#crack quartet

[jelzorz]

180.

Outtake from the fruit with an obligatory reminder that the crack quartet takes place in the distant future where all concerned parties are consenting adults.

"Did you know?"

Soren glances up. He's been waiting outside the infirmary for a couple of hours now but only because he hasn't been allowed in, and only because of some stupid ancient rule that doesn't really apply. Next of kin only, Apollonius, the caslte doctor, had said, as if Opeli's very life was in danger, as if the only people allowed to see her were those who had something to gain if she—

He doesn't think about. It's unfathomable to him. And then Rayla had said—

"No," Soren mutters. "I didn't."

Callum twitches his lips grimly and slides into the spot next to him. He has not been the best friend to anyone these last few months: not to Ezran because he pardoned Claudia, and not to Soren because he vouched for her, so this... is unexpected. Callum shifts awkwardly like he knows.

"Sorry," he murmurs after a moment. "I've been... kind of a jerk."

"Yeah," says Soren shortly. "We noticed."

Callum grimaces at the impatience of it, but it's been... an afternoon to be certain, and Soren does not have the capacity to be kinder. All he can think about is Opeli, the way she'd screamed, the way she'd collapsed, the way her blood had soaked into the white of her cloak.

He's the father, Apollonius, Rayla had said, and I am ordering you to let him in.

Soren squeezes his eyes shut and hides his face behind his hands. He'd known something had happened. Opeli had been distant for weeks, had barely spoken to him unless she needed to after months of them finding each other in secluded corners and empty rooms. It wasn't as if they weren't aware of the danger of what they were doing but this—

He is no stranger to being scared, but this is something else entirely. This is loss and dread and grief and fear rolled so tightly into one that he doesn't know where one ends and another begins. There is anger there too, that she didn't tell him, disappointment that she didn't feel like she could trust him, and betrayal, worst of all, because he had a right to know.

It's a lot to be feeling all at once. Soren swallows the lump in his throat because he doesn't need any more of Callum's pity on top of it. He's angry at him too, and Ez, and to a lesser extent Claudia, because they'd all be too caught up in their own lives to notice anything or anyone beyond themselves. At least Rayla had asked. At least Rayla had done what she could for Opeli, even if she had kept it from him just the same.

"She'll be okay," says Callum at last. "She'll pull through."

"The baby didn't."

Callum falters. He looks away. "I don't know what to say, Soren," he murmurs. "I don't... I can't even imagine how you feel right now. I'm sorry this happened. Neither of you deserve it. I just... wish there was something more I could do."

Soren scoffs to himself. He knows all too well the lengths Callum would go to for his loved ones. Soren was there to watch him choose Rayla over the rest of the world. He'd fought him over it, the foolishness of it, and now...

"I guess I owe you an apology," he says to Callum at last.

Callum blinks. "For what?"

"For... For all the shit I gave you about the cube. About Rayla's parents. I—" Soren coughs to hide the tremble in his voice. "I get it now. I'd do anything for Opeli too. And if I could change this... If I could make her happy..."

"You do that already, Soren."

"But she still lost it, didn't she?" he snaps. "She's still in there bleeding enough that she might not make it through the night. And I didn't even know, I didn't even try to find out what was happening when she pushed me away, and I—" He sucks in a shuddering breath and realises too late that he's crying and that Callum is watching him with a sad understanding in his eyes. "How do you do it?" he asks hoarsely. "How do you do it knowing it'll hurt like this if something happens?"

"Honestly?" murmurs Callum. "I don't know. When Rayla left..." He shakes his head. "I couldn't let it happen again, that was for sure. I don't know how to be without her and that's what it comes down to, I think. When you care about someone that much, you move mountains just to see them smile, part seas to make them laugh... Trade the world to keep them safe. I think that's just what it means to love. And you do love her, don't you?"

"So much," whispers Soren. "More than I thought I could love anyone."

"I get that," says Callum with a sad chuckle.

The door swings open. Apollonius appears in doorway, haggard and bloodied but altogether relieved and Soren is on his feet before he even starts talking. "She's stable," he reports. "She gave us quite the scare, but she's going to be okay. You can go in now, Captain."

"Give her our best," says Callum. "We'll be here when she's ready. And if you ever just... want to talk, I'm here."

Soren pauses in the doorway and studies him. It's not an offer Callum has ever made in the last but... there's understanding between them now. Common ground where there used to be none. "Thank you," he says quietly.

Callum smiles a little. "Any time."

Soren is certain he means it.

[raayllum]

like i Never fucking Lose

[wangxianficrecs]

🔒 baby fever by Mamoonde

🔒 baby fever

by Mamoonde (@mamoonde)

