#but also!!!! i care for myself so much now!!

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I'm so sorry to bring up the recent Silver card again, but I would like to get my love for it out of my system. As someone who has had, quite literally, a lifelong love for Sleeping Beauty, this Silver card is like my perfect card.

Any time Twst leans into the movies design wise or atmosphere wise, I'm immediately reminded of what drew me into the game in the first place, and Silver's brought up all my love for Sleeping Beauty all over again. AND THE GROOVIED VERSION?! THE PINK AND THE BLUE!! I can never really put into words how much I absolutely adore that movie and now I can't even put into words how much I love this card. I feel like it just really brings everything together, like this is the kind of thing I would expect a movie poster for Sleeping Beauty to look like.

Sorry this is kind of all over the place!

I don’t have an attachment to Sleeping Beauty myself, but it’s great that book 7 brought you joy in the form of it ^^

Silver’s Dawn Armor initial illustration and its groovy are for real works of art!! Twst usually has this issue where the groovy is “off” in some way, but this one was such a slam dunk 😭 The gleaming armor, Silver’s determined expression, the looming threat of the dragon in the distance… contrasted with his gentle and teary-eyed smile, his fluttering cape shifting from blue to pink and back, the dreamy colors of the ballroom—and!! His friends and family surrounding him, rather than the desolate, doomed battlefield of the initial artwork. (I still can't get over Sebek crying in the background while Grim's chilling on his head??)

It feels like a perfect encapsulation of the climax of the Sleeping Beauty story but also a showcase of the happy ending that results thanks to his heroic efforts.

[You can read my thoughts on the book 7 finale here!]

YOU AREN'T THE ONLY ONE 😭 I feel like I've been seeing this sentiment floating around a lot on socials and even in my own smaller Twst circles. The pre-book 7 "He's okay but sort of boring!" to the post-book 7 "He wrung all the tears out of me and left me emotionally devastated but I thanked him for it." is pretty wild. I'm happy that many more Twst fans are discovering his charms through book 7 and his character arc in it.

I'll admit that I wasn't a fan of him for most of the main story myself, but it was still so satisfying seeing him formally adopt Lilia's surname with all his peers in attendance, and Malleus officiating it. Silver had to work so hard to accept his father's love for him, and to realize that he is someone worthy of love... and you can tell he cares so much about having this thing to call his. Not something tangible that glitters like armor or a medal, but a name forever bound to his identity for as long as he shall live, and much, much longer after he is no longer here. A surname that once existed to mark a blood-stained warrior is now granted to the one that restored peace, at last bringing father and son together. (The official in-game character profile also reflects this change:)

[estfel]

This post really got me thinking about the last year for me.

Sums up how I feel right now about doing morning exercise for 20-30 minutes. The temporary hatred at the thing, hatred of myself, resentment, and rage I feel doing it, is less distressing than the endless hatred I feel not doing it that would follow me throughout the day.

Damn it.

Someone once said "you just need to find an exercise you enjoy". And then I felt like a failure because I DID NOT ENJOY ANY in the moment.

I think it's okay advice for some but it just made me feel like I was weird for hating dedicated exercise. It also didn't help when I was so low I was not motivated to do anything and would rather rot. "YOU JUST" is such a shitty line. Because you don't "just" it's a combination of efforts, and they are hard, and it sometimes really hurts to do the things in the moment that help things hurt less in the long run, and that's a sticky cycle to get stuck in. The many bits that make up self care can feel like a mountain when they all slip at the same time.

I think for me I put so much pressure to do it all at once and "just" get better. All or nothing. Then some good advice I got was quick wins and build it up slow. "YOU just need to..." doesnt exist for a lot of people.

For me, and it's not the same for everyone, the thing that helped was one thing at a time until that one thing gets easier. For me it's never "just do X" because there is never going to be a thing that just makes things better. I love the above posts for showing how hard it can be, and all the things that are good for you but are both infuriating, difficult but beautiful and enriching. Enraging and enlightening.

So last year, I started with breakfast. Never had breakfast really, and struggled to get out of bed because I never ate breakfast and felt like I had no reason. No motibation. I used to feel like I had to do breakfast, exercise, lunch, meditation, walks, work, socialise, clean and tidy and do it all at once. Gogogogogogo. And because I couldn't do all that at once I felt hopeless.

So I just did breakfast.

No worrying about exercise, or other routines. This week, I am just going to eat breakfast every day. Then that got easier. After two weeks, I added something new.

I added 15 minutes of cleaning to my headphones a day. Nothing longer. Didnt matter what I did just 15 minutes then stop. I ended up loving cleaning once I stopped trying to regiment it so hard, so this didn't pan out like I expected. Which was nice. But that doesn't mean some days I don't want to throw the window cleaner out the window.

Then with exercise I think for me it wasn't about enjoyment, it was about ease of access and the capacty for overthinking. I needed exercise that you have to do the least pre-prep for because you can just do it immediately without psyching yourself out. Just go right in and do it.

I love swimming but the act of having to drive there, spend the money, get changed in a weird space that doesn't feel 100% clean and do boring laps because our public pool doesn't really allow you to pretend to be a mermaid and throw shit to dive for and catch, was such a process my brain and body would be in a state of such high "Nuuugghhh" I would just not go then feel like a failure, and that demotivated me more.

The gym was the same. Too much prep, strangers in my space, loud weight drops etc.

But walking in the evening for just 15 minutes down the road I could do. Shoes. Leave house. Simple. Count all the red or blue things on the walk. Then after that got easier I added five minutes.

The once that became my new normal I added, sticking a video I can dance along to on YouTube requires me to wake up, pick up a remote and do it. I can do it in my pyjamas. Then I would get breakfast. It leaves less time for doom brain to talk me out of it.

And sometimes it's about NOT adding anymore. There's enough already. That actually, it's enough for now. Just be with that for a while. It's okay to say, "Ah, I can't do much more right now".

My achilles tendon ripped. Suddenly walking and dancing were not really options. I felt shit. I was in pain. It wasn't an option to "just go and do some yoga" because a downward dog would have snapped my tendon like a twig. So, new goal, breakfast, and physio stretches. I hated those stretches. I wanted to murder those stretches. But things change, and it's okay to say "what got easier, is now harder again" and change it up to fit your now, rather than your was.

I still hate it all a lot of the time. I beat myself up a lot. It's hard not to spiral and dive off the wagon.

But doing it does make a lot of the rest of the time better for me, I have found. Annoyingly.

I don't know what this post was really. I just felt like it resonated and wanted to ramble. I think it's nice to sometimes think about.

But yeah, I resent exercise and hate having to do it, but I'll do anyway.

fucking hate it when the stuff everybody says "actually works" does actually work.

hate exercising and realizing i've let go of a lot of anxiety and anger because i've overturned my fight-or-flight response.

hate eating right and eating enough and eating 3 times a day and realizing i'm less anxious and i have more energy

hate journaling in my stupid notebook with my stupid bic ballpoint and realizing that i've actually started healing about something once i'm able to externalize it

hate forgiving myself hate complimenting myself more often hate treating myself with kindness hate taking a gratitude inventory hate having patience hate talking to myself gently

hate turning my little face up to the sun and taking deep breaths and looking at nature and grounding myself and realizing that i feel less burdened and more hopeful, more actually-here, that i am able to see the good sides of myself more clearly, that i am able to see not only how far i have to grow - but also how much growth i have already done & how much of my life i truly fill with light and laughter and love

horrible horrible horrible. hate it but i'm gonna do it tho

[demdems]

Blowing myself up and everyone else in the room

If i let myself add anymore panels from this weeks chapter I'm just gonna upload the whole thing im literally gonna melt into nothing oh my god i need to read the new mafia if chapter oh my god

Was typing but realized I'm going too much, more brain blast under cut

what if you Loved someones, what if the love in ur heart was enough to know that it transcends the need to always be together, what if you love ur favorite people enough to know you can watch them from afar knowing you'll eventually come back together

what if you realised that you can still love urself and the good you can have w urself and the good u have when with others

separation makes the heart grow fonder!! what if you love enough to know the time apart is still a gift!!

