#not even queueing this I need it posted immediately. instant gratification

[leverage-ot3]

okay I’ve seen a lot of posts about sterling just being crowley and. guys. the implications just hear me out 😭😭😭

bending lore slightly here BUT let’s say crowley’s body was once inhabited by a human and crowley is possessing the body (maybe he kills the initial inhabitant bc he doesn’t care)

but he still has the guy’s memories. he doesn’t bother keeping up appearances with his ‘ex wife’ because he is too busy building up his hell empire. BUT for some reason he can’t quite identify, he still feels something towards his ‘daughter’. he lets the divorce happen and doesn’t feel the need (or desire) to fight for custody, but he can never quite forget her, to cast her out of his mind for good

some hijinks ensue with the leverage team. it’s mostly because even a grind culture demon wants some off time every once in a while, and for him the insurance investigator stuff is more of a hobby. interacting with the leverage crew is very low stakes for him, and honestly, quite amusing. they aren’t on his level power-wise, but that ford character gives him the mental exercise he hasn’t experienced in, well, he can’t even remember

he can feel their frustration and anger when they learn he has become employed by interpol and feeds off it. it’s great, and relaxing in a way he is never able to achieve while conducting hell-related business

one year he gets wind that olivia is in a really bad situation associated with his ‘ex wife’s’ new husband. he’s selling vital hardware to terrorists, and while that might actually be the kind of chaos he would normally support or be entertained by as the king of hell, something feels wrong about letting olivia stay anywhere near that man

he calls upon the body’s adversaries. he wouldn’t admit it, even under duress, BUT he feels slightly fond of them. nate for the three dimensional chess they play, sophie for her ability to charm and disguise, parker for her chaos and slightly unsettling nature (it’s the autism swag and being bad with human interaction but he doesn’t know that lol), hardison for his unapologetic intelligence and eliot for his hardened violent past and take-no-shit persona (he’s fun to tease)

they perform exactly as he expected, right into his carefully crafted plan. and then olivia is under his care and things get more complicated. he keeps her FAR, FAR away from anything related to the supernatural (heh). no one can find out about her, ESPECIALLY not those imbecile hunter brothers (if for nothing else than the embarrassment in revealing he has a weak spot)

not sure how to work it into this post but I also want to add that somewhere along the way he develops feelings for nate and sophie. the frame up job is near and dear to my heart and you can’t convince me that isn’t fighting as flirting behavior. his interpol persona is more of a side hustle so to speak, but he finds it fun (relaxing, even) to fill that role. there aren’t any obligations of other demons, bothersome hunters, or anything like that. nate and sophie are low stakes, except, they aren’t, really. they make him feel things he can’t ever really remember feeling. his heart beats fast when sophie sat in his lap and cradled his face, his hands sweat when nate gives him that certain smug look. he’s exasperated by the way they can run circles around him like no one else has ever before. they annoy him and get under his skin in a way no one else can and it’s infuriating. but also not, at the same time. maybe he likes it

and then the long goodbye job happens

hear me out and suspend your belief here for a second, because I can’t remember if crowley supernaturally knows when ppl die/are dead or not.

so nate is in interpol custody and the interviewer is obviously out of her depth. (most people are, when it comes to nathan ford.) he walks in and pours the man a drink, but he’s fuming. somewhere along the way he came to care about the team. hell and suffering is literally in his (official) job description, but he can admit (only to himself) that he admires what they do. it’s not for him, not anything close to where his passions and interests lie, but he respects their drive and purpose. he is also aware enough to acknowledge that they are a family, a group of misfits that never belonged quite anywhere except to each other.

and nate fucking blew it up, ruined it, because his vice is being so obsessed with the end game that he is apparently willing to let his team, his family, the people that anchor him to reality, die because the ends supposedly justify the means.

not this time. not to sterling crowley

he is enraged. he can admit within the confines of his mind that he cares for nate, for sophie, even for the other three (though nate and sophie have somehow made it a hierarchy where they are more important to him. which he will dissect later in private. maybe.)

nate let them die, he let sophie die, and for what? the black book? hell below, crowley would have made things easier somehow, if he knew that this was where nate’s sights had lied. he would have prevented this somehow. he wants to have prevented this. he doesn’t want any of them dead and is too afraid to check and verify because that would make it real. the idea of sophie (or any of them) somehow making it to hell instead of heaven would probably break something in him he might not be able to reapir fully.

