#community is stronger than family
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I always wondered if me not wanting to telling my family I was gay and trans was a bad thing, then I realized that if I felt I had grown up in an environment where I felt comfortable and safe with sharing that information, I would’ve already
#new art tumblr#new art account#new art blog#lgbtq#lgbtq artist#lgbtq community#lgbtq safe space#community is stronger than family#the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb
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I need a completely rewritten teen wolf series with Derek Hale as the main character. I think it would heal me.
#we follow Derek from New York. Laura left for beacon hills. it’s been six years since he was back but he hasn’t heard from her#and hes going stir crazy waiting. he packs up and travels back. it’s almost too much immediately. he still can’t get a hold of Laura#he can’t resist going home. it’s like a natural pull that guides him back. all at once he’s 16 again. staring at the wreckage of his life#deputy stilinski is sherrif now. it’s reassuring in the slightest that the police force seems to have moved on from how corrupt it was#he catches her scent and it’s putrid. bile catches in his throat. he seeks it out. still in denial to what he knows it means.#when he finds Laura it’s like the world ends all over again. he can’t stand to see her like this. he gives her a proper burial.#the best he can do at least#he visits Peter. he’s not the man Derek remembers- so full of fire and cunning. their relationship may have been strained at times.#often Derek felt more like Eve being swayed by the snake than a normal friendship#but this isn’t the sharp tongued uncle who guided him. this is a broken shell. all that remained of his family. he was so lost.#22 but he barely knew how to function without his family- his pack paving the way#Laura handled everything. she got the apartment. she made sure they had food. Derek looks back and feels so useless#he was so lost in his grief. Laura must of felt the same way but she never let them drown in it#she made sure he got his GED. even got him to enroll in community college classes.#he took them online. he never was able to warm up to people the same way. he used to be so full of life. now he just wanted to be left alone#he studied English. never finished his degree. doesn’t look like he ever will now. he can’t go back to Laura and his shared home.#can’t bare to see another shell of a home#he vents to the vacant audience of Peter and his cold fixed eyes#Derek leaves. he wants to promise he’ll return soon#but promises feel costly these days#he decides to go back to the reserve. maybe he can find some clue as to what happened to Laura#someone lured her here. someone who knew them and their history here#his mind went to the worst. Kate. why would she go through the trouble six years later. why wait so long.#Derek couldn’t stomach the thought of facing her. he focused on the woods. the scents were all over the place.#clearly multiple people had been through here recently. two scents were much stronger. Derek follows them#but when he hears the crunch of leaves he realizes why the scents are so strong. they’re still here#he ducks behind some trees. listening in on their conversation. but an echo of their scent catches his attention#he spots an inhaler on the ground. he puts two and two together and swipes it from the leaves.#he comes out once they’re closer. tossing over the inhaler- he figures they’ll leave. dumb kids messing around in the woods#he reminds them this is private property. though that may not be true anymore. he recognizes the scent of a new beta. interesting.
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my bro making my fave meal gluten free for me!!! 😭❤️
#fettuccine alfredo my BELOVED#have had it once since going gf 💔#he def is doing it bc i just got dumped 😂#which is v sweet of him tbh#i'm actually pretty ok with it now it was just right after it happened that i was crushed#but felt weirdly at peace abt it the following night and now i'm basically fine lol#still sad but i can 100% say it's for the best#there is a chance we couldnget back together but i honestly think it would be a bad idea#just can't promise i wouldn't let myself be talked into it bc of feelings#but tbh a relationship needs a stronger foundation than just feelings we didn't communicate well and he didn't prioritize me#which is fine as friends and we have lots of fun so we should def stay friends#but romantically i dont think it could ever work despite how i feel#and im not gonna settle for someone who won't prioritize me even if it means i end up alone#he has a lot of growing up to do and i don't think he ever will#so as much as i like him i think it would be a mistake to pursue that relationship#so i'm actually verybat peace w the breakup#like obviously my feelings are hurt and it felt like deeply awful like i'm unlovable etc i was falling apart the first night#then i just went numb and thought abt it rationally and im fine now#still a little sad but very much fine#but its still nice my bro is doing something nice for me lol#my whole family is feeling bad for me bc i was such a huge hysterical mess on friday night 😂#but by saturday night i was actually okay ���♀️#i know it goes in phases but i think i actually am ok fr#even tho i was really falling for him i know it would have been a mistake so im okay#i should be more hurt bc of the rejection itself maybe bc im really sensitive to that but i'm not anymore and idk why#lol#this has been a shitpost#don't reblog
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some people love to pit black sails and ofmd against each other for a weird and unfounded battle over pirate show supremacy. but apart from the tonal differences and totally different perspectives of their main themes, and the fact that it doesn’t diminish either shows to recognise the other, it seems to me that in ofmd there are numerous quotes and appreciative nods to black sails in both dramaturgy and minor details (despite their differing genres) that make clear that it’s not the intention to be the “better queer pirate show” that some fans seem to read from it as an act of insolence but a recognition of the great work that at least in some way paved the road for their show. ofmd is in itself a transformative work both in it being in a way like fan fiction and its consistent commitment to giving tropes of incredibly popular genres of fiction (both the adventure/pirate story and the rom com - genres that come with a whole force of normative power) a different spin and a new reading.
#this is my complicated way of expressing irritation over some black sails fans being rude about the ofmd cancellation#is it so hard to let two things with a similar setting stand as independent peices of art?#is it so hard to just let people express their feelings over something you don’t like without being a dick about it?#ofmd#black sails#i’m new to black sails and i really love it its a great show with incredible depth and a dedication to slow and deliberate storytelling#it’s an intimate and unflinching portrait of power loss and how circumstances and effort can make a monster out of good intentions#it’s about the emptyness but necessity of revenge and about what opposing power rightfully can force you to become#it’s about the destructive force of love about ruthless adherence to principles when you’ve nothingelse left#and about the shifting values of morality#and i also love ofmd and its message about however unredeemable you think you are there might be someone who sees you for who you are#that deeply flawed people can be deserving of family and love and kindness#that community may be found outside the boundaries of the norm and how that community can be stronger than any blood ties#it’s about the restorative power of love and a hopeful view on redemption and growth
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having a stupid furniture tantrum bc it’s hard to put furniture together alone and carry things alone and i am going to somehow need to return one of the very heavy boxes but i physically cannot get it in my car w/o doing myself an injury and the only person i know who’s in shape to help is my brother who wouldn’t spit on me if i were on fire. and i did this to myself but also, to be very self-centered and angry abt this for a moment, one of the reasons i moved was that i could not find a person to simply physically sit with me during any of the week when i was in acute mental crisis and a was away so it’s not like i could count on reliable help in any location! found family is kind of a scam and it’s not bc anyone is like, evil or intentionally negligent—but everyone has their own stuff going on and is running on depleted resources from their own crises. shrug and sigh
#text tag#meanwhile my mother has multiple times gotten on a plane to drag me out of an awful episode bc like. idk biological imperatives and a#stronger sense of duty (obviously not every mother caveat caveat caveat)#also speaking from experience w a found family situation that did work out as a robust source of community (my non-blood relatives on my#d*d’s side) but that really feels like the exception rather than the rule#inb4 ‘pay someone’ i know and i am going to explore that option i’m just pissy
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I think the Batkids reaction to a Bruce who isn't de-aged to 8 but rather 29 (pre-Jason death, post his adoption) would be fascinating.
Their reaction would vary wildly:
Dick: Oh. Bruce is soft again. Bruce calls them ‘chum’ and ‘buddy’ and gives head pats for no reason. He still isn’t perfect, his communication skills are still a work in progress, but compared to his future self? Without actively dying Dick is hugged plenty. Bruce asks him to go to the zoo, unrelated to any case, just to spend time together. Dick is hit with more nostalgia and longing for the past than he knows what to do with.
Also notable: his dad is younger than him. That is something. Second, holy existential crisis Batman, his dad is younger than him and already one adult and one teenage kid??? Dick is not ready to feel this old yet. Third, Dick has absolutely no idea how Bruce managed to stay patient through his no-pants years. He is going to thank reason every day from now on that Damian wears full protection.
Jason: After his death and League he clung to an image of Bruce. One many tried to beat out of him, but he still kept it somewhere close to his heart, buried deep enough even he couldn’t see it. When he came back Bruce wasn’t like this idea of him. How stupid of him to believe the mind of a traumatized kid. Trying to create one good thing before the kid drew his last breath. Making up memories that never even existed.
But they did. Every smile and hug and even his words reflect the image tugged safely against his still-beating heart. His dad very clearly, very deeply loves him. Which is so much worse. Because he can understand why a Bruce, who never cared, didn’t kill the Joker. But he cares. So why the fuck did he not kill the Joker?
Tim: The reason he joined the family, the reason why he became Robin in the first place was because he saw a problem when Bruce started self-destructing and thought ‘Someone needs to fix that!’. Therefore he went and collected Dick, who didn’t seem keen on fixing it. So, the job fell to him to fix it.
He thought he did a good job, he thought he fixed the problem. Except now he sees who Bruce was, and he knows he failed. Their Bruce is less soft, less affectionate, less like he was before. Batman needs a Robin and Tim didn’t manage to be good enough of one to save him.
[Or: Tim has a guilt complex a hundred miles wide and blames himself for things that aren’t his fault part 52]
Steph: Jason and she are very similar. Both come from the Narrows, both have a mother addicted to drugs and a shitty father. The differences start when Steph keeps waiting on the roof of their apartment for Batman to whisk her away, while Jason tries to steal the tires of the Batmobile and is taken in.
When Steph started out as Spoiler Bruce tried to keep her off the field, and obviously this one would too (even if he would probably be less paranoid about it), but she knows this Bruce would have also taken her in. This Bruce would be the father she always wished for when she sat on their roof and couldn’t see any stars.
And she didn’t get to have this because Jason went ahead and died. (Of course, she knows she isn’t fair to the guy. Dying isn’t fun… And she knows the only reason she lived is because he died. When Batman rescued her from Black Mask she was in such terrible shape that Leslie managed to convince the World’s Greatest Detective that she died. If Jason hadn’t died Bruce wouldn’t have been as paranoid, wouldn’t have noticed her missing so soon, wouldn’t have been as urgent in his response. Would have been just a minute slower, a minute which would have killed her. Just as it had Jason.)
