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cassiesc0rner · 7 months ago

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Impurities IV

Synopsis: You're the new girl at East Highland High, your only goal is to get through school. Until you come across Nate Jacobs

Genre: smut, angst

Pairing: Nate x fem!reader

Warnings: bad parenting, lying, jealousy, invasion of privacy, spying, dark themes,

oral (receiving), lmk if I missed something

Song rec: You - 2Feet | Dracula - Labrinth | Sour Switchblade - Elita | Saccharine - Jazmine Bean

WC: +8,6k

Other parts: previous part, next part

A/N: Writing this part felt like a rollercoaster😶 I hope you guys like it though!! ᥫ᭡

"Y/n?"

You stirred awake when you heard Nate's voice from the distance. You slowly opened your eyes, realizing that you were in fact still in Nate's bed and you weren't just dreaming that you had two mind-blowing orgasms just a few minutes ago.

"Sorry.. I really tried to stay awake but I couldn't." You admitted shyly as you pulled the blanket further up. Nate currently sat at the bottom of his bed as he stroked your leg over the blanket.

"It's totally normal to be exhausted after that." he smiled as he remembered how he came back and you were absolutely passed out because of him. "I didn't mean to wake you up but it's almost 7, and your mom's probably been texting you nonstop." You groaned as you remembered it was Monday, before your eyes widened.

"What do you mean it's almost seven?!" You exclaimed as you sat up in bed. You were under the impression that you’ve slept for a few minutes, not a few hours.

You haven't looked at your phone in hours, your mom's gonna kill you. "Yeah, like I said, I had to wake you up." he responded, once he saw the horror on your face.

He didn't want to, but he also knew you couldn't stay at his place. Not when your mom was still in the way. You couldn't just pack your things and live with him, she’d probably drive after you and drag you back home.

He got up and walked over to his chair where he had folded your clothes neatly earlier. He picked them up and walked back to the bed before handing them over to you.

"My mom's making food downstairs, she wants you to stay and eat before you go back home." he sighed. He knew his dad was downstairs as well and would probably ask you weird questions or try to humiliate Nate.

Not to mention that his brother was in fact at home and heard the two of you, like he hoped, based on the bitter look he gave Nate when he went down to get you a glass of water.

He didn't want Aaron to embarrass you in front of his parents though, he knew you probably wouldn't be able to look into their eyes ever again, and you probably also wouldn't want to come over ever again.

You nodded as you looked at the clothes in your hands "Can you.. turn around?" you asked, not even looking at Nate. He chuckled as he shook his head in disbelief.

"Y/n, I've seen everything there is to see." he reminded you. When you didn't respond he raised his hands in defeat "Alright, it's probably better if I do.. I don't know if I can control myself if I see you naked again.." he added with a smirk.

You chuckled in response as Nate turned and walked towards the door "I'll go ahead, yeah?" You nodded and once he left you quickly got up and stretched your arms before you got dressed. Then you fixed your dishevelled hair and went through your bag, searching for your phone to check your messages.

4 new messages

mom: Alright... 2:56 pm

mom: When are you coming home? 5:50 pm

mom: Hope you are okay 5:55 pm

mom: Tell me if you need me to pick you up 6:30 pm

mom: Do you want me to make food when you come home? 6:43 pm

you: you don't have to cook, Nate's mom already made food, everything is fine 6:49 pm

you: Nate is gonna drive me home after we ate 6:49 pm

You couldn't lie, it was sweet that she cared for you so much. But you just wished both of your parents would care about you, equally as much.

"So Y/n, tell me, how's my son treating you?" Marsha asked as she sat back down after you all finished eating. You sat across from her at the table, while Nate sat next to you across from his dad.

To Nate’s luck Aaron left the house after their dad got home.

You smiled back at her "He's amazing. I don't know what I'd do without him honestly.." you shyly responded. Nate smiled as well when he heard that.

"That's good to hear. You know, he's been really happy lately.. It's rare to see him so at peace." she responded with a content smile. "It's honestly quite unusual. He's usually anything but peaceful.." Cal added, and you weren't sure if it was just a dry joke or if he was serious.

Nate glared at him, but didn't say anything in response, so you decided to step in "Oh well.. I think Nate just gets drained easily because of practice and everything, it's not easy being such a good Quaterback." you smiled as you tried to lift the mood, knowing that even if it was a joke Nate most definitely didn't think it's funny.

Nate softly squeezed your thigh under the table. He loved how quick you were to defend him against his dad, especially since he knew how anxious you were around him.

"Oh he's been like this ever since he was a kid, nothing to do with his football career." Cal retorted drily, before he took a sip of what you assumed was whiskey.

Marsha was just about to say something when Nate already responded "Yeah, well maybe I had my reasons, dad." You weren't surprised by his sour tone or his intense glare directed towards Cal.

Sure, you didn't know everything that was going on between them, but it didn't take a lot to notice that his parents always paid attention to their image. You noticed that the moment you first went over to Nate’s place. It looked like it was straight out of a catalog, like no one lived there because it was so clean and tidy, and Nate was no different.

His room looked like one in those furniture magazines. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, just unusual for a teenage guy in his age to have such a clean minimalistic room.

And how often Nate told you that his dad criticizes Nate for everything he’s not good at right away, always expecting him to be the best.

You've been wondering how long Nate has been trying to maintain this image of perfection, or how long his Dad forced his perfectionism onto his son.

Marsha cleared her throat "By the way, Nate told me about your mom. Is she actually scared of him?" You quickly shook your head "She's not scared of him, she's just really anxious about any new person I meet. She thinks I'm not safe the moment I leave the house." You explained.

"Well, she loves you. And she probably wants to prevent anything bad from happening to you. If you want I can try to talk to her." She offered "I can't guarantee anything, but it's worth a try, we should get to know each other now that you two are dating." you nodded in response "That would be great."

She smiled softly before she added "You're also always welcome to stay, of course. In case things get too tough at home." "Thank you Mrs Jacobs..." She scoffed "Please, call me Marsha." You nodded.

"So, when would you talk to her?" Nate asked his mom impatiently. You turned to him "Nate, my parents don't even know we're together yet." you reminded him.

Nate actually wanted to keep it that way because of your mother, but he knew that she would ask questions if you tell her that his mom wants to talk to her.

