#come have a good laugh with me
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Making Incorrect H:SR Quotes Until I Run Out of (hopefully) Original Ideas - Pt. 6
[Pt. 1] [Pt. 2] [Pt. 3] [Pt. 4] [Pt. 5]
#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr incorrect quotes#hsr textpost#hsr memes#honkai star rail memes#hsr meme#honkai star rail meme#boothill#hsr boothill#argenti#hsr argenti#sunday#hsr sunday#aventurine#hsr aventurine#black swan#hsr black swan#argenhill#boothill x argenti#i love their 'guns n' roses' ship name a whole lot but im not trying to unintentionally put this in the actual band's tag lmao#i dont have a good concise title for this one its just like. 50% Boothill and 50% my other fav hsr men. thats it thats the theme#also. dont fuckign come at me like 'but the 6th one isn't accurate! he wasn't born in a test tube!!' listen. i know.#he was found abandoned in the snow or smthn idk i haven't dug into his lore leaks yet but i Know. the first half isnt all that accurate#but the overall vibes of it are funny enough to me that i had to make it anyways. let's all just learn to suspend our disbelief a bit#for the sake of laughs. also also. hopefully it goes w/o saying but if something ever lacks a source it's bc i found it like that#i always leave the op's handles even if they dont fit the characters but sometimes the posts i find have already had them cropped out#which irks me bc i Try to be a stickler for giving credit. but anyways. enough overthinking the making of these silly memes#also. some of these are prob a bit more accurate only if you've seen some of Boothill's voiceline and message leaks but eh its fine
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When the misunderstanding is mutual but they’re both so sweet about it (coffee shop au edition)
Inspired by the tags below (originally on this post) from @blahblaheverythingisgay and @lovelyprincejehan accompanied by some thoughts:


thank you for bringing this GALAXY brain take to my attention 😂 this guy comes in, all cagey about his past and his scars, always wearing baggy clothes but complaining about compression clothes (being on the run does a number on your joints and muscles), picking out a name for himself??? OBVIOUSLY he’s trans right
They somehow manage to have like three separate conversations about it without realizing they’re talking about two very different scenarios. Andrew only was so wrong for so long because scars on their own (and even being a criminal lbr) are such non-issues that it didn’t even occur to him that Neil could be talking about anything less important than being trans lol
Andrew had his little crisis about it and landed pretty solid on yeah he’s still into Neil regardless, and yeah he’s still super gay. He’ll figure out the rest from there. The only thing he didn't prepare for was Neil being uh. Cis
#that’s still his Neil 🙏#and it makes me laugh so much for Andrew to be THROWN#when his not-bf in his not-relationship is actually cis#who could’ve seen it coming.#not Andrew#and to be fair probably also like half the foxes. they thought they had this guy figured out#we love a good shenanigan#and no foxes were even harmed in the making of this misunderstanding#everything works out!!#lowest stakes au I have yet#love that for us#fan art#my art#aftg#all for the game#neil josten#andrew minyard#andreil#coffee shop au#digital
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fun fact, when mlp first came out in 2010, I had an entire comic I'd been drawing by hand with markers about my pony ocs which were guards in the royal castle. I still have the original 62 pages. fucking insane. anyway here's redraws of two of them lmao
Garden ("En") the "painted pegasus", who's mother was a zebra and who's pa was a pegasus. he was protag of the comic and YES I shipped him with princess luna WOOO LETS GOOOO
this guy was actually a background character more than anything. he was used here and there but he wasn't one of the central characters at all, he was friends with two other captains who WERE central characters. but I popped off with him so-
BEHOLD!! OLD ASS ART... FROM MY BEGINNER DAYS....
#mlp fim#my art#pony ocs#in case you wanted to see how far we've come WHOAOA YEAAA#anyway. u can do anything if u wish it. make comics even if theyre bad. make them even if theyre good#ngl i was rereading it and there were parts in my little comic that still make me laugh#so!! as long as you like your own work#you will always have at least ONE avid reader
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Hot 4am take but I feel like if we want to get people more interested in making their yards a more habitable space for wildlife like insects, we have to acknowledge that ‘Don’t want bugs in your house’ is still a 100% fair and valid point of view. ‘Loves nature’ and ‘doesn’t want roaches spiders and mosquitoes in the house’ aren’t opposites.
And with that in mind, when we propose to people that spraying pesticides around houses is Not A Good Idea, Actually, I feel like we need to give an alternative asides from ‘deal with it.’
#solarpunk#anti pesticides#ani rambles#this is coming from personal opinion at 4am keep that in mind but like#I’m scared of roaches. i’m fine with them outside though#my parents dont like roaches and for good reason. they spray Ortho Home Defense along the veeery edge of the concrete by the doors to#keep roaches and shit from coming in because yknow. Florida.#if I tell them ‘hey actually we shouldn’t spray pesticides inside (ie raid spray) or outside (ie home defense)#theyre gonna ask wtf to do instead to prevent roaches#and if I tell them ‘nothing suck it up buttercup’ they’re gonna laugh and then double down on the sprays#we gotta have an alternative ready and honestly maybe I’m not looking in the right places but I genuinely don’t know of any#like one online friend told me leaving brush piles around the yard decreased the amount of bugs trying to come in but like#thats one person. anecdotal. and I haven’t seen anything online confirming that as a thing (yet)#idk man I’m going to bed.#might delete later#house pest saga
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Go you funky little SecUnit! Go!
