#connect with them to fulfill that
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i wonder how talented people find multiple, actual supportive friends. seems like ive been missing that all my life because so far i only know one (two if i count a moot from here)
ive been praised for my writing but it still feels extremely hollow because. like. now what? i look cool cause i can do amazing naturally, but no one even cared to tag along. in fact, the people that did wanted to rip a part of me out for their keeping
#i dont really care for the moots i dont interact with closely - theyre cool#and the moot that has been responding to some of my vent posts and reading through them…. 🫂#but it feels like im still being let down by so many other people like im far down the priority list from them than i expected and tried to#connect with them to fulfill that#like damn. i guess thats what i am now huh. a goddamn mosaic in your museum you call a friends list#so far tumblr has been pretty swell though even if im not active and mostly get most of my interactions on disc#maybe i should really consider deleting discord now. so i stop thinking about being so close with someone and getting pissy when im not#cataclysmic ranting
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hey wait a minute
so it's the start of AvA part 7 and Chosen and Dark are talking, right? and the former has this vision of terrible things happening if they don't stop the latter, right here and now.
they see the ViraBots descending on the last remnants of stick kind with Dark as their leader (or Lord if you will. ha ha) and i, trusting viewer, took their assessment as reliable*. we JUST saw Dark getting uncomfortably violent in earlier scenes after all
but
however
notwithstanding
unless Chosen has demonstrable prophetic powers (like how Orange has** in the past seen things currently happening (horizontally-prophetic let's call it: seeing faraway in the current time) (there's probably a better word for this but let's move on)), how did they know this was definitely what Dark was leading up to?
** ⬆ examples of Orange horizontally-prophesizing in AvM episode 11, SkyBlock (unconfirmed but referenced as, "uh? well maybe??? maybe i didn't think about it yet-" (abridged quote from AvG react video)) (op will die /j /extremely pos if this is used again in AvA 11 (HAH they'd both be episode 11 (op just giggled maniacally)))
Dark doesn't even have his control bracelets on.
because Chosen didn't know about them yet.
because this is not a prophetic vision.
Chosen is just that... reactive. what was it. @compressedrage (hi o/ ) had a good wording let me find it. yeah i guess it was reactionary
the ONLY time we've seen them stop to think things through is actually just a terrified anxiety breakdown while they stand there, frozen, imagining the worst, until they snap out of it JUST in time to impact their reality.
but with no time left for debate. reasoning. they assumed Dark was beyond reasoning from the moment he showed off what his device could do............. because they were beyond reasoning out of fear.
<community post version>
#okay im not sure about that final phrase after the dots but it sounded epic so i kept it in#*im trying to call up the phrase “unreliable narrator” here#that chosen's instincts weren't accurate. obviously Dark's weapons CAN harm stick figures deeply...#...and when push comes to shove they do (a self-fulfilling prophecy if you will?)...#...but let's look at the ViraBot gun and the portals. one direct-connects (hehe) to IP addresses.#keep in mind Dark didn't know about Alan's new buddies chilling on his PC#the others go to YouTube; Twitter; Reddit; Google; Twitch; Wikipedia; Discord.#these aren't places where stick figures live at all. in some corners of them but not primarily. there's a city RIGHT THERE-!#-but he doesn't care about it. im saying obv it's still not awesome of him to target human-centric websites either-#-did he change tho? if chosen listened long enough to hear him out? was his plan to go back to when cho was having fun too?#i can't know for sure but i sure am having fun thinking about it#alan becker#animator vs animation#ava the chosen one#ava the dark lord#ava orange#ava the second coming#subpixels
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Dare I say it, the way Parks and Rec failed in its conclusion was by succumbing to the capitalist construction of the self as an infinite growth optimization machine (where the optimized self is the work self)
#for the record i am deriving these terms from actual scholarly books i have read not just internet jargon#but yeah. this is the problem. why did a happy fulfilled ending for all the characters mean finding a job they loved#why did they all have to become popular and influential#you expect me to believe tom haverford could write a book?#you expect me to believe april ludgate wants a job where she has to have professional conversations forever?#the show construes this as growth almost akin to sanctification and there is a beauty to it#but the fact that it happens to all the characters betrays that the creators' values are of capitalist success#where people are significant based on their work in the broadest sphere accessible to them#not based on their immediate connections and meaning to their community#parks and rec#(compare to yes i say it again new girl#where work is just work even for nick and the joyful success of the ending is in the relationships and children)
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Ok since Monika still has her admin powers in the side stories you think she could just discover them accidentally or use them without realizing
Anyways au where Monika and friends discover her admin powers but dont know about the wider context of what it means. So they just go around thinking Monika has magic and try practicing with a bunch of silly fun shenanigans because they figure it’s some chosen one bloodline stuff and not like. A product of their reality being a constricted digital science experiment.