he yells at nate- he’s angry. hellfire burning in his heart because everything is ruined. the deaths aside (however hard it is to set them aside in his mind), nate will not recover from this, not ever. this will be the start of the end, he is sure. a miserable, guilt-ridden existence where he drinks himself to death and nothing will save him. it plays out in crowley’s mind in a thousand different ways that are beyond painful to conceptualize, even in theory.

the story starts to unravel and there is a game afoot. a solemn, miserable, infuriating game because the con is still in session because parker is alive and in the building- which sets another fire alight in his chest. ‘parker even know you got hardison killed?’ he rages for her grief when she finds out. he knows it will double when she finds out eliot has perished, too, because he isn’t fucking blind.

but nate is a brilliant man, lest he forget too quickly. they are all alive, and somehow still the entire crew slips through his fingers. he’s not even angry (he never would have been- he doesn’t actually try too hard to catch them. it’s about the game, not the consequences). he lets them keep the black book because he’s fucking exhausted and honestly, they more than earned it.

‘now we’re even. tell sophie to drive carefully’. they will never be even, not really. crowley would never admit or agree that being human is the superior state of being, but that have made him feel human in a way he doesn’t actually mind. they keep him on his toes and match him in a way unique to them, they remind him that there are other things than the realm of hell. not necessarily bigger than hell, but maybe just as important in a different sense.

watching the van drive away, something inside him settles. when he walked into the interrogation room that day he thought this was the beginning of the end. it’s not the end at all, not an end to anything. it’s a continuation of their story. maybe, he thinks, a beginning to a new era in it

[jojo-oliver]

How to tumblr for artists… my own version

A collection of things that have been working for me, but may not work for everyone

~~~ your posts ~~~

!!!reblog your own stuff!!! you need to reblog your own stuff, there is nothing morally wrong with reblogging your own stuff regularly. in fact, it is morally right to allow the chance for more people to see your artwork.

~~~ queue it!! ~~~ my queue is 500 posts strong. maybe don't try to make your queue hundreds of posts strong in the same day omg but like… once every month or two i'll go through my whole blog and just scroll and "add to drafts" to every one of my own posts i have. then i'll use the "mass post editor" to add content warning tags. and add to queue, and shuffle. and then I write down what the date was for when I last added my posts to be reblogged on queue. this is helped by turning on timestamps for posts in tumblr "dashboard preferences" settings.

queueing is necessary and life saving for me. It takes out so much work with decision fatigue and the anxiety around posting. It also guarantees that even if I suddenly need time off or away from my phone, I don't just disappear and lose all traction. It also breaks the instant-gratification cycle that you expect when you finish an artwork. It's hard to keep creating when you post something and, when you're expecting to get that gratification, you get none... If you queue your new artwork to come out at a later time, you've separated that expectation - with time. It hurts less and contributes to a more consistent gratification thing instead of peaks and troughs.

~~~ tag ya stuff ~~~ when you're making a new post, the first 20 tags are what gets put into the searchable tags. do not feel shame for using lots of tags. shame is the mind-killer. tags are hard. hard to know what to tag a post with. hard to remember the tags. so I found some ways to help myself. maybe they'll help you too. dedicate some time towards just figuring out what tags you want to use. i have a list in my phone notes that i add tags to and reference whenever i'm making a new post. i have the phone right beside the laptop while i'm tagging so that i can just look at it and scroll. tags are the only way for people to find your artwork, other than people manually coming to your blog because they saw you somewhere. there is no algorithm. posting without tags, until you have an established fanbase, is throwing something into the void.

When I'm doing tag research, I look at what people seem to use - when you put something in the search bar, tumblr recommends you some that have a higher following, typically. Looks like this on desktop:

if you like one tag, look at what other people who use that tag also tag their posts with. Observe and learn how this tag is used. search through a bunch of them and write them down.

here's what i got in my notes, for the specific kind of art I post and look for:

these tags are sort of specific to me and the kind of art I make. You'll want to research your own tags, but this is an example of how I keep them organized to make posting more effective. I generally only write down a tag when it's got more than 2k followers. You might be tempted to use the tags with millions of followers, but I've actually found those a lot less functional for small artists. If your stuff doesn't immediately get a bunch of notifications, you're drowned out and pushed to the bottom much faster. But the bigger tags are better than no tags, so I keep them if I can't think of anything else to tag something with.

