#complicated feelings about long dead hobbies

[jesterguy]

Photos...

[zosin-ya]

Topic 8 - [ꜱᴛᴏʀʏ ɪɴᴅᴇx]

Summary: Surviving on instant noodles, you order takeout in the middle of exam prep—what you didn’t expect was your delivery guy to be a ridiculously hot, tattooed biker. Even more surprising? He’s a fellow med student at your university. As good as it sounded, he had a complicated past with an obsessive Ex who starts to target you.

tags.: One Piece, Law x Reader, SFW & NSFW, slow burn romance, Modern AU, Penguin and Shachi as flatmates, fashion-designer uncle Corazon, Laws parents, Laws crazy Ex, Strawhats as your friends (+ Bonney), protective Law, mentioned of his dead sister, also mentions of Laws trauma

a.n.: I pulled this story out of my ass and it’s rather spontaneous how I write the story. If you have ideas, I’m open to them 🖤

status: [ongoing] last updated Nov 20th 2024

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 1 - ʟᴀᴛᴇ ᴅᴇʟɪᴠᴇʀʏ

An awkward encounter with the handsome delivery guy, who hardly speaks to you, yet somehow makes your heart skip a beat with his pretty face.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 2 - ɪᴄᴇ ʙʀᴇᴀᴋᴇʀ

Law was at your door once again, this time out of breath and visibly stressed. You offer him something to drink, which sparks a conversation that eventually leads to an exchange of numbers.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 3 - ꜱᴛᴜᴅʏ ᴅᴀᴛᴇ

At the café, you met up for a study date and saw a more relaxed, yet still exhausted, side of Law. Penguin showed up, clearly curious as to why Law was hanging out with someone from his university—especially since he rarely spent time with those people.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 4 - ʙᴏʏ ᴛᴀʟᴋ

Penguin couldn't keep his mouth shut about Law meeting you, which led him and Shachi to bombard him with questions. It was just a study date, right? No big deal. His flatmates quickly realized how oblivious he was. Or was he just denying any meaning, trying to protect himself from another crazy relationship.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 5 - ʟᴀᴛᴇ ɴɪɢʜᴛ ꜰᴜɴ

Law invites you to a party, and after a few drinks, the two of you start to loosen up around each other. So much that the bathroom becomes a short lived make out spot.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 6 - ʟᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ ʟᴏᴏꜱᴇ (n.sfw)

After you forgot your keys at home and had no where to stay, Law casually offers his apartment for the night without any second intentions. Though the heat from the make out session still lingering in the air.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 7 - ᴡᴏʀᴛʜ ɪᴛ (n.sfw)

You meet Laws kind-hearted uncle, Rosinante, and learn more about his complex family history. What was supposed to be a casual, cozy game night with Law quickly takes an unexpected and more intimate turn.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 8 - ᴅᴀɴɢᴇʀᴏᴜꜱ ᴇɴᴄᴏᴜɴᴛᴇʀᴍᴇɴᴛ

A girl you've never met before, starts a chit chat with you during an uni event, you being immediately drawn in by her friendly, outgoing nature. Before you knew it, she invited you to a small party where she hinted you could make some valuable connections. Little did you realize, networking with a biker gang wasn’t exactly what you had in mind for boosting your CV.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 9 - ᴄʜᴀᴏᴛɪᴄ ɢᴀɴɢ

You dearly needed a girl's night with your friends after all what had happened. Law came to pick you up, yet got dragged into the chaos of a spontaneous party with your friends. Someone save this guy.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 10 - ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀʀᴇ ᴡᴇ? (n.sfw)

This day should have been special, with you and Law celebrating your academic milestone together with friends and family. Yet, Laws private and closed off personality shots back at him, causing you to break down.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 11 - ʙᴜʀᴅᴇɴ

It had been weeks since you had talked to Law, feeling drained from the past events. You needed time to figure the relationship out, which caused you to run away from talking completely and be confronted with a storm, none of you were ready to face.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 12 - ɴᴇᴡ ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴꜱ (n.sfw)

Trying to mend the damage he had caused, Law makes an effort to open up to you this time. He shared pieces of his past, including hobbies he’d long buried. He never anticipated that attending Zoro’s Kendo tournament with you would reignite an old spark within him—or that it would stir a newfound desire to impress you.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 13 - ᴇɴᴇᴍɪᴇꜱ ᴏʀ ᴀʟʟɪᴇꜱ

Two unexpected intruders—familiar faces no less—show up at your door, shocked to find you inside. Hired to break into what turned out to be the wrong apartment, Kid and Killer aren’t prepared for your defiance. Mustering all the courage you have, you scare them off and waste no time alerting Law, who doesn’t take kindly to their mistake and pays them a visit.

[leverage-ot3]

okay I’ve seen a lot of posts about sterling just being crowley and. guys. the implications just hear me out 😭😭😭

bending lore slightly here BUT let’s say crowley’s body was once inhabited by a human and crowley is possessing the body (maybe he kills the initial inhabitant bc he doesn’t care)

but he still has the guy’s memories. he doesn’t bother keeping up appearances with his ‘ex wife’ because he is too busy building up his hell empire. BUT for some reason he can’t quite identify, he still feels something towards his ‘daughter’. he lets the divorce happen and doesn’t feel the need (or desire) to fight for custody, but he can never quite forget her, to cast her out of his mind for good

some hijinks ensue with the leverage team. it’s mostly because even a grind culture demon wants some off time every once in a while, and for him the insurance investigator stuff is more of a hobby. interacting with the leverage crew is very low stakes for him, and honestly, quite amusing. they aren’t on his level power-wise, but that ford character gives him the mental exercise he hasn’t experienced in, well, he can’t even remember

he can feel their frustration and anger when they learn he has become employed by interpol and feeds off it. it’s great, and relaxing in a way he is never able to achieve while conducting hell-related business

one year he gets wind that olivia is in a really bad situation associated with his ‘ex wife’s’ new husband. he’s selling vital hardware to terrorists, and while that might actually be the kind of chaos he would normally support or be entertained by as the king of hell, something feels wrong about letting olivia stay anywhere near that man

he calls upon the body’s adversaries. he wouldn’t admit it, even under duress, BUT he feels slightly fond of them. nate for the three dimensional chess they play, sophie for her ability to charm and disguise, parker for her chaos and slightly unsettling nature (it’s the autism swag and being bad with human interaction but he doesn’t know that lol), hardison for his unapologetic intelligence and eliot for his hardened violent past and take-no-shit persona (he’s fun to tease)

they perform exactly as he expected, right into his carefully crafted plan. and then olivia is under his care and things get more complicated. he keeps her FAR, FAR away from anything related to the supernatural (heh). no one can find out about her, ESPECIALLY not those imbecile hunter brothers (if for nothing else than the embarrassment in revealing he has a weak spot)

not sure how to work it into this post but I also want to add that somewhere along the way he develops feelings for nate and sophie. the frame up job is near and dear to my heart and you can’t convince me that isn’t fighting as flirting behavior. his interpol persona is more of a side hustle so to speak, but he finds it fun (relaxing, even) to fill that role. there aren’t any obligations of other demons, bothersome hunters, or anything like that. nate and sophie are low stakes, except, they aren’t, really. they make him feel things he can’t ever really remember feeling. his heart beats fast when sophie sat in his lap and cradled his face, his hands sweat when nate gives him that certain smug look. he’s exasperated by the way they can run circles around him like no one else has ever before. they annoy him and get under his skin in a way no one else can and it’s infuriating. but also not, at the same time. maybe he likes it

and then the long goodbye job happens

hear me out and suspend your belief here for a second, because I can’t remember if crowley supernaturally knows when ppl die/are dead or not.

so nate is in interpol custody and the interviewer is obviously out of her depth. (most people are, when it comes to nathan ford.) he walks in and pours the man a drink, but he’s fuming. somewhere along the way he came to care about the team. hell and suffering is literally in his (official) job description, but he can admit (only to himself) that he admires what they do. it’s not for him, not anything close to where his passions and interests lie, but he respects their drive and purpose. he is also aware enough to acknowledge that they are a family, a group of misfits that never belonged quite anywhere except to each other.

and nate fucking blew it up, ruined it, because his vice is being so obsessed with the end game that he is apparently willing to let his team, his family, the people that anchor him to reality, die because the ends supposedly justify the means.

not this time. not to sterling crowley

he is enraged. he can admit within the confines of his mind that he cares for nate, for sophie, even for the other three (though nate and sophie have somehow made it a hierarchy where they are more important to him. which he will dissect later in private. maybe.)

nate let them die, he let sophie die, and for what? the black book? hell below, crowley would have made things easier somehow, if he knew that this was where nate’s sights had lied. he would have prevented this somehow. he wants to have prevented this. he doesn’t want any of them dead and is too afraid to check and verify because that would make it real. the idea of sophie (or any of them) somehow making it to hell instead of heaven would probably break something in him he might not be able to reapir fully.

he yells at nate- he’s angry. hellfire burning in his heart because everything is ruined. the deaths aside (however hard it is to set them aside in his mind), nate will not recover from this, not ever. this will be the start of the end, he is sure. a miserable, guilt-ridden existence where he drinks himself to death and nothing will save him. it plays out in crowley’s mind in a thousand different ways that are beyond painful to conceptualize, even in theory.

the story starts to unravel and there is a game afoot. a solemn, miserable, infuriating game because the con is still in session because parker is alive and in the building- which sets another fire alight in his chest. ‘parker even know you got hardison killed?’ he rages for her grief when she finds out. he knows it will double when she finds out eliot has perished, too, because he isn’t fucking blind.

but nate is a brilliant man, lest he forget too quickly. they are all alive, and somehow still the entire crew slips through his fingers. he’s not even angry (he never would have been- he doesn’t actually try too hard to catch them. it’s about the game, not the consequences). he lets them keep the black book because he’s fucking exhausted and honestly, they more than earned it.