For her, this Bruce is a distorted mirror into a past which never was.
Cass: This Bruce and B are not the same person. They don’t move the same. In a fight, this Bruce is younger, faster, stronger. Doesn’t compensate for a previously broken spine. Less experienced. Still one of the most experienced she knows, but less.
He still moves differently, outside a fight, less pain. More likely to engage in physical affection, more likely to hug and pat and talk. He talks more than B. B knows what she means without words. This Bruce doesn’t.
She likes this Bruce, warmth, and softness. But not as much as B. He knows what she means, when she wants a hug, when she tells him ‘I love you’ without words. B doesn’t need words. This Bruce doesn’t know her, doesn’t communicate like her. She wants B back.
Damian: At first, when this version of his father seemed uncanny and oddly familiar, he assumed it to be due to the stories of his mother. After all, she always told him tales about his father. He simply did not have the frame of reference to understand the kindness she spoke of. Clearly, the clash between the ideals of the League and the ones of his father causes these feelings, just as they did when he first entered the manor.
He presumed this to be the case until one day on patrol Batman laid a hand on his shoulder and told him he did a good job after no particularly impressive fight and he nearly called him ‘Grayson’. Because the stories of his mother may have painted the picture of this version of his father, however, it wasn’t what made it familiar; no, he knew this kindness. These hugs and compliments one would bestow upon a child. Compliments which, despite the indignity, still warm him. Because Grayson learned how to be a… caregiver from his father.
His father used to be like Grayson, used to be until his grief hardened him. Damian could have had this. Damian could have a brother and father who would- But he doesn’t because of Todd. He loathes Todd. Loathes him for ruining the life he could have had.
Why did he die anyway? Damian certainly wouldn’t have a problem escaping bonds created by the Joker, Damian would have disarmed the bomb in time, Damian would have never thrown this life away like he did.
[Or: Damian is a child who was raised by assassins and has unreasonable standards for fighting abilities and also is a child who needs to focus his rage on someone.]
Duke: He was neither there before Jason died nor in the aftermath [according to my math he was around 4 when Jason died] he joined the family when Jason was already back for 4 years or so. He mostly skipped all the drama. For him, Bruce is the way Bruce is because he is Bruce. It’s weird to see him so different, to see how grief shaped parts of Bruce which Duke assumed were just Bruce things.
He’s glad this Bruce is brighter, or not because it just highlights how much that light will dim? Who knows, certainly not him.
What he does know is that, with their Bruce, he has a distance which, with his parents still alive, he appreciates. With this Bruce, he can understand why Dick struggled so much whether he wants to be his ward or son, how he doesn’t want to replace his parents but still have this Bruce as a dad. It definitely explained the ted talk Dick tried to give him after Bruce officially took him in as a ward.
He likes this Bruce well enough, but he doesn’t necessarily want him to stay this way. Yes, their Bruce is less happy, less open but he did heal, he did grow. Duke met a Bruce who tried to learn from his mistakes, learned to communicate better, and learned when to pull and when to push. For Tim, Damian, Dick, and certainly Jason there is too much baggage, too much history in their relationships, it’s difficult for them to ever move past- anything really.
Sure, when Dick and Bruce are on the same page they are essentially invincible but then the past catches up again and they don’t talk to each other for months. And honestly? Apart from Cass, Duke’s pretty sure he has one of the best relationships with Bruce simply because he got to know him at a better time.
Duke doesn’t mind this Bruce. But their Bruce loved Jason, cared for him so deeply the scars still show to this day. And he still chooses to open up again even if just a bit by bit. Even if just Duke can see it. He is used to being the only one that can see.
And maybe knowing this care extends to him, this love even grief can’t shake? Maybe it makes him feel just a little bit safer, a little bit warmer, a little bit brighter.
#Anyway Alfred is just very sad.#Also i like to believe Bruce learned from each of his kids#just that Dick wanted space and Jason closeness#Tim just wanted Bruce to be more careful and steph wanted him to do more#and bruce kind of tried to learn and then applied the thing that would have been amazing for one kid for another who hates it#by now he kind of gets that one solution isn't going to work for all his kids.#but his relationships are already strained#bruce wayne#jason todd#cassandra cain#dick grayson#tim drake#damian wayne#duke thomas#batfam#batfamily#stephanie brown#batdad#de aging#fic ideas#batman#i have thoughts on Steph & Jason parallels#most of them come from writers not caring about steph but still#that makes them even more interesting to me
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Inspired by @hunnieknight art 🐾💖 quickly wrote something
cw: hybirds AU, puppy hybrid! reader and puppy hybrid! Capitano, mating mentioned but no detailed description
Morning is the moment you wake up smelling the sunny-side-up egg. You lie on the comfortable bed, your hands gently clenched into fists, your consciousness is blurry, but…it's the fragrance. You climbed out of bed and rushed to Mavuika's position with excitement. While she was frying eggs, she rubbed your ears and patted your head. "You can sleep a little longer," you responded by rubbing your cheek against her leg, giggling.
Hmm… there's an unusual smell in the air… what's that?
You searched the carpet and looked toward the window. There was one of its kind covered in a black mask - it was a large dog. His black ears and tail are imposing, and his chest and arms are muscular. Just by looking at it, you can tell that he is much stronger than you. Oops! He noticed you.
Mavuika glanced there casually. Isn't he much bigger than her favorite puppy? The next door neighbor is Tsaritsa from Snezhnaya. She turned down Venti’s poetry sharing party, declined Ei’s meditation course, and had no interest in Focalors’ aquarium. Among the six neighbors in the community, she lived a solitary and unique life. Oh, now she knew she had a loyal companion. She inevitably became wary, like a mother guarding against her daughter being asked out by a man.
"I don't trust that dog, don't go the fence." she ordered. "Be a good puppy."
Capitano stares at you more intently.
You tilt your head to look at her innocently. What is she talking about?
Mavuika doesn't stay at home all the time! She needs to work in the gym during the day. You whimpered and bit the edge of her dress, "Don't go out…" She sighed, coaxing you and promising to bring you snacks when she got home. You cheered and nodded, promising to look after the house and be a good puppy. You run and play with a ball in the living room and chat with your puppy friends on the Internet.
Uh, someone knocked on the window! You arched your back in fear, alert. Hey, he was the neighbor that day…you asked him what happened. Capitano asks if he can play with you. He has his family at home but they are all weird, especially the little fox named Dottore. You agreed, opened the window, and invited him into your home. You chase each other, run in circles, play with tails and ears, and watch TV shows. The two of you also swam and walked around the neighborhood together when Mavuika wasn't home.
One day, Capitano solemnly asks you if he can mate with you. You shyly waggled your tail and agreed. He gets close to you, bites your back gently, and rides on you…
And then…your belly swells. Mavuika took you to the hospital and the doctor said you were pregnant. You watched nervously from behind the door as Mavuika "interrogated" Capitano. You said you'd be fine. Capitano sent more gifts. He is there for you, even though sometimes it is necessary to watch you from the window.
The babies are born. You know what Capitano originally looked like now. Most of them are not like you, but like papa. He is still affectionate, holding your cheek and kissing you 🐾💌
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The Call
Summary: One little call to each of them. One big consequence. (Batfamily x sibling!reader)
Word Count: 2.9K
Notes: IM LATE AGAIN. I hope you all know that I do stay up wildly late when this happens cause I want to edit before I submit, even if some of these were pre-written (its 1:30AM RAHH). ANWAYS. Batfamily, I tried to get as many as I could but I haven't collected runs for about half the family cause I am biased towards my boys, but I am trying to be as accurate as possible when I can be and that includes those dynamics! So rest assured I am doing my research and hopefully that'll reflect soon. As usual, enjoy your daily feed and I'll enjoy my nap. Warnings just for general description of violence.
Much Love~! xx
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When Dick got the call, he was in his civilian clothes.
Dick Grayson was suit shopping, needing something for an upcoming gala. He had put it off for so long, since he wore the Nightwing suit more than any other in his closet. He had let it ring out once while he got his measurements taken, but when they called back a second time, his lips dipped into a frown. Excusing himself, he clicked the answer call button, stating his name. He hears the voice of Bruce, but in the stern tone of Batman. He doesn’t think that he's ever left a store as fast as he had that day, feet thudding on the pavement and breath cold in his chest as he hurries to his car. He unlocks it and all but throws himself into the passenger seat, lines on his face hardening. Throwing it quickly into drive he pulls out and heads in the direction of the manor.
He tries to keep himself composed, his emotional training kicking in. His fingers are tense on the steering wheel, passing over the bridge at a speed a cop would most certainly pull him over for. Even though he tries to take a deep breath, there's a burning in his sternum. It builds until it creeps into his neck, making him click his tongue uncomfortably.
The sensation is a rage he hadn't felt in a while, a fire that hadn’t burnt that intensely since he was just a boy grieving his parents’ death. It had flickered when he had heard Bruce had adopted a boy called Jason after him, sputtering to life upon hearing about his death. Yet he had grown, he had risen above it and had become a shelter for his younger, extended family. He was dependable, uncrackable, and upbeat, that was Nightwing. Yet as he drives back with that painful fire in his chest, he felt nothing more than Dick Grayson, the boy stricken with fear at the idea of losing his family.
When Jason got the call, he had been on patrol.
Helm securely on his face, it kept the drizzly night rain of Gotham out of his eyes. It had been a rather quiet night, stopping a few minor robberies and assaults that were common down by Dixon Docks. He was eager to return home, wanting to swing by the manor quickly to take full advantage of the hot water system before heading back to his apartment in Old Gotham for a well-deserved rest. He had just finished interrogating some of Penguins' men, about to call the cave to let whoever was on tonight know that they finally had the location of the new drug den they had been chasing the past month. However, the communication device he had set on his bike was lit, screen full of notifications.
