#columbine active

[xtort-reb-wad]

🩸."𝙉𝙊𝙒 𝙄 𝙎𝙀𝙀 𝙎𝙊𝙈𝙀𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙍𝙀𝘿!!!."

⌖ suuup the names i usually go by are eric, indigo, radium, reverend or nikita.

⌖ he/it/bomb pronouns & bi-gender and bisexual 👊

⌖ TAKEN. polyam fag.. i ♥️ my partners. @long-tall-vodka & @monachopsis-99

⌖ bodily 15 (forever 18 alter-wise..) + angerholder & npdholder

⌖ eric harris introject.. if ur gonna be rude about it dni.

⌖ bpd, npd, ppd, schizo + passive aggressive disorder. (im nice i swear)

⌖ dms & asks r open.. don't be shy

⌖ i have discord <B,)

⌖ music that i like; kmfdm, smashing pumpkins, weezer, korn, slipknot, cannibal corpse, rammstein, NIN, nirvana, SOAD, deftones, freddie dredd, pierce the veil, jazmin bean, radiohead, marilyn manson, kendrick lamar, kittie, MSI, ICP, limp bizket, eminem, dmx & moree...

⌖ tcc + necro #pride

𖦏 russ/ger/eng

𖦏 dr pepper & mountain dew FANATIC !!

𖦏 DOOM & GTA player.

💥."𝙄𝙎 𝙄𝙏 𝙎𝘼𝙁𝙀 𝙏𝙊 𝙂𝙊 𝙃𝙊𝙈𝙀 𝙉𝙊𝙒??"

[freakinnefor]

I keep forgetting to be active. Sorry

[sorbiicpuke]

Its CitriicAcid, CitriicPuke

They got my ass again, mutuals.. mutuals come back to me

[jesus-is-hope]

At 15, heard of Eric and Dylan and Columbine, and understood how they could have done it.

At 19, rediscovered Eric and Dylan and Columbine through Marilyn Manson. Quickly got into their journals and Jeff-Co's Files.

I began to research other school shooters, becoming obsessed with Kip Kinkel, which led me to writing in-depth fantasies of joining Kip, and Eric and Dylan, in their shootings.

At some stage, spurred on after discovering the Natural Born Killers movie, fantasy crossed over to reality: I dreamed of finding the right guy so that we could do our own shooting. I poured out all my thoughts and emotions into writing.

I actually, unknowingly, came close - on MySpace I befriended Pekka Eric Auvinen, who in 2007 went on to do his own shooting. We spoke about our interests in guns/shootings but never that we each wanted to go through with it.

I also began correspondence with Kip Kinkel, who was my favourite shooter and my biggest crush.

My obsession and dream went on until age 30, when I started thinking about repenting/coming to Christ, Knowing I was going to have to let go of all my shooting obsession and dreams and everything that went along with it.

But I choose to repent, and Jesus immediately, miraculously, healed me of every obsession and dream to do with shootings and shooters. He took away my hatred and homicidal thoughts of people.

I deleted everything related off my computer, threw away all my writings, documents, photos, even all my correspondence with Kip.

The point of me writing this is that I want anyone thinking of doing a shooting, to NOT do so. To know that change is possible, you need only accept Jesus.

Some will be miraculously healed like me, others will need to work through things with Jesus in healing and deliverance prayers and Christian counselling.

Every time I see a shooting, like yesterday with Maine, I'm reminded that it was worth coming to Jesus and be freed of the darkness filled me,

And also how much I want to help people know that change in Christ IS possible.

[street-corner-felines]

Zero Day Director commentary - With actor Andre Keuck

[wolvesbaneandbuttercups]

tumblr ate my original post abt this but anyways here we go again

usually, we stay the fuck away from discourse type topics however

yeah.

anyone who uses these types of transid labels I highly suggest getting offline for a bit.