‘now we’re even. tell sophie to drive carefully’. they will never be even, not really. crowley would never admit or agree that being human is the superior state of being, but that have made him feel human in a way he doesn’t actually mind. they keep him on his toes and match him in a way unique to them, they remind him that there are other things than the realm of hell. not necessarily bigger than hell, but maybe just as important in a different sense.

watching the van drive away, something inside him settles. when he walked into the interrogation room that day he thought this was the beginning of the end. it’s not the end at all, not an end to anything. it’s a continuation of their story. maybe, he thinks, a beginning to a new era in it

[jessilynallendilla]

SHAZAM/CAPTAIN MARVEL FIC REC

TITLE/LINK RATING COMPLETED-WORD-COUNT SERIES

let me know if the links aren't working and feel free to suggest any

We Have Nothing To Fear Except Ourselves  T 1,773 SERIES 

"Superboy will be staying at Mount Justice for now," Bruce says. He doesn't look at Clark as he says it. Clark doesn't look at him either. 

". . . Mount Justice is a cave," Captain Marvel says, clearly even more bewildered. "And Superboy is solar-powered. Isn't that kind of . . . I don't know . . . mean?" 

"'Mean'?" Clark repeats in disbelief before he can think better of it. 

Captain Marvel And The Shadow Demon  G 952 SERIES 

He floated down, knelt on the ground and extended the back of his hand toward the creature. The creature cautiously padded out of Superman’s shadow toward him and sniffed his hand, before rubbing it’s head affectionately against it.  “Heh… you aren’t nearly as scary as everyone makes you out to be.”  “Mrrrrp” the creature replied, still head butting his hand 

Super Reporters AU: That One Time A Half-Kryptonian Visited Fawcett City  G 8,185 SERIES 

Clark and Lois had a predicament, on one hand, Clark had some League Business offworld. On the other hand, Lois had to go undercover for a scoop on an underground crime ring, both can’t take care of 5 year old Jon, luckily for Clark, his honorary little brother, Billy is willing to accompany him in the peculiar Fawcett city. 

Super Reporter Billy Batson  G 19,114 SERIES 

Little Billy Batson has just been transformed into a grown man - the superhero Captain Marvel. Thrown into a crazy new world of super heroics, the little boy embraces his new life and the responsibilities that come with it. 

STRIKE A VIOLENT POSE.  G 2,376 

There is something about Shazam that Clark really doesn't get, until he does 

A Christmas Peril  M 

The ghosts of Christmas past present and future have fallen upon the Wayne household when three mentally and physically abused children come to stay. Its horrible enough that Jon has been isolated due to the destructive capabilities of his powers. Or that Billy has been left orphaned and homeless. But when Batman learns what Talia has been putting his son through. It might just push him over the edge. This leads to an overly publicised custody battle between Gotham's billionaire playboy and the wealthy religious socialite with a cult following and an assassination hobby. 

The Outsider  T 

Damian’s mission was simple. A routine drug bust that just happened to take place in Fawcett. Easy stuff. But while there, he runs into a kid with a heroic streak and a look that’s a bit too familiar. That meeting ends up changing his entire life. 

As Atlas Holds The World On His Shoulders  T 22,016 SERIES 

Billy was doing fine. Not great, but fine. He definitely didn’t need some billionaire from Gotham City of all places to throw at least 13 wrenches in his plan 

The Butler's Apprentice  T  

Billy Batson, fiercely independent and a homeless part-time superhero, finds himself in the streets of Gotham with no money, no food, and no voice. Unable to transform into Captain Marvel (Shazam), he gains unexpected help in the form of a polite and respectable butler. 

The One With The Bat's Son  T 3,405 

“Batman has seven kids.”  Wally blinked. “You’re shitting me.”  “Not even a little, I just overheard him and Supes talking.”  “Oh my god,” he breathed, staring at Hal incredulously. “You don’t think -?”  Hal nodded, slowly and seriously. “Batman could be Captain Marvel’s dad.” 

The Time Lost In Between  T 34,780 SERIES 

Everyone knows Batman knows everything about everyone, no matter how secretive they might be. What everyone doesn't know is that the Dark Knight knows nothing about Captain Marvel, no matter what he does to try to. And now, he thinks he might just have a lead, a lead that would finally let him tear apart the puzzle that's troubled him for so long. The only complication? Captain Marvel is wearing a dead man's face. 

Billy Accidentally Gets Kidnapped  NR 3,794 

Bruce needs some sleep, all the black haired blue eyed kids are starting to look the same to him. Billy just wants to do his job. In other words, I love the idea of Bruce accidentally kidnapping Billy, it happens in my other story too 

A Natural Progression  NR 92,427 SERIES 

Billy's in a bad place. Consistently on the run from bullies and the like, unable to eat or find a stable place to sleep for more than a week Sure, he's Captain Marvel, but he'd never use his powers for his own gain. Thankfully, Alfred Pennyworth comes to the rescue. 

Billy Batson And The Troubles Of Work-Life Balance  T SERIES 

No one in the League could rightly say they knew exactly who, or what, Captain Marvel was. Billy Batson did not have any plans on changing that status. Maybe he should stop feeding into the rumor mill, then. 

Captain Marvel's Adopted?  T 8,504 

When Captain Marvel sends out a distress call, the only League member available is Batman. Bruce comes to his aid, but he finds out that Billy is a 10-year-old homeless orphan with black hair and blue eyes. Obviously, he makes the only logical decision and adopts Billy. Because it's Bruce—who's allergic to revealing life-changing information—the League is left in the dark. 

From The Shadows  T 88,074 

All Billy Batson wanted was to survive a particularly rough week living on the streets of Fawcett City. The last thing he was looking for was a new family. All Bruce Wayne wanted was to learn a bit more about his upbeat teammate under the guise of official Wayne Enterprises business. But he could never turn his back on a child in need. Especially one as surrounded by mystery as Billy. OR Billy gets adopted by the Batfamily while trying to deal with a strong magical enemy. 

The Marvelous Adventures Of The SuperBat Family  T 

Batman's suspicions that Captain Marvel is autistic snowball out of control and before he knows it he's playing father figure to an impressionable homeless kid along with Superman. There's nothing wrong with panicking and accidentally taking care of another kid, right? Now if they could just figure out why everyone seems to think that they're dating then they should have everything figured out. Right? 

Of Gods And Bats  T 

After Billy Batson gets attacked by something he doesn't understand, he decides to call Batman to help him find the source of the attacks. Little does he know, this sets up a series of events that will change his life forever. Billy has always been an orphan and has learned to take care of himself – but can he learn to accept help from others and really let someone know him? 

Like Going Through Hell On A Sunday  M 54,568 

Jason Todd has to bring Damian to Gotham for his protection, meets Billy along the way and just doesn't know how he's supposed to keep these kids safe while dealing with his trauma (aka killing that damn clown) 

Billy Batson And The Phantom  T 

When a video goes viral of a teenager, who looks strikingly like the superhero known as Captain Marvel, having lightning powers and fighting shadowy enemies, it results in a lot of rumors, theories, and worst of all, conspiracies, that the teen might be the Captain's illegitimate or secret son. Billy Batson, the person underneath the Captain Marvel transformation and a teenager at the tender age of fourteen-years-old knows there is literally no way that this teenager could be his child. Nonetheless, Superman encourages Captain Marvel to help aide in the search for the teenager in order to find out the true happenings of that night in the woods. Billy goes along with it, fearing that if he pushes too hard, he might reveal his secret identity and most of all, his true age, to the Justice League. Besides, how hard could it be to find one teenager? Billy really should have taken his own experiences to heart because as it turns it, the answer to that question is: very hard. 

Who's Old Now?  T 36017 

what happens when a twelve year old masquerading as an adult superhero calls his guardian, an adult who can also turn into a child superhero, on speaker phone, in front of the Justice League. 

[sodamnradd]

“Give it up, Draco. You found what people spend a lifetime searching for, and you just let her leave without you.” Blaise fell back onto the leather sofa and crossed his ankles, looking pensively into the fire. “What I don’t understand is why. You keep saying that if anyone will win, it’s her. And yet here you are.”

Draco opened his mouth to deny, deny, deny. But what was the point? Blaise had seen them together in the prefects’ bath, and later, when Draco tried brushing it off as a casual hook-up, Blaise had only shaken his head and said, ‘I saw your face,’ as if that was supposed to override any lies that came out of Draco’s mouth.