~~~ post at the right times….? ~~~

fridays and saturdays is when I post fresh new things... usually. every website has it's own peak hours, and you can find those hours in many different online articles that try to sell you social media growth services. tumblr is unique in having later hours.

here's some random graph from google images:

please don't over think this. please don't let this consume the idea of when to post, preventing you from posting at all. it doesn't mean too much - if you post during very active hours, maybe your art would just be pushed down the feed faster. if you post at the end of hours, maybe everyone's going to sleep… if you post at inactive hours, maybe there's less 'competition'… if you post at the beginning of active hours, maybe that's just more time for your post to circulate for the day, if you have enough people reblogging it once it drops....

this also is in EST. So fuck the other time zones, I guess. I'm over here in europe knowing that the "best" time to post would be like 2-3am or something. It's like this for most english-speaking majority sites - higher traffic in north american time zones.

it's also worth mentioning that this is scattered as heck, compared to other social media sites. and it's not like, the activity times of your followers. it's not the best time to post for your niche. this is just tumblr, broadly. all of tumblr.

~~~ Plan ahead for annual dates ~~~

Your artwork will get more circulation if it's posted on a celebratory day. You could just put them on your calendar and if you're wondering what to make, look on the calendar for what's coming soon. For example, asexual awareness day, trans day of visibility, location-specific holidays, etc. Here's my phone notes thing with my own recorded annuals:

I got these dates from googling and reading different articles, but I find that I still miss dates, and then I add them for next year. If you know of some I missed, tell me and I'll add them please <3

~~~ reblog other people's stuff ~~~

tumblr is sorta about ecosystems. things get passed around within groups of people that are all following eachother. to enter this ecosystem, you must engage and reblog other people's stuff too.

if you reblog other artists' stuff, sometimes they'll come over and reblog your stuff too. sometimes they'll follow you back. this is called becoming a mutual. I'll search specific tags for the kinds of people I want to follow and the kind of art I like - those are listed in the screenshot of my tag note under "Tags for finding new people".

I see a lot of blogs out there that are very clean, posts are tagless, and are only for the artists' content. like scrolling through a portfolio. I imagine this is good for people who are migrating to tumblr but already have their own established fanbase from elsewhere.

you don't need to do reblog other people's stuff on your art blog, you can do this on a separate blog. but if the two don't look very closely correlated, it's hard to tell who you are when you're interacting. and hard to make sure people know that you are the same person as your art blog. and you gotta remember to promote yourself on your personal blog.

~~~ have an art tag ~~~

make your blog easy to search!

if i go to your blog, and you've written 'artist' or 'sometimes art' in your bio, i wanna see it… it make me so sad when i don't get to see it. i want to reblog it. please let me reblog it :(

to make a tag on your own blog searchable, you don't need to repost it to add a tag. you don't even need to reblog it. you can actually just go back to the original post and edit it to add your tag. I've seen post people just have their art tag be something like #(blogname)art . you can see my own in my tags image above. if it's very unique, then it'll work tumblr-wide. I think that's good, since the tumblr search function is really weird. Otherwise it should still work if it's not entirely unique, people just have to make sure they're searching specifically your blog to see only your stuff.

I like to have a link in my pinned post where people can click to have immediately searched for my art tag. Convenience is king. Keep in mind that most people are on mobile, and if something isn't immediately clickable, they often won't find it.

~~~ be consistent and be patient ~~~

!!!this time will pass anyway!!! how many notes you have is not correlated with how good you are as an artist. wanting to earn something from your art means you essentially have two jobs. two potentially full time jobs. this shit's difficult. most of the job is promoting yourself. don't undersell how hard it is to do… don't feel bad for not immediately succeeding. I would write about how hard it's been to promote myself, but it would just be long and sad I think.

This isn't a full guide, please feel free to add more!!

I'm sure in another year I'll disagree with a lot of this, it will become irrelevant with time, and I'll have a lot of different opinions. Chip in and share what you've been doing? Teach me? This is very overwhelming. Don't do it all at once, just like, try one thing at a time, and see how it works for you. Your niche might be different. One size does not fit all. If you're confused about some of the things I talk about in here, you might be on mobile. I do most of my queueing and posting from the desktop browser version.