This arc is insane and it's like, so vital to clara's character + love trio development + mairuma's themes overall

I am being turned into concrete holy oh my god [also this is now my analysis sorry if I'm speaking straight nonsense]

Clara's always like, been the foundation of the love trio, at the very least she's to be credited for establishing how the trio defines themselves to each other [to outsiders theyre defined by one member [iruma] since they're called the iruma army, very cute but I'm making distinctions between how that and the love trio name does different for them]

The title iruma's army hinges on clara and azz's devotion to iruma as seen thru the outside perspective and it also makes them kinda, like a love angle, as its how they are connected to iruma but not each other specifically

Love trio is clara's way to define how each of them in the trio are interconnected thru their love for each other [the phrase love trio also focuses on them as a trio, putting them on a more even dynamic with each other]

Side tangent sorry I'm sitting here writing this post almost immediately after reading the chapter, i think love trio encompasses some the fundamentals of demonhood [greed, power, control] as reflected in their evil cycles, my third eye is open, irumas evil cycle was greed [and his character growth is him learning and tapping into these demonic indulgences that're frowned upon in human society] as he wanted more for the misfits which can be seen as greedy as it's asking for more than the class is allowed, azz's is power as training lets him enter his evil cycle to have more unchecked power in combat, clara's is control as her worries and insecurities drove her to store away iruma and azz to keep them with her under her care forever

I digress tho i haven't even gotten into like 30% of my illness about the love trio

This arc really dove into clara's character as, shes been kinda been kept in the dark when it comes to, what she actually may be thinking, like id argue it's intentional that clara hasn't been really given free range to be entirely herself in a way that doesn't outwardly make others uncomfortable

Clara was so, unabashedly herself, but the story didn't punish her for that, it's just that through azz And iruma [even if he very much threw water on a grease fire omg], she learns that she Can feel these things both good and awful, and that one, theyll love her anyways [good point that iruma made, horrible time to express it] but two, that it doesn't mean she should bury these worries within herself and instead of this domineering control over the ones she cares about when expressing her most primal fears, the bad stuff needs to get recognized first and that she needs to let others in to express that

or yk in easy terms, iruma's way was "I'll love you even with the bad" and azz's way was "this is all the bad but I'll love you", basically an inverse approach in how they talked down clara [if im making sense who knows]

I hope that we do get to see iruma and azz make good on indulging clara's wishes to go like, swamp lol, weird girl central, after exams in the extras or [indulging the kinda greed youll see in the bible] in an entire chapter I'm not asking for much,,,

Im getting distracted but the start and end chapters for this arc have the same name, Coming full circle, the arc starts w clara's concern about staying behind in make up classes and not spending end of term w iruma and azz and it ends w her being reassured that pass or fail in make up classes or end of term fun, they still together and love each other and it'll be fine no matter what

Also this is the first time iruma and azz have been shown to be visibly attached to clara as the center, seen in the first few pages [what comes to mind is the times azzclara stuck to irumas sides and the few times i think iruclara did the same to azz], just wanna mention bc they're so cute I'm disintegrating into nothing

The chapter also ending w the little tease of clara's hair sticking up in the same way as in her evil cycle state, my illness

I think this represents a few things but largely what i think is important to herself + the love trio, i think it's representative of how she will keep some of how she was in her evil cycle just more tempered, base/non evil cycle clara is already in touch w love for iruma and azz it was just put on the extreme, i think going forward she'll now just, be more in touch w the different like, aspects of her insecurities, like expressing the bad thoughts she stores away to iruma and azz, but also bc i do think that the love trio are kinda representing fundamentals of demonhood, ill be bold and say she's gonna be even More confident w her love for iruma and azz [expressing control thru more establishment of the love trio in the story, i think]

also i am just, the way nishi-sensei continously draws these intimate moments between the love trio in this shoujo romance manga kinda style, especially when the panel/page feels like it's framed to be from the view point of one of the three, like that's just something that can be so special

Minor thing, among many things I've thrown in here i literally have the chapter open in a different tab so i can reference it during writing, i think clara kinda snapping at iruma and azz for being overbearing in the first pages is like, one of the few times i recall her actually, doing anything of the sort? might be wrong tho but i like this visible development to their dynamic

yea so I'm pretty normal about this chapter,,, <<<guy who folds quick when it comes to love trio content

[kissboybyler]

i’m re-watching s3 right now and guys- it’s been made so incredibly clear that El needs to be independent, to be with people of “her species” (i love how she threw mike’s words right back at him during the sauna episode, it was so fucking iconic), that she needs to find out who she is outside of her relationship with mike, outside of the rules enforced upon her by either hop, or the mother-fucking government itself. I love love love s3 el-wise, because it perfectly encapsulates the essence of her character-arc.

I also love how, in episode 2 i think? when Max tells el “there’s more to life than stupid boys”, she says it twice in the same damn episode; once during their talk in max’s room and then again at the mall, holding hands and running around like the care-free teenage girls they deserve to be. This line is so important, it’s even included in the flashback scenes in s4. Why make such a big deal out of it if it doesn’t serve a greater purpose in the long-run? Why spend an entire season emphasising how vital independence and individual volition is for a character, if you just end up throwing them back into the arms of someone who made them realise just how much she needs these things?

I’m no cinematographer, but i would like to consider myself a storyteller and good enough at picking up stuff in art and literature, so like- from a narrative standpoint-point, milkvan endgame just doesn’t make sense. Not for mike, not for will, not for el. They will all just end up miserable if that’s the case. Or even if the show is written in a way that makes it seem like everything is where it’s supposed to be, then the whole rest of the series just doesn’t fit. It just doesn’t.

[the-traveling-poet]

Time Away

Summary: Date nights were usually spent at home, between Levi and yourself. But this weekend, with a little extra free time away from your shared responsibilities, you wanted to try something a little different—a ‘nature date’ of sorts.

Pairings: BF!Levi Ackerman x GN!Partner!Reader—modern!au

Warnings: Tw; alcohol consumption, established relationship, modern!au, SFW fluff, making out, cuddling, suggestive at the end if you squint hard enough and tilt your head.

A/N: It got really warm outside this week, and someone at work mentioned wanting to have a cookout/make a campfire to sit around—so that’s what prompted this lil one-shot idea lmao. I want a break from responsibilities, and I want summer activities.

~More Levi Ackerman content here!~

“C’mon; one sip!”

The cup tilted dangerously to the side as you offered it up, the liquid inside sloshing far closer to the glass’s lip than Levi would have preferred.

Raising up a hand, he declined your overly enthusiastic offer.

“Not a chance, love. I brought my own.”

“Yeah, tea. You brought tea; I have the good stuff.”

Your counter was met with a deadpan look from your lover.

“I appreciate the gesture, but I’d rather not choke on something that tastes like musky rubbing alcohol.”

Your laughter toward his disgruntled comment echoed off the trees, the only sound to be heard over the crackling logs and popping sparks of your campfire just a few feet away.

With no one else around for what felt like miles, you weren’t afraid of making a sound.

It was just the two of you, huddled close together on your blanket spread, enjoying some well earned time away from the usual rush of your daily lives.

Off in the distance—amidst the underbrush,—crickets chirped and lightning bugs flashed, occasionally accompanied by the soft hooting of an owl high up within the trees.

A hike through the woods, a picnic by the campfire, cuddling up under the stars…This had been the best date idea you’d had yet, you thought.

Sure, you nearly had to drag Levi to the car in order for him to accompany you to the park, but it had been worth the effort it took.

At first he’d complained about the insects that, no doubt, would swam you both the moment the hike began. Then, the weather; that it might turn cold some time into the night after settling in at a campsite, leaving you both agitated and restless. But after you’d shown him the bottles of bug sprays—which he scoffed at, claiming they made his skin feel weird—and the copious amounts of blankets you’d shoved into the vehicle's trunk, he finally gave in.

Now, here you sat; curled up in Levi’s lap, a drink in hand, and your responsibilities far away.

It was tranquil. Blissful, even.

“Alright then, more for myself,” you mused from around the rim of your glass, the amber liquid quickly splashing against your lips.