His stomach had been a tangle of nerves since Granger had kissed him goodbye and disappeared with Potter and Weasley to save the world. That was the issue with Gryffindors, forever killing themselves over the next big heroic deed. He wasn’t like them.

“What would you have done?” sniped Draco. It was easy to cast judgement from afar, but Blaise wasn’t living it. “Would you just turn your back on your mother? On your friends? To hell with everyone if you’re in love?”

Blaise gave him a side-long look, grinning. “Are you in love?”

“You seem to think I am.”

“Do you see a future with her?”

“If the world wasn’t so fucked up?”

“Yeah.”

Draco didn’t really have to imagine it because it’s all he’d been thinking about since he first kissed Granger nine months ago.

It wasn’t just her physical being—the charged, tantalising pull of their bodies like opposing magnets—but a vision of what their life could look like. Granger didn’t need pure-blood persuasion to pave her way into the world. She could be self-made. And Draco would stand proudly beside her, as he did best. He could manage the accounts, pursue his hobbies, while ensuring Granger never felt alone navigating her mountainous ambitions.

Draco lived a satiated life, but with Hermione, all he knew was starvation. She was the one thing he didn’t want to barter or consume in small bites. If he had her, he was going to feast.

“It’s not that simple,” he concluded. “It’s not some playground romance anymore. She’s out there risking her life. I can’t afford to love her how I want if she’s just going to wind up dead.”

“Take this from someone who’s buried seven fathers—death is preventable.”

Draco looked up at Blaise, surprised.

His friend had an eerie look on his face, made worse by the fire casting strange shadows over him, but Draco knew the Zabinis had a complicated relationship with murder. And that’s what he meant: murder was preventable, not death.

“What makes you think I could protect her any better than Potter could?”

“The Dark Lord trusts you, you’re a sneaky fuck, and you’re in love. Nobody will fight harder to win.”

~

Donning a backpack full of survival gear, his wand, and the warmest clothes he owned, Draco used their matching bracelets to Port-Key to Granger the next Saturday morning.

She had woven the bracelets with colourful thread—red and gold for him, green and silver for her—and the next week, Draco had adhered matching charms to them. She didn’t know that he could sense her through it. That when she fingered the cool metal engraved with his constellation at night, he felt her presence. Or that it was a gateway to each other using the right spell.

Maybe he’d known he’d follow her all along.

The bracelet transported Draco to lush, crawling hills and enormous, craggy rocks. The sky hung bright white above him. He could sense Granger’s magic in the air, or maybe it was her perfume drifting in the breeze. He inhaled deeply, feeling closer to her already.

There was nobody around when he heard the gasp directly behind him.

He turned and saw the air wobble. The ward he hadn’t realised was there descended. Granger stood two feet away, eyes wide and lips parted. She was thin and pale and seemed afraid.

Regret washed over him. He should have come sooner.

“How do I know it’s really you?” she demanded, wand clutched tightly by her side, a combination of fear and hope flickering in her eyes.

Draco dropped his bag by his feet, taking three strong strides forward. He framed her cold cheeks in his hands, hoping she saw the look on his face and remembered how much she meant to him. He said, “Because nobody else knows how much I love you.”

He kissed her, and a second later, Granger threw her arms around his neck and kissed him back, sobbing.

“I’m here to stay,” he reassured her, holding her tightly. “I’m here to fight.”

And he thought of Blaise in the Slytherin common room, the only one who knew of Draco’s whereabouts, and their discussions of love and death. And he thought of the future he’d seen with Hermione, and he thought he could have it, maybe even a better version of it. One that didn’t involve him at home, pursuing hobbies, but being worth something, too. He could be that. He wanted to be that.

Draco wanted to feast.

(873 words, inspired by Don't Swallow The Cap by The National)

[o-hora-o]

pssst what are your thoughts on welt x tesla?

Do I see Joachim and Tesla as a couple? Yes.  

Do I like this couple? No.  

Here's why. So, we have this story about a little neighbour boy who occasionally skipped school and was babysat from time to time. And he wasn't even properly babysat - Ein and mostly Tesla were just fooling around with him doing cool, funny stuff. (Don't throw the "big sisters" thing at me because that was just how Joyce perceived their relationship.) And it was like that for what... a year or two? Then 1955 happened. The next time they saw each other was in 1956 for a couple of months, and then Joachim ran away for 20+ years.  

And then Joachim returned as a full-grown man, a completely different person. So that's where I start to consider him and Tesla to develop some feelings for each other - not when they were 8 and 21, thank you very much. And to be honest, the older they get, the less this age gap feels, even with Tesla keeping her youthful appearance. (Don't throw age-gap accusations at einjoyce einjoyer, it will lead you nowhere.) So, do I think that Tesla can be considered his mother? No. Do I think Tesla can be considered his big sister? No. Do I think Tesla can be considered his childhood friend with whom he later on developed some sort of chemistry? Yes.  

Now moving on to the reason why I think this couple is just too melancholic, complicated and burdensome. On one hand, we have Tesla, this romantic soul full of feelings, empathy, and love. No matter how important the AE organization, saving humanity and her job were to her, she always worried and cared about Joachim first. The tragedy of her character lies in the fact that she continues to look for that human part of him which he hid behind the mask of a hero of humanity named "Welt Yang". She will always love and worry about him as a simple man named Joachim who is somewhere deep inside. But he would never choose her - not her love, nor her care. He had long ago made himself an instrument for self-sacrifice, for the salvation of every single living being. And even when he was given the chance to live the simple life of a simple man, he... did not really choose her. He chose a job, a hobby, and then the saving-the-world thing once again. 

Yes, he chose to protect her, protect his family, his friends. But is he a good lover? Perhaps not, because he never had a chance to learn how to express all these feelings. He loves Tesla and cares about her. But when it comes to the situation where he can play this hero role once again, he'd never choose her. Am I irritated by what happened in APHO and Joachim's behaviour in HSR? Yes. Simply because all of it is just too much and unfair for Tesla's poor heart. I understand his decisions and all, but it all could have been very different, and he's at fault for the situation he ended up in (or the writers' laziness to make it more reasonable).  

And now we have Joachim, who went to get milk for God knows how long. After all, there's always this chance that he may spend a couple of months on his mission but decades will pass on Earth. And then we have Tesla, who randomly became a single mother, not knowing whether Joachim is dead out there or not, so she was left to eternally worry and think that she was never good enough to be loved 

[ubejamjar]

B A S I C S

Name: Ajisai Kawanami

Nicknames:

Aji - Thancred and Alisaie

Aj (not AJ) - Aymeric occasionally in private frequently if they are both inebriated

Little star - Parents. Ajisai uses this as an endearment for children.

Age: Early 30s

Nameday: 7th Sun of the Sixth Astral Moon

Race: Raen Au Ra

Gender: Female

Orientation: Bisexual

Profession: Healer, Warrior of Light

P H Y S I C A L   A S P E C T S

Hair: Naturally straight and deep blue, with lavender at the ends. She keeps it short as a matter of practicality and she doesn’t really know how to care for long hair. It grew out between Heavensward and Stormblood but she cut it just before going to that first meeting in Gridania.

Some kids taught her how to braid and she’s been doing it ever since.

Eyes: Orange-citrine with black limbal rings

Skin: Copper, think Southeast Asian; her scales are white

Tattoos/scars: Ajisai has many, many scars that she keeps covered because she wants to look respectable. One does not simply live a life as a soldier, pirate, and hero and avoid scars. I haven’t decided exactly what scars she has because I haven’t looked into putting them on her.

F A M I L Y

Parents:

-> Kana Kawanami Mother, samurai, former rice farmer and sake brewer, Doman Resistance Fighter.

Currently: Alive and fighting on the Gyr Abanian border under Lord Hien’s command.

-> Tatsuo Kawanami Father, geomancer, former rice farmer and sake brewer, conscripted Imperial healer, presumed dead.

Currently: Alive in Dalmasca (maybe?)

Siblings: None, though she thinks of Lyse, Alphinaud and Alisaie as her little brother and sisters. She adores Thancred as a brother, Y’shtola as an sister.

Grandparents: Murasaki Grandparents: Samurai who lived in Monzen; Kana's estranged parents. They died fighting in the rebellion. They never knew that Kana married, had a child, and lived in Namai.

Takemura: A priest at Shisui who raised Tatsuo as his own son. He was old already when Tatsuo was a child and long dead by present day.

In-laws and Other: The Fortemps: She treats them as extended family though their relationships are complicated. Despite Edmont's fondness for her, Ajisai feels he still holds her responsible for Haurchefant's death.

She is unmarried and unattached though she has romantic feelings for Aymeric (which I wrote an essay about)

Pets: None at the moment

S K I L L S

Abilities: Marksmanship - Great with a gun; refuses to use one ever again

Field Medicine - Aside from her healing magic and botanical knowledge, she is trained in Garlean combat surgery.

Life Sketching - Likes to draw everything she sees in her journals. She carries two at any given time -- one is personal, the other is meant as a gift for Aymeric but who knows if she’ll ever actually give it to him because she wrote a love letter in there.