"Then... tell your mom today. After I drive you home." He declared. You thought for a moment, were you even ready to tell your mom you're dating Nate? She told you so many times that you should take your time with dating, because she sometimes feels like she made the wrong choices.

Especially regarding your dad.

But you didn't want to make Nate feel like she didn't like him, you were sure that she'd be cautious about any other teenage guy. "O-okay." you agreed nervously "You don’t always have to listen to him you know?" Cal suddenly spoke.

Nate sighed as he threw his head back "Fucking hell, maybe you're the reason why I'm always on edge." You looked down at his hand on your thigh as he involuntarily squeezed it harder "I'm just saying-" Cal defended himself "Yeah, but that was so unnecessary, do you think I’m forcing her to do anything?" Nate retorted.

Marsha smiled apologetically at you before she averted her gaze down at the table. You sighed as they continued to quarrel. You hated it when people fought, because it reminded you of the way your parents would scream at it each other.

It became unbearable sometimes and whenever someone raised their voice at you, you had tears in your eyes. You also couldn't handle conflicts well, you always apologized, not letting room for any discussion.

Nate loved that about you, you wouldn't fight with him about anything no matter if he was rude sometimes, you simply just let him be.

He never even asked himself why you were like this, that the problems you had to endure at home made you this way. He just considered that you were like this, because you didn't want to lose the only person you had.

That was until you removed Nates hand from your thigh and got up from the chair. Everyone suddenly looked at you and it was finally quiet "I'll get my phone and wait outside.." you quietly said.

You gave Marsha a sad smile "Thank you, for letting me stay for dinner.. and in advance for talking to my mom." you said before you quickly left and went upstairs.

Once you grabbed your phone, you walked past the shopping bags. You decided to leave them there, since your mom would probably think you two went shopping instead of studying for maths.

After you had your shoes on, you quietly made your way to Nate’s car, waiting for him to come outside.

"Sorry about that.." Nate said once he started the motor and pulled out of the parking lot. "I just got so fucking mad when he said that.. the way he talked sounded so... I don't know." he added as he furrowed his brows in frustration.

You sighed "It's fine... I just really don't like it when people fight." you explained, as you fiddled with the hem of your dress. "Do your parents fight a lot?" he asked bluntly.

You nodded "Yeah... they're just two totally different people. I honestly don't even know why they got married in the first place." you scoffed. Nate sighed as he reassuringly placed his hand onto your thigh once again.

When he reached your place, he shut the motor off and looked at you "You want me to come inside with you?" he asked softly. You thought for a moment before nodding. Maybe it was because you felt safer with him and knew that your mom wouldn't make a scene in front of him, but you simply didn't have the strength to tell her yourself.

You both exited his truck before he locked it and grabbed your hand "I'm sure she's gonna take it well, don't worry about it." he tried to reassure you, even though he knew your mom would most definitely freak out.

You rang the doorbell, knowing she's already waiting for you. You softly removed your hand from Nate's grip, not wanting her to see you two holding hands right away. He frowned but before he could say something your mom opened the door.

"Oh, hello Nate." she said as she tried to put on a smile. "Thanks for driving her home.."' she added. "Can he come inside for a moment?" you asked nervously.

She nodded slowly as she made space for him to enter. She closed the door before she crossed her arms and eyed the two of you.

You sighed before you finally looked into her eyes and forced a smile onto your features. "Alright, mom... I need to tell you something." you tried to stay as positive as possible, as you saw the way your mom looked at you.

It was almost as if she knew whatever you're about to tell her wouldn't make her happy. "Nate and I are dating!" you exclaimed happily as you took his hand this time.

Your mother raised her eyebrows at that, as her gaze flickered to Nate "Oh.. how did that happen?" she asked, her tone void of any positive emotions.

You gulped before you replied "Um... well, he asked me out... last friday. He.. took me out on a date." you nervously explained. She squinted her eyes "Didn't you go to his party on friday?"

Shit

"Yeah it was actually Saturday, it was after you slept over, remember?" Nate intervened, you chuckled as you nodded, glad that he was so quick to save you.

“Right, sorry. It was on Saturday before he drove me home. He took me out to a fancy restaurant and everything, isn't that amazing?" you quickly added a hint of nervousness still present in your tone.

Your mom nodded, a small smile on her face "Yeah that does sound amazing.." she nodded and a seemingly way too long silence settled in "What made you fall for my daughter, Nate?" She asked bluntly as she looked at him.

He felt like he was being interrogated for committing murder, because of the way your mom glared at him. He smiled down at where your hands connected before he looked back at her "Well, what is there not to love about her? She's sweet, well mannered, intelligent, beautiful.. I could go on and on."

She nodded as if she was fine with that. "Alright... Well, who am I to stand in your way." You knew that she'll drop the façade the moment he's out the door. "But be careful Nate," she warned as she glared at him "I know where you live. If something happens to her because of you, I won't hesitate to ruin you."

You groaned "Mom, stop scaring him." you scolded "Nate would never hurt me." You said as you leaned your head against his arm. "I hope he doesn't." she added. "I can assure you Mrs y/l/n, I'd do everything to keep your daughter safe." he responded as he stared back at her.

And he was serious, he'd also protect you from her if he had to. He'd find a way, and judging by the way she eyed him as if she would kill him if you weren't present in the room, he was sure the day would come where he had to do that. Nate would never let anyone or anything stand in between you two.

Not even your mother.

Once you looked up at Nate, he forced a smile onto his face, before he cleared his throat "I'll get going then.." He added before he hugged you tightly. "I'll pick you up tomorrow, alright?" You nodded as you smiled.

"You barely know him, Y/n! How do you know he's actually serious about you? I mean.. how can you trust him so much?"

As predicted, your mom was not okay with you having a boyfriend "Jesus Christ, why can't you just be happy for me?" you retorted as you walked into your room, hoping you'd finally escape your mom.

You were forced to discuss your new relationship with Nate, the moment the door closed behind him.

"Because I know what I'm talking about! I've seen it happen right in front of me." she raised her voice as she followed you into your room.

"See what happen in front of you? He's been nothing but nice to me, I don't even know why you dislike him so much!" you walked towards your window as you opened it, feeling pretty heated by the argument your mom started.