T, WIP, 4k, Wangxian

Summary: Lan Zhan wakes to a pounding on his door in the middle of the night. For a moment, he assumes Wei Ying must’ve come over after all. Instead, it is Jiang Cheng, soaked and covered in mud, and holding a child— A child who looks up sheepishly, with the same light grey eyes as Wei Ying. “I told him we didn’t need to bother you, but he insisted you would want to help.” Jiang Cheng says. or: yet another wwx age regression fic. but modern cultivation au. Kay's comments: Ah, this is so cute and funny! And also the first time I've seen an age-regression story where the de-aged person in question retains their adult mind, which makes it even funnier how immediately Lan Zhan is hit with baby fever and the need to baby-proof the entire house. Excerpt: He almost starts counting the years, but this child looks to be around 2 or 3 years old. Even though he and Wei Ying have been intimate immediately after getting together, they have only tried dual cultivation once. And even if a child might have resulted from such, it’s only been three months… Surely he would’ve noticed such a huge development? His fantasies of having a family with Wei Ying have only ever been in the abstract. Their relationship still feels so new and miraculous at times and he’s loathe to jinx things by being greedier than he already is. Yet now, confronting it in reality — he wants— “Well?” Jiang Cheng snaps, cutting his thoughts from spiraling further. Lan Zhan blinks. “Of course. I would also care for. Any child of Wei Ying’s.” “What? What’re you—” Jiang Cheng sputters. The child breaks into peals of laughter then – and it’s so patently Wei Ying’s that it makes something in him ache. “Lan Zhan, ah Lan Zhan!” The boy lunges forward, and Lan Zhan scrambles to catch him. The boy pats his cheek, and Lan Zhan’s world stills again. “What 'child of mine'—haha! It’s me, Lan Zhan – it’s your Wei Ying!”

pov alternating, modern setting, modern with magic, age regression/de-aging, de-aged wei wuxian, fluff and humor, crack treated seriously, established relationship, baby fever, good sibling jiang cheng, junior quartet dynamics, adorable juniors

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

[twistedappletree]

lan jingyi: would you guys still love me if i was a worm?

lan sizhui: i’d make you a little worm home to sleep in and take you to classes every morning

jin ling: if it means you can never talk again, maybe.

ouyang zizhen: i would kiss you to see if it breaks the spell!

lan jingyi:

lan sizhui:

jin ling:

ouyang zizhen: jingyi, are you okay?? your nose is bleeding

[its-leethee]

Sorpeli fanart inspired by @jelzorz's absolutely gorgeous fic (and extended 'verse) The Fruit; because this ship and this fic deserve more attention:

"There's plenty more, they won't miss out." Soren grins at her, handsome and easy and lopsided, the sun like gold in his hair. He's been taller than her for years, but it's still a shock sometimes. "Here." He tugs her hood down before she can argue and sets the flowers in her hair, petals soft against the silver of her circlet. "Pretty."

[xx-blood-lemons-xx]

my friends mildly tolerate me at best

[lilapplesheadcannons]

Juniors next door, battlestation!

The four defeated warriors gasped for breaths. Lan JingYi burped like a bloated manatee, but the rest were too exhausted to react any further than to scrunch their faces in disgust. Jin Ling was hunched under the makeshift wobbly desk, nursing a bruised shin. He wasn't sure whether it was one of the fearsome Yiling Laozu's missiles or a wayward kick from his fellow juniors. Sizhui was sprawled on the rug, eyes vacant, seemingly oblivious to the rabbit desperately trying to chew on the hem of his t-shirt. Ouyang Zizhen was groaning from the couch, clutching on to his belly. Finally, SiZhui broke the silence, "We lost! After all that new battlegears and simulation practice, we still lost."

JingYi couldn't help feeling sorry for their leader. "We did our best. But we are talking about the Yiling Laozu here."

"He made me eat the liver. And onions. I can still taste it in my mouth." Zizhen wailed.

"Rat bustard!" Jin Ling emphasised.

SiZhui suddenly sat up. The rabbit was sent flying and landed on a cushion where it promptly started to chew on the tussels.

"We are not going to give up. We are the only hope of children everywhere to stand up against adult tyranny. Eat veggies for dinner? What next? Do we have to brush our teeth? Do summer homework? Should we live our lives under the shadows of villainous adults? No! Jin Ling, traps! Make sure they can't climb up the ladder so easily next time. Lan JingYi! Rabbit catapults! Ouyang Zizhen! Stock up on soda and candy. We are going all out!"

The Juniors roared in agreements and started scrambling.

"How were they?" Lan Wangji peered over his reading glasses. His husband was looking worse for wear and was conspicuously missing a slipper.

"Stupid! Stuuuuuuupid! Put a stu in the front and end it with a pid! That's how they were. I swear since they got that tree house, they have become insufferable! We should just let them stay up there and forget about it."

Lan Wangji gently shook his head. "Can't let kids starve over the summer holidays. Bad parenting."

"Says who?" Wei Wuxian raised an eyebrow.

"Well, your sister and my brother and Mr Ouyang, for starter."

"Then they can climb up the bloody ladder while carrying 4 plates!"

Lan Wangji nodded sympathetically. "How about this? We will ask Jiang Wanyin to get them to brush their teeth tonight."

@benevolenterrancy

[late-to-the-party-81]

He who Lovescraft loves loudest

AN: Here is my contribution to Stucky Halloween. I don’t really do true scary things, so I went a bit of a different route.

Big thanks go to @greekgeek24 for organising the event and making not only the cover for this fic, and for all the fics that are being entered, but also for the custom bonus image she made for me to share with you guys - you'll find it at the end.

Another big thanks goes to @zenaidamacrouras1 for beta-ing and giggling along to this silly story.

This story also fills Square O2 of my @stuckybingo card - Eldritch Horror as well as the October challenge prompt - Haunted House, and Square B3 on my @steverogersbingo card - Himbo Steve.

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Summary: There’s some scary goings-on around campus. Several students have ended up in hospital, traumatised by something they’ve seen. Bucky, Steve, Sam, Nat and Alpine decide to investigate. Will they discover what’s going on and more importantly, will Bucky get lucky with Steve?

Relationships: Cap Quartet friendship, Steve x Bucky, FWB Nat x Sam.