(One of my favorite scenes from the newest Murderbot novel: System Collapse)

#love when secunit gets a little bit feral#system collapse#murderbot#the murderbot diaries#system collapse spoilers#I'm not good at drawing armor pls go easy on me#I just laughed so hard at this scene it's so fucking funny to me#imagine being the B-E secunit already having a terrible day#your clients are scheming and trying to murder each other#and then here comes the weirdest secunit you've ever seen and you need to neutralize it#you very cleverly disable its projectile weapon with a well-aimed shot oh you're so clever#and just like that it's flinging itself at your head like a fucking feral cat at the vet's office#grace makes art
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sometimes you come across a character that makes you go 'I love you so much that it's teaching me how to forgive myself' and then you just have to live with it
#this is what lucanis is doing to me more than basically any other character I've come across and -- as you may well imagine --#it is shaking me to the very core haha#we have some overlapping traits I've never really seen hit on with such precision or empathy in fiction before#the enduring freeze response is hard to capture in a way that feels real b/c it doesn't really follow normal narrative structure#but mary kirby. is just that fucking good. she did it. and she did it with palpable affection for a character being exactly who they are#for better or for worse and also so many laugh out loud moments along the way. as is her wont#still sad and frustrated about everything going on with bioware and the gaming industry and the world in general#but no one can take this from me either. and that's the furthest thing from nothing lol
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It's technically not valentines yet but like, here have a valentines gift <3
#art#digital art#fanart#sketch#manga style#timberkon#timkon#timber#timbern#konbern#I love to give bern the floppiest white boy blonde hair u ever saw#let me draw him like 4 more times and turn him vis-kei#anyway they're all boyfriends and their dynamic is Three Chads#aka the super special image at the top#valentines#tim drake#tim drake wayne#conner kent#kon el#bernard dowd#you know what. For a gift have a bern headcanon that always makes me laugh#every day I think about the T for Troy (B for Bern) necklace and about how teen bernard was obsessed with the cliques#so I like to think he picks up all his moves from movies he watches (and he thinks he's slick about it)#and Tim and Kon see him use new moves sometimes and they play a little game to remember which movie it comes from#he calls tim spidermonkey (twilight) one time and tim starts laughing so hard he ends up on the floor#also he does not only watch romance movies for this; he'll be watching something that just has a romance subplot#and sometimes doesn't even have romance - just has a good icebreaker or smth#and he'll go 'oh I should use that next time that's cute'#anyway the other two love it#they think it's very cute
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i puzzled over this for a long time.......and then i realised:

i have to ask: does. does this person somehow think...that javert and petit gervais are. the same person?
#i'm honestly wracking my brain trying to think of what else they might have meant by this#i'm coming up empty#what else could it mean???#please tell me if i'm missing something?#either way i've had a good laugh about it#petit gervais#javert#les mis#les miserables#les misérables#les mis reviews#les mis shitposts#sylvie's own nonsense
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you are so whimsical i qant to check out this mdzs (..??) because of your whimsical nature thank you sorry im very high and your art moved me emotionally
This is simultaneously the sweetest and funniest thing someone has sent me, thank you.
#ask#non-mdzs#I have a hunch you will not recall sending this to me but I wish to immortalize it.#The progression of me going 'aw' to 'barking with laughter' at the last bit of this message was a delight.#Oh man what to say about getting into MDZS...#I admit I'm probably low on the list of people who should be recommending it.#I enjoy it! But there are also a ton of different adaptations that each do a slightly different thing with the story and characters.#Personally I loved The Untamed (Netflix live action) for how campy the action was. It got emotional but really...It made me laugh.#And I love watching it with people because it also makes them laugh.#(The Untamed changes a lot of plot elements so it isn't looked upon very favourably by many fans. I love it as its own thing)#Don't get me wrong; it *is* a story with interesting things to say and I certainly have written tons of analysis on it.#But it's also a series I spent over a year making parody comics of. It comes from a place of love!#The audio drama is really good and I think it might be the best form of mdzs...however finding episodes is not easy.#The audio drama is also what I'm basing all these comics on!#There is a book (the primary source) An animated series and a comic to check out as well.#Someone probably has a better pitch and recommendation list than I do. I just make the funny comics.
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To whoever decided to have Rayla say, "Never a Moonshadow of a doubt. Eh, eh?" while sounding so proud of herself in the game. You funny little shit.
#its a very good pun it makes me both say 'shut the fuck uuuup' and laugh#tdp#tdp xadia#rayla#shes so proud of herself. and she should be. its funny#the dragon prince#continue the saga#continuethesaga#give us the saga#giveusthesaga#dragon lady letters#edit: people are right this is just further proof that her and callum are absolutely made for each other huh#similar to the 'glad to see you finally comin out of your shell' and the quiet laugh and head shake and fist bump from callum#rayla didnt even have to look. she knew it was coming. cuz she knows he appreciates that kinda shit#its so great#every fuckin time i complete a mission and she says that its so damn funny#seriously whoever decided to have her say that was a funny little shit genius#and its clear paula enjoyed voicing it cuz shes clearly smirking while saying it. especially the 'eh. eh?'#always loooove to hear a new line in the game its great
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#p4 anime#persona 4#hanamura yosuke#yosuke hanamura#OK LISTEN THIS SCENE COMES AT THE HEEL OF MITSUO'S ILLUSION ON YU.#and urhajhsnd im not going to break down the souyo aspect of it because people smarter than me have already done so but#im gushing about it anyway because yosukes been going around calling yu his partner for quite some time now#but now hes reached a new level in intimacy. first name no honorifics intimacy.#its also yosuke forgetting about the others briefly because when theyre together theyre always just in their own world.#and when nanako picks up on the change they just laugh. but when teddie picks up on it yosuke suddenly gets embarrassed#and thats when it pans to everyone else whos also watching that yosuke remembers theyre not alone and hes so shy. HES SO SHY#he panics a little and its almost like doesnt want teddie to find out because hes afraid of what teddie might say?#also look at teddie's face like OH HE KNOWS. HE KNOWS SOMETHING.#hmm teddie tell us what secrets about yosuke you're hiding#he's good with his queue
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i had a nightmare where i was at camp whiteman and mike called an assembly to show a powerpoint presentation about his extensive fanny pack collection :(
i hate to break it to you but that wasn’t a nightmare that was a premonition of ch11
#you better buckle in#<- haha fanny pack joke#sorry. anyways hello sorry we will be catching up on some asks over the next few days and i know it’s been a while since you sent this#but i remember seeing it come in and laughing so fucking hard#i’m sorry he’s haunting you#the :( is what got me i think. hope you’re having a good day anon#i laughed again answering this#asks
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R.I.P. Achievement Hunter
2008 - 2023








It was fun while it lasted.
