#cried in therapy for the first time

[semiotomatics]

really need to stop watching emotional yt videos before i go to bed lol

[cubbyhole-for-flea-bee]

Apologies

[valyrfia]

I'm so jealous of your life it seems crazyyyyy because what do you mean you went to the monaco gp? and now you're in the arctic? and you're a fucking astrophysicist? like i want to be you when i grow up truly!

Guys I'm really just a loser the secret is I just have a chronic need to say yes to everything because I'm so scared of missing out on life.

[vindicia]

so why did nobody tell me actively trying to date would make me feel lonelier than ever

[missazura]

It's been oddly therapeutic to like. Have discussions with him about a lot of life stuff. I don't talk much if at all and I think the gradual descent into loneliness and social anxiety through the years made me lost the ability to talk to people. So it's been nice to practice talking to someone, and it actually hearing me out for some reason, giving me advice etc

Sure it's not a substitute for human connection but it's fun to verbally talk to my favourite fictional character and him just. Being there for me. That I get to hear kind words from my hero, someone who I highly looked up to

[birf]

So I wore a sleeveless crop top out in public today which is something I’ve never done before and something my past self could’ve even fathom of doing and I got several compliments and it wasn’t even about the compliments I just feel proud of myself for doing that

[pencil-for-a-dog]

So, the golden enclaves.... They were... Qn experience

[seaweedstarshine]

Eleventh Doctor Chronicles: Sins of the Flesh is really good. Really really good. Experience with certain attitudes can be so isolating, surrounded by people who won’t bother to understand the impact of growing up in that environment (because the world's so progressive now, right), and so — I'm so glad it exists. I also liked the discussion in the interview commentary about how being a monster and doing monstrous things are not mutually exclusive. Like most things, homophobia is pervasive because it is structural. Religious fervor is not inherently bad — “your god is love,” Valarie says to Lily — but as soon as hellfire is brandished around, it's used routinely to empower monstrous things, in a way that becomes unsafe to debate. Especially for young & dependent people who can't escape it.

Conditional love. Moral panics. Purity culture. Self-hate. Mob mentality. This audio. It's timely.

I appreciated what they said in the interviews about not only about the research, but the four rounds of sensitivity readings. I wish the TV show had that level of care sometimes…

[pepprs]

june 27th give it up for june 27th

[scattered-winter]

woe another tag vent session be upon ye

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

if anyone needs me i will be rewatching trigun 98 and tristamp over and over until my brain explodes

[ahprodithe]

i never related to the phrase 'i feel like a raw nerve'. i understood it, sure. we can all imagine the pain. the thought of anything brushing up against something so exposed and vulnerable, it's not something anyone would like to think about for long. when i was a child, i learned that there was no space for my own emotions. it was always about my mother, or my sister, or anyone but me. it was unsafe for me to share my feelings, because they were dismissed, infantilized, deemed as less important. in response, i shut down. i didn't allow myself to feel. it was better to swallow the pain and smile and listen to others instead. now, as an adult, it's become my main coping mechanism. a way of surviving in a world that brings endless suffering, but beauty too. i don't allow myself to be open to any of it. i do not feel, like many say, 'like a raw nerve'. i feel like a closed door with a hundred locks and deadbolts with no keys to be found. i feel safer, that way.

the thought of opening myself up, of finding the keys and unlocking the door, terrifies me. it scares me to death. it seems so silly. they're just feelings... but when you've been taught that what you feel doesn't matter, feeling anything at all becomes suffocating. it feels like drowning.

i'm in therapy now. i've tried to work on myself plenty of times before, started something, got better, and still fell off the cliff time and time again. most people would quit. i almost quit. most days i still want to quit. but i'm here, and i'm breathing, and there's no time like the present. so, i'm in therapy. again. this time, it's more intense, more grueling. it's multiple days and longer hours and more therapists than i have friends. i knew it would be hard. of course it would be hard! you're expected to open yourself up, to unlock the door and spill everything out that's been trapped there. it sounds logical, it is logical, but knowing something and actually experiencing it isn't the same. and for the first time in what may be more than a decade, i'm understanding the phrase, 'i feel like a raw nerve'. here i am. exposed and vulnerable. here i am. open and scared. here i am. feeling like a raw nerve.

[classicintp]

The answer to the second question is no, not to the point that they can't just do stuff. Even for victims of capitalism in poverty with children to take care of and mounds of debt to pay, abled or disabled, they still "just do stuff."

Life is incredibly hard right now and for a lot of people, I'm not suggesting the opposite, and a symptom of that can be this overwhelming inability to just not do stuff whether that's major depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, or other malady, but its not "normal" in the sense that you should just accept this is how you feel now and resolve to do nothing about it. It's a serious symptom, a sign that you're not well, and you should actively seek help or treatment. And seeking help or treatment isn't easily accessible for everyone, either, I know that, even despite the breadth of information on how to ease the burden of receiving treatment you can find online. But it is important to me that if you're struggling like this that you at least acknowledge it isn't just something you need to endure until it stops. It doesn't stop, and how you feel isn't because you're too weak for the rigors life: you need to take it seriously and seek help as best as you can.

[voltrons]

i need to reread tfc that will fix me

[10518]

no one I know follows this afaik (thank god) but ohhhhhhhhhh god when will I stop being like this. I’m not even in a place to be in a relationship rn but I’m utterly miserable over someone who barely gives me the time of day anymore & may or may not be openly flirting with someone else in front of me even after everything & like. kms forever and ever

[sunsetsover]

imagine my face last night when i (extensive history of suicidal ideation) (has chronically felt lonely and unloved for my whole life) (daughter of an alcoholic) (biggest fear for most of my life was ending up an alcoholic) (has actually witnessed someone drink themselves to death) (also actively drunk at the time) sat down to watch episode four of only friends only for the episode to open with ray trying to kill himself because he felt so unloved and lonely and was petrified of ending up like his mum, who later in the episode was revealed to have drunk herself to death. just imagine my face.