Word Count: 6k

CW: College AU (all are late teens/early 20’s), kissing, groping, suggestive language, Bucky is constantly horny, Steve is a bit of a himbo, Nat has Sam right where she wants him, Scooby-doo inspired, crack treated seriously, cartoon style slapstick, Alpine is obviously the heroine, recreational drug usage (it goes without saying that in real life you should not have your cat inside your hotbox....)

It was quiet and peaceful in the library until Sam and Nat burst in. Steve had said he wanted to study, but Bucky had managed to convince him, as easily as usual, that making out would also be a good use of their time. 

Bucky was straddling his boyfriend's sinfully muscular thighs, arms wrapped around his neck, enjoying the feel of Steve’s lips against his own. Enjoying the way Steve’s tongue was snaking its way into his mouth. Enjoying the way both of their partially chubbed up cocks were pressed against each other through their layers of clothes.

It was in the back of his mind that it would probably be relatively easy to convince Steve to abandon the library altogether for the soft bench seats in the back of his van and a lot less clothing. However, that’s when the other two appeared.

Nat, making a statement with her skin tight purple jeans and matching top, threw her bag down onto the table and slumped into the nearest uncomfortable wooden chair, all the while making gagging sounds. Bucky pulled away from Steve with a sigh, sliding back onto his own chair. Steve chased his lips for a few seconds before realising why Bucky was no longer kissing the shit outta him. He blushed and immediately turned back to his books, pointlessly trying to make it look as though that was what he’d been doing all along.

“I don’t even know why you two even bother coming to the library to study,” Sam teased, smoothing out his orange turtleneck. “One of these days Mrs. Parker is gonna catch you and throw you out. That’s if she doesn’t throw you out for smuggling your cat in.” 

Bucky spun his chair around, planted his feet in Nat’s lap and tilted his head back to seeSam pointing at Bucky’s backpack. As if on queue, a small, white, furry head popped out of the open zipper.

“Mrow.” Bucky reached out his hand to scritch the top of her head and she started to purr.

“Nah. Mrs P loves Alpine. Who do you think gave my princess a taste for fresh cooked chicken? And she loves me too, especially after I helped her nephew study for his mechanics exam. Doc Octavious gave Peter an A. ”

“I don’t know how you do it, man,” Sam grumbled. “You never seem to study, but still manage to ace all your classes. Meanwhile the rest of us gotta work double time. Especially Goldilocks over there.” Sam jerked his thumb and Bucky twisted in his seat. Steve had gone back to his books, but he still had a cute flush covering his neck and cheeks and his hair was adorably mussed. Bucky smiled indulgently, taking in the sight of his boyfriend in his tight navy slacks and white cotton shirt, before turning back to Sam.

“It’s not my fault I’ve got more natural talent than any of you goobers.” Nat glared at him and shoved his booted feet from her knees. “What are you two here for anyway? I thought you were going to have your own ‘study session’.” He raised his hands in air quotes and Nat’s glare got more intense. Alpine ducked her head back into the bag. 

“We’re here,” she ground out, “because there’s been another attack.” Bucky looked at Nat askance and her announcement even got Steve’s attention as his head snapped up too.

“Yikes! Who was it, and when?” Steve’s shyness at being caught making out melted away, replaced with his no-nonsense ‘mother-hen’ tone. Bucky decided he loved Steve all the more for it.

Sam moved around the table and sat down on Steve’s other side. “It was Clint and Laura. They were found late last night, wandering around near the campus coffee shop.” He pulled a fold out map from his jeans pocket and spread it across the table. Steve picked up one of his pencils and, tongue poking out between his lips, drew an X on it. It was the fourth such mark on the paper.

Bucky scooched his chair closer, pushed his shaggy, shoulder-length hair out of his face, and peered over Steve’s shoulder. Nat got up from her seat and stood behind all of them, resting her hand on Bucky’s back.

“They were crying and talking nonsense when Campus security found them. They’re up at the hospital. I was gonna go up there in a bit and see if I could get anything out of them.” Her tone was laced with anger and Bucky turned his head to look at the clenched fingers of her free hand. Outside of him, Sam and Steve, Clint was one of Nat’s closest friends and she also adored his long term girlfriend Laura, having announced early on that the pair were definitely ‘endgame’.

“I can’t believe that Dean Fury isn’t doing anything about this. This is the fifth attack in just over two weeks and he’s acting like it’s nothing but Spooky Season pranks that have gotten out of hand.”

Bucky wouldn’t put it past Nat to storm into Fury’s office and refuse to leave until he took it seriously. She might not be the tallest, but she was definitely scary when she wanted to be.

“I think I see a pattern,” Sam said, cautiously. His finger tapped down on the map. “Here are the first two attacks, then the third, fourth and finally, the one last night. They’re all within half a block of the old Borson house.”

Steve’s brows drew together. “But no-one has lived there for years. As I understand it, the realtors only just got hold of his daughter to get her to agree to sell.”

“It gives me the heeby-jeebies,” said Bucky. “But maybe we should check it out this evening?”

“Got any twos?” asked Sam.

“Go fish,” Nat responded before she held out her hand for the joint Bucky was passing her. Sam grumbled and drew a card from the deck.

It was smokey and dark in the back of Bucky’s van, but that wasn’t unusual. Nor was the fact that, once again, Bucky was sitting on Steve’s lap. Now he’d passed the joint on, he could return to kissing Steve. 

Steve’s lips opened under his, so Bucky let go of his mouth full of smoke, shotgunning it to his boyfriend. Steve moaned back, his hands tightening on Bucky’s waist and rocking them together. 

