see to it personally that it does. He hopes that this situation doesn’t make you afraid of him or any authority, but when you couldn’t make eye contact with him, his fears might have been realized.

You announced your departure with a strained smile as you went home. As soon as you were out of view, the four cookies quickly turned to Almond Cookie, their glowing eyes shadowed in darkness, brimmed with murderous intent.

Almond defended himself, stating that was this crooked cookie that was responsible for this crime, let’s go after them instead of bickering here. Almond himself was incredibly angry too…the mere possibility that this cookie can get away with possibly ruining Almond’s relationship with you…enrages him.

————————————————————————

The next day’s news covered a brutal attack on a now jailed cookie, their dough bruised and cracked enough to leave noticeable injuries. Almond expressed no sympathy for the criminal, saying they deserved what they got. He shrugged off and disregarded the traces of butter, spiders, and cheese found on the perp, and especially the black eye the cookie had.

Butter Pretzel hummed as she painted a new portrait of you, who knew that bits of jam could really bring out the eyes.

Melon Bun whistles as she cleaned her pickaxe, watching over her shoulder every now and then. She didn’t want others to see the strawberry jam on it.

Truffle sipped on her tea as she heard the news over radio, giggling to herself as a shadow was casted over her eyes.

Lollipop wasn’t that invested into the news, she was busy spending time playing with you in the workshop, with Butterbear watching over the two of you with a laugh. As long as you were here, Lollipop didn’t really care what becomes of that thief.

All of them wouldn’t mind if this criminal was put away for good though. Because getting out meant facing these cookies again…and they can hold a grudge.

[dullgecko]

If the bad kids where charged for every crime they have committed which of them you have the highest prison sentence?

Cheese and crackers what a question. I do NOT have the time to go back and individually tally up who killed the most people lol. Maybe Fig though? She's going around impersonating people a lot and identity theft is a crime.

Gorgug and Kristen might have the lowest sentences though.

[allzelemonz]

The O’Driscoll Golden Boy: Colm O’Driscoll X Male Reader

Pronouns: he/him, Reader is referred to as ‘feller’ and ‘boy’ Physical Sex: AMAB Rating: E/Smut, murder, implied mutilation, references to castration Warnings: Power dynamics, power imbalance, oral sex, face fucking, deep throating, praise, abuse/unhealthy relationship, marking, possessive behavior, outdoor sex, semi-public sex, facial, humiliation, slight aftercare, hints of fluff if you really squint, homophobia, period-typical heavy homophobia Summary: Colm’s golden boy made a little mistake. The boss doesn’t like that.

Every job always goes smoothly. Every job. Not once have you ever messed up. Not like this. Riding with the O’Driscolls has always been fun so long as Colm is pleased, and Colm is always pleased with you. Pleased enough to drag you into his bed and show you what being the golden boy really means. But tonight… tonight you won’t even be making it back to camp, let alone your boss’s cabin and that big warm bed he’s had these past few weeks.

No, tonight you got caught.

Frankly you should consider yourself very lucky to be breathing.

Sheriff nearly broke your arm hog tying you though, probably shouldn’t be happy about that. He acts like he’s some god when he and his deputies get you in a cell. Something about a bounty having just been raised. Your head’s too fogged from getting hit and your arm hurts far too much to care anyway. Last poster you saw had upwards of a thousand, but that was about a big job further out West. Who knows which state you’re even in at this rate.

Then one of them says it. “Colm O’Driscoll’s golden boy!”

It’s a sneer, mocking and provoking, as they all turn to look at you. You’ve sat down on the floor of the cell, nowhere else to sit and your feet and legs are tired from running. You almost want to stand just so they’re not looking down on you, but in the end you find yourself much too tired to care.

“Should hang ‘em ourselves.” One of the deputies says. “Heard he’s done some sick shit.”

Of course you have. Colm asked you to after all. That’s your job. Whatever Colm wants.

Another deputy pulls a paper from the wall, tossing it on the table and letting it glide and spin. Your bounty poster, you assume. Terrible drawings really, they always are. It frankly surprises you anyone ever gets found.

“Wanted for murder, horse theft…”

You tune out the list of crimes, knowing all of them won’t even be listed on the little space. If they actually wrote everything out there wouldn’t be much room left to put your name and bounty, let alone a picture. It does leave out a lot of details though, important details in your opinion.

“He the one what did those robberies up along the forest, killed those families?”

Yes. You are. They had money, more than they needed. At first you asked nicely, then you didn’t. Business is business and it got you a nice reward from your boss.

“Couple damn orphans came outta that string.”

They’re fine. You even took them into town and gave them some bread and cheese. Boys wanted to shoot them too, you’re a saint in comparison.

“An’ he’s runnin’ with Colm O’Driscoll.” One of them glares at you. “Bet some a’ his charges could trickle down.”

Sure they could. You’ve helped Colm with plenty of things you’ve never seen yourself charged with. Not that you want to recall any of that or have it formally charged. You only kept your mouth shut about it all because you’re smart enough to be deadly loyal when it comes to Colm. You’d never say no to his orders or his requests. That would be stupid.

“I heard he got sodomy in the next state over too.”

Oh, that was a fun clash with the law. Colm fucking you in a back alley in some big city only for a lawman to find you, add charges for you but not Colm. Bullshit really, but it was such a good time that you recall it with fondness. You got rewarded for getting away when you got back to camp after all.

“Love ta see ‘em hang.”

If it would get them to shut up, you might opt for it. You’re starting to get a headache from all the hitting and incessant discussion of your crimes. Your guns aren’t that far away. If they just happened to drink a little more of that whiskey they pulled out to celebrate, got nice and distracted, you might be able to swipe them.

“It’s a three-thousand dollar bounty.” The sheriff snaps. “We’re takin’ ‘em ta the city.”

A trip to the city, a poorly guarded jail car, easy target. If not that, then easy lock picking. But you know the boys that got away will run back to camp with their tails between their legs, tell Colm all that happened, and seeing as Colm had said plenty of dirty things in your ear before you left, he will be a little upset that you didn’t come back like you always do. Cash in hand, happy to take the reward Colm is so desperate to give you. You used to think that’s all it was, the boss giving his best, his golden boy, a reward for doing well on a job. But Colm slips up in his facade sometimes, enough to see he doesn’t just want to fuck his golden boy.

There have been times where you’ve woken up, pretended to sleep, while Colm presses very uncharacteristically sweet kisses all over your face. There’s the occasional exchange before a shootout where he steps in front of you as if you need protecting. Little things a cruel outlaw might do when in love with his dear golden boy. Not that Colm would ever admit anything like that. No, he’ll hide it and let out his frustrations about not being able to act sweet by fucking you senseless under the guise of rewards.

And you have been well aware of this for years now. Not that you’d ever bring it up.

“Could at least let some widows an’ orphans rest a little easy…” One of the deputies says with a slur to his voice. “Hard ta shoot folk without no hands.”

A few of them laugh and you find yourself looking at your hands. You are quite attached to your hands, both in the literal and figurative sense. Though you can think of a few ways to pull a trigger without them, you’d still rather keep them.

“I’d rather castrate ‘em.”

That gets more laughter. It’s an idiotic joke in itself. Once again, you’re quite attached to your dick and would like to keep it and its friends. But, just like the shooting, there are other ways you can think of to get around the loss of an appendage. Colm hardly touches it half the time anyway. Still would rather keep it though.

“Who’s ta say he ain’t cause us some problems.” Another laughs. “Could give ‘em a good beatin’.”

At the rate they’ve gotten themselves drunk, you would like to see them try. One of the deputies stumbles past the others. They watch as he takes out the keys, snickering and giving light cheers as he glares down at you. The second that door opens it will become very easy to take his gun and shoot the drunken fools. Though it is tempting to only disarm a few, maybe pay them their own threats before finishing them off.