Levi frowned, watching on with a touch of disdain—but he didn’t say a word. Eventually he tore his gaze away and lifted his thermos up to his mouth, taking a deep drink from the steaming lid. Watching the hot vapor fan against his lips as he drank, you huffed quietly in amusement.

“You’re gonna burn yourself on that scalding hot tea,” you warned, shaking your head.

“And you’re gonna be drunk by the time we put out the fire and call it a night. I’ll have to carry your ass back to the car.” Levi huffed back, side eyeing you over the thermos’s rim.

“Awe, but you love carrying me!”

“When it’s just you, yes. But I believe you’re forgetting our blankets, glasses, and empty snack containers I’d also be carrying back. I’m a man who doesn’t take two trips.” Levi scoffed, as though the idea itself was personally insulting.

“A stubborn man,” you playfully mumbled, turning to rest your back against his chest. Accepting your position, his free arm snaked around your waist.

“And yet; yours.”

His simply put, heartfelt response made you grin.

“Oh, you poetic bastard…”

Levi stifled a chuckle and lightly ruffled your hair, careful not to jostle you too much while you took another sip of your drink.

Once again you turned your attention towards the campfire, entranced by the flicker of colorful flames dancing so elegantly along the logs.

It couldn’t have been a better night—no clouds in the night sky, a soft breeze whispering through the leaves…It was the perfect get away.

“Thanks for agreeing to this,” you sighed after a moment, tilting back your head to gaze up at the twinkling stars.

“I know you prefer dates at home—watching shows and ordering food, or enjoying hobbies in the living room together…But this is secluded enough, yeah? Peaceful, quiet, fresh…”

“…Itchy, dirty, smelly,” Levi finished your sentence the moment you trailed off, earning him a light shove to the arm that was wrapped around your waist.

Squeezing around your middle in retaliation, he hid his amusement in your hair. You still felt it, though; the slight shake to his chest indicating he was hiding a laugh.

Ignoring it, you settled back against him again.

“It’s not that bad though, right?” You tried again after a moment, running your hand over his arm that was still holding you snugly.

Levi grunted in acknowledgment; his silent way of admitting you were right without verbally confirming it.

When you attempted to wiggle your way out of his grasp—aiming to look over your shoulder and catch a glimpse of the expression he wore—Levi once again sighed, but loosened his hold. Just enough, only slightly.

“I’d go anywhere, do anything for you. I’ll enjoy myself regardless of what we do, if you stay nearby.” He murmured the moment your eyes met his, adjusting how he sat to better accimicade your position.

“Awee, darling…” you murmured, leaning back a tad for a quick kiss. All too eagerly he reciprocated your light touch, angling his head to reach and drawing you in deeper as the seconds ticked by.

A simple kiss became two, then two became three—and from there the number was muddled.

Where one kiss started and another ended was no longer discernible as slowly, ever so slowly, Levi shifted you around in his lap—never fully breaking contact with your lips.

“Comfy?” He mumbled between kisses, already cutting himself for another one.

Shifting to sit better—facing him in his lap now—you chuckled softly and gave an affirmative hum.

Though, your brief moment of amusement was pulled away by another onslaught of passionate, soft kisses.

“Comfy,” you managed to confirm after a moment, finally freeing yourself for a quick breath—yet again it didn’t last long, with a gentle lick to your lower lip from him that prompted you to open up.

The musky taste of herbal tea along his tongue mingled with the stronger taste of alcohol already staining your mouth, bringing forth an odd flavor—yet you didn’t mind, so long as it was from him.

Surprisingly, after a moment, Levi finally pulled back and quickly caught his breath, moving his face away from yours just enough to meet your half-lidded gaze.

“I suppose I stand corrected,” he breathlessly murmured, placing another—lighter—peck against your lips. Once again, one became two, and two became three, and soon the gap between your faces was closed once more.

“Mhh?” You hummed, eyes fluttering open amidst the onslaught of kisses. You attempted to pull back, ask what it was he meant by what he suddenly spoke—he could never let you go so easily, though. A hand on your jaw directed you back to him so simply.

“About bourbon, I mean. It’s not so bad, I have to admit,” Levi murmured between shallow kisses he continued to dole out, his breathy words fanning pleasantly over your dampened lips.

“Really? I thought you detested the taste,” you mused humorously, before finally managing to pull away—albeit briefly—to gaze up at his face illuminated in the glow of soft flames. No matter the lighting, he always looked so dashing, staring back at you in such a way. Like his every ambition and passion was only an inch from his face.

In his mind, he’d once said, it was.

“I do; normally, at least. It’s too patient and bitter all on its own. But on you? Darling, I could get drunk off the taste of it along your tongue.”

“Are you asking to try?” you grinned, playfully nipping at his lower lip.

A low rumble of a chuckle vibrated against you from his chest, his lips pulling back in an exasperated sort of grin.

“Are you offering, sweetheart?”

[genderqueerpositivity]

I tried to write a post to celebrate being four years on testosterone yesterday. That post turned into a rambling mess of my fears for the future and fears about losing my access to gender affirming care. Which honestly makes a lot of sense given the state of things politically.

The anxiety is also due to the fact that my hysterectomy is in limbo now; my procedure should have been May 1st, but now my doctor is leaving the practice at the end of April. So now I don't know what's going to happen there, which is a little devastating after going through the whole referral and waiting and intake processes. I'm supposed to be referred to another doctor in the same practice, but it's been a month of radio silence now. Hell, I don't even know who to contact; last time I had to it ended up being a multi-day game of phone tag.

I don't know what to say other than I'm grateful and surprised to have made it so far in my hormone therapy journey. I'm incredibly lucky to have the support of beloved chosen family the entire way. And I'm so privileged to have ever accessed gender affirming care to begin with and I can't ever say enough for how much it has improved my mental health and my relationship with my own body.

I used to wonder everyday pre-T if hormone therapy was the right step for me. I thought about it all the time, constantly wondered what sort of changes I could have, and if it would help my dysphoria; I don't have to wonder anymore because I know that this is right for me.

At first I wanted to do topical HRT because I wanted that control of getting to choose this everyday; I imagined that I would reach a point where I might decide that I've transitioned "enough" and choose to stop. These days, I am happy with weekly injections. Getting to just do my shot once a week and then just live without worrying about it is amazing.

I am open to the possibility that I may still reach a point where I decide to reduce my T dose or stop entirely, but at the moment it feels very unlikely. Gender is personal and unique like that. I really hope to be able to continue and see what happens next.

It is difficult to express how transitioning to a more physically male appearance has given me greater freedom to express my gender in less binary ways, but it is true. I experience my gender as more queer and more fluid than ever.

I can't fully explain or express the pain of gender dysphoria and the joy of gender euphoria. How could I possibly get most average people without dysphoria to understand that I used to legitimately hate the sound of my own voice? That I couldn't stand having my voice recorded, because I sometimes even struggled to accept that the person I was speaking speak was actually me?

Now? I just sound like myself. I am more confident making phone calls and calling over the radios at work, I sing aloud in the car now, and occasionally I will speak to someone and get the surprise joy of being addressed as he or sir in return.

And that is just one example of many I could give.

Transitioning is as much a gift of big milestones as it is a gift of so many small and everyday moments.

On Saturday I will do my first shot since my 4 year T birthday, and I will be grateful and have no regrets.

[thrashkink-coven]

TW: Talk of suicidal ideation and dissociative disorders

guys r/realityshifting is such an incredibly toxic and borderline scary subreddit omg

This isn’t me slamming shifting or astral projection, I actually have a lot of respect for the practice and find it very interesting. I do in fact believe in shifting.

But I constantly see posts there from what are obviously very vulnerable people expressing how badly they want to permanently shift to “escape” this reality, and it always leaves a pit in my stomach. These posts read like suicide letters and the mods don’t do anything about it at all. They legit read posts like “I’m sick of this world and want to leave forever” and respond with “hey have you tried the count down method? 😇”

like,???

and I get it, it’s probably common for a lot of shifters to start due to a dissatisfaction. But when you see people saying shit like “I’m so miserable and shifting is my own hope at happiness” or “If I can’t shift I’m going to k*ll myself”, “my desired reality makes me hate this world” maybe???? don’t continue to encourage this behaviour???? Maybe drop some help lines??? Maybe share some mental support resources???