Hobbies: Reading, specifically books about law and history; astromancy and divination; tea making; drawing; talking entirely too much to strangers; ruin diving; research into ancient civilizations

T R A I T S

Most Positive Trait: Compassion She genuinely cares about the people around her— she wants to do the most good she can do for as many people as she can. It isn’t just about penance, she likes seeing people happy and well.

Most Negative Trait Healing Hubris After years of harsh study and field training, Ajisai believes herself to be the best healer to the point she will not trust other people to heal herself, her companions, or loved ones. She spirals whenever she’s forced to confront the possibility someone might be beyond her abilities (like Haurchefant)

L I K E S

Colors: Summer sky blue, plum purple, lavender

Smells: Cinnamon and clove, sugared pecans, vanilla lavender, freshly baked cookies, pine needles, campfire smoke

Textures: Rough paper, plush blankets, river smooth stones, soft fur

Drinks: Ishgardian tea, hot cocoa, warm milk with honey and cinnamon

O T H E R    D E T A I L S

Smokes: Only to be social

Drinks: Only drinks with Aymeric or alone. She drank heavily after the Vault, along with her sleeping potion use.

Drugs: Used sleeping potions to force herself to sleep and was considering using more… illicit substances to numb the pain before she started napping in the Congregation.

Mount Issuance: Story-wise, Ajisai didn’t join a Grand Company. She just.. wouldn’t leave one military to join another. She took porters and aetherytes until she got Pillion from Haurchefant. She calls him Pillion because Haurchefant said she could ‘ride pillion’, not realizing ‘pillion’ referred to the passenger behind the rider.

Been Arrested: Yes, probably for disturbing the peace in Limsa. Many tavern brawl taken too far, maybe some petty theft and other minor crimes before she got her shit together.

Tagged by: @paintedscales ❤️

Dragging these people into getting arrested with Ajisai: @oh-yeah-no @otherworldseekers @corsair-kovacs @amalthea-felsblood @thewitchofelpis @thevikingwoman @disciple-of-frost @viiioca @sasslett @gatheredfates @pumpkinmagekupo @starres-stuff @khaiens @aislingsurrow

If you were already tagged, consider yourself double-tagged or triple-tagged or—

[ask-spooky-manor]

Toby Character Headcanons

So I was tagged with a list of questions for me to answer that I reblogged, and while none of them were sent in my inbox, I still wanted to answer some cause they were really interesting.

Trigger Warning: I do talk about how abuse has affected Toby and how it has left some long lasting scars mentally and emotionally speaking. Not all of the headcanons are like that though, just be cautious. Nothing too in detail but can be uncomfortable

Clothing style

Toby’s style is like mixing grunge with cottagecore (goblincore is what it’s usually called). He likes his knitted sweaters and earthy tones, but at the same time he enjoyes ripped jeans and chunky black boots that can basically double as a weapon.

Eating Habits

Toby has a massive appetite. You will always catch him with a snack in his hands or complaining that he’s hungry despite having eaten a full meal not ten minutes ago. He just really likes food, and people in the house know to give him an extra serving for dinner

Hobbies

Music is more of a passion so tinkering around and making little gadgets is probably his number one hobby. He mainly likes to make things that blow up. Other general hobbies he has are cooking, hiking, uhhhh arson, and drawing

Fighting Style

He’s fully aware that he’s not the strongest or fastest or even has the most endurance, but Toby is extremely clever and crafty. He thinks way outside of the box and relies heavily on all of his odd little gadgets and inventions to surprise an enemy like smoke bombs, traps, loud fire crackers, you name it. He is an unpredictable fighter because you’ll never know what he has up his sleeves, and the surprise is something he will very much use against you. Not to mention that when he’s stuck in a sticky situation, he’s really good at coming up with on the spot plans that will get him out of trouble.

Ways he says I love you

Well, he will just say it. Toby won’t shy away from using the L word on anyone he even mildly likes. Though another way he shows it is through encouraging his loved ones to take care of themselves. He will make sure you eat properly, sleep well, take your meds, etc. Also hugs, Toby is a hugger.

Introvert or Extrovert

Extrovert, which surprised him when he realized it. Toby thought he was introverted for the longest time when in reality he was just dealing with a lot of nasty people who made him feel unsafe. Being alone felt safer, but at the same time it made him miserable because he naturally gains more energy with good people around. Ending up in the manor was the best thing to happen to him because now he has buddies he can spend time with like all the time.

Religious or Non-religious?

Complicated as fuck. He was raised Christian only to kind of despise organized religions as a whole. He would say he’s an atheist if he didn’t live with a literal moon god (Ben), so now he just has a beef with gods in general (Except Ben, they’re chill). Basically he thinks about how if these beings really are all powerful, all kind, all forgiving and omniscient and good then why the fuck did none of them help him? Why did it reach a point where he killed his own father? Why was he never saved? Basically, the idea of there being a higher power gets him in a bitter mood. Best to avoid the subject altogether.

Something he could never forgive.

Toby is generally a forgiving person but the one thing he could never forgive is when someone takes advantage of the kindness he is willing to give. Classmates did it in school as a way to bully him, and his dad would sometimes guilt trip favors out of him (usually to sneak him more beer, which will end up biting Toby in the ass when facing his drunk dad later on). Just the general act of trying to manipulate Toby, knowing they can toy with the heart he wears on his sleeve, is enough for him to want that person dead.

Something that scares him.

For the small, irrational fear; Toby is afraid of the dark. It’s just a childhood fear that he never really got over. It’s fine if he’s with someone but being alone in the dark will put him in fight or flight mode. For the bigger existential shit: dreads the idea of everyone secretly hating him. His own father and peers have created this idea in Toby’s mind that there is nothing good about him. That his own existence is nothing but a burden on others, so there’s always this fear that his friends and even his own boyfriend don’t actually like him and that it’s all a front. He knows that realistically that’s not true, but it’s hard fighting against a toxic mindset that was pushed into his brain at such a young age.

Did he grow up too fast?

No, thankfully. It was Lyra who had to grow up too fast. Connie did her best, she really did, but there have been a lot of times where it was Lyra who had to care for Toby. Especially after really bad nights where their dad thought having one more bottle wouldn’t be a problem. Toby was unlucky enough to have been surrounded by people that were cruel to him, but thanks to Lyra and his mom he at least was able to be a kid from time to time.

[frownyalfred]

If this too much or too personal please ignore!

But I was just wondering if you had any advice for grieving? (I lost a close family member very recently)

I'm so sorry for your loss, anon. I don't know your exact situation, but I hope your loved one's memory is a blessing to you and your family. I'll leave my thoughts below the break, since I'll discuss death and dying a little.

I am, as many people on here likely know, still grieving the loss of my father. It was sudden and unexpected. It was bloody and somewhat traumatic for our family. Thinking about it still leaves me dazed and unfocused.

Grieving is such a strange process. I've been talking about it with my therapist weekly, and her main takeaway has been that there is no right way to do it -- and that it is far from linear. There are positive moments and regressions. There are funny memories and difficult truths to grapple with. There is anger, confusion, sadness. Despair. So many unanswered questions and moments that hover on the edge of veneration simply because they are the only ones you have left.

How did I grieve? I cried a lot, at first. I took off work and sat shiva with my family. I answered a thousand well-meaning messages and played one singular song on repeat on my phone. I barely slept. I dreamed and dreamed and dreamed. I woke up crying without remembering exactly what I had been dreaming about.

Then, as if in reprieve, my brain let up. I slept somewhat normally again. My body was no longer on the edge of tears at any given moment, nor was I entirely numb. Slowly, I began to think of normal things again; new television shows, updating a chapter, irritation at the banal things like traffic and work.

And anon, I thought to myself, this must be it. I'm no longer "grieving," or at least not in the traditional sense of the word. I was eating, sleeping, going to the gym and work, updating my works and hitting the club again on the weekends.

But I wasn't done. And I'm not sure I ever will be. I wanted to be done, in so many ways. I was mad at my father for dying, for making me grieve, for keeping me in this state where I couldn't be confident in anything I was feeling, any progress I was making. Where I could remain silent and resolute at his burial, but sob like a baby in my apartment when the concert t-shirt he gave me was stained by some soup.

But that's a lot to put on the dead. And sometimes I have to keep reminding myself that -- that he is dead, that there is a gap in my life I keep trying to skip over, like avoiding tonguing at the aching tooth in the back of my mouth. And when I forget, the world is more than glad to remind me, whether through well-meaning neighbors, colleagues, etc etc.

I suppose that's a long way of saying, I think I'm still grieving anon. I'm not sure I'm doing the best at it, active or involuntary as this process seems to be. I have an amazing support network, but so much of this work seems to be solitary, even when someone is sitting right next to you, crying with you.

The Jewish saying "May their memory be a blessing" has been a good focal point for me, I think. It dovetails nicely with the Mandalorian saying "Not gone, merely marching far away." I've thought about both a lot in the last few months, because I'm a huge nerd and also because I don't think the cultures are too dissimilar.

Let your loved one's memory be a blessing in your life, anon. Remember the happy moments, and speak them out loud if you're able. Don't let their name remain sacred. Don't sanctify them, for we are all humans and humans are complicated, but don't leave their life behind you.