This au will not end well
#yeah she probably needs the epiphany to consciously use it but hypothetical aus are fun and the angst potential it plentiful#the beauty of this au is that it contains potential for both wacky slice of life escapades and soul crushing angst#they’re like doing a dumb 3am ghost summoning ritual and Monika accidentally does some admin stuff and they’re like ‘woah your magic’#and they research a bunch of other dumb stupid rituals and nearly set the carpet on fire#they like try to rob a bank or cheat on a test and nearly delete half a building#and then at some point Monika suddenly extends her admin powers too far and acts real despondent for no reason#because she ends up epiphany beaming herself and is even more conflicted than base game because she grows so much more connected to the club#it’s even worse because they were her whole world and she knows so much she sees how human they are but they just aren’t apparently?????#and while she can’t pull a base game and kill everyone for a nonexistent player she still goes through so much angst and like#the girls notice and want to help but don’t know how because she won’t tell anyone and she keeps avoiding them and like aauughhh#it would probably end with Monika doing something drastic and trying to reach out for anyone out there who understands#and idk maybe she’ll find base game Monika post act 4 and she’s like ‘what the heck why did you abandon your friends don’t to what I did???’#and maybe she could fix her mistakes???? maybe not??????? whatever’s narratively fulfilling#shoot this was supposed to be a short post for a silly au what have I done#this feels like the plot of a kids tv show where the plot randomly gets really dark on its fifth season#also realizing al lot of the same plot points happen in my fantasy au so I really gotta get to that too#ddlc#doki doki literature club#tempestmothtalk
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Thinking about "Content, but are you happy?" and the fact that Ziva gets to be happy now
#well. she'll be happy for sure by the end of the spinoff at the very least lol#if she's not already for some reason#not to psychoanalyze myself but#i understand her “perfectly content with my life” more than i ever have before#there was just that one thing missing#a fulfilling relationship#and when you realize you're not actually *happy* just content#well.#this is why we love these characters#and it's so amazing to connect with them differently as you grow up#different aspects of the story speak to you depending on where you're at in life#and that's what made the show different#(that got too personal but eh whatever)#one of my favorite scenes#especially thinking of how it all turned out in the end#ncis#tiva#tony dinozzo#ziva david
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Like. The last thing I'm going to say is that I see a lot of comments about how "Well Americans probably deserve whatever is coming to them" because [some variation of how we are all equally violent and stupid and of course we elected this guy] and I will be the FIRST one to go, "Fuck America for real, I hate it here" but. There are in fact millions of people who did not want this. Who actively fought against it and will continue to do so.
BELIEVE ME, I understand the impulse to go, "Well with all the shit America has done to the rest of the world, why should I feel bad for them." I understand that compassion fatigue is real. And I DEFINITELY don't think it's the rest of the world's job to fight my battles for me or prioritize my feelings above anyone else's.
But if people are worried for their safety. If they're scared. If they're wondering how they and the people they love are going to survive the next few years. If people are feeling despair and despondence over the fact that they are stuck in an absolutely hellish landscape they did not ask for. Just...please let them have that. You don't have to tell them that you think they deserve it.