“You’re so fucking sexy, Buck. Must be the luckiest guy in school.”

“If we were alone you could be even luckier,” Bucky mumbled into the soft skin of Steve’s neck.

“But you’re not,” drawled Nat, “so clothes stay on and flies stay zipped. That means you, Barnes. We all know who the bad influence is around here.”

“Anyway,” added Sam, “aren’t you two supposed to be keeping a lookout? Can’t do that while your lips are attached together.”

Bucky turned his head and stuck his tongue out at Sam. “You’re such a square.”

Sam raised an eyebrow and took a long pull on the joint. “I think you need to reframe your definition, man. I’m sitting in the back of a beat up van, smoking a joint, keeping an eye out for an unknown monster terrorising our campus and getting beaten at ‘Go Fish!’ of all things. Also, I’m me. As far from square as they come.” 

“Don’t get cocky, Wilson.” As she spoke, Nat stretched out her foot, placing it right into Sam’s crotch. Sam squeaked. Nat smiled.

“I still don’t quite understand what we’re even looking out for,” said Steve. “What did Laura say again?”

“Not a lot,” Nat replied as she stared down at her hand of cards, still rocking her foot back and forth. “She’s obviously traumatised from whatever it was that happened. Her parents said she wasn’t really talking at all, but when I got there she just grabbed hold of my shirt and pulled me really close. Then she just started muttering under her breath. The words ‘tentacles’ and ‘monster’. Then she let me go and went back to staring into space.” The others looked at her in horror, but Nat didn’t seem to notice. “Got any eights?”

Sam threw his cards down across the small table and the moment was broken. The slips of card slid across the melamine surface and Alpine, who had been lightly dozing upon it, opened her eyes and batted a few to the floor.

“Damn it, Romanoff. How the fuck do you do that?” Sam bent down with a huff to retrieve his cards, the joint wedged in the corner of his mouth.

“Observation, my dear Wilson. I can read you like a book.” As Sam sat back up, Nat plucked the joint from his lips and passed it back towards Steve and Bucky. She slipped around the table and slid onto the bench seat Sam was occupying, squishing him against the wall of the van. He grinned at her.

“And is that book the Karma Sutra?” He’d dropped his voice as low as it could go, pulling out all the stops.

“Depends how flexible you are, Sammy-boy.” Nat flicked the end of his nose and they both dissolved into giggles

Bucky, started to chuckle at their antics, when suddenly an ear-piercing scream from outside split the air. 

“Jinkies!” Steve exclaimed and leapt to his feet, banging his head on the roof of the van and tumbling Bucky to the floor in the process. Both exclaimed in pain.

“Damn it, Stevie!” 

“Sorry, Buck.” Steve rubbed at his head with one hand and with the other reached out to haul Bucky up from the floor. One strong jerk and Bucky was back on his feet. Bucky placed the joint in the ashtray and then rubbed at the ache in his ass. Sam and Nat were also on their feet and opening the sliding side door. Cool autumn air swirled into the space, flushing out the pungent fog they had all been cultivating.

Nat jumped down onto the asphalt, head tilted to the side as she waited to see whether any more noises would be forthcoming. She didn’t have to wait for long. A second scream met their ears and before any of the others could say anything she was off, sprinting towards whatever was happening. Sam and Steve looked at each other for a moment and then Sam sped away, hot on Nat’s heels.

“Nat! Wait!”

Bucky jumped down after him, but before he could follow suit he felt Steve’s large hands clamp down on his upper arms.

“Stay here, Bucky.”

“But Steve!” Bucky twisted in Steve’s hold to face him, confusion on his face.

“No, Bucky. I need to know you’re safe. Please. Stay here. You and Alpine. And we might need you to drive the van.” He dropped a kiss to Bucky’s forehead and then he was also running off into the streetlamp lit night.

Bucky watched him, mouth agape in stunned silence, before he stepped back and sat down on the edge of the open doorway.

“What the hell was that? Doesn’t he trust us, Al?” Bucky turned his head to look back into the van. Alpine was no longer sitting on the small table. “Al?” He stood up and then climbed into the van. “Alpine? Where are you, princess?” Bucky opened his backpack zipper wider, wondering whether his stalwart feline had decided to curl up in there for a snooze. No such luck.

Bucky planted his hands on his hips and let out a sigh. His girl was always trying to roam somewhere. He re-exited the van and strode over to bushes on the opposite side of the road.

“Alpine… Princess… Where are you sweetheart?” He ducked down but couldn’t see her. “Here, Alpine! Pss-pss-pss… I’ve got some chicken for you…” Bucky walked a little further down the sidewalk. She had to be around here somewhere. Just then, he caught movement in his peripheral vision; a dart of white disappearing between two fence planks.

“Ah-ha!” Bucky jogged off in pursuit. “You won’t get away from me.” He clambered over the short fence and followed the small blur of white into the shrubs. Branches snagged at his hair and his olive green t-shirt and he wished he’d worn a jacket now - it was a lot colder out here than he’d first thought and it would have protected his arms from getting scraped. The greenery thickened, forcing Bucky down onto his hands and knees. He shuffled forward and  stuck his head and shoulders into a gap under one of the bushes. Alpine was sitting under it, swishing her tail angrily.

“There you are, Princess. Come on. Out you come. We need to get back to the van.” Carefully he reached out, but Alpine let out an uncharacteristic growl as he did. “Hey! What’s gotten into you?” She growled again, the hair on her back standing up on end. As Bucky looked at her in the gloom, he realised something. She wasn’t looking at him. She was looking at something behind him.