Calls, one after another filled the small holographic display and he pressed the button to call back, leg swinging over the side of the bike as he did so. He had only started the bike but already he screeched to a stop, making sure he heard the words properly. A curse and gruffly shouted questions were his only response and when he got the information he wanted, he cut the call and the bike roared to life. He leant forward as if that was going to help him get to his destination quicker, blood boiling underneath his skin. His chest ached with the urge to sputter out pants, desperate to start the sign of panic racing through his veins. Yet he was stronger than that, keeping his cool like a tightly wound coil, muscles tensed beneath the suit.
His mind buzzes with worry, anxiety gnawing at his ribcage like a feral rat.
Jason doesn't often allow himself to be emotional on the job, despite his tendency for rage.
But rage was different. Rage burned and warmed him up from the inside, was the force that he put behind every punch or kick. It was his kindling, and it served to guide him as well as any star. Of course, Bruce had tempered it somewhat, but he had just guided Jason into turning it into something else, not getting rid of entirely. He used rage to protect the people of the city, the outrage he felt when he saw them get treated badly. He used rage when coming to his family's defence, the sight of hands being laid on people he had come to care for sparking it too. Those were the rages he was used to using, although there was always a third.
The pit.
The rage that bubbled away in the back of his mind, hidden behind a tall wall and shoved into the deepest part of him. That was the rage that crept forth, green and poisonous in his veins and clouding his judgement in a fog of pain and despair and anger. When it would appear, he would often take a moment to himself to pack it back away, contain it once more in the bulletproof casing of his heart. Yet right now, he didn't want to put it back. It made him rev the bike harder, made him feel like he was getting there quicker. The bike kicked up water as he zig zagged through the back streets, his mental map of Gotham rerouting anytime the traffic was longer than five cars deep. He couldn't afford to lost time, to not be fast enough. Not now, not this time, and if he had to use the rage the pit cursed him with, he would.
Tim was at the manor, holed up in his room when he got the call.
It had been a long night the night before, tossing restlessly. Not that he would have told anyone, but the last fight with Bane had left him with a few more bruises than he had let on, cleverly hidden from the keen eyes of Alfred. He wanted to nurse them himself, carry his own weight. In fact, he had been sulking in his room going over the things that had been troubling him, knees pulled to his chest.
Dick was capable and dependable, and the first Robin, the biggest shoes to fill. Jason was tenacious but loved deeply, and he fought for what was right. His methods might be unconventional to the Bat sometimes, but he knew what he wanted to fight for. Steph had flown the nest to become Spoiler, Cass already had such a firm grasp of who she wanted to become now that she was Orphan. Barbara had even been able to turn her life around after being put into her wheelchair, her desire to help leading her to become Oracle when she had to hang up Batgirl. Even Damian, the true son of Bruce Wayne, was so confident, growing at a rate he knew Bruce was quietly proud of.
But then there was Tim, who stayed up on weekends trying to redesign his suit, to carve his own vigilante life, only to look on it and see the traces of his time as Robin printed clearly on it. The role of Robin had outgrown him, but there was the shred of doubt that whispered in his ear that just maybe, he hadn't outgrown it. The ringing of his phone snapped him out of his daze, and he let it go to voicemail. When it came again, he grabbed his phone with the desire to turn it off, but seeing the emergency signal had him picking up right away.
"Hello?" he called, sitting right up in bed. His eyes widened and he shelved his pity party, running out of his room.
He winds through the halls of the manor until he finds the door he's looking for. Tim's knuckles rap against the wood loudly, repeating until a disgruntled Damian comes to the door, swinging it open violently. "This better be good, Drake." he deadpans, scanning the flustered state of the older boy. Tim just turns his phone screen, showing the emergency call signal before gesturing to the direction of the grandfather clock with his head. "We've got to go." he says curtly, the young boy hot on his heels after he recovers from his shock.
Both of them head to the cave and prepare to depart immediately. Tim slips the suit over his skin like an outgrown shedding, domino mask sliding onto his face. He couldn’t recognise his own face when he caught sight of it in the glass reflection, but a mask and suit would never be enough to hide the panic that clung to him tighter than the Red Robin suit.
When Bruce got the call, he was at Wayne Enterprises.
He was making a rare appearance at the office, knowing that Lucius had something that he wanted to talk to him about. His office felt foreign and sterile, empty and unreal. The glass surfaces everywhere let him glimpse the face of Bruce Wayne, a face that he was beginning to see less and less. It felt uncanny seeing himself without the cowl, and sometimes when he was working, he could swear he saw a reflection of the bat ears in the window beside him. The night had dragged on, and he was only an hour into the meeting with Lucius when the phone in his suit pocket rang.
He and Lucius shared a sceptical look as he turned the phone screen. The call location wasn't displaying as the Batcave, the only place that could contact this phone directly outside of his children, Lucius and Alfred's personal mobile. Yet he knew Red Hood was taking the brunt of patrol tonight, and Bruce was intended to join him after the meeting. Dick was carrying out some errands downtown and everyone else had either stayed home or didn't contact him like this often. The girls preferred to call his phone as Bruce Wayne or spoke through Alfred, so who could it be?
Lucius gives a nod, silent as he sits down. Bruce's face hardens as he presses the speaker button, accepting the call.
"Who is this?" he says, lowering his voice to the gravelly timbre of Batman.
"Da...B-Batman?" comes a broken, shaky voice on the other end. Lucius's eyes widen and flick to Bruce's immediately, mouth parting. Bruce's jaw ticks, eyes widening as well when he hears your voice.
"This is the Batman. How did you get this number?" He asks, having to focus on keeping his voice low, even though the tone of Bruce threatens to creep back in.
"He-he just had it. I don't know. He just told me to speak, I-I'm not even holding the phone I can't see anything; I’m tied, my eyes are-" you begin to ramble, struggling to get through your words before you're cut off.
"Hello, Batsy." calls a voice close to the receiver, and Bruce swore that his heart fell through the floor in that moment. His fingers tighten around the phone the same way that his lungs are constricting in his chest.
"Joker."
The man on the other end cackles, if Bruce could even call him that. "Miss me?" he snickers, Bruce's mind filling with the image of a red stretched grin. "You see, this is more of a... courtesy call. You know Bruce Wayne, billionaire extraordinaire?"
Bruce's head snaps up to Lucius, who's rubbing at his face nervously.
He didn't know, did he?
"You see, I didn't make a lot of impact going after the commissioner last time, so I had to think to myself, If I wanted to really shake things up in Gotham, who else is there? Then I thought of it, who better than the playboy of the century?" he laughs, punctuated with a sharp snap of his fingers.
"Get to the point." Bruce all but growls.
"Yeah yeah, you always love to rush me, don't you?" The Joker snarks back with fake hurt, before continuing. "Regardless, I have one of his little orphan projects, thinking I might have a bit more success with this one."
He hears a thwack over the phone and a scream, making his nails dig into his palm. He steadies his breathing.
"What have you done?" he asks, low and dangerous.
Another thwack.
"Exactly what I said. But there was a rumour going around that you know Mr. Money, so I thought I'd give you a call, you know, a little gift. If you do know the richest orphan in Gotham, then I want to give you the honour of telling him I've got one of his. Better yet, I want to give you the honour of delivering their body to his doorstep. Maybe that way, you might be able to bond over losing your fake kids."
Bruce feels sick, closing his eyes to try and stop himself from making a mistake right now.
Your life was on the line. He had to play smart.
"Where are you?"
The joker tuts on the other end. "This was a courtesy call, nothing more. I don't want anyone interrupting my playtime. Tata for now~"
"Joker-" he starts but then he's cut off, line going dead. Lucius doesn't say anything, his own personal phone pulled out as he calls Alfred, studying the frozen figure of Bruce. It's almost like there's dark tendrils to the shadows on his broad body, deepening the lines on his face.
Bruce doesn't remember too much, but Batman did.
Immediately he had left the room, suit en route to him and arriving within the minute. As soon as the comfort of his cowl touched his skin, Bruce was gone, and it was Batman calling everyone at the same time. It was Dick who picked up first, a couple of rings earlier than Jason before Tim joined, the sound of Damian in the background. Oracle and Spoiler joined together, while the others were still pending. He didn’t have the time to temper his voice as he relayed the situation, immediately getting as many people on recon as possible.
There were shouts and yelling and cursing before all of their lines became inactive, replaced with trackers signalling that their suits were live. When he enters the batmobile he grips the wheel tensely. The lump in his throat doesn't seem to disappear, only growing larger with each second. His mind is filled with pictures of Jason. Pictures of Barbara. The smiling photos of you.
He might never admit it, but he had your photos front and centre in his wallet (something you did in fact know and used to your advantage frequently in 'dad loves me more' battles). He remembers the first day he ever saw you, cold and scared apart from the other kids in the orphanage. He had been investigating a potential human trafficking ring operating out of the centre, but when he saw you, the fatherly pang hit him. The way your eyes stared forward dully as he greeted children as Bruce Wayne, cameras flashing around him. He had enough wealth to buy the children anything they asked for, the other kids excitedly asking for new toys or clothes or art supplies. However, when he kneeled down in front of you and asked you want you wanted, you said only a few words, 'a family'.
And god be damned if Bruce didn't have money enough for that too.
So, he took you in, hid batman from you like he had tried to with everyone else as well. Yet he failed again, but unlike his children in the past, you never asked to join. Never asked for a suit or to stay up or to train in the cave. Never showed any interest in joining your siblings or throwing yourself in front of danger for the sake of the city. When he asked you why you had simply shrugged, giving him a soft smile.
"All I've ever wanted was to be part of a family. I don't need to be a superhero to be loved."
And then you beamed at him with a smile that could have lit up his world and chased the clouds away from Gotham, so pure and genuinely content. That made Bruce feel like he had finally succeeded as a father, and for once Bruce felt like a father. No Batman, no mask and cape. He didn't train with you; he went out with you to the theatre on weekends. You didn't jump from rooftop to rooftop, you liked to come study with him in his office when he had to take care of Wayne affairs. Batman may have been created to save Gotham city, but he was convinced that you were sent to save Bruce Wayne.
Now, he felt that he had failed you as both Bruce and Batman.