But then the large front door to the sheriff’s office opens and several men flood inside. All thankfully featuring green somewhere on their bodies. The drunk lawmen drop to the ground as the boys shoot out their legs. They cry and whimper until blows land on their heads and the boys tell them to shut up. The man by your cell sputters as he tries for his gun, the same one that recommended hanging you. A hole forms in his head and he falls, keys dropping to the floor. Of course it’s Colm that stands with his gun raised, an irritated look across his features.

One of the boys scrambles for the keys, unlocking the door as you stand. You walk out and stop yourself in front of Colm like the obedient dog you have become in his presence. Very slowly, he runs his hand over your chest until his fingers curl tightly into your shirt. He tugs you closer, glaring and angry in having to rescue his dear golden boy.

“Anythin’ ya wanna say, boy?”

You shake your head, knowing better than to say what needs to be said in front of the boys. Not that they don’t know, but that you’d rather hang than look as pathetic as you let yourself become in Colm’s hands.

“They treat ya nice?” He asks, his grip on your shirt loosening ever so slightly.

Your eyes trace over the men, finding the familiar faces that laughed about torture. “Sheriff’s fine, not those two.”

Colm follows your gaze. “Any recommendations?” He releases you, turning to look at the men cowing on the ground. “Boys deserve a little fun since we came all this way.”

And those men very much taste their own words. Colm doesn’t think you deserve to see such a fun little party, so he drags you outside by the collar. But the screams, they sound much better than the laughs.

“Ya wanna explain yerself, boy?” Colm seethes, throwing you roughly against the stone wall that makes up the side of the sheriff’s office.

It’s too dark to see his face. Too late for people to be out and about, even with the screaming. This town is small, surrounded by gangs, no one would be so stupid to leave their home right now.

You stumble a bit, settling yourself against the wall, knowing very well Colm wants you where he puts you. “Can’t explain it, boss. The detonator should have worked.”

His hand winds into your hair, pulling you towards him. The pain shoots through your scalp, a good half of it running down to your dick knowing Colm’s habits. In the dim light of a lantern you can now see his face with the proximity. Perhaps his habits won’t be holding up, he looks rather displeased.

“And why is that?” He asks and you can practically feel the mocking in his voice.

He knows. He must know you messed up. His golden boy made a mistake, something that’s never happened before. You’re not entirely sure how he’ll react to it. But maybe you can talk your way out.

“Seamus probably.” You say as smoothly as you can with the grimace on your face Colm’s rough tugging brings on. “He’s the one that wired things.”

Faster than you can blink, Colm shoves your head back into the wall. The impact with the stone does nothing for your headache, even makes you see stars a little. Your vision is double and shaky as Colm grips harshly onto your cheek to make you look at him, his other hand still gripping at your hair. For a few seconds you see two of his angry face, but as he speaks it settles into one.

“I ain’t a fool, boy.” He hisses. “Ya messed up, lost me a lotta money.”

You groan as his hand tightens in your hair, the stinging not bringing any more pleasure and solely burning through your scalp.

“Here I thought you was perfect.”

That almost stings more than your head. Colm’s praises always keep you going and disappointing him is not something you ever want to do again.

“‘m sorry, boss.” You rasp. “I-I…”

Colm presses his nails into your skin, deep enough to leave marks across your face. “Shut yer damn mouth, pretty boy.”

You nod slightly in his grip, only unable to keep yourself from whimpering at the fresh pain. You can feel something trickle, something wet. By the momentary smirk on Colm’s face, you guess he’s drawn blood, perhaps even done enough to leave scars. Scars embedded into your cheek, Colm’s nails forever digging into your skin.

“Get on yer knees now, boy.”

His grip releases, pain no longer focusing where his hands were and now spreading back to your head as you drop to your knees. You land rough, not wanting to make Colm any more upset, not wanting to disappoint him again. With somewhat hungry eyes, you watch as he unfastens his pants. He pushes his gunbelt up, situating things around as he pulls out his dick. Long and thin, achingly hard, everything you remember. But you’ve never been on your knees before, never had your face so close.

“Fuckin’s a reward, pretty boy.” He grunts, pressing his dick to your lips. “Ya haven’t been very good.”

You don’t dare move without his order. There have been times where he’s thrown you out of his bed for being too eager, made you sit on the floor while he dealt with himself. But that was when he was happy with you, when his dear golden boy hadn’t made any mistakes. You fear what he might do if you make even a single move of your own. So you sit on your knees, taking in the musky scent of the thing you’re supposed to put in your mouth. You wouldn’t particularly describe Colm as a clean man.

He drags his tip along your chin and up to your cheek. You’d give anything for a bit more light to see his face but you’d likely die on the spot if anyone saw you like this. For a moment it stings and you know it’s rubbing over one of Colm’s marks on your cheek, the one his thumb made by your eye. You make a note to clean yourself thoroughly after this. As much as you want to please Colm, to hear his praises, you don’t want some infection from his unwashed dick rubbing into a cut on your face. He seems to enjoy doing though, and for a moment you shutter at the thought of what he would be doing if you had something as large as a stab wound instead.

Then his hand returns to your hair, tugging roughly enough to snap you out of any thought and make your focus turn entirely on him. He tilts your head back and you provide no resistance. Every step of the way, he guides your head. Pressing softly to your lips and urging you down onto him, you open your mouth without question. As he slides through your mouth you taste every inch on him. He certainly hasn’t bathed in a while and you could guess that from his hair, but this really sells it. He tastes like sweat and dirt and dried pomade. And as he forces himself all the way in, hitting the back of your throat as tears form in your eyes, your nose is pressed against an even more foul bunch of pubic hair. It smells like the rest of him, but it’s not nearly as pleasurable as a normal musk might be with the unkempt hairs tickling your nose. For a few seconds he simply sits in your mouth, his dick fully enveloped. You struggle not to panic. You’ve always known he was long, loved it when it hits you so well deep inside where most men could never imagine fucking, but now that he’s shoved himself down your throat you’re not quite as keen.

You can hardly hear his words with how much your head pounds. “Be a good boy an’ sit still.”

Then he moves. You have air for all of a second before he rams himself back in and your throat closes slightly around his tip. It chokes you but it must be the feeling he’s chasing because he does it again and again. At this rate you feel much more like a simple dark, wet hole than a golden boy. But Colm keeps you eager with praises.

“Look at chu, pretty boy.” He mutters. “Such a good boy, always makin’ the boss feel good.”

Of course you do. Colm ordered you to after all. That’s your job. Whatever Colm wants.

“Shit, yer such a pretty thing.”

His hand still grips your hair as he forces your movements, fucking your mouth roughly. But his praises come with another hand, soft as he combs through your hair. Two sides of a coin, just like always, reward or punishment.

“Feel so damn good, boy.” He huffs, his hips starting to become erratic. “Always so good fer me, my golden boy.”

With that you can feel the tightness of your pants, but you don’t dare do a thing about it. Not without the boss’s permission, not without Colm’s smile and hungry eyes.

“Sit pretty fer me now.” He orders, pulling back.

His hands leave your hair, his dick slipping from your mouth. It takes a lot of control to stay upright, to not keel over and gasp for breath. Instead you stay as he left you, sputtering coughs and little gasps as your eyes fix on him. He works himself fast, his hand moving roughly against sensitive skin slicked by its time fucking into your throat. You close your eyes when he grunts, feeling warm streaks across your face a second later. As Colm hums to himself, you keep still. You feel the air around you shift as he kneels down in front of you. His lips press against yours, kiss slicked by his cum on your lips. He holds you still, his hand gripping that same spot in your hair with the same roughness as he kisses you deeply. Faintly, you feel something else against your skin. It rubs over your eyes and over your cheek. When Colm pulls back from his kissing you open your eyes.