I will update this with more as things change, but I think you'll have to click through to see the updated post

[cptsrogers-archive]

made a quick update to my rules. i added a section on threads and expanded my following and shipping sections to clarify a few things. nothing’s really changed though, it’s more that i’ve explained my thought process behind things. rules pasted below for easy reading

THREADS

I use RPThreadTracker to track all my multi-para threads. One liners usually get dropped after a day or so or expanded into multi-para. I usually wait until there has been one round of responses before adding the thread to the tracker (ie if I made the starter, I wait until it’s my turn again to track it, if you made the starter, I begin tracking it after my reply). I find this the easiest way to keep track of threads that seem to have a good chance at developing. If you ever can’t find our thread, I suggest looking there first, then at your tag on my blog (cptsrogers.tumblr.com/tagged/URLHERE). If you’re looking for a starter I made for you, you can also check my tag here. I want to keep my drafts low and thoroughly enjoy the instant gratification of posting replies, so I don’t generally use my queue for replies and will occasionally spam the dash. Please don’t let my speed (or lack thereof) bother you–I will wait a week, month, or year for a reply, so long as you’re still interested and want to write with me. If you would prefer replies to be spaced out, just let me know and I’ll work with you on a better pace. I will also hoard multiple threads with the same person, but understand if you’d like to drop a few over time, just let me know. I don’t typically drop threads, and when I do I’ll make an announcement on the dash about it and archive the thread in my tracker. I’m trying to move away from doing general starter calls and focus more on lightly plotted things, so the best way to start a thread with me is to send me some memes. Memes may take a bit longer because I do treat them as starters and try to put an individual touch on each.

FOLLOWING

I am selective, which for me means that I try not to follow too many blogs unless I can see myself interacting with them. But that doesn’t mean you can’t interact with me–in fact, if you send me something, I’m more likely to follow because now you’ve got my attention! Things I look for before following:

-Theme is easy to navigate and read I cannot stress this enough. I work in front of computers all day in harsh office lighting–I don’t like coming home to try and struggle through someone’s theme. I will make a valiant effort to find things because I understand doing things For The Aesthetic™, but if I can’t find your information pages and I can’t read anything, I’m not following. As a side note, if my blog is inaccessible, please notify me immediately. I specifically tried to design my blog to be easy to read and easy to navigate. If something on my blog is an issue for you (broken link, font too small, color hard to read, etc.), please let me know.

-Rules page I need to know your boundaries. Even if it’s just “don’t be a dick.” This is to make sure that I don’t make you uncomfortable. If I follow you, assume I read your rules, and when/if I go to interact, assume I’ve skimmed them again to make sure I’m still following them.

-Multi-para threads As someone who prefers writing at least 1-2 paragraphs at a minimum, I try to make sure our writing styles will match. I don’t generally use icons and my only formatting is occasional bold/italics for emphasis and small text. I don’t care if you format or don’t–whatever makes you happy!

-Verses While I tend to want to stick in the Marvel RP, I will generally follow if there is a modern/MCU/Marvel/Comic/superhero verse and appropriate information for me to read. Or if it aligns with any of my other verses. Really this isn’t much of a sticking point and more of me just trying to make sure there’s a basic situation that our muses could possibly meet.

-Muse list/muse info This is more for OCs, but I also try to double check for published characters too. For multis, I do go through the muse list and see if there’s anyone I would like to write with.

-Overwhelming NSFW Personally, because I like to sneak onto my dash at work, I don’t follow blogs that post a lot of NSFW images. Text is fine, but if I can’t find any multi-para rps that aren’t NSFW, I may not follow.

SHIPPING

I ship chemistry–by that I mean, I must have written with you to get a feel for how you write your muse before things get romantic. Talking OOC is not a must, but many of my favorite romantic and platonic ships have developed that way, so it is encouraged. My Steve is a biromantic, bisexual man, so he has the potential to develop feelings for anyone, though he is a romantic and will not just jump into the sack with someone. Even canon relationships, like Steve and Sharon, or things I personally ship, like Steve and Bucky, need a bit of interaction before I’m comfortable doing anything super romantic/sexual. I treat each character and RPer I write with as unique, so what goes for me and one RPer may not apply to the next.

[worldwarvet-archive]

was kinda feeling like my rules needed revamping, so i updated them. added a section on threads, expanded following, and also clarified some things on shipping. nothing’s really changed in how this blog operates per se, the rules just now reflect what was previously unspoken blog policy! pasted under the cut for convenience

THREADS

I use RPThreadTracker to track all my multi-para threads. One liners usually get dropped after a day or so or expanded into multi-para. I usually wait until there has been one round of responses before adding the thread to the tracker (ie if I made the starter, I wait until it’s my turn again to track it, if you made the starter, I begin tracking it after my reply). I find this the easiest way to keep track of threads that seem to have a good chance at developing. If you ever can’t find our thread, I suggest looking there first, then at your tag on my blog (worldwarvet.tumblr.com/tagged/URLHERE). If you’re looking for a starter I made for you, you can also check my tag here. I want to keep my drafts low and thoroughly enjoy the instant gratification of posting replies, so I don’t generally use my queue for replies and will occasionally spam the dash. Please don’t let my speed (or lack thereof) bother you–I will wait a week, month, or year for a reply, so long as you’re still interested and want to write with me. If you would prefer replies to be spaced out, just let me know and I’ll work with you on a better pace. I will also hoard multiple threads with the same person, but understand if you’d like to drop a few over time, just let me know. I don’t typically drop threads, and when I do I’ll make an announcement on the dash about it and archive the thread in my tracker. I’m trying to move away from doing general starter calls and focus more on lightly plotted things, so the best way to start a thread with me is to send me some memes. Memes may take a bit longer because I do treat them as starters and try to put an individual touch on each.