She scoffed in response "Because I'm not gullible. I mean..." she groaned before continuing "Do you think he still would've asked you out if you wouldn't have changed your appearance so much?"

That seemed to hit a nerve because you immediately froze, once again thinking back to what Maddy told you "Okay, I don't wanna talk about this right now, like that's just ridiculous." You laughed drily, as you shook your head in denial "Why not? Because you know that I'm right?" she crossed her arms.

You turned around, facing your mom as you grew more and more furious. "No, because I'm sick of you hating on Nate when you don't even know him! God, you're so paranoid all the time, you're driving everyone around you insane!" you breathed heavily as you tried to control your anger.

"Alright, watch your tone-" "No! I'm tired of this, I'm... I always listened to you, I never broke any of your rules, even if that meant I didn't have any friends, because you were too scared to let me meet anyone outside of school! I never disobeyed you." You nearly cried out of anger.

"And I won't let you get in the way of my relationship, because I've never been happier!" you breathed heavily as you turned around again. "I mean why do you try to give me advice, when you married dad? You constantly fight with him, I mean you two just aren’t good for each other!" you rambled.

Your mom sighed softly as she tried to stay calm. "You wanna know why I married your dad?" she asked challengingly "I married your dad because he was just like Nate in the beginning. So generous and kind, it almost felt too good to be true. And once I distanced myself from almost everyone, we got married... And he only cared about his work, and being successful."

You turned around again, eyeing her as you scoffed before she continued "At first he bought me gifts and flowers and told me he loved me. But then he distanced himself more and more..." She sighed again as she contemplated whether or not to continue, but she decided to come clean with you.

"It... broke me, alright? I tried to leave him, I really did... but he told me he'd change and that he wanted to have a family with me... I... I wanted to believe him. I thought if we had a child, it would fix what's broken, that he'd be happier again, that I'd be happier again, and that he wouldn't be so focused on his work."

You furrowed your brows as you realized what your mom was hinting at "You can't be serious..." your mom avoided your gaze as she continued "He cared about you, he was so... different back then. But at some point, it felt like I had to raise you myself and I.. couldn't leave him, because I didn't want you to grow up without a father.."

"I grew up without a father. I mean, when was the last time he spoke to me for more than three minutes?" you asked in disbelief. Your mom ran her hands through her hair as she sighed "You're telling me you got pregnant because of your own selfishness and... what? It didn’t go as planned?"

When your mom didn't respond you scoffed in return "You know, I would say I'm sorry for you.. but you should feel sorry for me. Because I'm the one that suffered from your unhealthy relationship and the anxiety that you've projected onto me over the years."

You shook your head in disbelief as you walked towards your bed "Honestly, it's ironic that you want to give me advice on picking the right guy." you said sarcastically "Y/n, I'm trying to protect you, you know I always tried to protect you, and I know what kind of guy Nate is!"

Your mom tried to desperately defend herself "He's the type who only likes you if you do as he says, you know that, deep down you know that-" "Mom, enough!" you yelled.

"I'm sick of hearing you talk about him like that, okay? I'm so tired of it, because he makes me smile and I feel so good when I'm with him, and the moment I come back home my fucking smile drops everytime!" You spat.

“Even if I do what he says sometimes to keep him happy, I do it because.. he does the same for me! He keeps me happy.” You added as you tried to calm down again.

You sat down on your bed as an eerie silence settled in and you saw the defeat in your mother's eyes. "You'll see it... sooner or later you'll see what I meant. And when you do, you're in way too deep to leave him." You rolled your eyes "I'm not like you.. I wouldn't go to such lengths to keep a man."

Your words stung and your mother was clearly hurt by what you said, but she always had an answer ready "We'll see about that.." she said before leaving your room and slamming your door shut.

You did not expect that to happen, especially not today. Sure, you knew that she'd give you the 'guys like Nate aren't good for you' talk, but to find out that your parents only had you, because they tried to fix their shitty marriage, was insane.

You're also sure that Nate would probably ask you if anything happened after he left, when he picks you up tomorrow, but you obviously couldn't tell him that your mom hated him.

Except, he didn't even have to ask.

It's not like he didn't want to drive back once he left your house, but when he heard your mom talk the moment the door closed, he got curious and decided to eavesdrop just a little bit to make sure everything was alright.

And when he heard you two fight and move your talk to what he assumed was your room, he made sure that no neighbour saw him before he made his way to your window on the other side, crouching right next to a bush so you didn't see him by accident. And to his luck, you opened it and he could hear everything.

He already knew your mother didn't like him, even if you tried to tell him that it's not true and that she's just extra careful with boys.

He honestly thought that was really cute of you, but he actually couldn't care less about what your mother thought of him. When she intervened into your relationship like this however, it started to really bother him.

Nate also was really satisfied, knowing that you stood up for him and fought with your mom, despite how much you hated arguments. He didn't know that you had that side to you, because he was so used to you being soft spoken and sweet, but he figured it was the anger that you suppressed for ages, finally slipping out.

He felt even more connected to you because he related to you so much, since his parents also bring out the worst in him. Except, he never really suppressed his anger.

But it showed him that you'd do everything for him, just like he'd do everything for you.

Needless to say, you didn't really talk to your mom after the fight.

Days passed and you only left your room to go outside when Nate picked you up. It got to the point where even your dad noticed it was awfully quiet at home when he came back from his trip.

Your mom also didn't apologize she just acted as if everything was fine, while you didn't try to hide the fact that you were still pretty much pissed. But you distracted yourself, because your mind was occupied with Nate.

Nate's birthday in fact.

You wanted to surprise him for his birthday, and host a party. But since you never really went to a party before and you also couldn't host one at your place, you had to ask the only person you know could help you.

Max from his football team.

You knew that he was the next closest person to Nate that you personally knew -even if he wasn’t exactly his best friend, but you figured it’d do. Besides, Nate once told you he's had a good time at one of his parties once, and you were sure he would help you throw a party for his friend.

One day after your biology lesson, you waited for Max to walk along the hallways, and once you spotted his tall figure you took the courage to talk to him. He obviously knew you but you two never talked alone.

You approached him quickly before he could head towards the cafeteria. "Hey!" you exclaimed once you got his attention. He smiled at you "Hey, what's up?" he asked casually. You swallowed harshly, while fidgeting with your hands as you replied "Nothing, I just kinda... have to ask you for a favor.." you trailed off.