"Hold on sweetheart," he whispers to himself, letting his eyes close for a brief moment during his exhale. "I'll get you home. I promise."
He pressed the accelerator further, Batmobile display signaling that everyone else was suited up and across the city waiting further instruction. He just hoped, he prayed that when he brought you back, it wouldn't be in a body bag.
#messenger of babel#angstober 2024#day 23#fanfic#angstober24#angstober#angst#dc comics#dc fanfic#dc x reader#dc#batman x reader#batfam#batman#batfamily#batfamily fanfiction#batfamily x reader#dc robin#dick grayson#red hood#jason todd#batfam x reader#damian wayne#batfamily x you#batfamily angst#batfam angst#batfam x reader angst#batfamily x reader angst#nightwing angst#nightwing
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I'm sure a lot of us didn't sleep, and woke up early to check results for the election. Like others have said much more eloquently, do not despair. Despair is the enemy of action. Despair freezes your mind and body, and we can't allow that.
Things have been terrible and scary before, and they will be again, but we will survive through it and still find ways to live. We will laugh and love, cry and rage. The fight is never over, and it always begins in your corner.
It begins with your friends, with your family, your neighbors, your communities, your towns and cities. So many things feel impossibly big, but the work and the change starts small and it starts local to you. There was something I read once about how we weave our own corners of work. And while the big picture is wrought and torn, we work our corners to repair and weave a stronger section, stitch by stitch, and our edges will meet each other to make a better tapestry.
Grieve a little, yes. Always allow yourself to grieve. But do NOT despair. We are still here, we are still alive, and we are loved. We do not stop, we endure. We love fiercely. We create fiercely. We uplift each other and help each other where we can and we do not forget. Continue staying beautiful and safe everyone, and work your corners. Change starts small, local and closer to home than you think! And we will make it okay for each other. Do not despair. You are still here and so am I and so are they. We care fiercely about you and each other and we will get through this. Work your corners and keep living your life, it has not stopped yet and it shall continue. ♥️
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A Plea for Hope: Surviving as an LGBTQ Refugee
Ever since I was forced to flee my home country because of my sexuality, life has been a relentless struggle. What once was home—full of laughter, shared meals, and a sense of belonging—was turned into a place of fear and persecution. My identity, something I could never change, became a reason for rejection, violence, and the unimaginable pain of losing everything.
Today, I find myself far from home, fighting to survive. Each day is a challenge—finding enough food to eat, clean water to drink, a safe place to rest, and access to basic medication. Hunger gnaws at me constantly, but the ache of loneliness cuts even deeper.
As LGBTQ people, we are often told that we are a family, that we are each other's strength when the world turns its back. I am reaching out to that family now. My LGBTQ brothers and sisters, this is my plea: I need help.
No one should have to face hunger, homelessness, or the terror of being unsafe simply for existing. I know that many of us have endured hardships, and some may still be walking through fire. Yet, I hold onto hope that compassion, kindness, and solidarity can carry us through.
If you are reading this and you understand the pain of being rejected for who you are, know that I see you. And if you have the ability to help—whether by sharing this story, offering resources, or simply sending words of encouragement—please do.
This isn’t just about me; it’s about all of us. Our strength as a community lies in how we care for one another, even in the darkest times.
To those who are struggling like I am: Hold on. I see you. I love you. And to those who can help, thank you for being the light someone desperately needs today.
Together, we can make survival possible. Together, we can remind each other that love—our love—will always be stronger than hate.
#queer pride#lesbian pride#lesbian#pansexual#trans community#transgender#asexual#lgbtiq#lgbtia#lesbian love#donate if possible#donate if you can#send help#bi pride#trans ally#please boost#signal boost#love not hate#trans man#queer#pride flag#homosexual#trans visibility#bisexual visibility#lesbian day of visibility#please help#support#crowdfunding#queer fundraiser#feminine sissy
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That Green Monster (Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader)
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Author Masterlist
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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader.
Summary: Your relationship with Spencer is fresh new, and some of his insecurities arise when someone new joins the team, making him react in a wrong way to you.
Word Count: 4.8k
Warnings: Fluff and Angst. And then fluff at the end (I don't even understand myself). Spencer lashes out. Spencer is insecure. Reader is mad. Both are so madly in love, though.
A/N: This one has been sitting as a WIP for way too long, so I decided to finish it today!
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A shot in the neck.
That's what it took for you and Spencer to - finally - get together. To confess you loved each other.
Everything happened while working a case in Texas. You had cornered a suspect who was hiding in a restaurant. You wanted to open a communication line with him, but out of nowhere, shots got fired. And one of them ended in your neck.
What happened next was a blur to everyone, especially to Spencer. He barely remembers Morgan pulling him back so that the paramedics could check on you.
The ambulance ride to the hospital and the hours of waiting for news were excruciating.
In Spencer's brain, only the thought that he might lose you forever without coming clean about his feelings for you.
You have been in a similar situation before, but this time, he thought you wouldn't make it.
It would be the loss of a friend and the loss of the love of his life.
If Spencer has to be honest, he realized he loved you after your first month working at the BAU. And with every passing day, the feeling only got stronger. But he was scared of saying anything, afraid of changing - or losing - the strong bond you guys already had.
So, he kept it to himself for years. For six years, to be exact.
But what he didn't know was you had fallen for him, too.
And how could you not? You both went through so many things over the years: Spencer's kidnapping, his Dilaudid problem, your family issues, the injuries, bad cases, unsubs attacks, hospital visits, and so on. With every bump in the way, you both were each other rock. Always together, no matter what.
The team affectionately called you Mulder and Scully, but in reverse roles, of course.
But even if, at some point, both of you realized what you had was much more than a friendship, neither of you did something about it.
Until you got shot in the neck.
In that uncomfortable waiting room chair, Spencer prayed, to whatever or whoever could listen, for a chance to make things right.
So when you woke up in your hospital bed hours later, the first thing you saw was Spencer's face.
He was by your side as always. But this time, he had something to tell you. Spencer didn't have the chance, though, because before he could say anything, three words blurted out from your lips: 'I love you.'
Between happy tears, you both spent hours talking and coming to the conclusion you were both idiots in love.
You didn't say anything to the team, but you all knew they knew, so it became unspoken knowledge after you were released from the hospital.
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With you home due to your neck injury and JJ on maternity leave, Hotch decided that some help would be better than putting more pressure on the remaining team members.
That's why he borrowed an agent from Sex Crimes.
Spencer had already told you that there was a new agent, but he hadn't developed this information in detail.
You knew him on your first day back, a month after you got shot.
Once you exited the elevator on the sixth, you headed through the bullpen glass doors. When you pushed them open, you didn't realize that someone was going in the opposite direction, and you almost hit the guy in the face with one of the doors.
"Oh, my God. I'm sorry!" you exclaimed when you realized what almost happened.
The man shook his head in dismissal. "No, no. Don't be. Nothing happened."
"But I almost hit you with a glass door," you pointed. The guy didn't seem phased by it, though.
"I'm okay, really," he insisted, flashing you a smile. You hadn't picked much of his appearance, to be honest, but the guy was easy on the eyes. Another thing that caught your attention was you had never seen him before.
"Do I know you?" You asked with curiosity.
"I don't think so. I'm Agent Dodds. Jake Dodds," he introduced himself, extending his hand. You've heard that last name before. You told him yours, shaking his hand.
"Really? You are a BAU member, right? I'm the backup agent Hotchner brought to the team," he explained, and then it clicked. He was the new guy.
Jake Dodds was young, fresh and motivated. After his first year in Sex Crimes, he already has a lot of accomplishments to show off. And, of course, he was doing his best to impress Hotch and the team.
Coming to the office bright and early and being the last to leave gave Dodds a chance to engage with the cases and the team members - you included. Due to your neck injury, you were mostly on desk duty, so you had enough time to help Jake with paperwork and all the questions he might have about past cases. And Dodds had many.
In the weeks that followed, he has spent a lot of time by your side, working with you when the team wasn't out of town.
It was part of your nature to be forthcoming and willing to teach others. And having worked at the BAU for almost six years, you felt like you could teach one thing or two.
Spencer loves that from you; it's one of the many things that made him fall in love with you. But for some reason, Jake's closeness to you started to bother him.
Spencer knew it was irrational and without foundation. Still, in the past weeks since Dodds joined, with each laugh from you when Jake cracked a joke, every time you sat together at the office a little too close, or every day you decided to have lunch with Jake rather than him, Spencer's jealousy only got stronger. It didn't help the team's comments about you and Jake.
'Dodds looks hooked by her'; 'The newbie definitely is flirting with her'; 'Really handsome view she has over there.'
Spencer could only bite his tongue. He could easily assume that the team was only messing with the situation, but the green monster growing inside didn't let him think clearly.
Spencer knew you, and you would never do something to hurt him, so why did he feel that uneasiness inside of him?
Maybe the fact you were in the early stages of your relationship made Spencer insecure. It was all new and fresh; he was happy with you, but although you both have known each other for years, he was inexperienced in the love department. Being friends was one thing, but being a couple was different.
So instead of talking to you—which he knew was the right thing to do—Spencer did what he usually does when he feels overwhelmed: he shuts people out.
And you did notice, of course.
Something was troubling him, you knew that, but every time you brought up the topic, he dodged it. You didn't look much into it at first because you knew Spencer would talk to you eventually when he felt ready. Or you assumed he would.
But the days went by, and Spencer still hadn't told you why he had been so distant, so you decided to confront him.
You both were watching a movie at your place, but you noticed Spencer wasn't paying attention to the TV. After an internal debate about whether it was a good idea to bring this up, you tested the waters.
"Spencer, are you okay?" you asked him, genuine concern lacing your voice.
The question hung in the air enough to make you think he might not hear you.
"Spencer?" you tried again, swearing you heard him huff even if he tried to be subtle.
"I'm okay, just tired," he hastened to dismiss, not looking at you.
So he heard you, but you had to call his name again to get an answer. Something is definitely wrong.
Contemplating your options, you chose to end the 'patiently wait until he comes to you' strategy. You were his girlfriend now. Why he couldn't trust you enough to tell you what's going on?
