#crack-friendship??

[internetskiff]

These two would so get along though. does anyone else see it??

I mean. Think about it. Please just hear me out: - Both share a passion for manufacturing and dubious experimentation. - Both are VERY passionate when it comes to their field of work. Granted GLaDOS would probably find card games beneath her. She doesn't strike me as the type to play games to pass the time but I feel like she'd share P03's interest when it comes to robot production. - Shared hatred towards plants and other organic matter. - Both suffer from being far too reliant on humans (and they're both very bad at hiding it). - Both got torn out of their own bodies by their weird ex and had to spend an extremely long amount of time in a limited, reduced form. - Both got killed by their weird ex. - Very similar attitude towards others. Everyone but them is expendable and frankly idiotic. - Both very queer in a very peculiar way. i feel like it'd maybe start out as hostility but then they're like "Oh you got killed twice by the filthiest person on planet earth too?" and it snowballs into them being chill with eachother. There's probably a lot more other sassy sarcastic AIs you could clump into this crackhead multifandom robot friend circle but my head is a swirling emptiness at the moment so

[inbabylontheywept]

I was walking out of the Walmart today, and a car passed me, and I got this incredibly vivid impression. It wasn't really in words, but if I had to put it into words, the two key points would be

a). I needed to watch that car and

b). That I needed to be careful, because the driver of the car was a massive bitch.

It kind of took me by surprise, because I really had no reason to be beefing with that car, and I also hadn't really had an impression like that since I was religious, which was in my teen years. Right? It'd been a decade since I had a little voice whisper in my ear, and I'd basically written it off as nonsense.

Anyway, I watched the car, because The Spirits or whatever were very insistent that I did. Car drove fine, went into the parking spot, inched forward, and right when it should've just stopped, the driver gunned it for some reason and it ran into the curb and cracked its bumper.

So, the driver got out, and she went to the front of the car to check that yes, she had cracked her bumper, and then she turned to look at me. The parking lot wasn't empty, but we were the only two people standing in that row, and I'd probably been staring at her for tenish seconds now.

She demanded very angrily to know why I hadn't warned her of the curb. And I could have said I didn't know you were about to gun it or is it my job to help every stranger park, or even could you have even heard me, inside your car?

And all of those would have been fine, but I was really, really busy digesting that I had somehow communed with Mormon Jesus again for the first time in fifteen years, and that the communion had mostly been there to let me watch someone park badly (?), so what I responded with was:

"Because it was foretold."

And I can't tell which would be funnier, if she went silent because there's not much to be said to that, or if she went silent because in Utah, she might actually believe me, but we parted ways without more words.

I'm still kind of digesting this myself, actually.

[bunistxr]

The Bride and The Ugly Ass Groom

[ninjautizm]

I don't remember this but HOLY FUCKING SHIIIIIITT LLOYD WAS CONFIRMED TO BE AT LEAST 9 YEARS OLD HERE AND HE WAS ABLE TO DO THAT??? JESUS FUCK

[changelingirl]

"you are HARASSING A CRIPPLE" ".....foot." "a shark ate it." for some reason this genre of humor (making everyone else vaguely uncomfortable by joking about your disability/bringing it up on every occasion a la "the weather is homophobic because it's inconveniencing me") is my favorite fucking thing. god i hope it continues. i hope izzy tells everyone he meets a different story about how he lost the leg (fought a lobster, cannonball incident, cursed by a witch, "what do you mean? my leg's right h--OH MY GOD"). i hope he has a spreadsheet entitled "jokes i can make now that i only have one leg". he's completely deadpan and no one knows whether they're allowed to laugh or not. it's great.

[ivexedly]

WHICH COULD MEAN NOTHING WE ALL SAY!!

[cosmicourple]

list of EPIC! rarepairs / crackships & crack friendships I fw / some I made up (very few tho I think hdvff)

°— Odysseus x Poseidon (Salty)

°— Odysseus x Zeus (Thunderclap)

°— Odysseus x Poseidon x Zeus (Wetthunderthighs)

°— Polites x Circe (Springblooms? or Smilingsoul?)