FOLLOWING

I am selective, which for me means that I try not to follow too many blogs unless I can see myself interacting with them. But that doesn’t mean you can’t interact with me–in fact, if you send me something, I’m more likely to follow because now you’ve got my attention! Things I look for before following:

-THEME IS EASY TO NAVIGATE AND READ I cannot stress this enough. I work in front of computers all day in harsh office lighting–I don’t like coming home to try and struggle through someone’s theme. I will make a valiant effort to find things because I understand doing things For The Aesthetic™, but if I can’t find your information pages and I can’t read anything, I’m not following. As a side note, if my blog is inaccessible, please notify me immediately. I specifically tried to design my blog to be easy to read and easy to navigate. If something on my blog is an issue for you (broken link, font too small, color hard to read, etc.), please let me know.

-RULES PAGE I need to know your boundaries. Even if it’s just “don’t be a dick.” This is to make sure that I don’t make you uncomfortable. If I follow you, assume I read your rules, and when/if I go to interact, assume I’ve skimmed them again to make sure I’m still following them.

-MULTI-PARA THREADS As someone who prefers writing at least 1-2 paragraphs at a minimum, I try to make sure our writing styles will match. I don’t generally use icons and my only formatting is occasional bold/italics for emphasis and small text. I don’t care if you format or don’t–whatever makes you happy!

-VERSES While I tend to want to stick in the Marvel RP, I will generally follow if there is a modern/MCU/Marvel/Comic/superhero verse and appropriate information for me to read. Or if it aligns with any of my other verses. Really this isn’t much of a sticking point and more of me just trying to make sure there’s a basic situation that our muses could possibly meet.

-MUSE LIST/MUSE INFO This is more for OCs, but I also try to double check for published characters too. For multis, I do go through the muse list and see if there’s anyone I would like to write with.

-OVERWHELMING NSFW Personally, because I like to sneak onto my dash at work, I don’t follow blogs that post a lot of NSFW images. Text is fine, but if I can’t find any multi-para rps that aren’t NSFW, I may not follow.

SHIPPING

I ship chemistry–by that I mean, I must written with you and get a feel for how you write your muse before things get romantic. Talking OOC is not a must, but many of my favorite romantic and platonic ships have developed that way, so it is encouraged. I am very careful with my ships with Bucky, as he is a very traumatized character and I don’t feel comfortable putting him into certain romantic or sexual situations. Even canon relationships, like Bucky and Natasha, or things I personally ship, like Steve and Bucky, need a bit of interaction before I’m comfortable doing anything super romantic/sexual. I treat each character and RPer I write with as unique, so what goes for me and one RPer may not apply to the next. I read Bucky as being demiromantic and demiseuxal–since he is on the gray/ace spectrum, he may or may not develop feelings, but only once a deep trusting bond has been formed.

[kuriquinn]

The Last to Know [3 /5]

Blanket Fic Disclaimer

Beta Reader: None right now. Check back later.

Warning: Some language

AN: Not sure how I feel about this one. It’s my first bit of writing since taking a break, so maybe I’m just holding it to a higher stander? Anyhow, I will eventually go through it again later. I just thought I should post something for my birthday, and this was the closest thing to do.

First Chapter

Sakura is shaking after she leaves the Hokage’s office, both with anger and a little fear.

She’s nervous about her outburst, keeps running over the entire thing in her head. She has never lost control like that, not really, even when Kakashi was her instructor and did things she was critical of. Even with Naruto, they’ve had arguments, but she’s never…

She has never attacked her teacher before. And she’s never lost her temper to the point of vulgarity before.

Did I go too far? Sakura wonders, rubbing her upper arms self-consciously. Or not far enough?

Sakura has always been guided by her heart and what feels right to her; it’s only in recent years, being so close to Lady Tsunade and the running of the village that she’s had to think more with her head.