"Okay. This bullshit needs to stop now. You have been weird for too many days to tell me now you are okay and just tired. I know something happened and need you to tell me what it is," you demanded.
Shifting uncomfortably in his spot, Spencer had an inner debate about coming clean to you. He didn't want to admit how much Jake's closeness to you was bothering him. Spencer didn't want you to think about him as the possessive and clingy boyfriend who can't see his girlfriend near other guys.
He wasn't like that, right?
"You are imagining things. I'm perfectly fine," Spencer deadpanned, eyes returning to the TV.
Your mouth went slack. Were you imagining things? Was he thinking you were stupid?
"So I'm imagining things, uh? It's not you being defensive right now, isn't it?"
"No." He gave you a curt answer that meant precisely the opposite of what he was implying.
You wanted to give him a chance to open with you, but Spencer wasn't engaging.
It seemed easier to talk about what was happening to each other when you were only friends. Why is it so hard now you are a couple? You couldn't understand, and your patience was running short.
"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" you called him out in frustration. "Who do you think I am? A random person who hasn't known you for fucking six years?"
Spencer internally flinched. He saw the confusion and anger mixed in your eyes, and he felt the urge to hug you tight, telling you he was being an irrational jealous asshole. But Spencer didn't bring himself to do it, and instead, he tried to play cool and detached.
"I already told you. Everything is wonderful, at least for me. Not for you?" Spencer asked casually.
You narrowed your eyes at him. He looked calm and collected, but you could feel he was anything but.
"Okay. I'll bite the bullet. So the distance between us in the past weeks doesn't bother you as it bothers me," you concluded.
Spencer let out a bitter chuckle.
"Funny you're bothered by that. You have seemed very busy in the past weeks," Spencer mumbled.
A slip that didn't go unnoticed by you.
"Very busy?" you echoed his words. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Spencer shrugged, unamused.
"Exactly what it is. You have been very busy at the BAU lately. I only have been giving you space."
You squinted your eyes, raking your brain to understand Spencer's meaning. For your mandatory desk duty, you have spent more time in the office than in the field, but besides that, what has been different?
And then it clicked on you. Jake Dodds.
Sure, you've been very willing to teach him things and help him with his work, but that only explains Spencer's annoyance if there is another reason.
"Is this about Dodds? Are you jealous of Jake?" you questioned in disbelief.
Spencer's face paled. You had caught him.
After your deduction, he should have told the truth, but Spencer is stubborn enough not to give in, especially if that meant recognizing something he felt embarrassed of.
"W- what?! No! Where did you get that? I'm not jealous or remotely close to that," Spencer rebutted defensively.
Oh, he was definitively jealous. At the realization, you let out a giggle, eyes softening at your boyfriend. For you, there is no guy he should be worried about- not for Jake or any other person. Your heart is his, and you know there is nobody in this world you want to be with more than Spencer.
But Spencer's face deflated. You were laughing at him, and he felt even worse.
"Spencer, there is no reason for you to be -"
You couldn't even finish your sentence when Spencer cut you off, standing from the couch.
"I already told you! Am I not speaking English to you?"
His face was red, but not by embarrassment anymore. Now, it was a kind of contained rage.
Stunned by his reaction, it took you a few seconds to say anything.
"I - I'm just trying to understand what's going on. Don't be rude," you chimed.
Spencer let out a humorless chuckle.
"Rude, did you say? Am I rude because I disagree with you? Is that? Or am I rude because this doesn't have to do with you?"
"Excuse me? When did this turn into a problem related to me?"
You stood to mirror his stature so as not to look vulnerable.
"I don't know, you tell me. Are you disappointed because not everything or anyone in this world is revolving around you?"
Spencer's voice was cold and sarcastic, something you had seen in him before but never directed toward you. He was outrightly saying you were self-centered.
"Spencer -" you tried to warn him to back off, but Spencer didn't stop.
"No. I get it. You like the attention. But, I'm sorry, I'm not in the mood to indulge your childish self. Maybe the young and funny Agent Dodds could help you with that. But not me."
A dead silence settled in the room. If a needle had fallen on the floor, it would have made a noticeable noise.
You couldn't believe that man was your boyfriend—the man who was telling you such hurtful words.
Spencer saw how your features morphed from confused to hurt and then to offense, and with a twist in his guts, he knew he had fucked up.
"Are you done?"
Your tone was flat and collected, even if, on the inside, there was a storm of feelings. Spencer was deflated and looking for the right words to apologize.
"Hey, look, I'm -"
"I asked if you were done." You questioned harshly this time, and Spencer only gave you a shy nod.
"Okay, now get out!"
Your command was only followed by your actions as you walked to your entrance to open the door.
With horror, Spencer tried to sputter words to change your mind.
"I'm sorry. I - I didn't - Please, don't do this."
"I said, get out! I don't want you here!"
You emphasized your words, gesturing to the open door.
"Baby, I wasn't - I didn't mean what-" Spencer tried again, but you had made up your mind and didn't want to hear him.
"I don't fucking care! You had your time to explain yourself, and I don't want to hear anything else from you."
Spencer knew that nothing he could say at that moment would help his cause, so like a dog with the tail between his legs, he slowly made the walk of shame towards your door, but not before looking at you and begging for forgiveness with his eyes. It was a useless thing because you didn't even look at him back. Once he was out of your sight, you slammed the door shut, and your facade crumbled.
Tears started to fall freely, in a combination of pain and frustration.
It's needless to say, you couldn't sleep that night.
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Spencer looked distracted and visibly sad.
Morgan knew something had happened to him, even if the man had denied the fact for the past two days. And Morgan was sure it was something related to you. It looked like Spencer would combust from guilt whenever his eyes landed on you. Morgan's suspicion turned to be right the moment you caught Spencer's gaze, and you purposely averted it.
"Okay, pretty boy, what did you do?" Morgan questioned Spencer when he caught him pouring coffee in the kitchenette.
"What? Me? Nothing!" Spencer defended himself, but the crack in his voice did nothing to help his cause.
"So she's not talking to you just because?"
Spencer shrugged, leaving the pot over the counter.
Was he being so obvious? If Spencer wanted to maintain the facade that 'nothing is wrong here,' he was failing miserably.
Morgan scoffed, grabbing a mug to pour some coffee for himself.
"Come on, Reid. There must be something. Since yesterday morning, you look like a kicked puppy, and she seems visibly upset, and you're both always attached to the hip."
Dangerous territory, Spencer thought. But at this point, his regret was more powerful than keeping your relationship private.
"She is mad at me," the man recognized. It was a 'vague' recognition, but it was something.
Morgan seemed not surprised, though.
"No shit, Sherlock. The question is why, pretty boy," Derek prodded.
Spencer sighed deeply. How could he express what really happened without telling the whole truth?
Morgan saw the struggle in Spencer's eyes.
"I know you are both hurting by whatever happened. Maybe talking would help you clear your head and think about how to fix it."
Spencer took in Morgan's words. Some advice could help, he decided.
"We fought. I mean, we argued two nights ago, and she kicked me out. And now she is not talking to me, and I don't- I want to apologize, but I don't know how."
Spencer winced, just remembering your fight.
Derek looked at him incredulously.
"She kicked you out? What in the world did you do so she reacted like that?"
The actual question was 'what he said' because, strictly speaking, he didn't do anything besides let his mouth run on its own accord.
He regretted every word he said to you the second they left his mouth, but the damage was done, and you were fed up enough to listen to his apologies, so you yelled at him to let you alone. He didn't blame you. But he was feeling miserable, and it showed.
Spencer told Morgan exactly what happened—word by word.
"Jesus, Reid. I didn't peg you like the jealous type," Morgan acknowledged. Spencer shook his head.
"It's not like that. I mean, I know she loves me..."
"But?"
Spencer sighed. "What if - what if she realizes there are better men than me? That I am not enough for a romantic relationship?"
Morgan's eyebrows knit together. Spencer's face was pure panic, only thinking about the possibility.
"And Dodds would be better than you? You know he's like a kid, right?" Morgan pointed.
"Yeah. A young man with a lot of confidence that makes her smile and has her undivided attention. He's smart and qualified for this job like any of us. I'm not better than him. And I can perfectly be disposable in comparison."
That was the thing. Spencer felt insecure about you finding someone better than him.
Morgan looked at him empathetically.
"Man, I think you are looking too much into it. I don't think you should feel threatened in your relationship with her. And I guess she thinks the same and feels hurt for you thinking that."
Spencer nodded. "That's why I know I fucked up. I hurt her for my insecurities. It's all my fault," he lamented.
"You need to talk to her," Morgan advised, and Spencer whined.
"How? She hasn't spared me a glance in two days!"
"You're a genius, Spencer. And above all, how long have you known her? Five years? Think of something."
"Five years, eleven months, three weeks, and four days," Spencer corrected without hesitation.
"That's exactly what I'm talking about. You'll figure it out."
Spencer sighed deeply as Morgan patted his shoulder before leaving the kitchenette. Derek was right; they should talk. Spencer just had to figure out how to make that happen.
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That night you were sulking at your apartment, laying on the couch and watching some crap on the TV, when three knocks alerted you.
You weren't expecting anyone, and you didn't think Spencer could be outside your door. You were clear in telling him you didn't want to talk to him when he cornered you in the breaking room this afternoon.
But if you knew something about Spencer Reid, it was that he could be stubborn as fuck. So when you looked by the peephole and saw him standing there, you only closed your eyes and sighed.
Spencer knocked again. "I know you are there. And I know you don't want to talk to me. But please, let me do the talk. Please, at least listen to the things I need to say."
"You already said enough," you spat from your spot on the other side of the door. Spencer gulped hard. He said enough hurtful things to you to kick his ass, but he was determined to gain your forgiveness somehow.
"I can't stress enough how sorry I am for that. But I need you to know that I didn't mean any of it." Spencer paused, and when he didn't hear you say anything, he continued. "I'm an asshole, and I would understand if you want to break up and never see me again. I mean, well - it - it would be kind of difficult not to see each other because we work together, but you know what I mean. Or maybe not, I don't know. Jesus, what the fuck am I saying?" Spencer chastised himself, trying to control his nerves.