Today someone made a post like that, and I tried to calmly explain that the idea of permanently shifting is not only incredibly dangerous but also quite literally impossible by the basic concept of what shifting is.

Your consciousness will always return to your body because your body contains your brain. Your body is not an unwilling oblivious participant in this, it knows exactly what you are doing, it actively agrees to it, and it can actively disagree as well. It will absolutely force you back into your body to make you take care of yourself if it feels neglected.

You can astral project or shift as much as you want, your brain is still the fundamental base point for your consciousness. “You”- as in the you that exists right now- were created there quite literally. When you shift you’re still inherently tethered to the part of your brain that generates consciousness. This is your home. You will always return to your body and this reality regardless of how badly you don’t want to. Your spirit has made a home inside of this body for a reason, even if you don’t understand why. The body and soul are very committed to this relationship even if you aren’t. They do not need your permission to continue working together. You as a consciousness are not in complete control of your body, and it will absolutely force you back in to ensure it’s own survival. The mind and the body rely on each other, but the body is a conscious machine itself outside of you. It thinks outside of you. It will not allow you to abandon it. Your desires in this regard do not matter to your body and brain. Survival comes first.

Abuse of shifting will literally cause your body and brain to forbid the activity, you quite literally will not even be able to attempt shifting because your body and brain itself know what you’re trying to do. They are actively observing you and making plans to best manage- even entertain- you whilst also ensuring it’s own survival. You cannot expect your brain and body to comply when you are effectively killing them. The more you venture down this route of “trying to escape”, the more you inherently trap yourself here. And let me just say, being in a state where your own body does not trust you is not fun at all.

This is a form of self harm, full stop. Escapism in itself is not inherently bad. I definitely have astral projected or used my practice as a form of escapism, and that can actually be very healing. But permanently trying to escape this world, to make active attempts to prevent returning, that is dangerous.

and it’s like, I do understand. I hate to be the “life is so wonderful you should just enjoy it :)” guy because I know that lots of people are in terrible situations. I’m not trying to tell anyone they’re wrong for being dissatisfied with life or wanting to leave. I mean have you looked at this place? It’s ghetto as hell up in here.

But this idea that you can just shift to a better world where everything is okay without having to deal with the very necessary challenges that come along with being a human is incredibly dangerous, and it boggles my mind that not a single mod thinks to maybe make a pinned post about mental health and misconceptions about shifting.

On the contrary, they permanently BANNED me for daring to even bring up mental health, saying that I’m hating on shifting. Which, no, I’m not, I don’t think shifting in itself is a dangerous practice just like I don’t think that giving blood offerings is inherently dangerous. But alike trying to permashift, if I was making active attempts to drain all of the blood out of my body to use as an offering, that wouldn’t be very good!

Putting all your energy into trying to escape reality means you are inherently rejecting reality, you are hijacking your brain into not being able to understand what is and isn’t real, and that is very scary.

Should you try shifting? If you’re interested in it I think it’s a very cool thing to explore. But understand that shifting is not the answer to your all of your problems. You can travel to other places to gain valuable experiences, that’s what the point of these journeys are supposed to be. But you will always find your way back home. You may not appreciate it, but I assure you it is in fact, a very good thing.

tldr: holy shit r/realityshifting freaks me out.

[amypihcs]

Took me a CENTURY to write this, but finally i'm decently satisfied with it!

I love this art, OP, it's really magnificent! Hope you'll like this tiny fic!

A simple life.

Dr Watson rolled his eyes again as Mr Holmes, at his arm, renewed his protests about their outing.

“It is you who insisted on not having a housekeeper.” Remarked Watson.

“Of course. I did not leave our home in Baker Street to behave myself around you.” Replied Holmes, undeterred.

“So we need to take care of the house and this includes taking care of the groceries. Together, Holmes.”

The detective sighed and acquiesced, still muttering under his breath about leaving his experiment.

The doctor smiled. “Oh, but cheer up, Holmes! It is a wonderful autumn day!”

“It’s freezing.”Answered Holmes a smile about his lips, just for the fun of arguing.

Dr Watson laughed at the quip and squeezed Holmes’ arm against his ribs. “Now, darling, don’t be dramatic. And remember your own deductions on Mr Parker.” He winked.

Holmes chuckled softly. “I have also promised you not to test any deduction of that kind, my dear. If Mr Parker is an invert, he certainly has good taste: he can’t take his eyes off you.”

Dr Watson laughed at the detective’s flirt and shushed him playful, pointing then at some detail of the countryside so as to cheer his partner up.

As in most of their trips to get groceries, it was Watson the one who actually took care of choosing their food and Holmes mostly worked as a porter, a very vocal and curious one.

“My dear boy, what sort of inhuman amount of food are you planning for.” Snickered the retired detective, holding onto the pumpkin Watson had pushed in his hands while he browsed the rest of the vegetables on sale.

Watson chuckled. “Should I remind you again that two adult men must eat to live, old man? – He asked rhetorically. – It’s autumn, and we can do a lot of delicious things with pumpkins, and they’ll do you good. Especially now that you’ve somehow taken to eating even less meat than earlier.”

Sherlock Holmes shrugged. “Meat is just quite a bit too heavy, I told you already. I don’t think we actually need to eat as much of it as certain people do, I find my mental energies much less impaired by a vegetable dish than a meat one.”

Dr Watson snickered again, locking his eyes with their green-grocer friend’s and exchanging a look with him.

“Ah, Mr Holmes. You can’t seriously believe that food impairs one’s mental processes!” Laughed Mr Parker, his incredulity painted on his features.

Holmes gave a bark of laughter and the doctor sighed deeply as the detective launched in his explanation.

“As we both know, Holmes, – interrupted at some point Dr Watson. – food is essential to the work of the brain and indeed of the body. I shan’t remind you of the times you fainted on a case, old man, or should I?”

Holmes huffed comically, as their friend hid a smile under his moustache. “This is for my protests, isn’t it?”

“Only partially, my dear Holmes, only partially. It’s also because you’ve been quite cavalier about your meals recently. And it shows.”

“You truly are biassed, dear boy. – Huffed Holmes, barely restraining himself from circling his husband’s waist. – I shall bow to your desire for food then, if only to make you stop worry.” He smiled.

Dr Watson chuckled again, now together with Mr Parker. “Thank you for such concession, old man.”

Holmes grinned a well-known mischievous grin. “Ah, we’ll see to my payment later.” He smirked as Watson paid for their shopping, almost making him choke on saliva to stop himself from laughing.

He coughed a bit to regain composure. “Sure thing old man. We shall indeed see about it at home.” He replied in a low growl that made some blood rush at Holmes’ gaunt cheeks.

Dr Watson grinned at the sight, and took his leave from the market stand with all his best London cordiality, Holmes’ arm safely in the crook of his elbow and every intention of paying his darling back for his concession and his impertinence.

And patience if the transaction might lead to a slightly delayed lunch, they would be very much able to cope.

Sussex fall market 1910

Sorry for late autumn pic

[spinningwebsandtales]

Imagine You and Dante Meeting Baby Nero For The First Time

Dante X FemReader

Rating: T+

Warnings: Suggestive themes, fluff, a sprinkle of angst, Dante has baby fever

Word Count: 1.3k

(A/N:) I saw some fanart of Dante holding a baby Nero and I was blind sided by this idea. Sorry I haven't been posting much as my job and etsy shop is taking a lot of my time here lately. I've been struggling with a little writers block too. Every time I sat down to write everything felt like garbage. It's possible that this is garbage too but I'm tired of not trying to get some stories posted. Also it's perfect timing with the new trailer dropping for the upcoming series! I am going to be insatiable when it drops so prepare for DMC and Dante fangirling! I hope you enjoy this story and it gives you warm and fluffy feelings! Until next time happy reading! ~Countess

Dante hadn't heard much from his brother in awhile and that wasn't unusual. What was unusual was said brother to wind up at the door of the Devil May Cry office with a silver haired baby boy in his arms. Dante stiffened, his eyes wet with unshed tears at the sight before him. You stood at his side taking his hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"What are you doing here," Dante asked, making sure he had you protected from his brother. While he loved Vergil, he didn't trust him. Especially when it came to humans. He would protect you no matter what, but his heart pounded in his chest at the sight of the young child in his twin's arms.