He holds a rag in hand, running it over the cuts he made to keep them somewhat clean for the moment. His face holds a focus, but nothing else. No anger, no gentleness, simply focus as he wipes his cum off of some of your face. Not all, just what’s necessary, just your eyes and injuries. Then he tosses the rag to the ground, his other hand still tightly holding you in place by the hair. His eyes look over you, tracing along where you can feel the now cooling bits of him still on your skin. You take a sharp inhale as his free hand grips roughly onto your straining dick. His eyes bore into yours, anger now clear on his face.

“No more mistakes, pretty boy.” He warns. “I much prefer fuckin’ ya normal.”

You give him a small nod. “Yes, sir.”

He squeezes your dick. “My golden boy don’t make mistakes, do he?”

“No, sir.” You gasp out.

“An’ he’s gonna make that money back so I can fuck ‘em senseless, ain’t he?” His hand kneads down into your dick, giving it much needed friction.

“Fuck…” You groan. “Y-Yes, sir.”

He removes his hand, the other tugging tightly at your hair to make you focus on his face again. “Take them boys ‘n get me my money, pretty boy.”

You hold back a whimper from the lack of contact. “Yes, sir.”

He tugs again. “No cleanin’ up either, ya deserve what ya got.”

Then he releases you, standing as you fall on your hands and knees to the ground. You breathe heavily as he walks away, catching your breath and gaining your senses. You have blood drying along cuts from Colm’s nails, cum drying on your skin and likely your hair as well, no fit state to face a bunch of the boys. But of course you do. Colm told you to after all. That’s your job. Whatever Colm wants.

[popculturebuffet]

Batmarch: The Secret Origin of Batman's Trophys (Comission for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people and welcome back to Batmarch, or celebrations of all things that go bump in the dark knight

Today we've got a special treat... and i'm not just talking the nice art Kev had comissioned! Looks really good and I really appcirated it. Thank you KEv and thank you Alan Patreon. It was a nice suprise gift.

As for what this is about, this was a fantastic idea Kev cooked up: the batcave is one of the coolest hero bases in all of fiction. The layout is never 100% consitant across media but your usually guaranteed a batmobile, a big ass computer at the center, water falls, and over time a display for various costumes from past sidekicks, alternate outfits etc.

What really spruces the place up are three distinct decorations that we almost always see in the comics and ocasionally in other media, if not live action since these bitches would be expensive to make: A giant dinosaur, a big ole penny, and a giant playing card of a joker. These three are staples of the bat cave, to the point when the original was caved in during the earthquakes that ravaged gotham in the build up to no man's land, Bruce made a point of fishing them out for the new cave he built after that traumatic year.

Yet most of us.... have no idea where he got these wonderful toys. Even I didn't. The Joker Card comes from an obvious grinning source, but what CASE did it come from? Where did he get that dinosaur? What was someone using that giant Penny for? It's a question i've asked once or twice but never looked into. Kevin did though, and while the through and lovely DC wiki helped him find each one, he went the extra mile, asking for a review. And I was entirely on board with this comission as I just.. never had those answers and I doubt i'm the only one whose wondered what the context for these things were. So today we're looking at three disntinct golden age batman stories, at a time when goofy nonsense reigned supreme, logic was optional, and weird shit like this was just another day in the batcave. IN other words, this is going to be a LOT of fun so join me under the cut as we look at gambling themed death traps, penny obessed gangsters and batman being hunted by the most dangerous game: mechanical dinosaurs.

The Giant Joker Playing Card:

(from Batman #44)

I love these old titles, such flair and cheese. It's incredible.

Anyways this one starts because Joker decides to hit an off the books casnio after his win. Luckily for them, he just wants to play which feels entirely like a joker move: instead of robbing an easy target that can't call the cops and that the mafia presumibly running it would be stupid to retaliate on, he decides "fuck it let's try this whole gambling thing men, sounds like a hoot and a half".

And sure enough.. it goes really well. He spends what's implied to be the whole night just winning and winning until he cleans house. This being the joker this gambling bug can only end one way

I just.. love everything about this. Joker just had fun at a casnio and turned it into a death trap. It's such a brilliant setup.. and one that while nicely goofy, is also well done: it fits the joker's unpredictablity to just go a gamblin and it fits him just as much to turn a new hobby into a death trap. I also love Lewis' reaction calling it SUPERGAMBLING., like he's some gambling expert and most dangerous game shit is a type of gambling.. which given we're in the dc universe, you probably DO need a name for this kind of thing in the crime world.

So he set shte perfect trap: he has a random balding middle aged man tell the two he has info on a recent raidum theft, raidum a hospital badly needs. To save the presumed orphans about to die without eating their radium, Batman and Robin go to a sketchy island with one house perched on a hill

The World's Greatest Detective.. sees NOTHING wrong with this and goes ahead and gets caught in the most devious trap imaginable.

Several head injuries later, our heroes wake and joker reveals the radium theives, who he captured for this scheme but have kept the radium's location to themselves. This is by deisgn: the joker wants the two and their "radium screts" as the ante here, along with Robin to make sure Batman does this. Batman repedately states "I don't gamble' as if logic suddenly works on the clown man who set up a gambling death trap, so Joker reveals if Batman won't play his three supergambling games, he'll just kill the hostages. Batman reluctantly agrees,

Game 1 is super pinball.

But when Batman proves to be an expert at the snes Joker goes with plan b.. his giant pinball table of death. Sorry his giant SUPER pinball table of death.

As you can see the same joker face from the card is here and you see it all over his lable. it seemed to be Joker's logo back the. I love this whole setup and mostly show it not only because it' sdope but because those pins must've been what bumpers were. I also had no idea PInball used to be a gambling thing. Makes sense, it's just fun to find out.

The game goes well mostly though one of the guys nearly slams into a pin. Thankfully Robin is an expert gymnist and batman smartly saved laucnhing robin till the last minute and Dick's able to save the goon.

Game two is super rolling some dice, which apparently used to land on numbers. This yugioh style death game involves our bait being tied to polls on three of the numbers. If Batman guesses wrong, someone dies. Or maybe not since the board is pretty damn big. Not every death trap can be super murder pinball. Batman spots some mud on the dice though and correctly guesses they'll pivot. This is the weakest of the death traps here, a bit convolunted, not really guranteed to be as deadly. I know the chance of nothing happening is part of it.. but with pinball there's really almost no chance you won't hit the bumpers. Here it feels like pure luck or simple cheating that both dice flew at the joker.

Next game and the one that introduces our prop, though the dice apparently are also in the cave sometimes which I love. The game is a game of cards.. batman has to correctly guess which face matches the door Robin and the hostage goons are in or they'll choke to death on the deadly gas released inside.. and naturally he figures out it's the Joker card. It's too joker not to work.

Turns out though, naturally the joker isn't playing fair both having a final one on one game ofr him and Batman and having his goon go to get robin behind the joker card door... and Robin dispatches him hilaroiusly and awesomely

With that the hostages are free and the final death game begins. A giant super roulette wheel with both batman and joker getting in a slot. looser gets crushed alive. It's an awesome finale, and it fits joker to put himself at risk: after all he risks his life all the time why wouldn't he for such a fun gag?

Batman's able to get the wheel to turn fairly and then escape it, leading to a chase. THe Radium Theives agree to give themselves and the radium up but there's still the matter of the joker and we get a short but neat final chase as Joker uses the dice against the heroes then jumps off a cliff, gambling his life one last time.. and rightfully batman isn't betting on the joker having died.

Gamble With Doom is an excellent story. While the trophy we get out of it is only in it briefly the story itself is pure fun. It has some fun dated elements like Bruce's opinon gambling is EVILLLL and the old fashioned designs on the traps, but it's pure fun. The traps are clever, the tension palpable and the climax great. The gambling motif's really fit the joker and it adds up to an all time great joker story with a suprise impact. The Trophy Itslef. is barely in it but Robin DID break a guy's face with it so i'll say it was still cave worthy.

(From World's Finest #30)

The Penny Plunderer is a name I had heard but had no real context for. I assumed he was some goofy silver age villian with pennies for eyes who drove around chucking pennies at everyone.