Those memories of them, those funny moments and sad days, fun trips and strange conflicts, those are all yours now. No one else has them. And when you and your family are gone, those memories are gone too.

Other small things that have made this whole process easier: Starbucks and DoorDash giftcards (seriously, some days are too hard), letting myself take time off hobbies (gym/writing) without penalizing myself, naming my grief and allowing myself to sit in it (I'm sad today about x, and I want to lie down for a few hours. I'm lying down because I'm feeling sad about x, and I'm allowed to feel that way). Going to the gym and running until the natural endorphins help. Talking with my families about good and complicated moments with my dad. Writing, when I'm able. Reminding myself it's okay to not be very functional, that it's okay to not be perfect and you would never expect someone who is grieving to be so. Talking to a therapist and getting treatment for what I experienced. Accepting the kind words of others, even if they hurt or are unintentionally difficult.

I'm sorry you're going through this anon. I know how you feel, or at least some of what you feel. I hope you have support and loved ones around you who can help shoulder some of this process.

<3 Jay

[sadboytournament]

ROUND ONE

Propaganda

Ja'far: My favourite sad adult man. He is physically unable to catch a break. There are so many things I could give here, his tragic backstory as an assassin which is sadly never explained in much detail (but this is magi and I’ve learned not to expect too much), despite this it clearly has a strong impact on his character thought the series. Like the persistent self worth issues, and how that relates to his unhealthy work-life balance, he’s never really not had a job. There are occasionally points when good thing happen, only for them to be immediately followed up by tragedy. Rurumu is the perfect example of this, she genuinely cared so much about him and ended up adopting him and it was so sweet, but god forbid he’s allowed to be happy so everything goes wrong and she end up dying (which makes him two for two in the dead mom department). Not to mention his relationship with Sinbad and how their last conversation was Sinbad lying to his face and leaving him. The poor guy doesn’t even get a happy ending, he’s just waiting for Sinbad to come back, he has no personal goals or hobby’s, Sinbad was quite literally his home and reason for living, but now he’s gone. I’m so bad at expressing my feelings about this guy, just because there are so many and it’s so complicated. Magi honestly sucks in a lot of ways but the way Sinbad and Ja’far are written is absolutely fantastic, they were always destined to end poorly but it still hurts to watch their relationship fall apart the way it did. I haven’t even mentioned the fall of the first Sindria which was a whole thing, two of his oldest die in front of him, only form him to find out afterwards that his adoptive mom and another close friend have also died. He was 14 at the time, he had so much going on and just had to pick up the pieces afterwards. It’s such a shame we were never shown the aftermath of the whole thing it would have been so interesting! But again this is magi, most thing are pretty disappointing. There are probably other things I could go on about, but I can’t remember them and this is a bit long.

Marius Pontmercy: I'm still sad about him losing round 1 last time.True sadboy behaviour. The Les Mis = Sadboys argument still stands, and also uh. His friends die. You know how it is. In the musical he sings a whole song about how empty the chairs and tables are without the homeboys. Truly a travesty.

[dragonsrawesomesauce]

Introduction to me!

Hello there! My name is Johnathan (he/him). My other account is @jonathanthetranswriter , but the device with that account is currently down for the count.

LGBTQ+

I am a transgender man who is also a-spec (a label I’m still trying to figure out). I love my community and I’m completely supportive! I believe that as long as you aren’t hurting yourself or anyone else in anyway shape or form, you should be free to express yourself however!

Hobbies!

I like writing, scrapbooking, and light gaming. That’s about it, I’m pretty boring.

Interests!

I’m going to attempt to list my interests. This list will be in no way conclusive, it’s just some of the things I like!

Cartoons:

Gravity Falls

Star vs the forces of evil

Wander over yonder

The owl house

Dead end paranormal park

Steven Universe

Hilda

The last kids on earth

+SO MANY MORE!!!!

Anime:

Saiki k

Ouran high school host club

Kotaro lives alone

Romantic killer

Madoka Magica

Mob psycho 100

Spy x family

+SO MANY MORE

Games:

Cult of the Lamb

Minecraft

Cosmic Wheel of Sisterhood

Slime rancher

Stardew Valley

Animal Crossing

Omori

Little Misfortune

+SO MUCH MORE

Fun facts about me!

-my best friend named me

-I love my friends

-I don’t think I’ve ever ended a year with the same label(s) I started with (feelings are complicated)

-Halloween is my favorite holiday ever!!

-I like musicals!

If you’ve made it this far, I really appreciate you reading this!! If you would like to be mutuals (and you’re not the bad kind of weirdo/a young minor) feel free to reach out!

[pumpkinbomb]

𝜗𝜚 kang junhwi (강준휘) 𝜗𝜚 twenty-four 𝜗𝜚 lesbian, cis, she/her 𝜗𝜚 retail (electronics) store manager 𝜗𝜚 a bright smile and cold, dead eyes… the lasting effects of six years in retail. whether junhwi notices or not, her customer care voice takes over pretty often, giving an uncanny, fake feeling during conversation with people he doesn't know well yet. she can snap out of it, she just needs to realize she's doing it.

birthday: june 6th, 2000. age: 24. orientation: homosexual zodiac: gemini. dragon. mbti: intj. hometown: gwangju metropolitan area, south korea languages: korean (native), japanese (intermediate) english (conversational)

the good and the bad, which are which? easygoing, outspoken, sarcastic, cynic, domineering. observant, curious. detached. mature when she needs to, but chaotic and unpredictable, crass, even. odd, always thinks outside the box. shameless. unapologetically cringe at times. nerd, gamer. monster energy fiend. smoker. can be perceived as cold, but she's very caring and empathetic. likes physical touch more than she lets on. she can and will be mean with those who wrong her or anyone she cares about. mom friend to some.

𝜗𝜚 background

kang junhwi's always been a city girl, one with a very average life. while conventionally pretty and generally charming, she's always being considered... weird. some thoughts are supposed to stay inside, jun-ah... her mom's voice still resonates– well, she's not dead, so it's not like junhwi doesn't still hear it now and again. it's not terrible thoughts, nothing vile... but concerning, probably. so, around strangers, junhwi can seem like a robot, taking long pauses to stop herself from just letting her tongue run wild and say whatever nonsense comes to her. how did she learn? the lasting effects of six years in retail. whether junhwi notices or not, her customer care voice takes over pretty often, giving an uncanny, fake feeling during conversation with people he doesn't know well yet. she can snap out of it, she just needs to realize she's doing it and find the right balance between regulating her thoughts and acting like a computer running on windows '98. but that's exactly why she immediately jumped at the opportunity to join seoulmates. if she's often told she's amusing and she's not shy about it... why not share with with the world? plus, the prospect of being around pretty girls, making friends, making them laugh, getting to know them... yeah. it was a no brainer. especially with how hard it is to meet people and make genuine connections. a reality show might be an unconventional way to try and find something like that but... junhwi's nothing if not daring. other than her day job, she dabbles with streaming her gameplays, but she isn't very consistent as it's just a hobby for her. she's very good at shooter, stealth and jrpgs– the main reasons why she knows a bit of english and japanese. when it comes to her romantic endeavors there's a handful of them and only two of them were serious. while she's sure of her sexual orientation and has had a fair share of experience, she has yet to figure out what she truly wants. it might make things complicated, this uncertainty, but junhwi can't tell if she wants to fall in love or if she's still finding herself.

𝜗𝜚 wanted connection/plots (will expand more later on) unless otherwise specified, all connections could flourish into anything, or nothing at all.

─ the middle/high school crush. like most, junhwi's realization that she liked girls was... slow. maybe it cannot even be considered realization, since at the time, she would stare, infatuated, thinking she was dealing with a serious case of envy that made it hard to breathe and had her stomach doing weird turns. only when she figured things out later on did everything click. to find her again here is mortifying, wondering just how badly she embarrassed herself back then. definitely a humbling moment now.

─ the baby. junhwi's doesn't believe motherly instinct is a thing, but when this person is around, she gets so much cute aggression and it's hard to contain! while the feelings are entirely platonic, they are strong and she would do anything to make sure they are safe and content. physical appearance and age don't matter but works best with someone cutesy/bubbly or nervous, someone who would be okay being babied.

─ the soulmate. platonic or romantic, confusing or straightforward: there's no doubt junhwi's met her match. they bounce jokes off each other, they complete each other's sentences. each other's ride or die, the spark is so obvious. maybe they don't like exactly the same things, but it doesn't matter, they can be in comfortable silence together anytime, any day.

─ the princess. there is something about this girl that makes junhwi act a fool. be it her beauty or the way they conduct themselves, she simply cannot look away nor be casual about it. whether anything blossoms or not, junhwi's trying to catch this person's attention with acts of service, jokes and time together, eventually calling her "princess" or "majesty" for shit and giggles, unless...

─ the rival. calling it a rivalry is ridiculous, sure, but since junhwi's on the sillier side most of the time, someone who's all about facts and logic would get under her skin so easily. and maybe they get along, but when junhwi starts babbling about some impossible scenario, only to be pointed in the direction of facts and logic... let's just say she's not above going full on childish.

ooc: always open to plot and brainstorm for any other sort of connections/plots. nsfw plot friendly but everything with proper discussion. ic drama is okay within reason, if i feel it's getting out of control i will reach out ooc to check how to proceed.