#us politics#I just think that every vulnerable person who tried to prevent this probably would not in any way benefit or become a better person from#hearing 'you are acceptable collateral damage of the upcoming administration because America Sucks'#like my dudes I am not even asking you to HELP ME I know we all need to put on our own oxygen masks first. I am just asking you to have#a little bit of sympathy for the people who are about to go through an INCREDIBLE amount of struggle that they will have limited#individual power to fight against.#it's not hopeless! it's not! but this isn't like sw episode 4 where a single person can destroy the death star and the entire empire will#be directly and significantly kneecapped. there is only so much in this real world situation that one individual person can do.#a lot of people are going to have a harder time finding other people to connect with to get through this. all I'm asking is that you#do NOT make it harder on them by telling them their misfortune is brought on themselves for things they didn't do. or by telling them that#there is no way they can ever be happy or fulfilled or a good person.#there is NOTHING a person can do to 'deserve' the extreme loss of human rights that this party wants to make into a reality#if you believe that someone CAN ever 'deserve' the loss of those rights...#well I think that you and I are so fundamentally different in an ideological sense that there's no point in us speaking to each other
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something that pisses me off in RA is that Flanagan will occasionally hype up Pauline as this super important and prominent figure in Will’s life, even treat her as a proxy for the mother he never knew, and yet will just refuse to show it beyond the like. two or three (personal) conversations that they have in canon. I get that he was attempting to make her an important person in Will’s life but why not do that by actually making her an important person in Will’s life
#hey Flanagan I hate to tell u but just because she’s married to Will’s father figure does not automatically make her his mom figure#what REALLY annoys me is how easy it would have been for him to connect her & will#like hey. if only there were a pretty clear gap in Will’s education that halt couldn’t fulfill - say for example mmmm diplomacy?#(cause we all know how gifted halt is at conflict resolution)#then he’d have a valid reason to seek out a master of diplomacy for lessons in negotiating compromises & treaties#but no I guess not. Will’s just naturally good at diplomacy despite never really being exposed to it#yk what extra sucks?#if Pauline HAD taught will about treaties & stuff then him receiving the last name treaty wouldve been 1000x more meaningful#it would’ve spoken to her influence on him and solidified her as a sort of parental figure in her own right#AND as an extra extra bonus: if she came to the cabin to teach will about negotiation tactics and such#then we could’ve gotten more halt/Pauline interactions. as in: we could’ve actually seen them being in love ON SCREEN instead of just being#told that they loved each other#will could’ve had a chance to see how much the two of them mean to each other. and then he would’ve had some actual basis for a speech#at their wedding or whatever#but yeah no why do that when we can just imply that will & Pauline got super close off screen? same effect right?????#ranger’s apprentice#pauline dulacy#halt o’carrick#will treaty#I love these books so so much don’t get me wrong. but there are just some things……#anyway.#jackie rambles
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thinking about the disconnect between cesare and lucrezia in “the prince” after cesare’s failed at murdering alfonso and lucrezia has to clean up his mess, and she asks “is that all i am now, brother, borgia?” with such disgust and he just doesn’t even hear her because he’s too focused on her mixing the poison and realizing that by being with her he won’t be corrupting her because she’s already a “professional” like him, like the assassin he was ready to send in to finish the job to keep her hands free of blood. meanwhile lucrezia is ALREADY making up her mind that she wants a love outside of HIS love for her because the way he loves her is selfishly and all consuming and overly possessive and makes her feel sick because some part of her still feels like god is in the room with them when he’s near, but now i think she understands that not to be true. and he was right to ask “god or the devil?” ACTUALLY maybe the disconnect begins before this….when he’s just run alfonso through with his sword and lucrezia comes rushing down the stairs to find the aftermath and cesare thinks he’s going to convince her it was an “accident” or perhaps it begins when lucrezia tells him “i am tired of my husband, of life, the only thing that never tires me is you”. yep this is when it begins i think!! right there. because of this he underestimates how much guilt lucrezia will feel if something happens to alfonso by cesare’s hand. how much she will come to resent being born a borgia, being loved by HIM.