I am an artiste.

Instead it's just a guy in a suit. He has the backstory of any good golden or silver age villian to justify his gimmick

I love.. everything about this backstory. It reads like if a writer was given the thought exercise "Make the pettiest batman villian origin you can find.". I mean other villians gimmicks make sense: Poison Ivy was a botonist, Mr Freeze had a horrible accident, the penguin was born looking like a penguin with a lot of money, the Joker fell into a vat of chemicals and came out a clwon, the riddler liked puzzles.

Here Joe just... got screwed over by pennies a lot. Even funnier is that the last one has nothing to do with pennies. Like.. even if it'd had nickels he'd still be arrested.

So Joe vows since pennies runied his life, he'l lbecome the penny! Sadly this does not mean him dressing up like a giant penny with a cane and top hat.. nad now I can't show you it that last drawing put me too far behind and... oh fuck it.

Instead he just wears a suit but makes his gimmick pennies. Commit to the bit man. I do get it as some golden age villians were just guy in a suit, even Joker and Penguin technically counts but one is a clown and the other is a rich penguin man. They have mor ethan just "suit and a vendetta against pennies that somehowturns into stockholm syndrome.

So the penny plunderer begins his reign of terror, setting up a penny arcade as a front, and cashing in a roll of pennies in the most diabolical scheme ever devised by man.

A true criminal mastermind.

Batman picks up on this pattern because it's what he does and finds his next case, a coin and stamp exibiton with a rare one cent stamp. It's here we meet the reason we're here: the giant penny!

Yeah to my shock the penny had NOTHING to do with the penny plunderer other than being at the site of one of his robberies. He prefered just.. chucking pennies at people.. which is awesome and a truly great tactic only topped by Batman's use of said giant penny

I adore the fact that this iconic artifact is there not because it was seized from the villians or a police options.. but because, presumibly, Bruce thought this penny he found was kick ass and bought it off it's actual owner.

Most of the theives escape but they find one willing to squeal. Unfortunatley he dies for his hubris

Yup bet you weren't expecting the penny guy to kill someone and to see his corpse weren't you but here you are. Also batman is apparently a cop now. George Lopez tried to warn us...

But we didn't listen! We didn't listen!

A fight breaks out at the gambling parlour and we get two of the best moments in batman history that much like the blue beetle film, ar ehighly underated.

I just.. I get the sense that is how batman ALWAYS plays pinball. Just judo kicks it every time even as bruce wayne. Both bruce wayne and batman have been banned from so many arcades.. often the same ones. Perks of having a secret identity. We then get coyne once again THROWING pennies at someone and it working. I don't know why he hasn't been brought back with the telkeentic ability to contorl pennies. Give him a copper helmet and a proper costume and oh dammit..

Then Joe knocks batman out iwth his one weakness: a roll of pennies. He's trapped them in the parlor for your standard batman death trap, having removed their belts and ripped out the phone lines as usual. He then throws them a few pennies when then prove to be a mistake as it's time for SCIENCE WITH DR. BATMAN, who uses one old penny, copper, and one new penny, zinc to make a battery. Good thing jimmy didn't wish it away THIS week.

The cops arrive to free one of hteir own and batman finds a clue once the parlor is cleared of gas. Turns out Coyne was catering a penny slot party for a rich billinoare's houseboat, and naturally their filled with gas. I swear it's always gas with these golden age villians. Get another knockout device fellas.

With that our final chase enses as Batman and robin chase Coyne and while he nearly bests them with a good game of 1940's donkey kong

He's foiled by his own gimmick: he has only pennies but the pay telephone.. dosen't.. take 5 seperate pennies for some reason? the hell? I get payphones not taking pennies once they went up to a quarter but come the fuck on 1940's payed telephones. he's foiled.. and sentenced to death.

Yes folks that's the cannoical till some lucky fellow brings him back fate of the penny plunderer: PUT TO DEATH.

This story is as you can tell nonsense that's only gotten more hilarious with the passage of time and I loved every page on it and on getting the panels for this review, I only found MORE hilaroius nonsense to laugh at. We have a story where a guy with a penny gimmick smacks batman with a roll of pennies, trips robin with more, kills a man without pennies, is foiled by pennies yet somehow dosen't actually use the giant penny that's the only reason people know he exists. It's beautiful bollocks and worth your time.

(From Batman #35)

As I hope you are, this issue had me hooked from the first panel: Batman vs dinosaurs being forced to fashion a bow and arrow for some reason. Yes... fuck. Yes. Also nice of bruce to eat Ollie's lunch.

Okay so this story starts, as many real life stories do, with a billionare having a zany idea; Mr. Hart is a man who puts on shows: ice follies, aqua carnival, 40's razzle dazzle type stuff. For his latest idea though he's going above and beyond: a DINOSAUR ISLAND. With mechancail dinosaurs and cavemen who throw giant sponges at you. Thankfully spongebob wasn't born yet but his great great grandpappys quarepants did the honors. Honorable old fool.

To ramp up the insanity, Mr Hart is inviting a club of big game hunters to eat mammoth steak with batman.

If that weren't enough, and in any other golden age story it might be... our heroes get CHALLENGED at dinner by one of the rich assholes. Yeah turns out rich assholes who hunt innocent animals for sport and eat reheated mammoth aren't the most stable indviduals and Mr. Breech scoofs at the fact Mr. Hart says Man is the most dangerous game. He's hunted man, they went down like cowards. COWARDS. He feels Batman couldn't hut a dinosaur without his gadgets, and certainly not his bare hands... even though as this issue with prove and has already shown early man had tools.

To prove his point he challenges batman to a fucking challenge: survive on Dinosaur Island: no utility belt, no vehicles. If the dinosaurs touch him he looses. Mr Breech will man the controls. Honestly i'm convinced Breech knew hart well enough to know he'd both agree to this for the publiclity and why he'd invite batman and robin and just wants to play iwth giant mechanical dinosaurs and also batman. Which granted if I were invited to this sort of thing i'd also want to chase batman with mechanical dinosaurs for fun, who wouldn't, so I totally get it and respect the game.

Hart is on board, offering 5000 to the winner's charity and Batman is like "Why the bat-fuck not. Let's go".

Now you might suspect Breech's real motive is trying to kill batman. I mean you have a setup where batman will be without his weapons, the plausable deniablity of a machine malfunction and a secluded island with 24 hours to kill the batman. And you'd shockingly be wrong. Breech really just wants to prove dinosaurs are the most dangerous game so when that Jurassic Park he's working on opens no one will object to him hunting them for sport.

But his plans are foiled by Chase, anothe rich knob who wants to kill batman and robin to, as he says later form a "crime combine". So he wants a bunch of middle aged guys drinking beers to yell at him for not training the joker on tackling well enough. I see.. well played.

So the game is afoot and our heroes take a bit to catch up, first brushing off a real rock among the sponge rocks as a mistake. Theis ends when a Triceratops to trismash them into a tree. Batman calls for a war council on a nearbye island but naturally THAT'S NO ISLAND

Batman fought a mechanical fucking seamonster. That.. that's cannon. To almost every batman timeline. God bless you Golden Age, god, bless, youuuu. Also i'd be stupid if I didn't say that Tally Ho, Batman! is one of the greatest phrases in batman history up there with "I Am the night" , "I'm batman" and "Something something joker's boner".

So now the games for their lives, Batman and Robin don't have to play fair and start fashioning bows, arrows and knives out of mechanical dinosaur bones. You know.. sometimes this job can be draining: 2-3 reviews a week, many a plan having to be delayed due to a review taking longer than expected.. but then you get a review where Batman and robin have to outrun a manical billinoare who hyjacked dinosaurs from a diffrnet billionare who was having a charity dinosaur hunt with batman and robin using a third billionare's dinosaur, while fashoining weapons from mechanical dinosaur corpses and fashion a kite from a mechanical ptreadon and remember why you love reviewing stuff so mucH: sharinng a good story with the world and finding a good one or two yourself while your at it. And thanks to Kev i've found three truly wonderful, truly bonkers batman stories, with this one being the easy winner. It's both a decent enough concept for the time and hilariously insane.