[ocrpfinder]

🦇🩸 | 18+ Only! Seeking a fandomless ( oc / oc ) mxm or mxmasc rp! I’m looking for characters who are perverted players, cherry hounds, play boys, guys with commitment issues, assholes or pieces of shit who also have soft spots, other criminal scum, big and bad dudes, cold and gruff guys, experienced fighters who can handle their own, guys who can scare others just with a stern look, etc; I’d love for a dynamic of two guys stuck in a shit world ( dystopians anyone? ) or shit situation who have to rely on each other or find comfort and solace in one another, maybe they’re in the same gang with the same brutal leader who constantly treats them horribly and works them like dogs and in a violent fucked up world, the downtime they get with each other is some of the only things they look forward to, maybe they find comfort with each other underneath the sheets eventually. I’d love to have a tense, drama filled, angsty relationship, with complicated feelings for complicated characters — my guy being just as hesitant and scared for a real relationship as yours but oh so desperate for connection; but otherwise I’m all for post apocalyptic, vampires, mortal/immortal, exes, faking one’s death or thinking they’re dead and their partner/lover finding them long after, manipulation and coercion, omegaverse, monster fuckery, medieval fantasy, war plots, cults, viscous and twisted dystopians especially, and heavy dead dove 🪦🕊️ plots with violent and dark themes ranging from murder, horror, crime, gangs, gorey violence, toxic or abusive relationships, incest, noncon or dubcon, age gaps, etc. I have few limits to what I’ll write! The character I’m writing is trans just a forewarning incase that’s not your cup of tea. On that note I’m very much open to trans characters! My guy is no dom top but he’s not a shy, soft, darling type. He’s rough and rugged around the edges. ( Bonus shot in the dark but I’d love to do something inspired by Beastars or in a Beastars like world with a wolf/rabbit dynamic. I’m down for anthro or hybrid stuff, either works. )

A little about myself: I’m a 21 y/o Transmasc writer. I only write on Discord. I’m CST timezone, but I work the night shift currently, so replies out of rp can be spotty. ( I also do my best not to check my phone at work as well. But I will be off for 2 weeks. ) My writing ranges from lazy lit to novella. I need at least 3-4 good paragraphs to be able to work with. They don’t need to be luscious with details, but descriptiveness is much appreciated and preferred. I’ve been writing for around 9 years now, it’s a great passion of mine. I love the escapism of fantasy and made up worlds you can dive into. I don’t do rapid fire replies! And my activity can vary! I will always try to get rp replies in at least once a week though. I can get pretty busy, and rp is a hobby for me right now. ( Trust me if I could do rapid fire, believe me I would, I’d love to write all day long. )

A little about my character: A 4’10” - 5” ft tall street fighter who’s in a gang. Sammy has the body of a rabbit but the heart of a wolf. He’s an insolent, stubborn, younger guy who may be petite but he packs a hard punch and can handle his own to a certain point. His unwavering loyalty and obedience only lies within his gang leader. He might be his pet, but he is in no way tamed. He’s all fire and rage, he absolutely refuses to back down or bite his tongue. He’d find a way to give lip even if his tongue was cut out. All around his familial relationships are shit to say the least. He doesn’t trust easily, he’s paranoid, cold hearted on the outside, and violent. Like a mad dog he’ll snap without warning, his fangs are always bared, and his lips are always curled in a snarl. He’s hooked on cigarettes and booze, and he can’t last without his mood stabilizers. He works at an underground fight club and can often be seen sporting bars, even if he isn’t of age for a plot. The club is a front for the gang. I do often prefer to write Sam in a violent dystopian like setting where crime is rampant, bodies are in the streets, the city’s in chaos, etc. Think the purge almost. Otherwise, he’s just got a rough life on the streets in a gang. ( His age can vary for the plot btw! 🍪 is fine with me. I primarily write him as 20 default, and 25 the oldest though. )

That’s enough yapping for this post, I can talk more plot in DMs! So if you’ve got some characters that match the energy I’m looking for or any you feel would vibe with my guy give a like and I’ll reply asap! Thank you for reading🫶

.

[ca-suffit]

How do you rationalize the violence of the characters on this show? Imo, it's easier when it's self defense or when they're just killing to feed, specially the latter since most are just extras and we don't get to know or be attached to those characters. But there are more complicated cases, including physical and psychological abuse and literally everybody has been the abused and the abuser at some point. Not to/with each other, but definitely other people. There is power imbalance in all of the dynamics. Some may forget that since they keep jumping through timelines where things are perfectly okay or they're closer to making amends and making up. And also because the actors are friends and have chemistry on screen (speaking about the whole cast, not any duo in particular). But technically all main characters have abused each other. Nobody is "safe". So, where to draw the line? Psychological abuse? Physical abuse? The severity of the action (like continuously torturing someone who can't respond or match your strength is definitely worse than one punch, for example)? The frequency of the action, like, as long as it happened once it's okay? When a character is still redeemable/forgivable giving the fact they are immortals, so, in theory, they have eternity to better themselves and see if they can make it work? Or should they all be narratively punished (end up alone, suffering, locked up, dead etc)? What are your thoughts? Btw, I'm genuinely asking. I've become obsessed with this show recently and I haven't been able to talk about it with a lot of people, but I have these questions in my mind. Personally, the more I think about it, the less I know, tbh. It's part of why I love the show and I'm asking, btw. I want to see if I reach some conclusion lol. P.S. I understand if you can't/don't want to answer and I'm sorry this got too long. And if you do answer, feel free to make it long as well if you want, even if you want to make comparisons, add interviews etc. I love reading people's takes hehe. Anywa, thanks!

I don't try to rationalize it tbh. I think that's a goal of the show and the original books as well. What are u supposed to do if u have to "endure" each other forever? What still holds meaning if ur all immortal, how do u have relationships, hobbies, not get bored? Especially when everyone is born from trauma and sometimes that trauma was yesterday and sometimes it was 1000 years ago or 5000 years ago from a society u don't understand at all. How do u bring together so many ppl like that and not erupt on each other?

Trauma and mental illness and whatever else is not always pretty. Violent reactions to things are common and, at least in a society where punitive justice is the norm, we get used to putting these things in these boxes. "u did this bad thing so now ur going to jail / hell." The eternal question of the VC books is where do vampires belong, anyway? Where do they go when they die and for what reasons? Anne Rice never gives a v clear answer on this and it's not just bcuz she wasn't a good writer, the point rly is to just ask the questions. We don't have these answers as humans now, we can't confirm or deny if there's an afterlife and whether these things we do matter for a "soul" or not. We create social rules for many reasons but even those are not actually built on the back of "justice" the way ppl are made to think they are.

I don't think these stories are asking u to find a true "good" or "bad" character or characters. I think we're just meant to watch their choices and reflect on them, reflect on our reactions to them. The fandom's desire for Louis to have done something to "deserve" the drop is all about racism and nothing else. They blame Claudia for "manipulating" Louis into killing Lestat bcuz a black girl is never allowed to be a victim either. She's not even a girl to them anyway, adultification of black girls is another angle they use all the time ("she doesn't look 14 to me!"). They'll say look what Louis did to goad Lestat into fighting him more but they'll never say look what Lestat did to hurt Claudia and push her to that point, as someone who was acting as her parent for most of their lives together. That's always "ooc Lestat." What's happening on screen is a rorschach test for us as the audience and as individuals.

Like I wrote, I don't believe in punitive justice, so I don't think long term these stories are going to focus on that much. The trial was a sham to begin with and Lestat was never "rly" dead or meant to be gone forever. They're going to hurt each other and isolate each other in different ways, but if the show wants to focus on any real character growth, it needs to focus on ways the characters can learn to understand each other instead of banishing / killing each other. Relationships take real work like this too. Anne Rice could never write any of this but I'm hoping the show does. Seeing Lestat have awareness of the pain he caused Louis and the reasons he did it fr was a step in the direction I was hoping the show would go. The big question *is* how does a relationship recover from that? For immortals? How will it make others feel too, particularly Armand, if Louis and Lestat get back together? Will Armand reflect on his own abuse too? They all have a lot in common and they all want to be loved. If that's brought out into the open and treated with kindness and understanding, then the desire to maim and kill each other will greatly diminish tbh. Everything these vampires do to each other originates from a place of personal pain, feeling unlovable. "love is a monster" is one of the taglines for a reason.

[gege-wondering-around]

So, today I was out celebrating the last day of school with two of my friends and one of them asked me about writing advices cause he knows I write fanfics and I thought to share with everyone who might need it the same things I told him today.

You don't have to stress over what you write, take your time and follow your flow of work, it'll all come to you.

Embrace what writing gives you. Which could mean: a new way of thinking about certain topics after you wrote them, the way you approach things you never thought about before (and how, after your 'first interaction' with the topic, you wanna interact with future topics)

Understand where you work better. Because it's not about forcing yourself to write, but finding the 'circumstances' (or settings if you prefer) in which you work better, for example for me is sitting on the stairs out my front door, or in the garden.