#text#the borgias#lucrezia x cesare#otp: we are the unholy family#mel talks#i just think the breakdown of lucrezia’s trust in cesare is fascinating#she was already beginning to see the cracks in their relationship before alfonso died btw#even BEFORE she climbs into his bed in 3x03#when she’s talking to their mother and says that ambition is what rules their family#and again when she questions if he’s on her side in that same episode#and AGAIN when he fails to fight on her behalf in 3x04#and AGAIN when she talks about wanting to leave rome with her mom giovanni and alfonso if he would come#THEY ACTUALLY SPEND ALL OF SEASON THREE DISCONNECTING#it’s like the more trust cesare gains from their father the more his relationship with lucrezia suffers#and by the end he has in his mind his father’s full trust (and his father’s forgiveness for killing juan)#so the thing that connected them (not having their father's trust) suddenly is the very thing tearing them apart#because his needs are being fulfilled by the one person he needed them fulfilled by all along#which leaves lucrezia alone in the dark gathering information from whispers in rome#yeah yeah my brain is working tonight!!
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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naruto as a whole is a fucking mess and i say thisas somebody whos read the entireseries 3 times over. “naruto is going to change the system! haha teehee never mind hes not doing anytning about the child soldiers and slave castes and the genocides.” “sasuke can be upset at his brother for committing a genocide but actually genocide against an oppressed bloodline is good if theyre getting uppity and its sanctioned by the government and also have a genetic predisposition to be evil so he should just get over it and be okay with it” “sakura needs to stop obsessing over a guy whos not even interested and become strong for her own sake. actually shes a housewife now”
kishimoto im going to blow you up with my mind
YOU GET IT
For real though I think what they did with Sasuke's arc was one of the most baffling fucking things I've ever seen. "Actually. Your brother who carried out a genocide loved you :( he only put you in the Torment Nexus for several days because uhhh he wanted you to hate him and not find out about the government who ordered it. Everything he ever did was actually to protect you. And Uchihas are actually kinda rotten anyway so it's good an entire GROUP OF PEOPLE died. Don't think about any babies or children who were also slaughtered btw uhh nope all of them were bad."
Sasuke: "Yes I understand. I will now rule the world through fear. Actually nvm Naruto won our fight so, my philosophy is gone now."
Thank goodness that Evil Sasuke killed the three Bad Government Officials before that point, though. We had this whole theme going about toxic structures, cycles of abuse, and how oppressive regimes can propagate themselves even when a leader is well-meaning... but, like, Naruto REALLY wants to be Hokage, so actually if you just kill these Three Bad Governors it's gonna be fine.
There is no need for systemic change. Slave castes and child soldiers are fine. It's ok as long as the president is blonde :)
#It also bothers me unreasonably. And HAS bothered me since I was like 15. That in the final--#--scene where sasuke finally lets Naruto Into His Heart he goes off about how they were both just Lonely Children Looking for Love#Like... no!! No actually! Sasuke's WHOLE THING was that EVERYONE was praising him as a prodigy#But that he was pushing away everyone around him because his brother put him in the fucjing torment nexus#It would have been more appropriate to talk about how THEYVE BOTH BEEN MADE INTO WEAPONS#For Naruto to realize (now that he is Useful to his war-obsessed society) that Sasuke was also undergoing a sort of dehumanization#It should be through THEIR GROWTH AS PEOPLE that they finally have a deeper understanding of each other#THEY DID NOT HAVE A COMMON ORIGIN#THATS THE POINT. THEY BECAME FRIENDS IN SPITE OF IT#iM FLIPPING TABLES#They had the opposite problem as each other but through self-imposed ostracization and proving one's 'worth' *NOW* THEY GET IT#But we cant do that bc you'd have to admit that Sasuke hada fucking point and wasnt just wrong the whole time#And that this system is ROTTEN and that Naruto shouldn't become Hokage but DESTROY THE POSITION#because dictators choosing dictators IS BAD.#They should have changed the government to democracy and then Sakura wins the first free election#Because she's actually deeply connected with the people of the fire nation especially outside of the capital city#For like her humanitarian work during the timeskip#And for being the disciple of Tsunade who was a respected leader#And then have a cute moment where Naruto and her banter about it. That she fulfilled HIS dream lmaoo#And also let the three of them be friends im beggign OTL#She gets over her crush on him and theyre just friends#Animeposting#I shouldn't have mentioned sakura now im yelling about naruto on the cat blog
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confession time: After sleeping on it, I actually think I miss the Joker Out guys a bit more than I miss Jere and crew atm. That might be because it has been longer since I've watched them live comparred to Käärijä ...