And I ddin't make up the kite thing: when, after a night of survivial, Robin brings up the batplane, Batman has an idea: since the flying dinosaurs are on a programmed pattren rather than directly controled, they can use them to make themselves a kite yor style.

So to win the day Batman has a plan: he uses himself as bait since Robin's the more agile of the two, and has robin CATAPULT HIMSELF into the air after chase, who is riding on t-rex back with an army of dinosaurs.. and how does he defeat chase' smighty dino army?

It's both genuinely clever and wonderfully bonkers: Robin defeats an evil billionare RIDING a mechanical t-rex.. with water balloons.

Also props to this story: in the previous two the trophy was impressive.. but it was taken from what felt like a minor point in the story: the card flip game was fun as was batman slammin ga door on a guy, but it's sandwitched between far more elaborate death traps, while the penny, again awesome, wasn't even something the penny plunderer used. Batman just bought it off some offscreen character to relive fond memoreies of crushign some crimianls alive with it. Here the main villian ROAD IN on the thing. Granted he still had to likely buy it off his actual owner, but this time at least a criminal actually used it as a murder weapon. I can see Batman wanting this thing for his cave.

Batman chases chase over the now still dinosaurs and punches the guy out. With this Batman's saved the day AND won the bet. 5000 for batmobiles for kids, donate your batmobile today!

As for chase...

With that our story and this trilogy comes to an end.. and as I said, it's great. check out all three of these issues their a lot of fun. Next time dc puts some up for sale I may have to get some 40's batman, this stuff is golden.

Thanks for reading

To conclude batman month: Wait'll you get a load of this

[far-side-skies]

How would you rewrite Atmos most wanted?🤔🤔🤔

Oh this is a good one. Anyone who's been in the discord for a while will know more or less my ideas for this one.

Unlike Energy Crisis, I have actual grievances with this episode, and they are as follows:

The Raptors' disguises were just… why? I know why, it's because Storm Hawks is a kid's show, but surely you can give your audience a bit more credit than that. It's Dark Ace in Velocity all over again. I forgive it for the most part because it's a cartoon, but Nerd Corps is on thin ice XD

The people who are on the war path after the Hawks makes no bloody sense for when the episode happens in relation to the rest of the show. Yes, the show has episodic writing but by AMW, the Rex Guardians, Absolute Zeroes and Rebel Ducks all have an established history with the Hawks. If anything, more people than just Dove should've been trying to help them clear their names.

The crimes and items stolen is just nonsensical. There was no end goal for the Raptors here, they were just being evil for the sake of it and as a result the stakes were depressingly low. We deserved a bigger threat than what we got.

With those problems established, let's go over how I'd fix them, starting with the teams who think the Storm Hawks robbed them.

This episode would've been a great opportunity to introduce some squadrons we don't know very well. Perhaps the Buff Buzzards and the Screaming Queens, both teams we've seen in passing during Velocity, but that never got much development.

As for the teams we do know better. All of them felt like they were being written terribly out of character, excluding Wren. Wren can stay the crazy accusing old man he originally was. This man almost yeeted these kids into the Wastelands on their first meeting because he refused to believe that they weren't Cyclonians until Radarr bit him.

So we have Wren on the war path making false accusations again. How about the rest of the Rebel Ducks are following him to make sure he doesn't give himself an aneurism. Meanwhile Harrier and Suzy Lu are trying to get to the bottom of these thefts before pinning it on the Hawks. These kids surely wouldn't steal such valuable and even dangerous items, would they?

Now what is actually being stolen? And why?

The Cheese Stone is funny but ultimately useless. Let's replace it with a box of high-grade explosives, because one of my headcanons for the Rebel Ducks is that blowing things up is their favourite way to get shit done. Nobody makes a bomb like a Galeman can.

The snow blaster is… ok, I guess? One of the few instances of gun weapons being seen in Storm Hawks. But let's make it a bit more specific and have it that one of Suzy-Lu's frost crystals was stolen. An extremely rare one that's capable of freezing metal to the point where it shatters.

The Rex Guardians always seemed to me like one of the most influential squadrons in the Free Atmos, so as well as old Sky Knight relics they probably have archives of current and recent goings-on in the war, maybe even things that let them access high-security locations such as prisons.

If anyone can see where I'm going with this, you can have a cookie.

Stealing the Aurora Stone pieces is a brave move, and I'm sure anyone's attention would be grabbed by an attempt at such a crime.

So we have some new antagonists, and a running theme for the items that have been stolen. What can these things be used for? What goal shall we give the thieves of this rewrite?

How about a prison break?

The Atmosia Stockade is a high-security prison that houses Carver, and no doubt numerous other prisoners of war, such as high ranking Talons, turncoat Sky Knights, powerful Murk Raiders, the list goes on. The Free Atmos would stand to lose a lot if so many dangerous individuals escaped. Imagine the chaos!

And if that wasn't enough, I have one last major change to bring out.

The Raptors aren't the thieves in this. Not the main ones anyway. Perhaps they were hired as distractions, perhaps they did help with a couple of the thefts, but they're not the primary culprits. It's the Storm Hawks Reserve team.

This ties into other rewrite ideas I've got lined up, specifically Talon Academy. I decided a while back that several members of the Reserves that Aerrow suggested in TA and that never got mentioned again what the hell were in fact Cyclonian double agents. People with a huge motivation to break people out of the Stockade. And it'd explain why the likes of Wren are so sure that it was the Storm Hawks who robbed them. They have the right uniforms, the right insignia, and they are not a pack of giant lizards in paper masks.

...Sorry, I'm a bit salty.

I want the Storm Hawks to fail in this episode. It would've been interesting to see how they handle a loss like this, and I think it would make things incredibly interesting for the lead-up to Cyclonia Rising. Imagine all the new threats we could've gotten.

So that's my extensive ideas for how I'd rewrite Atmos's Most Wanted. Maybe one day I'll do a fanfic or even an audio drama based on this rewrite, because apparently recording my attempts at voice acting is something I want to so. I hope you enjoyed my ramblings!

[olichat-reads]

Imagine | ProHero!Bakugou x Villain!Reader #3

Summary: your sides on the field doesn't waver your loyalties to each other

a/n: i haven't posted any fics in a hot minute so i'll just.. yeah.

🌟

You don't even bother looking up when you heard your front door being unlocked, having gotten the heads up from the distinct way your bestfriend fucking stomps all throughout the hallway before he reached the door to your apartment.

"Oi. I haven't seen you in awhile."

"Mm. I've got a big mission to plan for," you mumbled distractedly, going over the newest tips your informant sent in.

Bakugou gave you a once over before walking over to nudge you aside from your laptop, save the document you were working on and promptly shutting it. "Hey-"

"Ass in the kitchen. Now," he all but demanded you, with an underlying threatening glint in his eyes. How dare he. In your own home too. You scoffed at the absolute gall of this man but begrudgingly shuffled after him anyways.

"You look like shit," He snarked as if your exhaustion was the greatest inconvenience in his life. "Stayed home the past 3 weeks and you didn't have time to look after yourself?"

"Its a big mission, Katsu," you clarified, as you slid into a seat at your little kitchen counter, resting your chin onto the palm your hand, watching your bestfriend squirrel around the kitchen with familiar ease.

"Could've asked me for help," he said, not sparing you a glance as he dug your drawers for forks. You raised an inquiring eyebrow at that.

"Its for work, Katsu."

"And?" The bastard popped a pink mochi- your last pink mochi- left on the defenseless countertop into his mouth, chewing loudly. You felt your eye twitch. How dare.

"My villain work?"

"I am aware," he deadpanned.