°— Thanatos & Telemachus (Death & The Dodger duo)

°— Penelope x Circe (Royalmaroon? or CunningEnchanted?)

°— Penelope x Amphitrite (Pearltears? or Seafoam?)

°— Zeus x Polites (Lightningreflective? or Sullied?)

°— Poseidon x Eurylochus (Stonefish? or Stormydepths?)

°— Aeolus x Telemachus (Smokey? or Windwolf?)

°— Circe & Hermes (Divine Perfume + ‘Perfume’ duo)

°— Penelope & Ctimene (Warrior Power Women duo)

°— Scylla, Odysseus & Ctimene (Feral Wolfs & the Big Bad Sea-Dog trio)

°— Ares & Ctimene (Shadowed Siblings duo)

°— Sirenelope x Odysseus (shipped onesided lol) (Drowningbow or Azurescales?)

°— Ctimene & Telemachus (Full Speed After My Dumbass Brother/Father duo)

°— Hera & Odysseus (Loyalty First duo)

°— Apollo x Eurylochus x Helios (Dimsunlight? or Scorchedsteelinhand?)

°— Hermes, Odysseus & Ctimene (✨HERMES✨ and Grandkids duo)

°— Antinous x Calypso (Pollution? or Scarletsand?)

°— idk what else (for now mwahhaha-)

[chickenpluswaffles]

>:) felt devious

[iwozlegit]

Incorrect Huskerdust quotes

(Realistically the canon confession we’re gonna get)

Husk: Angel, you remember when we had that chat at the bar and agreed we were better off as friends?

Angel: (naked in Husk’s bed) Can’t say I remember that one…

Husk: (midway through taking his clothes off) Fuck... Me neither.

[themistdragon]

[flysdaleflyby]

Scott Laughton, what a beauty

[rain-day-today]

One thing that really rots my brain is the idea of the guild during the og baby fairytail members time and the domesticity of it. Cause like no way was gramps letting a bunch of super powered ( and incredibly destructive) 7-14year olds out of his sight.

Just imagine:

Little Natsu and emo teen Laxus having breakfast while very quietly whispering about their respective hoards collections of cat theme things ( I KNOW LAXUS IS A SECRET CAT LOVER I JUST KNOW IT)

Tiny Gray having an emo phase. Mira (a punk 14 year old) helping him out (after teasing him of course). The two spending many hours and lots of jewel to find and look through dozens of fashion magazines. Eventually falling asleep sprawled on the floor in a nest of semi-laminated paper.

Tween Lissana and levy giggling over the kissy scenes in books and Erza overhearing them. Spitting out her cake into Laxus’s face which makes them burst out into full on cackling.

Little Cana teaching natsu to make card pyramids for 3 hours and when he finally gets it, Elfman knocks it over. Every one thinks Natsu is going to punch someone, but he doesn’t, instead he starts full on bawling. Nobody knows what to do. Little Natsu cannot be comforted. Levy shuts him up by shoving candy into his mouth while cana really quickly rebuilds the pyramid.

Erza and Mira having a dance off on some of the tables ( mira breaks 3 of them in half with her stomping, Erza somehow stabs one). This is how everyone finds out to never take either of them to parties cause they dance like the deaf baby of giraffes and a buffalo.

Gray and climbing a tree to the very top and forgetting that he doesn’t know how to get down? He stays there till the next morning and seethes for the next week cause LISSANA had to carry him down.

Natsu following Gray around like a lost puppy his first week cause “he’s friend sized” and what else was he supposed to do? He knows nothing! Dudes not even from this time period. At least if he follows loud stripper he knows he wont get run over by a car. Gray not noticing or caring that he is being followed cause little guy has his own problems to deal with and “as long as he doesn’t take my food or breath on me.”

Cana having a plague doctor mask that elfman bought for her 13th birthday. She wears it to scare the shit out of everyone at the sleepovers.