... but because of this I'm actually tempted to do something very scandalous *gasp - I know; how nonkääryle of me* and only go for Hamburg tomorrow in hopes that Joker Out will get some Europe dates this fall as well :'D
(and if they don't then I hope the Käärijä shows in germany won't sell out too quickly :'D)
#I miss looking into the bojan's intense wet brown puppy eyes and feel my stomach drop because of it#the adrenaline that wont leave my body for hours that make me giddy and silly because of a 25 year took notice of me#I miss witnessing janace's antics face to face#and jure walking around with or without bubbles sending us happy smiles durring novi val#I miss hearing bluza and sta bih ja#and I long to get my chance to hear astp live#I want to break down with other fans during sonce#I even miss the long ass umazane misli karaokes#I miss the chance of talking to the guys at shit o'clock in the night#and hell I already have three käärijä shows planned (almost) next month#so I will get my käärijä quota fulfilled#and it is not like I don't look forward to those concerts#but what I mostly look forward to in those are meeting up with you guys#I know I probably wont understand most what jere is saying#I will enjoy his antics#and häärijä and the daltons#the chance of hearing people's champion on stage again#maybe get paidaton riehuja again#enjoy my first outside concerts with him#see him be so humble and honest and just such an open and wonderful human being#but I probably wont meet him#the chance of getting a good spot is limited#the same connection that I got with JO in sweden is sparse#and I miss that#so as much as I am looking forward to backas and allas and ruisrock#I miss the intimate small concerts in places where he/they are less known#where the few of us meeting up are getting the time of our lives#but I also know that is not sustainable for him/them and that bigger crowds also have its unique experiences/advantages#I am pretty much just babbling#don't mind me
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Replayed Modern Warfare 3 2011 on Veteran tonight and goooooooood night. Blood Brothers never gets any easier to watch no matter how many times you've done it and the ending really never misses huh
I apologize for the amount of yapping in the tags I reread it all on mobile and started giggling because it went on for so long but eh. Blessed are those who won't shut the freak up and all that
#call of duty#modern warfare 3 2011#i just. wow. wow wow wow wow wow#i've played these three games so many times over the last several years and i just.#they literally. never get old.#loose ends and blood brothers will never not make me cry and endgame and dust to dust will never not make me smile so hard#ending it with price smoking the cigar like he did in the first mission in the first game wHEN HE FIRST MET SOAP JUST UGHHHHHH.#i know y'all don't care but i don't care that y'all don't care i could literally yap about this until i shrivel up and die#i have never ever ever in my LIFE seen poetic justice played out so beautifully like it is at the very end#JUST. WOW. WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW. WOW WOW. WOW#they do not frickin make games like that anymore DADGUM#i also forgot how frickin sad down the rabbit hole is?? like jeez louise they didn't have much screen time but gosh#i also have never in my life heard such gut-wrenching anguish from a grown man in my life like price in that one scene#I KNOW Y'ALL KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT THAT MAN MAKES ME FULL ON S O B IN THAT PART HE HAD NO BUSINESS#anyway i'll keep cutely living in denial and pretending literally any of the main characters besides price and nikolai are fine <3#foley and dunn and their team seemed just fine at the end of modern warfare 2 so i will accept that small mercy#at this point these games have taken everything else i love away from me so#y'all probably think i'm wild for how insane i get over these games but the nostalgia bit is a big part of it as well#like they're honestly in my opinion genuinely the greatest video games of all time#but the fact that i have that connection with my dad makes it so special#crazy cause he said he also cried in blood brothers and my dad is 54 and i have seen him cry one (1) other time in my entire life#heck infinity ward but also bless them i hope the devs live long beautiful wonderful prosperous delightful exciting fulfilling lives#Lord bless them and their entire bloodline for the contributions they have made to humanity not even joking#AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE FREAKING SOUNDTRACKS DO NOT GO THERE OAUSYDJAKAKDN#MW2 AND MW3 CREDITS. EXTRACTION POINT. COUP DE GRACE. RETREAT AND REVEILLE. CONTINGENCY. PARIS SIEGE. PRAGUE HOSTILITIES. RUSSIAN WARFARE.#UGHHHHHHHGHHHH everything about these games is so unbelievably perfect and immaculate#i have got to get over my art block NOWWWWWWWWWW#makarov is also the best villain i've ever seen idc bro he's frickin awesome#i mean obviously he's horrible and a disgustingly evil human being but as a character he's stupidly well-written
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Thinking more about my isat au and I'm gonna need to change a LOT more than I thought. First things first, Siffrin's connection to the wish. Since in Of gems and pages, all the wishes stayed the same. So why is Odile the one looping and not Siff? So basically, what I think I'd do in my au is that the Universe decided to change things up a bit.