And I never was really good at that anyhow, she thinks glumly. Images come back to her of a bridge and a knife, hateful scarlet eyes and a woman with glasses bleeding out in front of her. Every time she has tried to make a decision where her head and her heart disagreed, no good has come of it.

Right now, her heart insists she did right, but her brain keeps running over all of the logical arguments against her actions. She hasn’t felt so conflicted since the war, and it’s dizzying. She needs to take a step back from it somehow, to release the growing painful pressure inside her before bursts.

Her first instinct is to go to Ino, but she knows she can’t. As yet, this is all still utterly secret; she can’t reveal anything about Itachi to Ino. She could, however, mention being kept in the dark by her other teammates. 

Except...

Except her best friend is at home with Sai right now, enjoying newly married life. Though he is also one of Sakura’s closest friends, she doesn’t want to overshadow his newfound happiness with her black mood. Especially considering his own past, he deserves as much uncomplicated joy as life has to offer him.

Sakura’s mother would be her next choice, but the thing is, Mebuki Haruno has a blind spot when it comes to Kakashi and Naruto. Considering Kakashi is the Hokage and Naruto the hero that saved them all, she’s taken on a tendency to agree with them about everything. And she knows Sakura well enough to infer that Sasuke is somehow involved...

Mebuki has never been overly fond of Sasuke after he defected from Konoha, to put things mildly.

She’d say they were right to keep it from me, Sakura thinks, clenching her fist. She can’t blame her mother, not really; a parent’s duty is to protect their child. Mebuki’s feelings on the matter would be totally justified simply because she has never been on the frontlines or fought beside Sakura. Intellectually, her parents know what Sakura is capable of, but they have never seen it first hand. And they weren’t there to see the obstacles she’s overcome to achieve the power she has now.

Not in the way Naruto and Kakashi are. Those are the people who should know better, and yet…

Lady Tsunade would set them straight, Sakura thinks angrily. She would know…

A horrible thought occurs to her.

Did Lady Tsunade know?

She’s the Fifth Hokage, and she’s a Senju. It would make sense for her to know about what happened. And what Tsunade knows, Shizune usually knows as well, at least in Sakura’s experience. If they were both privy to the information, is there any chance they might not have told Sakura?

Lady Tsunade has always shared Sakura’s mother’s opinions about Sasuke Uchiha, and she can be just as overprotective.

No. No, they would have told me, Sakura insists to herself. Based on what Sasuke said, only a handful of people ever knew the truth. Only Lord Third and Danzō Shimura and Obito Uchiha. The latter was the reason Naruto found out, along with Kakashi and Yamato. They were on the way to the Kage meeting when Obito, still masquerading as Tobi, let them in on the secret. Sakura remembers all too well that during that time, Lady Tsunade was out of commission.

Besides, she never got along with the Elders or Danzō. She’s the last person they would have told about this, even before the attack on Konoha. If she didn’t think to look into the matter, she wouldn’t know, Sakura reasons. So Shizune wouldn’t know either.

Unless, at the end of the war, there was some sort of meeting to agree on keeping Itachi’s deeds and Konoha’s involvement in the massacre from public knowledge.

In that case there’s a very small chance…

That pained feeling in her chest and throat is back, like a knife. Sakura tries hard not to feel the mounting sense of betrayal, but it’s hard. She wishes more than anything she could go to her mentor right now and ask her about it. But Tsunade is out of the village on one of her gambling binges, and Shizune spending a few days at Konoha’s orphanage trying to make sure all the inhabitants are up-to-date on their vaccines and physicals (and because she still doesn’t trust Kabuto, probably to keep an eye on him).

Both are too far away to ask.

Under normal circumstances, this would be the point where Sakura goes to talk to Naruto or Kakashi, but considering they’re both contributing factors in why she’s feeling like this, it’s not an option.

As for Sasuke…

No.

She can’t bring this up to him, not after he entrusted her with such a horrible truth. Her feelings of being kept in the dark cannot compare to what he endured, and bringing this situation up to him now feels disrespectful. As if her pain over being left out once more could ever mean anything in the face of what he lost? She’s not so arrogant as to think she matters that much in the big scheme of things.

This shouldn’t be hitting me so hard, she chides herself. After all, it is in the past, and isn’t this time of recovery all about forgiving the sins of the past and working toward a better future? She should just shrug this off as a fait accompli and move on.

But the treacherous little voice in her head keeps whispering to her.

What if they keep doing it?

In the face of that, she can’t help the overwhelming hurt. It’s as if something is broken inside her, but nothing as simple as a bodily wound that she can mend.