You couldn't help but huff fondly at that, taking the box of takeout he offered your direction. You smiled at the sight of your favourite order. He even got you that cream cheese crossoint you loved so much even though he says the price is a crime all on its own. You'll forgive him for the mochi theft. Just this once.

"I'm planning to take down some pretty big names, you know?" You started, snapping your chopsticks to mix your food idly, before raising your gaze to meet his. "Dead or alive."

Red eyes held yours.

"My statement still stands."

You stared at each other for a moment, unwavering, both unwilling to back down from where you stood. Eventually, you conceded first.

"Katsu, you're the number one pro hero in Japan. You can't get caught being associated with a villain. Much less actively help me out with the illegal stuff."

"Who said anything about getting caught? I'm not number one for no reason."

You had to huff a laugh at that. "I doubt the reason is to help a villain though, Ground Zero."

"I'm helping you, dumbass."

You blinked at that, before tilting your head, confused.

"That doesn't change anything? I am a villain." Katsuki rolled his eyes like you were the being so fucking stupid.

"Are you now?"

"Yes? Wh-" you tripped over your own words, apalled at what Bakugou was trying to say. "I am. I'm villain Red. Top 5 most wanted villains in Musutafu. Succeeded in evading three top 10 Pro Hero during the biggest heist in Musutafu in the last decade. Responsible for the serial assasination of multiple big named Pros and political figures. Do I need to go on?"

"Yeah, yeah, no need to read me your entire evil resume-"

"ExcUse mE-"

"It doesn't matter," your bestfriend said with such finality, his eyes blazing with an intensity that made your jaw clicked shut. "You're still that snot-nosed brat I promised to watch her back because her situational awareness is shit."

"First of all. We were 8, Katsu. Secondly, rude. I've gotten way better and you know it."

"You're also the same Y/n that cried herself into a panic attack because you couldn't save that kid, even when it wasn't your fault. The same Y/n who has standards even when it comes to crime and isn't afraid to make it known to the rest of the world, good and bad. You may be gray but I know for a fact your victims aren't as sporadic as you make them seem. You're not the big, bad villain you let the world see. I know that."

You had to huff out a ghost of a laugh at that. Of course the great Ground Zero saw through your facade as a feral assasin with body counts piling up faster than

"Your point?"

"I trust you." with my everything went unsaid, but you heard it all the same. Clear as the day. You couldn't help but falter, any protests or arguments ready to slip of your tongue dissolving into exasperated fondness you had for this stupid blonde in front of you.

"..Thanks, Katsu."

You knew if he ever asked for help for his side of the job, you wouldn't hesitate for a second. It was a risk you're willing to take, every time, if it meant keeping your best friend alive. Sometimes it was hard to believe that this devotion went both ways.

"Ok. Now that we all that gross mushy stuff aside," Bakugou started, making you laugh. "Who are we killing?" And there goes the moment, you sighed, rolling your eyes.

"Katsu, I swear. You need to turn down the condoning crime thing. You're making me nervous."

"Tsk. And to think you were just bragging about being the top 5 wanted villains-"

"I can still make it to top three if I kill you now, you know. So, shut it, Ground Zero," you growled, only to bristle even further at the feral grin that spread over your bestfriend's face.

"There's the big scary villain-"

"I will throw you out the fucking window don't TEMPT me-"

🌟

a/n: i have a bunch of unfinished drafts that i might just post as is and call em drabbles bc CLEARLY. they're not gonna be finished anytime soon :')

[strafethesesinners]

Oc Tag Game

Tagged by @socially-awkward-skeleton @nuclearstorms and @strangefable to fill out this list for my ocs thank you!

Tagging @deputyash @depyotee @unleashed111 @shallow-gravy @florbelles @adelaidedrubman @henbased @inafieldofdaisies @trench-rot @afarcryfrommymain @wrathfulrook @deputy-morgan-malone @direwombat @roofgeese @clicheantagonist @allthearchetypes @nightwingshero @detectivelokis @8bitpizzacoupons @amistrio @cobb-vanthss and whoever wants to!

Favorite OC

What can I say? He’s my best friend, he’s my pal. He’s my homeboy, my rotten soldier. He’s my sweet cheese, my good-time boy. He’s my everything really. Cooper was the first ever OC I’ve ever made for a fandom and he helped free me from a years long stretch of no writing ideas. I’m still so excited about him and I think about him every day. I love that he’s become so iconic because he means so so much to me. I will hopefully get around to telling his full story soon.

Oldest OC

Once again it’s Cooper! Well, if we’re counting still active OCs. Technically I have some older for original stories but I don’t make stuff for them anymore. I made Cooper in May of 2020 and the rest is history. Haven’t looked back since.

Newest OC

Ward Drachen (real name Edward Smithfield) is my most recent OC. I made him uuuuh I honestly don’t remember exactly when but towards the end of last year I think, for rdr2/rdo. I still don’t have much for him, but I really wanted a red dead OC and came up with a basic idea. Hopefully more will come!

Meanest OC

Ward is the meanest OC hands down. This is one mean sunovabitch. He’s taciturn an standoffish, and has no discernible sense of humor. He sometimes delights in cruelty towards his enemies (who luckily can’t be called innocent by any stretch). Ward doesn’t give a shit about other people or their feelings, unless they get close to him and that’s a difficult feat.

Softest OC

It’s Valor! Valor puts on a bit of a tough guy act occasionally but it’s easy to see through, and honestly, he doesn’t try that hard to maintain it. This guy is a sweetheart honestly. He’s open and generous, friendly and upbeat. Once might even say bubbly. He’s a criminal but has never hurt anyone in the course of crimes (pre the events of his story) since they mostly consist of vehicle theft and sometimes data theft. (Cooper loses this one by having a little bit of a mean streak to him; he likes starting fights a little too much).

Most aloof/standoffish OC

Again it’s Ward. He’s not a people person.

Smartest OC

Heath is a pretty smart cookie. He was validictorian for his class in high school and all that and could have easily gotten in to most colleges if he hadn’t decided to join the army instead and then go onto the DEA after getting out. He’s also a little bit of a sleuth. He has a knack for investigation and moved up fast in the DEA because of it.

Dumbest (affectionate) OC

Sigh. Cooper was made to be a little bit of a himbo at first but gradually got dumber. This man went on the run from the law without changing his name or anything about his appearance. He can’t do basic math. He has a huge amount of trouble focusing on anything and is absent minded to the max.

OC I’d be friends with IRL

Valor! I love Cooper but he and I don’t have much in common so I think it would be hard to keep conversations going. Valor and I could totally talk video games and go out on the town together and look for hot guys. Valor is also interested in learning about new things and has a curious mind and great sense of humor so I think we’d get long great. I’d love to be friends with Coop but Valor is a more realistic option for someone I’d actually be friends with.

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I’ve had recurring dreams of stealing cheese from taco places. Cheese sauce, shredded cheese, burnt cheese on the stovetops, you name it.

[ind1c0lite]

So I'm making a fake wanted poster for myself and I can't think of any funny crimes I could have committed so if you have any ideas you should totally tell me<3

-🌸

Tax evasion 10 yaers running, Identity theft of the same guy 5 times, You sent unsolicited pizza one too many times, you rode a horse over 10mph, You fell asleep in a cheese factory, theres so many HJGKHLJ;K

[nickgerlich]

To Catch A Thief

The digital era has spawned entirely new ways to steal. It was only a matter of time, of course, because thievery has always been around. It is the underbelly of society. Just as Jesus said the poor will always be among us, so will the thieves.



And today’s blog is about two types of digital theft…one affecting customers of a well-known  company, and one that affected me personally. The latter is more a cautionary tale than anything, and since it was resolved in quick order, I am OK. But I sure felt violated, just like the people who eventually discover the theft affecting them in the first example. And off we go to that first example.



If you use third-party shopping services, or, for that matter, any company relying on the gig economy to provide workers, you need to be paying attention to your credit card charges. Recently, some shoppers started noticing that their Instacart orders were not exactly what they had originally submitted. Turns out their Instacart shopper was adding a few items here and there to the orders they picked for customers, effectively doing their own grocery shopping with other peoples’ money (OPM).