Like trans[insert harming of innocent people here] especially things like transnazi or this transschoolshooter are just like an instant red flag for me because to me it says if cancel culture and the law didn't exist you'd be out here recreating the holocaust or killing kids. These are the kinds of transids that really make me hate that community even more than transabled and trace do because this is promoting traumatic things.

also OP if you were uncomfortable coining this (which, understandable, school shootings are traumatizing coming from someone who has almost been through it multiple times and knows people who have been through it) you didn't have to coin this you really could have said no or deleted the ask.

-Fell

[habitsbf]

THERE IS A PEDOPHILE LURKING AROUND IN THE EVERYMANHYBRID FANDOM LOOKING FOR VICTIMS.

i wish i was joking, but sadly im not. multiple people (especially on tiktok) have been complaining about this person for awhile now. recently, they have become more active within the everymanhybrid fandom and have been trying to interact with people more.

maria (20) went after my friend (17) today, who then came to me after getting a weird vibe from them. once me and my other friend ethan informed them who this person was, they went to warn their friend (15) who had just recently joined the fandom. sadly, their friend had already run into this person. they provided my friend with screenshots of their interactions and its fucking disgusting. i genuinely feel ill.

SMALL WARNING FOR THE PHOTOS BELOW, SOME ARE GROSS TO LOOK AT.

names are covered for safety reasons, and i have made both my friend and theirs block her. maria is known to go after HABIT fans, irls, fictives, and kinnies. she has admitted to being a groomer. she sent a fucking 15 year old pornographic images of HABIT and tried to get them to do sexual roleplays with her.

PLEASE share this post to get this out there. share it on here, on other sites and apps, to friends, anywhere. every time maria is active online, and she is looking for new victims. shes also a columbiner. not as bad a being a literal pedophile, but still pretty weird regardless.

maria, if you somehow stumble across this post, you are fucking disgusting and need to seek professional help. leave kids alone. they arent HABIT. you need to learn to separate fiction from reality. i dont understand how you can even call yourself an "evan jennings fan" because i know damn fucking well he would despise you. HABIT sure as hell wouldnt like you either, he would kill you on sight. drop dead.

[lizardsfromspace]

Generational discourse is bleak in general but watching the ascent of "Gen X is so unflappable! We didn't cancel anyone! We weren't offended!" is exceptionally grim. First of all bc Gen X was very much framed as Politically Correct at the time, second of all bc that kind of 90s above-it-all disaffection absolutely doesn't play in a modern political environment, but also bc.

Why do they always bring up how traumatic Challenger's explosion was like it's unique

*deep breath* The generation after you had school shootings. They have active shooter drills. If the worst thing to happen during your school years was watching a space shuttle explode on TV, that's pretty good. You didn't even have access to LiveLeak!

But it's just the lack of solidarity that grates. Every generation witnesses traumatic events. But instead of making this about relating between generations, they make it unique. The generation after them saw 9/11, but Challenger's explosion is apart, entirely, uniquely traumatic that it's worth...boasting about witnessing? Though the context was much different - a landing not a launch, and not shown in schools - the generation after them also had a space shuttle explosion (and given astronauts are now flying on ships made by Boeing and Elon Musk, Gen Alpha your Challenger is coming!!!) but it's not the same, man.

When you're speedrunning becoming Boomers 2.0, except instead of God, momma, and apple pie your core values are cool disaffection and remembering the music of R.E.M., you can't go "the people before me lived through the assassinations of JFK and MLK and the Vietnam War; the people after me lived through Columbine and 9/11; the people after them are living through active shooter drills and having a constant feed of footage of real violence on their phones, and all of these are different, but similarly traumatic". You have to say that you saw a space shuttle blow up on TV, and these Gen Zs will never understand what that's like, even though space rockets are now made by Boeing so they probably will tbh

[cutencaffeinated-blog]

I may be too old to be part of the campus protests going on now, but I have the utmost respect for these students and supporters.