The first time the Universe granted Siffrin the means to fulfill their wish, things went horribly bad (just look at Loop). So this time, the Universe decided to give this new Siffrin, something a lil different. They still gave Siffrin the timeloop But made Odile his proxy. So that Siffrin may have helpers in this new timeline, with Loop as the guide and Odile helping as well, it Should go better, right??? And since the wish is connected with Siffrin's emotions, the Universe can't just completely make it Odile's problem now, sooo basically... Siffrin can still remember Parts of a previous loop PRIOR to their deaths.
That means during the beginning of canon when Siff was crushed by a boulder, he remembers that. And found Loop as well, but when he accidentally ended up touching a tear, he now Doesn't remember being crushed by a boulder but by being frozen in time. At the same time, he ALSO doesn't remember Anything else prior to it. So he doesn't remember that there's a boulder that can kill him by the entrance of the House, he doesn't remember Loop. All he remembers is that somehow, one way or another, he was frozen in time within the House and needs to be more careful with the tears. And because of the way that the loops affect Siffrin now is faaar too different than how it affected Loop, he can't go forwards or backwards in time. Siff will always awaken back in the meadow and Loop will always have to do their whole speech all over again (which would most likely annoy them immediately cuz why? Why is it so different now? Why can't this Siffrin REMEMBER?)
Odile on the other hand, remembers ALL the loops and finds a lot of discrepancies with Siffrin. It takes awhile for her to meet Loop and they get to talk to each other. Their meeting would be pretty... rocky at first. Loop still getting regarded as a stranger by Odile, Loop finding out that Odile is the one getting affected by the timeloop from their own selfish wish. Even if that Siffrin isn't them, it doesn't change the fact that they both made the same wish. Loop thinkin bout being such a favourite cosmic joke of the Universe that not only were they turned into This, one of their family members are suffering cuz of them. And she doesn't even recognize them. It'd be pretty hard at first too cuz Loop doesn't know that their appearance changed yet, there's no mirror. For Loop, they might still look like Siffrin, right? But Odile's reaction to seeing them says otherwise.
Anyway in this au, stage wise, Odile is the actor, Siffrin is the director, and the Universe is the audience. Book wise, Odile is the character, Siffrin is the writer, and the Universe is the reader. Why is Siffrin the director or the writer and not the Universe? That's because the timeloops are Still connected to his emotions, if something he didn't want to think about happens like, that argument with Bonbon (just as an example. I'm wondering if that'll still happen here considering that only happened because of Siff had memories of all the loops in canon. He doesn't have that in this au anymore), time would loop back still, so in a way, Siff Is writing how the timeloops go.