Basically, a box of mac and cheese here, some spices there, etc., and they have done their shopping too.

The thinking is that most people don’t pay attention to their charges, and because an Instacart order isn’t completely rung up until the shopper is ready to leave—you never know if something you ordered suddenly isn’t available—you just await your delivery and go on living your life. All the while, our micro-thief has been getting free groceries.

In my example, I was leaving Albuquerque two weeks ago tomorrow from my conference, and noticed a couple of emails congratulating me on having redeemed some of my Hilton Honors points at Amazon. Well boy howdy, that caught my attention. Not only had I not done that, I didn’t even know I could. I immediately checked my Hilton app, and noticed I was missing about 600,000 points. 



That was when I exited the freeway and settled in to more than 30 minutes of phone conversations with various Hilton personnel, including their Fraud Detection department. I am convinced it was not a crime against me personally, since I never login from a computer, and only from my phone app. The perpetrator was likely thinking it was a victimless crime, only somewhat more heinous than the Instacart driver letting you pay for a few groceries.



My Hilton thief also got into my account and added a new phone number, making it the primary, and also added two-factor authentication so that I could not make any changes without him or her getting a text seeking to verify the changes. I was cut off at the knees.

Fortunately, Hilton resolved it within two days, giving me a completely new account, reinstating my lost points, adding 150,000 more, and continuing my Diamond status for the year. Thank you, Hilton.

But this is not a victimless crime, because someone had to pay. As it turns out, 500,000 Hilton points can buy a $1000 Amazon gift card. That’s no small thing. The thief saw this as an easy crime, but was not smart enough to change the email address on the account. Every move she or he made was mirrored to me in emails. 

Whomever did the crime is completely unknown to me. Was it a front desk clerk with an illegal side hustle? Someone else inside Hilton? A data breach that allowed someone access to many accounts? And yes, it could have been a breach on my phone as well, but this is the only incident of fraud or theft I have detected that has anything to do with my phone.

I now have two-factor on my new Hilton account, as well as facial recognition. I never dreamed I would have to use two-factor on something as seemingly benign as a loyalty points program. Then again, I’m pretty sure that Instacart shoppers never thought someone might be nickel and diming them either.

Theft is theft, fraud is fraud. There is no such thing as a victimless crime when it comes to using OPM. It’s the kind of thing that bedevils fraud departments, because it costs money to go after what amounts to petty theft. But it is petty theft that can add up. The $1000 or more that my thief used at Amazon most certainly went for gift cards instead of blenders and air fryers, because gift cards can be sold quickly and converted to cash. Blenders and air fryers cannot. I just hope that Hilton worked with Amazon, and shut down everything, including any gift cards purchased.

Meanwhile, be ever diligent in the digital era. You may be paying for someone’s else’s dinner. Someone may be profiting from your points. And in any regard, I hope they caught my perp and broke his knees, although I have my doubts. I’ll be watching everything a lot more closely from now on, even the little things.

Dr “Still Feeling The Sting“ Gerlich

Audio Blog

[newstfionline]

Thursday, October 31, 2024

The U.S. Army Prepares for War With China (NYT) Early one morning this month, 864 Army paratroopers bundled into C-17 transport planes at a base in Alaska and took off for a Great Power War exercise between three volcanic mountains on Hawaii’s Big Island. Only 492 made it. Some of the C-17s had trouble with their doors, while others were forced to land early. A few of the parachutists who did make it sprained ankles or suffered head trauma. And one—a 19-year-old private—began to fall quickly when his chute did not open. Pvt. Second Class Erik Partida’s 1,200-foot fall was a stark reality check as the U.S. Army transforms itself, and its hundreds of thousands of young men and women, for yet another war, this one a potential conflict with China. The Pentagon calls it a Great Power War, and it would be exponentially more dangerous. It would put the world’s two strongest militaries—both of them nuclear superpowers—in direct conflict, possibly drawing in other nuclear adversaries, including North Korea and Russia. U.S. troops would be killed, in numbers that could possibly go beyond the toll from America’s deadliest conflicts. Such a war would be fought on the ground, at sea, in the air and in space. So the Army is practicing for exactly that.

Where has all the rain gone? Bone-dry October strikes much of US (AP) A bone-dry October is pushing nearly half of the United States into a flash drought, leading to fires in the Midwest and hindering shipping on the Mississippi River. More than 100 different long-term weather stations in 26 states, including Alaska, are having their driest October on record, through Sunday, according to records by the Southern Regional Climate Center and Midwest Regional Climate Center. Cities that have had no measurable rain for October include New York, Houston, Dallas, Philadelphia, San Francisco and Sioux City, Iowa, along with normal dry spots such as Los Angeles, Las Vegas and Phoenix, National Weather Service records show. In June, less than 12% of the country was experiencing drought. Now it’s almost 50% and growing, according to the U.S. Drought Monitor.

Killings and Prison Torture Raise Alarms Over Gang Crime in Chile (Bloomberg) During Marcelo’s first week in Santiago I prison, he was glad when his fellow inmates handed him a phone so he could call his girlfriend and family. Before the night was over, the same people would film his screams as he was tortured, demanding that those on his freshly registered contact list send over money to make it stop. Marcelo says the incident was a consequence of a growing population of foreign detainees, who have brought along with them a more violent and exploitative prison culture to Chile. Marcelo’s sentiment—that foreigners’ influence is at the root of this violence—is one shared by many Chileans, 92% of whom think immigration has worsened safety and security in the country. Rising crime has consumed the government of leftist President Gabriel Boric, who is now trying to build a legacy of fighting violence and drugs over the platform of social security he campaigned on. Since 2022, the government has more than tripled its budget to tackle organized crime to $89 million. That’s significant for a country that has almost no history of criminal gangs and where the police once only carried revolvers and drove unarmored vehicles. Chile’s policing tactics are now starting to mirror those of its regional neighbors who have to dismantle cocaine labs in jungles and patrol dangerous favelas.

Who stole 24 tons of cheddar? (Washington Post) A leading cheese retailer has reported the theft of more than 24 tons of artisan cheese as a result of a “sophisticated fraud,” prompting a police investigation and a new local nickname: the “grate cheese robbery.” The London-based retailer said that 950 wheels of three award-winning artisan cheddars had been stolen—worth more than $389,000.

Spanish floods kill 95 as year of rain falls in a day in Valencia (Reuters) At least 95 people have been killed in the deadliest flooding to hit Spain for three decades after torrential rain battered the eastern region of Valencia, sweeping away bridges and buildings, local authorities said on Wednesday. Meteorologists said a year's rain had fallen in eight hours in parts of Valencia on Tuesday, causing pile-ups on highways and submerging farmland in a region that produces two-thirds of the citrus fruit grown in Spain, a leading global exporter. Residents in the worst-hit places described seeing people clambering onto the roofs of their cars as a churning tide of brown water gushed through the streets, uprooting trees and dragging away chunks of masonry from buildings.

Germany’s economy isn’t growing. But its quarrelsome government can’t agree on a way forward (AP) Germany’s economy isn’t growing and the governing coalition has a lot of ideas on how to fix it. But it can’t agree which the right one is. The latest outbreak of infighting in Chancellor Olaf Scholz’s government has raised questions about whether it will get anything done in the 11 months before Germany’s next election is due—and whether it will survive until then. There’s agreement that the state of the German economy, Europe’s biggest, demands action. It is expected to shrink in 2024 for the second year in a row, or at best stagnate, battered by external shocks and home-grown problems including red tape and a shortage of skilled labor. But there’s no unity on the solution. As Finance Minister Christian Lindner put it last week: “There’s no shortage of ideas. What there is a shortage of at present is agreement in the governing coalition.”