#achievement hunter#gavin free#michael jones#jeremy dooley#alfredo diaz#trevor collins#matt bragg#lindsay jones#geoff ramsey#jack pattillo#fucking tumblr ate my first post so fuck you tumblr#i know i have not been active in the fandom for awhile and this honestly feels like it's been a long time coming#but I'm still a bit sad#sure it could be toxic as hell and some of the fans were absolutely the worst#but for a very long time#Achievement Hunter was my home#good luck to (most of) the cast in their future endeavors#thanks for the good times and the laughs and for being there for me when i really needed you#💚💚💚
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✨☀️VAAAAASSSHHHUUUU☀️✨
Gosh I love him, but who doesn’t? Like really, who doesn’t 🔫🤠 he’s so beautiful iwonthim
Extra with no glasses ver. because I adore his eyes

#Trigun#trigun stampede#vash the stampede#Vash#nicholas d wolfwood#nicholas trigun#trigun fanart#vashwood#he’s so cute I can’t UEUUEUEUEU#i am a devoted believer of Vash having cute fangs#im dedicated and I WILL spread my agenda#i am craving for the day that we can hear him having a genuine boisterous laugh#and i surely hope it comes from them being idiots#he deserves a good laugh please let him have it pleASE PLEASE#i hope someone pitches up the Vash wearing a poncho idea#it would be so adorable#just noticed I messed up his eyebrows I forgot to color them brown CRAP#ignore that#also expect no consistency with his hair from me#lenssi draws
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bftc jaytim fuck nasty in their batman suits🩷
CORRECT THEY DO. it's like you live in my brain, anon. and for that, you get a full fic bc i've wanted to write this anyway and you gave me an excuse to. have 6k words worth of dirtybadwrong JayTim. rough sex, blood play, pain play, degradation, consensual but not safe or sane, dead dove vibes so be warned. but also enjoy bc ily for this thought anon 🩷
“You look ridiculous in that get-up. Like a kid out for trick-or-treats.” The words were just as brutal as the fight was. Jason had the bodyweight and training to easily pin Tim, now that he was done toying around.
Of course, toying around for Jason Todd looked like bloody slashes across Tim’s back, base of his skull, and his forehead. Picking one of Bruce’s older suits may have been a bad idea on Tim’s part. The armor was thinner and easier for Jason to slash through with a batarang in a clenched fist.
Tim had managed to knock the batarang out of Jason’s hand, but that also seemed like a bad idea now, with Jason on top of Tim. His fists were even more brutal, blunt weapons and he’d reinforced the gloves to make his punches hit harder across Tim’s face.
There was blood pouring from Tim’s nose and mouth. With all the pain flaring across his body, it was hard for him to get a good read on if anything was broken or not.
All he knew was it hurt. His head spun from slamming against the concrete. It was hard for Tim to blink his eyes into focus. And when he did, he wished he hadn’t. Jason was leaning in so close, his mask was all Tim could see. Tim dizzily wondered how the glowing eyes didn’t impede Jason’s vision.
“Look at me,” Jason demanded. His voice was robotic behind the thick metal mouthpiece. One of his fists pulled back for another punch. “Do you see terror? Do you see fear? Or is it just your own reflection?”
By some miracle, Tim managed to catch the punch before it connected with his face. The muscles in his wrist and forearm screamed at the animalistic strength Jason pushed back with, inching his fist closer and closer to connecting. If it did manage to connect, Tim knew his own hand in the way wouldn’t do much to soften the blow. If anything, Jason would shatter Tim’s knuckles against his own nose.
Not a pretty thought.
“That mad I said no to being your Robin?” Tim wheezed. It was hard to get air in his lungs, with Jason perched on his chest, putting all his weight on Tim’s midsection.
Jason scoffed with cruel amusement. “You’re a second choice, Drake. It doesn’t matter to me if you say no, I can always ask the original. He’d at least put up a better fight than you’re managing.”
Tim couldn’t argue that. He thought he’d have some kind of chance in a fight against Jason, but it was a losing game to confront Jason on his turf, in a suit Tim wasn’t comfortable in. He was too stupid to even bring his bo staff.
A great Batman he was turning out to be.
With bloody teeth, Tim smiled. “You’re right. Is that why I’m your reflection, Jason? Two second rate Robins who will never be the original?” He managed a laugh against protesting ribs. “For what it’s worth, I still think I’m better than you. Least I didn’t die.”
He couldn’t see the look on Jason’s face, but he didn’t need to. The feral yell that came out of Jason spoke for itself at how well Tim got under his skin. Jason’s other fist came barreling toward Tim’s face, but he managed to move his head out of the way, making it only connect with the ground. Jason’s punch was hard enough to make the concrete crack.
Even with the reinforced gloves, that had to hurt. Maybe a couple cracked bones, if Tim was lucky. Jason couldn’t hit as hard if he injured himself.
That was a solid plan. If he’d actually planned it in the first place.
“Can’t believe I ever liked you, Drake,” Jason snarled, pulling his hand free from the concrete. He flexed his fingers just a bit too slow. He definitely hurt himself, even if he was trying to hide it. Jason went for his utility belt, grabbing another batarang.
“Flattering,” Tim deadpanned. He tried to elbow Jason in the neck, but Jason easily twisted away from the blow.
“I really did you know,” Jason said. Maybe it was the mask, but Tim could’ve sworn Jason’s tone changed slightly. “If Bruce hadn’t corrupted you, you really could’ve been something.”
Tim ignored the comment about Bruce. Bruce’s death was too raw for Tim to be able to look at his grief about it head-on. “Can’t say the feeling was mutual,” Tim grunted. He tried to slash his glove fins across Jason’s face. But Jason was smarter. He had a more durable suit that made the blow easily glance off.
Damn Tim for picking this suit. He idealized Bruce’s image too much and forwent practicality. He was paying for it now. A new suit would’ve had proper weapons worked into the wrists for Tim to easily flick out.
“I don’t know about that,” Jason mocked with a cold laugh. “Remind me again Drake, who broke me out of prison?”
He had a point.
“Real great job you’ve done repaying that kindness,” Tim muttered. He avoided addressing it directly. He didn’t owe Jason his reasons. Especially not with how they’d all blown up in his face.