You could hear him struggling, so you decided to spare him a panic attack in the middle of the hallway. You opened your door and saw him still trying to sputter what he wanted to say.
"If this is your way to apologize, you are doing a terrible job." Your voice was not angry but tired. Because if he had had two tortuous days of you not talking to him, you haven't done it any better, overthinking about your fight over and over again.
Spencer's glassy, pleading eyes found yours.
"I know. It seems it's another thing I suck at," he admitted fidgeting with his hands. "Would you, uh. Would you let me try again? Apologize. That is."
It's true you were still mad with him, but you really wanted to understand why he reacted the way he did that night and said all the things he said. You know him too well to ignore that something else beyond mere jealousy clearly triggered his outburst.
Without saying a word, you gestured for him to get into the apartment. Spencer was quick to comply before you changed your mind.
You both took seats on opposite sides of the couch, eyes overly interested in your living room rug. After some minutes of silence and knowing he needed to say something, Spencer cleared his throat.
"I guess I'm going to start with the beginning," he prefaced, keeping his hands in his lap as you turned to contemplate him in silence. "Uh - you know it took me time to come clean with my feelings for you. A lot of time, almost six years," he chuckled nervously. You nodded, not wanting to interrupt him, fearing to get him more anxious.
"The thing is- I have been in love with you for so long and creating scenarios of us in my mind that - that now I know it is real, I don't - It's still difficult to grasp the idea we are together, you know?"
As Spencer raked his hair, collecting his thoughts, you couldn't help but remember all the things you both went through until you decided to tell the truth to each other. Six years is a long time. But you wanted to believe it has been worth it.
"I'm not used to a life where I get to be happy; when I think I am, things crush down, and I lose everything. It's a rule: good things don't last in my life."
You know how difficult it has been for Spencer to accept that he is not cursed or anything like that—a very difficult task, knowing the things he has been through.
"So my mind began to be haunted by the idea that it was a matter of time before you realized you could do better than me, and I'm only worth it as a friend."
His words made you recall the times you both discussed your love life in the past and all the doubts weighing on Spencer's shoulders. After those conversations, you always swore to make him feel loved and appreciated.
"And then you came back to work, and Dodds was there. I created this whole scenario, telling myself that you would be better with someone like him."
Spencer paused to gauge your reaction. You were openly listening to him, taking in every word.
"I know it's unfair to you. I - I betrayed your trust by mulling those ideas and saying all those hurtful things I truly don't believe. I'm so sorry; I don't have a defense other than my incompetence in dealing with my insecurities," Spencer concluded, letting a deep sigh escape from his lips and averting your gaze. He looked embarrassed and vulnerable, and it hurts you to acknowledge how small he feels about himself. You reached your hand tentatively, touching his forearm, and Spencer's eyes drifted back to you.
"Spencer, you have to know there is no one in this world who I love so deeply as I love you. No man could compare to you. No matter how young or confident or whatever difference you can name. You are the most thorough, caring, and selfless person I know, and I love you so fucking much it hurts," you gave his arm a gentle squeeze to emphasize your point. Spencer's cheeks flushed a bit. He still needs to get used to your compliments.
"What I still don't get is why you didn't tell me. Don't you trust me enough to talk to me about how you feel?"
Spencer hastened to reply, taking your hand in his. "No! It's not that! I do trust you with my life!"
"Then why didn't you tell me the truth at the beginning?"
"I - I don't know. I thought you would see me as the shitty boyfriend who can't see his partner near another man. It's as if I wanted to control you. And that's far from what I want," Spencer explained, scooting by your side as his grip on your hand tightened. "It was my problem, not yours. You did nothing to make this happen. I'm the one who must have to fix it." You shook your head.
"Baby, no. If it is something that upsets you, it is my problem, too. Spencer, we need to talk about those things and resolve them together."
Spencer's head hung low, taking in your words.
"But why? I am the insecure one, and you have done nothing more than show me how unfounded my fear is."
"Well, because you're still my best friend, and I care about you." Spencer's gaze met yours again. "It's the thing I first loved about us, you know? I love feeling safe with you and having the trust to talk about what is happening to us." With loving eyes, you brought his hand to your lips to kiss it.
"I want you to keep being my best friend, too," Spencer said with a hopeful smile. It was all you needed to hear.
"Then please don't forget that. You can always talk to me, and I promise to do the same, okay?" Spencer nodded at your words, a smile tugging at his lips.
"Okay. I promise," Spencer replied before wrapping you in a tight embrace. You melted in his arms, feeling his warmth and inhaling his scent, something you have been missing in the past two days.
"I love you," you mumbled into his chest. "So so much."
"I love you too. And I'm so sorry for my behavior two days ago," Spencer muttered in your hair.
You chuckled, slightly parting to look at him.
"Yeah, we have to work on taming that green monster, doctor. Otherwise, Hotch won't be able to bring anyone new to the team," you pointed, leaning to kiss his lips. Spencer smiled into the kiss.
"That means you forgive me?" he asked hopefully. You narrowed your eyes.
"Yes. But you still have to make it up to me," you teased, faking seriousness.
Spencer nodded eagerly nonetheless. "Whatever it takes."
"You could start making something to eat. I'm starving here after two days with a hole in my stomach," you rubbed your belly for emphasis.
"Yes, ma'am," Spencer smiled, standing and strolling quickly to the kitchen. He felt so relieved after coming clean with you that he swore not to make the same mistake again. That green monster fed by his insecurities dissipating as he thought how lucky he was to love and have you in his life.
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Spencer Reid's Taglist: @dreatine @nomajdetective @jayyeahthatsme @rosalinasam2 @averyhotchner @lovelyxtom @princessmiaelicia @pastelbabygirl19 @reidsbookclub @alexxavicry @gspenc @spencerreidisbae123 @calmspencer @pauline5525mgg @anamiad00msday @milivanili99 @laylasbunbunny @leahblackk @miaxx03 @missabsey @taintedstranger @khxna @hiireadstuff @pleasantwitchgarden @dysphoricsanity @levi-of-starz @themoonchildwhofell @silver138 @lovelybaka @shinytinywhispers
#spencer reid#criminal minds#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid angst#dr. spencer reid#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid x you#aperrywilliams#amanda perry williams
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Rising Signs in the Solar Return Chart
Aries Rising: With Aries rising in your solar return chart, an abundance of energy and drive is more apparent this year. You will have the stamina to take on any challenge or goal that you put your mind to. Impulsive decisions along with issues with anger and frustration could arise, but your confidence and enthusiasm should help you push through. If you have an Aries rising in your SRC, this year is perfect for asserting your identity, starting a fitness journey, and pursuing your goals.
Taurus Rising: Taurus rising in your solar return chart shifts your focus to stability, comfort, and setting the groundwork for the long haul. You’ll seek security in relationships, finances, your career, and your home life. This is also a year that highlights indulgence; whether it be in art, food, or nature. I like to think of it as a year of *beautifying*, where you create a peaceful environment that aligns with who you are.
Gemini Rising: Gemini rising brings a year of curiosity, learning, and mental stimulation. Multitasking is the name of the game here, and although it’ll be chaotic at times, it’ll bring so much growth. Juggling multiple interests, connections with new people, and soaking up knowledge like a sponge will make for a busy year ahead. Short trips and communication will also be emphasized this year, whether that’s through speaking, writing, teaching, or networking.
Cancer Rising: With Cancer rising in a solar return chart, the focus of the year will be on home, family, and connecting with your emotions. Shifts and transformations can occur in your home and personal life, encouraging you to prioritize self care and take care of people you love most. You may be more of a homebody this year or can have stronger emotions. Lean into yourself and allow yourself to feel how you feel without judgement.
Leo Rising: Leo rising in your solar return chart makes for a year of confidence, creativity and being placed in the spotlight. Others won’t be able to ignore your sunny and charming presence, including romantic interests, coworkers, bosses, and friends. You’ll be hard to miss this year. Stepping into your confidence and focusing on yourself will be favored, and it will also attract admiration from people around you.
Virgo Rising: Virgo rising, this year will be about self-improvement and simplifying your routine. You’ll be more focused on your goals and it’ll be easier to adjust your day to day, especially in regard to your health, your job, or just finding more efficient ways to live. You’ll be very productive this year like Gemini rising, but more organized and critical.
Libra Rising: With a Libra rising in a solar return chart, relationships will be prioritized this year. Harmony in your relationships and friendships as well as finding balance between give and take will be highlighted. Art, beauty, and aesthetics will be important to you this year and a glow up could be on the horizon, since experimenting with your style will more than likely have a great outcome this year.
Scorpio Rising: With Scorpio rising, the year ahead will be filled with growth and transformation in every aspect of life, but especially in your emotional sector. You could enjoy your solitude this year, become more reflective, and value your privacy much more than in past years. This year is great for confronting your fears and running with your passions.
Sagittarius Rising: Sagittarius rising brings optimism, adventure, and a hunger for new experiences. This is a year to explore and learn, whether through travel, education, or even reading a book! You’ll feel more confident in taking risks but remember to avoid overextending yourself or chasing too many opportunities at once, indulgence isn’t always necessary.
Capricorn Rising: With Capricorn rising in your solar return chart, the focus shifts to maturity, responsibility, and hard work. At the end of the cycle, you will be more disciplined and mature - especially in regard to your goals and career. Success is within reach for sure, but only if you avoid crumbling under the pressure you put on yourself. Self care is equally as important as reaching your goals.
Aquarius Rising: Aquarius rising brings a year of thinking outside the box and showing off your uniqueness. You’ll have a hard time with any limits, whether they’re self-imposed or not. Socially, you’ll be popular and recognized for what makes you different. Definitely a trendsetter placement, you may notice a lot of copycats this year. Volunteer work as well as helping others is favored now, but make sure you find balance, Aquarius is more giving than what people assume.
Pisces Rising: With Pisces rising, this year will be about tapping into and strengthening your intuition. Hobbies centered around creativity and healing could very well take center stage this year. You’ll be extremely attuned to the emotions and vibes from people around you, maybe even too much. Take time to reflect in solitude and allow yourself to channel your thoughts by journaling, painting, singing, or anything that you genuinely love to do.