The kids in their first years of college? They were born in 2004-6. They were kindergarten age when Sandy Hook happened. They were in junior high when covid hit. They are struggling to choose a path to education that doesn't put their own lives or entire vulnerable populations at risk.

I was born in 1990. The first instance of school violence I knew of was Columbine, and I was 9. The first instance of terrorism or threat to my "normal" was 9/11, and I was 11. My first indication that the US might not be the altruistic big brother of the world was the invasion of Iraq in 2003, I was 13. The first time I realized that family financial situations can change unpredictably, was 2005 (parental medical issues, followed by 08 crash), and I was 15. My first experience being the victim of police brutality was in 2007, I was 17. The first currently-happening protests I knew of were Occupy Wall Street in 2011, I was 21. The first ongoing attempts at revolution I was aware of were Arab Spring in 2012, I was 22. I was in my 30s when I learned colleges support genocide and the military industrial complex. For the first three decades of my life, I was able to convince myself the system was working and progress was happening, at a snail's pace, but nonetheless.

These kids have NEVER existed in a world that felt safe, have never had a future that seemed secure, have never even lived the illusion of the American Dream. The kids who are trying to choose a college that doesn't support genocide were the first kindergartners to do active shooter drills, how do they choose which university to allow to point guns at them? These were the first kids to have to live through, and study the historical impact of Covid, and they saw that the economy is valued above all else. These kids lost their virginity or came out of the closet in a world that was getting safer only to have healthcare taken from them. The world has failed this generation so intensely, and I can only hope y'all hold society accountable.

I have a child now, a true Gen Alpha Honey badger, and I am so hopeful that gen z can lead the charge to making sure my child doesn't have to face these same choices. Go forth, we got your backs, I'm too old and disabled to be front lines anymore, but I'll show up with snacks and do the jail release runs. I'll babysit and cook for when y'all get back from your actions.

[rottenwhoreee]

Warning signs and blissful ignorance.

this is in the context of mass 👟ters

first off, columbine was an obvious example of missed warnings, at the time it was more excusable as school 👟tings were a less common occurrence.

Then there was sandy hook. There was no excuse, the warnings were painfully evident and Adam was actively being enabled by Nancy. No one deserved to have to suffer due to his actions, including himself.

Robb, in my opinion, was a mix of both tragedies, I won’t say much else, I don’t know much about the case and I don’t want to spread misinformation.

now for all the people who actually go out and commit crimes against others, there are 100 people like me.

when I was 13 I became obsessed with mass 👟ters, specifically Dylan K and Andrew B.

I did condone. I was planning something of my own. I was going to do something whether it was just myself or the people I hated too.

I luckily never hurt anyone else but that year marked the beginning of my severe SH and my first attempt, which I did at my middle school.

I also started using alcohol, with my psych meds. I was hospitalized for about a month. Getting out on Dec 24. At which point I was freshly 14, diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses and completely locked off from anything I could possibly harm myself or others with.

My warning signs were as follows:

violent threats, writings, and statements

openly talking about columbine with teachers and students, making jokes about shootings my classmates infront of and to teachers.

stealing scissors, pencil sharpeners, and Xacto knives from teachers.

reading books about shootings and telling people about them.

Falling grades, falling asleep in class, drawing violent pictures.

Being bullied badly, talking often about exacting revenge.

self harm and substance abuse

I understand it seems corny, or stupid, but I had the courage, and if I had access my story would be much different.

sorry if this is stupid, but if this could at least inform someone.

I just wanna clarify I am not anti TCC. I just want people to be safe and get help if they need it.

[jewish-sideblog]

I think we are encountering the dawn of a kind of decolourized supremacy. By that, I mean that many white and otherwise privileged Westerners are keen to dismantle their own internalized White Supremacy in our modern era, and that is a good thing in theory. But while many of them do a decent job of deconstructing the externalized expressions of racism, ie the Whiteness, very few actually manage to address the underlying ideals of Supremacy.