“I never needed your kindness,” Jason growled. He wrapped a hand around Tim’s throat and pressed down just enough to make it uncomfortable for Tim to breathe. “That’s what all you Bats could never get through your skulls. I didn’t need to be Bruce’s pity project, and I definitely didn’t need to be yours.”
“Trust me,” Tim fought to get the words out, trying to worm his fingers under Jason’s grip. “You don’t have my pity.”
“What do I have, then?”
“My contempt.” The more Tim struggled, the tighter Jason’s grip got. The sharp points of his claws were starting to dig into Tim’s skin and draw blood. Blood flow was cut off from Tim’s brain and he fought to keep hold of his consciousness.
“Liar,” Jason hissed. “No one else is here, Tim. You don’t have to pretend and hide things from me I already know.”
Maybe passing out would be a good thing. Then, Tim would have a convenient reason for not answering Jason. A reason to not face the truth Jason wanted him to bare.
Tim knew that Jason probably knew. The way they’d looked at each other through the prison safety glass when Jason was locked up had a thousand unspoken words in just a shared smile. A promise, that maybe, if Jason cleaned himself up with this second chance, there could be something between them.
But Jason didn’t clean up. He flung himself in the opposite direction, if anything. A growing body count and an ugly reign of terror that was Tim’s job to stop.
He started this. He put misplaced faith in Jason. Tim’s bad judgment jeopardized Gotham.
And now Jason wanted the unspoken part said out loud. Something a part of Tim would rather die than admit after all this. They both already knew. Making Tim say it was just an obvious attempt to humiliate him and Tim refused to sink to Jason’s level.
All this over a stupid crush.
“Fine,” Jason continued when Tim didn’t say anything. “I’ll say it for you. You loved me.”
Tim made a face and twisted, finally forcing Jason’s hand free from his neck with a hard strike to his inner elbow. “It wasn’t love,” he insisted through grit teeth.
“What was it then?”
Tim didn’t say a word. He wasn’t going to give in to Jason’s cruelty.
“Tell you what,” Jason’s voice dropped low and almost sultry. “If you say it out loud, I’ll give you a free pass. No one will know.”
“A free pass?”
There was no way Jason was implying what Tim thought he was.
“Right here, right now.” Jason nodded. “Can’t say I’ll make it sweet, but something tells me you’re not the vanilla type anyway.”
Shit. He was implying that. Tim’s breath caught in his throat.
The answer should’ve been obvious.
The answer was obvious. Tim was laying in a growing pool of his own blood because of Jason. Countless people were dead because of Jason. Bruce’s legacy was being destroyed because of Jason. Whatever little crush Tim had once had was long gone and replaced with disgust and hatred.
Most of it was.
But some small piece of Tim clung to the way Jason grinned at him. And that small piece of him seemed to be steering the rest of him, making him hesitate on what should’ve been an easy answer. An easy chance to catch Jason off guard and get the upper hand in the fight.
Tim hoped the cowl hid enough of his face that his expression wasn’t readable.
“Over my dead body,” Tim forced the words out, pulling himself back into reality. Praying Jason wouldn’t read into the pause.
Jason’s body shifted. He was quiet for a moment, then he shrugged and brought the batarang clenched in his fist to Tim’s neck, easily finding the jugular. “So be it. I agree anyway. Killing you is the best way to cut this goddamn feeling out of me.”
“What feeling?” Tim frowned, fingers twitching as he stalled, trying to think of a real plan.
“No, no.” Jason shook his head and laughed. It was a hollow sound, this time. “You don’t get to have your cake and eat it too. If you won’t say it, then I won’t either.”
Oh.
“You…” Tim sucked in a breath. He was on death’s edge, a blade to his neck, but somehow it was the furthest thing from his spinning mind. “You like me? Like that?” He said it like a stupid high schooler, too shy to even look their crush in the eye.
“What difference does it make now?” Jason shifted his weight on Tim, bearing down more. “This was always how it was going to end, between us.”
“It makes all the difference,” Tim said. He didn’t know why it did. But he knew it did. Tim reached a hand up, but instead of going for Jason’s batarang, he went further. His fingers reached under his own cowl and tugged it off, baring his face to Jason.
Vulnerability. A metaphorical white flag, surrendering to Jason.
Tim was dangerously close to getting himself killed. He could feel it, in his beating heart and overflowing adrenaline.
“I would’ve come at this from a different angle if I knew…” Tim started, before trailing off. They were still dancing around saying it directly.
Jason barked out another laugh. “Oh, would you? What, you would’ve come to talk instead of fight? You really think that would’ve worked?”
“Maybe-“
“I told you,” Jason’s grip on the batarang tightened, “I don’t need your fucking pity.”
“And you don’t have it,” Tim snapped back. Too angry. This angle was quickly slipping away from him. Shit. “You’re a psychopathic killer and I don’t know if you can ever been redeemed after what you’ve done. But I would’ve tried out of love, not pity, you sanctimonious asshole.”
Jason stuttered. He leaned back and breathed hard. Tim really wished he wasn’t wearing that stupid mask. “You said it wasn’t love.”
Tim took in a deep breath, and let himself fall over the ledge he’d been trying so hard to cling to since Jason pinned him. “I lied.”
For a moment, Tim was convinced he’d just sealed his own coffin. Whatever Jason’s feelings were, it didn’t seem like they were any particular deterrent to hurting Tim. He was inches away from killing Tim and leaving his body for someone else to find.
If they found Tim’s body at all.
But instead. Instead, Jason reached up and ripped the metal part of his mask off, tossing it aside to skitter off into the darkness.
And he kissed Tim.
Tim let out the breath he was holding against Jason’s mouth. And in turn, Jason breathed him in, greedy with his kiss. The batarang was kept firm against Tim’s throat, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
Jason was kissing him.
There was still the logical side of him screaming just how bad of an idea this was. All the reasons he could think of to not tangle with Jason were running circles across his mind.
Tim ignored them and kissed Jason back.