Weekly “sleepovers” in the guildhall because it’s easier to do gramps weekly count of them when they are all lined up in their my little pony sleeping bags (yes this includes laxus and mira)

When Romeo is born they have a guild wide contest on whose name he says first (the answer is his own cause the little dude is a true fairytail wizard)

Levy managing to give everyone a heart attack after casually admitting that she hasn’t slept or ate anything but crackers and coffee cause she was trying to teach herself the equivalent of ancient greek.

Laxus and gray not knowing how to hold a baby (romeo)

Natsu “teething” on Erza. Everyone stares in shock cause there’s just Erza sitting there stone faced in full armor while Natsu chops down on her arm like he has rabies. ( he still bites her even when they’re older if he’s really stressed)

Everyone having a default crush on laxus or Mira

The guild kids try to make homemade shaved ice with grays ice and end up covering the entire town with really weird ice sculptures

Mira scaring the shit out of kids with her demon souls during Halloween

Someone stealing Mira or Natsu’s food and ending up with a burn on their tounge followed by natsu trying to “kiss it better”

Levy dozing off on the rafters and falling down onto poor elfman

Spin the bottle but instead of kissing you fight (grays idea)

Laxus has a spray bottle filled with water mixed with really bad smelling cologne that he uses to spray people when they’re bad, like cats.

No one in the guild knew how to swim until they turned 16 Lissana still can’t swim.

Its really really common to see elfman or gray duck-taped to the wall (its levy who does it)

Dont fall asleep around teen Mira she will draw titties on your face. (Where do you think natsu got it from?)

They all took a living 101 class when lissana was 13. It failed miserably. Laxus ended up being the grandfather to 6 rats and 3 hamsters

Laxus takes Lissana and Elfman out for brunch once a month because it pisses mira off to no end.

Levy, Lissana, and Laxus accidentally forming an L name club and plan their “meetings” within earshot of Mira and Erza to make them jealous.

“We should get cookies!”-levy

“And ice cream!”- lissana

“(Super smug face) im craving strawberry cake.”-laxus

*sounds of Erza bursting into flames of jealousy*

[inoreuct]

thinking about zoro being the crew's main protector.

it’s quite literally his role amongst the straw hats; luffy's captain, usopp's their sniper, sanji cooks, nami navigates, chopper's their doctor, franky's their shipwright, jinbei's their helmsman and brook's their musician but zoro? zoro's their swordsman. zoro’s their guardian. his job is to be the first line of defense and protect everybody else so they can focus on doing their own thing and sure, none of them really need protecting— but they don't have to worry about defending themselves, either, because whoever they can't or don't want to handle zoro will finish up (if he hasn't gotten to them first).

like imagine a bunch of idiots cornering one of the crew (bad idea.) and picking nami because she's the woman without a devil fruit, as opposed to robin (BAD idea.). they've got her surrounded in the dead end of an alleyway and have somehow neutralised her clima-tact and she’s not worried, she’s not.

but against twelve men and with her weapon essentially now just a regular staff, she might be panicking. just a little. she’s gotten a couple of them good enough that they’re down for the count before a chain wrapped around her ankle trips her. it pulls at enough memories, faded but never forgotten, to bring up a sickening wave of fear and anger— and nami decides that she’s had enough of the bullshit.

she takes a deep breath and screams. “ZORO!”

the silence afterwards is deafening. the wind shifts, gently lifting the pieces of hair stuck to her sweaty face, and the men laugh uneasily. one of them yanks hard on the chain and she spits at him, heels scrabbling against the dusty ground even as he starts reeling her in like a fish on a hook. “he can’t hear you, little missy,” he snickers, grin widening the longer nobody shows up.

it’s still on his face when his head slides right off his neck.

blood sprays right before his body crumples like a doll. it takes a second for the others to realise and then the screaming starts— none of them get any farther than three steps before zoro’s cutting them down, swift swings of his sword and almost surgically precise slices rendering them incapacitated if not plain dead.

“sorry i’m late, witch.” the swordsman’s breathing hard, gore dripping off his blades even as he arcs one down and snaps the chain off nami’s leg with a growl. “did they hurt you?”