Lee Edelman touches on this while critiquing reproductive futurism in No Future: Queer Theory and the Death Drive. He quotes the White Supremacist slogan: "We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children". Edelman argues that this slogan is not repulsive exclusively because of the word "white"-- if you take the racism out, it still represents a very harmful and repressive colonialist ideology. The idea that we survive through our children and that we must secure their future at any cost is harmful to feminist, queer, and other minority causes. When held by US Republicans, it is the ideal that led to the Dobbs repeal of Roe v Wade, and any number of oppressive anti-Queer legislation targeted at "protecting children".

Yet it is also a harmful ideology found in many Western liberals and leftists-- The idea that we can't have kink at Pride because a shirtless gay guy in a leather dog mask could somehow be harmful to a Queer child. The idea that we have to combat the climate crisis for the sake of future generations, as if the Third World is not already experiencing the effects of climate devastation firsthand today. The idea that we have to enact common sense gun reform in the USA to protect children from school shootings, not to protect adults and children alike in communities of colour who have been dying to gun violence since long before Sandy Hook or Columbine. None of the examples in this paragraph are explicitly homophobic, imperialist, or racist, but they can and do still carry those effects. The ideals of supremacy linger, even when the whiteness is cut out.

Jewish communities right now are seeing a deeply insidious form of this decolourized supremacy. The explicit racism is gone, but the underlying currents of antisemitic and colonialist supremacy are still going strong. Hence the shift from targeting Jews to targeting (((Zionists))), but not ever targeting evangelical Christian Zionists, who outnumber Jewish Zionists by the millions. Hence the disrespect and trivialization of the Jewish connection to our native lands, and the hatred towards the most successful land-back movement in history, while they still offer lip service and slactivism towards the native groups whose land they actively occupy. These are convenient ways for them to perpetuate supremacist ideals without an indefensible appearance of racism or coloniality.

It is a new and disguised racism, and the most terrifying thing is that it’s disguised internally against the very people who are being racist. They’re incapable of seeing their own bigotry or wrongdoings. Their own supremacy has convinced them that they are right, that they are righteous, that they are good and can do no wrong. We’ve seen this before— it’s the same kind of supremacy responsible for Manifest Destiny and the White Man's Burden. They act as though they know better about our own cultures and people than we do, and that they somehow know what’s best for us, even as they talk over us and disregard the pain they are causing.

This is rapidly becoming the default position of liberal and leftist activism. And, mark my words, it will destroy progressive movements in the Western world if left unchecked.

[helpolnix]

Working with and worshiping the god of trickery and cunning deception, Dolos.

Little disclaimer: this isn’t *official* although technically nothing is. This was all found through talking with him and asking about his likes and dislikes.

Plus, this is also so you can feel encouraged to talk to him yourself and discover what else he may like from a devotee! He’s so unbelievably kind, don’t feel shy when reaching out to him. He just looks intimidating but that’s all talk ;)

Symbols

Plant: Columbine

Animal: kolotl scorpion

Color: Purple

Candle colors and scents:

• Colors: Red, Purple, Black

1. Black cherry

2. Frankincense and myyrh

3. Cinnamon

4. Fresh Linen

5. Apple Cider

Offerings:

1. Playing decks

2. Sharp Things (I’ve found out he likes switchblades!)

3. Tea

4. Dice

5. Divination Methods such as scrying mirrors.

Crystals:

1. Adventurine

2. Tiger’s Eye

3. Pyrite

4. Bloodstone

5. Onyx

Devotional Activities:

1. Practicing card games

2. Art of any kind! From drawing to poetry!

3. Reading (he’s a not so little bookworm. Talk about what you like to read with him! It’ll be a good time!!)

(I’ll probably edit this to add things soon. I’ve been pretty busy and haven’t had a chance to speak to him, but I really wanna get this out there, get people curious about him. 💜)

[socialjusticeinamerica]

Big belly southern sheriffs. Good old boy cracker cops. Tex-ass cops are corrupt racist cowards. Fuck Tex-ass gun culture. Greg Abbot kills school children.