Jason tasted like metal and he smelled like gunpowder. Both of those things made sense and made Tim want more. He wanted every single part of Jason he could drink up, even from a single kiss. Jason’s tongue was in his mouth, licking and opening Tim up. They shared each other’s blood through the kiss, until Tim couldn’t tell whose was whose.
The kiss was broken by Jason just as suddenly as it was started. Jason pulled back and raised the batarang. Panic flashed through Tim and he instinctively threw his hands up to cover his face and neck.
The batarang slashed through Tim’s suit though, thankfully not giving him what might’ve been the stupidest death in the history of vigilantism. Jason didn’t seem to care about making sure the cut didn’t get Tim’s skin, though. Shallow wounds sprang across Tim’s skin and he hissed, watching Jason turn the suit to ribbons. The batarang was then tossed aside so Jason could rip off the suit as he leaned back.
The bat symbol on Tim’s chest stayed in tact, but everything below it was ripped away, exposing him from his abs down to his thighs. Jason knew exactly how to unclip the utility belt and throw that aside, with the shreds of fabric.
Cold air hit Tim’s most private areas. He wanted to cover himself, but he couldn’t get his hands to obey. His entire body was paralyzed under Jason’s gaze.
“Take off your mask,” Tim found his voice, rough and not sounding like himself.
Jason wore a cruel smirk. “No.” He did take off his gloves, though. Tim didn’t hide his sigh of relief. He didn’t want those claws on his skin. He was bleeding enough as it was.
The moment Jason’s hands were bare, he ran them over Tim’s skin. Tim hissed and flinched, but didn’t pull away. He let Jason’s warm hands claim his skin. Jason wasn’t kind or gentle. He smeared Tim’s blood around, exploring every bare inch. Tim’s stomach, his hips, his back, his legs.
Jason curled a hand around Tim’s dick and Tim’s back arched.
To be fair, this wasn’t exactly how he’d pictured sleeping with Jason. Still, he couldn’t find it in him to complain.
Jason jerked Tim off rough and fast. The blood on his hand was slick enough to make a smooth glide over the callouses of his palm. Tim groaned, eyes fluttering shut. He bucked into Jason’s hand. As much pain as his body was in, the pleasure was too distracting for him to care. Tim choked on every breath he managed to take in, unable to stop himself from crying out and whining.
His body was screaming at him because of what Jason had done to him. And now, he was letting himself fall apart to Jason’s hands in a different way.
“If Grayson found us, he’d think I was fucking torturing you from all the pathetic noises you’re making,” Jason growled. He barely sounded human. He slid his other hand up Tim’s chest and grabbed Tim’s face, stroking his cheek.
Tim groaned at the thought. He forced his eyes to open just so he could look at Jason. He really wished Jason would take the cowl off. Tim wanted to see Jason’s face more than anything.
“Don’t bring him up,” Tim gasped, practically humping Jason’s hand for more delirious pleasure. “I don’t want to think about him now.”
At least he could see Jason’s smirk. “Why? Because you know he’d disapprove?”
“Because I want to think about you.” Tim tried to grab at Jason’s suit to pull it off. His hands were clumsy and shaky though, probably from blood loss. All he could do was uselessly press them against Jason’s chest and feel the warmth through layers of armor.
“Fuck,” Jason groaned. His whole body shuddered, affected by Tim’s words alone. Jason stopped jerking Tim off so he could unclip his belt. He kept his other hand against Tim’s face though. Stroking it. “Least I know why you broke me out of prison, now.”
Tim made an aghast noise. “This is not why I broke you out of prison.”
Jason leaned in close, resting his face against Tim’s. “You still broke me out. So all my blood is on your hands too, Tim.” He pressed a kiss against Tim’s temple. “Bruce wouldn’t have been stupid enough to do that. Hell of a Batman you make.” It was like he had crawled into Tim’s brain just to voice all the awful little thoughts that Tim tried to bury.
“You-“ Tim tried to snap back, but he was distracted by the sound of Jason undoing a clasp, then a zipper. Tim looked down and watched, breath caught in his throat, as Jason pulled his cock out of his pants.
He was already hard.
Jason’s hand smeared blood across his member. Tim swallowed at the sight. Jason had pushed his pants down just enough to expose a sliver of pale skin. He had a sharp v-line and toned muscles just from the bit Tim could see. An embarrassing noise came out of Tim’s throat.
“Pathetic,” Jason said, but he groaned on the word, working his hand over himself. It was filthy. Both of them, covered in blood, and Jason jerking off on top of Tim.
Tim wrapped an arm around Jason. He wanted to sink his fingers into Jason’s hair, but he settled for wrapping them around the back of Jason’s cowl. Tim seriously considered trying to pull the cowl off himself, but he doubted Jason would take kindly to it.
The noises Jason made as he pleasured himself were beautiful. Tim’s sounds were animalistic and, in Jason’s own words, pathetic. Barely human sounding. But Jason. Jason sounded practically divine, low and smooth as he moaned in Tim’s ear.
“Please,” Tim gasped. He wasn’t sure what he was asking for.
“That desperate?” Jason downright purred.
Tim didn’t hold himself back from nodding. He swallowed down his dignity.
If he had any dignity left.
“I’m not going to be gentle,” Jason warned. Like he was giving Tim one last chance to back out.
Tim just laughed. “If you think I want you to be gentle, you really don’t know a thing about me.”
A guttural groan came out of Jason. He pulled back and lifted one of Tim’s legs, bending it as far back as he could. Tim wasn’t quite as flexible as Dick was, but Jason got pretty far before Tim’s muscles protested and he winced.
“Of course you shave down there,” Jason commented. He slid a hand over Tim’s smooth skin around his cock and balls.
“I don’t like pubes getting caught in my suit,” Tim huffed, trying not to let his cheeks go red.
“Don’t worry,” Jason hummed, “I think it’s cute. Makes you look like a fucking virgin.”
“I’m not.” Like it mattered.
Jason paused, just staring at Tim. Was he disappointed? It was hard to tell. “I’m going to ruin you for anyone else, so it doesn’t matter either way.” Whether or not he was disappointed was masked with a rough, possessive anger that made Tim gasp.