Bucky felt a chill go through him, and realised that the ground around him was taking on a green glow. He looked at Alpine, her fur also taking on the eerie hue.

“I don’t suppose that’s Sam, trying to scare the jeepers out of me?”

Alpine continued to growl.

“Didn’t think so…”

Bucky took a deep breath and then backed up quickly, intending to surprise whoever it was behind him with his speed. However, the weed from earlier had made him a little light-headed and as he stood up and spun around, the world spun with him. Something strange - green and non-human looking - started to coalesce in front of his eyes. It opened its mouth and let out an inhuman noise as something else wrapped around his arms. Bucky stepped back in alarm and caught his heel on a tree root. As he lost his balance the creature lost its grip on his arms, but that meant there was nothing to stop Bucky as he pitched backwards. Pain flared from the back of his skull as it connected with the ground. The green, monstrous figure loomed over him, getting closer, but the world continued to spin, before it all went black.

Bucky was shaking.

No. He was being shaken.

“Bucky. Baby. Please. Wake up. I need you to wake up.”

Bucky groaned. His head hurt so much and Steve’s voice was so loud.

“For god’s sake, Steve. Let him breathe.” That was Nat. Bucky groaned again and tried to open his eyes.

“M’okay, Steve,” he croaked out. “What happened? Where am I?”

He sat up, clinging onto Steve and finally managed to open his eyes. He was in the back of his van. Hazy memories flooded back in.

“Alpine! Where is she?” Bucky whipped his head around looking for his beloved pet, but he just went dizzy again and had to cling to Steve harder.

“She’s here, man.” Sam knelt down beside him, a struggling bundle of white fluff in his arms. He opened them and Alpine jumped down onto Bucky’s lap, rubbing her head against his middle and purring. “We came back to the van after finding out that the screaming was Hope Van Dyne - Scott had jumped out on her to give her a scare. It apparently worked too well, although Scott is now sporting a black eye. But when we got back you weren’t here and the door was open. Steve was starting to have a nervous breakdown when Al came running out from the trees, meowing her head off.”

Bucky felt Steve slide to sit down behind him and pull Bucky’s slimmer frame against his broad chest. Bucky allowed himself to be pulled into the hug and Sam continued.

“As soon as Steve got close to her she turned tail and ran off again, but stopped every few yards and looked behind her. She was seeing if we were following. What on earth were you doing in the yard of the Borson house?”

Bucky inhaled deeply, letting the smell of Steve’s cheap, but familiar, cologne sooth him. “It was Alpine. She ran in there first and I followed. I didn’t realise it was the Borson yard. I was concentrating too much on getting my princess back.”

Nat sat down cross-legged next to him, eyes roving over his face as if she were a nurse checking for signs of concussion. Knowing Nat, that’s probably what she was actually doing. “We found you unconscious and Steve carried you back here. What happened?”

Bucky’s brow furrowed as he tried to recall the details. “There was some kind weird person - creature - and it grabbed me, and made this horrible squealing sound. It was green. But I slipped and fell. Banged my head. I didn’t even see it that clearly.”

Sam let out a whistle. “Jeepers! I know you were baked, but what in the HP Lovecraft did you see?”

“I really don’t know, but I want to go home.”

Bucky was still nursing a headache the next day, which sucked for two reasons. Firstly, it was Halloween, and he, Steve, Nat and Sam were supposed to be going to a party tonight and currently he wasn’t feeling it. Secondly, it was making it harder than normal to pay attention in Professor Zemo’s History of Conflict in Europe class. He just wanted to go to sleep, preferably with his head resting on Steve’s stomach as his blonde boyfriend combed his fingers through his hair.

“Are you with us, Mr Barnes?” Sam jabbed him in the ribs and Bucky lifted his head to find that the Professor's accented voice was aimed solely at him. He realised he must have been staring off into space. 

“Sorry, Professor. I didn’t sleep very well last night.” Bucky mumbled his apology into his chest. Professor Zemo sighed and briefly pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“Mr Barnes, please don’t make your nocturnal habits anyone else’s problem except your own. You can waste your own time if you want, but you will not waste mine. If you can’t give my class the proper attention then please avail yourself of the door.”

Bucky squirmed in his seat from embarrassment, aware of the heat in his cheeks that was probably turning his face bright pink. “I… umm…”

“Don’t be so hard on him, Prof. It wasn’t his fault. He got attacked by the monster last night.” Sam’s voice cut across the awkward tension in the air and Bucky didn’t know whether to hug him or hit him. However, his announcement had the effect of distracting everyone in the lecture hall. Or rather now focusing them on Bucky for something other than being chewed out by Professor Zemo.

“You saw it?” Maria turned around in her seat in front of Bucky, eyes wide with intrigue. “What was it like?”

“And why aren’t you in the hospital like the others?” Carol, in the row behind leant forward.

“Well… I…” Bucky rubbed at the back of his neck, trying to formulate an answer that wouldn’t make him look like an idiot. Fortunately he was saved from answering by the Professor trying to get his classroom back in order.

“Settle down, everyone. There is no monster. It’s all just pranks by your immature peers, I’m sure. The only real damage is going to be to the property prices. Who’s going to want to live near such a rambunctious group? I sincerely hope that whoever is behind it stops soon. It’s bringing down the reputation of our centre of learning. But anyway, enough of this distraction. Are you staying or going, Mr Barnes?”

Still awash with embarrassment, Bucky mumbled “Staying, Sir,” under his breath, but it seemed to placate the Professor. 