[themainspoon]

If you are a WoD fan and you aren’t aware of how fucking wild White Wolf’s strategy for marketing Demon: the Fallen was, that changes right fucking now, get ready.

So, the year is 2002, American Culture is still moving past the Satanic Panic, and your job is to market a Table Top Role Playing Game where you play as literal demons who were aligned with the Biblical figure of Lucifer. The book has a big ass pentagram on its cover, and is filled with information on fictional demons and their demonic powers.

How do you market this?

Well, isn’t it obvious?

You satirise Chick Tracks by making a fake one about how the game you’re supposed to be promoting is satanic. I’ve linked it below, it’s only 23 pages long;

But you may be thinking: “Ok, that’s a funny concept, but why is this such a big deal to you?” Well, buckle the fuck up kiddo’s, because I want you to look at that last panel again:

Do you notice anything about it that could prompt further inquiry? What about that URL?

You see, the chick track was only one part of this little marketing stunt.

And so, I ask again, how do you market Demon: the Fallen?

You create an entire fake Evangelical church website called the Eternal Grace Evangelical Church, and write a fake sermon in which you claim that the brand that hired you is producing games that turn children into drug addicts and sexual predators, also claiming that Vampire: the Masquerade was involved in real world murders including the fucking Columbine School Shooting.

Below is a link to the site from the Internet Archives Wayback machine, the main bulk of the interesting stuff is in the sermons section.

Quick note, they used EVERY part of the evangelical bullshit playbook to make this site look legit, they went hard on this. So, the site is satire, but it still feels like it would be a good idea to mention that they satirise everything about Evangelicals, including their homophobic, transphobic, anti-catholic, and anti-pagan beliefs.

https://web.archive.org/web/20031205191032/http://www.father-ramos.com:80/

If you don’t want to read it yourself, here are some actual quotes from this fake Evangelical site that was, and I can’t stress this enough, MADE BY WHITE WOLF TO PROMOTE DEMON: THE FALLEN: (above disclaimer applies here too)

“Eternal Grace Congregation Church is a community of Christians who seek to love, worship and praise Him and to communicate the Word of the Gospel to the world around us while exposing the lifestyles and and recruiting prctices of those deviants who would make this world a place of horrors. Among these are homosexuals, gamblers, drug addicts and role-players.”

“You may find it useful to tell role-players about the Dallas youths who were burned to death in the steam tunnels of Southern Methodist University (of course it was the Methodists) while exploring them for treasure. Tell them about the syphilis-related insanity of Jimmy Cox, a Tennessee teenager who used role-playing games to build around him a coven of homosexuals. Tell them about Michelle Sikes, the Montana role-player who had a sex-change operation. The more perversion you can ascribe to involvement with role-playing the better. You may even wish to fabricate some of your own, to better illustrate the point to your specific at-risk individual.”

“Listening to accounts of the role-players’ games is either the height of tedium (it must be said, pardon my air of judgment) or evinces strong feelings of pity, […] Invitations to participate, if accepted, place the individual in a precarious position himself, and will probably expose him to the scourges of drugs, fornication, homosexuality and Catholicism/paganism in many cases.”

“point out to them that the activity borders on delusion (“You are not an elf, Tommy!”) and heresy (“If God intended for you to act like a demon, he would have made you a demon, Jenny”).”

“In addition, rumors (which is why I relegate this to a side note instead of including it in the main body of my discourse) link the activities of the Columbine high-school “trenchcoat mafia” with Vampires Masquerade.”

“As good Christians, it is obviously our duty to prevent our youth from learning the corrupt ways these books and games teach. Sex, suicide, drug abuse, homosexuality, “golden showers” and many other behaviors proscribed by the Lord and the Good Book come as a result of players taking their games too far. In particular, the moral execration contained with the Demon book takes these aberrations to new levels by openly encouraging players to act in the interests of Satan (or Lucifer, as he is depicted herein).”