Rough fingers ran over the shallow cuts on Tim’s stomach and he hissed at the sudden sharp pain. It wasn’t easy to ignore the dull throbbing when Jason was practically fingering the open wounds. Tim almost asked what the hell he was doing, before he realized Jason was smearing blood across his fingers, getting them slick and coated.
“Seriously? You’re going to use my own blood to fuck me?” Tim asked, like just the thought of it wasn’t making him spread his legs wider. Still, the idea of cleaning tacky blood out of himself did make Tim internally cringe.
“You got a better idea?” Jason shot back.
“I think there’s lube in-“
“No.” Jason cut him off, pressing harder into the cuts just to make Tim wince. “We’re doing it my way, or I just leave you in a pool of your own blood with a hard-on.”
“Okay.” Tim caved instantly with a hushed whisper at the rough dominance.
It was so easy, for Jason to take complete control of Tim. He was putty in Jason’s hands, content to be manipulated however Jason wanted, so long as Tim got his own pleasure out of it. If Jason wanted Tim to bleed, he would bleed. If he wanted Tim to be spread open and ready to be fucked, then Tim would give him that too.
Christ. He needed to be checked out mentally after this.
Jason gave Tim a pleased hum, probably the closest thing to praise Tim was going to get out of him. He’d take it. Blood slick fingers pressed against Tim’s hole. Two fingers were forced in at once, hard and fast.
Tim screamed.
He didn’t expect Jason to be gentle, but it seemed like Jason was going out of his way to be rough. Scrapping his nails against Tim’s insides and brutally twisting his fingers around. He didn’t try to hit Tim’s prostate to bring any kind of pleasure. The brushes of his fingers over that spot were more painful than pleasurably, if anything. Fast and rough, giving Tim no chance to soak up the sparks of sensation from the bundle of nerves.
“Oh god,” Tim groaned, throwing his head back. His hips twitched violently, like they weren’t sure to press into Jason’s fingers for more, or to try to pull away from the horrible assault.
It’d been a while since Tim had been in this much pain. So battered from a fight that every movement of his body was weak and shaky. He grabbed onto Jason’s arm, desperate for an anchor. He couldn’t have pulled Jason off of him, even if he wanted to.
He didn’t, though. Tim wanted this to last as long as it possibly could.
He never got to drown himself in the pain. Pain was something that had to be compartmentalized and ignored, for the sake of the mission. Getting back on his feet and ignoring the way his body screamed at him was one of the first things Bruce taught him.
Now, Tim didn’t have to fight it. He could just give in. The half-hearted instincts from his body trying to fight back were ignored by Jason. Like Jason knew that Tim wanted this.
Needed this.
At some point, Jason must’ve worked a third finger inside of Tim. He didn’t notice. The burning stretch swirled with every other point of pain on his body.
He did noticed when Jason finally decided to purposefully press against Tim’s prostate.
This pleasure was new. Foreign and overstimulating with how aggressively Jason pressed down on the spot, rubbing into it to pull all kinds of noises out of Tim he didn’t know he was capable of making.
“Jason!” Tim cried out. “Fuck, too much, I can’t-“ Tim’s stomach was cramping from how hard his muscles clenched. He was falling, losing his grip on sensible reality. His head was full of cotton, foggy and unable to get a solid grip on coherent thought.
There were only three things that existed to Tim: pain, pleasure, and Jason.
“You can’t what? Use your fucking words,” Jason mocked, vicious and uncaring. He rested Tim’s leg over his shoulder to free up his other hand. His fingers wrapped around Tim’s balls and tugged. Tim screamed and arched like a jack knife. He hadn’t noticed how close his orgasm was creeping up on him until Jason pulled it away with a brutal, carnal pain. When Tim lost control of his body, Jason found it and snatched it up, holding Tim’s pleasure in his palm. Tim wanted to curl in on himself, but he couldn’t force his limbs to obey.
“Hurts,” was all Tim could groan out. He might’ve been crying. It was hard to tell, with his face so wet with blood.
“Good.”
“Jason,” Tim tried to beg. He was lost to subspace, something he barely realized until now. “I can’t take anymore.” He wanted more. More than want, god, he needed more, but his body was wired so tight Tim was convinced he was going to snap if Jason kept going.
He wanted that too.
“That’s not for you to decide.” Jason’s rough voice was a light at the end of a tunnel Tim was struggling toward to ground himself. To focus on something besides the agony crashing over his body in brutal waves. “Do you really think you’re in the fucking state to know what you can take?”
Jason was right. Tim just whined, a noise that turned into a choked sob when Jason pulled his fingers out just enough to slam them into Tim’s sweet spot again, overwhelming him with more awful pleasure.
“Give yourself over to me,” Jason demanded. He leaned in close again. Tim’s vision was blurred, but he could smell the gunpowder and leather. “Say it. Say I own you.”
Tim wanted to. He tried, opening his mouth and struggling to get the words out. He could only make more pathetic noises.
“Say it, or I’ll stab you and leave you to fucking bleed out.”
He probably wasn’t lying.
“You-“ Tim choked on the word, shaking so hard his muscles were spasming. “You own me.” Three little words, and they were the hardest words Tim had ever tried to say. Each one fought against him, getting stuck in his throat.
But he said them. Because right now, they were the only religion Tim believed in.
“Look at that,” Jason cooed. So patronizing. “You’re not completely brainless and worthless. Yet, anyway.” He pulled his fingers out of Tim. One second those fingers had been driving Tim mad because they were inside of him, and now they were driving him mad because they left him empty and wanting.
His body needed more. More pain, more pleasure. Until he broke and Jason fucked the shattered pieces left of Tim.
Jason got a hand underneath Tim, using the blood from the gash on Tim’s back to slick his fingers this time. That gash was far deeper. Something that probably needed stitches. It had started trying to clot but Jason agitated it enough for fresh blood to pour out. He was able to actually work his fingers under Tim’s bloody skin, making Tim shriek and try to pull away.
There was nowhere for him to escape from the mind-numbing pain. When he pulled away, he just crashed into Jason’s chest, forehead bumping against the bat symbol of Jason’s suit.