He raised his brows "Me?" you nodded "Alright what is it?" he chuckled "Soo, Nate's birthday is next week right?" he shrugged "If you say so, we don't really talk about birthdays during practice, you know?" He joked "Wait are you gonna ask me what to get him?” he asked.

You shook your head before you lowered your voice even more "I actually wanted to ask if you could help me throw him a birthday party?" he thought for a seemingly long moment, before he nodded "Sure, why not. I haven't had a party in a while. Do you know where?"

You shyly shook your head. You’d feel bad if you'd ask him if you could party at his place, since you really didn't know the guy. But you also weren't sure if Nate's parents would be fine with a party at his place.

He smiled at you "Hey it's fine, we can do it at my place, I just asked in case you wanted to celebrate somewhere special." you sighed in relief before smiling back at him "No I haven't planned anything so far, so that would be perfect. Thank you so much, really.."

He scoffed before pulling his phone out "It's no biggie really, just uh maybe give me your number and we can meet up and plan everything, alright?" You quickly nodded before shakily pulling your phone out ready to give him your number.

You were silently praying that Nate didn't see you two right now, because he would probably ask why you were talking to Max and why you were giving him your number.

Once he saved your contact he sent you a text so that you had his number as well. "Again, thank you so much, and sorry if I just took time off of your break." you nervously chuckled, once both of you put your phones away again.

He shook his head "Nah, don't worry about it." He looked behind you and spotted Nate in the distance who seemed to approach you two "Your boyfriend's coming." you looked behind you and panicked. Great.

"He can't know what we just talked about, it's supposed to be a surprise.." he nodded as he quickly thought of something. "Let’s tell him..." he tried to think of something as Nate came closer and closer "you asked me what you can buy him." he quickly mumbled.

Nate reached you two shortly after and smiled down at you before leaning down to kiss you. You froze as he pressed his lips onto yours in a harsher way than he usually would as his hands rested on your waist.

He then broke the kiss and looked at Max with a grin "What's up," he greeted him "Why are you two standing here?" he added. You cleared his throat before Max spoke up "We just talked about birthday presents y'know? Since yours isn't too far away." he nudged him playfully.

Nate chuckled drily "Oh..." You pouted as you looked up at Nate "Yeah Nate, you kinda ruined the surprise now." you complained. He sighed before stroking your cheek "I'm sorry... But hey, you really don't need to buy me anything." he reassured you.

Once an awkward silence settled in, Max cleared his throat "Well, I'll see you two around." he said before smiling at you and leaving towards another direction.

Nate knew he was probably looking way too much into it, but he didn't like how Max smiled at you. You weren't aware of how beautiful you were, you never noticed how boys and even girls looked your way, because your gaze was mostly glued onto the floor or literally anywhere but people's faces.

But he saw it, he knew he wasn't the only who knew you were perfect. Which is why he was extra careful. He couldn't allow you to have male friends, he was already worried about your mom taking you away from him, he couldn't handle anyone else being a threat.

He looked after Max as he walked down the hallway, when you looked up at him "Nate," you tugged on his hand "you're not jealous, right?" you joked, even though you couldn't be more right.

"What if I am?" he asked as he looked back at you. You chuckled as you shook your head "You know I only have eyes for you..." you reminded him as you turned around to head to the cafeteria "It didn't seem like it when you smiled at him.." Nate mumbled.

"I smile at everyone." You defended yourself. Nate sighed, knowing you were right. But that didn't mean it was okay for him. He frowned as he walked into the cafeteria with you.

He didn't want to jump to conclusions, but Max had the power to ruin everything between you two. He could tell you all the bad things Nate has said and done that he knew of, and he really didn't want to risk that.

He tried to shake the thought that there was more going on, but he decided to pay even more attention to who you hang out with in the future. Because he really didn't want you to get closer with Max.

Just recently you befriended some girls from your arts class, who luckily didn't have any connections to Maddy or Cassie, so he decided not to ruin that for you.

He felt so powerful knowing that he had control over everything you did and who you talked to.

Until you sat next to him at home the same day, watching a movie while you texted Max.

Max: Let's just buy the stuff together 4:56 pm

You: you mean like drinks and snacks? 4:57 pm

Max: yeah that too but we also need cups, decoration and stuff 4:57 pm

You: trueee omg I never went to a high school party btw, so I'm really glad we're doing this together 4:58 pm

Max: yeah that's crazy ur missing out fr 5:00 pm

Max: Until now at least because my parties are always amazing😎 5:00 pm

You chuckled at the emoji as you shook your head. "Who're you texting?" you flinched slightly as you looked at Nate who glanced down at your phone.

You locked it before smiling at Nate "Just Mia from my history class, sorry." you lied, and Nate almost would've bought it if you hadn't locked your phone this quickly. You placed your phone next to you as you looked back at the TV.

Who the fuck where you texting?

"Oh.. and what are you talking about?" he asked as nonchalantly as possible as he looked at the TV again. "Just about... this unnecessary assignment we got today." you explained casually. Nate nodded, still not really believing you.

You never lied to him, or at least he was pretty sure you didn't, so it must be something big if you're lying to him right now.

He also noticed how casual you acted as you talked to him just now. You usually didn't act so casual, so he immediately figured it was just your way of covering up that you were lying, and trying to come across as honest as possible.

But that didn't work on him, he immediately picked up on your tactic.

Once you excused yourself to get a glass of water, Nate paused the movie, and waited a few seconds after you closed the door behind you. Then he quickly grabbed your phone, taking in the sight of your lockscreen.

It was a picture you took of Nate after one of his football games. He smiled, as he felt himself somehow relax a little bit.

Until one notification popped up

Max: Btw let's drive to the mall after school tmr... now

and then another text

Max: But we gotta be careful or else he'll see us and... now

and then another...

Max: Can't wait to see the look on his face when he finds out... now

What the fuck?

Why was Max texting you? And why did he want to go to the mall with you tomorrow? Was he planning some sort of date? He placed your phone back on the same spot he picked it up from.

He clenched his jaw as he repeated the messages in his head over and over again 'can't wait to see the look on his face when he finds out' he had to be talking about him, who else could he possibly mean?