“Alright then. Where were we? Ah, yes… the Peninsular War…”

“Are you sure I look alright, Buck?” Steve’s voice was laced with trepidation, but Bucky was having difficulty concentrating. He knew that Steve’s costume was going to be a vampire one - he was a werewolf to go with him - but Bucky hadn’t quite realised how revealing Steve’s outfit was going to be…

The main part of it was a red singlet which made Steve look as though he was about to start wrestling. Bucky thought that he might enjoy wrestling with Steve. Under the singlet was a shirt. Sort of. It was sheer. It had a built in cravat at the net and had multiple folds of fabric around the wrists. However, it stopped just above Steve’s glorious tits. To finish it off, there was a short black cape with a red ‘pop-up’ collar. On his feet Steve wore his shiny black dress shoes, his black socks pulled part way up his calves. It was definitely ‘a look’.

Not that Bucky’s outfit was much more dignified - a furry hooded cape with ears that just about covered his nipples, some kind of cross between grey sweatpants and yoga pants with a fuzzy tail, and a pair of furry gloves with claws. He’d just put his battered combat boots on to walk around. And right now he was walking closer to Steve.

He pressed his chest up against his boyfriend’s, wrapping his arms around Steve’s slim waist. He smiled to himself as he saw Steve’s eyes flutter shut as the fur of Bucky’s cape rubbed over his exposed nipples.

“You look so good, Steve, it makes me want to howl. Ow-ow-woo!” Bucky threw his head back and leaned into the bit.

“Buck….” Steve hissed between his teeth, his neck turning a very un-vampire like shade of pink.

“What? The only other person here is your mom and she knows how I feel about you. She’s rolled her eyes at me enough. But I promise to behave myself while we’re out. Or at least I promise to try. And you can’t blame me, baby. You’re so god-damn sexy.”

Steve seemed to have got over Bucky’s over the top reaction and looped his own arms around Bucky’s neck. “Right back at you, Buck. I can’t promise not to bite your neck.” Bucky snorted at Steve’s silly vampire accent but leaned in for a kiss. It started innocently enough, but as was normal for the two of them, hormones raging, it wasn’t long until Bucky was lying on his back on Steve’s bed, being pinned down in a way he couldn’t complain about. However, before things could move from PG-13 to Rated R, they became aware that there was a knocking on the front door downstairs. 

As they listened to the dulcet tones of Sarah Rogers letting the visitors in, the two reluctantly drew apart and willed their erections to go down. There was one thing when your boyfriend’s mom knew what you were getting up to, but for her to see the evidence of it was another thing altogether. 

Costumes sufficiently smoothed out, the two descended the stairs to find Sarah chatting to Sam and Nat in the hallway. The three looked up. Sarah Rogers let a small smile play over her lips as she took in the costumes of her son and his best-friend-turned-boyfriend. Nat and Sam grinned.

“Well, well, well, what do we have here? Slutty monsters of the night?” Sam drawled.

“Can it, Mr ‘Nat and I aren’t wearing a couples costume’. You’re Batman and Catwoman for fuck’s sake.”

Nat rolled her eyes behind her mask. “Yeah, and Batman and Catwoman aren’t a couple.”

“They are friends with benefits though,” smirked Steve. “So I suppose it tracks. I don’t know why you two don’t make it official.”

“Why spoil a good thing, Rogers? Natty and I both know where we stand, don’t we, kitten?” Sam turned his head and flashed Nat his signature gap-toothed smile. Nat extended a gloved hand toward him, fingers curled like claws.

“Me-ow! Now, let’s get going, boys! Halloween parties wait for no creatures.”

The four of them all hugged Sarah Rogers goodbye, and Bucky carefully picked up his backpack from her sofa, a sleeping Alpine still inside. Sarah had said that he could leave the cat with her, but Bucky had decided to bring his faithful feline with him and let her chill out in the van while the party was in full swing at Scott’s house.

He pulled himself up into the driver's seat, placing his backpack down next to him and tucking his tail to the side. Steve slid in on the other side and reached across to squeeze his thigh. Sam opened the side door and helped Nat hop up, even though she was capable of getting in on her own. When the door slammed shut again, Bucky turned the ignition and they were off.

Steve fiddled with the radio, turning on a local station playing a medley of Halloween hits. Thriller was currently playing. Bucky hummed along while he drove, drumming on the steering wheel while Sam sang along, slightly off pitch, in the back.

It was one of those ‘blink and you’d miss it’ moments. One moment they were driving along a fairly empty street, towards campus, the next the headlamps lit up a strange green form in front of them. Bucky slammed on the brakes. Steve reacted quickly, grabbing Bucky’s backpack and stopping it, and Alpine, sliding off onto the floor. In the back, Sam and Nat let out cries of displeasure as they were shaken about.

“What the hell, Barnes!”

Bucky twisted in his seat to meet Sam’s outraged gaze.

“Did you see that? Did you see it?” He didn’t wait for an answer. He put the car back in drive and pulled over to the side of the road and leapt out. He was looking around frantically as the others climbed out of the van. Steve reached into the backpack and placed Alpine on the ground and she wound around Bucky’s legs, sensing his discomfort. Steve placed his hand on Bucky’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“I saw something green, Buck. But I wasn’t really paying attention.”

Bucky spun to face him. “It was him, Steve. The monster.”

Sam and Nat came to stand next to them.

“Are you sure, Bucky?” There was a gentle questioning note in Nat’s voice.

“Absolutely, Nat. I’m certain.”