“So fucking easy to push your buttons,” Jason laughed. He moved his fingers around a bit more just to make his point and pull more wounded noises out of Tim. Then he finally pulled them free and let Tim fall back to the hard ground. It knocked the wind out of Tim.
He didn’t have a chance to try to get air into his lungs. Because Jason slicked himself up with a disturbing speed and lined up. The warning of blunt pressure against Tim’s hole lasted a fraction of a second and then Jason snapped his hips. Buried to the hilt.
Tim almost passed out.
He didn’t know if it was from the pain, the blood loss, or his body’s inability to get oxygen into his lungs. Everything exploded inside of Tim. He was full, so full so fast. Jason’s fingers hadn’t been nearly kind enough to properly stretch Tim for Jason’s size. It almost felt like being stabbed.
Over and over, as Jason fucked into Tim with no kindness.
A hard slap across Tim’s face forced him off of the edge of unconsciousness. He gasped, eyes snapping open to find Jason’s face right above his, the glowing eyes of the mask taking over Tim’s field of vision.
Jason was smiling. Blood on his teeth, dripping out of his mouth. Was it his blood or Tim’s?
Tim hoped it was both.
“I don’t know which Bruce would find more pathetic,” Jason groaned as he fucked into Tim, pulling small screams out of Tim with each punch of his cock, “you putting on that suit, or you letting me fuck you in it.” He brought his lips to Tim’s ear. “Who’s ruining his legacy now?”
If the physical pain wasn’t bad enough, Jason knew exactly how to rip open the wounds of Tim’s emotional pain alongside it. Tim cried out at the thought.
What would Bruce think of him, like this? Pathetic and barely human underneath Jason Todd?
“And they call me the failed Robin,” Jason just kept talking, like he wasn’t destroying Tim from the inside out. “At least I know how to be something other than Robin. Are you really delusional enough to think you’re going to be the next Batman?” A long moan came out of him and he thrust even harder until Tim screamed loud enough to make himself dizzy. “Answer me.”
Tim just shook his head. “No.” His voice was broken. His throat was sore from screaming, but the word still came out. He’d never thought he really could be Batman. So what the hell was he thinking, putting this suit on?
“Good.” Jason slid his fingers under the bat symbol on Tim’s chest, one of the only parts of the suit in tact. He ripped it off, the fabric tearing loudly in Tim’s ears. “It’s good you know your fucking place.” Jason changed his angle, finding Tim’s battered prostate again. Tim didn’t have the air in his lungs to scream anymore. All he could do was weakly mewl and whimper.
He could die like this. He honestly might. Tim had no idea how his body was holding on, in this state. Maybe it was the pain and pleasure alone keeping him alive. Just so he could soak up every touch from Jason.
Tim was never going to allow himself to do this again. So he had to enjoy it while it lasted.
This time, Tim felt his orgasm creeping up on him. His fingers dug into Jason’s arm and he pressed up into Jason’s warmth. The material of Jason’s suit was rough and unforgiving. It didn’t feel particularly good for Tim to grind his cock against, but he didn’t care. He needed any kind of friction, whether it brought him pleasure or road rash.
“I won’t stop if you come,” Jason warned, still hammering into Tim at a pace that should’ve been impossible for a normal human to manage. “This isn’t to make you feel good. It’s to put you in your fucking place.”
Tim could only whine, managing a nod of understanding. This was his place. He knew that. He never wanted to leave it.
The threat of being fucked into overstimulation hung over Tim’s head, but he couldn’t stop himself from chasing the high of his orgasm. He almost wanted to feel the overstimulation. Like his orgasm was just something to get over with so Tim could completely give himself over to Jason. To be used just for Jason’s pleasure, even if it brought him nothing but more pain.
That thought made Tim’s balls tighten. The only warning he could give Jason was a high pitched keen that barely sounded like Tim’s own voice. His eyes rolled back.
The pleasure of his orgasm didn’t overtake the screaming pain in the rest of his body. It just mixed with the pain, swirling into one intense feeling Tim didn’t have a name for. He screamed until his throat gave out. His back arched and he clenched around Jason, who kept driving into him. Jason growled in Tim’s ear. He was holding Tim’s hip so tight there would be bruises that would end up indistinguishable from the rest of Tim’s injuries.
All injuries that Jason gave Tim. Tim’s body was a canvass, and Jason’s favorite color to paint with was the red that poured out of Tim.
It was the best orgasm Tim had ever felt. No feeling was ever going to match this intensity.
Tim came down from his high with an awful wheeze, shuddering. He clung to Jason, like a guard dog laying at the feet of his master.
“Fuck,” Jason moaned. A shudder ran down his spine and his pace faltered, just for a moment. “You’re really something else, Drake.” From Jason, that was practically a compliment for Tim to soak up and preen under.
Tim’s body tipped over the edge of overstimulation. His survival instincts kicked in, trying to fight Jason. There was no strength behind his kicks and hits. They just made Jason laugh as Tim made a fool of himself.
“I own you,” Jason reminded Tim. He caught Tim’s wrist and pinned it against the cold concrete, squeezing tight enough to cut off circulation to Tim’s fingers. “I can do whatever I want to your useless body. Don’t try to fight it now.” He leaned down and found an exposed part of Tim’s neck to sink his teeth into. It wasn’t a hickey, but a proper bite, breaking Tim’s skin.
Tim cried out, but still tilted his head to the side to give Jason better access to his neck. Even when his body wanted to fight, Tim managed to submit. Like the submission was natural to him.
The pain took over. Tim just floated in it, forcing himself to go limp. Submit. No more fighting. He gave in to Jason and stopping thinking. All Tim needed to do was feel. Feel every point of agony scattered across his body. Feel Jason fucking him. Using him, like Tim was nothing more than a toy. The sparks from Jason slamming into his sweet spot couldn’t be called pleasure anymore, with Tim’s cock spent and limp. It was more pain.
Better that way. Tim liked the pain more. Delicious and mind-numbing.
Jason was swearing against Tim’s skin. He mumbled something Tim didn’t catch. Three syllables. Short and rushed out. Tim was almost convinced the second word was love. Maybe he was making it up in his head though, finally lost in utter delirium.