The look on his face when he finds out what? That you were.. meeting up with Max behind his back? You wouldn't cheat on him.. there's just no way, no no... You weren't like this.

Sure it was only the preview of the message, and he sadly couldn’t see the full messages, but what else could he possibly mean?

For how long were you talking to Max? How didn't he notice it sooner, he was around you all the time. He even waited in front of your room sometimes to walk to the cafeteria with you.

Nate knew he didn't have enough evidence to confront you. What if he misunderstood the text messages? You'd feel betrayed because he was invading your privacy.

Your trust would probably be broken.

He sat there in silence as his mind ran a thousand miles, thinking of everything he could've meant but no matter what he thought of, every thought lead to you cheating on him.

Once he saw you enter his room again, his thoughts were interrupted. You smiled at him as you made your way back into his bed, setting the glass down on the table. When you sat down next to him, he roughly pulled you into his lap, causing a surprised squeal to leave your lips.

You straddled him, as you looked at him with a flustered expression, before he pulled you in for a desperate kiss. You gasped, completely confused by the sudden display of affection, but slowly kissed him back.

He pulled you closer, as he pushed his tongue into your mouth, forcing a sigh out of you. Once he broke the kiss he looked at you, his serious expression not matching the way he just kissed you. "Do you love me?"

You blinked at him, as you furrowed your brows "Of course I love you." you said, as your hand made its way to his cheek, and he sighed in return as he closed his eyes.

"Nate–" before you could ask him what's wrong, he nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck, inhaling the scent of the perfume he bought you, and it eased his mind just a little bit as he stayed there.

"Hey... what's wrong?" you asked softly, as you stroked his hair. He hated how vulnerable he felt because of you, he should be angry, planning Max's murder and punish you for betraying him like that.

But all he could think right now was that he might lose you, and he was so sure that everything was going just fine between you two, so why did you seek another guy's attention? Did he not satisfy you enough?

He attacked your lips once more, this time more passionate as he made out with you. You genuinely didn't know what came over him all of a sudden, but you felt like he was avoiding something.

Nate's hand slipped under your skirt, and grabbed the flesh of your ass while his other hand moved to your waist, before he swiftly laid you onto your back, causing you to gasp.

Then he hovered over you, kneeling between your legs "Can I try something?" He kissed your neck, as his hand once again wandered under to your skirt, causing you to gasp.

He bunched your skirt up as you froze "Sh-shouldn't we talk about this?" you nervously asked, as you felt his hand hook under the waistband of your pink panties.

Nate pulls back slightly to look at you with a playful smile "There's nothing to talk about, sweetheart." he assured you before he stroked your thigh "Do you trust me?" You nodded slowly, a hint of worry still visible on your face.

"What are you going to try?" you asked nervously, as you felt vulnerable in the current situation. He chuckled before he licked his lips "I'm gonna make you feel good." he stated before finally pulling your panties down your legs, and removing them in a quick motion.

You instinctively closed your legs as you swallowed, but Nate wasn't having it. He was quick to pull your legs apart with his strong grip, admiring the view of your bare pussy. He could feel his pants tighten, but this wasn't about him, no, at least for him it wasn't.

This was about finally being able to taste you, and showing you that he was all you needed. That you didn't need a second option, because he would give you everything you could ask for.

Nate bent down, closing his eyes as he inhaled your scent. "Fuck..." he breathed out before darting his tongue out and licking a stripe up your slit, as he watched your reaction. You nearly jumped off the bed as you whined, slightly overwhelmed by the foreign feeling.

He smirked at your reaction "You look so pretty like this.." he trailed off as he listened to the various sounds you made. "Do you like that?" His tongue started flicking against your clit, as he pushed your legs further up, ripping a low moan from your throat.

"Y-yes... but you don't have to do this." you reassured him as your breathing got heavier. He chuckled, the vibrations adding onto your pleasure. "Don't worry about me.. Could spend hours between your thighs." he mumbled against your clit, causing you to moan again.

Your hands made its way to his hair, your nails dragging along his scalp, which caused him to groan against your clit. You already began to feel like you're losing your sanity with the way Nate made you feel in just such a short amount of time "You're so good at this.." you praised.

Nate smirked in response before sucking on your clit. Your thighs were trembling at this point, and you weren't sure how long you would last "Nate, oh... I'm so close." you whined as your hips involuntarily bucked into his face.

With one final harsh suck on your bud, he sends you over the edge, causing you to moan his name as you tremble from the intensity. Once Nate tasted your release on his tongue, he made it his mission to not waste a single drop as his tongue cleaned you up.

You trembled and mewled because of the slight overstimulation, causing him to finally removed his mouth from you "Sorry, you just tasted so good I couldn't stop myself." he rasped before hovering over you again and pressing his wet lips onto yours, allowing you to taste yourself on him.

After he broke the kiss, he cupped your cheek, as you relaxed into his touch and closed your eyes "Are you okay? You came pretty hard." he boasted as he smirked down at you. You didn't even have to look at him to know that he we smirking, since his tone gave it away.

You nodded shyly, as you responded "Yeah.. it was intense, thank you, Nate." he smiled, loving how grateful you were, never taking anything he gave you for granted.

He could've sworn he fell deeper for you, every time he discovered something new about your body. The way you sounded, the way you tasted or the way your body reacted to him. It just fueled his need to own every inch of you.

"No need to thank me.. You deserved it, you're always so good to me.." he praised you, before retrieving a paper towel from the box on his nightstand, and cleaning you up.

You slowly open your eyes "Do you want me to... return the favour?" you asked shyly. Nate thought for a moment, since the throbbing in his pants definitely hasn’t disappeared, but he decided to shake his head. This was about you, and making you feel worshipped, showing you that you only need him.

"You can try that another time.." he grinned, before picking your panties up and sliding them back on for you.

"Maybe tomorrow..?" he offered as he looked deeply into your eyes, knowing that you certainly don't have time tomorrow. You chuckled nervously "That would be great, but.. I don't think I have time tomorrow.."

Why, because you were sucking him off already?

"What are you doing tomorrow?" he asked as he stroked your sides and he could see the panic in your eyes, just for a split second "Uh.. Mia wanted to meet up for... the history assignment." you shrugged.

There it was again, this casual, nonchalant attitude you had earlier when you said you were texting Mia.

his hand twitched slightly as he tried to stay calm, but it was really hard, when all he could think of was that you were lying to him just like that. "Oh... okay." he forced a smile.