“Well,” said Sam, rolling his shoulders and puffing out his bat symbol covered chest, “He can’t have gone far.”

Down on the ground Alpine started to paw at Bucky’s leg. “Mwerp.”

They all looked down at her. She cocked her head, turned around and trotted off.

“She’s doing it again,” said Nat. “She wants us to follow her.” 

The four of them scrambled, Bucky only just remembering to lock the van, and they all jogged off after Alpine. She ducked down and squeezed under a gap in a fence and her faithful humans skidded to a stop.

“It’s the old Borson house again,” stated Steve. “Something very fishy is going on. Let’s go.” He started to climb over the fence, but stopped part way when he realised the others were looking at him. “What?”

“Seriously, man?” Sam raised an eyebrow. There was a heartbeat of silence, and then Sam shook his head in resignation. “Okay. Let’s go.” He followed Steve over the fence and held his hand out to Nat. She gave him a look and practically vaulted over, landing crouched, one hand on the floor between her bent knees. Bucky rolled his eyes.

“Such a poser.”

“You’re just jealous that you can’t do it,” Nat retorted.

Bucky snorted, but clambered over the wooden panel in a more sedate manner. He didn’t trust himself not to fall flat on his face. Nat smirked at him. 

With them now all standing in the yard, the very place that Bucky had been the night before, Alpine trotted back over, chirped at them and swished her tail.

“Okay,” said Steve, back in full-blown ‘large and in charge’ mode, which made Bucky’s heart pound loudly in his chest. “Let’s split up. Sam, Nat. You check the yard. Me, Buck and Alpine will go inside. Whoever finishes first joins up with the others. Let’s put an end to whatever this is.” They all nodded their agreement and Sam and Nat snuck off into the trees, black costumes helping them blend right into the shadows. 

Bucky turned to Steve and took his hand with a smile. “Do you think you’ll need an invitation to step over the threshold?”

“Ha ha, Buck. Come on.”

The front steps creaked ominously as they walked up them. Bucky clung to Steve’s back, now starting to feel a little creeped out.The only thing stopping him from going into full blown panic was wondering how Steve could be so calm and collected while his nipples were exposed and currently pointy enough to cut glass. “What do you think we’ll find in there, Steve?” Bucky asked. “A monster?”

“Pphht. It can’t be that scary.” Steve pushed open the front door, and they walked into the gloomy interior.

Something brushed up against Bucky’s leg and he let out a shriek that he quickly muffled with his hands. Looking down he saw Alpine’s reflective eyes looking back at him. Letting out a sigh of relief, Bucky bent down and picked her up. She wiggled out of his arms and settled on his fur-cape covered shoulder. 

“You wanna be close too, princess? I don’t blame you.”

He pulled out his phone and turned on the flashlight, sweeping it back and forth across the floor and walls. The house was still furnished, with thick layers of dust covering every flat surface. When old man Borson had died neither his daughter or two sons had really wanted anything to do with him or his things. It was sad, really.

Suddenly a noise ripped through the air, something akin to a hiss crossed with a scream. The two young men came to a halt.

“What on earth?” Bucky felt Steve’s voice rumble in his chest as he buried his head into Steve’s back.

“I don’t like this, Steve.” He remembered the fear and disorientation that he’d felt last night and tried to repress a full body shudder. 

The noise sounded again and they turned their heads towards the stairwell. The sound was coming from above them. As their eyes adjusted to the gloom, a green glow could clearly be seen. Bucky gulped.

“We’re gonna go up there, aren’t we?”

“We gotta, Buck. We gotta do this for Clint and Laura, and the others who were hurt before them.”

Bucky nodded against Steve’s back. He could do this. 

Slowly they walked towards the stairs, making their way up, one step at a time. The unnatural glowing got more intense and while there were no more screams, the ominous hissing got louder and louder. They crept, one foot after the other, closer and closer towards the partially open door at the end of the corridor, Bucky’s fingers curled around Steve’s red, spandex singlet. Steve stopped, one hand raised a hair’s-breadth from the old, scarred wood and looked at Bucky. His eyes looked strange under the eerie glow, but he looked so sure, so brave that Bucky knew he’d follow Steve anywhere, even if he did currently look like a cross between Bela Lugosi and Bret ‘The Hitman’ Hart. Bucky gave him a small nod, and Steve pushed the door.

The creature stood there, illuminated by its sickly green glow. Its face had two dark eyes, but where its mouth was, it seemed as though it had half-swallowed some kind of squid. Tentacles curled down around its chin, glistening with slime. It had two long arms, ending with three fingers and claws, which it raised menacingly at the two young men. 

Bucky and Steve lept in the air as it screamed, that ear-piercing sound combined with a hiss. They screamed in return, filled with terror and Alpine leapt down from Bucky’s shoulder, hair on end, hissing and spitting. They all turned tail and ran. Alpine was in front, her four legs carrying her faster and far more elegantly than either Steve or Bucky. Next was Steve, barrelling forward, clasping Bucky’s smaller hand in his, practically dragging him along behind. Bucky stumbled, bringing up the rear. He kept turning his head, shrieking incoherently as he realised the monster was right behind them. 

They thundered down the stairs, across the entrance hallway and out of the front door, Steve almost ripping it from the hinges as he pulled it open.

“Nat! Sam!” Steve shouted out for their friends as he dragged Bucky across the lawn.

“Here!” They heard Nat shout and turned to see her standing by the trees at the bottom of the yard - the place where they’d found Bucky yesterday. She waved them towards her. “This way!”