Tim didn’t care.
More insults fell from Jason’s lips. Calling Tim nothing, worthless, pathetic. A cheap pretender who deserved this. Tim agreed with all of it, feverishly nodding. The words were practically sweet nothings in Tim’s ears.
Jason yelled Tim’s name when he came. His hips stuttered to a stop, buried deep inside of Tim. He knew Jason was coming inside of him, but his body was too battered to feel Jason’s cum filling his insides. Shame that was. Tim wanted to know how it felt, to be claimed by Jason in this carnal way.
They were both so perfectly still, for two people who had been shaking and clawing at each other just moments ago. The only noise was heavy breathing that echoed through the night.
Tim swallowed. He tried to find himself through the pain. He worked through the body checklist that Bruce gave him. Vision. Smell. Taste. Feel. Sound. All the sensations clashed against each other, out of focus and pounding against Tim’s skull.
It was so hard to think.
Tim groaned. Focus.
Like cold water thrown on his face, he clawed his way out of subspace. Tim got a good look at Jason’s face.
“Are you crying?” Tim voiced the thought as soon as it crossed his mind.
With the mask, it was hard to tell. Jason’s breathing was shuddered, hitching on every inhale. Tim wouldn’t call it sobbing, but it was close enough for Tim to study Jason’s face. The wetness coming out from under Jason’s mask wasn’t red. It streaked through the blood.
Tear tracks.
Jason’s completely rational response was to punch Tim in the face.
Tim swore and curled in on himself, cupping his nose. If it wasn’t broken before, it was now. Jason pulled out of Tim without any care and stood up, leaving him curled up on the ground, trying to set the broken bone and manage the bleeding.
Tim tried to sit up. His arms and legs gave out under him and he slammed back to the ground with a pained noise. He looked up at Jason, squinting. Watching as Jason tucked himself back into his pants, then snatched his gloves off the ground to put them back on.
Despite clearly losing the fight, Tim had done a number on Jason. Jason’s face was bloody and his suit was ripped and torn in some places. He looked like he had been mauled by a wild animal.
If that was how Jason looked, Tim couldn’t imagine what the sight of his own body was.
His second attempt to sit up worked. Now, he compartmentalized. Forced the pain deep into the corners of his mind and locked it up.
Tim had to be functional now. He couldn’t let the regret and shame get to him.
“I-“ Jason started to say something. It was only one word, but it sounded uncharacteristically soft, making Tim straighten his back and hold his breath. But Jason cleared his throat and folded his arms, stamping down whatever kindness had almost come out. “I’ll throw you a bone. If any of the Bats find you like this you can just tell them I raped you,” he said it like some kind of mean joke.
Tim didn’t say anything. That wasn’t true. They both knew it.
“Preserve your precious dignity you care so much about, huh?” Jason continued. He sounded unsure of himself and he turned away from Tim.
“Jason-“ Tim reached out for him. “We can still-“ he struggled for the words. “It doesn’t have to end like this. You can still change. I’ll-“
“Don’t,” Jason snapped. He kicked away Tim’s hand. “We both know it’s too late for that.” He started to walk away. “Never wear that suit again, Drake. I’d hate to see you die to someone that isn’t me.” He almost sounded… protective? Tim wouldn’t call it fondness, but maybe something close to that. Tim refused to allow himself to read into it. Whoever Jason Todd had become, he was someone that Tim couldn’t save. He was someone who didn’t want to be saved, no matter how Tim felt about him. Tim had to accept that, even with Jason’s cum deep inside him. Some truths were immutable.
Then, Jason was gone. Vanishing into the shadows and leaving Tim there.
Tim tilted his head back. He allowed himself thirty seconds. He counted them. Thirty seconds to sit in his own filth and feel the pain for just a little longer, before he had to move and figure out how he was going to get home in one piece without anyone finding out what happened here.
Just ten more seconds.
Five.
Three.
One.
With grit teeth and a deep breath, Tim stood up.
#necrotic writings#jaytim#tim drake x jason todd#jason todd x tim drake#timjay#dead dove do not eat#battle for the cowl#cross posted on ao3#batcest#sorry this sat in my inbox for a couple days anon#i was like 'hehe i'll write a lil pwp for this'#and it ended up over 6k words. god help me.#this is proof that if you send an idea to my inbox there is a good chance i will just write you a fic.#you might have to wait a couple days but i will come for you with food and chaos.#anyway this is a smidge dark as a fic fair warning#bc idk how else to write them fucking during bftc 2#masochist tim drake you will always be famous to me#once again wasn't gonna put this one on ao3 bc i felt it was gonna be too short for that effort#then it goes and ends up this long.#my partner always laughs at me when i do this. bc i keep doing it.#pls enjoy <3 i wrote most of this while in a lot of pain so#me and tim were twinning there.#while posting this my roommate's kitten used me as a jungle gym. she's my editor in chief.
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Which miraculous ladybug character would work a minimum wage daycare job with screaming toddlers (asking for a friend)
#miraculous ladybug#marinette dupain cheng#adrien agreste#alya cesaire#nino lahiffe#felix fathom#kagami tsurugi#rose lavillant#juleka couffaine#luka couffaine#nathalie sancoeur#I think the people who are really good at it are those you least expect#I actually think Kagami could be good at it#quote: they are far less complicated than adults#they cry when they’re mad you don’t need to worry that they secretly hate you because they WILL say it to your face#I’m autistic and that’s why I like it#they don’t lie and they don’t have social ques#Nino and Alya are prolly peak#I think Felix would be really good at making them laugh#dancing singing etc#they love watching me make a fool of myself in high definition 4k#Felix would be afraid to raise his voice… even if you kinda have to when the kids are doing smth dangerous. esp if there’s like ten of them#he’s terrified of becoming like his dad even though it’s not REMOTELY similar#I think Adrien would be INCREDIBLY patient#Adrien would be a pushover I fear#I put Rose because I think objectively she’s the correct answer#I think Juleka would hate kids tho#Luka would play his guitar and the kids would love him#Luka would prolly not work there but hed come in once a week for a jam session#Marinette is either really good or really bad
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