You felt awful for lying to him, but you knew it would pay off in the end. You already imagined how happy he would be once he'd enter Max's place next week.

Nate felt the urge to yell at you, and ask you what the fuck had gotten into you, for you to betray him like this. But he decided it’s best to stay as calm and rational as possible and see what would happen tomorrow, before he would drive to Max's place and bash his head in with a baseball bat.

It was just so hard for him to think rational when it came to you.

The next day was pretty exhausting, you already were extremely anxious once you got into Max's car, and drove to the mall with him.

It wasn't as awkward as you expected it to be though, Max was really chill and funny most of the time. You weren't used to going out with anyone other than Nate, but you could envision yourself hanging out with both of them sometimes.

You wondered why Nate and Max weren’t closer, since Nate would probably have a lot of fun with him.

You were however pretty overwhelmed when you two bought alcohol. You were glad that Max took it upon himself to pick out the, as he calls it, 'good stuff '. Max had a fake ID and you were really anxious when the store clerk asked for it, once Max wanted to pay for it.

He was completely relaxed however, chuckled and pulled it out like it's the most normal and legal thing ever, while you tried to stuff all the bottles back into the shopping basket, without breaking any of the glass bottles.

And after spending 3 hours at the mall with him, you were finally back in front of your house. You spent a fortune just on drinks and snacks alone and Max decided to pay for the decoration and some of the alcohol as his 'present' for Nate, despite you telling him, that it was already nice enough to offer his place for the party.

You were also glad he offered to drive you home, since it started to rain heavily once you two sat in his car.

You still felt bad about Nate, he was so sweet yesterday and he even told you to text him and send him your live location once you're on your way home, so he knows that you're safe, which you did of course.

Except, that wasn't the only reason.

As soon as he received your text, he drove over to your place, making sure to drive fast in order to be there before you arrive. He knew Max would drive you home, since it was raining and staring to get dark.

Once he arrived, he searched for a secluded street nearby where you two wouldn’t see him. Then he parked his truck before he got his umbrella and left the car before locking it. Then he opened the umbrella as he walked closer to your house.

Once he found the perfect spot he simply waited, waited for you to get out of his car.

It was still raining when Max parked his car in front of your house. "Thank you for everything, again. I couldn't have done this without you." He brushed you off again "Don't mention it. Just.. please don't let Nate beat my ass if he finds out we went out alone." he joked, even though he knew he was dead serious.

You chuckled before your expression changed to a more serious one "Can I ask you something?" he nodded "But you gotta be honest with me." he nodded again as he turned towards you "What's the deal with Nate and Cassie? I just feel like.. he’s not telling me everything regarding her.." he sighed already regretting that he agreed.

"Well... Cassie was Maddy's best friend." you nodded before your eyes widened "Wait.. who dated him first?" "Maddy.. and it got really ugly when she found out her best friend was fucking her ex behind her back... That’s pretty much all I know."

You didn't expect that, to be the story. But you finally understood why Nate didn’t really elaborate what happened between him and Cassie. Dating your ex’s best friend wasn’t really something to be proud of.

"I mean, Maddy did cheat on him but.. having your best friend date your ex is really.." Max nodded as he nervously scratched his neck "Well, Nate..." he stopped himself, not sure if warning you would put him in danger.

He was already conflicted about this whole birthday party thing, because he wasn't sure whether or not to help you when you approached him the day before.

Nate was unpredictable, especially when it came to his girlfriends, so he wasn't really sure what to do in this situation.

Would Nate be mad at him if he wouldn't have helped you? Would he be pissed because he refused to help his girlfriend, or would he be glad that he stayed away from you?

And on the other hand, would Nate be happy that you two planned a surprise for his birthday? Even if it meant you two met up alone behind his back, and you lied to him?

He knew that you weren't aware of it, but you put him in a really tricky situation by asking him for such a favor.

"Yes..?" you looked at him and he chuckled nervously "Uh.. Nate just made a few wrong choices, I guess.. I mean I think.. he was just so focused on Cassie, and so sure that she’s the one, that he kind of... forgot about Maddy." he shrugged as he rambled, in an attempt to stop you from asking him question he couldn't answer you.

"He’s not really an emotional guy, he.. thinks strategically you know? He's more of a rational, logic thinker than an emotional one, so he didn't consider that Maddy might be upset about that." You nodded in response.

"Hmm.. that makes sense..” you mumbled, not really sure if that actually made sense. If he was in love with Maddy, he would definitely care about her and know that it’s morally not right to cheat on her with her best friend. But Nate doesn’t seem like someone who’d cheat, they probably weren’t together anymore when he dated Cassie.

But you decided to not bother Max any further, since he already seemed really uncomfortable with answering the first question.

“Thank you for telling me." you smiled at him, and he immediately felt even worse for sugarcoating what Nate did, and acting like he wasn’t the bad guy. But he also knew that he had to, in order to protect himself.

If you'd know the truth or start acting weird around him, or even worse, you'd break up with him because you finally know what he’s really like, it'd be over for him.

He’d find out that Max talked to you eventually, and he wouldn’t hesitate to make him suffer instantly.

Because Nate wasn't stupid, he'd immediately know it was him who told you everything. And he was capable of making Max disappear for good, too, without anyone asking questions.

“I’ll get inside then, my mom’s been weird the past few days.” you sigh “Actually, scratch that, she’s been weird the past few years.” Max chuckled “Damn, is it this bad?” you nodded your head in response.

“Oh you have no idea.. just a few days ago, she basically said that Nate is a manipulative asshole and that he will destroy me one day.” you snort as you think back how ridiculous she sounded.

Max‘s eyes widened before he also chuckled, even though he wanted to tell you that your mom probably isn’t as crazy as you say she is. “Damn…” he trailed off “I know right.. I mean, sure he might have this ‘jock image’ and everyone respects him and stuff, but he’s so different when we’re alone..”

You couldn’t help but smile as you thought about all the kind things he’s done for you. You felt so empty without him, and now you were sure that you couldn’t ever go back to living the way you used to live before you met him.

No one could replace him, you were sure.