“Additionally, role-playing games teach that violence is an acceptable and even admirable way of solving problems. Significant portions of their rules are devoted to combat and weaponry. Demon, for example, also contains systems by which the satanic characters can attack or use magic upon their enemies, with dark arts spawned from Hell itself. These are not unlike the gay community’s reactionary “straight bashing” in response to the more physical efforts of their loving fellows (but loving in the Lord’s intended way) to bring them back into the fold.”

“This Week: Pastor "Father" Ramos discusses the Catholic Church and the 68 Million deaths its evil has caused throughout the world! You won't read this in the history books! Father Ramos also discusses why he has chosen to reclaim the Holy tile"Father" from Catholocism.”

White Wolf was frequently quite edgy, and often wasn’t great at dealing with social issues (you could argue this is still true of the modern World of Darkness in some cases). But honestly I think this is a fun stunt. It mocks evangelicals for all their insane bigoted beliefs, and for basically giving all the stuff they call satanic free advertising. No matter what though this is an unhinged marketing stunt, and it is so wild that they actually did this.

[thirteens-earring]

Jane Schoenbrun, from Episode 174 of the Gender Reveal podcast (episode) (episode transcript)

[ Tuck: Yeah. And somehow that brings me to Limp Bizkit. Because I think it’s so funny that you created this incredible soundtrack with like every iconic girlie, and then in the movie itself you know Sloppy Jane’s in the movie, King Woman’s in the movie, Lindsey from Snail Mail is acting in the movie, and then…Fred Durst is there. [Jane laughs.] Can you talk about why you wanted to work with him specifically, and what that experience was like of bringing him into the movie?

Jane: Yeah. So the first thing to say is that when I was 12, I loved Limp Bizkit, because it was 1999, and I was vaguely pissed off at a thing that I couldn’t quite put my finger on, right? And I think that nu metal thing was very appealing to me, in that — Limp Bizkit less, but a band like Korn or Slipknot — Slipknot is donning masks, and actively appropriating just the sort of iconography of the horror movie and grotesquerie to describe their internal feelings. And Korn is talking about how they’re a “Freak on a Leash.” And it’s this pre-Columbine, right before Columbine moment where I don’t think culturally we had like zeroed in on that necessarily (or at least I hadn’t at 12 years old) as a symptom of this growing nascent white male anger. It felt more like they were carrying the torch of the weirdo; I think that was sort of the appeal of a lot of that nu metal music when it first came out, was like I’m a “Freak on a Leash.” I think Limp Bizkit was a little different, because they certainly cast themselves as the underdog, but they didn’t necessarily cast themselves as “a freak,” you know? It was more of a pissed off, like Kid Rock style — I’m young, I’m white, I’m angry, have sex with me. [Tuck and Jane laugh] But I didn’t understand all of that, and I was 12 in the suburbs, and that was what a lot of money was being spent to convince me to buy, and I bought it, and I loved it, and I had that Family Values ’99 tour tape cassette, and I listened to it. And when I got bar mitzvahed, my bar mitzvah gift was a CD case — remember those little things you would keep in your car to keep CDs in?

Tuck: Yeah, definitely.

Jane: We got custom “Jane’s Bar Mitzvah” CD booklets [Tuck laughs], and it had Limp Bizkit drawings on the cover. So if you have one of those, that’s a collectors item now. [Tuck and Jane laugh]

Tuck: That rules.