Do it for yourself. I understand you wanna post it online but you shouldn't think about setting a dead line for yourself, no one is running after you and you can take your time.

And if you don't wanna post it online. Even if no one or only a few people you choose will read your work, it'll still be amazing and proof of your commitment and effort. You don't have to post it to be a writer.

For as long as your work exists, you're doing amazing! Whether it's a WIP, a simple idea, a single line, it's amazing and the beginning of your journey as a writer.

Write what you want and like. It can be cliche or 'the usual thing' but it's still important and valid cause it's coming from you and you're special simply you are you, which means your work, even if it's a 'common plot' (which it never is cause your interpretation of it makes it special) will be unique because You wrote it.

Be proud of what you do. Never beat yourself up or compare yourself to other writers, you (as a beginner or not) have your own way of writing and your ideas are special and worth your efforts and time.

Don't start off thinking your work is overall bad. Don't block yourself over self criticism, if you can't choose a genre or trope it's fine, experiment with them all see which one you wanna explore more. But don't block yourself right at the start.

Understand it takes time. If you wanna go for a oneshot without many sub plots or you wanna simply write a scene you're in live with, you might not have this problem, but if you go for a complicate structured fic, for which you need infos (canon or fanon) it will take time to find what you need (or create the connections/infos you'll need).

Little plot maps can save you on the long run. If you plan to write something big, complicated and with many connections along the narration, a plot-map can help you. Ex. : you write a buller point of events, highlight the connection where you want them and so on.

You don't have to be the 'greatest of them all'. You can be you and write your story, you don't have to be worldwide know to be a legitimate write. You are a writer the second you picked up the pen/open the document and started thinking about it.

To be a writer you don't have to meet any standard. There are no standard (apart from guidelines of sites and simple common sense. Ex. Don't be racist). You can write any length, any genre, any trope, any shit, any setting, any AU, anything. Do as you want (and remember to be respectful).

Enjoy what you do. It might be your calling in life or just a little hobby of yours, either way, ENJOY EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. Don't fall in the mindset of 'I have to this - i have to that' DO WHAT YOU ENJOY.

When you feel like you're losing motivation, remember why you started in the first place. It common to lose motivation and it does make you less of a writer, it's human to fall out of something when it takes more than what you expected, but it's necessarily not a bad thing. Motivation is showed through your dedocation, your dedication through your effort, your effort through your work. It will take time to write it and you'll be proud of it every day you'll look at it, especially when you love what you write. I promise you, if you feel like your motivation is slipping away, see how much effort you put in your work and re-read it, you'll fall in love with it even more and your motivation will be back.

You don't have to write every day. You can take pauses, big or small, through your work. A hour, a day, a week, a month, a year.

Write when you feel like writing. Some days you'll be exhausted and drained of all energy and it's okay, maybe that day you won't write and it's completely fine. Your writing time is for yourself, it's not a daily tast you have to accomplish to feel fullfilled. Your writing time is something you do spontaneously and willingly, don't force yourself to write when you feel like nothing can come out of your creativity/mind/pen.

If nothing comes to you about what to write next in your plot/work/chapter, take a break and change your 'settings'. If you write at your desk, on your pc (or any other electronics), take a sheet of paper and a pen, go outside or somewhere you like (my advice is outside, around nature) and sit down. Things and ideas will come at you, the pen and paper will help you get in touch with your ideas without any pressure.

Docs on 'forever pages'. I don't know exactly how it's called in English, but on google docs you can put this long infinite scroll of one screen-big page which can help you reduce anxiety and the feeling of being pressured to fill the entire page with words. (I highly suggest this if you can, it helps a lot. Also, change the paper color to any color you like, i personally use a light gray) (if you don't have this option: you don't have to fill the whole page to end a chapter/work. You can end it in a single line and leave the rest of the sheet blank, it's okay. Don't write something you feel as unnecessary.)

Haters exist. It sucks but it's true, there'll be someone that will hate on your work just to spead hate, but it doesn't mean your work is bad. Remember, for as long as you love your work, that's the only opinion that matters.

And please, remember these are just the suggestions/advices I gave to him and to myself when I first stared writing and I learned them as I wrote more and more. You don't have to follow any of this but if they managed to help you, I'm glad they did.

YOU ARE A WRITER, DESPITE EVERYTHING, YOU ARE.

You're an amazing, talented writer and no one can take that away from you and if you are a beginner or you want to try to write, please do. Take your time, enjoy the ride and live the life. You'll be amazing at what you do.

Also, I'm proud of you. whether you wrote 10, 100, 1000 or 10.000 words today or in the last week, or month.

I AM PROUD OF YOU.

AND SO YOU SHOULD BE TOO.

you are doing amazing just because you started, you're gonna be fantastic cause you are meant to do great things, and everything you love will show you how much it loves you back.

BE PROUD. BE YOU. BE THE WRITER YOU WANT TO BE.

[atonalginger]

Mega OC Q&A

I saw @silurisanguine do this with her OC, Seren and thought, "hey that might be a good way to introduce the latest lil misfit in my band of Starfiend OCs." and by little I mean...well you'll see.

I'm going to put the Q&A under a 'read more' cut because this is long.

BASICS

What’s their full name? He doesn't remember if he's ever had a 'real name'. He's pretty sure he did, everyone get's one, right? but He'll never remember it. Instead he chose the name Frost.

What does their name mean? Why were they named that? Frost: a deposit of small white ice crystals formed on the ground or other surfaces when the temperature falls below freezing. He feels liek he should remember why he chose that name but can't.

Do they have any nicknames? He vaguely remembers people he worked with calling him 7-33. Many call him blue eyes.

How old are they? he looks no older than 30 but he is much older. Or is he? How does Unity work with things like that...;)

When’s their birthday? He doesn't know.

What’s their zodiac sign/element/birthstone/etc.? Do they believe that holds any significance? doesn't know and no he would not.

What’s their species/subspecies? Do they have any special/magical abilities? Human -> starborn, if you could consider that a change worth noting. He has all the starborn abilities and is fairly strong with them...though he doesn't initially remember them when he arrives in a new universe. It's...complicated.

What “class” do they belong to (for fantasy characters)? If none, what weapon do they favor? He favors blades and rifles appears to be a master with any.

What do they look like? 6'0" built like a linebacker/wrestler. Dark brown hair, strong jaw, wide nose, thick lips, hooded eyes, and pale skin with a warm undertone. His eyes are icy pale blue with no visible pupil. This is because they are cybernetic/implants. He catches lots of staring but I think it's less to do with the eyes and more the fact that he's damn handsome.

Do they have a face claim? No...he kind of looks like Sgt Yumi's cousin but

What’s their style like? Clothes, hair, makeup? He always wakes up with hair clipped to about 1/2" all over. He also always goes to Enhance! to change it as soon as he has the credits. This go around he went with a professional looking fade but he's gone full long hair in a bun and mohawks and everything in between. No makeup. He tries to keep clothes simple and comfortable. He does prefer v-necks if he can find them because crew cut necklines are constricting. He also prefers jumpsuits because it's less items to worry about getting dirty...

How do they carry themselves? What’s their default expression? Many mistake him for military with the way he carries himself. His default expression is a stone 100 yd stare, though if he sees something that entertains or delights him he might crack a small smile for a moment.

Do they have any physical ailments or disabilities? No. Appears to be in his prime and peak physical health.

Any defining features to their character? From the front it's his eyes. Any other angle its his size/build. The man is imposing when you first see him.

PERSONALITY

What’s their alignment? True neutral. Some would consider him evil, others would consider him a goodie-too-shoe. His only hard and fast rule in the starfield is no killing innocents. Anything else goes, so long as it gets to his end goal...just don't kill innocents in front of him or you're fucking dead.

Which one of the 16 Personality Types do they fit into? It would depend on the universe and what he ended up doing once he remembered himself. He'd also probably scoff at the notion, if not cringe, due to his past.

What are their hobbies and interests? Do they have any particular “favorites” (food, books, and so on)? he has what he considers the bad habit of collecting knives. He considers it a bad habit because he loses them every jump so what's the point? (the point is they bring him joy). His favorite food is a fresh plum. Much to Cora's dismay, Frost doesn't like books. He can't remember why but he gets really uncomfortable and anxious when someone tries to get him to read books.

What are they bad at? socializing. Horribly awkward. Has definitely been teased for being a robot.

What kind of things do they dislike/hate? Spacers. They find that lot vicious raiders and does not tolerate their presence anywhere. Universalism. He was raised under a very...unique (to us) form of Universalism and because of it he does not trust members of any universe. Popcorn. The kernels always get wedged between his teeth or caught in the back of his throat and it makes his stomach hurt.

Do they have any vices/addictions/mental illnesses? As what is left of his memory comes back to him each jump he gets deeply depressed and anxious. If anyone could get him into a psych's office they'd probably diagnose him with more but I don't se that happening anytime soon and I don't feel comfortable diagnosing him here.

What are their goals and motivations? Figuring out if he can get back core memories that appear gone. Getting the artifacts, making the next jump. Understanding the purpose of it all.