They turned toward her and carried on running. “He’s still coming,” Bucky wailed. What he wouldn’t give to be an actual werewolf right now. He could rip out its throat or something. They stumbled into the shrubbery, Nat having melted back into the darkness. Why did she want them to go this way? Surely it would have just been better to escape by running out the front gate and heading back to the van?

They ran between two trees, and as they did so, they heard Sam shout out.

“Now!”

Instinctually, Bucky and Steve came to a halt and turned around. The monster was bearing down on them, getting closer, when suddenly it tripped on something and crashed to the ground. Immediately, Nat launched herself from the shadows and landed on the creature’s back. She jerked his arms up and cuffed them together. At the same time Alpine leapt down from a tree, landing on the creature's head. She dug her claws into its skull and it let out an all too human type of noise.

“What the heck?” Bucky was dumbfounded. What just happened? Where had Nat found handcuffs? Why wasn’t she scared? She stood up, brushing loose dirt from her pleather outfit and sauntered over to Bucky. 

“We used a tripwire from Sam’s utility belt. The handcuffs are also part of Sam’s costume and I wasn’t scared because of what he and I found in the shed before you two wusses came shooting out of the house.” She patted Bucky’s cheek and he wondered if she’d read his mind or whether he’d actually spoken out loud.

Steve, choosing to ignore Nat’s teasing comment, looked down at the struggling creature in the dirt. “What did you find?”

Sam placed a booted foot in the small of the creature’s back, pinning it to the floor and trained his phone flashlight on it. “We found costume making supplies. And glow sticks. Lots and lots of green glow sticks.”

“Plus instructions on how to make a small speaker. Cos-play stuff really,” Nat chimed in, adding her flashlight to the mix.

“But that means…” Bucky’s jaw dropped and he strode over to their struggling captive, dropping into a crouch. “This isn’t a monster at all. It’s someone dressed up and trying to scare everyone. Just like the Dean and Professor Zemo said. But who?” 

Sam helped him to manhandle the creature into a sitting position, and now he was up close, seeing it lit up and having his hands on it, Bucky could clearly see the rubber and foam, the stitch marks and the little channels that had been made in the outside to house the multitude of glowsticks. Alpine came and sat down next to him, licking at a paw nonchalantly.

“Right - let’s see who you are.” Bucky grabbed hold of the monster’s head, soft and squishy rubber under his hand, and pulled to reveal…

“Professor Zemo!” The four of them exclaimed in shock.

The professor’s dark hair was plastered over his forehead, and in the torchlight his brown eyes gleamed with frustration.

“Yes, it’s me.” His lip turned up in a snarl and if he weren’t handcuffed, Bucky would have been reluctant to be this close to him.

“But why? What on earth do you get from scaring college students?”

“While I did enjoy a little of the karma from scaring some of your peers witless, it was more that I needed the house prices to come down. I wanted to buy the Borson house, but do you know how little a college professor makes? It was starting to work, too. The price had already been slashed once. I’d have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for you pesky kids.”

They all looked at him, dumbfounded, until Steve spoke up.

“Respectfully, Sir, that is really fucked up. Buck, sweetheart, can you call the police?”

“You kiss your momma with that mouth, Stevie?” Bucky sniggered, taken aback by Steve’s uncharacteristic swearing.

“No, but I’ll kiss my boyfriend with it.”

And he did. Just a vampire kissing his werewolf boyfriend in a dark, haunted stand of trees.

Sam made gagging sounds.

Nat called the cops.

Alpine purred.

The end.

Bonus: - They finally get to the party and have a fabulous time.

Tag list: @christywrites, @alexakeyloveloki, @doasyoudesireandlive, @galactusdevourerofworlds, @km-ffluv

[tuppencetrinkets]

~#75,000 icons of Imogen Poots, 200x100, slightly sharpened from: 28 Weeks Later, A Late Quartet, Black Christmas, Castle in the Ground, Centurion, Chatroom, Christopher and His Kind, Comes a Bright Day, Cracks, Filth, Frank and Lola, French Exit, Fright Night, Green Room, Greetings from Tim Buckley, I Know This Much is True, Jane Eyre, Jimi All is by my Side, Knight of Cups, Me and Orson Welles, Miss Austen Regrets, Need for Speed, Outer Range, Popstar Never Stop Never Stopping, Roadies, Rule Number Three, Solitary Man, Sweet Virginia, That Awkward Moment, The Art of Self Defense, The Father, The Look of Love, V for Vendetta, Vivarium, Waking Madison and Wish.

This content is free for anyone to use or edit however you like; if you care to throw a dollar or two my way for time, effort, storage fees etc you are more than welcome to do so via my PAYPAL.  Please like or reblog this post if you have found it useful or are downloading the content within.  If you have any questions or you have any problems with the links or find any inconsistencies in the content, etc. please feel free to drop me a politely worded message via my ASKBOX (second icon from the top on my theme!)

[i-am-a-megalodon]

we need to bring back the "emo bands on crack" youtube videos. fob is back, mcr has been touring and gerard is at his most unhinged, and have you seen sai era tøp shows? so much chaotic energy.

[jelzorz]

feeling a bit chaotic, might write some crack quartet later

[raayllum]

unexpected season win for the sorpeli shippers let me tell you

[starified-lizzy]

Yeah I don’t know.

I saw the OG meme/image (under Cut) and went “yeah, that’s them.”

[twistedappletree]

me and who~? 😌🍂🍁

[its-leethee]

back to the garden

for my fellow claudiez enjoyers *blows a kiss*