"I didn't know what else to do," Vergil replied staring straight into Dante's harsh gaze without flinching.

You stepped forward causing Dante to snarl and step in front of you again. You shook your head at him, making Dante back down but he still kept at the ready prepared to protect you at any cost.

"Vergil," you spoke, "who's kid is this?"

Dante sucked in a breath and Vergil stiffened.

"Mine," he replied. "I couldn't bring myself to leave him all alone."

"Guess there's still a human heart in there somewhere," you teased before reaching out to Vergil to hand over the child. He handed him over to you, stepping back when Dante growled. You held the boy gently pressing his cheek to your chest and carefully rocked him. Though you weren't looking at him, the gentle smile you had on your lips made Dante's heart quicken in his chest. His body heated and he fought the urge to pull you into his arms. A twinge of jealousy tweaked at his heart, that it was his brother's kid you were holding and not one of you two's creation.

"Dante," your voiced tugged him out of his thoughts," come meet your nephew. He's precious."

"Can't be that cute he's Vergil spawn," he snorted.

Vergil scoffed," We look the same brother."

"I disagree I always thought I was the better looking twin."

You sighed and rolled your eyes, one second they want to tear each other's throats out and the next their snarking it up. You hoped Nero would at least have enough braincells to not be like his father and uncle.

"Grow up to not be like them," you whispered into his ear before Dante stood before your side.

He leaned down taking in the sight of his nephew but his eyes darted quickly towards your face. "I heard that."

"Good," you laughed before holding out the little bundle of joy towards his uncle. "Your turn."

Dante jolted backwards, Vergil chuckled from the doorway. Shooting a glare at his brother Dante shook his head.

"I can't. I never held a kid before."

"Oh please! It's easy," you scoffed. You couldn't help but find his worry amusing but it also melted your heart. For such a fearless devil may care attitude, Dante was just a big softy at heart. Gripping his wrist you lead him towards the couch before shoving him onto the cushions.

"Babe," Dante smirked, "not in front of the baby or my brother."

Sighing you began to move Dante's arms around, "Shut up. I'm helping you. Now bend your arm and put...hey Vergil what's his name?"

"Nero," he said.

"Weird name," Dante retorted and you slapped his chest.

"I like it. Now put Nero's head in the crook of your arm to support him and now and now put this one under his body and cuddle him to your chest. See, easy peasy?"

Nero snuggled deeper into Dante's warmth causing the devil hunter to melt. His glanced from the baby towards you. You oblivious to the want in his eyes. With baby fever nipping at his heels, he knew it was going to be hard staying away from you. But one look at Vergil had his blood cooling. Dante started to rock Nero a little like he had watched you do and you nodded in approval.

"Now care to explain yourself," Dante asked when he handed Nero back to you and you passed him back to Vergil. Vergil had enough shame to look guilty.

"I needed a place until I could find another home for me and him," he replied looking down at his son.

"Where's the mom," you asked while holding Dante's arm just in case.

"She's dead."

Dante snarled.

"What do you expect Dante? We're sons of Sparda, they'll always go after the people we care about," Vergil snarled before pinning his glare onto you.

You stepped backwards and Dante took a threatening step towards his twin. Vergil backed down immediately, not wanting to anger his only hope for a roof over his child's head. Glancing towards Dante, the younger twin sighed his shoulders dropping.

"You can stay," he pointed a finger towards his brother. "But you have to find an alternative quickly and you can't harm anyone while you're here. I don't owe you anything but I'm not tossing a defenseless baby out there, though I would you in a heartbeat."

"Guess you're bunking in my spare room," you said with a smile. "Follow me I'll show you."

"I'll show him," Dante shook his head. He couldn't help but feel a little more protective over you after seeing you so close to Vergil and seeing a baby in your arms didn't help.

"Thank you Dante."

"You owe me one now and you owe her big time," Dante nodded in your direction but you waved the gratitude away.

"I'm fighting for Nero. He deserves better."

Vergil nodded in agreement before turning and following his brother to his temporary room.

Later that night as you laid beside Dante, your fingers laced together with his, you waited for him to break the silence and say what was on his mind since his brother came to the front door. He couldn't go to sleep and though you couldn't see him, the tension in his body was telling you it was eating at him.

"Do you think," he began to say before releasing your hand and turning over. "Never mind it's stupid."

"Dante," you sighed wrapping your arms around his sides and pressing yourself against his bare back, "it's not stupid if it's bothering you so much."

Seconds ticked by before he tossed back over almost making you fall off the too small bed. He caught you pulling you in tight, causing you to giggle.

"Do you think that you could see that type of future for the both of us," he finally asked.

You melted, tracing patterns across his skin, "What do you mean?"

"Marriage, kids, the whole shebang," he whispered.

You snuggled in tighter, "You want that with me?"

Dante scoffed, booping you on the nose, "I had to fight the devil inside not to toss you over my shoulder and carry you to this room while my brother watched when you held the little rugrat."

"That would have been humiliating," you snorted.

"Not to me," Dante laughed.

"Don't laugh at my embarrassment," you growled.

"Sorry," he said in a tone that didn't prove he was sorry at all. "I have baby fever. Or more like you fever."

"How flattering," you teased. "I may have a touch of Dante fever too."

Internally purring at your words Dante squeezed you and kissed the top of your head. "Stay by my side?"

You brushed your lips against his and stroked the longer silver strands that brushed against Dante's cheeks, "Always."

Dante kissed you deeply, holding you tight through the night as you both talked about the future and what it could hold for you both.

[starcurtain]

I read your "PhaiDei isn't like other hoyo mlm pairs" posts and I'm so confused because I didn't see it in the main story. AT ALL. Like I'm the n⁰1 "please keep queerbaiting us hoyo, I understand there is censorship" and even then I only thought of them as friends?? I was literally playing through amphoreus and saying "omg they're besties :)" I don't know why this has happened. I have to rewatch the missions with the yaoi glasses on. What is wrong with me

My fav hoyo ship is xingyun and one thing they recently did is that they made Xingqiu explicitly blush because Chongyun was flattering him, which I found very cute and thought to bring up since you mentioned it in your post

I also have a personal problem with renheng because Dan heng has stated multiple times he wants to move on from his past and that he isn't the same person as dan feng (maybe he was, at first, but he certainly isn't now), but I also dislike it because enemies to lovers isn't my cup of tea and Blade left a terrible first impression regarding Dan Heng when I met him

Now that I think about it, maybe I didn't see PhaiDei when I played it for a similar reason I didn't see RenHeng (I was genuinely surprised they shipped them together bc they seem so toxic to me, and after reading a bit about it, I came to the conclusion of the last paragraph regarding that ship), and that is that I really want to smooch Phainon myself, maybe not as much as I want to smooch Dan Heng but... lol

Ha ha well wanting to keep the character for yourself mighttttt influence things, yes. 😂

As for not seeing Phaidei, may I ask what language audio you play in? I play in Chinese, but I was recently watching a friend stream in English and I was genuinely shocked at Mydei's voice acting. No hate to the voice actor at all, because I think he has a very fine voice, but I feel like the voice director must have told him to like... sound pissed all the time. I was genuinely so confused listening to the lines because the delivery in Chinese seems completelyyyyy different in many places, and it feels to me that English Mydei has a more aggressive vibe in a lot of scenes. Maybe this affected your read of the characters a bit, if you play in English?

Love me some Xingyun, very cute ship. I was surprised by them adding the blush in the recent event! I think they were able to "get away with it" so to speak because the Traveler was there too; they can use the Traveler as their plausible deniability. But that scene was definitely grade A+ Xingyun bait, for real for real. (And the scene where Xingqiu said he'd have to run away to Chongyun's house and stay for weeks. I was like, "Sir, that's called eloping" lmao).