“no. no, i’m fine,” nami breathes, her smile quivering just a little— not because she’s shaken, no. because she’s pissed.

zoro’s voice is gruff as always, but his hands are careful if not outright gentle as he kneels to inspect her ankle before pulling her to her feet. “stay close,” he mutters, making sure that she’s nodded before cutting them a path through the fray. they bump into chopper next, and the doctor’s out cold over zoro’s shoulder in his regular form by the time sanji joins them to guard their flank. nami’s taken to just using her clima-tact as a bat for now, and it’s admittedly efficient.

she knew zoro would come. he always does. for all that they bicker and snip at each other, zoro has always protected his crew— even when said crew was just three people on what could barely be called a boat. he’d fought for her at arlong park and he fights for her now, his sword slicing over her head at an enemy she can’t see as she ducks low to jam her staff into another’s stomach.

they’ve moved closer to their ship when they find jinbei, then robin, then usopp, then brook and franky, and then zoro’s yelling luff, time to go! and their captain’s launching them all back onto the Sunny with a gleeful cackle that makes nami wheeze a laugh as they land in a mildly painful pile of limbs. somebody’s elbow digs into her ribs and she’s pretty sure that’s sanji’s bony kneecap pressed into her lower back. the swordsman swears as he sets about trying to pry them all apart and luffy seems to be actively fighting him, based on how his cursing’s getting more and more colourful.

behind them, their enemies burn, sliced to pieces. they debrief in the galley and zoro refuses to come away from the door until nami drags him by the ear and sanji threatens to personally shove dessert down his throat. they both know it’s because zoro’s still guarding them from a threat that doesn’t exist anymore.

they know he pretends not to care as much as he does. they know he keeps his words blunt and his swords sharp, but zoro lets luffy hang off him, unfazed, and makes a marginal effort to stick to nami’s budget even when he’s getting booze, and he eats his dessert. every last bit. he lets usopp fire moving targets to slice through so they can both practice. he keeps collateral damage when sparring with sanji to a minimum. he stitches whoever needs it up himself when chopper’s a little too tired.

and when his crew calls, he answers.

(now with a part from nami’s pov!)

[tealvenetianmask]

I'm fully convinced now that this is the reason Blitz referenced his therapist calling him gross:

Someone (probably Millie) set him up with a therapy appointment, or multiple- because of his everything- and he agreed to go to humor his friend but spent the whole time messing with the poor therapist instead of . . . you know, talking through his issues. I'm talking false stories, sex jokes, murder jokes, the works.

The rest of the quote here is "If we keep being obnoxious, they'll eventually slip up, and we'll get a chance to get out. Let's just keep fucking with them until they get so frustrated they stop thinking clearly-it usually works."

So what if this is the approach he took to therapy?

[ifwebefriends]

This Day Aria: a gorgeous and dramatic aria building tension to the final confrontation of the episode, both hinting at the villain’s true plans and the true love that Cadence has for her fiancé

Shining Armor in that one shot:

[made-by-moon]

The Marauders at a sleepover:

● the sleepover is at James's house, cause he's the only one with enough rooms and beds and his parents aren't monsters (looking at Walburga)

● the boys would still end up sleeping in the same room, even though they could easily have their own rooms

● Remus would introduce them to some muggle movies (Mean Girls, Legally Blonde, The Breakfast Club, ect.)

● Peter would refuse to let them play monopoly (Marlene traumatized him enough)

● their initial goal of the sleepover was to come up with new pranks but they got carried away sharing vital information about the school life (gossiping)

● Sirius and James made a bet about who would fall asleep first (they bet on each other)

● Sirius and James were the first ones to fall asleep (none mentioned the bet after that)

● when the two were asleep, Remus read his new favourite book and Peter drew while listening to David Bowie and Queen (they were very comfortable in each other's company)

● after everyone fell asleep, Sirius had a nightmare which woke up Remus

● he calmed Sirius down and they went back to sleep cuddling

● James and Peter never mentioned waking up to Sirius and Remus holding each other for dear life

● they both found it cute, tho