Is China Going Softer on Tech? (Foreign Policy) Chinese authorities are quietly easing off the country’s 2021 ban on private tutoring, which wiped $100 billion off a once thriving sector. Rather than bringing costs down for families, tutoring grew even more expensive as businesses went underground. The latest pivot is part of a wider trend: In the last year, Chinese tech regulators have pulled back in areas including video games, artificial intelligence, and cross-border data transfers. After a crackdown that cost Chinese tech companies $1.1 trillion between late 2020 and 2023, Beijing is now desperate to restart a sputtering economy. Youth unemployment remains stubbornly high.

North Korea’s elite troops are in Russia (Washington Post) As many as 10,000 North Korean soldiers are being trained in Russia and some have already been deployed in the war against Ukraine, an unprecedented move by Pyongyang to send its people into danger in a combat zone far from the Korean Peninsula. North Korean leader Kim Jong Un appears to have dispatched some of his special operations forces to aid Russian President Vladimir Putin’s war effort, including the elite “Storms Corps” unit that had long been training to infiltrate the South, according to South Korean intelligence officials. North Korea’s Special Operations units are trained with the best equipment, including explosives, chemical and biological agents, parachutes and aircraft—although rudimentary compared to the Special Forces units of other countries, according to a 2021 Defense Intelligence Agency report on North Korea’s military power. Although they are among the North’s best trained troops, these soldiers are likely to face difficulties adjusting to modern warfare, said Hyunseung Lee, a North Korean escapee and human rights advocate who trained with the Storm Corps for six months while he served in the North Korean Army’s Special Forces. Lee noted that for the vast majority of these Special Forces soldiers, deployment to Russia will be their first time encountering battle—and the outside world.

Ukraine is now struggling to survive, not to win (Economist) “After 970 days of war,” said Lloyd Austin, America’s defence secretary, visiting Kyiv on October 21st, “Putin has not achieved one single strategic objective.” In public, Mr Austin offered certitude, confidence and clarity: “Moscow will never prevail in Ukraine.” In private, his colleagues in the Pentagon, Western officials and many Ukrainian commanders are increasingly concerned about the direction of the war and Ukraine’s ability to hold back Russian advances over the next six months. Ukrainian forces have managed to hold on to Pokrovsk, an embattled town in the eastern Donbas region. But elsewhere along the front, Russia is slicing its way through Ukrainian defences. And in Kursk, inside Russia, Ukraine has lost around half the territory it seized earlier this year. The problem is not so much the loss of territory, which is limited and has come at enormous cost to Russia—600,000 dead and wounded since the start of the war, on American estimates, and 57,000 dead in this year to October alone, according to Ukrainian intelligence—as the steady erosion in the size and quality of Ukraine’s forces. Ukrainian units are understrength and overstretched, worn thin by heavy casualties. Russia cannot fight for ever. But the worry among America, European and Ukrainian officials is that, on current trends, Ukraine’s breaking point will come first.

In Lebanon, a family’s memories are detonated along with their village (AP) Ayman Jaber’s memories are rooted in every corner of Mhaibib, the village in southern Lebanon he refers to as his “habibti,” the Arabic word for “beloved.” But Mhaibib, perched on a hill close to the Israeli border, was leveled by a series of explosions on Oct. 16. The Israeli army released a video showing blasts ripping through the village in the Marjayoun province, razing dozens of homes to dust. The scene has been repeated in villages across southern Lebanon since Israel launched its invasion a month ago with the stated goal of pushing Hezbollah militants back from the border. On Oct. 26, massive explosions in and around Odaisseh sparked an earthquake alert in northern Israel. Israel says it wants to destroy a massive network of Hezbollah tunnels in the border area. But for the people who have been displaced, the attacks are also destroying a lifetime of memories. Hisham Younes, who runs the environmental organization Green Southerners, says generations of southerners admired Mhaibib for its one-or two-story stone homes, some built by Jaber’s grandfather and his friends. “Detonating an entire village is a form of collective punishment and war crime. What do they gain from destroying shrines, churches and old homes?” Younes asks.

U.S. inundated with claims that American arms killed Gaza civilians (Washington Post) The Biden administration has received nearly 500 reports alleging Israel used U.S.-supplied weapons for attacks that caused unnecessary harm to civilians in the Gaza Strip, but it has failed to comply with its own policies requiring swift investigations of such claims, according to people familiar with the matter. At least some of these cases presented to the State Department over the past year probably amount to violations of U.S. and international law. The reports are received from across the U.S. government, international aid organizations, nonprofits, media reports and other eyewitnesses. Dozens include photo documentation of U.S.-made bomb fragments at sites where scores of children were killed. Yet despite the State Department’s internal Civilian Harm Incident Response Guidance, which directs officials to complete an investigation and recommend action within two months of launching an inquiry, no single case has reached the “action” stage, current and former officials told The Washington Post. More than two-thirds of cases remain unresolved, they said, with many pending response from the Israeli government, which the State Department consults to verify each case’s circumstances.

Israel Hits Gaza Town for Third Time in Days, Killing Dozens, Officials Say (NYT) The Israeli military on Tuesday hit a town in the northern Gaza Strip for the third time in just over a week, striking a residential building and killing dozens of people, Gazan officials said, as Israel intensified its offensive in the territory after more than a year of war. The Palestinian Civil Defense, a Gazan emergency service, said at least 55 people had been killed in the strike in the town of Beit Lahia. Gaza’s Health Ministry put the toll higher, saying that at least 93 people had been killed, including 25 children. Matthew Miller, a U.S. State Department spokesman, called the strike in Beit Lahia “a horrifying incident with a horrifying result” and noted that many of the children reportedly killed had probably fled strikes in other parts of Gaza.

[solosergiohd]

Various Characters arguing over video game franchise (Uberduck.ai)

Woody: Listen, Rikochet, me and everyone are talking about favorite video game franchise, so here it goes...

Woody: I was talking about "Red Dead Redemption", fat spoiled brat Eric Cartman wants to play "Call Of Duty", Ren Hoëk asking about "Assassin's Creed", Butthead playing a crime game "Grand Theft Auto", Homer Simpson talk about hell game "Doom", Peter Griffin playing a pervert game "Leisure Suit Larry", Yumi Yoshimura playing a japanese game "Ninja Gaiden", Hugh Neutron wants to play a popular video game "Super Mario", crazy puppet Kermit The Frog gonna play a least popular video game "Sonic The Hedgehog", Roddy St. James is going to play on Microsoft Windows "Minecraft", Randall Boggs talks about the horror version of Chuck E. Cheese "Five Nights At Freddy's", and Skipper gonna played a secret agent game "Metal Gear Solid".

Woody: We've been arguing for so long.

Rikochet: So all of you were b*itching about what video games you wanted to play with? It's 5 in the morning?

Yumi Yoshimura: Yeah, and we can't decide, I'm actually starting to play a favorite game now.

Rikochet: Well if you ask me, my video game franchise pick would definitely be "Metal Slug"

Eric Cartman: Well he's mexican, so it kinda makes sense-

Woody, Ren, Butthead, Homer, Peter, Yumi, Hugh, Kermit, Roddy, Randy, and Skipper: SHUT THE F*CK UP, ERIC!!!!!!!

Rikochet: WHAT THE F*CK DID YOU JUST SAY, YOU RACIST BASTARD?!

Homer Simpson: Calm down, buddy!

Yumi Yoshimura (In Japanese): Please calm down, Rikochet

Ren Hoëk: He didn't mean it, Rikochet!

RIKOCHET: IF YOU EVER SAY THAT SH*T AGAIN, I'LL STICK MY DODGEBALL UP YOUR ASS, CONNECT IT TO A WRESTLING STAGE, AND MAKE IT TWIST NONSTOP INSIDE OF YOUR ASSH*LE!!!

Skipper: Please calm down, Rikochet! Why do you think you should play "Metal Slug"?

Rikochet: Because "Metal Slug" is the best damn arcade you'll ever have in your life!