What are their manners like? Any habits? Around most he is quiet. Sometimes it almost feels like he talks in riddles. he's introverted and prefers traveling alone and working alone but will make sacrifices to move things along. He is polite with most, curt with those he doesn't feel deserves the effort. he's a pen twirler/tapper when anxious.

What are they most afraid of? Not remembering anymore

BACKGROUND

Where were they born? What was their childhood like? Frost was born in a rare universe unlike any of the universes he has jumped to since. He doesn't know what planet he was born on but he does know, though it's fuzzy, that he grew up in an underground facility on a planet with 1g. He was trained to kill and hunt from a very young age and used as a child soldier/assassin as his leaders needed.

What’s their family like? He never knew his family. Or if he did, the memory was taken from him. He grew up in a pod of 11 other child soldiers but they weren't really allowed to bond or socialize.

What factions or organizations are they a part of? What ranks and titles do they hold? He was raised by an extremists form of Universalism. They believed that God had chosen them to bring humanity to the stars and any who did not stand with them should be exterminated to make way for God's Glory. They were at war with the Va'ruun as well as the UC and FC. He was used as a child assassin until he was 15 when he was sent to serve as a 'groundpounder' in UC space as the Univeralists attempted to capture the Sol system. When he reached his late 20s he was chosen for the honor of traveling to Unity to spread the word of God across the multiverse. Something...went wrong with the device as he entered it...but he doesn't quite remember...sabotage?

How do they fit into their “story”? It was only after the initial jump that Frost had any real control over his story. He was always a tool for others to wield. The first universe he found himself in...he got into a lot of trouble really fast when he behaved the way he was trained and has since then tried to better himself...he thinks. None of the universes he ends up in make sense to him. Nothing is ever like his home. No one can tell him anything about the various chips and implants in his head or body. Many have never seen anything like it and insist they have to be anomalies in the scans. Someone once said they seemed to be made out of a weird metal that was unlike anything they'd ever seen before...and he's pretty sure that metal is the same as the artifacts.

Where do they currently live? What’s their place like? in his current universe? The Lodge in the room Noel showed him. It's really nice and he's afraid to touch anything just like every other time he's ended up there. Otherwise he's on a ship, currently the Frontier. It's cramped and old.

How do they eventually die? Depending on how you view unity...he's died a lot. How will he die die? Probably by chance, some lucky bastard getting a shot in while he's distracted. Maybe someone will finally figure out how to overpower him. But that doesn't seem likely, given how many universes he's seen.

RELATIONSHIPS

Do they have any friends? Would they consider anyone to be their best friend? He will come to call Doc, Fox, and Sam friend. he always likes Vasco. He doesn't have a best friend, Unity doesn't let him keep those.

What’s their friend group like? What role do they play in it? A rowdy, wild bunch this go around. They cavort with a group called the Liberated, made up of former Crimson Fleet members. Fox is a Ranger and a Vanguard, which makes Frost's head hurt. Doc is a historian who hunts spacers in her spare time. She's the one who found him, along with her partner, Sam.

What’s their love life like? Do they have any kids? Pretty non-existent and no. He's had lovers across plenty of universes but he's shy to talk about them.

Who do they look up to? Who do they trust? Look up to? no one anymore. He doesn't put people on pedestals, given what he can remember. He trusts his friends.

Who do they hate? Do they have any enemies? Spacers. Naeva Mora, he's had a lot of run-ins with her and they'll never get along. Commander Ikande, he thinks he's a wolf in sheep's clothing and something about the Commander reminds him of someone from his childhood. Lillian Hart, she reminds him of one of his handlers growing up. Matteo, he knows Matteo isn't like those of his Universe but when he tries to argue with Frost about 'true Univeralism" all chances at neutrality disappeared. He won't hurt the man, but he won't interact with him either.

Do they have any pets? nope.

Are they good with kids? Animals? He's been told he is, though they make him uncomfortable (both kids and animals). He's afraid he'll hurt them or scare them but kids find him interesting. Cora has lots of questions and when he briefly meets little Sophie she seems enamored by his eyes and isn't scared of his stone stoic face.

Which tropes do they fit? Which archetypes? Stoic ronin

Do they play any instruments? Sports? no and no

What are some items they always carry? a knife, at least one suppressed pistol, a pack of spiced mealworms and a pack of water, a scanner.

Do they collect anything? Knives. He shouldn't, he's just going to lose them all but he can't help it.

What position do they sleep in? it's whatever. You can find him sleeping on his back like a plank, on either side, his stomach, sprawled out on a chair...he was trained to sleep wherever and wake with the first alarm.

Which emoji would they use the most? knife emoji

What languages do they speak? English, Japanese, Russian, and Spanish. He doesn't remember learning any of them.

What’s their favorite expletive? Fuck

What’s their favorite candle scent? food scents like baked goods. A warm vanilla is nice too.

What songs remind you of them? Self-Destruction by I Prevail

Which animal would you say represents them? Tiger (lone hunters, strong, cunning)

What stereotypical high school clique would they fit into? He looks like he's be a jock but personality puts him with the freaks and geeks crowd.

What would their favorite ride at an amusement park be? they'd all be boring for him.

Do they believe in aliens? Ghosts? Reincarnation or something else? aliens, like sapient life? Sure, why not! To some people he's and alien so yeah. Ghosts? jury is out on that. Reincarnation? The starborn? Yea, he believes in that lol

Do they follow any religions/gods? Do they celebrate holidays? NO he is an atheist now. Never got into holidays, never really in a single universe long enough to learn them.

Which Deadly Sin do they most correspond to? Which Heavenly Virtue? Wrath. Diligence.

If you had to choose one tarot card to represent them, which would it be? Knight of wands

1. How does your OC feel about their full name? he likes Frost, it's why he chose it.

2. What do strangers notice about them first? If they see his face it's his eyes. Otherwise its his build/stature.

3. How does their social personality differ from how they act when they’re alone? It doesn't really? He's quicker to anger when alone because he knows most people don't like that sort of thing and/or he doesn't want to scare people. But otherwise there isn't a big difference.

4. How do they act around a crush? awkward.

5. Do they have a “tell” for when they’re lying? He gets really stiff and can't make eye contact. He was never good at infiltration missions back in his og universe where he was expected to interact with people.

6. What do they smell like? he doesn't wear scents because it draws attention but he probably faintly smells of gun oil.

7. What is their hair texture like? thick and straight.

8. How much jewelry do they wear, and do they have a favorite or distinguishing piece? none. he loses everything so no need to and besides that jewelry was always considered a safety risk by his trainers/handlers. Rings can lose you a finger, piercing can get caught/ripped out. Necklaces can be grabbed. Same with bracelets.

9. Do they have a word or phrase that they tend to overuse? I don't think he talks enough for that to be a problem. When talking with Doc he's mention "you sing" "they sing" the plates that sing" so....sings.

10. What is a weird quality that they have (ie their hands are always cold, they’re always hungry, they snort when they laugh, etc)? He's very quiet. His 'outside' voice is most peoples 'inside' voice.

11. What color do they look strikingly good in? Navy blue

12. How do they show affection to someone they love? staying close to them, performing lots of favors, smiles.

13. Do they make strong/frequent eye contact when they talk to someone? oh no, he will avoid eye contact if he can help it. He can do it in business situations but it makes him super uncomfortable. He was raised to never look superiors in the eyes.

14. What attributes do they have that are inherited from their parents or shared with their siblings/other relatives? ...not applicable.

15. Are their greatest flaw and their greatest strength related and in what way? (ie very caring and helpful but a doormat, or very observant and shrewd but often paranoid) I think so. he's a very diligent person, always making sure that the task is done right the first time and completely...which means if it comes to violence there will be no survivors to question. Or for non-violent situations it means the task will take much longer.

16. How has their childhood affected the way they view an aspect of their life (people, education, society, themselves, etc)?

-He are slow to trust anyone, unless that person can quickly show him a reason to trust them. Like Doc and Sam win him over quickly because they help him out of a really bad situation and are kind. -His education was very narrow and specific so there's a lot he struggles with as he jumps/travels. -He doesn't trust the factions, their leaders, or the various religious houses of the Starfield. Not even the Enlightened. In his opinion if they were true atheists they wouldn't have organized. -He is often at odds with himself due to the large gaps in his memory. Whenever he wakes in a new universe he is left with minimal memories and it isn't until he starts finding the artifacts that chunks of his past start to come back to him. He has had lives where his first artifact came to him after living as a pirate for years and being horrified with what he'd done. His one hard and fast rule is no Killing innocents but he has the blood of so many on his hands from his OG universe and beyond.

Basically I envision Frost as potentially an OG starborn from the universe the artifacts were developed in. Even if that isn't the case, that universe figured out how to use the metal the artifacts (and I assume temples and anomaly structures) were made of and designed cybernetics and implants with it. He is permanently missing chunks of his memory because his handlers wiped it. And whenever he jumps Unity seems to wipe some away and block the rest, leaving only a select collection of memories and skills for him to keep. Proximity to the artifacts and those who've pulled them from the rock can help him remember. He doesn't know why.

He wants to be a good person. He doesn't know that he can be with the life he's led. He has definitely sided with the Hunter more than the Emissary because he felt less judged/more accepted. Even if the Hunter broke his only rule...he's guilty of that too.