I fully respect your opinion on Renheng; "you ruined my life and I'm not over it" is definitely not a dynamic for everyone. My opinion is the dead opposite though, funnily enough; I love Renheng! ...But I tried to care about Yingxing/Dan Feng and I just have zero interest in it at all. I think I'm the only one in the entire fandom that prefers Renheng to Yingfeng lol. Enemies to lovers is my jam, although I can definitely see why not everyone likes it.

May your account be blessed with lots of Phainon to blow smooches to in the future!

[totallytubularific]

Figured I'd come back a couple months later to reiterate that I do be consuming - THOUGHTFULLY in this world.

I bought something today that I have literally been considering for years and finally thought that it would prove useful for me as an adult (it is a little sunglasses holder thing that I couldn't justify until now since I am now a person who uses a purse and has to take care of my terrible eyesight and since I often find myself in spots in which I have no sunglasses when I need them I bought the thing. also its super fucking cute) As well as in the last couple of months I found myself purchasing some decent quality work appropriate wear (that I can wear other places as well, so that even if I leave this job I would wear these clothes day to day)

Both of these purchases should last me for quite a while and were bought with much consideration and thought.

Buy things you like and will last and that make you feel good! Just make sure it's something that will bring happiness and use to your life

So go forth my peeps and continue to use your thinking brains to consume with intention and thought!

My opinion doesn’t matter, but like. I’ve seen so many things that are like “overconsumption core” or “underconsumption core” and yeah overconsumption isn’t good. But you are allowed to consume. Obviously with like nuance to this, like. If you want a Stanley mug then get one, you just don’t need 10, the goal was to use those instead of single use plastics so if you buy 10 and throw half out after a year, that isn’t great. But like. You’re allowed to buy new shoes. Or cute clothes, it just has to come with the foresight and understanding that they should be more than a one wear item.

You should be buying things with intention and thought, to be used for a long time.

Anyway the entire point is that you can and should consume but as a thoughtful and intentional consumer that is prepared to carefully consider what they need and want within their life.

[gveret-fic]

Your Elphaba soul post got me thinking about just how different bookverse Elphie is vs movieverse Elphie. I don't think movie!Elphie would ever say she doesn't have a soul! I think it would be utterly offensive to her. Maybe I'm just not in the right fandom circles, but it seems like no one talks about how, dare-i-say woobified movie!Elphie is. I would love to hear your take. I've seen Cynthia saying they wanted to give Elphaba some innocence to lose so that her character arc would mean something, but it also just kind of seems like the easy way out to me? I know the musical and the book are two very different animals, but I think even in the musical Elphaba is a lot more Daria-esque than movie!Elphie is.

Oh they're wildly wildly different. It's the first thing I noticed when I watched the movie, and at first it put me off Cynthia Erivo's performance. Her Elphie is sweet and quiet and gentle where book Elphie is abrasive and rude and loud; poised and dignified and intensely feminine vs off-putting and strange and gender non-conforming (and intersex); open and vulnerable and easily lovable vs provocative and difficult with defense mechanisms for miles. It's basically a completely different character who's unfortunately found herself in similar circumstances.

It took a second watch to let go of my expectations for the character and just let myself fall in love with this version of her on her own terms. Of course, she's much more easily digestible, with more broad audience appeal, and this inevitably removes some of her complexity. Woobified is a good term for it; she really is just the most huggable sweetie pie put through hell through no fault of her own. But Erivo really portrays her with so much pathos and genuine heart and charisma that you just can't not love her. I am not immune to big puppy dog eyes and a bright gap-toothed smile and a warm little chuckle at Galinda's antics lol.

I'd say the musical characterization is equally simplified/homogenized for broad appeal. Maybe she's a little more generally sarcastic and standoffish in the musical, but I kinda like this more genuine version, I think Erivo's Elphaba seems more heartfelt, especially in her relationship with Galinda. You can see this particularly in Popular; in both versions this is the comic relief song, but in the musical Elphie is generally long-suffering and uninterested while in the movie she's an active participant and genuinely seems to be having fun playing along, mimicking Galinda and giggling like a school girl. It's really cute.

Also there's the issue of race. In the musical there hasn't been a full-time Black Elphaba until now with Lencia Kebede, who was of course cast only after Erivo. I think it's easy to see why they'd choose to make the first major depiction of Elphaba by a Black actress more unimpeachably lovable. Of course they shouldn't have to, but that in itself is a commentary on its own.

Unrelated but a major improvement of the movie over the musical is the handling of Nessa and her disability, which was just atrocious in the musical. In the movie they make it a point that pushing a wheelchair without permission is a serious violation, and in general give Nessa a bit more personhood and genuine chemistry with Elphie.

It's never gonna be as interesting and complex and political as the book, but for what it is I think the movie did a fantastic job and had a lot of love and care obviously put into it. Bookverse Elphie is still my number 1 though.

[twopoppies]

Hello Gina ,

Long time reader .

I'm a minor celebrity ( hate calling myself that ) from the 90s . Married another from then as well. My partner was a child actor all the way from 80s.

Let me say , your blog and others that I found through you has been so entertaining. And spot on with how you describe the entertainment industry. My husband's castmates have even ventured into the music scene , though unsuccessfully. And let me tell you the music scene is ghastly. It's an entire different being compared to hollywood. My agent back in the day unsuccessfully tried to get me into music and thank God I didn't even try ( I wasn't all that talented but that never stopped anyone) . It was a well known fact that , the music industry was where you go to die. Because no one comes out alive . It's so toxic and scary. And this was back then and I'm sure things have gotten worse in most cases even though it might be better in some.

I don't really know much about one direction but I have been listening to some of their music . Anyway , I have nothing to add. No inside information. Just wanted to say how I love your answers and opinions.

Take care .

Hi, darling. This is honestly fascinating. I'm so glad (but also so sad) to know that we're seeing through the gaslighting and have a pretty clear view of what goes on behind the scenes in the entertainment industry (although I'm sure we don't even know the half of it).

I'm so glad you and your partner came out of the system unscathed (or unscathed as one can be). And now I'm wondering who you guys are 👀 LOL! If you ever have stories you want to share, feel free!

And thank you so much for the kind word. I'm glad to know you're enjoying my blog and my ramblings. ❤️

[all-pacas]

entertain the idea of transmasc chase for me?

i want to preface this by saying i am not trans myself and so i'm always a little cautious about this kind of thing; i kind of always worry about "doing it wrong" or being weird or ignorant or just getting involved in something that isn't For Me To Get Involved In. so now i'm just going to talk without thinking too much about it:

EDIT: okay having gone on at length, uhhhh, warning for? i guess? it being kind of depressing? like more "sad realism" than "fun hc"vibe. i'm sorry

considering that chase himself is already like - his whole life is about trying to, in a real way, define himself. redefine himself. he keeps landing in these situations - be a good boy and please your father, be a good boy and obey god, be a good boy and daddy issues again, win house's approval, stop wanting house's approval. get married and have three kids - he did love cameron, but that wasn't a particular desire of his we ever saw before or after her, right?

it's a weird thing to say about chase, whose morals tend to be fairly fast and loose, but: he loves a good Set of Rules. he is used to living in a world with strict and impossible expectations, and he is used to trying to meet them. he never really rebels or resists. he slacks off and doesn't try hard, but he did go to med school and do very well at it. he knows what is expected of him. he does what is expected of him. we even see it with post-divorce slut chase, we see it in s8 when he's pressured to ask out adams: he is pretty, so he needs to sleep around. he likes the priests and nuns at his school, so he needs to be super catholic. you give this kid an Expectation, and he is going to make his entire fucking life about meeting it. he isn't all that … rebellious. he isn't all that strong willed. he sits on things, he doesn't fight.

and honestly if you throw in transmasc or transfem, it adds an incredible (and lbr: fucked up) extra dynamic. because, first of all, chase was born in the late 70s. he came of age in the 80s and early 90s. even if he had the words to explain his feelings, culture was way behind, and it's so easy to imagine this i must be good at my role as a direct result of that: pre-transitioning transmas chase doing their fucking utmost to suppress their feelings and be good and going nuts about it. transfem chase deep in the closet for a very long time.