She usually burns that feeling off with physical activity, and she desperately wants to go out and destroy a training field or two—to feel the earth shatter and break beneath her, and watch solid rock become dust between her fingers. But that would attract attention and people wondering and she just needs…she needs to do something.

To remind herself that she isn’t useless.

That she isn’t twelve years old and  cowering while Sasuke throws his body in front of her because she is too weak and useless and inferior to defend herself. Or with snot and tears running down her face while Kakashi naively promises her that everything will be alright and Naruto vows to bring Sasuke back to them. 

I am not that girl anymore, she growls to herself.

In that moment, she decides where she needs to be right now, and makes a determined beeline for the hospital. Upon arriving at her place of work, she takes a breath and, as always, lets the outside world slip away at the door. She strides into her office, where her intern Ando glances up in surprise, and before he can ask why she’s back so soon, she interrupts him.

“What’s the next operation scheduled?”

“Uh…Isamu is doing a double foot transplant in fifteen minute—”

“I’m scrubbing in on that,” she tells him. “He can have the next one.”

“But—”

She strides out before he can complete his protest, heading for an operating room.

Sakura very rarely wields her influence to jump the queue on cases, but she needs to stay busy, and she thinks that today of all days she deserves to use her advantage a bit.

Over the course of several hours, she schedules procedure after procedure, taking the lead on the most complex and challenging cases—the ones that require her constant presence and attention. In the midst of her work, she is able to forget the uncertainty and hurt and the memory of the useless child she was. Here, she is once again head medical ninja of Konoha, a hero of the Fourth Shinobi War and a legendary Sannin in her own right. She battles with death every day and, more often than not, wins. People here look up to her, defer to her knowledge and listen to her recommendations.

Naruto, of course, finds her soon enough, being as meddling as ever. While Sakura walks across the courtyard to consult on a possible case of Chakra Virus, he appears in front of her, determined and repentant.

“Sakura, I’m sorry, I swear, we didn’t—”

“I’m working, Naruto,” she tells him flatly and keeps walking. “Please leave.”

“But you need to listen—!”

“I need you to respect my wishes,” she replies. “Since it’s clear you don’t respect anything else.”

“That’s total bullshit and you know it!” Naruto yells, frustration and worry in his voice. For once, though, her immediate reaction isn’t to try to calm him. “Just because of this one thing—”

Sakura turns around then, her hand snapping out and grabbing Naruto by the collar of his jacket.

“This is my place of work,” she hisses at him, a flare of anger bleeding through the carefully constructed façade of business she’s lost herself in for a few hours. “I am saving lives right now, and I don’t have time for your interruptions while people could be dying. Now leave on your own, or I will break every one of your bones so thoroughly that even with your healing abilities, you’ll still be stuck on bed-rest for a month.”

She experiences a minor spark of gratification at the way Naruto goes pale beneath his whiskers and vanishes in an instant, but it doesn’t make her feel any better. Like his apologies, his misery feels hollow to her and does nothing to satisfy the hurt.

When she returns to her wing of the hospital, she gives Ando and all the other staff warnings that she is not to be disturbed by friends or family while she works. It’s not the first time she’s ordered this, so they don’t argue. She has a trusted support network among her colleagues, all of whom know better than to question her at this point. Those that do and still attempt to speak to her are run off with a single forbidding look.

While cleaning up after a successful limb-reattachment, a new intern that she doesn’t know very well approaches her.

“Sakura-sensei, the Hokage requires your presence,” she tells her shyly.

Sakura says nothing and reaches for the nearest chart and begins to glance over the particulars for her next case.

“Should I tell him you’re on your way?”

“No.”

“Oh…um…so you’ll be a little late?”

“No.”

“Oh.” She pauses. “What...what should I tell him?”

“Nothing.”

The girl isn’t quite sure what to say about that, but Sakura glances up and says, “That will be all, Wakana. You have rounds.”

She barely registers the intern’s puzzled expression as she heads off to her next appointment.

For another seventy-two hours straight Sakura pushes herself from one procedure to another, elbows deep in blood and viscera one moment, or painstaking research and experiments in the skills lab. She survives on caffeine and soldier pills, focussed on the problems she can solve. She doesn’t have to think about her injured heart while healing a broken pelvis.

Of course, she knows she can’t go on like this.

Eventually she starts to feel the exhaustion of using so much brain power and chakra without a respite. Even though she has a large reserve and could conceivably go on for days, it’s irresponsible to do so outside of a combat situation. Besides, being at work is no longer distracting her the way it should. Her thoughts and worries are beginning to bleed back through, and she knows she’ll have to face them sooner or later. Kakashi will only accept her ignoring his summons so many times, and Naruto won’t be deterred by her threat much longer.