Nate sighed as he waited for you to finally leave his car, checking the time seemingly every minute. What were you doing in there for so long anyways? Since he stood far away behind the car, and it was still raining, he couldn’t even see what you two were doing in there.

His thoughts were racing once again, as he got closer to the car, but still kept his distance. He was thinking of everything you two could be doing right now, right in front of him. What if he was touching you right now? And what if you didn’t want that, or-

And then he inhaled sharply, when the passenger door finally opened, and you stepped outside. He saw how you closed the door and waved at him as you smiled.

That beautiful smile, that was reserved for Nate, and no one else.

Nate was fuming on the inside, as he tried to think straight. But he simply couldn’t.

All he wanted to do is follow him home and beat the absolute shit out of him, maybe that was the only right thing to do. He’d let his anger out, and Max would learn his lesson.

But he couldn’t do that just yet, he had to talk to you first. Ask you if Max approached you first, and if he touched you, because those things we’re important to know before he rushed into anything.

He watched you until you made your way inside your house, before he walked back to his car. Once he was inside he slammed his hands onto the steering wheel, breathing heavily as he tried to calm himself down.

ding

Nate looked at his phone as he saw a notification pop up. He saw your name and immediately opened the message

Princess: I’m home now, love you 💋 6:52 pm

✎ Literally just worked 6 hours straight on this and got nearly nothing done, because I cannot focus for the life of me hhh♡

- Cassandra

Taglist:

@lilyrachelcassidy, @endless----love, @sophsss867, @jennnsthings, @digitalpup444, @vividfleur, @tsofo26, @lunalvrsblog, @sunshinedaisy21, @kissforvoid

#euphoria #euphoria imagine #jacob elordi imagine #jacob elordi x reader #jacob elordi x y/n #jacob elordi x you #nate euphoria #nate jacobs #nate jacobs imagine #nate jacobs scenario #nate jacobs smut

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meichenxi · 2 months ago

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12 hyper-specific actionable neurodivergent-friendly goal suggestions for the New Year!

If you are considering writing goals / intentions / focus points that are more ADHD and/or autism friendly and not overly focused on career or relationships but rather on feeling at home in your body, here are 12 very specific, very actionable tiny steps that have made my life actively better in the last year. Feel free to reblog with similarly actionable points!

(Obligatory disclaimer: these are what have helped me – hence why ‘hyperspecific’! They might be completely the opposite of what you need, or irrelevant to your situation. And all of them, of course, are funds-dependent. But I hope you can find something to inspire you to think about more actionable goals for the coming year.)

1) Get a recipe box

This is number one for a reason. In the past, I have lived for three years on sandwiches (!). I cannot cook or reliably feed myself, and have been beating myself up about it for years. At its best it is humiliating, and at its worst I have gotten various illnesses from malnutrition. I find cooking a sensory hell, as well as triggering past ED thoughts, and shopping and deciding every day what to eat is an executive dysfunction nightmare.

‘You should be able to cook’ – okay, but you can’t. If you can afford it, what’s more important – that you eat well, or that you fail again and again at doing what you ‘should’ be able to do? I think of it as part of my autism accommodations, and just one of the ways that existing as a disabled person is more expensive. Please take the shame away from it, and use it if you need.

I pay for Gousto – it’s the best for vegans, and costs about £35 a week. This is a huge part of my budget for the month, but I find it worth it a million times over. It delivers the recipes and packaged foods in correct amounts to my house every week, and I always choose the quickest recipes to cook. They are done in about fifteen minutes. This forces me to be in the kitchen every day, which has the added benefit of making it very clean, because I can’t stand to cook when the kitchen is very dirty.

2) Go to the gym for ten minutes a day

- (If you don’t want to go to the gym but do other exercise instead, swap the location out for your preferred place!)

- Most traditional advice around exercise revolves around not doing too much – so for most beginners that means 3-4 times a week, at the maximum. The problem is that for AuDHD and other neurodivergent people that habits may be much harder, if not impossible, to form. This means that the executive function required to remember to go to the gym if it’s only 3 times a week, conversely, is actually significantly higher than if you do it every day.

- The ‘ten minutes a day’ thing, for me, means that my goal is not to do X amount of exercise or overwhelm myself. My goal is only to get there. Once I’m there, I can do whatever I want. This formulation of the goal in my mind removes the demand-avoidance and executive dysfunction barriers because if I really don’t want to exercise, I can just walk on the treadmill for a bit and then leave. Knowing this means that I almost always do more exercise than I otherwise would if I were forced to follow a difficult and tiring exercise regime.

- The key to this is that you actually have to mean it. Don’t beat yourself up if after ten minutes, you go home. That’s okay. Your goal was ten minutes – your goal is to make going to the gym a habit, not necessarily the actual exercise you do. That comes next.

3) Use a weighted neck-wrap, cushion or plushie

- For a disorganised sensory system, as many autistic people in particular have, proprioceptive input (that tells your body where it is in space – so weight, pressure, compression etc) can be hugely regulating and calming. A weighted neck wrap is small enough to go under your clothes or can go over your chest as you sleep. I already use a weighted blanket, but this means I can have a little bit of calming proprioceptive input as I work at my desk as well.

4) Get a smoothie box

- This is a similar point to the recipe box. I frequently have health problems because I absolutely hate the texture of fruit and vegetables, and just don’t ever eat them. Rather than forcing myself, as I have done for the past several years, to just try – I’ve leant into my difficulties and worked around them. Smoothies work for me. A smoothie box that comes every month averages out to about £2 per smoothie, which is less than the cost of a bottle in a supermarket. You don’t have to chop anything, just put it in the blender with water or oat or coconut milk.

- Most smoothies have 3 of your 5 a day at least, and some even have 5! If you are struggling nutritionally, it might be something to think about. It’s helped me hugely, and I now consider it an essential part of my budget.

- If it’s too expensive, consider buying frozen fruit by yourself if you have the spoons for that.

5) How can you look the most ‘put together’ without doing anything at all?

- I don’t mean showering. I mean infrequent practices like haircuts! I hate wearing makeup for sensory reasons, but I have a good haircut, one that makes me feel like myself and sharp and confident – I feel so much better, and it’s something I only have to do once. I now make it a deliberate choice to put a haircut in my calendar for every two months.