there's a sort of implication scattered throughout s1-2 about chase and drugs, right? he always thinks teenagers are on party drugs, and he knows way more about them than foreman, lowkey: he's suggesting snorting printer toner and foreman has never heard of it. we also know chase's teenage years were… troubled, to say the least. to me, i've always kind of assumed he had some kind of breakdown over his parents and parentification and mother's alcoholism and sort of dipped into his slut era, 16-year-old edition. partying and drinking and pure rich kid bullshit, because he's trying to escape. and tie this all in. tie this in with gender stuff. with his need to get approval, to be accepted.

i think transmasc chase doesn't transition until after rowan dies. i think, even halfway around the world, even convinced he hates his father and no longer cares, that need for approval is just too strong. but i can also see him transitioning in med school, learning about these things for probably the first time (beyond whatever 90s grossness/joking he would have grown up with), and just having a crazy breakdown over the possibility and sudden awareness and the struggle between i want this and this is not what dad/society wants for me and chase is… kind of a chicken, tbh. it would not be an easy choice. especially without a support group. either way, i think what he does next is decide he is going to be the best, most… stereotypical, most masculine, he's gonna sleep around and drink hard and do sports and get a good grade in being a boy, because inside chase there are two wolves and they're named daddy issues and god and he's never met an expectation or authority figure he isn't going to try and impress.

(he probably also hopes rowan will like him more as a boy. naturally he is wrong. it has nothing to do with being trans, rowan is just always going to find a way to be disappointed in him.)

[snippet-z]

Reposting this here to have it in one place. I also corrected (most of) the spelling errors if you even care

***

Prompt: Royalty/Nobility AU

"You shouldn't be here," is what greets him when he comes to a measured halt in front of the iron bars. The sentiment remains incorporeal in the darkness of the cell, the moonless, cloudy night providing not a glimpse of light by sheer luck, or maybe divine intervention.

"Neither should you," he replies to the void, pulling the lockpicks from his pocket. Drugging the guards was easy enough, the old useless drunkards would down anything that smelled of alcohol, but stealing the keys felt a little too much like tempting fate; and he didn't need them anyway.

A scoff acompanies him as he touches at the bars, trying to feel for the lock. "It'll cost me my head if you get caught, you know," the voice sing-songs playfully, and it is so achingly familiar that for a mere moment, he feels like he might break down and cry.

"Your head is at risk either way if this doesn't work, so kindly shut up," he admonishes, but he cannot control how choked he sounds, the ball of dread in his throat swelling and suffocating him more and more with every passing second. He finally finds the lock.

A hand catches his before he can insert the lockpicks into the keyhole, moulding around his palm perfectly, as if the two of them were a matching set. "Edwin," the voice pleas, and that's more than enough to shatter the makeshift dam which was holding his tears at bay up to this point. He contemplates not looking up, but then again, this already feels too much like talking to a ghost -- and he doesn't want to think how close to the reality it is. So he looks up.

He cannot make out more than the silhouette in the darkness, a thin, razor-cut shape in the curtain of night, but he doesn't need light to be able to place all the missing features in right places - the almond-shaped eyes, the slope of the nose, the slight indent of the Cupid's bow which's taste he knows better than that of his favourite wine. No, he doesn't need anything, not when he's able to map out Charles's face with his eyes closed.

"My father won't harm me with Henry still missing in battle, he wouldn't risk losing a possible substitute when the crown prince is absent." The salt running down his face tries to glue his lips shut, but he soldiers on in spite of it, knowing that Charles needs to hear him even when the words escape him like startled songbirds. "I can't watch you die," he finally breathes out, and just like magic, the hold on his palm gives, and he can work the lock open.

It clicks softly when the latches fall in place, and jumps open easily, as if made of butter. He doesn't waste time, pulling at cell door, making sure it doesn't make a sound as Charles slips out. He closes it back, and then purposely drops the lockpicks right by it. He can feel Charles's confused look on him, so he just shrugs, hoping the movement registers in the dark. "For plausible deniability," he explains, entwining their hands together as Charles's knuckles brush his, "One can always blame the guards for not inspecting you thoroughly enough."

Charles snorts softly at that, letting himself be dragged along through the winding staircases and corridors. "You know I would've found the way myself, right? I've been a servant in this castle all my life, I probably still know more secret passages than you," he says at some point, light-hearted, and the tone of his voice makes some of the weight fall off his shoulders. "I know," he confirms, "But I need to make sure you're out safe. For myself."

Instead of taking another step forward, he stumbles back when Charles stops abruptly, pulling him into himself, their lips crashing together before a single thought can cross his mind. He doesn't hesitate to reciprocate, revelling in the way he now has to climb slightly to his tiptoes to better angle himself against Charles. His free hand needs no command as it buries itself in Charles's hair, pressing them impossibly closer together.

He wishes for then and there, just for a moment, that the two of them didn't have to breathe anymore, forever inseparable, living off of each other; but alive lungs burn and demand attention, and he lets go, breathless and flustered, hot breathes mingling in the sudden space between them. "Let's go," he whispers, taking a step back before he can make one more stupid decision under the cover of the night.

The treck under the castle is easy enough, twisting and turning, but quick if you know the way. They climb through the broken sewage crate, something he knows he should let the king know about in case of danger; unfortunately, the crack in the castle's defense keeps proving itself useful.

Marigold neighs softly when she sees them, and he shushes her and pats her flank before untying the reins from the rickety shrub by the passage -- more of a statement than an actual way of holding her down. He passes them to Charles, and in the now dim-light he sees his eyes widen in surprise. "She always liked you better anyway, he says by means of explanation, and kisses his cheek - for good measure, and because he can't help himself.

Charles doesn't protest when he mounts Edwin's horse, throwing his long leg over the saddle with ease, and whispering a greeting into the mare's ear, in a language Edwin knows he knows from his mother. The horse shakes her mane in delight, clacking her teeth and pawing at the ground, ready to go as if she knows she's about to experience freedom the likes of which she never felt before. It seems ridiculous, but Edwin can't help but feel jealous.

He takes the reins by her head, leading them away towards the less-known path through the forest, all the while battling his thoughts on whether he should speak up.

"What's going on in that beautiful mind of yours," Charles asks before he can make up his mind, once again proving that he knows him better than Edwin knows himself. He stops the walk, bracing himself for what he's about to do. When he turns to Charles, his gaze feels both searching and strangely understanding, as if he already knows what's about to happen.

"I know this is a lot to ask of you," he begins hesitantly, forcing himself to maintain the eye contact, "But if you were to find Henry, send him home... If my father gets his Crown Prince back-" his breath hitches again, the teacherous tears silencing him. He's about to turn away in shame, but a hand on his shoulder stops him, and although he can barely see Charles's eyes, the love he feels in them burns brighter than a thousand suns.

"I'll find him," Charles says, and there's confidence in his voice that Edwin doesn't feel himself. "I'll find him, and get him here. And then we'll run."

And oh, isn't this exactly what Edwin wanted to say, what he hoped to hear. He leans against Marigold's side, and Charles bends down to kiss him one last time. It's softer, slower than in the tunnel, as sweet as honey and as bitter as buckwheat, and much to short for the time he knows they'll spend apart. But it cannot last, because the night is coming to an end much too soon. He takes a step away, and Charles takes off without a word, as if any farewells would curse them for the rest of their lives.

Edwin turns around after the horse and the rider disappear in the forest. He can hear the first birds waking up, and he knows he has to hurry if he wants to lay the false tray successfully. So he gets to work, and he tries not to grieve, all the while, against his best wishes, he can still taste the goodbye on his lips.

***

Original post

[the-stove-is-divorced]

That’s fair enough. For me, once I do wanna rewatch something, it’s when it sticks in my head the most? But hopefully there’s something you forgot, haha! That’s always a delight.