#solar return chart#astrology#astro observations#astro#astro community#astrology community#rising signs#scorpio#sagittarius#leo#cancer#astrology observations#astro notes#solar return observations#astrology placements
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Solar Return Sun in Houses
I know that this is a post that many creators on here have made, I thought i could add in some new ideas and such! ☀️
my readings are open :) ⭐️
sun in 1st house: there is a ton of opportunity given to you this year, even if natally your sun is in detriment (libra/aquarius). you may become more independent this year, you may become more noticeable or praised by others. even if you may be scared, this is your time to take life into your own hands. be sure to reach out to others regularly even if life forces you to focus on your personal endeavors the majority of the time. you may also learn to overcome some long-held fears this year.
sun in 2nd house: life may slow down a little bit (unless if there’s other indicators) with this placement in the chart. similar to the 1st house, there’s a good chance that people will give you praise even gifts/money for the skills and talents you possess. this is a good time to reorganize your life, to journal, to do some self care too. if you’re looking for a job that keep you stable, you may find that job this year and it could go quite smoothly with bosses. you will start to realize the importance of standing up for yourself.
sun in 3rd house: busy year, similar to that of the 1st house but it’s more externally-focused than you-focused. games, video games, long-convos could be happening much more frequently and be quite enjoyable for you this year. you could be receiving a lot of news around you, which includes being more exposed to gossip. you could get more attention for your charisma, humor, and/or charm. this year may force you to get more involved with your community/town, extracurriculars could be more expansive too.
sun in 4th house: you could be preparing for something this year. a lot of your family members could be proud of you for a particular achievement you made, you could also find some new coping mechanisms if you’ve been struggling with that too this year. this is a time where you could feel more connected with nature/universe itself. history, death, and the concept of nature’s cycles could be highlighted this year. this is a very transformational time in your life where you feel in-between worlds
sun in 5th house: recognition of some kind is likely for this year since the 5h is a house of honor/adoration, especially for those of you who have side hustles or passions you really want to express to the world. this year could be particularly memorable if paired with other prominent aspects in the solar or natal x solar chart. even if you may be an introvert you will be engaging in a variety of activities and probably going out more anyways (think late night drives, carnivals, doing art, etc…). overall, a very fun year ahead!
sun in 6th house: yes, schedules this routines that, but this year is one that will really build your fortitude and tenacity for whatever life may throw at you. the 6th house is a busy house, but not the same type of busy like 3rd house is. 6th house’s type of busy is about running more errands or doing more tasks to prepare for the bigger goals and visions you have for your life. you could be doing a lot more housework or drafting new plans for career as potential examples. you would come out this year stronger and more prepared for life
sun in 7th house: you could feel more inclined to follow people’s lead, depending on the sign this could be a year where you are exposed to a lot of new endeavors through others. the 7th house could also signify something to do with business so you may grow your business through partnerships or gaining praise from other people on your business or achievements. this is a year that can bring a lot of opportunity and where you will learn a lot of new things in general. you may start to become more aware of your impact on others.
sun in 8th house: i’m not going to sugarcoat it, this can prove to be a difficult year. while you may be able to get help from others easily and at the same time others would take you more seriously, there can be this feeling of never-ending burden as well. this is a year that tests how far your willing to go for your goals. is this your true calling? what bridges are you willing to burn down? what bad habits do you need to become more aware of? on the reverse, what life conditions imposed onto you are holding you back?
sun in 9th house: this is typically a joyous year because sun naturally rejoices in this house. you may feel much more free to do as you please this year but still supported nonetheless. you may see a lot of regiments or routines come to fruition or at least significantly progress this year. your view on life will definitely change for the better. even though you could still be surrounded by others, there’s definitely an internal pull to really focus on the changes made to yourself internally and/or externally this year.
sun in 10th house: as cliche as it is, yes recognition for your work(s) is to be expected of this year. this is a good indicator of big projects finally being released out into the world and finally reaping some rewards (but this also depends on the 11h + it’s ruling planet). very busy year, there’s likely a leveling up in your societal status (ex: marrying, new job, becoming a parent, etc…), you would be much happier and fulfilled in the work/projects you contribute to society overall this year. definitely an increase in popularity.
sun in 11th house: popularity is a crucial theme this year, you’re most likely involved with some new friend groups or extracurricular activities/clubs than you were beforehand, this is a great year to experiment socially and to find your “clique”. since this is the house of jupiter, you could have a lot of lucky moments this year not just socially but also in the opportunities you garner this year in advancing your status/career or money as well. a key word for this year is “opportunity”. you could be dealing with larger audiences/crowds too.
sun in 12th house: this is a very chaotic and externally a fast-paced year. but internally you could feel so confused about how to achieve your goals or that you often get side-tracked by a lot of other things. this is not to say that this confusion or side quests are necessarily bad, but this year could also be a very life-changing year and you will most likely not come out the same as before. on the flip-side, this could also be an indication that you are taking more vacations and breaks from work to focus more on other projects or self-healing.
hope you enjoyed!
#solar return observations#solar return#solar return chart#sun in houses#astrology tumblr#astrology readings#sun in astrology#astro community#astrology observations#astrology#astrology community#astroblr#astrology blog#astrologer#astro notes#astrology notes#zodiac#predictive astrology#aries#taurus#gemini#cancer#leo#virgo#libra#scorpio#sagittarius#capricorn#aquarius#pisces
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DPXDC prompt. Dead on main. Someone who knows you better than you know yourself.
Perhaps Fentons are not able to recognize their child, despite the fact that they hunt him day after day. But for childhood friends, who saw each other in absolutely ridiculous situations that parents are never allowed to know about, just one sneeze and a bored sigh is enough to realize that this weirdo fighting next to him is the same guy with whom you tasted soap and then stood looking at each other from different corners and giggling.
And so, the dialogue after the battle with the creatures of Infinite Realms, to which Constantine had to invite a potential ally not yet approved by the League:
Phantom: Well, mom always said you were bad news...But a crime lord, seriously? What happened to your plans to become a literature teacher? Red Hood: Hey! For Gotham, this is a very high-paying in-demand job. And I don't want to hear anything from Casper. At least I have my own business. What kind of part-time job do you have? Are you selling sheets to your buddies from this green goo? Phantom: This is ectoplasm. And they're not my friends, and anyway… Constantine: King Phantom, do you know Red Hood? Phantom: Do I know him? Ha! This street rat was Splinter of my beginnings until my family moved out of Gotham.
Red Hood: Wait, wait a minute. Phah...Holy shit. I thought I was the best example of what it means to be a disappointment to a family, but you beat me here. Oh, man, only you...The ghost king who is the son of the ghost hunters? Seriously? Hahah! I thought your rebellious phase ended the moment you told your father that you wanted to be an astronaut and not inherit the family business.
Danny*groans and covers his face with his hands*: My life is over.
Red Hood: Literally~ No, of course I always knew that your parents' disregard for safety in the laboratory would someday kill someone, but I didn't really expect this? Like, wow… Phantom: What makes you think it was an incident in the lab? I mean, there are so many possibilities around. It's ridiculous and…hah Red Hood: Dude, look me straight in the face and tell me I'm wrong if you dare. Phantom:…Fuck you, stupid bookworm. Red Hood: Stubborn nerd. Phantom: Red bucket! Red Hood: Pale toadstool! Nightwing: Um, can you guys please stop fighting? Red Hood: What are you talking about? This is how we always communicate. Phantom: Yeah! Well, in our defense, my sister always thought we both could use a therapist. Oh, man, he made me lose my train of thought. Where were we, J? Red Hood: Since when are you able to think? And I complimented your new hair and skin color. Phantom: Right, right… But, hey, not all of my parents' hypotheses really have a right to exist, and you know it! Hm, did I mention that you're built like a fridge and how does this leather jacket suit you? Red Hood: I believe not. And who's talking about your parents' work? You were an airhead when you were alive too to be honest. And as I see it, not much has changed. Why the hell are you still starting a fight with puns? Stop telling your opponent your position. This is terribly stupid! Phantom: Oh, please, these ghosts are definitely not a threat to me. What's wrong with having a little fun? The fact that you don't have weapons to handle something stronger than a blob ghost is your problem not mine, loser. But let's get back to our greetings. Red Hood: Sure. Then listen here…
~~~~~
Nightwing: Jay, why didn't you say right away that you knew Phantom? We've wasted so much time wondering if it's worth summoning him, and you just stood there and said nothing. Red Hood: Pfff…Because I didn't know that until today. He used to be human. And we haven't seen each other for a long time. So how was I to know that he would take such a ridiculous pseudonym? Nightwing: Then why the hell didn't you feel worried about teasing this creature? Red Hood: Why should I? It's just Danny.
~~~~
Tucker: Oh man, 84 murders, attempts to kill Joker and to much fights with Batman and Black Mask and… Danny: Yeah, yeah. It's all very interesting, but it's not what I asked you to find. Get to the point, Tucker. What I will wear to our dinner tonight depends on this. Tucker: Seriously? As far as I'm concerned, whether he's single or not is less important than all this shit. Aren't you afraid to show up at his house? Danny: I'm invited. And for that matter, I'm Amity Park's former public enemy number one. Which one of us should be worried, hah? So he's not dating anyone, right? Don't try to distract me. Tucker: Dude! Danny: Ugh, in my experience, when he acts like he's lost his mind, he usually has good reasons for it. And if not, given some of the events of my alternative future, I have no right to judge him, so…
#dpxdc#dpxdc prompts#dpxdc crossover#dpxdc prompt#dcxdp#dead on main#dead on main ship#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dp x dc prompt
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happy first day of pride month 2024; please remember this month to hold your fellow queers up as high as you can, and to let them speak as loud as they need to. we are watching violent spikes in transphobia and trans panic this year as more and more bills and laws are proposed to make it difficult or impossible for trans people to medically or socially transition in the United States. we are seeing an all time high in trans panic in general- i have witnessed it personally in my own city, people freaking out about even the slightest gender non conformity. gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual and other queer folks are fighting for their rights in places like Russia and Africa. queerphobia is at a peak right now
no more petty arguing about who has it better or worse- we are upholding the entire queer community this year. your brothers, sisters and siblings with identities you don't understand need space this year. boygirls, lesboys, gaybians, fagdykes, bisexual gays and lesbians, transmasc and male lesbians, transfem and female gays all need space. intersex people need space. all trans folks, trans women, trans men, non binary people, genderfluid people, bigender and multigender people, xenogender people, and people with the weirdest genders you've ever seen need a platform to speak. nonhuman queers, disabled queers, neurodivergent queers need space. people of color with cultural identities like two-spirit folk need space. bisexuals and pansexuals have to lift each other up high and scream for each others rights. aromantics, asexuals, agender people and other aspec folks need to be heard.
now more than ever we need to unite and make our community stronger than ever. we need each other right now. let's be here for each other. even if we don't fully understand one another, it doesn't matter. we're siblings, family, whatever you'd like to call it- we are part of the same beautiful rainbow and it's time to act like it. i appreciate every member of my queer family, let's take care of each other this Pride. we owe it to each other.