Truthfully speaking, she’s surprised she hasn’t seen him at all since their encounter days ago. She suspects Kakashi might be keeping him from bothering her, because he at least understands the need for space.

Ando eventually makes the vague, round-about suggestion that she head home to sleep and relax—he curbs his usual bluntness by not telling her she smells, though she suspects she really should shower soon—and Sakura finds herself giving in.

She’s too tired to argue, apparently.

As she leaves the hospital, she pauses, dim and sluggish and too tired to think too much. It’s why she’s pretty sure that she’s dreaming when she notices a familiar figure waiting across the street.

Sasuke leans against the building opposite the hospital, a living shadow in an otherwise bright and cheerful street. And she instantly knows he’s waiting for her, even though he has never done so before.

It should bother her that he’s watching her, looking as unruffled and untouchable as always. And she’s probably got circles under her eyes, and the remnants of makeup caked on in places or and she doesn’t remember if she brushed her hair or teeth this morning. But somehow, it doesn’t really matter to her right now, the way it once would have.

And it’s still the most natural thing in the world for her to change her course and head toward him. His presence doesn’t erase her exhaustion or her inner turmoil, but it does cause a fluttering sensation or anticipation in her stomach.

After stewing in her self-constructed isolation for a few days, she’ll take it.

つづく

As always, reviews and constructive criticism are much appreciated! Also, if you are in a supportive mood , you can find my tip jar here.

クリ

Next Chapter

[easymoneyonline-blog1]

What Is Blogmutt.com? A Way to Get Paid to Write.

Click HERE to apply

 Blogmutt is a writing platform that connects writers to website owners for the purpose of ghostwriting blog posts. The customers are usually either too busy to write posts for their business’ blog or simply because writing isn’t their strong suit. If these business owners want to have highly informative content written for their target audience, they need to find someone to write it for them. So they turn to Blogmutt where they can find a pool of writers capable of creating blog posts that meet or exceed their expectations.

The Writing Process at BlogMutt

Once you’re signed up with Blogmutt and have been accepted, you can research the current customers. Each customer has their own page where you can see the keywords they want, links to their website or blog and a window showing their recent tweets. There’s also usually a paragraph or two stating what they’re looking for. As a writer, it’s up to you to do your research using these resources. You can also view the posts that they have approved and rejected, though you can’t see who wrote them.

So, you pick one of their keywords and use it at least once in the title and in the body of the post. Sometimes you have to work in a ‘contact us’ hyperlink at the end, but it’s easy enough to do. When you’re done writing, you can submit it to the customer. There are no editors except for the customer, so you don’t have to worry about any of that. You don’t have to touch it again unless they want it edited.

Queue/Edit/Posted/Rejected

After it’s submitted, your post will go into the customer’s queue which could be empty or really full. Since it’s a queue, you might have to wait for your turn. This isn’t always the case since some customers grab every single post that lands in their queue all at once or daily. A lot of them only take one a week on Thursday. You can see how many posts the customers have taken in the past week, which is a very useful feature. Once your post is taken, the money is deposited into your Blogmutt account immediately.

There’s no guarantee that your post will sell just because it’s first in line. If they like one of the posts behind you in the queue better than yours, they might just grab that one. I’ve had it happen to me. On the other hand, if they really like yours, they might take it ahead of everyone else. That has also happened to me and I was sixth in line.

If a customer likes your post but feels like it could use some work, then they’ll flag it for editing and let you know what you need to improve on or add in. You can then edit and resubmit it for posting. That’s all pretty self explanatory. Rejections are a no-brainer, too. One thing worth noting about rejections is that you retain the rights to your post if the customer refuses it. You might want to save it to submit it to another customer after editing it a bit to fit their needs. Or, you might want to put it up on a blog for revenue. It’s totally up to you since it’s still yours.

What Is BlogMutt.com Pay?

If I could pick one thing that I’m not really happy about with Blogmutt, it would be the payment method. It really could be worse, but I’m an instant gratification kind of person, plus I often need money fairly frequently even if it’s in small amounts. Still, it’s not a deal breaker.

·      The ability to research the customers through their websites and twitter feed as well as browsing the posts they’ve bought or rejected.

·      The large variety of topics available to write about and plenty of keywords to pick from with each customer.

·      The owners are very active in the forums, especially Scott, and it’s easy to get in touch with them. You don’t wait for a week to get a response if you have a question, concern or suggestion.

·      Weekly pay!