And absolutely not no, I’m all for a decent tragedy or reasonable, character motivated shitty decisions, but it kinda felt like what was the point of watching then? The way the show had a pattern of them being so dysfunctional that their cooperation literally determined the planet’s survival, you’d think the point would be to learn how to support each other, even if demanded by apocalypse prevention. Forced Family to Chosen or something? 

It already sounds like such a whimsical premise, I wish I knew about this sooner omg? Currently speeding through an anime, which I’ve started watch again (though warily, I hate you fan service) but that’ll be next! I’m so excited. Don’t say anything more! 

And right? It’s one of things that just makes sense biologically while being casually off putting. I’ve never considered their temperature, but becoming colder to overheating at top speeds makes sense. I wonder if Nolan can’t shiver by proxy, he’s body built to shed heat, not gain it, if that makes sense, but the specifics of body temp mannerisms is a whole rabbit hole to me lol, like endotherms versus homeotherms. Had to stop myself from going down that journey for hours lol, though. But, like, there’s something so funny to me if Nolan can’t really shiver, as much as he can just vibrate at a speed incapable of being witnessed to warm up? Which is such a funny image to me. He’s like hold on, shakes, and goes about his business. Rubbery skin makes sense too, can’t really cut it easily, though delighted by the image you can squish his cheeks, cause even if the baby fat naturally lessens, they’re still an automatic stretch in his skin? Lmao! They can be Nolan specific; he's neat to think about.

I love pondering hybrid things for Mark, myself now lol, and if anything combats each other? Like the teeth thing. We get a second set of adult-specific teeth, but like, do Viltrumites? Maybe its a singular set that grows with them, and replace missing teeth, but our teeth don’t grow, so what the fuck kind of nightmare/awe inspiring cluster fuck is Mark’s dentist witnessing the first time he goes? Does he only have ONE set? Three? Is his teeth still capable of falling out, BUT they grow, so he’s just got two sets but only one stays/used, if that makes sense? Is Mark cooler like Nolan is, or his body weirdly cold and shivers, but he’s supposed to be cooler. What do Nolan’s fingerprints look like? What do Mark’s? Are there chemicals in their stomachs, allowing them to break down like literal poisons, that if they vomited would decay the toilet bowl or trash can like slow going acids?

I have never considered any of this but this proves they should be Eldritch entities I think? But like truly horrifying I think? 

Vast majority not being hardcore trained make sense, it’s still a society, not everyone can be warriors or why spend that effort making everyone a warrior when there’s schools, food supply, medical care, I assume? Nolan failing the first few times to join is sooooo interesting omg? That's such a humanizing and interesting detail to me!

The no flying in the house also struck me as weird, I included in a fic cause I can see Debbie getting irritated by Oliver as the walking sign Nolan Cheated and Messed Up A Whole New Planet, and establishing some house rules just for her own sanity or some sense of control, which ofc Mark won’t argue against. But truly, if Debbie is well adjusted and somehow fine, it’s not a rule that makes sense? The super speed + limited strength when throwing/tossing/etc would make way more sense, cause they might knock something over! Another example of that’s a rule, tell me why, especially if previously it isn’t a problem! Let Nolan haunt that fucking house, let Debbie be irrational or testy or snappy! If we’re gonna have it, make it say something. 

Peter having the worst month of his life is so funny, like, his life is always chaotic and messy and exhausting but here’s NEW problems. He can’t NOT patrol but Nolan is always Around or the GDA pops up or Invincible swings by him, like everyone LEAVE RN.

IM SCREAMING. Peter getting assigned to be Nolan’s photographer and Mark warning him about how horny his parents is absolutely incredible, I’m fucking crying. New mental torture for Peter dropped, lol. But Peter already jumping to the fact he’s gonna get killed only for Mark to be like ???? :/ I’m not gonna kill you, man, I’m warning you for YOUR sake. I love it worsening his anxiety. Like anxious AND uncomfortable! A combo no one wanted, and Peter loathes with all his body. I wonder if he tried to hint at Debbie who Nolan is, if he doesn’t think she knows, and she’s flippant like yes this is my hot alien husband, why do you think we’re married. Debbie “what the fuck is danger” Grayson + Nolan “casually ominous” Grayson  vs Peter “can any of you be fucking normal” Parker.

AND SERIOUSLY?? Like without Mark feeling bound by normalcy or morality, what the fuck can you do? He can do batshit things. Like oh you keep calling him? He says underwater for a month at the deepest parts of the ocean with the most insane pressure on the planet, and they cannot afford to lose members of their deep diving team for this shit. I WISH Mark had weird ass goals honestly? Never realized how badly until now but FR! Like he can just not eat or drink or sleep. Like, I imagine he’s human enough for it have affects, but he won’t die so he just fucking forgets to sleep even. When was the last time Mark had water, outside of habit? He doesn’t know but he took a dip in the Arctic, if that counts? He once took a nap in space because he can hold his breath long enough.

They keep politely asking Mark not to play card games with the astronauts, they’re busy at work, and he doesn’t fucking listen. He doesn’t understand why it’s dangerous to walk or fly through caves leaving Mark-shaped holes while people are diving when he knows he can just rescue them? He understands if he’s annoying but he cannot wrap his head around actual danger. Truly a cardboard world! 

BUT THE DIAMOND IS SO COOL, like he just, casually has multiple. He could obliterate the diamond industry but he uses them as door stoppers for the moon base. He should be so casually absurd and unhinged. Even funnier to me if he’s hard to reach by phone or comm, cause he’ll break them on purpose when he’s irritated, OR he’s halfway to another planet, the ocean, a fucking cave, trying to see if he can hit the center of the earth on a DARE, and they break or get lost. Cecil is so fucking irritated but he can’t do anything. They get on Mark’s good side by helping him with the moon base, or something lol. He can’t be bought and his sense of the world is seriously skewed, not to mention there’s nothing flashy or interesting about the GDA to him, possibly?

I also wonder if he, like, has to be reminded of human limits. Like, oh, yeah, can’t show Rex the moon base when he can’t hold his breath as long :/ it can be so fun omg. 

Like make all do the Graysons unhinged, it’d be so fun and good. None of them should be normal. People wanna say Nolan’s the weirdest but he’s predictable, you expect him to be a little off but Mark is the product of two casually unhinged people and Debbie just let go of the feeling of fear, she would not bat an eyelash at the president being kidnapped. She thinks it’s annoying when she actually drives and it blocks traffic. She would scream at a super villain.

While I'm not too familiar with the DCU- your batfam meta posts are intiguing- so in transfering some of the broader strokes from them- I think you tackling a 'Mark isn't Nolan's biological son' fic would be fascinating. Sort of a step to the side of the 'what if Mark never got his powers' fic that sometimes pop up in the fandom

OOOOOO chewing on this currently, hm, the much a distinct flavor of exactly what you’re talking about, but the potential for more family drama depending on WHO knows. Does Mark know?? Is he waiting every day only to be crushed? Does he confused non-Debbie features with Nolan’s? I suppose I’m not the most enthusiastic about non-power AUs, but I think there’s something very fun to explore about Mark having to settle with, if he knows all his life, he will never have powers? I think the trajectory of his dreams will obviously shift, I can see him still having that distinct fatherly idolization, but perhaps embraces being useful to the GDA? Cecil’s number one intern—only intern—curtesy of nepotism, ha! There is something tickling me about Mark taking the Robin Route/Role for the Teen Team in terms of having no powers, just insane skills, BUT there’s something way more delicious about intern Mark when s1e01 happens and Mark tries snooping around to find out the truth about what happened to his Dad.

I wonder if, with Mark having a whole another father, if they’re more or less distant relationship, depending on WHEN Nolan entered Mark’s life? Like if Debbie met Nolan later for this, or just for fun, they dated once, separated (Mark being born during then), then they happened to stumble into each others lives again and Mark’s already been born, anywhere from tween to teenager so there’s a gap in how close they are. I feel like one important aspect of the whole Family Drama is how close they’re supposed to be, a functional, loving family turned upside down? So I wonder what more distance does. I wonder how Nolan copes when his family is entirely human and he can’t project onto Mark.

I love thinking about these, omg.