Jane: After I wrote TV Glow, and just spending a lot of time unpacking my childhood and my adolescence in the suburbs and just feelings of alienation, I had written this character — hardly a character, more like this spectre of the anger of a dad who looks at you in the way that I have experienced, where it’s like…are you looking at me as your child, or are you looking at me as a person who has robbed you of your child? And this is very much a trans horror. I got notes early on like “let’s flesh out this dad, where does that come from?” And I was like “no actually, I don’t really care about that.” This is a movie about that gaze and that disapproval, and the way something as innocuous as saying, like, “isn’t that TV show you love and are finding refuge in for girls?” can steal decades of your life from you, because of the shame and fear that it ingrains in you. And so the question then became: who is glaring at us? And it wasn’t just like “oh Fred, get on a casting call and do your best glare.” It was that it means something to see Fred Durst glare at you. Fred is a fascinating and wonderful and generous person. I took Dave McCary (my executive producer) to see Limp Bizkit with me at Madison Square Garden as we were prepping, and as I was basically like “please let me cast Fred Durst as Owen’s dad.” And we walk onto the floor of Madison Square Garden, and it’s like…white militia is the audience, I’d say. [Tuck laughs]

Tuck: Totally.

Jane: It’s a lot of, like, ex-Marine energy in the house, and a lot of the energy that was being cultivated at that show was, let’s say, riling up the audience in the way that you would at a wrestling match. There was such anger and aggression being let out — just people who were riled up getting their rocks off, or whatever. But it was also so homoerotic, and not even subtly homoerotic. Like people…the guy in front of me just kept screaming at Fred Durst on stage “I want to suck your dick!” [Tuck laughs] Yeah, I mean…good admission; [Tuck and Jane laugh] follow that impulse wherever it leads you…

Tuck: Totally.

Jane: …and get whatever you need to get out of your system — there’s a way. At one point early in the show, Dave turns to me and goes “do you ever feel, like, unsafe in public?” [Tuck and Jane laugh] And I was like…oh — this is how you teach cis people what it means to be trans, you take them to the Limp Bizkit show, and you have them stand next to the trans person. And I’m like “yes Dave, actually…and a lot more recently since my transition.” [Tuck and Jane laugh]

Tuck: OK — and what about this was like…I gotta get this man in my movie?

Jane: So then what happens…Dave is like, “you can stay if you want, but I’m actually gonna go before they play ‘Break Stuff.’” And we ran out of Madison Square Garden, and on the street Dave is like “do you still want to cast Fred Durst?” And I was like “yeah, more than ever!”

Tuck: Incredible.

Jane: And then I got on the phone with him a couple days later, and we were talking about French films within three or four minutes. He’s a gentle soul behind the scenes, with a great understanding of film and art. He’s a showman, and it happens to be that the audience that will come to his things at this point tend to be the kind of people who wanna scream that they want to suck his dick, in an arena that feels like it’s about to turn into a riot. I’m interested in the film being this intertextual thing of: what does it mean to see Fred Durst in this particular movie about this particular thing, and how does that spectre bloom both in our collective memories but still in the present tense? Which isn’t to say that it’s about Fred himself; it’s more about this white male rage that I found something in when I was 12 years old, but that has also been brewing and metastasizing since then in ways that I am very disturbed by. ]

[beggars-opera]

Was just listening to a recent This American Life about kids caught in the middle of the culture wars, and part of it was on school shootings and gun control in particular. The host was audibly shocked when one of the students she interviewed told her that every kid in America has thought about their own personal plan for a school shooting. She proceeded to interview scores of other students who told her the same thing.

I was not shocked. I was just tired.

Kids today don’t really have a choice but to think about escape plans and battle tactics, considering the lockdown drills they have to live through their entire lives. And honestly, I think everyone who was of school age post 1999 has thought about it continuously. I went to school during those hazy post-Columbine years before active shooters became a constant, real threat, so there were no drills. But the thought was always there. We had to come up with our own plans without guidance because those in charge were sticking their heads in the sand and pretending it could never happen again.

We could hope that even someone who hasn’t lived through that trauma would have enough of a heart to realize the damage that’s been caused to now multiple generations. But alas.

I’m so tired.