- Consider a ‘no style’ haircut that will look smart whatever you do! My haircut is a short French bob. You need essentially no styling, it works curly or wavy or straight (though if you have curly or coily hair, you should go to someone who can work with your texture – if you don’t thin it out properly, it’ll give you a horrible triangle shape!). I feel SO put-together with this haircut – it elevates even pyjamas, and I have to do absolutely nothing.

- I bite my nails to the point of bleeding – getting professional gel paint on my nails (no extensions) is the only thing that works to stop me, because the smooth round tips meant I could stim with those instead of biting. For ages, I didn’t because it was a ‘waste of money’. This year I realised: if I’m not going to stop stimming, I need to give myself something to stim with that doesn’t hurt me. Accept your neurodivergence and work around it. I now book a nails appointment every 6 weeks or so, for £20-£25. I find it again more than worth it.

- Similarly, I have just got a nose piercing, and I am considering tattoos for next year. For me piercings and tattoos do the same thing as the above two: they make me look more put together without actually ever having to think about wearing temporary jewellery or makeup (which I can’t for sensory reasons). What might work for you?

6) Dress for Sensory Good

- I have found a noticeable difference in my self-confidence with my appearance once I a) accepted that I have sensory differences, and b) bought clothes that accommodated those differences without making me look like a slob. For example, I hate feeling constricted around my thighs as I like to jump and stim and dance, but I don’t want to live in tracksuit bottoms because that leads to Depression Soup – so I have started buying formal, ‘monk-style’ trousers with a wrap-around belt and flowy legs. I like the feeling of pressure around my waist that a tight top provides, but I hate it around my shoulders (don’t ask me why…), so I have started wearing tops with huge baggy sleeves and a wrap-belt around the waist. So many of these tiny adjustments, and for the first time in my life I feel both comfortable and beautiful in my wardrobe.

- Do you like heavy things? Soft textures? Scratchy wool? Lots of badges to play with? Tight compression? Flowing fabrics? And how does this work with your lifestyle? When I am overwhelmed, I often want to cover the lower half of my face and neck – it feels comforting to me. So I have started wearing light scarves that I can wrap around my face like an old lady (!) which both block out the world, provide that comfort, and also look...normal? It lets me stim without visibly outing myself as autistic, which I don’t always feel safe doing.

- Other things to consider that might help: compression clothing, weighted jackets, heavy boots, ankle and wrist weights (there are some that are very minimalist and look like bracelets), wrap trousers, tight belts, cloaks with hoods, cowl necklines, activewear, Merino wool (if you sweat a lot or can’t shower / do laundry often), complete light-blocking sunglasses (you can buy these from a ski shop), stretchy fabric, etc. Whatever works for you – find it!

7) Use a sippy bottle with a straw

- I can’t stay hydrated. If it’s left up to me, I drink less than a glass of water every single day. I have constantly bleeding cracked lips and skin from lack of hydration. The only thing that has worked so far – and it has been a game-changer! – is to buy a huge 1.2 litre / 40 oz water-bottle with a built-in straw that I can take around everywhere. I can stim with it, the straw feels nice, I much prefer drinking from a straw because I hate accidentally wetting my chin / sleeves - and all I have to do is remember to fill it up twice a day. That’s way less mental effort than remembering eight glasses!

8) Get noise-cancelling headphones and Loops

- I assume everyone who is autistic has these. If you don’t – they will change your life. I only got them last year and suddenly so many places have become accessible to me that I would have just avoided before. I also tell people very honestly that I often wear them, so please don’t be alarmed if I do – if you want to start this, I’ve found it less intimidating to do it with strangers first, and then moving up to friends / family. Now everyone is used to it, and I get way less overwhelmed.

9) Use an audiobook service

- For a long time I thought that I had lost the ability to read. I now know that’s directly correlated to my levels of overwhelm (which makes my ADHD traits worse), but even so, my short-term memory is so poor that I have basically never been able to read non-fiction – it goes in one ear and out the other. Now that I use an audiobook service, however – I am listening to lecture series about so many things I’m passionate about and actually remembering things for the first time in my life!

- Knowing that I can listen to things I love whilst I clean or tidy my room or pack or whatever helps me so much. I also enjoy lying down in the dark under my weighted blanket listening to audiobooks as I wake up and go to sleep – it has completely replaced scrolling on my phone as the first / last thing to do in a day. When I’m overwhelmed I often can’t look at a physical book as it hurts my eyes, so an audiobook is far better.

10) Get Huel / Pleny / other meal-replacement drinks

- Because sometimes even with a recipe box, you won’t be able to cook. You’ll have forgotten to go shopping. You’ll be so sensory-weird that the thought of eating food is awful and makes you want to vomit. This doesn’t work for my partner, who hates the texture of Huel, but for me I can bear it and often enjoy the same-ness of knowing exactly what to expect. On days when I can’t cook or go out or sort out a meal, Huel is a life-saver.

11) Add active rest time to your calendar

- I don’t mean necessarily an actual calendar, but about how you think about time and your day. I make it a habit now to automatically add the same amount of time as the activity took as recovery time afterwards. So if I schedule a date for 2pm to 4pm, then I know that after I get home I will need two hours to recover before I can do something else.

- This has helped me be both more deliberate about my rest time (I don’t scroll or watch anything – I deliberately ‘go in’, as I call it, using my weighted blanket, other weighted things on my chest, a blindfold, brown noise, pitch black room etc), and also be realistic about how much I can do in my life. I know that if I have to rest for two hours after a two-hour event, it’s very unlikely that I can do more than one social engagement in a day. This expands to longer periods: if I go and visit my family for four days, I will likely need four days doing not much afterwards, and certainly no cognitively demanding tasks or socialising. This is a reality check which helps me say no to certain things that are not crucial.

12) Try compression clothes

- These provide a subtle and constant proprioceptive input which can calm the nervous system – as I have said above, proprioceptive input (knowing where your body is in space, pressure etc) is hugely regulating to AuDHD nervous systems. It also massively affects the other sensory systems if it is dysregulated – so if you aren’t meeting your sensory needs for proprioception, it’s likely that visual or auditory will be even harder. You don’t need to buy ones specifically for autism – UnderArmour or shapewear or activewear works just as well.

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I hope these help! I have many more suggestions, but will leave that to another post :)

#audhd #autism #actually autistic #adhd #actually adhd #neurodivergence

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