#aria rants#isat spoilers#isat au#of gems and pages au#ogap au#also why did the Universe choose odile? i like to think that the Universe finds her as being skilled enough to be able#to easily help fulfill that wish considering that she Was able to deduce the timeloop when given enough clues#at the same time. odile also seems to be both really close to siffrin (the fact that they go on secret quests before)#and far away from the party emotionally. odile doesnt regard anyone as ''friends'' and so convinces herself that theyre just colleagues#but deep down. she also knows how much she cares for everyone to the point of willing to do unspeakable things to anyone that#dares harm any of them. she cares so much but doesnt know the word to describe it. friends doesnt cut it. the idea of them#being like family to her hasnt crossed her mind yet when the only family she knows of and have is broken and incomplete (her mom left them)#so shes seems to be emotionally distant from them. she wanted to ask bout continuing traveling with the others but doesnt know How#the Universe sees that and thought that should there be anyone that can easily help siffrin then itd be odile. unfortunately#for the Universe. they didnt quite expect siff being too closed off and dodgy in regards to his own emotions#so it still end up being difficult. even more so now that odile doesnt have the Full picture at all. she has no idea why#this is happening to her in the first place. she only knows it has something to do with siff and during the sequence#before new loop+ happened. the Universe most likely gave odile that chance both out of pity and hope that everything#will finally turn out better This Time. but because of the fact that odile Was dying and she exhausted her craft powers#she cant be brought back to the previous loops easily anymore cuz even if its still connected siff. her ability to be#brought back to loops hinges on craft power as well. siff is just the switch to it. so in a way. shes Supposed to be dead now#but the Universe heard siff's wish and granted the means to save odile as well as grant the previous wish he made#its just that such a wish cant be without a penalty. and that penalty is the timer on odile's life. they have only 99 tries left
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new favorite thing is attie faking emotions to garner sympathy and fishing for compliments in the most subtle way so that she can laugh at everyone who falls for it ( she actually just likes the positive attention and wants to feel good for a few seconds )
#blah blah she doesn't think anyone would ever genuinely empathize with her blah blah#so she fulfills her need for validation and an emotional connection by 'tricking' people into giving it to her#thinks she's so smart for doing it too#do you also get temporarily obsessed with certain aspects of your muse??#and then Have to incorporate them into every single thing you write????#or is that just me ajslghdfsd
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*gasp* Can we talk about how Greed tried to hide his eye colors with a sunglasses? Or that he somehow tried to hide his tattoo with the bracelets? I mean other homunculi never tried to hide their real self (okay except Wrath but that's understandable) from humans. And I think Greed tried to be more like a human being even if he searched for how to bind the soul with alchemy 🥺
he's so!!!!!! the thing with greed that gets me is that he's first time we hear the word "homunculus," he's the one that tells the elrics that homunculi are real and he doesn't seem all that ashamed of being a homunculus, but at the same time, he's quick to emphasize that he's not all that different from a human, he's physically the same but just sturdier than most. I don't think he has a problem with being a homunculus, but he absolutely feels more of a connection with humans than the others and I think he relishes the "artificial human" part of the definition of a homunculus. being a little different from humans but still human at his core is why he connects so much with chimera tbh, because they're also a little different physically but they're human in the ways that count, and together they make a little band of misfits
#asks#anonymous#fma posting#I hope this is coherent lskjfldkjf i just woke up#something I really like that I think the manga emphasizes more than the anime#is that meeting greed and the chimeras really had an effect on al#beyond just. martel dying in him.#it was meaningful for al to meet these people who don't have ''normal'' bodies#and see that they're happy with their bodies and are living fulfilling lives#I think he could've connected with them if he hadn't been kidnapped and immediately started fighting everyone lol
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I really want to change my Crow Rook's name to fit being from Treviso more, but they really made Antiva a freak mash up of Italy and Spain and I simply do not know what to do with that
#the running backstory for her so far is#Dalish mage who got the training then had to leave because Too Many Mages#so she's out at like 13 or some shit#then scooped up by the Crows Somehow#maybe she almost got sold for slavery because Yeah that happens a lot esp to elves#idk haven't really thought that chunk out#gets gently Fucked Up by the training but she's tenacious and survives through humor#(so many scars on this girl she's doing her best)#but ultimately she finds the group very fulfilling to be a part of and adopts a more fitting name once she's a proper Crow#which gives her very loose roots back to the Dalish and a very strong connect to the Crows#but What do I do with them mashing two romance languages together#they're barely different but the parts that don't match Really Don't Match#I'm softly attached to the Renn part of her name because it sounds like wren and I like the bird play on words#because Rook is a chess piece and that's why Varric picked it but it's also a bird#and she's a Crow#and the Dalish are super tied to nature which is also partly bird#this is a personal snag I just scrolled through like 7 pages on my go to name website and wanted to scream#DAV Posting#I guess?? it's about my Rook sort of-
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