#pride 2024#pride month 2024#lgbtqia#lgbtq#lgbt#lgbtqi#lgbta#queer pride#queer community#gay#lesbian#bisexual#trans#transgender#non binary#nonbinary#intersex#asexual#aromantic#agender#aplatonic#aspectrum#apsec#transmasc#transmasculine#trans man#ftm#genderqueer#aspec#mtf
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like no one else can
ೃ࿐ boynextdoor as your situationship
this was fun to write,,i was wondering if i should make individual fics abt this...what do yall think? ^__^ feedbacks and comments are appreciated ! and also my ask is always open if u wnna chitty chat <3
warnings: fluff, intense pining, light angst, signs of red flags
wc per member: ~250-400
sungho
“i’m trying to understand what am i to you?”
𓍯 situationship with sungho would be filled with a lot of "almosts" that keep you guessing, excitement, and unexpected outcomes. he would have this easygoing, carefree attitude as if he truly enjoyed your time together, but he’s also hard to pin down. he would bring you as his ‘plus one’ to parties or events and he has once invited you to a family outing “as a friend”
𓍯 sungho likes to do actions that you couldn’t help but assign meanings to these little things. he would give you a bite of his food in between laughter and throw tiny comments such as “i thought about you the other day.” the way he laughs at your jokes, recalls small details you mention, and checks up on you in between classes makes you question if he does the same with other people. if you didn't witness him opening doors for people, helping classmates with their homework, and giving the same endearing smile to anyone in need, it would be quite easy to convince yourself that the things he did to you meant something.
𓍯 when you mention being cold, he casually throws his hoodie over your shoulders and says, "just give it back whenever." yet it stays with you for days and he doesn't bring it up either, as if sharing his hoodie has become a relationship between you two. but when you decide to give it back, your heart aches to see another girl wearing his hoodie.
𓍯 the combination of highs and unanswered questions would be thrilling, and his charm would entice you to return for more. but the question “what am i to you” hangs in the open air because then, if you really meant something to him, he wouldn’t have treated others the same way he did to you.
𓍯 was it mutual at some point? maybe, or maybe not.
riwoo
“i know it’s casual but i look for you in a room full of people”
𓍯 likes having alone time with you. plans a hang out with your friends to watch a movie but the truth is he didn't invite anyone else just so he could watch the movie and spend time alone together. at the end of the movie, you'd just be wiping off your lips because you spent the whole time making out.
𓍯 situationship with riwoo is almost like a secret. he knows how to pull you towards him, and the relationship has you on chokehold. most of the time, he makes moves that make you question the very foundation of your relationship. he acts like he likes you. but does he actually do?
𓍯 during a chill drinking celebration at your friends' house, both of you always find a reason to text each other even if you're literally in the same room. that one time when you were seated a little too far from him, he pulls out his phone, typing under the table making sure no one gets a peak of his message, he would send you, "you're too far from me :(" it seems as though the thread that binds you is stronger than everything else, and every communication feels like a secret that only the two of you know. you'd look up from your phone to give him a glance and he gives you a subtle look—the look that even when you try to look away, you could feel his eyes settled on you.
𓍯 his red flag would probably be saying things like, "would you be jealous if i went out with someone else?" or talking about his ex. but right when he gives you enough reasons that he's not good for you, he pulls the "what would it take for us to stop pretending this isn’t more than casual?" card.
jaehyun
“you say we’re just friends but why do you look at me like that when no one’s around?”
𓍯 when you clearly don’t look like you’re just friends but it’s becoming a running joke now–jaehyun responds without skipping a beat whenever someone arches an eyebrow and asks if there is more going on between you and him. he casually replies, “we’re just friends.” and each time you force a smile that falls short of your eyes, you nod along.
𓍯 jaehyun has this habit of leaning towards you whenever he laughs, sometimes his head falls on your shoulder for a moment which kinda makes you flinch during the first few times but now that you’re used to it, you let your heads touch each other when you laugh together.
𓍯 when he spots you alone leaning outside the glass door at a party, you feel his presence slowly approaching you and then he simply stands there in comforting silence, staring at you in that familiar way, without saying anything at first. when you told him that you get more comfortable attending parties because he’s around, he’d flash a smirk, and his eyes return to the expression he always gives you when no one else is there. jaehyun looks intensely at your face as if he’s searching for something–searching for a sign.
𓍯 you can’t resist yourself to ask him a question if he’s sure about it. “sure about what?” his tone is gentle, and the corner of his mouth twitches as if he clearly understands what you are saying. “sure that we’re just friends…” you replied. jaehyun pauses before responding. he just looks at you, his eyes darting to your lips and back to your eyes, a spark there that he tries to conceal but can't quite get rid of. he lets out a tense and nervous laugh. “yeah, we’re just friends.” but his words were laced with hesitation and uncertainty. and there you thought, maybe the look he gives you is enough, for now.
taesan
“you treat me like this because you know you're my weakness.”
𓍯 taesan knows how flustered you get when he touches you. during lunchtime with your other friends, you tried to ignore how he sat closer to you than usual. when your friends make a joke and others laugh along, you try so hard to focus but you just can’t seem to grasp the fact that his knees and yours were touching. then, his fingertips lightly touched your leg, so gentle at first that you nearly questioned whether it was an accident. however, taesan’s hand becomes steady and warm, and you can only sense his calm presence. you attempt to maintain a neutral appearance on the outside as your heart twitches and your mind attempts to process the unexpected sensation. his smile is as laid-back as ever, and he continues to laugh with the group as if this is nothing unusual.
𓍯 situationship with taesan can be a little frustrating. he likes to give you mixed signals. he’s mostly all about you most of the time and he holds eye contact like you’re the only person he could see. but then the next day, he barely acknowledges your presence. he’s quiet and doesn’t speak to you. but you know what’s bad for you? the fact that you'd fold immediately bcs he really just knows how to give you butterflies right when you think he’s not interested. taesan would come up behind you, whispering to your ear saying, “i missed you today.” and you would quickly fold like you didn't just question everything about him.
𓍯 at some point, the feelings were mutual. but you got tired of going around in circles waiting for nothing to happen, so you just decided to move on and bury your feelings just to keep the friendship.
leehan
“teach me how to not care about these feelings that keep me up at night for nothing.”
𓍯 you don’t talk everyday but that’s what makes everything thrilling. and when you do talk, texting usually lasts until 3am. although you can feel the weight of your eyelids by this time, you try to stay awake just to converse with him. conversations with leehan are almost raw, something about each message is intimate—one you probably wouldn’t hear in the daylight. the thought that he actually also stays up with you makes you wonder how much he’s also feeling.
𓍯 leehan has the subtlest way of making you laugh. he’s nonchalant but he’s the type to make you intrigued without fully committing. with that being said, he knows when to pull back when he thinks you’re getting a little too attached over a situationship even if he's the one responsible for making you feel that way
𓍯 after dates, goodbyes often linger in the air. both of you enjoyed too much to actually walk away and go back home. when he stands close enough to hug you, you could feel his hand linger on your back like he’s in no rush to go back home. both of you stood there quiet, glancing at each other, enough to decipher by the look of your eyes that there are still unsaid words. “i’ll text you when i get back home.” he holds both of your hands as they slightly brush away from yours whenever he takes a step back. you know yourself you want something more from this situationship which causes your heart to ache.
𓍯 leehan is still not letting go of your hand even at the point where your fingertips are only touching each other. “let’s do that next time.” he says and adds, “sleep over.”
𓍯 and when he actually gets back home, you don't receive a text from him at all, and talked again the following days like nothing happened.
woonhak
"why does it feel like we’re both waiting for the other to make the first move?"
𓍯 it’s painfully obvious that both of you like each other. neither of you just couldn’t bring yourself up to confess. there’s always this tension that hangs heavy in the air when you’re with him. you're lounging on his couch while watching a film. with his shoulder almost touching yours, he is closer than friends should be. the couch's modest size is a flimsy excuse, but you both know there's more to it. woonhak’s arm occasionally moves, grazing yours and giving you a shiver, but he doesn't pull away. both of you are dancing around that invisible line, on the brink. his hand is getting closer and closer till your fingers would touch if you both moved even a little.
𓍯 every time you're together, you experience this torturous pulling, waiting for the other to finally release the tension that has been building for weeks. his hand moves next to yours, his fingers flexing as though he wants to grab you but isn't quite brave enough. and you can't help but wonder whether you're both simply waiting for a sign, anything that would eventually allow one of you to cross that line.
𓍯 woonhak constantly teases you, looking for excuses to rub your hair or bump into your shoulder, and he enjoys seeing how you respond to his pranks. he says something, though, that takes you entirely by surprise just when you think it's all a friendly act.
𓍯 “i feel like we’re both good at being complicated.” he chuckles. you can sense that you're both still holding back and skirting the truth because you're afraid of altering something that feels so near-perfect. but when you meet his eyes, you can see that this isn't the end of it because of the little warmth that remains in his smile.
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